Work Text:
There’s only a few days left before exam week starts, and all the students at the Unseen University are engrossed in their revising. I am no exception: it’s my fifth year as a student and I really want to pass, this time. But there’s only so much studying one can do in one sitting. With a sigh, I close the grimoire I was reading and I rub my tired eyes. I really need a break, and a friendly face wouldn’t hurt either. So I down my cup of now-cold tea in one gulp before making my way to the HEM building.
It's only when I leave my room that I realise how late it is. I must have lost track of time while studying, and incidentally missed dinnertime. Oh, well. At least I’m pretty confident Ponder is still working with Hex, even at this late hour. I’m not sure they ever leave the building, even to sleep.
Once I reach the building, I push the door open and go in without knocking. Sure enough, the wizard is here, their nose stuck in their notes. Quite literally: they’ve fallen asleep on their desk. Again. I look at them fondly. I should probably come back later and let them sleep, I think. Unfortunately, I’ve forgotten to hold the heavy wooden door, which slams shut very loudly behind me. I nearly jump out of my skin and Ponder instantly wakes up.
“Mm, what is it?” they ask, blinking like an owl in sunlight.
“Sorry,” I say sheepishly, “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“Oh, hi. No problem, I was supposed to be working anyway. I need to sort all these papers before tomorrow, so you’re doing me a favour, really.” They stifle a yawn and put their glasses back up. “By the way, how are you? It’s been a while since I last saw you.”
“Yeah, well, you know how it is. Exams and all that. I didn’t have much time to come and work on your projects… Sorry about that.”
They shake their head and smile kindly. “It’s fine. I remember how stressful those times were. How’s the studying going?”
I groan. “If I have to read another chapter of The Slood: Hypotheticals and Applications, my brain will explode.”
Ponder laughs at that.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll do just fine,” they say reassuringly.
I sigh. I wish I was as confident as them.
“I hope so,” I say. “Anyway, I needed a break: no more studying for me tonight. I thought maybe I could go and grab some pizzas and we could have dinner together.”
“Is it dinnertime already?” the wizard asks, surprised.
“More like dinnertime past three hours,” I answer.
“Oh. I didn’t realise… In that case, yes, pizzas would be most welcome.”
I give them a bright smile. “Alright. See you in a bit, then!”
I come back half an hour later, carrying two pizzas – a pear-and-chicken-curry and a veggie-ramen – and some cinnamon buns. I manage to drag Ponder away from their papers long enough for us to eat.
“What’s so important about these, anyway?” I ask, gesturing towards the stacks of papers on their desk.
“It’s not even that important,” they say with an annoyed sigh, “it’s just that everything in this university is a mess and I have to sort it all on my own. And I have to do it now because if I wait I’ll just have more and more things to do and it’ll be worse on the long run.”
I gently pat their shoulder.
“Maybe I could help. I think I can manage, if it’s just about sorting papers.”
They look at me, a hopeful look in their eyes.
“Are you sure? I mean, you must be busy, what with the exams coming soon…”
“I told you, I’m not planning on studying anymore tonight. And it’s better to do something useful rather than staying in my room and drinking tea till I pass out.”
That makes them laugh. “Well, when you put it like that.”
Once we’re done eating, we get to work. The papers really are a mess. Forgotten budget requests are mixed with old student reports and expenses claims. There’s even a complaint letter addressed to a long-dead archchancellor. It takes us much longer than I expected to go through them all, and it’s getting so late it’s technically early when we reach the end of the stack.
I don’t even notice that I’ve fallen asleep until I’m woken up by Ponder gently shaking my shoulder.
“Hey. It’s time to go to bed.”
“Uh. What time is it?” I ask, still sleepy.
“About three in the morning. All the papers are sorted, thanks to your help, and I think we both deserve some sleep.”
I nod, stifling a yawn.
We get up and make our way to the main building. Before we go our separate ways, Ponder pulls me into a brief hug.
“Best of luck with your exams. I’m sure you’ll do great.”
“Thanks.”
I smile and wave them goodbye, before going back to my room.
***
Two months later
I elbow my way through the crowd of students who are gathered in front of the exam results. I’m so nervous that my heart is racing in my chest and my hands are sweaty. Did I pass, this time? Well, only one way to find out. I look for my name in the lists posted in the entrance hall.
Ah, there! And written beside it… Successful candidate – graduated with 91%.
I stare at the words, not quite believing my eyes. I passed! Finally!
All around me, the other students are congratulating each other or complaining about their grades. Most of them decide to go to Ankh-Morpork, either to celebrate (for a few of them) or to drown their sorrows in a pint (for the majority). As for me, I go straight to the HEM building. Ponder has become my dearest friend during my time here, and I’d rather celebrate with them than going out with my soon-to-be-drunk fellow students.
When I enter the building, carrying a bottle of cider I had saved for this occasion, Ponder is busy working on something on Hex. They turn around when they hear me.
