Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I still don’t get why I had to drive you to the airport to pick up Andrew,” Kevin complained. “This is your car. You’ve got a driver’s license. It’s even got your actual legal name on it. I am not needed here.”

“Sorry, I thought you were also looking forward to seeing him,” said Neil, raising an eyebrow.

“I mean, sure, but it’s not like this is my only chance. He’s staying at our house.”

“Mhmm,” Neil agreed.

“So why am I here?” Kevin asked.

“You could’ve said no when I asked you,” Neil reminded him.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” said Kevin.

“No, it doesn’t, does it?” said Neil.

Kevin sighed heavily. “Do you even have a reason, or do you just enjoy making my life more difficult?”

“Yes.”

“Which one?”

Neil just shrugged. He did have a reason, but he wasn’t planning to tell Kevin yet. He’d figure it out soon enough. Meanwhile, Neil was just looking forward to seeing Andrew. While Neil and Kevin both played for the Denver Hawks, Andrew had been drafted by the Pittsburgh Dragons. They were hoping Andrew would be able to transfer soon – the Hawks’ goalie had been talking about retiring soon, and both Kevin and Neil had been mentioning the prospect to their coach – but for now, they would just have to settle for calls, texts, and visits like this one during breaks in their exy schedules.

Neil’s phone started to buzz. Andrew. “Hey,” he answered, putting the phone on speaker so Kevin could hear, too.

“Airplanes suck.”

“Bad flight?”

Neil could practically hear Andrew’s shrug. “All flights are bad.”

“At least you’re here now,” said Neil. “Where are we picking you up? Arrivals?”

“Departures,” corrected Andrew. “It’s less crowded.”

Kevin nodded and took the appropriate exit. “Sounds good,” said Neil. “Be there in a minute.”

“I’ll be outside,” said Andrew. “Kevin’s with you?”

“Yep, I’m here,” said Kevin. “He won’t tell me why, though.”

“Good,” said Andrew, and he hung up the phone.

“Why do I put up with either of you?” asked Kevin flatly.

“Beats me,” said Neil with a shrug. “We’ve been pretty universally told that we’re impossible.”

“That’s an understatement,” muttered Kevin, turning into the departures area. “Do you see him?”

Neil scanned the travelers. “Not yet.” A little further along the curb, he spotted the familiar blonde hair and armbands. “There, just before the green bus.”

“Sweet,” said Kevin, pulling over in front of Andrew and popping the back hatch of the car open. Andrew tossed his duffle into the car and then went around to get into the backseat, behind Neil. “Hey, dude,” said Kevin, reaching over his shoulder to give Andrew a fist bump as he pulled back out into traffic. “Glad you made it.”

“Beats dying in a fiery plane crash,” said Andrew.

Kevin snorted. “By a lot, hopefully.” He glanced at Neil and then made eye contact with Andrew in the rearview mirror. “So, are you going to tell me why I’m here?”

“You live here,” Andrew answered promptly.

Kevin rolled his eyes. “I meant here in the car with you two right now.”

Neil turned around in his seat to look at Andrew and grinned. “Ready to tell him?”

Andrew’s eyes sparkled, and Neil took a moment to just appreciate being able to see him, in person, close enough to touch. “Let’s make him wait a little longer.”

“So there is a reason you made me drive,” said Kevin.

“Yep,” said Andrew. “Take the next exit.”

Kevin frowned. “That’s not our exit.”

“It is today. Take it,” said Andrew.

“Am I being kidnapped?”

Neil turned back towards Kevin. “I’ve been kidnapped. It was nothing like this.”

“That was years ago,” said Kevin, exiting the interstate. “Besides, I don’t think every kidnapping is the same. This could just be a particularly friendly one.”

“Technically, I think this would be more of a carjacking,” said Andrew from the backseat. “I’d pull out a knife to make it more authentic, but the TSA makes it hard to travel with weapons.”

“Finally, something positive coming out of this conversation,” said Kevin.

“Turn left at the light,” said Andrew.

“Seriously, where are we going?”

“Stop asking questions,” said Andrew. “Just drive.”

“You’re good at this,” said Neil over his shoulder. “See, you don’t even need knives for an effective carjacking.”

“In what universe is that a useful skill?” asked Kevin.

“You never know,” said Neil.

“Take the next right,” said Andrew.

Kevin flicked the turn signal. “You know, if I were just some random stranger, I probably wouldn’t be so accommodating to your directions.”

“Good thing you’re not a random stranger, then,” said Andrew. “See? Maybe that’s why we brought you along.”

“Neil would also be able to take direction if he were driving,” said Kevin.

Andrew snorted. “You know that’s not true. You’ve tried to give Neil direction before.” Neil sputtered in protest, but Andrew ignored him. “Besides, Neil knows where we’re going. Turn left at the stop sign.”

“You know, I could also know where we’re going, if you’d just tell me,” said Kevin. “Why are we downtown? Are we going to a museum?"

“No,” said Andrew. “Turn left again.”

“Could we go to a museum?” asked Kevin. “I’ve been trying to get Neil to go to the history museum with me for, like, two years now, and he keeps putting it off because he says he thinks you’d like it.”

“I do think Andrew would like it,” lied Neil. Andrew met his eyes in the rearview mirror and raised a brow. Neil shrugged, and Andrew rolled his eyes.

“Find somewhere to park,” said Andrew. “We’re here.”

Kevin glanced out the driver’s side window. “Why are we at the courthouse?”

“We have an appointment,” said Andrew. “Park the car.”

Kevin pulled into one of the street parking spots and frowned at Andrew. “What did you do?”

“My plane landed less than an hour ago,” said Andrew. “I have not yet had time to commit a crime in the state of Colorado.”

Kevin turned to face Neil. “What did you do?”

“I’m with you, like, all the time,” said Neil. “You would definitely know if I’d gotten arrested.”

“Did you witness something?” Kevin asked. “Or – what else do they do at a courthouse?”

“Come on, Day,” said Andrew, getting out of the car. “We’re going to be late.”

“For what?” asked Kevin, exasperated. Neil just smiled and shrugged, following Andrew out of the car. Andrew was already halfway across the street, heading towards the courthouse steps without looking back, and Neil hurried after him. “Wait up, I’m coming,” called Kevin. With his longer stride, he caught up with Neil in no time.

Andrew had already reached the top of the steps. He paused at the doors and waited for them. “Ready?” he asked Neil.

Neil grinned. “Yes.”

“Ready for what?” asked Kevin. They ignored him and went inside.

The security checkpoint made Neil uncomfortable – he didn’t like being unarmed around men with guns, and the fact that they were sheriff’s deputies didn’t make him feel any better about it – but Andrew was a steadying presence, watching carefully the entire time. It also helped that the deputies barely glanced at them as they went through the metal detector.

Andrew brushed against his side as he picked up his wallet from the conveyer belt and started to head further into the courthouse. “I missed you.”

Neil smiled at him. “I missed you, too.” Part of his brain had already started the countdown to Andrew’s flight back to Pittsburgh – four days, three and a half hours. He longed for a day when Andrew wouldn’t have to leave again. “I think there’s a good chance Stevens will retire at the end of this year,” he said. “Kevin and I have been talking to Coach Herrera, and –”

“Shut up,” said Andrew. “We are not talking about exy right now.”

“I’m not talking about exy,” Neil argued. “I’m talking about you maybe being able to move to Denver with us.”

Andrew pressed his lips together. “Later.” He stopped in front of a door with a sign reading Office of the Clerk and Recorder. “Should be through here.”

“Can you tell me what we’re doing here yet?” asked Kevin.

Andrew ignored him and led the way through the door. A receptionist looked up at them. “How can I help you today?”

“We’re here for a marriage license,” said Andrew calmly.

Kevin’s jaw dropped. “A what?”

The receptionist glanced at Kevin apprehensively. “And who will be getting married?”

Andrew gestured towards Neil. “The two of us. Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten.” Neil gave a little wave and tried to make sure his expression was the exact opposite of whatever Kevin was doing.

The receptionist visibly relaxed once it was clear that neither of the people getting married was the guy looking like he’d just shown up to a surprise party he’d explicitly said he didn’t want. “Okay, great. Let me call Rhonda, and she’ll help you with the paperwork in just a minute.”

Andrew nodded and took a step back from the receptionist’s desk, looking around the room. Kevin grabbed his and Neil’s arms and pulled them over to him. “You’re getting married?”

“Yep,” said Andrew.

“When?”

“Today,” said Neil. “We’ve got an appointment with a judge in –” he checked his watch – “fifteen minutes.”

“Why?”

“Tax purposes,” said Andrew.

“Seriously?” asked Kevin.

Neil shrugged and nodded. “Do you have any idea how many legal benefits there are to being married? It’s ridiculous.” It was true enough – when he and Andrew had started looking into it, they had been frankly shocked by the number of perks that came from making their relationship legally binding. Plus, it just made sense. They knew this was a forever thing. At the end of the day, deciding to fill out the paperwork had been easy.

“Who else knows?” Kevin whispered urgently.

“Besides the three of us?” Andrew asked. “The receptionist, and probably Rhonda by now. And the judge knows we’re coming. Maybe his secretary.”

Kevin looked sharply at Neil. “Do – do they know?” he asked in French.

“No,” Neil answered in English. “It’s none of their business. That’s not part of the deal. Besides, Jean and Jeremy got married year before last, and it didn’t cause any issues.”

“But they still cleared it ahead of time,” Kevin argued, still in French.

Neil rolled his eyes and switched into French. “What do you want me to do, call him up and invite him to the wedding?” Kevin’s grip on his arm was still tight. “We’ve thought this through. It’s going to be fine.”

“Ah, yes, because you’re always very credible when you say you’re fine,” said Kevin.

“It is, though,” Neil argued. He glanced at Andrew, and then looked back at Kevin. “Trust me. I wouldn’t do this if I thought I was putting him at risk.”

Kevin studied him for a second and then softened. “Okay,” he said, switching back to English. “You’re both sure about this?”

“Yes,” said Neil without hesitation.

“Yes,” Andrew agreed.

Kevin smiled – a slow, genuine smile that spread across his face. “Then I’m happy for you.” He paused. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“It’s bad luck to drive yourself to your own wedding,” said Andrew.

“I don’t think that’s a thing,” said Kevin.

Neil shrugged. “Could be.”

Kevin sighed. “You two are perfect for each other.”

“We are, aren’t we?” said Neil happily.

“Mr. Minyard and Mr. Josten?” A tall woman in a dark blue dress – presumably, Rhonda – leaned into the waiting area. “Follow me.”

All three of them trailed down the hallway after her. There were only two visitors’ chairs at her desk. Neil and Andrew sat, and Kevin leaned against the wall behind them. Rhonda looked over at him. “I can grab another chair from next door if you’d like,” she said.

“I’m good, thank you,” said Kevin, flashing a smile.

“All right,” said Rhonda, settling down into her chair on the other side of the desk. She looked at Neil and Andrew. “Can I please see your identification?”

It was surprisingly easy to get through the paperwork. Neil was inherently uncomfortable in government buildings showing his ID and giving out personal information, but Rhonda treated the process as so incredibly routine that he almost didn’t mind. In just a few minutes, the forms were complete and they had handed over their payment.

“Okay, you’re all set. Remember, the license is valid for 35 days, and then you’ll need to return it here in 63 days for recording,” said Rhonda with a smile. “So, when’s the big day?”

Andrew checked his watch. “In about five minutes.”

Rhonda’s eyes widened in surprise, but she didn’t comment. “Well, then, I don’t want to keep you! Who’s the judge on duty today? Garcia?”

Neil glanced at Andrew, who nodded. “That’s the one.”

“He’s great,” said Rhonda. “Do you know where you’re going? Up the stairs, and then he’ll be the third door on the right.”

“Thanks,” said Neil, standing up. “How late are you open? Can we just drop this back off on our way out?”

“Sure,” she said. “We’re here until five. You can just leave it with Shelby at the front desk, and she’ll make sure it gets filed.”

Neil looked at Andrew. “We should be done by then, right?”

“It’s 3:55.”

A courthouse wedding couldn’t take longer than an hour, could it? The whole point of this was to be simple and fast. “Cool. Yeah, we’ll be back before then,” said Neil. He smiled at Andrew. “Let’s go.”

It didn’t take them long to find the judge’s office, especially with Rhonda’s directions. His secretary looked them up and down. “Arraignments were this morning. If you missed your court date, you’ll need to get in touch with your attorney.”

“We’ve got an appointment,” said Andrew. “Minyard and Josten.”

“Oh,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “My apologies. Most couples coming in for marriage ceremonies dress up a bit . . . more.”

Neil glanced down at his clothes. He was wearing a grey button-down shirt and a nice pair of jeans – one Allison had helped him pick out last time he had visited her in New York.  He looked over at Andrew, who admittedly looked somewhat more casual, but he’d come straight from the airport. Who wanted to dress up for a flight?

Kevin clapped them on the back. “What you see is what you get with these two,” he said, flashing his best press smile at the secretary. “Is Judge Garcia ready for them?”

She smiled back at him, all judgment gone from her face. It really wasn’t fair how easily Kevin could turn on the charm. “Yes, of course. Right this way,” she said, standing up and leading them through the door behind her. “Judge, your four o’clock is here.”

Judge Garcia looked up from his desk and smiled at them. “Ah, Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard, I presume? And I see you’ve brought a friend,” he said. “Are we waiting for anyone else?”

“Nope,” said Andrew.

“All right, then,” said Judge Garcia. He held out his hand. “License?” Neil handed the paperwork over to him without a word. The judge scanned the form and nodded. “Looks good. Okay, we’ll say a few words and then get this signed and finalized. Sound good?”

Neil looked at Andrew, who gave a small nod. “Yeah,” said Neil, “sounds good.”

“Great,” said the judge. “Do you have your vows?’

Neil frowned. “Are we supposed to?” he asked. “I thought –” he glanced at Andrew, who looked equally confused, and then back at the judge. “I thought you kind of told us what to say for that part.”

“You two are the worst,” said Kevin. “Have you ever been to a wedding before?”

“Yes, several, and you were there for all of them,” Neil reminded him. “And they were all super long. I thought we were skipping all that stuff by doing this at the courthouse.”

Judge Garcia laughed. “We can do it that way, too. It’s pretty common for couples who get married here to write their own vows or do something else to make the ceremony a little more personal, but we can just use the standard vows if you’d prefer. It doesn’t take much to make the ceremony legal!”

“Standard’s good,” said Andrew, and Neil nodded in agreement.

“All right. Colorado’s pretty straightforward – we just need a declaration of intent. So, Neil, we’ll start with you. Do you, Neil, take this man, Andrew, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

A little thrill passed through his stomach, and he smiled. “Yes.”

“You’re supposed to say ‘I do,’” Kevin muttered.

Oops. That did ring a bell. “Uh, I do.”

“‘Yes’ works, too,” said Judge Garcia. He turned to Andrew. “And do you, Andrew, take this man, Neil, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Andrew shot Kevin a look and then focused his attention back on Neil. His expression was soft and open. “Yes.”

“With the power vested in my by the state of Colorado, I now pronounce you married,” said Judge Garcia. “You may kiss.” Neil and Andrew stared at him without moving. They may be married, but that didn’t mean they’d developed a sudden interest in making out in front of strangers. "You don’t have to, though,” the judge continued. “We can just go ahead and get the paperwork signed if you’d prefer.”

Andrew nodded. “Sounds good.”

Judge Garcia signed on the officiants’ line and showed Neil and Andrew where to add their own signatures. “Colorado doesn’t require a witness,” he said, looking at Kevin, “but there’s a line for one to sign the certificate, if you’d like.”

Kevin brightened. “Oh. That would be –” he looked at Neil and Andrew. “I mean, whatever y’all want me to do. Either way’s good with me.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Go on, sign it,” said Andrew. “Solidify your role in all this.”

Kevin flipped him off, but he was still smiling as he took the pen from the judge. Neil watched him sign, feeling warm inside. Kevin was their best friend; just as they hadn’t entertained the idea of having a bigger wedding or inviting anyone else, they’d never considered leaving Kevin at home. It was right for him to be there.

“Okay, you’re all set,” said Judge Garcia. “You’ve got 63 days to return this to the Office of the Clerk and Recorder, but it probably makes the most sense for you to just drop it off on the way out. Unless you’re having second thoughts!” he added with a laugh. “If you don’t bring it to the clerk’s office on time, you won’t be legally married.”

“We’ll turn it in on the way out,” said Neil.

Andrew took the papers from the judge. “Ready?” he asked.

Neil nodded. He looked at Kevin and held out his hand. “Keys?”

“Oh, so now you can suddenly drive again?” Kevin asked, but he handed them over.

“I can go get the car while you turn in the paperwork,” Neil said to Andrew.

Andrew shrugged and started for the door. Neil followed.

“Wait,” said Kevin, “which one of you am I supposed to go with?”

“Go with whichever one of us you would’ve stood for if we’d had a normal ceremony with full wedding parties,” said Andrew.

“Rude,” said Kevin. “I should go with Neil out of spite.”

“Spite is a great motivator,” Neil agreed. “But you should go with Andrew. Make sure he actually gets this filed correctly so I don’t have to find out ten years from now that we were never actually married, after all.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, but he looked at Neil fondly. “I told you to stay. I meant it.”

Neil pressed against him for just a second as they walked. “Good.”

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Andrew veered off towards the clerk’s office with Kevin, and Neil went straight towards the exit. “You’ll pull around to the steps?” Andrew called over his shoulder.

“Yep,” said Neil. “See you soon.” His steps were light as he walked back past the security checkpoint and out to the car. It took a minute to adjust the seat and mirrors. He needed to stop letting Kevin drive; it was annoying to be so directly reminded that Kevin was nearly a foot taller than Neil. By the time he’d gotten everything adjusted correctly and figured out how to drive to the steps of the courthouse, Andrew and Kevin were walking out the doors. Andrew climbed into the front seat, and Kevin slid into the back.

“So, are you going to do anything special to celebrate?” Kevin asked.

Neil looked at Andrew, who shrugged. “We can get takeout from that Thai place you like?” he suggested.

Andrew nodded. “Do you want me to put in an order now so we can pick it up on the way home, or should we wait until a little later?”

Neil looked at the clock. It was only 4:30. And the Thai place was close to his and Kevin’s house, so it wouldn’t be too much trouble to go back out to pick it up. “Maybe a little later?”

“Works for me,” said Andrew.

“That’s it?” asked Kevin. “You don’t want to make a reservation somewhere?”

“Why?” asked Neil. “I’d rather be at home.”

Andrew hummed in agreement. “Plus, Kevin, it’ll be weirder for you to third-wheel our wedding night if we’re out in public.”

Kevin made a face. “You could go out by yourselves,” he said. “I am not going to third-wheel your wedding night.”

“Your loss,” Andrew said with a shrug.

By the time they were eating their Thai food a few hours later, Kevin had apparently gotten over his aversion to third-wheeling their wedding night. “So, when are you planning on telling the others?” Kevin asked. “Not that I’m not enjoying being the only one in the loop, but I would pay actual money to witness Nicky’s reaction when you let him know you got married and he missed it.”

“He didn’t miss it,” Neil objected. “There was nothing to miss. We just filled out some paperwork.”

Andrew was looking at Kevin with interest. “How much? For the right price, I’ll call him now.”

“We could put something in the group chat,” Neil suggested. “We could just, like, tell them and then turn our phones off.”

Kevin snorted. “They’ll be happy for you, you know,” he said. “Why do you have such an aversion to sharing joy?”

Neil wrinkled his nose. “They’ll be all . . . emotional about it.”

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Are you not?”

Neil looked at Andrew, who stared back and raised an eyebrow, too, matching Kevin’s expression. He took a moment to just enjoy looking at Andrew. At his husband. Against all odds, they had gotten to keep this, and now, the government officially agreed. Something warm settled in his core, and he smiled a little without really thinking about it. “It’s not that I’m not feeling any emotions,” he said finally, turning back to Kevin. “But I’m not emotional.”

Andrew seemed pleased with this response. “Same,” he said with a nod.

Kevin rolled his eyes. “I’m going to ask my therapist for advice on how to make friends who have normal reactions to major life events.”

“Like you’d know what a normal emotional reaction is,” said Neil. “Besides, you’ve got Jeremy for that. He has normal reactions to stuff, probably. Right?” Come to think of it, Neil didn’t really know what a normal reaction looked like, either, but Jeremy seemed pretty well-adjusted overall, and Neil didn’t know of any major trauma in his background, so he thought it was a fair assumption.

Kevin shrugged. “Maybe. As you just pointed out, I wouldn’t know.”

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think we really know, either,” Neil offered.

“Speak for yourself,” said Andrew. “I know exactly what a normal emotional reaction looks like.”

“So you just choose not to partake?” asked Neil.

“Exactly. See, Neil gets it.”

Kevin’s phone buzzed with a notification, and he leaned over to check it. He frowned and picked it up to look more closely at whatever it was telling him. “What have the two of you done now?”

Neil looked at Andrew, who shrugged. “Nothing?” Neil guessed hopefully.

“Not according to this google alert I just got,” said Kevin.

“Wait, you’re tracking us? Without telling us?” asked Neil, mildly offended.

“I’ve told you now,” said Kevin dismissively. “Anyway, someone needs to keep track of the two of you, since you’re clearly not doing it yourselves. Do either of you even know your publicist’s name?”

“Taylor,” said Andrew immediately. He caught Neil’s blank look and rolled his eyes. “And Neil’s is Jennice.”

Kevin ignored him. “The alert went off for both of you, which is never a good sign,” he said, unlocking his phone and starting to read. “According to this article, you’re – oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

Neil tensed up. “What?”

“Apparently, there was someone with a camera outside the courthouse,” Kevin said. “There’s a picture of us going in, and another of us going out.”

“Oh,” Neil said, frowning. “That’s – so, they know?” It was fine if they did, really. He and Andrew weren’t actively planning to tell anyone, but there was no real need to keep it secret, either. It was kind of the way they’d treated their entire relationship. They’d been together for years – their entire careers – and they hadn’t exactly kept it hidden. They were just private people. It was hardly their fault if the public couldn’t pick up on a relationship if the people involved weren’t hanging all over each other in front of the cameras.

He had hoped to tell their family before it was published for the world to see. But he was mostly upset that someone had been close enough to take a picture of him – of Andrew – without him noticing. He was getting soft, easily distracted. He needed to work on that.

Kevin was still skimming the article. “I don’t think they know that you’re –” he cut off abruptly, reread a sentence, and started laughing. “No, they definitely don’t know you’re married.”

“That’s good, then, isn’t it?” said Neil. He looked at Andrew, who had taken out his own phone to look up whatever Kevin was reading. Neil’s phone was in his pocket. Probably. It didn’t really matter; he was pretty sure it was dead anyway. “Well, is someone going to fill me in?”

“They don’t know we’re married,” said Andrew, “because they think we were there for a court date.”

It took Neil a second to catch up to the context. “Like, for a crime?”

“Don’t act so scandalized,” said Kevin. “Both of you have committed many crimes.”

“Yeah, but I never got caught!” Neil protested. He scooted closer to Andrew to try to read over his shoulder. “What do they think we did?”

“They don’t know,” said Andrew, “but apparently it involves one of us attacking the other. Their money’s on me being the aggressor.”

Neil felt a pulse of anger. “That’s stupid,” he said. “You would never.”

“I have, as you put it, gotten caught before,” Andrew pointed out, unbothered. He kept scrolling through the article.

“Looks like he put the photos on Twitter first,” said Kevin. “He’s – god, there’s a hashtag.”

Andrew switched over to the app. “We’re trending,” he said, sounding mildly impressed. “#MinyardJostenRivalry. They’re using it to compile all the evidence they’ve got showing that this courthouse showdown was the inevitable result of years of building tension.”

“You really do look like you hate each other in a lot of these photos,” said Kevin. “Including the ones from the courthouse today. Did you realize that you didn’t walk in or out of the building together?”

“Why aren’t you getting dragged into this?” Neil asked, glaring at Kevin. “You were there today, too. Why isn’t it the Minyard-Josten-Day Rivalry?”

Kevin flashed his best press smile. “I’m just the beloved teammate and friend who was there for moral support and possibly to keep you from killing each other.”

“Couldn’t they have at least tried to come up with something plausible?” asked Andrew.

Kevin flipped him off. “Everything I just said is literally true.”

Andrew looked to Neil for support, but Neil just shrugged. “He’s not wrong.”

“Bullshit. I want a divorce.”

“It’s only been a few hours. Pretty sure you can just get an annulment,” said Kevin.

“Now, that’s an idea,” said Andrew. He looked back at Neil. “See? Kevin knows how to be helpful.”

“Wait, so now you’re calling Kevin helpful, but you want to divorce me because I said he wasn’t wrong?” Neil asked indignantly.

“Not a divorce,” Andrew corrected, “an annulment.” He glanced down at his phone, which had started to buzz, grimaced, and turned it facedown. “Hey, Kevin, Nicky’s about to call you.”

“How do you –” Kevin started, and then his phone started buzzing. Kevin sighed. “You know, you could’ve just answered.”

“But this is more fun,” said Andrew, leaning back on the sofa. His shoulder pressed lightly against Neil’s, and Neil leaned into him just a little. It was nice, being in the same place again, even if it was just for a few days.

While Neil was focused on soaking in every bit of Andrew’s presence next to him, Kevin had answered his phone and put it on speaker. “Hey, Nicky. We’re all here. I don’t know why Andrew rejected your call.”

“Yes he does,” Andrew said to the phone. “I literally just told him.”

“You just said ‘this is more fun.’ That’s not a reason.”

“It is a reason,” said Neil. “It doesn’t stop being a reason just because you don’t think it’s a good one.”

Andrew nodded. “Well said. The annulment’s off.”

“The annulment?” said Nicky. “What annulment? What are you annulling?”

“We’re not annulling anything. Weren’t you paying attention?” Andrew asked.

“Did you get married?” Nicky’s volume had increase to the point where Kevin was holding the phone at arm’s length.

Andrew’s phone started to buzz with another phone call. He declined it. “Hey Kevin, Allison might call in a second. You should conference her in.”

“I am not your answering service,” said Kevin.

“Clearly,” said Andrew. “If you were, you’d be getting these calls first, and I wouldn’t have to waste time rejecting them.” Andrew’s phone started to buzz again. Neil saw Renee’s name show up on the caller ID. “Oh. Never mind, Allison’s probably not going to call you.” He answered the phone, but he didn’t put it on speaker. “Yes?”

“Wait, I want to talk to Renee and Allison,” said Nicky through Kevin’s phone. “What are you saying? You’d better not tell Renee before you tell me!”

“Who says we have anything to tell anybody?” said Andrew, but he put the phone on speaker and held it out in the general vicinity of Kevin’s.

“This is stupid,” said Allison through Andrew’s phone. “We are not going to talk through two separate phones. Kevin, I’m calling you so you can conference us in.”

Kevin started to protest, but his phone was already buzzing, and Andrew had already hung up on Renee.

“Are the others on yet?” asked Allison as soon as Kevin connected her. “And has anyone heard Neil’s voice yet? Maybe one of them did commit a crime.”

“I don’t get why everyone thinks we would get caught,” said Neil, mildly offended.

“Oh, good, you’re alive!” said Allison. “So why were you at the courthouse this afternoon?”

Neil sighed and looked at Andrew. “Should we add anyone else to the call before we say anything?” He didn’t want to directly ask if they should include Aaron – not in front of everyone – but Andrew understood the unspoken question.

After a minute, Andrew sighed. “Nicky, get Aaron on the line.”

