Chapter Text
The next leg of the journey was spent mostly in silence, either for lack of what to speak of or because either was entangled in their own thoughts. But Loki had been keeping an eye on his brother and he noticed that Thor’s movements grew ever more sluggish. “We will stop here for the night.” he decided abruptly as he gestured to a jagged formation of ice and rock they could sleep behind.
Thor didn’t seem inclined to argue and gave a weary nod, a far cry from the Thor of adventures past.
“Hurry, brother!” Thor called with a laugh as he raced around the next curve.
“Why!” Loki huffed back as he chased the elder.
“Why not?” Thor called back with a broad, sunny grin and Loki wanted to smack him even as a smile curved his own lips.
Loki felt a pang in his chest at the memory, at the recognition that there were indeed good times between them. Thor had not always been the brother Loki had come to envy and resent. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he conjured a small, sorcerous fire.
“Like I was run over by a bilgesnipe.” Thor said with a grimace.
“Must have been a small bilgesnipe.” Loki quipped lightly, and he pretended not to see the look of surprise Thor gave him.
Thor snorted after a few seconds. “You would not say so if you knew how I felt.”
A rush of venom flooded him at Thor’s words as they inadvertently touched a sore spot for Loki but he swallowed it down. He was meant to give Thor a chance, which really at this point was just conceding to treating Thor better until he ultimately bargained him to the Jotnar court. “What is it like?” Loki asked as he took a seat cross-legged in front of his conjured fire and Thor joined him with a wince.
“Being mortal?” Thor clarified, and when Loki hummed an affirmative Thor considered the question. “The answer that comes to mind is morbid.”
Loki waited for elaboration and when none was forthcoming he prompted. “Well, go on.”
Thor inhaled slowly and then shrugged. “It feels as if…I am half-dead.”
Loki’s brow furrowed at that description. “Morbid indeed.” he agreed. “I don’t suppose you could explain a bit better?” He was curious mostly, but he could no longer claim to be unconcerned either.
Thor stared down at the fire as he sought words that might convey what did not have words, as far as he was concerned. “I feel…adrift from myself. Ripped at the seams. The world is duller and…much of my sensations are painful. I am tired and…I feel that something is missing.” he pressed an absent fist against his chest. “I do not feel right. I cannot explain it better than that.”
Loki’s nose scrunched as it was, that sounded miserable. “Mortal lives really are tedious.” he said with an ill-repressed shudder and received a strange look from Thor in return.
“You think yourself above them?” Thor asked.
“What? The mortals? Of course.” he said, perplexed that it should even be a question. “We are gods, Thor.”
“And what does that mean?” Thor asked quietly. “Father stripped me of my godhood and what was left? Is all that separates us from the mortals our longevity, our power?”
Loki looked at his brother incredulously. “Where on Asgard is that coming from? Suddenly feeling philosophical, brother?” Blue eyes quickly met Loki’s before Thor looked back at the fire, he supposed the again casual use of the endearment he had so vehemently been denying caught Thor by surprise as well.
“Perhaps.” Thor murmured and Loki had no further reply.
It seemed to Loki they spent a fair while staring at the conjured fire in silence before he glanced at his brother and realized that Thor had fallen asleep sitting up. His brother’s head had slumped to his shoulder and he was in danger of slowly tilting sideways. Loki recalled being the one to fall asleep first between them in their youth, and his brother had more than once carried Loki to bed and tucked him in.
And Loki had more than once whined for his big brother to stay, to which Thor was always amenable.
A bittersweet half-smile tugged at Loki’s lips but he let his expression grow slack as he leaned to shake Thor’s shoulder. “Brother-”
Thor startled and nearly pitched forward towards the fire but Loki kept him upright with the hand on his shoulder. “-I am awake!” he exclaimed groggily, and Loki was taken aback enough to let out a laugh. The bleary-eyed, confused look he got in response only increased his mirth and he shook his head as he rose. “Come away from the fire, you oaf.” he murmured. “Sleep properly.”
Thor mumbled an unintelligible reply but moved obediently enough as he slumped about a foot away. Loki didn’t need the fool rolling onto the fire in his sleep. He started to move away when Thor’s hand caught his wrist. At a frown from Loki, who didn’t understand the cause of the gesture, Thor released him. “I…we would be warmer if we slept nearer.”
The words were uncharacteristically hesitant and Loki suspected Thor imagined he would either be rejected or be met with anger again. His gaze flicked up a moment in thought as he tallied the pros and cons of acquiescence, and then reminded himself that he would soon likely not see Thor again. Or they would truly be enemies if they did. “I suppose.” Loki affected a sigh. “It would be inconvenient if you froze to death before our return.” he said, even as he took a position next to a relieved-looking Thor. An awkward few seconds passed as they didn’t fall into a natural arrangement.
Thor seemed to reach a decision though as he lay on his side and faced Loki who took a mirrored position. He pulled his cape over the two of them as Loki studied Thor’s face. “Is this alright?” Thor asked softly.
