Chapter Text
The walk back to the shelter was spent mostly in silence, with occasional glances from Loki as if to verify Thor was still following behind. When they entered, he motioned for Thor to sit by the fire and he obliged as he watched his brother carefully.
His adopted brother, of all things.
Loki was Loki, and so in some way it made sense that he’d had such a dramatic reaction to finding out that he was adopted. But the excessive, loathing level of it was what threw Thor off. Did he really think it made a difference? Did Loki really think it changed anything between them? Thor had known Loki as his brother all of his life, he’d loved him dearly all of that time, the matter of blood was nothing.
Loki crouched down in front of Thor as he inspected him, and Thor watched his brother’s expressions. “Mortals are so fragile.” he muttered as he grabbed Thor’s chin and tilted his head from side to side to inspect him. Thor didn’t care for the contact, but he wasn’t about to argue and let Loki have his way for the moment. Loki began checking the rest of his body and poked at his ribs on both sides and Thor let out a hiss of pain as Loki touched something very tender fairly roughly. “Bruised, not broken.” he muttered before he looked to Thor. “Does anything lower seem injured?”
“My ankle.” Thor pulled up the pant leg of the ankle that was sore, and it indeed looked red and swollen.
Loki sighed. “You just had to go and make a mess of yourself.”
Thor frowned. “Forgive me for not saving your life in a more efficient way, br-Loki.”
“Saving my life.” Loki scoffed. “You were the one who needed saving.”
“You would still be bound if not for me!”
“You do not know that.”
Thor thought of something then. “Why were you not able to use your magic?”
Loki considered the question, and Thor had a sense he was debating if he wanted to answer, and then said. “The manacles were…designed to prevent use of magic. No idea why a couple of random frost giants had such things, but here we are.”
Loki conjured a small rag and dabbed it at the blood on Thor’s face. “Hold still.” he muttered. And it felt almost like old times, with Loki and Thor tending each other, except that Thor knew this time Loki couldn’t even stand for Thor to call him ‘brother’.
“How did you know about the nail?” Loki asked.
Thor snorted at that. “Do you remember when I went to Alfheim for that ‘study abroad’ season?”
Loki’s eyes flicked up for a moment as he seemed to try to recall. “Sounds familiar.”
“Well, I spent four nights with a pair of dwarves who’d taken residence there. One a farmer and one a blacksmith. The blacksmith had a fondness for nails in particular. He spoke of nothing but for four days and would have kept talking had I stayed longer. I had no idea there could be so much to a damned little piece of metal. I have not yet been able to look a nail the same way since.” Thor said with a huff.
Loki cleared his throat as he moved onto Thor’s ankle and started wrapping another conjured cloth around it. “How did he convince you to sit through four days of that?”
“It was either listen to him speak of nails or listen to his brother speak of cow shit. I preferred the nails.” Thor said with a snort.
Loki made the throat clearing noise again, but Thor realized with astonishment and a bit of hope that it seemed to be a disguised laugh. Had he amused Loki a little? That had to mean something positive, did it not? But he knew if he pressed or drew attention to it Loki would just respond viciously.
“How is your head?” Thor asked instead and Loki seemed surprised by the question before his expression returned to being relatively blank.
“None of your concern.”
Thor sighed heavily. “Should a ‘subject’ not be concerned for ‘their king’?” he tried not to sound overly sarcastic though it was obvious that it was the intent.
A thin, mocking smile curved Loki’s lips. “Finally learning your place, Thor?”
“My place has always been by your side, that is not a thing I need to learn.”
Loki’s smile slipped as he sneered. “Your place is behind me or beneath me, not beside me.”
And there went whatever sliver of goodwill he thought he’d seen in his brother. “Did you think I would not accept you if I learned you were adopted?” he asked, thinking to trip Loki up with the seeming randomness of the question.
Loki did indeed seemed surprised for a split second before he masked it and glared. “I did not give it a thought, because I do not care. Your feelings are of no consequence to me.”
“Even so, it makes no difference to me, Loki. You have always been my brother and will always be so, there is nothing that would make me turn from you.”
