Chapter Text
As Hermes ran around to clear his schedule for the next day so at least some part of him could stay in the Underworld with Percy, he kept an eye on the room where Hades placed him. He really didn’t like the whole converted prison cell thing but understood his uncle’s reasoning. And keeping him in the Underworld until they got some more answers was probably best; there were a limited number of living beings he could accidentally hurt down there compared to the upper world. He passed on the information Kymopoleia told him in between errands. His uncle didn’t seem surprised by the news.
Percy woke up and was talking to Hades by the time he stopped by camp, teleporting directly into Chiron’s office and scaring the shit out of the centaur. He felt a little bad, but oh well. He explained that Percy was still in the Underworld and would be for a while. No, it wasn’t anything bad and yes, everything was fine and also, please keep Nico here. Chiron didn’t buy it but pursed his lips and nodded, Hermes teleporting out before Dionysus could come to investigate his presence. Dio was probably one of the best to bring in on this for a multitude of reasons but not today.
A quick trip to his warehouse on Olympus to pass word to his daughter Angelia that he would be in and out throughout the next day. She normally ran the customer service department of Hermes Express but agreed to take on delivery duties if needed. At the last minute, he decided to visit the library to pull the books on Dio’s ascension. Both Apollo and Athena wrote their own treatises on the experience and Kleio wrote a definitive timeline on Dionysus’s life and when certain abilities started to show prior to his ascension. Hades said he didn’t know if what happened to Percy was a natural ascension or not but listening in on their conversation, it sure as Styx sounded like it was. He also grabbed a book by Asclepius on the general medical considerations for the transformation from mortal to immortal. Anything else could probably be found in Hades’s library. He vanished the books rather than check them out - he didn’t want any questions right now and besides, he is a thief - and practically ran from the library.
A few more errands later and he reappeared in the sitting room in the Underworld. It was good timing as the longer he listened to the conversation going on in the holding cell, the more he got the ridiculous urge to cry. He had never been to Tartarus and had zero plans to change that, so he had no idea of what mental or physical challenges it presented. Still, even he understood it was not a place to put honor above action. Chiron was very firm on acting with honor and moral judgment when fighting, and for good reason; too many heroes in ancient times got caught up with their own power and acted without thinking of consequences. The gods usually let it slide as long as their hubris didn’t directly affect them, but it still caused a lot of problems. But that was for normal circumstances and being in the Pit is far from normal. Percy could have gone on a mass murdering rampage down there and Hermes still wouldn’t care nor would most of the council; the important thing was to close the Doors and get out.
He also suspected this was a bit of their own fault. Due to his never-ending paranoia, Zeus refused to allow Percy to be trained in his water-based powers like children of Poseidon usually were. Chiron may be a great trainer but he really wasn’t qualified in that area. They were extremely lucky Percy had such great natural control but it also meant he was a little skittish regarding the strength of his powers. The fact that campers were told for decades that the oath was created because children of the Big Three were too dangerous to exist didn’t help in that area either. Hermes saw the prejudice and assumptions made about Percy when he first got to camp and the first couple summers he was there. Campers rarely brought up those issues these days but that doesn’t mean it didn’t have an impact on how Percy viewed himself.
There was also another conversation that probably needed to happen, about the difference between Percy’s place in the world versus Annabeth. Even if the oath didn’t exist, even if there was no prophecy, his place would be different from most other half bloods. It always was for Big Three kids, and maybe a few other powerful children of gods like Demeter and Hecate. The source of their power was more elemental than the children of other Olympians. Athena and her wisdom and handicrafts, Apollo with his healing and music, even Hermes with communications and commerce - these were the domains that came after the creation of the world, once civilization was rooted on its shores. But Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades represented the basic building blocks of the world beyond the primordial elements of creation. Civilization could not exist without them but they were not tied to civilization. Their children reflected that dichotomy and having a child of a younger Olympian like Athena try to dictate the “proper” rules for the use of such power - power they would never have or fully understand - would always end in disaster.
