Chapter Text
He's...dead.
Or, he was supposed to be. The air in Tommy's lungs burned, the sun beating down on his bruised and battered body as if it were reacting his death with the role of Dream.
"Tommy..." Sam began slowly, quietly and Tommy took a breath to summon anger before turning to Sam with a scowl.
"What?" He demanded, the words raspy on his tongue and scratching the insides of his throat.
Dead men aren't supposed to speak, so why was he? Living was not supposed to hurt this much. Living was hard, physically, mentally, but this? It was worse. It was as if the physical and mental pain was tripled, plastered into every atom of his body and chained to his soul until everything was utter agony. Tommy wanted to rip his heart out, his soul, anything to stop feeling this pain.
He would even return to the dark nothingness if it meant he didn't have to hurt anymore.
It felt like dying over and over again.
"For what it's worth," Sam told the boy, crouching to better be on his level. "I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen, and I-"
"Save it, Sam," Tommy hissed, once blue eyes narrowing with anger, with betrayal. "If you were really sorry, you wouldn't have broken the contract, you wouldn't have left me trapped in there, you would have came when I needed you the most!"
And, like a flower, Tommy wilted. Shoulders hunching, the anger was washed away with a bone-deep exhaustion by a single sigh. Tommy took a half step away from Sam, the ground slime beneath his feet and his knees replaced by jelly.
"I'm sorry too."
The trip to his home felt like a fever dream. He couldn't tell if it was fantasy or reality that he spoke to Ranboo, Tubbo lurking behind him and running away when Tommy tried to approach or speak to him. Tommy ignored the part of him that whispered that it was the hallucinations from before, when he was still exiled.
For a week, he had laid in his bed, barely able to take a couple of bites of something before his body attempted to reject it. He was wasting away, wallowing in a pit of self pity that he loathed with a passion, but too empty to get up and find the motivation to rise and force himself to try and live again.
His communicator pinged from where it sat innocently on his bedstand, the red device lighting up with a soft blue glow in the otherwise pitch black room.
Ranboo whispered to you: happy late birthday tommy! Im sorry i didnt say anything on the day of, i had to take care of some things and saw it in my mem book
Ranboo whispered to you: maybe you tubbo and i can hang out sometime cause its been awhile
Tommy silenced the device, eyes catching on the date. With a noncommittal hum he let it fall back onto the stand before rolling over and burying himself under his blankets. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could mimic the cold black nothing that was his personal hell.
The date had read April 24th.
Tommy was barely 17, and he was a dead man walking.
___
The canteen was warm with it's contents and Tommy curled around it slightly, humming a wordless tune as he waited.
He took a slow sip, honey coating his tongue where he used too much to cover the sickly sweet yet bitter taste of the tea. There's a single set of footsteps behind him and he turned, forcing a smile on his face.
"'Ow do, Niki?"
The woman took a moment to take in Tommy's appearance and a faint feeling of shame rose in his gut. Too pale skin with clothes hanging poorly on his thin frame. He knew he had bruises littering his skin, bandages covering his arms as if he was a poorly wrapped mummy and eyebags so dark that it appeared that he was wearing mask. He looked pitiful, and Tommy hated pity. He hated the way he looked.
"Why are you here?" Niki demanded, words sharp like a knife.
Niki had never talked like that before, words soft and kind when talking to him or anyone else, firm and fierce when upset. He didn't recognize his sister, but then again, Tommy didn't recognize many players for who they once were.
"Enjoying the view I s'pose," he answered before taking another sip.
It was a comfort that he had used Tubbo's honey, knowing that his best friend's careful hands crafted it with love and care. It was almost as if Tommy could imagine his best friend next to him, shoulders leaning against each other as they faced the world together.
Niki didn't answer, and Tommy continued in her silence.
"I'm sorry, Niki." Tommy spoke, fingers drumming on the warm metal.
Niki stiffened behind him, a sharp intake of breath whistling past her lips. Tommy uncurled from the canteen, patting the spot next to him with bandaged fingers, a silent invitation to join him as he overlooked the overgrown crater.
Nature had finally taken over the ruined land, the ash and dust finally settling to give away to luscious green plants. Pared with the streams of river pooling into the bottom and animal life thriving at the bottom, it was beautiful. The red vines, however were an eyesore, intertwining with the greenery and covering the flag that stood in the center.
Niki stepped forward, joining him at the edge but remaining a little over an arm's length away from him. She did not sit, a hand resting on the hilt of her blade as she stood tensely.
