Chapter Text
Valt stood alone in front of the full-length mirror, her eyes fixed on the image staring back at her. It was her own reflection, yet something felt different. Her face looked strange, foreign, like it belonged to someone else entirely. She lifted her hand and traced the contours of her face, hoping to find some sense of recognition, but the features seemed to blur under her fingertips.
A feeling of unease crept up her spine, settling heavily in her chest. It was a sensation that she couldn't shake off, as though her body was trying to communicate some hidden truth. Valt took a deep breath and tried to push the feeling away, telling herself that it was just her imagination playing tricks on her.
But the unease only grew stronger, a persistent gnawing that refused to go away. She watched as her classmates, all of them girls, chatted excitedly about makeup and clothes, envious of their easy camaraderie. Valt tried to join in, to mimic their casual tone, but her words felt like they were coated in honey, too sweet and too false.
As the teacher announced the beginning of physical education class, Valt's heart sank. This was her least favourite class, not only because of her lack of athletic ability, but also because of the daunting task of facing the reality of her body. She always felt like an outsider, an imposter among the other girls who seemed to move through the motions with ease.
Valt shifted her weight from one foot to the other, feeling her nerves start to bubble up inside her. She took in a deep breath of the fresh, crisp air, trying to calm herself down. The girls around her were chattering away, their laughter ringing out across the field. They were stretching and jogging in place, looking completely at ease in their own skin. Valt felt like she was wearing clothes that didn't quite fit right. She glanced over at the boys' side of the field, watching as Shu sauntered confidently towards them. She couldn't help but envy his easy confidence, the way he fit in so naturally with the other boys.
Valt knew something was shifting inside her, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. She just knew that she didn't quite belong, that she was different in some fundamental way.
As she took a deep breath, her eyes scanned the crowded room, searching for a familiar face. But all she saw were strangers, their bodies packed tightly together like sardines in a can. She felt suffocated by the pulsing mass of people, yet strangely invisible at the same time.
Valt stood at the edge of the field, her eyes fixed on the ground. The sun beat down on her skin, warming her but doing nothing to alleviate the knot that had formed in her stomach. She watched as the other girls began their warm-up routine, their movements synchronized and effortless. The sound of their laughter and chatter filled the air, but to Valt, it only served to highlight the distance between herself and the rest of the group.
Valt watched as the group of girls glided across the room, their movements synchronized and effortless. They seemed to share an unspoken connection, a secret language of gestures and expressions that Valt couldn't decipher.
She glanced over at Shu, who walked confidently towards the group of boys. She wished she had that kind of confidence, that kind of belonging.
Valt's pulse quickened as the teacher's booming voice echoed across the field, calling out the names of each team. She could feel the anxiety coursing through her veins, twisting her stomach into knots. Her hands balled into tight fists at her sides as she braced herself for the inevitable.
As her name was called, Valt's feet felt as though they were rooted to the ground. She couldn't bring herself to move, even as the teacher's voice grew more impatient by the second. The stares of her classmates bore into her, their curious gazes only adding to her discomfort.
The teacher's relentless voice cut through the air like a sharp knife, making Valt's ears ring. The words seared themselves into her mind, pushing her to action even as her body fought against it.
“Valt, go to the girls' side,” the teacher barked, his tone growing more agitated by the second. “Stop standing there and move!”
Panic surged through Valt's body, leaving her feeling lost and overwhelmed. She had no idea where to go, what to do. She felt like a deer in the headlights, frozen in place and unable to think.
The students continued to call out her name, their voices blending together into a cacophony of sound. Valt could feel their eyes on her, their confusion and concern palpable. She could feel the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Instead, she turned and bolted, her feet pounding against the dirt as she ran.
Her breathing grew ragged as she sprinted across the field, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She couldn't bear to face the others, couldn't bear their pitying stares. "Valt!" They called after her, their voices a jumbled mess. "She freaked out," she heard someone say. The words echoed in her head, bouncing around like a pinball. Why did she sound so wrong? She? Why did that sound so bad?
Valt's heart pounded in her chest as she stumbled into the cramped cleaning cupboard. The smell of disinfectant and old mops stung her nostrils, but it was the only refuge she could find from the world outside. She crumpled to the floor, her body wracked with sobs. Her eyes burned from the tears streaming down her face, and her throat was raw and scratchy from the screams she had tried to hold back.
She couldn't understand why she felt so wrong. Why did she have to be born with the body of a girl when everything inside her screamed that she was a boy? Why couldn't she just be happy like everyone else? The confusion and pain seemed to choke her, leaving her gasping for air.
It was then that the crack of light pierced the darkness, and Valt looked up to see Shu standing in the doorway. His face was set in a stern expression, but there was a glimmer of concern in his eyes that gave her a sliver of hope.
Without waiting for him to speak, Valt blurted out the question that had been gnawing at her for so long. "Am I disgusting for not wanting to be a girl?"
There was a moment of stunned silence, and Valt's gaze dropped to the floor as she waited for Shu's response. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes, afraid of what she might see.
But before he could say anything, the words spilled out of her in a torrent of emotion. "I hate it," she said, her voice rising in desperation. "I hate my voice, I hate my clothes, I hate how I look. Sometimes I just don't want to be here."
Valt expected Shu to be angry or disappointed, but instead, his voice came out quiet and steady. "Don't say that, Valt," he said, his eyes softening with concern. "You're not disgusting."
Valt shook her head, her tears still flowing. "But I am," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "And it's true."
Shu took a step closer to her, his hand reaching out to gently touch her shoulder. "No, you're wrong," he said, his voice firm and unwavering. "You're not disgusting. You're brave."
Valt looked up at him, her eyes wide and disbelieving. She couldn't fathom how anyone could think that about her. But Shu's eyes were warm and reassuring, and she found herself listening intently to his words.
"It takes a lot of courage to be yourself, especially when it's not what everyone expects of you," he continued. "And you, Valt, are one of the bravest people I know."
Feeling a small glimmer of hope, Valt dared to ask the question that had been weighing on her mind. "Can I be a boy?" she whispered, her voice trembling with fear.
Shu's smile was gentle and kind, his eyes shining with acceptance. "Of course you can, Valt," he said. "You can be whoever you want to be." And with those words, Valt felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
He felt a smile spread across his face.