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Buck
He’d thought about calling into work today; thought about hiding under his covers, waiting for the awful day to pass.
It had been exactly one year since the ladder truck explosion, Buck’s bad leg aching in pain the moment he woke up. He’d tried not to think about it, tried to ignore it, but it had crept in anyway, all the terrible memoires coming in right with it. It hadn’t been bad enough to have his leg crushed, no, he had to have two surgeries (which nearly cost him his job,) not to mention the tsunami, followed by the lawsuit—the memories were anything but fond.
About the only good thing that had come out of all that was Eddie. Yes, it took them a while to pull their heads out of their asses and get their shit together, but they made it—finally. They hadn’t been together quite a year yet, but in some ways, it felt like they’d always been together; they’d been in sync with each other’s lives almost from the moment they met.
He hadn’t bothered to tell Eddie what today was; none of them needed a reminder of those awful times, Eddie least of all. Eddie had been in a bad spot back then too, both of them too stubborn to see the other’s side of things. So, Buck kept the significance of the day to himself, making himself presentable before heading to the station. He didn’t get a chance to greet Eddie or anyone else as he came in just as the bell rang, all of them racing to grab their gear.
It's one of those days where they had call after call, never getting a breather in between. He barely had a moment to say ‘hi’ to Eddie, let alone kiss or hug him. About all they had time for was pressing their legs closely together as they sat in the truck, Bobby driving them to their next scene.
Buck was dealing with it, keeping his cool, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t having a rough time. Every unorthodox sound threw him off, his head twisting to see who and what was around them; he felt trapped at every scene.
He made it through several of their calls without too much issue, no one having brought up todays date or significance; he figured it would all be over soon.
They were out in the street on call, Hen and Chim tending to a patient while Buck and Eddie hovered close by, ready to offer their assistance. Being that they were standing in an open street, much like the one they were that night, Buck was already on high alert. He was so lost in his head, trapped in that day, the sound of a car backfiring made him yelp, his body instantly ducking for cover. His leg made him cry out in pain as it became trapped beneath him, the pressure unbearable as he bit back tears. He shouted over and over to anyone who would listen. “Please-please make it stop. Don’t want-can’t-can’t happen again.”
His body was struggling under the weight as they all tried to pull him out, voices surrounding him. Buck closed his eyes, trying to block everything out as he focused on one voice, the one that always made him feel centered—Eddie.
His mind took a minute to really focus on the voice, to grasp that he was in Eddie’s arms, not stuck under the ladder truck. He was in a warm embrace, one he leaned further into as he tried to match the heartbeat of the one his hand seemed to be pressed against. “That’s it babe, you’ve got this. You’re safe. I’m right here.” Eddie’s words soothed him, his breathing slowly relaxing.
Gentle hands rubbed over his back, Buck inhaling deeply, Eddie’s scent filling his nostrils. It was then he realized his head was buried deep in to Eddie’s chest, his hand over Eddie’s heart with Eddie’s hand layered on top. He wanted to stay there forever, steadily listening to his boyfriends’ heart, his own evening out.
Buck knew once he lifted his head that he would have to face the reality of the day, and what had just happened; he was embarrassed to say the least. Seeming to understand—as only Eddie could—the brunette let him stay tucked in close for a few beats more, soothing him still. Buck couldn’t help the whimper that escaped him then. “Eds...” The strong hands wrapped around him tighter, Eddie’s lips hovering over his ear. “Shh, I’m right here. You’re ok. We’re safe.”
When he knew he couldn’t stay any longer, Buck reluctantly pulled out of Eddie’s grasp, instantly missing the touch. Eddie helped him stand, looking him over once more. “How are you feeling?” Buck shrugged his shoulders, unable to meet any of the eyes surrounding him. “Fine. Um-can-can we just go?” No one said anything, Eddie taking his hand as he led them back inside the truck. They sat close to each other, Eddie’s hand reaching out to still his bouncing leg.
When they got back to the station, Buck dove out of the firetruck and proceeded to avoid everyone, too embarrassed to see their pitying faces, praying they wouldn’t get any more calls. He’d all but blocked himself in the bunk room, everyone thankfully understanding him wanting to be alone as no one tried to barge in.
He tried to sleep, but every time his eyes closed, his was back there, trapped under the ladder truck, choking up blood, the waves taking him out to sea. The panic kept slowly trickling back in, trapping Buck in those memories, his mind playing them on a continuous loop.
All he wanted was to forget; forget that any of that ever happened, that he’d almost lost his leg, his job, his best friends’ son, and his best friend—it was all too much.
He found himself curling up onto Eddie’s bunk, willing the painful memories to go away, hoping he’d never have to relive any of them ever again. He was only pulled back out of them when someone came in, soft brown eyes tugging him back up.
~
Eddie
Eddie had been anticipating the anniversary of the ladder truck for the past week, wondering when it would finally strike his boyfriend.
He’d hoped the day would pass without much issue, but he knew the moment Buck walked in this morning—late, that it was going to be a rough one. Buck would never outwardly admit that he was struggling, much like Eddie himself; they were more of the suffer in silence type, waiting for it all to boil over.
He figured with the amount of calls they were receiving that it would help to keep Buck busy, help keep his mind off the past. It had almost worked until that damn car backfired.
Eddie was already standing by Buck, instantly moving closer to him as he saw Buck dropping to the ground, covering his ears as he screamed out in pain. The sounds echoed in Eddie’s mind, the ones from that day still haunting him. He bent to Buck, calmly talking to him, only pulling him closer when he saw that Buck wasn’t resisting his touch. It had taken him several minutes to steady the other mans’ breathing, Eddie turning Buck into him, placing their hands over his heart to help steady out his beats.
