Chapter Text
It’s strange. He wakes up, horror overwhelming him, making him gasp for air. But the strange part about it is that he woke up at all. Because he remembers dying so clearly.
Where is he now, what happened? It’s dark around him but he can recognise a moon in the sky and some shapes around him. He’s in the woods. How did he get here? And why is there a dead body next to him?
Bern stands up. The very next second he’s on the ground again. What’s wrong with him? Why is he feeling so… washed up? It’s almost as if he doesn’t have any strength in him and can die if he gets struck by a gust of wind.
But even that problem becomes secondary once he notices what he’s wearing. Those definitely aren’t his clothes. Is there a puddle or something nearby? He looks around in distress. How will he know if his worst fears are true if there isn’t a puddle or a mirror?
In the end he doesn’t find one, but there are things he knows even without it. This body isn’t his. It’s someone else's and it’s weak beyond any reason. And that someone is of high ranking if Bern were to decide from the clothes he’s wearing.
That’s bad. The worst. This means that he was probably brought here to die but as his soul occupied the body, he’s still alive. Means that he can’t go around like this if he wants to live. They’ll hunt him down once again.
The body next to him is in rags and clearly malnourished. That’s most likely what killed him. But Bern gets an idea from that. And it’s not like that guy is going to miss his clothes. He’s dead already. It’s a gift to bury him in this gold and silk which he could never have while he was still breathing and moving. Now that it's done, he just needs to find a pharmacy from somewhere and change his outlook.
Franz is the first one to notice that Calian is missing. Mainly because he doesn't need to remark even once how his eyes disgust him. And he gets disturbed by it. He goes to see what his dear brother is up to but discovers his door broken and room trashed. What has happened? Where is Calian? He searches for signs of him and there aren't any. What happened to him? Does the king know about this?
Turns out he doesn't and that makes him furious. He orders the guards to search the palace but it becomes quite quickly evident that Calian isn't there. That's when the panic ensues. The king orders Franz to lead the search party and although Franz isn't rejoicing about it, he's willing to do it. He wants to see where that idiot has ended up.
And when he does, he wants to unsee it. The dogs find a body. It's wearing Calian's clothes. But it didn't die because of wounds. This means that Calian was killed and stripped of his clothing. And then the killer died. Before they could do anything with them to find out who ordered the attack.
"Search for a body!" He orders voice trembling and when they leave, he stabs the body over and over again.
How dare this peasant take his brother away?!
Although he didn’t exactly like him too much, he can't stand the thought that Calian is dead. If he can see the body, then maybe...
They don't have it. The body is missing. He comes home like a wet dog. It's pouring rain, the trail got washed off. They were lucky enough to find a way back but he doesn't think of that as a win.
"Leave me alone!" He screams to everyone who tries to come to his assistance and threatens them with a knife. He doesn't want their help. Calian's body is still missing and he just wasn't enough. So he isn't going to let them make that feeling of helplessness even worse.
When he finds a town, he also sees how he looks for the first time. He has black hair and red eyes. What is this child's name? He doesn't remember ever meeting anyone like this. Well, he'll find it out later. Right now, the disguise. Red eyes are going to stand out like hell.
He finds a pharmacy that doesn't ask too many questions and is led by a kind soul. That's where he finds his help. Now he has brown hair and his eyes aren't so bright red anymore. But when he walks around later, he finds people crying and it looks like they're mourning someone. Who was important enough for the whole nation to mourn?
He understands once he sees the pictures being hung around. It's him. This body he has occupied.
The posters say his name is Calian and that he was the son of the emperor. That's surprising. Bern remembers that he died yet never saw a picture of him in the past. But now he's him. Calian. That ain't too bad for a name. He almost likes it just like he pities the poor soul who this body originally sheltered. Now he's gone. Murdered. But Bern hopes he's in a better place now. This here isn't too great. He's so impossibly weak that even a little exercise makes him feel like he's dying. The war must be stopped but how will he do it if he's like this? Well, the best option would be to get a job in the palace so he could stay close.
