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Chapter Text

Alberu Crossman had many reasons in his life to feel put upon. His entire birthright was one of intense pressure and expectation, things only got worse from that.

Alberu liked to think he managed it fairly well even in the worst of times. He always had a plan and he was the sort of patient stubborn person who could achieve his goals.

It could be said that Alberu was the sort of person who was always looking to the future and very rarely had the opportunity to live in the present.

Of course, when the headache known as Cale Henituse was introduced into his life he found himself forced to live in the here and now with unerring consistency. Or maybe he had the opportunity to do so now that some of the crushing weight of his responsibilities had been forcefully lifted from his shoulders.

And of course replaced with the much heavier weight known as ‘keeping my stupid dumb reckless headache inducing dongsaeng alive’.

Despite that particular pressure always causing him trouble, the other weight continued to spread out. Loyal and reliable companions who stood at his side. Children who affectionately sought him out.

Friendship and family like he’d never known before.

When the sun god gave him the opportunity to help his dongsaeng during that damn trial from the sealed god, it was obvious that he’d take it. And when he learned that there was so much more to him that met the eye, he was able to accept it.

The strange world that paralleled their own where Kim Rok Soo and Choi Han came from. It was a place so strange and different from Alberu’s own but it had a very distinct look to it that Alberu would never forget.

The homeland of two members of his precious found family and a place where he’d met new friends. Even if all of them all saw him as a giant tiger monster, he felt that he’d managed to create some meaningful bonds.

All of that said, he hadn’t the faintest intention of returning to that land when there was so much to be done in his own kingdom.

So why was he surrounded by that distinct scenery?

“Look out–!” Alberu turned at the sound of the voice but he didn’t have any more time to react before he was tackled to the ground, a crater left in his wake as a monster made short work of the concrete.

Alberu wasn’t granted any time to adjust before the man shoved him aside and turned to face the enemy, barking out orders in Korean to the surrounding ability users as they all moved to subdue the beast.

It was only then that it registered to Alberu that those first two words hadn’t been spoken in Korean. Who would know his mother tongue in this place though?

Alberu only understood a bit of Korean. He’d been granted an ability to understand it quite clearly while in the tiger’s body but he’d already realized that wasn’t the case now. He was definitely in his own body.

More so than he could find comfortable. Alberu’s eyes widened at the sight of his dark skin and he reached for his necklace, finding it still securely around his neck.

Why wasn’t he disguised?

Fear that the only tool that allowed him to hide his true nature was broken, a keepsake from his mother and a precious gift, flooded through him.

That fear had to wait though. The team of ability users had finished subjugating the monster when the first man who’d rescued him was approaching with a grim look on his face.

He was tall, muscular, and covered in scars. There was something so strangely familiar about him though that Alberu couldn't place even though he was confident that he didn’t know this man.

The man reached out a hand, speaking in Korean. “Are you alright?”

Alberu nodded, wondering if it had been a trick of his ears earlier as he accepted the hand that helped him to his feet.

“Team leader!” An approaching woman looked much more familiar to Alberu, she was older than he remembered seeing her but he was sure that she was Kim Min Ah. “Who’s that?”

It suddenly clicked in Alberu’s brain and he realized why the man looked so familiar. “Kim Rok Soo…?”

He was different from the twenty year old Kim Rok Soo that Alberu had seen and even the Cale Henituse that Alberu had grown to know. Not just in appearance but also in atmosphere.

The way he held himself was… elegant? It wasn’t really an adjective that he’d normally apply to the Cale he knew.

The man smiled and it was weird. It wasn’t how Cale or the Kim Rok Soo he knew smiled. He turned to Kim Min Ah and placated her concerns. “No, we’ve never met.”

Kim Min Ah wasn’t dumb, it was obvious that Kim Rok Soo was using some obnoxious wordplay but she decided that she really wasn’t paid enough to care about her boss being a dumbass. “Uh huh. Well, while you flirt I’m going to actually do my damn job.”

Kim Rok Soo frowned at her but she paid no mind as she sauntered off. She’d been close enough to see Kim Rok Soo’s face when the civilian in weird clothes had appeared suddenly in front of the monster. That wasn't a simple concern, he was panicked and he’d even cried out some nonsense words while rushing towards the man.

She might not enjoy Kim Rok Soo being an obtuse asshole but she had enough tact to know that they wouldn’t talk while she was there.

Alberu had kept silent during the exchange, his Korean abilities straining to keep up with the nuances of the conversation. Kim Rok Soo let out a long sigh and looked back to Alberu as though contemplating what to do with him.

“For now, wait here.” He said. Alberu noted that he was speaking slowly, was it for his benefit? “I have to help with the clean up.”

Alberu wanted to protest but held back. As much as he wanted answers he could see the havoc the monster had ravaged on the place.

“I’ll help.”

Kim Rok Soo looked at him with mild surprise before nodding, giving out orders to him along with his team members to efficiently handle the situation.

At least that was similar to the Cale that Alberu knew. But there was still something… odd about him.

‘ Is it just because I’m not used to this appearance? Or was he just different in his own world? ’ 

Alberu couldn’t shake the thought that he really was talking to a stranger. If it was the Kim Rok Soo from the world of the test, Alberu had spoken with him before. Only briefly but he’d still met the younger man.

Was this really the change a decade of the apocalypse had on Cale?

It was like a puzzle piece that just barely didn’t fit.

Alberu focused his energy on assisting with the clean up and when the relief team arrived, he left with Kim Rok Soo’s team.

Kim Min Ah was looking at him strangely and it occurred to Alberu that there was something inherently weird about how easily he’d recognized her.

Yes, it was true that Kim Rok Soo’s body had changed significantly from the age of twenty. But Kim Min Ah had been a teenager when he met her and it wasn’t like she hadn’t changed at all. Besides, Alberu had much more of a history with Kim Rok Soo.

So why did he look like a stranger even now?

“You’ll come home with me for now.” Kim Rok Soo announced when they’d finished the debriefing at the office. Alberu had been given tea and had been made to wait at Kim Rok Soo’s desk while people gave him strange looks.

Obviously it wasn’t normal to bring a refugee back to the office or to offer to take him home.

No one was able to question Kim Rok Soo about it though because he’d just change the subject and assign them some obnoxious busy work. Alberu for his part was keeping his mouth shut. He had lived in a dangerous political landscape for long enough to recognize when it was advisable to close your mouth and open your ears.

What he was hearing was interesting.

Kim Rok Soo was a popular man in the office. He was an excellent team leader, worked a lot of overtime, and took care of the important things. There were some detractors and a few comments about his ‘change of behavior’ a while ago, but otherwise it was established that Kim Rok Soo was a beloved member of the team.

Alberu nodded in response to Kim Rok Soo’s offer and followed after him obediently. The secondary reason he’d been keeping his mouth shut was how little he wanted to showcase his poor Korean to everyone. Choi Han always wore such a disappointed face whenever Alberu attempted to pronounce certain words.

Choi Han was a wonderful instructor and very patient, but his disappointment really struck at the ego.

“You’re lucky she’s at a sleepover.” Kim Rok Soo explained as they made their way to his apartment. “Otherwise I wouldn’t invite you over.”

“...who?” Alberu asked, he’d caught the gist of the meaning behind the words. He really wished he’d studied Korean with more urgency.

Kim Rok Soo paused thoughtfully for a long time before answering. “An important person.”

“...so you’re determined to be an obtuse bastard.” Alberu spoke in his mother tongue, agitated over well… his entire day. Suddenly teleported to a battlefield, rescued by a strange version of Cale, and limited in his ability to communicate with anyone.

“Quite a vulgar tongue you’ve got there, your highness.” Kim Rok Soo replied without missing a beat. Alberu was absolutely sure this time, well it would be impossible not to notice, this Kim Rok Soo knew his language.

The implications aside, the crown prince became even more irate. “You could have spoken like this the whole time and you made me suffer through trying to speak Korean?”

“It’s good practice for you.” Kim Rok Soo replied flippantly, a trashy grin on his face that looked so different than any of the smiles he’d seen on his dongsaeng. “Besides, how would I explain this to my team? I thought you were smarter than that. Use some deductive reasoning, your highness.”

Alberu was doing just that. Even while he quibbled with this Kim Rok Soo, his brain was piecing together all the information he could.

How was it that this Kim Rok Soo knew his mother tongue? Why did he recognize him as the prince without his disguise? Why wasn’t he just providing answers?

He knew it wasn’t the Kim Rok Soo he knew. The personality was too dissonant. But then how?

He found his answer by the time they’d reached the humble apartment that he called home.

“...Cale Henituse?”

The man turned towards him, the elegance of a noble practically dripping from his every movement as he looked at Alberu with mischievous eyes. “Took you long enough.”

Ah. Why hadn’t he noticed sooner? He’d known right off the start that this wasn’t his dongsaeng but he just hadn’t considered the most obvious person.

Kim Rok Soo, Cale Henituse, opened the door and gestured for him to have a seat by the table while he moved towards the kitchen. “I’m making curry for dinner, you’ll eat what’s served.”

What a blaise and disrespectful man. Alberu couldn’t help but feel that there were more similarities with his counterpart than he’d previously thought.

He still didn’t know all the answers though.

Why would the presumably eighteen year old Cale Henituse know about his appearance? How was he able to adjust to a commanding position with such ease? Who was the mysterious ‘she’ that he was being obtuse about?

“I’m not picky.” Alberu said passively, watching him busy around the kitchen with curious eyes.

It would be a lie to say he hadn’t wondered about Cale Henituse after hearing about the switch from his dongsaeng. He’d determined that he didn’t really care for the man, he’d only ever met one Cale and that person had become his family. When placing family next to a stranger it was obvious who he would favor.

Besides, the reputation of Cale Henituse from before the transmigration ought to speak for itself about how irresponsible the lout probably was. It wasn’t that Alberu had anything against him, per say, it was just that he had absolutely no reason to favor him.

The man before him was incongruent from the rumors though. In a different way from how his dongsaeng had been. This Cale was… tough? Was that the right word?

He looked like he’d been to hell and back, coming out of it with the confidence and skill to overcome his odds. Elegant, eloquent, and crass.

He was a strangely contradictory man.

Of course that body belonged to the original Kim Rok Soo and many of those scars were definitely old enough to have belonged to him, so perhaps some of the toughness was just a reflection of his dongsaeng.

It was hard to imagine the fragile looking redhead that he knew was originally in this battle hardened body.

“Well, your highness.” Kim Rok Soo, Cale, cut into his thoughts. Sitting down across from him as a pot was left to boil. “Care to explain how you got here?”

That was unfortunate. Alberu had been really hoping that he had answers. “I was doing paperwork in my office before I arrived there. I have no idea why.” He said honestly, watching him for reaction. “You’re different than I imagined, Cale Henituse.”

The man cringed a bit. “Haa… just call me Rok Soo for now. I threw away that name.”

Did he really? There was something queer about the reaction that Alberu was curious about. Still, it was a rather minor issue to pry about. He definitely had more important matters. “How were you able to recognize me?”

“How could any citizen of the Roan Kingdom not recognize our glorious sun?” Cale retorted and Alberu marked another area where he shared similarities with his dongsaeng. They were both obnoxiously sarcastic bastards.

“Cut the crap. Explain.” Alberu glared at him but Cale looked completely unaffected by the expression.

Cale looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully, as though he was deciding how honest to be with Alberu. It was such an obnoxious habit of his, calculating whether or not to tell Alberu anything as if he was enjoying teasing him.

“Hm, I guess he didn’t explain everything.” Cale snorted. “Figures. From what I’ve learned about that guy, communication is not his forte.”

Well, at least Alberu could agree with him about that. His dongsaeng was a real pill sometimes.

Cale pointed to himself with a flippant look. “I was forty years old when I died and switched places with Kim Rok Soo. This isn’t the first time I’ve met his highness, the sun of our kingdom, Alberu Crossman. It’s only the first time that we have met.”

It was a confusing concept to wrap his mind around but Alberu didn’t struggle with it much. The sealed god’s test had a similar theme, hadn’t it? His dongsaeng had come from a different future and changed the past, or rather a different reality's future.

Cale had lived his life, regressed, and then transmigrated. It was certainly a convoluted series of events but Alberu chalked that up to the infamously poor taste of the gods.

“That still doesn’t explain how you would know this appearance.” Alberu persisted, it wasn’t something he would easily show or share. If his dongsaeng hadn’t already guessed it on his own, it was unlikely that Alberu would have ever admitted to it. It was a secret that he held so firmly that he’d given up any prospect of marriage or family. “Did I show you?”

Cale hummed thoughtfully. “You could say that.”

There was definitely a lot that Cale wasn’t telling him but it didn’t look like he was willing to open up to Alberu’s questions either.

“...you’re really annoyingly vague, you know that?” Alberu complained. “Would it hurt you to just explain matters?”

“It might.” Cale said, suddenly a bit serious looking. “I don’t think you’d like what I have to say if I told you the whole truth.”

“I don’t like what you’re saying now, is there a difference?” Alberu noticed that the more he prodded, the more formal Cale’s language became. As though he was trying to put some distance between them.

“There’s definitely a difference.” Cale covered the seriousness with a look of nonchalance. “This way I get to keep the upper hand.”

“So if you told me the truth, I would have the upper hand?” Alberu inferred, watching him critically for a break in his poker face.

It was useless though. Cale was a difficult to read person even for those who knew him and Alberu really hadn’t met this person before.

“I guess you could say that.” Cale stood up, dusting off his knees and heading back to the kitchen to check on the curry. “I also don’t think you’d believe me.”

“Why wouldn’t I believe you?” Alberu’s brow furrowed in confusion, watching as the obnoxious man taste tested the curry without a care in the world. Alberu was already in an incredibly unbelievable situation and he’d accepted many ridiculous truths from Cale already.

What could have been so unbelievable that happened in the twenty or so years that Alberu had no knowledge of?

It was definitely unbelievable that he’d reveal his true face to anyone, much less the trash of the Count’s family, Cale Henituse himself. But the proof was in front of him and many more unbelievable things had happened to him already courtesy of his dongsaeng.

It was unbelievable that he was here in a different world from his own talking to the original Cale Henituse while the rumored lout made him dinner.

He noticed there wasn’t much alcohol in the apartment. At least nothing obvious to the naked eye. Considering Cale was known for being a drunkard, maybe this was just how he behaved while sober?

Cale plated the food, returning with them and placing it in front of Alberu. It smelled good. Anything probably would have smelled good honestly, Alberu hadn’t eaten all day but the warm curry on rice looked and smelled delicious.

“You never answered my question.” Alberu pointed out as he accepted the spoon offered by Cale.

“I’m not obligated to answer any of your questions.” Cale said, blowing on his spoon before taking his first bite.

Alberu sighed and allowed a tactical retreat, digging into his own food and feeling pleasantly surprised with how good it tasted.

He wouldn’t have expected that Cale Henituse to have any skill in the kitchen.

He’d probably have to throw away all of his preconceptions about the original Cale Henituse if he wanted to understand the man in front of him though. He wasn’t an eighteen year old punk who got drunk and caused problems, he was a forty-something year old who had managed to adapt to a whole different world with minimal hiccups.

Alberu wondered if he’d have been able to do the same. It gave him a different sort of respect for the original Cale Henituse, Choi Han, and his dongsaeng to be in this world like this.

How difficult must it be to adjust to a completely foriegn world with so little support or preparation?

Cale was apparently thriving too. His subordinates respected him, he was highly capable, and he seemed to be managing to live alone just fine despite having grown up surrounded by servants to take care of his every whim.

…did he live alone? He’d mentioned a ‘her’ before.

“Do you have a lover?” Alberu asked innocently, causing the poor man to choke on his food.

Cale raised a hand, looking at Alberu with weary eyes. “What kind of question is that ?”

“Well the ‘her’ you ment–”

“Stop right there.” Cale looked so legitimately repulsed that Alberu felt a bit guilty. “She’s a child, for starters. Secondly, we’re related. Thirdly, just… no . On so many levels.” Cale ran a hand through his hair to ease his nerves. “Definitely not an insinuation I ever wanted to hear from you. Ugh, I think I lost my appetite…”

“Well, maybe if you weren’t so infuriatingly vague I wouldn’t have had to guess.” Alberu said without remorse. He might feel guilty but this was all Cale’s fault.

“Why was that even your first thought?” Cale sighed and pushed away his plate. He was regaining his composure but Alberu felt like he must have struck a nerve, more so than how gross the guess had been. “Are you curious about my love life, your highness?”

That was a surprising shift in focus. Alberu recognized that Cale was just trying to make him uncomfortable so that he’d stop asking questions. “Not really. From what I heard at your work, you’re already married to your job.”

“That stings coming from a boring work-a-holic like you.” Cale retorted, a scathing look of disapproval on his face. “I wonder how late it was that you were doing paperwork? One in the morning? Three? Were you planning to sleep at all or were you going to do another all-nighter?”

It was a bit annoying that Cale had somehow guessed right. Even though it had been daytime when Alberu appeared in this world, Cale had somehow managed to guess that Alberu was burning the midnight oil in his office.

How close had he been to Cale Henituse for him to have known his habits like this?

Were they friends? His dongsaeng had managed to force open Alberu’s social circle but Alberu was well aware that if he hadn’t met his dongsaeng, he probably never would have let anyone but his aunt become truly close to him. He was a naturally suspicious bastard with a calculating mind and he’d made the calculation ages ago that those sorts of personal relationships weren’t beneficial to him.

He’d been wrong, of course, but it had taken a lot to change that mindset of his. The sheer destructive force of Kim Rok Soo in Cale Henituse’s body for starters.

What happened in Cale’s timeline to obtain similar results?

Or did Cale know personal details about his heritage and habits without obtaining a friendship with him?

He had to say, for a friend, Cale’s reception was lukewarm. He was distant, vague, and didn’t seem to have any intention of growing closer to Alberu. Alberu imagined that if he were in similar circumstances to Cale he would be over the moon to meet an old friend like this.

Cale just seemed to think he was a nuisance.

“What was our relationship?” Alberu asked directly rather than responding to Cale’s taunting. “You clearly know quite a bit about me but I can’t think of one reason that we would be close.”

