Chapter Text
Tony rolled his eyes as he shot an alien lizard thing through the stomach. Not because of the alien, but because of the dramatic sigh echoing through his earpiece.
“Whine all you want, Clint, we’re not doing pizza again,” he said.
“I didn’t say anything!” Clint whined. Tony flew up higher to survey the scene. There were a ridiculous number of these things. They’d already destroyed the technology that allowed them to teleport to Earth, so they didn’t have to worry about more showing up, but the dozens surrounding them were starting to look like they’d be a bit too much to handle, just the six of them.
“The message was implied,” Steve said, punching one of the aliens so hard it flew into the water, making a giant splash. The creature did not resurface.
“Let’s hope that doesn’t cause any environmental issues,” he said casually, flying back down to blast one of the aliens that was trying to sneak away.
“Wait, do you think that it could?” Peter asked. “Like, is alien DNA different enough from ours that it could cause a physical change in the fish? Or would it just kill them? Ooh, we should have sushi!”
“Now that is a good question,” Clint said. “And a terrible idea. Sushi is gross.”
“What is wrong with you?” Tony deadpanned.
“Leave it,” Steve said. “We’ll worry about the environment once our heads aren’t on the line, while we’re eating our ribs.”
Clint groaned, as an arrow shot forward and went cleanly through the skull of the alien Tony had been about to shoot. “We had ribs a few weeks ago. Why do we have to do it again?”
“We had pizza yesterday,” Natasha reminded him.
“Pizza is great on all occasions,” Thor said, flipping his hammer skillfully in his hand before sending it flying, right through two aliens in a row. It left a nice little hammer shaped hole in their stomachs as they collapsed. “If this were a true feast, we would have food from dozens of cuisines before us.”
“If we’re getting pizza I’m not paying,” Tony said, petty as always. “A little variety won’t kill you.”
He wished they had a bit more backup. Bruce was out of the country, Wanda and Vision were god knows where, and Dr. Strange wasn’t answering his damn phone.
“I think variety would be more like a vegetable,” Peter said, flipping artfully overhead. Tony tensed, worried, but of course he landed just fine.
“Shut up, Spider-Man,” Clint argued, panting. Tony felt that in his soul. It was hard to keep up with Thor, Steve, and Peter, considering their enhancements. But Natasha wasn’t letting it bother her and she didn’t even have an incredible suit of armor like he did, so he’d keep pretending his back didn’t hurt and let Clint look like the weak link.
Two of the aliens crept up in front of him, reptilian heads twisting back and forth creepily as their pointed tongues darted in and out of their mouths.
Tony flew up a bit higher so he’d be out of their reach and shot them both with a repulsor, swearing under his breath when they only slowed momentarily. It appeared some of them were stronger than others.
He opened his mouth to ask for backup when a wave crashed over the reptiles, despite them being at least ten yards away from the water. Tony’s mouth hung open as the water curled around their ankles in an unnatural matter, dragging them into its depths.
“Uh…” he said dumbly.
“That was odd,” Steve said, staring from a few yards away. Odd was an understatement.
“You saw that too, right?” Tony said, pointing at the blank space where they had been. “I’m not crazy?”
Steve nodded.
“Oh, thank the gods,” Clint said, notching another arrow. “Backup.”
“You looked like you could need it.”
Tony jerked back, watching Steve do the same as a young boy around Peter’s age practically materialized beside them.
Clint just rolled his eyes like this was to be expected.
“Percy?” two stunned voices said in unison. Steve and Peter. Tony glanced between them.
“You know this kid?”
“Met him in Central Park,” Steve said.
“Hot dog,” Peter said, like that explained anything. Tony was past the point of caring to ask for more information.
The boy—Percy?—held up a baseball bat (where he’d gotten it, Tony had no clue) and sliced the head clean off one of the aliens. Huh? How much force was in that thing? Better yet, how weak were the necks of these creatures?
“Not mortal enough to count,” he said, smirking. “Good.”
Clint stepped in beside Tony. “Alright, let’s let the children handle this,” he said, still panting a bit.
“Can you please not phrase it like that?” Tony sighed as Thor launched himself over the thinning horde and landed beside Percy.
“It is good to see you again,” Thor said. Which, Tony wasn’t even going to ask. Of course Thor knew this fucking child too.
