Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the summer holiday still. No new akumas since Monarch's defeat. Losing his father had been no bed of roses, but Adrien was coping. He was surrounded by people that loved him, and despite all the dizzying changes, things had kind of been a dream lately. 

He got quiet time with Marinette, patrols rotated through their team of heroes, and he was reconnecting with his mom as if they'd never been apart. His mood was improved further as he was scheduled to patrol with Ladybug this evening. With everyone taking turns in the absence of a present threat, he hadn't seen her in a few days, and he liked catching up with her.

As Cat Noir, he moved nimbly out into the Parisian sunset. All too soon, he spotted his partner on a nearby roof and vaulted over to land neatly by her side.
"Evening, Bugaboo."

She turned towards him, startled.
Her eyes were glossy with tears and judging by the looks of her, she'd been crying a while.
Hurriedly, Ladybug rubbed at her eyes, "Ah, sorry, Kitty. You startled me." she forced a smile.

Cat Noir frowned deeply, "You're crying... what's wrong?"
He wasn't just letting this slide when she looked so distressed.

"W-we really need to go on patrol--"

He set his hand on her shoulder, "Ladybug. You can talk to me."

Ladybug swallowed hard, looking at him.
She recalled all the times she had denied his help that culminated in her making the dumb move that had lost all the miraculous in the first place. Maybe she should talk to him.

"It's just... the weight of all the secrets... it's getting heavy again." she chose her words carefully.

"Is this like a guardian thing or a secret identity thing? Is it because you can't tell the one you love, because I'm dealing with that one, too." Cat Noir attempted.

"Neither..." Ladybug said slowly, "Though now I realize just another area I've been lying... so thanks for that." she sighed guiltily.

Cat Noir chuckled sheepishly, "Sorry."

Ladybug turned back towards the sunset, "It's... more to do with the last battle with Monarch." she admitted carefully, "And what I learned leading up to it."

"Oh?" Cat Noir asked.
She'd been very vague about it all before.

"You weren't there... not that it's your fault." Ladybug tacked on, "But I learned the boy I love the most is really a sentimonster. His life is tied to an amok and with it his father was manipulating him his whole life. Forcing him to make choices that aligned with his own agenda."

"Oh... wow." Cat Noir tried to wrap his head around that, "Do... do sentimonsters feel love?"

"Of course!" Ladybug said quickly and flushed, "At least... what I hear from Argos... if they're made to be human, then they are in every way. The only difference is the amok that they're tied to."

"Huh..." Cat Noir filed that tidbit away for future knowledge, "So... he's a sentimonster and his dad's calling the shots. Is there any way you can reason with him? My girlfriend went through leaps and bounds trying to get my father to approve of us dating."

"Well... that's just it." Ladybug said, "I found out his dad was Monarch."

"Oof."

"Tell me about it." Ladybug replied, "Anyway, in the end, Monarch had a change of heart. He got both our miraculous from me and made a wish, and he paid the ultimate price... but asked his son never to know that he was Gabriel Agreste, and that he only remember the good times..." She stopped when she noticed Cat Noir out of the corner of her eye.

His eyes were bulging, skin pale, and he looked like he was trembling.

"Cat Noir? Are you okay?" Ladybug asked.

All that she'd just told him was hitting like a ton of bricks and the worst part was he couldn't even properly get into it, because she didn't know who she was speaking to.

Cat Noir turned from her, walking towards the edge of the roof, "I think something I ate isn't agreeing with me. Feeling kind of sick. You think you can handle the patrol by yourself?" his tone was suddenly very distant.

Ladybug blinked, unsure what had happened.
"Uh... sure. Feel better." she offered.

He didn't even turn around, just offered a slight wave and disappeared over the rooftops.

Cat Noir felt dizzy trying to process. All he knew for certain was that everyone he loved had been lying to him, and for a long time. He didn't want to go home, but he didn't want to stay in the open either. It occurred to him the school was the perfect place right now. Mostly closed for the summer and no one to be there at this hour.
He could slip in through a window and be alone.

Once inside, Cat Noir detransformed and went to his knees and screamed. He screamed until his voice was raw and then broke into sobs.

Plagg watched helplessly, "K-kid, I--"

"Quiet." Adrien snapped hoarsely, "You lied to me just as much as the rest of them."

Plagg frowned deeply, "It was only to protect you..." he tried.

"Protect me?" Adrien offered a short laugh, tears still falling, "Protect me from what? The fact my father was a psychotic criminal? The fact I've apparently been dating Ladybug? Or maybe the fact I'm not even a real person to begin with?!" his breathing hitched, and he started looking himself over, "Where is my amok anyway, huh?"

"Adrien..." Plagg said sadly.

"Leave me alone, Plagg! I told you, I don't want to talk to you!" Adrien pulled off his miraculous and tossed it across the floor.
The ring made small dings as it bounced on the tile and came to rest.

Plagg hovered over quietly, grasping the ring and drifted to the door of the classroom, "When you're ready, then." he said quietly and left.

Adrien was still examining himself.
His mind flashed to the day at the pool party when Marinette placed his parents' wedding rings on his finger, "Now you're truly free..."
His blood ran cold.

No. No... then...
His father had been controlling him with these... all this time?
These symbols of love?

And Nathalie knew. His mother must know. Felix knew. Marinette knew.

Hands trembling, Adrien slipped the twin rings off his finger, "These... these little things are the only reason I'm alive?"
He didn't want to believe it.

A thought occurred... if he could damage one of the rings a little, he ought to feel something if he was a sentimonster.
If he wasn't, well, then at least he could put one of his concerns to rest.

He smashed a ring under his shoe, but it remained untarnished... a sturdy little thing.
He frowned and got into the teacher's desk. He found a staple remover and crushed the ring repeatedly between sharp pincers.

"Nothing. Nothing. Nothing! Because I'm human--urgh!" Adrien was cut off as he suddenly felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him and it forced him down on one knee to catch his breath.

Green eyes widened in horror as he carefully removed the ring from the staple remover to see a small, but clearly defined scratch.
"No...No... No, this isn't possible!" Adrien found himself breaking into another round of tears.

How many of his memories were real? Were some manufactured? How much of his life had been decided for him? He felt so hollow and alone.
"Why?" Adrien asked empty air, "WHYYYYYY?!"

He crumpled in on himself, crying.
Memories flashed through his head. Every time he'd done something he didn't want to because it was what his father wanted. Every akuma that had nearly destroyed them all...  And... oh no... he'd cataclysmed his own father...

There was just so much to process, and every bit felt too horrible to be real.
Ladybug had said he-- Monarch-- made a wish... if he hadn't been so blindsided by it all, maybe he'd have asked more questions to find out what he'd thought losing his life was worth.

"If you did have a last-minute change of heart... then why wasn't I worth it, Father? Why wasn't I worth talking to... about anything?!" Adrien asked empty air, "Is it because I'm not even real? Is it because all you could think about was mom in a coma in a London hospital?! Well, joke's on you, she's back now and you missed her!"
Sudden realization made him go rigid.

The wish.
Monarch's defeat and his mother's return... it had all been very close together.
He felt numb.
There was too much. Just too much.

Adrien laid on the cool floor, not moving save for his breaths.
Too much on his mind to sleep. Too much weighing on his heart to leave his spot.

He wasn't sure how much time passed, be it that the sun had nearly set when he got here in the first place.
He was sure it had been an hour or two at least judging by the ache in his shoulders and neck. He was nowhere near settled, but he was starting to think of his next move. He gingerly slipped the twin rings back on his hand. First order of business, he needed Plagg, so he had no choice but to make amends.

To the kwami's credit, he'd probably lied to him the least out of everyone... and some of that was attributed to arbitrary guidelines by which he was bound. Adrien wasn't happy about it, but he knew it did keep the kwami from saying certain things.

He got up quietly and moved out into the hall, "Plagg?" he called into the empty school.

He started moving down the darkened hall, "Plagg?" he called again.

Adrien started to wonder if Plagg had already gone in search of a new holder. He had thrown his miraculous...

Suddenly, an inky black form with green eyes floated over, "Hey."

"Hey." Adrien rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

"Don't be sorry. You're overwhelmed, I get it. It's a lot to take in." Plagg assured, watching him carefully, "And you're right. I lied to you too."

Adrien studied the kwami, not expecting that admission.

"I wasn't lying though when I said it was to protect you." Plagg continued, "I can't tell you all about it, but Bug... I think she's seen something as guardian that she won't say. She firmly believed the grief would destroy you."

"Is that all she thinks of me?" Adrien frowned deeply, "Yes, this hurts. This hurts a lot, but she thinks I'm too fragile for the truth?" his tone was rising again.

"As I said, she knows things as guardian that we don't. She could've seen an alternate timeline where it was too much for you." Plagg said, "But none of that matters now, because you know. You'll have to confront her about it if you want all the details. For the record, the sentimonster thing was news to me too."

Adrien sighed deeply.
Plagg was right. Only Ladybug... Marinette... would know that.

Plagg moved closer, "I know, there's going to be a lot of questions. I don't have even half the answers, but I'll gladly stay by your side and help you find them if you'll have me." He offered up the black cat miraculous.

"If I'll have you?" Adrien patted the little kwami on the head, "More like if you'll have me, with how many times I've given back my miraculous."

"Eh. Who's counting?" Plagg said easily. "So, what's the plan?"

Adrien slipped the miraculous back onto his right hand. "First, we're going to make a house call to Argos. He's the wielder of the peacock miraculous and if I am a sentimonster... I need to know what I am before I can begin to figure out who I am anymore."

Plagg nodded.
"Then let's start uncovering the truth."

"Plagg... Claws out!"
Adrien transformed into Cat Noir and left the school.
His brain was still racing a million miles a minute, but he had a plan, and that was enough for now.

Chapter Text

Cat Noir pulled out the phone part of his staff.
Patrol had ended hours ago, and the night was quiet, Ladybug ought to be detransformed. This was perfect, as he didn't want her to find the message he was about to leave right away.

He called his partner and waited for the call to ring through to her messages.

"Hey, LB, it's me. Sorry for skipping out on patrol like that, but something's come up. Don't worry about me, I'm... okay, but I'm not going to be around for a while. I don't know how long. Maybe a couple days, maybe a few weeks. However long it takes to do what I need to do... Don't look for me. When I'm ready, I'll find you. Take care, my lady."
He hung up.

Satisfied for now, he powered up into AstroCat to make his trip to London faster. The sooner he got out of Paris, the sooner he could slip under the radar. His message might buy Cat Noir time, but it didn't yet deal with Adrien Agreste... who would surely be reported missing by morning. He felt a little guilty doing this to his mother so soon after her return, but he parried that with the knowledge she must've known he was a sentimonster all along and never bothered to tell him. He wouldn't have to do this if people were just honest with him.

Maybe his absence would drive that point home.

