Chapter Text
If pressed, Arthur wasn’t sure if he could separate at which exact moment he knew he was awake. He had faded in and out of sleep for hours. Sometimes he felt that maybe he should get up but then his mind went and fogged over again. It was probably good for him.
What Arthur did know was that the sun was laying warm rays against his face, and that there was an even warmer weight laid across his shoulders. It didn’t feel like his bed normally did.
That thought came just as his brain was awake enough to process that no, this really was not what his bed felt like. This was more like last week, with Merlin-
Merlin.
Oh that was why this was different, because he wasn’t in his bed alone. And that must mean that this pillow he was resting against, and the weight on his shoulders, that was Merlin too.
Arthur tried to lay as still as possible. But not more still than he was before. It was more like he was trying to avoid the reality that he was now wide awake, and had no choice but to face the consequences. Some part of him wished that Merlin had slipped away before he woke up, let him believe that being held was just a nice dream.
Now hold on a second, hadn’t he been holding Merlin? He distinctly remembered wrapping his arm over Merlin. Pulling him close. The way Merlin’s hair tickled against Arthur’s nose… Somehow, throughout the night, they had changed position entirely.
Under the sheets their limbs were intertwined, Arthur’s leg thrown in between Merlin’s. Merlin sitting up somewhat, laying flat on his back; Arthur’s arm draped lazily over his midriff, and his head resting just below Merlin’s shoulder. A shoulder that was connected to an arm, and that arm was currently wrapped around Arthur’s shoulders.
The weight he had sensed previously now made much more sense. He swallowed.
Just by the way he breathed Arthur could tell that Merlin was awake. Maybe it was because his ear was so close to Merlin’s heart, maybe it was in the subtle way that Merlin was lying so still. His manservant was probably feeling a little unsure about what he was supposed to be doing too. Arthur also had no idea what was happening. This was despite the fact that both of them had agreed to sharing the bed.
Arthur wanted to take a deep breath and clear his mind. (which, for once in seven days, actually felt like a mind). Taking any sort of breath though, that felt like danger. Especially a deep breath. Then Merlin would know that he was awake and he wouldn’t have any time to think at all-
“Sleep well?” Merlin asked, both amused and awkward all at the same time.
Well shit. There goes his time to think. Fuck. Was he supposed to say something now? He almost cleared his throat, but he didn’t actually need to clear his throat- didn’t matter, though, because no words seemed to be coming out anyways. Instead he nodded.
(Which would have been fine. But his head was on Merlin’s chest. Effectively he had just rubbed his face on Merlin’s chest.)
He couldn’t see it, but he felt it as Merlin nodded his head in return. They were silent again, for a while, which was both uncomfortable and not. It wasn’t uncomfortable because this was Merlin for godssake. But also he had yet to go about unwrapping himself from Merlin. That was something he should probably do now that they were both awake.
...There was only one problem with that. He didn’t actually want to. Eventually he did, though. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, pulling his feet in closer to his own body. Now he was just sitting next to Merlin. Which was normal. And fine. They’d sat next to each other a million times. (Though they didn’t usually do it on his bed.)
“What time is it?” Arthur asked.
“Past noon,”
“Past- what?” Arthur dropped his hands from his face, looking at Merlin out of his shock. That was a normal thing to do. He always looked at Merlin. But Merlin wasn’t usually laying on his bed with sleep hair, or his neck bared. Arthur gulped, and then-
“Don’t worry, Morgana’s already taken care of it. You’re sick today.” Right. That was the concern.
Hold on-
“Morgana’s been here?” Arthur asked, horrified at the idea that she had seen him curled around Merlin like the world’s most humanoid leach.
“Nah,” Merlin said casually, and then he remembered that telepathy wasn’t a usual form of communication, and jumped about fifty hoops trying to back track a sentence he hadn’t even said.
