Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“See you dudes later.” Leo turned his attention away from the tv as he heard the voice of the youngest hamato. 

“You're leaving for leatherheads again?” The blue masked turtle asked as Mikey stopped and turned to look at him. Leo tried to avoid wincing as he looked he saw his younger brother's eyes that shone in confusion. “You've been going to see him an awful lot lately Mikey.” And the leader wasn't wrong about that, ever since the whole dimension x adventure the orange masked turtle had been going to see his rescued friend pretty much every day and the rest of the day after training. Since they haven't really been on patrol for the past few weeks there really shouldn't be any problem with Mikey visiting and being near his friend. But something about all these visits really rubs Leo the wrong way, his other brothers also have this odd feeling. It's something they just can't place. Or rather it was that they didn't want to place it at all.

“Well yeah, Leatherheads been through alot. I just wanna make sure he's doing okay now that he's back home.” Mikey admitted as he rubbed the back of his head. Leo was almost thankful his eyes were closed. 

“But so have you little bro.” Those eyes stared back at him again. The eye's that reminded Leo and his other brothers that they failed to keep Mikey safe. It didn't matter if it seemed like nothing changed. They almost didn't want Mikey to train but the youngest practically begged their father to let him train again after a week of just sitting around in the dojo while they trained. Leo swallowed the feeling of bitterness that  was rising in his throat and cupped the right side of his brother's face with his hand; he couldn't help but smile as Mikey leaned into the touch. “I know you probably want to get out of the lair more but you really should be resting Mikey, you were there for so long.” Mikey looked like he was gonna open his mouth but the leader beat him to it. “It doesn't matter if Leatherhead was there longer than you Otōto, you need some rest too.” The youngest snorted softly at the japanese. Rubbing his fingers through his scarf, a new addition to his wardrobe alongside his new arm and leg warmers. While the new gear was a shock to the hamato family, Leo was rather thankful for it because now his orange clad brother seemed to run his fingers through his scarf and over the hairpin inside it whenever he was nervous about something. It also seemed to fit Mikey in a way that was hard to explain. Not even master Splinter could say why the butterfly and vine theme seemed to suit Mikey. 

“Still admiring my new threads bro?” Mikey asked with a smile on his face. “I Still think these were worth all the months of tutorials I went through to make them dude.” there really was no argument there. The black made the vines and butterflies really pop. The colors matched the 4 ninjas mask colors. It was kinda sweet that their youngest wanted to wear all their colors to 'always have his bros with him’ as well as a little sad with the somewhat somber face the leader swore he saw him make for a split second when he said that. 

“Are you ever gonna tell us why you picked this theme?” All Leo knew was that it was that this strange butterfly fixation was the result of some sort of thing involving April, but she didn't really tell them anything aside from Mikey being very determined to get an entire set of butterfly hair clips. Even if all he wore was the same monarch butterfly that seemingly came from nowhere, he just seemed to have it one day after helping Donnie with getting scrap from a junkyard.

“Maybe another time Aniki.” Mikey said with a slight chuckle. But his expression turned back to a more somber look as he looked down at himself. “I'll cut my visit with Lh short today, I'm really sorry. I guess it looks like I'm just trying to avoid you isn't it?” If his little brother wasn't looking away from him Leo knows he would have seen the barley contained shock as the orange banded turtle hit the nail right on the head. No one in the hamato family wanted to think the youngest was avoiding them,that the bright and happy turtle was actively trying to keep away from them. But as the 2nd week approached that feeling kept worming its way into Leo's heart, and he knew his brother's and their father felt it as well. Now it was Leo's turn to feel a hand on his cheek, and it dragged him out of his own head as he stared into the now dual colored eyes of his baby brother. One was baby blue and was untouched and normal,but it was the other eye that brought that feeling back so easily. That paler blue that didn't deserve to mar his brother's vision, the missing black pupil signifying that it was more than just a color change. That the leader and his older brother's were not able to get there in time to save their youngest from receiving damage. But instead of the possible negativity and pain Leo expected to see within those eyes every time he met them, they were once again soft as they looked at him. Their owner gave him a sad smile that was just as soft.

“Mikey?” Leo questioned when he almost immediately received was wrapped up in a hug by the shorter turtle when he saw he got his attention.