He summoned the books and started reading. It wasn’t long before his uncle manifested in the room with him. Another manifestation was still talking with Percy in the holding cell. Hermes kept reading and didn’t bother to look up.
“You’ve been following the conversation?” Hades asked. At Hermes’s nod, he went on. “I need to talk to my brother.”
Hermes sighed and looked up. “Here?” He didn’t bother asking which brother. Hades would be more likely to gouge his mortal form’s eyes out than talk to Zeus more than once a year unless absolutely necessary. That didn’t mean he was eager to get in the middle of a confrontation between Hades and Poseidon. He knew the sea god needed to be informed, but still.
“No,” he replied automatically. Hades looked at the books piled on the table. Hermes explained what they were as Hades picked one up and ran a finger down the cover. “It would be better to talk in Atlantis,” he continued on from before. “Given that it involves things that happened in the Pit, it’s going to be a difficult conversation and I don’t need him wreaking havoc in my realm too. Plus, it might be easier for him to hear within the comfort of his own home,” he finished quietly.
He managed not to sigh again as he sent part of his consciousness to Atlantis. The brothers rarely visited each other’s realms and it would not be easy to convince Poseidon to allow Hades to visit, especially given recent tensions. They chatted quietly about what Hermes had read so far while his manifestation in Atlantis argued with Poseidon.
Unfortunately Poseidon was holding court at the moment which meant both Amphitrite and Triton were also there. So was Rhode for some reason. Clearing the room of everyone but the royal family was easy, but convincing his uncle to allow Hades to visit to discuss Percy of all things in front of Amphitrite and Triton was a bit of a disaster. Normally they didn’t care about his uncle’s dalliances and the resulting children - after all Amphitrite had her fair share of trysts too - but the oath and prophecy changed things. Hermes knew Triton was livid his father would risk everything just for a mortal affair; he assumed Amphitrite felt similarly and given how close Atlantis came to falling that anger seemed justified. But Hermes disagreed with where that anger was directed. It really wasn’t Percy’s fault even if he understood it was easier to blame a mortal who would come and go from this world in a few blinks of the eye than the immortal Lord of the Seas. Still, it cut Percy off from Atlantis and the protections his half-blood siblings typically enjoyed. And now if Percy were to become immortal, that would bring a whole new batch of drama. Unless they got past their anger (which is not something gods are really good at doing), there was a real possibility Percy would wind up exiled from his father’s kingdom just as much as Kymopoleia.
Meanwhile in the Underworld Percy had finally been told what they suspected about his mortality and was not taking it well. Could have taken it worse, but could have been a lot better too. Hermes remembered when Dionysus first learned the prophecy on ascension was about him and not Heracles as everyone thought for years. He didn’t take it well either and probably for similar reasons. Dio’s life up to that point had been a never-ending series of misfortunes caused by Hera and Zeus fighting and using him as a piece in their games. The idea of being trapped like that forever enraged him, and while he would never admit it, probably scared him too. Eventually he accepted and even came to love it, lording it over every mortal he met as a sign of his superiority. Hermes doubted Percy would go that route. If he was honest, he was more afraid he would go the other direction and his questions on the possibility of death didn’t do anything to quell those concerns.
Finally Poseidon agreed to welcome Hades and Hermes informed his uncle. Hades placed the book gently on the table and frowned. “Can you take over with Perseus?”
Hermes agreed and headed to the holding cell as Hades flashed to Atlantis. He took his time getting there, wanting to get in a calmer headspace before talking to Percy. The son of Poseidon was the one allowed to be emotional here, not Hermes.
At some point during his conversation with his uncle Percy pretty much checked out. Hades still talked for a bit but must have realized Percy was beyond actually hearing anything at that point because he eventually left him to his solitude. He stared at his hands which didn’t look any different from before. If he ascended, would they look the same? For months he wondered if his turn towards the monstrous would mean he’d wake up with claws or fangs someday. Years ago – before he was claimed, before they were friends – it was Annabeth who told him that Poseidon was sometimes called the Father of Monsters given all his monstrous children. It was one of the reasons he didn’t fight back against Annabeth’s conclusions because wasn’t this how he was always meant to turn out? He remembers meeting Procrustes, who he later learned was his half-brother. Some stories said he was originally a half-blood while others said he was born a monster, but whatever the case he didn’t look human when Percy met him. Then again, plenty of monsters wear human skin; he just didn’t know which one he would be.
