Archive of Our Own ^beta

Dear Ron,

Do the following:

1. If you know who I am, CONTINUE READING
2. If you do NOT know who I am, please hold onto this letter until your eleventh birthday and:
1. If you still do not, DISREGARD THIS LETTER
2. If you now do, CONTINUE READING

With that out of the way, holy shit, Ron, what the hell!!!   I feel perfectly justified in swearing, because the last thing I recall is going to sleep at the end of the Battle (keeping it vague in the case that you have ignored my initial notes and are reading this without knowing who I am anyway, honestly Ronald, it’s for your own benefit, I’m trying not to freak kid-you out), and then suddenly I’m waking up and it’s my 11th birthday.  Such a leap is unprecedented, and unlike what happened with our… third adventure, shall we say, I’m eleven!  Not as I was!  (Again, forgive me the vagueness, please.)  Like I told our third friend, who I will wait for confirmation from you first before owling him, you know how he’d feel about this if he didn’t know and I don’t want to get him in trouble with his horrid relatives, but anyway, like I told him, bad things happen to wizards who… no, if I’m keeping it vague I shouldn’t say that, should I?  I’ll tell you if/when you owl me back.  Again, if you don’t remember me, you’re supposed to be disregarding this letter, so if this is out of the blue please do not send a letter back calling me crazy until you turn eleven and don’t remember, if you please.  As I am informed I was born in the early morning on Sept. 19th, please determine when you were born before throwing this away and wait for said moment.

Right, until you either remember or don’t, there’s not much more I can say.

But I promise things will be different this time.

Sincerely,

Mione

Dear ‘Mione,

Holy shit is right!  Sorry it took until March, I’m assuming your theory is birthday memories?  If so, probably right, asked Mum when I was born and it was like an aguamenti to the face.  Absolutely bonkers.  Good call on Harry, but his late birthday is going to be the death of us, isn’t it?  Merlin, I wish we could help… nothing for it, though, we’re still eleven and he’d think us mad.  He’s a bit skittish at eleven, if I’m remembering right.  Dunno how he put up with us, honestly.  Is it just us three?

Write back soon,

Ron

Ron,

Welcome to hell :)

Mione

Mione - WHAT???

Dear Ronald Weasley,

Hello, Susan Bones, Head of Outreach, here!  Sorry we didn’t owl you on your birthday, Hermione said she had it covered and wanted to ease you in a little.  She and the Raverins (Ravenclaw/Slytherins) in R&D are working on the plans, if you could write down your best recollection of the seven years and send it to Mandy, that’d be lovely, we want to corroborate with what Hermione remembers about it all.

If you would like to participate in the Restructuring Project, the departments are as follows:

Research and Development - Headed by Mandy Brocklehurst (involved in methods of horcrux removal, spell creation, and other such research projects)

Outreach - Headed by Susan Bones (in charge of reaching out to yearmates on their birthdays - if you are unsure of a yearmate’s birthday and want to confirm if they are available for contact, please owl me)

War Strategy - Headed by Tracey Davis (involved in the game plan for how we’re going to ruin the future in a good way)

Wizengamot - Headed by Padma Patil (the political side, works closely with War Strategy but membership requires seats in the Wizengamot)

Acquisitions - Headed by Millicent Bulstrode (involved in getting R&D what they need, stocking up on ingredients, weapons, magical items, therapists, etc)

Once you join a department, you can use the attached notebook to send memos to either other departments, or individuals, for short messages and conversations.  If you have a lot to say, please send it separately to the appropriate person via owl (this includes your report, thanks)!

In terms of what the hell is going on, as you no doubt figured out by now, our year is receiving memories of our future/past on our eleventh birthdays, discovered in November when Padma and Parvati “broke containment” and figured out it was a cross house issue, as most people had only been in contact with their friends.  From what Hermione has been able to tell us, our years were apparently bonkers batshit insane, so we collectively decided that we’re not going to let any of that happen again.  Honestly.

According to our records, Harry Potter is the latest birthday in our year and is expected to be the last person to remember things, as no older years seem to remember anything.  As near as we can tell, this is a phenomenon linked to our year alone.  In that spirit, we are largely setting house rivalries aside since, as Blaise put it, “there’s no fucking way we’re letting the Dark Lord come back again, that was appalling.”  We are all working towards a common goal of having a peaceful six (or seven, if we can manage it, but we’re not holding our breath) years at Hogwarts.

