Chapter Text
Chapter Sixteen
(Clary’s Pov)
The van finally pulled up to the farm. Simon barely had time to park before Jace and Alec slammed their doors open and jump out. Simon and Clary opens their doors once he has fully stopped, Clary grabs Isabelle’s sword, and runs after the boys.
“This way is towards the house; they may be there,” Clary yells, turning towards where she remembers the house. They snap towards her voice and follow, running after her and to the house in the distance. Clary feels like she’s going to pass out by the time she gets to the porch. There seemed to be no one there. Jace slammed his hand into the porch post, turning around, and they heard movement after this as someone came out and opened the door.
“Thank the angel, you’re finally here. I'll take you to her. She's with Luke; she's still passed out, in some trance, or something we don’t know.” The woman explains that Clary doesn’t have time to even think about who she is before she walks in a direction that the boys run off to as Clary follows behind them, trying to keep up.
They eventually get towards the big patch of land where Clary can see what looks like fire and Isabelle on the ground with a tall guy in a white and gold robe with golden blond hair, much like Jace’s hair expects she saw—wings? Oh my god, was this an angel? Holy shit, she could see Luke next to the fire, but at a safe distance. Clary’s pace quickens, and she even beats the boys there in a rush of adrenaline. She stops in her tracks, dropping the sword, when she sees Isabelle and the angel.
“Clary!” Luke exclaims, her head turning to his voice as he stands up to hug her. She hugs back really quickly before pulling away to look back at Isabelle. This looked familiar: a fire circled her as she lay on the ground in the middle of it.
“Is she okay?” Clary can hear Alec ask, his voice breathy from all the running. Jace and Simon stand off to the side of him. “We don’t know. If you haven't guessed, that's Ithuriel; she summoned him,” Luke admits. Alec's eyes widened, and his jaw slacked.
“What?” Jace exclaims, stepping forward towards Luke, his eyes bright like a fire. Simon pulls on his sleeve lightly, making Jace pull back and away from Luke.
“Why didn’t you? Why did she? How?” Alec rambled as he started pacing. Clary stares at the fire circle as the flames start to glow when she gets close to it, so she backs up quickly. She remembers this circle; it’s a protection circle. Why would she know that unless... She summoned him, this angel; they said his name was Ithuriel; that’s how she knew what this was and why this was hitting her like de vu; she had been in this exact spot and situation before, expect-- Clary backs up, almost falling to be caught by Alec, who was next to her.
“Clary what’s wrong.” His voice is distant, and as her ears begin ringing, she can feel something run down her hands. She looks down to see blood on her hands. She frantically pulls her arms away, wiping her hands on her jeans and rubbing them, trying to get the blood to go away, but it doesn’t. She looked to see the angel bleeding in front of her, the rest of the world blurry and spinning like she's on a merry-go-round.
Clary feels herself trip and is about to fall before feeling someone grab her, to which she pulls away and goes to hit, throwing her hands around. She feels like she is drowning, gasping for breath as she latches onto something to ground herself. She can faintly feel a sweater, its wool and softness under her fingertips. She grips it tighter, squeezing her eyes shut as she tries to stop her head from spinning.
Closing her eyes only made the visions worse; image-like memories flashed in her brain, first the blood, the angel on its knees bleeding, and then the dragon creature, like the one she drew for class hovering above them both. She can feel the person grab her back towards them. She turns and hits them in the chest. She can hear words, but they all just blur in the background.
She shakes her head, almost wanting to scream, as she feels tears come down her face. She can feel herself hitting whoever is in front of her. She wants to stop, but she can't because everything feels like too much, like someone took her senses and dialed them all the way up.
“Clary, stop it; it’s okay.” Their voice is strong and stern and comes through more clearly but still distantly. She can feel them grab a hold of her hands to stop her from hitting. Clary yells, feeling the person pull her to them as they stroke her hands they have a hold of. Clary can feel her face burning up and wet from the tears. She finally opens her eyes to only look back down at her hands. They didn’t seem bloody anymore, but they were shaking from what she could tell through her blurred vision. They pull her face back to theirs.
She blinked her tears away as her vision became a little less blurred. Clary looked up slowly and could see dark, messy hair and hazel eyes. “I killed him, Alec.” She stammered out, trying to stop her hands from shaking.