Loki was tempted to turn spite onto Thor, to see that almost hopeful expression turn morose simply by Loki’s words or rejection. How many times had Thor left Loki to feel that way? But instead he maneuvered Thor’s arm around him as he lay his head in the crook of Thor’s arm above his bicep. “Better. I am not overfond of using the ground as a pillow.” he said imperiously and felt rather than heard Thor’s breathy chuckle. Thor’s arm pressed against Loki’s back as he hooked his palm lightly over Loki’s upper arm and the brothers were practically chest-to-chest.
From trying to kill Thor to this, what a turnaround, Loki thought.
“Rest well, brother.” Thor said, a quiet warmth to his words that Loki found unfathomable.
Why was Thor being so gentle with him, so patient? Loki could not make sense of the gentle giant who’d replaced his boorish brother. He brought his palm to Thor’s cheek as sent a spell of warmth into him before he lowered his hand to rest between them. “And you.” he murmured, certain he could feel a faint smile against his head as Thor tucked against him to sleep. Loki closed his eyes tightly and tried not to enjoy the sensation of shared affection and his brother’s familiar, comforting warmth…such as it currently was.
--xx--
Loki awoke with a grumble as for a brief instant he forgot his situation. He was trapped in a tangle of limbs, his arm was over Thor’s waist and Thor’s leg had found its way between Loki’s own. They were pressed together, with Loki’s head almost tucked against Thor’s shoulder. “Thor, wake up.” he mumbled as he pushed at his brother’s chest. “Thor.” When Thor didn’t move he grew faintly alarmed as he peered at his brother closely. Thor looked positively sickly and it made Loki’s stomach lurch. Jotunheim wasn’t made for gods, and it certainly wasn’t made for mortals. “Brother.” he pressed his fingers into the underside of Thor’s chin, the sensitive spot triggered a response as Thor’s eyes fluttered open.
“Mm?” Thor rumbled a sound as he squinted at Loki before he exhaled heavily. “Another bilgesnipe came for me, I am sure of it.” he mumbled.
Loki took the touch of humor as a good sign, but the issue was still present. Sorcery alone would not keep Thor alive indefinitely. He extricated himself from Thor as he pushed himself up and watched Thor slowly do the same. Loki brought his hand to Thor’s forehead which felt warmer than he believed it should, but Loki ran cold in general, it was a poor gauge. He tilted Thor’s face towards the fire to better illuminate it and he saw a flush on Thor’s cheeks. Thor’s eyes were half-opened as he stared tiredly at Loki.
“What is it?” Thor muttered.
“You look unwell.”
“Aye. Half-dead.” he reiterated absently before he pulled his head from Loki’s hand and struggled to his feet. He swayed slightly but remained upright, it didn’t nothing to ease Loki’s budding suspicions.
Loki was inclined to believe Thor had a fever, which might mean worse besides, but that was not something he could treat with sorcery. He had little experience with mortal ailments other than a sense that some were fatal. What if he lost Thor to something so ridiculous?
He weighed their options, it was foolhardy to stay in one place too long but to have Thor journey in his condition was also a poor idea. The sooner Thor returned to Asgard the better, but that required dealing with frost giants. One look at Thor as he was and they would rip his brother apart.
Staying was dangerous, leaving was dangerous, the only path of any hope was the one that would let Odin come for Thor but that too was problematic. There was no easy answer.
Thor, whatever he thought of Loki’s silence and troubled expression, brought his palm up to Loki’s neck in their gesture of affection. “Are you well, brother?” he murmured.
“Worry about yourself, fool.” Loki scoffed, agitated by the well of fondness the concern inspired in him. It was as if the initial allowance of Thor’s sentiment had opened the gateway between them to start having mutual feelings. Thor’s hand lowered and Thor wore a weary, kicked-puppy look that Loki suddenly found intolerable. He made an irritated noise before he sighed as he made intentional eye contact with his brother. “I believe you are ill, Thor. A fever, perhaps, I know not what else. I cannot care for such an illness, if we stay it may get worse, if we leave it likely will as well. The only option is to proceed but not with you stumbling about. I will shift your form for a time so that I can-”
“-No.” Thor interrupted abruptly as he took a step back with a pinched expression and Loki felt a flicker of annoyance that became frustrated amusement as Thor added morosely. “No frogs.”
Loki wasn’t entirely sure of his brother’s lucidity, his eyes were lidded and he didn’t know how illness truly affected mortals. But the childish throwback to what had been a rather good prank might have enticed him to chuckle in other circumstances. “No frogs.” he agreed. “You consent then?”
Thor seemed confused by the question. “If I said I do not?”
“I would do it anyway.” Loki admitted. “But I am endeavoring to be courteous.”
Thor closed his eyes, Loki got the sense the other man was a touch amused, before Thor inclined his head. “Do what you must, brother.”
Loki eyed his brother before he put his palm on Thor’s head gently and summoned a rush of sorcery to bend and change Thor’s form. That too was dangerous, particularly given Thor’s condition, but the form would be warmer in general and let Loki continue the journey without Thor having to make it and worsen himself.
When Loki finished, the thunderer had become a thick-furred wolf pup. He considered it testament to how poorly Thor felt that he didn’t rise, simply curled up with a whimpering little huff that tugged at Loki’s heartstrings.
Loki ended the fire as he tied his cloak in such a way to make a kind of sling. He gingerly picked up his now furry brother and tucked him into the sling while keeping an arm tucked under him. “Suitable?” Loki asked.
