Chapter Text
Cloud woke with a start.
He had just completed a delivery and had gotten to his home in Seventh Heaven, eaten dinner with Denzel, Marlene, and Tifa, and then lay on his rarely used bed to sleep.
He woke in quiet darkness. Which was odd since his enhanced hearing usually picked up any kind of noise, including the sound of people shifting in bed. If he concentrated long enough, he could hear the nightlife outside his window, usually crickets chirping. Then he realized he wasn't lying on his bed in Seventh Heaven. He was almost free-floating, as if submerged in a mako tank, but without the unpleasant burning and itching that came with the substance.
For half a second, he thought that Sephiroth had come back from the dead and was using his body as a puppet again, locking Cloud in his own mind and away from interfering with whatever sinister plan he had this time. But then he realized that he wasn’t caged or restrained .
Most notably, the buzzing of Jenova-Reunion was oddly absent.
And then he caught a glimpse of cat-like green eyes and long silver hair in a mirror.
‘Fuck!’ he supplied helpfully.
“You said a bad word!” The twelve year old Sephiroth chided in the only way a child could.
Double fuck, Cloud thought mentally.
--
Sephiroth was used to waking up with weird things attached. Hojo would occasionally inject mysterious substances while he slept or attach equipment to him. But this was a first.
When he woke up today, he had felt the very odd feeling that he wasn’t alone in his head. The insistent buzzing in his head had vanished, leaving behind a warm-fuzzy feeling. Like the teddy bear Professor Gast had once given him as a child.
He wasn’t alarmed, but he could tell that the presence in his head was. So the first chance he got, he looked into a mirror.
The occupant in his head was reluctant to tell Sephiroth his name. Sephiroth couldn’t understand why, until the stranger simply said, ‘If I tell you, you must not tell anyone about me. Especially Hojo.’
A promise then. Sephiroth was good at keeping promises. “Okay. I promise.”
‘...It’s Cloud.’
“Cloud...” Sephiroth tried the name on his tongue before he smiled. He liked that name. It was… freeing, almost. “Nice to meet you, Cloud.”
‘...Likewise.’ The voice seemed guarded and quiet. But Sephiroth didn’t mind.
‘Can you hear me when I think things to you?’ Sephiroth tried.
‘...Yes.’
Well, that made things handy.
--
Sephiroth didn’t like meetings. Most of them were talking about the budget or the Wutai war or battle strategies. It was probably the only reason he had been invited among the executives and the reason President Shinra kept him on such a tight leash.
Blood, sweat, and tears were shed, all to keep these men in power. Sephiroth wasn’t oblivious; despite ordering him into the war, none of these men had ever stepped onto that battlefield themselves.
“SOLDIER recruitment is up by 400%...”
‘Heidegger, I hope you choke you ridiculous fat asshole.’ Cloud sneered. ‘You know damn well that the only reason SOLDIER recruitment is up is because you had the Turks bring in candidates.’
‘Bring in--?’ Sephiroth asked, slightly alarmed.
‘He has no regard for human life. SOLDIERs are cannon fodder to most of the board here.’
‘Most?’
‘Reeve is good. Man actually gives half a fuck. He’s just got shit luck when it comes to his co-workers. Rufus would be okay if he got that stick out of his ass.’
Sephiroth blinked slowly, considering the words as he watched the meeting impassively. ‘Meaning to say that the President is not good.’
‘Do you think he’s a good person?’
Sephiroth didn’t respond to that, but they both knew the answer to be no. Then Hojo turned to Sephiroth.
“Sephiroth, my boy, I’d like you to report to me before your deployment to Wutai,” the greasy scientist said, clapping his hands together.
‘Say no,’ Cloud retorted.
‘Why?’
‘Because Hojo is a greasy liar and can’t be trusted to have your best interests in mind.’
Considering Cloud’s response, Sephiroth looked at Hojo. “Is there a reason, Professor? I am not feeling ill. And I’d like to prepare for my deployment later today.”
Hojo’s mouth opened in outrage, but the President laughed.
“It seems Sephiroth is approaching that age, Professor. Let the boy be,” the President laughed, delighted, though Sephiroth had no idea why the man was so happy. Cloud shifted in his mind, as if uncomfortable. And once Sephiroth caught the glare from the maniac doctor, he too was uncomfortable.
“If that is all, meeting adjourned!” the President declared.
--
Cloud had some kind of deep hatred for Hojo.
This was something Sephiroth understood, the second Cloud had recognized Hojo in the board meeting. It was a hot blaze in his mind that Cloud had realized was hurting Sephiroth and had contained it expertly. If Cloud was truly in his head because of something Hojo did, then it would make perfect sense as to why Cloud hated the doctor so much. On the other hand, it drew some uncomfortable questions like “If Cloud’s mind is here, what about his body” and “Did Hojo kill his body to be able to transfer his mind”. Both were unsettling thoughts and not something Sephiroth wanted to dwell on too long.
Cloud was quiet. So quiet that, apart from the warmth of Cloud’s mind against his own, Sephiroth would have forgotten that the man existed in his mind. But it didn’t matter if Cloud talked to him or not. Sephiroth was feeling whole. Complete. Satiated. The emptiness was a feeling he had never realized he was experiencing until Cloud came along.