“You didn’t; you didn’t kill anyone; it's okay.” Alec spoke softly. She tried to look down again, but he kept her looking up at him. "Clary, stop; it’s okay; you're okay.” Alec tries to reason; she shakes her head as she buries it in his chest, wanting to scream, her hands shaking.
Jace looks at Simon and then back to Clary. Simon nods and walks over to Alec and Clary. Simon looks at Alec; he says something, but Clary can’t make it out as her face is still buried in Alec’s chest. She can feel Alec slowly pull away and pass her to Simon as Alec backs away and stands up next to Jace, his eyebrows furrowed, looking between Clary and Simon and then Isabelle.
Clary goes to push Simon away, but he has a tight grip as he takes her and hugs her tightly. "Clary, it’s Simon; it’s okay, you're safe,” Simon started as she stroked her back. “She’s not here; she can’t hurt you; you’re okay; he’s not hurt, okay; he’s fine, I promise.” Simon spoke slowly, trying to reassure her, putting his head on top of hers to ground her to him.
Clary buried her head in his chest and tried to breathe and take in his words, focusing on the smell of his cologne. It was some kind of wood smell and lavender. She could briefly remember him wearing it in high school, but he complained he hated it at the time. “We need you, okay? Isabelle needs you right now, okay?” Simon explained, and all of her senses came back to her at Isabelle’s name. She sniffled and nodded slowly, not feeling like she could speak yet.
“It’s okay, we can take a minute; we are waiting for Magnus; just breathe,” Simon said softly as he brushed her hair away and stroked it. Simon starts humming one of the songs he wrote that Clary loved when they started his band, slowly rocking her back and forth. Clary’s breathing levels out as she grips his shirt.
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Eventually, Clary lets go of Simon, and he wipes away her tears as she blinks them out, looking around.
“I’m sorry. I remembered what happened here, and it all felt so real.” Clary stammered out, and Simon shook his head as he smiled at her. ‘It’s okay; it was traumatic for you; it’s going to affect you, especially when it comes back at you like that.” Simon spoke softly to her as he let go of her hands.
Her surroundings came back to her as she looked around the farm. She can see Alec, Jace, and Luke talking. The other women seem to have left or gone back to the farmhouse; she then remembers what they are looking at, making eye contact with Isabelle on the ground, and she scrambles to get up to go towards her.
"Hey, if you need to take a minute, it’s okay." Simon started to grab her hand, but Clary shook her head. "No, I need to do this; if she did this because of me, I need to help her,” Clary replied firmly, her eyes trained on Isabelle as she got freed from his grip and ran forward to Isabelle and Ithuriel.
She sat down in front of Isabelle and Ithuriel, just outside the circle. Alec tried to protest her sitting in front of them, but Jace shook his head. “Ithuriel wouldn’t hurt Clary; unlike most angels, he seems to care for her. He probably senses our presence, with our blood connection in all." Alec slowly nodded as Clary started at Isabelle; she looked drained and was mumbling something. Her hair was matted, and she had sweat dripping down her pale face. Clary looked back up to see Magnus standing next to Alec; he must have come when she was in the middle of her panic attack.
“So she summoned Ithuriel, who shouldn’t leave you like this.” Jace points to Isabelle’s still body.
“I don’t know; I told her she had 30 minutes, and if she didn’t come back, I would come to her. I even came a few minutes early, hoping she wouldn’t notice as I walked up. I saw him grab his hand, and she fell to the ground. They were both like this; they seemed in some kind of trance. Jace’s head snaps up at Luke at this information.
“He’s showing her something; it can happen; I’ve heard it happen before. Normally, when they go into a trance, he shows them memories, either the person’s or the angel's, but it must have taken a lot of energy since she doesn’t have pure angel blood, so it’s draining more of her energy than it would Jace or Clary,” Magnus explained. Alec furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes not leaving Isabelle.
“So she’s trapped,” Alec replied. Clary looked between all of them, confused.
“We think that Ithuriel was trying to show her something like he did with us, but she may be fighting or rejecting it, and between that and the fact she doesn’t have his blood and the strength that comes from it, it's draining her,” Jace explained, making Clary shake her head slowly.