"Where have I heard that before?"
Tommy flicked a rock off the edge, watching it bounce off the sides before splashing into one of the various ponds below.
"Why don't you bake anymore?" Tommy questioned, ignoring her question.
Niki scowled. "Tommy-"
"I remember you used to love baking, always asking people to try out your new recipes or chasing me, Tubbo, n' Fundy out the kitchen with a wooden spoon."
Tommy sighed, tapping on the canteen again.
"What happened to you, Niki? To us?"
Niki could not help the snarl from her lips. "You happened, Tommy! You put your vile hands on everything and ruin the things we had that were good! You break and you grief and you manipulate and you hurt everyone and everything around you! You're a horrid, selfish, little boy, TommyInnit!"
Her shoulders heaved with the effort of her words, anger causing her fingers to tighten around her weapon even as she loomed dangerously over Tommy. He didn't move, fingers continuing the same rhythm on the metal.
"Say something!" Niki seethed.
"You're right, Niki. I ruin everything I touch." he muttered. "I know you and Jack were trying to kill me."
Nature sounded so much louder in the silence that followed his words.
"At first I was confused, but then I realized, 'maybe this will finally make Niki happy! Maybe she'll smile again, and continue baking!'" He chuckled. "And yet, I somehow survived and it's hurt you even more. I keep on living, and people hate it, hate me, and they should because as long as I live, they will keep hurting."
Dread was a cold feeling pooling in her gut. That wasn't how he was supposed to respond, she thought as surprise forced her anger back. Tommy was a self centered brat, he was supposed to insist that everyone loved him, that he was the biggest man around with curses and insults. He was supposed to deny everything Niki said so that she could get angrier. Not. . .that.
"Is this supposed to make me pity you?" Niki challenged, but it sounded weak to her.
Tommy looked up, anger flashing in his eyes and relief flooded her because there was the Tommy she knew. He would begin to shout and Niki would be able to remember why she hated this boy in front of her. She ignored the fact that for the longest her argument had been slipping, and she was merely grasping at straws.
"I don't want your fucking pity!" He hissed, but all too soon the anger was snuffed out as he slumped his shoulders.
"Would you..." Tommy trailed off, turning his face back to the crater. "Would you be happier if I was dead?"
And that was the million dollar question, wasn't it?
When Tommy had gotten locked in the prison she had thought good riddance. He had deserved to be there after everything he had done, deserved to be locked away with his partner in crime never to see the light of day again. Things would be fine then, get better even now that Tommy was out of the way.
At least, that's what Niki had thought. In the month Tommy had been locked away, nothing had changed. If anything, things got worse and Niki had begun to doubt herself, asking in the aftermath of destruction or another griefing 'was Tommy really to blame for everything?'.
And then, Tommy had died, and there was no use in searching for an answer and even though Niki felt empty inside. Tommy was gone and things would finally, truly get better.
So, why hadn't they?
Why was everyone so miserable? Why were people hurting and hurting others and dying still? Could she really be happy knowing that the person she had blamed for every stroke of bad luck was dead and gone and things were still the same as when they were alive?
"Tommy..." Niki began, throat tightening. "What happened to you?"
The laugh that escaped the boy was not a kind one. "I think, Niki, that a lot of people here forget I was only ten when L'Manberg was first created."
Tommy sat the canteen next to his leg. Propping his arms on the ground behind himself, he leaned back to stare at Niki fully.
"War changes people, none for the better."
Wilbur crossed her mind then, memories of the man bringing people together and creating the family she never knew she could have. Of that same man tearing it apart.
"Niki..." Tommy trailed off, greying eyes darting away from her nervously as he sat up and began to pick at his nails. "Could you stay? Just a little longer, I don't want to-"
Niki sat down heavily, armor clinking loudly against exposed stone even as the scabbard of her sword jammed uncomfortably into her hip until she adjusted it. He stared at her in a stunned silence before turning to look at the crater.
Niki pretended not to see the small smile cross his face, nor the glistening of tears in his eyes before he blinked them away. Tommy coughed and Niki winced at how painful it sounded.
When the silence was interrupted by another coughing fit from Tommy, Niki hesitantly placed a hand on his back, freezing when he flinched, but moving to rub comforting circles when he didn't pull away.
"Honey and lemon are good for bad coughs," she offered hesitantly, an olive branch. "I could maybe get you some."
Tommy shook his head. "I'll be fine, 'm a big man, a lil' cough ain't gonna stop me."