Thor tilted a blue eye at Loki and gave a small, deliberate nod before he curled up further and closed his eyes.
Without a staggering mortal, Loki made far better time. He was able to find another water source and he kept a hand around Thor as he helped his brother drink. Loki found another creature to hunt and tore pieces small enough for Thor’s current form. He did what he could to let Thor rest and keep him warm. And strangely despite Thor’s inability to speak it left Loki more endeared to his brother than he cared to examine. Thor’s [was it fair to call it trust?] and reliance, his need of Loki’s care, and the little behaviors Thor displayed left Loki feeling more tenderly towards his brother than he had in some time. Thor spent two ‘nights’ in that form, both tucked against Loki’s chest as they slept. The few times Loki had stopped for rest himself, Thor pressed against his thigh or on his lap. He seemed constantly sleepy which was a concern. When Thor was awake, Loki treated him to a few tales, as only Loki Silvertongue could tell them. Thor seemed pleased as near as Loki could tell, when he was awake for them.
But half-way through the third day of the form, when Loki was sure they could not be but two days from where he figured the main living area of the Jotnar to be, Thor seemed somewhat recovered. He pulled away when Loki tried to pick him up to place him in the sling and shook his head. Loki took that to mean that Thor wanted his form restored. He hesitated because it was far easier to travel with Thor as he was…but then again…this might be his last chance at conversing with his brother while Thor still thought of them as such.
Loki relented as he restored Thor who stumbled and braced himself on Loki’s offered arm. Thor rubbed at his face and coughed. “I’ve never spent so longer in another form.” his voice was faintly hoarse but he sounded better as he cleared his throat. Thor’s complexion was slightly better and as Loki helped himself to a hand against Thor’s forehead, he was fairly sure Thor’s temperature had lessened. “I feel…less terrible.” Thor informed him before he added. “Thank you, brother.”
Loki replied primly. “Good, I was getting rather tired of carrying you.” he unfurled his cloak and made a show of brushing himself off while Thor smiled. “I believe our destination is a day, perhaps two at most away.”
“We’ll be home soon.” Thor said with relief as he stretched his reformed limbs.
“Indeed.” Loki said without meeting Thor’s gaze as he busied himself with studying their dark surroundings. He was surprised to feel Thor’s hand on his shoulder and glanced up at his brother who wore an almost solemn expression.
“Things will be different, Loki…I will not give you such cause for grief again. And know that I have meant all that I have said. Wherever you have come from, it makes no difference to me. We will always be brothers, Loki.”
A painful feeling welled in him and dual confessions of his true heritage and what he intended warred on his tongue. But instead of giving voice to either, he smiled thinly as he patted Thor’s hand. “You have made that perfectly clear, you great oaf.” he said, not unkindly before he shrugged Thor’s hand off. “If you feel able, we will continue.”
Thor’s hand hovered a moment after Loki pushed it off before he nodded. “As I can be.”
The next time they stopped, Loki had already reached a decision as he asked when they were seated. “Tell me of Alfheim.”
Thor stilled so suddenly that Loki was almost alarmed and he saw Thor’s gaze meet his own with a frown in the sorcerous fire light. “Loki…” he hesitated. “There is nothing to tell.”
“Did you honestly just try to pass such a poor lie off to me?” Loki asked in a tone of affront.
Thor looked uncomfortable at that. “It was centuries ago, Loki. Why bring it up now?"
“So there is an ‘it’.” Loki said triumphantly and Thor winced. “Your specter brought it up and I would know why. Because the only grand event I recall of Alfheim leaves a rather poor taste.”
Thor brought his legs up as he rested his forearms on his knees with a sigh. “You pick the worst things to speak of, brother.”
“Oh, come now, how bad can it be?” Loki coaxed.
“It is done with.” Thor said lowly, reticence written into the tension of his body.
He tried a different approach as he said. “Is this about Erros? You killed him, didn’t you?” Loki tried not to let his vindication bleed through with an old anger. “You were angry.”
The laugh that came out of Thor at that was unusually bitter and gave Loki pause. He kicked at a loose stone before he seemed to reach some decision as he looked up at Loki. “Yes. I killed Erros.”
Loki stiffened, because for all that he had blamed Thor and believed it, for all that he loved to be right, the blatant admission still struck him. His eyes narrowed. “I knew it was you. How did you get his uncle to defend you? Why did you do it, Thor?”
“It was an accident.” Thor said plainly, and Loki scoffed until he took note of Thor’s blank expression. His brother had always been a poor liar.
“You accidentally killed a duke’s son?” Loki asked skeptically even so.
Thor stared at Loki’s sorcerous fire as he trailed his palm over the top of the green flames. “It’s funny.” he said softly. “I think that was the closest I ever came to hating you, brother.”
“What?” Loki stared at his brother, such a phrase was not one he’d ever expected to hear from the other man.
“You would hear of Alfheim?” Thor asked tonelessly. “So be it, Loki.”
--xx--
Thor hadn’t liked Erros from the moment he’d laid eyes on him, a rarity for the eldest prince of Asgard. There was something…slimy about the elven heir to a dukedom. He put Thor on edge in the way he might expect to find himself during a dangerous quest. The way that Erros spoke and acted just…struck Thor as false.
