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Part 1 of AmItheAssholeNatural
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AITA for telling my brother he has smelly farts and that's why all his girlfriends are dead

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Summary:

EDIT: Alright, this is getting out of hand y’all. Let me say this for the final time: my brother is not a serial killer. He would NEVER lay a hand on a person, alright, the dude doesn’t even eat meat because he thinks it’s animal cruelty! He is a GOOD man.

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r/AmItheAsshole · Posted by u/carfucker67 6 hours ago

AITA for telling my brother he has smelly farts and that's why all his girlfriends are dead

Not the A-hole

Okay so my brother (33M) and I (37M) usually get along fine but we work together and live together and sometimes after a long time on the road we annoy each other. It’s just what happens in close quarters. He knows he’s got a tendency to get gassy and yesterday he nearly killed me in the damned car after he ordered a black bean burrito for lunch that I TOLD him would give him rancid farts. I literally fucking begged him not to order it. I swear he did it to spite me. He fell asleep then farted in his sleep like five times. It was so fucking bad it made my eyes tear up and I had to roll the window down. I was worried the smell would sink into the goddamn fabric of my car (F49) and we’d smell it for the rest of our lives (she’s a classic car!!!). Full disclosure like four of his former girlfriends have died in freak accidents so yeah I’m probably the asshole but I told him not to eat all that rabbit food shit that makes him fart everywhere on 15 hour car rides and he still does it. I usually drive the entire way while he gets to take naps. The least he could do is not stink up the car! Now he hasn’t spoken to me all day even though I apologized.

EDIT: Alright, this is getting out of hand y’all. Let me say this for the final time: my brother is not a serial killer. He would NEVER lay a hand on a person, alright, the dude doesn’t even eat meat because he thinks it’s animal cruelty! He is a GOOD man.

EDIT: My brother may be a vegetarian but he’s not a filthy vegan who judges STARVING children for eating meat. Get fucked u/agriffithapologist, there’s a cactus out there with your name on it.

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RedditSleuth1.6k points · 6 hours ago

INFO: define "freak accident."

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carfucker67OP632 points · 6 hours ago

It didn’t actually have anything to do with farts. One died in a fire, another one died in a home invasion, one was a drug dealer and got killed during a deal gone bad, and one like choked on a meal in a motel room or something. Edit: Wait I realize that sounds weird. He didn’t kill them lol.

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RedditSleuth768 points · 6 hours ago

…OP, there is no way to say this tactfully, so Imma be blunt: do you think your brother is a secret serial killer? EDIT: …right. Someone needs to forward this thread to the cops jfc.

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carfucker67OP22 points · 6 hours ago

Naw man I was actually there when like two of these things happened lol. It seriously wasn’t his fault. He just has the worst luck of all time and I made light of it, which wasn’t cool and I gotta take my licks. My brother isn’t a serial killer. So I’m just gonna go with I’m the asshole and leave it at that.

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curiouscrusader284 points · 6 hours ago

Has anyone else in your brother’s life died or gone missing? Friends or relatives?

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suspiciousasshole318 points · 6 hours ago

Which two deaths were you present for?

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carfucker67OP-59 points · 5 hours ago

Seriously guys I pulled him out of the fire with the first one myself. He didn’t kill anyone. I’m sorry I even posted. How do I delete…

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twoplustwomakesfour234 points · 5 hours ago

It’s gotta be the fire and the motel because no way OP’s gonna admit to being at a home invasion or a drug deal gone wrong.

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carfucker67OP-107 points · 5 hours ago

My brother didn’t kill anyone. Take my word for it.

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serialkillerenthusiast121 points · 2 hours ago

Lmao no one is going to take your word for it. You’re clearly an idiot if you don’t see something EXTREMELY wrong with your brother having FOUR dead girlfriends.

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lamprestorer9997 points · 2 hours ago

Yeah this guy has to either be a troll or he’s a fucking moron.

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groundcontroltomajortom577 points · 6 hours ago

Don’t lie to us he did kill them.