Again, please send your accounts to Mandy posthaste, and join a department or start your own!

List of departments we have already vetoed:

• Fixing bets with future knowledge
• Pranking (leaving that to the Weasley Twins and any happenstance due to our dramatic change)
• Homework and Essay Services (bribe your friends if you must but this really should be easy)
• Sports and Games (this is not needed for peace, just make an inter-house quidditch team you fanatics
• SPEW (that’s for War Strategy and Wizengamot, take it up with them, Hermione)

Thank you!

Susan Bones, Head of Outreach

Memo: War Strategy

To: Davis

From: Weasley

I want in.

Memo: Re: War Strategy

To: Weasley

From: Davis

Pawn to E4.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: Davis

From: Weasley

Queen to A2.  Checkmate.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: Weasley

From: Tracey

Call me Tracey.  You’re in.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: Tracey

From: Ron

Ron then.  I’m sending an owl, my plans are too much for a memo

Memo: Welcome Weasley War Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Tracey

Everyone should have gotten a copy of Ron’s excellent plans, meeting at Fortescue’s in half an hour, sound off if you can’t make it

Memo: Lockhart???

To: R&D

From: Sue

I was going over the second year dossier again and was anyone going to tell me that Lockhart was a mass obliviator or???  No way in HELL we’re doing second year with that idiot again, let’s get on this!

Memo: Re: Lockhart???

To: R&D
From: Terry

I thought Morag took care of that on her family trip…?

Memo: Re: Re: Lockhart???

To: R&D
From: Morag

I did, the memory restoration charm worked like a dream, thanks Theo, it just hasn’t hit the British news cycle yet.  Related, further read Ron’s report on the CoS debacle, we’re fixing the general wand issue early, right?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Lockhart???

To: R&D
From: Greg

I’m working on wandmaking.  Two steps away.  Traceless wands FTW

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lockhart???

To: R&D
From:  Hermione

Michael for the love of Merlin stop teaching them slang

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lockhart???

To: R&D
From:  Michael

No <3

Memo: Greenery

To: Acquisitions

From: Daphne

Circe, I would kill for Longbottom right now, why does he have to have the second latest birthday

Memo: Re: Greenery

To: Daphne, Acquisitions

From: Millie

Yeah the whole department is feeling it, don’t worry, is this for the Wolfsbless project?

Memo: Re: Re: Greenery

To: Acquisitions, R&D

From: Daphne

Bane and Bless are not opposites and I will die on this hill.

But yes.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Greenery

To: Daphne, Acquisitions

From: Tony

I’m begging you to not bring up this argument again, that memo got way too long

Daphne go back to your Wizengamot memos >:(

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Greenery

To: Acquisitions

From: Daphne

Finish the damn potion, Goldstein, so we can actually refine the werewolf laws.  Honestly.

Memo: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Blaise, Greg, Vince, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey, Mille

From: Draco

THIS IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

Memo: Re: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Draco, Blaise, Greg, Vince, Theo, Daphne, Tracey, Millie

From: Pansy

We’re not bringing the dark lord back draco, we already agreed

Memo: Re: Re: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Blaise, Greg, Vince, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey, Millie

From: Draco

No that’s not the issue, he was insane anyway

NO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH PUBERTY AGAIN

I’M GOING TO COMBUST AGAIN

Memo: Re: Re: Re: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Draco, Blaise, Greg, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey, Millie

From: Vince

Oh right, your crush lmao

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Blaise, Greg, Vince, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey, Millie

From: Draco

WHO IS TEACHING YOU SLANG??????

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Draco, Blaise, Vince, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey, Millie

From: Greg

Michael Corner

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: WHAT THE FUCK

To: Draco, Blaise, Greg, Vince, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey

From: Millie

Malfoy get your shit together, you can have your existential crisis about Potter another day but if you don’t get your ass over to R&D right the fuck now, on behalf of Acquisitions I will shave your head

I’m sure we’ll find a use for your luscious locks

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: Blaise, Greg, Vince, Theo, Pansy, Daphne, Tracey, Millie

From: Draco

NO

Dear Hermione,

I’m gonna be honest, considering I was technically born mere moments before August (as the seventh month dies indeed) I wasn’t actually awake?  When the memories hit?  But as soon as I was and I got all my memories, my first thought was, “yep, same shit as always” because of COURSE this happens to me… ugh.  Well, Susan’s owl came that morning (excellent way to be safe when you don’t know the exact time, very good) so I didn’t have to be resigned for too long.  Very cool that it’s not just us three!  Awesome!  Erm, I was wondering if you had a department recommendation…?  None of them really seem like my style.  Maybe Acquisitions?  I can… acquire things.  Like the cup.  Oh, are people working on that?  I saw Susan’s letter mentioned horcruxes, so I guess they must be…

Welp, let me know if you have a recommendation, I’m gonna work on my “report” now.