Was that hurt that flickered across his face? It could have been a trick of the light because Cale’s expression stayed in that obnoxiously hard to read nonchalance.

“Tell you what, your highness. If you can guess, I’ll let you know.” Cale sounded fully confident that Alberu wouldn’t be able to pinpoint it. “You’ll have to be specific though, I won’t confirm anything that’s approximately true.”

“I don’t understand why you’re being secretive about it.” Alberu frowned, his brain already mulling over the potential possibilities. “Was it a bad relationship?”

Cale shrugged noncommittally, seeming to agree and disagree at once. “I don’t understand why you even want to know. Shouldn’t you be more pressed about how you’ll return to your own world than something as meaningless as that?”

“I am concerned about that. However, there’s nothing I can currently do about that and since you’re the only thing that connects me to this world, it only makes sense to look for clues with you.”

“Ha, you really don’t change, do you?” Cale shook his head with a subtle smirk. “Persistent to a fault. You just don’t like it when things are hidden from you, do you?”

“Who would?” Alberu replied. He decided for now he’d play into Cale’s guessing game, it was probably a waste of time but he didn’t have any other better methods at the moment to get the punk to spill. “Were we friends?”

“No, definitely not.” Cale scoffed. “I think you’d be offended if anyone associated us as such.”

Was that a hint of bitterness in his tone?

“Did you want us to be friends?”

Cale gave him a look. “I said I’d answer about what our relationship was, not speculations about my feelings on the matter.”

“So you did.” Alberu surmised, getting a handle for how to read him. It was easier when he stopped comparing him to his dongsaeng.

“Did I fucking say that?” Cale’s nose crinkled with disgust. “Your arrogance really is something else.”

“But you wanted something from the relationship that we didn’t have.” Alberu watched as Cale’s face shut down, the amusement at having teased Alberu totally fading in favor of a cool expression that didn’t have any room for entertaining this conversation.

“No.” He sounded convincing, if Alberu hadn’t noticed the sudden shift he would have believed him. “The only thing I wanted from it was an end to it. I mark you as one of the many reasons I’m relieved to live in a place where I never have to interact with anyone from that place.”

It was a lie. A convincing lie. It matched with all of his behavior up until this point and it was said with an honest conviction.

Alberu wouldn’t have survived so long in the political arena if he wasn’t skilled at seeing through bullshit.

He’d hit a sore spot and Cale was trying to shut it down.

Cale ran a hand through his hair without waiting for Alberu’s response. “I guess it’s meaningless to play games like this. Our relationship was simple, your highness. I was a soldier and you were a king. I happened upon information about you while serving under you, that’s all there is to it.”

That definitely wasn’t all there was to it. Alberu frowned, what made him so secretive?

“How would a soldier know about me?”

Cale shrugged, looking elsewhere as he answered. “You got injured in battle once. I happened to be the one to haul your ass to safety. I happened to see your true appearance during that time.”

Alberu was relatively sure it was a true story, the tension in Cale’s shoulders definitely made him feel that way at least, but there was definitely more to it.

“You must have been surprised.”

Cale shrugged. “Not particularly. Wars are a messy place, learning the king is a quarter dark elf isn’t really a high priority when people are dying around you.”

Again, there was truth there but so much was omitted. “That makes sense, I suppose.” Alberu pretended to believe him, if only to lower his defenses. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me from the beginning though?”

Cale gave him an unimpressed look. “It was fun to mess with you.”

“It stopped being fun when I suggested we were friends?” Alberu guessed.

“Who wants to be friends with an annoying king who only knows how to boss people around?” Cale snarked but there wasn’t any sincerity to the words.

Alberu watched him silently, his mind wandering towards potential possibilities that would make Cale so genuinely uncomfortable. It definitely wasn’t as simple as a friendship. Enemies? Rivals? They didn’t really fit either.

“When did we meet?”

Cale groaned. “Are we really still on this topic? Are you such a narcissist that you need to hear all about your other selves exploits?”

“I told you, there might be a clue as to why I’m here in our relationship. The sooner I find out why I’m here, the sooner I can find a way to go home.”

Cale frowned, his mouth a firm line of annoyance before giving in. “Fine. But I need a drink.” He got up, heading back to the kitchen. “Do you want anything, your highness?”

He didn’t want to drink but he felt that accepting it might make Cale more comfortable. “Whatever you’re having.”

“Shitty corner store soju it is.” Cale said, pulling the bottle from the fridge and retrieving two glasses. “Those bastards really need to pay me better, I can’t even afford good alcohol on this salary…” He complained, pouring for both of them as he sat back down. “Alright, what do you want to know?”

“How we met in your timeline.”

“What an annoying story… I went to the capital in the aftermath of the terror incident to pick up my brother and you took it upon yourself to greet me. You were pretty transparently hoping to get the support of the rich Henituse family so I told you to fuck off and caused a scene. You seemed to dislike me, the feeling was mutual, I left with Basen.”

The story matched with the rumors of the trash of the Count’s family that Alberu knew of, although he still felt like there was something off about it.

It was a sobering thought to consider though. A world without his dongsaeng meant that the plaza terror incident would have gone off as planned.

How many people died in Cale’s timeline due to that? How had he handled it?

It was also a strange difference that it had been Basen and not Cale attending the king’s birthday celebration. It made sense, he supposed, considering his reputation.

Alberu took a sip of the sweet and bitter alcohol, watching Cale drink with a dignity that really didn’t match that reputation.

“Were there any other notable interactions between us? Other than when I was injured?”

Cale looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. “Nope. Nothing of note.”

What a liar he was.

Alberu sighed, wondering if he should give up trying to pry the past from Cale. He was clearly uncomfortable sharing it and Alberu didn’t know if it would even be helpful.

“I’ve been enduring your questions for a while now, your highness.” Cale began after a silence. “Would you satisfy some curiosity of my own?”

Alberu nodded, he didn’t have any reason to hide anything from Cale. All the things he might hope to keep secret were already out in the open after all.

“You really didn’t seem all that surprised by your surroundings. Hanging out with that punk Choi Han and that guy are an obvious explanation for your crappy Korean but you were able to recognize this appearance. How is that?”

Ah, right. Cale wouldn’t know about the sealed god’s test.

“I once came to a world like this one to help Cale–uh, Kim Rok Soo.” Cale waved off the name, as though stating he didn’t care what Alberu called his dongsaeng. “I was able to understand the gist of this place from that experience.”

“Wow, for a guy so smart, you’re seriously dumb.”

“...excuse me?”

Cale gave him an amused look. “Why are you trying to figure out our history when the answer is right in front of you? Obviously, whatever power allowed you to go into that world is what allowed you to come here.”

“…” That did make the most sense. Alberu couldn’t guess what the sun god would have to gain by plopping him in this place but it wasn’t the first time he’d been dragged to a different world like this. When Cale had been in those damn trials within the sealed god’s temple, he’d gone back to that other world without any forewarning.

Was this a similar situation? Or was it some strange after effects of the gods meddling?

“You’re right, that’s probably it.” Alberu realized he must truly be exhausted having not thought of that first. He looked towards Cale and knew that it was more than that.

There was something about Cale that nagged at him. He was curious about him, about the twenty years he hadn’t witnessed, about the bonds between them, about the man who he’d so easily dismissed as irrelevant when confirming his allegiance to his dongsaeng.

Who was Cale Henituse, really?

Was he just like the rumors? That definitely didn’t seem to be the case unless the twenty years had changed his personality dramatically.

Why was he so cagey about his past with Alberu?

The curiosity had momentarily clouded his judgment. It was embarrassing but understandable.

Cale gave him a rueful look, clinking their glasses together in celebration. “Congratulations, your highness. You’ve solved the mystery.”

“Not really, that still doesn’t help me get home.”

“How did you get home before? Just do that again.”

Cale made it sound simple but Alberu knew that this was different. For starters, it wasn’t just his consciousness that had teleported to Korea. His entire body was here, it was unlikely that he was just napping away back in Roan.

“...I’ll try that.” Alberu said, not really wanting to explain everything about his previous experience to Cale. Besides, if Cale was right then all he’d need to do was wait so it wasn’t an avenue that was worth spending more thought on. He changed the topic. “You seem to have grown accustomed to this life.”

Cale shrugged. “It’s as good of a life as any other. I’m pretty partial to this body to be honest.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re pretty curious about me, your highness.” Cale said. “I’m honored.”

Again with the non-answers.

Alberu had always considered his dongsaeng to be ridiculously secretive but the original Cale Henituse could probably give him a run for his money. He was reticent to even share any piece of information with regards to himself, especially about his feelings.

“Can you blame me? You know so much about me. I’d just like to close the gap.”

Cale lapsed into silence at Alberu’s words. A troubled look knitted his brows and he refilled his glass with a pensive look.

“...there’s really nothing to know about me, your highness. Everything you’ve heard about me is pretty much all there is to know.”

Well, that was the biggest load of bullshit Alberu had ever heard. It was almost as bad as his dongsaeng’s ‘I’m a lazy and selfish person’ spiel.

“You’re determined to avoid sharing any of yourself with me. Do you dislike me that much?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation as Cale spoke. “I dislike you a lot.”

“How strange of you to save a person you dislike and then invite them into your home, even going so far as to serve them a home cooked meal.” Alberu was unimpressed with the lie.

“Just because I don’t like you doesn't mean I’m not a loyal citizen of the Roan kingdom. What sort of person would I be if I left you to die?”

“You’d be trash.”

“Exactly.”

“So you’re not really a trashy person.”

“...I never said that.” Cale glared at him, pointedly placing down his glass as though blaming the alcohol for falling into Alberu’s trap.

“The Cale Henituse I heard about was real trash and you said there’s not anything more to you, how strange.”

“Your highness, has anyone ever told you that you’re an intolerable prick?” There was something strange about Cale’s expression though, his lips twitched as though he wanted to smile and there was something dancing in his brown eyes that Alberu couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“No one has dared that level of disrespect, no.” Alberu replied, wondering if perhaps the alcohol had loosened Cale’s defenses.

“Well, allow me to be the first to say. You’re an asshole and no one likes you.” It was simply amazing how crass Cale could be while looking so composed and elegant. It really didn’t suit the rugged body he inhabited but Alberu sort of enjoyed the dissonance.

“I’ll take your criticism to heart.” Alberu answered with absolutely no intention of doing so.

The original Cale Henituse was a dishonest person. It was strangely different from his dongsaeng, who would just omit facts rather than lie if it could be helped.

Cale on the other hand was a natural liar.

It was difficult not to compare the two, considering their connection, but still impossible to place them inside of the same box.

Different but similar. Almost like opposite sides of a coin.

“I can’t imagine disliking you all that much though.” Alberu said thoughtfully. It was true, while Cale was abrasive and offensive, if Alberu considered the people around him before he met his dongsaeng and his state of mind at the time, he might have considered Cale to be refreshing. He was just as dishonest as the rest of nobility but chose to be crass and unlikable rather than cunningly likable. He definitely would have been offended but he’d probably have been curious about what was going on in Cale’s head.

Cale was staring at him with an odd expression. “Hate to break it to you, but whatever comradery you’re imagining didn’t exist.” He gathered the plates and glasses, heading towards the kitchen sink. “It’s getting late, I’ll set up a futon for you to sleep here tonight.”

Alberu watched his back curiously. Maybe he was telling the truth. Alberu was assuming a lot about his character based on conjecture and besides, Cale was the only one who knew about their nonexistent history. Maybe he just didn’t want to believe that he would dislike ‘Cale Henituse’ because the Cale Henituse that Alberu knew was his family and closest friend.

He couldn’t deny that he didn’t dislike this Cale though.

He found him obnoxiously secretive and stupidly mischevious, a pointless liar and a contradictory person, but not unlikable.

For example, the way he was taking care of Alberu’s accommodations like it was the most natural thing to do while proclaiming to dislike the prince was amusingly inconsistent.

He allowed for Cale to call it a night, gratefully accepting the sleeping accommodations and watching the man carefully place Alberu’s futon as far away from his own as possible.

“I have work tomorrow so I won’t be able to babysit you.” Cale said as he laid down. “She’s also coming home tomorrow so I don’t want you hanging around here.”

“Is she your daughter?”

“Always with the damn questions.” Cale sighed. “No, but it’s something like that.”

“I’ll leave tomorrow.” Alberu agreed, he didn’t have anywhere to go or anyone else to rely on but he didn’t intend to spend his time holed up in Kim Rok Soo’s apartment when he needed to find a way home.

“Don’t get killed. That would be a pain in the ass.” Cale said, turning onto his side and away from Alberu as he closed the conversation.

‘ That seems to be Cale-code for I’m worried about you.’ Alberu thought with a quirked smile, closing his eyes as he let sleep take him.

When he woke up in his office drooling all over his important documents, he felt somewhat cheated.

Chapter Text

“You’re back again.”

“It appears that that is the case, yes.”

Cale looked him up and down with a decidedly unimpressed expression before sighing and opening the door to his apartment.

“Did you at least figure out how you’re coming here?”

Alberu felt a bit miffed at the attitude but answered without any restraint. “It seems to be happening when I fall asleep.”

“You said you were doing paperwork last time.”

Alberu looked away with an embarrassed frown. “I believe that I dozed off at that time due to the late hour.”

Cale sniggered. “Fuckning called it.”

Alberu took note that the tiny apartment hadn’t changed much since his last visit only a day prior, but the change that was there was noticeable. There were a few children's books and other childish products littered across the apartment messily. A tiny pink hairbrush, little socks, and a toy doll sticking out to Alberu in particular.

It was just so untidy in comparison to the last time he’d seen the home.

Cale explained without needing to be asked. “She didn’t clean up before leaving for school.”

Someone who was not Cale’s child but a similar existence. The curious ‘her’ that Cale brought up from time to time. Alberu wondered if she was someone who had been in his dongsaeng’s life or if she was someone Cale had met after coming here.

“How’d you find this place though?” Cale asked mildly as he began to pick up the miscellaneous items. Was today his day off? Or had his day not begun yet?

“I appeared outside your door.”

Cale paused, a deep frown maring his features as he let out a sigh. “So it looks like you’re appearing in my general vicinity. Great. A prince for a stalker, just what I needed.”

Alberu bit his tongue on the three ‘I told you so’ esque statements that were just begging to part from his lips. Cale had been adamant last time that Alberu’s arrival here had nothing to do with him or their strange connection, but here was evidence to the contrary.

It had only happened two times but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that the only similarity between this location and the last one was the body of Kim Rok Soo.

“Are you going to actually talk to me honestly this time?” Alberu asked, leaning against the wall as he watched the strangely domestic sight of Cale cleaning up after a child.

“Nope.” Cale said with emphasis, placing some items in a closet that was clearly carefully curated for the child.

“I’m surprised you’re admitting to the dishonesty.” Alberu remarked.

Cale shrugged. “What are you going to fucking do about it? I just need to wait for you to go to sleep so you can kindly fuck back off to your kingdom.”

“But what if I’m back again?”

Cale gave him a dry look that was full of the mirth from an inside joke that he wouldn’t share. “Believe me, I’m a patient person.”

His words carried just about the same energy as ‘fuck around and find out’. Which considering his reputation, skills, and current physique could be a rather intimidating atmosphere.

Alberu found that he didn’t feel the slightest bit intimidated. He already knew that Cale meant him no harm from the first meeting but there was something else about the man that made him feel… soft. Like a happy puppy?

He couldn’t quite put his finger onto why though. Cale hadn’t changed all that much since last time and he certainly hadn’t felt welcomed back then.

Ah, it was his eyes.

Cale moved with the same elegant disinterest in Alberu, his face still locked into enigmatically sarcastic expressions, and his words were still just as cold.

But Cale’s eyes were full of emotion. They sought Alberu out frequently before feigning disinterest. Alberu thought he could recognize the emotions held within but it didn’t quite make sense for the Cale he knew thus far.

Perhaps Cale was more homesick than he seemed? Why else would he appear so delighted to see Alberu when he’d made his dislike of him clear?

Alberu decided to test the waters. “Are you busy today?”

Cale looked at him with a confused frown, distrust playing across his features. “Why do you want to know?”

“I was wondering if I might steal some of your time.” Alberu watched his reaction carefully. “It’s a shame not to use this opportunity to explore.”

“Why do I have to spend my day off with you?” Cale sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration but agreed grumpily. “Fine. Where did you want to go?”

Cale’s performance was really perfect. If Alberu hadn’t been watching so intently he would have missed it.

There was a happiness hiding in Cale’s eyes as the dishonest man grumbled about having to babysit the ‘useless prince’.

Strange.

Alberu had put a lot of thought into Cale Henituse after their first meeting. He’d even considered questioning his dongsaeng about it but after a quick call that assured him that Cale was busy making a menace of himself again , Alberu had decided against it.

What he’d found after a bit of research was congruent with all he’d heard about him. He was a trashy drunk who would use any excuse at all to cause trouble.

But he’d stayed away from criminal activities, he seemed to abhor gangsters and he’d never actually brought enough trouble to cause his family any legitimate damage.

It struck Alberu as calculated but he knew he was working from a bit of confirmation bias.

The man he’d met in the other world could only be described as calculating. Everything he’d done, from the moment he’d met Alberu, had seemed purposeful. He kept Alberu at a distance, forced the man to guess any pertinent information, and when Alberu’s inquiries grew uncomfortable suddenly there was a strange and strong alcohol in his hands as though to undercut Alberu’s interrogation.

He wasn’t a natural scamming schemer like his dongsaeng, but he was extremely thorough in his own way.

So perhaps when he’d been looking into ‘Cale Henituse’ he’d been unknowingly searching for evidence that he was right about him.

“I don’t really know anything about this world.” Alberu admitted, partially honestly. He had learned bits from his experiences and his friends, but when it came down to it his actual knowledge of this place was limited. “I was hoping you might have some suggestions.”

The look on Cale’s face clearly spelled out his suspicion about Alberu’s intentions but Alberu’s intentions were ultimately pure.

He wanted to get to know Cale.

Of course there was the underlying goal of getting past his defenses to finally get answers but it fell neatly along with the desire to get to know Cale so that it could hardly be counted against him.

“Haaa…” Cale shook his head with a crooked smile. “Anyone ever told you that you’re a charmless asshole?”

