Chapter Text
As much as Ni-ki enjoys spending time with Jungwon and seeing him get along with someone who was very involved in the building of his character, who used to be and maybe still is very important to him, as mortifying it is to see them bond over embarrassing Ni-ki. Jake arrives at the convenience store at the best time, just before Taki can retell yet another one of the embarrassing events of Ni-ki’s childhood. He swings the door open with a more energetic shout than anybody else could muster at this hour and greets Ni-ki with a wide swing.
“Sorry for the delay,” he stretches out his arms and pulls Ni-ki into a tight, almost protective hug as he pulls him off the stool and drags him away from Jungwon and Taki, “Sunoo made me put on a face mask to clear my pores or something and now my skin’s smooth like a baby’s butt.”
… That’s certainly one heck of a first impression.
Ni-ki frowns at him for the weird excuse. He can just say that he probably got his brains fucked out and first had to relearn how to use his legs again instead of trying to shield him from the truth like he’s some kid that doesn’t know what sex is. Just because his body count only consists of his ex—very uncomfortable truth here—doesn’t mean Ni-ki doesn’t know what gay sex is. Their house is old, and the walls are thin. Jake and Sunoo are never as quiet as they think they are.
But before he can open his mouth and call him out for it, Jake brings his attention to Jungwon and Taki.
“Hi!” he greets them cheerily, perking up in the excitement of meeting new people, “I’m Jake, I live with Ni-ki.”
He stretches out his hand to shake their as a greeting, a concept more foreign to Taki than it is to Jungwon. He’s polite with it, clasping both of his hands around Jake’s to shake it lightly.
“Jungwon, good evening,” he introduces himself with a firm yet soft voice.
Jake’s gaze flickers over to Ni-ki shortly as he flashes him a knowing, almost wolfish grin that disappears in the blink of an eye again when he turns to look at Taki next. He moves his hand from Jungwon’s to the front of Taki’s chest who grabs it more clumsily and shakes it by jerking it up and down. While doing that, he nods his head like he’s confused whether he should bow to him or not.
“Riki,” he introduces himself for the first time since he came to Korea, and the world stops once again.
He’s no longer Taki to the new people that he meets. Because for them, he and Taki are no longer inseparable, no longer known as a duo. There’s no more Riki A and Riki B for them because there’s no longer another Riki.
And it’s only been Ni-ki who kept using the nickname.
He’s not sure what face he’s making. It can’t be a comfortable or pleasant one because Jungwon next to him frowns in concern though he quickly turns back to Jake and Taki—no, Riki, apparently—to bow to them politely.
Seeing the worry on his face snaps Riki out of whatever state of shock he was in. He jumps into the conversation, stumbling over his own name,
“Ni—Ni-ki. We all know me.”
He can’t decide whether to call himself Riki as well. They all know him as Ni-ki and nobody else. Jungwon especially, even if he got a CV with his legal name on it. Ni-ki can’t remember the last time anybody aside from his family has called him Riki, by his real name. After he met Taki and befriended him more or less willingly, he adapted his nickname because they had to be able to be told apart. And after that, there were no two Riki’s. There was Taki, and there was Ni-ki—and here he still is, alone.
What an odd way to be reminded that he’s no longer a part of a duo, romantically or platonically.
At least Jake finds his whole crisis funny. He laughs easily, throwing his head back and letting them all chuckle along politely.
Jungwon knows that Jake’s older than them because Ni-ki told him all about his housemates. Taki knows because Ni-ki can never shut up when he has to complain about hearing Sunoo and Jake have sex again. They both know they should at the very least pretend to be polite to Jake.
Either way, Taki’s quickly swept into a pleasant but meaningless conversation about his studies by Jake. What he does, what studio he goes to, which crew he belongs to, how he learned dancing.
Jungwon listens quietly, always stuck to Ni-ki’s side as if seeking comfort in his presence when Heeseung and Yumi are both still at the cash register. The excitement of meeting Taki seems to have died down now that he no longer supplies him with more embarrassing stories from Ni-ki’s childhood, and all that’s left is the same exhaustion that wore him down tonight before they went out to the store.
