Chapter Text
Pre-Kerberos
"Keith?" Keith snapped his head up at the call of his name and his beck nearly snapped at the pure force of it as he looked up st his door where the knock and his name had come from. It was Shiro, standing in his doorway, Keith shouldn't have been surprised. Shiro was the only One who ever visitied his room anyways. His only friend. Lately however with the upcoming Kerberos mission. Shiro had been really busy. Keith wanted to cry at the thought of the mission. The mission that would leave him all alone with his bullies and other kids that made fun of Him. Keith swallowed and turned to look at Shiro swiveling in his chair and letting his textbook snap closed.
"Shiro!" Keith said excitedly no matter how much dread filled the back of his mind. "What's up?" He asked curiously. Shiro took that comment as an invitation in and shut the door behind him.
"Shiro?" Keith asked again. The look of nerves on his face was extremely concerning. He had never seen Shiro. The confident, loud, funny, amazing Shiro look so nervous before. Not even when they called off the engagment with adam had he looked like this.
"Keith. I uhm- ." He pulls them off his neck quickly. It's a small collection of dog talks on a thin silver chain. "I want you to have these-" He continued walked closer to Keith his hand resting against his shoulder as he kneeled down to be on his level. "Your the only one I trust with these after a-" shiro cuts himself and Keith knows as soon as the words come out of his mouth before he even states after that he's just a replacment. The dog tags were meant for Adam before the break up. Keith is all Shiro has left, just a back up Yet Keith still revels in it, he loves how hes the one Shiro would gift these too. Out of everyone he chose him. Keith knew he was lying to himself. That shiro would never feel the way he felt. They would never be together. But in the moment that didn't matter. Nothing did. Shiro trusted him. He was giving him his dog tags before a mission that could end his life. It feels like an exchange between lovers as Keith slips out of his seat at his small desk and onto his knees one hand grasping the dog tags in his fist and the other Wrapping around shiro's neck and holding him close. Keith knows he shouldn't be happy. This should be sad, he can hear Shiro sniffling into his shoulder as they hold each other close. Yet the feeling of being close to Shiro. Being the one. Was so much. It was taking over.
"Thank You Shiro." Keith isn't sure what He's thanking Shiro for. Maybe for the validation that he matters in Shiro's life. Or maybe it was the gift of the dog tags, Shiro couldn't tell either.
"I love you Keith." Keith froze in Shiro's arms. He couldn't have heard that right. Shiro would never say that. Keith could feel Shiro easing him out of his arms and he slowly dropped to his knee. Arms still around Shiro's neck and Shiro's around his waist.
Shiro kisses him. Keith's body tenses even further, but he kisses back, because this could only be a Dream. Shiro first validating Keith and giving him his dog tags. And then his warm lips crashing against his own tongue infultrating his mouth into a warm delightful abyss Keith never wanted to leave. But it was gone in seconds and Shiro pulled away and Keith noticed the dark Circles under Shiro's eyes the stressed and fearful look on his face. He was sleep deprived, stressed, confused. Keith knew Shiro didn't mean this. Yet he had never felt more in love than in this moment. He loved Shiro.
"I love you too." The words spill out before Keith even Knew he said them and his face flushed a deep red. Shiro gasped and slid to his feet. "Shiro?"
"No." Keith's heartbroke at those words. He knew this wouldn't be true. He knew it. Yet the shock still hit him like a tidal wave. Keith was drowning. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have Shit. Shit. Shit." He was gone in seconds out the door. Slamming it shut and running as fast as he could shaky breath loud through the air as Keith sat against the floor. Hot tears dripping down his flushed face quickly. He pulled the dog tags close as close to his chest as he Could. He would treasure them forever. No matter what, if shiro didn't love him. If he died. No matter what he would wear them always. He would wear them forever. Until he could no longer
Post season 8
They never talk about it. Not once. They simply brush it under the rug. Things are exactly the same as before, Yet now Keith has a secret. Shiro had said it once, it may have been once, in a stressed, sleep deprived, confused shell of himself, but he had said it.he said he loved Keith. and Keith he was going to make good on that promise and keep those dog tags close to his heart for as long as he could. Because even when Shiro didn't truly love him he would always be there waiting. Waiting for someone who would never wait for him. It happens years later. Shiro isn't any closer to falling in love with Keith. Keith honestly never thinks he will be considering all that time he spends with that one man from the Atlas crew. Keith knew this would happen. He knew making good on his promise would be a waste. he knew this would happen one day. But he didn't think it would be like this. He didn't think Shiro would ever approach him like they day he was gifted the dog tags which still lay against his chest everyday as he walked right above his chest. For a moment Keith thinks shiro is about to confess to him. but no. That was quite the opposite off what was about to go down. Keith doesn't comprehend what Shiro had said.