AstroCat made his trip quickly and found a quiet rooftop to detransform and wait out the night. Maybe he'd sleep... but he doubted it. His mind was just too full. 

Marinette woke to her phone going off early in the morning.
"Hello?" she yawned.
Not having slept particularly well, she was fairly groggy from her rude awakening.

"Marinette. Please tell me Adrien is with you."
It was Adrien's mother.

Suddenly, she wasn't sleepy.
Marinette sat up, "No. I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon." she started to get out of bed, "Is something wrong?"

"He's not home and he's not answering his calls." Emilie said worriedly, "I have Nathalie calling his friends, but I wanted to check with you personally."

Marinette frowned deeply. It wasn't like Adrien to up and disappear.
"I'll try to reach him too and let you know if I see or hear anything." she promised.

"Thank you." Emilie said, "He seemed fine yesterday..."

"We'll find him." Marinette replied decisively.

Emilie hung up and Marinette tried her best to keep it together.

"Okay. Come on, think realistically. Maybe he has a surprise planned for his mom and that's why he's not answering her?" Marinette looked at Tikki.

The kwami, knowing Cat Noir's identity, had a better idea. Alas, she was bound not to say, so she instead offered a slight shrug, "I don't know, Marinette."

Marinette tried no less than five times to get Adrien, but it rang through to his voicemail each and every time. Her heart began to sink.
"What if he was kidnapped? What if he's being held hostage right now? Tikki! We have to save him! We'll get the whole team together and--"

"Calm down, Marinette." Tikki replied, "I know it's tempting to go in guns blazing, but right now it's best to wait and make sure none of his friends have seen him first."

Marinette smiled weakly, "You're right, Tikki. I'm just scared. First, he was almost left all alone in the world after the Monarch incident and now just when things were looking up, he's gone missing... Oh, Tikki, what if someone steals his amok without realizing what it is? They could control his every move and he'd be helpless all over again!"

"Marinette."

"You're right, I'm getting ahead of myself." Marinette acknowledged. "But maybe Ladybug could just do a quick sweep of the city and see if she finds any clues?" she asked Tikki hopefully.

"That sounds a bit more reasonable." Tikki agreed.

"Tikki... spots on!" Marinette transformed into her superhero alter ego.

Her yo-yo beeped, signifying her missed message from Cat Noir. She blinked, but pressed play.

"Hey, LB, it's me. Sorry for skipping out on patrol like that, but something's come up. Don't worry about me, I'm... okay, but I'm not going to be around for a while. I don't know how long. Maybe a couple days, maybe a few weeks. However long it takes to do what I need to do... Don't look for me. When I'm ready, I'll find you. Take care, my lady."

Ladybug's eyes widened, "What the-- What's going on?!"
She tried to call Cat Noir, but he wasn't picking up any more than Adrien was.

She sighed but decided to let him be for now as she headed up through her skylight to patrol Paris.
She passed cars and alley. She swung by rooftops, the park-- anywhere she thought a human being might be. Still, there was no sign of Adrien. Worry was quickly gnawing a deep pit in her stomach.

Ladybug decided to return home and check her cell phone.
Marinette detransformed and slipped down the hatch onto her bed.
She'd missed a call from Alya... she called back.

"Hey, Alya..." she sighed.

"Girl, did you hear the news? How are you holding up?" Alya asked urgently.

"H-huh?"

Alya began reading, "Just announced, Adrien Agreste, age 14, son of the late Gabriel Agreste has gone missing this morning. This fourteenth of July. Adrien Agreste is known primarily for being a model for the Gabriel brand and the male face of the recently recalled 'Alliance' rings. If you know anything or have seen him, please contact your local law enforcement..."

Marinette felt her blood run cold.
He really was missing. It was official now.

There were no hopes of him just turning up in the bakery with a goofy grin, explaining it had all just been a misunderstanding.
She swallowed hard, "Alya... what do we do?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

"First. I'm coming over." Alya replied. "Then, we'll come up with a plan to find Adrien. We'll split the city into blocks and rotate shifts if we have to. For now, you sit tight, girl. We got this."

"Thanks, Alya..." Marinette hung up, feeling the tears already running down her face.

"Oh, Adrien... please... please just be alright."
She flopped into her bed, crying as Tikki hovered by helplessly.
Marinette had already been feeling incredibly guilty about all the secrets she was keeping from Adrien, and this threatened to be the final nail in the coffin that would break her.

"Oh, Marinette..." Tikki said gently.

"I know he's only been missing a few hours, but I can't help but think the worst, Tikki!" Marinette said helplessly. 

"Just try to trust him, Marinette." Tikki offered softly.

"I do trust him, Tikki." Marinette sniffed, "But he's out there all alone and defenseless. It would be different if it were Alya... she has Trixx and she could become Rena Rouge in a pinch. At least then I'd have hope she was alright... But then there's Adrien. He's out there in a very vulnerable state, just losing his dad... and he doesn't have a kwami to protect him! Anything could happen!" she cried.

Tikki flinched.
She hated that she couldn't reassure Marinette directly. How much easier it would be if she could...

She tried her best with what she could say, "Kwami or not... Adrien's proven himself to be pretty tough when push comes to shove. Remember the time he shoved you out of Riposte's way?"

"Well, yeah, but he hurt his ankle..."

"Or the time his bodyguard got akumatized and he played through it all level-headed and trusted you."

"Sure, but--"

"Even as recently as when you and Cat Noir both gave up your miraculous to Scarabella and Kitty Noir and Monarch almost won that day... Adrien swiped the Ladybug earrings right off of Monarch and allowed you to transform... He did all those things without help from a kwami." Tikki reminded.

Marinette smiled weakly, "Maybe you're right, Tikki. I'm just--"

"I know, you're scared." Tikki finished, "Just, don't let the fear control you, Marinette. You have to believe in Adrien. Believe he can hold his own until he's found."

"Thanks, Tikki." Marinette dried her eyes, "I'll try."

Alya and Trixx soon arrived with two pints of ice cream and a notebook.
"Alright, girl, let's get down to business. Ice cream for the pain, notebook for the plans." Alya said.

Marinette couldn't help but smile, "I don't deserve you..."

"Why do people always say that? Seems awfully silly." Trixx voiced, peeking out of Alya's hip pouch.

"Humans have a lot of weird sayings." Tikki offered in reply, "Like they always say someone's 'not a happy camper', but never refer to anyone as just a 'happy camper'."

Alya shook her head at the kwamis, "Anyway, you holding up okay?" she searched Marinette's gaze, knowing her tendency towards panic and anxiety.

"I'm... trying." Marinette managed another small smile, "Tikki helped me through the initial panic."

Alya nodded, "Good."

The girls spent the next hour or so planning out the way they could cover the most ground with their search, what to look out for, everything they could think of.

"Oh." Marinette said at length, "There's one other thing... Cat Noir won't be helping us."

"Huh? How come? Did you two fight?" Alya asked.

Marinette frowned, "Well... not exactly. To be honest, I'm not really sure why, but we were talking a bit about the last battle with Monarch, and he got really distant all of a sudden. Then this morning I found a message saying he's got stuff to do, and he'll find me when he's ready."

"There's got to be more to it than that." Alya pressed, "He's a goofball, but he's not a flake."

Marinette held up her hands, "Search me, I don't know. I thought I was doing the right thing by opening up to him about all he missed, but I-- I'm not sure now."

"Hey." Alya put a hand on her shoulder, "Then let him sulk for now until his tail's out of a knot. We'll manage without him."

"I guess." Marinette agreed, "I just really hope I didn't say something wrong... I keep thinking it over and I just don't know..."

"If you don't know and he didn't tell you outright, then the next move is his." Alya said simply, "He can't expect you to read his mind, right?"

Marinette nodded slightly.

"Now, let's get busy finding your man." Alya said easily.

Chapter Text

Adrien hadn't slept a wink, spending the whole night inside his own head, just trying to make sense of it all. 
He couldn't even begin to understand his feelings, but oh did he try. Of course, there was betrayal... that one stuck out like a sore thumb. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt so betrayed and truly alone as he did now.

Then there was anger. He was angry at his father for being the villain all this time. Angry at Nathalie for going along with it. Angry at each and every one that knew he was a sentimonster and never bothered to tell him.

Though as much as he was angry, he was hurt, and he was sad. Why had these things been kept from him? Was he not good enough in their eyes? Heck, as things stood now, all his own cousin had to do was snap his fingers and he would cease to exist.

The thought was terrifyingly sickening... that his life was tied to such tiny, fragile things. Two rings and one miraculous. Two rings and one miraculous were all that stood between him and the void. 

Could he even die of old age? Would he be eternal if this amok continued to exist, if Felix never snapped? Would he just watch loved ones come and go while he remained, or would he one day just cease to exist, and no one would remember him or even care?

No more waiting, he decided as the morning light filled his hiding spot.
It was time to find Argos.

Adrien slipped Plagg the last piece of camembert in his jacket. He'd have to stock up later. Once Plagg was through, he transformed into Cat Noir and headed towards the Fathom apartments. He landed neatly on Felix's balcony and knocked on the window.

Felix, who had only recently gotten up at this point, moved over to the window, opening it, "Cat Noir? Did Ladybug send you or something?"

Cat Noir smirked, "Not exactly. I'm here solo. I have some questions for Argos, and you're going to answer them."

"Oh?" Felix crossed his arms, not particularly liking the commanding tone the cat was taking with him.

Cat Noir closed the window and drew the shade down before turning back around, "Yes, you are. Because you owe me that much."

"Excuse me?"

"Claws In."

Felix's eyes widened.
He should've seen it, really.
The hair, the voice, but it still took him a moment to adjust.
"Adrien?"

"That's right, that's my big secret. Now, you're going to tell me yours." Adrien voiced.
He wasn't at all like his normal self. His walls were up, his tone was cold, his eyes were tired. It didn't take Felix long to do the math... something had happened, that much was clear.

"What do you want to know?" Felix asked.
Duusu was peeking out from behind his headboard curiously.

"Everything." Adrien replied firmly, "How long have you known I was a sentimonster? How long did you know my father was pulling the strings? Am I just some replica of you? Is that why we look alike? How many of my memories and feelings are made up? Answer me."

Felix frowned deeply, so it came to this.

"That's a lot of questions, so let me lay some groundwork first." he said calmly as Adrien watched him like a hawk, "First off, I prefer the term 'senti-being'. Sentimonster implies being mindless and feral, and while a senti-being can be those things, it's not a trait across the board. Second, I don't know what you've imagined about senti-beings, but from the time you're 'born', none of your memories or feelings are manufactured."

"But how do I know I was even born?" Adrien cut in. "I saw a Senti-Ladybug before and she didn't have a childhood, she just came into existence. How do you know I didn't just come around when you were a toddler?"

"Because, you and I are a lot alike, but not in the way you might think." Felix said, "You got it backwards, dear cousin, I was modeled after you."