“Looks like it’ll be a while before your housemate takes you home,” he assumes, rightfully so, as they observe Jake indulge in painfully boring but polite small talk with Taki that never seems to dive into the topic of Ni-ki’s childhood and teenage years, “Wanna grab a sausage?”
“Yes.”
—
Ni-ki can’t sleep well. He tosses and turns and adjusts his blanket over and over again and puts on some hours long ASMR video to play in the background and plays a boring ‘cat facts to fall asleep to’ which doesn’t help him at all. He’s even tried reading his text book even though he’s already ahead of all of his classes, and still. Nothing.
The best he can do is stare at the dark ceiling and pray that sleep takes him fast before he drowns even deeper in his own head.
The evening keeps replaying in his mind, like a memory watched through the window even though he was right there in the convenience store, next to all of them. Though, his focus is entirely locked onto Jungwon.
Ni-ki knows it’s a little pathetic that his eyes kept wandering until they found him again, next to Taki whom Ni-ki didn’t waste more but a few glances on. But at least, it seemed like they were getting along. He has no idea how often they’ll run into each other in the future but Taki somehow managed to convince Ni-ki to take him around town on a free day, he supposes they’re friends enough to hang out more often which means that he will have to know Jungwon.
Not only that but Jake also offered to give Taki a ride back to his student accommodation, and now those two are friends, too. He even invited him for steak night on Saturday! Without asking Ni-ki.
It appears that the idea of Ni-ki being uncomfortable around his ex is entirely foreign to everyone around him, or they just don’t care. Well, it’s not like it’s a bad kind of discomfort. Ni-ki’s just… awkward. He has no idea how to act or how to react, and the most he can do is stare at Jungwon to seek some grounding feeling under his feet.
Obviously, looking at Jungwon doesn’t really help all that much to keep Ni-ki grounded. He does always get that light, sickly floaty feeling in his chest while staring at him but… it’s better than thinking the world will come down crashing around him.
“Can’t sleep?”
And just like that, he’s called Jungwon, like an idiot.
He sounds half asleep still, like he woke up from Ni-ki’s call that he, in hindsight, shouldn’t have picked up and replied to. Ni-ki feels bad and guilty for having woken him up but it’s not as good as the delirium of thinking that Jungwon cares about him and would drop everything at his call. This is what they call a delusion, urged on by a parasocial relationship that Jungwon unknowingly feeds into.
Then again, he also sounds slightly amused, like Ni-ki’s suffering is entertaining to him.
“No, sorry,” he mumbles into the speakers of his phone and rolls over onto his side. If he closes his eyes, he can pretend that Jungwon’s voice doesn’t sound electronic, that he’s actually next to him. It’s a comforting idea. It’s a delusional idea. “Just… still shaken up, I guess. You can hang up if you don’t wanna hear more of it.”
“Nah,” Jungwon declines the offer almost too easily even though Ni-ki can hear him yawn loudly and clearly, “You gotta, like, talk about stuff to feel better, right? It… helped me a lot when you let me tell you about my ex. Maybe it’ll help you, too.”
It already helps to hear that Ni-ki made a positive impact on someone’s life. And, he supposes, it’s only fair to Jungwon. To let him know how Ni-ki feels about Taki being back in his life so he knows that it won’t change anything between them, whatever it might be. He’s not even sure if Jungwon needs or wants to know that but it’s always a good foundation for any kind of relationship to be on the same page, right? Besides, he just told him that it’s okay to… share his feelings, as silly and as many as Ni-ki has.
“I just thought,” Ni-ki starts with a sigh and opens his eyes again. His phone is lit up from the call that’s been going for a minute know even though they’ve barely exchanged any words. “Well, it was heard to hear him introduce himself as Riki when we took our nicknames to tell us apart when we were still a duo. I mean, I still use it even though I’ve been alone in Korea. I just figured that he would, too, and now it’s just strange. Like, I know I was the one who broke us up but I thought our relationship was, like, a defining part of who we were. Who we are. Dating him changed me. I’d still be ‘Riki B’ if it wasn’t for him. Like, knowing Taki made me. I could never go back to… to being Riki again.”