“Well, Gwen- no, Gauis stopped by! He was wondering why I didn’t come by last night. He stopped by. And then I told him you were sick and to relay the message to Morgana.” Merlin’s plan was that Gauis would definitely cover for him. Arthur was still caught on Gaius knowing that Merlin hadn’t gone home last night because he was with Arthur. In Arthur’s bed. Somehow that was worse than Morgana knowing.
At least Morgana knew that it wasn’t like… that. After all, the book that they had both read was very clear on this matter. Romantic feelings, or sexual feelings, had nothing to do with it. Or very little to do with it. It certainly didn’t have anything to do with it here.
He hadn’t been longing for Merlin, just someone who cared about him. And Merlin cared about him, but not like that. See? it all made perfect sense. If Arthur couldn't stop staring at the bare skin on Merlin’s throat it was just because he had never really seen it before. Not with any time to look, anyways. Not that he wanted to look for any reason. (A stupid line of reasoning given that Arthur was obviously looking now.)
“Arthur?” Merlin asked. That did finally snap Arthur’s attention away from Merlin’s neck. His face tried to flush but he forced it down. It was nice to have control over his own body again.
“So I have the day off?” Arthur asked in lieu of an answer.
“Yeah,”
“Hardly seems fair. I had yesterday off too.”
Merlin raised his eyebrows, clearly unimpressed. “Are you kidding? You couldn’t have gotten a single thing done yesterday,”
“Not with you bossing me around, you’re not planning on keeping me in bed all this day too?” Arthur questioned.
“Well, when you say it like that , sire , ” Merlin grinned cheekily and Arthur’s breath did a weird sort of flop in his chest.
“Shut up , Mer lin,” he groaned, and this time he was unable to keep the flush from his cheeks. Seeing Arthur’s clear embarrassment entertained Merlin to no end. He threw his head back in a laugh, bearing that stupid neck of his again and shit Arthur could not get stuck in that loop. He grabbed a pillow and chucked it at Merlin.
Merlin, annoyingly, caught it. He was still laughing too. Placing it down next to him he gave it a small pat and stood up.
“What are you doing?” Arthur asked. For a brief second he wondered if he had scared Merlin away, but Merlin glanced back over his shoulder and Arthur could feel his body relaxing.
“Relax,” he said, “I just thought you’d want some lunch. Also I need to piss.”
“Ugh, as long as you don’t mix the two.”
Merlin fixed him with a long stare. “Arthur,” he paused, “ Gross.”
----
Merlin returned with two bowls and a pitcher of water. He waved Arthur over to the table and started setting up the plates. Arthur at the head of the small table and Merlin directly to his left. They settled in and Arthur was ready to go back to their day to day routine. Merlin took a long sip of the stew and let his eyes gracefully flick up to find Arthur’s.
“You don’t have to tell me, you know, but I am curious.”
It was obvious what he meant, but Arthur was still trying to figure out if he wanted to play it cool or not.
“Tell you what?”
“What-” Merlin waved at the bed “that was about.”
Arthur pushed his stew around with his spoon. “Apparently humans don’t function well unless they touch people every now and then. I don’t do that.”
“You touch people all the time,” Merlin said, and Arthur laughed. It wasn’t a joyful laugh. It came out hard in his throat and he looked away.
How was he supposed to say that he knew that already? How was he supposed to admit to how stupid he felt? How could he say any of that out loud? (He’d half said to Morgana but that’s not the point. Morgana was different Morgana wouldn’t look at him the same way Merlin would).
Finally Arthur brought his eyes back to Merlin. “It’s… not the same. They’re expected to be friendly with me. And there’s always a barrier between us.”
“Not me?”
Arthur rolled his eyes and looked away again. “I’ve tried to find the barrier, trust me, but you always take it down.”
The silence following his statement seemed overbearing. It was so quiet that Arthur could hear his heart thudding in his chest and it wasn’t a sound he particularly liked. He kept his gaze locked on the window and pretended to admire the blue sky.
Merlin’s hand brushed against his neck and Arthur snapped his head to Merlin on instinct. His own movement effectively slapped Merlin’s palm flat against his neck.