Cloud’s comments about the Wutai War were welcomed. Sephiroth had similar thoughts, even if he had never voiced them. But after another victory and a pile of bodies in front of Masamune, Cloud spoke.
‘Do you want this? This war?’
‘It’s not like I have much of a choice. If I don’t do it, someone else will. Or they’ll take prisoners of war and Hojo will have new lab specimens.’
Cloud’s silence was enough, but the faint feeling of disapproval still echoed through his thoughts. ‘I’d like to say that you shouldn’t fight wars that adults started, but both of us know that you are a unique case. They won’t let you go.’
‘No. They won’t.’ Sephiroth agreed, shaking the blood off his blade. It almost felt like downing chicks in a nest when the mother bird was away. These were unenhanced humans against super-SOLDIERs.
‘After this is over, you can use this as leverage to re-negotiate your contract.’
Sephiroth frowned, his brows furrowing. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You should keep away from Hojo. He’s lied to you about a lot of things. And lied to others about a lot of things. All to give the illusion that his hands are clean. He may not be on the battlefield here, but, arguably, what he is doing and has done is much, much worse. And on top of that, the President knows, but doesn’t care.’
The tip of Masamune lowered to the ground as Sephiroth thought about this statement. Then he slowly sheathed the blade and turned towards his troops, walking them back to camp. ‘You’ll have to tell me more.’
‘Later.’
--
Having the silent, yet constant companion in his head made Sephiroth a more calm person. He no longer felt the need to demolish training rooms when he felt like he was on the brink of snapping; when he was alone in Shinra Tower without a suitable rival (Genesis and Angeal weren’t exactly suitable rivals--Sephiroth didn’t and couldn’t go all out with them). And there were only so many times Sephiroth could go through training simulations without losing patience.
It was weird, almost. He just didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to destroy something. And it also helped that, sometimes, Cloud would catch his mood and warily talk him down from his destructive tendencies. Sephiroth knew that his moods were very easily felt by Cloud, so he did his best to rein in his emotions. Cloud was frightened when Sephiroth was angry. So, Sephiroth found reasons and ways to not be angry.
Over the next few years, Sephiroth learned that Cloud commented more on people he disliked rather than people he liked. Which led to Sephiroth catching himself contemplating the idea of going to Hojo’s labs, just to be able to hear Cloud speak.
Something about Sephiroth’s thoughts must have leaked to Cloud because Cloud’s presence in his mind shifted uncomfortably.
‘What is it?’ Cloud asked finally.
‘Nothing,’ Sephiroth denied. But when Cloud patiently remained silent, Sephiroth frowned a little, quickly trying to come up with some kind of excuse. ‘Well, actually… I wanted your opinion on Genesis and Angeal.’
Cloud seemed surprised. Sephiroth could tell that the other was a little uncomfortable with the subject. ‘What do you mean? They are your friends, aren’t they?’
‘Yes, but...’ Sephiroth found it remarkably easier to admit this to Cloud than to either of the teens. ‘They are important to me. So I want them to be important to you too.’
It was an admission that Sephiroth was comfortable telling Cloud. Because Cloud couldn’t tell anyone else. And Cloud belonged to Sephiroth. He was there, in his head, and Sephiroth was his only link to the outside.
Cloud’s mood shifted to contentment. ‘Take care of them, then. They are your friends.’
‘Cloud…?’ Sephiroth was a little confused at the words that seemed to hold a lot of weight behind them. Cloud hesitated for a minute or so before continuing.
‘Tell them that they matter to you. Otherwise, they won’t know,’ Cloud said.
Sephiroth frowned. Surely, Angeal and Genesis knew that though? Sephiroth allowed Angeal to decorate his office with those annoying plants of his. And he also allowed Genesis to prattle on about LOVELESS in his office while he was doing paperwork. And he joined them for dinner every week. And sparred with them. He wouldn’t have allowed them to hang around like that if Sephiroth didn’t like them, right?
‘But… don’t they know that?’ Sephiroth asked. Perhaps Cloud meant something else? Or Cloud wasn’t clear about the First’s relationship?
‘Yes. But sometimes, people need to hear the words to make it real,’ Cloud responded.
Sephiroth considered this, staring into the training room where Angeal and Genesis were running a simulation. They worked well together, black and red, magic and sword.
‘Some people will understand even if you don’t say it,’ Cloud continued quietly. ‘And then there are others who want to hear those words. I have regretted not saying those words.’
Sephiroth wondered if Cloud was just as bad as he was at saying the words. He wondered what had happened to the one Cloud didn’t say the words for. But he didn’t pry, choosing to turn on his heel and pull out his PHS. He hovered over their group message, looking at the screen, at Angeal and Genesis’ names, considering his next move.
‘How do I say it?’ Sephiroth asked.
‘That is something I can’t tell you. You need to be the one to choose the words. Otherwise, it won’t sound genuine. Even if it’s awkward and shifty. They are your friends; they’ll understand.’
Sephiroth typed a message to invite them to his apartment for dinner, hovering over the send key. ‘What if they don’t understand?’
‘Then you try again. Because if they are important to you, then the effort you put in is important to them too.’
Sephiroth shut his eyes and hit SEND before he lost his nerve to do so. If Cloud said that this was important, then he would do it. If not for himself, then for Angeal and Genesis. Because he cared about them.
