Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

His brain felt like a freshly stuffed plush, packed to the brink with cotton. In fact his mouth did too, his skin tingling faintly with the sensation he got when his foot would fall asleep. The world was a cloud of haze, even outside of his own head. Even when he blinked his eyes he couldn’t make out a thing, even as he turned his head and a splitting pain coursed down it like a train off track, even when someone out of sight pressed the call button to alert the doctors he woke up.

Nothing was clear, all of it trapped under the layers of fuzz.

The voices in his ears sounded like they were underwater, calling out to him from a distance. His memories that he could hardly recall. The smells around him were so unfamiliar, sterile and clean unlike where he’d been for the past… What, half a year? He lost count of the days after… well he couldn’t remember but it’d been a while.

Where had he been? What was he remembering?

The hands pressing against his skin, the doctors and medical staff making sure everything was going smoothly, the sobs at his side that sounded so close but so far away. He’d wonder who was crying and why for a brief moment before his thoughts faded into a monotonous hum, buzzing in the back of his brain like an angry hive.

Who are they? What’s going on?

It was strange, really, not being able to think while trying to think of so much. While things were changing and moving around you, while people were talking about you around you. He wished he could understand… but it was all so far away… maybe he should just go back to bed. Swimming through voices and thoughts was making him tired, as much as he wanted to understand all of it, it was all too much.

Yeah, bed sounded nice.

Then he was out again, the brief moment of consciousness fading almost as quickly as it came. It was almost peaceful, the darkness, it was much better then the bright whites he saw glimpses of. Being in this darkness forever sounded comforting, like a warm blanket draped over everything that pained him. He wished he wouldn’t wake up.

However, things like that couldn’t last forever, shouldn’t last forever. He felt himself stirring again, no clue of how much time had past or hadn’t passed. Eyes opening only to be stunned by the bright white lights shining above him, his head began to pound once more. It was pretty hard to fall back asleep after that, as much as he wished he could.

A groan escaped his lips as he turned onto his side, feeling something tug on his arm for a second before he settled. As he moved his head pulsed with an almost searing pain, both sides of his head aching in his skull. Right between his eyes he felt a faint sting too. As the pain radiated he quickly shifted onto his back in defeat.

As the pain slowly faded he’d swallow hard, throat screaming out at the effort… man he felt parched. Maybe they had water around somewhere.

Bink once, to try and remove the fuzz from his vision. Then another, then another and another until he knew his eyes were wide open… or as wide as he could get them. One was almost entirely blank, it felt heavy and weighed down like when you wear an eye mask. The other was incredibly blurred as if he needed glasses to see.

He knew he didn’t need glasses, he could see fine for all of his life so why couldn’t he now? Sure text from far away was a little hard to read but nothing like this.

That feeling wasn’t pleasant, then again he didn’t really feel good at all at the moment. He ached, his head ached, almost every part of his body was screaming out at him. That mixed with his buzzed his brain was made for a pretty confusing blend of thoughts.

“ Daisuke- “ A voice called from his side, that was his name. Daisuke.

Before his entirely too clouded mind could process who was calling out, he felt arms wrap around him and the familiar scent of his moms favorite shampoo invaded his nose. Just the smell alone was enough to bring a stinging sensation to his eyes, that paired with the sobs of his mom made his blooming tears spill over. He could only really rasp out a word or two, the rest of it was mangled sobs… man did his throat feel dry- he really did need that glass of water. It felt like someone was rubbing sandpaper all over his mouth and throat every time he swallowed.

“ M-Mom- “ He responded with a strangled call, reaching his arms out to wrap around her and ignoring the fatigue that almost instantly overtook him. He’d buried himself in her hair, taking in deep breaths. He missed his moms hugs, it’d been a while especially with how long he’d been on the Tulpar-

Daisuke stiffened slightly. If he was with his mom does that mean he was off the Tulpar? He couldn’t remember much. Had they made it? No there was no way, that wasn’t anywhere NEAR enough time. It was gonna take like, half a year to get there then like another to get back. Which was like basically a whole year.