“It’s a pretty specific insult.” Alberu said with a pondering expression. “Did you tell that to the ‘me’ that you knew?”

Cale snorted. “I fucking wish. The only reason I get to talk back to royalty now is because you have no power here, your highness.”

It was true. Aside from the loss of political power from becoming a foreigner in a strange land, Alberu had no powers here at all. Perhaps it was something about how he’d been dragged here, but none of his magical items worked and he couldn’t even conjure mana.

He still had his physical prowess which was impressive in itself but he didn’t have any weapons. In a land swarming with armed ability users who were ready and waiting for the next monster attack, Alberu’s nerfed strength didn’t stand a chance.

“Ah, so you did tell him that.” Alberu said confidently.

He’d determined one thing for sure about Cale. He was a liar and he lied constantly about his relationship with his Alberu. Which meant it was always the safest bet to assume he was lying at any given juncture.

Cale blinked owlishly, looking at Alberu in surprise for only a moment before he shook off the feeling. He finished tidying up and dusted off his hands. “You don’t change, you’re always trying to pick at things that you don’t understand.” It wasn’t a compliment. “You aren’t actually interested to know about that history, you’re just annoyed that it’s something you don’t know. I can guarantee you that there’s no information there that would help you with your situation, so why do you persist? Because you’re a nosy bastard.”

There was a hint of bitterness to Cale’s words. Alberu took note of it and changed tactics, holding up his hands in defeat. “Alright, I’ll stop. For at least today, I won’t prod about ‘our’ history. I meant it when I said I want to look around with you today. The least I can do is to stop interrogating you while you’re doing me a favor.”

“You know that the number of favors I’ve done for you has already reached a significant amount, right? Shouldn’t you have had some goddamn decency before this point?” Cale still looked annoyed but the bitterness had faded from his words.

Alberu decided to concede, at least for now. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Can you blame me for being curious though?”

“Yes. And I do.” Cale said with a snort, tossing a coat towards Alberu and heading towards the door. “It’s cold out, wear this.”

Alberu accepted it gratefully, it did something to cover up his clothes which was nice. He luckily wasn’t wearing his pajamas. He’d almost changed into them but he’d considered the possibility that sleep was the trigger before going to bed and made the executive decision that he never wanted to be at a battlefield in his pajamas again.

But his clothes were still foriegn looking and strange compared to the clothes of the locals. He didn’t want to stand out any more than he already did before getting a foothold in his surroundings.

Cale grabbed a coat for himself as well before exiting the apartment. “I’m ditching you when she gets off school. You can fend for yourself.”

“Is there a reason you don’t want me to meet her?” Cale shot him a look and Alberu raised his hands defensively. “I’m not interrogating, I swear, I just thought it was strange.”

“...it would be awkward. I also don’t want to have to explain your…” He waved towards Alberu with a frown. “...everything?”

“You know if I keep appearing near you like this, there’s a high potential that I’ll meet her whether I intend to or not, right?”

Cale glowered, looking ahead. “I’ll deal with that when and if it happens.”

‘Who in their right mind would want to introduce their ex to their mom?’

“Excuse me?” Alberu stopped in his tracks, looking at Cale with unabashed surprise. “What’d you say?”

Cale turned back to him, giving him a strange look. “I said I’ll deal with it when it happens.”

“No–after that.” Alberu’s brain was working quickly, he was sure he’d heard that but it didn’t make a lot of sense. “About a mom?”

Cale’s face screwed up into an ugly expression of disdain. “Are you hearing things, your highness?”

That was all the confirmation he needed to know that Alberu wasn’t hearing things.

Cale had overdone it. It was his habit when he was genuinely flustered, he’d exaggerate a different emotion when he needed to hide a new one. He’d done it before they’d begun drinking last time as well. And every time that Alberu hit a sore spot.

Alberu tried to calm himself down, wearing his own poker face as he responded. “I must have been hearing things.” He let out an awkward laugh. “I haven’t been getting much sleep lately, as you know.”

Cale gave him a look but rolled his eyes before facing forward again, leading Alberu to who even knows where.

Alberu was grateful for the reprieve.

What exactly had he heard?

No, really. It didn’t make sense. They were discussing whether or not Alberu would meet the child that Cale was raising. What the fuck did ‘ex meeting mom’ have to do with that?

Why had he heard it? Had Cale said it without intending to? It was definitely spoken in Cale’s voice.

Or at least it sounded like Cale and it was in the right language.

Alberu didn’t have any ability for telepathy but he had experienced Raon’s telepathic messages before. Had it been like that?

How did that work? Cale hadn’t intended to tell it to him and magic mana didn’t seem to work right in this world. Or at least it wasn’t currently working for Alberu.

An ability? Who’s ability though? Why was it activated? Was that really Cale’s thought he heard?

Alberu’s heart thudded uncomfortably in his chest as he watched Cale’s back. He was sure that the man’s thoughts were also in chaos. Wondering what Alberu had heard, how much, and what had caused it.

Putting aside the strange question of ‘mom’, the earlier part was giving him a headache.

‘We were in a relationship…? ’ Alberu legitimately hadn’t considered the possibility. He’d sworn off any potential romance forever ago to ensure his secret stayed a secret. He’d never intended to enter a romantic entanglement with anyone, male or female. And even if he had pursued a relationship it would have certainly been a political one.

There was definitely nothing to be gained politically by seeing the trash of the Count Henituse’s family.

What could have possibly convinced him to break all those rules and have a tryst with Cale Henituse?

He knew that the man was attractive, although it was strange to consider his dongsaeng as such, but objectively speaking he had always been aware that ‘Cale’ had a handsome face. A handsome face would certainly not be enough though. There were even more beautiful and handsome people to be found even just within the circle of people that Alberu could call friends and comrades.

And Alberu wasn’t so fickle as to break the promises he made to himself for a pretty face.

It made sense though, at least to judge Cale’s reactions.

He was fond of Alberu but bitter about him. The relationship clearly hadn’t ended in a way that Cale wanted it to.

It caused Alberu to frown, a feeling of disapproval towards his other self. If he had gone so far as to break all of his rules just to pursue something with Cale, why on earth would he then choose to break it off? Alberu definitely didn’t know enough of Cale yet to know why they’d been together but he liked to think he wasn’t a fickle person to throw away someone that he had to have cared about.

Or was it more complicated than that?

It had to have been complicated. There was no possible way that a relationship between the two of them wouldn’t have been complicated, considering their positions and the politics within the kingdom. His dongsaeng had a significantly more respected place in nobility than Cale Henituse had and even a relationship between them would be complicated and riddled with political nonsense.

Was it a public relationship? A secret one? How long had it lasted? Was that the true reason that Cale knew about his heritage? How much had he trusted Cale to share that with him?

What had he liked about the man?

“We’re here.” Cale turned back, his face entirely recovered and looking just as composed as ever, gesturing ahead towards a street up ahead.

Alberu didn’t need to be from this world to recognize what it was. There were street vendors and shops and the enticing smell of food wafting towards them. It was any old average street that could be found in any city. A street where people lived and shopped and enjoyed the mundane.

It wasn’t the sort of thing that Alberu expected Cale to show him. He’d expected to see some grand sights or tourist spots or something that matched well with the vanity of Cale Henituse.

It struck him that this street didn’t quite suit Cale but it was the sort of place that Alberu would like to see. The things that made him most curious about this other world were the politics, culture, and commerce. It wasn’t easy to show a foreigner like him a display of politics but a street like this was full of culture and commerce. The real sort that couldn’t be found at a tourist destination or in grand plazas meant to show off how rich a country was.

He wondered if it was a coincidence or did Cale just know him that well.

Cale had a tiny smirk as he allowed Alberu to take in the street, watching his eyes flicker from place to place before deciding on where he’d go first.

Alberu didn’t know what his other self liked about Cale, couldn’t know it after such a short time together, but he knew that he liked how Cale bought them warm drinks and explained their surroundings in a low voice as they explored. How Cale seemed to relax just a bit as they fell into step with one another.

He liked how crass Cale could be while making an interesting observation. And how effortlessly he engaged Alberu in conversation.

Not love, nothing enough to make him understand the decisions of his other self, but he could admit to being a bit… charmed.

He could see how a version of him might have found Cale’s company to be enjoyable.

It was all too easy to just live in the moment and enjoy himself, forgetting the stress of his circumstance and even his concerns about why he was here.

Cale was distracting.

“What are you thinking about with that creepy expression?” Cale asked, eyeing the trinket that Alberu had chosen to stare so seriously at with a quirked brow.

“How strange it is that even in a completely different world, there are still useless knick knacks like this that sell for unreasonable costs.” Alberu answered with ease, placing it back onto the shelf and chuckling to himself.

“It really is bizarre how similar some things are.” Cale agreed with a laugh of his own. “It makes the differences even more shocking.”

“Like?” Alberu asked while the pair departed the store.

“Face care.”

Alberu tried to work out the meaning of the words as Cale paused for meaningless drama. His puzzled expression apparently amused Cale enough to expand upon his words in a laughing voice.

“There’s a whole industry dedicated to it. Honestly, I think we would benefit from it. It’s not nonexistent in Roan, of course, but there are endless amounts of stores dedicated solely to keeping your face healthy. It’s a bit silly when you think too hard about it but it’s pretty useful.”

Alberu smiled, Cale’s enthusiasm was cute. “I take it you’re among their customers?”

Cale waved at his admittedly handsome face with just a bit of flare. “Beauty doesn’t come cheap, your highness. Kim Rok Soo needed a lot of work… I despair over how he’s treating my face, now that I think of it.”

Alberu laughed, knowing for a fact that his dongsaeng only did the amount of self care required of him from his nagging servants and friends. “Well, you’re handsome so he can get away with quite a bit before it shows.”

Alberu almost didn’t catch the flustered surprise that fluttered across Cale’s face before becoming hidden by his normal walls. Cale pretended to be interested in a store front, thoroughly hiding any residual embarrassment by keeping his face out of Alberu’s line of sight. “Ah, I really was. It’s unfair that he was blessed with my handsome face and I got cursed with his unkempt mug.”

Alberu rolled his eyes at the fabricated drama. “You look plenty handsome now as well, if that helps.”

The first slip up had been a sincere accident but now that he knew he could fluster Cale so easily, he was curious to see how far he could push it.

It was immature and he immediately chastised himself.

But he didn’t regret it.

The way that Cale’s ears flushed red definitely made it worth it.

“It doesn’t but I like this body better anyway.” Cale chuckled. “I never did have any luck putting on muscle and I like the scars. They’re… comforting.”

It was a strangely sincere statement from the normally guarded man. Alberu decided not to pry for more information, not wishing to push his luck.

Not wanting to lose the brief sincerity.

Instead, he tactfully changed the topic to head towards a boutique. The fashion here was certainly interesting, he’d thought so since the first time he’d been in any Korea, and he wondered now if he might have the time to memorize a few designs to send to his tailor.

Cale followed him indulgently, a surprisingly open expression making him look younger than he was.

There was a lot to like about Cale.

Alberu definitely liked the absolutely sincere smile that he’d spied on Cale’s face. Much less elegant looking than his normal smile or as crude looking as his crooked grin, it was just a simple smile that lit up his face.

Alberu wondered why he didn’t smile like that more. Or was it just that he didn’t smile like that around Alberu?

That was a disappointing thought.

It wasn’t one that he was able to focus on as the lights, sounds, and city around him all fascinated him just as much as the man in his company.

He hardly noticed the time going by. Alberu wasn’t normally much of a shopper or even a window-shopper, mostly due to the restrictions of his position, but the company he kept and the freedom of his current circumstances was intoxicating.

No one wanted him to be anything. No one, aside from Cale, knew anything about him at all. No one had a reason to hate him for being part dark elf and there was no risk of losing his entire lifelong goals by indulging himself freely. Aside from the occasional curious look at his foreign features, no one took any notice of him.

Cale seemed aware of his sensitivity as well, tactfully positioning himself between Alberu and anyone who stared for too long. It was a uselessly sweet act that Alberu was tempted to point out but ultimately decided to instead tease Cale about his sweet tooth.

With absolute shamelessness, Cale had the pair of them purchase even more sweets in response. Alberu didn’t mind, he liked sweets as well and Cale’s contrary response was funny.

“It’s about time to head back.” Cale announced, looking at a device as he ordered pancakes for them from a street vendor. “I have to pick her up from school.”

“Ah.” Alberu hadn’t noticed the time go by, accepting the warm sweet treat with a grateful smile. “I assume you still want me to make myself scarce?”

“You should understand your surroundings well enough to survive.” Cale said gruffly, looking away as he began walking back where they’d come. “I’ll give you some cash, just spend some time at a PC cafe or something.”

Alberu thought about it carefully. It wasn’t an unreasonable suggestion and Cale had made it very clear that he didn’t want Alberu meeting ‘her’.

But he was getting a knack for noticing Cale’s lies.

“I’d like to spend more time with you.” He said honestly, walking in step with him.

Cale glared but Alberu knew he’d guessed right. There was that same puppy look hidden away in Cale’s dishonest face. “I thought I made myself clear.”

“You did.” Alberu conceded easily. “I just thought I’d try my luck. It’s been nice getting to know you, Cale Henituse.” Cale flinched at the name. “I don’t want to squander the opportunity to spend more time with you.”

Cale’s face was unreadable for a moment, something in it searching Alberu’s expression for something before turning away. “Do what you want.”

What an awkward person Cale was. It was a bit cute.

“You have to speak exclusively Korean while we’re with her though.” Cale said, a hint of sadism to his tone.

He’d already caught onto Alberu’s discomfort with his failings in the language. It was frustrating for a perfectionist like Alberu to have such a gaping hole in his knowledge when it had become absolutely relevant to his current life.

Cale didn’t have to look quite so happy about it though. It made Alberu want to find something to tease him about in return.

“Haa… yes, I figured that might be the case.” Alberu wasn’t looking forward to embarrassing himself but what other choice did he have?

Well, there was listening to Cale’s initial suggestion and spending the night at a PC cafe but Alberu much preferred Cale’s company.

Aside from the mystery and his questions, Cale had a charisma about him that Alberu enjoyed being around. A distinct and unapologetic personality that could draw you in if you weren’t careful.

Alberu tried very hard to be careful.

The rest of the walk back to Cale’s apartment was silent, each consumed with their own thoughts.

Despite everything that ought to have weighed Alberu down, he felt strangely light as he took in their surroundings, appreciating them even more now.

South Korea was a really beautiful place. Even after the apocalyptic events that occurred when monsters first invaded, there were some things that were difficult to take away from the scenery. The soft hues of the sky that were framed by buildings and trees. The gentle wind that sent leaf after leaf down to skip the ground. The peaceful voices of children laughing and the hustling bustle of a city around them. The distinct smell of people was everywhere. Food, buildings, cars, and life.

It was a country that could engage all of your senses with the simple and pleasant atmosphere of life.

Alberu might have been starstruck because it was the only country that he’d seen on this planet but it was still a place that he was charmed by.

It was strange and foreign to him, lively and peaceful, and it held the resilience to survive even after unimaginable loss.

For every quaint little shop, there was a tragic memorial to those lost. For every victory in architecture there were the destroyed buildings in the distance that still hadn’t been reclaimed. For every happy person, there was the memory of the once happy people lost.

And still under those unimaginable scars, the people thrived.

It was admirable in its tragedy. But it made Alberu’s heart ache to think about.

This was where his dongsaeng had come from. There was nothing good about having to survive something like that. Having witnessed the early days of survival, the desperation as the people here clung desperately to live just a moment longer, he couldn’t take the situation lightly.

He could feel the strength of the people to overcome and recuperate. This was the strength that his dongsaeng utilized to protect the people around him.

This was the legacy that Cale was now living in. Living in this unfamiliar world and carrying on that will to survive and protect.

They were incredible, in their own ways. Alberu could understand why these two individuals had been chosen to change places. It was possible that it was some random selection process for the gods' amusement, especially knowing what those shitty gods were like, but he thought that it was a feat that couldn’t have been accomplished by very many people.

Alberu didn’t think he would have adjusted as well as Cale had. Although perhaps that had more to do with how the exchange would have cost him everything he’d ever fought for in his life.

The sudden thought made him wonder what Cale had let go of. No matter who you were, there were things you fought for and people you’d miss.

Unless you lost it all.

It was an unsettling thought that he didn’t want to ruminate on.

“I’ll pick her up from school.” Cale explained when they arrived, unlocking the front door for Alberu. “Wait here and don’t cause any problems.”

“What problems could I possibly cause?” Alberu was a little offended. He was the least troublesome person among all his acquaintances.

…Although then again, when you were comparing yourself to people like Cale, Choi Han, Mary, and all the rest, the bar was pretty low. Even Mary, the objectively most innocent among them, was prone to cause the most headache inducing trouble at the drop of a hat.

Still, Alberu liked to think he was a sensible person who solved problems rather than causing them. He was the one who cleaned up after all those troublemakers after all.

Cale fixed him with a dry look. “Why would I give ideas to a silver-tongued ambitious prat like you?”

It was an entirely unfair accusation, or at least it should have been, but Alberu realized that when he did wind up causing trouble, it was always due to his glib words intermixing with political avarice. He was normally very good at maintaining the proper balance of things, utilizing just enough compliments to motivate while restraining his own ambitions to manageable portions.

Sometimes he was struck by his dongsaeng’s contagious recklessness though and bit off more than he could chew. He’d always blamed it on the other being an absolutely awful influence but if Cale was aware of this failing, maybe it was more of an innate trait of his own.

He still didn’t see how he could manage any of that while sitting alone in an apartment though. It wasn’t the first time he was curious about what sort of person his other self had been to inspire these thoughts in Cale.

Still, that was a ridiculous way to speak to someone of Alberu’s status.

“...I think that is the most apt but most offensive insult I’ve ever received.” Alberu let out an amused scoff. Cale’s crass tongue didn’t seem to know limits. It didn’t really bother him as much as it should though.

Perhaps it was because he didn’t sense any malice behind it.

Cale was offensively blunt and crude but there was never any hostility to it. Alberu’s entire life in the political spotlight would have ended much earlier if he wasn’t capable of reading the intent behind a person's words.