“Aaron doesn’t know yet?” asked Nicky.

“No one knows,” said Andrew. “We haven’t even told you there’s something to know.”

“I just want to know if I’m going to be able to get Minyard-Josten Rivalry merch,” said Allison. “Obviously, hashtag Team Josten.” Renee made a disapproving noise in the background. “We might need some ‘house divided’ swag over here.”

“Oh em gee, I would absolute buy that,” said Nicky.

“Nicky. Aaron. Call him,” Andrew interrupted, rolling his eyes.

“Right! Don’t say a word until I’m back!” said Nicky.

“Can one of you call Matt and Dan?” asked Neil. Now that the rest of the Foxes were going to be on the phone, it felt wrong to share any news without them, too. Matt was one of his best friends, and he’d played for the Dragons with Andrew for a couple of seasons before transferring to Carolina. He and Dan were just as much their family as the rest of them.

“On it!” said Renee, and the line went blissfully quiet.

“I still think this should all be happening on one of your phones,” Kevin grumbled, but he didn’t look genuinely annoyed.

“You know, I’m starting to think you didn’t want to be included in this,” said Andrew. “Next time, we’ll leave you at home.”

“Next time?” Kevin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Before Andrew could answer, Aaron’s voice came through the phone speaker. “Is someone dead?”

“Lots of people are dead,” said Andrew. “It’s a pretty common occurrence. Didn’t they cover that in med school?”

“I’m just getting off of a twelve hour shift at the hospital, and it’s, like, midnight in Germany, so this had better be something important,” said Aaron.

“Wait, is something actually wrong?” asked Matt; apparently Renee and Allison had rejoined with Matt and Dan. “Because I was just going to ask where I could get a Team Josten beanie, but if you need a lawyer or something, my mom’s got like six really good ones on speed dial.”

“Et tu, Brute?” asked Andrew. “Boyd, we were literally on the same team.”

“Sorry, Minyard, not anymore. Besides, Neil was my bro first.”

“You’ve known me longer.”

“You know, that could be part of the problem,” Allison mused.

“For the love of god, can someone please explain what the fuck this call is about?” asked Aaron, sounding truly exhausted. Neil looked at Andrew, silently asking if he wanted to explain, but Andrew just pulled out his phone and started working on something.

Allison spoke up instead. “Wait, have you not seen the hashtag?” She didn’t wait for a response before launching into an explanation. “Okay, so, some paparazzi dude got some photos of Andrew and Neil going into a Denver courthouse, but, like, separately from each other. Andrew was walking in alone, and Neil was walking in with Kevin, and then Neil left alone and Kevin left with Andrew. Which begs the question – is Kevin Team Minyard or Team Josten? It looks like he’s trying to play both sides here. So, Day, which team are you playing for?”

“I am begging you to leave me out of this,” said Kevin, sounding strangely strained.

“Whatever, I’ll get it out of you later,” Allison continued. “Anyway, they published the photos with some article speculating about why Neil and Andrew were at the courthouse, and the prevailing theory was that, like, one of them attacked the other at some point and they’re either suing each other or testifying against each other in a criminal matter or something, and then someone started the hashtag ‘MinyardJostenRivalry’ and it’s been trending on twitter for like an hour. So now we’ve come to the source to find out why they were actually at the courthouse and whose side we should be on.”

“That’s one of the perks,” Neil said to Kevin. “We won’t have to testify against each other.”

“Wait, you got married?!” shrieked Dan. Andrew flicked Neil’s head, but he looked content.

“Oops,” said Neil. “Uh, yeah.

Everyone started talking at once, and Kevin threw his phone at Neil, who caught it on reflex. The sound of the overlapping voices really was obnoxious. Neil looked for a way to turn the sound off. Or at least make it quieter. He finally figured out where the speaker was and pushed it down against the couch cushion. Finally, they quieted down enough for Neil to pick out individual comments.

“So you’re actually married?” Aaron.

“Yes.”

“Did you plan it?” Dan.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you let me plan it?” Allison.

Neil looked at Andrew, who shrugged without looking up from his phone. It wasn’t a particularly helpful reaction. “Uh, sorry?”

“Why weren’t any of us invited?” Nicky.

“We invited Kevin,” said Neil, realizing too late that this might not be viewed as a good thing.

“Why would you invite Kevin and not your own cousin?” said Nicky. “Or your own brother!”

Andrew still showed no signs of speaking, so Neil answered again. “Kevin was already here.”

“Wow, thanks,” said Kevin, rolling his eyes. “You really know how to make someone feel special.”

“We could’ve left you at home,” said Andrew, still messing with his phone. Neil leaned over to try to look, but Andrew angled his screen and pushed Neil’s face away.

“Is it bad that I’m actually a little disappointed to hear that the Minyard-Josten Rivalry was completely fabricated? Because I was actually looking forward to that merch,” said Allison.

“Check twitter,” said Andrew, putting his phone down.

“Why, what did you –” Allison gasped. “Oh my god, did you set this up while we were talking just now? I’m almost impressed.”

Theoretically, Neil could take his own phone out and check twitter, but he still wasn’t sure if his phone had any charge left. Or if he remembered how to log into twitter. It would be easier for Andrew to just show him. He looked at Andrew expectantly, but Andrew shook his head. “Look it up yourself, Josten.”

“Ooh, sounds like the honeymoon phase is already over,” said Nicky. “Hold on, Neil, I’ll text it to you.”

A second later, Neil’s phone buzzed with a message from Nicky – so it wasn’t dead – linking to Andrew’s tweet.

@andrew.minyard: Be on the right side of history. Preorder #TeamMinyard beanies here

The tweet linked to a black beanie embroidered with “Team Minyard” in red block letters on the front. Neil looked at Andrew. “Did you seriously design this just now?”

Andrew looked pleased with himself. “Hey, Boyd, I’ve got that beanie you wanted.”

“I already ordered one,” said Matt.

“Hey,” said Neil, “I thought you were Team Josten!”

“Sorry, dude,” Matt said. “It’s a sweet beanie.”

“Don’t worry, Neil, I’ll help you design some stuff,” said Allison. “We are not letting him win this.”

“Thanks?” said Neil.

“Hold on,” said Renee. “Does this mean you aren’t going to tell people why you were really at the courthouse?”

“Nope,” said Andrew.

“Wait, you mean we can’t tell people you’re married?” asked Nicky. “But I want to celebrate you!”

“Celebrate us privately,” Andrew suggested.

“But you didn’t even invite us to the wedding,” Nicky complained. “Can’t you at least let me tweet about how happy I am for y’all?”

“We said no,” said Neil firmly. “It’s not anybody else’s business.”

“Okay, well, whether you like it or not, people are definitely going to be talking about you two for a while,” said Allison. “Especially now that Andrew’s commented on the alleged rivalry. Like, reporters are going to be asking you about it.”

Neil made a face – he hadn’t thought about that – but then he saw the glint in Andrew’s eye. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” he asked.

“Could be interesting to keep the rivalry going,” said Andrew. “See what happens.”

Neil thought about it, then slowly grinned. “Okay. Yeah. We can definitely have some fun with this.”

Chapter Text

“Next time my contract’s up for renewal, I’m going to work in a clause that says I never have to do press day again,” Neil muttered. He and Kevin were on their way to the stadium for the Hawks’ pre-season press day, which Neil had been trying to get out of since Coach Herrera first told him he had to do it. Coach had finally shut him up by threatening to bench him – They want to talk to our starting strikers, he had said. If you’re still our starting striker, you’ll be there. And so he was on his way to press day. But he didn’t have to be happy about it.

“You’re just bitter because Andrew left this morning,” said Kevin.

Maybe so, but he didn’t need to admit that to anyone. “Do you think I could get them agree to something that says I never have to do any press ever?” he asked.

“No,” said Kevin sternly, “and you shouldn’t try. They wouldn’t like it.”

Neil didn’t need to ask who they were. “Why? Shouldn’t they be happy if I’m not in front of a microphone causing trouble?”

“Did spending so long trying to avoid notice on the run make you lose all sense of how publicity works?”

Neil shrugged as he turned into the parking lot. “Maybe.”

“All press is good press,” said Kevin.

“All press?” asked Neil.

“To an extent,” Kevin quickly added. “If you don’t do press, you’re forgettable. You don’t get endorsement deals, you’re not as big a draw for the team, your bonuses shrink. You know who doesn’t like it when your endorsement deals evaporate and your bonuses shrink? The people who get eighty percent of your salary.”

Being forgettable sounded pretty ideal to Neil. He pulled into his parking space and cut the engine, turning to look at Kevin. “Isn’t it enough for me to be the best striker in exy?” Kevin just raised an eyebrow, and Neil relented. “Fine, second best. Why do I have to talk to reporters about it?”

“Because,” said Kevin, “for some reason, the public wants to know more about you as a human being. Trust me, as someone who does know you as a human being, I find that just as baffling as you do.”

Neil sighed and started to get out of the car. He froze with one foot on the ground. “Wait,” he said.

Kevin, who had made it all the way out of the car, stopped and leaned back in. “What?”

“Do you think they’re going to ask me questions about the courthouse thing?”

“You mean, the major headline about you from less than a week ago? Yeah, it’ll probably come up,” said Kevin, backing out of the car and closing the door.

Neil hurried after him towards the stadium door. “Do I have to answer them?”

“As opposed to just staring at them in brooding silence? Yeah, that would probably be appreciated.”

“You could distract them,” said Neil. “Tell them you’re bi. Then they’ll focus on you instead of me.”

Kevin looked at him with an expression of pure exasperation. “Why is that your go-to?”

“What’s the problem?” asked Neil innocently. “Doesn’t the public want to know more about you as a human being?”

“They don’t get to know more than most of my actual friends and family members,” said Kevin flatly. “I am not going to keep revealing private shit for the public to freak out about to distract from your private shit that the public is already freaking out about.”

“I thought all press was good press,” Neil tried.

Kevin flashed a smile. “Then who am I to take that spotlight from you?”

“Usually the first,” Neil muttered.

Kevin sighed. “You’ll be fine. Just answer the questions at least half decently, and they’ll eventually move on.”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Neil,” said Kevin, sounding more done with him than he had in years. “We’re supposed to be in front of the cameras in five minutes. Have you seriously not put any thought to this?”

“I’ve put some thought to it,” Neil objected. “We’re – Andrew sent that tweet about the beanies, and then Allison had me tweet a link to . . . what are we selling? Sweatshirts?”

“Sweatpants,” said Kevin, his head in his hands.

“Sure,” said Neil. “So, if they ask, I should . . . promote the sweatpants?”

“If I’d realized you were still this incompetent, I would’ve at least gone over it with you in the car on the way over. But now?” He sighed. “You’re just going to have to fake it.”

“So is that a yes or a no to promoting the sweatpants?”

“Do whatever the fuck you want,” said Kevin. “I am so done with you.”

Neil was pretty sure Kevin hadn’t intended it that way, but he decided to take it as a blanket permission slip. He was feeling better about the situation. Maybe this could be fun. “Okay, cool.”

“I genuinely hate how excited you sound,” said Kevin, opening the door to go inside.

“Rude,” said Neil. “Aren’t friends supposed to take pleasure in each other’s joy?”

“Not when that joy is definitely going to give me a headache,” said Kevin.

“That sounds like a you problem,” said Neil.

“At the end of the day, I think everything is a me problem,” Kevin grumbled.

Neil’s response was preempted by the arrival of the Hawks’ publicist. “Oh, good,” she said, walking briskly down the hallway towards them. “You’re here! We’re all set up in the press room. Do you need anything before you go out there? Bathroom? Water?”

“A shot,” muttered Kevin.

“That can be arranged.”

Kevin put on his press smile and laughed. “Just joking, Lauren. We’re ready.”

Lauren looked at Neil for confirmation. He smiled gamely and nodded. Based on the slightly unsettled look that crossed Lauren’s face, Neil’s smile was much less palatable than Kevin’s. “Okay,” she sighed, “let’s go.” She led them down the hallway, stopping just shy of the door to the press room. She turned back to face them. “I’ll go in first, introduce you, set the parameters. Then the two of you come in next. Kevin, you’ll be on the left, Neil on the right. We’ve got name cards on the table for you, so look stupid if you sit in the wrong chairs.”

Neil was a little bit insulted at the insinuation that they might not be able to successfully walk into a room and sit in their assigned seats, but Kevin nodded seriously as if he’d just been given quality advice. “Got it. Is that my left, as I’m sitting, or to the left as you’re facing us?”

“Your left, as you’re sitting,” said Lauren. “So you’ll be on the side furthest from the door, which means you should walk in first.”

“Sounds good,” said Kevin. “Any talking points we should go over before we go in?”

Lauren pressed her lips together and looked at Neil. “Well, we wanted to talk to you about the courthouse incident ahead of time, but we couldn’t get ahold of you.”

Oops. He had been meaning to call her back. “Sorry, I think my phone’s dead,” Neil lied.

“For three days?”

He shrugged; it sounded plausible. “Probably.”

Kevin looked like he might punch him if not for the proximity of the cameras. Maybe press day wasn’t such a bad thing, after all. Kevin took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his press smile was back in place. “Next time, Lauren,” he said, “just call me. I can help you track him down.”

Lauren looked slightly nauseated at the prospect of a next time. “I need to negotiate a raise,” she muttered. She raised an eyebrow at Neil. “So, sparknotes version – is this anything we need to know about? Are you in legal trouble? Been named in any lawsuits? Accused of any crimes?”

“Nope,” said Neil.

“Why else to people even go to courthouses?” she asked.

“Plenty of things,” Neil said.

Lauren waited for him to elaborate. He didn’t. “So why were you at the courthouse?”

“Personal reasons.”

“Is this how you’re going to answer the reporters’ questions?” she asked.

“Probably.”

Lauren shrugged. “Not ideal, but honestly the best I could’ve hoped for under the circumstances.” She took a breath. “Okay, I’ll be using a mic, so you should be able to hear my intro through the door, but on the off chance you don’t, just give me about thirty seconds and then come in. Got it?”

“Got it,” Kevin agreed.

Lauren looked like she was considering saying something else, but she apparently thought better of it. “See you in there,” she said, slipping through the door to the press room.

Kevin rounded on Neil as soon as the door clicked shut. “You’re taking years off of that poor woman’s life.”

“She’ll be fine,” said Neil. “Didn’t you hear? My answers were ‘the best she could’ve hoped for.’”

“‘Under the circumstances,’” Kevin said intensely. “That was not a ringing endorsement!”

“I’ve got this,” said Neil.

“Everything I know about you and this situation tells me that is not true.”

Kevin kept talking, but Neil tuned him out. He focused in on Lauren’s voice through the door, introducing them. Finally, he heard their cue. He smiled blandly at Kevin. “Showtime.”

Kevin gave him one last look of exasperation before putting on his press smile and opening the door. Once the two of them had settled into their designated seats, Lauren called on the first reporter. “Adam, you’re up first.”

A sandy-haired man with glasses stood up. “Thanks, Lauren. My question is about the Hawks’ depth at your position. As you know, during the off-season, backup striker Kerrie Stern transferred to the Condors, and the Hawks signed Evan Hawthorne, a rookie out of USC. Who made the call for Kerrie’s transfer, and how’s Evan looking?”

Much to Neil’s relief, Kevin immediately launched into an answer. “We aren’t going to comment on the internal factors that go into a transfer,” he said smoothly, “but I can say that Kerrie’s a great player, and we wish her all the best with the Condors. We’re looking forward to playing her this season. As for Evan, he’s been doing great. He’s young, obviously, but the talent is there, and he’s been picking up on our drills really quickly. I’m excited to see how he does under the pressure of an actual game.”

“He’ll be ready?” Adam asked.

“Absolutely,” said Kevin. He transitioned smoothly into talking about the Hawks’ other backup strikers, Caroline and Jeff, and he even worked in some compliments for their offensive dealers.

The next question, miraculously, was also about exy, and so was the one after that. Neil thought Lauren must have said something to the reporters about sticking to exy – or maybe she was just calling on the ones she thought were most likely to ask more relevant questions. Whatever the cause, it was working, and Neil started to relax. He could talk about exy all day. Kevin and Lauren shouldn’t have been so worried; this was going to be fine.

He should’ve known it wouldn’t last. After about half an hour, with an apologetic glance at Neil, Lauren called on a dark-haired reporter wearing a pastel polo. “Joshua, go ahead.”

“Thank you, Lauren. Neil, why were you and Andrew Minyard photographed at the Denver County Courthouse last week?”

“Because there was a photographer there who apparently decided to take some pictures,” said Neil.

“Fair enough,” said Josh, laughing a little as if Neil hadn’t just answered his question in the most literal and obnoxious way he could think of. “Follow-up: why were you and Andrew Minyard at the Denver County Courthouse last week?”

“I was there for personal reasons,” said Neil. He paused. “No comment on why Andrew may have been there.”

Josh tried one more time. Neil almost admired him for it. What he lacked in creativity, he almost made up for in persistence. “Care to elaborate?”

Neil smiled. “No.”

Lauren took this opportunity to call on someone else. “Gina, go ahead.”

“Thanks, Lauren. Kevin, you were also photographed at the courthouse. Why were you there?”

Kevin’s smile tightened for just a second as he glanced at Neil. “I was there to support a friend.”

Gina raised an eyebrow. “Which one?”

Neil grinned and looked at Kevin. “Yeah, Kevin, which one?”

Kevin had a glint in his eyes as he answered. “Sorry, Gina, but I’m not going to publicly take sides.”

“Are you confirming that there are sides to take?” she asked.

Kevin just smiled. “I’ve heard you can purchase some beanies or sweatpants if you’re so inclined.”

Lauren sounded resigned to her fate as she called on the next person. “Patrick, go for it.”

“Neil, since your appearance at the courthouse, a number of photographs from your college days have resurfaced, highlighting the animosity between you and Andrew Minyard. When did that animosity begin?”

This one was easy. “Right away,” Neil said. “He hit me with an exy racquet the first time he ever saw me. Kevin was there, too. He didn’t do anything.”

Patrick turned to Kevin. “Why didn’t you intervene? Trying not to take sides from the very beginning?”

Kevin subtly kicked Neil under the table. “The situation was under control,” he said. “Coach Wymack was there, also.”

Patrick looked like he had another follow-up, but Lauren cut him off. “Devan, go ahead.”

“Kevin and Neil, can you confirm that you’ve both been offered extensions to your U.S. Court contracts?”

Neil glanced at Kevin, who nodded subtly, giving him permission to answer. “Yes, we’re happy to continue representing the United States on the international exy stage.”

“Great to hear,” said Devan with a smile. “Any comment on rumors that Andrew Minyard has repeatedly turned down offers to join the U.S. team?”

Neil had several comments, but nothing he particularly wanted to share with reporters. Technically, Andrew hadn’t repeatedly turned down offers – he had a single standing offer that he consistently refused to accept, and it frustrated Neil to no end. Luckily, Kevin spoke up instead. “Andrew is a great player,” he said. “Court would be lucky to have him.”

Lauren took a breath to move on, but Devan got in one more follow-up question. “Neil, do you think your presence on the team has influenced Minyard’s decision?”

Neil held back a snort. If he’d been able to influence Andrew’s decision on this, he would’ve been Court ages ago. “No. That’s all on him.”

Lauren sighed. “Sylvia, your turn. And this will be our last question for Kevin and Neil today, so make it a good one.” Neil recognized Sylvia; she was a reporter with the local news station, and she was the one Lauren always made Neil give an interview to when she desperately needed him to get some positive press coverage. He expected a softball question, and Sylvia delivered.

“Thank you, Lauren. Kevin and Neil, this is for each of you. Which opponent are you most looking forward to facing this season?”

Kevin leaned forward to answer first. “It’s not about our opponents,” he said. “Each week, we’re competing against ourselves to improve and win. We’re facing a lot of great teams this year, and it will be fun to play each of them, but our focus as a team is always internal.”

It was a good answer. Neil almost felt bad about the fact that he was about to ensure no one remembered it. “Easy,” he said. “The Pittsburgh Dragons.”

“Okay, that’s all for today,” said Lauren quickly. Kevin was already halfway to the door, and Neil wasn’t far behind. “Tomorrow, we’ll be back with our starting dealers.”

“Is it because you want to score on Minyard?” someone called out.

Neil stopped and looked back. He couldn’t tell who exactly had spoken, so he just looked in their general direction. The innuendo wasn’t perfect, but he thought Nicky and Allison would appreciate it. “There’s no one I want to score on more.” A few more reporters shouted out follow-up questions, but he ignored them and followed Kevin out the door.

“You just had to keep going, didn’t you?” Kevin asked as soon as the door closed behind them.

“What?” said Neil innocently. “I answered every question honestly.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “That’s half the problem.”

“Do you think Andrew was watching?”

Kevin’s phone buzzed. He groaned as soon as he looked at it. “Based on his tweet, I’d say so.”

“Wait, did you get a notification when he tweeted? Can I do that?”

“Yes,” said Kevin. “I’ll set it up in the car. Anyway, here,” he said, shoving his phone at Neil and pushing open the door to the parking lot. Neil followed him out of the building and read the tweet.

@andrew.minyard: Cute, @neiljos10. Too bad I’m the only one you can’t score on

Neil read it again and smiled. Kevin was a few steps ahead, waiting by the car. Neil caught up and gave him his phone back. “I think that means he liked it.”

“You two have got to find better ways to flirt,” said Kevin, going around to the passenger door. “Come on, let’s get out of here before the reporters start to leave.”

Neil made a face. He definitely wanted to be gone before that happened. “You don’t need to tell me twice,” he said, getting into the car. “Hey, want to help me figure out what to tweet back at Andrew?”

“Nope,” said Kevin. “I’m Switzerland. Call Allison or something.” As if she had been summoned, Kevin’s phone started to ring. Kevin answered and put it on speaker. “You know, Neil has a cell phone, too.”

“What a rude way to answer a phone call from your favorite fashion mogul,” said Allison. “And why do you think I’m calling for Neil? I could just as easily want to talk to you.”

“You could,” Kevin agreed, “but do you?”

“Fine, no. I just tend to assume Neil’s phone is dead or lost or stuck back in 2007. Anyway, you’re still with him, right?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” said Neil, backing out of the parking space. “Kevin was just saying I should call you, so I really don’t know what he’s upset about.”

“Do you even hear yourself when you talk?” asked Kevin. “I said you should call her, not she should call me. There’s a very clear distinction.”

“You’re sure talking a lot for someone who apparently doesn’t want to be included in this conversation,” said Allison primly. “Anyway, I was watching your press conference. I have to say, I’m impressed. With both of you, to be honest. Kevin, thanks for the promo. We’ve sold like a hundred sweatpants since you said that.”

“Wait, really?” asked Neil, pulling out onto the road. “People are actually buying those?”

Allison ignored him, which was probably for the best. “And Neil – what an exit! I swear to god I’ve never been more proud of you in my life.”

Neil frowned. “I’ve done way more impressive things than that.”

“I didn’t say you haven’t,” said Allison. “Andrew obviously agreed, because that’s the part of the press conference he responded to. This is good – he made the first move last time, with the beanie, but this time, you made the first move. Adds some nice balance.”

“Are we supposed to be thinking about that?” asked Neil. This was starting to sound exhausting.

“Don’t worry, that’s why you have me,” said Allison. “Okay, so, obviously, you’ve got to do something, but I don’t think it should be a direct response. Now could be a very effective time to subtweet or vague-post.”

Neil glanced at Kevin. “Am I supposed to know what either of those words mean?” he muttered.

Kevin snorted. “You? No.”

“God, I always forget how hopeless you are,” said Allison. “I’ll use smaller words. Instead of saying something directly to Andrew, I think you should be more subtle. Like, say something to him without saying something to him, you know?”

“No,” said Neil honestly. He sighed. “Can you just skip to the part where you tell me what to do?”

“This is what I get for calling to brainstorm,” said Allison. “I should’ve known better.”

“Couldn’t you brainstorm with Renee?” Neil suggested.

“No,” said Allison, sighing dramatically. “Like Kevin, she has tragically refused to participate. At least, that’s what she told me. I still think she’s texting ideas to Andrew on the down-low.”

Neil frowned. “That doesn’t seem fair. Aren’t you supposed to be on the same side as your spouse?”

“Neil. Babe. This literally started because you and Andrew got hitched.”

That seemed like an oversimplification, but he supposed she might have a point. “Okay, fine. Renee’s probably too nice to help all that much anyway.”

“Oh, honey, she is not nearly as nice as you think she is,” said Allison in a tone that suggested things Neil didn’t particularly want to think about. “But that was actually a super helpful thing for you to say. Now I know what direction we’re going in here.”

“Cool,” said Neil. “What direction is that?”

“A petty one,” she said. “Give me a minute, I need to look for something.”

“Okay,” said Neil. Hopefully, Allison was looking for whatever he was supposed to tweet. If he was lucky, she would just send him something and he wouldn’t have to keep talking about it any longer. In the meantime, he was content to just keep driving.

Kevin, however, was getting impatient. “Am I just supposed to keep holding this phone up until you find whatever it is you’re looking for?” he asked. “You can call us back later.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Kevin, is the cellphone too heavy for you?” said Allison. “Have you been skipping arm day or something?”

“I am perfectly capable of holding it up,” said Kevin. “I just don’t want to.”

“Well, you can’t always get what you want,” said Allison. “Anyway, I found it. Neil, I’m sending you a link to a youtube video. That’s what you should post.”

“Okay.”

“You’re not even going to ask me what it is?”

“Nope,” said Neil, turning into their neighborhood. “Wait, should I?”

“Yes,” said Kevin emphatically.

“No, of course not,” said Allison. “I’m extremely trustworthy and definitely won’t use this to my advantage in the future.”

“We’ll watch it before he posts it,” said Kevin.

“Watch it now,” Allison urged. “I’ll wait.”

“He’s still driving,” said Kevin.

“Oh, shit, then don’t watch it now. I’ll still wait, though. How long until you’re home?” asked Allison.

Neil pulled into their driveway. Kevin grabbed his arm. “Lie,” he mouthed.

“We’re just parking the car,” said Neil. Kevin groaned and got out, taking the phone with him. Neil caught up by the time Kevin made it to the door. He followed him to the couch, pulling out his phone. “Okay, we’re pulling it up now,” he said, clicking the link.

As soon as he saw the title of the video, he grinned. Josten Highlight Reel: Every Time Neil Josten has Scored on Andrew Minyard. “This is fantastic,” he said. “Who made this?”

“I don’t know, someone with YouTube username ‘JostenExyStats,’” said Allison. “Unimportant”

“This is really impressive,” said Kevin.

“Thanks,” said Neil.

“Not you,” he said, “the video. Did they put all this together after the interview?”

“No,” said Allison. “It was posted a couple of days ago, so it looks like they were just inspired by the start of the whole rivalry thing. But it’s perfect. It includes a few goals from practices at Palmetto, but I think that’s fine. They look like they’re from practices where Andrew was actually participating, so it still works, plus the video would be kind of short without them.” She paused. “No offense.”

Neil checked the runtime of the video. It was only three minutes. “It doesn’t take very long to score a goal in exy,” he said.

“Sure,” said Allison agreeably. “Anyway, hurry up and tweet it so I can retweet you.”

“Okay,” said Neil. He copied the link and pasted it into a new tweet. “There, I think I did it.”

“Perfect,” said Allison. “Now, we wait. The ball’s in his court.”

“That expression doesn’t make any sense,” said Neil.

“Not every court is an exy court.”

“Should be,” said Kevin.