--
Apparently, it was the right decision. Angeal accepted his admission of “you are important to me. I just wanted you to know” with a simple nod and a smile, returning it with “as you are to me”, but Genesis was different.
Genesis gaped at Sephiroth, pointing an accusing finger at his face and declared: “Who are you and what have you done with Sephiroth?!”
Sephiroth shifted uncomfortably in the chair. They had just finished dinner and were partaking in a small fruit platter, shared between the three of them. “Is it that unusual that I’d want to invite my friends over for a bit of… heart to heart, as it is said?”
“You’ve never invited us over. And you’ve never declared anyone as important to you,” Genesis claimed, his eyes wide. “It’s always us inviting you over.”
Sephiroth paused, considering this carefully. “And that’s not really fair of me, is it?” he asked finally. “You two do matter to me. I heard from someone that it is important to say these things sometimes, because even though the words don’t mean much to me, they might mean more to you.”
Mouth opening and closing like a fish, Genesis stared at the silver haired General. Angeal placed a hand on Genesis’ shoulder, looking at Sephiroth.
“Whoever you heard that from is very wise,” Angeal said. “Sometimes, certain words need to be said to be understood. Thank you for this, Sephiroth. It means a lot to us.”
“This doesn’t mean I’ll stop being your rival!” Genesis declared, slumping down on the chair, crossing his arms. “I’m not going to take it easy on you tomorrow.”
“Of course not,” Sephiroth said, nodding. “I expect nothing less.” They had booked a training room for an hour tomorrow after all their meetings and duties. He was glad that this was now over.
“Also! It’s not fair that you said it first! You matter to us too, asshole!”
Sephiroth was unaware that this was a competition. His confusion must have shown on his face because Angeal turned his head to the side and started laughing. And why was he the asshole? Genesis’ indignant expression remained through his declaration but slowly melted to an easy laugh. Soon, Sephiroth felt his lips twitching and he chuckled as well.
It was good to have friends.
--
The idea of telling his friends about Cloud didn’t even cross his mind. Cloud was his and his alone. And while he didn’t mind sharing his friends with Cloud, he didn’t really want to share Cloud with his friends.
It didn’t even occur to Sephiroth that he was doing this until Angeal brought in his student one day. A young boy by the name Zackary Fair.
Cloud was oddly quiet when Angeal introduced him. And when Sephiroth asked Angeal why he had bothered, since Angeal was his mentor, not Genesis or Sephiroth, Angeal merely smiled and explained patiently.
“He is my student. He is important to me, so I want him to be important to you too. Because you’re my friend,” Angeal said.
Sephiroth made an effort to speak to Zackary from then on. Even if it was a simple “Good morning” or “Good evening”. He gave nods to acknowledge Zackary’s presence when he came with Angeal.
Somehow, it took only one week before the shock of being around The General Sephiroth wore off for Zackary.
That’s when it began.
--
“So, Angeal said you do paperwork all day,” Zack said, looking at the piles of papers on Sephiroth’s desk. Sephiroth blinked, looking up at Zack, considering his statement.
“Mostly,” he admitted. As usual, Cloud was silent when Zack was around. Part of Sephiroth wanted Zack to go away so that he could prod Cloud into talking, but the other part of him didn’t want to disappoint Angeal. “Is there something you needed, Zackary?” he asked instead.
“Well, no. But!” Zack slammed his hands down on his desk and grinned. It wasn’t a pleasant grin--one full of mischief. Sephiroth found himself unnerved, even though Zack was not holding any kind of weapon. “Angeal invited me to dinner tonight.”
Sephiroth blinked. “Ah, yes. Today is Wednesday.”
“Soooo, I was wondering if I should bring anything! I mean, it’s my first time and it’s only polite right? Should I bring something?” Zack asked, grinning.
“I hardly think you need to,” Sephiroth commented. “Have you asked Angeal about this? Surely, if you were required to bring something, he could tell you.”
“He’s the host! I can’t ask the host! And I can’t trust Genesis to tell me the truth either! I don’t wanna mess this up, you know?”
Sephiroth didn’t quite understand. “If he’s the host, wouldn’t he be the perfect person to ask?”
Zack rolled his eyes. “Come on, Seph! If he’s the host, he’s obviously gonna say ‘no’. But it’s not about what he says. I want to bring something. But I don’t know what to bring.”
Pausing in his current stack of papers, Sephiroth blinked at Zack, considering his words. If Angeal said not to bring something, Sephiroth wouldn’t. It was as simple as that, wasn’t it? But what Zack was saying was… what? That he felt obligated to bring something anyway? Something about it being polite?
And what did Zack just call him?
“I want to make him happy and I figure that you would know more about his likes and dislikes! What should I bring, Seph?” Zack asked, pouting.
Sephiroth found his mouth opening to address the nickname before freezing when Cloud spoke in his head.
‘Just tell him something Angeal would enjoy,’ Cloud sighed. ‘He’s not going to go away otherwise.’
Mouth snapping shut, Sephiroth sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping. “Angeal likes plants. If you can get him something related to that, I’m sure he’ll be happy.”
“Plants...” Zack repeated. “Hmmm, okay! I know just the thing!”
Zack exited the same way he entered. Loudly.
Slowly, Sephiroth turned his attention inward, putting his pen down and closing his eyes. ‘Cloud?’
Cloud didn’t immediately respond, but Sephiroth could tell he was listening.
