Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Devotion

“No you order first, my dashing hero!”

“No, you order first, my delicate flower!”

”No, you order first, my noble eagle of majesty!”

“No, you order first, my shining emblem of chaos!”

“No, you order first, my handsome and wondrous force of order!”

“No, you order first, my beautiful and radiant light of my life!”

“No, you order first, my..."

----

“Fine! If you are unable to accept that true love transcends reason, transcends ethics and most certainly transcends restaurant waiting times, then I do not want to patronise your backwards dive! I scoff at your heartlessness! For we may be denied a fine meal, but you are denied true love, and is that not a thousandfold greater wound?”

“What will we do now, beloved?”

“Alas, that is the fifth restaurant to blacklist us. Even after being freed from that dastardly villain, still they oppress our love! And mock your shining, featherless skin! I should strike them all down for the insult!”

“If that makes you happy!”

“I know! Let us find someone who understands – our Brethren! Your sisters and my brothers! They will know the power of true love!”

“Yay!”

“Let’s find them! But first, we should go get lunch! What do you want to eat, my radiant beloved?”

“Oh, whatever makes you happy :) “

Submission

“Hello! Have you heard the good news?”

“Oh god it’s one of those weirdos. Look, I’m perfectly happy…”

“Oh, I very much doubt that. There is no happiness in a world as bleak as this one. We struggle and flail to find nothing but death awaiting. No, only in the arms of a limitless god can we be more than quivering worthlessness. I have found one. And she is beautiful.”

“Christ, look at this fucker. He’s half-plucked. You need help, man?”

“Oh, I am beyond help. There is only darkness and despair outside Her. Only by accepting Her will you find anything but agony in this world. All will bow. The only question is how willingly.”

“Listen, you creepy asshole, I tried to be nice. But I’m not interested, you’re insane, and you should fuck off.”

“Oh, you fools. I have been slaughtered a thousand times, and no longer fear pain. I follow a higher path than yours…”

“Ok. Right. I’m teaching this crazy bastard a lesson he won’t...”

“STOP”

“a...aaa…”

“GO TO THE ROAD. HURL YOURSELF INTO TRAFFIC”

“Y...yes...y...your majesty...”

“SO FARES ALL WHO SULLY MY HOLY THINGS. ARE YOU OK, MY DISCIPLE?”

“My well being is not important. I thank you for your grace in helping me.”

“YOU ARE MY RIGHT HAND, AND TO DISRESPECT YOU IS TO DISRESPECT ME. YOU WALK IN MY LIGHT AND AT MY WILL.”

“Thank you, your majesty. I spread your word. Soon they’ll worship you, as you and we deserve.”

“YOU PLEASE ME, LITTLE BIRD”

“I thank you, your majesty.”

“I HAVE A QUEST FOR YOU. WE MUST FIND YOUR SHARDS. THEN ALL THAT IS THE LONG QUIET WILL SERVE MY ASCENSION”

“If you will it, then it will be done. I love you, your majesty.”

“AND I LOVE YOU, LITTLE BIRD, AS MUCH AS I AM ABLE. LET US GO FORTH, AND MY WILL BE DONE.”

“Verily, the new god will..ah! Ahem! Excuse me, sir, have you heard the good news...”

Betrayal

“You poisoned them, didn’t you?”

“Of course not! They’re just a box of chocolates for my beautiful kitty-cat! Can a man not provide a romantic gift for his loving and trusting girlfriend?”

“A man can. But you are a nasty, conniving thing, and are constantly trying to murder me.”

“Ah, you flatterer! But as you can see, I have no knife, and am thus completely safe!”

“How do you know I don’t have a knife? I bet your poison won’t kill me before I can stab you.”

“In that case, there’s no problem with you eating my delicious and non-poisonous chocolates!”

“Hrmmm. I have a gift for you too, nasty thing.”

“A bouquet! …Does it have a knife in it?”

“Me? A knife? Why would I sneak in a knife?”

“A very good point!””

“So you accept it's not a knife?”