“What kind of court is it, then?” asked Neil. The only other court he could think of was a basketball court, and that didn’t make any more sense in the context of the expression than an exy court did.

“Tennis.”

“People actually play that?”

“Tens of millions of people actually play it, Neil,” said Allison. “There are sports other than exy, you know.”

Neil glanced at Kevin, who looked similarly skeptical. “Not real sports.”

“What do you – you know what? No. I’m not going to argue with the two of you about this. I forgot who I was talking to for a second.”

“Was that supposed to be an insult?” asked Kevin.

“If you have to ask, then no,” said Allison. “Anyway, I’ve got to run, but keep me posted, okay Neil? I want to know what Andrew thinks of the video.”

“Sure,” said Neil. “Thanks, Allison.”

“Literally any time,” she said. “I’m absolutely living for this.”

“Bye,” said Kevin. “Call Neil next time.”

“You know you love me,” said Allison. “Talk soon!”

Kevin rolled his eyes and hung up the phone. “Next time, I’ll let it go to voicemail.”

“No you won’t,” said Neil. “Admit it. You’re having fun with this, too.”

“I’m actually mentally reviewing all the different choices I could’ve made to avoid this exact situation,” said Kevin. “First, and most effective, I could’ve just not recruited you from Milport. That would’ve solved a lot of problems, come to think of it.”

Neil knew better than to take him seriously. “Is that what you were thinking about when you told the press you weren’t going to take sides?”

“No,” said Kevin. “I was still thinking about more recent choices at that point.”

“You could’ve just knocked me out before we went into the room,” Neil suggested.

“That’s a good one,” Kevin said, nodding. “I’ll add it to the list.”

Smiling and shaking his head, Neil pulled out his phone to check Twitter, absently wondering if anyone besides Allison had retweeted the video yet. The first thing he’d done when he made his account was turn off notifications for anyone he wasn’t following, so he had to go to the tweet to see what kind of reaction it was getting. “Woah,” he said. “Uh, is eight thousand retweets a lot?”

“In the five minutes since you posted the tweet? Yeah,” said Kevin.

Neil skimmed through his notifications. “Oh, good, Matt and Dan have seen it,” he said. “And Allison, obviously. Nicky said something – wait, he doesn’t think I wrote this myself. That’s rude.”

“He’s literally right,” said Kevin. “Allison found the video and told you to post it. All you did was copy-paste and hit ‘send tweet.’”

“Exactly,” said Neil. “I wrote it.”

“You’re impossible,” said Kevin.

“You’ve known that for years,” said Neil.

“Sure,” Kevin agreed, “but it doesn’t hurt to remind you.”

“Fair,” Neil shrugged. “Hey, you said you could show me how to turn on notifications for Andrew’s tweets, right?”

Kevin held out his hand for Neil’s phone, and he willingly gave it to him. “It’s super easy,” Kevin said, already typing and clicking on things. “You just go to his profile and click on the little bell icon at the top, next to the ‘follow’ button, and then you select that you want notifications for all tweets.” He paused for a second and then handed Neil’s phone back to him. “There, you’re all set.”

“Sweet,” said Neil. “Do you think he’s seen my tweet yet?”

“No idea.”

Neil stood up. “I’m going to call him. I’m assuming you don’t want to participate?”

“Not even a little bit,” said Kevin, waving him off. “If you cover anything relevant, you can fill me in later.”

“Okay,” Neil said agreeably. He dialed Andrew’s number; it was ringing by the time he got to his room and closed the door.

“How long did it take Allison to find that video for you to tweet?” Andrew asked in lieu of a greeting.

“Hi, Andrew,” said Neil. “How was your flight? You got home okay?”

“We’ve already covered this,” said Andrew. “I texted you hours ago. You replied.”

“Still, you could’ve at least said ‘hello’ first,” said Neil.

“Could’ve,” said Andrew. “Didn’t. So, how long did it take Allison to find the video?”

“Why doesn’t anyone think I could’ve just tweeted that on my own?” Neil asked. Andrew didn’t bother to respond, and it didn’t take Neil long to relent. “Like two minutes. She’s very good at this.”

Andrew hummed in acknowledgement. “She’s adequate, I suppose.”

“Admit it,” said Neil. “You’re impressed.”

“You’ve set a low bar,” said Andrew. “Honestly, a week ago, I wasn’t even sure you knew what Twitter was.”

Neil frowned. “I think it’s in my contract. Kevin keeps trying to teach me things.”

“He does have a habit of doing that,” Andrew agreed. “You’d think he would’ve given up by now.”

“Guess I’m just impossible to give up on!”

Andrew snorted. “You’re definitely impossible.”

“Impossible to beat.”

“And delusional.”

“Wait, do you think you’re going to win?”

“Win what, exactly?” asked Andrew. “This conversation?”

“Of course not,” said Neil. “How do you even win a conversation?”

“The fact that you don’t know means you never will.”

“What about the rivalry?” asked Neil. “One of us has to win.”

“I thought we were both winning,” said Andrew. “We get to be married and fuck with reporters. Winning.”

“Sure,” said Neil. “That’s why we’re doing it. But we’ll have to stop eventually, right? So, how does it stop? How do we decide who wins?”

“Who says we have to stop?”

“What, so you think we’ll just keep this up for the rest of our lives? Making the public think we hate each other?”

“I do hate you,” said Andrew promptly.

Neil rolled his eyes. “Not the way they think you do,” he said. “What happens when we finally end up on the same team? When we move in together? When we go to public events together? We don’t have to tell anyone we’re married, but eventually someone will probably catch on to the fact that we’re something.”

“That’s an idea,” said Andrew. “Loser is the one who confirms we’re married.”

“That won’t work,” argued Neil. “Nicky’s going to end up being the one who loses.”

“No,” said Andrew, “only one of us can lose. Doesn’t matter what anyone else says; the rivalry doesn’t end until one of us confirms it.”

“That could work,” said Neil thoughtfully. “Any other ground rules?”

“Like what?”

“Like, can we do things to try to make each other lose?”

“Are you asking if you can bully me into publicly admitting you’re my husband?”

“Well, when you put it that way –”

“You can try,” said Andrew.

Neil blinked, then grinned. “Is that a challenge?”

“No. Calling it a ‘challenge’ would imply I thought you had a chance.”

“I’ve been training for this my whole life,” said Neil. “Literally. I spent most of my formative years actively avoiding sharing even a single bit of true personal information about myself.”

“That doesn’t make you special,” said Andrew.

“I think it does,” said Neil. “Or do you know a bunch of other people who had gone through twenty-two different identities before they were twenty?”

“Twenty-two before twenty,” mused Andrew. “Is that like the knockoff version of Thirty Under Thirty?”

“The what?” Neil shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Point is, I am uniquely qualified to win this, so you should go ahead and start preparing yourself to lose.”

“You think you’re going to win this by lying?”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to win by telling the truth.”

“I am.”

“Andrew, I think you might’ve missed the one rule,” said Neil. “Telling the truth about us being married it how you lose.”

“Yes,” said Andrew patiently, “but that doesn’t mean I have to lie. I just have to keep a secret. I’m quite good at keeping secrets.”

“Oh,” said Neil. He was going to lose. He may be a good liar, but no one could keep a secret like Andrew. “That’s – I guess that’s another strategy you could try.”

“I’m so glad I have your permission,” Andrew asked sarcastically.

“That’s obviously not what I meant,” said Neil.

“Nope,” said Andrew. “I should’ve seen it coming. Classic controlling husband trope.”

Neil made a face. “Gross.”

“Wow, I know you’ve been getting really into the whole ‘rivalry’ thing, but I didn’t think you’d already be privately calling our marriage ‘gross.’ I thought the honeymoon phase was supposed to last longer than a week.”

“That’s absolutely not the part I was calling gross and you know it.”

“I do know it,” said Andrew. He took a slow breath, and Neil waited. “I like being married to you.”

Neil smiled, and his chest felt comfortably warm. “I like it, too.” He paused. “You know, I didn’t really expect it to . . . to feel different.”

“Good different?” asked Andrew. His tone was light, but Neil could hear the emotion behind it.

“Very good,” he quickly assured him.

“Good.” Andrew was quiet for a beat. “It’s good different for me, too.”

Neil closed his eyes. “I miss you.”

“You saw me this morning.”

“I know,” said Neil. “And I’m not seeing you right now. I miss you.”

“I know,” said Andrew quietly. “You’ll see me in a month.”

Neil brightened. “Is that when we play each other?”

“No, I just thought it would be a good time for us to Skype,” said Andrew flatly.

“Maybe JostenExyStats will update their video when I score on you.”

“I don’t think there’s going to be any video of that,” said Andrew.

“Are you saying I’m not going to score?”

“Oh, no, I think you’re definitely going to score,” said Andrew. “Just not on the court.”

“Wait, why have we never done that?” asked Neil. “All through college, we had keys. We were there late at night and everything.”

“Cameras. There are cameras, Neil.”

“Cameras can be avoided,” said Neil. “Or disabled.”

“Is this an actual thing that you’re into?” asked Andrew. “Do I actually have to start thinking seriously about this?”

“God, no, I’d be way to worried about getting caught,” said Neil. “We didn’t even kiss in front of the judge on our wedding day.”

“It’s weird to kiss on command.”

“Very,” Neil agreed.

“You should tell that story during your next interview,” Andrew suggested.

“Do you think it’s going to be that easy to get me to lose?”

“Probably not,” Andrew conceded. “But it’s worth a shot. I’ll wear you down eventually.”

“How romantic.”

“You’re the one who wanted to make this a competition,” Andrew reminded him. “It’s not my fault you’re woefully outmatched.”

“Is this what I get for agreeing to skip all of the better or worse, sickness and health parts of our wedding vows?”

“How would I know?” asked Andrew. “I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

“Me neither,” said Neil. “We really didn’t have that many examples of healthy marriages in our lives when we were younger, did we?”

“Nope,” said Andrew. “It’s a miracle we’ve gotten this far.”

“We’ve always been pretty good at figuring things out on our own.”

“And even better at figuring things out together.”

Neil smiled. “Much better.”

“You know,” said Andrew, “it’s kind of a shame that most people don’t get to see any of this.”

“You’re not going to sweet talk me into publicly confirming our marriage and losing that easily.”

“Worth a shot.”

Neil laughed. “This is going to be fun.”

Chapter Text

“Focus,” said Kevin, giving Neil a sharp look as they went through their pregame warmups on the court. “We have a game to play.”

“I’m thinking about the game,” said Neil.

“No,” said Kevin, “you’re thinking about Andrew.” Neil automatically glanced around to see if any of their teammates were in earshot. Kevin sighed and switched to French. “Relax. No one’s listening to us.”

“It would be perfectly reasonable for me to be thinking about him,” said Neil. “I’m a striker. He’s their goalie. I’m supposed to think about him.”

Kevin snorted. “Not the way you’re thinking about him.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” said Neil.

“He’s to the left, near the wall.”

“What?”

“Andrew. You’ve been looking for him. He’s to the left, near the wall.”

Neil gave up the pretense and looked where Kevin had directed him. Sure enough, there was Andrew, casually stretching on the opposite side of the court. Neil grinned. “Thanks!”

“How do people not know you’re together?” Kevin asked. “You’re staring at him with a ridiculous smile.”

Neil frowned and turned to Kevin. “I am not.”

“Sure, not anymore,” said Kevin. “But you absolutely were. One of these days I’m going to take a picture so you can see for yourself.”

Neil suspected Kevin was correct, but he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of admitting it to his face, so he just ignored him and kept warming up. He was looking forward to the game itself – Andrew was the best, so it was always a fun challenge to play against him – but he was also anxious to actually see him. Andrew was coming over after the game and spending the weekend in Colorado, but they hadn’t had a chance to see each other yet. Neil felt a physical ache at his proximity. Andrew was right there, across the court, but he couldn’t talk to him or touch him. It was a form of torture.

“Oh for the love of – do you two want to get caught?” asked Kevin, still in French.

Neil looked up and saw Andrew making his way across the court towards them. His captain – Montgomery, a dealer – looked at Andrew’s path and put out a hand to stop him, but Andrew dodged it and kept walking without changing stride. Neil could feel the eyes of his teammates and the crowd on them as he drew closer.

As soon as he was in earshot, Andrew called out in Russian. “I’ve got press duty, so it’ll take me a little while to get to your place after the game.”

“Seriously?” Neil said, also in Russian. “Me too. You think they did it on purpose?”

Andrew folded his arms. His posture was aggressive. “Probably. They usually know better than to let me talk to the press.”

Neil took a step closer, using every inch of his height advantage. He heard Kevin sigh and get back to warm-ups behind him. “At least it’ll be better with you there.”

Andrew put a single finger against Neil’s chest and pushed him back a step. “You’re getting soft.”

“Everything okay over here?” Angelique, the Hawks captain, had jogged over and stopped a few feet away, looking nervously between Neil and Andrew.

“Yep,” said Neil, keeping his gaze on Andrew. “We’re fine.”

“Are you ever not fine?” Andrew muttered in Russian.

Angelique didn’t seem convinced. “Okay,” she said. “Minyard, get back with your team. Players are supposed to stay on their respective sides during warmups.”

“I’m gone,” said Andrew, putting up his hands and backing away. “Hey, Josten, take a good look at me. I have a feeling you won’t be seeing much of me during the game.”

Neil raised an eyebrow. “Are you not going to be in the goal?”

“I will, but you won’t be.”

Neil grinned. This was going to be fun. “Talk’s cheap. Let’s see how you’re feeling after the game.”

“Let’s play ball,” said Andrew. He gave a mocking salute and walked away before Neil could respond.

Angelique stepped into Neil’s line of vision. She glanced over her shoulder at Andrew’s retreating figure. “Sorry about that,” she said. “He really shouldn’t have come over here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Neil. He gave her a bland smile. “Well, I should get back to warming up.”

Angelique gave him another long, considering look, then shrugged. “All right. We’re back in the locker room in five.”

Neil nodded then went back over to Kevin. “Did you hear him, at the end?” Neil asked in French. “‘Let’s play ball.’ That’s a baseball phrase.”

“You hate baseball,” said Kevin.

“Exactly!”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “What else did he say?”

Neil shrugged. “Not much. Angelique came over here pretty fast.” He brightened. “But he did say he’s also got press duty after the game.”

“I’ll talk to Coach Herrera and trade with you,” said Kevin immediately.

“What? No,” said Neil. “This is going to be the most fun I’ve ever had on press duty.”

“That’s the problem,” said Kevin. “This is going to be a disaster.”

“It’s like you don’t have any faith in us at all,” said Neil.

“I don’t,” said Kevin emphatically.

“When have I ever caused any actual damage through my statements to the press?” asked Neil. Kevin raised his eyebrows. “Arguably, those times freshman year weren’t my fault.”

“Is there anything I can do to talk you out of this?”

Neil shrugged. “Probably not,” he said. “But I’ll be in a better mood if we win, so we should try to do that.”

Kevin grinned. “Now that, we can do.”

As the game went on, it became increasingly apparent that the Hawks were going to do just that. Kevin and Neil had built up a solid lead when they were in together at the beginning of the first half. Andrew didn’t come on until the second half, and the Dragons’ other goalie just wasn’t as good. Kevin and Neil had taken advantage of that. It helped that the Hawks’ back line was nearly impenetrable. With only a few minutes left, the Hawks were up 14-2.

But Neil still hadn’t managed to score a goal on Andrew. No matter where he aimed, Andrew’s racquet was there first, and he was starting to get frustrated. He couldn’t see Andrew’s face through his helmet, but his stance grew increasingly casual and relaxed as Neil became more aggressive and tense. He needed to score on Andrew at least once before time ran out.

Neil’s singular focus on the goal kept him from seeing the Dragons’ backliner until he’d been checked by him. Neil had hit the ground before his brain fully registered what had happened. Two thoughts made him scramble back to his feet as quickly as possible, and both of them had to do with Andrew. First, he wanted to show Andrew he was fine before he stared to worry. But second – and maybe more importantly – he knew he was running out of time to score, and every second he spent on the floor was a second lost.

Kevin had gotten the ball back, and he passed it over to Neil as soon as he was confident Neil was still able to play. Neil caught it in stride and ran towards the goal. He could feel Andrew watching him more closely than usual, looking for any sign of injury. It was sweet, but it didn’t stop Neil from taking advantage of Andrew’s inattention to the ball and the goal. He quickly fired a shot over Andrew’s left shoulder and whooped when the goal lit up.

A minute or two later, Kevin scored again. The Hawks’ defense held, and the score was 16-2 when the final buzzer sounded.

“You scored on him,” said Kevin as they headed into the locker room. “Satisfied?”

Neil grimaced. “Only once.” He glanced at their teammates and switched to French. “And he was distracted.”

Kevin shrugged. “Still counts. And it’s not like he can admit to being distracted by his concern for your physical wellbeing.” He gave Neil a quick once-over. “How are you feeling? That was a pretty big hit. He should’ve been carded.”

“Was it?” asked Neil. “I didn’t really see it.”

“Yeah, because he blindsided you,” said Kevin. “Anyway, are you good?”

Neil nodded. “I’ll have some bruises, but nothing serious.”

“Do you think you should get checked out by the team doctor, just do be sure?” Kevin asked.

Neil narrowed his eyes. “You’re just trying to get me out of press duty.”

“Why can’t I be worried about your health?” Kevin asked. “Small injuries can become big injuries if you don’t take care of them.”

“I don’t have any injuries,” said Neil. “I’m going to talk the press with Andrew, and you aren’t going to stop me.”

“Where has this energy been literally every other time you’ve been called upon to meet your contractual publicity obligations?” asked Kevin.

“No idea,” said Neil. “Anyway, are you going to wait for us, or will we see you at home?”

“I’ll wait,” said Kevin. “I need to be on hand so I can do damage control in real time.”

“It’s like you don’t trust me at all.”

Kevin snorted. “Very perceptive of you.”

Neil just laughed.

Motivated by the concept of seeing Andrew, Neil showered and changed in record time. It still wasn’t enough to beat Andrew, who was already seated before the press pool, hands folded on the table in front of him. When Neil walked in, Andrew gave him a cool appraising look. “How kind of you to grace us with your presence,” he said. “Feeling okay? You’ve seemed a little lethargic all night.”

“Not too lethargic to score six goals,” Neil fired back.

Andrew cocked his head. “How many of those were on me again?”

“More than zero,” said Neil, feigning nonchalance and wishing it had been more than one.

None of the reporters seemed interested in interrupting, but Lauren stepped in to officially start the press conference – and, likely, in an attempt to distract Neil with actual questions. “All right, you’ve got Hawks striker Neil Josten and Dragons goalie Andrew Minyard. Please wait until I call on you, and specify who your question is for. Parker, you’re up first.”

“Thanks, Lauren,” said a thin man from the front row. “Neil, this one’s for you. Following up on the conversation you were having before we officially started here, why do you think it is you were only able to score one goal on Andrew Minyard tonight?”

“He’s the best goalie in the league, when he bothers to try,” said Neil honestly. “And he tends to try when he’s playing against me.”

“That almost sounded like a compliment,” said Parker.

This wasn’t technically a question, so Neil didn’t give it an answer. After a somewhat longer than natural pause, Lauren sighed and called on the next reporter. “Corrinne, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” said a blonde woman, standing up near the back. “This question is for both of you. This is the first time the two of you have publicly appeared together since you were photographed at the Denver courthouse last month. Care to shed any more light on what the two of you were doing there?”

“Nope,” said Andrew, popping the ‘p.’

Corrinne was looking at Neil expectantly. He thought Andrew had answered the question thoroughly enough, but he supposed it was reasonable not to assume Neil would be satisfied letting Andrew speak for him, so he leaned forward to the microphone. “No.”

Undeterred, Corrinne asked her follow-up question. “Would you say your trip to the courthouse impacted the dynamic between the two of you here today?”

Neil paused, considering. In the strictest sense, the answer was yes – they were married now, which he supposed was a different dynamic than ‘not married.’ And they almost certainly wouldn’t have started the rivalry dynamic if the courthouse photo hadn’t leaked. “You could say that,” he allowed.

“Andrew, what do you say?”

“No,” said Andrew. “I feel exactly the same way about Josten today as I did during college.”

Corrinne jumped in with one more follow-up before Lauren could cut her off. “And what is that feeling, exactly?”

“I hate him.”

“All right,” Lauren interjected. “Who has an exy-related question for either Neil or Andrew? Leon, what about you?”

A sharply dressed man in the third row stood up. “This is for both of you. Would you say you’re more motivated to play well against each other?”

This, Neil thought, had an easy correct answer. Kevin, who had walked in and was hanging back near the edge of the room, would be proud. “I’m equally motivated for all of my games,” he said. “I want to win.”

Once Andrew was sure Neil was finished, he turned towards the reporter. “Yes.”

Leon latched onto Andrew’s answer. “Why are you more motivated to play well against Neil?”

Andrew gave Neil a long look. “He makes it interesting.”

Lauren called on the next reporter – Sonya, a tall woman on the far side of the room. “This is for both of you,” she said. “The Dragons and the Hawks are scheduled to play each other again at the end of the season. How will you use tonight’s game to prepare?”

Neil answered first again. “I’m not going to give away all our strategy,” he said, “but it’s safe to say we’ll review the film and look for areas to improve.”

Andrew was only looking at Neil as he answered. “Next time, I won’t let Josten score at all.”

Neil snorted. “What, so you’re saying you let me score today?”

To anyone else, Andrew’s face looked as blank as it had the whole time, but Neil could see the hint of a smile. “Yes. And you knew it.”

Neil gaped at him. He hadn’t expected Andrew to admit to his lapse in focus, and he definitely hadn’t expected him to imply that he’d done it on purpose. “No you didn’t,” he said.

Andrew shrugged. “Whatever you’ve got to tell yourself to sleep at night.”

Sonya stepped in with a follow-up for Andrew. “Does your coach know you let your opponent score intentionally?”

Neil saw Kevin cross his arms, and the corners of Andrew’s mouth twitched down slightly. Andrew clearly hadn’t thought this through. Neil leaned back in his chair and waited to see what angle he took to get out of it.

Andrew glanced over at his coach, who was leaned against the wall looking up at the ceiling. “He knows now,” said Andrew. “We lost by fourteen, so I don’t think it was a make-or-break situation.”

Sonya kept pushing. “But don’t you think it could be demoralizing for your teammates to know you’re intentionally allowing your opponent to score for personal reasons?”

Andrew tilted his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “Do you think it could be demoralizing for them to realize our strikers were only capable of scoring two goals during the entire game?”

“Okay,” Lauren cut in, sounding exhausted. “One more question. Micah, make it count.”

“Thanks, Lauren,” said a wiry man from the front of the room. “This is a two part question. First, Andrew: can you tell us if there’s any truth to the rumors that the Hawks and the Dragons are in talks about a potential trade, involving you?”

Neil didn’t even think about schooling his reaction as he pivoted in his chair to face Andrew. He hadn’t said anything to Neil, but based on his non-reaction to the question, it apparently hadn’t been a surprise. Which had to mean the rumors were true. Neil hadn’t even heard any rumors. He couldn’t wait to get out of here so he could get more information from Andrew.

“As I’m sure you’re aware, team policy prohibits any discussion of potential trades, real or imaginary,” said Andrew without inflection.

“All right,” said Micah. “Neil, this next part’s for you. If Andrew does transfer to the Hawks, will it cause problems for team unity and cohesiveness?”

Neil was practically buzzing with excitement at the prospect. He pretended to consider the question for a second to give himself a chance to calm down. “Why would it?” he said. “People tend to forget – we played together for years in college. And we won. Frequently.”

“It almost sounds like you want Andrew to come to Denver,” said Micah. “Why?”

Neil grinned. “I never back down from a challenge.”

“And that will be all for today,” said Lauren. She gestured for Andrew and Neil to leave, and both quickly took her cue, getting up and exiting towards their respective locker rooms. Kevin slipped out with Neil, and the pair started down the hall.

As soon as the door to the press room clicked closed behind them, Neil glanced over at Kevin. “So? How’d we do?”

Kevin sighed. “Fine, I think. Neither of you should have been out there in the first place, though. Lauren had to know you wouldn’t get any real questions about the game.”

“Where do you think the trade rumors question came from?” asked Neil, keeping his tone light.

“Nope,” said Kevin. “We’re not talking about that until we’re out of the stadium and with Andrew.”

Neil felt a rush of emotion. “So the rumors are true? And you knew about it?”

Kevin shrugged evasively. “I told you, I’ve been talking to Herrera about it for ages. I don’t know what anyone may or may not have discussed with Andrew.”

“You do, though,” Neil insisted. “You’ve talked to him about it, haven’t you?”

“Come on, let’s grab our bags and get out of here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Neil asked. “Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t Coach tell me?”

“Maybe it’s because this isn’t about you,” said Kevin.

“So there’s a this,” said Neil triumphantly, following Kevin into the locker room. “Besides, you apparently know, and it’s not about you, either.”

Kevin sighed and picked up their bags. “Take your shit,” he said, shoving one of them into Neil’s chest. “We’ll talk in the car.”

“Why can’t we talk now?” Neil asked, falling into step beside Kevin as he left the locker room and headed for the parking lot.

“There are people.”

Neil gestured down the deserted hallway. “Where?”

“There could be people,” Kevin amended. “Besides, you should talk to Andrew, not me.”

“Sure,” said Neil, “but you’re here. I can talk to you now.”

“No, you can’t,” said Kevin, “because I’m not talking.”

“Rude.”

Kevin lengthened his stride, and Neil hurried to keep up. “Is Andrew going to ride with us?” Kevin asked over his shoulder.

“I’m not sure,” said Neil. “Is he going to transfer to the Hawks?”

“Oh my god, we are not talking about this now,” said Kevin. “Come on, find out if Andrew’s meeting us at the car or at the apartment. Do I need to call him?”

Neil pushed open the door to the parking lot and grinned. “Nope. He’s going to ride with us.”

“Why didn’t you know that five seconds ago?” Kevin asked.

“Because five seconds ago, I couldn’t see him sitting in the passenger seat,” said Neil, nodding towards his car, where he could see Andrew through the windshield.

“How did he beat us here?” asked Kevin.

“I told him where we were parked,” said Neil. “And it’s not like this is his first time here.”

“Still,” said Kevin. “We left the press room at the same time! The visitors’ locker room is further from this parking lot than ours is!”

Kevin wasn’t wrong, but Neil couldn’t find a reason to care. He reached the car and opened the back hatch, throwing his bag in beside Andrew’s. “Hey,” he said, leaning in. “Kevin wants to know how you beat us to the car.”

Andrew didn’t bother turning around. “I’m fast.”

Neil looked at Kevin. “He’s fast.”

Kevin threw up his hands in resignation and got into the backseat. Neil closed the back hatch climbed into the driver’s seat, but he didn’t start the car. “Are you transferring to the Hawks?”

Andrew didn’t react. “Are you going to leave before some journalist gets out here and sees us in a car together?”

Neil let out a noise of frustration. “Why are you both evading the question?”

Andrew glanced back at Kevin. “You haven’t said anything to him, either?”

Kevin snorted. “Nope. I decided years ago that I’m not going to get in the middle of anything with you two.”

“And it’s very annoying,” said Neil.

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Oh, so you want me to start getting in the middle of things? Because I definitely can.”

“Absolutely not,” said Andrew. “Neil, we cannot let that happen.”

“We wouldn’t have to if you would just tell me stuff like this yourself,” said Neil reasonably. “A reporter has to tell me my husband might be transferring to my team? Seriously?”