“I know that look bro, that's your 'I failed’ look. it's been pretty infectious lately with the others, Even though I told you guys you didn't fail and I don't blame you for my eye.” Mikey was muttering something under his breath that Leo had a hard time picking up, it was still hard to comprehend why Mikey wasn't even the tiniest bit upset with them about his eye. They knew he was upset that he lost most of his ability to see out of it, but he always seemed more resigned than angry. It was like he expected it to happen. Leo tried turning back into hearing what Mikey was muttering but all he heard was what sounded like ‘too long’. 

“Okay bro,when I get back today from Leatherheads get papa and the others if they're not here. Think it's time I talk about what's been on my mind for the last couple months.” he looked nervous but determined when he told Leo that, before he smoothed it out into his normal exuberance. “But That's for later,now is time to go visit Leatherhead.” Mikey turned back towards the exit to the lair. Before he stopped he said one more thing to Leo with a tinge of uncertainty. “Please remember to light the incense for me.” That was probably one of the weirder things about Mikey in recent times, he didn't feel comfortable inside the lair unless a specific incense was burned in it. This predated his time in dimension x as well, it seemed like he made all the loose powder and got April to buy a loose burner for it(Leo's was also pretty sure that April supplied him with the flowers he's seen him use ). It didn't seem like anything special, just a floral smelling incense. But it seemed to put Mikey's mind at ease to smell that specific scent. 

“Okay little bro.” Leo relaxed when he saw Mikey did as well. As he walked away something within Leo told him that whatever they were going to talk about was gonna be difficult to hear. And lately Leo has learned more than ever to trust those big brother instincts,especially when it came to Mikey. Almost immediately after he left the door to the lab opened and Donnie walked out, he looked side to side before the purple banded turtle turned to his oldest brother.

“Did he leave already?” Leo nodded to his purple masked brother as he walked over to the loose burner and began the task he promised Mikey. “Usually we can get him to stay for at least another few minutes.” 

“Leo didn't even try to stall him for long.” The voice of their red masked brother chimed in as he walked into the main part of their lair, his usual scowl present on his face. “Apparently Mikey promised he'd tell us and Master Splinter whatever's been going on inside his head so fearless over here backed down.” Raph's face began to scrunch up slightly as he began to smell the familiar but annoying scent of that floral incense. “How the shell do we still not know what kinda flowers Mikeys been using for that stuff anyway, even Splinters sandalwood stuff isn't as strong as this.” Raph complained as he walked away from the burner. Out of the whole family Raphael was the one most vocal about the dislike of how strong the fragrance of the incense blend was. 

“It is awfully strong for the first few minutes.” Leo admitted reluctantly. Even Leo and Splinter, who relatively enjoyed the smell of incense, couldn't handle too much of this blend at its strongest. It made Donnie worry if the incense was dangerous to animals but their father put a stop to that rather quickly. Splinter told them how it was a smell that reminded him of a particular type of incense the hamato clan used to lite, usually at night apparently. It also didn't affect any animals in a negative way according to what he could remember of it. But they had stopped doing so when he was very young, so he couldn't remember what the flower used to make it was. Only that it was a part of some kind of effort at warding something off. “I still wonder what caused mikey's sudden interest in this stuff. Maybe he believes it's supposed to ward off something? Bad luck?” Raph scoffed a little.

“Unless this stuff wards off our turtle luck then don't think so fearless. I swear that little nutball must be trying to ward off oxygen with how strong that stuff is.” suddenly Donnie shivered 

“Remember before we got him to cut it down to one lighting a day?” The two oldest turtles did not in fact want to remember that time. They swear the stagnant sewer air they usually had was much more appreciated than the feeling of choking on some sweet scent in the air. They literally stole the burner and were prepared to toss it out before Mikey literally barricaded himself in his room with it and refused to come out. Their youngst seemed truly horrified at the idea of the scent not being in the air. Whispering to himself About how they won't be protected from whatever the plant was supposed to protect them from if it stops. It took Splinter promising they'd leave his burner alone if he promised to only lit it once everyday for half an hour that he left his room. 