Percy smiled. “You know, this might be the first time I’ve ever said this to a god, but it’s good to see you too.” He took the head off another alien. How was that bat so goddamn sharp? And where had it even come from? The kid’s hands had been empty when he first showed up.
On second thought, where did Percy come from?
Clint glanced between them like this was the strangest revelation of the day.
“Sorry, Thor, how exactly do you know Percy?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “You question this but not Steve and Spider-Man?”
“Well, of course they know him, even Natasha’s met him. But Thor’s never around, so he has no reason to meet Percy.”
“We may not be of the same pantheon like you are, but that doesn’t mean we cannot be friends,” Thor said casually.
Tony blinked. “What are we talking about?”
Clint laughed, too loud to be natural. “What do you mean same pantheon? I’m not…”
Thor stopped, not budging even as an alien tried to shove him over. Percy stabbed it with his stupid baseball bat. “I’m a god? Of course I would know you are a demigod.”
Clint laughed again. “No. No, because you’re like a fake god, you know? Not a real god, like… Like a god. No.”
Thor and Percy shared a look like they were concerned over Clint’s well-being. Tony was concerned for the well-being of all three of them.
“That is… not correct.”
Clint seemed to be in genuine distress. “No, because… you’re not. Remember?”
Percy punched an alien with his bare fist and Natasha dove in and shot it through the skull before vanishing once more into the fray. At least one of them was paying attention. Or, two, if you counted Peter, wherever he’d gone. “Dude, how have you gone this many years without questioning this?”
Tony raised a hand. “I, for one, have a lot of question. What do you mean demigod?”
Percy stopped, raising his eyebrows. An alien ran at him and with a lift of his hand a wave swept up and dragged it underwater. Well then, that explained what had happened before. “Did all of you think Thor and Loki weren’t actual gods?”
“Gods aren’t real,” Tony pointed out.
Percy dragged a hand down his face. “They have the same names and history as the actual Norse gods.”
“Yeah but those guys aren’t real,” Peter said from behind him, on top of an absolutely massive ball of at least ten aliens webbed together. Tony felt a little bad for the enemy at the sight of it.
“That’s what I thought too,” Clint said, slightly deranged.
“Dude, I literally told you about the Roman and Egyptian gods. Why wouldn’t you consider that maybe that meant Norse gods could be real too?”
Clint pointed at him. “You said nothing about Egyptian gods. I rest my case.”
“The what?” Tony said.
Natasha grabbed Clint and Tony each by a shoulder, her hair sticking to her forehead as she panted. Fair, considering she’d been carrying half the fight since this absolute fever dream of a conversation started. “Can you please hash this out later?”
One of the aliens was trying to escape Peter’s trap, it’s arm stuck to the alien beside it. Jesus, that was disgusting.
Clint gestured to Thor. “Thor is a literal fucking god,” he said, accusatory.
Natasha stared at him like he was stating the obvious. “Yeah, I figured that out the day you told me you were half god.”
Tony whipped his head away from Peter’s horrific creation. “The day you told her what?”
The group sat calmly in the Avengers common room. Tony was on the couch between Steve and Clint, with Thor, Percy, and Peter crammed in next to them. At some point, Peter had removed his mask, but Tony was so distracted just trying to keep up with the conversation that he didn’t even care anymore.
“So,” Natasha said, standing before them like a parent lecturing disobedient children. “I think we can all agree that we didn’t handle that well.”
Percy raised his hand like they were in a classroom. “Do I really have to be here for this? I have plans.”
“This is your fault,” Clint said.
“For what? Is it illegal to help people nowadays? Hades’ sake, that’s the last time I ever do a nice deed.”
“Do not worry,” Thor said, patting him on the back so hard he nearly fell off the couch. “It is not illegal. Yet.”
“Fuck you mean yet?” Clint said, panicked.
“He’s messing with you, dude,” Peter told him dryly.
“Says who? Apparently, he’s an actual god, so who knows what else he’s lied about!”
“He didn’t lie, you just didn’t bother questioning it,” Natasha said, raising an eyebrow. “Not very impressive for an actual spy.”
“I’m… very confused,” Steve admitted. “How do you guys know this kid? What does this have to do with Clint? And what do you mean Thor is a god?”