The problem with that is that there is only one job that's constantly vacant there. At least it has been so after he supposedly died. One of the other princes, Franz, hasn't been in a good shape since then. The servants change faster than the mind of a cat. He has become even more of an asshole than he was before. And no one is willing to work for him anymore. Which is good news for Bern. He's going to take this chance.
This one's strange. Franz stares at the young boy who just became his servant. Doesn't he know the rumours? Everyone near him ends up bad. He chases them away, even wounds him if he really hates them. Some have died though that was mother's doing. Not that he's keeping a score or something but it's been a while since there last was someone willing to serve him. And this one doesn't look desperate enough to be only moved by money. He's rather cheerful. Is he a spy? Is he an assassin? He's really strange nevertheless. But Franz has a feeling he'll let this one stay a few weeks. He has red eyes which remind him of Calian although they aren't as bright as his brother's. Franz smiles at him, which is rarer than diamonds. Although that smile is painted with anger.
"What's your name?"
"Bern."
It's an unusual name. Almost foreign sounding but Franz doesn't pay it much attention.
"Bern. Leave." He orders right away because even though he was merciful enough to not hurt him, it doesn't mean he wants him near.
"Can't. I need to be here."
"Why? Here to kill me?"
"Never. I must be here. I have a reason."
"I have one too. I can't stand you. Stay away!"
Franz throws a bottle at him which Bern avoids.
"I won't. I'll stay here and serve you until I die."
He's strange. Franz wants him gone, his eyes make him feel terrible. He doesn't want to be reminded. But it doesn't look like Bern will go away. Maybe it's for the best to let him stay for a while. After that, Franz can always act bad enough to chase him away. And really, no one will last those few weeks with him if he keeps on acting like he does at the moment.
As long as he doesn’t make attempts on his life, he can stay even if he's an enemy. Franz is just in such a mood for this type of crazy acts that may cost him his life.
And yet, he's still alive two weeks later and during that time, Bern has started to look better too. Before that, he was so thin and fragile that Franz doubted if he would survive the tasks at all. Now, he's a bit better although Franz can't understand how he could’ve reached such a condition. It's much like Calian's who was being poisoned. Did someone already try to get rid of him although he's just a worthless peasant with red eyes? What if someone claimed that he's the spawn of the devil and that's the reason why he's insisting that he must stay? Because he'll die if he goes back. No. In that case it's better if he's here.
Although Franz planned to get rid of him, he's starting to doubt that decision. Bern is actually quite good but his similarity to Calian is still a problem. Franz can't stand looking at him. He only gets reminded of the tragedy caused by neglect. Both his and his father's.
How could he have been so blind to what his mother was doing? He tries to forget by drinking. His father doesn't even try to stop him anymore. His mother doesn't care unless he causes a scandal, but that doesn't happen a lot, because he hasn't gone out in a long time. And even if something happens his mother sweeps it under the rug. Franz simply feels helpless and Bern's eyes keep reminding him of his mother's power over everyone in the country. He can't help but get angry every other day. At least Bern's good at dodging stuff thrown at him.
Until he doesn't dodge a knife aimed at Franz. He gets hit and although it saves Franz's life and costs the attacker his, Bern is still wounded. Franz rushes him back to his room. He doesn't like Bern but he owes him his life and can't just watch how his life spills out of him. He's just about to call for a doctor when Bern stops him.
"Don't. Not necessary. I'll live. And the healer would only kill me."
And although it looks bad, Franz believes him as unbelievably, his wounds are already closing up. There's some kind of outer force definitely involved in this. Does he have a blessing? Did father fool around in his younger days? Would explain his similarity to Calian and the blessing.
"Who are you? Not your name but where you come from and who are your relatives. How aren't you dead from such a wound?"
Bern wheezes from pain and tries to explain. His sentences are a mess.
"Orphan. My parents... haven't met them. Don't remember... much."
Is he really related to father? Franz hopes not but fears that he is. Did father order his family dead? Or was it mother? Either way there's someone with a blessing. He isn't alone with that idiot in the garden.