Cale wanted to establish a distance between himself and Alberu but there was nothing cruel to it.

It did create an interesting gap though. Between Cale’s actual thoughts and his actions there was this fascinating fissure of motivation.

Alberu’s face didn’t hide any of his curiosity.

‘I hate it when he looks at me like that.’

“If you don’t want any more insults, sit still.” Cale said with a sudden urgency to end the conversation, sweeping away towards his destination and leaving Alberu to his devices.

Alberu would be lying if there wasn’t a temptation inside of him to explore the modest home. Just enough to get a better idea of who Cale actually was.

However, Alberu’s own strongly held ethics wouldn’t allow for that. And more importantly, he needed a moment .

“Haaaaaa…” Alberu laid back on the tatami, staring at the ceiling with a growing flush enveloping his features.

What was he supposed to do? He’d heard Cale again in that not-voice but this time he’d clearly not seen the man's mouth moving.

Was he delusional? Psychic? Some other unexplainable phenomena?

Did that even matter ?

Alberu buried his face into his hands, letting out a low groan.

What the hell. What the hell . Cale was picking his mysterious child ‘mom’? He’d once been in a relationship with Cale in a different time? What was he even doing here?

Why had Cale looked so sincerely agitated with that last thought?

Why was it that the more time he spent with Cale, the more he could sort of understand why he might’ve liked the man in another life?

Alberu hadn’t let himself truly feel any of his panicked growing insanity while exploring the city with Cale. True, the whole new world had definitely been distracting enough to help hold off those feelings, but roosters eventually come home to roost.

“...this is driving me crazy.”

He’d been so sure a few hours ago that he’d heard right and that he could read Cale correctly but the longer he ruminated on it, the more self doubt found a way to nuzzle into his thoughts.

The more he hyper fixated on his own feelings the more he grew worried that perhaps, just perhaps, it was a delusion brought upon by hopeful thinking.

Which made no sense, he was sure that he hadn’t considered a romantic attachment to Cale prior to that terrible spied thought. And besides, why would his brain make up something about the child being Cale’s mother?

It was absolutely bizarre to consider.

Only… well, he hadn’t considered a romantic attachment upon meeting Cale for the same reason he never bothered to consider it with anyone. It was a moot point and he would never act on any such impulses regardless.

But there was something to those initial moments getting to know each other. A strangeness that made the mundane special.

It was the way he could vividly remember everything from the previous encounter but only with Cale as the focal point. Or how he’d found himself ruminating about the man even after returning home and looking into his past.

It wasn’t special or romantic, but there was just something… unique that kept drawing in Alberu’s thoughts.

‘ Was this how I became interested in him initially? ’ He couldn’t possibly understand the version of himself who broke his own rules. And yet, for moments, he thought he might.

It wasn’t worth thinking about though.

Alberu wasn’t a person who would repeat his other self's mistakes. And for whatever reason, it was apparent that the relationship had ended between them on bad terms. At the very least, on bad terms from Cale’s perspective.

It was a truly pointless act to continue thinking about it. He ought to be thinking about why he kept coming back to this world, or the strange ‘mom’ thing, or the highly concerning thoughts that sometimes leaked over to him from Cale.

He needed to prioritize what was important. A hypothetical past relationship that would never exist in his future was not important.

‘ I’ll look into his mother when I get back. I need to at least talk to my dongsaeng about it. ’ There was so much Cale wouldn’t share, so much that Alberu couldn’t help his curiosity about. ‘ I’ll need to figure out why I can sometimes hear his thoughts too… Or if those really are his thoughts and not something else. ’

Alberu was exhausted. The day, the sleep deprivation, and his own circling thoughts made the tatami mats feel like a comfortable bed.

He removed his hands from his face, staring up helplessly at the ceiling once more. His eyelids were more laden by the moment.

“...I wish he’d be honest with me…”

He wouldn’t need to agonize about any of these questions if Cale had just been upfront with him from the beginning. Then again, he wondered if he’d have even believed Cale had he spoken the truth.

Even after spending so many hours agonizing he hardly believed it.

Maybe he was just falling into these spiraling thoughts due to his insignificantly romantic heart.

He’d never allow himself an actual romance, not when there were things that were so much more important to him, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t find himself longing for that sort of intimacy.

What a pathetically tragic romance it would be between him and Cale.

Alberu smiled wryly, intending just to rest his eyes as his thoughts drifted towards an impossible what-if.

The distant desires of a suppressed heart.

What would it be like to spend more time exploring or bantering with the eloquently crude man? What would it be like to gain his trust, experience a Cale unbidden by dishonesty? What would it be like to feel his touch? What would it be like to touch him in return?

That terribly embarrassing thought was the last thing that chased him off to sleep.

He cursed himself upon waking up in his own bed. Cursed himself for leaving before having an opportunity to meet Cale’s ‘mom’. For leaving without saying goodbye.

For having such wretched thoughts that only further illuminated a growing feeling that would only lead to pain when his heart finally caught on to the impossibility of it all.

Maybe the reality of it all really hit him when he realized he was still wearing the borrowed coat and a whole new wave of emotions overtook him and he cursed that too.

Most of all, he cursed that he lost out on precious moments that could have been spent unraveling the mystery of Cale Henituse.

Chapter Text

The kiss wasn’t soft.

It wasn’t particularly romantic either. It was rushed and frustrated and full of an emotion so lost that it broke his heart.

By the time he pulled away, eyes downcast and face full of shame, Alberu had already made a decision.

He closed the gap between them again, causing the despondent emotions to fly away from Cale’s pale features.

This kiss wasn’t soft either. It probably wasn’t romantic.

But it meant everything to him to be closer to this precious person.

Alberu woke up with a start.

…was that a dream? A memory? A fantasy?

He couldn’t be sure.

It was awkward, now that he was awake, because the man in his dream had his dongsaeng’s face. Or at least, the face that he recognized as such.

But in the dream he only recognized it as Cale Henituse, not the one he’d come to think of as a brother but the one who had become a central feature of his thoughts for the past few days.

It made neatly dividing up the two in his head more complicated as well.

In the dream, or memory, or whatever it was, he’d felt that swelling emotion that was impossible to control. Associated it was Cale and lost himself inside of it.

He’d never felt such an emotion with his dongsaeng and he wasn’t sure how to reconcile the dissonance that was beginning to make a home inside of him.

These incongruent emotions about Cale, a past he had little to knowledge of, and the ‘body’ that had held such different people inside of it.

He’d thought ever since the first time he found out about his dongsaeng’s transmigration that he’d never be able to consider another person as the ‘owner’ of that body because he’d only ever met one Cale.

It was getting complicated and strange and he still didn’t know how to address the feelings that were leftover from the ‘dream’.

The emotions that were so vivid he could cry.

He felt that it had to be a ‘memory’ because even if he were to fantasize about Cale, he would likely think about the man in the appearance of Kim Rok Soo. And the emotions were just… too much for just a dream.

But how would he get a peek at a future that didn’t even exist?

Why was any of this happening to begin with?

…why did he want to see Cale so badly that he could cry?

It made sense to him, at least for now as he soaked in the intensity of those emotions, how he might have broken his promises to himself. He didn’t know why or how or when they would have developed, but the emotions were too undeniable to resist.

It only made it more confusing because they weren’t truly ‘his’.

The person who had looked at Cale with such passion and sought out his lips in a desperate frenzy of emotion hadn’t been ‘him’. While they were the same person and could potentially walk the same path, Alberu hadn’t currently developed any such emotion towards Cale.

At the best, he could label his current interest as a ‘crush’. A simple attraction towards a person he enjoyed the company of.

It was absolutely nothing to the fervent and wholehearted love that tore him up inside.

It scared him too.

Whatever emotions he might develop for Cale, whether it be a crush or eventually that same passionate love, it would always be a doomed romance.

Even putting aside the mystery of how their relationship had ended, a mystery that he now could not understand at all because that brief memory had established quite firmly that he wouldn’t ever want to let Cale go, they didn’t even live in the same reality.

Cale was living as Kim Rok Soo in Korea with an adopted child-mother and Alberu lived in Roan preparing to take the throne.

It just wasn’t practical.

Who knew how long the strange reality teleportation would last either. Perhaps it would continue for years without solution or perhaps last night was the last time and he would never again see that place or Cale again.

That was probably the best solution.

Alberu didn’t want to fall in love. Not that scary overpowering love that he’d felt so strongly as though it was his own.

He didn’t want to experience what it was like to fall that hard for Cale and then lose him.

Alberu sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard with his fingers tracing his lips.

It felt real.

Why had Cale looked so upset after kissing him?

Why was the scene so bittersweet?

Was that the first kiss? The last?

Why the hell had they broken up to begin with?

He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about these unimportant details when there were so many real and important matters to settle. He’d promised himself he’d set aside whatever ‘relationship’ he’d had with Cale to focus on what mattered .

He realized belatedly that this mattered to him.

He wasn’t so cold-hearted that he wouldn’t care about this. Nor was he so disinterested that he didn’t want to know.

It wasn’t important. He knew that. He knew that on the grand scale of things that everything else that was happening at this point of time was important . He wasn’t just anyone, he was the future ruler of a kingdom. He needed to have proper priorities to ensure the happiness and safety of his people. Or even just the success of his own political ambitions.

He knew.

But he couldn’t help himself.

Even more troubling than the memory, his lack of focus, or his uncertain future was that he was still in Roan.

Instead of going to Korea like the previous two times he’d fallen asleep, this time he’d woken up in his own bed after that vivid dream.

The cool night air marked that he hadn’t even been asleep that long but he didn’t think he’d be able to make it back to sleep after that dream.

It was probably for the best. He hadn’t managed to find any answers in the daytime and seeing Cale would have only confused him further. His dongsaeng was currently unreachable, something that concerned him but it happened frequently enough that he knew better than to question it, and he’d already dredged up all the information he could possibly find on the original Cale Henituse.

He didn’t dare ask Cale’s loved ones, he had no intention of revealing the issues of transmigration to people who might have more complex feelings about it than his own. Choi Han and Raon had both only ever met one Cale, the same as him before this incident.

There was no one with answers. Alberu had a feeling that even when he finally got ahold of his dongsaeng that he might have all that many answers either.

He was this close to dragging Saint Jack over to question the Sun God because that entity surely had something to do with the state of his body.

“...why did he look ashamed?”

It bothered him. The Cale he’d come to know in their brief interactions was the epitome of shamelessness. He moved at his own pace and didn’t wait for the world to follow him. He treated Alberu with a level of contentious friendliness that most people wouldn’t dare.

And yet, his face had simply fallen apart after kissing Alberu. Miserably wretched and daring Alberu to mock him for being so pathetic.

It hurt to think of that face.

Whatever had been between them was doubtlessly complicated, Alberu knew that from the beginning, but he hadn’t felt it like he did now.

He hid his face behind his arm, letting out a frustrated sigh. “...I want to see him.”

The love wasn’t his. He knew that and even now, it faded from his heart as the borrowed emotion that it always was. But his attraction, affection, interest, curiosity, and longing were all decidedly his own emotions.

Cale had made an impression in such a short period of time.

It made Alberu realize how screwed his other self had been from the beginning. Alberu had two days of Cale and the man haunted his thoughts. Twenty some years of Cale? Alberu didn’t know how the other him had managed.

Perhaps that’s why they’d ended things. Cale had driven Alberu to a point of madness that could no longer be tolerated. He chuckled at the bizarre concept.

‘Ah, he’s not coming, is he?’

Alberu startled at the unexpected voice, suddenly alert and searching his room for the source.

There was no one there and… he recognized the voice.

‘Bastard could have at least returned my jacket. Haaa, why the fuck did I bother cleaning? I’m an idiot.’

It was definitely him. Alberu’s brow furrowed as he pinched himself, testing to see if he was still within the confines of a dream.

…was he now going to hear Cale’s thoughts across dimensions? What sort of bizarre twist of fate was this?

He would definitely need to interrogate the Sun God… somehow.

‘...he shouldn’t have come to begin with if he was going to just disappear like this…’

Alberu felt his insides knott. There was unmistakable pain to the thoughts. He suddenly wished very much that he could control this aberrant ability. This felt invasive.

Cale didn’t know he was listening. Alberu couldn’t attest to knowing Cale very well but he knew that the man was intensely private. He definitely would not be okay with Alberu peeking in on his thoughts like this.

‘Bastard never bothers to consider how he affects people. What a dick. Look at me, I’m King Alberu Crossman, I know how to push people away and manipulate them for the greater good or some shit–oooh, what’s this? Cale Henituse? Let’s fuck with him for a bit to get a good old laugh. Seriously, fuck that guy.’

Some of Alberu’s guilt faded at the unfair depiction of his character as presented by the bitter thoughts of Cale. Or perhaps he was just miffed that while he’d been agonizing over Cale, the man was cursing him.

Really, what had his other self done to deserve such condemnation?

He stood up from bed and headed to his desk. He definitely wouldn’t be getting any more sleep so he might as well get a headstart on work.

‘I bet that bastard is working the night away without a care in the world. Work-a-holic is going to send himself to an early grave but does he listen to me? No –seriously do I have to suck his fucking dick to get him to go to bed ?!’

Alberu wanted earplugs. Badly. Unfortunately he was already aware they wouldn’t do anything for his situation. What was more upsetting? The fact that Cale had somehow accurately divined his current intentions to work through the night or the vivid imagery that Cale’s crude words attempted to form inside of his brain.

He didn’t need to become haunted by those sorts of thoughts on top of everyone else.

… had Cale done that before?

No. It didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to think about it.

He really, really, really wasn’t going to think about it.

Red faced and embarrassed, Alberu tried very hard to focus on the trade agreement he’d been reviewing on his desk.

‘What a bastard.’

Could he just stop insulting for just one minute? Alberu really wanted to chime in to defend his honor. Or to even just inform Cale to be careful with his thoughts because Alberu was privy to far too many of them.

‘Haaa… what am I doing focusing on him again… it’s not like he ever fucking cared about me.’

“Excuse me!?”

Alberu stood up from his desk, palms slammed down on the table and glared at the wall.

He’d taken the other insults in stride, mostly because he knew it was directed at his other self and he really didn’t know enough about their history to comment but that–

–that was wrong –

‘Used me, got what he wanted, and dipped out. Good to know he’s still just as good at pretending to give a fuck.’

What.

What the fuck had his other self done ?!

He was at least ninety percent sure that the ‘dream’ had been a ‘memory’ from the other life. Only lacking absolute certainty because Alberu didn’t easily assign absolutes without hard evidence.

He knew the emotion that had surged through him because it was still lingering inside of him and playing havoc with his heart.

That aside, he knew that he’d already grown fond of Cale in the short time he’d known him. If nothing else, at the very least as a friend.

‘What did I expect? He saw trash and trash is all there was. I was an easy person to fool. What a fucking bastard–I should just kick him to the street if he shows up again.’

“...this is driving me crazy.” Alberu rubbed his temples. Was this going to be his whole night? Listening to vague accusations against a future him who apparently played with Cale’s feelings and left him hanging?

He couldn't imagine it. For starters he just wasn’t that sort of person. Even if he had disliked Cale, something he was certain he didn’t, Alberu wasn’t the type to lead people on like that.

If any of that was true, he was seriously starting to doubt that Cale’s ex was even him.

‘...fuck it, that’s too much work. Who the fuck am I kidding? If I could kick him out, I would have already.’

The thought was wretched.

It felt like it belonged to the face that had looked so ashamed after one hurried kiss.

It hurt to hear.

Was there really no way to stop himself from hearing this? Guilt gnawed inside of him. Cale wouldn’t want anyone to hear this. He hadn’t consented to sending Alberu his thoughts. He hadn’t agreed to share his pain.

As curious as Alberu had been just a bit ago he realized with sudden clarity that he wanted to hear it from Cale.

Not like this. Not in this intrusive invasion of Cale’s privacy.

He wanted Cale to talk to him. To trust him with this information. To be able to apologize for the messy misunderstanding that his other self had clearly created.

‘It sucks when you’re the only one in love.’

Ow.

It hurt.

He couldn’t even say why exactly it hurt so much but it hurt . A stabbing pain in his chest that made him want to rush to Cale’s side and shake him silly.

A pain that filled him with energy but made him feel so pitifully weak at the same time.

It hurt because it was true. At least at the moment, if what Cale felt towards him was truly love, then it was at least currently one-sided. And if Alberu had his way, it would remain that way so that he wouldn’t be dragged into the inevitable heartbreak.

It hurt because it wasn’t true. Not in the past that Cale experienced. Even setting aside Alberu’s aberrant memory, he knew that he wouldn’t break his own rules for anything less than love. In fact, it would take more than love to make him break his promises to himself. He knew that the pain Cale was experiencing was unwarranted.

…so why had he broken his heart?

Why couldn’t that have been the memory that Alberu had experienced? He couldn’t help but feel bitter that it had been only that contextless kiss and nothing else.

He wanted to hit himself but he couldn’t even say why. Just for hurting Cale? He had to have had good reasons, even if he couldn’t imagine what those reasons would be.

It was complicated and messy and painful and he couldn’t focus on this damn trade agreement because Cale ‘I live to be an enigma’ Henituse was quite literally haunting his thoughts.

His thoughts were silent for a long time after that though. So much so that Alberu thought that he’d finally been mercifully released from the purgatory of listening in on Cale’s thoughts.

He’d even managed to review the paperwork after calming his nerves down and then after he’d calmed them down twice more, he was able to actually understand what he’d reviewed.

‘...I miss his touch.’

“Oh god no.”

What was he supposed to do if Cale’s thoughts continued down that direction? Face hot with fearful anticipation and embarrassment, Alberu dropped the paperwork down onto his desk.

‘For a heartless bastard, he gave really good hugs.’

“…”

Alberu buried his face into his hands.

“Haaa… I really am going crazy…”

What did he think Cale was going to say? Was he hoping for that ? His face colored with mortified embarrassment as he realized how dirty his thoughts had become. He really was–

‘A good fuck too.’

“GODDAMNIT!”

There was probably at least one guard outside of Alberu’s room that was wondering about his sanity right now. Or at the very least considering coming in to check on the crown prince’s health and well-being.