Andrew sighed. “So we’re doing this now?” Neil just looked at him. “Okay, we’re doing this now.”

“Can you at least start driving while he talks?” asked Kevin, glancing over his shoulder. “We’re going to have a lot more questions to answer if someone sees the two of you in a car together.”

“Fine,” said Neil, turning the key. “But if I get distracted and crash the car, that’s also going to require a lot of explaining.”

“I need to start driving separately,” Kevin muttered, but Neil saw him lean back and close his eyes in the rearview mirror as he backed out of the parking spot.

“So,” said Neil, glancing at Andrew. “Talk.”

“You saw us play today, right?” said Andrew. “The Dragons clearly need to mix things up. Our current lineup isn’t hacking it.”

“Wait,” said Neil. “You’re the best player on their team. By, like, a lot. If they’re trying to build a stronger team, why would they get rid of you?”

“Can’t win if you can’t score,” said Andrew. “There’s only so much a good defense can do if your offense is nonexistent.”

“Hold on,” said Neil. He didn’t like where this was going. “If the Dragons are going for offense – they’re not thinking of trading you for me, are they? Because that would be really rude, actually.”

Andrew looked back towards Kevin. “You want to take this one, Day?”

“Don’t worry, they’re not thinking about trading you,” said Kevin.

“Who, then? Do they want, like, all of our backup strikers?” Neil asked.

“No,” Kevin snorted. “They’re not nearly good enough to make it worth losing Andrew.” He paused, then sighed. “They want me.”

“What? No,” said Neil. “That’s ridiculous. They can’t have you.”

“Didn’t realize it was up to you,” said Kevin, sounding amused.

“That’s not – not me,” said Neil. “What about the Moriyamas? I bet the Dragons can’t pay you as much as you’re getting here. They’ll never approve it.”

“I understand the conditions of our arrangement,” said Kevin. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to get myself killed by taking a shitty deal.”

“Okay,” said Neil, “but have you factored in bonuses? Because here, you’re likely to get playoff bonuses. But that’s not going to happen with the Dragons, even if they do have you. Not without Andrew.”

“I’ve factored in bonuses,” said Kevin. “I’m not stupid.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Andrew. “It’s not going to happen.”

“What do you mean?” asked Neil. “You just said –”

“We just told you it was a possibility,” said Andrew. “And now I’m telling you it’s off the table. Don’t worry about it.”

“What do you mean, it’s off the table?” said Neil. He wished he hadn’t let them bully him into driving during this conversation. He needed to be able to look at Andrew’s face. “That’s – isn’t there somebody else they could trade? Coleman, one of our offensive dealers, she’s really good. They can take her.”

“Are you really trying to tell me you think Claire Coleman is comparable in trade value to Kevin Day?” asked Andrew flatly. “They just want Kevin. And you’ve made your thoughts on that tradeoff perfectly clear. So it’s off the table.”

“That’s not what I meant,” said Neil. Andrew didn’t sound mad, but Neil still felt like he’d done something wrong – like he’d been given a choice without realizing it, and he’d chosen incorrectly. “It’s not that I want Kevin here more than I want you here.”

“I know,” said Andrew. “I told you. Don’t worry about it.”

“But – I am worried about it,” said Neil. “What if this is our best chance to actually be on the same team?”

“There will be other chances,” said Andrew. “Don’t you need to be in the left lane?”

“What? Oh, yeah,” said Neil, hitting the blinker and shifting over to the left.

“There might not be,” said Kevin. “Other chances, I mean.”

“Shut up, Day,” said Andrew. “There will be chances.”

“He’s right, though,” said Neil. “There are forty teams in the league. The odds of the two of us getting onto the same team – or even teams that are geographically near each other – what if this is our only opportunity?”

“Then we’ll keep doing what we’ve been doing,” said Andrew. “It’s okay.”

It didn’t feel okay, but Neil wasn’t sure what else to say. He pulled into the driveway, but he didn’t get out of the car. “Can we at least – can we talk about this more?”

“No need,” said Andrew. “Your first impression told me everything I needed to know.”

“That’s not fair,” Neil protested. “You just sprung this on me. I didn’t have time to process it.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Let’s go inside.” Without waiting for a response, Andrew opened the car door and hopped out, closing it behind him and starting for the front door.

Kevin reached out and put a hand on Neil’s shoulder. “I think that was the point,” he said. “Not giving you time to think about it, I mean. He wanted to see your gut reaction, not what you thought he wanted you to say.”

“I get that,” said Neil. “But – it shouldn’t be an either-or. I want both of you to be here.”

“Yeah, well,” said Kevin with a shrug. “That’s not really our call, is it?”

“Apparently not,” said Neil. He sighed. “Come on, we should get inside before someone sees him on the porch.” It was suddenly a lot less fun to be keeping him a secret.

Neil’s mood lasted through the evening. He tried to bring it up with Andrew again, but he’d been shut down, and Kevin wasn’t willing to help, either. He tried to snap himself out of it – he got so little time with Andrew, and here he was, wasting what little he did have being disappointed he wouldn’t be getting more – but he couldn’t help it. And Andrew wouldn’t talk about it.

When they retreated to Neil’s room to go to bed, Andrew sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. “All right. Talk.”

“About what?” said Neil. “You clearly don’t want to. It’s fine.”

Andrew closed his eyes. “It’s not fine, obviously. You’ve been off all night. We should talk.”

Neil sat down next to him, leaving a careful amount of space between them. “It’s stupid. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“It’s bothering you,” said Andrew patiently. “It’s not stupid.”

Neil bit his lip. After a long moment, he spoke. “It’s just – you can’t possibly think I’d rather have Kevin than you, can you?”

“Of course not,” said Andrew, like it was obvious.

“Then why – why were you so quick to give up on the trade?” asked Neil. “If you didn’t think I was picking him over you, what was it? Did you not actually want to come to the Hawks in the first place?

“Of course I’d like to be here,” said Andrew. “But I don’t want you to have to give anything up for it to happen.”

“I would, though,” said Neil without hesitation.

“I know you would,” said Andrew. “That’s why I’m not letting you.”

“That’s not fair,” said Neil.

Andrew gave him an odd look. “You said that earlier. That it’s not fair. When did you start expecting life to be fair?”

“I didn’t,” said Neil, frowning. “I don’t. But – shouldn’t we get something?”

Andrew shook his head – not as if he were saying no, but as if he couldn’t believe what Neil was saying. “Neil. Five years ago, we both thought we’d be dead by now. We have gotten something. We’ve gotten a lot of somethings.”

“I know,” said Neil. “You’re right. I’m being stupid. I can see myself being stupid. It’s just –” He went silent.

Andrew waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, after a minute, Andrew prompted him to go on. “It’s just what?”

“For a few minutes, I really thought it was going to happen. That you’d actually get to transfer to the Hawks, and I’d get to see you every day again.” He looked down and closed his eyes. “I told you. It’s stupid.”

Andrew was quiet for so long Neil thought he might’ve left. When he dared to look back up, he saw Andrew staring at him, his eyes soft. “It’s not stupid.”

Neil let out a shaky laugh. “If my mom were still alive, she’d kill me.”

“You’re allowed to want things, Neil.”

“So are you,” Neil challenged.

“I am,” Andrew agreed. His mouth quirked upwards at Neil’s shocked expression. “Therapy does wonders. You should try it sometime.”

“So,” said Neil, ignoring the comment about therapy, “if I want you here, and you want to be here, then why won’t you go through with the transfer?”

“Because it turns out you can want more than one thing at once. And, unfortunately, those things don’t have to be compatible,” said Andrew dryly. He let out a long breath. “You and Kevin are a good team. You should be playing together.”

“We should all be playing together,” said Neil stubbornly.

“We will,” said Andrew.

“Kevin was right, though,” said Neil. “There’s no guarantee that we’ll get another trade opportunity.”

“Maybe not on our professional teams,” Andrew agreed. He was looking at Neil expectantly.

“Wait, are you – are you talking about Court?”

Andrew nodded, and Neil felt like he could fly.

“Seriously? Have you officially accepted yet? We’ve got a practice next month – will you be there for it?”

“Probably,” said Andrew with a shrug. “I’ll officially accept when I get back.”

“Does anyone else know yet?” Neil asked.

“Seeing as I decided about five minutes ago, I highly doubt it.”

Neil frowned. “Hold on,” he said. “You don’t feel like you have to do this, do you? Because you don’t, you know.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Yes, I am aware that I am not being forced to join the U.S. Court team.”

“That’s not what I mean,” said Neil. “You shouldn’t do this just because you think I want you to.”

“You do want me to,” Andrew said reasonably.

“Yes, obviously,” said Neil, “but that’s not a good enough reason for you to actually do it.”

Andrew paused. “I want it, too.”

A thrill of joy passed through Neil, but he kept himself from reacting. He needed to know that Andrew was serious, that he was doing this for the right reasons. “Why, though? What’s changed?”

“Are you going to make me say it?”

“Yes.”

Andrew grimaced. “I like it. Playing exy. I like being good at it, and I like playing with you.”

“Really?”

Andrew wrinkled his nose. “Are you going to make me say it again?”

Neil shook his head. “Can we go tell Kevin?”

“Now?” Andrew asked, raising a brow. He let his gaze drop down and make its way slowly back up Neil’s body. “I had some other ideas for how we could spend our time. But, if you want to go talk to Kevin, we can do that instead,” he said with a shrug, starting to get up off the bed.

“He can wait,” said Neil immediately. “I’d like to hear more about your ideas.”

Andrew settled back onto the bed, looking quite satisfied with himself. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

***

By the time Neil and Andrew made their way out of Neil’s room the next morning, Kevin was already bustling around the living room.

“Oh, good, you’re up,” said Kevin. “I was about to run out to pick up some breakfast – do you want anything in particular? I’m thinking breakfast burritos, but I’m flexible.”

Neil stared at him. “Wait, what are you wearing?”

Kevin shrugged. “Sweats and a beanie.”

“Those – those are our sweats and a beanie,” Neil said.

“No they’re not,” said Kevin. “I bought them. They’re mine.”

“You really are dedicated to being Team Minyard and Team Josten, aren’t you?” said Andrew, shaking his head.

“Yep,” he said cheerfully. “But I’ve got to warn you, it’s a little warm out today. There’s a chance I’ll take the beanie off.”

“Only acceptable if you also take off the sweatpants.”

Kevin snorted. “Not happening.”

“You know, that’s not a bad idea,” said Neil. “It would definitely take the media focus off of Andrew and me for a while.”

“Sometimes I think you only see me as a way to distract the media,” said Kevin ruefully.

“I don’t only see you as a way to distract the media,” said Neil. “It’s just one of the things you’re good at. One of the many, many things.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “I’m getting breakfast. If you’re lucky, I’ll still bring something back for you.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” said Neil. He looked at Andrew. “Can we tell him?”

“Tell me what?”

“I don’t know,” said Andrew. “Do you think he’s more likely to bring us food if we tell him now, or if we hold off until he gets back?”

“Now,” said Kevin. “Definitely now.”

“I’m not sure,” said Neil, ignoring him. “The anticipation could get him back here faster.”

“I will never offer to do anything for either of you ever again,” said Kevin.

“That’s true,” said Andrew, “but it might distract him, too. What if he’s so busy thinking about it that he forgets the food?”

“Are you absolutely sure about declining the trade?” Kevin asked. “Because right now, I don’t want to be in the same city as either of you.”

“That’s unfortunate,” said Andrew, glancing at Neil. “Maybe he won’t be happy about the news, after all.”

“What news?”

“No, I think it’ll be okay,” said Neil. “We won’t actually be living in the same city.”

“True,” said Andrew, “but he didn’t say he didn’t want to live in the same city as us. We’ll still be in the same city more often.”

“Hold on,” said Kevin. “Andrew, did you accept your contract? Are you going to be Court with us?”

Andrew nodded. “I texted my agent this morning. The paperwork should be finalized by Monday.”

Kevin grinned. “That’s great! You don’t fly out until tomorrow morning, right? We can go to the court this afternoon and show you some of the drills we’ll be doing, so you can hit the ground running at next month’s practice.”

“I don’t run,” said Andrew flatly.

“It’s not a bad idea,” said Neil. “Most of this year’s team is returning from last year, so they’ll already know the basic drills and warmups. If you let us go over a few things with you, it could help you catch up.”

“Actually, I need to call my agent immediately. I think I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

Kevin’s phone buzzed. He checked it, then turned back to Andrew with a smug look. “Too late. It’s already public.”

“Is it really?” asked Neil, excited. “Where?”

“ESPN,” said Kevin, scrolling. “Your agent’s quoted, Andrew – she says you’re ‘looking forward to joining a world-champion team’ and that you’re ‘eager for the opportunity to improve your skills.’” Kevin snorted. “There’s no way she ran that quote by you, did she?”

“Do I not come across as eager to improve my exy skills?” Andrew asked, straight-faced. “I’ll work on that.”

Kevin rolled his eyes and kept reading. “Do you think they’ll mention – ah, yep, there it is. ‘Minyard will be reunited with Palmetto State teammates Kevin Day and Neil Josten. Minyard and Josten have recently garnered attention for the so-called Minyard-Josten Rivalry, which is rumored to have started during their time as teammates in college.’ And then they quote your agent again a little later. She basically just says you don’t anticipate it being a problem, so that’s good.”

“Oh, I should tweet about this, shouldn’t I?” said Neil. “What should I say?”

“Well, your agent is quoted, too, so you probably shouldn’t contradict him,” said Kevin. “‘Neil Josten is a focused and professional individual’ – has your agent ever actually met you? – ‘and he looks forward to winning another championship with the strongest team possible.’ Pretty good statement, overall.”

“Why didn’t they reach out to your agent?” Neil asked. “You were at the courthouse, too. Shouldn’t it be the Minyard-Josten-Day rivalry?”

Kevin put on his best press smile. “I’m far too likable to be a part of this.”

“Anyone who’s ever seen you during practice would disagree with that statement,” said Neil.

Kevin shrugged. “Good thing most people don’t see me during practice, then.” He kept looking at his phone. “You’re both getting some pretty good twitter activity.”

“Really? What are they saying?” asked Neil.

“You’ve both got twitter, check for yourself,” said Kevin. “I’m going to get breakfast. Be back in a few.” He put his phone in his pocket and headed out the door.

Andrew retreated into Neil’s room and came back with their phones. He tossed Neil’s at him and went to the sofa to start reading tweets. “How long do you think it’ll take Kevin to pick up the food?” he asked.

“Depends on where he’s going, but probably about fifteen minutes,” said Neil. “Why?”

“I want to know how long we should give it before tweeting something that’ll piss him off. Need to make sure he’ll already have our food in hand.”

Neil grinned and sat down next to Andrew. “Better wait until he gets back and hands it to us,” he said. “I wouldn’t put it past him to just throw it in the trash can.”

Andrew hummed. “He really would, wouldn’t he? All right, that just gives us more time to figure out the perfect tweets. There really are some good ones here. ‘Andrew and Neil will be fine playing together because Neil won’t have to try to score on him.’ Good point, ExyDragonStan.”

“Both of those things are technically true, but they’re not related.”

“Here’s another one,” said Andrew, ignoring him. “ItsARacquet – all these usernames are horrible, by the way – says, ‘Can’t wait to see @andrew.minyard on the U.S. Court team. Now we might actually win.’”

“Well that’s just rude and inaccurate,” said Neil. “Not that we’ll win – we will – but we won the championship last year, too. It’s not like we couldn’t win without you.”

“Doesn’t sound like it,” said Andrew. “I think twitter user ItsARacquet might just have insider information.”

Neil snorted. “Why? Is that your secret exy stan account?”

Andrew tilted his head. “Now, there’s an idea. How much time do you think it would take to build up a believable fake account?”

“I don’t know,” said Neil. “What makes a twitter account believable?”

“Longevity, followers, tweet history,” Andrew listed. “Stuff that’s hard to get fast, mainly.”

“Can you, like, buy an existing account or something? Take it over?”

Andrew brightened. “I absolutely could.”

Personally, Neil thought it was too much trouble to manage one twitter account, but if Andrew wanted to do it, he didn’t really care. He finally unlocked his own phone to start checking out the tweets for himself. “How do I find the tweets about us?”

“You can search our names, or Court, probably,” said Andrew. “Or just check your mentions.”

“My what?”

Andrew rolled his eyes and grabbed Neil’s phone. “You are way too smart to be this technologically illiterate. I refuse to believe you know so little about twitter.”

“Maybe so,” said Neil, taking his phone back and starting to scroll through the tweets. “But why bother learning how to use twitter if you’ll just do it for me?”

Andrew closed his eyes and leaned back. “I’ve been had.”

“Yep,” said Neil cheerfully. “Ooh, this one’s good. ‘I’m so excited to see @neiljos10 and @andrew.minyard on Court together but I’m even more excited to see the next time Neil gets in front of a microphone. It’s gonna be lit.’ Now I really have to think of something good to say. My fans are counting on me.”

“Lots of pressure,” said Andrew. “Better not blow it.”

“People are really invested in this rivalry,” said Neil. “Here’s another one – NeilJoStan says, ‘Waiting patiently for @neiljos10 to verbally destroy anyone who suggests he and @andrew.minyard can’t play together but also waiting for him to verbally destroy Andrew again. LIVING for the #MinyardJostenRivalry.’”

“You know,” said Andrew, “I think it’s telling that the people tweeting at me are complimenting my exy skills and the people tweeting at you are commenting on your mouth.”

“Here’s one about your playing ability,” said Neil. “Twitter user jos104life says, ‘[email protected]’ had better be ‘eager for the opportunity to improve his skills.’ He doesn’t deserve to play with @neiljos10 and @TheKevinDay.’ Wait, that’s mean. This guy’s full of shit. I don’t want him to like me.”

Andrew shrugged. “A lot of people on twitter are full of shit. You can block him.”

Neil frowned. “What does that do?”

“It’ll mean he can’t see or interact with your tweets anymore.”

“I don’t care about that,” said Neil. “I want to tell him he’s wrong.”

Andrew snorted. “That’s a slippery slope. The internet is full of people who are wrong. You can’t get to all of them.”

“No, but I can get to this one,” said Neil. “How do you do the thing where his tweet shows up with mine?”

“You mean a quote retweet?” asked Andrew. “Here,” he said, reaching over to set it up. “Just type up whatever you want to say, then hit ‘retweet.’”

“Thanks!”

“For the record, I think this is a bad idea.”

“Then why are you helping me do it?”

“Bad ideas are often the most interesting.”

“So you approve,” said Neil.

“So I’ll enable you,” said Andrew. “There’s a difference.”

He was right, but the difference didn’t matter to Neil. He finished typing out his tweet and posted it. “There. Done.”

Andrew glanced at him, then back at his phone to read the tweet. “‘Andrew Minyard is the best goalie to ever play exy. If you’re going to talk shit about him, use something true. Like the fact that he snores.’ I do not snore!”

“Yes you do,” said Neil. “I’d know better than you do. You’re asleep when you do it.”

“You’re going to have to explain why you know what I sound like when I sleep,” said Andrew.

“We lived in a dorm together for nearly four years,” said Neil reasonably. “What else could I possibly be referring to?”

Andrew’s mouth twitched down, and he started typing. “Refresh your feed,” he said, putting his phone down.

Neil went to Andrew’s tweet. “You quote retweeted me? I didn’t know you could do that to a quote retweet.”

“I’m going to enroll you in a Social Media for Dummies course,” said Andrew. “You will be the only person there who’s still too young to get the senior discount.”

Neil rolled his eyes and read Andrew’s tweet. “‘I may snore, but at least I eat vegetables, unlike @neiljos10.’ Vegetables are gross. I stand by that.”

“You’ve lived with Kevin for most of the past decade,” said Andrew. “How has he not hijacked your meal plan by now?”

Neil heard keys in the door, and Kevin came inside. “No idea. Let’s ask him. Hey, Kevin, how have you not taken charge of my meal plan by now?”

Kevin held up a large bag. “Who says I haven’t?”

“Does this mean we get to partake in breakfast?” Neil asked.

“Yep,” said Kevin. “But, fair warning, every one of these breakfast burritos has vegetables on it.”

“So you’ve seen the tweets?” Andrew asked.

“Obviously,” said Kevin, heading into the kitchen.

“Thoughts?” asked Neil, getting up to follow him.

Kevin shrugged. “Pretty good. And you do snore, Andrew.”

Andrew stared at him indignantly, and Neil laughed. He started unwrapping a breakfast burrito, wondering absently if he could pick all of the vegetables off without Kevin noticing.

“If you pick the vegetables off, I’ll start mixing kale into your protein shakes.”

Neil made a face. “Rude.”

Andrew waited until Kevin turned his back. “Give them to me,” he mouthed.

Neil grinned as he extracted several tomato slices and some green onion from the burrito one at a time, quickly handing them to Andrew as he went.

Kevin turned around again as Neil handed off the last slice of tomato, and Andrew shoved it in his mouth. “Seriously?” Kevin sighed.

“You can’t prove anything,” said Andrew through a mouthful of tomato.

“Neil,” he said calmly, “show me the vegetables on your burrito.”

“Can’t,” said Neil. “I ate them.”

“I give up,” said Kevin. “You’re hopeless.”

“Yep,” Neil agreed. “A lost cause, for sure.”

“I’m still going to add the kale to your protein shakes.”

“I thought you gave up!” Neil protested.

“Guess not,” said Kevin cheerfully. “At least this way, you’ll be able to tell reporters you are, in fact, consuming vegetables when you start getting questions about it.”

Neil put his head in his hands, and Kevin laughed.

Chapter Text

“Why did we agree to this?” asked Neil. He and Kevin were sitting in their rental car in the parking lot outside of the new U.S. Court practice facility, just outside of Washington, D.C. Their flight had gotten in that morning, and they had a group interview before their first Court practice of the weekend.

Kevin rolled his eyes at Neil. “Do you just not read your contracts? Or anything your publicist sends you?”

Neil shrugged. “Why would I? Isn’t that what you’re for?”

“Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if you’d actually died your freshman year like you planned to.”

Neil snorted. “Worse, obviously.”

Kevin sighed. “Yeah, probably. Come on, let’s go inside. We’re going to be late.”

“No we’re not,” said Neil. “Do you think any of the others are here yet?”

“Depends,” said Kevin. “If it’s up to Jean, he and Jeremy will have been here for half an hour by now. If it’s up to Jeremy, absolutely not. As for Andrew, your guess is as good as mine.”

“His train got here an hour ago,” said Neil. “Could go either way.”

“Only one way to find out!” Kevin said, opening the door of the car and setting out for the building.

Neil made a face before following after him. This was supposed to be a ‘fun and casual’ interview with a popular sports site. Neil had looked at similar videos on the site, and ‘fun and casual’ seemed to translate to ‘invasive and not related to sports.’ At least Andrew would be there, and then they’d have the whole weekend together. They just had to get through this, first.

By the time Neil caught up with Kevin, he was already greeting Jean and Jeremy.

“Hey, Neil,” said Jeremy with a grin. He really was like sunshine personified; Neil found it rather unsettling. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” he said. Kevin looked meaningfully at him and then at the woman with the clipboard who was watching them. Neil smiled blandly. “Happy to be here.”

“Thank you for agreeing to this,” said the woman, stepping forward. “I’m the assistant production manager. Once everyone’s here, I’ll tell you a little more about what to expect, okay?”

“Sounds good,” said Kevin. “We’re looking forward to it.”

Kevin and Jeremy started chatting while Neil and Jean stood nearby. Jean looked about as happy to be there as Neil was, but he also seemed more relaxed than Neil was used to seeing him. He doubted he’d be so comfortable if the Court team was still using the Edgar Allen facilities. It had certainly made a difference for Kevin.

“Ah, Mr. Minyard, there you are!”

Neil tempered his reaction as he turned towards the doorway, where Andrew was standing. Andrew nodded in greeting. His eyes stayed on Neil a second longer than anyone else as he glanced around the room, but he didn’t otherwise show any particular interest in him. He couldn’t, with everyone else in the room. He went to stand on the other side of Kevin.

The assistant had started talking again, going over the rules or guidelines or something else Neil didn’t particularly care about. He’d thought he would feel better once Andrew was there, but it was unbelievably annoying to be in the same room but unable to do anything that might indicate they actually liked each other. Neil felt a twinge of jealousy at the easy way Jeremy and Jean stood at each other’s side, casually touching.

“Okay, so does everyone understand what they’ll have to do?” the assistant asked.

Everyone else nodded, but Neil just stared at her blankly. “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

The assistant looked vaguely panicked, but Kevin laughed and smiled her. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to him while we wait for Julia and Travis. I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do.”

The assistant looked relieved, and Neil bit his tongue to stop from asking who Julia and Travis were. “Great,” she said. “They should be here any minute. In the meantime, feel free to talk amongst yourselves.” With one last glance at the five of them, she hurried out of the room, leaving them alone.

Once she was gone, Jeremy smiled at Andrew and Neil. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

Neil avoided looking at Andrew. “For what?”

“I told them,” said Kevin. “Earlier today. I wanted to give them a heads up, in case something comes up during the interview.”

“Don’t worry, we know not to say anything,” said Jeremy. “We’d been wondering about the whole rivalry thing – this honestly makes so much more sense.”

Andrew stared at him for a moment, and then some of the tension left his shoulders. “Thanks.”

Neil relaxed a little bit. If Andrew was okay with it, he could be, too. And it was nice to be in a room where everyone knew, even if it was only for a few minutes.

“While I would prefer to never discuss your personal life in any manner,” said Jean, “I suspect we will not be so fortunate today, so how would you like us to handle it?”

“We’ve been telling the truth, as much as we can,” said Neil with a shrug. “Just not saying anything about our relationship, and playing up the aspects that support the rivalry.”

Jeremy laughed. “Sounds fun! This should be a blast.”

“Speaking of this,” said Neil, turning to Kevin, “what exactly are we doing?”

“We’re playing a game called superlatives,” said Kevin. “It’s usually a drinking game with some more steps, but they’ve simplified it for this video. The hosts, Julia and Travis, will ask us superlative-style questions, like, ‘most likely to eat an entire pizza in one sitting,’ and then they’ll count us down and we’ll all hold up a card for whoever we think it is. And then we can talk about it and explain our answers.”

“Sounds easy,” said Neil. “What’s the catch?”

“Hopefully, no catch,” said Kevin. “It’ll depend on what kinds of questions they ask.”

Neil didn’t have too much time to think about that, because a well-dressed man and woman – presumably, Travis and Julia – walked in, followed by the production assistant and a camera crew.

“Welcome!’ said Julia. “We’re so thrilled to have you here. Vanessa’s going to get you each set up with your microphones, and then we’ll go ahead and get started!’

A few minutes later, microphones in place, they were all sitting in a semicircle in tall director’s-style chairs. They had clearly arranged the seating with the Minyard-Josten Rivalry in mind. Neil was on the end furthest from the hosts, next to Kevin, and Andrew was at the opposite end, next to Jean, with Jeremy in the middle.

“All right,” said Travis. “We’re going to turn the cameras on in just a second. They’ll stay rolling the whole time, until we wrap, but we won’t end up using all of the footage – we’ll edit it down into a nice, 20-minute video that makes everyone look good. Any questions?”

“Nope,” said Kevin as the rest of them shook their heads. “Let’s get started.”

The assistant – Vanessa? – handed them each a small bundle of cards. Neil flipped through them, looking at their names in neat block print. He wondered if he could get away with holding up Andrew’s card for every question. Would that be too much? Probably. He might actually have to pay attention and think about his answers.