When Buck had come back too, Eddie gave him a few more minutes, knowing his boyfriend hated being the center of attention in these instances. Sure enough, when Eddie released him, Buck closed himself off, refusing to meet any of them, running from the truck the moment they got back to the station. The others had kept him from immediately going after Buck, saying to give him some space. He knew they were right, but it didn’t stop him from worrying.
Their endless calls seemed to have stopped, giving them nothing else to do, Eddie focusing only on Buck. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Bobby nodded to him. “Why don’t you go check on him, take him home to get some rest?” Eddie was up in a flash, not needing anymore direction.
The sight he saw when he opened the bunk door nearly broke his heart; Buck had made himself look small, curling himself up on Eddie’s bed. He moved toward his boyfriend, taking in his pained expression, his blues red rimmed, looking distant. His hands instantly began to card through the blond locks, Buck leaning into the touch as he closed his eyes. “C’mon, let’s get you home.” He ushered Buck up off the bed without too much issue, Buck burying his head into his side as Eddie walked them out. Their teammates didn’t say anything, only nodding their well wishes in Eddie’s direction.
Once he got Buck situated in his truck, his pressed a soft kiss to his hand. “I’m gonna grab our stuff. Be right back.” Buck didn’t seem to like his plan, but let him go anyway, his head slumping against the door once Eddie had closed it.
As Eddie walked back into the station, he pulled his phone from his pocket, calling Carla who was watching Chris; he had an idea. Carla quickly agreed, Chris completely on board with the plan. After grabbing their things from the lockers, Eddie headed back out, tossing their things in the back before taking his place up front. Buck reached a hand out to him blindly, Eddie linking it in with his own, not letting go the entire drive home.
When he pulled into his drive, he turned his truck off, bringing their intertwined hands up to pepper soft kisses over Bucks’. “Hey, I know-I know you probably want to rest, but I kind of have a surprise for you.” To Eddie’s own surprise, Buck turned to him, face lighting up for the first time that day; it was only a tinge, but it was better than anything he’d seen on the man all day.
He got out, grabbing the bags from the back before moving to Buck’s side, opening the door to help him out, steadying his boyfriend on his feet. Buck squeezed his hand tightly as Eddie pulled the door open, Carla standing just inside the doorway. She walked up to them, winking to Eddie as she said, “All good to go.” He thanked her with a hug, the woman returning it before giving Buck a hug of his own, Buck holding onto her for a little longer than usual. Once they’d said their goodbyes, Buck asked, “Where’s Christopher?” Eddie smiled, knowing his son held a special place in Bucks’ heart.
He grasped onto Bucks’ hand, tugging him toward the living room. “I think he’s in there.” There was a fort, one that Carla and Christopher had put together upon Eddie’s request. It was something Buck had often done to cheer Christopher up, Eddie secretly knowing it did the same for his boyfriend. Buck’s face warmed, the smile reaching his lips this time. It was Buck who pulled Eddie forward now, both of them crawling down low to enter the fort, Christopher beaming with joy up to them. “Bucky!” The blond enveloped the boy, pulling him in close. “Hey superman, did you do this all yourself with those strong muscles?” Christopher giggled with joy, falling closer into Buck’s hold. “Noo, Carla helped. Look, we got snacks too!”
All around them, various snacks and treats were laid out, most of them Buck’s favorites, Eddie knowing all of the man’s comfort foods. “Thanks buddy, this is uh-this is awesome.” Christopher wasn’t done yet. He moved further into the fort, pulling back on of the blankets to reveal the tv, pointing to a series of movies. “We can have a movie night in here! Dad said he’d order pizza too!” Buck smiled over to Eddie, mouthing ‘thank you.’ Eddie only shrugged his shoulders innocently in turn; he’d do anything for this man.
After Eddie placed the pizza order, Buck told Chris to pick a movie, all of them leaning back against the various pillows as they huddled together. When the pizza came, Eddie went to grab it, bringing back plates, napkins and drinks, noting how much more relaxed Buck looked in just the hour they’d been home—Eddie was done pretending it wasn’t his home too.
After pizza, they ate a ridiculous amount of snacks, including: popcorn, nerd ropes, and Oreos; Eddie was doomed.
Once they were in a sugar comma, Buck leaned his head onto Eddie’s shoulder, Chris sprawled out between them, Finding Nemo playing across the screen; it was one of his boys’ favorite movies for reasons Eddie still didn’t quite understand, but found endearing all the same.
Chris fell asleep halfway through the movie, about the time that Darla entered the picture; poor Nemo. Eddie went to pick Chris up to take him to his room, but Buck pulled him back, pleading with Eddie. “Can we all sleep here, please?” And how was Eddie supposed to say no to that?
Instead, he went to grab blankets for them to sleep with, along with a few extra pillows. They laid Chris down between them, the tv playing softly in the background. Buck played absently with Eddie’s fingers, tracing patterns over them softly. Eddie wanted to ask how he was doing, though he didn’t want to ruin the moment and set him off again. So, he waited, and eventually Buck looked to him, his blues warm. “Thanks for um-for everything today. I uh-I should’ve told you what was going on-how I was—feeling.”
Eddie tightened his grip where their fingers were linked. “I wish you would’ve, but I understand why you didn’t. That was a painful time for you.” Buck nodded, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. “Yea-but -but I had you to pull me out of it—both times.” He pulled Buck in close then, cradling his face between his hands. “And you always will. I’m not going anywhere Buck.”
Their lips met in a series of tender kisses, both of them saying all the words they couldn’t find, each of them understanding completely. They let their heads fall back, both of them snuggling in close, kissing Christopher gently on the head, lacing their hands together above him.
The movie played on, both of them watching as they drifted off. As Bucks favorite part came on, Eddie turned toward him, mouthing the first half, Buck finishing the quote. “I look at you, and I’m home.”