Archive of Our Own ^beta

Somehow, against all odds, Jason managed to live. It was this thought that anchored me throughout the rest of my trials. Jason survived against all odds so I had no right to fail either. 

Eventually, we did succeed. I regained my immortality and was welcomed back at Olympus — not that my family is the welcoming sort except Artemis in her own strange way. Hera was especially spiteful now, even more so than usual, which might have something to do with how my quest put Jason in danger.

Somehow, after spending so much yet so little time in the mortal world, Olympus felt more like a prison than a home. Often, I found myself donning my mortal form — a body I used to despise but had come to appreciate — and travel through the mortal world. 

Most days, I spent my time visiting my half-brother in the hospital. Jason was in a coma — had been since he got stabbed by Caligula's spear. His body had washed up somewhere at the beach in Los Angeles. Thalia had been the one to find him and rush him to the hospital.

She hadn't seemed surprised when I told her of Jason's suicidal plan. Helplessly angry and disturbed, yes, but not surprised. It made me wonder if self-sacrifice was a common thing for Jason or if it was just a demigod thing.

Thalia spent her time alternating between her duties as a Hunter and checking in on Jason. If not her, then Piper, Leo, Percy, Nico, Annabeth or someone else would be there. Jason wasn't allowed visitors in the room yet, but we could see him through the glass panels of the ICU. Even in his sleep, Jason was rarely alone. 

So, it was a surprise that day when I walked in to find the place empty. 

Jason was still unconscious. He looked as pale as the dead; if not for the constant reassurance of the beeping heart monitor and my own ability to sense life, I would be worried. The mortal doctors certainly were not. 

“Hey, Jason,” I found myself saying. You've got to wake up sooner or later, you know. Everyone's waiting. Frank and Hazel have already started building the temples you designed, but you've got to finish the rest of them too.”

As always, Jason remained unresponsive.

I signed. He probably couldn't even hear me inside that room, but I always felt like I had to say something when I was here. The silence tended to feel oppressive otherwise.

My hands twitched for my lyre, my fingers going through the motions of strumming the strings. It was a nervous habit I had never been able to get rid of.

Being here always made me uneasy. This was all my fault. If I hadn't gotten Jason involved, then he would not have been so badly injured. He would still be in college, attending his physics lecture or playing tennis or something. Normal stuff.

But no, I just had to go and pull him into my mess. Jason, my younger half-brother, who had already saved the world twice and even spoke against Zeus for my sake when no one else would. The only one of my various siblings to ever try to defend me. And I ruined his life.

Guilt consumed me. What right did I have to even be here? All my life, I had never given a single thought to all the digits that died for my sake and for the other gods. It took being turned into a mortal and Jason nearly getting himself killed for me to see my own vices. 

Hadn't I ruined enough lives already? 

Just as I was about to leave, the door of the lobby opened. I turned around, expecting a doctor or something. The person who walked in, however, was Thalia Grace. She acted like she was unbothered but it was all just that — an act. If I hadn't seen her so many times over the course of Jason's treatment, I would have probably missed the weary look in her eyes, like she had a huge burden to carry. 

It occured to me then that Thalia had already lost Jason once before. As a child, when their mother had given him up as a sacrifice to the gods, Thalia had already lived through this before. And she'd lost so many more people along the way. 

Luke Castellan. Zoë Nightshade. Bianca di Angelo. I didn't know a lot about these people or how important they were to Thalia, but I knew enough to know that those names still lingered on her mind, haunting her like ghosts.

I couldn't meet her eyes. How could I, when I was the reason she had to go through this again?

“Apollo,” Thalia greeted. “I didn't realize that you were here.”

I shrugged, feeling more than a little awkward. We'd seen each other a lot lately, but Thalia and I rarely talked.

“I was just about to leave,” I said. 

Thalia watched me closely, and I tried not to squirm under her observation. 

“Is he any better today?” she finally asked. 

I winced. She always asked me that question. “Same as yesterday.”

Thalia sighed and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, “When he wakes up, I'm going to kill him.”

“That sounds counter-intuitive,” I said. 

Thalia shrugged. “Yeah, well, I'm not exactly in a rational mood right now.”

I took a close look at her. There were dark circles under her eyes, as though she hadn't slept well. As she leaned against a wall with her arms crossed, her eyes closed for a few seconds too long for them to be blinking. 

Clearly, she wasn't taking this as well as I had thought. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, it occurred to me that technically, Thalia was my half-sister. I could picture Artemis in that exact same position and the comparison made me feel all the more guilty. I had thought that I was past the point of not acknowledging demigods, and yet, there we were. 

“Are you alright?” I blurted out without thinking. Thalia turned to me with a raised eyebrow and I rushed to add, “I mean, how are you holding up. You know, with all… this?” 

I waved my hand in a vague gesture, hoping it would get the point across. 

Thalia analyzed me for a moment. I braced myself for harsh words, for the blame and the insistence that this was all my fault. 

But Thalia only sighed. “I don't know. I wish I could say I'm surprised that Jason would do something like this, but honestly, I'm not.” She smiled ruefully. “I lost him before. And now, I could lose him again. This is the second time I couldn't protect him.” She shook her head bitterly. “Gods, I'm a terrible sister.”