Alberu had no space in his thoughts for that though. He was pacing his room with desperate fervor in hopes of finding a way to plug these one sided thoughts.

So their relationship had been intimate. He’d already considered that possibility. They would have both been healthy adults at the time, Cale was well aware of his true appearance, there was no reason their relationship wouldn’t have been a bit… sensual.

But there were just so many reasons that Alberu didn’t want to think about the details of that entire vague possibility.

Just so many reasons .

Alberu let out a shaky sigh, leaning against a wall as he prepared himself for the worst. What sort of horribly carnal details would be forever trapped in his mind because of this unbidden connection?

‘Bastard really made me feel like he actually… ha, well, he’s a good actor in bed as well.’

…damn. Just damn.

Why was that so much worse than hearing strange sexual details?

He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.

Cale hadn’t even been able to bring himself to think that Alberu had feelings for him. Cale thought that even during such intimacy it was all some sort of scheme. Cale…

…Cale hadn’t been truly unkind to him a single time…

It struck Alberu like a slap to the face.

If Alberu had experienced the same. Felt so used and abandoned by someone he truly loved, he couldn’t imagine opening his home to them the way Cale had done. Yes, he’d been rude and bitter and a bit discourteous but never once was he truly unkind.

He thought deep in his heart that Alberu was the sort of man who would do such a thing to him and still …

“Dammit…”

He’d taken Alberu around town, laughed with him, showed him around, indulged his invasive questions, and saved his life.

“...are you just an idiot?”

Who would do that for someone who hurt them like that?

Alberu felt bitter. He wanted to meet his other self, he wanted to slap some sense into Cale, he wanted to go back in time to a few days ago. Before he knew any of this.

Ignorance truly was bliss.

And the same way that he wanted to eradicate this miserable misunderstanding, he knew that it wouldn’t do any good.

If he confessed to Cale that he’d been listening to his thoughts it would only cause the man further pain. If he explained that, actually, Alberu had loved him despite the ending, what would that give Cale?

The knowledge that the man who broke his heart had done so while caring about him? How did that make anything better ? Besides–there was no future to this ‘relationship’.

Exhaustion weighed down Alberu’s body as he sank back onto the mattress, clenching his eyes shut to block out his own thoughts about giving Cale false hope or damaging his heart further.

Why was it so complicated ?

Why couldn’t it just be simple?

What he would give for a world where there was no reason to consider any of these complications. A time or place where he was just Alberu and Cale was just Cale and there wasn’t a complicated past or future hanging above them.

It was a silly thought. Clearly even when there had been less complications between them, it hadn’t worked out. And besides, Alberu wasn’t in love.

He just knew that he would be if it kept going like this.

‘...I want to see him…’

“Yeah. Me too.”

At the very least, they had reached agreement there.

Confusing, painful, frustrating, and agonizing and all he wanted was to see Cale. He didn’t know what he’d say or do. He didn’t know what the right thing to do or say was.

He just wanted to see him.

‘Fuck you, Alberu Crossman. I hope someone throws a wine bottle at your head.’

Alberu snorted, it was such a specific curse that he wondered if it had anything to do with their past. Or maybe it was simple because the ‘trash’ Cale had thrown lots of bottles at people before.

“Yeah, I probably deserved that.” He chuckled, closing his eyes in hopes of getting at least some sleep before dawn. He knew he wasn’t getting any work done at this rate.

Crude. Dishonest. Blunt. Elegant. Fashionable. Secretive. Expressive. Cale really was a contradiction.

Alberu liked it though. He was a bit of a contradiction himself.

They would have made for a funny couple. Impossible and foolish.

“I think I’d want to kiss you, if I had the chance.”

How crazy was that.

This wasn’t love. Not yet. Hopefully not ever.

‘I’m never falling for that bastard again.’

“That’d be the best for us both.”

‘And I’m not wasting any more thoughts on him either.’

“I’d be grateful if you wouldn’t. I’ll do the same.”

‘Even if he begs, I’m never kissing him again.’

“Good. We need to establish a proper distance between us. I’ll make sure not to beg, just to make it easier on you.”

‘It’s over between us.’

“It never even began.”

‘I don’t love him anymore.’

“I don’t love you either.”

The strange non-conversation brought Alberu a strange peace as he continued to reply to Cale’s thoughts, assuring himself of the non-relationship as much as Cale was attempting to assure himself.

It helped, strangely, to know that they were both here in this moment. Together haunted by thoughts of one another and trying to will away the treacherous emotions that started from the heart and flooded through the body like a poison. The bubbly feeling of being near someone you love who understood how you felt.

Like this, surely these feelings would end.

The gentle non-conversation lulled Alberu back to sleep. Comforted by the knowledge that they were in agreement at least on this one thing.

He really should have anticipated what would happen once he opened his eyes. Or at least, he should have anticipated that it wouldn’t be that easy.

Cale was slumped over his desk.

Alberu recognized the office from the time he was here before. Although unlike the previous times he’d been to this world, it was late at night judging from the scenery outside the window.

Cale spent so long cursing him for overworking and here he was at his desk fast asleep in the middle of the night.

Alberu sighed, sitting at the desk across from him and resting his chin on his palm.

He didn’t want to wake Cale up.

For starters, his heart wasn’t ready to deal with any of this. As much as he’d wanted to see him, he wanted more time to sort himself out. Really take the reigns on his rampant feelings and put a stop to it all.

Besides, the best solution to this whole problem was for him to never again appear in this world.

He considered just leaving the office. There was no reason he had to stay here. He could spend some time wandering Korea before he woke up back in Roan and avoid having to face Cale altogether.

That really was the best solution.

‘What a hypocrite. How long has he been working? Those are some dark circles under his eyes.’

This was exactly why Alberu wanted more time. He didn’t want to walk away. He just didn’t.

He didn’t want to leave Cale alone. Didn’t want Cale to be left to those wretched and painful thoughts. Didn’t want to lose the momentary opportunity he had to spend time with him.

What a hopeless feeling.

“You seriously make things complicated…”

“You’re one to talk.”

Alberu startled at the reply but settled down his emotions quickly as Cale sat up, running a hand through his hair with a glower.

It didn’t bother him as much to get that look from Cale, now that he had an idea as to why. But it also bothered him so much more.

It was a complicated feeling.

“Well, what have I done to earn the presence of his highness, the sun of the Roan Kingdom?” Cale asked, sarcasm dripping from his every word.

“I haven’t found a way to stop this from happening yet.” Alberu said apologetically. “I’m working on it.”

A strange emotion crossed Cale’s features before he smiled wryly. “Work harder.”

“As you wish.”

Cale frowned, concern knitting his brows as he looked Alberu over. “You’re strangely compliant… did something happen?”

Alberu kept his poker face, held back from grimacing or panicking at how quickly Cale caught onto his changed behavior. He had a plausible explanation and there was no reason to reveal anything. “It’s a bit difficult to get a restful sleep lately so I’m lethargic.”

“Ah.” Cale’s expression didn’t improve. “You’re lying to me.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s your lying face. You use it all the time when you’re playing politics.”

“I do not have a lying face–since when did you become the nosy one?”

“Since you lied to me.” Cale looked him over coldly, as though searching for an injury. “Now fess up.”

Alberu knew he shouldn’t have a strange swell of emotion over Cale’s overt concern for him. But he did. At least he had a sure-fire way to end the interrogation. “I’ll tell you what I’m lying about when you tell me what you’re keeping from me.”

“Easy enough. I think you’re a prat. There. Done. Now what’s wrong with you?”

Alberu couldn’t help the laugh that huffed out of him at the petulant insistence. Cute. It wasn’t the first time he thought Cale was cute, it probably wouldn’t be the last. “I already knew you think I’m a prat, you’ve never properly explained why though.”

“Because I’m not blind and that’s what you are.” Cale stood up from his desk, apparently satisfied with his visual observation that Alberu wasn’t hiding some serious injury. Or whatever he’d been searching for so intently. “If you’re well enough to continue asking about all that meaningless nonsense I guess you really are fine.”

“I really am.”

“Haa… again with the lying face.” Cale shook his head, gathering some documents on his desk absentmindedly. “Are you hungry, your highness? We’re getting ramen on the way.”

“Why bother asking if your plans won’t change regardless of my answer?” Alberu felt secretly pleased about the ‘we’. Despite all his protestations otherwise, Cale was prolonging their contact as well.

“Who says ramen is food?” Cale teased, beginning to pack his things.

“Context clues.” Alberu could feel his lips twitching upwards. He wouldn’t really care even if ramen wasn’t food and this was the set up for some elaborate prank.

Relief.

It was relieving to see Cale. To see that their tenuous connection hadn’t been broken yet. To know that despite the bitter cursing that he’d been privy to, the man looked alright.

It was just good to see him, full stop.

‘...I’m already halfway to the wind already, aren’t I?’ Alberu didn’t even mind. He just wanted a few minutes to relish in the simple enjoyment of Cale’s company.

Was this the hedonistic impulse that had led him to break his rules? Alberu could never truly know but he suspected as much.

It probably started just the same as this. Feeling drawn towards Cale despite knowing better, just wanting to spend a bit more time with him with nothing but harmless intentions, and slowly but surely succumbing to the magnetism that drew them together.

“You’re being uncharacteristically quiet, your highness.” Cale said flippantly as they made their way down the bright streets of Korea’s nightlife. Quiet residential districts, comparably noisy bars, and the gentle lighting offered by the lamps overhead.

It wasn’t the first time that Alberu felt that Korea and Roan weren’t all that different.

“I’m thinking about a lot of things.” Alberu confessed, impulsively wanting to just tell Cale everything. He wouldn’t, of course, but it was such a tempting thought.

Alberu had never felt quite like that before. Well, there were a few times where he’d chosen to expose his secrets to his friends and newfound family in a bid for the support he craved from them. This was a bit different though. It wasn’t like he wanted anything from Cale in response, he just wanted to share the feelings dancing around in his heart.

What a strange compulsion.

“Hm. You really are a bit strange today.” Cale lapsed into silence again, taking the pair of them to a surprisingly busy ramen shop. One would think that at this time of night you’d only find drunks trying to fill the gap created by alcohol with steaming hot noodles, but contrary to those expectations there were lots of people like Cale. Haggard looking men and women of varying ages, wearing suits and clearly only just getting off of work.

People who were so exhausted they hardly paid Alberu any mind at all as he took a seat next to Cale. They were tired, hungry, and they weren’t paid enough to care about some random foreigner in their usual spot.

Alberu couldn’t help but wonder if Cale was a regular here. He didn’t bother to listen in on whatever Cale was ordering for them in Korean or what the man behind the counter said, he was in a strange mood that made suppressing his emotions uniquely difficult.

It was something in the doubtless Cale -way that the overworked man retrieved utensils for the pair of them, raising one manicured eyebrow at Alberu’s silent look.

“You’re staring.” Cale pointed out.

“I am.” Alberu admitted. He let his eyes wander around the establishment again, the inviting smell of ‘ramen’ filling the air. “I was thinking about how well you adjusted to living here.”

A small fib but Alberu wouldn’t be tormenting Cale with the truth. He still had enough sanity to understand that saying things like ‘I was struck by how really remarkable you are and considering the pros and cons of kissing you’ would be a cruel thing to say.

Cale shrugged. “It’s not that hard. You’d probably never manage, your highness.”

“And why is that?”

Cale broke apart his chopsticks, welcoming the offered ramen bowl and gesturing for Alberu to accept his as well. “You crave love and respect, your highness.”

“Aren’t those normal things to want?” Alberu didn’t know quite how to feel about that assessment of his character or the idea that it might be difficult to achieve those things in this world. It was hard even back home where he was the future leader of his kingdom.

Cale hummed flippantly. “For you, maybe. I have other priorities so this suits me fine.”

Liar. That was Alberu’s first instinct. Everyone, to some extent, craved love and respect. He worked back over Cale’s words again though and found himself frowning thoughtfully.

He didn’t say he didn’t want them. He said he had other priorities.

It brought his mind back to the ‘trash’ of the count’s family.

“What are those priorities then?” Alberu struggled with his chopsticks. He’d been observing the other patrons using them and hoped that he’d be able to get the hang of them before Cale took notice.

He couldn’t quite figure out how he was supposed to hold them though.

“The safety of the people I love.” Cale reached out without any hesitation. Maybe it was just a natural act for him now that he was raising a child. It felt strange, Cale’s hand on his, repositioning the chopsticks with gentle care. “Like a writing instrument, your highness.”

Cale’s hand was calloused and scarred. It wasn’t soft or beautiful.

Alberu still felt the loss when Cale pulled away, wishing he could have somehow prolonged the contact.

He had an idea how to use the chopsticks now though and Alberu had always been skilled with his hands. He followed Cale’s lead, gathering noodles slowly before slurping them up.

It was good.

This was good.

He wondered how many more days he’d be able to enjoy these simple pleasures in Cale’s company.

“You didn’t bring back my coat.” Cale complained after a moment's silence. “Thief.”

“I meant to.” Alberu said honestly. “I was distracted.”

“Work?”

“Personal things.”

It was for just an instant, but Cale’s movements stuttered. Alberu regretted his choice of words but he hadn’t wanted to lie, even though he couldn’t admit that he’d been inundated with Cale’s hidden thoughts and feelings.

“Ah, that’s unusual for the work-a-holic future king.” Cale’s voice held just a hint of bitterness and Alberu wondered if perhaps he was jealous.

It wasn’t fair to offer him hope. Alberu was already suffering enough with a strange ‘hope’ about their relationship and his feelings weren’t as deep as Cale’s.

He still hated to leave him feeling like that though.

He opted for as honest as he could. “I was attempting to get a hold of your counterpart to gather more information about… just all of this.”

The invisible tension in Cale’s shoulders vanished. Now that he had an idea what was going on inside of his head, it got easier to read Cale.

“Is he dodging your calls?” Cale gave him a teasing smirk. “Good to know that you still have the unique ability to provide people with headaches.”

Alberu probably hadn’t been quite so insulted in all of his life. Coming from Cale Henituse , the person who had been the primary source of his headache for the last few days who was currently in Kim Rok Soo’s body, a person who was the biggest source of Alberu’s headaches for the last couple years and on the topic of that same headache…

Oh, the injustice of it all was absolutely intolerable.

“I don’t want to hear that from you.” Alberu said with a frown.

“Why is that, your highness?” Cale looked entirely amused, watching him with remorseless mischief. “Do I give you a headache?”

“You haven’t stopped doing so since the day I met you.” Alberu felt the childish impulse to pout. He fought it away valiantly. “Every single thought I’ve had for the last few days has been…”

He stopped himself.

He wasn’t dumb enough to not know how that sounded.

He flushed red and turned away, attempting to busy himself with his food. It was a clumsy attempt to hide his embarrassment, as a trained diplomat he ought to be ashamed. “–anyway, the point is, I need to figure out why I’ve been coming here. And you haven’t been forthcoming with information which is frustrating.”

That was a believable excuse, right?

His mind was a mess.

“Makes sense.” Cale’s voice was strange but Alberu didn’t dare look to see his expression.

They ate in silence from there, each hampered down by heavy thoughts and complicated feelings.

They stayed in silence as Cale paid and they left, heading off in the direction of Cale’s humble apartment.

It wasn’t tense, per say, but it wasn’t as comfortable as their earlier companionable silence.

Cale stopped.

It was so sudden that Alberu took a moment to realize he’d done it, stopping a few paces ahead of him and looking back at him in confusion.

Cale’s expression was a mess.

“...I don’t understand.”

The words were strangely vulnerable, so unlike the Cale he’d gotten to know in their short time together. Alberu’s heart stuttered.

“What do you want from me?”

Those too brown eyes that searched Alberu for intention were so raw and pained that his breath caught. Alberu wanted to reply but it felt impossible.

“You don’t have anything to gain by pretending–so why are you putting on that act?”

“Act?” Alberu asked, trying to compose himself. Trying to find the meaning behind it all.

The raw emotion in Cale’s eyes hardened into anger and he closed the distance between them, glaring furiously into Alberu’s eyes.

“Don’t fuck with me.” The low and angry hiss was filled with so much genuine hurt that Alberu almost took a step back. “The blushing, the fake bashfulness, the misleading words–you’re not dumb enough to do that shit on accident. What the fuck do you want from me?”

Ah.

He really and truly didn’t believe that Alberu could have feelings for him too.

Alberu ignored the twisting pain in his heart, trying to find the best answer. The best words.

He’d been in so many tense political situations. So many negotiations and emotionally charged battles of words.

…how could he possibly answer Cale’s emotions with anything but honesty though…?

“Nothing.” He met Cale’s with his own raw and honest emotion. “I don’t intend to want anything from you.”

This didn’t assuage any of the anger, the hurt, but Alberu’s candid words did catch his attention. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I really don’t intend to want anything from you.” Alberu smiled helplessly. “But I find myself wanting everything.”

Chapter Text

The simple and unavoidable truth.

The way he greedily wanted more than he could ever have.

The way Cale’s cheek felt in the palm of his hand.

The way the world slowed down for just them, Cale’s anger and hurt still raw for anyone to see.

The way that Alberu yearned to comfort him. To hug him. To just indulge in a moment.

The way nothing else really seemed to matter in that moment.

“Liar.”

Cale’s words were so scathing and raw. Alberu expected as much.

“Did you figure me out then?” Cale asked with increasing anger. “What is this then? Pity? Mockery? See how far you can push me?” Cale’s hands were clenched and there was definitely a temptation there to hit him. “Hate to break it to you, your highness , but I’m not so easily mortified. Better luck next time.”

It wasn’t advisable or smart to proceed. He already knew this would only hurt them both.

But he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t let this be. He couldn’t help himself.

“You run a hand through your hair when you’re nervous or frustrated.” Alberu pointed out. “If that’s what you mean by figuring you out, then I’ve got countless tiny mannerisms memorized.”

This time he felt like Cale might really hit him. He didn’t back down though. “Ah, should have fucking expected. This is all a goddamn joke to you, isn’t it?”

“It really isn’t.” He reached out, hesitantly, and held one of Cale’s clenched fists. “I don’t know what happened between us before, not in any detail, but I know my own feelings.”

“Oh?” Cale snatched his hand back as if burned, scorn dripping from the single syllable. “Are you going to say that you care about me? You’ve developed some sort of misguided crush?”