“Don't remind me Don, I swear my mouth tasted like flowers every time we went topside for a week.” Raph said with a slight gag. “Maybe Mikey can answer what he's burning along with why he looked like the Shredder and the kraang would burst into the lair if we had even a moment without it.” The concern the sai wielding turtle had wasn't lost on the other 2. They could all remember the sheer terror on Mikeys face when they tried staging an intervention on the subject,nor could anyone forget the scream Mikey made as he grabbed the burner and ran. It definitely made them feel off when they saw their youngest shaking in Splinter's arms when he came out of his room, Apologizing for how excessive he's been with the incense to the point even he couldn't stand it. But something he saw when they had that fear fungus problem they were forced to deal with had stuck with him. It made him afraid of something and only the floral scent apparently warded off the fears he couldn't shake. He couldn't even begin to think about what he saw without shaking, let alone begin to talk about it.

“Personally I theorize it was some kind of Japanese myth he read about or a monster movie he watched. But there's so much odd behavior Mikey just hasn't shown before that I'm not completely sure of that.” It wouldn't be the first time the youngest turtle spooked himself with something like horror movies and internet legends. But this time it felt different. More often than not the ninja clan could remember seeing their youngest assuring himself that whatever he saw 'wasn't real and 'didn't exist’ and maybe try to bunk with his brothers,that was expected. That was normal. For a day or two. Not a whole month. And it was them(italic) that had to convince him(italic) to bunk with them. And he still put up a small fight. As if trying to stop the older brothers from getting involved in his nightmares, it was a blessing that while Mikey knew how to get them to do things, they also knew plenty of tricks on how to get the youngest to bunk with them on particularly awful nights. 

“Got any theories about his eye?” Leo asked, wondering if the resident genius had any clues to the mysterious injury.

“Just one.” Donnie confessed “based on the lack of external wounds or scars on his face it had to be an internal injury. And the fact that his vision is only blurred and the eye is relatively intact. I can only concur that it's a form of hyphema.” 

“Can you translate that from nerd speech?” Donnie did as Raph asked with an eye roll

“Because there's no outside injuries, I think Mikey suffered some form of internal injury that caused bleeding in his eye.” that got the oldest siblings eye's to widen. 

“What on earth could cause that?” Leo asked as he tried to remain calm, an internal injury that made his brother's eye bleed.

“Eye trauma is the most likely cause for damage that bad. Usually hemorrhaging in the eye doesn't cause such a big loss of vision for so long. But there's no evidence anything from dimension x caused any trauma. So it'd have to be inward.” 

“So you basically have a theory and That's it.” Raph concluded as he angrily tossed around the pages of a magazine he had gotten. “How do we even know Mikey will tell us anything? For all we know he could lie or find a way to distract us and get past talking to us again.” Raph grumbled with anger at the trick that got used on them more times than they liked to admit. It was hard to even tell sometimes because Mikey wouldn't act any different then he usually did. It almost felt like You could only tell after or if someone else pointed it out.

“Because your brother has neared the end of sorting out what keeps him from coming to us, Raphael.” the voice of their sensei grabbed the 3 turtles attention as he walked into the living room. “I could feel it as Michelangelo left today, my sons,he is ready to tell us about whatever it is that has been burdening his mind.” their fathers words filled the 3 with a different kind of hope.

“But why now instead of when this started sensei? We don't even know when Mikey started acting like this.” Leo's question confused his younger brothers.

“What do you mean we don't know fearless? Didn't he start acting off when he came back from kraang ground zero.” The blue banded turtle only shook his head

“I can't remember when it started but I know he was acting odd even before dimension x. I'm sure you guys can think of some odd things he's done before too, odd for him at least.” Leo's eye's quickly widened as he remembered something “before Mikey left he mentioned something being on his mind for months,not weeks. So whatever's been on his mind has been on it long before dimension x.”