So why was he home? Well not home but back on earth.

His mom would pull back slightly, he felt her hands shift to press under his eyes and wipe the tears away. From the blob that was supposedly her face he could barely make out her features, her eyes narrowed slightly in sympathy and slight lines spread across her brow, that happened when she was stressed. He wanted to ask what was wrong, trying to lift his hands to hold onto hers.

Daisuke very quickly realized his limbs felt like jello, well not quite jello… more like half cooked noodles. It was hard to keep them steady or hold them up, like it was taking all his energy just to try. Like all of his totally real big muscles had just shrunk overnight. Eventually he settled with resting them by his sides, still crying with his mother until they both couldn’t anymore. He saw her lay forward slightly onto the cot before falling asleep… man she must’ve been tired. He felt bad for worrying her.

His auburn hair would spread out on the pillow with a light thud as he stared up at the blur of a ceiling, now genuinely taking the time to attempt to think of like… anything. Every time he tried it felt like his head didn’t wanna work for him, he was trying but only ended up pulling up blanks. He remembered the crash and his captain… and the mouthwash but everything else felt like it was layered behind static.

Sure he didn’t have the BEST memory but it wasn't this bad, he knew that much. The furthest back that he could remember was when Anya got stuck in medical, everything after that kinda just kinda faded away… or well it did and it didn’t. It was like blips of staticy bits before it all went dark.

It was a while before the doctors came back in, muttering between themselves while adjusting Daisuke’s iv drip he hadn’t even noticed was there before directly addressing him. It took a second before he could properly process what they’d said, blinking before slowly turning his head. They’d ask the occasional question about his condition, he’d answer blankly, he couldn’t even process half of them. The answers didn’t sound like him, like someone else was answering for him, like he was listening to himself from outside of his own body.

He noticed one of the doctors had draped a blanket over his mother, that was nice of her. His gaze lifted to look her in the face, she was talking, what was she saying?

After a moment of bewildered staring, she seemed to get the hint. Dismissing the others who were still talking, droning on and on even as they left. “ How are you feeling? “ Her almost soft voice would call, breaking through the hum of voices as the group of staff traveled down the hall behind her. “ Of course, probably not too good, but it’d be best to hear it in your words. “ She tried to keep her tone light, he appreciated that.

That was the first real question about his condition that got through the haze… he’d probably been asked it before but he couldn’t remember if he had or hadn’t. A slight chuckle escaped the brunette before it turned into a cough, clearing his throat before speaking. “ Parched… and my head hurts like, a bunch.“ That sounded more like him, he didn’t feel like he was underwater anymore.

His voice didn’t sound fully like his own yet- like it was someone else's… probably because he'd just woken up.

“ That’s a given, you’ve been out for quite some time. “ Out? Had he been asleep for that long? He’d watch as she shifted, jotting something down on a clipboard before continuing. “ I’m Doctor Marie, I have some questions to ask. They might sound a little dumb but I promise there’s a purpose. “ She’d offer a smile to him, trying to be as inviting as possible.

Her voice was soothing, he liked listening to it.

Considering he was remembering things a lot better now, he felt confident in answering her questions, lowering his head slightly for a nod before pain shot through his skull. Quickly abandoning the motion to instead speak. “ Ask away doc…! ”

“Thank you, now first question. What’s your name? “

“ Daisuke. “

“ Last name? “

“ Juanez. “

“ Do you know where you are? “

“ Some kinda hospital I think? “

“ Right, good job. Do you remember anything that happened before you woke up? “

“ Bits and pieces. Like uh I dunno how I got here or like, why I hurt so bad all over… Now that I think about it, that's kinda a hard question to answer. It’s like asking someone what they don’t remember- y’know cuz they don't remember… so they won't remember what they don’t remember. “

“ Hmm… yes you’re right about that- how about telling me the last thing you do remember? It can be vivid or something foggy, whichever is easiest. “

“ I remember… trying to get Anya- a member of the crew when we were y'know up in space- out of the medbay with my co-captain. After that everything is a little foggy. “

