Chapter Text
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The next day Danny was extra grumpy. On top of the genuinely horrible dreams, there had been a small whiff of something he desperately needed hanging around the area. Taunting him. It would sometimes stay stationary for long periods of times, but occasionally it would move about. Like a diabolical ecto-sandwich.
‘I miss food,’ Danny lamented the loss of his tongue, ‘food is good. No…..food is great.’
“Good morning master Daniel,” Alfred said as he walked up. Danny pulled himself halfway to solid and lifted his head up to peer at the dapper butler.
“Uh,” Danny grunted in greeting, melting back into a puddle.
“How eloquent, sir,” Alfred said dryly. There was something draped over his arm and Danny lifted his eyes (snail-like) like little wriggly tentacles up to glimpse it. It made him look like a goo slug.
“Today’s outfit,” Alfred clarified while holding up a dark onesie. It had a bib. Danny hated it.
“I’m too old for bibs,” Danny informed Alfred grumpily. Alfred hummed and tilted his head while putting the outfit beside Danny’s bucket.
“Something the matter?” Alfred asked.
“Bib,” Danny clarified, waving his finger in a no-no gesture.
“No bib?” Alfred asked, “pity, I thought it was quite the adorable number. Best for your introduction this morning, there’s someone who’d like to meet you.”
“Meet me?” Danny asked, pulling himself together to be fully physical. Alfred got to work immediately on dressing him.
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“Me me?” young Daniel asked him, and once the tyke pulled himself into a solid state Alfred quickly got to work dressing him.
“Indeed, he wanted to meet you last night, but I advised against it. Arms up, there we go,” Alfred buttoned the back together and held up the bib, “it has a Bat Signal on it,” he tried to tempt the baby.
“Ba bibo?” the baby asked with a tilted head.
“The police commissioner uses it to call The Batman. It’s a large light with a bat symbol in the center that creates a silhouette upon the clouds above. A bit like a shadow puppet show. It tells The Batman that there’s trouble in Gotham city that requires his attention.” Alfred said in his best story telling voice.
“A fuber mam?” the baby asked.
“He works alongside Superman, yes. Batman is a founding member of the Justice League.” Alfred informed the baby while securing the bib in place. Baby Daniel lifted it up close to his face to squint at the logo, tracing the edges with his finger.
“A Bap.”
“Yes, it is a bat,” Alfred confirmed, “now, I do believe you are ready for your appointment sir. Shall we?” Alfred lifted a fully solid baby Daniel up out of the crystal wine bucket, and rested him against his side to carry, while leaving his dominant arm free.
“Aboibep?” Baby Daniel asked as they made their way over to the baby proofed lounge area of the batcave that had been set up sometime during the night.
It had an octagon shape, with steps going down that gave the area a clear distinction from the rest of the batcave. A playpen lay in the center atop the large area rug, and several posh leather loveseat couches, which were bolted down, decorated the space alongside an exceptionally large TV screen that hung suspended from the ceiling. A low flat coffee table, with rounded corners, doubled as a toy chest with several pull out drawers.
“We’ll have our appointment in the lounge,” Alfred informed him. The baby’s head turned on a swivel, and his eyes were squinted as he did so. Dick was in the lounge area with a steaming cup of coffee set before him on the table.
Alfred walked down the few steps that encircled the area. He pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed a button, a two foot tall clear wall slid up to enclose the little area, making the space seem like a second larger playpen. Dick watched the two with a curious frown as Alfred set little Daniel down in the centermost playpen.
“Eh,” little Daniel said while feeling around with his hands. Half of the playpen’s floor was a tactile enrichment mat designed for blind infants.
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‘What am I sitting on?’ Danny wondered while patting the ground. He tried to get a good look at it by putting his face right up next to it, but squinting didn’t do anything to get rid of the crackly green film that clouded his vision, and he couldn’t make it out.
He patted it, and fiddled with the material, pinching it between his fingers. It was like little nubs? But then further to the side there were…tied bows? To the other side were these oblong candy egg shaped silicone things, that popped down like those pop socket things.