"Why can't I call a healer?"
"I'm a… mage …would kill me."
"Why did you come here and why do you have the blessing?"
Franz demands answers.
"Had to… a… job. This… available."
After that, he passes out. Franz gets so frustrated. He didn't get any answers he could actually use and now he has to wait Bern to regain consciousness.
It’s hard to open his eyes. They're painful. It's been a while since he last almost died so it's an unfamiliar feeling. Just like the soft blankets around him. This isn't his room. Where did that fool drag him? He finally manages to take a look around and freezes. It's Franz's room and his bed. Why is he here? Does Franz know about this?
He knows as Bern sees him sitting right next to the bed, looking all grim and dangerous. Bern wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley. He had madness in his eyes.
"Why do you have the blessing?" Franz starts with questions right away once again.
"Don't know."
Technically it isn't lying. He doesn't know why he occupied this body.
"Why did you have to get a job?"
He's awfully curious, isn't he. Bern has to make up a believable lie although he has no idea what that would sound like.
"The village wished me gone. I was going to die if I stayed there any longer."
"Were you aware that they were poisoning you?"
"No! What are you talking about?!"
He can't believe his ears. Calian was being poisoned? In this castle? How had he managed to survive that long?
But that isn't important at the moment because Bern notices something.
The look in Franz's eyes changes.
He had no idea why he was dying. Yet he lived. Hadn't it been for the blessing, he would be dead. Franz can't get over that thought.
"Stay with me," he orders Bern, who looks at him with confusion. He doesn't understand what's going through Franz's head.
"I won't let you die," he promises and Bern sighs and lets his head fall back into the pillows. He must be still tired from healing that wound up. He closes eyes once again. Franz is a bit bothered by it as it gives him an overwhelming feeling of Bern being on the death door once again. He has to get out of this room if he wants to feel better so he does it.
Usually, the halls would be empty. Today, they aren't. Someone made an attempt on the prince's life, of course everyone's going to be shaken by that. But he fears this isn't all there is to that. Mother must've already heard about him taking a wounded servant to his chambers. He won't hear the end of that. She will continue to scold him about how stupid he was, ruining beautiful things with blood. Not that he cares. He could’ve done that by himself too. Wounded servant wasn't exactly necessary.
Although Franz can't say he doesn't like the fact that he knows Bern has a blessing. He's fascinated by it.
Fascinated so hard that when Bern has recovered, he drags a blade across his skin just to see it heal up. Bern is bothered by it but doesn't stop him. Not after the first time. Maybe he senses the danger and maybe he knows it's what's keeping Franz going. On the days when he focuses on admiring Bern's blessing, he doesn't drink. And when he does, he asks Bern to sober him up. His servant is a mage after all.
"Don't ever go away. I'll chase you to the end of the world if you do. You're my only hope in this place."
"I won't."
Bern is quick to promise and Franz meant every word he said.
He needs Bern for his plans. He needs him recognised as a son of the king. He needs him on the throne. That's why Bern's blessing, a proof of his royal lineage, is so fascinating for him. He'll get out of this cursed place thanks to him. But first he has to make sure mother won't kill another one of his brothers. Otherwise everything he has done so far would be meaningless. He doesn't want to keep losing people to whom he can almost say he cares about them.
It’s been almost half a year since Calian died. A servant screams and stumbles down the stairs breaking a leg. He claims to have seen the dead prince. There are others too who claim that, yet, no matter how much Franz searches, he never gets a sight of the infamous ghost. Lemaine is growing worried. All his sons are going down the wrong paths. Franz will go insane at this rate. He should stop. Yet, when Lemaine orders him to, he has the audacity to laugh in his face.
"I'll stop searching for him when I'm dead. At least the body. When we have a body to bury, then I'll leave it."
And he continues to run after that ghost, trying to catch him, trying to learn where the corpse is.
Lemaine sighs. This isn't how he wanted it to go. Calian should've lived.