Jungwon hums absentmindedly. Ni-ki almost thinks that he got bored of him pouring out his feelings to him and got sleepy but he breaks the silence after a while.
“Are you upset that he did?” Jungwon asks him after, most likely, careful consideration of what to say. And it seems like he decided to go the therapeutic way. “He introduced himself as Riki earlier, didn’t he?”
The reminder sucks. But it seems to be a memory that Ni-ki will have to face if he wants to feel better about it.
It’s just that… the nickname used to mean something. It defined Ni-ki as part of an inseparable duo, only further closely perceived by their shared name. Like fate.
“He did,” he confirms quietly and melts into his sheets. He pulls the blanket tighter around his shoulders to mimic a hug—the closest he’ll get to physical comfort for now unless he wants to wake up Jake, Sunoo or Sunghoon, too. Or maybe all three of them. “It’s just, it felt weird. To hear that name again.”
“It’s weird, right?” Jungwon hums quietly again as his voice softens into an almost sad whisper, “How people move on with their lives like you had no impact on them.”
Ni-ki’s glad that he didn’t go to his other friends with this.
In a way, Jungwon probably relates to his struggle the most, even if his reminder of his ex is a lot more physical and sovereign than a mere nickname. But he is reminded of her, and having Jieun did change him in a way that can’t be undone.
“Do you ever wonder how she’s doing?” Ni-ki asks him, shifting the focus of their conversation back to Jungwon even though he’s well aware of how rude it is to pry and stick his nose where it doesn’t belong. Jungwon seems to contemplate his answer, or if he should answer at all. “Sorry, that’s probably—You don’t have to tell me if it’s uncomfortable—”
“I do,” Jungwon replies quickly. His voice cuts through Ni-ki’s rambling, sharper than a knife, before his voice softens again with another sigh, “I hate to admit it because it’s apparently not considered ‘moving forward’ or something but I think it’s unfair. I’m the one who deals with the consequence by myself and she… She’s probably living like she doesn’t have a kid somewhere. Every time I try to tell Jay-hyung or Heeseung-hyung, they tell me that I have to look at the bright side. The only bright side I see about all of this is that I’m not trapped in a miserable honour marriage or whatever. But we were supposed to be a team, too. So, really, I get it.”
He probably gets it even more and even better than Ni-ki himself even though he’s the one who brought it up.
Sure, it’s nonsensical to compare the expectations of sharing the responsibilities of raising a child together to nicknames they came up with on their own but it does make Ni-ki feel better. Not because Jungwon’s struggles are worse but because he compares their situation and somehow still manages to liken them to each other and understand his feelings.
Ni-ki doesn’t think that his housemates would understand either. Sunghoon doesn’t have an ex or someone who changed with him, who changed him. He’s actually not so sure about Sunoo or Jake. Sunoo’s been emotionally intelligent enough thanks to either his dramas or all of the self help books that he reads. It’s a strong contrast to Jake who’s more emotionally withdrawn and doesn’t like talking about his feelings a lot. If he actually was emotionally intelligent, Ni-ki wouldn’t know.
“Sorry,” Ni-ki apologises nonetheless and chuckles wryly, “Talking about it must be frustrating to you as well.”
“I’ve accepted the idea,” Jungwon reassures him gently, though his tone does sharpen with every sentence he says about his ex before it softens again, “If she’s living her life like Jieun doesn’t exist, then fine. Good for her. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m a dad. Just because he’s no longer Taki doesn’t mean you have to stop being Ni-ki. Unless that’s what you want.”
That’s… true. Ni-ki’s consequence can be undone, unlike Jungwon’s. He could go back to being Riki if he works towards it but it’d feel wrong. And saying that he’ll ‘reclaim’ a name sounds insensitive, like he’s taking up a more sensitive topic that doesn’t even include any sort of oppression directed towards him.
What can’t be undone is the change of character that he went through. He basically became an entirely different person, in the words of his parents, and it’s just not him. Not anymore.