"I want you to have these, Keith. You're the only one I trust with them." That was what Shiro had said to him all those years ago. Now it was something completely different. Something scary. Something that caused panic to rise in Keith's chest as the dog tags burned against his chest. His heart thumping loudly and out of control as Shiro continued to speak
"Hey, um Keith? Could I...Could I have those Dog Tags back? I...was thinking of giving it to Curtis as a gift-"
He asked for the dog tags.
For Fucking Curtis.
Curtis who he had met less than a month ago
Curtis who had made fun of Keith for years.
A gift for Curtis
"I want you to have these, Keith. You're the only one I trust with them."
That's what Shiro told Keith.
But Fucking Curtis was his most trusted friend now.
Boyfriend probably.
Someone who they had both trashed talked for years as they leaned close together in Keith's dorm, Shiro trying to cheer him up after a long day of being bullied and laughed at.
What the fucking hell
Keith hates the fact that he's not even mad at Curtis, it isn't anger that has him frozen here as Shiro continues rambling on with nerves about how its okay if he lost the dog tags. It's Jealousy.
Complete and Utter Jealously. Keith hates himself for it. He shouldn't be Jealous. if anything he should be happy for shiro. Shiro found someone that made him happy. Something Keith apparently hadn't been able to do. Not anymore anyways.
"...Sure." Keith forces himself to say it. To stop Shiro's endless ramblings and flustered face which was only making him feel worse. Curtis of all people was making Shiro extremely flustered. Blushing and Stuttering like a child. "I just need to find them." Keith can hear the heartbreak in his voice and hopes no one else can hear it to. But it's so obvious as he speaks and Shiro's face shines brightly for a moment before turning to concern that he obviously heard the difference in Keith's voice.
Or maybe it's not Keith's voice. Maybe its the feeling of betrayal. Because Keith had just pretended like an extremely important item was worthless. Maybe Shiro was heartbroken that Keith cared so little about something he was craving validation for.
Keith didn't really care about that thought for the moment however. his heart was pounding loudly in his chest so loud he feared others would hear him and the dog tags felt like they were burning. Keith turned on his heels and walked away, he could hear Shiro calling for him but he couldn't look back. He didn't dare look back. He had to get out. he had to get out of this stupid place. The garrison which had been torturing him his entire life.
There was no reason to be here now.
He stayed for Shiro.
He declined his mothers offer of staying with her and the blades for Shiro.
Everything he had done was for Shiro.
He loved Shiro. He loved him so much. He wanted to stand by his side. he really did. But for so long he had been doing this. Standing by, Watching others. Keith hadn't lived his life in years hoping that one day Shiro would become his life. He saw the looks of pity everyone gave him. He knew they knew.
The one person who needed to know didn't.
The dog tags were just Keith's realization.
Shiro would never realize. he would never know. He was with Curtis. Keith would never be able to witness there relationship and support his friend.
That's all Shiro would ever be to him. His friend. Having to use that word made Keith's heartbreak and he nearly cried again as he continued to walk faster attempting to make it to his room without bursting into tears. He felt like a cadet all over again.
Emotional and Scared.
but now he didn't have anyone with him.
he didn't have someone to make him laugh.
Someone to cheer him up. Someone to help him in his darkest times.
It was almost like Kerberos all over again.
Only this time he had to watch Shiro be happy well he suffered.
Keith would leave. he would leave as soon as he handed over the dog tags. Keith wondered if Shiro remembered what they had meant to him. They had been the thing that had kept keith going after the kerberos failure. The memory. The way Shiro said I love you.
The way he would probably say that to Curtis as he gave him the dog tags.
