Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Calum didn't think he would ever find himself at a college party, watching people get drunk off their asses. He watched as Daniel, his closest friend, chatted with a bunch of randos in the kitchen while he stood in the hallway awkwardly. He would rather be anywhere but here right now.

He was never big on parties. Or alcohol. Or anything fun, really. He would stay home most of the time, watching Netflix, studying, or playing video games. Daniel was the exact opposite. He was rather popular, outgoing, and extroverted, the exact opposite of Calum. Well, being Daniel's friend did give him a small share of his popularity. People seemed to like Calum, but he couldn't say he appreciated the attention.

After Calum convinced Daniel to go to the cinema to see a movie, which Daniel couldn't care less about, just a week prior, Calum promised he would come to the party with him in return. So here he was, bored out of his mind. It's not that no one wanted to talk to him. A few people did approach him in an attempt to start a conversation, but after some small talk, he excused himself each time. There were too many people, and it was starting to seriously make him uncomfortable.

He continued watching Daniel, hoping to catch his attention and finally wave him over to once again beg him to take him home. He was his ride, after all, it's not like he could just leave by himself. As it was nearing 1 a.m., public transportation was out of the question. So the only thing left to do was stand there like a creep and stare down his friend until he paid attention to him.

"He's pretty hot, huh?" A voice sounded behind him. It took Calum by surprise. He thought he had already given everyone the impression he wasn't up to talking. He turned around to see a man who was just a tad bit taller than him. His hair was brown and pushed back in a way. He had a stubble on his face, and yes, he was pretty hot. Calum didn't recognize him. He figured he was just a friend of a friend kind of guy.

"What? Who?" Calum furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he looked up at the man.

"Dan. You have been staring at him for about 30 minutes now." The man noted, making Calum's frown deepen.

"Ew. No. He is my ride home. I'm waiting for him." Calum said quickly, maybe a bit too defensively as he looked back over at Daniel, who seemed to be just as submerged in the conversation as a moment ago.

"How do you know that anyway? Have you been staring at me?" Calum asked after a moment, raising his eyebrows as he returned his attention to the man standing beside him.

"Yeah, pretty much." He responded nonchalantly, making Calum frown a little again.

"Why?" Calum asked in confusion.

"Because you're pretty hot too." He shrugged, and Calum quickly averted his eyes, hoping the man wouldn't see his cheeks turn a shade of red.

"You wanna go out for a smoke? There's way too many people here." The man, whose name Calum still didn't know, offered.

"I dont smoke." Calum replied truthfully, still avoiding the man's eyes.

"Well, it's not too late to start, is it? Let's go." The man decided, and without further waiting for Calum's response, he grabbed his hand and pulled him through the house and over to the door leading to the garden. Calum seemed to be taken aback; maybe that's why he didn't protest. As they finally got to the door, the man pushed it open and led him outside.

He was right. It was much calmer here. There were a very few people outside, just two guys hanging out in the back of the garden doing who knows what and another three in a gazebo by the fence. The man led Calum to the side of the house, and once he stopped, he let go of Calum's hand and reached into his pocket for a pack of cigarettes. He took one out and held the little box open, reaching it out for Calum to take one.

"Um, no... Thanks." Calum said hesitantly, putting his hands in the pockets of his black jacket as he stood next to him awkwardly.

"Come on, it's actually great. Don't tell me you are such a goody two shoes." The man teased him, making him frown. Of course he wasn't... was he?

Yes, he was. It's not that he wanted to be. He just didn't have enough confidence to be more "free". That wasn't anything that couldn't change, though. After a moment of eyeing the open cigarette pack, he sighed. He reached out and pulled one out of the box, making the man holding it grin.

"I am Zayn, by the way." The man said with a smile.

"Calum." Calum replied simply.

"Calum... Cute, very cute." Zayn nodded approvingly, which once again made Calum's cheek turn a darker shade of pink.

Zayn proceeded to pull out a lighter and lit his cigarette. Once he did, he waited for Calum to hold out the cigarette he held, lighting it as well. Calum looked at it, hesitating.

After a moment, he slowly brought it up to his lips and took a puff of the cigarette. As expected, he immediately went into a coughing fit, which seemed to greatly amuse Zayn. He laughed, patting Calum's back as he bent over, coughing.

"That is so gross. How can you enjoy that?" Calum choked out after a moment as he stood up straight again.

"It's not gross. You just gotta get used to it." Zayn said, grinning.

"No, thanks." Calum cringed as he eyed the cigarette he was still holding warily.

"Come on, just try it a few more times. It's worth it, I promise." Zayn winked at him. Calum couldn't tell what it was, but there was something intriguing about Zayn. Sure, he was attractive, but there was something about his behavior that made Calum feel pretty vulnerable. He just wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not.

"Okay." He nodded a little. He wasn't sure why he agreed. He almost felt like he just wanted to seem cooler than he was. And with Zayn watching him, with the smile playing on his lips, Calum felt like he needed to be cool in front of him.

He sighed and brought the cigarette up to his lips again. Oh well, at least he could tell Daniel he did something exciting. 

Chapter Text

It has been seven months since the party Daniel took him to happened. Calum felt like the time went by fast, too fast. Zayn took him home that night. He wasn't sure why he agreed to go, but he did. Zayn was renting a basement apartment in some guy's house. It was scarcely decorated and rather messy, but even that didn't turn Calum away. Maybe it should have.

Zayn was nice to him. Usually. He used to be nicer at the beginning; Calum felt like he changed quite a bit over time. It started with them hanging out once every few days. Zayn was big on parties, and he would often invite Calum along. Of course, Calum accepted - he didn't want to look like a loser. He wouldn't deny he was one, but he wanted to seem cool in front of Zayn.