But now… He wiggles his fingers as though that will tell him something new. He wonders if Annabeth will see this as something better than the monster she feared before. Even while he thinks the question he realizes that if anything, she will see it as being worse.
Percy remembers when he first woke up at camp and Annabeth explaining that the gods simply did not care about their children. He’s seen and done and learned a lot since then. And while he understands her point (a bit too well actually), he’s come to think it’s more complicated than that. Because he saw Artemis grieve for Zoe and Hermes still grieves for Luke. He saw Hades’s pain when Maria di Angelo was killed and while he has questions about his own place in his father’s affections, he can’t deny Poseidon’s attempts to shield Tyson from danger. Even Mr. D mourned Castor and asked Percy to protect Pollux. Maybe grief and occasional protectiveness don’t sound like much, but it means there is something beyond just the indifference, anger, pride, and disappointment she expects from the gods. It means there has to be some genuine care in there somewhere. Gods aren’t human, far from it really, but the stories say that humans were created in their image and that has to be more than just their appearance.
Annabeth strongly disagrees. She viewed the Olympian offer of godhood for Percy as an attempt to destroy everything good about him and control him rather than an actual reward. The events of the past year with Hera and her mom have only cemented her views while he’s not sure where he stands himself. He knows some gods will never change and really don’t care about half-bloods, but some do and many are trying to be better. Annabeth believes any attempt by the gods to be “better” or more “human” is fundamentally fake. Maybe she is right, but Percy isn’t quite ready to make that conclusion yet. It also doesn’t mean he wants to become one of them either though.
Not for the first time a small voice in his head reminds him that none of this would be happening if he died at sixteen like he was supposed to. If he had stayed in Tartarus and let Bob escape like he should have. He was always supposed to die. Why should that change now?
He is temporarily saved from tumbling down that rabbit hole by the appearance of Hermes in the doorway who gives him a soft smile and pulls the chair Hades conjured closer to the bed. “Did Hades tell you?” Percy blurts out.
“I was listening to your conversation,” he nods, making Percy cringe and look away. It’s not that surprising and of course other people would find out about what happened with Akhlys but he hates the idea of Hermes knowing.
“Nothing you said changes anything, Percy,” he said carefully. “I know you might feel bad about it but it really isn’t something to beat yourself up over. Many, many heroes have done far worse in far less dire circumstances. You did what you needed to do to live to see another day and save the world again. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
He still wasn’t looking at Hermes but at least answered. “I don’t feel bad about it,” he told him softly. “That’s the problem. I should, but I don’t.”
There was a long pause this time before Hermes spoke again. “I know you care about Annabeth a lot and you are used to relying on her judgment, but just like her mother, she isn’t always right,” he said gently. “And she was under just as much mental pressure at the time as you. She might not be in the best mindset to judge events, or you, fairly. You need to cut both of you a bit of slack for anything that happened down there.” Percy knew Hermes really didn’t like Annabeth but appreciated him at least trying to push that aside for the moment. He really couldn’t handle that kind of interpersonal drama right now. “I spoke to your sister,” he said, changing the subject.
It took a moment for Percy to make the connection. “Kym?”
“Yep,” he grinned, “she says hi. And she explained about the storm the other night.”
“I don’t understand how I could do that without realizing it,” he said, frustration and self-loathing evident in his voice. “Am I just not allowed to have feelings now without causing a major disaster?”
“She’s probably a good person to talk to about that, but she did say that unintentionally creating storms is common for storm godlings, especially when young,” Hermes told him nonchalantly. “And Perce, I suspect it happened not because you were feeling emotional but rather because you were trying not to.”
Percy frowned. “I can’t really help that,” he muttered, “at least not all the time. I disassociate. Did the same thing after the Titan War, though not as bad.”