But all the same, he did his best to be a polite and gracious prince as was his duty.
Erros seemed to mock him with every word even though he said nothing overtly inappropriate. And then Erros turned his attention to Loki. That had bothered Thor, he didn’t trust the elf nor want him in Loki’s company but there was little he could do. At least until Erros goaded him.
“What?” Thor was sure he must have misheard, or at least he hoped so, because he was certain beating the elven bastard senseless would not go over well with his father.
Erros looked smug. “Apologies, I had heard rumors the elder prince was dim-witted. I see that was being generous. Allow me to repeat myself. Does your brother accept coin for his time, or need I bother offering payment at all?”
Thor saw red and he refrained by the barest tether from smashing Erros’ head against the nearest wall. “I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you do not understand what you are saying.” he said through gritted teeth. “And allow you to walk away.”
“There are rumors, you see.” Erros said, like Thor hadn’t spoken as he began to walk with his hands behind his back and his still-smug expression. “That the youngest prince is a by-blow, likely of the Allfather’s. And that his mother is some breed of dark witch. To explain that exotic coloring.”
Thor would have had his hand on Erros’ throat had not the elf disappeared only to reappear several feet away.
Erros tugged on something beneath his shirt. “Teleportation amulet. Useful thing. Now as I was saying-” he teleported again as Thor lunged for him. “By the Tree, you really are dense. I simply want to know if you brother is as loose as his would-be mother. He is a sorcerer of Asgard, I know well what they like to do on their backs-” he teleported away again and Thor snarled furiously. Erros seemed pleased with that result as he shrugged. “Perhaps your brother will be better company.” he disappeared completely then and Thor clenched his jaw as he stormed from the palace.
He found Loki outside reading, where he’d thought him to be, and he demanded. “Go inside, Loki.” Thor could hardly keep his hands from shaking he was so enraged, he was going to strangle that filthy, foul-mouthed-
“What?” Loki asked, so Thor hauled him up by the arm and Loki shoved his arm off. “What are you doing? Stop it, Thor!”
Thor had heard such rumors before though never quite like that, rumors that had hurt Loki in the past. Because Odin, Frigga, and Thor all had fair coloring to match the rest of Asgard. But Loki was different, dark and pale with a preference for sorcery against the warrior preference of the men of Asgard. Thor could remember comforting his crying little brother in their childhood when some loud-mouthed arse made this or that comment about Loki’s appearance or that he appeared different than the others of their family. And certainly it wasn’t the first time he’d heard comments about sorcerers taking it on their backs, so to speak. That talk too had reached Loki’s ears before and caused him pain. Thor would not have it.
“This is not a time for argument. Go back to the palace.” Thor ordered, he did not trust Erros not to either speak out of turn or cause Loki further harm.
“I will not-Thor!” Loki protested as Thor grabbed him again and the younger Odinson glared. “Who do you think you are?”
Thor was in no fit state to deal with Loki’s stubbornness, it was all he could do not to snap at Loki in his rage. “Loki-”
“Trouble, sons of Odin?” Erros said as he came to stand near Loki.
Thor’s blood boiled even as Loki growled. “My brother is being ridiculous.”
“Is that so? It must be my fault.” Erros said with false sympathy. “I told Prince Thor I was looking for you. To ask if you would accompany me to the city this evening. I could use a guide, if I may be so bold to ask you, Prince Loki.”
“What?” Thor snapped as he advanced on Erros but was cut off by Loki.
“Erros is an honored guest, Thor. Is this how a prince behaves?” Loki asked darkly.
“Stay away from him! You have no idea-”
“-I would be delighted to escort you, Erros.” Loki said genially as he ignored his brother.
Thor had to bite his tongue as he could not thrash Erros without Loki interceding, nor certainly without explaining. He didn’t want Loki to know of the scum’s words. Thor found his opportunity, to his surprise, a few hours later. Were he not so enraged he might have noted how strangely convenient it was that Erros was so easily gotten to.
“You will stay away from my brother.” Thor snarled. “If you so much as look at him, I will break every bone in your body.”
”Temper, temper.” Erros clucked his tongue. “You know, all of this…bravado leaves me wondering…are you so eager to keep me from sampling the fruits of Asgard because you wish to taste them?” He had barely gotten the last word out before Thor threw a punch that Erros dodged, he back-handed Thor across the face, the first in Thor’s entire life to pull such a demeaning blow against him.
Thor lost any sense of composure he might have still had as he threw what may as well have been fists of iron into Erros’ face repeatedly.
But he hadn’t been at it long when he heard his father’s sharp voice and he came away from Erros chagrined.
Erros immediately began to blubber. “A-Allfather. I was so afraid.”
Thor was dumbfounded as the elf began to shed crocodile tears and play up how terrified he was. He could not get a word in edge-wise before Odin shouted for Thor to go to his chambers. Erros went to the medical wing with Loki for company.
A trial of sorts was held about the matter. Servants testified about seeing Thor raise his voice to Erros earlier in the day, during the incident where Erros kept teleporting. Thor tried to explain the truth without explaining all of the details, but he was barely able to do even that much. Because it became Loki’s word against his as well.