"What?" Adrien was caught off guard, "But that would make you--"

"A senti-being too." Felix finished, "Yes. Want to see my amok?" he flashed his ring stoically.

Adrien held his head, processing the new information.
Suddenly, Felix's desire to obtain the peacock miraculous at all costs made a lot of sense...

"Unlike your father, mine made it no secret that I was created." Felix went on, "Neither of our mothers could get pregnant for a good while, but then good old uncle Agreste finds this magical broken peacock charm and suddenly Aunt Emilie is pregnant. Everyone's happy-- except my father. He's jealous, angry. He confronts your old man, and he lends him the peacock charm, telling him he can use it so he too can have a miracle." Felix snuffs, "But he wasn't prepared for the price."

Adrien glanced up.
"The price?"

"The price of using a broken miraculous. In the case of the peacock, since it can give life, a broken peacock miraculous steals life from its wielder as the wounds of the miraculous become their own. They grow weaker and sicker over time." Felix said calmly, "That's what happened to my father, at least. And when he started to really get sick..." a dark smile crossed his lips, a spiteful look, "He decided his 'miracle' was a curse."

Adrien's head was spinning again.
He sat slowly on Felix's bed. That meant his mother... she must've used the peacock miraculous... but why would she? Another realization smacked him as he remembered Nathalie's illness following the appearance of Mayura...

Felix watched his cousin.
"It looks like you need a break. Should I get us some tea?"

"We picked up some really yummy strawberries yesterday!" Duusu piped up cheerily, "We could have those, too."

"And cheese?" Plagg asked hopefully.

Adrien looked over at his kwami, deciding it best not to deny him a chance to properly refuel.
"Alright." he conceded, "Just... if you don't mind, don't tell anyone I'm here."

Felix offered a short nod, "I'll be back."

Adrien flopped backwards onto Felix's bed, staring at the ceiling. Why did getting answers have to bring more questions? Maybe Ladybug had been right to think this would break him. He felt so overwhelmed.

No, he decided, he would see this through. He would uncover every horrible secret that plagued him.

Felix returned after a bit, laden down with snacks and refreshments. He set them down carefully and eyed Adrien, who was still staring deeply into the ceiling's every fault and texture. He couldn't really blame him.
"Your mom called while I was out there."

His words seemed to break the spell as Adrien quickly sat up.

"For the record, I didn't say anything, but you could've told her you were coming here. She sounds worried sick." Felix said.

"I couldn't." Adrien disagreed, "She's been lying to me too."

"In her defense, your mom differs from my father in that she never stopped loving you." Felix said coolly, "She probably didn't want to make you feel guilty that your life was the reason hers was fading."

"I guess..." Adrien looked down, a seed of guilt now worming its way in amongst his grief.

"I won't say anything." Felix reaffirmed, "But you should."

Adrien went quiet again as the kwamis snarfed down their snack. Despite Felix's and Plagg's insistence, Adrien refused to accept food or drink for himself. He just wasn't in the mood.
He did pocket some cheese for Plagg to have later, though.

"...Can we continue?" Adrien asked at length.

"You sure?" Felix asked, "You still look like a deer in the headlights."

Adrien nodded slightly, "I'm sure. I have to know." 

"Alright." Felix conceded, "So, as I stated, you were born. Your amok is the twin Graham de Vanily rings... I discovered that before I got the peacock miraculous, but only by how badly your dear old man wanted to keep ahold of them at any cost."

"I figured that much." Adrien said dryly, showing Felix the slight scratch in one ring.

Felix grimaced slightly, "You might want to be a bit more careful." he informed, "I... I could bring you back if the worst happened, but... you wouldn't be the same." he said a bit quieter.

Adrien frowned deeply, "On that note, a 'Hey, your entire existence is connected to two little wedding bands, guard them with your life.' Might have been a nice warning before now."

"True... but it wouldn't have done you much good." Felix said carefully, "You were still trapped under your father's whim. I could've wasted time and given you counter orders, but it would've been a tug-of-war over your will." his own frown deepened.

"Adrien, I spent my entire life, clear up until my father's death, as his puppet. Knowing I was a puppet, and unable to do a thing about it... but I didn't want the same for you. That's why I tried so hard to set you free."

Recognition flashed in Adrien's eyes.

"Your father had some pull over me until I managed to secure the peacock miraculous and secure my own existence by extent. After that, it was easier to focus on trying to help you... I'm just sorry it took so long." Felix went on.

"I... see."

"But now that you are free, let me assure you, I'm never going to try to control you. So as long as you have your amok, you can make your own choices, be your own person." Felix tried to encourage, "No more doing things just because someone else said so. You can be free to dream. Free to be all sickeningly sweet with that girlfriend of yours. Heck, you two can get married, have your own kids, and grow old together if that's what you want."

Adrien shook his head to clear it.
Right now, he wasn't even sure what to do about his situation with Marinette.
She had shown deep remorse, so that was something, but they needed to talk-- eventually.

Still, one thing about Felix's speech caught his attention, "We can... have kids and grow old?"

Felix snorted, "If you want. I'm not planning on any kids myself. Another life is a lot of responsibility, you know."

"No... I mean, we're capable of it? Like we're not sterile or something?"

Felix wrinkled his face up, "We're not robots, Adrien. Senti-beings that are made to be humans are human, simple as that. We still age, we still bleed, we still feel. Only difference is we have an additional 'kryptonite' that not everybody does." he huffed, "But seeing as you're a miraculous wielder, you already know all about covering for your weaknesses."

For the first time in hours, Adrien felt genuine relief.
He offered a brief, but very real smile.
"I see. Thank you, Felix."

At least that was one weight off his shoulders.

Felix nodded, "No problem. Anything else?"

"How long did you know my father was Monarch?" Adrien asked.

Felix thought, "I had theories for a few months, but he kept trying to throw me off his trail. It wasn't until I traded for the peacock miraculous that he really owned up to it, though."

"Do you know why he did it?"

"Your father and I had a business relationship at best, so he kept his cards to his chest, but if I had to guess Nathalie and your mother might know more about his true motives. All I can offer you is theories, and I don't want to misspeak." Felix said.

Adrien nodded slightly, "I was afraid of that."

Felix regarded him, "In no hurry to go home?" he guessed.

Adrien rubbed his face, "The last twelve or so hours, there's just been a lot..."

"If you don't mind my asking, what brought all this on?" Felix asked.

Adrien sighed, "I was talking to Ladybug as Cat Noir about the final battle with Monarch and she accidentally let my dad's name slip... Funny part is, if she hadn't, I was too stupid and blind to realize she was talking about me otherwise."

Felix offered a sympathetic smile, "Try not to be too hard on yourself. As you said, it is a lot." he patted his cousin's shoulder, "If it makes you feel any better, when I first found out I was a senti-being, I cried myself to sleep for a week." he said lightly.

"Well, I've got one up on you then, because I couldn't sleep last night at all." Adrien smirked in spite of himself.

Felix tightened his grip on Adrien's shoulder slightly, "Hey." he said seriously, "Just take it easy, okay? Take things just a bit at a time."

Adrien nodded slightly, "Right."

Felix watched him, "You can stay here and rest a bit if you want."

"Thanks, but no thanks." Adrien said, walking closer to the window, "The longer I stay, the higher risk of Aunt Amelie finding us, and I'm not ready to be found just yet."

Felix frowned but nodded slightly.

"Plagg... claws out!"
Adrien transformed into Cat Noir and pulled back the curtains, preparing to let himself out the window.

"Hey!" Felix called after him.

Cat Noir turned.

"Just... don't stay 'lost' too long, okay?" Felix said.

Cat Noir offered a small smile and nodded, "I won't. Thanks again."
He leaped out the window and into the London morning.

Chapter Text

Cat Noir found himself a quiet rooftop to lounge on and process the new information. It was a tremendous relief to not have to worry about the authenticity of his existence, but he still wondered why. 

Why did his mother thinking risking her life to bring him into the world was a good idea? Monarch--his father-- had clearly repaired the peacock miraculous before Felix got it, so why couldn't he have fixed it sooner? 

Why had his father become Monarch... or even Hawkmoth to begin with? Was it really all for the sake of drawing out the ladybug and black cat miraculouses to make a wish to fix his mistakes? If so, what purpose had manipulating and hurting countless people been? How much easier would it have been for him to try and plead his case to the heroes... or even Master Fu when he was the guardian?

The rabbit miraculous seemed just as likely to fix problems if used right, so why didn't he fix things when he had it instead of drawing things out and letting himself get cataclysmed?

And if he could justify all the chaos he'd caused, why did he have a last-minute change of heart? What mattered in his last moments that didn't before?

Cat Noir acknowledged he still had much more digging to do before he could understand.
As things were, he just tried to sort of veg out. Sleep would not come easily, but maybe if he could try to force all the thoughts out of his head, he could at least find a little peace and quiet before he made his next move.

Back in Paris, Alya and Marinette had finalized a plan and summoned the heroes. They'd divided into five groups of three, minus Cat Noir and Argos (who wouldn't pick up either).

Ladybug found herself alongside Ryuko and Viperion on this round of searching.

"It is surprising Argos didn't show up." Ryuko noted over her group's comm system.

"He would've been a big help." Ladybug acknowledged, "But he has the furthest commute out of all of us, so who knows what he's up to."

"I would continue to pester him until Adrien is found regardless." Ryuko replied.
She might have some choice words herself, depending. Being the wielder of the peacock miraculous, Felix ought to feel a pull towards his cousin if they got close.

"Right now, let's keep our eyes peeled." Viperion cut in, "We might miss something if we get too chatty, and that's not going to help us or Adrien."

"Very well. Forgive me." Ryuko offered simply and went quiet.

Despite their efforts, their search came back clueless.
They headed back towards their meet up point with the others with a certain weight of defeat.

"Anything?" Ladybug asked the gathered heroes.

Negatives went all around until Rooster Bold, Caprikid, and Miss Hound stepped forward reluctantly.
Ladybug dared to hope a little, "You found something?"

"Well, it's not much to go on," Rooster Bold prefaced, "But I chose the power of tracking, and I got Adrien's scent really strong coming from the school..."

"Though it could just be that someone slacked with summer cleaning." Caprikid put in.

Ladybug nodded slightly, "Still, it's the only lead we've got. Rooster Bold, would you mind doubling back with me?"

"Of course, Ladybug." he nodded.

"Vesperia, you come along too. If Adrien is being held there by someone, we might need you." Ladybug tacked on.

"You got it, Ladybug." Vesperia acknowledged.

"The rest of you, scatter, but keep your communicators handy if you're needed." Ladybug said, "Let's do this."

The three heroes headed to the school, Rooster Bold in the lead. On closer examination, they discovered one of the classroom windows slightly open and let themselves inside.

Ladybug looked around desperately, hoping for any sort of clue.
She didn't see anything readily, "Rooster Bold?"