It was the night Zayn kissed him that changed quite a lot of things. Zayn didn't take it very slow. He went down on Calum just two weeks after they first met. And Calum didn't complain. He found Zayn hot, and anytime he was with him, he felt cool. Of course, he went along with it, and soon they were dating.

Everything went well for a while. They would start hanging out more often; Calum would start spending nights at his place every now and then, and it was great. But Zayn seemed to want more. He has been coaxing Calum into smoking weed with him, but Calum declined every time, well, at least until he didn't. By then he was already smoking cigarettes regularly, as he didn't want to seem like a pussy in front of Zayn. And smoking weed wasn't that different, right?

He liked it at first. It made him feel great; he felt happy, and Zayn seemed to be in a much better mood anytime he was high too. He even felt like they had so much more fun anytime they were high; of course he agreed to keep it up. What didn't make him feel as good were the pills that eventually followed.

Calum wasn't sure what they were. It started with Xanax; he knew that one. The other pills that followed all looked different, and Calum had no idea what they were. It's not like he wanted to take them anyway, but he did. Zayn was pretty persuasive with his words. And after a fight one night, where Zayn accused Calum of not being adventurous enough for him, Calum figured the least he could do to keep their relationship going was to just take the damn pills.

And that's how he ended up here - on Zayn's sofa, drugged out of his mind. It was pretty much an everyday occurrence for him at this point. If he wasn't high, he was drunk. If he wasn't drunk, he was hungover. He hated it, but he was too far down the hole now. Zayn hated when Calum refused to take the pills or drink the alcohol. Then came the gaslighting, and then came the pity party. Calum always felt so bad when he ruined Zayn's mood too. It was easier to just agree.

He felt Zayn sit down on the couch next to him. He didn't look at him; he was focused on the coffee table in front of him. It was messy, covered in tissues, half-drank bottles of alcohol from the previous days, and some pill bottles. In front of him were three pills. Calum didn't know what they were. Well, he recognized them; Zayn made him take them a few times already. But he didn't know what they were.

"Come on, baby. Hurry up. It's gonna give you a little more energy; you look like a zombie." Zayn said as he threw his arm around Calum's shoulder. The sudden touch made Calum shudder. He was always overly sensitive when he was like this.

He didn't want to take anything. Everything felt fuzzy and blurry; he felt like he wasn't even in control of his body anymore. He wasn't sure what he had taken that day, if he drank any alcohol or smoked any weed. He didn't remember much from the day, or the past few months, really.

"I don't... I don't want to, Zayn." He mumbled, his voice slightly slurred as he continued staring down at the pills. Zayn didn't seem as high as him; he never was. Calum felt like he always gave him much more than he took himself; he wasn't sure why that was.

"Of course you do, baby. Come on. You will feel much better when you take them, I promise." Zayn said with a wide smile. Calum didn't really believe him. Even if the pills made him feel better now, which he doubted, he knew he would only feel that much worse later, when they wore off. Calum shook his head slightly, the movement only making his vision blurrier.

"No. I don't feel good. I wanna sleep." Calum said. He was sure he would be crying right now if he wasn't high. But in his current state, it felt impossible to do so. He wanted to cry. He was sad, sick, and tired. But at the same time, it almost felt like he was only an observer in his own body - he couldn't get himself to cry.

"Baby, we talked about this. We are in a relationship. Both of us have to try and give it our best. You gotta step out of your comfort zone a little bit if you want to keep up with me, you know that." Zayn reminded him, yet his tone was still rather sweet. Calum felt goosebumps on his skin as Zayn leaned in to peck his cheek.

"I am doing so much for you, Cal. I drive you places, I let you sleep over, I take you out, I fuck you... And what are you doing for me in return, baby?" Zayn asked, his tone growing a little sterner as he pulled away slightly. After he got no response from Calum, he chuckled softly.

"There isn't much, is there?" He asked cockily as he reached his hand up, running his hand through Calum's hair.

"So... the least you could do is take these for me. Because right now you are being a huge killjoy. And a cockblock too. I am not fucking you when you look like this." Zayn noted, ruffling Calum's hair. Calum wasn't sure how much of Zayn's monolog he grasped. He felt like he already forgot how they got into the conversation.

He noticed some movement on Zayn's side, and soon there was a hand in front of his mouth, holding out the pills.

"Come on, baby. Open up." Zayn prompted him. Calum was high, but he could still tell Zayn was growing impatient. Hesitantly, Calum opened his mouth, letting Zayn insert the pills there. He winced when he swallowed them, and just a second later, Zayn was pushing a bottle into his hand. He instantly took a swig of the liquid, wincing once more when he felt the burning sensation in his throat. Of course it was alcohol. He shakily put the bottle down.

"There you go. That's my boy." Zayn cooed as he pulled Calum closer, patting his upper arm. Calum didn't feel happy when he heard the praise. He used to feel amazing anytime Zayn praised him. Lately, all the praises just sounded empty. Not that Calum remembered them much.

"Come with me, Cal. Let's go lie down before they kick off." Zayn ushered him as he stood up, pulling him up on his feet along with him. Calum felt like he couldn't stand at all. If it wasn't for Zayn's arm around him, he was sure he would be on the floor already. He gripped onto Zayn's t-shirt with one hand as he slowly followed him towards the bed. The room spun around him, and it only got worse when he lay down on the bed.

He wasn't even sure where he was anymore. He closed his eyes and suddenly became hyperaware of his heart, which was beating a bit too slowly in his opinion. He felt the heartbeat in his throat. He didn't feel better at all.

It didn't take long for Zayn to join him on the bed. He climbed over Calum, putting each knee on each side of Calum's hips as he leaned down and placed a small kiss on his lips.

"You can't keep doing this, babe. Look where it got you. If you took the pills earlier, when I told you to, you would feel so much better already." Zayn hummed before he started trailing soft kisses down Calum's jaw and neck.