Loki wove a tale of seeing Thor attack Erros for no reason, that he had simply beaten Erros in a fit of pique. Thor’s protests meant little when his own brother testified against him so confidently. When Erros played fearful so well and was indeed the injured party. And when servants would testify of Thor’s temper [well-known anyway].
“Loki is lying!” Thor protested, hurt and angry at the betrayal by his brother.
“Silence!” Odin thundered, and Thor shot his brother a dark look that Loki met unashamedly.
Odin sentenced Thor to a period of a year as something of a noble helper to Erros, not quite a servant, but close enough. The act would smooth over the diplomatic affront as well as, hopefully, teach Thor humility and consequence.
It was Loki’s testimony that had sealed Thor’s fate.
Thor was hurt and morose as he resigned himself to a year spent in Alfheim with that elven bastard. He couldn’t believe his family had turned on him, that his father would not so much as listen and that Loki had blatantly lied. He had been trying to protect his brother, why would Loki do this over some stranger?
“Hopefully you actually learn something from this.”
Thor hadn’t known how to take his brother’s presence but it would be the last time he saw him for a year. Loki chose the foot they started off of when he decided to patronize Thor after betraying him.
“You lied.” Thor hissed.
“Oh, please. You mean to tell me Erros struck you first?” Loki scoffed, and Thor glared.
“Where he or I did, you did not see it! You lied, Loki! I am your brother, and you-”
“-You are a jealous oaf who could not stand that I had more attention than you!” Loki cut him off.
“Are you mad?” Thor couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You think I care about that?”
“Then what other reason have you for acting like a brute? Erros is a good-”
“-Speak no praise of Erros!” Thor snapped and he clenched his fists as Loki rolled his eyes.
“You cannot even hear another’s praises. You are so self-absorbed sometimes, Thor-”
Thor slammed a fist into the wall next to Loki as he glared daggers at his little brother.
“Brother?"
“You are clever, Loki, but you are not wise.” Thor growled, and he noted Loki’s uneasiness. Loki feared him, but not that vile elf? “You know books, but you do not know people. You understand nothing.”
Loki pushed him back with a demand that cut Thor to the quick. “Will you just go? Or are you going to hit me too?”
Thor made a noise of irritation even as his heart sank. “Are these to be our parting words?”
“You started this.” Loki said sullenly.
“Erros started this!” Thor snapped back, only to see Loki shake his head.
“Enjoy your punishment, Thor, little good it will do.”
Loki teleported away and Thor was left alone as his shoulders slumped and he bit the inside of his cheek against the miserable swell of emotions he felt.
--xx--
Loki’s mouth had fallen slightly open as Thor paused in his tale. “T-That isn’t possible. It did not happen that way.”
“You wouldn’t know. You weren’t there. Hence why you lied.” Thor said, a touch of steel in his tone that hadn’t been present in the whole time they’d been on Jotunheim.
“Why did you not just tell me?”
“Because as I told you, little that you seem to believe it, I take no pleasure in hurting you, Loki. Why should I have inflicted his words on you? I held you enough times as you cried over such things. I would not give him power to wound you. I did not expect you would betray me on his behalf.” Thor added, a tinge bitterly.
Loki was in danger of being on the back foot, so he responded defensively. “Well how was I to know! I saw you beating him-”
“-He struck me first. Whatever you thought of why we fought, you lied. You went out of your way to make me the villain.”
Loki started to protest but it died on his lips as he stared at cool, blue eyes over the green fire. “I…was not some…damsel that could not hear such things, why…you should have just…”
“Not a damsel. My little brother. Repeating his words to you would be giving his foul words voice. I did not want you to hear them. I made that choice.”
Loki swallowed hard at that, astonished by how deeply he’d misunderstood the situation if Thor was to be believed. “I did not know he would send you away.”
“As you did not know I would be banished.” Thor said, almost wryly. “It seems we both make decisions on behalf of the other, with what we imagine to be good purpose.”
Loki didn’t know how to reply so he settled on a quiet. “…What of Alfheim?”
Thor paused and then sneered abruptly, a look foreign on Thor’s face as far as Loki was concerned. “Erros was worse than I knew.”
--xx--
Thor was given the clothes of elven nobility, but those of Erros’ house. They may as well have declared him Erros’ noble manservant. The gall and shame of it stung Thor but he was in no position to complain. He was there to make diplomatic reparations and he knew his father would not be on his side in the matter. Erros at one point poured an entire glass of wine on Thor’s head with a look that dared Thor to touch him.
Thor didn't, if only to avoid giving Erros his sought after satisfaction.
Erros exchanged correspondence with Loki and delighted in reading them to Thor. He wrote of how ill-tempered Thor was, of his violence and tantrums, and Loki in turn wrote with sympathy that Erros had to put up with his ‘fool’ of a brother.
Erros was a master manipulator, he wrote in such phrases as would goad complement replies from Loki so that Loki’s own replies were new insults to Thor. Loki mocked his brother’s intellect [or lack thereof], his brutish nature, his poor manners.
Thor seethed and wanted to throttle the pair of them. But he could only bite his tongue.