‘Why does Zackary bother you that much?’ Sephiroth asked.
‘I… he doesn’t,’ Cloud said hesitantly. ‘He doesn’t bother me.’
Sephiroth could feel the lie, just as he could feel Cloud’s emotions. He wondered if it was okay to pry, or if this was a sensitive topic for Cloud.
‘Cloud…’
Uneasiness flowed through the mental link, followed by a little bit of shame and regret . Sephiroth blinked at the flow of emotion from Cloud, his eyes adjusting to the bright lights of his office. He looked down at the paper he had been reading without seeing the words.
‘Cloud, I won’t pry if you don’t want to tell me,’ Sephiroth said finally. ‘But considering that you are always the one who speaks about being honest to myself and talking me through my emotions, I would like you to know that I am available if you would like me to talk you through yours.’
‘It’s...’
‘Cloud, if you say it’s nothing, I will be angry.’
‘...’
‘You know that is a lie. I can feel that it is a lie. So please, don’t lie to yourself.’
Sephiroth knew that he couldn’t force Cloud to talk. But that didn’t mean that Cloud didn’t need someone too. And since Sephiroth was the only person who could talk to Cloud, he would have to do it.
Truthfully, even muddling through social conversations and situations with Cloud in his head providing hints and commentary, Sephiroth wasn’t particularly confident in his ability to talk someone through their emotions. But if Cloud needed him, Sephiroth would be there for him. Everything else was inconsequential.
‘I’m sorry.’
Sephiroth blinked at the sudden apology. He wasn’t sure why Cloud felt the need to apologize.
‘I don’t--’ Sephiroth began, but Cloud cut over him.
‘I won’t tell you. Because it is something that won’t happen. So you shouldn’t be burdened with the knowledge. It’s my burden to bear.’
Frowning, Sephiroth found it in himself to be slightly insulted. ‘If you’re trying to imply I won’t understand...’
‘No. That’s not it,’ Cloud answered. ‘You would understand. It’s just… you don’t need to understand. Because it is something that won’t happen. Because the you here… Sephiroth, you won’t let it happen. You have friends. Connections. And as long as you have that and continue to nurture that, then it will never be that bad.’
The wording was strange. Almost as if Cloud knew another version of him, another Sephiroth. Sephiroth blinked, the thought rolling around in his head like a ball. ‘The ‘me’ here? It sounds like you knew another me somewhere else.’
Cloud’s silence was telling. Sephiroth sighed, leaning back and putting down his pen, looking at the ceiling without actually seeing it. ‘Alright. Then, let’s do this. I’ll say something. A hypothetical something. And you tell me if it’s right. Is that acceptable?’
‘Fine.’
Sephiroth was a little surprised to hear Cloud’s agreement to this. But it didn’t phase him for long. ‘You know another me.’
‘...yes.’
‘And this other version of me… did not like you.’
‘I don’t know. It was hard to say.’
Sephiroth didn’t really know what to make of that. But he continued anyway. ‘Then you did not like this other version of me.’
‘No. I did not.’
‘You were particularly frightened when I was angry. I can only assume the reason for this was because of the other me.’
‘...yes.’
‘This other version of me… they hurt you.’
‘...yes.’
That was unsettling. Sephiroth couldn’t contemplate hurting the one who was in his head, although, perhaps that was because…
‘You weren’t just a voice in his head like you are in mine. You were a person, weren’t you?’
Cloud’s silence echoed in his head, but then he let out a small, choked, ‘Yes.’
The reaction from Cloud made Sephiroth’s hackles rise in a wave of protectiveness. Because he knew the answer to his next question, and he did not like it. ‘But he did not treat you like a person.’
There was a small, almost inaudible sob from Cloud. Sephiroth found himself smashing the table with his fist, breaking it in two with a flurry of splintered wood. He stormed out of the office with a swish of his black leather jacket, making his way to the training room and crushing the door handle in his fist. He stalked in, scattering the Seconds that had been using the training room at the time, the tenseness in his frame barely holding his fury at bay. He could feel Cloud retreating in his mind, trying to shy away from his anger, which only served to infuriate him even more.
Sephiroth slammed the highest level on the training program and pressed START with a shaking finger, Masamune drawn at his side.
He slammed his fist into one of the simulated monsters in frustration, Masamune flashing in the fake night sky. Monster after monster fell to his blade, vanishing in the simulation, only to be replaced by others. This program was scheduled to run for ten minutes, with each monster a higher level than the last, up until they tapped out or defeated the monster at level fifty.
Only after he had plowed through the program twice (once in six minutes and twelve seconds and the second in four minutes and thirty-three seconds) did he feel like he was ready to speak again.
‘I’m sorry.’ Sephiroth offered Cloud, knowing that it meant nothing to Cloud. Sephiroth couldn’t take that kind of pain away; he didn’t know how to heal that kind of trauma.
He felt Cloud uncurl a little, the hesitation and fear melting a little.
‘I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at the other me,’ Sephiroth explained. ‘I… Listen, Cloud. I don’t know if you’re permanently stuck in my head or whatever. But I want to help you. I don’t know how though.’
‘...I don’t know either,’ Cloud admitted quietly. ‘You aren’t him. And I can trust that you won’t do what he did… but...’
‘It still hurts?’ Sephiroth offered. ‘Or are you worried I might become him?’