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mydearwatson498 points · 6 hours ago

Yeah, it sounds like OP’s brother just roams the country looking for women to hunt and either OP’s a willing accomplice or he’s just dumb.

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serialkillerenthusiast427 points · 4 hours ago

He’s definitely dumb.

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carfucker67OP-37 points · 4 hours ago

Seriously all you fuckin internet sleuths think you know everything you DON’T understand the situation. My brother is NOT a serial killer!

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paranoidfuck92 points · 4 hours ago

Or he’s being manipulated? Look at the way he’s talking about “taking his licks” this could be a really dangerous situation.

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serialkillerenthusiast 50 points · 3 hours ago

Yeah, it’s not like serial killers are obvious about it. The BTK killer’s family didn’t know until the FBI called.

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carfucker67OP-158 points · 3 hours ago

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP HE’S NOT A SERIAL KILLER I WAS JOKING ABOUT THE SERIAL KILLERS OKAY THAT ISN’T ONE OF HIS HOBBIES HE LIKES TO GO ON RUNS AND EAT GREEN SMOOTHIES THAT’S IT

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ahardyboy1.2k points · 6 hours ago

NTA because your brother definitely has a collection of human teeth hidden somewhere under the floorboards.

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steveownsmyheart872 points · 5 hours ago

ESH because there’s no way OP isn’t a knowing accomplice and probably the getaway driver.

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fuckaroundandfindout777 points · 6 hours ago

INFO: Has your brother ever displayed a fascination with serial killers? Maybe seemed a little too interested in them in a way you found kind of weird and creepy?

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carfucker67OP528 points · 6 hours ago

Idk what that has to do with anything but yeah actually lol he has a thing for serial killers.

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fuckaroundandfindout407 points · 6 hours ago

Buddy I hate to break it to you but your brother definitely kills people.

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serialkillerenthusiast227 points · 4 hours ago

Has he ever done any of the following: 1) Ripped the wings off butterflies 2) Displayed a strange lack of empathy 3) Worn a suit made from human skin

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carfucker67OP107 points · 4 hours ago

JESUS CHRIST NO.

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bewbman52679 points · 5 hours ago

Normally I’d say YTA but I’m pretty sure your brother murdered all four of his former girlfriends. ESH.

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Gofuckyourselfchad222 points · 5 hours ago

No. Not ESH. His brother is a fucking serial killer. Fuck him. NTA.

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bewbman52 -17 points · 5 hours ago

I think we can acknowledge two different wrongs at the same time regardless of whether or not one is worse than the other.

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Gofuckyourselfchad98 points · 4 hours ago

Do you even fucking hear yourself? Jesus fucking christ. His brother is clearly a creep and a serial killer. “Boo hoo” someone hurt a serial killer’s feelings. Fuck off.

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carfucker67OP-10 points · 4 hours ago

For fuck’s sake how do I delete a reddit thread

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serialkillerenthusiast22 points · 3 hours ago

So dumb you can’t even nail that task—of course you don’t realize your brother’s a serial killer.

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carfucker67OP-9 points · 3 hours ago

Stop fucking following me around in this thread, jackass. Also funny that my brother gets called a serial killer for being into true crime but look at your username. Maybe you’re the creep!

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serialkillerenthusiast 27 points · 2 hours ago

Says the guy who fucks cars.

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serialkillerenthusiast555 points · 4 hours ago

There are so many red flags in this post. You say your brother has had four girlfriends all of whom are now dead, in either freak accidents or as a result of crime. He’s also probably a drug addict because one of his girlfriends was a dealer. And the two of you travel all over the country because "work." More like because "he’s on the lam."

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carfucker67OP12 points · 3 hours ago

Dude this is really starting to piss me off. Seriously my brother is like the nicest most gentle obnoxious giant on the planet. He loves dogs. He’s bookish. He’s like annoyingly empathetic.

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serialkillerenthusiast 479 points · 3 hours ago

Everybody in John Wayne Gacy’s life thought he was a super nice guy. He ended up being one of the most horrific serial killers of all time.