Erros spent the first few weeks being as demeaning as possible. He delighted in tormenting Thor in little ways that Thor had no recourse for. If he tried to speak of them, Thor would sound petty or complaining. Erros gave Thor vile nicknames, but the one that bothered him the most was ‘Golden Prince’. The way Erros said it, the name that Thor already disliked, it sounded like the most patronizing of insults.
And then Erros turned his behavior around. Suddenly he was cajoling, he acted as though he and Thor were old friends, he invited him to elvish parties as a participant. Thor was obligated to go along even if it was framed as an invitation.
That was Thor’s introduction to substances as he’d never had them before.
Erros plied him with drink and Thor found that if he consumed enough, he became rather numb to his situation. The rush in his head nearly drowned out the irritating drone of Erros’ voice. And then he took Thor to a different kind of party, where the participants clearly had a physical desire in mind. Gorgeous elves of varying genders and ages were present. Thor had drunk before the party, he had not expected it, and thus found himself already impaired when Erros brought him.
Erros blew some manner of powder in Thor’s face that left him feeling weak and disoriented.
“You know, prince.” Erros cooed in a way that made the noble title sound like a mutt’s name. “It was never your gangly brother I wanted. No, I heard such tales of Asgard’s perfect, golden prince. I have a predilection, you see. Some people enjoy building things up…I am oh so fond of breaking them down.” he caught Thor’s chin in his hand as he shook it patronizingly and Thor shoved him off with a stumble.
“You really shouldn’t refuse me.” Erros said as he tapped his fingers on a table. “A reputation is easier to break than you can imagine. Imagine what I could do to Loki’s reputation. That creepy little-”
Thor caught Erros by the throat and slammed him to the ground only to nearly vomit at the sudden, aggressive move.
“That’s it!” Erros laughed, as though it were the outcome he hoped for. “Show me what a brute the golden prince is, I have been waiting, you dull-” he stopped as he found a sword at his throat, that it seemed, had not been in his plans.
Odin had sent the newly minted warrior Sif to accompany Thor, along with the warrior Fandral who had himself been officially a warrior of Asgard only a few years longer than Sif.
It was Sif’s blade that pressed to Erros’ throat and Fandral who murmured a polite apology as he helped Thor to his feet and kept him steady.
“I am the son of a duke, you silly twit.” Erros laughed at Sif.
“And you will be a dead son of a duke if you ever harm a prince of Asgard again.” Sif said icily.
“You would threaten me?”
“Was a threat made?” Fandral asked in a tone of mock-surprise. “I heard no such thing. Just as I am sure I did not see the substance forced onto an Odinson.”
Erros eyed Fandral with something like hunger as he nodded. “Fair point, warrior. Fine, I surrender.” he crooned.
Sif lifted her blade with a look of disgust before she and Fandral took Thor back to his room.
It was the first time the trio spoke properly. Fandral seemed to know of what Thor had been given and mixed an antidote of sorts. When Thor grew ill, Sif respectfully held his hair back while Fandral fetched Thor a meal.
When he was sensible again, Thor was shame-faced and offered a rare apology. “You should not have seen me in such a state…”
“My prince. If I may?” Fandral said kindly. “You are not responsible for the actions of that vagabond, nor are you here by choice. I assure you of my discretion, please think nothing of it.”
“And mine.” Sif added firmly. “I saw Erros in Asgard. He struck me ill.”
“I did not see him but I can imagine feeling the same if I had.” Fandral mused before he offered Thor a smile and clasped a hand over his heart. “We were chosen by the Allfather, I recognize that you know little of our character. But I swear on my father’s house, my sword is in your service, Prince Thor. As is my loyalty.”
Sif mirrored Fandral’s gesture. “I so swear the same. I will not speak of what passed this night. Unless you give me leave to testify against that slimy-”
“-Lady Sif.” Fandral seemed amused though.
Sif looked faintly sheepish as she looked to Thor. “Apologies, my prince.” Her expression grew stern again. “But he dared make attempt against you.”
Thor smiled faintly at the exchange, surprised at the fierce loyalty of the two. “…It is Sif and Fandral, yes?” When he received confirmation he rose and set a hand on each of their shoulders. “Thank you for your aid. I will not forget it.”
The trials of Erros were lessened by the newfound friendship with Sif and Fandral. Erros could not easily bid Thor’s guards away, and he he had less freedom to act when he knew they would intercede. But Erros still made a show, even in front of them, of taunting Thor with Loki’s letters.
And then came the day of Erros’ death.
Thor knew Erros was licentious, but he had not seen Erros be forceful with the many bed partners Thor saw in and out of Erros’ chambers.
Then a maid of the mansion came to Thor specifically and begged his aid for her friend.
Thor came upon a scene of Erros in the process of attempting to put himself upon a maid who resisted and plead for him to stop.
“Release her.” Thor snarled as he approached, and Erros paused only long enough to smirk at Thor as he offered.
“What, you wish to jo-”
Thor grabbed Erros’ shirt with both hands as he hurled the man with unnatural force. He had no particular aim but it happened that Erros crashed into the ajar balcony door. Erros was carried by poor footing and momentum as he slammed into the low-built balcony fence and then fell straight over.