Danny stopped and sat back with a confused look. He leaned back on his hands and something squeaked like a dog toy, making him yelp and jump away.
“What am I sitting on!?” Danny wailed.
“Ah, a bit too stimulating then,” Alfred said while picking him up.
“What does that even mean!?” Danny asked him. Alfred set him down at a different spot with several plush pillows, handing him the tablet again. Danny looked at the tablet, and then looked at Alfred.
“No?” Alfred asked.
“I’m so confused right now,” Danny told him solemnly. He twisted onto his hands and knees, and crawled towards the area he had been set down in earlier, patting the floor tentatively as he went. He thought he’d found it in the hazy green sea of stuff, but when he patted the slightly darker spot there was no change in the floor. He swiped his hand from side to side in bafflement.
“That’s a shadow master Daniel,” Alfred informed him.
“Oh,” Danny said.
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“No?” Alfred asked the baby when he showed no interest in the tablet.
“Aim fo bofuuf wai mow,” the baby told Alfred solemnly.
Dick bit his lips and his face twisted with amusement. The tiny ghoulish baby began crawling tentatively towards the enrichment mat, leaving the tablet behind, patting the floor as he went. He stopped at the shadow that the TV cast on the ground, swiping his little hand back and forth over it.
“That’s a shadow master Daniel,” Alfred told the baby.
“Oh,” the baby said. Dick laughed softly and the baby’s head whipped towards his direction.
“Oo bah?”
“This is master Dick,” Alfred introduced.
“Bip?” the baby asked, then began cackling madly. He stood up and then hobble-ran to the edge of the playpen. His little head began moving up and down oddly, and his eyes squinted.
“What’s he doing?” Dick asked while getting up off the couch and walking forward to squat beside the playpen.
“Trying to find you, I imagine,” Alfred said.
“‘eah,” the baby agreed while waving a little hand at Dick. Dick let him grab his finger with a grin quirking one side of his mouth.
“He’s pretty cute,” Dick said, “for a slime monster.”
“Muh-uh! Ai boo, Boo!” the baby told him sternly, wiggling his fingers, “booOoooOo~”
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The rest of the day was pretty boring, not as boring as before when he didn’t have his senses, but nothing of note really happened. Danny got ahold of the remote to the TV, Dick had slipped it to him, and sat next to a large plush bat while flipping through channels.
“No interest in the enrichment mat?” Bruce asked as he walked up.
“It spooked him a bit,” Alfred said from the couch where he had been reading a book and sipping his tea.
“I was not scared by a mat!” Danny defended himself, turning to them with a stern look upon his face, “I just didn’t know what it was!” he turned back to the TV and continued flipping channels grumpily. Bruce chuckled, and ruffled Danny’s hair before walking over to some other place and clacking on a keyboard.
“They have a computer,” Danny whispered, clicking a button to switch the channels. It was some action movie, which was sort of ruined by the green haze clouding his vision. He was constantly surprised by how much context was lost without the visuals of a show. Explosions just looked like globs with lots of noise, and he couldn’t make out fire or clouds.
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Dick sat criss-cross on the floor in the den to the side of the pseudo kiddie-pool/nest that he and Alfred had made with some waterproof blankets when Danny had begun to droop tiredly earlier. Danny was sitting in the center of it.
Dick shook a clattering baby toy above Danny’s head with a bored expression and his chin resting on his fist. Danny had the most unimpressed look that Dick had ever seen on a baby’s face. He pretended not to be eavesdropping on Alfred lecturing Bruce in the next room over about overfeeding Danny the night before.
Dick shook the toy again absently. A gurgling sound came from Danny’s stomach and Dick lifted a brow. Danny belched out a projectile glob of green ooze that flew and hit Dick in the face with a wet splat. The room was silent, and Dick was thankful he had closed his eyes in time to not have the questionable fluid in them. Then Danny began cackling madly.
“….That’s not funny,” Dick pouted blindly.
