Chapter Text
Carla Noceda was not the most docile of children.
Where her classmates (most of them, anyway) were willing to follow the majority of her school’s rules, Carla decided to push the boundaries. Where they brought in book reviews for comics or fantasy novels, she picked out quotes from the goriest of horror books to share with everyone. Where they would juggle or dance for talent shows, Carla would bring in a wooden sword, alcohol, and a lighter, trying to replicate some of the sword-eaters in a circus she’d been to. And where they followed the law, Carla took it as a guideline for behaviour more than anything else.
…She should have known that it would backfire one day.
Carla had been going about her business, trying to craft a bomb in the science labs again, when she was called to the principal’s office. Said principal delivered a lecture on the ‘detrimental effects’ of her ‘unruly behaviour’, yada yada yada. Carla bet that he couldn’t build his own firecrackers.
“–this is your last warning,” he said sternly, brow and mouth firm lines. “ One more misdemeanour, and we’re involving the police!”
And he called her mom.
And Carla was grounded.
For two weeks.
So really , it was only natural that she snuck out.
She had headed to her favourite skate park, sitting on one of its benches and absently winding a lock of hair around her finger. She was trying to figure out how to make her bombs more powerful, but to see whether her theories and calculations were correct, she had to test them out somewhere.
While Carla was definitely not a nerd or geek, she was smart. Very smart.
So that meant that she had the intelligence to cause calculated chaos, beyond just mindless destruction. Plus, it was always hilarious to watch those full-of-themselves ten-year-olds scatter like mice when one of her explosives went off nearby.
Carla was a well-known face in that skatepark, and some of the wiser kids made to leave as soon as they spotted her approaching. She was a force to be reckoned with, and everyone knew it.
…Blowing up some of that old statue hadn’t been intentional , not by any means! It was just… Nearby, and got in the way. Besides , it was of some centuries-old rich guys who didn’t exactly matter , so it wasn’t like anyone would miss it.
But that didn’t seem like enough to convince Carla’s mom, who decided that she ought to be sent to a Think-Inside-The-Box Camp for the entire summer. Apparently, it would show her the ‘real struggles that people have to face’, and the ‘consequences of unruliness and societal disruption’. Ew.
Carla didn’t need correcting , and she wasn’t going to spend her entire holiday being treated like a misbehaving toddler. She knew that her actions had consequences; she just didn’t really care , not when they were so tiny .
Being a master at deception and diversion, all Carla had to do was claim that she was going to throw up and forgot her travel sickness pills, so the vehicle soon stopped. Then, Carla bolted , nobody appearing to notice (or the more likely option: care about ) her disappearance, but was left then with the dilemma of having nowhere else to go. She was alone in the middle of the woods, just her being an outlaw with her bombs and her jackets and the other contraband she’d managed to get away with bringing.
Great .
She whistled quietly to herself as she walked, kicking up rocks and surveying her surroundings. Carla hoped that it wasn’t too far a walk from the nearest town; if she found a place to crash for a while, she could just steal bits of McGlob’s or con people into giving her money. She’d had to do it before, after all, with her mom being the way she was. It was no big deal.
Carla made a sharp right, stepping confidently into a clearing…
…And right into a hooded figure.
“Oof!” Said figure exclaimed, clearly winded as they rightened themselves. “Hey! Watch where you’re going!”
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Carla said dismissively. “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to know where the nearest route to civilization is, right? One that’s not back there ?”
“Um… You’re not a criminal, are you?” The figure sounded suspicious of her, but honestly , Carla should be asking them the same question.
The figure was cloaked in a large green hood that appeared to be charred in places, red hair peeking out from underneath as the sun shone on large glasses. Now that Carla got a better look at them, she could tell that they had a plethora of freckles and seemed barely older than herself. She wondered if they were a runaway.
“Depends on who you ask,” She replied casually. “But not in my eyes, no. Who’re you?”