‘I’ve known you long enough not to be afraid of that possibility. You aren’t him. And you won’t become him if you choose not to. I can trust you won’t make that kind of choice,’ Cloud said softly. ‘But your anger feels a lot like… his....’
The admission made Sephiroth slump a little. He had worked on controlling his anger, even before he knew this little tidbit from Cloud. He hadn’t known why his headmate had such an adverse reaction to that specific emotion, but in order to spare Cloud from feeling his anger, he had worked hard to fight against the emotion.
‘...He was an idiot,’ Sephiroth declared, clearing the settings in the training room and sheathing Masamune in one quick movement. ‘If he couldn’t appreciate what kind of wonderful person you are, then he was an idiot.’
Sephiroth was pleased to feel a thread of wary amusement from Cloud.
‘It’s a little ironic, hearing it from you,’ Cloud said.
‘It’s true though.’
‘I think he just… never got a chance to learn how to communicate effectively. And eventually, he just… stopped trying.’ Cloud shifted uncomfortably. ‘While I understand that… it doesn’t really help with the triggers.’
His hand froze on the training room door handle, his brow furrowed. Sephiroth considered this quietly and then looked at his hand carefully. If Sephiroth didn’t have Cloud in his head, gently guiding him along and working through his thoughts, perhaps he would have gone down the same path as his other self. It was hard to picture it. Hard to picture the emptiness in his head with the annoying buzzing that seemed so long ago.
So, he slowly opened the door, walking past the group of stunned Seconds and giving a small glance at the twisted handle on the outside of the training room door. He slowly made his way towards his apartment, holding Masamune loosely in his left hand.
‘Did my other self hurt Zack too?’
‘...yes, but that isn’t why I’ve been avoiding him.’
Sephiroth could tell that Cloud didn’t want to speak of it anymore. So, instead, he climbed the stairs to his apartment to get ready for dinner with Angeal, Genesis, and Zack. Then he thought about Zack and his quest to find a gift and paused. He had never done this before, but perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to just… try?
‘Since Zack is getting something for Angeal, maybe I should get something for Genesis,’ Sephiroth mused. He wondered if the redhead would punch him or kiss him if he got him a ticket to the new LOVELESS production.
Cloud’s amusement filtered through his mind in a pleasant haze.
--
The revelation made Sephiroth both frustrated and angry. Angry that his other self would damage Cloud to the degree that even the slightest shift of Sephiroth’s emotion to anger could trigger Cloud’s instincts. Sephiroth knew that Cloud clearly did not have a good relationship with the Sephiroth in his mind. If the other Sephiroth was some kind of abusive lover, then Sephiroth could maybe understand. But somehow, he knew that it was deeper, more traumatizing, more sinister than that. Maybe it was because Sephiroth knew himself well enough to understand that, if he hated someone, he would systematically work to break them.
And it appeared… that for whatever reason, his other self had found a reason to break Cloud.
It pissed him off. It raised every protective instinct in his body. It made him illogically angry. It made him want to fight his other self and break him like he had broken Cloud. And poor Cloud… Cloud who picked up the pieces. Perhaps with friends on his side. Perhaps without. Cloud was torn from what he knew and chucked into Sephiroth’s mind. Forced to struggle with the knowledge he had and treat the Sephiroth here with some semblance of respect and dignity, hiding his own anger, distaste, fear, in order to give the younger Sephiroth a chance.
Most of all, Sephiroth was pissed at himself for not seeing the signs. The silence Cloud had developed for the first few years after he had been dropped in Sephiroth’s mind was concerning, now that Sephiroth knew Cloud’s reasons for remaining silent. Cloud clearly had far more practice shutting himself away from Sephiroth which said a lot about what kind of torment his other self had put Cloud through. And every time Sephiroth had gotten angry and Cloud had talked him down, Cloud would break a little more, falling silent in his mind, choosing to suffer silently rather than let Sephiroth know that he was having flashbacks, picking up the fragmented pieces of his heart and putting himself together every time.
But…
Cloud had given him the chance. It was a precious thing, even though Sephiroth didn’t know of the significance at the time. He had chosen to trust Sephiroth over the knowledge of his memories. Sephiroth understood this and it was the only reason he couldn’t be too mad at himself. Cloud was clearly good at hiding his own emotions away in a way that Sephiroth couldn’t replicate. If Cloud had chosen to suffer in silence for Sephiroth, then there wasn’t really anything Sephiroth could do to stop him, especially if he didn’t know and Cloud did not want him to know.
Sephiroth wondered what Cloud looked like. Did he have black hair like Angeal? Red hair like Genesis? Did he have mako-colored blue eyes, or were his eyes a normal shade of brown or black? Did he have a strong, broad-frame, or was he thin and skinny. Was he even a SOLDIER?
Cloud never really talked about himself. Whether it was because Cloud believed he wasn’t important or whether Cloud cared more about Sephiroth than himself, didn’t matter. That would change today.
‘What do you look like, Cloud?’ Sephiroth asked, curious.
‘...Why are you asking?’ Cloud asked right back. His tone was guarded, but firm. ‘It’s not like I have a body to show you. I’m just a voice in your head, remember?’