“Yes.”

Cale scoffed openly. “Who the fuck do you think I am? An idiot? Why the fuck would I fall for the same bullshit–why do you keep doing this?”

Ah, that raw pain.

“What the fuck did I ever do to you to deserve being fucked around with like this?!”

“I’m not lying.” How did he reach that closed off heart? That man who lashed out instead of being able to rationally find the answer. He already knew that Alberu had nothing to gain but even that didn’t lead him to believe in sincerity. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Ha! Of course you don’t–it’s only that your ambitions are more important, right?!” Cale was spiraling. “Or what, are you aiming for a good fuck? Is that all it is? Maybe this is your new fun tactic to get answers from me–tough fucking luck, asshole! If I knew why you were here I would have already found a way to get you the fuck out of my life!”

Sense really wasn’t going to reach him. Not in this state. Shaking and angry and lost in a heartbreak that Alberu could only understand the corners of.

It was just an impulse. A stupid impulse that he had difficulty controlling but could hardly make the situation worse.

Alberu pulled him into a hug, his heart in his arms as he held onto him in hopes of grounding him.

“None of that–god, none of that.” He cut off Cale’s protests, noticing that despite an ability to do so, Cale made no attempt to break away. His body melting against Alberu’s like he’d been longing for this moment. “I’m sorry. Whatever I did to hurt you so badly–I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back–” He did, he really did, he wanted to smack his other self and demand to understand what was so important that he’d needed to leave Cale in this state. “I’m sorry.”

“...you’re full of shit…” The venom in Cale’s voice was weaker now and he’d made no attempt to pull away. “I know you’re full of shit. Fuck , I’m pathetic.”

“You’re not.” Alberu hid his face in Cale’s shoulder, gently holding him close. “You’re really not.”

Cale had made a lot of impressions on Alberu. Negative and positive alike.

He couldn’t say this man was pathetic though.

Foolish and hot-headed, maybe, but never pathetic. He held himself up and met each challenge with a resolute strength. Even now, shaking in Alberu’s arms with so many wretched emotions that had torn him up inside, Cale had chosen to face this fear directly and demand answers without shame or regret.

Alberu liked that about him.

“What is your angle, your highness?”

Cale never called him by his name. It wasn’t something that Alberu would find unusual, his status meant that there weren’t many people who used his name, but considering the intimate nature of their prior relationship it did strike him as odd. Or even just the fact that Cale had clearly let go of all other etiquette that might be considered normal towards royalty, but held onto just that one bit.

“Right now?” Alberu thought about the question seriously. “Right now I’m wondering how I can comfort you. Secondarily, I’m trying to figure out a way to convince you of my honesty. Mostly, I’m just thinking about you.”

Cale tensed in his arms but still made no attempt to pull away.

“I hate how good you are at lying.” Cale cursed him.

“Haven’t you already shown that you can tell my lies from my truth?”

“...not about this…” It was a wretched admission that clearly upset Cale. “I never was able to tell when you were lying about this.” He laughed bitterly. “I was fooled completely.”

It was more of an admission than he would have expected from Cale but the man was bone exhausted. In body, heart, and mind, there was no part of Cale that had the strength left to fight or lie.

It was painful. Alberu didn’t want Cale’s honesty to come from exhaustion or pain. Although trust was preferable, he could understand how far-fetched it would be to expect.

“...I don’t know about him .” Alberu began, a bit of frustration towards his other self leaking into his words. “But I know that I’m being sincere.”

“Sincere, my ass.” Cale scoffed. “You’ve known me for what, two days? What the hell sort of sincerity is that?”

“It’s not my fault you’re charming enough to grow to like in a short period of time.”

Those were probably the wrong words. Especially with how Cale tensed in his arms. He was ready to get hit or accused of lying again. It really wasn’t fair that he was getting all the flack for a future self who would never even exist. He decided to accept it though, he couldn’t think of much else he could do for Cale in the circumstances.

“...fuck it.”

Alberu didn’t have time to contemplate what Cale’s short and flippant words meant before he disentangled himself away from Alberu, just enough to grab him by the collar and drag him into a kiss.

It wasn’t romantic.

It wasn’t soft or sweet.

It was exactly the sort of kiss that Cale had to offer.

Bitter and emotional, longing and passionate. Full of all his hate and love and entirely irresistible.

Alberu couldn’t help but return that passion. Leaning into Cale’s touch, holding him close as he explored the familiar and unfamiliar feeling of kissing him.

Ah, he’d wanted this far more than he realized.

How did he stop these raging emotions that demanded nothing less than more ?

How did he deny the way Cale’s was equal parts anger and affection?

How did he challenge the emotion growing inside of him unbidden?

This wasn’t love. It wasn’t.

But perhaps it was the beginnings of love.

Perhaps he wouldn’t be able to stop this feeling from growing, even with all of his sensibility and reason.

Maybe even if he managed to end contact with Cale right here and now, the feeling would still manage to evolve inside of him.

What a helpless feeling it was.

Tearing him up inside and drawing him in. He unconsciously held Cale closer, catching the pace of the kiss and deepening it fervently.

The sound Cale made in response was well worth it.

How long could they stay like this? Forever wasn’t an option but it felt like a shame to take it off of the table.

When they did pull apart, breathless and locked in each other's gazes, it didn’t feel like long enough.

Alberu was very tempted to just lean in once more and steal another kiss.

“I don’t trust you for shit.” Cale said, his expression sardonic. “I don’t know what you want and I’m so sick of your games.”

He didn’t make any effort to pull away.

“There’s really nothing I can do to convince you of my sincerity?” Alberu felt a bit embarrassed over how breathless he sounded.

“Absolutely nothing.” Cale confirmed with that same guarded look that blocked Alberu out prominently present.

“...then why?”

Why kiss him? Why stay in his arms? Why be kind to begin with?

Why make Alberu fall like this?

“If you’re going to use me, turnabout is fair play.” Cale said, as breezily as anything.

Alberu raised an eyebrow, trying to ignore the way the words made his heart pound in his chest.

How did he cope with this stupidly adorable man?

“...you’re driving me crazy.” Alberu let out a breathy laugh.

“I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.” Cale was shameless. It was better that way. So much less heartbreaking than the kiss from the memory.

“You’re not.” Alberu conceded, caressing the scar on the man's cheek mindlessly. ”If that’s your desire, use me to your heart's content.”

“Ha.” It was Cale’s turn to laugh, rueful and short. “You’ll live to regret those words, your highness.”

“You’re right. I will. It’s a terrible idea to get involved with you.” He rested his forehead against Cale’s, closing his eyes and smiling helplessly. “I really can’t help it though.”

He’d never been this sort of person. He must have gone half mad with sleep deprivation. Or maybe he’d just finally cracked under the stress and pressure of his lifestyle.

Cale was a person who made him bend his own rules just by existing.

How utterly frustrating and completely captivating.

“...liar.” Cale’s insult lacked its normal bite and a moment later Alberu felt an uncharacteristically soft kiss. He returned it, not bothering to open his eyes or argue further.

A hopeless and foolish love that was destined for heartbreak. What else was there left to do but enjoy the moments they had?

The sudden emptiness in Alberu’s arms caused his eyes to snap open.

For a moment he was kissing Cale in the street like there was no tomorrow and now he was waking up in his bedroom without the slightest idea how or why.

He felt the loss acutely. Thoughts of Cale being left alone in the chilly night air making him frown and curse whatever bullshit had pulled him away.

“ Shit …” Alberu hated this in particular. It was one of his biggest reasons for wanting to avoid whatever it was between him and Cale.

Whatever it was that brought them together could tear them apart without any warning, just as easily as it had started this whole mess.

“ Shit…! ” Alberu grit his teeth and sat up.

What was he supposed to do with himself now? His confused emotions were more intense than ever and there was absolutely no clear solution.

The best possible outcome for them both was for this to be it. The last meeting. It was cruel and painful but it would only get worse with more time and they both had their own lives to attend to.

Their stolen moments together didn’t change the reality that they lived in.

It made him hate his other self, just a bit. The version of him who actually stood a chance of holding onto Cale. Even though Cale was destined to die prematurely and leave this world completely, there had been a version of him who could have held on until the last.

Maybe that would have been crueler for Cale. Maybe it would have been better.

Alberu couldn’t say.

He just hated knowing that a version of him had once decided to squander what little luck he had.

…ah…

Wasn’t that his plan too? End things with Cale before it became too much? Squander what little opportunity he had because of anxieties over a certain future?

Suddenly and miserably, Alberu finally felt that he could understand the stupidity of his other self.

Alberu had never been great at living in the ‘now’. He lived in the future he strove to create. He thought ahead. He was tactical and ambitious and he hated to invest himself in losing endeavors.

Cale was undoubtedly a losing endeavor.

Had that really been it though? His own stupid insistence on being logical about the future. The same hesitation that made him want to push Cale away even now?

Was he really that stupid of a person?

He was. He really was.

“...I’m the one that’s trash.”

How stupid and wretched.

How must his other self have felt when Cale died? Did it seem worth it to put an end to things because this love had well and truly been doomed?

No–he knew himself better than that. The fool that he was, he’d only then realize how fucking worhtless those calculations had been when it was too late for those emotions to mean anything.

Did he continue to fuck this up? It was more hopeless than ever before and there was no future between them.

Did that matter?

Was it so important that it was worth breaking Cale down into such a miserable state?

“Haa… I’ll have to apologize again.”

Not just for being an idiot in a nonexistent future, for always being an idiot.

For not being able to appreciate the moments that really and truly mattered.

But first, he needed to find out what was causing all of this to begin with.

The last thing he needed under these circumstances was to not even understand the rules that caused him to jump between dimensions. And, if he wanted to prolong this state of affairs, he needed to know how it had come into being.

–

“...I was sort of hoping you wouldn’t come back.”

“I know.”

Alberu was telling the full and complete truth. Through his rushed endeavors, he’d been privy to more than one Cale’s not-so-friendly thoughts.

Everything from angry rants to intrusive sexual frustration. Alberu was pretty impressed with his own ability to maintain composure, under the circumstances.

There was one particularly awkward meeting with Saint Jack that he had to maintain a poker face while Cale explained, in graphic detail, all of his apparent faults in bed.

It wasn’t a memory that he would ever like to relive, all things considered.

The general gist of Cale’s thoughts though had been along the lines of ‘don’t you dare ever come back here, you shitty bastard’ and ‘if you don’t come back right this instant, I’m burning everything you love’.

He knew that it was Cale’s uncurated thoughts that the man was still unaware that Alberu could hear but some of those thoughts were so threatening that he really had to wonder whether or not Cale really didn’t know.

Alberu sat across from Cale without waiting for an invitation. The bustling restaurant around them took no notice of the pair.

From what Alberu could tell, Cale was on his lunch break. He was in the suit that he wore to work and the midday sun had been shining overhead when Alberu had entered the restaurant after spotting Cale inside.

“The fuck do you want this time?” Cale’s posture was defensive. Alberu couldn’t blame him. It was awkward for him to.

…especially with the thoughts still fresh in his mind.

“I spent some time investigating why I keep coming here.” He’d been dedicated to it as well, dropping every single one of his tasks that weren’t urgent or of the highest of priorities in order to meet with anyone who might hold answers. “Thus far, the only proper explanation I’ve received is ‘cosmic accident’.”

Cale barked out a laugh. “That sounds like my luck. So what, I’m stuck with you stalking me across realities until the cosmos decide to get their shit together?”

“Something like that.” Alberu said, unsure how to broach the topic that he really wanted to talk about.

“Are you still spouting the same bullshit as last time?”

Ah, he could always trust Cale’s crude bluntness to get straight to the point.

“What bullshit are you referring to?” Alberu countered with a measured look. “If you’re referring to my confession then yes, I maintain my earlier stance.”

“‘Maintain my earlier stance’?!” Cale let out a mocking laugh. “Who talks like that? Ah, I forgot. You’re trying to be diplomatic. I really hate that about you, you know.”

Alberu took a deep breath.

Here he went.

A public space was probably not the best space for this but then again, maybe it was. Maybe Cale wouldn’t be quite as mad.

“No, you don’t.”

Cale reared back at the sheer audacity of Alberu’s claim. “Excuse me? Are you seriously telling me how I fucking feel?”

“You think it’s funny when I rely on eloquent language to express my opinions.” A deep flush colored Alberu’s cheeks as he forced out the next bit, looking anywhere but at Cale. “Or, in certain moments, you described it as ‘unbearably hot’.”

This wasn’t the best way to bring this up. It was a bad place and bad timing and Cale was going to go absolutely spare on him.

But what Alberu had been able to learn about his situation was that it would become increasingly erratic with timing until finally, it ended.

He had no way of knowing when his last moment with Cale was and he wanted to come clean.

“...what the fuck is that supposed to mean.”

The chill of Cale’s voice made Alberu gulp.

“...I’ve been… hearing your thoughts. Not all of them–I can’t find a pattern other than they’re normally when they’re about me. It’s… especially prevalent whenever I return home.”

The silence that overtook the table was palpable.

Slowly, with precise grace that felt a bit threatening, Cale stood up. Leaving a few bills on the counter as he walked out of the restaurant.

Alberu followed after him, unsure what else to say. He should have admitted to it sooner. Or not at all–no. He’d promised himself that he’d stop thinking ‘for’ Cale.

This relationship is doomed, so it’s better ‘for’ them both if nothing happens.

This would hurt Cale so it’s better ‘for’ him if he keeps it to himself.

It was an ugly pattern in Alberu’s thoughts that he’d never noticed before. It was the hyper independence that he’d needed in order to take his place on the throne.

However, it was of very little use to interpersonal relationships like this.

It turned from a strength into a form of cowardice where anything could be excused so long as he found a way to justify it to himself.

Cale took out a device as he walked, not once looking towards Alberu who was following him. “Ah, Kim Min Ah? I can’t come back to work today. Call me if there’s an emergency and I’ll be there.”

There was something on the other end of the line but Alberu wasn’t privy to it.

After a few minutes, Cale put away the device but he still made no effort to acknowledge Alberu.

He could tell by the surroundings that they were going towards Cale’s apartment.

His steps stuttered.

About a block ahead was the spot where they’d had their little ‘confrontation’.

He wasn’t sure what was going through Cale’s mind right now but he didn’t think that he’d respond great to that sight.

To Alberu’s surprise though, he breezed past it as though it didn’t mean much to him at all. Alberu felt even more unnerved by the apparent calm.

He didn’t break the silence either.

Cale hadn’t told him to go away, which he was taking as a good sign, but he wasn’t sure that would last if Alberu spoke up before Cale was ready to hear more.

The apartment was immaculate as always.

Alberu entered after Cale, gently shutting the door behind him. No sooner had privacy been achieved than Cale’s voice rang out into the room, still not facing Alberu.

“So what was that last time? Pity because you heard my pathetic thoughts?”

Shame. Mortification. Pain. Anger.

Exhaustion.

It made Cale’s shoulders sink pitifully, his immaculate posture lost to his pained emotions.

“Really, how much do you intend to toy with me before you’re satisfied?”

“I wasn’t toying with you and it wasn’t pity.”

“Then what was it, Alberu!?” Cale wouldn’t face him but Alberu thought that he could already imagine his angry eyes, cursing him and hating him. “Explain it to me so I can understand, I swear to god. Explain it to me. Just– tell me why you’re doing this to me .”

He was shaking. Alberu was right to think that his privacy being invaded in such an intimate way would be a blow but this was a bit more than that.

“Are you willing to listen?” Alberu wasn’t trying to delay, he just wanted to check if Cale was actually in a state where he’d be able to hear his answers.

“Why should I?! Why should I listen to your garbage mouth that only ever spouts lies– did it entertain you? To know how I felt –how easy I am to trick–over and over and over again…”

His words sounded watery. Alberu cautiously approached him.

“I’m sure you thought it was really fucking funny to hear how much I–I–...” His fists clenched at his side. Alberu touched his back gently and Cale flinched away. “...I longed for you and you thought you’d have a bit of fun, huh. Well, fuck you –I’m done with this. I opt out. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Cale.”

“Shut up. I told you to call me Kim Rok Soo. I don’t want to hear that name from you . Just not you. I’m living a new life and it’s better without you in it.”

That was true enough. Both of their lives had been rocked by this unexpected meeting.

“I’m a calculating asshole.” Alberu took Cale’s clenched fist into his hand and rested his head on Cale’s shoulder. He was tense but again, he didn’t push Alberu away. It hurt in a way but from Cale’s sharp intake of breath, Alberu took it as his time to finally speak. “Ever since I figured things out, I kept thinking ‘what the hell, why would I ever enter a relationship only to end it?!’. It didn’t make any sense to me.”

Cale was listening. Maybe not with an open heart or mind but Alberu hadn’t earned that yet.

“I like you. I really, really do. I couldn’t understand the ‘me’ that you knew. I doubted it was even me a few times.”

“...what kind of bullshit is this…” Cale laughed ruefully but it came out weak and shaky.

“It took me too long to realize that ending was always inevitable.”

The words hurt them both. It wasn’t something he wanted to admit to.

“You know exactly what sort of person I am. Better than I do, apparently. I never used you, Cale. I can swear that I didn’t.” He tightened his hold on Cale’s hand. He wanted to see his face but all things considered, he didn’t want to invade any of Cale’s privacy anymore without an explicit invitation. “I let my own insecurities get the best of me. I always do. I ruined it because I thought it would be better that way.”

Put distance between them. End it all prematurely. Never just accept this love at face value.

“I’m an idiot. I was an idiot and I’m still an idiot.” Alberu let out a watery laugh. Why did he feel like he wanted to cry? “I never spent the time to ask you. To just be honest with you. To show my vulnerability to you.”

He realized that Cale wasn’t the only one shaking. He was scared too. Scared and anxious and praying that Cale didn’t push him away.

“...bastard.” Cale’s voice shook quietly, his head downcast but still hidden from Alberu’s view. “ Stupid bastard. Why are you like this? Why… why did you choose to hurt me?”

It always came back to that. In the times that Cale wanted to forgive him and let it all go. In the times where he wanted to believe that it hadn’t all been a lie.

In the times when he felt that it had been too real to be have all been a manipulation.

