Chapter Text
Bowser Junior was bored. Capital B.O.R.D, BORED!
Being cooped up in the playroom wasn’t usually so bad– it was where most of the funnest things in the castle were, after all. From building blocks to paint sets, mechakoopa wind-up toys to explode said towering blocks– most koopalings wouldn’t find themselves complaining. They’d consider themselves practically living in a toyland paradise!
But Bowser Junior wasn’t just ANY koopaling, and he knew something great was happening just outside his totally rad painted walls. Pictures of his family crushing the likes of Mario and throwing him into a cage only reminded him of WHY they’d been banished to the playroom until dinner.
“ Don’t see why we gotta be good for Mr. Loogey anyway ,” Junior grumbled grumpily, button mashing the controls of his handheld game system. Mansion Patrol just wasn’t as fun if he couldn’t play against somebody. The koopaling continued, throwing the game to the side in a huff– boo laughter signifying the fatal ‘ GAME OVER’.
“Seriously, it’s not like he’s somebody that Papa’s gotta impress. He’s a plumber AND Mario’s dumb brother– which is WORSE ! ”
“I thought you liked Mr. Luigi?” Came a response from behind, causing Junior to whip his head around as the squeaky voice continued. “Just yesterday you were excited he was coming over so you could show him your drawings.”
This question came from the smallest koopaling, Lemmy, who was busy balancing on his oversized ball. It rocked back and forth, shaking as Junior’s goofy older brother did a handstand. Junior glared, having to fight the impulse to go across the room and give the ball a kick.
“Yeah, well, that was BEFORE Kamek grounded us! I didn’t even DO nothin’ this time!”
Pops and whistles instantly followed the declaration, bringing their attention to the second youngest: Larry. The blue-shelled koopa had been busy hitting the ball on top of his racket, seeing how long he could keep it in the air, when the terrible tyke had started making a fuss. With a smile that always reminded Junior of his Papa’s Meowser form, the prince turned his glare back to Larry’s translator.
“What’d he say?”
“ ‘Didn’t you bend all the spoons in the kitchen just last week? ’” Lemmy effortlessly responded, not a care in the world other than his stupid balancing act. Luckily for Mr.Googly Eyes , Junior latched onto the distraction from his previous ball popping plans to direct his anger at Larry.
“But I wasn’t CAUGHT for it, now was I, ” the koopaling exclaimed, throwing his arms out wide, “and it was the troopas’ kitchen anyway, so it doesn’t count!”
Lemmy hummed at this in that way he tended to when he got annoyingly ‘ philosophical ’.
“Bet it does to the troopas. Must be hard to angle their beaks around broken spoons; would probably be easier to just eat upside down by that point, don’tcha think?”
Junior snarled.
“Bah! Who even ASKED you!”
Traitors, the lot of ‘em! Weren’t they just as MAD to be forced in the playroom while Papa and the older kids got to do who KNOWS what? Didn’t they feel the same righteous anger at being told ‘ no ’-- that fiery sensation that made his stomach gurgle and heat pool inside him? It took everything in Junior’s power not to claw, stomp, and set fire to the whole room in his mighty big-boy fury.
Just as Junior decided he didn’t care about the consequences– readying a blast of pepper breath with no discrimination at what got destroyed – he became startled as large scaled arms suddenly wrapped around him.
“Baby upset. Morton hug baby better.”
Junior was lucky that his shell took the brunt of the assault, as the grayscale’d koopaling didn’t always know his own strength. At first the prince struggled in Morton’s hold, yelling and kicking up a storm. Alas, even his mightiest of kicks didn’t phase the giant.
“Let go, ya overgrown dummy! I’m NOT a baby!”
This order went ignored, as Junior could feel the pressure of his brother’s fat maw leaning on his head. The smaller koopaling growled, puffing out his cheeks in anger even as Morton began to gently sway him back and forth. Brassy bellowing followed: the sound equally heard as it was felt against Junior’s skull. The movements were similar to what Papa did to Junior as a hatchling, sounding like roaring winds mixed with the rhythm of ships sailing through clouds.
He sighed, the fiery fury having simmered inside him.