“Montgomery Green,” the figure told her, clutching their bag slightly tighter. “But ya can call me Monty, or the Owl Guy. Everyone does.”
“The– the Owl Guy ?” Carla burst out laughing, her lithe frame wracked with shuddering giggles. “Why?! Is it because of your big glasses?!”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” Monty grumbled, put-out. “And no , it isn’t. How about you? What’s your name?”
“Stranger danger,” she hummed mildly. “I’ll tell you if you give me some directions to the closest CFC.”
“I… Don’t know what that is,” Monty blinked at her with quizzical emerald eyes. “But I’m not about to attack you or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“You know!” Carla threw her hands in the air exasperatedly. “Big fast food restaurant, Crispy Fried Chips?! You’re, what, fifteen? You must know it.”
“Afraid not, sorry,” Monty apologised, not sounding sincere in the slightest. “And I’m seventeen … Hey, what have you got in that bag? Human treasures?”
“Human tr–?” Carla cut herself off with a sigh. So he was one of those guys . “Okay, nice cosplay. But you can drop the act, gringo.”
“Ah, yes. The act. That I’m putting on,” Monty stated lamely. “That one. I’ll, uh. Stop that.”
“O… Kay?” Carla raised an eyebrow at him. “Even though it’s none of your business and kind of weird that you asked, I’ve got some clothes and bombs in there, so don’t try anything.”
“So you are a criminal!” Monty didn’t seem nearly as worried about that as he should.
“Ye– no– well, yes , but… It’s complicated,” Carla settled on.
“No, no, that’s fine!” Monty blurted out. “Hey, how good are you at using and making… Bombs? I’ve heard of them blowing things up without ma– um, that they’re dangerous.” Who didn’t know what bombs were? Maybe he was still roleplaying, like a weirdo.
“They are,” Carla told him proudly. “And yeah, I can. What of it?”
“If I paid you, would you be willing to, ah… Provide me with some?” Monty requested eagerly.
Oh, no chance.
Carla immediately shook her head. “No way. I’m in enough legal trouble as it is. I am not getting in more just for a few extra bucks. You can try all you want, but nothing’s going to get me caught and dragged to that stupid camp.”
“Okay, okay…” Monty nodded, his tone unreadable. “Well, it was nice to meet you, but I’m afraid that I have to go now.”
Carla opened her mouth to retort with a scathing, sarcastic remark about how helpful he had been, only for the gringo to grab her bag and run for it. Carla let out an outraged shout, her brown eyes narrowing and mouth twisting into a grimace, and began to sprint. She rummaged in her pockets for extra bombs, chasing the redhead to an old shack in the woods. Carla was technically homeless for the next six weeks, so no way in heck was she going to let that gringo take all of her stuff.
He entered the shack, clearly having underestimated Carla’s speed, and she pondered whether he did live there. He’d taken her stuff after all– ‘no, that’s fine!’ , what a red flag , she’d been so dumb – and clearly had experience in running from pursuers, darting and winding swiftly through the forest.
Carla slinked in silently behind him, ponytail almost getting caught on the inside of the door, and was met with a bright golden light. That wasn’t good .
Suppressing a shriek as the world began to twist and warp around her, Carla closed her eyes to shield them from the intense onslaught of yellow . In what felt like both a second and an eternity, she was between worlds, both existing and not at the same time.
Then, she was spat out, and landed on a dirty, wooden floor. An unfamiliar voice let out a startled cry, Carla’s eyes snapping back open and making contact with a pair of wide, yellow ones, the pupils slightly slitted.
“...What in the name of saggy ginger cats is this child doing here?” An old lady enquired, sounding surprisingly calm. Carla wouldn’t be very calm if someone broke into her house.
“About that,” Monty winced. “She may have… Followed me here? Probably? I made a very impulsive decision just now so…”
“This does not look like a shack,” Carla said bluntly, gaze sweeping over the area. While it wasn’t the most flamboyant or expensively-decorated, it seemed to be quite a bit bigger than the tiny shack in the woods– and the view outside was not that of boring trees. “What. The. Hell?”