‘Yes. But you were once a person. You are a person. Maybe not in this reality, but it doesn’t change that you have your own thoughts and feelings. So I was wondering what you looked like,’ Sephiroth explained. If his other self wouldn’t treasure the gift that was known as Cloud, then Sephiroth would.
Cloud paused, considering the words. Sephiroth could feel the moment Cloud relented. ‘Would you prefer a description or should I just share a memory?’
‘You can do that?!’ Sephiroth’s pen in his hand paused, causing a blot of ink to slowly spread onto the white paper. But he didn’t notice.
Someone had cleared away the broken desk and brought a temporary one for Sephiroth to work on. Sephiroth didn’t particularly care for it.
‘We’re more connected than you know,’ Cloud admitted. ‘So, yes, I can do that. Just close your eyes and let me guide you.’
Sephiroth slowly lowered the pen and closed his eyes, folding his hands on his lap. Slowly, Cloud’s presence in his mind grew, embracing him into his hold and carefully guiding him through the whirl of colors and smells until the world became clear and he was settled in.
[“Don’t forget to bring the slip, Cloud!” a woman’s voice sounded from the next room. Sephiroth felt himself buckle a belt from a harness and pause at the woman’s voice.
“I know, Tifa,” he answered back. Then he looked in the mirror.
Sephiroth found himself unable to breathe as he stared at the clear mako-blue eyes in the mirror and the wild spiky blond hair. Cloud’s frame was small, but well built, his arms muscular and strong. The high collar of the zip-up turtleneck was clearly hiding a powerful torso. His left arm was covered by a half coat, a single pauldron sitting on his shoulder with a wolf broach. The pants and boots only accentuated his frame as he leaned over to tie the laces.
Cloud looked in the mirror to adjust the broach before turning away and slinging a massive buster-like blade onto his back. Then the memory faded in a whirl of color.]
Sephiroth opened his eyes to find himself back in his office, the pen rolling idly to lightly tap against a stack of papers. His eyes were wide and he slowly inhaled and exhaled, his heart clenching in a painful way. This was Cloud.
‘How old were you, in that memory?’ Sephiroth asked softly.
‘Probably around twenty-six or so?’ Cloud answered. ‘I didn’t keep track.’
Twenty-six. Gaia, that was young. Maybe because he was still recovering from the memory and the sight of Cloud that Sephiroth said his next words.
‘You are very attractive.’
Instantly, Sephiroth found the mental link he had with Cloud flush with embarrassment. He wondered what it would look like on Cloud’s pale cheeks, if he would blush on his cheeks or his ears would turn red. Amusing, would be putting it lightly.
‘Shut up!’
But there was no heat behind Cloud’s embarrassed words.
--
‘Is Hojo the reason you’re in my head?’
Sephiroth’s question was innocent, mostly. But Cloud’s presence in his mind immediately stonewalled, his emotions stiff. Sephiroth knew that the other had heard his question, but was purposefully choosing to remain silent.
‘Is he someone who… must not be allowed to live…? Someone who has your body hostage?’ Sephiroth elaborated, looking at the pen in his hands.
‘I do not understand what you are saying, Sephiroth.’
But Cloud did. Sephiroth could feel it through their link. Cloud knew exactly what Sephiroth spoke of.
Suddenly considering whether he wanted to push on the subject, Sephiroth paused. It was one thing if Sephiroth found proof that Hojo had been doing this, but it was another to ask Cloud about it. And if Cloud did spend any amount of time with Hojo, it was, no doubt, traumatizing. Sephiroth would rather confirm it with Cloud than to go back to the Science Department to snoop.
‘I mean, does Hojo have your body in the Science Department. Do I need to stage a break in to get your body back and dispose of a certain doctor?’
‘...’
Whether or not Cloud was going to tell him the truth, Sephiroth didn’t wait to find out before he spoke again. ‘I would, you know. Kill my father for you. Hojo is not a good man. If you wished it, it would be that.’
‘I… I don’t… why would you go so far for me?’ Cloud asked, seemingly struggling with the words. ‘You shouldn’t say things like that so easily.’
‘I regretted taking lives in Wutai, Cloud. But you cannot tell me to regret taking Hojo’s life if he is truly the one who ripped you from your body and put you in my head,’ Sephiroth stated.
‘Hojo does not have my body in the Science Department. More than likely, my body here is still a child, probably with a version of me that you would not recognize,’ Cloud seemed reluctant to answer this. Sephiroth paused, blinking slowly.
‘Another version of you?’ he repeated.
‘Just as I know a different Sephiroth, I imagine there is a different Cloud here too,’ Cloud sighed. ‘He’ll probably be looking to join soon.’
‘He’s not you. The one who I want to meet is you.’
The admission left Cloud silent and Sephiroth felt himself flush with embarrassment. But for whatever reason, all he felt from Cloud was a gentle sadness.
‘Sephiroth...’
As much as Sephiroth liked hearing Cloud say his name, he pressed forward, ignoring the flush on his cheeks. Cloud couldn’t see it anyway, even if he could feel it from their link. ‘Tell me how to help you?’
‘Sephiroth, there isn’t anything you can do. I don’t know how or why I am here. So I have nothing as to how to fix this. One day, I might just vanish as suddenly as I appeared.’
That wasn’t the answer Sephiroth wanted. But he could tell that Cloud was being genuine in his words. Sephiroth slowly took a breath, closing his eyes.
‘If I brought your counterpart in… perhaps he is a clue.’
