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The red paladin marched down the halls of the Garrison hospital, his bare feet padded against the cold floor. He had left his slippers in his own room. He made straight for the hospital room he had been told the blue paladin was in. The light was on inside even though it was getting late. As he approached he wished the door wasmanual, he was angry and slamming the door open against the frame would have relieved some of that pent up anger. The automatic sliding of the door did not translate his emotions properly.
From his bed, Lance looked up from the journal in his lap and quickly clamped it shut. "Keith! What are you doing here?" He glanced from the clock across the room to the window as if to confirm the time he read was correct. "It's late."
Keith took a deep breath in through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. An attempt to lighten the tension building inside him.
Keith spoke coldly, "We need to talk."
"Now?"
"Now." He pulled up a chair and sat down, but the anger translated itself into his rapidly shaking leg so he began pacing the length of the room instead.
"Keith. Buddy. You're stressing me out. Is there a problem?"
"You’re the problem, Lance!" The paladin shrank at the outburst. "How could I not have caught on to this sooner? There were so many times that I didn’t even question your actions when I should have!"
Lance wasn't picking up on what Keith was talking about, but the implications made his heart drop. He had done something wrong. Again.
"Keith what are you talking about?" He couldn't force out the question casually. He could sense how serious this conversation was going to be.
"Does your life mean that little to you?" Keith had stopped pacing and crossed his arms. His brow was furrowed and for an instant, Lance swore he saw a flash of his Galra features in his face. This wasn’t what he had expected from the conversation.
"What?"
Keith finally sat down on the edge of the bed and his anger dissipated. In its place came concern, so much concern Lance felt overwhelmed. This was out of character. Keith was supposed to let it go like everyone always did, like he always pretended to.
"Lance... I could feel it. Through our bond with the lions, through the red lion. You were prepared to die when you didn't think your lion was coming." The blue paladin looked down at his hands and thought to the feeling he had back then, staring down a Galra fighter with only his Bayard. He had been calm as he lowered his guard. Of course, in retrospect, his own actions had terrified him. Keith saw his emotions as he thought them, but he had more to say.
"And I heard about the shield incident. Everyone failed to mention that while I was gone, you DIED and Allura brought you back. You should have told me." His hand twitched towards Lance's but remained on his own lap. "Talk to me," Keith practically pleaded.
Lance directed a mirthless smile at his lap. "I knew Red would reach me in time."
"Don't lie to me Lance. I felt it” He touched his hand to his chest. “...and I know what that feels like." Lance finally looked at him then.
"The Galra Shield." It wasn't a question, Lance remembered that fight. He hadn't been able to see Keith, but in the same way Keith had sensed his emotions, he had sensed that desperation and willingness to die coming from him. Matt had admitted in passing later on how Keith had aimed his stolen Galra fighter at the Galra cruiser’s shields. He still regretted never confronting him at the time. Keith confirmed the comment with only a nod.
"What makes you any different than me then? If you're willing to sacrifice yourself for the mission, I can be too." Lance leaned back against his stack of pillows and huffed. This conversation had caused the tangle of anxiety in his chest to fester. He could feel it pulsing there beneath his skin.
"I didn't- that's not what I meant. This is about you Lance! You and your self-sacrificial tendencies!" Keith clasped his hands over both of Lance's shoulders. He sent the latter a look when he opened his mouth to speak, he wasn't done talking. "This is about how quick you are to assume you aren't important to the team! Lance, we wouldn't even be here without you! You piloted the blue lion, you took us to Voltron, you're the heart of this team! If anything happened to you, we would fall apart."
Lance's gaze retreated to the window until he could force the rising tears back down.
"You're the one who found Blue. You're our leader. If anyone was the heart of Voltron, it would be you."
Keith let his hands fall to rest over Lance's. "Why can't you just realize how important you are? I'm sorry we don't always show it, but you're irreplaceable. I don't know what we -what I - would have done without you. As much as we argue, having you around makes this job a whole lot easier."
Lance pulled his hands away from Keith's hold and for a moment the red paladin thought his show of vulnerability had failed. Instead, Lance reached forward and pulled him into a hug, a tight one. He squeezed Keith’s neck tight until he hugged back (carefully) and set his chin on his shoulder.
"It's hard... being the only paladin without something to give. Hunk and Pidge are smart, you and Shiro are great leaders and even better pilots. I still haven't figured out what I have to offer the team. You piloted Red better than I do and Allura already flies Blue like a pro. I told you before, it would be better if I stepped down anyway."
They had had this conversation once before, when Shiro first returned. Those memories felt like they were from ages ago. Keith shook his head and the feeling of his hair rubbing against Lance's ear was an unexpected comfort. They sat in silence for a while, Lance holding on to Keith and Keith holding on to Lance. It was nice.
"Things have changed. I don't want anyone else by my side."
Lance couldn't help but laugh. "That makes you sound pretty selfish, you know?"
"Then let me be selfish."
Lance laughed again and pulled away to look Keith in the eyes. His own eyes were red from the tears that had started falling. Keith was struggling to hide his glassy eyes. "We didn't want to replace you. You know that right? I didn’t even want you to leave but you needed to join the Blades so you could learn more about yourself. I think the lions knew that and that's why Black accepted Shiro... or whoever Shiro was back then."
Keith nodded but Lance couldn't tell if he actually heard him. He reached up and tapped the bandages wrapped around Keith's head lightly, smiling. With each tap Keith blinked. Like a cat, which Lance supposed wasn't far from the truth.