“Don’t freak out!” Monty exclaimed, but he was a bit too late.
Carla rushed over to the window, eyes as round and large as dinner plates as she took in the sights before her. Odd creatures wandered around, ones with hands for hair or only one eye; others performed magic , actual magic, purple monsters trailing after the pointy-eared people, carrying their things. Caterpillars with human faces, pink-haired fairies, unfathomable creatures of all kinds…
“Did I die?” Carla asked wildly. “Is this, like, the bad place?!”
“Far from it, child!” the old lady crowed, spreading her arms out. “The Boiling Isles are a place of wonderment, cats, and goo !”
Carla simply blinked at her. “And… You are…?”
“Agnes,” the old lady introduced, yellow eyes boring into Carla’s brown ones. “I live here!”
“It’s a… Business arrangement,” Monty told her, sounding tired. “One that was not originally intended to happen.”
“But with how slow our sales have been recently,” Agnes began to lament. “I haven’t been able to buy any more of my green goo! And the last of mine was stolen .”
“Oh. How… Unfortunate,” Carla said, trying to force the confusion out of her voice.
…Well, this was certainly more interesting than summer camp. Carla could say that for certain .
***
Agnes wouldn’t shut up and Monty was about on his last nerve with her. Her ‘goo’ had been confiscated by the local guards and Monty did not have the time to make more right now. He was trying to keep them alive, selling human stuff and his own inventions and potions and whatnot. Agnes didn’t care about Monty’s efforts though, she was dealing with withdrawal and couldn’t care less about anything else.
“Look, can’t it wait a little longer? I can grab you a painkiller” He tried to compromise.
“I need it now ,” Agnes complained. Ugh, well… he did need to get that kid back home.
“I’ll figure something out” He relented, a plan forming in his head. This could be a two birds one stone situation.
“Hey, Kid. I’ve got a deal for ya” Monty approached the kid. She glared at him harshly but he could easily ignore that. He was more than used to it.
“What?” She was really unhappy with him. He guessed that made sense, he messed up when he grabbed her bag, and even if she did grab her stuff back at the first opportunity she had a right to be upset about it. Monty would be pretty upset if someone tried to do that to him.
“You get me something I need for Agnes and I’ll take ya right back to where ya came from” Not that Monty would refuse to send her home if she couldn’t, but the kid didn’t need to know that.
“Mm. Give me one reason I should trust you? You’re just some guy, I’m still not convinced you're older than me, and you robbed me. Why couldn’t I ask literally anyone else”
“Well , most people aren’t the… biggest fans of humans, to put it lightly and you’d be hard pressed to find anyone else who knows how to get to the human realm. Heck, I might be the only one who can” Monty replied. He was pretty sure he was the only one who could, he had created the spell after all.
She hesitated, but relented. “What do you want? ”
“Agnes needs her, uh, ‘green goo’. It’s a drug. Unfortunately it got taken off her by the Warden . I don’t want to deal with that guy because he’s a huge creep, but he’s not into girls so you are going to steal it back” Monty replied. The warden wouldn’t hurt a kid (he hoped) so she wasn’t in any real danger, and it meant he didn’t have to talk to him, which was definitely a net win for him.
“Fine. Just tell me where I need to go.” Carla said finally. Monty gave her a thankful smile.
“Thanks. I’ll show ya where to go”
***
Agnes was feeling elated. She had a new worshipper who was going to get her goo back, some company that wasn’t just Monty. As much as she appreciated his company and his totally intended offer to share his lodgings with her, he did get rather dull at times. All, ‘we have to hide so we don’t get arrested’ this, and ‘Jerome’s trying to hunt us down again’ that, and ‘maybe we shouldn’t adopt random cat demons on the side of streets ’, and ‘you should stop being addicted to green goo’, and ‘please get out of my face for one second, Agnes. I’m busy’.
