Archive of Our Own ^beta

When his mom left, Billy was plunged into a world of darkness. A world filled with his father’s fists and hissed insults. A world filled with bruised skin and blood, so much blood. His world was darkness and that’s just how it was. That’s how it was for a long time and he got used to living in the darkness, he got used to living with the blood and bruises, with the fists and insults. But everything changed when he met Max.

Max was a light in the darkness. She was this fiery beacon of light in his world of dark despair. For the first time in Billy’s life he had someone other than himself to protect, to watch over and he would rather die than let something happen to her. Protecting Max was more important than protecting himself. It always was, always had been, and always will be.

Max came into his life with a sour attitude and small hands clenched in fists as Neil called her Maxine.

“It’s Max,” she said, sticking her hand out to Billy.

He took her hand in his and vowed to protect her, vowed to make sure nothing ever hurt her, not the assholes at school, not her dad and certainly not Neil.

Max was fascinated by him, he knew that much. She wanted to know everything about him and he gladly told her. Neil never took interest in his life or when he did it was just to tell him that everything he was doing was for pussies and he was a waste. Max though, Max thought everything he did was awesome, she thought he was cool and she asked him to teach her to skate and surf and he did.

Him and Max would go to the beach by themselves and just soak in the sun. They would talk about everything, everything was fair game. He always told Max that if there was something she wanted to say to just say it though, she didn’t need much prompting from him, she said whatever she wanted without a care in the world.

When they moved to Hawkins his plan didn’t change. Yeah, he was angry. Angry that he had to leave his home but he wasn’t angry at Max, never at Max. He was angry at Neil. So no, Billy didn’t stop protecting Max. Didn’t stop talking Neil’s fists for her. Didn’t stop talking to her about life and teaching her as much as he could.

When it came, when it took over his body he tried. He tried to fight it, tried to scream for help, tried to claw his way out but he couldn’t, he couldn’t do anything but watch as he was forced to do horrible things.

The only time when he was himself was in that sauna and all he wanted to do was tell his sister that it wasn’t his fault, he needed her to know that he would never do that, he needed her to know that he wasn’t like Neil but it came back and he hurt her and the other kids and all he could do was watch, watch as he took the girl and is about to feed her to the monster that he created.

“Seven...feet,” the girl under him chokes out.

He blinks at her.

“You told her,” she says, her voice soft with sadness as she spoke to him, "the wave was seven feet."

The feeling of the fireworks going off against the giant flesh shadow hurt less against his nerves.

Billy remembered. He remembered his mom cheering him on as he paddled out to meet the wave. He remembered the sound of her laughter and the feel of the sun warming his skin and the feel of his board underneath his chest.

Billy is breathing hard, his mind becoming less fuzzy.

“You ran to her,” the girl told him, her voice choked with tears and pain, "on the beach."

He remembered running through the wet sand, smiling and laughing. He remembered dropping his board and just smiling at his mom and being so happy.

"There were seagulls," the girl continues.

Billy remembered the seagulls. He remembered watching them fly and squawk while holding his mom's hand. Hers was soft and warm against his small one.

He tilts his head at the girl.

"She wore a hat," the girl says from under him, "with a blue ribbon."

Billy remembered that hat, it was his mom's favorite. She often wore it on beach trips.

"A long dress...with a blue and red flower."

Billy sees her, his mom. He sees her in that dress. The long white dress with the blue and red flower on the front. He sees her run a hand through her long blonde hair as it moves with the wind.

"Yell-Yellow sandals," the girl chokes out with a sob, "covered in sand."

Billy sees them in his mom's hand along with her hat. She's watching the waves and smiling softly.

The girl beneath him inhales sharply. "She was pretty."

Billy's mom laughs, her teeth gleaming in the sun and her hair waving softly in the wind.

"She was really pretty," the girl says, nodding her head.

Billy watches her, watches the tears flow from her eyes, his mind becoming clearer, more his.

“And you-" the girl breaks off into a quite sob, "you were happy."

Billy remembered laughing as he waded through the cool water. He remembered making sure his mom was watching him before he surfed. He remembered how happy he had felt, how free. He remembered not worrying about his dad for once and just being a kid.

The girl touches his cheek and catches the tears that fall at the memory.

He closes his eyes and he remembers who he is. He is Billy Hargrove. He lives on 4819 Cherry Lane. He remembers that he plays basketball. He remembers that he listens to rock music. He remembers that his dad is an asshole and that his mom was good but she left him. He remembers that a monster took him, took his body and made him do things that he didn't want to do. And he remembers that he has a sister, a sister that he loves even if he doesn't show it, Max, her name is Max and she is here somewhere and he needs to protect her again like he's be doing ever since he met her.

So he gets up and faces the shadow. It screams and he can hear the girl backing away but he stands still as the monster opens its mouth wider and shoots out a tentacle at him.

He locks his feet onto the ground and grabs it with his bare hands. He screams as he pushes it back, pushes it away from the girl. He screams at the strain, screams as it tries to push him away but he won’t back down.

Another tentacle shoots at his left side and he screams again as it begins to feed on his flesh but he still doesn’t move. Another shoots at his right side and this time, this time he doesn’t scream.

The monster drops his arms as four more tentacles take hold of his body, lifting him up off the floor slightly and he screams again. It lowers him back to the floor and roars at him.

And Billy, Billy does what he always does, he roars back. He roars back at the monster, blood flowing out of his mouth and soaking his chin. He roars at it with everything in him, all the pain and hate and anger and sadness and abandonment.

The monster opens its mouth wider and screeches, sending a tentacle through his chest. He hears Max scream his name and all that he can think about is Max, how Max is here and she’s okay, she’s okay.

The monster rips the tentacle out of his chest and pulls the others out and he slumps to the floor, numb. He hears footsteps come close to him. He looks and sees Max.

“Billy?” she whispers as he tries to cough up the blood stuck in his throat, “Billy?” she says again, kneeling next to him, he’s glad she’s here. She puts her hands on his shoulders. “Billy, get up! Please!” She shakes him slightly and it reminds him of the mornings she would try to shake him awake to take her to the beach before sunrise.

He wants to get up, he really wants to but he can’t, he just can’t.

“Billy please! Billy please!” she sobs, “Please get up, Billy! Please! Please!”

It would be nice if he didn’t have to leave her here like this, nice if they never moved. They could be home by now, they could be far far away from here, but he has leave and he is okay with that, he's ready.

Max kneels at his side and she begs and barters for him to stay alive, for him not to go, but it's useless. It's useless because God isn't listening and neither are the over ten thousand saints that exist. Not a single one has ever tried to save them. Billy wearing his mom's old pendant never counted for shit and praying before bed never would've made any difference. Someone should tell Max that it doesn't matter, that none of it maters but it won't be him, he can't.

He keeps trying to get rid of the blood. “M’ sorry,” he whispers and he means everything, sorry about everything he’s ever done in his whole worthless life. “I…love you,” he mumbles.

“Billy?” he lets out a sigh as he closes his eyes. “Billy! Billy!” she yells, shaking his shoulders. “Billy, wake up! Billy! Get up please! Billy!” a sob rips through her body. “Billy!” she rests her hand on his chest. “Billy!” she cries into his blood soaked shirt.

He lifts his hand with great effort and puts it through her hair.

“Don’t go!” she sobs. “We’ll get help just…!”

He lets out one more breath. “M’ home,” he mumbles.