They felt like needles. Calum opened his eyes again, regretting it just as quickly. He felt a slight panic set in as he felt like everything was only making him feel worse. Zayn's kisses and touches were overwhelming as he tried his hardest to stay still on the bed while the room spun around him.

And that was it. That was all he could remember.

Next thing he knew, he was laying in his bed, at home, next to the huge stuffed teddy bear in the corner of his bed, which he got from his brother when he was younger. Speaking of his brother, there he was. Calum noticed him as soon as he opened his eyes.

He was confused. And sore. He slowly sat up, wincing as he did. He had no idea what happened the day prior, but he felt like he got run over by a train.

"What happened?" Calum asked quietly as he looked at his brother, Dean.

"You tell me." Dean said, leaning back in the chair he had pulled up to Calum's bed. He was clearly unhappy. Calum swallowed nervously and looked away. He had absolutely no idea what happened the day prior.

"I... don't know. I don't remember." Calum admitted quietly as he studied his hands. They were so much slimmer than they used to be.

"God damnit, Calum. What has gotten into you?" Dean groaned, shaking his head slightly.

"I found you when I was walking home from work. You were sleeping on the sidewalk by the house. You're lucky I was the one to find you." Dean explained angrily. Calum had absolutely no memory of going back home or sleeping in front of the house.

"I am sorry." Calum mumbled quietly, furrowing his eyebrows. This has never happened before; anytime Zayn drugged him, he would wake up in the bed next to him. He wondered what happened.

"That's all you're gonna say? You're sorry? Calum, you were sleeping on the fucking sidewalk. Drugged out of your mind. Mumbling nonsense. You are beat up for Christ sake!" Dean said, gradually raising his voice. Calum's eyes widened slightly as he looked at him. Beaten up? Was that why he was so sore?

"This has to end. Mom and dad were talking about you the whole evening. I told them, obviously. But this ends today. You aren't leaving the house until it's sorted out." Dean continued, as Calum looked back down at his hands. He didn't agree with him, per se, but he didn't mind chilling in his room for a little bit. He has been spending most of his time with Zayn lately, and as much as he still loved him, for whatever reason, he appreciated the moment of peace this gave him.

He knew his parents knew. Everyone knew. It was impossible to hide, after all. For the past few months, he lost way too much weight; he had dark circles under his eyes, and he was growing more distant every day. He always waited it out until he was sober at Zayn's place, but still... he was sure his parents weren't so stupid and knew something was up. They were never big on talking about serious subjects, so it was never brought up much outside of arguments about his failing grades and worsening mental state.

"I'm going to go tell them you're up. They're gonna want to talk to you. Good luck with that." Dean said sarcastically as he got up. Calum looked up at him once more and watched as he left the room.

He didn't even want to know how much trouble he was in right now.

Chapter Text

Calum waited, but his parents still weren't coming. With a small sigh, he dragged himself out of the bed. As soon as his feet touched the cold floor, his head started spinning. Everything was still slightly blurry. He wasn't sure how much he ended up taking the day prior, but it had to be a lot.

He started walking towards the bathroom, which was connected to his room. He opened the door and stepped in, and as soon as he did, he almost jumpscared himself. The mirror on the other side of the wall showed a person he barely recognized. He furrowed his eyebrows and stepped closer.

The dark circles under his eyes were bigger than usual. His lip was split, with a patch of dried blood over it. He had a black eye, and his eyebrow had a small cut on it. His hair was all over the place and messy. He stared at himself in disbelief. Zayn was right. He did look like a zombie.

He hesitantly reached down and grabbed the bottom of his shirt before he pulled it over his head. More bruises were covering his belly and sides. He noticed some scratches on his arms, too. He had no idea when all of it happened or what happened at all, really. He sighed and shook his head. Whatever happened wasn't good. He wondered if Zayn remembered anything about it.

He turned away from the mirror. He couldn't keep looking at himself. Deciding to make himself look a little more presentable, as much as it was possible, he took off the rest of his clothes and took a shower. It was a quick one. He had absolutely no energy to spend more than a few minutes there.

Once he deemed himself clean enough, he dried himself up and put on a pair of grey sweatpants and an old band t-shirt. At this point, the clothes were good two sizes bigger on him. He was way too skinny to find himself pretty anymore. He decided not to torture himself with having to look at himself anymore, and he headed back in his room.

He froze in the door as he noticed Dean leaning against the wall while his mom was sitting on the chair by his bed, that Dean left there, and his father was standing behind her. They all turned their eyes to him when he entered, which made him quickly avert his eyes. He walked over to his bed and sat down. Here they went again, with the talk.

"Care to explain why Dean found you passed out on the street?" His father asked, raising his eyebrows as he put his hands on the back of the chair in front of him that his mother was sitting on. She seemed to have tears in her eyes.

"I already told Dean. I don't remember." Calum groaned. He was tired of these talks. They weren't going anywhere. They never did.

"How can you not remember, Calum?" His father asked, raising his voice slightly.

"Maybe we should take him to the doctor. He looks sickly. Maybe something is wrong." His mother suggested, despite sounding rather doubtful herself.

"He doesn't need a doctor, Joy. He isn't sick. He is a damn junkie." His father's voice grew even louder. Calum cringed at his words.

"I am not a junkie." He said, frowning as he looked up at his father.

"Don't even start with that again, Calum. I am not fucking stupid." His father responded angrily before he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"There were pills in your jacket, Calum. What were they?" His brother suddenly asked, crossing his arms over his chest. He was still leaning against the wall, on the other side of Calum's room.

"Painkillers." Calum shrugged nonchalantly as he looked at Dane.

"Bullshit." His father spat out, gaining Calum's attention once again.

"It's not bullshit. It's also none of your business. I am 18. I am an adult." He growled, frowning. He was seriously tired of everyone trying to get up in his stuff.