He didn’t appreciate her brilliance, and Agnes was getting tired of it. A new face could brighten up the place a bit more.
…Nugget didn’t count. Not a lot managed to freak Agnes out by that point, but Nugget was just… Objectively weird. And sometimes disturbing.
Agnes led the way, glaring at any demons or coven scouts who tried to oppose her; they may have been wearing disguises, but there were plenty of sketchy individuals or overeager newbies to the Emperor’s Coven with annoying desires to prove themselves.
“So, we’re gonna want to enter from the top of that tower,” Agnes whispered, cursing her small form as she struggled to get up to where Carla and Monty were standing.
“Remember, I’m just here in case things go wrong,” Monty told them both seriously. “I’ll be here if you need me, but unless you do, I am staying here .”
“Yeah, we got it. Sucky manager of this place, you don’t want to see him, it’s fine,” Carla shrugged. “We can do this ourselves.”
“I hope so,” Monty gritted his teeth. “And if either of you are going to die before I get to you, for Titan’s sake, abort the mission.”
“Yes, yes, leave the Conformatorium,” Agnes rolled her eyes. “Let’s go, human!”
And go they did. They snuck around the corridors, past sleeping prisoners or those who seemed too haunted to interact with them. Agnes was quite fine with the sight– it wasn’t unfamiliar, after all– but the human seemed slightly unsettled. Agnes did her best to comfort her.
“Don’t worry, I’ve been here loads of times before. They only torture you a little bit. These troublemakers will be fine after a few days of lounging aimlessly in a dumpster!" Agnes assured the girl. "Now, my goo. If I'm correct, then the contraband room shouldn't be too far away…"
"Yeah. Contraband room," Carla still seemed distracted. Hmm. Wonder why. "Where is that again?"
"Follow me, child," Agnes smiled wryly. "Say, you wouldn't happen to have any food on you, would you? We've been short on snails lately, and human food does so interest me…"
"Uh… I think I have a granola bar?" Carla furrowed her brow. "And I don't like the things, so sure, take it."
And soon, a gran-oh-la bar was planted safely in Agnes's hands. She stared at it in awe, taking a bite.
It was horrible.
"Eurgh– child, how do you chew this?!" Agnes demanded to know, repulsed.
"You have to unwrap it first," Carla told her, taking it back. "Here."
And then Agnes had it back, but it wasn't as shiny.
It was still horrible.
"Human food has failed my expectations," Agnes stated distastefully, discarding the bar on the floor.
"I don't know… Yeah, granola bars aren't the best, but my mom makes a pretty sick stuffed pepper if you ever get a chance to try that," Carla replied, demeanour lighter. Good. "Anyway, I have some questions. About the Demon Realm."
"Ask away, human," Agnes invited, plastering a grin across her face.
Hopefully, they'd get her goo and regroup with Monty before Agnes got too tired.
***
Warden Wrath was, as his name would suggest, a Warden. He supervised the Conformitorium, the prisoners, and any contraband taken. It was usually a pretty calm job, not many people wanted to risk breaking into a pretty high security prison and the prisoners got quiet after long enough.
So it was a surprise whenever someone broke in and stole some contraband. They had the gall to be disguised as coven scouts as well.
It wasn’t difficult to corner the girl and the demon, this was his facility after all, he knew the building far better than they ever could. Then the girl threw explosives at him. It caught him by surprise, and he very nearly let her slip by while recovering. He’s a professional though, it would take more than an explosion to defeat him. He caught her arm and pulled . She cried out and Wrath got an unexpected but very welcome visitor. The Owl Guy.
He was as pretty as ever, and those tired eyes were glaring at him. Wrath grinned, no matter how powerful he was, the Owl Guy was in his territory now and Wrath had enough magic restraints to deal with him.