Rooster Bold took a few deep inhales.
He stooped at one spot, tracing his hand over the floor, "He was definitely here. His scent is strongest in this spot."

"Really?" Ladybug came over, kneeling nearby.
She didn't see anything. "Can you tell how he got here or where he went?"
It was hard to picture Adrien scaling the school building, even with how strong he must be from all his fencing.

Rooster Bold focused, "His scent is by the desk a bit too, then it goes this way..." he led them out into the hall.
Vesperia and Ladybug followed quickly.

Suddenly, Rooster Bold stopped in the middle of the corridor.
He took several inhales but frowned.

"What's wrong?" Ladybug asked, "Keep going."

"I can't. His scent's just... gone." Rooster Bold said.

"Gone how?"

"Just gone. Like he never moved from this spot. There's another scent that's mixing with it..."

Ladybug blinked, "But how is that possible without Kaalki or Fluff? Adrien can't just vanish into thin air!" Her stomach suddenly did flip flops. Unless...
Unless his amok was destroyed.
Her face was horror stricken, "No..."

Vesperia and Rooster Bold, unaware of Adrien's senti status, exchanged glances then looked at Ladybug.

"Hey." Vesperia said, "Didn't you and Cat Noir avoid being tracked down before by detransforming?"

Ladybug looked at her helplessly, "Yeah, but Adrien doesn't have a kwami!"

"Right, but what if he got akumatized?" Vesperia said, drawing the glances of the other two, "Just hear me out. He recently lost his dad, and you still don't know where the butterfly miraculous is. For all we know a new Hawkmoth akumatized him and that's why his scent vanishes... It's not ideal, by any means, but it would explain it."

Ladybug nodded slowly, "Maybe..." she hadn't considered that.
"But then how did he get in here in the first place?"

Vesperia frowned, "I'm not sure." she admitted, "But there's no point in losing hope just yet."

"You're right." Ladybug agreed.
She turned back to Rooster Bold, "You said his scent was on the desk, too?"

Rooster Bold nodded, "Yeah. We can see if there are any leads there." he said, leading the way back into the classroom.

There was little of interest, though the staple remover did have a similar potent aroma that the initial spot on the floor had.

"Why would Adrien need a staple remover?" Ladybug wondered aloud.

"Well, going off Vesperia's theory, maybe the new Hawkmoth kidnapped him, and he was using it as make-shift self-defense?" Rooster Bold offered.

The girls looked at him dubiously.

"I said 'maybe'." Rooster Bold shrugged.

Ladybug sighed, "In any case, it's clear this is a dead end. Let's get out of here, touch base with the others, and... head home, I guess."
The other two nodded and followed their leader out.

After getting everyone up to speed and sending them all home, Ladybug landed on the bakery rooftop. She stooped neatly to detransform and headed quietly through the hatch down into her room.

Marinette's heart felt heavy.
She tried Adrien's phone again, but it just went through to voicemail.
She gripped her phone tighter, deciding to leave a message.

"Adrien... I know you must have half a million messages by now, but if you find this one, just know I'm thinking about you. I'm worried. Nobody knows where you are or if you're okay. If you can... come home. If you need help... tell me..." Marinette fought back tears, "I love you." she said and hung up.

Tears spilled over and she hugged her knees to her chest.
What if Vesperia was right and he was out there somewhere akumatized? Or what if her own brief horrible thought was right? What if Adrien was just... gone?

"I trust you, Adrien. I do. I promise." Marinette squeaked through her tears, "Just... just please be okay." she pleaded.

As sunset drew in, Felix saw an incoming call he didn't want to miss.
"Hello, my queen." he greeted Kagami.

"Felix. Why didn't you come when Ladybug called today?" Kagami asked coolly, not one to mince words.

"Ah. I was busy." Felix chose his words carefully, "I'm sure you've heard by now, but my cousin went missing this morning. It's causing quite the little upset."

"Yes, I know." Kagami stated, "In fact, that's what Ladybug's summons was about."

"Oh?" Felix asked.
Technically he hadn't transformed today, so he didn't have to feign ignorance.
"Why? Does she think he was kidnapped?"

"No one is sure." Kagami admitted, "But you know as well as I it's unlike Adrien to disappear without telling anyone. Especially now that it's been a whole day. There should've been something by now."

"True..." Felix acknowledged.
So Adrien hadn't called home yet.

"You should help us search tomorrow. You might be able to sense him if we get close." Kagami said.

Felix studied his own amok, torn between confiding in Kagami and giving Adrien a little more time. For now, he went with the latter.
"I will. I promise." he said, "I'll see you then."

"Until then." Kagami agreed and hung up.

Felix sighed.
Lucky for him, ruses were right up his alley.
He sincerely hoped Adrien chose to go home sooner than later, though.

Chapter Text

Two more days passed, and no one had seen or heard anything. Argos was pulling double shifts tonight and quietly patrolling London after getting back from several hours in Paris. Adrien still hadn't called home and while he'd agreed to silence on his cousin's behalf, Argos was growing just concerned enough to try to check in personally.

Unfortunately for him, Adrien was nowhere in sight. After multiple sweeps of the city, Argos found himself growing tired and he landed on his balcony, opening a communication feature in his fan. He expected to get Cat Noir's machine, so he quietly rehearsed what he intended to say before calling, "Listen, Cat--"

"Yes?"

Argos flinched, realizing to his surprise the call had actually gone through.

"A-- Cat Noir. Where are you?"

"I took some time, but I'm finally headed home. I'm going to talk to my mom and Nathalie." Cat Noir replied. He sounded incredibly tired, but calmer than when they'd spoken last.

Argos allowed himself a small sigh of relief, "Good. That's good to hear." he acknowledged, "You holding up okay?"

Cat Noir offered a short laugh that made Argos's hair stand on end, "I'm barely holding up at all... I'll get there, though."

"Start by getting some sleep soon, you sound half-dead." Argos deadpanned.

"I'll stick a pin in that plan." Cat Noir mused, "Some things are more important."
Before Argos could say anything else, he hung up.

Argos detransformed and headed into his room.
Well, at least Adrien would be back home. That was a step in the right direction.

Cat Noir, as AstroCat, found a spot not too far from the Agreste Manor to land and detransform unnoticed.
He slipped his hands in his pockets and trudged up to the buzzer at the gate.
It was pretty late, but there was no point in skulking around now.
He pressed the button.

BZZZZ!

There was a long silence as the security cameras seemed to come to life.
A gasp came over the comm, "Adrien? Is that you?" Nathalie asked in disbelief.

He offered a short wave, and a sheepish grin, "Hey, Nathalie. Can you buzz me in? I don't have my key on me."

"Yes. Yes of course!"
The gates swung open and lights in the manor seemed to be popping on in quick succession.

Adrien walked up to the double doors, about to open them when all at once Emilie Agreste burst out and wrapped him in her arms, weeping, "Adrien. Adrien. Oh, thank God." she said softly.

Adrien could see Nathalie lingering just beyond.
He hugged his mother close. He'd missed her.

Emilie quickly ushered him inside, regarding him in the light.
His clothes were dirty and rumpled, his hair a mess, his eyes bloodshot and rimmed in puffy bags, but he was all in one piece.

She looked at him gently, "Adrien, what happened to you? You're a mess! Are you alright? Did you escape on your own or...?"

Adrien realized her imagination must've been running a million miles an hour and he rubbed the back of his neck guiltily, "I'm okay and there was no one to escape from, Mom." he said slowly, "I... I ran away."

"What?" Emilie asked, shocked.
She exchanged glances with Nathalie, but the other woman seemed equally perplexed.

"Adrien, why would you run away?" Nathalie found her tongue first.

"I... overheard Ladybug talking to one of her teammates a few days ago." Adrien chose his words carefully, "I learned a lot of things... a lot of secrets about our family."

"What secrets, Adrien?" Nathalie asked.

"I think you know, Nathalie." Adrien narrowed his eyes slightly, tired of people pretending they didn't know, "I learned that father was really Monarch... and I learned that I'm really a senti-being." he held up his hand with the two rings.

"Adrien, that's not--" Nathalie began, but Emilie held up a hand to stop her.

"Don't even try, Nathalie." Emilie said softly, looking at her son sadly.

Adrien turned to his mother in surprise, "So it's true."

Emilie nodded slightly, "I didn't want you to find out this way." her expression looked pained as she reached out to touch his cheek, but he flinched backward.
Emilie lowered her hand, offering a resigned look. "I'm guessing you have quite a few questions, huh?" she said softly.

"More than you could imagine." Adrien replied.

Nathalie wore a deep frown, "Ma'am?" she asked Emilie.

"Nathalie, bring some tea and sandwiches up to Adrien's room. We'll talk there." Emilie said.

"Yes, ma'am." Nathalie nodded politely and went off towards the kitchen.

It wasn't long that the three were in Adrien's room. The two women sat on his couch whilst Adrien maintained his distance for now and stood a few feet away. 
Reluctantly, he took a few bites of sandwich. His stomach was in knots, but he had barely been eating the past few days and he didn't need to keel over from lack of energy in front of his mom now.

"No more secrets, Adrien, I promise." Emilie prefaced. "Ask anything."

Adrien nodded slightly, "Let's start with the fact I'm a senti-being... when was anyone planning on telling me?"

Emilie glanced at Nathalie, then to her son.
She sighed, "I don't know how much you've been told, but you were conceived using the damaged peacock miraculous... I did it of my own free will, knowing the risks." she shook her head.

 "Maybe I was a little selfish. I was just so happy with your father; I felt the only thing I needed to be completely happy was a child. I couldn't have one naturally, but when a way presented itself... I jumped at the chance. I had you and you were amazing! You were smart and sweet and wonderful... everything I could've hoped for and more. You were my greatest treasure in the world!"

Adrien watched her wordlessly, waiting for her to continue.

"But when the consequences started to take effect, I worried. I worried that if you found out why I was getting sick, you would blame yourself... maybe even loathe your own life. I couldn't bear that thought, so I just tried to make the most of the time I had left with you."

"You say the time you 'had left'." Adrien noted, "Were you... are you... not supposed to be here?"

Emilie and Nathalie exchanged glances.

"I feel I can answer this a bit clearer, Emilie..." Nathalie said carefully.
The blonde woman nodded slightly.

"Your mother's illness eventually put her into a coma as her vitals began shutting down." Nathalie said, "She had prepared several videos for your father, you, and me, knowing her time was short, but your father was unable to cope..."

"So he turned to being a villain?" Adrien cut in.

Nathalie looked at him warily, "Yes and no. At least, not right away. He didn't want to give up on your mother, so he had her placed on life support in a secure location beneath the manor--"

Adrien's brain stopped working for a minute.
He forgot he was trying to get all these answers in a civil manner, because this just didn't compute.