Franz has lost it. Since he found out that Bern has a blessing, he's been a madman. Although Bern lets him do all the things he wants to do, he's also worried. Franz should get himself together. He mumbles about Calian and his own mother, how very much he hates her and stuff like that, but when he isn't cutting him up to feel secure that he has a blessing, Franz is acting unbearably sweet. So sweet that there are rumours going around that he has fallen in love with his male servant. Bern wouldn't believe those.
Unfortunately Silike doesn't seem to do so. She called for him through the mouth of another servant and he followed. Partly out of curiosity, partly because he couldn't refuse the queen.
"Have you forgotten who you are?" she asks right away when he steps in and threatens to hit him with a fan. He doesn't get intimidated.
"No. Madam, I’m not interested in your son like that."
She looks almost disappointed. Almost like she was ready to beat him up for that.
"Are you really sure?" she doubts his words.
"Yes."
"But can my son say the same?"
"I can't speak for him."
"But oh, you will. Because I'll see you dead if you don't."
Well, that's a threat. Although Bern can't see it happening.
"It's only temporary. He'll get better as soon as he gets over that blame and..." He isn't sure if the next word is the right one to tell her "grief."
"He has nothing to grieve for. Tell him to toughen up. He has to be a leader. I'll leave him at your hand and I'll expect results. Don't forget that."
She marches away after that and Bern takes the liberty of leaving. That was one fast but uncomfortable conversation.
He's running his fingers through Bern's hair as usual when he notices something. The colour is different near the roots. It's black there. How come he hasn't seen it before, though it has become a habit for him to play with Bern's hair?
Calian had black hair. The fact hits him like a stone.
"Bern. What colour is your hair?"
"Brown."
Liar. Franz can see that it's not.
"No. It isn't. Why do you colour it?"
"I don't."
Bern keeps on insisting that it's natural for him to have two hair colours. That's enough. Franz has been worked up by memories already and Bern only continues to test his patience. It's no surprise that he snaps.
He drags Bern to water and he washes and washes and washed but nothing comes off. He stops once Bern's scalp looks like it's about to bleed. That's when he gives up trying to get it out.
But he can't be wrong. Bern's hair is black near the roots and it's messing him up because he would look a lot like Calian if only his hair were black.
True, their personalities are opposites of each other but... it's just...
Franz can't explain what he's feeling. He's just sure that if Bern were to look like Calian then he wouldn't mind it. Actually, he would be glad. But Bern, who is scared that he may do something again, doesn't know anything about it. He doesn't even know who he resembles so it's useless. Franz storms out of the room, sure that if he didn't Bern would only get more hurt because he couldn't hold himself back from causing him pain for being oblivious to his torments. But that's not what he wants so he runs. How much of these thoughts are his own and how many have been prepared for him by the others? He isn't sure anymore.
What came over Franz? Does he suspect something or is he going mad because Bern is sure his hair is in the right colour. He bleached it just a few days ago. The process of that is disgusting but he doesn't want to die so smelling bad for a while is a small price to pay for a life. He just hopes that Franz won't notice that smell.
But in the light of this, today's a good day to go around the castle, pretending to be a ghost.
It has been one of his entertainment since he arrived and as his ability to use magic has improved, he temporarily colours his hair the way it used to be and walks around, pretending to be dead and a ghost. It's funny to see how people react. It gives him a good overview about the castle's inhabitants' thoughts regarding the original owner of this body and truth to be told, there are some concerning results. Especially regarding the queen and Franz.
Franz is just trying to meet him. Or at least that much Bern has understood. But why meet a ghost? And the way he's trying to meet with him, looks more like he's ready to chase him down to catch him. Which is even stranger because logically, it shouldn't be possible to catch ghosts. Well, it's possible with him. But he's no real ghost anyway.
The night's quiet when he finally sneaks out. Unfortunately for him he can't have a quiet night all by himself as Franz's already waiting for the "ghost". If the pea has no interest in chasing him down, then he'll talk with him but otherwise he's ready to expose his magic just to get away.
Franz surprises him with crying. Tears start to fall from his eyes before anything else and it leaves Bern perplexed.