“Get away from them Wrath” He was far too scrawny to be intimidating in Wrath’s humble opinion.
“No. I don’t think I will. In fact, if you don’t want me to kill her you’ll let me lock you up, darling ” He pulled the girl closer as she struggled and cursed at him. The Owl Guy barely hesitated before sighing and letting Wrath cuff him, much to the girl’s apparent confusion. He really was far too weak to be running around playing wild witch.
So he had the Owl Guy himself, that pesky half-cat pet he kept around and some girl. Only one of those things was really interesting, but he had them all in a cell so win for Wrath. His boss was going to be so pleased. Plus, he was very eager to get back to where he left off with the Owl Guy. The object of his affection just needed to be a tad less stubborn.
“Let us go before you regret it” The Owl Guy warned. He was calm, acting like he had any power here. Wrath grabbed him and yanked him up, paying no attention to the pained hiss that brought him. This was his territory, he could be as rough as he liked.
“Get off him!” The pet screeched. Wrath paid her no mind. Why would he when he had something far more interesting in front of him.
“Hmm. Well, as I’ve said before you are quite pretty, for a wild witch. If you hadn’t gone loopy you might have even managed to end up as a trophy partner for someone wealthy. Such a shame really.” He didn’t bother to hide his mild disdain for what the Owl Guy was even as he flirted. It was his fault for choosing to be a wild witch. “If you go out on a date with me I could… forget this little misdemeanour” It wasn’t a question as much as a demand, but Wrath still waited for an answer.
“No.” Was the rather unexpected response, though there was something in his voice that definitely wasn’t conviction. Disgust maybe? Or fear? Who knows. Point is it is not the answer Wrath wanted. He was not being rejected again. Not by a wild witch.
“No?” Wrath paused. He really was pretty, even when glaring up at him through rounded glasses. Wrath should break those, rough him up a bit. He bet he would look better with a few bruises. “Maybe a couple nights in the Conformitorium will change your mind, and if not well… the Emperor has been looking for you.” Everyone went quiet after enough time in the Conformitorium and Wrath didn’t care if his date spoke or not as long as he wasn’t refusing him. He was one for looks, not personality. If he was one for personality he wouldn’t be after a wild witch, they were wild after all, feral, practically animals. The Owl Guy certainly fit that description, considering his name. He tightened his grip on his arm, hard enough to bruise. This would be entertaining, he was sure of it.
Then, all too suddenly, the Owl Guy punched Wrath in the face. He had a surprisingly good punch for someone so small, if Wrath didn’t know better he’d think he was using magic to make himself stronger. Maybe he did, as Wrath suddenly realised that that punch meant the Owl Guy’s hands were no longer bound by repressor cuffs. Either way Wrath was taken off guard enough for the Owl Guy to get out of his grasp and for them all to make a run for it.
Wrath growled and moved after them, only to get hit with a freezing spell. He cursed as he struggled to get out of the ice. Then, to make things worse the girl started unlocking the cells as she ran by and suddenly Wrath had a riot on his hands. Those slippery-
Wrath took a breath. He needed to deal with this before anything else. But oh, if he ever got his hands on them again they were going to pay. He would be asking for a lot more than a date in return for forgiveness, that’s for sure.
***
That. Was. Awesome !!! Carla had just committed so many crimes! And they got away with it! This was basically Carla’s dream life. Well, minus the super creepy guard. Carla now fully understood why Monty wanted away from that guy, ew . And also minus the lame redhead teen who kept fussing over them, because despite everything that just happened Monty was still a loser who wears glasses that make him look like an owl and Carla cringed at the thought of associating with someone who, back home, she would happily shove into a locker. Then again said lame redhead did punch an, admittedly very corrupt and creepy, authority figure in the face… Carla could tolerate him.