Love you bunches,

Harry

Harry,

Oh I thought Susan told you, Harry!

Technically we’re structuring a bit like the Ministry with our departments, but obviously better.  And you’re… the Minister?  Honestly, Harry, you’ve been our leader for forever, eleven or not.  You can join a department if you really want but we only have a month until school.  Ron’s in War Strategy with Tracey, I’m in R&D with the Slytherclaws (Greg is going to set you up with your wand, I know you probably picked one up from Ollivander but he’s made you one to get around the Trace), and if I’m right Neville just became co-leader of Acquisitions with Millie, they’ve been waiting for him for ages.

As for things you can acquire, we’ll need your parseltongue eventually, but for now, see if you can get the locket from Kreacher.  Speaking of the Blacks, you just have to wait a week before we start the plan to get Sirius out, Ron apparently has fifteen contingency plans for it and then he’ll be in mind healing for the rest of the year and you can stay with him come summer.

Everything is going to be different, Harry, better.

You should have met Justin in Diagon yesterday, even if you didn’t remember, send him a memo when you get this and he’ll “invite you over” for a “muggle-raised get together” that will conveniently have you staying over for the rest of summer.  His parents are excellent and ask minimal questions.

See you soon, Harry!

Love, 

Hermione

Memo: Harry’s report

To: R&D

From: Mandy

Hi Hermoine wtf :))))

Memo: Re: Harry’s report

To: R&D

From: Hermione

???

Memo: Re: Re: Harry’s report

To: R&D

From: Mandy

YOU AND RON LEFT SO MUCH OUT

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Harry’s report

To: R&D

From: Hermione

Well it’s not like we were THERE for all of it, some of it was apparently a Harry Special™️!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Harry’s report

To: R&D

From: Sally-Anne

Ngl the basilisk is still wild, i knew it was in Ron’s report but like, he never saw it.  30 meters???  I’d just die

Not moving this time tho, ilvermorny was fine but like, i got memories back, might as well stick around, ya know?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Harry’s report

To: R&D

From: Sally-Anne

For reference, the blue whale:

(link if you can't see the image)

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: R&D

From: Hermione

CC: Acquisitions

I DID NOT HAVE A SIZE REFERENCE BEFORE, PLEASE EXCUSE ME

Acquisitions has been cc’d on this memo in the interest of Harry definitely needing therapy

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: R&D, Acquisitions

From: Lavender

As opposed to the therapy he didn’t need before?  The last time the therapy sub department sent him a memo, his response was “but lavender you died, and i guess i kind of did too but like, we have stuff to do, therapy can wait” which I’m STILL NOT OVER, WHAT THE HELL POTTER???

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: R&D, Acquisitions

From: Hermione

HE FUCKING WHAT

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: R&D, Acquisitions

From: Mandy

CC: Harry

THAT WASN’T IN THE GODDAMN REPORT, WHAT THE FUCK POTTER, WE THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST FAKING IT FR

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: R&D, Acquisitions

From: Harry

Oh, right, I guess I didn’t tell anyone but no voldie had to kill me or it wouldn’t remove the horcrux in my scar

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: R&D, Acquisitions

From: Mandy

CC: All

AKSJHDFAJFBVHDASLUDHCJ!!!!!!!

THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT NEEDS TO BE IN YOUR GODDAMN REPORT!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Hermione

Harry I’m coming over.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

??? is justin okay with that????

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Justin

I’ll hold him down

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Ron

Omw

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Sue

I know we made the horcrux transferal ritual because we were like “please don’t destroy the priceless artifacts even tho moldyshorts defiled them” but i really didn’t think we’d need it to NOT KILL HARRY WHAT THE HELL????