Hermes furrowed his brow slightly. “What does that mean? For you specifically.”
Percy explained how he spaces out and feels disconnected from himself and his emotions most of the time. It mainly started a couple months after the Titan War but is almost all the time now. Chiron knew about it and gave him exercises to stay present in the moment when it gets really bad, but otherwise it’s just a thing to deal with. He continued by explaining his daydreams, which weren’t really daydreams but apparently a way for his mind to process events according to Pollux.
“So you envision everyday scenes of people you know?” he interrupted. When Percy nodded, he pursed his lips. “Are they talking about you in these daydreams?”
Percy tipped his head thinking. “Sometimes. Well, I guess most of the time, actually. But not always, I don’t think. Why?”
Hermes ran a hand over his face. “Perce, I don’t think those are figments of your imagination. I think that is you unintentionally splitting your consciousness and looking in on events that are actually happening. Names have power, you know, even if you’ve never been fond of that particular rule.”
Percy blinked at him and paused for a moment. “Oh.” He thought about the scenes he’s seen. On Olympus and in Atlantis. Annabeth cursing him out in the safety of her dorm. The gossip at camp. If all that was real, then that really sucked. “I guess I owe Artemis cookies then.” At Hermes’s raised eyebrow, he explained. “She seemed to be the one most against killing me in front of the council,” he said quietly. “Not the only one, but the loudest.”
He would have thought the god of thieves would have a better poker face, but Hermes right now looked like a deer in headlights. “It’s fine,” he quickly assured him. “It’s not a surprise. I know there was talk after the Titan War and expected there would be more after Tartarus. It’s fine. I mean, the first time you did it in front of me so accidentally seeing it behind closed doors isn’t that big of a deal.” Still hurt, but not unexpected. It was the conversations between his dad and Amphitrite about him in Atlantis and between his mom and Paul that bothered him more. Those conversations made clear how much of a burden he was to both his mortal and immortal family. With a jolt he realized if he ascended or whatever then he was about to be that burden forever.
“I’m not sure what you saw,” Hermes finally said, interrupting that line of thought for the moment, “but please know that my father had very little support for his proposal.”
“Zeus and Athena.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah,” he echoed hollowly. “So is this my life now?” he finally asked. “I just get a better front row seat to how much you guys want to screw me over?” Hermes went to answer but Percy kept going. “I don’t even understand—,” he said, shaking his head, “but now what? I’m supposed to give up my entire life to be stuck with you assholes for the rest of eternity?” Hermes snorted. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but still planned on figuring it out. Growing up. Getting married. Having kids. Doing something. And now, what? All that is gone? I get permanently put on a shelf until you guys decide you need me? Forever?”
“Or maybe it isn’t even that. It’s just a better way to toss me out with the trash. I mean, if all that crap is real then I know I’m not welcome in Atlantis and I doubt your dad will be happy about me being on Olympus, so I’m just like Kym now? Spend eternity drifting around and doing the godly equivalent of couch surfing because no one wants me around? Forever?”
“Okay, time out,” Hermes said, holding up his hands. “What do you want?” he asked. “Ignore all the crap from today. What is it you want?” Percy was silent for a long moment. “Hard question?”
“No one has ever asked,” Percy admitted quietly. “I guess I’ve never given that much thought to it.” The closest he came was his idea for him and Annabeth in New Rome but even that was more fantasy than reality. Even though it was originally his idea, he’s come to regret voicing it. He realized he came up with it when all he knew of Annabeth was a name and a face. Hell, the only thing he really knew about himself at the time was a name and a face. But as he continued to struggle with school, the idea of signing up for four more years of this crap makes him want to cry. And New Rome was nice and he enjoyed short visits, but it was so very small and so very Roman. As a New Yorker through and through, the idea of spending his life there makes him a bit claustrophobic. That is to say nothing about the requirement of New Rome citizens to enroll their children in the legion. Percy was forced into the role of child solider and while he knew his kids would have to know how to protect themselves, turning them into child soldiers themselves with the legion was the exact opposite of what he wanted.