"Why are you crying? It's not like you have a reason to miss me. Or are you trying to gain someone's favour to use it for your own gain just like your mother? If so then you truly are her son. Coming to a dead person for a favour. Especially when they're dead because of you!"
"I'm sorry. I couldn't save you while you were still alive. Please tell us where your body is. I want to give you a proper burial."
He sounds really apologetic. Bern would like to give his mind a rest from these thoughts about him, but he can't. He can't reveal that he's still alive. There are still too many things he doesn't know or understand.
"I can't. I have no idea where it is."
"How are you here if you don't know where it is?"
"Who knows?" Bern gives him a bitter smile full of regret and looks out from the window as if he's longing to go there. If he were a real ghost, it would probably be like this. "I just woke up here. This is everything that's remaining of me. Just fragments. And it’s not even the place I love but it's the only one I know." His face twists in embitterment "I want to get out of this place. Get reincarnated, live a life that isn't full of suffering and neglect. I want to live for once. I want to be happy."
"But you can't. Because you have no idea what's keeping you here. Isn't it so?"
Bern makes a face, like he's surprised to see Franz understand.
"Yes."
"I'll help you. But until then... Will you please talk to me? I want to see you for a while longer but it'll be hard if you keep running from me."
"Talk to you? Despite everything you said to me?"
Bern is angry. He knows Calian's memories. Lived through every one of them. One could say he has become a mix of him and who he used to be and now he has a feeling that he's been possessed by the original owner. He has had that for a while now. From the moment he first started to play a ghost. He's taking the role of Calian, acting as if he's him. It isn't really surprising that he's now truly feeling like it was him who went through it all. And it’s not that he wants revenge, not at all. He just wishes for something better. Just like he said before. That's what Calian would've liked to see. But Bern still can't help but feel wronged.
"I suffered because you all just didn't care. I hated what was a part of me just because you said I should. And I don't want to do that again. Why must you torment me even after I'm dead!?"
Bern bursts into tears. It's not him talking, yet, Franz is listening. He's concerned and reaches out his hand only to pull it back, his whole body stinking of regret. He must've finally understood that it's too late to change anything and that he's no help like this. He couldn't possibly comfort Calian when he's a ghost. And he doesn't have anything else to say.
"Just leave me alone for now. I'm going to find my own way out."
Bern leaves, walking through a wall like a real ghost. It takes up quite a lot of his mana, but it'll come back and he just couldn't stand there anymore. Now, Franz will only hear an echo of the cries from Calian. After calming down a little, Bern curls into a small ball. This child suffered so much and he can't say he had any better. He just couldn't hold back there. Franz didn't deserve all those words. No, not everything was his fault, but once the dam broke, there was no stopping the words anymore. Bern would like to apologise. Probably later. He can't go back right away while looking like this. Ghosts are definitely real but none of them are acting like him. He shouldn't at least show his swollen eyes to Franz. Then he wouldn't get suspicious.
He finally managed to meet with Calian. It didn't go like he wanted. He asked about the corpse, but then discovered that even Calian's ghost doesn't have an idea where it is. And after that... things went a bit south. He always knew that Calian had it hard but not that it affected him so. Most likely, the ghost won't talk to him again but Calian looked so sad. Franz truly felt bad and wanted to help him. Now, he's taken over by another feeling. If he finds out what's keeping Calian in this place, then he can prevent that he ever leaves. Because he doesn't want it.
He's selfish, ignoring everything Calian said about wanting to have another chance and to be happier but Franz is still alive and he thinks for himself. Although he has Bern now, it isn't nearly enough. He needs Calian too. Although there's only a fragment of him left there. It's still his soul. It's still him. Although death has changed him too.
So for now there are three goals. To find out why Calian was taken away and killed and where the body is now. The third goal is to find out why he still haunts the castle to secure the reason. With those goals on his mind, Franz dries what's left of his tears and goes back to his room. Next thing tomorrow, he's going to talk to mother. She must confess her sins. She must pay for them. After all, she's at fault and getting rid of her would also ensure that no one needs to get hurt like Calian again. Not even Bern once she finds out he's a candidate for the throne.
