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Dear Dad,
As you can tell we've finally arrived in a town with a postal system! This place is called the Greater Dream SMP and it's so normal compared to our cold house that I feel really warm all the time and it is Weird. Wilby's doing well, he says he's met a girl already and her name is Sally and he's going to marry her! I don't think he should though because we've only been here for a day or three (sorry I'm a bit late) and you never know if someone is going to turn out to be bad.
I miss you and Tech already. Has he gone to that tournament yet? Has he utterly smashed everyone up? I bet he did, Tech's the greatest. And I bet you're doing great too, Dad, I'm finding out how hard it is to work life out on your own now that it's just me and Wilby and I wish you were still here to cook and clean for us. Sending all my love and wishing you'd come visit once we find a home in the city!
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
Happy three months since we left! I hope all's well - never got a letter back from you last time, I assume it was lost in the post. Let me know what you said so I can reply properly! Anyway, like I said, Wilby's girlfriend Sally ran away like two weeks later. I asked him why and he said that she might have got a new responsibility. I think that's stupid. I would always make sure to clear time for women if I had a girlfriend no matter how busy I was, and the women should do it back! I never liked Sally anyway. She always smelled like fish.
Did you know that Tech is actually a little bit famous around here? There's this story about a fearsome warrior called The Blade that I heard from my friend Punz when we were hanging out the other day. Oh yeah, I have some friends now! They're big boys like Wilby but they teach me how to fight and we chat all the time and it makes me really happy to know people that aren't you, Tech or Wilby after all this time. Maybe before long I'll meet some kids my own age and we can play when the grownups have to do politics!
I know it's hard to be in charge of the kingdom and all but I'd love to hear from you, Dad. Keep in touch.
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
Six months now! Your letter must have got lost again, I don't know what to do with these stupid postal workers. Maybe they're too cold in the AE and they don't want to do their job. Maybe you're hiring snow golems and they're melting before they get to the SMP. Either way it's stupid and I want to hear back from you, Dad, so please make sure they're not dying.
We made a new friend recently! His name is Tubbo and we found him in a mud puddle at the side of the road. We asked him how he got here and he said he didn't know. Wilby put up "have you lost this child?" signs while Tubbo and I were playing and we didn't hear back for five entire days so he gets to live with us now!!!!!! Plus we have a house, I helped build it in the side of a mountain, it's called Innit Enterprises. I bet you could use it for really important and cool stuff if you wanted, but for now me Tubbo and Wilby just live there. We're nearby all these awesome towers and structures that I think are really cool but Wilby says they're displays of political power and we're not allowed to like them because the government here is corrupt. I don't really know what he means.
My big friends Dream and Sapnap have started a game with me and Tubbo called Disc War and it's really fun! Basically we have these music discs that are really cool and big and rare and the game is to hide them for as long as you can before the other team finds them then you swap. Dream and Sapnap are smarter than me and Tubbo but we're the best and the most awesome so we always win for a really long time! I love my big friends. Wilby says they're corrupt too but I don't really know what he means by that. I don't know what corrupt means at all honestly.
Hope to hear from you and Tech, Dad, I'm missing you every day up north!
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
So much has happened since I last wrote - we're at about nine months now! Things have been really crazy here in L'Manberg. I'll tell you all about it.
So Wilby was doing a lot of thinking about the Greater Dream SMP and its power and its leaders, is what he told me, and he decided that the authoritarian (sorry I got him to write it for me) the that government was too oppressive and a lot of other big words and I don't want to ask for help again so I won't try to spell them basically the government was bad and they had too much power and should be overthrown. So we built this van in the middle of nowhere and we were going to sell drugs from it and it was going to be really cool! But then over a few days the whole plan evolved and eventually Wilby told me we were starting a whole entire country and we were going to build big walls around our territory and Dream couldn't stop us from declaring our independence if we were quick enough and legal enough about it. Lucky my friend Tubbo has an alter-ego called Big Law so he knows all about that stuff and we made our nation and we called it L'Manberg and it's beautiful! And here is the flag:
x) x x
It's blue and white and red and also yellow sorry I don't have any coloured pencils. And now we live in an enclave territory (yeah sorry I gave up and asked for help again) because Dream didn't say we could be independent and we live inside his land. Wilby said I can be the Vice President and Tubbo can be the Secretary of State even though we're both quite little I think we are the only people he knows for the job. I bet if Tech was here he'd be in charge with us, I know he doesn't much like elections so he'll be happy to know we didn't run one! I like that one it made me laugh in the real world.
Please write, Dad, I really miss you guys. Wilby and Tubbo are nice but they're not my Dadza. We might come back and visit one day if we're not busy.
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
Wilbur's got a kid now! His name is Fundy and he is a little fox boy and he grows SO FAST I do not understand it probably because he is a little fox boy it is different. What happened basically was that his old girlfriend Sally came back to tell us that he'd given her a son and she was leaving because she couldn't take the shame of being a single mother and he had to raise the child that he'd created as his punishment for not coming back for her. I didn't really get it because as far as I knew it was her who'd left Wilbur but now I am an uncle so that's cool I guess.