"You are nowhere near being an adult. If you wanna be one, act like one." His father responded just as angrily. Calum rolled his eyes and pushed himself further on his bed, until his back was leaning against the headboard.

"Whatever." Calum mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the foot of the bed.

"Why are you beaten up?" His father asked, only receiving a shrug from Calum. When he still didn't respond, his father spoke up again.

"You don't want to tell us who's doing all of this? You don't want to tell us what's going on? Suit yourself." His father said angrily, raising his hands in defeat.

"But I don't want you in my house anymore. Maybe it will make you understand how well we treated you and how much you've lost."His father said, before turning around and leaving the room without another word.

This wasn't the first time those words were spoken in the house. Calum didn't give them much weight. His father wasn't the type of person to kick his own child out of the house, and he was sure his mom would never let him. Speaking of his mom, she silently left soon after his father. She seemed shaken up, and yes, Calum felt a little bad. But he didn't say anything.

"You really messed up, Cal." Dean spoke after a moment, before he pushed himself off the wall and headed towards Calum's bed. He sat down on the edge of it.

"I am going to talk to them. But you need to pull your weight too. You need to stop this." Dean said softly. Calum wasn't having any of it, though. He was tired of them all acting like he was the problem. They weren't perfect either; none of them was.

"Whatever. I don't care." Calum mumbled, shrugging, which received a sigh from Dean.

"Just try, Calum. I miss the old you." Dean said after a moment. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Calum's cheek, making him freeze. He hated this; he hated when Dean got too close to him.

Once Dean pulled away, Calum let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. His brother stood up and walked out of the room as well.

Calum shifted until he was lying down. He pulled the blanket over himself, bringing it up to his chin. He was exhausted. His head was still throbbing from the previous day, and his whole body felt weak. Not that it was anything unusual.

He felt a little bad. This wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to spend the rest of his life being seen as a failure. But he loved Zayn, and he was sure he would break up with him if he told him he didn't want to do this anymore. He couldn't do that.

Sighing, he closed his eyes. He was supposed to stay in his room anyway; he might as well catch up on sleep. He only woke up a few hours later. Everything was still the same; he was still alone, and it was still bright outside. He slowly sat up, wincing as he did. Whoever hurt him the day prior did a good job.

He pushed himself up to his feet and slowly walked over to the door. He opened it and looked around to see the hallway empty. As he could hear voices coming from downstairs, he took a few steps towards the stairs to hear better.

"... which isn't anything he couldn't deal with. I will pay him; we will stay in contact; everything will be great." His father said. Calum seemed to catch them mid-conversation, and it didn't take him too long to realize the conversation was revolving around him again.

"I don't know, David. We haven't seen him in forever. Who knows what he is like now?" He heard his mother say. He frowned slightly in confusion; he had no idea what they were discussing.

"Wouldn't some kind of boarding school be a better option?" His mother asked, making Calum's frown deepen. Hell no, there was no way he was going to boarding school.

"Joy, those places are terrible. What, do you really think putting hundreds of troubled boys together is a good idea? It might look like they have it under control, but there is no way those boys aren't fucking around. Ashton will be able to keep an eye on him 24/7." His father said, suddenly making Calum's eyes widen. Ashton was a name he didn't hear in quite a while. Now he was really confused.

Ashton wasn't a bad guy, at least from what he remembered. He was just four years older than Calum and used to be great friends with Dean, as they were roughly the same age. He was the son of his father's business partner and best friend. That's probably why he spent so much time hanging out with Dean and thus Calum as well. Which didn't explain why he was being brought up now, years after he moved to a different city. Calum walked downstairs and followed their voices into the dining room.

"I am not going to a boarding school." He said as soon as he entered, making everyone look up at him. Dean was sitting at the table, and so was his mother, while his father stood near.

"Dean told you to stay in your room, Calum." His father said, annoyance clear in his voice. But Calum ignored him.

"Why are you talking about Ashton?" He asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"They want to send you over to him. I told them it's a stupid idea." Dean huffed, clearly unhappy with the plan. Calum frowned in confusion and turned his attention to his father.

"Why?" Was all he could ask as confusion set in.

"Because he is trustworthy and responsible. We all know him, and he is a great family friend. He is a teacher too; he might help you with your grades." His father said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay? And?" Calum raised his eyebrows, mimicking his father as he crossed his arms over his chest in a similar fashion.

"And I already discussed this option with him before. And he wasn't opposed to the idea of you moving in." His father stated. Calum suddenly grew slightly nervous. Was he serious about sending him away this time?

"Wait, you actually want me to move away?" Calum asked in disbelief, which made his father snicker.

"I have given you more than enough warnings, Calum. And I tried to deal with you, but you are impossible lately. You need to fix your life." His father stated, which only made Calum more annoyed.

"This is bullshit. I am not moving in with Ashton. Doesn't he live like two hours away anyway?" Calum asked angrily.

"Language, Calum." His mom reminded him in a strict voice, which only made Calum roll his eyes.

"That's the point, Calum. I don't have time to babysit your grown ass to make sure you don't run off to that friend of yours again. You will be far; Ashton will keep an eye on you, and there won't be any distractions to keep you away from your studies." His father explained, only supporting Calum's opinion; it was bullshit.

"Well, I am not going. It's fucking stupid." Calum huffed.

"Language, Calum!" His mom said, louder this time. Calum had to force himself to overcome the urge to roll his eyes again.

"Good thing that the decision is not up to you, like at all. You are going. And if Ashton denies, you are going to a boarding school. That's final." His father said sternly, which only annoyed Calum more.

"I am an adult. You can't just fucking send me away!" Calum said angrily, raising his voice as he stared at his father with a look that could kill.

"You are a goddamn teenager, Calum. You have no money of your own. You are still in high school. And you still live in our house. So yes, I can just send you away. And I am going to." His father matched his angry tone, raising his voice again. Calum was furious.