“I don’t know,” he admits quietly and closes his eyes again, rolling onto his back, “I still feel like Ni-ki.”
“Well, if you do,” Jungwon offers him, “Riki sounds like a friendly name, too. A little harder to pronounce for kids because of the ‘r’ but… Not like it’ll affect Jieun.”
Ni-ki can’t help but laugh at that.
Maybe, Jungwon is right. It doesn’t matter who Riki was as long as he continues to make something out of himself under whatever name he chooses to. In the end, he only has to care about the people who are important to him right now and whose faces he wants to continue seeing in his future. He can’t count on Taki for that. Ni-ki’s well aware that Taki or Riki or whatever the fuck he’s calling himself now will go back to Japan after this semester. He won’t stay in Ni-ki’s life, not in the same way that Jungwon and Jieun or Jay and Heeseung or Sunghoon, Jake and Sunoo will—directly, within an arm’s reach, a call and a quick bus ride away.
Well, for the foreseeable future. Who knows if Jay doesn’t want to travel the world once he’s finally done with his studies.
Point is, Ni-ki has to focus on the people who’ll change him now, in the present and in the future, and not on who’s changed him in the past. People like Jungwon and Jieun.
“She’ll cry if I ask her to call me Riki instead of papa, won’t she?” he asks, chuckling quietly to himself at the rather pitiful thought. She’d be so sad.
“Don’t you dare!” Jungwon warns him through giggles bubbling up and spilling past his lips. They sound muffled, like he’s trying to cover up his mouth to be quiet. “I’m serious. Don’t you dare make my baby sad, Nishimura Riki.”
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck, Ni-ki didn’t think he’d like hearing that from Jungwon. Turns out he was wrong. Oh, he was so wrong.
And now, he’ll do something crazy.
“Hyung,” he sheepishly calls out to him even though he knows that Jungwon isn’t paying attention to anything but their phone call right now, “Could… you try calling me Riki for the next few days? Just so I can get used to it.”
He’s not even sure why he’s asking him. It’s not like he has any actual plans to go by his legal name again.
But he likes how the name—his name—sounds from Jungwon. Soft and gentle. Friendly, just as he’d said. Nothing that Ni-ki would ever bring in relation to the kind of teenager that he was when he still went by Riki but he’ll try to live up to the version that Jungwon’s made of it.
“Yeah, sure,” Jungwon agrees easily enough, “Fits you, too, I think. Riki. Riki. Hey, do your housemates ever call you Nicki Minaj?”
Someone has to kill Ni-ki right the fuck now.
—
Thankfully, Ni-ki doesn’t have to explain his changed name to Jieun. It’d be too awkward, and he actually hasn’t asked anybody but Jungwon to switch it up yet. Most importantly, it doesn’t affect her at all.
Sunghoon drops him off at the gates to the preschool before he speeds off to his date as usual, and Ni-ki doesn’t even have to wait long before she’s running up to him with outstretched arms, a bright grin and an excited shout of,
“Papa!”
Now that he thinks about it because he’s all up in his head, distracted by his own thoughts even while catching Jieun in his arms and lifting her up to pull her into a hug, this is probably the one nickname he’s sure of using. Nothing else makes sense but he’ll be Jieun’s papa for as long as she lets him. Hopefully until he dies. But that’s still a couple more years in the future ao he won’t have to worry about that.
“Hii, baby,” he greets her happily and buries his face in her soft, woolly hat. This time, it looks like she has little bear ears which fits well to her brown jacket. “It’s almost the last month of preschool for you, isn’t it? Are they doing anything fun for you guys?”
“We’re planning a Christmas party,” she tells him.
As always, when Ni-ki tries to set her back down, she clings to his arm for a moment before she eventually gives up trying to climb up and wraps her tiny, now gloved hand around his pinky finger.
How can a little human be this cute, Ni-ki will simply have to eat her.
“Are you good at baking, papa?” she asks him, “Everyone’s making cookies with their parents but appa’s so bad at baking! And I don’t know how to make cookies. We need help, papa.”
