Archive of Our Own ^beta

You were anxious, that much was true. Your chest felt as if it were being crushed by a metric ton of bricks, the ability to breathe and rest easy was lost on you. You couldn't stop staring at the black screen of your phone mere inches away from your feet on the couch, your legs hugged to your torso tightly as your chin rested between your knees. You couldn't stop the negative thoughts from evading your mind, nagging and ripping you apart. You were scared, nervous, and you knew you needed to find something to distract yourself with, something to get your mind off of the possibility that the only reason why your phone wasn't lighting up with a new message or incoming call was that she's...

No, you couldn't let that thought fall on you. She promised she'd be okay, she promised that she would come back to you. See you in a minute. She always keeps her promises. She always comes back to you. And you always count the minutes until she's in your arms again, assuring you that everything is perfectly fine. But there was a feeling in your gut, a feeling that everything is not okay.

You don't know how long you've been frozen on the couch for, your phone still blank with any form of communication. Fear gripped you harshly, rendering you immobile as you waited. The seconds ticking away, the minutes passing by, the hours fading into a blur. You bit down on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to prevent the tears forming in the brim of your eyes to escape, your nose burning and eyes stinging. You need her.

You were on your feet the instant you heard a soft rap of knuckles against the front door, running to the entrance to unlock and pull the door open, nearly falling forward with excited relief, desperate to see her cheeky smile and sparkling green eyes. And everything fell apart when you didn't see Natasha, but Clint. His eyes burnt, his cheeks flushed, nose colored a light shade of red, dried trails of tears starting from the bottom of his eyes and ending at the tip of his chin, and his hands rested behind his back. You already knew why he was here, the silence of your phone behind you was enough of a sign as to why he was here and not her.

"Where is she?" But that didn't mean you weren't going to deny it. Your heart felt as if it were shriveling up, decaying with every second longer he took to answer your question. And he seemed to be having a difficult time finding the right sentence to use, what words would be the least devastating, but he already knew. Anything he said, no matter how he phrased it, was going to absolutely, without a doubt, kill you.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." Your grip on the doorknob tightened, bone-white knuckles pushing against your skin, as you nodded slowly, letting his apology repeat in your head. Your lips were pursed together tightly, your cheeks heating up with grief, and the tears begged to be released from their prison. "She... sacrificed herself for the greater good."

Your jaw clenched, an effort to stop yourself from having a complete meltdown, as you continued to nod slowly. You licked your lips, feeling the blood rush back to them from relieving them from their pressured state, as you said, "How is it any goodif she's gone?"

He sighed and watched you for a moment, but you only stood there, unmoving. You wondered if he was waiting for you to break down, for you to fall into his arms in seek of comfort in this troubling moment. But you couldn't find the will to move, the energy to break out of your grieve-filled stupor. "Wanda... She wanted me to give you this." He pulled his hands out from behind his back, your eyes landing on the tan brown leather jacket, worn out from the constant use of it during battles. And you finally managed to pry your hand off of the doorknob, resting both of them on top of the jacket in his grip, feeling the leather underneath your fingertips.

You took it from him, holding it up to your face to feel as if you were hugging her one last time, the smell of Natasha lingered just behind the smell of Wanda - the soft blend of rose petals, rain-kissed ivy, and earthy sandalwood that always brought a sense of calm over you in your time of need, such as now.

But it wasn't anything close to the real thing and, knowing that you were never going to see her any time soon, you finally cracked. Clint didn't hesitate to pull you against him, letting you fall into him as you hugged the jacket tightly against your chest, his strong arms bringing comfort, but not the comfort you were looking for. You sobbed, half into his shirt and half into Natasha's jacket, as he soothingly rubbed your back, swaying back and forth gently. You couldn't find the opportunity to breathe, your chest getting hit with sob after sob as you seemed to cry harder every passing second.

And the silence helped, the hugging helped, but you don't really know how long you stood at the door, wrapped in Clint's consoling hold, before you managed to suck in a shaky breath and pull away from him. This was going to be a bad idea, knowing your cries would be much stronger than they just were, but you had to... "Can I... see her?"

You didn't think his eyes could soften even more, but they did. His eyebrows pinched together in concern, his face falling at your request, and another bad feeling was only growing in your chest the more he gave you that look. "Y/N..." He trailed off into a sigh and you felt as if you were having this entire conversation all over. He was, once again, hesitant, seeking the correct words to use. "We... don't have her..."

Five seconds ago, you never thought this moment could get any worse, and, boy, were you absolutely wrong. "Wh- What do you mean?"

He sighed once more, his tense shoulders slumping away from his ears as he gestured towards the inside of your house. "We should talk."

You looked down at Natasha's jacket, her last words echoing in your head, her cocky grin, her warm eyes. See you in a minute.

It was the first... and last promise she broke.