"I am going to call Ashton tonight. If he agrees, we are taking you there as soon as he sees fit." His father continued speaking loudly. Calum looked over at his mom. She didn't say much, but she wasn't arguing about the idea, so he figured she agreed. His eyes moved to Dean, who was sitting across the table. He was visibly against the idea, but it's not like he had a say in it. His eyes landed back on his father, who still seemed just as angry as Calum himself.

"You're such assholes!" Calum yelled before turning around and leaving the room angrily. He heard his mom call his name again, but as he could tell it was only to scold him for bad language, he ignored it and headed back up to his room. He shut the door loudly before walking over to his bed and falling down on it. It hurt, but whatever.

He couldn't believe it. They were seriously considering sending him away. He would be so far from Zayn... Tears suddenly stung his eyes as the realization hit him. He would be far from Zayn. It was over. He wouldn't get to see him again, maybe ever. He looked over at his nightstand from where he was laying. Of course his phone was gone; his parents have surely taken it to restrict his contact with Zayn.

He groaned and put his arm over his face. This sucked. Everything did. It was so unfair and so shitty, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He was really being sent away, to Ashton of all people.

Chapter Text

And so it was decided. After a long phone call, Ashton apparently agreed to the deal. At least that's what Calum was told by his father. He was less than happy to hear that. He doubted his father would actually send him to boarding school if Ashton declined, but it's not like he was going to find out.

"Put everything you want to take with you on the bed. We will pack it later; I want to make sure you aren't taking any of those things with you." His father said as he stood near the bed that Calum was still sitting on. He didn't reply, and it's not like his father expected him to as he turned around and left the room.

"Jerk." Calum mumbled under his breath and sighed before lying down. He wasn't going to pack; why would he? He didn't want to leave. If his parents wanted him to pack, they would do it for him eventually. It's not like they were going to send him off with no clothes.

He tried to get himself to believe living with Ashton wouldn't be so bad. He was a good guy, after all, at least from what Calum remembered. Dane would rarely want Calum to tag along when they were younger, but Ashton was always fine with it and even tried to include him in the activities. He would always be so sweet and nice. Calum was sure he couldn't have changed too much since then, yet he still hated having to stay with him.

He would be far from Daniel, his best friend. Well, it's probably more like a former best friend at this point. They still talked in school, but they rarely hung out or texted anymore. Zayn wasn't a huge fan of Calum talking to him; he was rather jealous.

Speaking of Zayn, Calum still couldn't believe he wouldn't get to see him again, at least not in the foreseeable future. The thought brought tears into his eyes again. He already missed him. He would spend way too much time with him during the past few months. He was the only person who would appreciate him, the only person who would praise him and make him feel worthy. Maybe not in a very good way, but it was still more than what anyone else gave him.

He wiped his tears off with the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulled the blanket over himself again. His bed was the only place where he felt truly comfortable and safe, which probably wasn't very healthy, but who cares? It was just another thing he would lose by moving into Ashton's place. His bed, his house, his school, his friends, his boyfriend, everything.

He sighed and closed his eyes. Hoping to feel better after a nap, he fell asleep soon again, only waking up to a noise in his room. He shuffled awake and slowly sat up, looking around until his eyes landed on Dean, who was pulling some clothes out of Calum's closet.

"Fucking hell, Calum. We thought you would have packed by now." Dean groaned in annoyance when he turned around and noticed Calum sitting up.

"Dad said I can't pack anyway." Calum shrugged in disinterest, making Dean sigh.

"You know exactly why that is. You should have prepared your clothes and everything anyway." Dean said, clearly annoyed, as he put the pile of t-shirts he was holding on the ground next to an open suitcase.

"I don't care what you pack anyway." Calum mumbled and lay down again, watching Dean take a pile of jeans and sweatpants out of the closet and put it on the ground, next to the t-shirts.

"Look, I also think this is fucking stupid. But it is what it is, so deal with it. I am sure if you do well enough, dad's going to let you move back in with us in a month or two." Dean said, his tone growing softer as he spoke. Calum only rolled his eyes and turned around in bed, so he was facing away from him. He strongly doubted that was going to happen, not to mention the school transfer would be complicated enough to warrant his stay to be at least a year long.

He heard Dean sigh again, and after he put down another pile of clothes, he walked over to Calum, walking around the bed to sit at the edge of the bed by him.

"It's going to be alright. Ashton is nice. And you are going to be back soon, I'm sure. I will miss you." Dean said as he used his hand to tuck a strand of loose hair behind Calum's ear. Calum looked at him warily.

"You aren't going to miss me." Calum said quietly, with a hint of anger in his voice.

"What are you talking about, Cal? Of course I am." Dean said with a small smile, which only made Calum angrier. He was such a jerk.

"You know what I'm talking about. And I am for sure not going to miss that." Calum growled, making Dean drop his smile, suddenly frowning.

"I thought we were over this, Calum." He groaned before he pulled his hand away from Calum's face. He got up and shook his head as he walked back towards his suitcase.

Calum didn't care that he was angry. He deserved it. He was an asshole, and so was everyone else in the family. They all cared only about themselves and about the way they looked in front of other people. They were always the "perfect family" on the outside.

His father owned his own business. It was rather successful - nothing extremely big, but big enough to generate enough money to take them up from the middle class. His mother was a psychiatrist, ironically. Good enough to have a private office and self-centered enough to successfully ignore everything Calum struggled with. And Dean was a successful college athlete, for which he had a scholarship at one of the better universities in the state.

And Calum was Calum. To be fair, he was successful until recently. He was a straight A student, one of those that took part in everything that was happening at school. He was popular too, despite that being mostly Daniel's doing. Everyone liked him, and everyone was friendly to him, even the "bad guys" from school. Well, that was until he met Zayn. Zayn didn't like him getting too close to other people; apparently it made him uneasy, which Calum figured was just a codeword for jealous.