Once again, the look in Franz's eyes has changed. He looks even colder than before but Bern discovers that his heart has at least seemingly warmed up a bit. He clearly wants to hurt him again because it has become a part of his twisted temper but he's trying his best not to. Bern can see him give his all. He's almost ignoring him because of this. Bern can't say it's too bad but it makes him feel lonely in this castle. No one wants to talk to him or have anything to do with him because they fear who he works for. They fear he would use the connection to ruin their lives. Which he wouldn't because no one deserves to be hit with such rage and it's not like Franz even cares about him that much so he would just blindly run at someone just because he said so.
That's the true nature of his life at the moment. No one cares too much when he's presenting as Bern. Must be the lineage. Calian was much more important to a lot of people although there was no way they could help him. Because they were the peasants and he was one the candidates that could’ve one day ruled them all. Except something happened and he was supposed to die.
His body's still breathing and living but it isn't him in there anymore. And Bern isn't too sure who he is anymore. A servant, a ghost of a prince or someone who's dead and delusional, thinking that he's someone who he's not.
All that leaves him alone when Franz isn't around. He hates these moments of silence but what can he do? It's not the right moment to reveal that he's Calian. Or is he? Probably should leave that question for later. As Franz is avoiding him at the moment, it's the right time to just go and search for what was left in the past. Like who killed Calian? He would’ve searched it up a long time ago if it weren't for one tiny problem.
He didn't know where to start. The dead guy was nameless. No one knew him. That's what knights confirmed later when he was already in the castle. He came here to find the clues from the first source but regrettably, they don't allow anyone into Calian's rooms anymore. Those are preserved as they were. Not that it has stopped him but... he's sure that someone in the castle is involved. He just needs to figure out who.
Mother is sipping tea and her face doesn't betray her feelings. Franz would like to get a reaction out of her but she knows he came here to condemn her so she's not speaking. In fact, she's acting like he isn't there at all. That’s much like her, but today’s not that day where Franz’s just going to sit and take it although her being quiet means that at least she’s not bothering him with her big ambitions and plans.
“I wasn’t planning on coming here, mother, but I figured I should give you one last chance to do what’s right. After all, we’re related and I’m your flesh and blood.”
From his mouth, it sounds exactly like a curse. Queen can definitely hear how much he detests that fact and yet, she isn’t doing anything. Although she’s angry because her teacup is shaking and Franz notices cracks forming.
“I’ve found someone with a blessing. I’m going to make him sit on the throne. You’ll never get it.”
The teacup shatters.
“You can’t stop me,” she growls at him and now she doesn’t even try to hide her hostility towards him.
“But mother, I know what you did with Calian. So confess the truth, pay the price and maybe, just maybe, you’ll manage to see the next spring.”
“You know nothing! Everything I’ve done I’ve done for you. You can’t discard me like this after my efforts!”
“Oh, but I can. Because it’s just an excuse. You only think about yourself and if I succeed the throne, you’ll kill me. Ain’t it so?”
She doesn’t reply but her expression is intense so Franz must’ve struck the head of the nail. He smiles because there’s nothing for him to lose in this situation while for her, everything’s at stake.
“I’ll leave a will. If you try or manage to kill me, everyone will know you did it. And even if you try to find out who it is who I’ve found, you won’t manage to do it. He’s in a safe place, out of your reach. So confess your sins so your soul will at least have a slight chance at redemption although your hands are already bloodied.”
If she didn't do so before, now she’s definitely looking at him as if he’s the enemy and who she needs to kill. She hates someone else being in power and controlling her. And she definitely wasn’t expecting her own son to find a way to seize it from her. There isn’t a move she can make without consequences.
Yet, there isn’t despair in her eyes. She’s definitely planning something. Franz doesn’t hear about it as she stands up and gives him a final cold glance and walks out, her dress still dripping from tea. Even in that state, she still has that atmosphere of power around her.
It’s making Franz worried. He planned it for so long, what was it that he overlooked?