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

I think I just had a heart attack?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Theo

Sue, I’m running the arithmancy for it, we need to adjust because Potter has his own soul, funnily enough

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Sue

Ergh, yeah, let’s split.  Harry please remember other crucial details like this

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Justin

Lmao next he’s gonna tell us he stopped the zombie apocalypse without us knowing

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Oh we should probably maybe deal with the lake full of inferi

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Tracey

Hnnngggg we only have four days, we’ll shelve it for yule, memo closed, everyone break off

Minerva McGonagall was a little anticipatory for this year’s crop of first years.  After all, this was the year Harry Potter, along with many old family heirs, would be attending, and she could only hope things went smoothly.

She gave her regular speech about the houses, and checked the students over, looking for the regular reactions.

Surprisingly, the students looked almost… relaxed.  They were goofing off as if they weren’t worried about the sorting at all.  She inspected Ronald Weasley, who she expected to be rather nervous as she had no doubt his brothers would have made something up to scare him, but he was perfectly at ease talking to the Davis girl, looking for all the world like he was going on an evening stroll.  How peculiar, but perhaps they hadn’t pranked it, however unlikely that would seem.

The ghosts did their routine of floating through a wall and not a single student screamed, but there were a few gasps and laughter.

She led the students inside and about four different people chorused, “According to Hogwarts, A History,” and then half the students burst into giggles, one bushy haired girl, Miss Granger, one of the muggleborns Minerva had escorted, huffed and rolled her eyes.

“I was excited,” she huffed, and Ron nudged her with a grin, which she easily returned.

Hmm, perhaps most of them had met on the train?  Odd, for thirty some kids, but possible.

The Sorting Hat went through its song and Minerva took up her scroll and read off the first name.

“Abbot, Hannah!”

The girl bounced up to the seat and plopped the hat on her head.

“GRYFFLEPUFF!”

She seemed to see nothing wrong with this, and none of the other first years did either, but the rest of the school was obviously quite confused.

Minerva shook her head.  The girl’s school robes turned yellow and black, and she sat at the Hufflepuff table, so clearly the old Hat had simply said wrong.

“Bones, Susan!”

“HUFFLECLAW!”

Miss Bones huffed in amusement but went to the badgers.

“Hat,” Minerva hissed, “what on earth is going on with you?”

“Oi,” it retorted, “you do your job and I’ll do mine!”

The sorting proceeded accordingly, every student being a mash of two houses in every combination, students sitting wherever they seemed to please, but their ties and robe trimmings were all in order.  Draco Malfoy looked almost affronted when the Hat called out “SLYTHERPUFF” for him, but his yearmates merely ribbed him goodnaturedly.  Finally, came the name she had been anticipating.

“Potter, Harry.”

The hat deliberated for several moments, humming and hawing, before calling out, “GRYFFLERIN!”

“What?!” Miss Granger called out, “Three houses was an option?!  No fair, I’d make an excellent Slyvendor!”

As she had been sorted as a Gryffinclaw, sitting herself at the lion’s table, Minerva felt quite faint at this point by the sheer confusion this year’s sorting was making.

“Aw, Hermione,” Harry called from where he was setting the hat back on the stool, “don’t sell yourself short, you’re plenty loyal and hardworking too!  You could be a… Slyff… Rath… huh, is there a good way to combine all four?”

“Grafflerin,” Sally-Anne Perks offered, “Gryff’ into Rav’, into Huffle’, into Slyth’.  Or Gratherpuff.  You need to lean into the shared r though.”

Harry shrugged.  “Sure. Hermione would make a great Grafflerin.”

Minerva cleared her throat and looked back at the list.

The faster she could get through this the faster it would be over.

What a strange year this would be.

Severus Snape was honestly at a loss.  He suspected that this was Potter’s idea of a prank, taking after his father, but he couldn’t understand how or why, other than the sheer chaos it was creating.  At least their house colors were clearly…

Wait, no, his godson’s robes were in green and silver trim but his house insignia was clearly a badger, in Slytherin colors, what?

He surreptitiously waved his wand over his goblet.

He wasn’t sober enough for this.

When he finally made it to the Slytherin dorms, only mildly intoxicated to take the edge off, he squinted at the gathered first years.

“Miss Li,” he said silkily, “would you care to explain why you and Mister MacMillan are here, in Slytherin, when you were sorted into… Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff?”