Also it's been a full year since we left, so happy one year I suppose. Happy one year and six days actually I am late we left on the ninth. Really wish we'd heard from you and Techno in a year because we have literally formed a new country since the last time we spoke and you still haven't written back. Well I'm sure you did and it got lost, you wouldn't just ignore our letters if you got them.
I like baby Fundy even though he bites me a lot. He is so young but he already knows how to talk and walk and fight. Me and Tubbo teach him when Wilbur is off doing president things. I don't know what he's been talking to Dream about but it doesn't seem nice. But we have citizens now that we didn't know before they got here! Niki and Jack Manifold and Quackity are some of the ones I've met on the streets of L'Manberg when I am being Vice President and saying hello to everyone and making them pay me taxes. I say it's for upkeep of the walls but it's really for buying stuff I want.
Basically L'Manberg is really cool and we're going to try and get Dream to declare our independence and it's going to be great and I promise I'll write again when it's all over.
I lost my last baby tooth, Dad. I wish you'd been there to see.
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
I told you I'd write when it was over. It's been another year since that. I miss you. I wish you'd write.
We hear about Techno a lot. We hear about his adventures as The Blade, we hear that he kills and kills and kills and never stops to listen or give mercy. We hear that he's possessed by a blood spirit but I don't think that's true. Spirits are real and you can just talk to them. I wish Techno would calm down so we wouldn't have to hear about his reign of terror, but at the same time I suppose that those stories are the only way we get to hear he's still alive so I should be grateful.
Dream gave us independence, in the end. I got shot for it. It took me weeks to get my sword arm back. I'm actually still writing with my left hand so excuse the messiness. In the end I called back to our old days playing Disc War and handed them over for good so he'd just stop bothering us. It seems like years ago I was just a kid playing Disc War with Tubbo and my grown-up friends. I don't think Dream ever thought it was just a game. Maybe Tubbo and I were the ones deceived.
Wilbur and I are officially the Presidents now. We still haven't called any elections - I think he's waiting for a better day. I love President Soot, Dad - Wilbur is so cool and powerful when he's commanding troops. It makes me think of you, but Will's not quite as calm. And Tubbo's been here with me all this time at my side to help me with my duties and spar with me when I get restless and listen to music with me when I just need somebody by my side to ground me. He’s my best friend, Dad. We fought this war together. We’re men, now, I think.
Fundy’s a man now too which is Not Fair because he is so young but he grew up even past me and Tubbo and now he is basically as tall as Wilbur. Wilbur spent pretty much his entire childhood busy with the war so I think Fundy is in his angsty teenager phase where he hates his dad and wants to build his own reputation. Tubbo plays Dreamon Hunters with him a lot these days, and I come too sometimes to bully him because he’s my nephew and it’s my job. I think you’d really like Fundy, Dad, he reminds me of a little bit of all three of us mixed together. He’s going to be such a good soldier when we need him. I hope that’s not for a long time, though - we just got out of the last war.
I don’t want to think you did get all my letters, but I don’t know why you wouldn’t. Please write, Dad. Please. I just want to know how things are going at home, even if it’s all the same as it was when we left two years ago. I just want to hear from you.
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
President Soot has gone a bit off the deep end, I think. We’re not allowed first names with him any more. So you know who I’m talking about but I can’t say it, even though I’m literally his brother and his VP. He tried to get me to make everyone call me Vice President Innit at one point but I don’t want that. The people of this country are meant to be my friends.
He’s thinking about calling an election, Dad. I don’t know why. We’re doing fine with the power we have, we don’t need to consolidate it. I have a sinking feeling if we let the country decide that they’ll decide on something new. I don’t think a lot of people like the walls - I’ve heard Quackity saying they make the landscape ugly. President Soot insists on keeping the walls up. He’d build them up to block limit if he thought it would keep us safe from Dream.
Dream’s an enemy again now, by the way. He used to be our political ally who we didn’t like very much but who granted us independence so we had to shut up and take it. Now Wilbur President Soot says we can’t fraternise with him or his people in the Greater Dream SMP. Our borders are closed. We’re trapped in here, citizens of a cage. He scares me sometimes.
Write back. Even Techno, if you’re the one reading this and not Dad. I’m so alone here with President Soot so busy and Tubbo off forming alliances with our neighbours and Fundy striking out and all our citizens living in fear of the government. He’s the government now. It feels like the Empire again but. bad.
Write back, Dad.
Lots of love,
Your Tommy
Dear Dad,
We lost the election. We’re in a fucking hole three miles out of Manberg. The paper is fucking dirty and the quill pens are broken and I don’t think I’m even going to be able to post this without getting shot for trespassing because I’m a FUGITIVE.
And Tubbo is a fucking blood traitor.
And Wilbur’s gone fucking insane and Fundy is against us and I remember Schlatt, do you know that, I remember him when I was really little and Will used to play these games with him and I was too young to play and I had to watch and colour and be all alone while Techno studied and Wilbur played. I remember that man from our youth, Dad. His horns have really grown in, you know that?