It always brought him back to the simple and painful fact that regardless of his reasons, regardless of how real or fake it had all been, at the very end Alberu had chosen to hurt him.

Had chosen the words that were perfectly curated to break his heart and stuck to them even when Cale swallowed his pride and tried to fix things.

The person he’d loved and trusted above everyone else. Who’d he’d relied upon, who he’d thought relied on him, the person his world had started to revolve around, the person who’d made him the happiest he’d ever been–chose to hurt him.

It was easier to believe it was all fake. Paint Alberu as a monster who’d never truly loved anyone at all. It was easier to bury his feelings in hate and drink the pain away.

It was so much harder to accept that Alberu had loved him and still said those things.

Cale closed his eyes, waiting for Alberu’s answer without much hope.

“I can’t say.” Alberu said. “Not for sure at least. I don’t know what was happening or what went through my head.” Cale’s jaw clenched. Another dissatisfying answer that only hurt to hear. “What I can say for sure is that I was wrong. I was an idiot and I was wrong.”

Not quite what he’d been expecting. Some of the tension left Cale’s shoulders and he finally turned to meet Alberu’s eyes.

Whatever expression Alberu had been expecting, this wasn’t it.

Watery eyes that looked so impossibly lost, searching Alberu for answers that he didn’t have. It brought to mind a kicked puppy out in the rain who still looked at the person who kicked them with hope for love.

It was a punch in the gut to see.

Cale’s anger would have been better.

“I thought… I’m always thinking about the future…” It sounded so dumb to say now, looking into Cale’s lost face as the implication hit.

“...and there’s no future with me in it…”

It sounded really horrible when Cale laid it out like that. Alberu knew that it wasn’t just about personal choice. Especially their current circumstances were so far out of their control that it was impossible to hold onto one another.

But relationships were always complicated and uncertain.

Deciding one sidedly that it was doomed in order to spare himself was just pure cowardice.

“...I was a fucking idiot.” He rested a palm on Cale’s cheek, wanting to wipe away his tears but he hadn’t even cried. “It was stupid. It never made any sense. I… I don’t have a good reason and that makes it worse, I know, but…”

Cale leaned into his touch, he didn’t look aware that he’d done it, still looking at Alberu so helplessly barren of any defense.

“...I want you.” It was embarrassing to say aloud. It was embarrassing to acknowledge. “I hate the part of me that hurt you. I hate that I’m still hurting you. I hate that I can’t seem to find a way to keep you with me. I don’t want to keep making the same mistakes with you…”

How stupid and embarrassing they both were. They were both well past the age when they should be indulging in such pathetic relationship drama. Stupid and embarrassing and unable to control themselves.

“...liar…” Cale’s voice was barely a whisper and his face was an open book.

‘Prove me wrong.’

‘Prove you cared about me.’

‘Prove that I meant anything to you.’

‘Please.’

Alberu didn’t need to read thoughts to see how badly Cale wanted to believe him. Wanted to give in to the narrative that even just right now, in this present moment, it was real.

He was smart enough or experienced enough to know what the right thing to do was. He didn’t know how to comfort the hole he’d put in Cale’s heart. Didn’t know how to prove his words beyond the truth that was laden upon them.

But he knew what he wanted to do, in the here and now, in this moment and irregardless of any future.

Gently, as though fearful that he could break, Alberu kissed him.

A chaste and small kiss.

How did he explain his feelings?

Alberu had never understood the appeal of kissing before. It wasn’t a repulsive thought, but he’d never understood how a couple might want to shower each other in kisses. It felt so foreign and strange.

He got it now.

This emotion that was exploding inside of him that couldn’t be properly expressed no matter how hard he tried. He kissed Cale again, on his cheek. His nose. His chin. Anywhere he could reach. His lips again and lingered there with his heart raging inside of him impatiently.

Cale leaned against him, closing his eyes as he let Alberu touch him.

“I’m not lying.” He laced his fingers together with Cale’s, heart pounding in his chest. He hadn’t really considered where this conversation would lead, only that he needed to have it. That he needed to live in a moment with Cale where he stopped deciding on the future.

“...you are…” Cale didn’t sound like he was even convincing himself anymore, he held Alberu’s hand as tightly as it was held. “Besides, what does it matter if it’s true? You’re right. There’s no future in this.”

It was heartbreaking to hear. Alberu hated it.

He responded by stealing Cale’s lips in a needy kiss. The other man let out a startled sound but didn’t resist in the slightest as Alberu pressed him up against the wall, all of his complicated and painful feelings coming out in a miserably vulnerable kiss.

Somewhere between ‘I know’ and ‘I don’t care’.

Cale responded to his urgency with his own hesitant desire. Clinging to him with that same desperate need for this, just this, to be real.

To know that there was at least one point in time that Alberu actually cared about him. Wanted him. Needed him.

That he hadn’t been the only one in love.

Cale was gasping for air when Alberu trailed greedy kisses down his neck, apparently lost in his desire to touch and feel all of Cale. To kiss every inch of him with that same insistent desire.

They were together.

Just in this moment. It was easier to communicate this way. Words felt so cheap and moldable. This was real.

It didn’t mean that Cale didn’t tremble fearfully even as he thought about how good it felt.

How many times had he thought it was real before?

“I’m not like him.” Alberu growled, a possessive jealousy making Cale’s wandering thoughts intolerable. “Don’t think about him right now.”

Cale laughed, open and honest, feeling a pressure release as he did so. “He’s you. Are you really jealous?”

Alberu bit the crook of his neck spitefully in retribution, the action sending a tingle down Cale’s spine. “Yes. I am.”

He really was. It was stupid and ridiculous but the only person he wanted on Cale’s thoughts right now was the person in front of him.

He sucked on the sensitive skin causing Cale to gasp. Wanting to leave a mark to prove he was here. To claim this Cale as his own.

This wasn’t about the idiot he’d been in an alternate future. It wasn’t about the stupid gods who’d fucked up enough to cause this accident. It wasn’t about who they were or who they would be.

Just the two of them.

Cale’s free hand wrapped around Alberu’s waist, pulling him flush against him and laughing with a drunken emotion.

“You’re unbelievable.” His voice was lighter than Alberu had ever heard it, almost giggly.

Alberu took advantage of the closed distance to steal Cale’s lips again. It wasn’t as urgent or insistent as it was before.

A leisurely kiss between the two of them that felt as though it would last forever.

Alberu knew it couldn’t. He wanted to talk about other matters and he really didn’t know how much time he had left.

He also didn’t want to find out what would happen if he returned after they’d taken it a bit farther, more specifically if they were still amidst their passions.

“We still need to talk.” Alberu said as pulled away from the kiss, looking into Cale’s eyes full of hunger.

“Fuck that.” Cale replied simply, biting Alberu’s bottom lip in retribution. “You only know how to piss me off when we talk.”

“Not true.” Alberu teased, pressing his body wholly against Cale’s as he leaned in to whisper in his ear. “You like the sound of my voice. Especially in times like these–”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about him .” Cale retorted, but there was a shakiness to his voice that let Alberu know he’d had the desired effect. “You’re just changing the rules now at your own convenience.”

“I am.” Alberu admitted, nipping his ear before pulling away with a shitty grin. “You have more experience so I’ll have to use everything I know to keep up.”

“Everything you spied .” Cale accused, a tiny frown forming on his lips that Alberu promptly kissed away.

“I didn’t want to listen to it.” Alberu defended. “But how could I forget?”

“You really are an awful bastard.” Cale pulled him closer, thoughts about how much farther they could dare to take this overtaking his thoughts.

“I am. But it helps me to know little things–like how much you like it when I touch you here.”

Cale let out a delicious gasp and Alberu was well and truly tempted to just give up on everything else. Just indulge in these moments and live for this hedonism.

He restrained himself, barely, finally pulling away from Cale and leaving the man leaning against the wall for support.

He was quite the sight to see. His eyes clouded with overlapping emotions, panting gently with hickies running up and down his neck, his lips swollen and wet from kisses.

It was a good enough sight that Alberu, again, had to restrain himself from letting go of all of his inhibitions.

“We have to talk.” Alberu said, looking like quite the sight of debauchery himself. “At the very least–we need to talk about all of this before going any farther.”

Cale sank to the ground, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head with a snort. “You are such a killjoy, you know that, right?”

Alberu kneeled in front of him with a helpless feeling inside of him.

The idea that he’d have to let this go in the inevitable future really was becoming too painful a thought to bear.

How insane was that? He’d always thought he wasn’t the sort of person who fell easy because of his lack of interest in anyone.

Now he knew that he was a helpless fool for this single person.

“I am.” Alberu conceded. He reached out and laced his fingers with Cale’s, the action getting him a surprised look. “...it’s easier when I can touch you.” Alberu explained to Cale’s incredulous expression.

Apparently the words struck a nerve because Cale looked away, his face flushed red. “...didn’t think I’d hear that from you…” He muttered but made no effort to pull away. Rather, he held Alberu’s hand as though he never wanted to let it go. “So what is it that’s so important that we talk about?”

Chapter Text

It was truly a chance meeting.

Blanketed by the warm summer night air and without a friend in sight. The peace that can only be derived around strangers who don’t care who you are or where you’re from.

It wasn’t a place for a Crown Prince.

It wasn’t a place for the first born son of a Count for that matter.

Alberu needed to find a way to protect himself once he entered the Empire from the Holy Twins.

Cale needed a break from the life he’d created for himself.

Curiosity, pure and simple. That was the only reason Alberu had approached him.

Cale Henituse wasn’t like how he was when they met in the capital. Even with a bottle of alcohol slowly being drained of all of its contents, Cale showed no signs of being drunk other than his flushed face.

He was quiet and thoughtful, more polite than he needed to be, and he smiled warmly at strangers.

Alberu had known that there was something just off about the trash of the count’s family from the first time he’d met him. He’d known that there was more than what met the eye.

But he’d had other priorities.

Alberu was far too cautious a person, normally speaking, than to casually approach a person in his true form when there was any possible chance of being recognized.

But Cale was definitely drunk, considering the amount of empty bottles, Alberu was curious, and most of his face was covered in a veil regardless.

There was absolutely no reason for the encounter to last.

Maybe he was just a bit enchanted with the way Cale laughed, openly and freely. Or the way the world just seemed better when they were together.

The way that Cale expressed himself, the strange but interesting ways he considered things, how quick he was on the uptake, those sharp brown eyes that seemed to see everything Alberu was hiding and found it all to just be an interesting quirk.

He couldn’t get enough of it.

Maybe one chance meeting turned into two and then three and by the time he’d returned to his real life and away from the unexpected vacation, they’d shared at least two drunken kisses and Alberu was left wondering how he’d gone from not caring much at all for the lout of the Henituse territory to thinking about him constantly.

Cale’s laugh, his temper, his unique ability to escalate a situation with the best of intentions, and his intolerance for injustice.

A particularly memorable scene of Cale throwing a wine bottle at a retreating gangster with a string of curses pouring out of his lips would probably be forever burned into his thoughts. It was crazy and stupid and reckless.

But it was Cale. The part of him that he hid and the part of him that he showed the world. An expression of the side of Cale that most people didn’t get to see and the trashy person who drank too much and caused a scene.

It was only a few weeks. Just a few weeks where he had the chance to get to know this ridiculous man and then it was over like it had never happened to begin with.

The responsibilities of his life were too heavy to continue such a transient relationship, no matter how charmed he was.

It was better like this though. A brief tryst in a strange place without any expectations of reuniting.

Alberu was confident in his ability to meet with Cale again as the Crown Prince and never once even hinted at their shared past.

He’d be able to smile at him with his perfectly fake smile, shake his hand, and pretend that Cale meant nothing to him.

There was no future to it and thus, there was no point in continuing. He’d never tell Cale his true identity and Cale would forget about him.

It should have ended like that.

A foolish youthful indiscretion.

The true danger was when Alberu started to wonder.

Would one more meeting really be all that bad?

Just one more moment?

He’d just see him. He wouldn’t say anything. He wouldn’t do anything. He’d just happen to be in Puzzle City at the same time that Cale was passing through. It wasn’t like Alberu had even been keeping an ear out for information about Cale, he really hadn’t, he’d just happened to hear that the ‘lout’ was going to be traveling on an errand for his father. It wasn’t an unreasonable idea, there were things that Alberu wanted to investigate in the area as well.

He’d just time it so that they were there at the same time.

Just one more meeting.

And then he’d end it for sure. He’d just take a look at Cale and if Cale happened to spot him, they could just share a pleasant wave or even just a nod of acknowledgment.

Only Alberu hadn’t anticipated being seen by Cale. Much less cornered and slammed against an alley wall.

He hadn’t expected how angry Cale was at the flimsy goodbye or how relieved he was to see him again. The way that Cale explained, under no uncertain terms, how he felt about Alberu’s flakiness.

How worried he’d been about Alberu.

It made a knot tie itself in his stomach even as the butterflies tickled his insides and his heart throbbed in his chest.

It really was getting too serious. Alberu needed to end it for real this time.

Just… he just needed to see him one more time. It would be the last time for sure this time. Cale had been emphatic in Puzzle City that they needed to meet at a certain date and time and Alberu wasn’t going to just stand him up.

He’d say a proper goodbye this time.

Only, he was spellbound by Cale’s elated smile when he actually came. And maybe he wound up sharing a few more kisses and promised himself that for sure he could say goodbye next time.

It was important to end things but he just wanted a bit more. Just one more moment together and then he’d let go. He just wanted to feel Cale’s lips one more time. Just to hear his voice. To feel the freedom of being together with him. The euphoria of sneaking up to Cale’s window and to be dragged inside by the bewitching man who only ever shared his true self with Alberu.

In those times when Cale shared his secrets quietly and shamefully. In the moments afterwards when Alberu shared his own insecurities and fears, just vague enough to hide his identity but so painfully honest.

Cale’s snarky comments that reframed the things that terrified Alberu in a way that made them so much less scary. Hoping he was able to offer even a portion of that comfort to Cale about his problems.

The stolen moments that only expanded with time. To a point when a stolen moment no longer felt like nearly enough time but there was just never enough time.

So many moments where all he wanted to do was to spend the rest of his days with Cale in his arms, soft breathing tickling Alberu’s neck as he fell into a peaceful sleep.

How could he let this go? The sweetness of Cale’s kindness, the bitterness of his hot temper, and addicting feeling of being together.

He really needed to put an end to this.

He’d never once planned to stay with Cale. Not in all the time together. Never once considered that a future together was even possible.

It wasn’t possible. He’d live his whole life single and commit himself to the throne and Cale… well, Cale was sure to forget about all of this once it ended. He’d find someone better suited for him and it really would seem like a summer fling.

Alberu should have considered a bit more about this assessment. Especially when one summer turned into several summers, woven together with all the seasons in-between and growing closer and closer.

He never intended to reveal his identity to Cale.

He thought he’d die when in the midst of a battle against the White Stars forces, Cale had seen his true self. The look of anger and betrayal and honest tears that stayed unshed.

Cale never cried. No matter how much he hurt and no matter how the tears welled up in his eyes.

He really thought he’d die but Cale had clung to his bloody body, trembling and full of so much emotion that Alberu had no words.

No words to apologize for deceiving him. To explain himself. Not even to ask him to keep his secret.

And Cale accepted it. Accepted him.

Didn’t care that he’d been leading a double identity this whole time.

Cale wanted him. Just him.

Wanted him to live despite his injuries. Wanted to know how to help him. Helped him keep his secret. Composed himself to talk to outsiders and stayed loyally at Alberu’s side the whole time.

Holding his hand, awaiting his recovery, making dry remarks about how ridiculous it was for Alberu to sneak around the kingdom in ‘disguise’. Accepted his heritage without a care for the stigma against dark elves and hit him when Alberu was well enough to be properly punished for being a ‘lying, deceitful sack of crap who had the fucking nerve to comment on Cale’s high collar when he knew very fucking well why the collar was high’.

Alberu wasn’t guiltless of teasing Cale just a bit in his prince persona. The man just brought out the mischief in him.

Despite knowing and being angry and even feeling betrayed, Cale still wanted him. Still loved him so wholly and loyally.

That was when Alberu knew he had to let go. It had gone too far. He’d let this foolish love linger too long and one day they wouldn’t be able to let go. One day it would hurt too much to give up. It was better for Cale too. If Cale fell any further, it might really hurt him when it ended.

Alberu knew and yet he still couldn’t let go.

Just one more time. One more meeting. One more moment. One more conversation. One more hug. One more kiss.

Love.

Such a simple emotion when spelled out like that. Just a word used to describe an emotion that coursed through everyone to varying degrees.

Alberu had always loved ardently. He loved his kingdom. He loved his mother. He loved his aunt. Even his father, although that love had become someone shaky.

Alberu loved and committed himself to that love, putting aside all other things in order to achieve his goals. Even at the cost of sacrifice. Sacrificing small things like dignity in his youth. Sacrificing large things like lives in his adulthood. Alberu had never been a good person, in the small sense. A person who took care of the people in front of him. Alberu was a good person in the grand sense, prioritizing a future for all.

It was all in order to create a safe and happy place for the people he loved, even at great cost.

It was one of the ways that he really was similar to Cale.

Love and loyalty. Complete fidelity to that emotion and most especially, the person who had inspired it.

Alberu couldn’t see outside of the constructs of how he’d committed himself to the people and things he’d loved before.

For Alberu, the past was painful, the present was a struggle, but the future was attainable.

He never truly lived in the present, always aiming for an attainable future of stability.

It sometimes made him a bad person to those right in front of him. It made him the person who didn’t offer the Star of Healing to a dying old man because saving the man’s life offered no benefit to the ‘future’ he needed to reach.

The future that Alberu ambitiously strove for.

Cale didn’t fit into that. He’d known since the very beginning. He knew that Cale had to know that as well.

He was a bad person for prolonging the inevitable. For inviting Cale into his room, for holding him dearly and allowing himself to momentarily forget that he really must end this one day. He was a bad person for kissing Cale like he loved him while thinking all this time that it would just be one more time.

How foolish he’d been to think that one more time would ever be enough?

Cale dragged him into the present, forcefully pulling him down to his level and meeting on equal terms. It was addicting. Something he’d never be able to get enough of.