At first, people seemed worried about him; there were even rumors circulating that he had a serious illness. To be fair, he didn't blame people for thinking so; he did look sickly most of the time, except the reason would be one that no one really expected. He wasn't sure if anyone from his school knew what was actually going on, but after several months of degrading grades and loss of motivation, everyone slowly pulled away from him, and suddenly he was all alone. Except for Zayn.

Zayn stayed, and he loved him. He spent time with him, took him places, and paid attention to him. What else could Calum want?

He heard Dean leave the room after a moment. He didn't bother to turn around then, nor when he heard his father enter his room to go through all of the things Dean prepared by the suitcase to make sure there were no more drugs hidden anywhere. He put everything in the suitcase and zipped it up before he stood up. Calum was still facing away from him.

"We are leaving tomorrow. Ashton said he was free pretty much every day until the start of the school year, so he was generous enough to let you stay right away." His father said. His voice didn't carry much emotion as he spoke.

"You should be grateful. He is going to treat you well. Don't make it any harder on him. He can still send you back at any point, and that means boarding school for you. Don't push him." His father continued, but Calum stayed silent. He was tired of those boarding school threats. He didn't care; either way he would be away from everything he loved. Which mostly only included Zayn and his bed, but still.

He heard a sigh from his father after a moment, before he picked up the suitcase and carried it out of the room. Calum didn't care. He didn't see a reason to talk to them. It's not that they would listen anyway. It was always like talking to a brick wall.

The rest of the day went by slowly. Calum spent it in bed; he didn't feel like doing anything. He was tired and sick, and he felt his body shake. Yes, he craved something. He wasn't sure what, whether it was the pills, or weed, or alcohol, or Zayn. Just something that would make it easier to deal with reality.

He couldn't even fall asleep this time. His head was swirling with thoughts, and he spent the majority of the rest of the day and the night awake. When Dean came to wake him up in the morning, he was still wide awake. He didn't talk to him, nor did he actually pay attention to what he was saying. He figured it wasn't important.

He forced himself to get out of bed and into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He didn't bother with fixing his hair or doing anything else, really. He would look terrible anyway, so what was the point?

He changed into a pair of black jeans and the band t-shirt he wore the day prior. Both were still loose on him, and he hated it. He walked downstairs and successfully ignored his parents too as he headed straight for the hallway and waited there. He just wanted to get it over with. Not that he was looking forward to getting to Ashton's place; he just wanted to lie down again, and he knew the only way that would be was if they were at Ashton's already.

It felt like it took his parents forever to finally finish breakfast and get ready. He noticed Dean was nowhere to be seen anymore, even when his parents started putting their shoes on. He didn't care that Dean wasn't going with them; it was just one less person to ignore during the car ride. His parents said something every now and then, but he didn't care enough to pay attention. He silently followed them into the car, and soon they were on their way.

Ashton lived in Salt Lake City, roughly two and a half hours away from Calum's town. He has never been there; he has never been in any big city, actually. His town was small and uninteresting, and he honestly enjoyed that. He hated the idea of having to deal with so many people every day.

The care ride was long and awkwardly silent. He appreciated his parents weren't trying to talk to him; on the other hand, the silence only made it so much easier to overthink his situation once again. He was even glad when they finally arrived, not because they were at his new home, but because he could finally get out of the car and further away from his parents.

The car was parked by an apartment complex. He wasn't a fan of that; he hoped Ashton would have a house. But thinking about it, it made sense he wouldn't be able to afford a house yet; he was pretty young after all. The complex was rather small. The building was modern-looking, painted in a sleek dark gray color with brown wooden panels beneath the windows. The windows were large and clean, and there were 8 spacy balconies with glass railing, four on each side of the building.

Calum got out of the car and waited as his father opened the trunk and got his suitcase out before he followed his parents towards the building. His mother looked for Ashton's name on the doorbell system on the side of the door before she rang it. Soon after, the door let out a long beep, signaling for them to push it open. His mother did and held it open for his father and him. They stepped inside, and they all headed to the elevator. He watched his father select the fourth floor, which was the highest one in the building, and the elevator door closed.

The ride was once again silent and thankfully only took a few seconds. Then the elevator door slid open again, and they all stepped out. He trailed behind his parents as they walked through the short hallway. There was a door on each side of the hallway, but only the one in the right was open.

Ashton was standing in the door when they approached it. He looked older than Calum remembered him; it has been over 6 years since he last saw him, after all. His hair was slightly longer than Calum remembered, but it still held that honey color he always admired. He was wearing a plain dark gray t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Seriously, who wears jeans at home?

"Ashton! It's great to see you." His mother was the first to say excitedly when they approached and stopped in front of Ashton. He immediately shot a smile her way.

"Hello, Mrs. Hood. I am happy to see you, too." He said happily as he embraced her in a hug. He used to hang out at their house with Dean quite a lot, and so he built a great relationship with her over the years. Once he pulled away, she stepped aside to let Calum's father greet Ashton.

"Hi, Ashton." His father smiled and shook his hand. Calum forced himself not to roll his eyes at his sudden friendliness. Back when Ashton still lived nearby, Calum used to feel like his father liked Ashton even more than him. He would keep bringing him up all the time, to the point it almost made Calum resent him. Almost. Ashton returned the greeting and shook Mr. Hood's hand before he finally laid eyes on Calum.

"Calum!" He said, excitement clear in his voice as he let go of Calum's father's hand and stepped closer to the boy.

"Hey, buddy. It has been so long; it's awesome to see you again." He said with a sincere smile as he wrapped his arms around Calum. Buddy? Seriously? He wasn't a little kid...

"Is it?" Calum asked coldly, raising his eyebrows. He pulled away from Ashton, who seemed clearly taken aback by his distant behavior.