“Well he did lose leatherhead 3 months ago.” Donnie added in softly. “I'm sure we can all remember how crushed Mikey was when it happened.” Raph had to bite back the shudder that wanted to ravage his body at that memory, maybe they weren't as close to the giant mutant as Mikey is but they still cared about him. But the screams the three heard from Mikey that night were unlike anything the orange masked turtle had ever let out before. Let alone anything they'd heard before in their lives. It wasn't like the scripted screams like those in the horror movies Mikey seemed to love watching or the occasional ones in the soaps Splinter liked to watch. Nor the vengeful rage filled bellow from the shredder they had the displeasure of hearing as they escaped when they first fought him. It wasn't even a part of Mikey's usual bag of screams and shouts he gave for all sorts of occasions. It felt more real than any horror scream, it carried a unique kind of pain to it. Something Mikey shouldn't ever be able to produce(or have a need to produce) but losing Leatherhead at the time had shattered something in Mikey. Or awoke something in him. All Raph knew was that for the first few weeks after the event it definitely felt like the sun had gone out for them. The sai wielding turtle wasn't sure what it'd feel like for humans to suddenly have no sun,But maybe that missing warmth and vibrance they had in that time before Mikey tried to seem like he bounced back was what that'd feel like. His muttering got Splinters attention which in turn got his brothers to also look at him.

“I said it felt like something cracked in Mikey,All the poundings we had to dish out and got dished out between then and now probably didn't help him either.” Raph still had some nightmares about those squirrelanoids pushing themselves up his throat and out of his mouth as they multiplied inside him, and less spoken about the cyborg roach the better. And that was just him. Who knew if Mikey was having any nightmares about almost drowning by those same monsterous rodents,or being beat up and nearly killed by Slash,even having to fight his own brothers a couple times recently. 

“While the loss of a trusted friend might have hastened it,I believe whatever has been ailing Michelangelo has been doing so for a long time. Your Brother has always had a few strange habits or quirks. Things I just couldn't place. Even with our more recently expanded knowledge on things that could explain his struggles with concentration and controlling his impulses, there are just many things I can't make sense of.” the old ninja master sat down and beckoned his sons to do the same. “If we are to help Michelangelo with this problem, then I believe it imperative to have some sort of clue as to what he's been bogged down with.”

“What are you saying sensei?” Donnie asked his father. 

“What I'm saying my sons is that we've all  noticed certain oddities concerning Michelangelo. And I believe if we share what we know we might be able to understand his predicament.” The 3 brothers looked at each other silently, as if waiting for someone to make the first move. Before Raph started them off.

“I remember he used to talk about some giant guy in his dreams who saved him like a hero.” The corners of the others lips turned slightly at how The red banded turtle seemed to grumble at that. It was no secret that when the hamatos were younger that Raph was very vocal about not liking Mikeys bordering hero worship of this tall man in his dreams. He'd never admit that it was out of jealousy, not even years later after Mikey seemingly stopped dreaming about him overnight. And in the place of the man mikey named Mr shiro was Raph saving him instead.

“Ah yes, I remember how Michelangelo would talk on and on about Man with white eye's like you four. I believe he named him Mr Shiro. It was quite a time watching your jealousy over this imaginary man my son”. Splinter had smiled a small smile at the red banded turtles groaning and the slight giggles. They wouldn't forget how grumpy the second oldest was when the family would get regaled by their youngest talking about the man. How he towered over splinter in height and was cloaked in red(Raphs favorite color to add insult to injury in the seven year olds mind) with eyes as bright and white as the turtles when they let their special eye covers fall over them. “I wouldn't snort at your brother's jealousy if i were you Leonardo, if i recall correctly you too were jealous of Michelangelo once upon a time.” Now it was Raphs turn to snort as his big brother blushed slightly in embarrassment. Remembering how jealous Leo could get at how fast Mikey got the Japanese language. With how little he used it you wouldn't know but he was the first to become fluent in the language.

“Yeah but he grew out of imagining that guy Raph,he's been dreaming about you saving him instead of this guy for year's now.” Donnie stated as the red masked turtle shook his head.

“I thought he stopped dreaming of this guy too but he didn't. I learned a little after the incident with Slash that he didn't stop dreaming about this guy.” Splinter looked thoughtful at the information he got before he asked a question.

“do you believe this is not your brother's normal imagination at work Raphael?” At his fathers question the turtle nodded his head. 

“It's the way he talked about him when I found out about it sensei. It's just this feeling I'm getting.” Raphs admission surprised his brothers slightly but not too much. While their sai wielding brother was more of a hit first kind of turtle that didn't mean he had no intuition or no ability to think on any odd feelings at all. He just didn't get them as often. But there was one thing that seemed to override that and it was a sort of younger brother sense. A constant for all 3 of them. And it has been affecting them all when it comes to Mikey for quite some time, but with how Chaotic Mikey can be, it's easier to ignore the large amounts of smaller twitches of it and react to the bigger ones when it comes to Mikey. 