A whirlwind of emotion passed through their bond. ‘No.’
Sephiroth blinked, wondering why Cloud was so against the idea.
‘There is a time and place, Sephiroth. Cloud from this world would be a child. And Shinra is no place for children,’ Cloud reminded gently. Sephiroth hesitated before slowly nodding.
‘Then I will take a trip to visit your counterpart,’ Sephiroth said. ‘Surely… you would like some answers sooner rather than later?’
‘I can wait for answers, Sephiroth,’ Cloud sighed. ‘There is no need to rush things.’ He paused and then added, ‘Sephiroth?’
Sephiroth blinked at the address, tapping his finger against the wooden desk. ‘Yes?’
‘Don’t look for my counterpart. Instead, find out the truth about yourself. Remember how I mentioned Hojo was a liar?’
‘You mentioned it many times.’
‘Well, he lied to you about a lot of your heritage. So you should look for the truth.’
‘You could just tell me.’
‘Would you even believe me if I did?’
Sephiroth scoffed, pushing his chair away from the desk and standing, moving in front of the window to stare out at the lights in the distance, shining like stars on the ground. ‘Cloud, I probably trust you more than I trust myself at this point. I can tell when you lie, just as you can tell when I lie.’
Cloud remained silent for a bit. ‘It is unpleasant.’
‘I expect it to be.’ Sephiroth sighed, taking his keys and locking up for the evening. ‘But you’re with me. So however unpleasant it is, I’m sure that we can get through it together.’
The shock of learning about his heritage made Sephiroth completely forget that Cloud had sidestepped his initial question.
--
It was only after Sephiroth had retired for the evening (or was it early morning?) that he thought about the situation. His creation under Hojo’s hands. His childhood in the lab. The person Hojo claimed as his mother, Jenova… But Cloud hadn’t told him anything about why Cloud was in his head, or where he was in this whole story.
Clearly, Cloud knew more than he let on. Or, perhaps he didn’t know. Perhaps he only had theories. Theories that were better than nothing.
Well, Cloud had, once again, shut himself off from Sephiroth. It wasn’t unusual for Cloud to do so. When he revealed information… or when he simply wanted some privacy… or when he thought Sephiroth wanted privacy… Cloud would usually shut himself off from him, leaving him to his thoughts. But, once again, Sephiroth wished that Cloud would confide in him and leave himself open for Sephiroth.
Sephiroth didn’t want privacy. Sephiroth wanted Cloud.
But if Cloud wanted privacy, then Sephiroth wouldn’t say anything. It must have been very hard for Cloud not to retreat after all, since the other Sephiroth had hurt Cloud so badly. To be in Sephiroth’s mind was probably traumatizing, no matter what Cloud or Sephiroth said.
He decided to throw caution into the wind and prod the mental link he had with Cloud.
‘Cloud?’ he asked softly in his mind, wondering if Cloud would feel it or respond.
Cloud’s presence shifted a little and he warily unfolded. ‘What?’
‘Thank you for telling me.’ Sephiroth said, relieved that Cloud didn’t remain shut away in his head.
Cloud shifted again, opening himself up more. Sephiroth wondered if Cloud would sulk in the corner of his apartment if he had a body. Like a child that was hiding away from the world, peering out of his safety zone only when Sephiroth spoke to him.
‘It’s your past. You deserve to know,’ Cloud said.
‘I’m glad I heard it from you. I don’t think I would have taken it well, if it was from anyone else.’
Cloud snorted and Sephiroth wondered if he hadn’t taken it well in Cloud’s memories.
‘Better to learn it from me than from whatever drivel Hojo had written down to trick you,’ Cloud mused, giving a mental shrug. Sephiroth smiled at the new information.
‘You never told me how you fit into this, though. My other self… wouldn’t have been so obsessed with you if you weren’t anything special. Careless as he was in treating you,’ Sephiroth’s tone became dangerous at the very implication of his other self hurting Cloud, ‘I doubt he would have spent so much time if you were just a regular SOLDIER.’
Cloud fell silent.
‘I...’
‘We can play the same game as we did before, if it is easier for you.’ Sephiroth invited, his voice even. ‘I give hypothetical scenarios or questions, and you either agree or disagree.’
‘I doubt you’d be able to guess the reason why,’ Cloud said slowly. ‘I suppose you ought to know. If nothing else, it’ll stop you from making the same mistake again.’
‘I’d rather know because I want to know more about you.’
Perhaps that was the wrong thing to say because Cloud fell silent at that. Sephiroth could practically feel the suspicion and wariness coming off Cloud in droves. He gave a mental chuckle at that, his lips curling into a smile.
‘Is it so wrong that I would want to know more about my headmate? We’ve known each other for years now. And you know so much about me, but I barely know anything about you,’ Sephiroth explained gently. ‘You said that I wouldn’t become the version of Sephiroth you knew. So how about you have a little faith in me?’
Sephiroth felt the moment Cloud’s emotions settled into a wary agreement.
‘I guess... I never made it into SOLDIER, the first time. We met when I was in the infantry. I don’t think you even knew who I was. I was just the infantryman who happened to know the area and was put on the same mission as you.’
Sephiroth wanted to question this fact, because it was clear that Cloud had enhancements based on the memory he had shown him. And they weren’t just any kind of enhancements either. They were pretty intense, on par with his own, perhaps. But he remained silent to allow Cloud to finish, lest Cloud lose his nerve.