The maid had fled already, so it was Thor alone who watched in horror as Erros disappeared over the side. He had not intended that. Thor raced to the balcony even as he heard a scream and he stared down at Erros’ body. A servant saw him and cried ‘murderer’ even as Thor staggered back. “No…I…” his words were to himself, shell-shocked by what had occurred. Thor had slain beasts and killed in battle, but he had never simply killed an unarmed man, no matter how horrible. There was no honor in that, it was not justice.
Sif and Fandral were not long behind, Thor gave them a breathless explanation and the pair looked grim. He feared they would not believe him and was astounded when they were instantly on his side.
“It was an accident.” Thor said. “He was a terror, but I would never…I did not mean…”
Sif opened her mouth to speak but was beat to the punch by another voice.
“Of course you did not.” The speaker was Faradel, uncle of Erros and acting duke until Erros inherited as Erros’ father had died. “I have heard from the maid of what occurred…an unavoidable tragedy.”
“Unavoidable.” Thor repeated.
Faradel entered the room with an expression of distaste as though he found the very air dirty before he looked to Thor with an almost fatherly expression of sympathy. “Wicked deeds meet wicked ends.” he said, as though it were a sensible summation of what occurred.
A handful of maids entered the room then, along with a pair of servants, and Thor recognized two immediately as they curtsied to him and began to clean the room. Faradel looked at Thor expectantly.
“...You planned this.” Thor breathed, the maids were the one who had come specifically to ask his aid and the one that had been with Erros when Thor entered. “He was your nephew…why?”
Faradel must have been confident indeed in the loyalty of his staff and his upper hand as he said blatantly. “The dukedom would have been run into the ground by that salacious upstart. He was a pestilence in elven skin. I am now the duke. And you will find a ready ally in me, Prince Thor.” he said, a touch mockingly. “Rest assured. I will tell the Allfather that you had naught to do with the terrible accident. And a good thing, I should think, given that he seems inclined not to take your word on matters.”
Thor felt his mouth go dry as he wondered suddenly just how far Faradel’s plotting went.
“Come now, you need not look so upset. What you did was nothing short of a good and princely deed. And I, Faradel, Duke of Fallaway, do heartily thank you.” he said as spun his hand with a derisive half-bow.
“I will tell of what was done here.” Thor said. “I will not be party to your scheming.”
“We both know you will not.” Faradel said with a sigh. “Forget you how you came to be here? Your word held no value. Your reputation preceded you, I am afraid you do have a rather notorious temper. You left Erros in quite a state. And now here you have been seen looming over the very scene of his death.”
“We would speak for him.” Sif said defiantly.
Faradel smiled patronizingly and gave a short pair of claps. The maids and servants in the room immediately filed into a line and stood stiffly. “Who threw my nephew from the balcony. All may answer.” In virtual unison the serving staff all spoke ‘Prince Thor of Asgard’. He looked back at Thor. “Does it make more sense that I, a doting and loyal uncle, would arrange such a fate for Erros? Or does it not ring more truly that Asgard’s infamously fiery prince took his strength too far in his anger?”
Thor gritted his teeth, the sense of injustice over the situation galled him, nearly as much as the truth of Faradel’s words.
“Reputations.” Faradel said with a cluck of his tongue reminiscent of Erros. “So easily broken.”
“I see where he gets it from.” Thor snarled.
“I was the only decent influence that cretin had.” Faradel said as he dismissed the servants back to their work. “But he was poor material to start with. Now.” he said as his tone turned friendly. “You have two choices before you, Prince of Asgard. You may assuage your noble conscience and speak your version of the truth. I am rather confident of the poor results you will receive in return. Or you may say nothing, and let me speak for you, as your newly gained ally. I will tell the Allfather of your exemplary behavior here, and that you were in no way involved with the unfortunate business here.”
--
Thor returned to Asgard two weeks later with Sif and Fandral in tow. He had not even greeted his parents yet when Loki found him first.
“I know it was you! You killed him!” Loki shouted as he got into his older brother’s face. He slammed a fist against Thor’s chest, then another.
Thor caught Loki’s wrists when Loki made another attempt though he let Loki tug his hands back.
“You are a spoiled, selfish brute! You could not bear me to have a friend who wasn’t yours, could you?” Loki snarled.
“Prince Loki-” Fandral started only to earn a glare from Loki.
“-I did not give you leave to speak.” Loki snapped.
Thor’s temper was low in him. He had felt wrong since Alfheim. The injustice of what happened with Faradel burned him. He would have gladly admitted his own part, he wanted to, Thor valued honor and integrity. It was cowardly to hide what he did, the death was not honorable.
But Faradel was right, Thor and Asgard would be disgraced if Faradel came against him and Thor’s word had already been tarnished. That was clear enough.
So though it felt like swallowing shards of glass; Thor swallowed his pride, his honor, and the truth as he went along with the lie that made him feel like his skin was crawling. He hated that Faradel profited off of using him, that the schemer was rewarded for orchestrating kin-slaying and for self-gain no less.
Thor felt numb, laid-low by the entire situation, exhausted and thoroughly done with the whole affair when Loki came upon him.
“Yell at me if you must, but do not speak so to my friends.” Thor said as he stepped between them with a frown.
“You are unbelievable!” Loki glared into Thor’s eyes as he moved closer. “I know it was you. Tell me, did he have his back turned when you pushed him-”
Thor grabbed Loki by a fistful of his shirt as he pulled him closer and snarled with a sudden, furious glare. “Never speak such words again.”
