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Summary:

Ranboo is not even 70, not even a young adult in vampire society. And yet.

Tubbo and Tommy should take better care of themselves if they don't want to be babied.

Notes:

I promise we'll be back to crack and funny numbers from the title of the series soon. For now deal with this shit.

Also if you don't like the idea of Ranboo's and others relationship to have a power dynamic where he's over them, this is your chance to get out. In case I worded that weirdly and you have no idea what I mean and don't mind spoilers, just go down to End Notes.

Work beta'ed by Boston_Cream and Hellkitten.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Good Soup (but the soup is blood)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The second meeting is less accidental and more connected to the fact that Ranboo happens to be, you know, living in the territory his Clan owns.

He's sweeping the counters and preparing everything for the opening of the bakery, when he sees Tubbo and Tommy hurriedly moving through the streets, clinging to any available shadows and trying to avoid morning light.

Oh right. Fledglings are vulnerable to sunlight. Uh-oh.

He doesn't think much as he grabs his coat and rushes outside. There's no one on the streets (of course there's no one, it's 4 am) so he just speeds toward them and hovers above their heads with the coat laid across his arms, essentially shielding them like a living umbrella.

“Hello there,” he nearly purrs out (ah, embarrassing), looking down. Instantly a cold body collides with his chest and he nearly panics, only now registering just how bad the fledglings look. Tubbo, the one who collapsed against him, looks faint, way too pale even for a full vampire, definitely way too pale for a fledgling. Both of the kids have matching eyebags, contrasting too much with their nearly translucent skin. They look tired, but more than that—starved.

“Hi Ranboo,” Tommy groans out. He's barely any better than Tubbo, but at least he didn't collapse immediately upon making contact. The fledgling whines and lets his head fall on Ranboo's shoulder. “Fucking— Instincts are being weird. Sorry.” He sounds embarrassed, precious.

“Don't worry, okay? I'm gonna take you inside now, okay?” There's no answer, and the anxious part of his mind wants to shake the fledglings to check if they're still alive. “Okay?” He presses, hoping this time it will elect an answer. Tubbo weakly knocks his head back against his chest, and he takes it as a yes. He takes the fledgling into his arms, noting just how light he seems, and nudges Tommy to move. Thankfully the boy does, and they walk across the street at a relatively good pace.

Tubbo looks at him blearily, not quite present. He looks… really bad. Black veins protrude under his skin, much more visible and swollen than they should be, his eyes are nearly black too, irises swallowed by pupils.

“How did it get so bad?” he hisses out, trying to control his raging instincts. “When was the last time either of you ate?”

“Um, a week ago? A bit longer for Tubbs.”

“What?” That's… He wants to strangle someone. Unsure who. But he wants to. “You're babies you're supposed to eat once a day at least!”

It really speaks about their state that neither bristles at the name.

Ranboo doesn't waste time and tells Tommy to grab a key to the cellar. He directs the boy through the jars to pick it up, not wanting to let go of Tubbo, his instincts disliking the sheer suggestion of it. Thankfully Tommy finds the key quickly and follows him deeper into the bakery, then unlocks the door leading to the cellar. They go down the stairs into a dimly lit room with a small barebones nest left for emergencies. It's barely enough for them, but it needs to be enough for now.

He deposits Tubbo into it, and gently pushes Tommy to sit among the pillows too, then runs back upstairs for his phone. He shoots Niki a quick text telling her he's got an emergency, and closes the cellar door, shutting off the outer world.

Now there's nothing more important than the fledglings, and so he runs down to them, a worried purr rising in his chest. Tommy replies with a small chitter of his own, and immediately winces. Tubbo is unresponsive.

“Come on, you gotta eat,” Ranboo doesn't waste time and gets into the nest too, squashing down the urge to mess with the pillows. Later.

“We were trying but the sun caught us, and—” Tommy mumbles and only stops himself when he notices Ranboo rolling up his sleeves and bringing his wrist to his mouth. “What do you think you are doing?”

“Feeding you?”

“Your own blood?” He sounds way too incredulous for his state.

“Mate,” Ranboo tries his best to channel his inner Philza and not just force-feed the fledgling. “I can't just go out and hunt for you right now, and vampire blood will do you more good than human anyways.”

Tommy swallows uneasily, and after a too-long pause that makes Ranboo's entire being itch to move, he finally nods.

The youngling doesn't hesitate to slash his wrist and manhandle Tommy on his lap, to feed him more easily. The boy struggles a little, but calms down literally the moment he feels the taste of blood on his tongue. He really is starved, gulping down every single drop greedily, like he's worried it will be taken away.

In the meantime Ranboo reaches for Tubbo, and shakes his arm a little to get him to move. The fledgling murmurs something and tries to bat his hand away weakly, but finally opens his eyes again. He looks confused, and Ranboo takes it to his advantage, as he awkwardly angles himself to be able to reach his face, and bites into his other wrist to feed the other boy like this too.

Tubbo acts about as starved as Tommy, understandably so.

Barely a minute or so in, Ranboo starts feeling dizzy. Really, it's no wonder considering he has two bloodsuckers clamped down on his wrists, just gulping down his blood faster than it's recommended for either side. He should have probably called Niki and stayed on call for his own safety, but it's a little too late for that now.

It's not like he'd die from that. His regenerative abilities are much more advanced than normal vampire's, as if it is the universe's way of apologizing for not giving him invulnerability.

Still, it's unpleasant.

At least his instincts are pleased. He managed to help the fledglings. Safe Safe Fledglings Safe Coven his instinct babbles, and he tries to push the thoughts down. The kids aren't his.

His instincts don't care.


He wakes up to the fledglings asleep on his sides, an IV in his arm and Niki staring him down with a very sour expression.

“Hi, what's up?” He croaks out quietly. Niki's expression turns down even sourer.

“Don't ‘What's up’ me,” she says very quietly and very viciously in a way that spells out danger for him. “You've lost so much blood, I swear to god I was close to just letting you die.”

“I wouldn't die.”

“I would finish you.”

“I don't doubt that.”

He grins. Niki groans.

“You're insufferable.” The vampire flops down next to Tubbo, and reaches out to play with Ranboo's hair in a calming motion.

The fledgling squirms, probably in reaction to a new scent, but doesn't wake up. He's already looking much healthier.

On his other side Tommy raises his head and hisses.

Oh well.

Ranboo reaches out blindly and pats the fledgling on the head. He gets an annoyed warble for that, but Tommy settles down and cuddles into him again, this time holding him much tighter.

“Man, you really went and did the vampire equivalent of becoming a teenage father, huh?”

“Niki, please, just shut up. Don't you have a bakery to run?”

“Oh boy, you were really conked out, huh? Will's already upstairs. I called him so he'd come an hour earlier.”

Oh.

William usually didn't come until later, to handle the bakery while Ranboo napped, then stayed to prepare the dough for the next day for the youngling to bake.

He is also a human, completely clueless as to who his co-worker and boss are.

If Wilbur is already working, it means… Ranboo has been unconscious for a long time.

“What time is it?”

“Around 1 pm.”

“Oh.” That’s… not ideal.

“Don’t worry, I got everything ready and Will’s doing a good job too,” she reassured, sensing his anxiety. “You stay there with your fledglings, I’ll get some food for you and we’ll deal with the rest when they wake up.”

“They’re not mine…” he protested weakly, but Niki just smiled, got up and left. “They really aren’t mine,” the youngling whispered to the empty room.

Notes:

YEEEE AND SO OUR BOY HAS BECAME A FATHER!

Tune in soon for more of this bullshit.