“ ‘Mm not a baby… ” Junior repeated in a grumble, the bite no longer there. Morton gently placed his brother back onto his feet and with it Junior turned around to stare up at beady eyes and a familiar star-shaped birthmark. Stringy-brows scrunched themselves together as the large koopa bowed his head.
“Morton know Junior no baby. Junior just Morton’s baby.”
The young prince side-eyed the spot in the room where Morton had been playing before, stuffed yoshis and goombas having been tucked into handmade beds. Cardboard was taped into box shapes, sand poured until just the dolls’ heads peeked out. It appeared Morton was in the middle of feeding a goomba from a toy bottle before Junior’s … er, show of dominance had called the giant away.
Junior scoffed at this.
“I’m not one of your stinkin’ dolls, ya know. Nobody’s gonna take me seriously if ya keep TREATIN’ ME like one!”
Morton’s apology went ignored as Lemmy could be heard sighing again, a glance showing the orange-shelled koopa had decided to lay on his stomach as he continued his ball rocking.
“ I’d like to see Nobody someday. ” He sighed again, eyes crisscrossing in a weird dreamy sort of way. “Koopas are always talkin’ about ‘em, but we’ve never met. Nobody must be quite a somebody!”
That was the last straw. No longer able to take Lemmy’s stupidity, Junior didn’t even hesitate as he kicked the ball right from under the unexpecting koopa. It popped in an instant, the noise loud enough for Larry and Morton to cover their ears in distress.
Yet, more importantly , it caused Lemmy to smack face-first into the floor.
“Take THAT, nerd!”
Junior’s mad giggling was instantaneous, his bullying finally fulfilling his need for stirring up trouble. His satisfaction didn’t even take a dent as Lemmy peeled himself off the floor– bruised snout not deterring his grin.
“NICE one! Ya sure got me, Junior! Hehehe! ”
It was a known fact that koopas played rough– being children to the King just made them doubly so . If the word of the Koopa Kids that Kamek occasionally set up as Junior’s playmates were to be believed, he was even the roughest and toughest in ALL the land! This thought had Junior puff up with pride, snoot raised as he towered over his brother. He opened his mouth, ready to mimic how Papa would’ve acted in a similar position of power…
Only to find himself toppling over as the ground shook violently.
Junior chirped in alarm as he fell onto the back of his shell, humiliation quickly setting in. Junior was stuck– trapped in an awkward position as if he was some common Spiny ! He kicked and punched the air, shell rocking violently– only resulting in thwacking his pony-tail to the floor.
“HEY, what’s the BIG IDEA?! Get me up!”
Junior felt the vibrations grow stronger, a sense of panic overcoming him. This, of course, set off his anger as he thrashed about and made louder demands.
“ GET ME UP, GET ME UP! GET. ME. UUUUUP!! ”
The older koopalings hadn’t been fast enough, the double doors breaking in an explosion of wood. Junior flinched, eyes held tight and arms covering his face as splinters rained. The castle must be under attack, some bad guys having found their way to their hoard. And, worse of all, Junior was too stuck to do anything about it!
Trapped and helpless!
“Come any closer and I’ll… I’ll…”
Junior never had the opportunity to finish his threat. The attacker was upon him, breaching his armed defenses. An icy weapon struck wildly against his face, the sensation causing the koopaling to scream.
Only for screams to become giggles as the assault tickled his snout.
“N-no, stooop!”
Something slimy dripped onto his cheek, leaving it gross and sticky. The new intruding sensation gave Junior the courage to open his eyes, bracing himself to see just what monster DARED to attack the son of the Koopa King.
Whatever Junior expected, nowhere on that list was a ghostly tongue attached to an equally ghostly maw. It would’ve been a frightening sight if the prince wasn’t used to the boos haunting their home’s halls. Though that didn’t stop Junior from shivering as the weird ghost’s tongue carried on its drooly kisses.
“What the– HEY, hehe, STOP LICKING ME, WOULDJA?!”
The ghost barked, jumping back before doing a little spin. Junior flinched as he expected the ghost’s tail to slap him in the face, only to feel a chill as the thing phased through him. Watching the ghost jump around while upside down started making the prince feel sick to his stomach.
Luckily for him, his vision was cut off as Morton shielded him from the creature– effortlessly pulling Junior off the ground and righting him. The world spun, the koopaling grabbing his head as he squinted and looked around his meat-shield of a brother.