Keith wants to cry even harder now at the thought of a similar scene going down later, he tries to hold it in. he really does. but he's been holding in emotions since he was a cadet. The dam was ready to fall.
Keith had never cried this hard before in his life, his fingers gripped the chain of the dog tags quickly as he entered his room and as fast as he could he ripped it off his neck shakily still holding them close to his chest as he sunk against the wall arms wrapping around his knees as he attempted to bury his head in his arms letting out another shaky sob.
He would leave by morning.
Give Shiro the Dog Tags, grab a ship and leave. He had to leave. There was nothing else for Keith anymore. Shiro was it... and now he was gone.
He gives the dog tags to Shiro at dawn, He knows his voice sounds scratchy as he speaks and his face is clearly flushed eyes tinged red from the crying that went on all night, but Shiro was to distracted by the dog tags to notice. Thanking Keith for keeping them for him and wishing him good luck on his trip. \
There's no hug.
There's no comforting warmth that was Shiro's arms around him.
There's no touch of the shoulder as Shiro gives him one last piece of advice.
There's no happy pat on the back.
There's nothing.
Keith leaves twenty minutes later thinking this was the end.
But Boy was he wrong
Shiro's POV
Marriage was one thing he was told to sought after in life. After war it was something that he was encouraged to look after, something he should try and find, something that could relax him.
Iverson had called it something just for him. Something that wasn't work or war. That's what he had said before he introduced Curtis and Shiro. Normally Shiro would never except a set up. But after Adam, after war, he needed something like Iverson had described. Someone to love. Someone to love him.
Only Shiro was just looking in the wrong place.
He and Curtis automatically clicked. It was like nothing else before. They just were perfect. They seemed like to pieces to a puzzle that finally fit right.
There was no fighting.
No war to get in the way.
There was peace. Peace was something Shiro thought he would never find. He may think of it as a little boring that Curtis preferred to stay and not go on missions, like Shiro had wanted to, and he may have thought it a little annoying Curtis continued to say he should retire. HE WASN'T THAT OLD.
Shiro wanted to keep going. To neve stop living
But Curtis didn't want that. And even though there were a few bumps in the road. Like Curtis and Colleen both trying to convince Shiro and the other paladins to go to therapy. Though they never talked to Keith.
They hadn't seen Keith in awhile.
Shiro missed him.
He tried reaching out but failed multiple times. Curtis said Keith would probably to far out at the moment to communicate and would be coming to visit anytime soon.
Shiro wished he could believe Curtis. He really did. He tried to push Keith to the back of his head but it rarley worked. Instead he busied himself with paperwork and going on more and more dates with Curtis, constantly trying to keep Keith off his mind. He was trying to do this so much he even went to therapy. listening to Curtis's begging. Therapy only made his problem worse.
Therapy is fucking stupid. Shiro decided after his first session. His therapist wanted him to tell her everything. And when Shiro says everything, he means everything. Of course she did tell him before hand he didn't have to answer the questions, but something inside him begged
him to answer the questions. Like something inside him thought he could get help. Shiro didn't really think there was anything wrong with him, he knew a lot of people who had to go through a lot worse after the war then he had but pain comes in different ways.
So does healing.
After there first few sessions that becomes like a sort of mantra in Shiro's head. Like patience yields focus, something Keith used to remind himself of often after Shiro had told the phrase.
Healing comes in different ways.
The paladins all needed to heal.
Hunk had taken to cooking more and more often.
Pidge with their tech.
Lance had gardening.
Shiro had therapy.
Keith. He needed to get away. Shiro kept repeating that to himself as well. Keith just needed a break. Whenever Keith used to get nervous or angry at the Garrison he would get up and leave. This was just like that. Only he was recovering from a war this time, it would take longer, Shiro understood that Yet he missed Keith now more than he ever had. He understood that everyone needed to heal in there own ways.
His therapist had helped a lot with him understanding that. She had helped with a lot of things. She helped so much Shiro would be grateful for the rest of his life. But now he wished she could help with Keith.
Keith who was his best friend.
Keith the person he had never felt closer too.
Keith the person who won't answer any of Shiro's messages.
Keith the person who Shiro hadn't seen in 6 months.
Keith the person Shiro trusted with his life.
Keith the person who was obviously ignoring him due to the fact Pidge came by every once in awhile with updates about where Keith was this week.