“All right,” said Julia. “We’re ready.”

The director counted them in, the cameras turned on, and Neil shut something off inside of himself. They were supposed to come off as friendly and personable. He could do that. Glancing around the semicircle, he noted the subtle shifts in the others. For all the ease Kevin and Jeremy displayed in front of the press, they were acting just as much as the rest of them.

Well, all except Andrew. He looked slightly tense, but he wasn’t putting on a show. That was one of the things he admired most about Andrew.

Neil made himself refocus on the hosts, who had started talking.

“We’re here with five of our favorite members of the U.S. Court team,” said Julia enthusiastically. “We’ve got Andrew Minyard of the Pittsburgh Dragons, Jean and Jeremy Knox of the Los Angeles Lions, and Kevin Day and Neil Josten of the Denver Hawks. They’ve agreed to sit down with us today, in advance of the first Court practice of the season, and play a game called Superlatives!”

“That’s right, Julie,” said Travis. “We’re going to ask the five of them superlative-style questions – most, best, least – and these five are going to hold up their cards to show us who they think the answer is!”

“You guys ready to play?” asked Julia.

“Born ready,” said Jeremy, smiling gamely.

“All right then,” said Travis with a laugh. “Your first superlative: which one of you is most likely to go to the court and practice on your day off?”

This was an easy one. Neil knew what he was supposed to say, even if he was just as likely to be at the court, too. He got his card ready and held up Kevin’s name right on cue.

Julia leaned forward slightly to look over their responses. “That’s four for Kevin, and one for Neil – Andrew, care to explain your answer?”

“Self-explanatory. He’s a junkie,” said Andrew. He glanced at Neil across the arc. “I’m pretty sure he’d live at the court if he could.”

This was entirely unfair. Neil had lived at the court, more or less, in Milport, and Andrew knew it. But that didn’t seem like an appropriate thing to admit during this interview.

Kevin seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he chimed in, presumably to stop Neil from launching into a story about his unconventional high school experience. “Neil’s a good answer,” he said. “He’s usually with me when I go to the court for some extra reps.”

“Neither one of them understands the concept of a day off,” said Jeremy. That was fair enough. Neil didn’t bother to argue.

Travis laughed. “Okay, time for the next superlative. Which one of you is most likely to get a red card during a game?”

Neil held back a frown. None of them were likely to get red carded – they all knew how important it was to stay in the game. He decided to lean into the rivalry for this one and sorted through his cards to find Andrew’s name.

“Everyone ready?” asked Julia. “Show your cards!”

Neil peered around the arc at the others’ answers. Each of them was holding up Neil’s name. “Hey!”

“We’re not saying you would get a red card,” offered Jeremy. “We’re just saying it’s more likely to be you than any of the rest of us.”

“Speak for yourself, Knox,” said Andrew.

Neil ignored him and focused on Jeremy. “Why, though?”

“You’ve got a temper,” said Jean. “And surprisingly bad self-preservation instincts.”

Neil looked at Kevin, who shrugged. “What they said.”

“Neil, you picked Andrew as most likely to get a red card,” said Julia. “Why?”

His selection didn’t seem as good after he’d seen everyone else’s. He also didn’t have a good answer to the question – he couldn’t very well say he’d picked Andrew as a joke to feed the rivalry. He decided to go vague. “He seemed like the obvious choice.”

Miraculously, the hosts seemed satisfied with that. “For the next superlative, let’s go in the opposite direction,” said Julia. “Which one of you has the best sportsmanship?”

This one was easy. There were only two potential answers, and Neil wasn’t going to pick Kevin. When the hosts asked them to show their selections, he held up Jeremy’s card. Kevin and Jean had all picked Jeremy, too, while Jeremy was holding up Kevin’s name.

“Looks like your teammates are saying your sunny disposition isn’t just an act,” said Travis. Jeremy smiled modestly. “Jeremy, why did you pick Kevin?”

“It was a no-brainer,” said Jeremy. “You can always count on Kevin for a good, fair game. And the collegiate sportsmanship award is named after his mom for a reason.”

“Very true,” said Julia, smiling. “Andrew, you picked Jean – why?”

Andrew shrugged. “I liked his answer to the last question.” Neil stared at him. He was having fun with this.

“That works!” said Travis. “All right, next superlative. Which one of you is the worst driver?”

Neil and Kevin chose Andrew; Andrew chose Neil; Jean and Jeremy chose Jean.

“I’m noticing consistency within your national league teams – did you plan for this one in advance?” asked Julia with a laugh. “Let’s start with the Lions – why did you both pick Jean?”

“I’ve never driven anything,” said Jean. “I would assume I am not very good at it since I have never done it.”

“That sounds reasonable,” said Travis. “Moving on to the Hawks – why Andrew?”

“We rode with him during college,” said Neil. “We’re speaking from experience.”

“Not to bring up a sensitive subject,” said Julia, “but Andrew, isn’t it true that you were the driver in a fatal single-car accident while you were in high school?”

Neil tensed. He’d forgotten about Tilda. Based on the way Kevin twitched at his side, so had he. Andrew, however, looked unfazed. “Just the once.”

“I don’t think this is within the scope of this interview,” said Kevin with authority. “I trust you’ll edit this portion out before the video is posted.”

Julia looked immediately apologetic. “Of course. I’m sorry.” She took a breath to reset, and Neil marveled at how easily Kevin had shut her down. Maybe he should be taking notes. “Andrew, you picked Neil. Why is that?”

“He learned to drive while he was on the run,” said Andrew. “And it shows.”

Julia glanced at Kevin, but he was unbothered by Andrew’s reference to Neil’s past. Unlike Tilda’s death, Neil’s time on the run from his father was fully entrenched in the public narrative, and he had no real issues talking about it – as long as it wasn’t excessive, and as long as nothing hinted at the Moriyamas’ involvement. Kevin looked at Neil and laughed. “He’s got a point.”

“Next superlative,” said Travis. “Now, for this one, you can’t pick yourself. Who would you most like to have with you if you’re stranded on a desert island?”

Neil’s actual answer was Andrew, but he couldn’t think of a reason to pick him that he’d be willing to share publicly. Instead, he grabbed a card at random, figuring he’d come up with an explanation for it on the fly.

“Wow, we’ve got an interesting assortment here,” said Julia. “And I don’t think we’ve got any matching pairs. Let’s just go down the line, then. Andrew, your answer is a surprising one. Why did you choose Neil?”

“Good survival skills, and I wouldn’t have any qualms about eating him if it came down to it,” said Andrew evenly. Neil choked down a laugh.

“I’m sure we all hope that no one has to resort to cannibalism,” said Travis with an uncomfortable chuckle. “Jean, you also picked Neil. Why did you go with him over your husband?”

“Neil would get us off the island on day one,” said Jean. “Jeremy struggles with escape rooms.”

“That was one escape room, and it was a tough one!” said Jeremy. His tone was indignant, but his eyes were sparkling. “Besides, the prompt was, who would you like to be stranded with, not who do you think could get you out.”

“I take it that’s why you selected Jean?” asked Julia.

“Yeah,” said Jeremy, looking at Jean with a nauseatingly sweet smile. “There’s no one I’d rather have with me. Even if he did pick Josten over me.”

“If it’s just about who I would like by my side, I’d pick you every time, mon amour,” said Jean, bringing Jeremy’s hand to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss into his fingers. Neil felt another pang of jealousy, and he deliberately avoided looking at Andrew.

“How lovely,” said Julia. “Kevin, you went with Jeremy. What’s your reasoning?”

“I’ve spent enough time with these other guys over the years,” said Kevin. “Figured it’d be fun to hang out with Jeremy for a change.”

“That works,” said Julia agreeably. “Last but not least, Neil. Why did you pick Kevin?”

“Easy,” said Neil. “He’s a good roommate.”

“I love it!” said Travis. “Okay, next superlative. Which one of you is most likely to elope?”

Neil made eye contact with Andrew before he could stop himself. Both of them had frozen in surprise. Did Travis know something? The question seemed too close to home for it to be a coincidence. The other questions had seemed random, though – maybe this one was, too. What kind of questions was he expecting?

“How exactly are we defining ‘elope’ for the purposes of this question?” asked Kevin, smiling innocently.

“We all know what eloping means,” said Neil stiffly, breaking his gaze away from Andrew to glare at Kevin.

“I just wanted to double check,” said Kevin.

“The classic definition – running off to get married in secret, without telling anyone about it in advance,” said Julia.

“Got it,” said Kevin, nodding seriously. “So, if someone, say, invited one friend as a witness, but he didn’t tell that friend he was going to a wedding until right before it started, would that count?”

“We really weren’t intending to be that specific,” said Julia lightly, “but yes, I think that would count. And I think we’re all going to be very curious to see your answer!”

Neil was going to kill Kevin. He could probably get Andrew to help. Maybe even Jean, if he asked nicely.

“Okay, everyone, show your answers,” said Travis. “Let’s get right to the point – Kevin, you went with Neil. Is there something you’re trying to tell us?”

“Not at all,” said Kevin. “I’m just answering the question to the best of my ability.”

“Neil, do you have anything to say to that?” asked Julia. “Is there a lucky Mrs. Josten out there somewhere that we don’t know about?”

For once, Neil was exceptionally grateful for heteronormativity. He wouldn’t even have to lie. “No, there isn’t.”

“If you say so,” said Julia. “Now, you picked Kevin – why is that?”

“He had a bunch of questions about what exactly counted as an elopement,” said Neil. “Seems like he’s put a lot of thought into it.”

“That makes sense to me!” said Travis. “Andrew, you also went with Kevin. What was your reasoning?”

“Same.”

The hosts waited for him to elaborate. When he didn’t, they moved on to Jeremy. “Why did you pick Andrew as most likely to elope?”

Jeremy smiled. “Andrew’s a pretty private person,” he said. “He doesn’t seem the type to go for some kind of big, flashy wedding.”

“Okay,” Julia nodded. “Jean, you’ve made the unconventional choice of selecting both Andrew and Neil. Can you walk us through that decision?”

Neil mentally removed Jean from the list of people who might help him kill Kevin as Jean pretended to think about Julia’s question. “I don’t know,” he said. “Andrew and Neil seem equally likely to elope. I just couldn’t decide between the two of them.”

“That works!” Travis laughed. “Now, since we asked Neil, it’s only fair we ask the two of you as well – Kevin, are you hiding a secret wife somewhere?”

Kevin smiled blandly. “Nope,” he said. “I’m happily single.”

“Lucky us!” said Julia. “What about you, Andrew? Are you keeping a Mrs. Minyard from us?”

“No,” said Andrew. He paused. “I am married, though.”

Neil’s eyebrows shot up. He knew Andrew’s strategy was to win by telling the truth, but he hadn’t expected him to tell quite that much truth. He waited to see how Andrew would deal with the inevitable follow-up questions.

“Congratulations, and sorry to assume!” said Julia, recovering quickly. “Will you tell us anything else about the lucky gentleman?”

Andrew looked at her, considering. “No.”

“Not even a hint?” asked Travis. “Is it someone we’re familiar with? How long have you been together? Who else knew?”

“Everyone to my left knew before this interview started,” he said, gesturing towards the others. “And that’s the last question I’ll be answering about this today.”

“All right,” said Julia. “Moving on, then. Which one of you is most likely to make a guest appearance in a music video?”

Neil dragged his focus back to the game. He just wanted it to be over so he could talk to Andrew and ask him what, exactly, he’d hoped to accomplish by providing so many details. Chaos, he supposed, but was that really a good enough reason to admit to a marriage? It wasn’t even like the hosts had pushed him into it – he’d practically volunteered the information.

“Okay, show your cards!” said Travis. Neil didn’t even remember the question. He picked a card at random and held it up.

“Looks like we’ve got an almost unanimous answer – everyone said Jeremy, except you, Neil,” said Julia. “Why do you think Jean is the most likely to appear in a music video?”

Oh. “Um,” said Neil. “He’s French?”

Travis and Julia looked at each other and then back at Neil. “Is that – do you think French people are in more music videos?” asked Julia, struggling to make sense of Neil’s answer.

“Of course,” Neil lied. “He’s got a broader field of possibilities. Could be in a video for a French musician.”

Jean, Jeremy, and Kevin looked like they were trying not to laugh. Andrew looked smug. Travis nodded slowly. “Sure. Next superlative. Which one of you is most likely to be late to the airport?”

This was another easy one, and Neil was paying enough attention to get it right. “All right,” said Julia. “This time, we’ve actually got a unanimous answer – Jeremy, we swear we weren’t trying to target you with these questions! Does anyone want to let us know why Jeremy was the obvious choice?”

“What can I say, I run on California time,” said Jeremy with a laugh. “For the record, I’ve never actually missed a flight because I was running late.”

“You have, however, run through the airport to make it to the gate before they closed the doors,” said Jean. “Many times.”

“Have you ever had to run through the airport with him?” asked Travis.

Jean snorted. “No. If he is running late, I leave for the airport without him.”

“That’s cold!” said Julia, laughing.

“Thank you, Julia,” said Jeremy. “I’ve been saying the same thing!”

“Next superlative – and I’ve got a feeling the competition might be stiff for this one – who’s the biggest drama queen?” asked Travis.

Neil had his answer ready right away. As soon as Julia asked them to show their cards, he held up Andrew’s name. Jeremy also selected Andrew, but Kevin and Andrew had both picked Neil. Jean was holding up Kevin’s name.

“Looks like we’ve got a pretty even split – Neil, why did you pick Andrew?” asked Julia.

“Have you been paying attention to anything he’s said today?” asked Neil. “Pure drama. He’s been like that for years.”

“Andrew, care to respond?” Travis prompted.

Andrew stared directly into the camera. “Neil Josten has been planting seeds of chaos since the moment he walked into our lives. His drama is unparalleled, and he frequently drags those around him into it with him. He is a menace and a threat to basic order and sensibility, and he needs to be contained.”

Neil snorted. “That was the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Interesting,” said Andrew. “So you don’t hear yourself when you speak?”

Neil turned to Travis and Julia. “Am I allowed to flip him off?”

“Well, we’d have to blur it out, but –”

“Cool,” said Neil, already giving Andrew the finger.

“Can I change my answer?” asked Jean. “I thought Kevin was the obvious answer – he’s literally got a queen tattooed on his face – but watching Neil through this segment . . .” he shrugged. “You know, I get it.”

Kevin and Jeremy laughed, and even Andrew looked amused. Neil sighed. “Okay, fine, I’ll take the crown.”

“And you’ll look damn good in it,” said Jeremy with an exaggerated wink.

“Okay, we’ve got one more superlative,” said Julia. “Which one of you is the best person to call in an emergency?”

Neil frowned. Andrew was literally his emergency contact, but he wasn’t sure he could come up with a rivalry-friendly reason for it. He was running out of time, though, and he didn’t really feel like coming up with a justification for picking someone else, either. When Travis asked them to reveal their selections, he held up Andrew’s card.

“Interesting choices,” said Travis. “Let’s start with the obvious. Jeremy and Jean, you picked each other. Is it safe to assume those are your actual emergency contacts?”

“Yep,” said Jeremy. He smiled at Jean, and Neil was hit with another wave of jealousy at their easy public affection. “He’s my first call, every time.”

“We love to hear it!” said Julia. “Now, Andrew and Kevin, you picked each other, too. Why?”

Kevin smiled across the arc at Andrew. “He’s been one of my closest and most reliable friends for nearly a decade,” he said. “And Neil almost never answers his phone.”

Okay, that was fair. Neil pushed down the feeling that he should be the one who matched with Andrew for this question. Why had they decided to stoke the rivalry rumors, anyway? It was all starting to seem like a terrible idea.

“What a nice sentiment,” said Julia. “Andrew, why Kevin?”

“Slim pickings,” he said with a shrug. “No offense to the Knoxes.”

“Okay, that’s not quite as nice a sentiment,” laughed Travis. “Last but not least, we’ve got our most surprising selection. Neil, why did you pick Andrew? You understood the question, right?”

Neil still hadn’t come up with a plausible lie for his answer. Fuck it. “Yes, I understood the question,” he said. “Andrew’s my actual emergency contact.” The slight widening of Andrew’s eyes was the only reaction he needed to know he’d made the right call.

“Is he really?” asked Julia, sounding skeptical. “Andrew, is that true?”

“Yep,” said Andrew.

“Well, we’ve had all kinds of surprising reveals today!” said Travis. “I’ve got to ask – Andrew, your emergency contact isn’t Neil, is it?”

The corner of Andrew’s mouth twitched up. “My emergency contact is my husband.”

Neil swallowed his smile. This was fun, after all. He was starting to come back around to the idea of the rivalry.

“One of these days, we’ll get you to tell us more about this mysterious husband of yours,” said Julia, “but for today, that’s all the time we have! Thank you Andrew Minyard, Jean Knox, Jeremy Knox, Kevin Day, and Neil Josten for coming in and playing along with us today, and thank you to our viewers for tuning in! See you next time!” She held her smile until the director cut the cameras. “Genuinely, thank you all for doing this,” she said to them. “I think we got a lot of good material!”

“We had a lot of fun,” said Kevin. He was still wearing his press smile, but his shoulders were relaxed, and he sounded genuine. “When should we expect it to be posted?”

“Our team’s pretty quick,” said Travis. “We’re aiming to post it this evening.”

“Awesome,” said Jeremy. “We can watch it together after practice.”

“We hope you like it!” said Julia. “And don’t worry, we’ll be sure to edit out the question about the car accident. Again, my apologies for mentioning it.”

She was looking at Andrew, but Kevin answered. “Thank you,” he said. “We appreciate it.”

The five of them went straight from the interview to the locker room to change out for the first U.S. Court practice of the season. To Neil’s joy and frustration, Andrew actually put forth effort, making it a particularly challenging practice for the strikers and the offensive dealers. By the time they headed back to the locker room a few hours later, he was a comfortable mix of exhausted and exhilarated.

“We’re all staying at the Marriott, right?” Jeremy asked as they got ready to leave. Kevin, Neil, and Andrew all nodded. “Sweet. Whose room do we want to meet in?”

Kevin glanced at Neil, who shrugged in agreement. “Let’s do ours. We’re in 604.”

“Great,” said Jeremy. He grinned. “Are we checking our phones now, or are we going with a media blackout until we can watch the video and start seeing the comments together?”

“Let’s wait and look at it together,” said Kevin. “Ignorance is bliss.”

Jeremy laughed. “Fair enough. See you in a few!”

Jeremy and Jean, Kevin and Neil, and Andrew each went to their separate cars to drive back to the hotel. Neil didn’t like being in the same place as Andrew but not the same vehicle. At least it was a short drive, and they were meeting back up at the end of it.

Neil pulled out of the parking lot and glanced over at Kevin. “How’d that go?”

Kevin snorted. “You were there, too. Why do you need me to tell you?”

“I have no perception of what a successful interaction with the press looks like.”

 “Yeah, okay, that’s fair.” Kevin sighed. “I don’t think it was bad. It was definitely interesting, though. You and Andrew both dropped some bombshells. It’ll be fun to see how they come across in the actual video, and to see how people are reacting online.”

“Do you think people will like it?”

Kevin snorted. “I’ve given up trying to predict how people will react to anything you and Andrew say.” He paused. “That said, I really don’t think there was anything to worry about. Like, neither of you sounded particularly violent or aggressive. There’s a chance you came across as downright likable, which would be a first.”

“Plenty of people like me,” said Neil. “Just ask Allison about our sweatpant sales.”

“Liking your sweatpants is not the same thing as liking you,” said Kevin.

Neil shrugged. “Seems close enough to me.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Why do I even bother?”

“I don’t know,” said Neil. “Guess you’ve got a thing for hopeless causes.”

“That is definitely not it.”

Neil laughed. He was actually starting to look forward to watching the video and finding out what people thought of it. This could be fun.

An hour later, they were all in Kevin and Neil’s hotel room, and they had just finished watching the video. Neil was pleased with it. He didn’t think he’d given away anything he didn’t mean to, and they all looked natural and relaxed on the screen – even Andrew. He pressed his shoulder against Andrew’s and looked over at Kevin. “That was good, right?”

Kevin shrugged and held up his phone. “Let’s find out!”

Jeremy had already started to scroll. “These are great,” he said. “The video’s only been up for like an hour and a half, and Minyard-Josten Rivalry is already the number three trending topic in the United States.”

“Must be a slow news day,” said Jean.

“Whose side are they on?” asked Neil.

“Looks like a pretty good mix,” said Kevin. “And a lot of people aren’t really taking sides between the two of you – they’re commenting on the rivalry as a whole.”

“There are so many people commenting on the fact that Andrew’s your emergency contact, Neil,” said Jeremy. “Honestly, it looks like people are more hung up on that than the fact that Andrew is married, which I think is by far the more interesting piece of news to come out of this.”

“I don’t know why the rest of us bothered to show up,” said Jean. “In fact, looking at these tweets, I’m not sure we did.”

“No, look, we’ve got some good ones, too,” said Jeremy. “Like this one from jerejean129 – ‘Jeremy and Jean Knox are #couplegoals.’ See? And this one – ‘Still recovering from Jean telling Jeremy he’d pick him every time. BEAUTIFUL,’ in all caps. And –” he snorted. “Looks like there are a number of people who now want to see you in a French music video. They’re even suggesting artists.”

“Wait, really?” asked Neil. “But that’s – I just made that up.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Yeah, we know.”

Neil looked at Andrew. “I still can’t believe you just told them you’re married.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “I told you I was going to tell the truth.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to volunteer additional information!”

“He’s got a point,” said Jean. “They literally didn’t ask.”

Andrew shrugged. “I guess I’m just not as willing to accept presumptions of straightness as Neil and Kevin are.”

Kevin took a breath. “It’s –”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s easier to remain heterosexual, we know,” said Jean.

Andrew narrowed his eyes at Kevin. “How many times have you said that? You do realize that every time you say that, it becomes more obvious that you’re not straight, right?”

Kevin ignored him. “People definitely noticed the way you two looked at each other when they asked the ‘most likely to elope’ question,” he said to Andrew and Neil. “And, Neil, they’re trying to figure out why you reacted like that when Andrew said he was married.”

“Did you see this thread by psuexystan?” asked Jeremy. “This dude is, like, breaking it down frame by frame. He’s really focused on the fact that Andrew said we all knew before the interview – says that makes it weirder that Neil seemed so shocked.”

“This is interesting,” said Jean. “They think Neil is jealous of Andrew’s husband.”

“What?” asked Neil. “That’s – that’s impossible! I am Andrew’s husband!”

“Yeah, but they don’t know that,” said Kevin reasonably.

“But why would they think I’m jealous?” asked Neil.

“It’s actually a pretty good take,” said Jeremey. “You reacted strongly to him being married, even though you already knew, and you said he’s your emergency contact.”

“Okay,” said Neil slowly, “I guess I see how they could reach that conclusion.”

“I still can’t believe you two looked right at each other when they asked the elopement question,” said Kevin. “Could you have been any more obvious?”

Andrew shrugged. “What, would you have preferred we look at you?”

“Look at the interviewers! The ceiling! Anything!”

“It’s not really fair to focus on the one time we looked at each other,” said Neil. “Think of all the other times we didn’t look at each other.”

“Besides,” said Andrew, “we aren’t the ones who asked a bunch of questions about what qualifies as elopement. And we didn’t hold up each other’s cards.”

“Exactly!” said Neil. He rounded on Jean. “And we definitely didn’t hold up both of our cards.”

Jean raised his eyebrows. “I thought you told us to answer honestly.”

“Not that honestly!” said Neil.

“No, no, he’s got a point,” said Andrew. “I take it back. I like his answer.”

Neil looked at him with an expression of utter betrayal. “Seriously?

Jean laughed. “That’s exactly how you looked at him when he picked me for best sportsmanship.”

“Yeah, because it was an absurd answer!” said Neil. “No offense.”

“None taken,” said Jean with a snort. “It would be more offensive for you to genuinely say you think I have the best sportsmanship. Can you imagine?” He glanced at Jeremy and Kevin. “But it works for you, though.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Thanks, babe,” he said, putting an arm around him and pressing a kiss into his head. Jean leaned easily into Jeremy’s shoulder, and Neil stared at them for a beat too long.

“So,” he said, looking away, “what else are people talking about?”

“You’ve got a phone,” Kevin reminded him. “Look for yourself.”

Neil frowned. “Can’t you just keep telling me the highlights?”

“If that’s all you want, you should call your publicist,” said Kevin. Neil’s frown deepened, and Kevin laughed. “That’s what I thought.”

“I don’t even know where my phone is,” Neil lied.

“Bullshit,” said Kevin. “You know where all of your possessions are at all times.”

Neil looked to Andrew for help, but Andrew was scrolling through twitter with one hand and holding Neil’s phone out to him with the other. “Found it,” he said.

Neil grimaced and took the phone. Andrew had already unlocked it, opened twitter, and searched the Minyard-Josten Rivalry tag for him. He turned back towards Andrew and smiled. “You set it up for me.”

“Wasn’t for you,” said Andrew without looking up. “I wanted to spare the rest of us from your ridiculous ‘what’s a twitter’ act.”

“So you set it up for me,” Neil repeated, his smile widening.

“My motivations were purely selfish.”

“Yeah, but still.”

Jean threw a pillow at them. “Just shut up and read some tweets.”

Neil flipped him off and threw the pillow back at him, but he started scrolling through the hashtag.

@HawkishExyFan: idk if I should be using #MinyardJostenRivalry or #MinyardJostenAffair but there is definitely SOMETHING going on between those two 👀

@MinyardMinion: Everyone’s talking about how Neil said Andrew is his emergency contact but no one is talking about how Andrew wants Neil with him on a desert island??? How does this fit into the #MinyardJostenRivalry???

@foxyexygirl: Should Andrew’s desert island answer go towards #MinyardJostenRivalry or #MinyardJostenAffair? Bc on one hand, it’s hella romantic, but on the other hand, he literally said it was because he’d have no problem eating him lmao

@psuexysource: @foxyexygirl okay yeah but did he mean eating like cannibalism or eating like 🍆🍊😘??

@MrMinyard: Officially obsessed with @andrew.minyard’s husband. Who is he?? Does @neiljos10 know him? Does Neil LIKE him? The world needs answers! #MinyardJostenRivalry

@MarryMeNeil: Okay did anyone else notice that they didn’t follow up with Neil on the marriage question? Like. They just asked if there was a MRS. Josten. What if he has a husband too?? What if Neil’s husband and Andrew’s husband are friends? #MinyardJostenRivalry

@MinyardJostenRivalryExpert: Neil and Andrew each saying the other is the most dramatic is so perfect because they are BOTH the most dramatic human beings to ever exist and that is why the #MinyardJostenRivalry continues to thrive

@QueenDay: I need @KevinDay to tell me whose side to be on in the #MinyardJostenRivalry because he CLEARLY knows more than he’s telling us!!!

@TakeMeToCourt: Do we think Neil was telling the truth when he said Andrew was his emergency contact? I’d say no but then Andrew confirmed it which makes me think it’s true, but also Andrew basically said he’d eat Neil and not feel bad about it so idk #MinyardJostenRivalry

@SunshineAndExy: Can we talk about how cute @jeanknox and @jeremy_knox were during this interview? They also OBVIOUSLY know something about the #MinyardJostenRivalry and I think it’s well past time we ask them to share what they know

@sexyexyxy: #MinyardJostenRivalry is out, #MinyardJostenAffair is in. Show me an episode of the Newlywed Game featuring @jeremy_knox and @jeanknox vs. @neiljos10 and @andrew.minyard. @KevinDay can be the host / moderator. Please and thank you!