"So we can’t enter or break the circle, I assume,” Clary asked, getting a questionable glance from Luke. “We can, but I was waiting for you or Jace. I'm afraid if anyone else did anything, it would break the connection, or worse, he would lash out, but if you two share his blood, you have a connection, and he would feel you and hopefully let her go.” Luke explained as he crossed his arms.
“That’s probably for the best; like Luke said, you two are the ones with connections to not only Ithuriel but Isabelle; you two besides Alec would have the best chance of snapping her out of it,” Magnus advised. Alec’s jaw clenched as he looked at her; it was obvious he wanted to help, but he knew what they were saying was right. If Clary has a blood connection to this angel, like they said she could try to get through to them, she hates the idea of risking Jace to do it; she caused all of this, and she was going to fix it.
Clary turned determined to help Isabelle, but her heart sank as she looked back at her. She could have died based on what they had said about an angel's blast. Isabelle had already done so much for her; why did she do this? Clary stepped up to her, and in the circle, Jace went to stand beside her, but she shook her head.
“I can do this; I don’t want to risk you; we don’t know what will happen if someone else enters the connection, even with our blood,” Clary said. Jace furrowed his eyebrows at her. "Clary, I’m not letting you do this alone.” Jace replied firmly, “Please, Isabelle is already hurt and drained. I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt too.” She pleaded. Jace looked at Isabelle and Ithuriel and then back at Clary. “Okay, just be careful, okay? Go in and get out as soon as you can, okay?” Jace offered, and Clary nodded. “I will; we’ll be okay.” Clary smiled softly to try to reassure him, despite the fact that her heart was racing.
“We may want to step back; we don’t know what will happen when she grabs their hands,” Magnus explained. Alec and Jace both look at each other with a glance as they both nod and back up, and Magnus, Simon, and Luke follow as they step back.
Clary sucked in a breath and grabbed the stick nearby that looked like the circle was made from. She made an opening, making the fire dim down into eventually nothing. She immediately went towards Isabelle and went to stand her up, holding her up next to her and leaning down to grab her hand.
"Isabelle, it’s me. I'm here. I don’t know what happened, but I'm here now. It’s going to be okay.” Clary was reassured; she didn’t know what to say or what even Izzy could hear.
Clary rolled up Isabelle's sleeve gently, with shaky hands, and securely placed their hands together with a tight grip to make sure the connection didn’t break. Clary then slowly reaches for Ithuriel’s hand and lets out a harsh breath before grabbing it tightly.
Clary squeezed her eyes shut as she saw a bright light before she saw a memory. She couldn’t place what it was, but it was her and Izzy, and it looked like they were in a brightly lit room sitting on beds you would find at a hospital. She could then hear a male voice come through as she screwed her eyes shut at the feeling.
“Clary,” the man spoke, and she swallowed as she answered. “I assume you are Ithuriel,” Clary replied. “I am; I know you don’t remember much, but I know you know enough now,” Ithuriel started. She could feel a tingling sensation run through her body as she felt it surround all three of them, like a warm, tightly tucked blanket. “Isabelle came to me with the wish that I would protect you and your memories. I told her I would compile as long as I knew she truly cared about you and had your best intentions in mind,” Ithuriel said. Clary furrowed her eyebrows, so why would this make her this way if he just needed to look into her memories?
“When we connected, it seemed to have drained her since she doesn’t share my connection and was fighting it some, but I was able to see enough of her memories, and it was proof enough that I will not have to worry about you not being protected. I, however, do advise that you under no circumstances create any runes. Although I convinced the others to forgive you, they are not too keen on the idea of you creating runes still. Maybe one day in the far future, but not anytime soon. I will come to you if they ever change their mind on that.” Ithuriel explained. Clary nodded slowly; she hadn’t planned on doing that since that was the reason she got taken away from everyone in the first place.
“For now, until you draw your last breath, you shall be protected, and you are free to be a shadowhunter again. I will make it my priority to ensure both of those things are never taken away from you again.” Ithuriel said. “Thank you for everything,” Clary thanked. Ithuriel chuckled. “Don’t thank me; thank her; she really cares about you. I would go even further to say love, but I’m not an expert in human emotions,” Ithuriel explained. Clary could feel her cheeks flush.