Shiro tried talking to it about his therapist. He wants answers and so far she's been able to help him understand himself more than anyone. Yet when Keith came up nothing worked, Memories between the two just seemed so private to share. and a lot of the time when he did he would get all flustered and nervous for some reason and his therapist would give him this odd look, almost of exasperation and frustration before changing the subject or instead talking about what was going on in his life now.
Shiro hadn't really noticed this before but after a few encounters with his therapist like this he started to notice the others did things like this too. When certain conversations with the MFE's or Paladins sometimes both ended up with that exact look and Curtis would change from happy to either or annoyed or trying to change the subject. which caused everyone to glare at him. Not like they didn't do that anyways, The MFE's and Paladin's respected Shiro's decision to stay with Curtis but that didn't mean that they liked him. That was quite obvious. When Shiro brought it up with his therapist and the sort of connection he saw between the two his therapist looked like she was about to cry from frustration and ended there appointment early.
Which made absolutely no sense. She even made a comment as he was leaving about how oblivious Shiro was. Which also made absolutely no sense. When Shiro was in war he had to be constantly on his feet. Aware of everything. He wouldn't consider himself oblivious, the war had made him tone everything down a bit. But oblivious was a strong word. I mean he noticed Curtis's crush on him within weeks. That's like the opposite of Oblivious. That's completely aware! When He asked Curtis about this for validation later in the day Curtis fucking cackled. He cackled like a fucking witch!! "What-" Shiro said cutting himself off as Curtis continued on laughing even louder now. "What-Why are you laughing?' Shiro asked moving back as he leaned against the counter "You think I'm oblivious don't you." Shiro sighed as he watched Curtis who leaned over and was taking deep breaths in to try and contain his laughs "Of course you do." Shiro groaned leaning his head in his hands which were propped up against the cold counter.
"No offense." Curtis began "But have you met yourself Shiro." Curtis asked laughing again slightly. "Your the most Oblivious person I have ever met. You didn't Notice when the entirety of the Garrison was trying to get with you." Curtis continued. "Even your protégée had a huge crush on you. No not had." Curtis corrected himself. "Has a huge crush on you. I seriously thought you two would end up together out of everyone... Shiro?"
Shiro can't speak. His entire body felt frozen. Curtis only ever referred to Keith as his protégée. He had just stated Keith had a crush on him. no he said keith has a crush on him.
what the fuck.
Keith liked him.
Keith liked liked him.
KEITH HAS A CRUSH ON HIM.
holy shit.
holy shit.
HOLY SHIT
That changed everything. Why everyone always acted so weird when Shiro brought up Keith, Why Pidge always seemed so Protective over the fact Keith wouldn't talk to Shiro. Saying "He probably doesn't have time." or a list of other excuses. This changed everything. Why His therapist and everyone else called him oblivious.
His best friend had been crushing on him since he was a cadet.
His best friend who he hadn't even felt a connection like this with Curtis or Adam before.
He had never felt like this.
He had never felt a connection with any of his friends, or his boyfriend or crushes before...
he had never felt this way about anyone before.
Was this why he and Adam didn't work out. Was this why he and Curtis didn't seem right.
Shiro had never felt this way about anyone.
"Shiro...?" Curtis asked loudly as he moved walking towards Shiro nervously. There was a look on his face. The look Shiro had seen so many times with prior boyfriend.
Boyfriends who knew something Shiro couldn't comprehend because he was a fucking oblivious idiot.
Shiro hadn't noticed he was in love.
He didn't notice that feeling of longing he felt everyday since Keith had left. So much more than the normal missing of a friend,
He didn't notice how he had left most of his lovers because of reasons related to Keith.
He didn't notice
'You love him don't you?" Curtis asked softly, Voice quieter than it had been before, He looked sad yet he knew this was going to happen. By the look on his face Curtis knew exactly what Shiro was going to say.
"I'm sorry." The words come out of Shiro's mouth before he even knew he was saying it.
"I know." Curtis whispered softly looking up and watching Shiro's dark wide eyes carefully. "I just wish I had more time with you. I knew this would happen. I just really hoped it didn't. I knew it would. But I hoped maybe both of you had moved on."