By the time he’d realized that there would never be a ‘one more time’ that ended in goodbye, it had been too long. So long that if he didn’t let Cale go now, there would be no avoiding the inevitable heartbreak.

Alberu didn’t even consider the present heartbreak it would create. He lived in the future.

He told Cale. Told him there was no future together. Told him that he’d never intended for this to last. Told him that he’d been planning the end from the beginning. Told him that he had priorities that didn’t align with keeping Cale in his life.

He told Cale the truth. A cruel, miserable, and despicable truth.

A truth that made it sound for all the world like Alberu’s love had been nothing but a fiction.

He thought that the pain Cale was in would only be temporary. That in the grand scheme of things, this was for the best. That his pain too would fade with time.

He told himself that he’d forget about Cale and Cale would forget about him and that was the best ending for everyone involved.

He never once realized what a horrible mistake he’d made until it was too late to ever see Cale’s smile again.

When there was nothing but a battleworn corpse in the place of the fiery mischievous man who he’d never been able to properly forget. Bloody and broken and hardly recognizable among all the other bodies who had also died carelessly by the tyranny of a mad man.

Cale died. Died like the nobody he really was.

If he had a wish, he wouldn’t be able to spend it on Cale. There was a war going on. There was an enemy who threatened to destroy everything that they had held dear, and had already destroyed everything Cale had held dear. There were too many casualties to spend a wish on just one man who was always meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

Just the son of a noble. Just a soldier on the battlefield. Just another casualty.

He wasn’t ‘important’ like other people were.

In Alberu’s shaken and broken heart, he knew that he could never waste a wish like that. He couldn’t. Not with his responsibilities. Not with the weight of lives around him.

He knew that.

And yet, he just wished for one more time. At any cost. In any way possible.

Please, just once more.

Anything for one more moment.

–

“First, some ground rules.” Alberu started, feeling comforted by the feel of Cale’s hand on his own. “I don’t think we’ll get very far if we don’t establish some boundaries.”

“...I promise that I won’t bite you.” Cale said much too quickly for Alberu’s comfort.

“...that’s so specific that I’m a little scared.” Alberu admitted honestly, wondering what the hell Cale might do instead. “Also, not really what I was talking about. I meant for talking.”

“So was I. Do you know how hard it is not to bite you when you get annoying and wordy?” Cale raised an eyebrow at him, a roguish expression on his face that suited him far too well.

“Setting aside your promise not to bite me.” Alberu coughed awkwardly, wondering not for the last time about the lost history between them. How long had they been together? Did Cale actually bite him?

Important questions. But they weren’t important for now.

“I was thinking about a simpler rule. For example, if a topic becomes too much for either of us then we’re allowed to immediately opt out without further questioning.” Alberu explained. It wasn’t a rule he thought up for himself, he’d realized the number of times he’d pressured Cale for information and invaded his privacy had gone well beyond an acceptable level some time ago and he wanted Cale to have the freedom to end the conversation.

Cale considered it before nodding. “Fair enough, what else?”

Alberu lifted up their linked hands, smiling awkwardly. “We hold hands until we’re done.”

“...what the hell is the purpose of that?” Cale eyed the joint digits suspiciously as though they’d explain their secret plot to him.

“For comfort.” Alberu shrugged, adjusting his position to sit against the wall next to Cale. “I don’t think this conversation is going to be easy for either of us but I think it’ll help if we can touch each other.”

“...speak for yourself…” Cale grumbled but he looked secretly pleased.

“Last rule, pretty simple. Don’t interrupt each other.” Alberu gave him a sidelong glance. “Even if you’re really pissed.”

“...in exchange, can I bite you?” Cale didn’t look sincerely annoyed by the rule though, judging by the mischief in his voice.

Alberu let out a long put upon sigh and nodded. “If you really want to, yes, you can bite me.” His eyes were sparkling with amusement though. He probably had foolishly assumed that Cale wouldn’t actually do it. “Do you have any rules you’d like?”

Cale put some thought into it but his answer was an obvious one to them both. “No lies. Not even by omission. If I find out even one lie…” There was no threat he could really come up with so he trailed off with a frown. “Just don’t lie.”

Alberu nodded, preparing himself for some awkward truths should the conversation veer into certain areas. “First item on the agenda–”

Cale’s gafah interrupted Alberu and he glared at the man who looked about ready to lose it in laughter.

“Rule three.” He said with a frown.

“It’s not my fault. You’re such a dork.” Cale laughed openly, his face looking younger as the cackles filled up the room.

Alberu couldn’t even be mad. Sure, it was a little annoying that Cale was so clearly laughing at him but he sort of loved how comfortable Cale looked by his side. How even as he laughed and mocked, his hand was still securely held in Alberu’s.

How free and sweet Cale looked without all of his defenses raised.

“Oka–Pfffff–okay, I’m, hahaha, I’m done.” Cale managed, gathering himself and looking at Alberu with eyes full of mirth. “Please, explain the–pfff–-agenda to me.”

“You’re an asshole.” Alberu said.

“Ah, so we’re talking about my ass hole. Well–”

“No.” Alberu held up a hand. “No distracting matters.”

The mischief in Cale’s gleaming eyes made it clear that he wasn’t done acting as an agent of chaos. But that was Alberu’s fault for not creating better guidelines.

“Alright then.” Cale said, looking quite pleased with himself. “Please continue, your highness .”

Alberu let out another awkward cough. There was no helping matters. He’d need to push forth. “The first matter on the agenda .” He enunciated the word, daring Cale to laugh again. Cale looked quite tempted to do just that but valiantly held himself back. “We need to talk about our situation.”

“You mean how we can currently only meet because of a ‘cosmic accident’, as you put it, and after reality rights itself we’re never going to see each other again?”

He really didn’t expect Cale to put it all together so succinctly like that. He’d been planning to slowly ease his way into those facts. “Uh, yes. That.”

Cale shrugged. “Kind of pointless to talk about that, isn’t it? We have no control over it and there’s nothing worrying will do to help. We’re pretty much just fucked.”

He wondered if this was the mentality that had allowed Cale to survive through so much. Only worry about what you actually have control over and discard what you don’t control to the side. It shouldn’t be optimistic but it sounded strangely optimistic to Alberu’s ears. A strange sort of twist to words that made it seem as though it didn’t actually matter that much.

He chuckled to himself. “You’re right. I still think we should talk about it though.”

“What’s there to say? There’s an invisible time limit, that’s all it is.” Cale squeezed Alberu’s hand, possibly for comfort, possibly without realizing it, likely both. “Everything in life has an invisible time limit.”

Alberu already knew, on some level, that Cale must have lost a lot before coming here. His life and his love being the only confirmed aspects, but it was hard not to think about when Cale was talking like this.

Like he was all too aware that anyone he cared about could be ripped from him at any given time and there was absolutely nothing he could do about that.

“I want to talk about it because I don’t want to have regrets when it comes.” Alberu explained, temporarily setting aside his concerns about the losses that Cale had surely experienced.

Cale gave him a look . “That’s impossible.”

“...what do you mean?” Alberu asked.

“We’re going to regret it. That’s just a fact. When this ends. We’ll regret it. We’ll regret not doing more. We’ll regret time wasted not doing anything much at all. We’ll regret not spending more time on the mundane and meaningless. We’ll regret ever meeting to begin with. Alberu, we’re going to regret this. That’s just the truth.”

It was so simple and clean. Alberu found himself at a loss for anything to say as he digested the truth.

He knew all of that. That was why he’d wanted to end this prematurely before. Why he’d agonized for days thinking that he couldn’t let anything develop between them. Most probably why his other self had made such a heinous mistake in his timeline.

How was it that Cale knew all the same things he did but just accepted them so plainly and easily?

A breathless laugh escaped his lips and he shook his head in disbelief before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on Cale’s lips.

“The hell?” Cale asked, wondering exactly what part of what he’d said would have made Alberu smile and kiss him.

“I sort of get why you’re a person that I can’t help falling for.” Alberu said completely shamelessly, his smile so sincere that it made Cale’s heart ache. It wasn’t something he’d normally say aloud but he’d promised Cale the complete truth.

Ah, the simple joy of seeing Cale’s face flush. Alberu didn’t think he’d ever get enough of that.

“What the hell about what I said made you get that?” Cale asked at a complete loss.

“I like the way you think. We’re different, just in the way we digest and understand information, but I just… like the way you think. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s not about wanting to change my own perspective, I just really like yours.”

An honest confession from a person who loved him sincerely.

Cale wanted to turn it around. To say how much he was actually the one that felt that way. To express the feelings of love bubbled up in his throat.

But the words died away fearfully. Dwindling on his tongue and cowering away from the reality of expressing his truth.

That Alberu dumb way of phrasing things diplomatically was charming, that it was satisfying to hear him become crass, that Alberu’s constant calculations for a bright future was admirable and his dedication to his goals was impressive. How he liked hearing Alberu’s opinion on any given matter, just to know what he thought about it even if he disagreed completely.

Wanted to say something at least as meager as a ‘me too, I like the way you think too’.

Despite it all, the words wouldn’t come.

For all the trust that Cale was currently putting into Alberu just to have this conversation, it wasn’t that easy to let go of years of pain and resentment. The fear of opening himself up again and having that door slammed in his face–he couldn’t voice his thoughts.

Couldn’t return Alberu’s sweet words.

A gentle kiss on his cheek brought him away from his wretched revere.

“It’s okay.” Alberu smiled softly, caressing his cheek. “I know.”

“...I really hate that you’re inside my head.” Cale said weakly, but he looked relieved.

“I know, that’s another matter we’ll have to figure out.” Alberu said, leaning against Cale’s side. “You have no idea how hard it is to listen to certain things in public.”

A smile tugged on Cale’s lips at the thought of Alberu’s suffering. It was only fair, all things considered, that Alberu had to endure a bit of embarrassment when Cale had lost his privacy.

“I’ll make sure to think about all sorts of things then.” Cale promised with a devious grin.

“...I can’t stop you.” Alberu said. “But can I at least encourage you to consider the time difference when you do so?”

“Oh, I will.”

“...you’re going to time it so I’m in meetings, aren’t you.”

“ Yup .”

“I don’t get a say in the matter?”

“ Nope .”

Alberu sighed, preparing himself for the worst while Cale plotted to drive him absolutely insane.

That was okay though. Even that was okay.

Whatever he could do to make this last just a bit longer.

“Well, to stray back to the point I was trying to make.” Alberu realized that the only rules they’d really kept to was honesty and hand holding.

Oh well, those were the most important rules anyway.

“I wanted to make something clear about my intentions. Because I don’t want to have any regrets.”

Alberu Crossman wasn’t the same person he’d been when Cale had known him.

He wasn’t the same person who was only capable of thinking myopically and lacking the ambition to reach for the impossible.

The Alberu Crossman who had stolen and broken Cale’s heart so senselessly was a man who thought realistically.

This was the Alberu who’s closest friend was a really crazy bastard who made the impossible seem just like another stroll in the park. The sort of absolute psycho who put ‘world peace’ as nothing but a stepping stone to his actual goal.

This was the Alberu Crossman who’d spent the last few years overcoming impossible odds and watching the impossible really become possible. The man who’d had his entire concept of reasonable dumped on its head so many times that Alberu wasn’t really sure what constituted as reasonable anymore.

He still had his old habits. He still tended to think mostly in future-tense. And he still limited his future with his own myopic perception of possibility.

But his entire scope of ‘possible’ had shifted a long time ago.

Alberu squeezed his hand, meeting Cale’s eyes with determination dancing within his own.

“I don’t want this to end.”

Cale didn’t answer immediately. His brows furrowed as he looked at Alberu with growing confusion. Of course he didn’t want it to end either, but that didn’t seem to be what Alberu was saying.

“...excuse me, the fuck does that mean?”

Alberu sort of loved Cale’s uniquely crude language interspersed with poorly utilized manners. It was cute.

It only made his determination harden.

Alberu smiled, a simple and sweet smile. “I should have phrased that better. I have no intention of breaking up with you.”

“We don’t really have a say in that?” Cale was beginning to wonder if Alberu had been swapped with someone else. “Hopeless future and all that shit? Are we still on the same topic?”

“Yeah, I gave it a lot of thought.” He had. He’d thought about it again and again and kept coming to the same conclusion. Perhaps he’d been spending too much time with his dongsaeng or maybe he’d just finally lost his mind, but his answer remained the same. “Fuck that.”

Cale, having finally caught up with what Alberu was poorly attempting to express, let out a disbelieving laugh. “Fuck eventuality?”

“Yes.” Alberu lifted their joint hands, kissing Cale’s knuckle sweetly. “I think we’ve spent a bit too much time giving it the time of day. What if we found a way to break reality in a way that benefits us?”

“You realize you’re going to fail, right?” Cale couldn’t help but mirror Alberu’s smile despite his discouraging words. It was ridiculous and romantic and just so dumb and completely impossible . He loved it. “What are you going to do, threaten the gods to let us continue to meet?”

“I might.” Alberu confessed. The thought had crossed his mind more than once.

He really had spent too much time with his dongsaeng.

Cale laughed openly. “You’re insane.”

“I am.” He leaned his forehead against Cale’s. “But I think I love you and I don’t want to let that go.”

Alberu couldn’t know.

He couldn’t know that throughout the entirety of their relationship, words of love had never been shared between them.

Couldn’t know that Cale was too scared and that Alberu had been trying so hard to end it that he could hardly admit those feelings to himself, much less Cale.

He couldn’t know how badly Cale wanted to hear those words or how much it meant to him to finally be able to hear them, just this once.

Cale’s eyes widened, his pupils shaking as he tried to remember how to breathe.

It was so stupid. So ridiculously stupid that just a few words meant so much . Those words that anyone could say as a lie made everything finally feel like the truth.

Cale’s lips trembled when Alberu kissed him, softly and sweetly, taking time to apologize for past mistakes that he hadn’t even made yet.

It firmed his resolve, the hesitation hiding in his heart that wondered about how much he really ought to commit to an impossibility.

Made him want to open up his world.

“...bastard.” Cale said when he found his ability to breathe again, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Alberu’s. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

“Whatever you want.” Alberu replied honestly, allowing himself the simple pleasure of living right in the moment. “I think I’d like whatever you say.”

Sappy words from a sappy man who only knew how to use his glib tongue for flattery. How completely ridiculous and foolish. It was a shame that Cale was weak to that glib tongue, despite his protests to the contrary.

“You’re an idiot.” Cale said.

“I was wrong, I didn’t like that.” Alberu replied, his face scrunching up.

Cale chuckled, peace overtaking his expression as the moment lingered.

It was complete bullshit that by the time he opened his eyes, he was alone again.

–

‘If I find out you left on purpose, I swear to god I’ll smash a bottle over your stupid head.’

It was probably not great that Cale now knew that he could send his threats directly to Alberu’s ears. Still, as he awoke alone in his room it was comforting to hear Cale’s voice was still with him.

“What brazen threats of treason.” Alberu chuckled but the warmth of just a moment ago was so faint that he felt cold.

How was it so much harder now to get dragged away against his will?

These really were stolen moments.

‘...come back.’

“I wish I could, I really do.”

Alberu closed his eyes, his determination firmer than ever before.

He’d find a way to make it possible.

Even if all their relationship could ever be were stolen moments together, he’d take it. He didn’t need a certain future, he just wanted Cale to become a staple of his present.

“Wait for me.”

He didn’t know how he could manage it. Didn’t know if it was possible.

He knew he had to make it happen.

‘I’m never forgiving you if you forget about me.’

“...You really don’t trust me, do you?” Alberu shook his head with a wry laugh, getting out of bed to get a start on his day.

That was fine.

He’d make sure that he had the time to earn Cale’s trust.

There really was a lot to do.

‘I love you too, you stupid fuck.’

Alberu closed the hand where he could still just barely feel Cale’s warmth, in his thoughts imagining that he could still hold it.

“I really do love you. How insane is that?”

But his heart felt lighter for being able to say it. He’d say it at least a dozen more times to Cale the next time he saw his face.

–

Relationships aren’t easy.

No relationship is easy all of the time. Even when love is mutual and the stars have aligned to allow the people involved to be together happily, there are always complications.

Internal complications, external complications. Maybe it’s just stress over work or an inability to make time on date night, there are always tiny hiccups that strain love.

Long distance relationships in particular are infamous for being difficult. Communication could become complicated, meetings can become strained with the pressure of their rarity, and even the best of intentions can be misread when people are left to their own devices.

That is to say, it would be impossible and unrealistic to say that there weren’t struggles.

Alberu didn’t really know where to start with becoming the part-time temporary second father of Cale’s reborn mother. It was an awkward situation that none of his experiences up until now had prepared him for. Even though he prided himself at being pretty good with kids, that was a situation that would make even a seasoned parent hesitant.

Or the times when thoughts that Cale really didn’t want to share wound up coming across and the issue of privacy had to be broached again and again. Solutions cooked up and failed but efforts to try were being made.

There was the whole issue of how fast or slow they really wanted to move their relationship along. How comfortable either of them were and with what. Although that issue had sort of dealt with itself when Cale’s patience had snapped and he really did bite Alberu.

Then there was the whole incident that led Alberu to wear a high collar for a week while Cale gloated mockingly in his head the whole damn time.

The times when they desperately wanted to see one another but time and the constraints of their lives simply wouldn’t allow for it.

But despite the complications, it would be entirely dishonest to imply that they weren’t happy together. Happy more often than they were sad or stressed.

Relationships aren’t easy but they’re worth it.

The time together, the love that makes the world just a bit brighter, and the meaning behind every kiss and touch.

Cale’s smile when he let go of his defenses, his voice when he allowed himself the vulnerability of true honesty with Alberu, and the way he always sought out Alberu’s touch in small ways that let him know that it was time to secure him in a hug.

Being able to be there in moments when things were hard. When loss became too great and took over the mind, leaving only shambles of a broken person behind. To be there to help hold those pieces together.

It’s worth it to be with the person you love the most, even if it’s only in the present.

Alberu knew he’d regret this. Knew he’d probably fail to keep Cale in his life. Knew that every moment that they tied their bond closer together, it would just be that much harder when they were separated.

But he really would give anything for just one more moment together.