“Goodbye Clary, she should wake up as soon as a break the connection,” Ithuriel said. Clary sighed in relief as she could feel herself squeeze Isabelle’s hand tighter, bracing for whatever would happen.
Just like that, she saw a flash of white that she winced at before blinking again slowly. She looked up to see that he'd gone flying into the sky. Isabelle’s body gave out immediately, with Clary quickly catching her, placing her down on the ground, and pulling her close, squeezing her hand. "Isabelle, please come back to me,” Clary pleads. She can feel her pulse pick up along with her breathing.
“Izzy,” Clary said as she felt Isabelle slowly react to her touch with a soft squeeze. "Izzy, oh my god, you’re okay,” Clary exclaimed as she went to pull Isabelle closer in a hug. Isabelle winces, making Clary quickly pull away. Isabelle opened her eyes, blinking slowly at her. Clary smiled softly, looking at her soft brown eyes. She can tell she's exhausted, but her eyes are still warm and comforting, like a campfire.
Isabelle smiled weakly at her, reaching up to grab Clary’s face gently. Clary laughed as a tear fell down her cheek. “Are you okay? I was so worried about you.” Clary let her voice sound as desperate as she felt. She saw Isabelle give out a weak chuckle.
“It was worth it; I heard what he said; you get to be a shadowhunter again; I did it.” Isabelle spoke slowly; she looked like she had been crying, making Clary wince; she was worried about what Ithuriel made her see to make her cry; but she let out a weak chuckle in response trying not to think of that.
“Oh my god, that’s the first thing you say to me after almost dying. You didn’t have to do that; I could have lost you.” She stammered, not even noticing she had a tight grip on her leg as if she needed to know Isabelle was real and alive.
“How could I not?” Isabelle smiled softly, and Clary laughed fondly as she hugged her again, but tighter. Isabelle hugged back just as tight, tucking her head into Clary’s neck. She could feel Isabelle’s heart racing, as hers was probably doing the same. She could feel Isabelle’s breath on her neck, making Clary shiver as they pulled away. Clary couldn’t help but get lost in her eyes; it felt like there was no one in the world but them right now, in the middle of the now dimly lit forest, as the sun was setting behind them. It all melted away in the background.
“I hate to break up this little reunion, but we should probably get Isabelle back to make sure she’s okay,” Alec said, breaking them out of their trance. She could see Isabelle’s eyes look up from Clary’s shoulder to Alec with a glare, then bury her head back into Clary’s shoulder again with a sigh. Clary couldn’t help but laugh at the girl's pouting.
“Come on, Alec’s right, you need to be checked out,” Clary instructed, standing her and Isabelle up. Isabelle was about to buckle, but Clary caught her, with Alec running to them and picking the other side of her up. Clary could see Jace and Simon by each other as Simon had a tight grip on Jace’s hand. When they noticed Clary looking at them with a smile, they pulled away Jace blushing, and Simon would no doubt be blushing even more than Jace if he wasn’t a vampire. She chuckled, and she then heard a whoosh sound as she saw a weird void thing show up in front of them.
“It's a portal; it won't hurt your biscuit,” Magnus reassured. Clary glanced between Isabelle and then Alec.
“Remember the sketch you showed us of that building we called the institute?” Alec said. Clary nodded as she tried to keep Isabelle up as she began to buckle a little. “Okay, just think of that hard, and you’ll be okay,” Alec instructed. She nodded and went through the portal with Alec and Isabelle.
They all ended up on the other side in front of the institute. She couldn’t help but feel a little sick at the sensation that felt so foreign. She heard the others come in behind them. Jace and Simon open the doors as they walk through them. Isabelle winced as she buried her head into Clary’s neck. Clary shushed her softly as she looked around the strange building.
“We aren't far from the infirmary; come on.” Alec said she followed Alec’s lead as they made their way to the infirmary. She heard Isabelle mumble something, but she couldn’t make out what it was since she was still buried in her neck. All she felt was her breath, and the only vibration that she could make out was her talking. She took it as a good sign that she was still coherent, just tired.