(How did they even get in here?  Were the prefects not watching?)

“Actually we sorted Ravenpuff and Huffledor,” she bounced on her feet, “but I was busy talking to Mandy so I just followed her here.  Don’t worry, I saw Pansy with Padma, so I can just spend the night in her bed instead.  Not sure why Ernie’s here!”

He shrugged.  “Theo wanted to talk to Nev about something, so he’s in the lion’s den and Seamus switched to the badgers, and I’m here.  Figured I could talk to Draco about bill seventeen, but I guess he switched with Dean?”

Indeed, Dean Thomas waved.  “Come on, like we don’t know why.”

Daphne Greengrass snorted, which seemed rather unlike the pureblood heiress known in society to be quite cold to those not close to her.  “He’s only spent the entire summer whining about it.  Honestly thank Merlin he’s not in my department yet.  I am not looking forward to when we’re legally allowed to sit.”

Severus cleared his throat and hurried through his speech, feeling a little disgruntled that they seemed to be politely paying attention (isn’t that what he should want?  Very disconcerting for a bunch of eleven year olds, though, and none of them seemed remotely afraid of him), and then he speed-walked to his personal quarters and wordlessly unlocked the cabinet he rarely touched until the first week was over.

It was the first time in his entire teaching career he felt he had needed it before classes even started.

Memo: Snape

To: All

From: Neville

Opt out of the memo if you don’t care, but surely.  Surely we can make this better.

Right?

Memo: Re: Snape

To: All

From: Harry

Ok mandy you can’t yell at me i totally put this in my report

Memo: Re: Re: Snape

To: All

From: Mandy

You did.  Snape’s a spy and only was a dick to harry and neville because of the prophecy, time for Operation: Lily’s Son, thank you WS dep

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Snape

To: All

From: Ron

Anytime, the fact that blaise knew flower language made that easy

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Snape

To: All

From: Harry

I still can’t believe that’s what he meant, but doesn’t O:LS require my hair to not suck

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Snape

To: All

From: Lavender

Pav and I’ve got this, we’re still in the Red Tower tonight and we’ll tackle him in the morning.  Claim: we just really wanted to, his hair is an actual crime

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Parvati

Yeah we’re women, they’ll buy that

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

sigh okay

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

Ooooo, I’ll help!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: Draco

From: Lavender

subtle

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

We can just bribe him with basilisk parts, i can just pop down real quick with the sorting hat

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

I speak for everyone when I say absolutely not

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

>:( but i lived last time, it’ll be fine!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Ron

Hey R&D you guys finished making copies of the map, right?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Mandy

Yes, we’ll have someone watching it at all times, if Harry gets close we’ll know

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

That’s such an invasion of privacy!!!  If i want to go kill a crazy ancient snake, i should legally be allowed to do that

And again, last time it was fine

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

But its not last time.  Honestly, how could you have sorted slytherin?!  You know what one of the traits of slytherin is? SELF PRESERVATION

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

No it’s not, that’s not on the list

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

FUCK THE LIST IT’S A TRAIT

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

No, look, the list is cunning, ambition, being a mother hen

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

Potter

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Nowhere on the list does it say self preservation

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

Potter i'm going to kill you

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Is that the ambition talking?  What makes you think you’ll manage it when no one else has?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Lavender

Except tommy boy

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Yeah but that one didn’t stick so does it really count?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

Blaise, theo, will you be my alibi when i commit a crime?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Theo

no

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Blaise

Theo darling we made a pact, we have to

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Theo

We were six, we didn’t know he was a little shit then, so i feel like that shouldn’t count

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

Always have each other’s backs, motherfucker, now show me your copy of the map, i need to find our illustrious idiot i mean leader

Wait

BLAISE

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Blaise

Oh would you look at that, the memo is reaching it’s reply limit :)

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

I thought they didn’t have a limit?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

You’ll never catch me alive!!!!!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Theo

Hmm, he’s no longer on the map.  I didn’t realize that was possible.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

HA!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Neville

He went out the Honeydukes passageway

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

WHAT THE HELL, NEVILLE, I THOUGHT WE WERE BROTHERS

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Neville

Draco snores

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Mandy

This is getting ridiculous, activating the override to lock the memo

Also Harry running away from your problems is not the solution, just agree to therapy already, we have the time.