“What?” He asked, his pulse hammering louder and louder .
Merlin had a soft look in his eyes. “You don’t have to be alone all the time,” he said. That was exactly what made him different.
Arthur stared into Merlin’s eyes. The warm weight on his neck almost made Arthur forget that anything else existed other than them. He was lost in the genuine expression on Merlin’s face and it made him want to do something reckless. He could lean forwards right now and kiss his stupid face.
What? Nope. Not doing that. That definitely did not fit into the category of platonic snuggling he had boxed them into.
That was weird, and 100% random. Came out of nowhere. Merlin was still staring at him and Arthur still had an opening- he could just fall into him and maybe Merlin would let him.
In the end Arthur did lean forwards, but only to lean his head on Merlin’s shoulder.
-----
So this was fine. After their impromptu hug, which had left Arthur feeling tingly all over, they separated and sat to eat their lunch. Merlin, of course, decided to fling his leg up underneath the table, and across Arthur’s lap. Arthur had spluttered and Merlin shrugged, looking obscenely confident.
“Figure you’ve got some time to make up,” he said, and Arthur didn’t push him off.
Merlin kept finding ways to touch him. For him, probably. Because he was being nice to him. Arthur might have been tempted to run, but he had to stay in his room because he was “sick”. And to be honest, Arthur couldn’t have gotten rid of Merlin if he’d tried.
“We could go back to bed,” Merlin had shrugged at one point, almost causing Arthur to choke at the casual we .
“No,” He’d responded flatly when he got back his voice, “If I nap all day I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
And that left… what exactly? Merlin’s hands finding his shoulders as he leaned over his desk, that, definitely. Merlin standing very close as Arthur looked out the window. Merlin’s fingers no longer so quick as he helped Arthur change into some workout clothes. Every touch felt more permanent.
It was nice in theory, but Arthur was going half mad. Well no, it wasn’t nice just in theory. It was nice all around and that was why he was going mad. Arthur’s skin felt warmer than it ever had, it tingled at Merlin touched him. It was like he was back in the forest again and pressing his hands into the fire. He couldn’t touch the embers. Shouldn’t touch the embers. But he wanted to anyway.
(What exactly was he supposed to do when the embers touched him? Lean in? Accept the inevitable burn?)
A knock came on the door, and both Merlin and Arthur’s heads snapped to look at it. Merlin stood, glancing at Arthur.
“Get ready to look sick,” he commented, and Arthur slouched down in his reading chair.
As soon as Merlin opened the door Uther Pendragon himself burst through it.
“Ah, how are you Arthur? I see you truly were fighting off a cold.”
Arthur winced, and tried to sit up some. “I’ll be fine by tomorrow, father. Shouldn’t be contagious then.”
Those words seemed to stop Uther in his stride, he halted his pace and stayed a comfortable six feet away. Behind Uther were Guais and Merlin, who still stood by the door. Guais slipped a piece of paper into Merlin’s hand. He raised his eyebrows slowly as Merlin gave him a thumbs up and he then coughed, looking in the direction of the other members in the room.
“The king dropped by just as I was coming to give you your evening drought, sire,” he raised his eyebrow meaningfully at Uther, who had enough respect to look at Guais as he spoke.
Arthur made a face as he looked at the still grey sky out the window. “Isn’t it a bit early for that?”
Truthfully Guais had been looking for Merlin, to give him the research he had found on any mythical beasts that stole sleep. As it turned out, the information was no longer needed.
“Take your drought, Arthur,” Uther commanded, “I want you well by tomorrow. The knights are beginning to miss you.” It was a teasing thing he said, but it was not entirely a joke. Arthur had been absent from training for two full days, and absent of mind before that.
Arthur nodded, feeling a familiar thread of guilt. “Right, of course father.”
“Very good,” the king nodded and turned to leave the room, bringing Gauis with him. All that was left now was Arthur, Merlin, a little glass vial and a bed.
“We should probably go to bed early, tonight,” Merlin suggested.