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Clary and Alec both sat in chairs in the infirmary as Magnus stood next to Isabelle, scanning her body to see if she was hurt. She could see Alec fidgeting and pitching his skin and his hands; she couldn't help but chew the inside of her cheek as she lightly bumped his leg, hoping he wouldn’t be upset. He looked at her and gave a small smile as he patted her leg, almost like it was thank you for snapping him out of his thoughts.
“Alright, it looks as if she has no injuries; she’s probably going to be asleep for a few hours, but afterward she should be as good as new,” Magnus said as Clary and Alec both jumped up. Clary smiled brightly, jumping to hug Magnus. Magnus stood for a minute, surprised, but eventually hugged her, backstroking her with his thumb.
She let go and looked up at Magnus, seeing his eyes flicker back from gold to brown. “Thank you,” Clary said. Magnus put his hand on her shoulder and patted it. “Of course, anything for family,” Magnus said. Clary’s eyes widened as she smiled at his words: family; she had a family; people cared about her.
“We’ll give you a few minutes, but when you are done, come down to the ops area; someone should be able to lead you, and we can work on your paperwork for your return,” Alec said. She nodded eagerly at him.
Magnus and Alec walk out, shutting the door behind them as they talk among themselves softly. Clary turned and pulled the chair closer to Isabelle and sat in it, looking at her. Clary resisted the urge to hold her hand or play with her silky black hair. She didn’t know she could feel this much for someone, much less so quickly. She thought things like that happened in movies, and to other people, and now someone like her.
Clary couldn’t help but worry if she’d ever live up to the expectations that people may have for her because of her past. It’s weird how she feels like people look at her like she’s a hero, some kind of savior. She certainly doesn’t feel like one right now; What if Isabelle realizes that she’s not the same girl she was then? What if she starts being a shadowhunter again and she’s not as good as she once was? All these thoughts run around in Clary's head surrounding her like a tornado, she needs to think positively, she needs to distract herself before she spirals.
“I know you can’t hear me, and that’s honestly for the best because I don’t know how you feel about everything right now, but I want you to know that I appreciate you, Izzy,” Clary said, fidgeting with her sleeves. “I’ve never felt this way before. I don’t know how to do any of this, but I know I like you. I want to spend every day with you.” Clary broke off. She felt silly saying all of this when Isabelle was asleep, but it would help get it out until she could say it to her face without stuttering and blushing profusely. “I really like you; you’re one of the prettiest, smartest, and funniest people I’ve ever met. I know this is new and we’ve only just reconnected, but I want to get to know you. I want to be with you. God, I don’t know why I’m saying this to you right now when you can’t hear me, but I just needed to get it out.” Clary sighed and got up. She should go out there and sort out her paperwork. As nervous as this all made her, she was also excited. It was nice to feel needed and to help people.
She looked at the asleep girl again before giving in and walking over and kissing her forehead. “Thank you, Isabelle; I hope you feel better.” She whispered, resting her head on hers gently before pulling away. She walked away from the bed and dimmed the lights to make them less harsh on her eyes. She smiled softly to herself before walking out and closing the door quietly.
Clary saw a guy waiting outside the hallway leaning against it. He perked up seeing her come out. "Oh, you’re out; I’m Andrew.” Andrew introduced himself with a polite handout, and Clary took it with a smile. “Alec told me to wait for you so I could lead you around,” Andrew said he was standing up straight now. "Yeah, he had told me someone would; thank you, I would get lost trying to find it myself to be honest." Clary joked, and Andrew laughed as they both walked forward. "Yeah, it can be a lot for a new shadowhunter, but you’ll learn your way around in no time,” Andrew replied, and Clary smiled. It was nice for someone to treat her so normally like she was not just some ghost from the past.
“Thank you,” Clary said. She hoped he would get that it wasn’t just for the walk; he seemed to understand with a nod. “Of course, now let’s go. Alec and Jace have been getting anxious and pacing around.” Andrew joked, and Clary chuckled.
She hummed as they walked around, Andrew pointed things out much like a tour guide. Clary found it endearing; it reminded her of something Simon would do. She felt so at home here; it was nice; she liked being here; and it felt even nicer to feel like she was part of something—a family, like one she has been wishing for.