“That's not true,” I found myself saying immediately. “You did all you could to keep him safe. If anything, it's more my fault. I was the one who brought him along and I was the one who was there.”

There was an unexpected sympathy in Thalia's eyes. No blame. Not even surprise.

These two were so alike, it was uncanny. 

“Doesn't that make it worse?” she asked. “I was even there . Like always.”

I shook my head. How could Thalia possibly blame herself for any of this? “Through no fault of your own. If anything, I'm the one who's a terrible brother.”

The word slipped out before I could even realize. For all that I acknowledged our relation in my mind, I had never called Jason my brother out loud.

Thalia, however, still didn't seem surprised. “You're a god again, aren't you? Can't you, I don't know, bless him with recovery or something?”

I grimaced. That had been the first thing I had wanted to do when I regained my godhood.

“Zeus won't let me,” I said bitterly. “Says we're “not supposed to interfere with the lives of mortals”. Whatever that's supposed to mean.”

It was very tempting to ignore him like my other family members often did. However, the leash had always been tighter around my neck and now, Zeus was monitoring me the most. Losing my godhood again would be a disrespect to all the sacrifices it had taken to regain it. I couldn't afford that.

Thalia scoffed. “Typical Zeus.”

We remained silent for a while, two children of Zeus drowning in our bitterness over how terrible a father he was.

Then, Thalia suddenly said, “You've changed more than I expected.”

I winced as I remembered what I had been like before all this. “Yeah, well, I promised Jason I would remember what it's like to be a mortal. I'm not about to forget that anytime soon.”

Thalia watched me for a moment but I couldn't tell what she was thinking. “You know,” she said in a quiet voice, “you're not as bad a brother as you think.”

To that, I couldn't think of anything to say. 

The next time I visited Jason, he was alone yet again. Once again, I spoke of whatever came to mind, giving updates on how the temple project was coming along, on how Thalia and I seemed to have found some common ground after that last conversation, about how Will was doing and all he'd told me about how Nico was handling things.

While I was talking, the heart monitor became louder. More alarmed.

Jason's heart rate was dropping fast. If left unattended, Jason would die. 

For a moment, I stood there, frozen. There was no doctor in sight. Even if I went to get one, there was no guarantee that I would return with one in time. 

There was only one thing left to do. 

I teleported myself in there and used the powers I had regained to help Jason recover. 

Zeus could be mad all he wanted. 

Jason had once stood up to the king of the gods for me. It was high time I returned the favor.

I would not let Jason Grace die. 

I returned to Olympus immediately to gauge the situation. A risky move but if Zeus wanted to punish me, there were not many places I could hide tk begin with. 

Strangely, the place seemed calm. As though I hadn't broken one of Zeus's rules, and so close to my last transgression.

As I walked around, a part of me that still feared Zeus was anxious. 

Yet, somehow, Hera was the one I ran into first. 

“Apollo,” she greeted with a blank expression and a blank voice. 

I braced myself for her usual harsh, biting words. 

But what she said next shook me. “I told Zeus that I sent you down there to help. If anyone asks, give them the same story.”

I stood there and stared at her, shocked. Hera, defending a son of Zeus? And that son was me? 

“What?” I managed to say. 

Inexplicably, Hera's face softened slightly. “You saved him so I saved you. Consider us even.”

She walked away with those parting words, leaving me behind in stunned silence.

When I returned to the mortal world, Jason was conscious. Thalia was also there, fussing over him. 

“Apollo,” Jason greeted me with a smile. “I heard you became a god again. Congrats.”

He probably meant it too. 

I averted his gaze. Jason's sincerity was always hard to face. How someone could be so good-natured, especially someone who has gone through as much as Jason had, I would never understand. 

“Yeah, well… Congrats on finally joining the land of the living.”

Jason laughed.

Thalia smacked him on the head lightly. “Never do that again. Is that clear?”

“Crystal,” Jason replied. 

Thalia sighed and settled on a seat next to Jason's bed.

Jason watched her guiltily. “Uh… I'm sorry. For, you know—” he waved his left hand in a vague gesture— “worrying you like that.”

Thalia crosses her arms. “You’d better be. You nearly died .”

“I did say sorry.”

Leaning against the wall, I watched them bicker.

Jason looked at me curiously. “You look older.”

I shrugged. “Well, I couldn't exactly go around looking younger than you two. I'm supposed to be your elder brother.”

At that, Jason stared. He clearly hadn't expected me to call him that out loud. But a huge smile slowly formed on his face, so I knew he didn't mind. 

I had never been close to any of my father's children aside from Artemis. But I supposed I could tolerate two more younger siblings.

Jason and Thalia were sweet kids, so they'd definitely be less troublesome to deal with than my twin sister. And it would probably be nice to have family members who would actually care about each other. 

Our family was all about repeating cycles. Ouranos was a terrible father who got killed by his son, Kronos. Kronos was a terrible father who got killed by his son, Zeus.

And here we were, Zeus's children, bickering good-naturedly like any normal family.

They say that history repeats itself. But at that moment, for the first time, I had hope that history could be learned from and left in the past. That we could break the cycles and change things for the better.