"I'm sorry, but what did you just say?! What the actual hell did you just say?!" he asked helplessly, eyes darting for Nathalie to his mother, "Y-You! You told me Mom was in a hospital in London! What the hell do you mean she was under the house like some freaking Edgar Allen Poe crap?!"
He felt very dizzy and leaned back against the wall to keep from stumbling.

"Adrien--" Emilie stood from her spot, worry marring her delicate features.

"We told you that as a cover story." Nathalie acknowledged, "It was what everyone was told, if it makes you feel any better."

"No... No, it doesn't." Adrien said shakily, "What was Father thinking? Why?!"

Nathalie was about to speak, but Emilie took over, "When my last days were approaching, I knew your father was growing desperate. We had been inseparable... two halves of a whole. I knew it would be hard for him, but I begged him... I begged him and Nathalie just to be there for you. As much as I'm happy to be with you now, I didn't want him to wish me back... I just... all I wanted was for you to be happy and loved... But he couldn't bear life without me in it."

Emilie took a tentative step towards her son, "I didn't ask to be brought back any more than you asked to come into this world, but I'm so incredibly lucky I get to be here now. I get to see the man you've become... how much you've grown in just a year. I thought my life was over, I'd made my peace, but now I'm here with you and the joy of having you in my life is all that I need to make it worth living."

Adrien's gaze softened slightly towards her, but he still seemed wary, "That still doesn't excuse all the things father did as Monarch... as Hawkmoth... Mom... he did horrible things! And Nathalie... you... you helped him do them!"

"You're not wrong." Nathalie sighed.

Tears slipped down Adrien's cheeks, "I knew how much he missed Mom, so I was patient. I waited. I waited for him to be the father I needed... towards the end I finally thought my dream was coming true... he was coming around." he shook his head, "But now I find out even that... was a lie? How many times did he hurt innocent people, just for his own goals? How many times did he hurt my friends? How many times did he hurt you? And you just let him! You used the broken peacock miraculous, too, didn't you?! I don't know how you recovered, but it doesn't change the fact you were sick just like mom was!"

"To be honest, I'm not sure how I recovered either. No one knows exactly what your father wished for that night, and no one knows exactly how the universe was rewritten." Nathalie's brow was furrowed, "But as for all your father did, there is no excuse. There is no excuse for me either, if you want the truth."
Her refreshing honesty drew silence from Adrien.

"Your father couldn't accept a world without your mother in it." Nathalie reiterated, "And it drove him mad... I watched him helplessly devolve into a monster. He stopped thinking and acted out of emotion, raw instinct... Maybe I should have gotten in his way sooner, but I was selfish, too. I missed your mother and was naive enough to believe for a moment if she returned, everything would be okay again..."
Nathalie faltered a moment.

"I...I wanted to believe in that fantasy. I saw your father a very broken man on Heroes' Day. He felt like his world was ending, and all I could think about was trying to save him... so I took my fate in my own hands and chose to become Mayura. He took advantage of it... but you must know it was my choice alone... My stupid, selfish, irrational choice."

Adrien was shaking his head, it was hard to tell if he was listening or just in some state of shock.

Nathalie frowned deeply, "Reality didn't truly sink in until the day Monarch lost the Rabbit miraculous to Ladybug and Cat Noir. That day, he had the chance to make everything okay... he had the solution to the broken peacock miraculous in his hands that he could've delivered into the past..." she shook her head, "But he had already been so deep into his madness that he lost his chance to sheer ego. I realized then how horribly mistaken I'd been. I never once wanted to hurt you, Adrien."

Adrien didn't respond, head in his hands.

Emilie glanced briefly to Nathalie.
She'd already made peace with any negative feelings towards her departed love, but still it pained her to think what could've been if he'd only used his head.
Alas, he'd already been too far gone... and she couldn't fully blame him. The shattered look in his eyes that she could remember in the days leading up to her coma had been enough for concern. She had prayed he could hang on for Adrien...
She sighed softly.

"But Adrien, there is one thing no one has lied to you about." Emilie spoke up.

He looked at her.

"Ladybug was there. She took it all upon her shoulders to try and explain everything, put the pieces back together. I've never seen a more sincere look on someone's face than when she told me of your father's last moments." Emilie said softly, "In his last moments, he wasn't Monarch. He was just a broken, weary Gabriel... desperate to salvage some shred of a world where you weren't alone and could be happy. Maybe he wasn't quite the hero he's been made out to be, but never doubt in the end he truly did love you, Adrien... I'm just sorry it was too late for him to really show it."

Adrien looked from his mother to Nathalie quietly for a long time.
It was a silence that could be felt. It was dizzying and heavy... uncomfortable.

Finally, without a word, he hugged his mother tight.
Emilie squeezed him back.
They stayed like that a while.

Adrien was the first to pull back, "I... need some fresh air."

Emilie's face flashed with worry, "Please." she searched his green eyes, "Please don't run away again."

He mustered a ghost of a smile, "I won't, I promise. I just need to think about everything."

"Okay..." Emilie let him go reluctantly and he stalked out of his room, down the stairs, and out of the manor.

"Emilie?" Nathalie asked in his absence.

"We'll give him time. For now, call off the search parties. Tell them he's home." Emilie bid.

"Yes, ma'am." Nathalie nodded.

Adrien wasn't sure where he was going, but he needed to breathe, needed to process. That seemed to be his cycle these days-- searching, then processing. He had nearly all his answers, and yet still he was rattled, unsatisfied. There were so many feelings that he couldn't just ignore.

He wasn't mad at his mom anymore, he decided, but Nathalie nor his father had earned his forgiveness entirely. There was too much senseless violence. Too much neglect... Nathalie had done a lot for him to be fair, but it didn't excuse the blind eye she had turned to his father's actions... even she had admitted that. 

Then there was Ladybug... Marinette... Well, knowing her identity was a whole other matter. He was finding it hard to stay mad at her the more he learned, yet the hurt wasn't entirely gone. Good intentions or not, she had been keeping important things from him... secrets that should never have been hers to hold.

There was still a sting of betrayal, and he could only wonder one thing: Why?

Tired, stressed, and trying to sift through the mess Adrien suddenly froze in his tracks. A deep darkness felt like it was trying to force its way down his throat and consume him.

He could hear a small voice echo in his mind that sent chills down his spine.
"Greetings, Vengeance, I can't help but notice you're feeling awfully hurt... betrayed even. You've been treated unfairly." the voice was soft and smooth, unlike Monarch's had ever sounded.

Adrien tensed, struggling as his negative emotions seemed to pulse in rising waves.
"Who are you?"

"A friend." the voice came again, "You can call me Chrysalis if you like... hmmm." the voiced paused a moment.
"I can sense you have some discord in your heart towards Ladybug... that makes things simpler. She's really a pest that needs to be squashed down to size... wouldn't you agree?"

Adrien bared his teeth, grabbing his head as he struggled, "Get... out... of my head!"

"Oh, don't be that way. I only want to help you. I'll grant you the power to exact revenge on anyone who has ever wronged you... there's only a small favor I ask in exchange..."

"I... said... get... out..." Adrien snarled, dropping to his knees as he fought.
Sweat beaded on his skin with the effort. "I'll never get you Ladybug's or Cat Noir's miraculouses!"

"Miraculouses? Oh dear, I think you're confusing me for someone else."
Adrien flinched in surprise and let out a deep groan, doubling over as he fought.

"No. What I want is for you to make Ladybug wish she could just disappear."

"Y-you... want... nnngh..." Adrien's heart was pounding. He couldn't let anything happen to Ladybug. He'd never live with himself if he hurt her or worse... He summoned every bit of strength he had, anger rising deep in his chest... but not directed at any of his loved ones.

"I. SAID. GET. OUT. OF. MY. HEAD!!!!" he roared, breaking the akuma's link through sheer force of will.

The voice left and all was quiet.
Adrien panted heavily; the interaction had drained him considerably.

His legs felt like jelly, and it took him a moment to remember how to stand.
This was bad, he thought.
There was a new 'Hawkmoth' out there.

He started walking slowly back towards the manor, suddenly realizing just how tired he was. His eyes didn't seem able to stay focused.
Adrien squinted slightly, trying to compensate for the blurry shifts in his vision.

Feelings aside, he had to warn Ladybug. Soon.
He stumbled up the steps, darkness creeping into the corners of his eyesight.

"I said... get out..." he murmured to thin air.
This time, though, there was no akuma to reject.

The darkness spiraled in quicker.
He couldn't see... suddenly he was falling... then nothing.

Nathalie had just finished making some late-night calls when she stepped out into the foyer. Her eyes widened and her pulse quickened, "ADRIEN?!"
There, barely inside the doorway, lay Adrien collapsed on the floor face-down.

Nathalie hurried to his side, turning him over and checking his vitals.
He was alive. Maybe a bit warm, but if he was feverish, it wasn't worryingly so.
Still, he was out, and he looked completely exhausted.

"Emilie! Emilie!" Nathalie called out, slowly easing Adrien up the best she could.
He sagged, completely dead weight right now.

Emilie rushed into view and paled, "What happened?!"

"I don't know. I found him like this." Nathalie said, "I think he might've collapsed from exhaustion... maybe shock... I'm not sure."

Emilie frowned.
She spotted the bodyguard they affectionately called the gorilla.
"You, please, can you carry Adrien up to his bed?"

The bodyguard nodded politely and scooped Adrien up in his burly arms, carrying him up the stairwell and lying him in his bed.
Emilie followed, gingerly removing her son's shoes and socks and trying her best to make him more comfortable.
Adrien didn't even stir.

The last few days had taken their toll and his near akumatization had been enough to push him over the edge.

Chapter Text

Marinette stirred to her phone ringing next to her ear. The blunette shot up in bed and looked hopefully at the caller ID. Her heart sank a bit. Oh, it was just Alya.

She decided to answer anyway, "Hey, Alya." she sighed.
She was trying not to be mopey, but her nerves were eating her alive.

"Girl! Did you hear the news? Turn on your TV!" Alya insisted.

"Huh?"

"About Adrien, hurry up!" Alya said urgently, sounding oddly cheerful.

Marinette fairly flew off her top bunk, half-climbing half-falling down her ladder and flicked on the local news.

"...As we hinted at earlier, local teen Adrien Agreste has been found. Police reports indicated no evidence of foul play. As of the current, no medical reports have been filed, but the family indicates young Adrien has returned unharmed." Nadja was saying, "...And now for today's weather."

Marinette's eyes widened and her legs turned to jelly in relief, "He's... home?" she breathed. Tears of relief were springing to her eyes.
Three days with no clues, no sign of him even being alive... she had been losing hope, but he was okay.

"Hello... helloooo... Marinette... you still there, girl?" Alya's voice drifted from her forgotten smartphone.

Marinette blinked and picked her phone up, "Yes, I'm here." she said, still a bit dazed.