The tweets just kept coming. There was no way Neil would be able to read them all. He looked up at the others. “Why do people care so much about this interview? We didn’t even talk about exy.”

“People like it when we talk about things other than exy,” said Kevin. “I’ve been trying to explain that to you for years.”

“Why, though?” asked Neil. “We’re exy players. They only know who we are because we play exy. Why are they so invested in our personal lives?”

Jean rolled his eyes. “They want to know if you’re a person. They don’t like to cheer for someone who isn’t relatable.”

“That’s stupid, though,” said Neil. “They should just want to cheer for people who are good exy players.”

“You’re officially worse than Kevin,” said Andrew. “Neither of you is capable of conceptualizing the idea of life beyond exy, but at least he theoretically understands the possibility.”

“A lot of people are asking Jean and me to comment on the rivalry,” said Jeremy. “Any thoughts on what we should say?”

Kevin’s eyes lit up, and he dove towards his suitcase. “Hold on a sec. I know exactly what you should do.”

Jean glanced at Jeremy. “Should we be concerned?”

“Maybe,” said Jeremy cheerfully, “but let’s see how it plays out.”

A second later, Kevin triumphantly held up a beanie and a pair of sweatpants. “Each of you pick one.”

“You brought them with you?” said Neil. “It’s bad enough that you own them in the first place.”

“Why sell them if you don’t want people to buy them?” asked Kevin.

“We do want people to buy them,” said Neil. “Just not you.”

“Give me the beanie,” said Jean.

“Great choice,” said Andrew. “Welcome to Team Minyard.”

“These are really high-quality sweatpants, Neil,” said Jeremy, pulling them on over his shorts.

“Are they? Cool,” said Neil.

“Thank Allison Reynolds,” said Kevin. “She set it all up. Neil literally could not be less involved in these sweatpants.”

“That’s not true,” Neil protested. “My name’s on them! And I tweeted out the link to buy them at least once, I think.”

Kevin snorted. “I stand corrected.” He looked at Jean and Jeremy, who were now wearing the beanie and sweatpants, respectively, and nodded in satisfaction. “Great. Now stand by each other and pose.”

“Should Neil and Andrew pose with us?” Jeremy suggested. “Could add some intrigue – people will be trying to figure out why we’re all in a hotel room together.”

Neil turned towards Andrew. “Your call.”

Andrew paused. “Sure, why not.” He got up and walked over to Jean, giving him a fist bump.

Jeremy grinned at Neil. “Get over here, Josten.” Neil joined them on the other side of the room, and Jeremy slung an arm across his shoulders. “All right, Kevin,” he said, tossing him his phone, “take the pic.”

Kevin held the phone up and frowned. “Neil, you look bewildered. Can you at least pretend you know why you’re here?” Neil pulled the corners of his mouth up into an awkward grimace. Kevin sighed. “That’s somehow worse. How are you this bad at being photographed?”

“Give better direction,” said Neil. “What am I supposed to be doing?”

“Why don’t you try smiling like a normal person?” Kevin suggested. “Or – why don’t you two just do what Andrew and Jean are doing?”

Neil peered around Jeremy. Andrew and Jean were standing shoulder to shoulder, arms folded, with matching expressions of smug confidence.

“Okay, no, we’ve got to do our own version,” said Jeremy. He pulled back slightly to look at Neil, keeping one hand on his shoulder. “Here, what about, like, inside arms around each other, outside hands on hips? And then – can you smirk? Let’s smirk at the camera.”

Neil followed Jeremy’s instructions and looked questioningly back at Kevin, who sighed. “That’s – almost,” said Kevin. “Try this – remember how you felt when I told the reporters I’d never been skiing? Channel that.” Neil’s smile became sharp, and there was a glint in his eyes. “Perfect.” Kevin snapped the photo, took a quick look at it, and tossed Jeremy’s phone back to him. “There. You should post that.”

“Hell yeah,” said Jeremy. He glanced at Jean. “You want your own photo, or should I send you this one?”

Jean made a face. “Just tag me in your post. I think I’ve participated enough for one day.”

Jeremy laughed. “Yeah, that’s fair.” After a second, he held up his phone. “There. Done. Hashtag Minyard-Josten Rivalry, Hashtag House Divided, Hashtag Team Josten. I cross-posted to Twitter and Instagram, and I tagged everyone, so it should get good traction.”

“Already retweeted it and shared it to my insta story,” said Kevin.

“Sweet,” said Jeremy. He tugged the sweatpants off, took the beanie from Jean, and tossed them back to Kevin. “All right, I think we’re going to head out. We’ll see you guys at practice in the morning.”

Andrew moved to leave with them, brushing Neil’s hand on the way past, and Neil was struck with another pang of jealously. In a different world, he and Andrew would be able to stay together at the team hotel without wondering who might see them coming in or out of the room.

Why couldn’t they do that in this world? The reasons were becoming blurry.

Jeremy noticed Andrew following them towards the door and looked back, confused. “You’re leaving, too? We kind of figured you’d stay here. Or – is Neil meeting you in your room?”

“Not unless you feel like explaining to the rest of the team why Neil and I are coming out of the same hotel room in the morning,” said Andrew.

“Oh, right, that makes sense.” Jeremy hesitated. “You know, they’d probably be fine with it. I mean, no one on the team has ever given me and Jean any shit.” He looked pointedly at Kevin. “It’s gotten a lot better, for athletes who aren’t straight.”

Kevin looked away, but Andrew just shook his head. “Not that. We’d just rather keep our personal lives private.”

Right. That was why they couldn’t act like Jean and Jeremy. Neil wouldn’t dream of asking Andrew to give up his privacy. And Neil didn’t want to give up his own privacy, either, for that matter. They’d just have to take what they could get and be okay with it.

Jeremy nodded slowly and gave them a sympathetic look, lacing his fingers through Jean’s. “I get that. Okay, then, I guess we’re all going.”

“See you tomorrow,” Kevin agreed.

Neil watched them go. Part of him expected Andrew to say something – look back, to acknowledge him in some way one more time before he left – but he didn’t. The door clicked shut behind them.

He had no reason to be disappointed. He’d known Andrew couldn’t stay. And it was fine. He was fine with it. There was no reason not to be.

“Have you talked to him about it?” asked Kevin.

Neil started. “To who? About what?”

“Andrew,” said Kevin, “about the fact that you don’t want to keep this a secret anymore.”

“Of course not. Because that’s not what’s happening,” said Neil. “We decided to keep it private. There’s nothing to discuss.”

Kevin looked at him skeptically. “I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at Jean and Jeremy all day. And the way you’ve been looking at Andrew. And the way you look right now.”

“I’m not looking like anything,” said Neil stubbornly. “And you heard Andrew. We’d rather keep our personal lives private.”

“Sure,” said Kevin. “I’m just saying, you might want to touch base again, because I’ve seen the way he’s been looking at you today, too.”

Neil wrinkled his nose. “Did you seriously just use a baseball expression with me?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Want to watch some game film from last week? I think there are a few things we can work on during practice tomorrow that will help for our next National league game.”

“Yeah,” said Neil, happy to change the subject. “Let’s do it.” He settled back into the bed and his comfort zone as Kevin put the video on and started breaking down their moves. He wasn’t going to think about what Kevin said before. There was no reason to. Kevin was wrong; Neil and Andrew were fine with the status quo. Better than fine. This was what they wanted.

And if Neil had to try a little harder than usual to focus on the exy game on the television instead of the fact that Andrew was here, in the same hotel, but they couldn’t be together the way he wanted – well, that wasn’t anybody’s business. He was fine.

Chapter Text

Neil glared at the scoreboard in frustration, but it stubbornly refused to change. They’d lost to the L.A. Lions, 21-15, in the first round of the playoffs, and – just like that – the Hawks’ season was over. He found himself hoping the rumors that their starting goalie, Stevens, was actually going to retire at the end of the year were true – he just hadn’t been able to stop the Lions from scoring. Even if they couldn’t get Andrew, it would be worth it to get someone who could still defend the goal.

Jeremy Knox jogged up to him and clacked their racquets together. “Good game, Josten. You and Kevin still planning to come hang with us after, or are you going to be too busy trying to drown your sorrows in the shower?”

“We’ll be there,” said Kevin, walking over with Jean to join them. “Good game – you’d better take it all the way home.”

Jeremy grinned. “We’ll try! So, how long do you need? I’ve got press duty, but Jean can probably meet you a little sooner.”

“I don’t know what Kevin wants to do,” said Neil, “but I’ve got press, too, so I’ll see you there.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I see how much damage you do in front of the reporters,” said Kevin.

“Honestly, I’m a little surprised they’re sending you out there after last time,” said Jeremy with a laugh.

“That’s why I’m not leaving until I can assess the damage,” said Kevin, shooting a glare at Neil in a way he thought was entirely unfair. Their last game of the regular season had been against Andrew’s team, and it wasn’t Neil’s fault all the questions had centered around his relationship with Andrew. He’d managed to answer most of them without lying, and without admitting they were married, so he considered it a success. Even if public opinion now seemed to be split between thinking he and Andrew were together and thinking he and Andrew had literally attempted to murder each other on multiple occasions. He couldn’t control how people interpreted his statements.

“You know,” said Neil, “if you’re going to react like that every time I’ve got press duty, you could probably just talk to Coach Herrera and get him to take me out of the rotation.”

“I have,” Kevin frowned. “He won’t do it.”

“Wait, really?” asked Neil. “Coach actually wants me to keep doing this?”

“Apparently,” said Kevin, speaking as if every word caused him physical pain. “Your media attention has been good for ticket and merch sales.”

Neil wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “You know what else would probably be good for ticket and merch sales? If you tell them you’re –”

“No,” said Kevin flatly. “I’ve already told you, me revealing something deeply personal to distract attention from you revealing something deeply personal is not going to become a thing.”

“Worth a shot,” Neil said with a shrug.

“You’ll tell them when you’re ready,” said Jeremy to Kevin, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder.

Kevin made a face somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “Come on, let’s hit the showers so we can eventually get out of here.”

“You know, you don’t have to wait for us,” said Neil. “You can just leave.”

“And miss whatever disaster you cause in front of the press?” asked Jean. He snorted. “No way. We’ll be there.”

“I really don’t understand why you two are so convinced this is going to go poorly,” said Neil. “I’ve had positive interactions with the press before.”

“Positive for who?” asked Kevin skeptically.

“It’s not just the two of us,” said Jean. “Minyard invited me to join the Foxes’ betting pool – most of them think you’ll say something stupid within the first two questions, but he bet you’ll make it to question four.”

“Are you allowed to tell me that?” asked Neil. “What if I rig it so Andrew wins?”

“I was given explicit permission to tell you,” said Jean. “They don’t think you’ll be able to control yourself.”

“I never thought I’d say this, but can we please leave the court?” asked Kevin. “I would much rather have this conversation in clean clothes.”

“Sounds good,” said Jeremy. “See you out there!” He grinned at Neil. “For what it’s worth, I bet you’ll get at least five questions in before you snap.” Jeremy and Jean jogged off towards their locker room before Neil could respond.

Kevin sighed. “Let’s go.”

“Did you bet on this?” Neil asked, following Kevin off the court.

“No,” said Kevin. “I get no joy out of this.”

Neil laughed. “Not with that attitude.”

“You are a menace.”

“Yep,” said Neil cheerfully.

Once they were showered and changed, they followed Lauren over to the Lions’ press room. She was silent during the walk, which surprised Neil. “Not going to give me any last-minute advice?”

“Nope. Why, do you have any questions?” she asked, smiling brightly.

“Uh, yeah,” said Neil. “Why?”

Her smile became slightly manic. “I’ve given up,” she said. “It’s the end of the season. You usually do fine with the team-related questions, and the Lions have a strict ban on personal questions in the press room – not that I think that will stop you, but it might slow you down. Everything else is officially your publicist’s problem. I give up.”

Based on Kevin’s expression, that was probably a bad thing, but Neil considered it a win. “Cool. Thanks!” He paused. “You should probably know, though, I think my publicist’s given up, too. I don’t really talk to her.”

“Oh, I know,” said Lauren, sounding unbothered. “Jennice gave up way before I did.”

“You know my publicist?”

Lauren gave him a withering look. “Of course,” she said. “I know it might be hard for you to tell, but I am quite good at my job. She may not talk to you anymore, but she still talks to me.”

“She does?” asked Neil, frowning. It made sense, but he wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea of them talking about him without him there to hear it.

Kevin looked earnestly at Lauren as they reached the door to the press room. “It’s not too late to send me out there instead,” he said. “You can tell Herrera it was all me – I went rogue, got out there before you could stop me.”

Lauren laughed. “Oh no, I’m looking forward to this. Jennice and I have a bet going.” She looked at Neil and smiled. “And I’m going to win.”

“You have a bet going, too? Why?” asked Neil.

Lauren raised an eyebrow and looked at Kevin. “Was that a real question? Is he expecting an answer?”

“No, he’s fine,” said Kevin before Neil could protest. He reached out and grasped Neil’s shoulder. “Go out there. Do your thing. And if you happen to go off on one of the reporters before question three, well, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.”

“I thought you weren’t in the pool!”

“I joined while we were in the locker room,” said Kevin. “It’s a really big pool.”

Lauren looked down at her phone. “All right, Knox is already out there. Go ahead and join him.”

“No final words of wisdom?”

“Name one time you have ever listened to a single piece of advice I’ve given you,” said Lauren flatly.

“There was – uh . . .” Neil frowned. He was sure there was something.

“Exactly. You don’t listen to me anyway, so you might as well get out there and get this over with so we can all begin the off season. Kevin and I will be watching from the wings.” She opened the door and smiled.

Neil glared at Kevin one more time before stepping into the room and joining Jeremy at the front table. As soon as he was situated, a skinny man in a deep purple blazer – presumably, the Lions’ publicist – gave him a tight smile and looked out at the reporters. “Good evening, everyone,” said the publicist. “You all know how this works by now. First question goes to Mark.”

“Thanks, Deon. This question is for Jeremy. First of all, congratulations on the win today.”

Jeremy smiled. “It was a hard-earned victory against a worthy opponent.”

“It was also a very high-scoring game,” said Mark. “Your next opponent, the San Antonio Sharks, has the top-ranked defense in the division. Do you think your defense will be able to keep up?”

“Yes,” said Jeremy confidently. “We’ve got work to do, for sure. I know the defense isn’t totally satisfied with tonight’s performance, but they went out there and got the job done, and we’ve got plenty of film to watch and learn from. Plus, the Sharks are good, but they don’t have Kevin Day and Neil Josten. We came into today knowing it would be a high-scoring game. The goal was the same as it always is – to end up with more points on the board than our opponent. We did that, and we’ll do it again next week against the Sharks.”

“Cortney, you’re up next,” said Deon.

“Thank you. My question is for Neil.” Cortney smiled, and Neil tried not to grimace. “So, what went wrong out there tonight?”

Neil borrowed Jeremy’s language. “The other team ended up with more points on the board. We played our best, and we came up short.”

Cortney jumped in with a follow-up. “Any comment on rumors that starting goalie Luke Stevens is planning to retire this off season?”

“You’ll have to ask Stevens about that,” said Neil. He wondered absently if this counted as question two. If so, Kevin lost the bet. “I don’t know any more than you do.”

“Okay, Olivia, go ahead,” said Deon, calling on a woman near the back.

“Thanks,” she said. “My question is for each of you. Overall team outcomes aside, how do you feel about your individual performances tonight, and what can you do to improve?”

Neil half-listened to Jeremy’s answer – something generic about there always being room for improvement – and gave a similar answer when it was his turn. True to the Lions’ policy, the questions remained strictly exy-focused – one to both of them about what they’d done to prepare for the game (the same things they always did; it was a pointless question), one to Neil about his thoughts on the Hawks’ future (strong), another to both of them on who they thought had the best individual game that night (Neil said Kevin, while Jeremy deflected with some non-answer about exy being a team sport that requires a coordinated team effort), and one to Jeremy about when he knew the Lions had clinched the victory (“You never know for sure until the final buzzer, but we were confident throughout the game”). Neil could talk about exy for hours, but he was starting to get a little bored.

“The next question goes to Zachary,” said Deon.

“Thanks, man. Neil, what are your plans for the off season?”

This was another easy question. Everyone was going to lose this bet. “Keep practicing and improving. The U.S. Court season is starting soon, and there’s plenty of work to do.” Neil paused. Maybe it was time to make this more interesting. He smiled, and Kevin tensed up across the room. “I’m also planning to spend more time with my husband.”

Jeremy grinned. Kevin leaned against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. Lauren’s mouth had dropped open. The reporter – Zachary – was still processing Neil’s answer. “I’m sorry, did you say husband?”

“Yep,” Neil confirmed.

“Congratulations,” said Zachary. “Follow-up question for Jeremy – did you know about this, and if so, what do you think of Neil’s husband?”

“Yes, I’ve known for a while,” said Jeremy. He glanced over at Neil and then smiled with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “His husband’s great, but you already know I’m Team Josten.”

Neil choked back a laugh. He was impressed – Jeremy had taken Neil’s answer to the next level, and this press conference was finally getting fun. He hoped he’d get to do press with Jeremy again.

A reporter in the front row jumped in out of turn. “You’re not implying Neil is married to Andrew Minyard, are you?”

“I’m not implying anything,” said Jeremy. “Just reiterating my overall support for Neil, both in his marriage and in the rivalry.”

“Okay, that will conclude our post-game press conference,” said Deon, stepping in front of the table. “Zachary and Monica, our prohibition on personal questions still applies to visiting players and follow-ups. This is your one warning. Next time, we’ll be suspending your press passes.”

“Sorry, Deon, it won’t happen again,” said the reporter from the front row.

“Got it, boss,” said Zachary with a salute. He didn’t look remotely sorry.

Deon sighed and turned to Neil and Jeremy. “Thank you both for your time. You’re excused.”

Neil happily exited to his side of the room. Kevin and Lauren were already out in the hallway. As soon as the door closed behind him, Kevin handed him his phone. “Andrew.”

He looked down at Kevin’s phone, which showed Andrew was on the line. He frowned. It was weird for Andrew to call like this, right after a game. Unless – had something happened? His thoughts flashed to Ichirou Moriyama watching one of these press conferences and finally deciding he’d had enough. “Hey,” he said, putting the phone up to his ear. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, as far as I know,” said Andrew. “Why?”

“Oh,” said Neil, relaxing a little. “Good. Then why did you call?”

“That was you in front of the press a minute ago, right?” asked Andrew. “You didn’t send a newfound twin or a clone out there in your place?”

“No, it was me,” said Neil with a laugh. So Andrew just wanted to talk about what he’d said to the press. That was fine. Unless – “Wait, is it a problem? If I said too much, I can go back in there and – I don’t know, take it back or something.”

“No,” said Kevin and Lauren at the same time. Lauren physically shifted herself between Neil and the door. “Under no circumstances are you going back into that room,” she said.

Neil ignored them and waited for Andrew’s answer. He wished he was there in person; his silences were harder to read over the phone. “Do you want to take it back?” Andrew asked eventually.

“That’s not – it doesn’t matter,” said Neil. “I’m asking you.”

“And I’m asking you,” said Andrew. “Independent of what I think, do you want to take it back?”

“No,” said Neil honestly, “but I will if you want me to.”

“Don’t,” said Andrew.

“Are you sure?” asked Neil. “I gave away some pretty big hints.”

Andrew snorted. “You and Knox dropped more breadcrumbs than Hansel and Gretel.” He paused again, and Neil waited. “Mind if I drop some more?”

Neil grinned. “Go for it.”

“Good. Go have fun with Knox One and Two. And maybe check twitter in a little while.”

“Okay,” said Neil. “Talk later.”

Lauren was staring at him when he hung up the phone and handed it back to Kevin. “Oh my god. It’s true. You’re married to Andrew Minyard.”

Neil blinked at her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Kevin rolled his eyes and sighed. “Can you just . . . pretend you didn’t hear any of that?” he asked.

“Who else knows?” she asked. “Does Jennice know? Because if she knew and didn’t tell me, we are going to have words.”

“She doesn’t know,” said Neil helpfully.

“But you’re confirming that there is something to know.”

Neil feigned confusion. “What? No.”

Lauren looked at Kevin, who shrugged. “You heard him. I don’t have anything to add.”

Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Seriously?” Kevin flashed his press smile, and she sighed. “Fine. Whatever. The season’s over. I don’t care anymore.”

“That’s the spirit!” said Neil. “See you later.”

“Or not,” Lauren muttered. “Not would be fine, too.”

Neil laughed and Kevin gave her an apologetic smile as they left to go find Jeremy and Jean.

Kevin’s phone started to buzz. “Jeremy,” he said to Neil, then he answered. “Hey, man, where are you?” He paused for Jeremy’s response, then lowered the phone and looked over at Neil. “We can meet them by their car, in the team parking lot. And they want to know if we want to go out, or if we’d rather just go back to their place and hang.”

“Their place,” said Neil without hesitation.

Kevin nodded and put the phone back up. “Your place sounds good.” He laughed. “Yeah, exactly.” A pause. “All right, see you in a sec.” He hung up the phone and looked back at Neil. “They figured that’s what we’d pick – privacy.”

Neil hummed in agreement. The idea of going out to a crowded LA bar sounded completely unappealing. He was very much ready to be somewhere without strangers. There were too many around even here, in the underbelly of the Lions’ stadium. As they got closer to the team lot, they were passing more and more people – trainers, assistant coaches, cleaning staff. None of them gave Neil and Kevin a second glance, but he still felt exposed. Not that it would matter if someone saw them meeting up with Jean and Jeremy. Their friendship was well-documented, and it wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t as if he was meeting up with Andrew.

He wished he were meeting up with Andrew.

Kevin opened the door to the parking lot. It was easy to spot Jeremy and Jean – they were the only ones left in the lot, leaning against the hood of their car. When they saw Kevin and Neil, they went to their respective sides and got in. Once they reached the car, Neil climbed into the seat behind Jean, and Kevin went around behind Jeremy on the driver’s side.

“Hey,” said Jeremy, pivoting in his seat to smile at them. “We’re ordering Chinese food. You guys want anything in particular?” Kevin and Neil shook their heads. “Okay, cool. We’ll just double our usual order.” Jeremy turned back to the front and put the car in gear, and Jean started entering their food order on his phone.

“Sounds good,” said Kevin. “Are we going to pick it up or get delivery?”

“Delivery,” said Jeremy. “We live, like, five minutes from the stadium. The food will take longer than that.”

“Makes sense,” said Kevin.

“So,” said Jeremy, looking back at Neil in the rearview mirror, “did I say too much back there? Deon already gave me an earful for it. I can walk it back if you need me to.”

“Why did your team publicist care?” asked Neil, confused.

Jeremy shrugged. “You heard him at the end – we take the ‘no personal questions’ rule really seriously, so it sets a bad example when players answer the questions anyway. After Jean and I got married, Deon suspended a reporter for a whole season for asking questions about Jean taking my name, and some of his questions were arguably exy-related – like, ‘isn’t it confusing to have two players named J. Knox on the same team?’”

“Only if you’re an idiot who is incapable of reading jersey numbers,” said Jean with a snort.

“Oh,” said Neil. “That’s – cool.” Maybe he should be trying to transfer to the Lions. Or, better, maybe he could get the Hawks to implement the same policy. He should get Kevin to talk to Lauren about that.

“Anyway, do I need to help with damage control?” asked Jeremy.

“No, we’re good with it,” Neil said.

“We? Have you already talked to Andrew?”

“Yeah,” said Neil. “He called. He said to check Twitter later, so I think he’s going to say something, too.”

“You know,” said Jean, “you could just tell people you’re together. It would save us all a lot of trouble.”

“No,” said Neil. “We decided not to.”

“I still think you should talk about it again,” said Kevin.

“Why? We’ve already talked. We decided not to tell people. Nothing’s changed.”

“People do change their minds sometimes,” said Kevin. “It’s allowed.”

“Do you think Andrew’s changed his mind?” Neil asked.

“Maybe,” said Kevin with a shrug. “But I think you have.”

Neil turned away and looked out the window. Kevin was wrong. He hadn’t changed his mind. He hadn’t even thought about changing his mind. There was no point in it. He and Andrew had made a decision, and he wasn’t going to go back on it. Besides, they were still having fun. The feeling in the pit of Neil’s stomach whenever he watched Jeremy and Jean be publicly and openly together had nothing to do with him and Andrew. And it wasn’t that he wanted to tell people about Andrew; he just missed him. That was normal, and fine, and it didn’t require a conversation.

“Oh for the love of –” Kevin frowned at his phone, which was buzzing again. “It’s Allison.”

“Well, are you going to answer it?” asked Neil.

Kevin glared at him, but he answered the phone and put it on speaker. “Neil has a phone, too, you know.”

“Wow, Kevin, why don’t you ever consider that I might want to talk to you?”

Kevin snorted. “Do you?”

“No,” said Allison. “It could happen eventually, though. I tried Neil first, and he didn’t answer.”

“Sorry,” said Neil cheerfully.

“Wait, was that Neil? Am I on speaker?”

“Yeah,” said Kevin. “We’re in the car with Jean and Jeremy.”

“Oh shit, cool. Hey, guys, congrats on the win!” said Allison.

Kevin grit his teeth. “We lost.”

“Yes, Kevin, I know,” Allison sniffed. “Not everything is about you. I was obviously talking to Jeremy and Jean.”

“If you’re going to talk to everyone in this car besides me, why am I the one you called?” asked Kevin.

“Because Neil didn’t answer his phone, and I didn’t know you were with Sunshine and Frenchie.”

Jean glanced at Jeremy. “Should we be offended?”

“Nah,” said Jeremy. “I think that was a compliment.”

“Sunshine gets it,” said Allison approvingly. “So, anyway, Neil, as your self-appointed rivalry manager, I was quite surprised to hear you volunteer the fact that you’ve got a husband.”

“So was everyone else,” said Neil with a shrug. “You’re not special.”

“Okay, I am very special, but I’m going to ignore that. So, what gives? Why are we making these big admissions all of a sudden?”

Neil deflected. “Andrew already admitted he’s married, at that group interview we did.”

“Exactly,” said Allison. “Now everyone knows you’re both married, and to men. People are already putting the pieces together. Especially with Knox’s little comment – which was very cheeky, by the way, I love it.”

“Thanks!” said Jeremy.

“Anyway, have you seen these tweets?” asked Allison. “The whole rivalry tag is filled with people who think you’re married. ‘Forget #MinyardJostenRivalry and #MinyardJostenAffair, I’m here for #MinyardJostenMarriage.’ ‘Wait was the entire #MinyardJostenRivalry a cover for them being married?’ ‘Hold on, is THAT why they were at the courthouse? The entire #MinyardJostenRivalry is a lie, they’ve been in love the whole time.’”

“Those are all real?” asked Neil. “Even the courthouse one?”

“Do you seriously think I called you up to read you fake tweets?” asked Allison. “Yes, they’re real, and there are a bunch more just like them. I could keep going.”

“Please don’t,” said Jean.

“What else are people saying?” asked Neil.

“Plenty,” said Allison. “There are people who are leaning into the rivalry harder. Some of them are sharing ‘evidence’ like photos of the two of you eye-fucking each other, which is pretty ironic. And people are still sharing and buying our merch, which is good.”

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“I wouldn’t call it a problem, necessarily,” said Allison. “I’d just say you’ve got . . . very passionate fans who have your best interests at heart.”