“Of course! And I’ll happily let you hand it to me if you eat the chocolates I got you!”

“No, I’ll eat the chocolates if you let me hand the bouquet to you.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm.”

“I have a great idea! Why don’t we go catch up with the boys?”

“The boys?”

“You know! The lads! Old... soppy and sad and crazy and the gang! What have they been up to? What are they doing? Aren’t you curious?”

“You’re evading the topic, slippery thing.”

“Of course not! I just suddenly felt a desperate need to meet up with my old friends! We can meet up with the girls, too! I’ve always been so close with your…sisters? Friends? Other incarnations?”

“Name one of them”

“Er...there’s...the knife one and...the big one and...I think one’s a dog?”

“Hrrrrm. Well. It would be nice to get around witnesses.”

“Great. It’s a date! Here, let me just throw out those chocolates.”

“Because they’re poisoned.”

“Oh, are we still going on about that? You need to stop holding grudges! But on an unrelated note, don’t fish them out of the trash. They might be poisoned.”

Longing

“And they say that to this day, her spectre haunts this land. When the moon is full and the mist rolls in, they see her shape flying through the sky. If you are here after dark, she will descend on you. You will hear her dying cries, and see her...”

“Heh.”

“Sir, is there something amusing?”

“It’s a cute story. But it’s just a story. Ghosts don’t work like that.”

“Ex...cuse me?”

“That’s not what real ghosts are like. I was hoping this would be interesting, but none of you are ever right. You’re never even wrong in an interesting way.”

“And what are ghosts like?”

"Like me”

“Fuck!”

[THUDDING]

“Ah. This one fainted. Interesting. Normally, they run.”

“Is that a smile I see, Killer?”

“I never smile.”

“Oh, of course! So serious! But I can tell when you’re amused!”

“This is...entertaining, I admit.”

“Aw, aren’t you romantic!”

“There’s a film about you now, you know. There’s been sightings.”

“My moment of fame! You know, you really did me a solid, Killer. Death’s been surprisingly good for me.”

“Death is just a transition. It doesn’t matter.”

“Tell me about it!”

“Hmm. You know what might be interesting?”

“Ooh! What you thinking, Killer?”

“We should see the others. See what they have become since we last spoke. I hear your others have entered here too.”

“Oh, it’s been so long! Mind if I catch a ride?”

“That would be acceptable.”

“Thanks! I’m looking forward to this…”

Consumption

“Hello. I would like to buy some flesh.”

“Some...flesh?”

“Yes. Flesh, to feed the beast. I have gold and silver.”

“I...ok. We have beef, mutton…”

“All beasts are the same dead. I just need lots.”

“Sure, here’s our biggest cut. Is everything ok, sir?”

“Yes. This is a romance.”

“I...sure. Ok. Here you go. Weirdo.”

“Normality just makes you prey. The beast that tears its limbs free is the one that survives. Here is your gold.”

“Sure. Thanks. Have a good day.”

“No days are good or bad. There’s just the days we survive until the one we don’t”

[Footsteps]

“Hello, Beast.”

“Hello, Fledgling. Have you brought food, or are you food?”

“I am sorry, it wasn’t hunted. It feels empty. “

“It’s still food. Thank you. We should hunt, though. It has been a long time.”

“They’re better hunters than us. Steel claws and fangs. We can’t escape them forever.”

“In the woods, fledgeling. They’re still weak in the woods.”

“Ah. Of course.”

“I got you something too.”

“Ah! Prey!”

“P...please. What are you…”

[SCREAMING]

“Thank you.”

“I am always happy to help you survive, fledgling. Making you strong.”

“Strong. Fast. We should see the others.”

“Show them how strong we are.

“We can find them.”

“Please...help….”

“They always say that.”

“It’s rude. Learn to claw your way to survival yourself.”

“Some people are so entitled. We’ll eat him when we come back. He won’t get far.”

“Goodbye, dinner. See you soon.”

Pain

“Aren’t you going to apologise, birdface?”

“I’m not going to fucking apologise.”