Arthur glanced up at Merlin, who still stood by the door. “Yes, but not that early,” he pointed at the still light sky, “we haven’t even had our dinner yet.”
“That’s easily remedied,”
While not an untrue sentence, the statement made Arthur pause. He was still sitting in his armchair, and Merlin stood in the center of the room, his hands clasped behind his back. There was no small distance between them. If he reached out, he wouldn’t be able to touch him…. But if he did reach out he was sure that Merlin would come. It was what he had been doing all day.
It was what they had done last night.
Maybe that was why the sentence struck him so, because Merlin had offered to climb into bed with him last night, and this morning, and now he was finding ways that he could get back in bed with Arthur again. After all, if they had dinner there would be no other reason not to go to bed. That’s what Merlin was saying.
And then they would end up in each others arms again.
Slowly a smile came to Arthur’s face, and he sat up in his chair, leaning forwards. Shrinking the gap between them by just half a foot.
“Merlin, do you like touching me?”
Arthur had no idea what he expected Merlin to say to that, but Merlin, in true Merlin fashion, surprised him. His cheeks flushed pink, pinker than Arthur had ever seen them before. He looked so surprised for a moment, and then he turned to leave, saying “Wow, I guess you’re not as daft as I thought.”
It was all the confirmation that Arthur needed. He sat back in his seat, dumbfounded while he waited for Merlin to come back with their food. For once he was sure that Merlin would come back. He had his confirmation.
Merlin liked touching him . It felt bizarre to think that Merlin felt the same buzz when their skin brushed, and to think that Merlin wanted to catch him just as much as Arthur wanted to fall.
Arthur shifted in his seat and tried to slow his thundering pulse. He knew that Merlin liked touching him. That’s all he knew. He shouldn’t assume that Merlin wanted to-
Just like Arthur did.
Arthur refused to get his hopes up. He pushed away the memory of this morning, when Merlin’s hand had been clasped around his neck. Of when he had been so close to kissing him.
That wasn’t something he should assume Merlin would be okay with. (Even with, as he now thought, the very real possibility that he might be.) (Merlin’s flushed cheeks kept returning to his mind.)
Merlin returned and they set dinner up at the table, Arthur setting the plates and the silverware while Merlin filled their cups. It was wine. Arthur usually had wine with dinner, not Merlin. Merlin usually had water. Merlin’s ears were flushed permanently pink, even as he kept the same calm teasing in his eyes.
They sat, and Merlin confidently kicked his legs up on Arthur’s lap, where one of Arthur’s hands slipped below the table to hold them there, his thumb rubbing absentmindedly on the cuff of Merlin’s pants. They kept up their usual banter and didn’t mention it.
Not until they finished dinner, and Merlin’s eyes looked past Arthur, landing on the bed.
“You know, it is dark out now,” He commented.
Arthur raised his eyebrows. “So it is, but I’m not feeling very tired.” He mostly said it because he wanted to see what Merlin do, and the reaction was definitely worth it. Merlin opened his mouth instantly, a remark just about to roll off his tongue, before his face flushed red in the candlelight and he shut his mouth immediately.
‘I could try tiring you out’ is perfectly fine in most situations, but when included in an invitation to bed it can come across as very suggestive. It’s probably for the best that the words never left Merlin’s mouth.
Instead he gave Arthur a pointed look and raised an eyebrow, a lazy smile covering his face. All bantering words ran far out of Arthur’s reach as his heart thudded in his chest. No use pretending to protest. Merlin knew that they were on exactly the same page. Arthur just wished he knew which page that was.
Usually Merlin would bring Arthur’s dinner tray with him when he left, but tonight it was left sitting on the table as they both stood. At first Merlin moved to help Arthur into his night clothes, but Arthur was very afraid that if Merlin paid too much attention to his body that his brain would just shut down all together. Instead he tossed another pair of night clothes at Merlin and told him to change into them, an action which caused exactly zero protests.