“Then please share with us my son,what happened after the night with slash.” With his father's want for more, Raph began to tell the family what happened with Mikey after Slash.

(Flashback)
Raph had just finished checking in on Donnie(and accidentally starting a apology war as they both kept apologizing about the night) when he had noticed the lights in mikeys room still being on. The red banded turtle knew Leo said he was gonna check on Mikey himself after he finished talking with sensei, but that didn't mean the sai wielding turtle couldn't check on him as well. Raph really wanted to make sure himself that his other baby brother was okay like he did with Donnie. The severity of the hits Mikey took tonight made Raph thankful that they all have some kind of healing factor that quickens their recovery. The turtle didn't want to even think about what his baby brothers conditions would be like if they were human instead. Before Raph could open the door to his brother's room he saw the light's were on. As he opened the door he saw his baby brother at his desk. Drawing something with some gusto,the scales on the top of his head and down his arms were bruised up, but by tomorrow the physical reminders of tonight would be nothing but a distant memory. Mikey must have noticed Raph’s presence when he finally turned to see him. 

“What's up Raphie?” The use of that nickname filled Raph with both annoyance and relief that Mikey was well enough to use his favorite nickname for the sai ninja.

“Just checking up on you squirt.” normally Raph would pretend he didn't like the nickname. But now wasn't the time for that. “But what are you drawing when you're supposed to be in bed by now?” as he came to see the drawings but his little brother scrambled to cover them with his arms. Raph gave a small smirk as he saw 2 pictures fall onto the ground. The red masked turtle grabbed them before Mikey could and saw 2 pictures drawn in a particular style. It was a style of drawing the Hamatos usually saw Mikey use for something in his dreams.

One looked like a robe similar to Splinters but it had a butterfly motif. Even with it incomplete the insect themselves that covered the design were colored just like the 3 oldest hamatos masks. But it was the second picture that got Raphs attention more. It was of Raph himself and a familiar person,the giant man and his white eyes and massive forehead scar brought back memories. “Mr white eyes?” Raph questioned. While it had been years since Mikey actually spoke about them it was hard for Raph to forget the object of his jealousy. Of course he's not seven anymore. He's not gonna be jealous of a man in his brother's dreams. But seeing the unfinished drawing now,a large spiked flail and axe were in the man's hands and connected by a chain.The large muscular physique of the man coupled by his blank eyes and scar left the impression of a powerful man. He could see why this man kept Mikey's nightmares at bay. The pictures were quickly taken back by the orange turtle.

“Those pictures aren't finished yet, Raphie.” Mikey said while he stuck out his tongue at his older brother. 

“oh yeah?”Raph asked as he got to see a few more drawings from amongst the pile of blank papers on Mikeys desk. A Lot of them were clothing items very reminiscent of their fathers.”you trying to make sensei new robes or something?” Raph joked with a smirk. But it was slightly wiped from his face as Mikey looked away with a small blush on his face. 

“They're gifts.” Mikey chimed back with,his blue eyes gaining a sort of far away look on his face.

“Gifts?” Raph asked. Mikey nodded slightly.

“gifts from nee-san and Giyo.” 

“Karai and someone named Giyo gave you robes decorated in butterflies in your dreams?” Raph asked almost in shock. What kind of dreams has his brother been having! But Mikey shook his head with a frown as he lost whatever look in his eyes he had.

“Not karai. Nee-san had longer hair. And she wore that.” Mikey picked up a picture depicting what looked to be a haori of some kind. It was decorated in pink and green with veins all around it. It reminded raph of a butterfly. But it also didn't look like anything karai would wear. 

“Then what about Giyo? Who are they?” The question was met with Mikey pointing 2 of his fingers together. But his eyes somewhat roamed the paper with mr white eyes on it. and Raph put two and two together rather quickly. “When did you change mr white eyes name?” But Mikey shook his head.

“I didn't change his name Raph, I remembered it.” 

“Remembered it from where?” Raphs question was answered by a Mikey rubbing the back of head softly with his hand. Also catching the bruise as well with his gentle rubs.

“I'll tell you tomorrow Raphie, I was finished with my drawing when you came in so i won't be obsessing over it like usual.” As Mikey got up from his desk and stretched he got wrapped up in a hug by Raph, quickly wrapping his older brother in his arms as well. 