Neil didn’t like the sound of that. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” said Allison, “there might be some people in the Team Josten tag who are concerned that you could possibly be in an abusive relationship with Andrew.”

“What?” said Neil. “No. That’s bullshit.” He started digging through his bag for his phone.

“What are you doing?” asked Kevin.

“I have to tweet something and tell them they’re wrong.”

“No, you don’t,” said Allison. “First of all, what exactly are you going to say? Unless you’re planning to confirm the relationship, it’s pretty hard to comment on whether or not it’s healthy.”

Neil hadn’t gotten that far, and she was probably right, so he didn’t answer. “Second of all?”

“Second of all,” she continued, “I don’t think you need to worry. Plenty of people are jumping to your little monster’s defense. Some of them are even saying you’re abusive, which is just – well, hold on, actually, a few of these are making pretty compelling arguments. Hey, Renee, babe, can you check in with Andrew and make sure Neil isn’t a shitty husband?”

“Hey!” Neil protested.

“I’m not going to do that,” said Renee in the background.

Allison sighed. “All right, I guess it’s fine, then. Anyway, Neil, we’ve agreed you’re not going to tweet anything, right?”

Neil didn’t like it, but he didn’t have any good reason to go against her advice. “I’m not going to tweet anything,” he agreed, crossing his arms.

“Lovely,” said Allison. “Are you and Kevin hitting the town with the L.A. lovers?”

“Is that us?” Jean muttered to Jeremy.

“Yep!” said Jeremy, giving him a dazzling smile.

“Was that a yep as in yep you’re going out, or a yep as in yep, the Knoxes are still nauseatingly cute?”

“The latter,” said Jeremy. “We’re planning to stay in.”

“Disappointing on both fronts, but unsurprising,” said Allison. “Renee, we need to up our game. We might not be the cutest couple Neil knows anymore.”

Neil snorted. “Matt and Dan.”

“Oh,” said Allison. “Well, fuck.”

“It’s okay, love,” said Renee. “I think we’re very cute.”

“Sure, but you have to say that,” said Allison. “It was in our vows.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t true,” said Renee.

“Okay, we get it, you’re all very cute,” said Kevin, rolling his eyes. “Can I have my phone back?”

“What? Oh, yeah, sure,” said Allison. “Neil, call me back if you need a consult whenever Andrew gets around to tweeting out some kind of response.”

“Sure,” said Neil, knowing full well he didn’t intend to take her up on the offer.

“You’re not going to call me, are you?” she asked.

“Probably not.”

Allison sighed dramatically. “Well, I tried. Let me know if you need me to jump into the fray and verbally eviscerate anyone.”

Neil grinned. “Now, that, I’ll do.”

“Excellent,” Allison said. “Congrats on being publicly married! Talk soon, love you, bye!” She hung up the phone without waiting for a response.

“She really is just. . . like that, all the time, isn’t she?” asked Jean.

“Yeah,” said Kevin. “I would say you get used to it, but that hasn’t happened yet.”

“I like her,” said Jeremy, turning into a driveway. “And she’s got good timing. We’re here!”

Neil and Kevin followed Jeremy and Jean inside, and they got situated in their living room with snacks and drinks. Neil got his phone out of his bag and kept it on his lap – he wanted to see what Andrew tweeted. Before long, he was rewarded with a twitter notification. He anxiously opened it and read the tweet.

@andrew.minyard: Say what you want about @neiljos10, but his husband is really cool

Neil grinned. This would be easy to respond to. He definitely didn’t need to consult Allison. He didn’t even need to run anything by Kevin. He typed out a quick quote-retweet and put his phone back in his pocket.

@neiljos10: Can’t argue with that!

***

Neil was bouncing on his feet, trying and failing to pay attention to Coach Sanders. It was the first U.S. Court game of the season, and he was about to go out onto the court on the same team as Andrew, wearing the same uniform as Andrew, for the first time since college. He was too excited to contain it.

Andrew reached around Kevin and flicked him on the shoulder. “Calm down, rabbit,” he said in quiet Russian. “It’s exhausting just to look at you.”

Kevin ignored them, but some of the other players were looking at Neil with something between curiosity and concern. Neil frowned. Maybe they should at least tell their teammates. It was annoying to have the cloud of suspicion and speculation hovering over them in the locker room and on the court.

But if they told the team, they’d have to count on all of them to keep it under wraps, and Neil didn’t trust them nearly enough for that. Someone could let something slip, and then the world would know. And that would be bad.

Right?

Andrew tugged on his sleeve. “Come on,” he said, still in Russian. “Hallway.”

Neil glanced around. He had apparently missed the rest of the pregame speech. Their teammates were talking in small groups, and Sanders was off to the side, giving some last-minute advice to their dealers. Kevin looked at Neil’s confusion and sighed. “You’ve got five minutes,” he said in French. “Go with him and see if he can get your head in the game before you go out there and lose to Portugal.”

“Okay,” said Neil, and he started to follow Andrew away from the rest of the team.

“Hey!” Neil stopped at the sound of their coach’s voice and turned back. “Should I be concerned? My goalie isn’t about to take out my striker, is he?”

Neil looked at Andrew. “Well? Are you?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “We’re good over here, Coach,” he said. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back before it’s time to leave the locker room.”

Neil gave a thumbs up and went after Andrew, who was already past the first row of lockers. Kevin would probably give Sanders some more effective reassurance. Or maybe Jeremey would say something. It wasn’t important to Neil – he was just annoyed that their coach has also immediately assumed Andrew wanted to get him alone to hurt him.

Andrew stopped and pivoted to face Neil. “Are you okay?”

“What?” asked Neil. “Yeah. I’m fine. Why?”

“I haven’t seen you this on edge before a game since college.”

“You haven’t seen me before a game since college,” Neil corrected him. “That’s – that’s most of it, honestly.” He smiled. “I’m just really excited to play with you again.”

Andrew eyed him suspiciously. “You didn’t look too excited during the last half of the pep talk.”

A shadow of annoyance passed back over Neil’s face. “I don’t like how they look at you.”

Andrew had the nerve to look amused. “Are you jealous? Now that you mention it, I have noticed Pratt checking me out.”

“Not that,” said Neil. “Wait, has he? Never mind, not important.” He sighed. “I don’t like that they all assume the worst of you.”

Andrew had the nerve to continue to look completely unbothered. “Why does it matter? They aren’t important. Neither are their opinions.”

“I know that,” said Neil. “I still wish they could know the real you. At least a little. It would be so much easier if I could just tell them about us.”

Andrew tilted his head. “Do you want to tell them about us?”

“No,” said Neil. “I mean – it doesn’t matter. We aren’t telling them. It’s a moot point.”

“That’s not the deal.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s not that we aren’t telling them,” said Andrew. “We’re competing to see which one of us tells them first.”

“Oh,” said Neil. “Does that mean – do you want to tell them about us?”

Andrew paused, considering. “If you do, then yes.”

“That’s not how this works,” said Neil. “You can’t want something just because I want it.”

“So you do want it, though.”

“No,” said Neil.

“No?” Andrew repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“No – well, yes, maybe, but not if you don’t.”

“Talking in circles won’t get us anywhere.”

“Where are we going?”

Andrew paused. “Yes.”

Neil’s heart leapt to his throat, and he forcefully shoved it back down. “What do you mean, yes?”

“Yes. Let’s tell them.”

“Really?” asked Neil, tempering his excitement. “We don’t have to. And we can’t un-tell them.”

“You’re right,” said Andrew. “It’s easier for them to know. Especially if we’re spending more time together.”

Neil finally allowed himself to feel relieved. He hadn’t realized how much tension he’d been carrying until he let it go. “It really will be,” he said. “We’ll have the whole Court season – all the travel, the international flights.”

Andrew grimaced. “This will definitely make the flights more tolerable.” He paused, then took a breath. “There’s something else,” he said, fidgeting. He had an odd expression on his face. It took Neil a moment to realize Andrew looked nervous. “I wanted to tell you in person.”

His relief evaporated, and Neil immediately started spiraling into worst case scenarios. “Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.

Andrew furrowed his brow, then gave his head a tiny shake. “No, it’s not – it’s nothing bad. It’s . . . I think it’s good, actually.” He took a deep breath. “My contract expired at the end of the season, and I didn’t reach a new deal with the Dragons, so I’m currently a free agent. We’ve been negotiating, and I’ve got a deal in place to sign with the Hawks.”

Neil stared at him. “The Denver Hawks?”

“No, the Atlanta Hawks, the basketball team,” said Andrew. “Yes, the Denver Hawks, honestly –”

“Really?” asked Neil. “And it’s not a trade or anything?”

“One of the advantages of free agency,” said Andrew. “We would get to keep Kevin, too.”

Neil grinned. “Next year, we are absolutely going to win the championship.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “It’s always about exy with you.”

“Okay, sure, but this is literally about exy,” said Neil. “It’s – this is real? It’s really happening?”

“I haven’t signed yet,” said Andrew.

“Why not?”

“I wanted to talk to you first. I was going to wait until after the game, but,” he shrugged. “Now seemed good.”

“Sign,” said Neil. “Do you have the paperwork with you? Can you sign it right now? Or – there’s probably not time now. Maybe at halftime?”

“The offer’s open through next week,” said Andrew. “I’ll sign tomorrow.”

Tomorrow seemed unreasonably far away. Realistically, though, that was probably fine. “Does anyone else know?”

“No one that matters,” said Andrew. “My agent, your coach.”

“Our coach,” Neil corrected him with a grin.

“Not until I sign the paperwork.”

Neil frowned. “Are you sure you can’t just sign right now?”

“Patience is a virtue,” said Andrew, but he looked pleased. “Besides, we’ve got about 30 seconds before our other coach sends someone back here to make sure I haven’t found a way to get rid of your body.”

Neil snorted. “Wouldn’t he send someone to keep you from killing me in the first place?”

“Too late for that,” said Andrew. “All that’s left is destroying the evidence.”

“Too bad I’m dead,” said Neil. “I’m really good at covering up evidence.”

Kevin stepped around the corner. “Do I want to know what you’re talking about?”

“Probably not,” Neil said. “Is it time for us to go out there?”

“Yeah,” Kevin nodded. “Y’all good?”

“Very.” Neil looked at Andrew. “Ready to go beat Portugal?”

“Sure, why not?” said Andrew. “Let’s go.”

Neil and Andrew started back towards the others, but Kevin stopped them. “You look . . .” he paused. “Happy.”

Neil raised his eyebrows. “Is that a problem?”

“Should we tell him?” asked Andrew in Russian.

“It’s your news,” Neil answered. “Your call.”

Andrew turned to Kevin and switched back to English. “How do you feel about getting another roommate?”

Kevin looked confused for only a moment before he grinned. “You? Are you coming to the Hawks?” Andrew nodded, and Kevin’s eyes lit up. “I can’t wait to tell Jeremy and Jean. They won’t stand a chance against us next year.”

“Junkies,” said Andrew fondly. “Come on, let’s go win this one first.”

By halftime, Neil was getting antsy again. He and Jeremy had started the half and gotten them off to a good start, but Portugal had been scoring, too, and the U.S. was down by two goals. Andrew would be in the goal the whole second half, which would help, and Neil would go back in with Kevin to close out the game. He knew they could close the gap, but he didn’t like playing from behind. Sanders had given a reasonably good halftime pep talk, but most of the team just didn’t seem to be playing with the same urgency Neil wanted them to have.

“Josten, Minyard, and Day,” said Coach Sanders. “The three of you are on post-game press duty.”

Kevin looked mildly panicked. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he said quickly.

“Not my call,” said Sanders. “Apparently, the reunited college teammate angle is popular. Just figure it out and don’t embarrass me.”

Kevin grimaced, glared at Neil and Andrew, then turned on his press smile for Sanders. “We’ll make it work.”

The coach sighed. “At least one of you will be fine,” he said.

Kevin pulled Neil and Andrew off to the side. “Is this going to be okay?”

“We’re always okay,” said Andrew.

“Not what I meant,” said Kevin flatly. “Anything I should prepare for?”

“But if you prepare for it, it won’t be a surprise.”

Kevin looked to Neil, who just shrugged. “He’s not wrong.”

“What makes you think I want to be surprised? When, in all the years you’ve known me, have I ever seemed happy about a surprise?”

“It’s never too late to start,” Neil suggested.

Kevin pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t have the energy for this right now. I’ll worry about the two of you after the game.” He didn’t wait for a response before walking off to join Jeremy and Jean – presumably, a less energy-draining pair.

“Hey,” Neil said quietly to Andrew in Russian. “Is this going to be okay? How much do you want to tell them?”

“About the transfer, or about us?”

Neil blinked. “I thought we were just planning to tell the team.”

Andrew shrugged. “Sure, but soon, there will be two teams, and we’ll be together more often.” He watched Neil. “It might be easier to just end it.”

“Really?” Neil tried to temper his reaction. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t sure,” said Andrew.

Neil felt a rush of energy that settled somewhere in his chest. “Let’s do it, then.”

“Hey, so, not to interrupt, but what’s the deal with you guys, anyway?” Brady, the other striker on the team, had wandered up to them. “Like, do you hate each other or not? Because I definitely thought you did, but you’re always whispering together in a foreign language, so, like, it’s hard to tell.”

Neil and Andrew both turned and stared at her. “Um,” said Neil.

“Stay tuned after the game,” said Andrew. “We’ll let you know.”

“Right, right, of course,” said Brady, flushing under their stares. “Got to stay focused. Talk later, then!” She hurried back across the locker room.

“She’s right,” said Neil. “We should be focusing on the game.” With everything else, he’d almost managed to forget they were losing. He turned to face Andrew fully. “What would it take for you to shut down the goal?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “You can’t just ask me to shut down the goal every time you get bored.”

“That’s not why I’m asking,” said Neil. “I want to win.”

“You always want to win,” said Andrew. “If you want to win, you need to score.”

“I will,” Neil said, “but that might not be enough. Not by itself. So, what will it take for you to shut it down?”

Andrew thought for a moment, then his mouth twitched upwards. “If I shut it down, I win. If I don’t, you win.”

Neil frowned. “What are you talking about? We’re on the same team.”

Andrew gave him a look and switched to Russian. “Not the exy game. The Rivalry.”

“Oh,” said Neil. “Oh.” He grinned. Andrew had all but agreed to shut down the goal – he cared way more about winning the rivalry than winning the game. “Deal.”

Andrew nodded. “Let’s do it, then.”

Neil spent the first portion of the second half anxiously on the bench next to Kevin, eyes glued on Andrew. Twenty minutes into the half, Jeremy had scored twice, and Andrew hadn’t let a single goal through, so the score was tied.

“He’s playing hard,” said Kevin in quiet French. “What did you do?”

“Can’t he just play well without it having anything to do with me?” asked Neil.

“Why does everyone keep asking me hypothetical questions that don’t matter?”

Neil paused, then shrugged. “We made a deal. If he shuts it down, I’ll lose the rivalry. If he doesn’t, he’ll lose.”

Kevin turned sharply towards him. “That means – either way, one of you is going to admit you’re married to each other, right?”

Neil nodded. He felt himself smiling. “Yep.”

Kevin stared for a second, then he grinned. “Finally.”

“Day, Josten, trade in,” said Sanders.

Subbing in for Jeremy and Brady, Neil and Kevin jogged onto the court to finish the game. Neil played with a new vigor. They were going to win, and he was actually looking forward to talking to the press afterwards. He and Kevin each scored three more times, and Andrew still hadn’t let a single goal in with only a minute left to play. Neil wasn’t even mad that Andrew was going to win the rivalry.

As the final seconds ticked down, the game was effectively over – there was no way Portugal could score six points in the time remaining – but the Portuguese team hadn’t given up, and one of their strikers was driving towards the goal. Andrew glanced across the court towards Neil and then back at the Portuguese striker, who had just bounced the ball back to herself. A few steps later, she took her shot at the goal. Andrew went for the ball, but the wall lit up behind him and the buzzer sounded.

Neil stared in disbelief, hardly noticing when the buzzer sounded again to indicate the end of the game. The shot hadn’t been a tricky one. There was no reason Andrew shouldn’t have blocked it. Unless –

“He missed it on purpose,” said Neil to Kevin, who had jogged up beside him. “He wanted to lose.”

Kevin shrugged. “We won the game, and it at least looks like he tried, so who cares?”

“I care!” said Neil. “Why would he do that?”

“Ask him yourself,” said Kevin. “Come on, let’s get showered and changed.”

Andrew was waiting for them by the court doors, and they walked into the locker room together. “Looks like I lost,” said Andrew blandly. “Oh, well. Good game!”

“Why, though?” asked Neil. He switched to Russian. “You totally could’ve blocked that shot.”

“Probably,” Andrew agreed.

“Why didn’t you?”

“I want you to be confident that I want this, too.”

Neil stopped walking, and one of their dealers almost ran into him from behind. “You do?”

“See, this is exactly why I did it,” said Andrew. “Come on, keep walking.”

“You want to tell them we’re married. You want to be the one to tell them we’re married.”

“Yes,” said Andrew. “Now hurry up and get changed so I can go do it.”

A few minutes later, Neil, Andrew, and Kevin were showered, dressed, and ready to go out in front of the press. Jeremy and Jean had caught up with them, too, and were waiting with them outside the door to the press room.

“Planning to come out there with us?” asked Neil.

Jeremy grinned. “Kevin tipped us off. There’s no way we’re missing this.”

“We’ll stay in the back,” said Jean. “For what it’s worth, I’m still hoping you change your minds and do something to up the drama.”

“Don’t give them any ideas,” warned Kevin.

The door opened, and a tall man with a goatee stuck his head out. “All right, we’re ready for you,” he said. “Come on in.”

Neil, Andrew, and Kevin went to the front of the room and situated themselves behind their name plates and microphones, while Jean and Jeremy retreated to the back of the room, staying against the wall.

The man with the goatee called on the first reporter. “Bianca, you’re up.”

“Thanks, Chase. First of all, congrats on the win. You pulled away in the second half, but the team got off to a slow start – why do you think that is?”

“This was the first game of the season,” said Kevin. “There’s always a bit of a learning curve as the team gets used to playing together with the pressure and noise of an actual game. I think we worked out a lot of kinks, and I’m excited for the rest of the season.”

“Greg, next question,” said Chase.

“Thank you. My question is for all of you, but particularly for Andrew and Neil. What was it like to play together again after so many years?”

“Great,” said Neil without hesitation. “We play well together. I’ve always said that. I like to win, and when we play together, we win.” He glanced over at Andrew, who gave a barely perceptible nod. “It looks like we’re going to be playing together a lot more going forward, so you can expect a lot of winning. And not just at the Court level.”

The reporter’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you alluding to a transfer within your national league teams?”

“It isn’t finalized yet,” said Andrew, “but I’ve been offered a contract with the Denver Hawks, and I plan to accept.”

There was a general murmur in the crowd; this was far more news than they’d expected to get. “What prompted the move?” called out someone near the front.

Andrew looked downright smug as he slowly built up to the big reveal. “The Hawks are a great team,” he said, “but primarily, I wanted to be closer to my husband.”

Chase seemed to have given up on controlling the press conference. He was watching with interest. Another reporter shouted out a question above the general din. “Neil, what are your thoughts on the transfer?”

Neil let himself smile openly. “I’m thrilled. Andrew’s husband and my husband are looking forward to spending more time together.” He heard Andrew let out a quiet puff of air beside him, and he smiled wider.

“Andrew, how soon will you be moving to Colorado?” called out someone else.

“I’ll be moving as soon as possible,” said Andrew.

“Where does your husband live now?” yelled someone near the back. “If he’s going to spend more time with Neil’s husband, does that mean he’s moving to Denver, too?”

“He already lives there,” said Andrew. He paused, then continued, as if it was an afterthought. “For those of you who weren’t aware, my husband is Neil Josten.”

Everyone started shouting questions at once. Neil heard someone shout “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously,” Neil said. “Turns out, getting married is one of the things you can do at a courthouse.” He glanced over at the Kevin and Andrew, who both looked reasonably satisfied and ready to leave. “I think we’ve given you enough to think about for now. Enjoy the rest of your evenings.”

Neill got up and started for the exit, followed by Andrew and Kevin. They had nearly reached the door, where Jeremy and Jean were waiting for them, when one more reporter yelled out a question above the general cacophony.

“Kevin! How does it feel to be the token straight in your friend group?”

Kevin glanced and Andrew and Neil, then at Jean and Jeremy, and then he turned back to the reporter and smiled. “Actually, I’m bisexual.”

The room erupted into even more noise, and Kevin shoved the rest of them out the door.

Jeremy clapped Kevin on the back, and he and Jean handed them their bags. “Way to go, dude. Proud of you!”

Jean was smiling at him, too. “What happened to Mr. ‘It’s Easier to Remain Heterosexual?’” he asked in a teasing tone.

Kevin looked mildly shell-shocked, but he smiled back at Jean as they all started towards the parking lot. “It was easier until it wasn’t, I guess.”

Neil and Andrew looked at each other, then back at the others. “We’re all very happy for Kevin,” said Neil, “but what about us?”

“Oh, yeah, congrats to you, too!” said Jeremy.

Jean snorted. “Half of twitter already assumed the two of you were married. Kevin actually said something interesting.”

Andrew had pulled out his phone. “We’re interesting, too,” he said. “Minyard-Josten Marriage is already trending.”

“Yeah, but so is Kevin Day,” said Jean, holding up his own phone.

“I am?” asked Kevin. “Is that good or bad?” He glanced around; the hallway was relatively empty, but they weren’t alone. “Actually, wait, don’t tell me. Let’s get back to the hotel – Neil’s and my room?”

Jeremy nodded. “Sounds good. We’ll go straight there.”

When they reached the parking lot, Jeremy and Jean veered off towards their rental car, but Andrew followed Kevin and Neil. Neil looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“We’re not hiding anything anymore,” said Andrew with a shrug. “I’ll tell the rental company where to find my car.”

Neil shrugged. “Works for me,” he said.

The drive back to the hotel was short but tense. Neil could feel the anxiety radiating off of Kevin. Apparently, so could Andrew. He’d let Kevin ride shotgun, and about halfway through the drive, he reached forward and put a hand firmly on Kevin’s shoulder. “Breathe. You’re fine. This is a good thing.” Kevin nodded stiffly, but he didn’t relax.

They arrived at the hotel at the same time as Jeremy and Jean, and they walked in together. There were more eyes than usual following them through the lobby, and Neil was anxious to get inside the relative private of a hotel room. None of them said a word until they were in Kevin and Neil’s room.

“Okay,” said Kevin with a grimace, reaching into his bag, “let’s see what people are saying.” As soon as he got his phone out, it started to buzz. He glared at it for a second, then sighed and answered it on speaker. “They both have phones, too. Did you lose their contact information? I’m going to hang up and forward you their numbers.”

“No, wait, don’t hang up!” said Allison. “I actually called for you this time, I swear!”

Kevin looked at his phone with suspicion. “You did?”

“Of course!” she said. “Neil and Andrew are old news. Your reveal, on the other hand, is something worth talking about! I’ve got to welcome you to the Bad Bisexual Bitches club!”

Kevin snorted, but he was smiling. “There’s a club?”

“Obviously,” said Allison. “Your welcome basket will be waiting for you when you get home.”

“What about us?” asked Neil. “We had news, too! What about Andrew’s transfer?”

Allison hummed. “I suppose the transfer was new information.”

“And you never got us a wedding present,” said Andrew. “We got you and Renee a very nice kitchen set.”

“Fine, whatever, I’ll send the two of you something, too,” said Allison. “Everyone on twitter is loving the whole Minyard-Josten marriage thing, by the way. I’ve already seen, like, fifty threads with people compiling all the evidence and saying how they knew all along. I’m pretty sure at least four of them used to make those super popular videos documenting all the evidence that you hate each other.”

“What are they saying about me?” Kevin asked. His tone was light, but he looked nervous.

“Don’t worry, you’re still exy’s golden boy,” said Allison. “I’ve seen, like, two negative tweets, and your fans piled on them so fast they already deleted them. One might’ve deactivated their whole profile.”

“Really?” asked Kevin.

“Really,” confirmed Jeremy. “I think they love you even more now.”

“Of course they do,” said Allison. “Being bi is an awesome and exceptionally lovable trait.”

Kevin finally started to relax. “Thanks, Allison.”

“Anyway, I’ve got to go start putting your welcome basket together, but let me know if you want me to help you design some merch. We can go classier than sweats.”

“I’ll let you know,” Kevin said with a laugh, and he hung up the phone.

“I thought you liked the sweatpants,” said Neil.

“Sure,” said Kevin. “They’re great.”

Neil looked at Andrew, who shrugged. He was genuinely happy for Kevin, but he couldn’t help but feel a little like he’d stolen their thunder. It felt odd that the rivalry was over and no one really seemed to care. “How come you were never willing to do this when I asked you to?”

“You mean why didn’t I publicly reveal my sexuality at a time most convenient for you?” asked Kevin, raising an eyebrow.

“It sounds bad when you put it that way,” said Neil. Kevin just laughed. “I don’t know, it just seems a little anticlimactic, doesn’t it?”

“It’s not about the reveal,” said Andrew. “It’s about what comes after.”

Oh. “Okay, yeah, that makes sense,” said Neil. In all the excitement, he’d lost sight of the most important part: being openly, happily with Andrew.

Jeremy had pulled several small bottles out of the minibar and tossed them around the room, keeping one for himself and holding it up in a toast. “To aligning our public personas with our true selves!” Everyone else made matching faces of disgust, and Jeremy sighed. “To revealing select aspects of our true selves to the public so their perception of us is no longer directly inaccurate?” he tried again.

“I’ll drink to that,” said Andrew.

The others started talking again – Neil thought they were reading some of the recent tweets aloud – but he couldn’t make himself pay attention. He just watched Andrew. It hardly seemed real that he got to be married to him at all, and now he didn’t even have to hide it. Better yet, they were about to be living in the same city and playing on the same team again. Neil couldn’t believe his luck.

Feeling his gaze, Andrew glanced over at him. He pressed his shoulder against Neil’s. “You good?”

Neil smiled. “Never better,” he said, and he meant it.

Chapter Text

“Why did we agree to do this?” Neil asked with quiet urgency.

“Because it’s going to be fun,” said Andrew. “And because we need to prove to the world that our marriage is better than the Knoxes’.”

“What if we’re not?” Neil whispered urgently. “I don’t know what kind of questions they sent you, but a lot of mine were really weird.”

“You got the same set of questions Jean got,” said Andrew. “We’ll be fine.”

“If you say so,” said Neil dubiously.

Vanessa – the same production assistant who had helped out with their Superlatives segment – was talking to Kevin, giving him thorough instructions. Unlike their Superlatives video, this one wouldn’t have any professional hosts. Instead, Kevin would be asking the questions and leading the discussion on their answers. Kevin and Jeremy were excited; Neil, Andrew, and Jean were not.

It would be fine. Probably. At least there wouldn’t be any strangers involved this time. Except for the camera crew, and the people who had sent them the questions, and the fans who would ultimately view and share the video.

“One more thing,” said Andrew quietly, looking vaguely uncomfortable. “Now, before I say it, I need you to agree not to react or say anything. Can you do that?”

Neil frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Nothing. Do you agree?”

“Yes,” said Neil.

“Good,” said Andrew. He looked directly at Neil. “I love you.”

“You – what?”

Andrew grimaced. “Shut up. You promised not to react. Just – remember I said that.”