If she was any older, Ni-ki would almost think that it’s a not so subtle attempt at setting him up to spend more time with Jungwon to continue his gay yearning. Alas, Jieun’s only lived about six and a half years by now and she should be unaware of Ni-ki’s gay antics. Not because she’s homophobic but because she’s so little.
The only thing Jieun should be worried about is her cookies for the Christmas party.
And, of course, Ni-ki burning down her kitchen again should he be tasked to help. She’s either forgotten or graciously forgiven him for his little toaster accident.
Either way, Ni-ki will probably have to ask Jungwon first.
“Let’s ask your appa later if I can come and help, hm?” he suggests softly and swings her arm so she stays in motion and warm, “If not, I’m sure Jay-hyung will help you, too.”
Speaking of Jay… maybe Ni-ki should drop by with Jieun and have a little talk with him. As much as Jay likes to share random bits of advices and information, as genuinely enlightening some of them have been for Ni-ki. Maybe not always as enlightening as talking to Jake or now even Jungwon but enlightening enough.
Jieun takes the bait. She pulls Ni-ki to Heeseung’s store where Jay’s behind the cash register for once even though Yumi’s there to run the place as well. Well, she runs through the store and trying to restock all of the snacks and drinks that the students and workers are grabbing.
Ni-ki’s glad that he doesn’t have to slave away at the convenience store for a few more weeks.
“Hello, oppa!” Jieun greets Jay brightly before she spots Yumi zooming past her and adds, “Hello, unnie!”
“Hii, Jieun!” Yumi yells from some aisles that Ni-ki can’t look into. At least she knows they’re both here, “Hi, Ni-ki-oppa! Wah!”
Something crashes to the ground. From the crackle of plastic bags, she must be in the snack aisles where the chips are. There’s no dull thudding sound that follows so Ni-ki will just assume that she’s fine.
“Oh, baby!” Jay coos happily and rounds the cash register counter to pick up Jieun and twirl her in the air for a single, clumsily unbalanced turn before setting her down with a quiet groan. Ni-ki observes carefully as Jay tries to stand up straight but ends up slightly slouched with a hand pressed to his back.
Old people and their back pain, seriously…
“Oppa!” Jieun calls out to Jay even though she scurries back to Ni-ki’s side to grab his finger, “Can you bake?”
“Not… not very well, no,” Jay admits. He sounds confused, either by the question or about his own skill. Either way, he cutely tilts his head to the side. “Why? Are you gonna bake with your appa? Do you need flour and sugar and eggs?”
“And milk and cookie cutters?” Yumi adds, popping up from behind a shelf with an armful of chips. She’s entirely focused on Jieun, crouching down to be on her eye level, “You wanna make cookies, right?”
It must be nice to be coddled and pampered like this, Ni-ki thinks wistfully. His days of being pampered, not in a jokingly belittling or infantilising way, are long over. Sure, Sunghoon coos at him a lot but he also coos as dogs and kittens and just about anybody he finds cute—which is everyone because he’s a little weird like that and probably thinks of himself a grandpa.
Well, it’s not like he doesn’t pamper Jieun as well. She’s just too cute to say no to and not offer her the world, even if that world only revolves around anything baking right now.
“My class is having a Christmas party,” Jieun tells them, suddenly turning her head to Ni-ki. She innocently blinks at him with her big, round eyes before she delivers the fatal blow to his pride, “Papa said he can’t bake. He’ll burn my toaster again.”
“I’m not—!” Ni-ki sputters and takes a step back from her. Half a step. Not far enough to rib his finger away from her little hands but far enough that their arms are fully stretched out. “You don’t bake cookies with a toaster, you know?! There will be no burning toasters this time. I promise.”
“Mhm.”
For someone so little with such a cute, round baby face of an angel, she has a deadly judgment sparkling dangerously in her eyes. So young and she’s already all trust that she could have in Ni-ki—not that it was ever granted to him since he did burn that toaster the first time they met. But the point stands! He could’ve had her trust.
Jieun is far too young to be let down by the adults in her life. Frankly, it already started right after her birth but Ni-ki really doesn’t need to add to that.