“Just get some sleep Mikey, but if you don't want to talk about Mr white eyes tomorrow you don't have to.” and Raph knew he got Mikey by surprise with that. Even if it's usually Mikey trying to be the most comforting one and the one who can tell when you're upset about something it didn't mean his older brother's couldn't read him like a book. Granted sometimes it was a book in a foreign language but they get better and better at reading it all the time.

“Goodnight Raphie.” Mikey told his brother with a sleepy grin as he got into bed. Only to surprise him again by the red masked brother tucking him into bed like Splinter used to when they were younger.

“Goodnight knucklehead.” Raph answered back with as he left the room and turned off the light,bathing the youngests room in slight light from his nightlight and the light from slightly cracked door to the lair.

(Flashback end)

“He didn't really tell me much the morning after,just that he never stopped dreaming about Giyo but did start dreaming of me as well.but apparently dreams with Giyo never feel like dreams. Not unless I'm there,no matter how bad some of them apparently are.” Raph finished with a slight shiver,remembering some of the grimmer dreams Mikey used to speak about. Not really understanding what happened in them nor why their father looked upset or slightly disturbed when Mikey talked about those particular dreams. Mikey did stop talking about the grimmer one's after accidentally seeing a horror movie and connecting the dots himself. But he also told Raph he started to write down what he remembered from the dreams so they weren't in his head anymore. 

“He was very intense during the mutant wasp incident.” Donnie suddenly chimed in. Getting attention diverted to him “he basically took control of making the antidote even before I got infected. I don't think I've ever seen Mikey so no nonsense before, not Even with things he usually gets intense about.” Donnie really wouldn't forget just how intense Mikey was that day, nor would he forget the look of barely restrained anger on his youngest brothers face when Donnie was questioning him or trying to get him to stop, he didn't want Mikey to get hurt from making a mistake or have to waste time correcting it. Only for the brainy turtle to realize Mikey knew what to do. Even better than he did. He might have played it off as luck from reading some of the books in the lab, but Donnie knew the methodical hand movements he saw that day could only be done by someone who's used to the routine. 

“I saw Mikey talking to himself once when he was making lunch, it was like he was teaching someone.” Leo added “and a little after I joined him he called me Aoi.” Leo could still remember the look of devastation on Mikeys face when figured out what he just called his older brother. Mikey quickly covered it up with fastly made goofy smile and bright eyes that almost made it look like he turned a light on in comparison to the original expression. He made a joke about calling the katana ninja his mask color before he finished the unexpected but rather fun lesson about different types of mochi of all things.

“Was he video calling April?” Donnie had asked a valid question considering Mikey did often give April and even Casey fun cooking lessons or simply just chat with them in the kitchen, But that still usually spiraled into something Similar to a cooking lesson of some kind. For all his insane and possibly stomach curdling concoctions, Mikey was actually a really good cook. 

“I mean he had his phone open so it was possible. But I didn't see April on a call.”

“On a call for what?” April's sudden voice got him to look as she and casey both entered the lair.

“If you were on a call with Mikey learning about mochi.” Leo's response got a head shake from the teen.

“No, my last lesson with Mikey was I think… the pizza milkshake.” April said with a shiver that the others quickly followed her on. It was no secret the hamato family was bad at cooking(according to splinter it was a toss up apparently, you either had great cooking potential or you burned water in 3 seconds flat. Very little wiggle room for any hamato member it seemed)
If it wasn't for Mikey quickly gaining what he called cooking mojo from helping splinter cook then there's was a chance they would have gotten sick of the worms and algae that made up most of there meals much much faster than they actually did without his strange skill at making it taste good. But they still didn't want his pizza milkshake! Not even a taste. 

“Oh come on guys, it's the worst thing in the world.” Apparently someone was insane enough to try mikey's crazy concoction and not be a mutant alligator.

“Why on earth would you subject yourself to that drink Jones.” Donnie said with an expression of dread and horror at that thought. The hockey play merely shrugged.

“It was late one night, I was hungry. It really isn't the worst thing in the world. I give it the Casey jones stamp of approval.” The smile and thumbs up he gave really didn't make anyone feel better. In fact it made some of their stomachs twist abit. 