He expected an instant, angry retort but Loki stared at him a couple of seconds before he scoffed. “You are a fool, Odinson. And we are no kin.” Loki rose to frown down at Thor. “I can do nothing about your rib.”
“Thank you for what you did do.” Thor offered, although Loki didn’t seem satisfied.
In either case, Loki headed for the mouth of the shelter. “Those creatures took what I had collected, I will return shortly.”
Thor stood up quickly with a visible wince. “You were just hurt, and now you would go back out?”
“Unless you would prefer starvation?”
“I would prefer you not get hurt, let me come with you. If nothing else I am clearly still viable bait.”
He would almost swear he saw the corner’s of Loki’s lips twitch with amusement, but Loki’s tone was dour. “I know better what to expect this time. Do not leave this shelter again.” he ordered, and headed out before Thor could object.
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Loki externally was composed and confident, but inside, he was in shambles. His life was a lie, he was not an Odinson, not a true prince of Asgard, not Frigga’s son either. He was a Frost Giant, a creature of Jotunheim, the very monster that the children of Asgard were taught to fear and revile. He’d grown up listening to warriors speak of slaying them, his own [not] brother had, and Loki was one of them.
He felt it like a sickening, crawling feeling all over his body that he couldn’t shake. Every minute now, he knew, beneath the glamour of an aesir was the red-eyed, blue-skinned Jotun form he was born to. The visage of a monster, that’s what Loki really was. He hated Odin for doing this to him, and for perpetuating the lie, and hated Frigga and Thor for being even an inadvertent part of it.
But somehow Thor was the worst.
Thor and Loki had been inseparable as children. Loki had adored an idolized his older brother, and Thor had doted on and protected him in turn.
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Young Loki wove a spell into the air that conjured a little orb of light to dance around the room. Thor watched, rapt, and when the ball disappeared he clapped his hands together with a laugh. “My little brother is a genius, look at what you can do already!”
“This is simple magic, brother.” Loki said, even as he couldn’t help but smile.
“Simple for my genius little brother.” Thor said, making himself sound dramatically proud.
Loki giggled, and he smiled as Thor ruffled his hair affectionately before he pulled him into a one-armed hug. “If you say so, brother.”
Thor gave him a conspiratorial wink and grinned. “I know so, Loki.”
Loki slipped an arm around his brother in turn and hugged him back as he made small set of orbs to Thor’s delight. He loved seeing his big brother proud and happy on his behalf. Only Thor and their Mother ever seemed to pay much attention to him, and praise him. Loki didn't have much by way of friends, but he didn't mind, as long as he had his big brother he had all the company he needed.
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But then Thor grew, he grew into the ‘Golden Prince of Asgard’, drunk on tales of his own glory and magnificence. The sycophants of the court sang his praises and he believed them. He surrounded himself with those who called Loki’s magic ‘women’s work’, and mocked the ‘weaker’ little brother. Thor was foolish and self-centered, unbelievably arrogant, capable of cruelty and vicious mocking for no other reason than that he could.
It would have been bad enough to learn he was adopted when he and Thor had still been close. But to learn that the traitorous ‘brother’ he’d been shadowing his whole life, been told his whole life he would serve under as his king, was no relation at all…
Odin had raised a little frost giant servant for his trueborn son. A loyal, powerful sorcerer to keep by his real son’s side. Not fit for the throne, oh no, and not fit for Odin’s love and pride. But good enough to serve at the feet of his wretched, obnoxious, golden son.
Loki had seen an opportunity with Odin in the Odinsleep, and Thor banished. An opportunity to take for himself what was an illusion. He could take the throne he was meant to be denied, he could erase the false brother who’d spent the past years making him miserable, he could erase Jotunheim and all the monsters in it…Loki would be the savior of Asgard, he would be beloved, he would be the shining son, it would be magnificent…
But Thor had ruined it all.