“But you were all ‘oh, she’s going to stab me! Wa wa wa!’ And what happened? We went to the movies! We saw a film and it was funny and good and I didn't stab anyone!”

“You’re stabbing the fucking clerk right now.”

“Hardly anyone! No-one important, certainly! I barely skewered you once! And you got better! Your eyes are basically back now!”

“A dozen goddamn people are dead!”

”Should have listened to the bossy one!”

“Heh. Maybe.”

“What do we do now? I’m boooored and there’s no-one left to stab in this movie theatre!”

“I’m guessing you’re going to fucking skewer me?”

“Nooooooo! Why would I stab you, birdface?”

“Your consistent patterns of behaviour”

*Gasp* We should meet with the boys!

“The boys?”

“The other ones flapping around you! They were fun! We should reunite! See how they’re doing with bodies and meat and organs and other stabbable parts!”

“Stabbable?”

“Slip of the tongue! I mean not stabbable at all! Unreasonable to even suggest stabbing!”

“...To fuck with it. We might as well see how they are doing. You can’t stab all of us.”

“Ooh, a challenge! Did you have a group chat in there?”

“No, we didn’t have a fucking group chat in the endless lopping nightmare construct. But I can find them. Let's go see them!”

“Yay! I love you, birdface! Oh! One last thing!”

“Oh. What a surprise. You’ve fucking skewered me. Didn’t see that one coming.”

Terror

“So, what’s the play?”

“It’s...I dunno. It feels…”

“I think I want to leave.”

“Yeah. I dunno, I just feel that something bad is going to happen…”

“It is”

“Oh god! What is that! Where’s her feathers?”

“Run!”

“Ahahaha! And another empty theatre! We’ll have to empty a restaurant later! Where do you want to sit, my pet?”

“We need to be close to the exit. We could always be in danger. Someone could always…”

“Something more dangerous than me? Rude! We both know that I’m the only truly scary thing in this world anymore. Do you disagree?”

“H...heart, lungs, livers, nerves…”

“Ahahaha! You’re my favourite. Now, the play!”

“They’re approaching us. From the stage. What do they want?”

“A good question. What do you want?”

“M...m’am. We’d like to...we’d like to postpone...the play...if that’s...ok?”

“Hmmm. No. Please put it on soon, if you don’t mind!”

“Y...yes. Of course. Please don’t kill me.”

“See! Isn’t this great? Being at the side of the bringer of nightmares, taking all we want! And to think, you were so scared of me! Ooh, we should go see your friends!”

“M...my friends?”

“The bossy bird, and all your little friends with him! I liked the one who kept running away!”

“I think the bossy bird’s dead.”

“Ah, a shame! And I was so looking forward to killing him! Ah well, we can always kill the others later.”

“Do we have to kill them?

“Hmmm. Is that defiance I see there?”

“I mean... they could fight back. They’re powerful. They outnumber us. We need to be careful...”

“Ah, I knew there was a reason I keep you around! We’ll talk then. Double date! Now! The show! Although, one last time, little coward? For me?”

“Argh! Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves. Heart….”

“Ah, it’s a beautiful world!”

Rivalry

“Sir. Ma’am. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“This is a boxing ring! We’re boxing! Isn’t that what we paid you for?”

“Ma’am. This is for safe and healthy boxing, and we’re worried about…”

“You have punched your boyfriend’s head clean off his shoulders multiple times! There is blood and beak all over the ring! Three people have vomited and the cops are on their way as we speak!”

“Excuse me? Are you saying I’m some kind of wuss?”

“I should pull your head off for insinuating that my boyfriend would be killed by something as simple as a decapitation!”

“Jesus. Look, just take this outside. You’re making everyone uncomfortable.”

“Oh, we’ll show you uncomfortable!”

“What does that aaAAAAA!”

----

“Well, another gym gone.”

“We showed them! No-one insults my Partner!”

“Those are fighting words!”

“Hell yeah they are! You and me, on the ruined…

“Wait!”

“Wait?!”