"I need to find Keith." Shiro stated quickly. "Curtis, Your an Amazing and Wonderful man. I'm sure you'll find someone but I know It's not me. I'm sorry."
"I know, I know," Curtis rushed turning forward and grabbing several papers from the desk drawer. "Shut up."
"What-"
"You need to go now if you want to catch him." Curtis continued as he through a map at Shiro's chest.
"What do you mean?" Shiro asked clutching the map to his chest.
"He arrived with the blades, Ezor and Zethrid last monday but didn't want you to know."
"No way."
"They leave in twenty five minutes at the southern dock. Dock twenty seven I'm pretty sure." Curtis continued taking in a deep breath as he stuttered out the words. Watching Shiro's frozen look of shock. "Shiro! Go! Now! Don't miss him!"
"I - Thank You Curtis."
"You can thank me once you pull your shit together Shiro..." Curtis scoffed as Shiro practically sprinted to the door slamming against it as he fumbled with the keys. That's when Curtis felt it, a sting of burning across his chest.
Yes he had loved Shiro. Maybe that's what it was. But it couldn't be that. It couldn't.
He loved Shiro. Yes he did. But he knew it would all come to an end. He knew that. That's why he wasn't crying right now. Yet something was burning deeply in his chest. He knew he had done the right thing telling Shiro so it couldn't be regret, or the churning in his gut when he did something wrong. Something else.
The dog tags.
THE DOG TAGS
They burned a whole directly into his chest and Curtis grabbed the chain against his neck he tore it off in seconds looking towards the door but it was wide open. Shiro was already gone. Curtis cursed under his breath and booked it for the hallway, Shiro was just at the end of it about to turn running as fast as he could.
"Shiro!" Thank god Curtis yelled loud enough. Shiro turned on his heels and Curtis threw the dog tags at him as hard as he could. Shiro grabbed them quickly and smiled widely at Curtis. It was the first time Curtis has seen Shiro smile, really smile in six months.
Curtis couldn't help but smile as Shiro ran to his love. His real love.
He had finally after all these years not been oblivious.
Shiro has never run this fast before. Metal arm clutching the chain of his dog tags tightly as he ran as fast as he could tripping over his feet as he rammed into walls tryint his best to cross the entiretly of the Atlas. Normally the Atlas would help him in this situation. Moving the walls so he could get there faster but not today. Shiro could practically hear the annoyance in the atlas as Shiro begged her with his thoughts for help.
He had to run to the other half of the ships.
And the atlas.
She was huge.
He had ten minutes left.
"C'mon" shiro muttered under his breath but it was to late for that. The Atlas was extremely annoyed Shiro had only figured this out now. Just like everyone else.
"Oh hey shiro!" Pidge exclaimed happily as they walked down the ship. Shiro skidded to a stop in front of her.
"Why're you running?" Pidge asked confusedly. "Did something happen?" They asked quickly.
"I- i need to find Keith." The words came out if his mouth before he knew it and his body shook as he spoke. Pidge froze. God Shiro needed her to hurry up.
"Wait! How did you-" Pidge cut themselves off quickly. "Shiro!! Fucking finally! You need to go now!! There about to take off! They decided to leave early!! Go!" Pidge exclaimed loudly shoving Shiro in the shoulder.
"Okay! Okay!" Shiro shouted pushing past them and running down the hall.
"Go get him shiro!" Pidge called out loudly. Shiro smiled broadly at the thought and suddenly the Atlas was turning. She had done it. She gave up to Shiro's ridiculous antics just in time. Shiro was at the dock in seconds.
The ship was small black and sleek with purple accents. It reminded Shiro of Keith. And It was about to take off.
"STOP!" Shiro yelled loudly waving his arms above his head as he ran directly at the ship. It skidded to a stop quickly. Just about to take out and Shiro has never sighed in relief this loud before
"Shiro?" Keith practically popped out of the ship as stairs descended down the side of the ship. Keith clad in his tight fitting blade uniform walking out. His long hair was now tied back in a small braid along his back. God that voice. He hadn't heard it in so long.
Shiro had missed that voice much over the past six months he hadn't even noticed. "Shiro?" Keith asked again slowly stepping down the steps till he was on level ground. Shiro felt like he was going to cry. Keith. He was beautiful. He was amazing. Shiro was in love with him.