“The fates have a way of introducing people,” Percy said vaguely. “I’ve run into most of you just… around. Clint and I went to the same summer camp.”
“Camp Half-Blood,” Natasha clarified.
“Camp what?” Peter sputtered.
“For the kids of the gods,” Percy said, leaning over Clint’s waist to whisper it to him, like the others weren’t listening as well. “Greek, that is. The Romans are at Camp Jupiter.”
“I’m gonna need you to back up before I start throwing things,” Tony said plainly.
“He’s telling the truth,” Clint admitted, pushing Percy back into his place. “My father is Apollo, god of the sun. Percy’s is Poseidon, god of the oceans. We don’t usually tell mortals about the gods.”
“Mortals,” Tony huffed, still in disbelief. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Language,” Peter chirped. “So you’re half god? Does that mean you have superpowers?”
“He threw half the ocean at those things, he definitely has superpowers,” Steve pointed out. “Wait—Clint, do you have superpowers?”
“No,” Clint grumbled, like that was a sore subject. “Kids of the Big Three gods are, like, stupid powerful. Most demigods don’t have powers like that.”
“Uh, archery?” Percy scoffed. “That’s an Apollo kid thing. Not to mention, all demigods have increased endurance and the like.”
“My archery is more than just my father,” Clint argued. “I was better than every other Apollo kid and I’d bet ten drachmas I still am.”
“I’m not taking that bet. Apollo’s petty. He’d bless you with increased skill just to piss me off. He’s been annoying me on purpose because he thinks it’s funny ever since he was mortal.”
“What?” Clint shrieked. “When did this happen?”
“Oh shit, I forgot to tell you,” Percy said. “Uh, like two months ago? I don’t know. Time is weird.”
“You are… so annoying,” Clint told him.
Tony buried his face in his hands. “Back up before I throw all of you out the damn window.”
“Everyone shut up,” Natasha said. They all listened without hesitation. “Okay,” she said. “The Greek gods are real.”
“And the—” Percy started.
Clint shushed him. “We don’t have to get into all of that right now. It’s too complicated.”
“Thank you, now shut up. The Greek gods are real, and—just like in the myths—”
“Not technically myths because they’re real,” Percy muttered. Thor elbowed him. “Ow. Don’t do that. Styx, that hurt.”
He froze, looking up to realize Natasha was glaring daggers at him.
“Sorry. My bad. Please continue.”
“Just like in the legends, the gods have children with mortals, and they’re called demigods. Clint and Percy are both demigods. There’s a camp to help train them on their skills and protect them from monsters, that’s what Camp Half-Blood is.”
Tony raised his hand. “Hi. So… why the baseball bat?”
“What baseball bat?” Peter asked.
Tony frowned at him. Had he hit his head in that fight? Maybe one of the aliens got a good hit on him while he was rolling them up like a snowball.
“It’s a sword,” Percy said. “There’s a magic Mist that hides godly stuff from mortals so they don’t… freak out. Here.”
He pulled out a pen, and then it shifted and there was the bat, like it had been there the entire time.
“I don’t follow,” Tony admitted.
“I’ll show you, watch. I’ve gotten way better at this,” he told Clint. He snapped his fingers, and when Tony blinked he was faced with a shining bronze sword.
“Holy shit,” he said. “Okay, I need a scientific explanation for that on my desk by tomorrow morning.”
“It’s magic, there’s no science to it,” Thor said.
“I reject that answer.”
“If mortals can’t see it then why can I?” Peter asked. Which… was a fair question. He’d seen the sword the whole time?
“Some mortals can see through the Mist, like my mom,” Percy explained.
“Tis due to your enhancements,” Thor corrected. “Your vision is enhanced past that of the Mist’s protections, just as your strength and hearing have increased as well. You have seen strange things since your spider, correct?”
Peter blinked. “I thought I was just going crazy,” he admitted.
Tony turned to him. “And you didn’t think to tell me?”
“Well I didn’t want you thinking I was crazy, you’re Tony Stark.” Well, couldn’t blame him with that reasoning.
“You’re not crazy,” Percy said. “But you should stay away from the monsters. They’ll get you.”
Peter’s face went white. “Huh?”
Percy turned to Clint. “So, I’m sorry, but how did you not realize Thor was a god? You never asked? Not once?”
“What do you mean they’ll get me?”