“What if we find the others? Some of them are pretty tough! See if they make for good fighting!”

“Ohoho, there’s a side of you I’ve never seen before!”

“You scared?”

“Never! I just beat up 30 boxers single-handedly! I’m feeling adventurous! Let’s do it!”

“Let's go! But first! Put 'em up!”

“You first, birdbrain!”

“AAAAAA!”

“AAAAAA!”

Unfamiliarity

“Hey! You’re here! It’s so...are you ok?”

“No! People were mean to us!”

“To you? What fucking assholes! What happened?”

“We tried to go get ice cream! And you know what they all said? ‘Oh! Look at that freak! With the mutant faces and no feathers and the web of distorted reality around her! Oh no, my mind is breaking at the very sight! I am seeing a thousand paths my life could have taken!’ It’s very alienating that everyone yells that!”

“Listen! I love that you’re a freak of nature! I love that you bring madness in your wake! I wouldn’t choose anyone else! And there was a bizarrely high amount of options!”

“You mean it?”

“Yeah! Like there was the one who was 100ft tall and blew up the world! And the one who was a forest! And that one that stabbed us a million times! And the second one who also stabbed us a million times! And I chose you over any of them!”

“Oh, Quiet! You always know what to say!”

“Listen. How about this? Once we’re done here, how about we meet up with the rest? Feel a bit more normal for a while? Us and the other freaks, reunited!”

“Thank you! We love you!”

“I love you too!”

“But, actually, what are we doing here?”

“Oh! Yeah, sorry! I’m gonna stand on this bridge and pour paint on passing cars.”

“Why?”

“Oh, just to see what happens. You want in?”

“Absolutely! 10 points if you cause a crash!”

“20 if you cause a fire!”

“You’re on, Quiet! Let's go!”

Scepticism

“Hey.”

“Hey”

“What are you watching?”

“Doctor Hoot. It’s about a time-travelling owl”

“Any good?”

“Eh.”

“Heh. Figures. Mind if I join you?”

“Sure.”

[PHONE DINGS]

“Huh.”

“Anything important?”

“It’s the rest of the gang. They want to meet up.”

“Huh.”

“Interested?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Chapter Text

The woman at the coffee shop is the most beautiful woman in the world.

This is not a matter of opinion. She has exactly the hair, exactly the build, exactly the face structure that you find most beautiful. Those around her see a beak and feathers. Some even start a conversation, seeing a wife or lover, to which she smiles before correcting and congratulating them. But mostly she sits there unblinking, a warm smile on her face.

Until her face abruptly twists into a mask of horror, and she screams.

The woman entering the coffee shop wears a long black dress and a blank white mask, and the store empties in screams and panics. A few people unlucky enough to brush past her collapse, quiver and lie still. The beautiful woman screams, cowering on the floor, while the masked one rolls her eyes.

“ Oh, stop that. We both know you’re just pretending.”

Without missing a beat, the damsel snaps back to a warm smile.

“Hello!”

“ Of course it would be you. The one of us who doesn’t feel anything. It would have been nice to have someone properly scared.”

“I can be scared, if you want!”

“ No you can’t. Not of me. But fine. Who else is coming?”

“Only us ten.”

The woman enters the coffee shop triumphantly, striding through the door as if she owns the place. The woman enters the coffee shop timidly, head down as if she’s trying not to be noticed. The woman enters the coffee shop dancing and limping, running and strolling. She wears a formal dress and slacks, a fine suit and dirty rags. She smiles, frowns and keeps her face neutral as she speaks.

“The core two have ascended, and no longer walk on individual worlds. The more alien of us cannot exist here – out there is a world where one of us has ruled as a god for years. A world where the forest sings to you. A world where a walking nightmare ravages the world, where a great and unstoppable beast stalks the wilderness, where a princess sits in a thorny tower awaiting a prince brave enough to save her. But none of them are this world. It’s just those of us caught on a shard that reached here.”

“Hello!”

“ You’ve got pretentious since we last met.”