Memo: I’m Not Going to Therapy

To: All

From: Harry

>:(

Memo: Staff Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

Overheard the staff meeting, dyk we fucked up the points system?

Memo: Re: Staff Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Tracey

Elaborate?

Memo: Re: Re: Staff Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

Points split between houses even if they’re only docking/adding to one person

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Staff Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Zach

Because we all sorted across houses?  That seems reasonable, you’ve all seen our robes

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Staff Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

Yeah but apparently draco got docked points yesterday for being a general nuisance about harry and it took points from gryffindor and hufflepuff, not slytherin or ravenclaw.  He sorted slytherpuff, right?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Staff Meeting

To: War Strategy

From: Ron

The gryffindor makes sense because any time draco’s being annoying its probably harry’s fault, and he wasn’t exactly demonstrating the slytherin cunning in that moment, was he?  So i guess the castle takes points by rep, not actual house…?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Blaise

How peculiar.  Hannah did say the Hat and subsequently the castle was amused by us; can we assume she’s taking it a step further?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

She?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Blaise

The castle, obviously

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Tracey

The castle

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Ron

He means the castle

Oh lmao

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Blaise

Yes, well.  Justin, did the staff meeting reveal anything else?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

Cryptic bullshit about the traps, general pleased noises over house unity, the twins are still gaslighting Percy but we knew that

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Ron

He’s the only one who correctly identifies points, I’ve noticed, they go exactly where he wants them to

Also are the twins still doing that?  Really?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Zach

Oh, I noticed that, yeah, they really fit in well with our house hopping, huh?  I wonder where they got the other ties, since it’s not like they’re trading with us…are they?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Tracey

We’re not doing a tie count, but they could have gotten their red ones into circulation no problem considering how most of us just sleep wherever is closest or by whoever they’re talking to, it’s not like it’d be hard

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

Oh they also commented on harry?  Apparently they’re going to start docking points if we keep picking him up and tucking him under our arms like a rugby ball

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Ron

It’s not our fault he’s small enough for it!  Besides, for all he complains i can guarantee he enjoys it, trust me

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Blaise

The badgers keep feeding him as well, we probably won’t be able to do that forever.  I do believe the older badgers have also started plying him with food.  My only real complaint about it is that Draco can’t do it so if he sees it he WILL pout and be insufferable for a solid hour afterwards, and it’s really not fair to subject people to that

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Zach

Of COURSE the older badgers feed him, they saw us doing it and they just immediately complied, this is a regular badger house trait!  And Draco can stuff it, he simply needs to work a day in his life and get strong enough to pick Harry up like a cat like the rest of us, most of the GIRLS can do it!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Tracey

Justin, anything else?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy

From: Justin

Ehhhh, not really, I’ll keep you posted tho

Memo: TMR?

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Theo

Evidence suggests that if we restore TMR he’ll come back sane.  Destruction still?

Memo: Re: TMR?

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Hermione

Oh but he had such good ideas when he was younger!

Memo: Re: Re: TMR?

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Tony

Are you an actual psychopath?  Hell no, destruction still!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: TMR?

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Tracey

Concur, we don’t need him, we’ll just use his ideas as our own

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: TMR?

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Draco

Hi absolutely not <3  I almost had a panic attack when we had our first DADA lesson and that’s just when I knew he was in the room, hermione if you pull that shit I will call you a slur <3

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: TMR?

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Hermione

That seems fair

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Theo

ok

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Terry

Tracey had a point as well, if you still have copies of his ideas send them to Padma and the wizen team will reuse the good bits

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Mandy

So what theo DIDN’T say is that we have all the horcruxes so we’re ready for the ritual

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Morag

Correct, we’re setting up the ritual space now, get who you need, we’re doing this on samhain or so help me merlin

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Blaise

Oh thank god DADA will be normal… how’s Wolfsbless and the status on the curse?  The sooner we get Lupin in here the better off we are

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Greg

Already sent out to a potions master who isn’t snape, clinical trials will start at the next full moon, will be done in time for next year at least

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Hermione

Oh goodie!  Harry’s been missing Remus, so this will be good for him as well, maybe that final push he needs to go to therapy like the rest of us did

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: War Strategy, R&D

From: Ron

Oh mione, I didn’t think you were one for optimism…

Quirinus Quirrell burst into the Great Hall, crying out, “TROLL!  TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS!”  Oddly, it seemed like most of the first years had seemingly… mouthed along?  Surely not.  He swallowed.