“Maybe it’s time to think about it. Uncle H is talking with your father right now and there are decisions that will need to be made about what to do next but what you want out of your life - whether mortal or immortal - is part of that discussion.”
Percy grimaced slightly. There was no way his dad was going to be happy. What should have been his problem for sixteen years was about to become his problem for a lot longer. He let out a heavy sigh, running his hand through his hair impatiently. He was just so tired. He thought of Hercules stuck on his phantom island, Asclepius locked away in his old hospital, Eurytion tied for eternity to a monster he hated. The more he thought about it, the more he came to the conclusion that he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t spend eternity feeling like this. He rather take Asphodel than this. But what if he was judged for punishment? Suicide was looked down upon in Greek culture but was not specifically a crime or a sin. Maybe he could make a deal with his uncle. After all, at least Zeus would be happy with him condemned to the Underworld rather than being an immortal thorn in his side.
He was shocked out of his downward spiral when Hermes took both his hands in his, sincerity and a little fear shining in his eyes.
Hermes watched as Percy continued to try and process all the information that had been thrown at him today. He had a feeling of which direction his thoughts were taking him and wanted to put a stop to it now. Suicide wasn’t that uncommon amongst heroes and even without considering Tartarus, Percy had been through more than most at a much younger age and in a very short period of time. Everyone had their limit, and most would have reached it long before now.
He reached out and grabbed his hands, trying to provide some kind of anchor. He realized the scar Percy kept rubbing when he was anxious was from the pit scorpion his son unleashed on him when he was twelve. He rubbed the scar himself before he took a long look at the boy in front of him. Hermes never yearned for mortality, was grateful for not having to struggle like mortals did. But for a brief moment, it was almost like the two lives Percy could live were placed side by side. And he could understand how the mortal choice would be enticing for Percy. The option to have a family, to have a path he could follow with a beginning and an end. It would be a small life, and part of Hermes chafed at the thought of Percy ever being small like that, but perhaps it would be more fulfilling. As a god, Percy would never be able to have and raise children like a mortal can; he would be bound by the same rules the rest of them were. Nor could he have godly children that he could keep by his side. That kind of thing was up to the Fates but the pantheon was already too big as it was that no new gods had been born since even before Rome fell even while dozens faded.
Percy was also incredibly attached to his mortal life. Maybe not as much as he was before Hera forcibly separated him from it for months on end, but in some ways maybe more. He may have fought in the name of Olympus but Hermes knew he actually fought mostly for his friends and family and it showed. He didn’t miss how protective other campers, especially those from the Titan War, were when it came to Percy. Becoming a god would be leaving most of them behind. Thalia at least had partial immortality, but it was partial meaning she would still die someday, whether it was next week or a thousand years from now. There was also the question of Grover’s status, which the council really needed to discuss. As Pan’s chosen successor, he should be offered immortality but that hadn’t been done yet or maybe ever would. But even if Grover became immortal, all of Percy’s other friends would die. He would outlive them and his mortal family. He would still have his immortal family, but he had been kept separate from them so far and Kymopoleia’s current predicament served as a reminder that not even your immortal family was required to stand by you.
Mortal life was a familiar framework for Percy while immortal life was not. He could do so much more as a god, but perhaps that wasn’t what he was looking for. Hermes wasn’t sure he knew what he was looking for regardless.
For the gods it was easier. They were born with a purpose. So was Percy, but that purpose seemed to keep changing with each new prophecy. That alone came as a shock to most. No matter what happened, none of them believed Percy would survive that first prophecy. And when he did…
To the best of his knowledge, no one had ever turned down godhood. A few had turned down immortality but even that was rare. He did understand Percy’s reasoning; since he first entered their world he had been caught up in a war with no chance to have a normal childhood and he wanted to address what caused that war in the first place. The system at camp was horribly outdated and while proposals to change it had been debated over the centuries, the council never found the will to actually do anything. But in one stroke Percy could make them, and the promise he extracted went much further than any of the half-baked proposals debated before. It really shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone who knew him as Percy had a habit of putting other people’s needs ahead of his own, which is why most of the council was completely shocked.