Thor had lived and destroyed the Bifrost and caused Loki to fall into the void with nothing. And the horrible fool had even followed him down, just to spit more lies about their false brotherhood and whine at him over nonsense. But the Norns had given him one bit of mercy. Somehow, Thor was powerless and mortal again, and that suited Loki just fine. He had thought at first he would torture Thor in whatever ways came to mind, or just kill him outright, but then he’d realized there might be a much better use for the ‘real’ prince of Asgard. Loki was a son of Laufey, and runt or not, he had a claim to the throne of Jotunheim. What would be a better campaign pitch than to say he had captured the son of Odin and ransom him to get the Casket of Ancient Winters?
Loki had expected Thor’s rage and defiance, his usual arrogance and pride, and was taken aback by his demeanor. He supposed it came down to survival instincts, even Thor knew better than to bite the hand that feeds in this case. Thor had surprised him with his strange bit of knowledge at the camp, and his dramatic baiting of the giants. He had spoken a lot of whining, familial words that Loki had largely ignored. Clearly Thor was just trying to manipulate Loki, now that Loki had the upper hand.
Loki had summoned an illusion of Odin to ‘rescue’ Thor partially because he was sure it would scare the frost giants the most. But also because he wanted to mess with Thor, he wanted to make him believe that Odin had come and watch Thor fall apart with his eagerness to go home. He wanted to have proof of Thor’s lying about his brotherly sentiments, via Thor agreeing to leave Loki behind. What he hadn’t expected was Thor’s vehement declarations against Odin that he wasn’t leaving without Loki, and that Loki was his brother even despite his heritage. Loki didn’t know what to make of that. He would have thought Thor knew it was an illusion, but no, his reaction had been genuine and Thor lacked the acting skills and guile to play false to Loki in that regard. Plus, Thor had been quite injured, and he still insisted on staying. Loki didn’t really understand it, couldn’t quite figure out Thor’s self-serving motivations although surely they must be there.
Thor’s comments about the nails had amused him despite himself. Some treacherous, tiny sliver of Loki fell instep with Thor and back onto habits of familiarity and camaraderie. The idea of his oafish not-brother spending four days listening to some dwarf sing the praises of nails was laughable. Thor’s demeanor in retelling was comfortably familiar, unlike everything else in Jotunheim.
But it was all false, it was all Loki’s wretched, ingrained instincts via Odin who taught Loki to exist at Thor’s side. Thor didn’t care about Loki, and Loki certainly didn’t care about Thor, it was just…foolish habit.
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Loki returned a little past an hour with a couple of small creatures that he had cooked up in short order and split with Thor. He noticed Thor seemed subdued, and also in pain, though he kept quiet about it and seemed to make an effort not to show how hurt he seemed to be.
Thor took a bite of the creature and scrunched his nose. “Tastes like lizard.” he said decidedly.
“When have you ever eaten a lizard?” he heard himself ask automatically, sure that Thor was making that up. When would a prince of Asgard, the prince of Asgard, have eaten a lizard?
“That time Sif and I got stuck in the forests at Vanaheim…we ran out of supplies and the only creatures we saw were lizards…her face when I first suggested we eat them would have made me laugh if it did not make me think she meant to murder me in short order.” he shook his head. “Lady Sif was not a fan.”
Loki’s lips were tempted to smile again and a feeling of revulsion overcame him. He was too well-trained, too instinctively tuned to following his brother’s mood and patterns. Loki was the king here, Thor was the mortal, Thor was lucky Loki was even allowing him to live…he wasn’t funny, he was vile. Loki needed to ensure Thor understood that, and he went for a cruel statement. “It is likely you will never see Sif again. You will probably die out here soon. Weak as you are.”
Thor frowned as he looked at Loki over the fire. “Are you just being spiteful for the sake of it?”
“I am only being honest.” Loki replied coolly, and Thor sighed as he took another bite.
“I wish you would talk to me properly instead of saying all of this…whatever wrongs I have done you, I would-”
“-Enough with that! There is nothing you can do! No excuses for what you have done. You have made your bed, Odinson, and now you can lie in it.”
“If you cannot even speak of them, how can they be more than imagined slights?”
“Imagined slights?” Loki hissed. “I advise you to stop talking, Thor, you have worn my patience to the bone.”
Thor was tempted to argue, but again, he found himself having to realize he was in no position to do so. He finished his food in silence as Loki did the same and he wondered not for the first time if his brother truly had gone mad.