"See? We didn't find him ourselves, but he's okay." Alya said easily, "Now, when we talk next, I expect you to tell me to shut up because you're showering your man in cuddles." she tacked on teasingly.

Marinette smiled slightly, "I may have to wait in line, his mother was really worried too."

Alya smirked, "Well, I'll jump off so you can at least touch base with Adrien. Later, girl!"

"Later." Marinette replied and glanced to her kwami, "Did you hear that, Tikki? He's back safe."

"That's great, Marinette." Tikki agreed.
Though she worried the happy reunion may not be all it was cracked up to be.

"I'm going to call him right now." Marinette declared.
She felt giddy as the phone started to ring, eager just to hear his voice.
Her excitement was quickly tempered when she got his machine. Two more attempts and her excitement had been all but extinguished.

"Huh, that's... odd." Marinette decided, "Maybe he's resting, then." she concluded slowly.
She decided to call Emilie, just to see if they needed anything.

It didn't seem like Emilie was going to pick up either, but at the last-minute Marinette heard a soft, "Hello?"

"Ah, hi Mrs. Agreste. It's me, Marinette! I heard Adrien was back home and I wanted to know if there's anything I could do?" Marinette said brightly.

Emilie smiled slightly, "Yes, he got home last night and that's sweet of you, Marinette, really."

Marinette frowned.
Why did it sound like there was a 'but' coming?
"Is everything okay?"

"Adrien's resting right now."

"Oh... well, that's no problem. Maybe I can bring some chouquettes from the bakery later and..."

Emilie cut her off, "I don't think that will be a good idea, Marinette."

"O-Oh... okay." Marinette felt her heart sinking a bit deeper in her chest.

Emilie could hear Marinette's disappointment.
"It's not you, dear." she clarified, "I've just never seen Adrien so exhausted in my life... I'd rather he sleeps for today."

Marinette frowned, but she could accept that, "I understand. Whenever he's up to visitors let me know?"

"You're at the top of the list, dear." Emilie promised and hung up.

Marinette found worry worming its way back into her heart.
Just what had Adrien been through these past few days?
The news report said he was okay, but talking to Emilie left her unconvinced.

Adrien, meanwhile, hadn't so much as stirred since passing out in the foyer last night. Emilie and Nathalie had been taking turns checking in on him, but he was out cold. Well, perhaps out cold wasn't quite the right wording as he'd been running a low-grade fever. 

He'd laid unnervingly still for the longest time, but recently he'd taken to writhing. Sweat beaded on his skin. He occasionally offered unintelligible murmurs, but was no more conscious.

Nathalie was watching him currently.
She wished there was a way she could adequately apologize to Adrien.
She'd come to think of him like her own son, and even with Emilie's return the fondness hadn't gone away. She loved him and hated that she'd played a part in his pain.

Adrien looked around, trying to figure out where he was.
It was dark, the air was muggy with summer's heat. He looked down at his hands, then blinked.
Wait... when had he transformed?
Where was Ladybug?

Cat Noir took in the rooftops he was standing on. The sounds of the school's end of year dance thrummed in the distance, the Eiffel Tower alight with decorations.

It dawned on him.
Right, he was supposed to be fighting Nightormentor.

Cat Noir tensed, looking around.

All at once Nightormentor lunged at him out of nowhere, blowing purple smoke into his face.

He crumbled, coughing.

Reality blurred into nightmare.
The one he wanted to forget that still haunted his heart.
An exploded moon, countless people turned to ash, and in his arms the most precious of them all-- his lady-- just ashen dust.
Only now his fears were amplified by the secrets that he knew.

"No... No... nononono... Marinette... Marinette please!"
He watched in horror as she crumbled away.
His hands were trembling, heart breaking as he screamed.

He heard merciless chuckling echoing from above.
A brief glimpse of reality, Nightormentor standing over him, stooping to take his miraculous.

Only then, something inside him remembered this fight wasn't supposed to end here. He forced himself to move, deep sorrow changing to rage as he remembered something else...
"Claws In!"

Nightormentor froze, "A-Adrien?"

"Surprised?" Adrien asked, "But don't let that stop you, Father!" he spat.

Nightormentor stayed rooted to the spot, but Adrien was angry.
He moved quickly and kicked upward, taking out Nightormentor's grip on his weapon. Then, using it like a fencing foil he began to jab at his akumatized father with unbridled fury.

Nightormentor grunted, "The nightmares! They should be slowing you down! Unnngh!" he grunted as he took a particularly nasty jab beneath the ribs.

"Why would they?" Adrien spat, "You took everything away! My friends! My girlfriend! Anything that matters anymore!"

Nightormentor did his best to dodge, but Adrien kept coming.
Fear flashed in his eyes as he rejected his own akuma in an effort to slow his son down.

Now Gabriel Agreste, he held up his hands, "Adrien, it was just a bad dream... I'm sorry, I was akumatized... I--"

"Quiet!" Adrien snapped, going in for a punch since his weapon had dematerialized.

Gabriel grunted, "Adrien! Come to your senses! Listen!"

"No, you listen, Father!" Adrien spat, "I'm tired of all the excuses, the lies! You said we had to trust each other, but all this time you've been doing nothing but making my life miserable!"

"Adrien--"

"I'm not finished!" Adrien roared, delivering another solid blow that knocked his father backward.

Gabriel looked stunned as his normally gentle son loomed over him, he looked to his hand for his wedding band, but it was gone. His eyes widened.

Adrien grinned spitefully, holding up his own hand, "Looking for these? You're not going to be controlling me anymore, Father... Or should I say Monarch?!" the rage in his tone was rising, "I should've trusted Ladybug's intuition when she first suspected you! But no! I trusted you! When you turned into the Collector I really believed you were innocent! I don't know how I was ever so blind!" he snarled.

Gabriel was backing up and found himself against a guardrail.
"If you just calm down... we can talk. You're confused."

"NO. For the first time, I'm starting to see things clearly." Adrien glared daggers, eyes shimmering with tears, "I excused everything you ever did. Ignoring me. Isolating me. I excused you trying to systematically remove any and all friends of my own choosing, all because I stupidly believed you just needed time to grieve, and you would come around." He shook his head.

"But now I know... all this time... you were akumatizing people. You were hurting random civilians and my friends... you hurt Nathalie... You manipulated and used me... What gave you the right?!" he picked his father up by his shirtfront.

Gabriel grunted, meeting Adrien's angry gaze.
There was no more denying.
He knew.

 "I... Adrien... I did it for you... for us. I only wanted to bring your mother back to us so we could be a family again."

Adrien growled, "Stop lying! You did all this for yourself! Mom never wanted to be brought back! None of this is what I ever wanted!" he tossed his father down roughly, taking a step back. "How many lives did you think were worth ruining for your own happiness... huh?" his voice was breaking.

"Adrien... I--"

"How many?!"

Gabriel looked down silently.
For the first time, he looked truly ashamed.

Adrien watched him, breath coming in huffs, "You.... You disgust me. I think the only part that disgusts me more is despite it all I still love you." 

Gabriel glanced up briefly, "You know--"

"I'm done talking." Adrien cut in, "You're so justified in your own head none of what I say matters. I still love you, but I don't think I'll ever forgive you." he turned his back, starting to walk away.

"Adrien!" Gabriel called after him.
"ADRIEN!!!"

Adrien paused a moment but didn't turn.

"Adrien." Gabriel's voice came soft, remorseful, "Adrien, I'm sorry... I'm so very sorry, son." 

"So am I." Adrien replied quietly and kept walking.
Rooftops faded away slowly...

Adrien's eyes fluttered open, breath coming in pants at first before evening out as he took in his surroundings. It had been a vivid dream, but a dream nonetheless.

 He was in his room, in his own bed. He could smell his clothes without moving, a sure sign he stank... badly.
It took his brain a few moments to reorient itself as Nathalie's face came into view.

"Adrien, how are you feeling?"

He sat up, "Tired, but I'll live."

Nathalie nodded slightly, "Good to hear. You passed out last night and you've had a low-grade fever most of the day."

Adrien blinked.
"I passed out?" he asked. "Was I out long?"

Foggy memories danced through his head.
The new Hawkmoth... right... he'd nearly forgotten.

"About fourteen hours, give or take." Nathalie said after a moment.

Adrien let loose a low whistle.
"That long, huh."

A slight nod.

"Adrien--" Nathalie began.

He looked up at her.

"Adrien, I wanted to apologize... for everything. You have every right to be angry with me for participating in your father's plans, and I understand if it takes you a while to fully trust me again." Nathalie said, watching him sadly, "I only hope to be able to work towards earning that trust."

Adrien studied her a moment, "Thank you, Nathalie." he said softly, "And... I forgive you." he decided.

"You do?" Nathalie seemed surprised.

Adrien nodded, "I'm still not happy about everything, but I know you tried your best to make things right. So yes, I forgive you."

Nathalie felt relieved, but simply offered a polite nod.
"Thank you, Adrien." she said.

Chapter Text

Adrien had taken a long, hot shower and then spent most of the rest of his day sleeping, biding his time. With the looming threat of a new Hawkmoth, he knew he needed to get word to Ladybug without further delay. That in mind, he planned to track her down tonight and finally have the talk he'd been putting off the most.

The later it got, the harder it was to sleep... too much was riding on tonight's conversation. To distract himself, Adrien had been bulk deleting messages that were filling up his voicemail. Most of them didn't matter now.

He paused when he found just one from Marinette. He'd have expected more, considering how many times it showed she had tried to call. His finger hovered towards the delete button, but he changed his mind and decided to let it play.

The truth was, he ached to hear her voice, to hold her close. Before her little slip up, she had been one of the most important people grounding him through this whole mess... but if she refused to trust him, then things would have to change between them... as much as he didn't know if he'd be able to get over her.

"Adrien... I know you must have half a million messages by now, but if you find this one, just know I'm thinking about you. I'm worried. Nobody knows where you are or if you're okay. If you can... come home. If you need help... tell me..." he could hear her breathing hitch a moment, "I love you." 

Adrien swallowed a lump in his throat and held his phone close.
"I love you, too, Marinette." he whispered, silently praying that if ever his lucky stars could align, that she would work through this with him.

As evening drew in, Adrien looked to Plagg, "Ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Plagg acknowledged, "What about you?"

"I'm not sure." Adrien confessed, "But she has to know the new Hawkmoth seems to already have it out for her, so there's no point in putting it off any longer."

"What are you going to do if things go sour? You're not planning to give back your miraculous, are you?" Plagg asked, looking concerned.

Adrien shook his head, "I think... we're in too deep now. If Ladybug and I can't talk things out, then that'll change a lot of things." his eyes clouded a moment, "...But I've decided, no matter what, I'm Cat Noir."

Plagg nodded, "Then what are we waiting for? I've got my paws crossed for you, my friend!"

Adrien nodded slightly, "Plagg... Claws out!"