“Thought you ought to know.”

Memo: Troll

To: All

From: Hermione

Eyes on harry AT ALL TIMES

Memo: Re: Troll

To: All

From: Harry

Wh, I wasn’t going to fight it!

Memo: Re: Re: Troll

To: All

From: Seamus

X to doubt

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Troll

To: All

From: Hermione

MICHAEL STOP TEACHING THE PUREBLOODS SLANG

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Troll

To: All

From: Michael

It’s really funny tho

Plus, are they using it incorrectly?

No!

Therefore-

Memo: QQ Purge

To: All

From: Ritual Specialist Sue :D

Hi hi!!!! We’re officially dark lord free!!! So a spots open if harry wants to step up…

Memo: Re: QQ Purge

To: All

From: Daphne

Holy shit don’t put that idea in his head that messes with so many wizen plans i will delete you from the face of this planet don't even try me

Memo: Re: Re: QQ Purge

To: All

From: Harry

O ye of little faith, I’m not gonna be a DARK LORD!  That’s like, so not my vibe

Memo: Re: Re: Re: QQ Purge

To: All

From: Hermione

Michael.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: QQ Purge

To: All

From: Michael

What the hell, he isn’t even a pureblood, why am I not allowed to teach ANYONE slang????

Memo: Pretty sure that’s it

To: All

From: Susan

I think that’s it until we hit wizen age, thanks all for your wonderful work so far, obviously we can still do good work but we can drop out of war mode now, let’s have a regular six and a half school years!  Professor Lupin is already contracted for next year, I’m sure we’re all ecstatic that he came for our spring term as well, QQ being the coward that he is, so that’s good professors taken care of, the dark lord gone, Sirius Black freed and Peter Pettigrew locked up… Tracey, am I missing anything?

Memo: Re: Pretty sure that’s it

To: All

From: Tracey

Hmm, everyone in Azkaban right now… Ah, BCJr

Memo: Re: Re: Pretty sure that’s it

To: All

From: Harry

No I had Kreacher take care of it, he’s gone, and azkaban is gonna be hit with a mysterious incurable virus in a few days

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Pretty sure that’s it

To: All

From: Tracey

…then no.  Inferi lake is gone, horcruxes and Dark Lord are gone, Death Eaters are generally gone… Obviously if any of the free ones relapse we, as Daphne would put it, delete them from the face of the earth.  We’re set to take over the Wizen in seven years, but all immediately fixable problems are resolved as of right now.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pretty sure that’s it

To: All

From: Pansy

Seven?  Tracey, we graduate in six.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pretty sure that’s it

To: All

From: Tracey

I’m aware.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Padma

Yeah no we’re taking over in seven, Tracey’s right

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Daphne

Absolutely correct, we’re going to obliterate the ministry :)

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Susan

Right!  Then I guess from now on, live normal lives!  And Harry!  Lavender tells me you haven’t gotten therapy yet, but oh look!  Time!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

What no, we’re in school, we have homework and stuff

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Hermione

Harry, it’s first year, we do this stuff in our sleep.  Literally, in some cases.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Wow, would you look at that, the memo reply limit!  That’s crazy!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Blaise

Wow I feel honored, he learns from the best <3

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

But Harry, I go to therapy, it’s really not that bad :(

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

…I’ll try it, but only once, and if I don’t like it I’m not gonna do it again

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Lavender

Draco you actual fucking miracle worker

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Susan

Excellent!  Well, to six and a half years of peace, everyone!

Memo: Tournament

To: All

From: Tracey

Listen to me very fucking closely you idiots, the age line will not hold us as we’re all technically older, but if a single goddamn one of you puts your name in you will be slaughtered.

Slaughtered.

Peaceful.  Fucking.  Year.

Memo: Re: Tournament

To: All

From: Harry

If it’s the same tasks tho we’re helping the champions, they aren’t going in blind

Memo: Re: Re: Tournament

To: All

From: Tracey

To quote Snape, Obviously

Memo: Umbitch

To: All

From: Harry

I can’t believe we forgot about her, so much for a quiet fifth year

Memo: Re: Umbitch

To: All

From: Ron

Don’t worry, we’ve had a plan for her since day one, she’s gone by tomorrow

Memo: Re: Re: Umbitch

To: All

From: Theo

Yeah we got her fifteen minutes after the feast ended

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Umbitch

To: All

From: Harry

…wow, nice!