Merlin changed, and Arthur changed, and without Merlin’s scarf Arthur was again smacked in the face by the revelation that Merlin did in fact have a neck. The collar of the shirt was low, lower than anything he had ever seen Merlin wear. It almost made Arthur’s brain pop right out of his ears.
Slowly folding his own clothes to put them on top of Arthur’s dresser, Merlin looked over his shoulder at Arthur. His eyes were so blue. Even in the dark, in the candle light. One by one Merlin went around the room, blowing the candles out, all the while Arthur stood and watched. One hand leaning against a post on his bed, the other loosely held at his side. Merlin moved so smoothly, the routine so practiced that he actually looked graceful while he did it. Which was a feat by itself, for Merlin.
When he was done he circled back around to Arthur, the glow of the fireplace still illuminating his face. He stopped in front of him, stepping so close into his space that their feet were practically touching. His breath tickled Arthur’s nose.
“Ready for bed?” He asked. Arthur nodded, and as he did he watched Merlin’s bright blue eyes flick down for just a moment, landing on Arthur’s own lips. Arthur wondered if this was what he had looked like earlier.
He exhaled as Merlin moved to step away, so that they could both get into bed, but Arthur stopped him, laying a hand gently on Merlin’s waist. Merlin stilled, and glanced back at Arthur.
“Arthur?” He asked.
“Thank you,” Arthur whispered, stepping closer to Merlin. Pulling him into a hug, wrapping his arms tight around Merlin while Merlin reached up and pulled Arthur in just as tight
“What for?”
“For caring about me.”
Merlin’s hand cupped the back of Arthur’s head, his other arm making itself comfortable around Arthur’s shoulders. He opened his mouth to say something, but Arthur wasn’t done.
“Thank you for being here for me. For putting up with my shit, and for telling me when I’m full of shit,”
Merlin let out a breath that may have been a chuckle.
“Thank you for thinking I’m better than I am, and thank you for knowing how stupid I can be. Thank you for your advice, and your care, and for making me laugh. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my best friend,” Arthur paused, his throat feeling dry, “thank you for being my best everything.”
As he spoke Merlin’s hands held tighter to Arthur’s shoulders, and his fingers curled into Arthur’s hair. Arthur could feel how slow Merlin’s breath was, and how quickly his pulse was running through his neck.
(His stupid, warm, tantalizing neck. Arthur wanted to press his mouth into it just to feel Merlin’s heart beat through his skin.)
Merlin kissed Arthur’s hair, and then his temple, his hand down and up again on Arthur’s arm. He pulled away just far enough so that he could look at Arthur in the eye while their breaths intertwined in the middle.
“Can I kiss you?”
He didn't have to ask twice. With zero hesitation Arthur surged forwards, Merlin’s hands on his jaw pulling him in impossibly closer, while Arthur’s hands on Merlin’s waist moved for the same mission.
Their lips met and Arthur could swear he had never felt more alive. The kiss was sweet, and long, and Arthur could taste the wine on Merlin’s tongue. His hands stayed stationary, cupping Arthur’s cheeks like he was the most precious thing in the world. Kissing Arthur like Arthur was the only thing to him that mattered.
Breaking apart to breath Arthur’s eyes fluttered open, taking a second to process Merlin’s face, and the (possibly not imagined) glow in his eyes, in another second they were kissing again but this time one of Merlin’s hand wove into his hair, tugging it in all the right places, while Arthur’s hand slipped underneath the hem of Merlin’s undershirt.
It felt good to feel the stutter in Merlin’s breath, and knowing that he caused it. His hands spread across his ribs and his side like they had always belonged there.
As far as the two were concerned, they always had.
Merlin pulled away again, to catch his breath, but he didn’t go far, he stayed close to Arthur, his hand tracing the shape of his face, his breath ghosting across Arthur’s skin. Their eyes locked, a million sentiments locked within their gaze.
“I will always be with you,” Merlin said, and that covered all of them.
That night they fell asleep in each others arms. It was the third night they'd spent together, and it was the beginning of thousands more.