“Is that a… dog?” Junior asked, uncertain. “Where the heck did HE come from?!”
“Green Mario, mostly.”
GAHK!
Junior hadn’t been expecting a new voice to appear, and doubly so for its owner to land right next to him. The prince lept back, only to realize the intruder was Iggy– the biggest fruitcake of all his siblings. The taller twin of the family looked amused over Junior’s reaction as Junior gawked. His head snapped upwards to see how Iggy rained from the ceiling, only to see the familiar maw of Chomper looming overhead.
Well, that explained why the door exploded.
As well as the shaking.
While it wasn’t every day the chain-chomp was allowed inside the castle, it still happened enough that Junior shouldn't have been surprised. The prince huffed, feeling himself tucking into his shell from having become so worked up over nothing.
It was the sound of soft pops and merps that drew the attention away from the youngest koopaling, Larry gesturing towards the phantom pooch that was sniffing his toes.
As always, Lemmy translated.
“He’s asking if this is the ‘puppuccino eater’?” The smallest koopa laughed over this, eyes momentarily focusing as he put his attention onto his nonverbal brother. “I’m surprised you remembered that from the first time king-dad had us hanging with Luigi. That was forever ago!”
“I’m not,” Iggy retorted with a roll of his eyes. “The only thing Larry cares about more than snacks is if you tell him his hair went limp.”
As if to prove his point Larry’s claws instinctually went to his mane– petting it defensively. The koopaling pouted when he realized his hair was as tall as ever, and that his brother had been teasing him. Iggy cackled in response.
“Oh, lighten up wouldja? If koopas cared that much about our hair I would’ve been kicked outta the kingdom FOREVER ago. This mess looks like Junior was usin’ me for a paintbrush!”
This was followed by another round of laughter, this time Lemmy joining him in agreement. Junior squinted, never really having put much thought into the twins’ rainbow mohawks before. But he supposed the distraction worked, as Larry stopped pouting like a hatchling– no longer feeling like the butt of the joke.
This still didn’t give any answers worth a crud, though. Junior huffed, putting his natural-hatched leadership skills to the test.
“Ugh, stop with the hair talk already! What’s Loogey’s dog doing here?”
A clawed finger moved from ghost to chomp, the critter wagging its chains behind her in recognition of being addressed. Junior side-eyed Chomper.
“And does DAD know she’s here? I’m not gonna take the fall if Chomper breaks stuff again!”
Last time had been bad enough when Kamek forced them all to sweep up every piece of broken vase, rubble, and glass as punishment: a freaken torture tactic when Junior KNEW the magikoopa could’ve just waved everything back to normal. So no WAY was he going through all that again when Iggy masterminded the dumb idea!
The taller koopaling merely scoffed, waving off the concern.
“ Yeah yeah , he knows. Dad’s the one who signed off on it.”
He stopped, eyes crossing behind his glasses as Iggy seemed to consider something.
“Though no idea why Polterpup’s here. Didn’t seem planned, iffin ya ask me. Just know we’re supposed to keep ‘em occupied until they’ve finished practice.”
Just great. First Kamek locks them up as prisoners, and now papa’s put them on dog duty? What did Junior look like, some lowly goomba? A second rate troopa? He was a prince– Papa’s special little guy – being treated like some lowlife HELP! All while the Green Mario stole Papa away and played outside together.
It was enough to make Junior’s blood boil.
“ Pass ,” he snarled, snoot held high as he purposefully looked away from Loogey’s mutt. “Rather be smooched by Birdo than have anything to do with a stupid ghost dog!”
The other kids were repulsed from the thought, scrunching their maws and sticking out their tongues. Larry even gagged! If anything, it should show just how serious Junior was on the matter!
Lemmy, always one to take everything as a joke, argued with a laugh.
“ Heeheekee! You don’t mean that! Polterpup’s kisses are WAY less slobbery!”
“Less stinky,” Morton agreed, no doubt thinking of Birdetta’s heavy perfume. The bigger koopa gave Polterpup a deep sniff, the dog barking before licking his face. “Heh. Morton like much better!”
Junior was having none of it.