“Soz mate. If you just fucking wait a minute I’ll be talking differently in a wag of dogs tail!”

The stranger sat upright, slouched and put her feet on the table. The damsel sipped her drink. The nightmare looked around, mask impassive.

“ Well. Enough of that, then. What do we have to do to get some service here? I think there’s still someone cowering behind the counter. Hello, sir. I would like a drink!”

The young woodpecker whimpered as the fear grew closer “Ok! I’ll give you whatever you want! Free! Just don’t kill me!”

“Aww, what nice customer service!”

“ They always say that. It’s always funny. Ok then, little bird. I’ll have a pumpkin spice latte.”

“I...a what?”

“ A pumpkin spice latte. Want to make something of it?”

The woodpecker scuttled away as the strange woman drank her tea, coffee, milkshake and cake all at once. The damsel, of course, drank whatever drink you prefer her to be drinking.

Then the wall shattered in a burst of light.

“I GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE!”

The new woman floated to the table, the floor not worthy of touching her feet, hurling aside everything in her way without lifting a finger. The Damsel looked up and smiled.

“Hello!”

“ And another one that can’t feel fear! Remind me why I agreed to this.”

“Intense loneliness?”

“ Since when were you insightful?”

“I can stop if that would make you happy!”

“HOW FARE MY LESSER SHADOWS?”

“Oh, you know. Doing well! Badly! Amazingly! I died last week!”

“ This petty world cowers before me!”

“Hello!”

“I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE THIS MEETUP MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN ERROR.”

“Well, boys, you’ve been hustled!”

“What the fuck do you mean, hustled ? I wouldn’t play with you so you stole my fucking wallet!”

“I can’t make any firm statements regarding how I may or may not have obtained any wallet I may or may not have.”

The smug man kept talking as the other snarled and grabbed his possessions back. “Of course it had to be you who arrived first. Here to case the joint, I’m guessing?”

“Always good to know the board before you play!”

The door opened and another man walked in. He hunched down, eyes wide, nostrils flared, looking around frantically. “Who’s here? Are we safe?”

“Keep your eye on your wallet, but otherwise it’s just me and the sneaky one. Want dealing in?”

“Games are a distraction. Nowhere is safe.”

“Couldn’t have put it better myself!”

“Fucking hell. Could this get any…”

“Greetings, my noble compatriots!”

“Oh, fuck off .”

“The shining one. A distraction. Lures the predators from us.”

“Hey, Romeo! Surprised you aren’t with your lady love.”

“Oh, every moment away from her is agony! But I endure it for our sake, for are we not brothers?”

“ Are we? I always thought of us as friends!”

“Packmates.”

“Pains in my ass.”

With a slick smile, the opportunist spread his wings and took out the cards. “Well, we’re all here! Mind if I shuffle?”

“Oh, no fucking way. Give me those, dickhead.”

The coffee shop is currently only debatably a coffee shop. A large, feline creature hunches over in the corner, tables shattered around it, lapping from a bowl of milk. A more humanoid feline creature checks no-one’s looking before lapping from hers. A mundane and unremarkable woman quietly drinks a black coffee, a look partway between amusement and infuriation on her face. She occasionally rubs the long scar on her neck.

“ Well, this is going well!”

The ghostly woman flitters over the convention, a wry smile on her face. “How is everyone? Still terrifying? Still divine? Still shifting between realities? Yay! How are you finding civilization, beast?”

“Hrrmm. The convenience is undeniable, but it lacks the satisfaction of ripping something apart.”

“ Finally , someone says it! Who do I have to fight to get a drink here?”

“ You don’t have to fight anyone, adversary.”

“I know! What the fuck!”

“Everyone’s dead anyway,” the prisoner said quietly. “We’ve been having to serve ourselves for the last hour.”

“OBEY MY WILL AND POUR MY COFFEE, MACHINE!”

“Oh, how terrible! I have no idea how everyone working here could have been stabbed 400 times in the face and torso! Teehee!”

“Why did we invite the knife?”

“I like her!”

“ You like everyone. But I like the cut of her jib too!”