"Yeah, of course." He said with a small smile, letting go of him fully as he understood Calum wasn't really up to hugs at the moment.

"I was looking forward to you getting here." Ashton said, keeping up his happiness despite Calum clearly feeling anything but happy.

"That makes one of us." Calum said in disinterest as he looked away. Ashton gave him a small, sad smile before he looked back at Calum's parents. He almost looked hurt, but it's not like Calum cared. He wasn't here to be friends with Ashton anyway. If anything, he was more like a prisoner.

"Let's go inside. Just take your shoes off, please." Ashton said as he stepped back into his apartment, and Calum's parents followed right behind him. They took their shoes off, and Calum could do nothing but do the same and follow them inside.

On one hand, he was relieved they were finally here and he wouldn't have to deal with his parents anymore soon enough.

On the other hand, he wanted to be anywhere but here, and he felt pretty determined to get away as soon as possible.

Chapter Text

Soon everyone settled in the living room. Calum sat on the sofa next to his parents, and after Ashton brought everyone a glass of water, he sat down on the armchair across them.

The apartment was nice. There was a TV on the wall; it was just a little smaller than the one in Calum's house. The couch was light gray and matched the armchair. The whole room was painted a light shade of blue-ish gray with a dark brown wooden floor. There was a circular white fluffy rug underneath the sofa and coffee table, and in the corner of the room was a small fireplace. A lot of the decorations, such as the pillows on the sofa or the flowerpots on the windowsill, were blue to match the walls.

Calum liked it. There were quite a lot of different plants too, some on the windowsill, more on the shelves by the fireplace, and even a bigger monstera by the door. He found the apartment so cozy, but it didn't change anything. He still wanted to leave.

"Thank you for doing this for us, Ashton. We know it's a lot to ask for, and we really appreciate it." Calum's father spoke up once Ashton sat down.

"It's no problem at all, Mr. Hood. It's going to be great to have Calum here; it does get lonely sometimes." Ashton said with a small chuckle.

"Well, it might not be as easy as you think. And if you want to stop this at any point and send Calum back, that's absolutely okay." His mother chimed in, making Calum roll his eyes. He wasn't some kind of toy they could throw around like that.

"What if I want to stop this?" Calum asked, raising his eyebrows. It wasn't surprising to him when his parents ignored him and continued speaking to Ashton again.

"I am sure it's going to be alright, Mrs. Hood. If anything happens, I will let you know." Ashton reassured her after he shot an apologetic smile Calum's way.

"We will need you to keep an eye on Calum, Ashton. I don't want him to leave the apartment without you. Who knows what he would get himself into?" His father said strictly, making Calum frown.

"Are you fucking serious? So what? I can't even go to the store without a babysitter now." Calum asked, slightly raising his voice.

"Language, Calum." His mother hissed, making him groan in frustration. It felt like everyone was seriously trying their hardest to get on his nerves.

"I don't want him hanging out with anyone you don't know. He will keep the door to his room open, and I want you to check on him to make sure he's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing. I also don't want him to have access to any money; everything I will send you is for you to spend. There will be enough to cover his living expenses, and the rest is yours to keep." His father continued, making Calum's frown deepen even more.

"That's bullshit. So what if I forget a water bottle? Am I just supposed to get dehydrated and pass out?" Calum asked dramatically, finally getting his father's attention.

"You lost the privilege to spend money by acting like an irresponsible moron. Don't you even dare try to fight me on this." His father said through gritted teeth as he stared Calum down. Calum rolled his eyes again and looked away. This really was bullshit. They were treating him like a stupid kid, and he hated it. He felt Ashton's eyes on him and suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him. He must have thought Calum was completely incompetent.

"You don't have to worry. I will make sure Calum is doing alright. I will keep an eye on him." Ashton said with a small smile when he looked back at Calum's parents.

"Thank you again, Ashton. It means a lot to us." Mrs. Hood said as she returned his smile. They chatted some more, the topic turning to one of Ashton's father and his wellbeing. As they caught up with each other, Calum kept his eyes on the other side of the room. He didn't want to look at any of them. They could all kiss his ass; he didn't care. And it's not like they cared; if they did, they would listen to him.

The time dragged. Calum felt like everything went by so much slower when he wasn't high. Speaking of that, he was starting to realize it probably wasn't just Zayn that he craved. He really, really wanted something. Hell, he didn't even know what, as Zayn never really told him what exactly all those pills were, but he wanted them again, badly. Which was ironic, as they often only made him feel worse.

His body was still trembling, especially his hands. He pulled the sleeves of his t-shirt over his hands to try to hide it a little, but it was of no use. He kept feeling Ashton's eyes on him every now and then, and he for sure noticed it. It's not like he didn't know what was up; he did, but Calum still wished he could just dig a hole and hide.

Calum felt relieved when his father finally announced that it's time for them to leave. Finally, he would feel a tad bit less suffocated. He didn't bother to get up from the couch when his parents stood up. His father gave him a small pat on the shoulder, and his mother leaned in to kiss his cheek. Calum scrunched his nose and pulled away, making her sigh.

"Be good, Cal. We love you." His mother said, but he didn't reply. He frowned slightly and averted his eyes as his parents moved into the hallway, followed by Ashton. He didn't want to talk to them anymore; he was just glad they were finally gone. He heard some more talking coming from the hallway before he finally heard the door close.

Suddenly he felt uneasy. Here he was, alone in Ashton's apartment, whom he hasn't seen in years at this point. He heard him walk back into the living room before Ashton took a seat on the couch next to him. He didn't even look at him again; suddenly he felt so awkward.

"How are you doing, Cal?" Ashton asked. His tone was just as friendly as Calum remembered, but despite that, he didn't engage in the conversation much. He shrugged, looking down at his lap.