Against her wishes a smile crossed her face. She quickly schooled her face into a lax expression before Tommy could see.
Coughs wracked his frame, and Niki didn't pull away even as Tommy hunched over himself, hands drawn to his face as he gasped for breath.
And then she saw the black.
"Tommy?" Niki whispered, eyes catching on his blood speckled hands, an inky black smearing on his fingers.
Tommy stared blankly at his hands. "Oh...it's finally kicking in."
"What did you do?"
Tommy's head snapped up to Niki, eyes widening at the cold tone Niki used. She looked at him with eyes widened with horror, a hand hovering uselessly over his back even as he began to pull away.
"What's it to you?" He scoffed, a bead of sweat tricking down the side of his face as he forced himself to get over his surprise.
"Tommy-" Niki began, only for the teen to cut her off.
"Niki! The only woman ever! Have you met my son?" He exclaimed, wiping his hand on the stone and turning a wide smile to her. "Shroud is gonna be the biggest and best man ever, after me of course. Are you interested in the baby sitting business?"
Tommy frowned, shaking his head and ignoring the stunned look on Niki's face from the forced change of topics.
"Not babysitting, Shroud is a big man, so it's big-man sitting, there are no babies in my household!"
His next words were cut off by shoulder heaving coughs, black and blood splattering his hands and legs. When he slumped over Niki caught him, trembling hands brushing hair from his sweaty face as his shoulders heaved with struggled efforts to breath.
"Tommy, Tommy please, what did you do?!" She pleaded, and he turned unfocused eyes towards her.
"Wither rose tea," he slurred, a hand flopping to the canteen that had been knocked down. "'S all gone now."
"Why would you do this?!" Niki cried, and Tommy flinched away.
Blood bubbled from his mouth, trickling down his chin and Niki rolled him onto his side when he began to choke.
"I have to make things better," he gasped, tears pooling in his eyes. "It hurts Niki. I don't wanna die."
Niki found herself speaking before she could stop herself.
"You aren't going to die, Tommy. You can't die, not yet," she told him, digging desperately through her inventory for something to help.
Tommy choked on a sob. "That's what he said back when I was alone."
Niki froze, hand hovering over the last empty space in her inventory. Exile. Tommy was talking about exile. A hand caught the end of her armor, and Niki glanced down at Tommy.
"I don't wanna die alone," he sniffed, greying eyes wide as tears slipped down his face. "Please don't leave me alone."
Niki grabbed his hand, removing her other from her inventory to brush tears off of his face.
"I won't leave you," she whispered, and Tommy leaned into the contact.
"You have to take care of Shroud for me," Tommy told her, a fit of coughing breaking his words. "He's always wanted to meet his aunt."
Niki shook her head. "No, you take care of him yourself," she pleaded. "You have to introduce me to him."
Niki didn't know why she was begging Tommy to stay alive. She hated him, really hated him, and was glad that he was dying, with no chance of survival. Sure, it sucked that she wasn't the one dealing the final blow, but she'd see his last moments. He'd be the last face she sees, and she'd hear his last words. It wasn't the swift end she had envisioned, but that was okay, Tommy deserved to suffer.
His breaths began to become wheezy, short and gurgling as the poison continued to slowly kill him. Not once did his tight grip relent, and Niki found herself squeezing just as tightly as she carefully brushed his hair back, finger catching on knots and tangles.
Her hands paused at the streak of white. "What's this?" She muttered, uncovering more of the hidden strands of choppily cut white hidden in blond curls.
Tommy flinched as if he had been hit, and Niki drew her hand back at the action.
"'S nothing. . ."
Niki stared at him. Tommy looked away, a breath rattling in his lungs.
"Can you tell Puffy I'm sorry?"
For a moment, Niki's heart froze. Thoughts of a returned ring filled her head, an old room lying empty and a cold bed, a gifted totem lying under dark oak floorboards reminding her of a broken relationship.
Niki gasped. "Tommy, promise me you'll hold on!"
Tommy opened his eyes, staring blearily at her.
"Promise me!" She cried. "Promise me or, or I'll hate you for the rest of my life! I'll...I'll hurt Tubbo, and Ranboo, and Snowchester! So, so if you don't want me to..."
She sniffed, tears she had been repressing for the longest slipping down flushed cheeks and splattering onto Tommy's blood covered ones.
"Hang on, Toms," she whispered, a plea, "I'll come back," and a promise.
She ripped her hands out of Tommy's weakened ones and stood, ignoring his voice as she took off for Puffy's abandoned house.