She would tense a little at that, Daisuke couldn’t understand why. “ Alright… thank you, only a few more I promise. On that topic, do you remember the crew you were traveling with? I would like for you to tell me both their names and role please. “

“ Yeah! I mean they kinda were like a second family. There was our Captain, Curly. I always called him Captain so not hard to remember that one. Anya, she was our nurse… really sweet, she would always help me out when I got banged up. Swansea, my boss and mechanic cuz I was working under him… he uh never really appreciated my help- pretty valid though I was a mess at that stuff. Then we got Jimmy, he was the co-captain. Sorta reserved? I never really knew him all that well. “ He felt like he rambling just a little, but the lady seemed satisfied with his answer.

“ Good, glad to know your memory wasn’t affected too badly. “ There she went again with the vague scary statements… he wanted to ask what she meant but she beat him to the punch. “ Where would you say you feel the most pain? “

“ My head for sure, I mean my chest and stuff is kinda sore but it's like… someone split my head in two and both sides ache really bad. “

She sorta went quiet after that, staring at Daisuke before writing something down. He didn’t like when she did that, was he missing something?

“ We have you on pain meds, so the less severe wounds are reduced to aches… not much we can do about the head pain unfortunately. “ Less severe? What did that mean? Why would his wounds be severe? Why did he HAVE wounds in the- “ Can you try swallowing for me? “

A pause.

“ …Apologies if this sounds like an odd question. Like I said, it’s necessary. “

His cheeks would puff up for a moment before a giggle slipped from his lips. “ S-Sorry that caught me off guard- Uh… “ He hadn’t actually tried swallowing since he woke, taking the moment to try and remember how to swallow. It’d come so naturally before he hadn’t even thought of it, how DO you swallow? After a few moments he’d managed to swallow the build up of saliva, it didn't exactly come as easily as he expected it. “ Sorta…? Uh it's… kind hard but I can. “ Now it lingered in the back of his head, weird.

“ Thats alright, it's normal for patients who are just waking up to forget how to swallow. You’ll have to relearn, but in your case it shouldn’t take too long. On average it's about 2-3 weeks to see improvement. “ Again she’d take the time to write down something in her chart. It soothed him a little to notice things like that, he assumed she was writing down his responses.

“ Alright, last question. Do you feel anything out of the ordinary? Aside from the pain of course, too warm, too cold, feeling sickly at all? Perhaps something physically wrong? “ Marie would continue.

“ Uhh nothing too bad? I mean, I can’t see very well. One of my eyes is all squished while the other is sorta kinda really blurry but it’s probably nothing. “ An absentminded shrug, he probably just wasn’t fully awake yet. His eyes were really crusty, so who’s to say it wasn’t that!

She’d blink, staring at him with a half surprised expression before it morphed into pity. He didn’t like that look, brows furrowing… or furrowing as much as they could. She knew something was wrong, it looked like she almost expected to hear that from him.

“ What? “

He wondered if she could see the moment panic actually began to nestle itself in the pit of his stomach. He prayed she couldn’t. “ I was hoping this wouldn’t be the case. “ She would take a deep breath of air, trying to get the words out. “ There was an… incident. We can tell from what we’ve uncovered on the ship that it wasn’t a pretty one. You and the crew were badly hurt and if I’m being honest it was almost fatal. “

His mind went kinda numb for a second as he stared at the doctor, blinking. “ Oh. Uh… what does this have to do with my eyes doc..? You’re scaring me. “ He’d let out a bit of a nervous chuckle, shifting while attempting to sit up. He’d almost completely ignored the fact he was told he almost died, his list of priorities was of course a little messed up at the moment but still that probably should’ve been much higher than his vision issues.Then again something physically affecting you in the moment would be a little more jarring then hearing about something you could hardly process.

. . .

“ Your face was most afflicted with some minor wounds around your chest and legs. I’d hoped it wouldn’t affect your vision, unfortunately it seems we weren’t that lucky. “ She kept her tone professional, however Marie honestly felt bad for the kid. He was barely considered an adult, not even old enough to drink and involved in such a horrible accident.