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carfucker67OP-38 points · 2 hours ago

My brother literally SAVES PEOPLE'S LIVES for a living!!

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serialkillerenthusiast44 points · 2 hours ago

What he’s like a traveling nurse or something? Ever heard of medical serial killers? Read Behind the Murder Curtain by Bruce Sackman.

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carfucker67OP22 points · 1 hour ago

Fuck you. And fuck me. My brother is seriously a good guy and I am so goddamn proud of him okay? He’s been through so much crap but he’s still out there helping others! He’s a good brother and a good dude who doesn’t deserve this shit. He already has problems opening up to making friends because of all the crap he’s been through. It would hurt him so much to see people blaming him for his girlfriends being dead. I should never have said what I said or posted this thread to begin with. I’m the asshole. NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!!

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serialkillerenthusiast18 points · 1 hour ago

“All the crap he’s been through” so other people in his life besides girlfriends are ALSO mysteriously dead? Am I getting that right?

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easypeasysomethingsqueezy 337 points · 4 hours ago

He killed the girlfriends because they broke up with him over the smell of his farts. Boom solved it.

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raisedbyanarcissist10 points · 3 hours ago

YTA because it’s not his fault for being lactose intolerant. OP needs a privilege check AND a reality check if he doesn’t want his brother to go nc and his brother needs to go to therapy.

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andydwyer477 points · 3 hours ago

YTA but only because black bean burritos aren’t "rabbit food." Have you ever tried the meat tornado my friend?

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HolisticVieW97 points · 3 hours ago

ESH including all the commenters calling OP’s brother a serial killer. Redditors always wanna pretend they know things lol. We don’t know nearly enough to make these kinds of judgements.

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carfucker67OP5 points · 2 hours ago

THANK you!

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serialkillerenthusiast97 points · 1 hour ago

FOUR. DEAD. GIRLFRIENDS.

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carfucker67OP-36 points · 50 min. ago

STOP SLANDERING MY BABY BROTHER!!!!!!

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SNEAKYSNEK18 points · 3 hours ago

How would it be ESH if you don’t think the brother is a serial killer? Without that piece of it, it’s definitely YTA.

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HolisticVieW41 points · 2 hours ago

The brother doesn’t split the driving on 15 hour car rides.

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carfucker67OP20 points · 1 hours ago

He’s not the greatest driver. He keeps stomping on the brakes.

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bettersafethansorry555 points · 3 hours ago

NTA but OP, aren’t you afraid your brother’s gonna murder you in your sleep?

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knowitall5788 points · 2 hours ago

This is literally serial killers Sam and Dean Winchester, or someone trolling as them. r/UnsolvedMysteries crossposted this because it sounds so eerily familiar.

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themoreyouknow76 points · 2 hours ago

Yeah didn’t their killing spree start after Sam Winchester’s girlfriend died in a house fire?

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mindhunter10150 points · 1 hour ago

Yes. And they drove a classic car. Look at the "age" of his "classic." Another woman who was a former associate of Sam Winchester’s also died in a suspected poisoning years after meeting him… in a motel room. Security footage placed him at the scene.

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agriffithapologist2 points · 4 hours ago

YTA because eating meat IS animal cruelty. Go vegan if you want to save the world.

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carfucker67OP38 points · 4 hours ago

You know what? I once found the root of all evil in a vegan bakery, so your opinion doesn’t count.

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theblackswordsman9 points · 3 hours ago

Unrelated, but is your username a Berserk reference?

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agriffithapologist 0 points · 3 hours ago

It is. And I see you’re a typical fanboy who thinks Guts is actually a good person. I’d like to remind you that he brutally stole the life of an innocent rat.

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serialkillerenthusiast 0 points · 5 min. ago

YTA Dean, but I forgive you because you defended me online

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carfucker67OP1 point · 2 min. ago

Son of a bitch fuck you Sammy

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Notes:

Many thanks to spookedcroon for making the lovely wrapper we used to format this fic as a reddit post. You can find their wrapper here.

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