Neil snapped his mouth shut. He started looking around the room for potential threats. He recognized Vanessa from last time, of course, but he hadn’t paid attention to the camera crew. None of them seemed to be paying any particular attention to him or Andrew, but it was possible one of them was – something. A Moriyama plant. Some unknown remnant of his father’s gang. Hell, a deranged fan. But when would they have had the chance to get to Andrew? They’d been together the whole time.

“Whoever it is,” said Neil quietly and urgently, “we can deal with it. Just tell me – what’s the threat?”

“The th – No.” Andrew reached over and put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck. “I told you. Nothing’s wrong. Quit thinking about it. Just remember I said it.”

“Okay,” said Neil uncertainly. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Andrew – or that he doubted Andrew loved him. It just wasn’t something they said. He couldn’t figure out why Andrew would’ve chosen this moment to put it into words.

“You’re still thinking about it,” said Andrew. “Stop it. I swear to god, if this distracts you during the game, I am going to be so annoyed.”

Right. The game. Neil had completely forgotten about it. “If you didn’t want it to distract me, why did you say it right now?”

Andrew sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “Because I’m an idiot.” He looked at Neil. “You’ll understand why I said it before the end of the game. Can you just chill until then?”

Neil furrowed his brow. That didn’t make any sense. How would he get an explanation during the game? Unless – “Oh,” he said. “This is one of the questions, isn’t it?”

Andrew looked pointedly at Kevin and Vanessa. “We’re not talking about the questions.”

“Right, right, of course not,” said Neil. “It is though, isn’t it?”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Yes, obviously. God, you’re the worst.”

“I thought you loved me.”

“I’m going to need you to shut up now.”

Andrew was saved from a response by Vanessa, who had moved on from Kevin and was now trying to give the rest of them instructions. “Thanks again to all of you for submitting your answers ahead of time,” she said to the couples. “That will help all of this go much more smoothly.”

Jeremy was smiling gamely, but Jean slid a glance over towards Neil and Andrew, who shrugged. Neil didn’t think ‘smoothly’ would be the adjective Vanessa would use to describe this by the end of it all.

“Kevin will be leading us through the question categories, alternating between teams, and he’s got your pre-submitted answers on that iPad, which he’ll also be using to keep track of the score. All you have to do is answer the questions.” Vanessa laughed. “Well, that, and avoid giving away the answers you’ve already sent in. Remember, you aren’t allowed to give your partner any clues.”

“Who’s in charge of determining whether we’ve given our partner a clue?” asked Andrew. Neil perked up.

“Kevin will be the one making that call,” said Vanessa. Neil deflated. Kevin would probably call them out on collaboration even if they weren’t actually trying to help each other. He almost missed Julia and Travis. Neil’s only consolation was that Jean looked similarly displeased with the answer. Jeremy appeared to be completely unbothered, but he probably wasn’t planning on cheating, anyway.

“Got it,” said Kevin. “Anything else you need to tell us before we get started?”

“Nope, that should cover it,” said Vanessa. “Besides, I’m not going anywhere, so if questions come up, we can deal with it in-moment. It’s not like this is a live broadcast or anything!”

“Very true!” laughed Kevin. “All right, I think we’re ready if you are.”

Vanessa looked at the camera crew, who gave a thumbs up, then she nodded and stepped back towards the lead camera operator. “Okay, let’s roll!”

“Hello, and welcome to the Newlywed Game,” said Kevin, putting on his best 1960s gameshow host persona. “I’m your host, Kevin Day, and we’re joined by our very special contestants. On the left, we have Jean and Jeremy Knox, and on the right, we have Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard. For our first round –” Kevin stopped with a sigh as Andrew raised his hand. “Yes, Andrew?”

“I don’t think we count as newlyweds anymore,” said Andrew. “Neil and I have been married for nearly a year.”

“That’s true,” said Jean. “And Jeremy and I have been married for just over three years.”

Kevin frowned. “That’s not the point. You don’t actually have to be newly married to play.”

“Then it’s a poorly named game,” Neil chimed in. “It should just be the Wed Game or something.”

“The Married Game,” Andrew suggested.

“Yeah, that’s better. The Married Game,” Neil agreed.

“Whatever it’s called, can we get started? I’m excited to compare answers!” said Jeremy.

Kevin shot him a grateful look. “Yes, let’s. For the first round, there will be four questions. These four questions were sent to Jeremy and Andrew in advance. Jean and Neil will each try to guess what their husband said, and then we’ll reveal their answers. Each team will get one point per answer that matches. Now, let’s take a look at the first question.” Kevin lifted the iPad with a flourish and began to read. “Where did you go on your first date? Jean, let’s start with you.”

Jean was smiling fondly at Jeremy. “We went on a hike, just after graduation. I did not realize it was a date at first, but, luckily, he made it clear before the hike was over.”

Based on the way Jeremy was beaming, that seemed to be the correct answer. Kevin confirmed it with a grin. “We’ve got our first match! Jeremy said that your first date was a hike after graduation. That’s one point to the Knoxes.” Jean and Jeremy high-fived, and Kevin turned to Neil. “What’s your answer?”

“Um.” Neil tried to figure out whether anything he and Andrew had done could be considered a date. But the important part was just to match with Andrew. What would he have considered to be their first date? “We went to the roof of Fox Tower.”

“You – that’s not a date,” said Kevin.

“Check the iPad,” said Andrew.

Kevin looked down at it and sighed. He turned towards Vanessa, who was off-camera. “Does it still count as a correct answer if they’re both wrong?” Vanessa nodded. “Really? All right, fine, then, the score’s tied at one.” Neil grinned at Andrew, who gave him an approving nod. “Okay, next question. Who is your husband’s celebrity crush? This time, we’ll start with Neil.”

Neil frowned as every single celebrity disappeared from his head. He tried to remember a celebrity – any celebrity – Andrew had mentioned before. “Matt Damon?”

Andrew sighed heavily. Oops.

“And that is not a match,” said Kevin. “Andrew’s answer was Neil Josten.”

“Oh,” said Neil. “That counts? That’s way better. I change my answer.”

“You can’t just change your answer to match Andrew’s,” said Kevin. “That’s the whole point of writing your answers down in advance.”

Neil frowned. “But I was wrong. I didn’t know I could just say myself.”

“You’re a celebrity,” said Andrew. “Why wouldn’t you be able to say yourself?”

“Is it still a crush if we’re married?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kevin cut them off. “As we established last round, it’s not about whether  your answers are correct, it’s about whether they match. Moving on. Jean, who is Jeremy’s celebrity crush?”

“Antonio Banderas,” said Jean without hesitation.

“Right again,” said Kevin, and Jeremy grinned. “Halfway through the round, that’s two points for the Knoxes, and one for the Minyard-Jostens. We’ll start with Jean for the next question – who said ‘I love you’ first?”

There it was. They hadn’t cheated – not really – but that wouldn’t stop Kevin from deciding they had broken a rule. Neil waited impatiently for Jean to answer the question, trying not to look suspicious.

“I did,” said Jean, “but only because Jeremy wanted me to be the one to say it first.”

“I wanted to make sure you didn’t feel pressured to say it,” said Jeremy, gently rubbing Jeremy’s hand.

“Not that you need me to say it, but that’s a match!” said Kevin. “Neil?”

Neil smiled. “Andrew said ‘I love you’ first.”

“He did?” asked Kevin. “When?”

“That’s not the question,” said Neil. “Look at his answer. I was right, wasn’t I?”

Kevin looked skeptically at the iPad. “Apparently so. Okay, that’s a point to each of you. Final question of Round One goes to Neil first. Which one of you is the best cook?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” said Neil. “Definitely Andrew.”

Andrew hummed in satisfied agreement. “That’s a match,” said Kevin. “And, as someone who lives with both of you, I can confirm that the two of have finally gotten an answer totally correct.”

“Our other answers were correct, too,” Neil argued.

“Sure they were,” said Kevin. “All right, Jean, who’s the better cook – you or Jeremy?”

“Definitely Jeremy,” said Jean. “Cooking classes were not exactly a priority at Evermore.”

“You’ve been learning, though,” said Jeremy encouragingly. “You’re much better than you were when you first got to USC.”

“Yes,” said Jean, “but that is a very low bar.”

“As someone else who grew up in the Nest, I can also confirm the cooking thing,” said Kevin. “Anyway, that’s another correct answer. Jean and Jeremy finish the round with a perfect score four out of four, and Neil and Andrew finish with a slightly lower three out of four.”

“Matt Damon,” Andrew muttered under his breath.

“I didn’t know I counted as a celebrity!” Neil whispered back.

“Anything you want to share with the class?” asked Kevin, raising an eyebrow.

“No, we’re good,” said Neil. “On to Round Two?”

Kevin sighed. “Yes. For this round, roles will be reversed – I’ll be asking Andrew and Jeremy to try to match the answers Neil and Jean submitted in advance. First question: if your husband was a Disney character, who would they be? Jeremy, you’re up first.”

“Easy,” said Jeremy. “Lumiere.”

Neil snorted. “You just said that because he’s French.”

“Maybe,” said Jeremy agreeably. He looked at Kevin. “But I was right, wasn’t I?”

“Apparently, yes,” said Kevin. “Is it really just that he’s French?”

Jean shrugged. “The little candelabra is very funny.”

“That works,” said Kevin. “Okay, Andrew, what about Neil?”

“Aladdin,” said Andrew without hesitation.

Neil frowned. “Oh. That would’ve been a good one.”

Andrew sighed heavily. “What did you say?”

“Um. Oliver?”

Andrew gave him an incredulous look. “Why?”

“More importantly, who?” asked Jean.

“The cat from Oliver and Company, right?” asked Jeremy. “Cute.”

“He’s resourceful,” said Neil. “And his hair is kind of the same color as mine.”

“Sound reasoning,” said Kevin, nodding sagely, “but, unfortunately for you, not a match. You’re now behind by two points. The next question goes to you first, and it should be an easy one for you. Andrew, what is Neil’s dream job?”

“Professional exy player,” said Andrew confidently. Neil sank a little lower in his chair. “Did you not say professional exy player?”

“That’s my current job!” said Neil. “The question was dream job. I assumed that meant it had to be something I didn’t already do.”

Kevin was frowning at him. “Hold on, if you didn’t say exy player, what did you say?” He checked the iPad. “You want to be an actor?”

“I think I’d be good at it,” said Neil defensively. “It’s basically what my mom and I did when we were on the run. Could be fun to do it in a less life-or-death kind of way.”

Andrew closed his eyes. “I hate that this explanation makes sense to me.”

Kevin grimaced. “Same.”

“I thought it was a great answer,” said Jean. “I particularly liked how it was different than the one Andrew guessed.”

“It’s a good answer,” said Jeremy. “Hey, Neil, if you’re serious, I can hook you up with a couple of former Trojans who went into the film industry – I bet they could get you involved in some smaller projects during the off-season.”

“Really?” asked Neil. “That’s – yeah, that’d be cool.”

“You can talk about this on your own time,” said Kevin. “Moving on – Jeremy, what is Jean’s dream job?”

“It’s tricky. There are a few things it could be,” said Jeremy, looking at Jean as if he might find the answer written somewhere on his face. “And you’d be good at any of them, of course. But I think I’m going to go with author.”

Jean grinned. “You know me well.”

Neil glared at him. This game hardly seemed like a good or accurate measure of whether a couple knew each other. Andrew knew Neil better than anyone, and that didn’t change just because they’d been getting meaningless questions about cartoon characters and hypothetical life changes wrong.

“Another correct answer for the Knoxes!” said Kevin. “Let’s see if they can keep the streak alive. Jeremy, is your husband more of a dog person or a cat person?”

Jeremy laughed. “Neither. Jean is a firm believer that animals don’t belong inside the house.”

“They don’t,” said Jean, wrinkling his nose. “They destroy things and get hair everywhere.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Kevin. “And the streak continues! Andrew, can you keep the comeback alive? Is Neil more of a dog person or a cat person?”

“Cats,” said Andrew. “By the way, we’re going to adopt one, Kevin, so you should start adjusting to the idea of an animal inside the house.”

Kevin gaped at him. “What? No! I’m allergic.”

“No you’re not,” Neil snorted. “Have you ever even been near a cat?”

“No,” said Kevin, “which is all the more reason not to get one. I could be allergic.”

“You want to keep us from getting a cat based on the mere possibility that you might be allergic?” asked Andrew, raising an eyebrow.

“I really don’t think that’s too much to ask,” said Kevin.

Andrew turned to Neil. “Let’s get two cats,” he said. “We travel a lot, and I don’t want the first one to be lonely.”

Neil smiled. “That sounds nice.”

“We are not getting two cats!” Kevin protested.

“We are not getting any cats,” said Andrew, gesturing between the three of them. “We, however,” he continued, pointing between himself and Neil, “are getting two. Keep talking and we’ll make it three.”

Kevin glared at them. “Do you actually want a cat, or are you just doing this to torment me?”

“If you were a better friend, you’d already know the answer to that,” said Andrew.

“That’s an idea,” said Neil. “Instead of answering the questions about each other, we should make Kevin answer them. See if he knows any of us as well as he claims to.”

“You’re just trying to distract from the fact that you are losing,” said Jean. “Badly.”

“It’s not our fault the questions are ridiculous,” said Neil. He glanced at Vanessa, who was looking as though she were trying to decide whether or not to step in. “No offense.”

“Besides, we’re catching up,” said Andrew. “We got the cat question right, didn’t we?”

“Depends on your definition of ‘right,’” Kevin muttered. “But, yes, your answer matched Neil’s, and you’re now up to four out of seven possible points. Notably, that’s still three points behind Jean and Jeremy, who have yet to miss.”

“We’re going to name one cat Kevin and the other cat Day,” said Andrew. “When we talk about them, we will not clarify whether we’re talking about the human or the cat.”

“Seriously?”

Andrew shrugged. “Probably not, but who knows?” He turned to Neil again. “What do you want to name the cats?”

Neil was pretty sure he’d never named anything in his life. Well, other than himself. “I don’t know,” he said. “Can we ask the audience for suggestions or something?”

“Sure,” said Andrew. He looked directly at the camera. “Tweet your name suggestions at the two of us. We’ll pick the two with the most likes and retweets by the time we get the cats.”

“This is a terrible idea,” said Kevin.

“Thank you for your input. It has been noted,” said Andrew. “Don’t you have another question for us to answer?”

Kevin sighed. “Yes, there’s one more question in Round Two, and it goes to you first. What is Neil’s favorite season?”

Andrew looked at Neil, who tried to telepathically share his response with Andrew without getting called out by Kevin for cheating. Andrew seemed to think it was successful; he turned back to Kevin with confidence. “Exy season.”

Kevin blinked at him. “I’m pretty sure we’re looking for winter, spring, summer, or fall.”

“Ah, yes, because Neil has been answering all of these questions the way they were intended,” said Andrew flatly.

“Just check the iPad,” said Neil, grinning expectantly.

Kevin checked the answer and sighed. “It’s a match. You know, Neil, even I think that answer might be a bit much.”

“Imagine how I feel about it,” said Andrew.

“It’s a perfectly good answer,” said Neil. “And it’s a match, so now we’re only two points behind.”

“For now,” Kevin agreed. “Let’s see if the Knoxes can re-extend that lead. Jeremy, what is Jean’s favorite season?”

Jeremy hesitated. “Spring?”

Jean’s mouth twisted as Kevin checked his answer. “Unfortunately, that is not a match,” said Kevin. “We’ve got our first wrong answer from Jeremy and Jean.”

“Sorry, babe,” said Jeremy. “Which one did you pick?”

“Summer,” said Jean, smiling softly. “It reminds me of you. Like the sun.”

Neil tried to keep from rolling his eyes. Even when they were wrong, they were obnoxiously cute.

“As sweet as that is, you still don’t get the point,” said Kevin. “So, at the end of Round Two, Jean and Jeremy have an impressive seven points, and Andrew and Neil have a notably less impressive five points.”

“Rude,” said Neil as Andrew flipped Kevin off.

“Maybe,” said Kevin with a shrug, “but it’s true. Still, you have more than enough time to make up for it. For Round Three, we’ve got half as many questions, but each one is worth twice as many points. Neil, the first question is for you. What is Andrew’s love language?”

Neil frowned. “What’s a love language?”

“Lock it in,” said Andrew immediately. “That counts. That’s his answer.”

“What do you mean, that’s his –” Kevin checked the iPad and sighed. “Andrew’s answer was, ‘Neil doesn’t know what love languages are.’ So, unfortunately for everyone except them, that counts as a match. Two points to Neil and Andrew. Jean, can you please retake the lead by telling me what Jeremy’s love language is?”

“Quality time,” said Jean. He looked at Neil smugly. “We took the quiz together. Mine is words of affirmation.”

“Great job, babe,” said Jeremy with a grin.

“That is a match,” said Kevin. “And also a much better answer than Andrew and Neil’s, which I think should get you some bonus points, but I’ve been told I’m here to judge the accuracy of your answers, not the quality, so we’ll have to move on. Starting with the Knoxes this time – Jean, which one of you proposed?”

Jean smiled. “I did.”

“And it was very romantic,” said Jeremy, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

“Another match!” said Kevin. “Neil, to stay within striking distance, who proposed – you or Andrew?”

Neil tried to remember whether anything either of them had said or done while deciding to get married would count as a proposal. If Andrew had proposed, it would have made an impression, wouldn’t it? So that must mean – “Me?” Andrew made a strangled noise. Of course; how could Neil have proposed without realizing it? “No, scratch that. Neither of us.” Andrew put his head in his hands.

“You can’t change your answer once your husband has reacted to what you said the first time,” said Kevin. He checked the iPad and laughed. “But in this case, it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because neither of your answers is a match. According to Andrew, he’s the one who proposed.”

“Wait, really?” asked Neil, turning to look at Andrew.

“I know your memory isn’t as good as mine, but I did think it was better than this,” said Andrew.

“When did you propose?” asked Neil incredulously.

“I didn’t, apparently,” said Andrew. “I don’t think it counts if the object of the proposal doesn’t notice.”

“As much as I hate to interrupt this highly educational conversation,” said Kevin, “we need to move on to Round Four. Going into this round, the Knoxes are ahead eleven to seven. Points are still doubled, and you’ll have two questions to answer. We’ll start with Andrew: where was the first photo of you and Neil taken?”

“At an airport,” said Andrew.

“Care to be more specific?” asked Kevin.

“No.”

Kevin checked the iPad and sighed. “It’s a match. Neil also declined to provide any additional details about the photo.”

“I think we should get a bonus point for that,” said Neil.

“For giving us the least?” asked Kevin.

“For an exact match,” said Andrew. “And for maintaining the exact same level of privacy.”

“Nice try,” Kevin snorted, “but no. Two points brings you up to nine total. Jeremy, can you re-extend your lead? Where was the first photo of you and Jean taken?”

“In our dorm,” said Jeremy. “Leila took it – she said we needed a roommate photo.”

“She was right,” said Jean, smiling.

“And so are you,” said Kevin. “That’s another match for the Knoxes. We’ll start with you for the final question of Round Four. Jeremy, which one of you takes longer to get ready in the morning?”

“Definitely me,” said Jeremy with a laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I did not wake up like this.”

“Yet again, we have a match,” said Kevin. “Andrew, who takes longer to get ready in the morning – you or Neil? And, as a reminder, I live with both of you, so in addition to determining whether or not your answers match, I am once again qualified to judge whether you’re right or wrong.”

Andrew squinted at Neil, then he sighed. “I’m going to say me.”

Kevin glanced at the iPad. “It’s a match, so you get the points,” he said, “but you’re both wrong. You’d think it would be Andrew, based on the fact that Neil perpetually looks like he just rolled out of bed, but it’s actually Neil.”

“What? No it’s not!” Neil protested. “I take a normal amount of time to get ready.”

“Maybe,” Kevin said, “but it’s longer than Andrew.”

Neil looked to Andrew for support, but Andrew just shrugged. “You used to get ready faster. Now, you take your time.” He paused. “That’s a good thing.”

“How is that a good thing?” asked Neil.

“You don’t feel the need to rush.”

Oh. That did seem good. “Okay, I’ll accept it.”

“And that officially brings us to the end of Round Four,” said Kevin. “The Knoxes are still up by four, with a score of 15-11. There’s just one question left, and it’s worth five points, so it’s anyone’s game. Each couple will work together to try to answer the following question, which is about me. Are you ready?”

“About you?” asked Neil. “When did we all marry you?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “You didn’t, obviously.”

“Then why are we answering questions about you on the Newlywed Game?” asked Andrew.

“You’re not answering questions, you’re answering one singular question. And because I said so,” said Kevin. That seemed like a dumb reason, but he kept going before Neil could keep arguing. “The question is: what was the title of my thesis?”

Neil blinked. “Your what?”

“My thesis. The very large paper I wrote as one of my graduation requirements at Palmetto. The paper I talked about extensively for an entire year.”

“This is an unfair question,” said Jean. “Minyard and Josten lived with you while you were writing it. They have an advantage.”

“You and Jeremy proofread my final draft before I submitted it,” said Kevin. “I sent you a bound copy once it was done. You’re named in the acknowledgements.”

“Hey, are we named in the acknowledgements?” asked Neil.

“You, apparently, didn’t even know I was writing it,” said Kevin. “So no.”

Neil looked at Andrew. “You’ve got this, right?” he asked quietly, so Jean and Jeremy couldn’t hear. “What was it called?”

Andrew looked pained. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” asked Neil, genuinely surprised. “Do you – do you not remember?”

“In order to remember something, I need to have actually paid attention to it at least once,” said Andrew tightly. “Every time he brought up his thesis, I just kind of . . . zoned out.”

“Why?”

“How much attention did you pay to it?” Andrew asked, raising an eyebrow. “You were the one who should’ve been interested in it. It was something about exy. Or, like, the evolution of stick-based sports throughout history. Super boring.”

“Wait, that does sound cool,” said Neil. “Could that be the title? The thing you said about evolution of stick sports or whatever?”

Andrew shrugged. “Anything’s possible.”

“You’ve got thirty seconds left to write down an answer,” said Kevin.

“Maybe it’s a trick question,” said Neil. “Are we sure he even wrote a thesis? I’m pretty sure I never had to write one.”

“You were a math major.”

“So?”

Andrew just sighed.

“Twenty seconds.”

Neil looked over at Jeremy and Jean. They had stopped writing and were looking reasonably pleased with themselves. He wasn’t sure if they were confident in their own answer, or just confident that Neil and Andrew were going to get it wrong. He strained to remember something – anything – about Kevin’s alleged thesis. “Do you think it had a subtitle?”

Andrew gave him a look of utter exasperation. “We can’t even come up with a regular title.”

“Ten,” said Kevin. “Nine. Eight.”

“Just write something,” said Neil. “I trust you.”

“Seven.”

“Oh, no,” said Andrew, shaking his head. “Don’t throw me under the bus and act like it’s about trust.”

“Six.”

“Okay, fine, give me the pen,” said Neil. Kevin continued his countdown as Neil scrawled something out. He showed it to Andrew, who tilted his head to the side, closed his eyes, and shrugged.

“Good enough.”

“Three, two, one,” Kevin finished. “Time’s up. Andrew and Neil, we’re starting with you. What’s your answer?”

Neil held up their card, and Andrew read aloud. “Exy Through the Ages.”

Kevin frowned. “Is that a Harry Potter reference?”

“Oh,” said Neil, “that’s why it sounded familiar.”

“Did you not make the reference on purpose?” asked Andrew.

“Um. Maybe?”

“Seriously?”

“Moving on,” said Kevin. “Jean and Jeremy, we already know you’ve won, but will you extend your margin of victory?”

Jeremy held up their card. “An Examination of Exy: Historical Influences and Perspectives.”

“Nope,” said Kevin. “Unfortunately, but unsurprisingly, all of you have let me down. The actual title of my thesis is The Evolution of Exy: Cultural Influences on Modern Sport.”

“We were close,” said Neil.

Kevin snorted. “No you weren’t. If I could, I’d dock points from your final score.”

“Wow, rude,” said Neil. “Maybe if you were nicer to us, we’d remember the name of your history paper.”

Kevin shot Neil one last glare before putting his press smile back on. “And on that note, we’re signing off,” he said. “Final score, 15 to 11, in favor of Jean and Jeremy Knox. This definitively proves the Knoxes are the superior couple in every way, and Neil and Andrew should be embarrassed.”

“Why are you being nicer to them?” asked Andrew. “They didn’t remember the title of your thesis, either.”

“I’m not being nice,” said Kevin. “I’m just speaking the truth.” Jeremy and Jean high-five, and Kevin looked directly at the camera. “That’s all the time we have. We hope you had as much fun as we did!”

“Speak for yourself,” said Andrew.

“Sore loser,” Jean taunted.

Kevin kept his smile firmly in place. “Thanks for having us! Until next time.”

“And, cut!” said Vanessa. She clapped her hands together. “That was really excellent, everyone! We should have it edited and live by this evening.”

Neil looked at Andrew, trying to gauge how much he should care about the fact that they lost. On one hand, it was a silly game with questions that didn’t matter at all. But on the other hand, the idea that Jean and Jeremy knew each other better than he and Andrew did was unacceptable to the point of absurdity. Part of Neil wanted to demand a redo.

Andrew looked as impassive as ever – but they were still in public, surrounded by producers and crewmembers and other strangers. Neil needed to get him alone. He at least needed to get Andrew to look at him. Unless – was Andrew avoiding eye contact on purpose? Was that Neil’s clue that he should be upset about this?

As if he could hear Neil spiraling, Andrew looked over towards him. “Ready to get out of here?”

“Yes,” said Neil earnestly. Andrew nodded at him and started towards the door.

“Hey,” said Kevin, looking up from his conversation with Vanessa, “aren’t I riding back to the hotel with you?”

“Catch a ride with the superior couple,” said Andrew without looking back. Neil gave a shrug and a smile over his shoulder and followed Andrew out of the room.

Neither of them said a word until they’d made it to their rental car. Once they’d closed the doors and buckled their seatbelts, Andrew sighed. “So,” he said, “we’re going to have a hard time living this down, aren’t we?”

Neil grimaced. “Probably, yeah.”

“Maybe we can start a new rivalry.”

Neil felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Well, that would explain why we got so many questions wrong.”

Andrew’s brows drew together in confusion. “What are you – oh.” His face cleared. “I said start a new rivalry, not restart an old one. We can take the Knoxes versus the Minyard-Jostens to the next level.”

Neil perked up. “Oh. That could be fun. We could design new merch and everything.”

“Exactly,” said Andrew, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. “We can think of a good tweet to kick it off on the way back to the hotel.”

“Sure,” said Neil agreeably. Now that he knew Andrew didn’t actually care about the results of the game, he didn’t care, either.

But there was one thing he wanted to follow up on.

“So,” he said, “now that we’ve lost, do you still love me?”

Andrew gave him a side-eyed glare. “A complete waste of effort. Totally insufficient. Useless.” He stopped talking, but it wasn’t the kind of silence that meant he was done – he was just thinking. Neil waited. “But yeah,” he continued, hands stiff on the steering wheel. “Yes. I do.”

Neil felt himself start to smile. It wasn’t something he’d thought about before – it wasn’t something he wanted, something he needed to hear. The words were empty and meaningless. He and Andrew showed each other how they felt in their actions and intentions. Now that Andrew had said it, though . . . maybe the words weren’t so empty and meaningless, after all. “I love you too.”

He watched Andrew carefully. For a second, his grip stayed tight on the wheel, but then he relaxed. “Good. Now, let’s figure out our hashtag for our rivalry with the Knoxes.”

Neil grinned. This was going to be fun.