Either way, it turns out that Jay doesn’t know how to bake very well either because he, as he put it, ‘barely knows how to follow a recipe while cooking’ which is just a cheap excuse. Ni-ki’s eaten his cooking before and it’s great! Good enough. Edible. Kids won’t care.
Who does know how to bake, however, is Yumi. And she promptly volunteers to help once Ni-ki settled that they’ll have to ask Jungwon first since it’s his kitchen they’d be desecrating.
But that’s not what Ni-ki lured Jieun to the store for.
He makes sure that Yumi takes her to the back where she can try a bunch of new jellies and other snacks, a sweet tooth she must’ve inherited from her dad, before whipping his head to Jay with a dead serious expression on his face and cornering him against the cash register counter. Jay stumbles a few steps away until his back—or rather, his fat, jiggly ass—hist the counter and there’s nowhere to run anymore. He returns Ni-ki’s heavy gaze with a nervous smile and a high-pitched, anxious chuckle.
“I’ll have you know,” he murmurs sheepishly, face turning pink, “I’m married.”
“What the fuck?” Ni-ki scoffs and reels back, away from Jay and his gay marriage. Way to rub it into his face. “Ew.”
Jay’s response is reasonable. He recoils with offence written all over his face, scrunching up his nose like Ni-ki’s some stinky little kid who refuses to let their parents shower them. Which he isn’t. Ni-ki takes his personal hygiene very seriously. Fuck, does he stink?
“You don’t have to be shy,” Jay adds his snide remark with a roll of his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest, “I know I’m cute.”
Ni-ki drops his shocked facial expression and stares at him, deadpan.
Jay is cute but not that cute. He doesn’t even compare to Jungwon when it comes to cuteness, much less Jieun or, dare he say, even Manifesto. And yes, Manifesto has an unfair advantage because she’s a fluffy little baby kitten who’s barely the size of Ni-ki’s palm but Jungwon still stands a chance. So human cuteness can reach kitten level of cuteness and Ni-ki, as mean as it sounds, doesn’t think that Jay’s quite there yet.
“That’s literally not what I’m interested in,” Ni-ki mutters and steps back, giving Jay the space he needs to stop this whole ‘protectively acting cute to survive’ act he’s trying to pull off. It doesn’t work on Ni-ki. He’s been exposed to such high levels of cuteness that he’s almost become immune by now. “You have a Korean name, right?”
Jay blinks at him, perplexed.
Okay, maybe he does look cute with his small, round mouth gaping open as his brain tries to process Ni-ki’s question. But, again, Jungwon’s cuter. This doesn’t do anything for him and his unquenchable thirst for cute things.
“I… do?” Jay confirms, though it does sound more like a question. Like he doesn’t even know his own name anymore which is something Ni-ki’s unfortunately able to relate to. However, Jay’s confusion probably doesn’t stem from that. “Why? Do you want a Korean name? Didn’t you have to choose one for your ARC?”
He did. But that was for paperwork, nobody ever actually calls him by his Korean name. Besides, ‘Ni-ki’ is perfectly fine in hangul. So would ‘Riki’ be, and that’s the problem, right? It’s three, maybe two strokes more.
“I—” Riki stops himself. He has no idea how to explain this situation to Jay because he hasn’t been at the store very often lately, busy with his studies and married life or whatever as he is, so he just completely missed out on Ni-ki’s whole breakdown and drama. Where would Ni-ki even begin?
—
“And… yeah,” Ni-ki ends his retelling with a gasp, heaving for air. He’s breathless because he was ranting, and that turned into a vent, and that turned into a spiralling monologue about his current identity crisis. Jay probably tried to get in a word or two but Ni-ki didn’t let him, too busy catastrophising about his name of all things. “That’s what’s been going on. How have you been?”
Jay stares at him with wide eyes. The confusion sparkles in his big eyes which does make him cute but, again, not what Ni-ki’s trying to focus on here. He has his own cute man to marry soon. Hopefully.
He should really talk to Jungwon about that.
“Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me,” Jay admits slowly, eyeing Ni-ki with extra care to gauge his reaction, “Is you continuing to go by Ni-ki dependant on that other guy?”