Gods were used to the temporary nature of the world they ruled over. Mortals were born and died in a few blinks of the eye. When something truly special comes along, it is in their nature to try and keep it, make it permanent like them. Percy was that kind of special. Even Zeus recognized it, otherwise he would have never made such a big deal about requesting immortality in offering his gift. And not just immortality, he openly offered godhood.
His denial of that offer rocked Olympus in ways that no half-blood likely knew. There was an air of mourning in the weeks that followed that they wouldn’t be able to keep this pearl of the sea. Percy was well versed in the worst politics of Olympus but that wasn't all there was and Hermes realized he probably didn’t know the better parts.
So he started to tell him, about life outside council debates and drama. About how much he had already changed them for the better. About how upset many gods were at his decision even while they benefitted from his wish. How much morale improved when Percy was released from the shadows placed by Hera. How Iris set up ROLF where she did when she realized he would need help on his quest. How Nemesis and Hecate both made sure they were not on Olympus when word of the pending lockdown spread so they could assist the quest if needed. How he did more to heal the divisions on Olympus with his wish than any of them had managed over centuries. How many gods asked after him when he didn’t show for Winter Solstice, not to gawk but because they were worried about him after everything that happened. How Aphrodite and Tyche were working on a proposal to amend the ancient laws. How they did care even if they were horrible at showing it but so many were trying to demonstrate it better thanks to his faith in them.
Percy listened to him quietly, eyes filled with doubt and disbelief. Hermes knew Percy had issues with self-worth which both baffled him and made him incredible angry towards whoever encouraged such nonsense. He needed to understand how much he was valued, and not just for his powers and the monsters he slayed.
“I told you once that you can’t give up on family,” he reminded him, rubbing Percy’s knuckles in his hands.
“I remember.”
“Keep that in mind. We are your family too.” Hermes tipped his head and gave him a sardonic smile. “An incredibly dysfunctional family, but you get used to it.”
Percy snorts and gives him a half smile, just enough for his dimples to show. It’s a soft little thing, but this time there is a tiny bit that reaches his eyes. It’s like the first rays of dawn hitting the ocean horizon. And that spark, as small as it may be, fills Hermes with warmth. He didn’t think he fully understood how much he missed that until this moment.
He thought back to the energy that would ultimately become Percy’s essence. He really was unlike any hero before. Percy is so much more, and he doesn’t mean his accomplishments. Like the sea, Percy is a world unto himself with all the beauty of the surface and depths few beings will ever know. And although it may be selfish, Hermes is glad he will be able to keep him beyond a mortal lifespan.
He sensed Hades and Poseidon heading towards the room and a minute later they appeared in the doorway. Poseidon still looked a little forlorn but far better than he had over the past few months. Hades placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder in a silent communication, before tipping his head to urge Hermes to leave. Hermes gave Percy’s hands one last squeeze before getting up and following Hades out.
He walked down the hallway but kept one eye on the scene in the room. Percy watched his father warily as Poseidon sat next to him on the bed. As soon as Poseidon turned to him, he found the corner of the room more interesting.
"Percy," he said sadly, running his hand through his son's hair. When Percy didn't respond, he moved to tip Percy’s chin up so he was looking directly at him. “I am so sorry,” he told his son, sincerity in every syllable. Hermes didn’t know exactly what he was apologizing for as there was a pretty long list of possibilities. Maybe it didn’t matter though as Percy’s jaw started to tremble before a sob was ripped from his throat with such surprising force he clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle it. Poseidon gently removed his hand and pulled him into a hug, whispering apologies as Percy sobbed in his father’s arms.
And Hermes realized both his uncle and cousin were lamenting the same things. The wars and Tartarus. Hera’s scheme and the manipulation they all did to him. The prophecies that just kept coming. A lost childhood and a future he never asked for. The deaths and the grief and the guilt.
He turned his focus away from the room to leave them to their privacy. Things would get better. Percy had proven his faith in the gods time and time again and now Hermes would return the favor. After all as a god, he knew well the power of faith and it looked like they would have all the time in the world to work with.