Getting no response from the boy, she would take a deep breath before continuing. “ You’ve been in a medically induced coma, I know it's a lot to process and I'm not telling you to understand it all at once, if you need time I’m more than willing to give it to you. “ She would lift a hand from her lap, hesitating before setting it back down. She didn’t want to seem like she pitted him already more than she had, however… there was a thought lingering in her head.

Why would you ever ship a kid to space in the first place?

She dwelled on it. Sure he was listed as an intern, and with this particular company it would’ve given him a headstart in job hunting or even college applications, especially while working as a mechanic… but honestly? Even that wasn’t worth it. Their course had been set for a whole year, a year of his life wasted away on something he couldn’t even get away from.

Her eyes would drift to the sleeping woman beside Daisuke, eyes softening in some kind of understanding. She’d be distraught if she saw her kid in that position. Considering how she hadn’t woken up yet she must’ve been exhausted.

Poor kid. How could he ever willingly want to waste his life away like that? Maybe he didn’t, that would make things even worse-

Then again, she was assuming a lot of things at the moment. The condition he was in when he was found- god it still made her sick to think about… would someone who appreciated his company really have done that? How could someone he cared about and even compared to family do such a thing-

Her thoughts were cut short by a question,

“ …So… like my eyes are stuck like this-? W-Wait what do you mean like, my face. “ The crooked smile he wore faltered ever so slightly in worry. His voice supposedly crackling both from being parched and nerves… probably more the parched part-

There was a pause, she remained silent for what felt like forever before letting out a soft sigh. “ There’s a large laceration on your face, it runs from above your right eye down to your right cheek. “ She’d shift her finger, holding it up from where she said the wound started down to where it ended. " You can't see that well because of just how close the wound was to both of your eyes. "

“ It nearly took out your eyes, it's honestly a miracle you can see at all from even one. Any closer or deeper and your eyes wouldn't even be intact. “ The doctor would continue, letting her hand fall back down to hold onto her clipboard. As much as she valued giving the truth, she felt as if she could've been less blunt... especially with the silence from her patient. It was becoming mildly concerning. She wished she had better news to give him. He was the only one awake and in somewhat stable condition, had no support aside from his mother who was most likely as distraught as him. He didn't even know what’d happened in the first place... nor could she tell him- and now he was being told he sustained such a life altering injury.

She’d watch his hand lift to touch the bandage running down his face, tracing the very edge where it met his skin. She’d witness the horror that ran down his face, draining what little color he’d gained back down the gutter once again. He was so full of life mere moments ago, laughing and joking without a care in the world. This was the worst part of her job, delivering the news that nobody ever wants to hear.

. . .

Daisuke felt like his life was over, for a very, very brief moment.

Sure, it might’ve been just a minor, small insignificant huge overreaction which he quickly realized but honestly, at the same time it was so horrifically real. What if he wasn’t able to ever see normally again? What if he just straight up had to get both of his eyes taken out? The questions ate at him for a quick moment before he realized he probably had the answers in front of him this whole time. All he needed to do was speak up.

“ So… so the fact I can see at all is a good thing? You can like, fix it right? “ He’d lift his blurry gaze to stare at the doctor, really, really trying not to give up the hope he’d worked so hard to keep. He’d promised himself to not let anything bring him down to rock bottom on the ship, so what if it needed a little extension back on earth. “ Wait, hold up. How’d I even get the gash- or uh lackeration thingy in the first place??? “ He’d add on before the other could answer his first question, pointing a dramatic finger to his face while he properly sat up in bed.

“ First, yes. It is good that you can still see, however I have no idea how much vision we can salvage and for now it’d be best to refrain from messing with it surgically until you’ve healed more. “ She’d explain, careful with her words, he could tell she thought he was fragile. He sorta hated that, but then again he was. “ Second, “ she continued, “ we can’t exactly disclose that information at the moment as a legal case has been opened regarding the accident, but the moment we can I promise I will. “ She’d set her clipboard down onto her lap, folding her hands over the top of it.