“Why would I assume the Norse gods were real when I already knew the Greek gods were real? Why would there be two pantheons?”
“Fair,” Percy said. “There’s not two. There’s like a gazillion.”
Thor frowned. “I… do not believe that number is accurate. Where did you get that account?”
“Uh… up my ass? It’s called a hyperbole.”
Clint leaned forward. “Who taught you what a hyperbole was? Annabeth?”
“My step-dad is an English teacher, dude. I know stuff.”
“Can we please go back to what’s gonna get me? Am I gonna die?”
“You’re not gonna die, Peter,” Tony said.
“Do we know that for sure, though?”
“You’re not gonna die,” Percy said. Peter slumped in relief. Well that was rude. He should’ve agreed as soon as Tony said it. Not that Tony knew anything he was talking about in this situation. On second thought, Peter was probably right to dismiss his opinion. “Just avoid the monsters. And if they do try to kill you just do your web thing in their face. You’re mortal. If you get away they won’t really care to chase you.”
“Oh,” Peter said, relaxing. “Phew.”
“This is insane,” Steve said, head in his hands.
“Oh, shoot,” Tony said, remembering how averse to the idea of Thor and Loki being real gods he had been. “This must be messing with your head, huh?”
“It’s alright, Gramps,” Percy said, reaching over to pat him on the knee. What the fuck was he talking about? Every word out of this kid’s mouth just confused him more. “I’m pretty sure your big man is real too, though I’ve never met him. Thor would know better.”
Everyone turned to Thor. “I am not here to speak of other gods,” he said.
“That’s literally all we’re fucking doing right now,” Tony said loudly. “God, I miss the days when there wasn’t magic or time travel or gods and all we had to worry about was terrorists.”
“Say that again, but slower,” Peter said, eyes narrowed.
“Yep, I hear it. Shutting up.”
“Whelp,” Percy said, slapping his knees like he was a forty year old dad. “This has been fun, but I should really be getting back.”
“Ooh, are you going to camp? I’ll come,” Clint said, standing along with him.
“What? Oh, no, I was going to visit my dad when I ran into you guys.”
They paused. “You… visit… Poseidon?” Clint said slowly.
“Yes?” Percy said.
“How… often… do you see your father?” His tone was cautious, but Tony could see his eye twitching.
“Like every month or so, usually. He comes to family dinner sometimes, though, depending on what we’re having. Why?”
“He comes to—I’m starting a new war and killing my father.”
Thunder sounded from the clear blue sky and Tony and Steve shared a horrified look.
“I’m kidding,” Clint huffed. “Gods, no one on Olympus can take a joke.”
“It’s true,” Thor said, nodding sadly. “They are far from the life of the party. Too much drama. Not enough joy.”
“You are not one to talk,” Percy said. “I talk to Magnus.”
“Ah,” Thor said. “You have me there.”
“Whatever, I’m leaving,” Percy said. “Peter, call me up if you wanna hang again. We can do so much more stuff now that I know your name. I play a mean game of underwater tennis.”
“Awesome,” Peter breathed in awe. Oh great, now his kid had a crush on the god-kid.
“If you would like to visit Asgard, I am sure my brother’s offer still stands,” Thor said, and Tony recoiled in disgust.
“Please do not let Loki near him, that’s the worst idea I think I’ve ever heard.”
“He already broke into my room and offered me godhood,” Percy snorted, waving them off. “It’s fine. We do brunch sometimes.”
“Oh, they just do brunch sometimes. With Loki. That’s fine,” Clint muttered.
“You turned down godhood?” Steve said.
“Twice, to be exact,” Percy said, holding up a peace sign. “Or maybe it was more, I can’t remember.”
“Please leave,” Tony said. God, he was getting a headache.
“Bye Percy,” Percy said, waving.
“You need to stop sharing your identity with random-ass people,” Tony told him as Percy waved until the elevator doors shut behind him.
“He is the most powerful demigod alive,” Thor told him. “He has slain Titans, Giants, walked through hell itself and survived. He led Olympus through a prophecy that could have burned all of Midgard to the ground if he had so chosen. Perseus is not one to be trifled with.”
“Oh,” Tony said, light-headed.
Steve stared. “What the fuck?”
For once, Tony didn’t call him on his language. He completely agreed.
“Now can we get pizza?” Clint asked.