"Don't leave me, Niki!"
His voice was lost to the wind, Niki not looking back as she scrambled onto the prime path.
"Please," she whispered, breathing heavily as her breaths echoed loudly, armor shifting and clinking with every step as her feet pounded across wood.
"Please still be there," she pleaded to the sky, to a sheep who was no longer there to listen.
The mushroom was decrepit, sinking in on itself from where it stood over a small pond. The supports had long since begun to decay, wood soaked and molded as vines overtook the structure. Niki hesitated for only a second, netherite boots pausing at the threshold of stable ground to a collapsing bridge, before she lurched forward, wood splintering below her as she rushed into the house.
The door protested, and Niki dug her axe from her inventory before shattering the blockage, and stumbling into a dark interior.
The shadows casted were long and ominous, a sliver of sunlight peering weakly through closed curtains across the room. Niki ignored this, clumsily making her was through the living room to the stairs tucked into the corner. She did not make her way up the stairs, instead turning to the picture hanging unassumingly on the side of the stairwell and ripping the dusty portrait free of the hook and exposing a hidden entrance.
She opened the passage and crawled into the little room hidden behind it. The storage space has been cleaned out, shelves dusty and empty of materials and wealth alike. The single soul sand lantern burned weakly in the center of the room, illuminating footprints cut into the dust covering the floor and marking paths taken long ago.
If it wasn't for the tears already slipping down her face and the too little time she had, Niki could have collapsed to the cold floor and wept. Instead, she hefted her axe above her head before slamming down into the wood directly below the lamp. It shattered, and she widened the opening with another swing before dropping to her knees and forcing an arm into the dark space.
She cringed at the wet feeling of slime and moss covering her fingers, pond water soaking her hand and sleeve as she felt around.
"Please, where is it, where are you?!" She cried, pulling her hand away and nearing the opening to peer as close as she dared.
There was nothing, and she almost burst into sobs before, there! A flicker of gold, and Niki shoved her hand back into the hole and reached as far as she could. Her fingers brushed against cloth twice, dragging it a bit closer each time before she could finally wrap her hand around the magical item.
She discarded the cloth as soon as she retrieved it from the hole, the emerald eyes of a totem staring back at her as she flew out of the secret storage, rushing back to Tommy.
"Please, Prime," she heaved as she pushed herself to run faster. "One more favor, please, and I'll do anything you ask me."
The wind whispered around her, tangling her hair and pressing against her back in reply and she smiled. The hands pressing against her back left, and the crater loomed in front of her.
Tommy hadn't moved, form small compared to the gaping pit next to him, and Niki stumbled down the path and collapsed next to him. For a moment he didn't move, and she feared she was too late, but then his eyes opened slightly, and tears dripped onto his face.
"You came..." He whispered, the last word fading on his lips as he blinked sluggishly.
Niki couldn't answer, breath lost, and instead fumbled for the totem she had retrieved. Clumsily, she wrapped Tommy's fingers around it when he couldn't do it on his own, pressing the object close to his chest.
"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm sorry, but I promise I'll never leave you again Toms, so you have to promise not to leave me."
Tommy opened his mouth, speaking even though no words escaped him. She leaned closer, trying to hear him, holding her breath as best as she could.
"Niki....I love you, big sis..."
His fingers loosened on the totem and she jumped to wrapping his hands tightly around it, refusing to let him let it go, refusing to lose him again. Not when she had to apologize, not when they hadn't talked about what had happened.
The totem remained cold in his hands, Tommy unmoving and Niki leaned back, breath stuttering in her chest as Tommy remained immobile.
"Tommy?" She whispered, but the boy did not move.
Hesitantly, she released one of his hands, the totem falling slack against his chest, and brought her fingers to press against the side of his neck. When she did not feel a pulse, she brushed her hair away, leaning to press an ear on his chest to listen for a beat.
She fell back on her legs, staring numbly at the too still, too quiet boy lying in front of her in a blood stained shirt. Niki looked around helplessly, words failing her as she looked for someone, anyone to help.
Why didn't it work?
"Why didn't it work?" She whimpered.
When she had first seen a totem used, so long ago at an unfair trial and a righteous execution, it had worked instantaneous, the achievement plastering itself across every player's eyes and nearly blinding those close to when the totem activated.
Tommy remained still and silent, and, with trembling fingers, Niki reached out and closed his eyes.
TommyInnit has made the advancement [Cheating Death]