Dammit.
Ni-ki should’ve asked Jay sooner. Leave it to him to see things as a true outsider, especially since he hasn’t met Taki yet and has no idea what kind of impact he had on Ni-ki’s development.
He makes it sound so easy, which Ni-ki technically knows it is, same as that he knows that his worries are completely blown out of proportion—but it doesn’t feel that simple and Ni-ki hasn’t spent enough time debating about the reason to word exactly why. Probably because he was part of a duo for so long that Ni-ki doesn’t know how to be by himself anymore.
Which is even weirder because he has been alone. He came to Korea all by himself, freshly broken up and with no family to fall back on. He didn’t meet Jake until much later, inevitably followed by Sunghoon because they’re best friends and then Sunoo. Just a few weeks after that, Ni-ki met Heeseung and then, the next day, Jay. Jungwon followed much later. And that’s it. Those are all of the people Ni-ki regularly interacts with and talks to in Korea, and still, none of them know them as well as Taki does. Did. Does.
He still does, which is just annoying.
Nobody’s ever come close to Taki regarding the impact they’ve had on Ni-ki’s personality and life and… everything.
“He’s the whole reason I even got the nickname,” Ni-ki argues weakly.
Taki’s the reason for a lot of things. Ni-ki’s happy and normal childhood. His dreams and ambitions. His visa and study abroad. Their breakup, in a weird, convoluted way. But only if Ni-ki’s looking for someone else to shift the blame onto. Which is probably a bad think but sometimes, Ni-ki has to be the victim fo something that isn’t his crushing student debts and the inescapable horrors of capitalism.
Somehow, Jay still gets it. His stupid, empathetic ass gets it. His mouth falls open in realisation as his eyes light up. He looks like a light bulb just went off above his head.
“I see,” he says and lowers his voice. Next to them, just a few steps away, the door to the back room creaks open because it hasn’t been oiled in a while and doesn’t properly shut. “Okay, I think I get it now. Man, that’s a really weird situation you got yourself into here.”
“I didn’t get myself in this mess!” he grumbles under his breath, “He just showed up and turned my whole world upside down in a bad way. In a Stranger Things Upside Down way. In a ‘let’s ruin his life’ way.”
It’s an exaggeration. Ni-ki knows, Jay knows, Netflix knows. It’s not that bad that Taki’s here, it’s just… new. Ni-ki needs some more time to get adjusted to it and then, he can go back to being the Ni-ki they all know and love and stop stressing himself out over a trivial matter. But until then, he’ll lose his mind, just a little bit, and make it everyone else’s problem until he’s got his shit together again.
The easiest solution would be to pretend that Taki isn’t here but that’s mean and Ni-ki’s not one to hold grudges. He just wants to live a peaceful life with no surprises and a crush on a cute single dad without having to worry about the way things change when he sees his ex again. His ex. His best friend. His first ever friend.
Ni-ki’s so fucked.
“Well,” Jay raises an eyebrow at him, expectant, like he already knows the answer to his, which Ni-ki already knows to be, theoretical question, “Do you want us to call you Riki?”
“No.”
The answer came faster than before. So fast, in fact, that it even surprises Ni-ki how quickly he’d made up his mind. At least, when it came to Jay calling him by his legal name.
Jungwon was, apparently, very different.
“Papa.”
Jieun, coming from god knows where all of a sudden, tugs at his jacket to get his attention. She’s smiling sweetly just as she always does before her face splits into a sheepish grin when she realises that Ni-ki’s listening to her.
“Unnie helped me with my homework! And I’m hungry,” she tells him, “Can we eat something here?”
Ni-ki hesitates to answer. First of all, he’s a bit perplexed that Yumi actually helped Jieun with her homework. He figured she was a bit more… ‘anti system’ considering that she lives on the streets instead of an orphanage.
“What?” she scoffs halfheartedly when he gives her a questioning look, “Just because I can’t afford to go to high school doesn’t mean I don’t like studying.”
… That makes sense. Ni-ki of all people should’ve figured that he judged her wrongly for simply being a teenager.