‘There was a mission in Nibelheim. You… I think Hojo must have planted some kind of information there for you to find and you… lost it. You were convinced you were the ruler of the planet or whatever and you were going to take back the planet from humans. As in, kill all the humans and rule the planet with Jenova’s corpse… There might have been some mind control from Jenova in there too. She seemed to speak to you, or something...’
And, like that, Sephiroth started to feel a little queasy. It was all too easy for Sephiroth to picture this as it went down. Because if he didn’t have Cloud explaining to him his past, then Sephiroth would naturally believe the lies that Hojo would have fed him. And he could guess what happened next.
‘I… We had to stop you. I was only an infantryman though. There wasn’t much I could do. But… I did deliver the killing blow. I guess you didn’t think of me as a threat or something since you turned away from me after stabbing me. I killed you.’
Clearly, there was more to the story than that. Because if that was it, the other Sephiroth would not have been as fixated as he was. How fixated could someone be if they died?
‘Your will was too strong to be absorbed by the Lifestream. So you kept coming back. And I guess Hojo was mad that I killed you so he...’
Fuck. Well, that answered that question.
‘What did he do to you?!’ Sephiroth’s voice was cold, but not angry. No, this was a cold dread. The kind that you experienced right after jumping out of a plane and before you started falling. An instinctual dread that he had for all of the Science Department.
Cloud seemed relieved to hear the tone. As if hearing the words come from Sephiroth had made the next ones easier. ‘He tried to make me a clone of you.’
‘A clone--?!’
‘He failed, of course. Your genetics are special in the sense that you can’t be cloned. But he shoved me full of mako, full of your cells, in an attempt anyway. I spent four years in his lab, under his knife, getting picked apart during the attempt.’
Hojo was going to die for this. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t happened yet, or maybe would never happen. But Sephiroth knew that the madman was capable of this. Hojo wouldn’t even bat a lash, wouldn’t even hesitate to do it too.
‘The Sephiroth I knew… he used the connection to manipulate me. He just kept coming back and I just kept… killing him.’
Sephiroth felt the hurt and pain from Cloud, slowly reaching for him mentally and squeezing him gently. It felt right to do this, to comfort him. Cloud didn’t resist, but he didn’t return it either. But that was fine. This was for Cloud. Not for himself.
Gaia, he wished Cloud had a body. It would be so much easier.
‘Is that why you are in my head?’
‘Most likely. The S-cells that were inside me probably provided the link. But it is strange… I don’t have a body here. So, it’s not like I have any S-cells in your head.’
That was strange. But maybe not as odd as Cloud thought.
‘Maybe the link was enough to tie your mind to mine,’ Sephiroth said carefully. ‘I’m glad it did though. I don’t want to imagine what it would have been like if you didn’t fill the hole in my head.’ He paused before revealing a little bit of information that he had never told Cloud. ‘You know, before you came along, there was a buzzing in my head. Like static. But since your arrival, it’s been gone.’
Cloud didn’t seem to know what to think of that. ‘You had an ability after you absorbed Jenova. Hojo wrote about it. The Reunion Theory. Anyone with your cells… Jenova-laced cells, that is… would hear it when you called for them. And they’d go to you. Perhaps that is what the buzzing was. You were hearing Jenova’s Reunion call.’
Sephiroth shivered. ‘I haven’t felt it since you came.’ He was grateful for that, at least.
‘I… am afraid that, if I get my body back, your other self would use the link to come here.’
The admission was unexpected, but welcome. It meant that Cloud was opening up to Sephiroth in a way he never had before. To share his concerns instead of bottling up and expecting the worst.
‘This world is peaceful. Well, more peaceful than mine, anyway. I do not want to be the reason he sets it to ruin. And he is capable of doing so too.’
Sephiroth fell silent, wondering how he was going to solve this little issue. It wasn’t as easy as saying that he would go take himself down. The other Sephiroth was clearly stronger than himself, being older and somehow coming back to life again and again. How do you kill someone who wouldn’t stay dead?
‘We’ll have to think of something,’ Sephiroth said slowly. ‘I’m glad you shared that concern with me though. It is definitely something we’ll have to think about when we get your body from somewhere.’
Cloud remained silent, but Sephiroth was grateful that he didn’t shut himself away again.
--
Sephiroth was twenty when it happened.
Zackary brought one of his cadet friends over to Sephiroth’s office, which was a little unusual in itself, since Sephiroth wasn’t exactly the most talkative person and generally avoided other people. Zackary knew this and would avoid introducing Sephiroth to people, in order not to make Sephiroth uncomfortable. However, Sephiroth understood when he laid eyes on the cadet.
The boy was tiny. Sephiroth guessed that the boy couldn't have been more than ten or eleven years old (even though cadets had to be fourteen to enroll in the program). The child barely came up to Zackary’s shoulder. Sephiroth chose to ignore Zack's enthusiastic "Seph, this is Spiky! It's his first day in the program and he wanted to talk to you! Something about knowing you or something?"
Bright blue eyes (there was way too much mako in those blue eyes; what the fuck?!) stared up at him in wonder, but strangely enough, not shock. And then the smaller Cloud spoke.
“It’s the General, Zack! The real one!”
Oh.