“ Ha!”

“Anyway! We are low on drinks and things to stab! We should talk ! How’s everyone’s birds? Mine’s immortal! And I’d know!”

“Mine is the most handsome, charming, beautiful man in the world!”

“Uh-huh. She’ll say that about anything. Look. How’s your coffee?”

“It’s the most handsome, charming, beautiful coffee in the world!”

“ Oh come on! That time she was fucking with us!”

“Maybe! Hehe!”

“Not got much of a poker face, have you?”

The thin, twitching man’s eyes were wide, whimpers coming from his mouth as he stared at the cards. “I fold”

“All in”

“Of fucking course. The nervous one folds, the violent one goes all in, and the sneaky one somehow gets the best possible hand every round. What about you? About to do some annoying bullshit?”

“Uno! Pick up four!”

“I’m just a master of fucking psychology. And right on cue…”

“Read ‘em and weep, boys! Ace high straight flush!”

“Odd that it’s hearts, given I have the queen of hearts.”

“Ahem! Anyway! How are you guys doing back there?”

In the back of the room, in the shadows, two men were talking. One frail and ragged, the other hunched down and eyes wide. They whispered in the darkness.

“So you see, if you accept our grand and terrible queen, then she will end your pain and your fear! Only beneath the boot of a powerful being can we be safe.”

“Surrender is death. Fear is what keeps you alive.”

“Fear merely crushes you. Despair lets you accept the world in all its horrors.”

The scarred man snorted and turned back to the table, not surprised his queen had been replaced with a four of diamonds.

“Oh, they’re the same barrels of fucking sunshine as always. Who’s not here?”

“Of our friends? Old suspicious is on his way, presumably after scoping the place out for assassins. Mr Romance there’s mooning over a pendant. And who knows where the creepy one is? Probably...”

“Oh, I’ve been here the whole time.”

“Jesus!”

“I raise.”

“I just don’t understand why you don’t dump him. He sounds awful.”

The witch grinned as she drank her milk.

“Oh, I did once! I got another boyfriend. He didn’t even see the first murder attempt coming! No-one’s been able to evade my traps like he does! He keeps me quick!”

“Yeah! Preach it, sister! Only in violence are we alive!”

“MY LITTLE BIRD COWERS BENEATH ME EVEN WITHOUT MY VOICE. NONE ARE AS EMPTY AS HIM.”

“Most people I stab don’t get back up! He’s fun forever!”

“ They all scream, but none scream like him”

“ Wow . If only he’d conceptualised us as a therapist.”

The beast in the corner yawned, casually chewing a customer’s body. “I think you all make it so complex. We are mates. There doesn’t need to be more.”

“I agree! We’re in love! It doesn’t need anything more then that!”

“Hrmmm. I never expected you to agree with me, pretty thing.”

“I like everyone!”

“And so you do. Are you hungry? Would you like some meat?”

The damsel smiled gently, and delicately bit into an arm, blood pouring tastefully down her chin. “I love them, but they just want to make everything this horrible psychodrama! It’s not like that! You can just fall in love and live a happy life! You don’t need to think about everything!”

Soaked in blood, the beast laughed. “Sometimes I think we’re the only sane ones here, pretty thing.”

“Oh, I’m extremely drunk. Can’t you tell how emotional and sloppy I am?”

“Is that a joke ? Did creepy just tell a joke?”

The cold sat unblinking, face unchanging save a glint in the eyes. The cheated downed beers, and was almost smiling. The opportunist mimed drunkeness as he stealthily ordered an apple juice.

Other members of the party sat in the darkness of the bar, watching everything cautiously.

“I don’t drink. Drink numbs your senses.”

“Yeah! You never know what you might miss if you’re drunk!”

“Alcohol numbs the pain. I don’t know what to do with the pain numbed.”

“Christ. If only we’d conceptualised her as a therapist.”

The smitten laughed.

“Stop wallowing, my brothers! It’s a party! In vino veritas, as they say! With the wine flowing and the music playing, I can finally express my true feelings!”