Memo: OWLs

To: All

From: Hermione

We’re all good for this, right?  Everything’s squared away?  Kind of disappointed we didn’t have to restart the DA but Remus has been an excellent teacher for all these years I really can’t actually complain

Memo: Re: OWLs

To: All

From: Ron

On behalf of me and Harry, I would like to apologize to the entire year, because usually it was just us who had to deal with Hermione, but now we’re all basically family so you all get to suffer as well.  Oh, did I say I was apologizing?  I meant get fucked.

Memo: Re: Re: OWLs

To: All

From: Hermione

Ronald I recommend running.

Memo: Seventh Year

To: All

From: Harry

Sorry for the memo it just feels… really weird to actually be in school for this.

Memo: Re: Seventh Year

To: All

From: Susan

I told you!  Quiet years, right?  Super peaceful save for our regular shenanigans (Seamus setting things on fire, Draco being dramatic, Sue and Theo performing rituals for things no one knows about, etc etc) and the few blips we’ve had to correct!  But, one last year folks, let’s get through this and make it to June this time, yeah?

Memo: Re: Re: Seventh Year

To: All

From: Dean

Sorry did I just hear the sound of you JINXING us?  If I wake up on my eleventh birthday again I’m holding you personally responsible, Susan, I don’t care how scary your boyfriend is

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Seventh Year

To: All

From: Susan

Oh shove off, let’s just do our last year and then completely overhaul the government already >:)

Memo: Graduation

To: All

From: Harry

See you all in two hours!  No one die in the meantime! ;)

Memo: Re: Graduation

To: All

From: Dean

WHAT did I say about JINXING US?!

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Graduation

To: All

From: Blaise

Just heard McGonagall say “we are sad to see them go,” and then mutter, “the weird blighters they are,” before going back to her speech with, “but they move on to greater heights,” “far away from me, Merlin I need to retire.”

Suffice to say we’ve made an impression.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Graduation

To: All

From: Neville

Aw, I’ll miss good ol Minnie McG

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Seamus

I’ll pay you ten galleons to call her that to her face before we leave campus

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Neville

Bet

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Padma

You all have three days to party but anyone with seats or in War Strategy has to show up at Greengrass Manor on Wednesday at 10am on threat of deletion from the face of the earth.

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Daphne

Idk why that became MY thing, I only said it once back in first year

She’s right tho, be there and be spared

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Isn’t it be there or be square?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Daphne

Mine’s more threatening

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Draco

“Idk why that became MY thing, I only said it once”

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Susan

We did it, guys, celebrate!  Who knew that we could accomplish all of this, right?  Not sure how we managed those original seven years…

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Harry

Did anyone ever figure out how or why we came back?

Memo: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:...

To: All

From: Mandy

R&D looked into it, but results were inconclusive, because it wasn’t based on who was at the Battle, considering Sally-Anne and Lav came back as well.  Nor do we know why the phenomenon was exclusive to our year.  We DID, however, manage to locate the timeline and send a letter through, in case we all stopped existing.

Dear Whoever finds this,

To you, it should be after May 2nd, 1998.  If it is not, please destroy this letter.

If it is however, please understand we have no way to see the timeline, and thus don’t know what actually happened when we left.  In case we, the class of 1998, have disappeared, this letter is to tell you where we went.

Simply put, those of us who were alive went to bed on May 2nd and woke up on our eleventh birthdays.

We just passed our own May 2nd with no Battle, as Moldymort was deleted off the face of the earth on October 31st, 1991, and we all relaxed a bit knowing we weren’t going back again.  We’re all set to graduate and change the world in the way only the Chaos Class can do, and we’re all pretty damn happy.  Most of us got therapy, even if Harry had to be bribed, and life is good.

If we did disappear, we’re sorry, but we made the world a better place.  If this timeline “froze” for lack of a better term, then no one is reading this and it doesn’t matter.  If we’re merely a split, and one of the old versions of us is reading this, the R&D and War Strategy departments have included plans for what we would have done if we were still in that timeline, so do feel free to look them over and see if you want to implement them.

As Hermione promised Ron, things were different, and things were a damn sight better.

We wish your timeline the best of luck, and we will continue to improve ours.

Farewell,

Susan Bones, Head of Outreach