As Cat Noir, he let himself out his bedroom window and up onto the rooftops.
He opened up the map function on his staff and smirked faintly.
Just as he'd thought, Ladybug was out and about.
He followed her coordinates carefully.

Ladybug flinched as a shadow leaped down beside her, tensed to fight.

"Whoah. Somebody's uptight tonight." Cat Noir mused, pushing her fist away with his staff, "Mind putting that down?"

Ladybug's eyes widened as her stance relaxed, "Cat Noir? Where have you been? Are you okay?" she started rattling off questions like a mother hen, looking him over critically. 

He shook his head simply, "Can we talk somewhere a bit more private? It's important."

Ladybug watched him, "Uh... sure. Rena Rouge and Carapace are on patrol, anyway... Where did you have in mind?"

"How about the roof of the Dupain-Cheng Bakery? I'm friends with their daughter, so even if she notices us, she should let us be." Cat Noir said smoothly.

Ladybug felt a flutter of nerves but decided it should be okay.
Her parents were out tonight, and it ought to be secure enough... as long as he didn't try to pop in and visit 'Marinette'.

"Oh... um, alright." she agreed.

"Then my lady first?" Cat Noir dipped with a bow.

For a moment, everything felt just like normal.
Though Ladybug reminded herself that if he wanted to talk privately, something was up.

It wasn't long before the pair were perched on the bakery roof.
All the lights inside were off, adding to the quiet atmosphere.

"So," Ladybug said, "You wanted to talk?"

Cat Noir nodded, "First off, there's a new Hawkmoth out there. Someone must've found the butterfly miraculous."

Ladybug frowned deeply, "I was afraid of that. Are you sure?"

Another nod, "Real sure. She goes by Chrysalis. She tried to akumatize me, actually." he stated.

Ladybug blinked, "Akumatize you? What? When... When did this happen?"

"Last night. I resisted, but she seemed to have it out for you, so I thought you should know." Cat Noir said.

"Thank you." Ladybug nodded solemnly, "...Is there anything else?"
He seemed to be holding back.

She was rewarded with another nod from Cat Noir.
"It's about the other day. You know, when you said the secrets were getting too heavy again?"

Ladybug felt her heart start to beat a little harder.
"What about it?" she asked carefully, "If I said something that bothered you--"

"No." Cat Noir cut her off, "It's not anything you said that bothered me per se. It's more, you said it to me without knowing you were saying it to me."

"What? Cat Noir, you're not making sense..." Ladybug said.

"Forgive me."

"Forgive you? Forgive you for what?" her forehead creased in confusion.

"Plagg... claws in."

Ladybug shrieked and covered her eyes before she could catch a glimpse, "Cat Noir, what's wrong with you?! We're not supposed to know each other's secret identities! It won't end well!"

"M'lady, just look at me. You don't know this will be a bad thing." Cat Noir said.

"Yes, I do." Ladybug argued, "You don't understand!"

"Then help me understand." Cat Noir implored.

"It's not that simple!" Ladybug spat.

"What's not that simple, Marinette?"

Ladybug felt her blood run cold.
Images of Cat Blanc's twisted grin flashing through her head, the brokenness in his brilliant blue eyes...
"W-What did you just call me?" she asked.

"Marinette." his reply came calmly.

"That's not--"

"Yes, it is." he replied firmly, "Marinette, will you please just look at me?"
Something in his tone was desperate.

Ladybug swallowed hard, half-expecting Bunnyx to show up and berate her any moment.
Slowly, she lowered her hands from her eyes and gaped, "A-A-Adrien?! You... You're Cat Noir??? Oh no... you're Cat Noir." she held her head in her hands.

Adrien couldn't help but smirk faintly, "That upsetting, huh?"

"N-No! It's just..." Ladybug covered her face again, mortified, "I've used you as bait! I've mocked your puns and thrown you across Paris!" her face was coloring.

"Not mad about any of that. I agreed to it." Adrien mused, "But there's still the matter of the other night." his tone grew more serious.

Sudden realization hit her, and Ladybug paled.
"Oh no... Adrien... I... I wasn't supposed to tell you any of that. I'm sorry... I promised your father that I wouldn't ruin your memories of him... And then I told you that you were a senti..." she clasped a hand over her mouth, "I...I... really screwed up."

"The only part that you screwed up is not telling me in the first place." Adrien said firmly, "Why didn't you?"

Ladybug looked down, "Well... I... your dad was going to die from the cataclysm anyway and I'd promised..." she said weakly, "I... I just wanted you to be able to be happy..." tears were budding in her eyes.

"Forget the promise for a moment. You gave me the rings and told me I was free, but you couldn't tell me what I was? Why? Didn't you trust me? Could you imagine what could happen if I didn't know and someone got ahold of my amok?"

"I realize that now..." Ladybug's voice came pitifully, "I just... I didn't want it to break you. You've already been through so much. You deserved to not have to worry!" she swallowed hard against a lump in her throat.

In his heart, Adrien was starting to feel a bit bad. He could see that this had all been affecting her deeply. Even at the start of this whole mess, the weight of it all had been smothering her. But this was important, and so he pressed on.
"You're still not answering me. Do you trust me or not?" 

"Of course! I trust you with all my heart!" Ladybug said.

"Then what made you think I couldn't handle the truth? It's not the first time you've kept secrets from me... as Adrien or Cat Noir." he said, watching her, "If you truly trust me as much as you claim, then tell me why."

Ladybug looked conflicted, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
Tears were running down her cheeks now and she was holding her head.
"I can't. I can't. I can't." she started whispering feverishly.

Adrien felt himself slightly taken aback by how strong her reaction was.

She was fairly rocking back and forth now, nearly hyperventilating.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, and she looked up at him like a stricken puppy.
"You can." he said in a firm, but gentle tone.

"No. No. Nononononono." Ladybug said tearfully, "You don't understand! You yourself said a new Hawkmoth is out there, the more secrets we share, the more danger we put ourselves and everyone else in! Everything could be over! We know too many things about each other already!"
She felt sick.

Too many times she'd been warned, too many times things were reset in some shape or form... not all of which she could remember. But still, that one time was burned into her mind... That alone was enough.

Adrien never looked away, but he gave her shoulders a squeeze.
"Marinette, don't shut me out." he implored, "The secrets... I don't doubt they served their purpose when my dad was Monarch, but I don't think they're going to help us this time."

Her eyes searched his, looking for some good reason to believe him.
All she could see was Cat Blanc, all she could remember was every time things had blown up in her face. She was terrified.

"This new enemy... she doesn't seem to just want a wish from the miraculous. In fact, she didn't ask for it. All she wanted was to make you suffer." Adrien watched her eyes widen further, but he continued, "If this enemy has a personal vendetta against you that deep, then it makes more sense for us to be open and honest with each other. If there are no secrets, then there's no room for seeds of doubt. We'll conquer any lies...together." he promised.

Ladybug's lip trembled, "A-Adrien. I'm scared... I'm so scared." she admitted.

"I know." he pulled her close, "Just please, trust me now if never before."

Ladybug wrestled with her subconscious before slumping slightly into his embrace.
"A-Alright... You want to know why I'm so scared?"

Adrien pulled back enough to look at her.

Ladybug took a deep breath, "This... isn't the first time we've been together... At least, I don't really remember all of the other timeline because it got erased... but..." she tried to figure out how to word things.

"...Take your time." Adrien was perplexed but satisfied with her decision to open up.

Ladybug nodded slightly, "Remember the beret on your fifth name's day?"

He blinked, thrown off by what seemed an arbitrary detail, but nodded. 

"It was something I made you... as Marinette, but I was stupid enough to drop it off as Ladybug and... well...you put two and two together and found out my identity." she shook her head, fighting off the nightmares that still came in flashes, "But it was a mistake!... I never thought something that seemed so small could blow up into something so large... but it had world-ending consequences."

"You're... exaggerating, right?"
He hoped, at least.

Her lips formed a thin line which caused Adrien to pale slightly.
"I don't know everything that happened because Bunnyx dragged me through time to help fix things, but from what I understand, you and I had started dating and eventually Hawkmoth found us out..." she trailed off a moment, now processing the horrible extra layer of that.

All Adrien could offer was a short nod, encouraging her to continue.

"He akumatized you and... and when I saw you... you'd been that way for months." She was getting choked up, tears starting to fall, "You'd become Cat Blanc, a white version of Cat Noir with infinitely more powerful cataclysms. You'd destroyed everything and everyone around you... even the moon. Paris was in shambles, the oceans were risen... but the worst was seeing you just so... broken." she tried to fight it, but sobbed helplessly, "You were in so much pain... so empty... ruthless... it broke my heart..."

She could barely speak through her tears. She choked out more sobs and took a deep, shaky breath, just trying to continue.
"After the timeline was repaired... I couldn't bear the thought of anything like that ever happening to you again. I couldn't risk something small between us spiraling into literal Hell on Earth!"

Adrien flinched, glimpses of his own nightmares surfacing.
Holding his lady as a pile of ashes... destroying everyone around him...
He felt sickened to think it was real in any reality... even one that had been erased.

"So... that's it then..." He found his tongue, voice very quiet.
The reason she tiptoed around him... All this time... 

Plagg had been right on the money, but seeing it first-hand was another matter. In her position, she had seen things none of them knew about... and it had traumatized her. Understandably so, because they weren't just dreams... she'd lived those things. The closest he could relate was his short time as Aspik, trying again and again to save her, but he shuddered to think of living through anything like Ladybug described and not being able to tell a soul.

Ladybug was hysterical at this point, sobbing, "I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry, Adrien! I've been trying s-so hard, but no matter what I do I always r-r-ruin everythiiiiing!" she cried, "I was so w-worried when you went missing, and now I know even that was all my fault and I'm so sorry! I'm so so sorry!"

He broke free of his stunned stupor and pulled her close.
"Oh, Marinette."

She was shaking like a leaf, sobbing uncontrollably.
Any last bits of anger towards her had melted away.
He held her tighter, "Hey... Hey... Shhhh. It's okay, Marinette. I forgive you. It's going to be okay."

He rocked back and forth with her gently and as her crying softened, he wiped her tears away gently with his thumb.
"Thank you for being honest with me." he said quietly, offering her a soft smile in hopes to reassure her some.

"I'm sorry." was all she could find to say, whispering it now, blue eyes glistening. "I'm so so sorry."

"I'm not mad anymore." Adrien promised, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm... I'm still so scared." she admitted softly.

"I know." Adrien said, "But we'll face this together. I trust you, just don't stop trusting me."

"I won't... I promise, I won't." Ladybug sniffed, "Spots Off."

Now Marinette, she hugged Adrien close.
He ran a hand through her hair and pulled one of her hands up to his lips, planting a reassuring kiss.
"I missed you, by the way." he told her quietly.

"I missed you, too. I was so worried you were gone for good." Marinette admitted.