“If ya like the mutt so much, why don’tcha marry it? ” Junior didn’t even wait for a retort on the ramification of pet marriage before stomping back to the nest of blankets he had procured earlier. “If you losers wanna play pet sitter, fine by me, but I’m gonna do something actually not stupid and fun!”
Picking up his game, the koopaling sank into the nest with a huff– grabbing his previously discarded game. Bringing the screen back to life, Junior pressed start and fully intended to ignore the lot of them.
This plan became lazily pushing buttons as the other princes deliberated on puppy matters. It was Iggy who took the metaphorical reins, more than used to his baby brother’s moods.
“So, what NOW ? I’d suggest heading to my room to test Polterpup’s electromagnetic field, but I’ve been given strict ‘ stay outta the lab ’ orders from Kamek as he practically threw away the key.”
“ Really? ” Lemmy responded, seemingly caught by surprise just as much as Junior. Usually the adults didn’t seem to care too much about the amount of chaos the lot of them got into, so this was certainly news to him. Junior watched from the corner of his eye as Lemmy tilted his head as he interrogated his twin further. “What about using your wand to break the lock?”
Iggy pushed up his glasses, giving a sideways glare.
“Confiscated. Trust me, I woulda tried that first thing otherwise.”
It seemed it was Morton’s turn to come up with a playtime suggestion, as his maw opened wide in a gasp. The volume of his passion was enough to cause the others to flinch.
“MORTON WANNA WRESTLE!”
Iggy shut that down faster than a frightened toad.
“And die? No thanks, pass.”
“King-dad DID say you’re in a different weight class than us, “ Lemmy annoyingly added, Junior’s opinion colored with disdain as the tiny koopaling babied the largest with a pat of the hand. “Maybe Roy will be up for playing later.”
That was enough to appease the big dummy, as he grunted out an ‘okay’. Junior, eyes focused on the screen of his game, decided to graciously give his own input.
“We should draw!”
“I thought you weren’t having anything to do with us,” Iggy teased. A quick glance over showed his brother looking smug, which was enough to cause Junior to huff in defense.
“I said I wanted nothin’ t’do with Loogey’s mutt, drawing ain’t got nothin’ to do with him!”
“ Touche’ ,” Iggy retorted. He straightened up his lanky form, pulling out a hanky from his shell. The older koopaling removed his glasses, nonchalantly cleaning them as he pointedly looked away from Junior.
“ Be that as it may , gonna have to shut ya down chief. Some of us ain’t exactly into having their art berated the whole time.”
WHAT?!
This was enough to cause Junior to fall out of his nest, flabbergasted by what he heard. So, what , they were blaming him now for the fact they all sucked at art? That was a THEM problem! Sure, Kamek would say something about how being blunt and honest wasn’t always the best way to do things– it wasn’t unheard of for him and his brothers to start tussling after one critique too much. But , Junior argued to himself, Kamek also always said practice made perfect.
It was with this in mind that Junior clambered back to his feet.
“Yeah, well… Just ‘cause ya guys suck now doesn't mean you always will.”
“You’re literally insulting us right now,” Iggy replied with a roll of his eyes, slipping his frames back onto his snooty snout.
“It doesn’t exactly make it fun,” Lemmy added, sheepishly.
“ Mean ,” Morton agreed, adding the final nail in the coffin. Junior threw his hands out wildly, yelling from across the room.
“You’re all a bunch of babies! FINE! I can play nice! What if I promise NOT to tell you guys you’re bad at it, then? ”
"What if we played circus?" Lemmy suggested, completely glossing over the attempted bartering. The others glanced over to their smallest brother, Junior’s tantrum ignored as Lemmy dreamily carried on. "We could each do a different act! Larry-bear, you’ve always been good at juggling. And Morty, you’re a certified mound of muscles! I bet you could lift Chomper with just one hand!"
Said chain-chomp took the moment to bark cheerfully, seemingly agreeing. Her chain swayed behind her, clattering against the wooden floors in excitement. Sadly for Chomper, her dreams of exploring a potential career as an animal performer immediately got shut down by the oldest in the room.
“NO ,” Iggy squawked, throwing himself at his pet as a pathetic excuse for a shield. The glare he gave his twin was enough to cause the other koopaling to back up some from its intensity. The chomp tilted her body in confusion at her master’s reaction as Iggy carried on. “Like I’m gonna let you guys crack her shell again just ‘cause you’re bored! She was MISERABLE last time waiting around for her soldering scars to heal!”