I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate I HATE i dont know what i hate dad
dad please write
i fucking miss you
he seems to think this is an epic bunker and a cool secret base of operations but its not its a dirty hole in the ground and my bed is stone and we have three chests and he tells me off every time i try to decorate i just want it to look nice while i’m festering in a HOLE
sorry dad i am upset i am upset i am pissed fucking off
COME GET ME I DONT WANT TO DIE IN A HOLE IN THE GROUND
tommy
fuck you emperor philza minecraft watson
fuck you fuck you fuck you techno had to come all on his own he didn’t say a word to suggest you’d told him he didn’t say a word about my letters he didn’t say a word about you at all actually
and he’s TEAMING WITH WILBUR
At least I have Tubbo because Tubbo is not a blood traitor he is a SPY Tubbo is SPYING on the Schlatt administration he doesn’t hate me he is pretending Tubbo could never hate me he would never kick me out and mean it
He made a tunnel back home Dad
I can go visit if I wanted I just have to break the wall in the right spot
I don’t even call the empire home any more two and a half years is all it took
fuck you FUCK YOU
I lost both my fucking brothers all I have is Tubbo I don’t care about you dad please write
Dear Dad,
Hope you get this! Tubbo promised he would post it as soon as he got home. Sorry about the gap in letters, I’ve been in Pogtopia. It’s nice here. Cold, though, and wet. At least there’s some cobblestone in the walls by now, and we’ve installed stairs. Can’t go wrong with a bit of cobblestone.
I miss you. Technoblade’s been quiet and Wi General Soot’s been scheming. We’re amassing a little group of soldiers down here, basically anyone we can find who hates President Schlatt and wants the old regime back. We’re going to get Niki out of prison at the festival.
Oh yeah! The festival is why I’m writing. They’re holding a huge festival in Manberg to celebrate democracy and the rule of President Schlatt. I heard they built a Party Island in the centre of town and everything. Dad, I really want you to come to the festival. I’m not allowed and neither is General Soot, obviously, because they revoked our citizenship, but Techno is because they don’t know he’s our family, and you would be too. Please come if you get this. You can leave someone else in charge for a few days. The Empire will be okay. Please come and visit and we’ll meet you in the woods of the Greater Dream SMP where we’re hiding and you can just say hello and everything will be okay again.
I don’t really know what else to say. Hope the dogs are well. Never mentioned that one until now but I do. I miss clean clothes and a warm bed i miss when you used to cook and clean for us dad I miss you please just fucking write to me
Tommy
Emperor Philza,
I’d like to be emancipated.
Technoblade killed my best fucking friend and Wilbur stood by ready to explode the country WE FOUNDED. And you never write. I can picture you picking up the letter, seeing where it’s from and tossing it straight in the furnace. WRITE TO ME DICKHEAD. And then never fucking speak to me again because I hate this family I hate hate hate it all of you are dicks.
And I tried to avenge Tubbo and Techno responded by decking me so hard I got knocked out. Tubbo’s like me now, Dad. One life left.
I don’t think I told you I died when I did. Didn’t want you to worry. HA.
Please don’t write to me because I am going to tear it up and swallow the pieces before I can read it and cry
General Soot’s been talking to Dream again. About a day after I sent the last letter they met up and did a deal. A fucking TRADE DEAL WITH DREAM MAKE UP YOUR MIND WILBUR he has so much tnt now he laid it under the city there’s a button in a room in the back of the mountain by the centre of the city one press and the place goes up dad i am scared i hate i hate i hate
save me dad i don’t want this any more
Dear Dad,
Come to Manberg. Wilbur’s going to kill himself.
- you know fucking who
Dear Dad except you’re not going to get this letter because i hate you
I hope your little house in new l’manberg is nice because i will NOT be visiting i hate houses actually did i ever tell you that i hate houses i don’t hate houses it’s just been so long since i lived in one and my new house is so big and warm and lonely and it’s stifling it makes me want to explode and stab stab stab the wall i stabbed the wall last night
Tubbo doesn’t spar with me any more because he is the president
General Soot Wilbur my brother is a ghost and you met him already i think i think he likes me more though so fuck you dad
Techno is gone he’s a fugitive now too they want him publicly executed
I am so fucking lonely even Fundy won’t hang out with me he doesn’t hang out with Will though either even though he really wants to know his son TOO LATE DICKHEAD Fundy’s right about everything but he doesn’t talk to me i miss everyone i am so lonely
i wrote a book it’s called how to sex 2 it’s based on another book i wrote under the first presidency which is how to sex 1 but will told me it was horribly inaccurate and he would know he has a child so i am rewriting it better
Fuck you and your children OF WHICH I AM NOT ONE
Tommy and also i hate you and here’s a drawing of a dick because that’s what you are
Dear Dad,
First night in exile! I missed doing these. It was always my way of venting. Ghostbur and I have made a lovely little home in Logsted and we’re going to be okay. I didn’t need Tubbo anyway. He is busy being the President and he doesn’t have to visit me.
It’s not enough it will never be enough I miss my family I miss it I miss I miss I miss and i hate so badly
I can’t go back to doing this, actually. I'll just go stab something.
Not your Tommy