“Hey, Baby Goo,” Tim cooed from the doorway. Dick turned his head at the sound and there was a beat of silence before Tim’s voice was echoing through the room with loud guffaws. Dick imagined he was probably pointing at him.
“Don’t you have school?” Dick asked as he reached blindly over to Danny’s diaper bag to pull out some wet wipes and clean his face off.
“Damian has school, I called out,” Tim said gleefully as he plopped down next to Danny.
“What excuse did you use this time?” Dick asked as he tossed the soiled wet wipe expertly through the air to land in the trash can on the other side of the room. Tim grinned and bent over to reach under the couch, pulling out a bag of cheese puffs.
“You know,” Tim shrugged with a happy look as a pair of chopsticks seemed to materialize in his hands, which he then used to root around in the bag of snacks, “the usual.”
“How many of those do you have squirreled away?” Dick wondered.
“Uh,” Danny grunted. The two looked over at him. He had moved himself to crawl on his stomach and push up against the the ridge of the blanket nest to lift himself towards Tim.
“Pee Puff,” Danny said solemnly, clenching his fist in a ‘give me’ motion. Tim pursed his lips.
“I’m sorry Baby-Goo, but these aren’t good for you bud,” Tim said solemnly.
“Really?” Dick asked.
“We still need to do an allergen test, do you know how many ingredients are in this!?” Tim hissed back at him.
“Pee Puff!” Danny demanded while shaking his fists at them with a grumpy scowl. His little tummy grumbled again. It had an odd tone to it, one that Dick couldn’t figure if it was the grumble of a hungry stomach or an upset one. Danny had an upset stomach all morning (thus Alfred lecturing Bruce) but it wasn’t outside of the realm of possibilities that he was hungry now. They’d been down in the play pen area for a few hours.
“Sorry Baby-Goo,” Tim said while putting the bag away.
Danny made a screeching sound that made Dick’s ears ring, flailed his arms, face planted into the ground in what Dick identified as the beginnings of a massive tantrum, and then….melted.
It’s a good thing he and Alfred had made the pseudo kiddie-pool out of water proof blankets earlier when Danny had begun to droop.
“Really?” Dick asked, unimpressed. Danny’s fluid body gurgled and hissed at them.
“I will prepare lunch promptly,” Alfred informed them primly as he made his way out of the cave and up to the kitchens.
Danny’s rage-filled shriek was muffled when he was an angry puddle.
“It’s alright little buddy,” Dick said consolingly.
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“That is not a baby,” Damian said as he pointed to the oversized crystal chalice filled with viscous glowing green fluid. He and Dick stood near it in the Batcave.
“He,” Dick stressed the word, “is in fact a baby.” He waved an arm towards the ominously glowing chalice.
“‘He’ does not look like a baby,” Damian said with a frown and his arms crossed over his chest.
“Well . .not right now. But he’s definitely a baby,” Dick said confidently as he leaned on the crystal wine bucket and wiggled his fingers at Danny, “isn’t that right Baby Goo~” Dick cooed. A tendril of glowing green slime grabbed onto the baby blanket at the bottom of the chalice and whipped it up to slap Dick in the face with the soaked cloth. It made a vile squelching slap noise and left Dick with streaks of green fluid running down his frowning face.
“Pff-” Damian covered his mouth delicately with one fist as he averted his eyes.
“That wasn’t funny,” Dick told Damian with a frown. Danny pulled himself back into a baby shape just to point and cackle at Dick, then slumped back into a thick green pool. The fluid wiggled as though he was getting comfortable. Damian’s movements halted and he stared with slightly widened eyes as the green waters stilled.
“See, baby, now let’s go,” Dick said tersely. Alfred was coming down with some pre-dinner snacks for Danny on a tray in an arrange of different shapes. Tiny plain hard-tack biscuits that Alfred had worked his magic to give some texture to.
They’d learned at lunch time that Danny didn’t really have tastebuds the way a human does and that he preferred crunchy foods that made loud sounds when biting into them.