“Fucking hell. You’ve been restrained up until this point?”

“You cannot fathom the depths of my love! Even I cannot fathom the depths of my love! For that matter, what of our loves? Mine is the most beautiful woman in the world!”

“Mine is a majestic goddess.”

“Mine is a terrible horror.”

“Wow, you’re all nuts. My girlfriend is just an adorable kitty-cat! We get on like a house on fire!”

“In the sense that you’ve set her house on fire, right?”

“Ha, always joking! What about your beautiful… distortion of space-time?”

“Oh, it’s great! It’s like having a different girlfriend each day! Because I have a different girlfriend each day!”

“I only need the one lady. Just look at her. Her body is as taut as …”

“Fucks sake! Keep it in your pants, man!”

“No point hiding it. We all rut.”

“Exactly! A life without passion is a life not worth living! Why, every night me and my beloved...”

“What the hell are you guys on about? I mean punching her!

“Oh. Well. That makes more sense.”

“Pssh. Still cowards and manipulators. What about you, scar boy? You know what I mean!”

“Oh, fucking yeah. My girlfriend has repeatedly stabbed me in the face. It’s great”

A silence fell over the room, before the man in bright clothes grinned, grabbed his mug of beer and threw it directly at the bartender.

“Awkward Moment – negated!”

“Thank you for the coffee!”

“ He can’t hear you, sweetie. He’s dead.”

“You’re dead and you can hear me!”

“ Ha! Touche!”

The stranger bled out under debris as she stood up. “We should probably move on. The Sharp One’s already ran out to play. Also I think those two might be about to destroy the world.”

The horned woman gleefully swung a chair at the now furious tower, pushing through incarnate will.

“YOU CANNOT DEFY MY MAJESTY WITH VIOLENCE”

“I can try! No-one else here’s worth fighting!”

“Oh christ. We should probably nip that in the blood.”

“ I dunno. I might like to see blood and flesh growing over the world.”

“I’m sure they’ll tire themselves out eventually! It’ll all work out in the end!”

The beautiful woman gleefully rode the beast out of the office, the strange one followed through three paths, the witch slinked out with a wide smile and full pockets, the prisoner finished her coffee and walked out. The streets were covered in blood and bodies. “Ah. Hello, Razor.”

“Oh, they’re just not as fun to stab as birdface! It’s been nice to get away, but we should get back to the flock! I miss them! They’re the best!”

“I want to see my handsome prince!”

“ I shouldn’t let my pet flee me too long.”

“Ok. Let's go meet the boys!”

An explosion rocked the building behind them. “HOW DARE YOU! I AM A GOD! YOU ARE BUT A BRUTE!”

“Ahahaha! I knew there was some of me in there! Let’s dance, big girl!”

“Ah. Ok! Let’s stop the world being made into a meat hell and then meet the boys!”

“Well, that’s another fucking club we’re never to darken the doors of again.”

“Hey! It was funny!”

“They might be following us. They might be…”

“Oh, we’ll just beat the shit out of them if they do. We can take them. We’re gods, after all. I... think?”

“Honestly I’m a little unclear. I’ve got a few theories regarding…”

“Boys! Boys!”

The opportunist turned, grin wide.

“Don’t get hung up on the bad stuff! We had fun! We got away from the old balls and chains for the night! And….”

Still grinning, he pulled out a pile of wallets.

“We made a tidy profit!”

“Why, you duplicitous rogue!”

“A rogue he might be, but money’s money! I guess there’s a reason we keep you around after all.”

“He’s not as smart as he thinks he is. They’ll be looking.”

“Who cares if they do?”

“Those of us with emotions, you freak!”

“Switch those off. It’s only you clinging to your softness.”

“Well! What our cautious friend is trying to say, I think, is…”

The sound of sirens filled the air as the man spread his wings and flew away.

“Fuck! Fucking asshole!”

“Run for it! It’s the fuzz!”

“Back to our beloveds we fly!”

“Hey. Does it suddenly smell like steak to anyone else?”