Lemmy at least had it in him to look apologetic, daring to take a step closer.
“Aww, don’t be like that Iggs. It’s okay, we don’t gotta use her in the act: she and Polterpup can sit n’ watch. What’s a show without an audience, anyway!”
“Can dolls watch too?” Morton asked sheepishly, apparently warming up to the idea himself. His lip jutted out slightly as he tapped his claws together in a nervous tick. “Wanna show babies Morton strong papa.” [An admirable trait in any koopa household.]
It was by this time Iggy had wound down from his defensive fuss, enough for his nerd brain to kick back in as a memory surfaced.
“Didn’t dad forbid us from making a circus, anyway? He really flipped his scales the last time Junior got hurt being the cannon ball.”
Junior scoffed at hearing this.
“It wasn’t THAT bad.”
“You had a concussion,” the lanky koopaling responded, deadpanned in his delivery. It was enough to get a shake of the head from Lemmy, as he sighed.
“ Really shoulda remembered the helmet. ” A frowning maw turned into a big dopey grin as the little guy lit up once more. “We’ll remember it THIS time! Surely it’s gotta be okay then, right?”
Iggy pinched the brim of his nose.
“He literally threatened to eat you if we pulled that stunt again.”
“That’s only a figure of speech!” Lemmy argued back. There was a pause. “That IS only a figure of speech, right?”
Iggy shrugged.
“Dad DID eat Mario and the princess that one time, and you’re smaller than them .”
Morton gasped, almost as if he too was realizing his brother’s small stature for the first time. Morton cupped the koopaling in his hands, getting teary-eyed as he hugged him close to his plastron and collapsing to the floor.
“MORTON NO WANT LEMMY TO BE EATED!”
This resulted in the giant becoming a blubbering mess, wailing as if it was already Lemmy’s funeral. The others didn’t quite know what to do, Kamek usually being the one to consolidate Morton’s more sensitive moments when their dad was busy. And there was no way any of them wanted to call the magikoopa in– he’d just accuse them of upsetting the big baby on purpose!
Junior, being the self-proclaimed leader, decided to take things into his own claws.
“Hey, stop that! We’re not gonna put on a stupid circus, so that means Lemmy’s gonna be fine.”
“Yeah, Morty, no circus.” Lemmy muffled in agreement, having been swallowed up by arm jail.
“So stop cryin’ before you become a dry bones,” Iggy huffed in finality.
Their efforts worked as wails simmered down into the occasional hiccup: Morton’s grip lessened enough for Lemmy to escape his hold. It was during this moment that Polterpup made himself known, having chillingly phased through the group to nuzzle Morton– no doubt in his own efforts to help the mourning child. The gray-scaled koopa unfurled himself, welcoming Polterpup into his lap.
“ Doggy, ” Morton mewled, a heavy hand stroking through the ghost as he pet him. He sniffed, teary eyes looking towards his brothers. “Koopas promise no hurting?”
It was Junior’s turn to sigh at the dramatics.
“Yeah, no hurting. We’ll just have to come up with something else to play, is all.”
“Something BETTER than circus!” Lemmy chipped in, even if such a feat seemed impossible.
All were surprised when Larry took the moment to speak up, having been quiet during all the fighting. He whistled and gargled, ending in a hum as he gestured proudly towards the chain-chomp next to him. Lemmy, eyes wide, didn’t need to be told twice to translate.
“He says he wants to play dress up with the puppies. That Wendy’s got more than enough to make ‘em pretty.”
This was enough to have Iggy blink wildly at the suggestion, head tilting as he looked over his metallic pooch.
“I mean, Chomper IS a girl…”
Lemmy picked up what his twin was laying down.
“And Wendy DID say she’s hanging in her room, so her boutique’s free to use, “ he added helpfully.
“Is ghost dog girl?” Morton asked, not quite sure how to tell with Polterpup’s physique. Not like he could ask the same way one could a koopa. It was the youngest who settled the matter, throwing his head back and his arms into the air.
“ Who cares! ”
And in the end there really was no arguing with that logic.