“What? The truth?” Loki pried Thor’s hands away. “You are the worst brother!” Loki spat before he stormed off towards the palace.
Thor took the words like a blow but said nothing. He felt every bit as monstrous as Loki would have him out to be.
--xx--
Silence fell for several minutes as Thor finished his recounting.
Loki was, for once, rendered mute by the exchange. What Thor described was nightmarish. And a manipulation, either by Erros and Faradel separately or perhaps somehow Faradel all along.
Loki had played right into Erros’ hands. He was so flattered to receive attention and praise from the charming, well-spoken elvish noble. Elves were notoriously picky when it came to interactions with non-elves. He had reveled in being chosen over Thor for once, in finding a friend who seemed intelligent and interesting. Loki had been furious that Thor couldn’t even let him have that much. And when he’d found out Erros had died…he had been aghast. Loki felt in part responsible, that if he’d not helped [inadvertently] ensure his brother went to Alfheim then Erros would still be alive. Or if he’d just bitten his tongue and listened to Thor, even though he should not have had to. Loki had blamed Thor, he had thought him horribly brutish for what he’d done. He avoided his brother for weeks, and his ire only grew with the way the lady Sif looked at him. Like Loki was the one who had done wrong.
Thor always acted so high and mighty, so self-righteous, and Loki held onto the incident as an example of what a hypocrite his brother was. He had let his temper get the better of him such that he’d killed a decent man for petty reasons. That was what Loki had thought.
Loki had delivered Thor to a wretch who had nearly, perhaps, had the distinction of taking advantage of Thor Odinson.
And in defense of Loki’s feelings and honor no less.
Loki was furious: at himself, at Erros, at Thor. This was such a sterling piece of the evidence he had for why Thor was so unworthy, why Thor was terrible, why he didn’t truly value and care about Loki. What sort of man was that to be king?
To have the story so flipped around, to find that Thor had acted in defense of him and not against him, it agonized Loki. It felt unreasonably unfair. Somehow similar to the way that things went so wrong when Loki tried them. When Thor invaded Jotunheim, he got a slap on the wrist, but when Loki did it…he was met with disappointment, he was met with Thor stopping him like Loki was the one off-balance. The monster.
And without even knowing what lay beneath Loki’s Aesir skin.
Loki had acted to help Erros, Erros had been the victim, Thor had been the one in the wrong.
And now it was all backwards. Loki had been played by someone he had come to consider a friend, manipulated into acting against his brother, and to great detriment to Thor.
Who was apparently trying to help Loki.
Loki snarled as he grabbed a handful of pebbles and flung them at Thor who looked angry.
“What was that for?” Thor demanded.
“Because you are intolerable.” Loki raged as he clenched his hands in frustration before he made a low, pained noise as he seemed to deflate. “The Mighty Thor. So unfailingly noble.” The jabs sounded tired as Loki stared into the fire with an almost glum expression. “You should have told me.” he whispered.
Thor was taken aback by Loki’s sudden, seemingly random anger and then Loki seemed to falter all at once as he grew quiet. He hesitated before he replied. “Perhaps…but even to speak the words to you would have caused me pain.”
Loki shot Thor an incredulous look. “You have mocked me for my sorcery for centuries!” he shouted.
“What has that to do with this?” Thor asked, almost bewildered.
“That was one of the insults, was it not? A sorcerer being on his back.”
“I was more concerned with you being called a bastard, Loki, but aye. That was among them.” Thor growled.
“Well, surprise, I may as well be one.” Loki laughed, too forced and too bitter as his shoulders shook before his head drooped. “That or worse.” he said, almost too quietly to hear.
Thor debated his options briefly before he reached a decision as he moved to sit beside Loki.
“What are you doing, you o-”
Loki fell quiet as Thor slipped an arm around Loki and pulled his brother against his side as he stared pointedly into the fire and said nothing. He felt Loki’s eyes on him before he felt Loki lean against him as one of Loki’s arms loped around his back and hugged his waist.
The brothers stayed that way for a time, silent as they held they each other and watched the green, flickering flame.
“I did not truly want you dead, brother.” Loki’s voice was quiet, almost hesitant.
Thor wasn’t sure if that was entirely true, all things considered. But he didn’t think Loki intended the words as a lie, so he accepted them all the same. Thor squeezed his brother a little tighter as he brushed his thumb back and forth on Loki’s shoulder. He thought of replies but feared ruining the moment by saying the wrong thing, and Thor had a sense that Loki needed the comfort. A strange place to end up given how brutal Loki had been since their arrival, but Thor always fell back on caring for his brother. He could not do otherwise. Thor decided to be a touch daring as he pressed a kiss to the top of Loki’s head as he’d not done in years. He felt Loki stiffen and said softly. “I am glad you are my brother, Loki.”
He felt Loki’s long, slow inhale and the faint tremble that seemed to follow. If Thor felt a hint of wetness on his shirt, he made no mention as he continued to hold his brother and watch the fire.
Thor let himself hope this was a sign of things to come, that he and Loki could mend and move forward honestly...Home would not be home without his little brother in it, and he would make Loki see that when they returned.