Where did that mindset come from anyway? Ni-ki lived at home and he caused all sorts of troubles.
“Thank you,” he chooses to say to her instead. Better if she doesn’t know he, once again, thought badly of her. When she accepts with a nonchalant shrug if her shoulders, he turns back to Jieun, “I think your appa wants to have dinner together. Let’s go home?”
“Call him!” she demands instead, tugging at his jacket with more force. And to manipulate Ni-ki into not being mad at her for being such a brat, she pouts at him. She’s a cute brat. Oh fuck, it actually worked on him.
Before he can nag her for being rude (even if cutely), she widens her eyes to let the blindingly bright LED light reflect in them and bounce back as sparkles and adds on in a whing voice,
“Please, papa? I want to play with Yumi.”
Good god, is Ni-ki a weak man. A pathetic man. A very easily to convince man. If all it takes is a flutter of some eyelashes for him to give in, it’s a wonder he hasn’t been scammed into giving away all of his money and belongings yet.
“Okay,” he agrees with a sigh, “I’ll let your appa know we’re gonna wait here. But no more snacks! You’re gonna bounce off the walls when it’s your bedtime later.”
“Yay!”
She lets go of his jacket to cheer and lifts her hands in the air out of joy. Ni-ki would like to be disappointed in his weak will but her grin makes it all worth it. She’s just too cute to say no to, just like her dad.
Hopefully, he’ll be cute as well when he texts him to let them know about their whereabouts.
Private Chat: Jungwon hyung !
so uh
we’re at the store
we’ll have dinner here
Uuuuh, is Jay hyung cooking something up in the microwave?
I’ll be there in ten so wait for me!
Thank fuck that worked.
[+]
They’re crowding around the microwave where Jay is indeed whipping up some magical convenience store meal for them when Jungwon arrives with butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Or maybe it’s his lunch trying to make its way up his throat again from all the running he just did to arrive in ten minutes, heaving and gasping for breath that bites and stings in his lungs from the cold air.
He runs a hand through his tousled hair to fix it, sweeping the damp strands sticking to his forehead away from his face. It’s a bit silly to want to look presentable after a long day at work but Jungwon can’t help it, only realising that he’s fixing his appearance when he catches his reflecting in the glass door with his hand still up near his head. Unfortunately, he does look like a mess. His eye bags are pretty deep and dark and his cheeks are flushed from that accidental jog he went on to get here.
It takes him a while to catch his breath. And even then, his chest is beating erratically in his chest at the sight in front of him.
He always though staring longingly through a window was Ni-ki’s thing after the last time they came here but it appears that he was wrong. There’s a pull that tries to drag him through the door but…
Jieun is sitting on Ni-ki’s shoulders, hands carefully draped over his head to hold onto his hair which has to be painful. Ni-ki doesn’t seem to mind even if it does. They’re all really absorbed in the microwave. Whatever’s happening in there, like a plastic cup spinning in there, must be really interesting to watch.
Jungwon finds himself drawn much more to the lines of Ni-ki’s broad back. He’s shed his jacket even though the store must be cold. Heeseung is a bit cheap when it comes to heating after all but Ni-ki’s only wearing a navy blue, oversized hoodie that spans over his broad back. It hitches when he laughs, which inevitably makes Jieun jump on his shaking shoulders as well and, well, what can Jungwon say, really?
Ni-ki or Riki or whatever name he goes by, he’s still a radiant person.
Panic grips him, makes his heart beat even faster. Jungwon has the odd assumption that he will trip over his own feet walking in.
‘Say something that isn’t embarrassing.’
“What are we making?”
‘Yeah, that’s not suspicious at all. Good job, me.’
They all whip around simultaneously. It’s almost comical to see but Jungwon doesn’t have the time to laugh.
Ni-ki’s smiling at him, snatching all of Jungwon’s attention for himself. He swallows dryly as he tries to return the smile thought it turns out forced, crooked.
Jungwon couldn’t sleep. The night before tormented him with the fear that Ni-ki wouldn’t look at him the same anymore which was annoying and frustrating.
“Hey… Riki.”