Point is this was way better than camp could have ever been and Carla didn’t want to leave. S he just went on a whole mission to get Monty to take her home and she didn’t even want to. Usually she’d be too stubborn to go back on a deal, but this time was different. That’s how awesome what just happened was. Carla was going to stay in this epic fantasy land and commit more cool crimes for the thrill of it. That would show her mom. There was only one problem, they were walking back to Monty’s house, which was way too far away from everything else in her opinion, and as soon as they got back Monty was going to take her back to that dumb camp. Or at least the woods near that dumb camp.
“I’m changing the terms of our deal!” She announced as they walked into the house.
Monty froze. “What?”
“I want to stay. You’re going to let me stay” Carla replied firmly. They had enough space for her and she’s sure they could use her incredible skill. If nothing else she could keep away any other creeps after Monty. With bombs, she would keep them away with bombs. She was going to blow up so many things here, and no one could stop her! Maybe she could even learn how to blow things up with magic.
“Wha- No.” Monty looked at her like she had gone insane. Like he was one to talk, the creepy guard called him loopy earlier and there was clearly some backstory to that. “You probably have a family or someone who cares for you back in the human world. I can’t keep you here! Plus we might look similar but we are two completely different species. I don’t even know what you can eat here!” He runs a hand through his hair and Carla notices his pointy elf ears for the first time. Huh.
“Don’t care. I’m not leaving” She ignored all of the points he made. Honestly, what self respecting kid cared about something as stupid as logistics when they had the opportunity to stay in a magical world. She wanted to stay and she was prepared to be stubborn about it. She was staying.
“He won’t kick you out. He’s a bleeding heart” Agnes cackled. Carla had a feeling that’s why Agnes is living with him. They didn’t look like family and she doubted Agnes was looking after him in any capacity. If she was then she’s doing a terrible job at it, she did absolutely nothing to help back there. “He can’t leave someone to fend for themselves no matter how much of a nuisance they are”
Well, if Monty wasn’t going to kick her out then he would just have to deal with her. Not that that should be an issue, Carla was lovely to be around. She was cool, and smart, and exciting. What wasn’t there to like about her? Besides the crime and stuff, but only lame people cared about that… Hmm, maybe Monty would care about that… but that wasn’t her fault! Really it was her who would just have to put up with Monty and all his lameness. At least he was magic. He got points for being a magic elf guy or whatever.
“Shut up Agnes. I am not ” Monty hissed, rubbing his eyes. Agnes just stared him down until he relented. “Ugh. You are both impossible. Fine. You can take the spare room kid. I’m going to go lie down. Don’t bug me.”
The points he gained for being magic were immediately taken away. She was not a kid! He was barely older than her even if he was telling the truth about his age, which Carla doubted. Still, Carla got what she wanted.
“Yes!” Carla celebrated. This was going to be so much cooler than being homeless for the next few months.
“I will help you set up your room. Let him rest” Agnes grabbed her arm and led her to ‘the spare room’ which would be pretty normal if there weren't a bunch of old, leather bound books on the shelves. Bleh, who needed books when you could learn pretty much anything important from either the internet or practical experience. Carla sneezed. Oh, and also a layer of dust covering most of the room. “We do not use this room very much and Monty doesn’t have the energy to clean most days so it’s a little dusty” Anges explained, not bothering to say why she didn’t clean the room instead.
“Energy? I think you mean he’s being lazy. He’s not a frail old man, he can keep his own house clean” Carla rolled her eyes like she had ever cleaned her room. Just because she was a hypocrite didn’t mean she didn’t have a valid point. He clearly didn’t have a mom to clean up for him so he should be better. Plus he was supposedly older so he had less of an excuse.
Agnes hummed and handed her a feather duster “You clean. I’ll get some fresh bedding.”
Ugh. Cleaning. Well, it was totally worth it. She was going to learn magic, and commit magic crimes. She laughed to herself. This was going to be fun.
Before getting started on cleaning she sent her mom a quick text.
‘I think I’m going to enjoy it at this camp.’