A legal case. Those words scared him. Could it really have been that bad if he couldn't even remember most of it? Wouldn't something like that have stuck with him?

Daisuke would absentmindedly nod, he wanted to ask more questions but he knew he wouldn't like the answers he got. Instead looking down at the hospital gown he was wearing. It was really thin and he was 98% sure his butt was hanging out. He’d fiddle around with his fingers for a moment, usually he’d be messing with a ring but he had no clue where the doctors had taken them... awe man. What if he’d lost his shirt, that’d be a bummer. Considering they said he got a few wounds on his body that thing was probably done for, gotta get through the shirt to get to skin- ew he didn't like that though.

“ Do you have any other questions for me, Mr. Juanez? “ Her words would halt the internal rambling, which was probably for the better considering he was fussing about clothing of all things.

“ That's one more question, you told me the last one was the last question. Also, call me Daisuke, saying Mr. Juanez makes me sound old. “

“ This is outside of my usual questions I ask patients, Daisuke. “

“ Oh. So its like. A super special question? “

“ …You could say that, yes. “

“ Uh, I guess if I had to ask one… I’d ask… is everyone else okay? “ His stomach preemptively churned at the prospect of the question, what if they weren't ok? What if it was just him who made it? What conditions were the others in? So many questions he couldn’t help but ask.

There was a similar, brief silence before she answered. That didn’t fill him with much hope.

“ They’re stable. “

He knew she was dodging the question. “ That’s not the same as being okay, doc. “

“ I know it isn't. “ She knew it too.

Chapter Text

It'd been a few days since Daisuke had woken up.

Hands tapped impatiently against thin cotton sheets, the bored boy sat in his hospital bed. He had never really stayed overnight in a hospital before, if he ever had it must've been when he was a child... usually he would ask his mother such a question but she had gone home. Daisuke didn't blame her, it was so boring here- oh and she'd... probably already waited long enough for him to wake up. Where had she even slept? The chairs here don't look, (from what was visible) very comfortable. A slight hiss leaving his lips as he tried to visualize someone sleeping on them.

Yeah, she deserved a proper rest for once.

Not that he thought he was a burden at all, but being tended to all day by both his mother and the nurses was starting to make him feel- well.

Like a burden.

He couldn't get out of bed as much as he claimed he could, the nurses would usher him back into bed, looking at him like he was a toddler. He didn't like that look. The only one who understood him, Doctor Marie, rarely came by. When she did it was mostly asking questions, light conversation before she was called off to do something else, now that Daisuke was stable he was much less of a priority to her. Which... yeah made sense but if he was in such good health why couldn't he do anything. 

Someone could at least come and talk to him, like he was an actual person and not a patient... ok well maybe not cuz it's their job to treat him like a patient. They could at least sound less pitying.

Not to mention how he had absolutely no idea how the other members of the crew were doing, every time he asked he got a scarily similar expression between all of them without fail before being told, " not to worry about it. " 

How he is not supposed to worry when they all look so concerned? When the nurses brows knit together, when frowns instantly cross their face, when after they finish talking to him like a child asking for candy he can't have, they go to gossiping at their stations like he isn't there. Like he can't see the vague figures of them gasping in shock at every new piece of news.

Why could everyone else but him know.

He was actually part of the crew, who were they? What did they know?

THEY didn't know about Swansea's crippling coffee addiction. THEY didn't know about how Curly used to get up super early in the morning to take a jog around the Tulapr to keep active. THEY didn't know how Anya used to talk to herself while sorting medication. They didn't know anything. Who were they to hide anything from him?

His eyes skimmed the room out of boredom, catching a fuzzy group of... what looked like interns glancing over at him and muttering. 

Irritation burns in his chest, hot and uncomfortable. 

Even they knew something, all while he knew nothing.