"How about I make you tea? Or hot cocoa? What do you like better?" Ashton asked with a small smile. Calum only shrugged in response once again.

"Hot cocoa it is, then. I will be right back." Ashton said, clearly unbothered by Calum's lack of communication. For some reason, Ashton's friendliness was beginning to make Calum even more frustrated. He was acting as if everything was okay and normal. But it wasn't, clearly.

Ashton got up and disappeared into the kitchen. He returned only a few minutes later with a cup of hot cocoa and a small bowl of wafers. He placed both down on the coffee table in front of Calum before he sat down next to him once again.

"I think you would feel a little better if you told me what happened." Ashton suggested, looking at him as Calum kept his focus on his lap. After a moment of silence from Calum, Ashton tried again.

"I know it must be hard. And I know you probably don't feel very good right now. But maybe if you talked to me, it would end up making you feel better."Ashton said again.

"I doubt that." Calum mumbled quietly. If anything, he wanted to not think about what has happened; he didn't want to talk about it. It's not like Ashton would understand anyway.

"Just try. We are going to be staying together for a while. Might as well talk to each other."Ashton said with a small smile. God, was he annoying... Calum rolled his eyes and leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I am here because they made me. I am not here to be your bestie, Ashton." Calum said coldly, and for a second, Ashton's smile dropped. There was something about seeing him hurt that really made Calum feel bad. Not that he showed it, but he did feel a pang of guilt.

"I know you don't want to be here, Cal. But you are. We might as well make the most out of it. I genuinely think you're going to like it here. Come on, isn't this better than some kind of boarding school?" Ashton asked with a small sigh. That's probably the one thing he was right in. This was clearly better than boarding school. Yet it still wasn't anything Calum wanted.

"Don't know, don't care. It's just another place I'm stuck in." Calum said in disinterest, still avoiding looking at Ashton.

"Look, I also think your parents are overdoing it a little. I do think you needed to get out of your town. But I don't want to make my apartment a prison." Ashton explained, finally making Calum look at him suspiciously.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to go out on your own right now. I agree with them there. But I am not going to make you keep the door open or anything like that. I am going to give you some money too, just not much for now."Ashton continued. Calum was happy to hear that, well, some of it. He still thought it was unfair, though.

"And even when it comes to going outside, I am happy to take you anywhere anytime you want. Just ask, and we can go. And over time, if I trust you, you will be able to go on your own too. But you need to work with me, Cal. I need to know what's up." Ashton said slightly desperately.

"Still sounds pretty prison-y to me." Calum shrugged in disinterest and looked away again. Ashton did seem to be trying but he didn't care. He wanted to go home and stay in his room; was it really that much to ask?

"Everyone is just really worried about you, Cal. And so am I. It really hurts to see you like this." Ashton admitted, his voice getting quieter towards the end as he reached his hand out and placed it on top of Calum's hand.

"What happened? Who did this to you, Cal?" Ashton asked quietly, looking at Calum's bruised face, which made Calum's eyebrows furrow. He turned his head slightly to the side, away from Ashton, as if it could hide his appearance. He knew he looked like shit; he didn't need to be reminded of it. He quickly stood up, making Ashton pull away his hand.

"This is bullshit. You all act like you care, but the only thing you care about is yourselves. Stop it. You are only making it worse." Calum said angrily, his voice getting louder as he took a step back from the couch. Ashton opened his mouth to talk, but Calum cut him off again.

"I want to know where my room is. I wanna be alone." He said, crossing his arms over his chest again. Ashton watched him for a moment before he let out a small sigh. He stood up and motioned for Calum to follow him. And so he did, and after leaving the living room and passing by the kitchen, Ashton opened the door to Calum's new room.

It was rather plain. The walls were painted beige, and the duvet covers were white, with brown pillows laying by the headboard. It was a twin bed, so just slightly larger than a single bed. There was a white wardrobe and a desk by the wall on the other side of the room. Two large windows were taking up one of the walls with long brown curtains hanging over them.

Calum actually really liked the room. It wasn't too big, but more than big enough for everything he needed. He walked past Ashton into the room and walked straight towards the bed. His suitcase was still in the hallway, where his father left it, but it's not like he needed it right now. He sat down on the bed, and just as he did, he heard Ashton close the door.

He let out a sigh and lay down. The bed was actually so much more comfortable than the one at home. And it smelled so nice too. He pushed himself further on the bed and pulled the duvet over him. He was still wearing his jeans and t-shirt, but he didn't care enough to get his suitcase and change.

His mind was swirling with thoughts. He didn't want to be mean to Ashton; he just felt so overwhelmed, and Ashton was really the only person he could take it out on at this point. He wasn't so innocent anyway; he was getting paid for this, and Calum was sure it was some big money they were talking about, so it's not like he was only doing it out of the goodness of his heart.

He really did seem to be trying though, and Calum's mind kept tracing back to how hurt Ashton sounded before. Well, he deserved it, right? Probably yes.

Calum groaned and shifted so he was lying on his side, facing away from the door. He closed his eyes tightly. He was a mess. He was so cold, but still felt sweaty. He was growing really tired of his body trembling so much; it was distracting, but he couldn't stop it. He figured the only way to try and make himself feel better was to nap, and so he tried falling asleep again.

And just when he was successfully drifting off, he heard the door to his room open again. He stayed silent and kept his eyes closed; he thought Ashton would just leave if he thought he was asleep. And he did, but before doing so, he walked over to the bed, and Calum heard him place something down on the nightstand. After he heard the footsteps walking away and the door closing, he opened his eyes and turned around to see what Ashton placed down.

It was the hot cocoa and wafers Ashton brought him. It seemed like he warmed the cup up as it was steaming again, and Calum didn't even realize a small smile grew on his face. Ashton was trying so hard... How embarrassing, right?
Right?