Shiro ran up to Keith. He didn't even realize he was running as Keith looked at him shock displayed across his face. "Shiro...?" Keith backed a step away and Shiro stopped. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He tried to speak. He really did. But this wasn't working.
Actions speak louder than words.
Shiro kissed Keith. His hands cupping his cheeks as he pushed forward eyes flickering shut as he watched Keith's face blow up in shock. Turning bright red and shaken. For a moment Shiro thinks Keith is going to pull away. Instead his eyes close. He kisses back. Shiro has never felt more joy than right here and right now. He smiles into the kiss and gently pulled away giggling slightly as he saw Keith's flustered state.
"Hi..." Keith stated eyes flickering down to the floor before back at Shiro. "Shiro..."
"I love you." Shiro said quickly. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Apparently I'm an oblivious idiot."
"Yeah you are." Keith laughed slightly. "Your serious?" He asked quiety nervously picking at his fingers.
"What? Of Course I am." Shiro added
Wrapping his arms tighting around Keith and holding him closer. Keith looked him dead in the eye and burst into tears. "Keith? Whats wrong?" But he didn't get an answer instead Keith rammed towards him kissing him harder this time as tears streamed down his cheeks. This kiss was different than the first. Rushed and aggressive. Just like Keith. It was perfect.
"I love you." Keith said as he pulled away speaking the words directly against Shiro's lips. "I love you so much. I've loved you for so long." Keith whispered leaning in closer.
"I love you too." Shiro whispered as he realized the dog tags were still in his hands. "I'm sorry. I fucked up." Shiro whispered gesturing with the dog tags quickly.
"I shouldn't have just gotten up and left. I'm sorry. I fucked up too." Keith whispered.
These belong to you." Shiro whispered leaning back and holding out the dog tags to Keith. "Not curtis. Not anyone else. This is for you."
"Not Curtis?" Keith asked.
"It was Never Curtis Keith. It was always you. it will always be you." Shiro continued softly.
"Always?"
"Always." Shiro agreed as he pressed the dog tags into Keith's hands. "Stay here?" Shiro whispered. "Please stay with me. I know it's late notice. I know you have a mission. But Please Keith. We need to fix this."
"I-" keith began looking back at this ship. "shiro"
"You ready captain?" Zethrid asked as she turned popping out of the ship behind Ezor who had a wild smile on her face as she watched the exchange.
"Zethrid! Shh!" Ezor exclaimed. "There being romantic. Finally."
"Shiro... I can't." Keith whispered quietly looking up to Shiro.
With wide eyes full of fear. "I-" keith had built his own world over the past six months. He was torn between helping people and love. He had been helping people he couldn't leave his mission now. But Shiro was finally giving him everything he ever wanted. What he wanted since heWas a cadet. "I can't." Keith is crying again. Shiro looks on the verge of tears as well but he lets Keith continue. "There are people out there... they need my help... i can't leave them like this for us. I'm sorry Shiro."
"Not even for me?" Shiros heart breaks in the sentence
Keith's broken out sob is answer enough. Shiro pulls away shaking and on the verge of tears as well.
"Time isn't in our favor huh." Shiro scoffed he tried to sound sarcastic but nearly crying out instead.
"Come with me." Keith said eyes lighting up for a moment.
An excitment Shiro hadn't seen in forever. Keith was right. Shiro didn't have anything here.
He stayed for Curtis and the paladins
The paladins were all moving on.
Pidge is mostly on Olkarion.
Lance stays on New Altea occasionaly earth.
Hunk is all over the place.
And Curtis. Well he's Curtis. Shiro had nothing left.
"Shiro. You can join the blades. You can help us. We can... we can be together..."
"Yes."
"Shiro I know you love earth but please... wait did you just say.."
"Yes! Yes!" Shiro exclaimed loudly before pushing forward And hugging keith tightly. Keith hugged him back and for the first time Shiro felt okay. As Ezor wolf whistled at them loudly and Zethrid groaned about having Keith and Shiro be all mushy on the trip Shiro felt different than he had felt before. He felt happy. He felt complete.
Shiro was finally ready to move on to the next chapter of his life.
The one with Keith in it
Shiro had never been happier
After all this time his dog tags were finally in the right hands.