It doesn't help that the constant beeping around him had driven him close to mad a while ago. The sounds of medical equipment making a sickening symphony of annoyance, he didn't even know what half of them did, all he knew were the sounds. The maddening sounds. He couldn't help the glare that crossed his useless eyes, the stiffening in his shoulders, the burning pressure poking at his gaze. Blinking away tears of frustration and turning his head to the side, the sounds ringing in his ears as he brought balled fists to his eyes.

The tears wouldn't stop. Breathing became hard as the beeping around him only seemed to get louder, he doesn't know how long he was sat there like that. Sobbing, shaking. Trembling with so many grievances weighing down on him he couldn't even tell what he was crying about anymore. 

Nor could he process the sudden weight beside him, the fact that there was a hand on his back, rubbing gently.

Pausing, taking in shaking breaths as his better eye splits open. Tears still spilling and worsening his already poor vision, staring at the vague familiar blob of colors and shapes. Daisuke's lips parted, but nothing came out. Even then he was still lightly shushed.

" Shhhh, it's going to be okay Daisuke. "

The voice called out, soothing him. He knew the voice, Doctor Marie.

Sobs tore through his chest, leaning into the her. He's never been happier to hear her voice. 

She never talked to him like he was a helpless infant, she never coddled him. What he needed right now was honesty. The comfort of knowing the person in front of him wouldn't spout any lies, wouldn't soften her words or mince the truth even if it would be hard to swallow. That's exactly what he needed right now, someone to see him as who he really is and not some helpless cripple.

Eventually the cries faded, the tears were reduced to nothing but wetness against his cheeks. As if they never existed in the first place.

Sniffling down the snot that had begun to clog his throat, Daisuke would look up, a little embarrassed he'd not only clung onto but also sobbed on his doctor. Properly working eye shifting to stare at the now quite obvious wet splotch on her clothes.

" What have I said about sniffling. " Pinching the tip of the boys nose the doctor would lean back, grabbing a tissue box and handing it over. " You keep that up and it'll just keep all that nasty stuff inside, how are you supposed to get better like that? "

He would chuckle wetly before letting out a playful groan. " You're sounding more and more like my mom. "

" Your mother is right then! " Another pinch against his wet cheek, grabbing a tissue and wiping away the dampness.

She let out a soft chuckle as Daisuke puffed up his cheeks before tossing the now wet thing away and placing both of her hands against her lap. 

" So... what happened? Are you feeling alright? "

There was yet another sniffle before the brunette seemed to remember and grabbed the box of tissues. " Well, yeah I'm not in pain pain, but like- " There was a pause as he blew his nose into the thin paper, sniffling and repeating the action again. Finishing it off with a wipe of the back of his hand against his nose. " I wanna know what happened and whenever I ask anyone! " Anger coats his tone for a moment as his hands make a grasping motion at nothing.

A sigh, hands falling to his sides.

" They just tell me not to worry, how am I supposed to not worry they were like family... you know that. " He gave a helpless look up at the doctor.

Daisuke could see the gears turn in her head, she always made a very specific face while thinking stuff over. Even with his impaired vision it was still very much noticeable... she wasn't very good at hiding things like that.

" I do know that " she stated, " but I also know there is still a long road of recovery for you. " 

It was hard to hide the disappointment that trickled across his face.

" Oh don't look at me like that, I haven't even finished. "

A huff, Daisuke quickly fixing his facial expression. 

" ...How about this, if you go through physical therapy with a big wide smile on your face and no complaining I'll tell you what's going on. If you handle that well you can even visit one of them okay? Can't promise they'll be anyone in particular- or if they'll even be awake, but still. " The offer seemed definitely sided in favor of recovery, but it was pretty easy to understand why. He would have to be strong enough to get up in order to see any of them anyways, a fair enough deal.

" Sure! " He agreed, almost a little too eagerly as he gave a grin.

Marie would chuckle lightly at that, patting his head. " You're gonna regret this. "

" Pshhhttt no way! " He swatted at her hand. " I'm BUFF! Gonna be a breeze. "

" Don't come crying to me once your legs are screaming out in pain. "