He pulled her closer still, their faces inches apart.
"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." her voice was hoarse from crying.

She leaned up and kissed him, a gesture he returned.
Then another.
They pulled apart.

"You're back now. That's the important part." Marinette decided.

They sat in silence a moment, "We could go down into my room if you want." she said at length.

"If you want." Adrien said, "If it's just the same to you, though, I'm content to just sit here and stargaze with you."

Marinette glanced at him, then snuggled up close.
"Okay then."

Tikki floated over by Plagg a little ways off, "You really think things will work out this time?"

"I'm not sure, Sugar Cube." Plagg admitted, "I suppose we'll just have to wait and see."

They stared at the pair of teens.

"For now, at least, they're awfully cute." Tikki acknowledged. She glanced at Plagg, "No comments about how gross they are?" she asked in surprise.

"Eh." Plagg said dismissively, "It's been a rough few days, let them have their moment."

Chapter Text

Once they'd sat there a while and Marinette had calmed a bit more, she spoke again, "I searched for you every day, you know." she said quietly.

Adrien looked at her gently.

"I got the whole team to look, too. We split the city up into blocks..." Marinette yawned widely, "Ugh, pardon me."

Adrien offered his own yawn in turn, "No pardon needed." he said with a snuff of amusement, "You... really were worried, huh?" he acknowledged softly.
Of course, they'd already established as much, but the fact she was circling back to it made him feel worse for not doing something to let her know he was in one piece before now.

Marinette nodded quietly.
 A thought occurred, "Oh, by the way, what were you doing at the school?" she asked, blue eyes regarding him curiously.

Adrien flinched slightly, "Uh... how did you know I went there?"

Marinette pulled back a bit more, "Rooster Bold tried tracking your scent. It was really strong in one of the classrooms and part of the hallway, but there was no way to tell how you got in or left." she said, "Though I'm guessing now that just means you entered and exited as Cat Noir?"

Adrien nodded slightly, "Yeah... I... needed somewhere I could be alone to process after you kind of dropped a bomb on me." he said sheepishly, "That's why I went to the school, since it's closed for the summer."

Marinette frowned slightly, but nodded, "Oh... I see." she was going to drop it, lest she stir up more emotions, but there was just one other thing that didn't make sense.
"Um... one other question..."

"What's up?" Adrien asked.
He'd suggested no more secrets, so even if she was going to ask something a bit personal, he intended to answer.

"What on Earth did you need a staple remover for while you were there?" Marinette asked, giggling tiredly.

Adrien's eyes widened and he looked away initially in shame.
Crap. Why did she have to ask that?!

Marinette sensed his sudden shift in mood.
"Adrien?" she asked, suddenly not quite so sleepy.

He swallowed hard and looked at her guiltily, "When I figured out my amok must be my parents' wedding rings, I was still in denial about being a senti-being. I... figured if I could damage one slightly and I didn't feel anything, it would prove I was just a normal human being..." He glanced down as he watched her eyes fill up with horror.

"Y-You didn't..." she squeaked out.

"I just made a little scratch... It's barely there, but I got my answer." Adrien shifted uncomfortably.

"Adrien! Why would you even think of--" Marinette began helplessly, then just closed her mouth, watching him worriedly.

"I just wanted to prove I was 'real'." Adrien shook his head, "I really didn't understand or grasp senti-beings... not really." he admitted, "Talking to Argos helped, though."

He glanced back at her and sighed, "I know... it was pretty stupid of me. I wasn't thinking straight, but that's no excu--"

She threw herself at him.
She was crying again, and he hated himself for it.

"Adrien Agreste, don't you ever do anything like that again, do you hear me? I don't think I could live with myself if anything happened to you!"
Marinette hugged him close, and he hugged her all the tighter.

"I won't. I promise." Adrien vowed, kissing her hair.
"I love you, Marinette." he bid.

Her tears slowed and she leaned in to kiss him.
He cupped her cheeks and kissed her tenderly, then again.

This time, Plagg made choking noises.
"Ugh. Okay. Enough is enough, I've officially met my mushy gushy quota for the next week at least."

"Plagg!" Tikki complained.

Marinette glanced over and smiled slightly, "He's right though..."

Adrien blinked, turning to her, "Huh?"

"Enough is enough... at least for tonight." Marinette clarified, "Since you came out as Cat Noir, I'm guessing no one knows that you're out. You probably should get home before you give your mom and Nathalie another heart attack."

"Ah, you're probably right." Adrien conceded, but his brow creased, "Will you be okay tonight, my lady?"

Marinette nodded, "You're home, you're alive, and we trust each other. What more could I need? Will you be okay, though?"

"For the first time in the past few days, I feel... content." Adrien smiled lightly and brushed her bangs from her bluebell eyes.
"See you tomorrow, then?" he asked, hand still hovering by her face.

"Tomorrow." Marinette agreed, "I'll bring chouquettes... and maybe some cheese filled rolls." she tacked on thoughtfully.

This caught Plagg's attention.
"Well? Are you going to kiss her goodnight? Because if you don't, I will after that."

"Plagg!" Adrien scolded.

Marinette giggled.

Adrien smirked in spite of himself.
The mood lightened, he opted for a gentle kiss on her forehead, "Good night, m'lady." he bid.

"Plagg... Claws Out!"
He transformed into Cat Noir once more and vaulted away.

Marinette watched him go.

The next morning, Adrien forced himself to get up early. He was still pretty drained from the ordeal of the past few days, but he had something to take care of before Marinette came over. 

He managed to talk his mother into letting him go out in the limo for a few errands, provided the gorilla was with him throughout. This was fine, he decided, as anything he needed to do could be done with his bodyguard present.

First things first, Adrien directed the gorilla to make a stop at a florist. The burly man watched quietly as the teen approached the counter, enthusiastically explaining he needed three bouquets.

The florist looked bemused, "Whoa there, lover boy, how many girlfriends do you have exactly?"

"Just one." Adrien said easily, "The other two are for my mom and my..." he trailed off, trying to decide what Nathalie was to him. She was certainly like a second mom most days, but calling her such was another matter. "My dear friend." he elected to go with that.

"Ah, alright then." the florist said, "What are you looking for?"

"A dozen red roses." Adrien relayed, that was the easy one, "Make them look nice, maybe some ribbon?"

She showed him a few samples. He chose a silky pink ribbon, deciding that against the red roses it would represent Marinette perfectly.

"And the other two?" the florist asked.

"I'm not really sure." Adrien confessed, "I know a little bit about 'flower language', but I was hoping you could help me."

"What do you want to say?" the florist replied.

"I want one to mean 'forgiveness' and the other to mean something like 'I'm lucky to have you.'" Adrien explained.

The florist thought a moment, "I can do white tulips or daffodils for forgiveness?" she offered.

Adrien thought of Nathalie, "I think the tulips." he said, "Maybe a blue ribbon?"
He wanted her to know he was choosing to forgive her for being Mayura and the part she'd played.

The florist nodded, "Alright, for the other bouquet... perhaps magnolias?" she offered.

Adrien nodded, "That sounds great, thanks."

The florist went to prepare the bouquets for him, passing them off once Adrien paid by card.
The gorilla stepped up to help Adrien with the flowers, lest he drop one of his bouquets.

Adrien smiled, "Thanks, I appreciate it."

The gorilla nodded.

Once the flowers were safely in the car, Adrien spoke up again.
"There's one other thing. Could you... drive me to the statue of Father?"

The gorilla glanced back at him wordlessly, but both eyebrows had shot up.

"I just... need to tell him something. I won't be long." Adrien promised.

The gorilla studied him but nodded.
He turned back around and started driving.

Soon, the limo pulled up as close as they could get to the statue.

Adrien opened the car door and slipped out of his seat.
"I'll be right back." he promised his bodyguard before closing the remaining distance.

Adrien stared up at the sculpture.
It was incredibly accurate; he'd give them that.
He wasn't sure if his father would've approved of it or considered it garish, but it didn't really matter now.
There was no grave, no body, no ashes, so this would have to do.

Adrien looked up at his father's likeness, frowning slightly.
"I was happier when I was in the dark, I'll give you that, Father." he sighed. "But I was also naive and blind. I'm glad the truth came out... Maybe you were ashamed of yourself in the end, but that doesn't excuse any of it."

The statue's only response was to reflect the morning sun off its highly polished surface.
Adrien stared at it even so.

"I want you to know, I stand by what I said in my dream... I don't think I can ever forgive you!" he swallowed, "But then... that would make me just like you, wouldn't it? Unable to move on, unable to let go..." his eyes stung, but he refused to shed a tear.
He'd already done his fair share of crying and screaming as of late.

"So, I've decided, it's something I'm going to work on for me." Adrien declared, "One day, I want to be able to forgive you... not because you deserve it, but because when I get there, I'll know I'm a better man then you ever were!"

He stared a moment longer, then started to walk away.
"Goodbye, Father." he murmured quietly.

The gorilla glanced to the back seat as Adrien rearranged himself.
Even without words, his gaze expressed a level of concern.

Adrien took a deep breath, then summoned a smile, "I'm good." he said, "Let's get back home. Marinette will probably be over any time now and I don't want to keep her waiting." he tacked on.

His bodyguard nodded and drove off obediently.

Marinette was just walking up to the gate when they rode up.

Adrien rolled down the window, "Hey there, beautiful. Can I interest you in a ride?" he said smoothly.

Marinette giggled, "So generous." she teased, be it that the distance was so short.
She was holding two fairly large brown paper bags.

Adrien smirked lightly and opened the car door, slipping out and offering her his seat before moving around the other side.
It was silly, but charming in a way.

"I brought the chouquettes as promised." Marinette chirped lightly as they started moving.
 She saw Plagg's face peeking out near Adrien's shirt collar. She couldn't help smirking. He must not be trying too hard to hide from her, now that they knew each other's identities.
"And some cheese-filled rolls." she tacked on with a chuckle.

Plagg grinned, slipping back out of sight.
Adrien shook his head slightly.

As they pulled up in front of the manor, he offered her the bouquet of roses.
"For you, m'lady." he smiled.

"Oh, they're lovely, Adrien!" Marinette gushed, "Um... I don't think I have a free hand, though..."

"I'll trade you then." Adrien said lightly, taking the bags so she could hold the flowers.

Marinette inhaled their scent deeply, smiling.
How many times had she rejected roses just because they were from Cat Noir?
She'd been missing out...

Adrien smiled at her warmly and pecked her cheek.
Just seeing her smiling made him happy. Despite everything, just being around her still brightened his day in ways he couldn't really describe.

What Adrien was left with still didn't resemble a bed of roses... Though that didn't concern him too much. He had people all around that loved and cared about him. Imperfect people, like him, that made mistakes... but they were trying. It was because of them he could cope, and because of them he had no doubt that he and his lady could face the looming threat of a new villain head on.