“Hold on, sorry, I just need to finish this…”
I wait patiently while they type on Hex’s wooden keyboard, then take note of the machine’s answer to whatever question they just asked.
“Ok, done,” they say, closing their notebook.
Then they turn to face me and ask, straight away: “So, how did it go?”
My smile must be enough of an answer, because their face light up and they pull me into a hug.
“I told you you’d do great!” they exclaim when they step back. “I’m happy for you.”
“And do you think you could find some free time in your busy schedule to join me in celebrating?” I ask, mischievously.
“That can probably be arranged,” they reply, smiling.
We’re sitting in a corner of the room, comfortably leaning against each other. We’ve drunk about half of the bottle of cider and I’m feeling pleasantly warm inside.
“So, what now?” I ask after a moment of silence.
Ponder frowns a little, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve graduated, which means I’m a proper wizard, right? What do I do now?”
“Well, you can either leave the University and become an independent wizard, or you can stay here and become a member of the faculty.” They pause, then add quietly: “And, well, you could always join another university, too.”
I shake my head. “No. I want to stay here.”
Ponder seems rather relieved. They’re still a bit bitter about Adrian Turnipseed leaving the Unseen University for Brazeneck College. Since that event, the prospect of joining another university has been a touchy topic for them. They’re probably too loyal for their own good, but then, so am I.
“What do I need to do to become a faculty member here?” I ask.
“Mm, nothing, actually. Once you’ve graduated, it’s practically done.”
“What? That’s all?” I look up at them, surprised. “I thought… Well, I thought I’d have to write a thesis, or something.”
“Technically, you could, but you wouldn’t find anyone willing to read it. Well, I could read it, but–”
“But you’re already overwhelmed by work. And since you’re the only one actually working around here, it means there are no senior wizards who would read and correct, let alone direct, a thesis.”
“That’s pretty much it, yes.”
“So… I’m a wizard and a faculty member, now?”
“Well, not exactly. You still have to pick a title, and things would have to be written down to be made official,” Ponder explains. “But that shouldn’t take too long.”
“Especially if you’re the one dealing with it,” I laugh.
They give me a slightly sheepish smile. “Well, yes. But to be fair, if I waited for the Archchancellor to fill in the paperwork, the new faculty members wouldn’t be promoted for another twenty years. And I’m being optimistic here.”
“Point taken.” I pause, then ask: “When you say ‘pick a title’, what do you mean, exactly? How does it work?”
“Honestly? You just pick a field which you find interesting, something in which you’re knowledgeable, and there you go. You can always check the list of previous titles and positions and pick one there, but I think it’s just easier to invent a new one. I’m sure most of the senior wizards just made up their titles, anyway.”
“What about you?” I ask, curious.
“When I graduated, I took the position of Reader in Invisible Writings. I invented that because it was a topic I was good at. After that, my other titles were mostly already-existing positions which had been vacant for decades. I took them because someone had to. But you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. You can just invent one title and stick with it.”
“I think I’ll start with something like that, at least,” I say, a bit shyly. “I don’t think I’m qualified enough to take a position where there’s actual work to be done.”
Ponder snorts at that. “Trust me, you’re already way more qualified than most of the wizards around here. At least you do know what work is.”
Then they shake their head. “But I won’t impose anything on you. So, picking a new title it is. What kind of field would you like to work in?”
I think about it. “Well, I got 96% at my cryptozoology exam and it was my best grade, so I guess I could be good at that. And it’s a fascinating field. But I also quite liked Professor Rincewind’s lecture about mythobotany. Oh, and the series of talks you gave about evolution, too, that was interesting.”
I pause, considering. “It would be nice to find a position where I could study all that. Something to do with biology, I guess? Would that work?”
Ponder pulls a thick old book from one of their desk’s drawers and skim through the pages, reading quickly.
“Mm… Well, we had a Chair of Exotic Cryptozoology at some point, but he was eaten by one of his subjects of study about two-hundred years ago. I think we can safely assume the position is now vacant, and we can find something for you in this field. Something like Lecturer in Cryptic Biology, maybe? What do you think?”
“Lecturer in Cryptic Biology… Actually, that sounds great.” I smile. “Definitely a topic I’d like to do some research in.”
Ponder closes their book and smiles back. “Well, that’s it then. I’ll just have to write that down and sign it for the Archchancellor, then it’ll be official.”
I laugh merrily and pull them into a hug. “Thank you!”
But then I think of something and I frown. “Wait. I can still work with you on your projects, right? Even if I become a faculty member in another field?”
“Of course you can, don’t worry.” They give me a mischievous smile. “However, you may have to pick another title that matches your work here. Maybe Assistant of Inadvisably Applied Magics, for instance?”
“You know, I think I just might accept your offer,” I reply, my smile mirroring theirs.
“Great. Let’s make it official, then,” Ponder says, picking a quill and paper. “And then we can get to work on some inadvisably applied magics, what do you say?”
I grin at them. “Deal.”