"That means stop jumping into danger like you're some immortal hero. I had a hard enough time worrying about you running around with the Blade of Marmora, don't make me worry about you running around with Voltron too."
Lance was better at this than Keith, or maybe he just knew exactly what to say to make him feel better. "Okay, okay. I'll stop acting like a martyr if you promise to do the same," Keith grinned.
"Fine. We’re both kind of a mess aren’t we?"
Keith simply chuckled in agreement but didn’t say a word. They sat in silence. Their thoughts ran in similar directions. Was he telling the truth or was he just saying it to make me feel better? Eventually, Lance leaned back in bed and stared out the window. Light from distant research buildings blinked in the distance and the stars twinkled over them.
"I guess we'll be headed back out there soon."
Keith turned to look out the window properly and nodded. "We are so close to ending this war. With so many allies, we have an advantage against whatever what's left of the Galra throws our way." He caught Lance smiling at him. The blue paladin scooted away from where he was sitting and patted the now open side of the bed.
"Here." Although tentatively, Keith leaned back into the pile of pillows beside Lance. They sat propped up together and returned to a comfortable, contemplative silence. They thought about Earth and what they would be leaving behind, for Lance it was his family, for Keith it was any semblance of a home he still had for the place. He'd found a home within Voltron and with his mother and the Blade of Marmora, but he would miss some of the beauty of Earth.
Lance thought about the team and everything they had been through together. He thought about how different Keith was from Shiro, how it wasn't an unwelcome change. Keith had grown into his role nicely. It had taken time but their connections had long since exceeded what the original five had possessed. Lance also enjoyed being a right hand man to the head of Voltron. He missed Blue sometimes, but Red had bonded with him and helped nudge him into his role as his pilot.
After an hour of silence, Lance yawned and tucked his arms behind his head. Keith played with his hands in his lap. He felt like he was intruding even after being invited on to the bed. "Hey Keith..."
"Yeah?"
"Do you mind staying for the night? I feel cut off from everyone else right now and it makes me lonely."
Keith nodded, sinking further into the bedding. He didn’t admit that he felt the same.
"Thanks."
"No problem "
Of course a problem did arise, at least for Keith, when Lance positioned himself more comfortably and fell asleep on his shoulder. Beyond the sudden intimacy, Keith was sure it was uncomfortable for him. He whispered his name once and received no answer so Keith was stuck. He was able to lean the bed back further and improve the angle slightly, but not great. His hand hovered over Lance's hair before returning to his lap. Keith had no idea where Lance stood with Allura and until he knew, he would refrain from overstepping his boundaries. He was perfectly content as long as Lance was his friend.
"Goodnight Lance," he mumbled then turned off the bedside lamp and closed his eyes.
Keith woke up to a stiff pain over his entire body and a firm hand on his shoulder. He opened his eyes and rubbed the sleep away to see Shiro smiling down at him. "When you weren't in your room, I got worried." Keith took in his surroundings slowly. It had been a long time since he slept with so little worry weighing down on him. He looked over Lance's head to see that the sun has long since rose from the horizon.
"We were talking," he decided against elaborating. Their conversation wasn't something anyone else needed to hear. That moment of shared vulnerability was theirs and theirs alone.
Shiro seemed to understand because he straightened and removed his hand. "The nurses were worried, I'll tell them you're here."
"I can go back-" Keith moved to stand and Shiro held up a hand, giving Lance a pointed look. At the same time, said paladin leaned farther into Keith’s side and squeezed his arm.
"You stay, I'll bring them to you." Before Keith could protest, Shiro was gone.
Lance didn't even stir as the nurses gave Keith a once over, changing bandages and checking vitals. Of course, his half Galra lineage made it a bit more difficult to process properly but he reassured them that his heart rate was in fact normal and nothing to worry about. He was completely at ease where he was sitting. His legs were stiff and his back was beginning it ache, yet he felt lighter. When the nurses left and Shiro remained, he ruffled Keith's hair (careful of the bandages) and looked over at Lance.
"So did you-"
"No. We just talked about Voltron," Keith was quick to stop him. Like he had reminded himself the night before, there was nothing between them beyond friendship.
Shiro barely nodded, "Right. Well, I need to return to the Garrison and begin planning our next move." He moved to leave. "Don’t stay too long."
As time passed, Keith grew restless. He needed to move but the paladin drooling on his shoulder made it difficult. Where he was sitting he could watch just how slowly time was passing on the clock. Did Lance always sleep this much? Or maybe he was still sleeping off the effects of the fight.
What Keith hadn't expected was for the time to reach nearly eleven and for Hunk to visit while he was still around. He clearly hadn't expected to find him there. "Oh. Keith, what are you doing here?" He couldn’t tell what Hunk was thinking from his gaze, but it was clear he was starting to draw his own conclusions, so Keith gave a neutral response.
"We were talking last night, he still hasn't woken up." He hoped that would encourage the yellow paladin to tread lightly, but he walked around the bed and reached for Lance’s free shoulder. Keith was glad his hand was no longer around his arm.
"Lance, it's getting late," Hunk hummed softly.
"You should let him rest. We had a long fight." Keith hoped it didn't sound harsh.
"This far into the afternoon? He'll never fall asleep tonight."
When Lance was awake enough to process his surroundings, Keith was gone. He looked for him and found his side of the bed empty. Then he noticed Hunk.
"When did Keith leave?" He noticed a twitch in his expression.
"He just left.” Hunk watched his friend’s face carefully as he looked to the door, seemingly searching for their leader through the window into the hall. He kept his thoughts to himself as they plunged into a conversation of their own.