“Anyway why are you asking about Mikeys lessons with me… speaking of where is mikey Today?” April asked as casey waved a bag full of what looked to be ingredients.

“Mikester said he wanted to do a hands on lesson on some kind of pizza recipe with me and red so he wanted some ingredients.” The humans frowned a little when they noticed the off feeling from the mutant family when they brought up Mikey. “Something up with him?” Casey asked with a slightly deeper frown when he noted how lost they looked.

“There is something going on with Mikey it's just that we're not sure what it is.” Donnie confessed.

“Right now we’re trying to think about moments where we noticed something's up with Mikey and see if we can learn what it is.” Raph continued on before he grumbled out “in case he doesn't tell us and finds a way to skirt past it again.” 

“I don't think that'll be a problem Raph.” Leo placed an arm on his brother's shoulder. “I saw the look in his eyes before he left. I think he's ready to tell us. But thinking back on these moments might help us with an idea of what it is.” 

“Got any ideas yet?” April asked, already knowing she and Casey were both probably racking their brains to try and help their family.

“So far all we have is very random. It's hard to find any connections between sudden intensity with poisons,a wrong name and some really bad nightmares.” Donnie told the newcomers with summarized versions of what they had.

“Perhaps the connecting thread to them all are dreams of Michelangelo.” Splinter mused for a moment. “I'm remembering a time when he always loved to talk about purple flowers he dreamed about when you were all younger.” it was like a switch was flipped with the 3 turtles after that comment

“I forgot about that!” Donnie exclaimed with a smile that grew on his and his brothers faces”he always sounded so excited when he talked about them.”

“Somehow when he talked about them he had more energy than he usually does.” Raph added as he remembered some of those mornings, sometimes it all blended together cause it was all about the same subject but he couldn't forget mikey's excited face as he blabbed about the dreams or giant trees of beautiful purple flowers in bright sunshine.

“I just wanted to know where he saw them from. He said it wasn't on the tv and I don't remember it from any books or anywhere but him.” Donnie added as he tried think about the origin of the purple petals that filled the dreams of his baby brother.

“didn't you guy's mentiom splinter used to tell you guys bedtime stories about japan, maybe he was having dreams about sakura trees?” Casey guessed.

“I don't think Mikey would forget sakura petals are pink casey.” April shook her head before she thought of something “what did the flowers look like?” 

“I don't think he drew any pictures. None that I can remember.” Leo tried to think about any pictures he could have drawn of these dreams.

“I have one actually!” Donnie ran to his lab for a few moments before coming back with an old drawing depicting a large tree with drooping purple flowers and a cluster of purple at the bottom of the tree to depict a pile of petals. 

“I remember seeing Michelangelo drawing this the day he stopped telling us about those dreams.” Splinter mused as he gazed at the drawing. “This is a wisteria tree my sons.” 

“Something on your mind April?” Leo asked when he noticed he her thinking about something

“I'm thinking I might have an idea about this… maybe.” April admitted as she searched for something on her phone.

“You do!” Leo wasn't alone in being shocked. But he was the only one who voiced it.

“Yeah I think I do.” April brought something up before showing the other's a photo of a website

“Come test your knowledge of ancient monster's for a grand prize, the person who knows their stuff about japanese monsters wins the prized one of a kind wisteria memories butterfly hair clip collection made in collaboration with famous reclusive artist yushiro Yamamoto.” the hamatos eyes widened as they looked at the photo of the collection. It was an identical copy of the clips Mikey had. 

“But when did he get these anyway?” April also had an answer for that.

“It was a little after i had split off from you guys. I didn't know if I was just seeing you guys in everyone when I saw a hunched figure in a dress and mittens.” Raphs eye's widened.

“Blond hair,sunglasses, face mask and oven mitts?” When April nodded Raph nearly swore “yeah that was him. He dragged me into doing a dress up disguise once and he wore that exact outfit.” 

“It must have been when we were upset at him.” Raph said with a look of guilt on his face, one his brothers mirrored.

“It must have been that I gave Michelangelo permission for a comic store run so he would cheer up. He mentioned a new Japanese themed comic and manga store near his usual spot.” casey piped up

“Yeah it opened up a few months ago.Heard from my cousin they had a crazy event for the grand opening with a crazy prize, so maybe the contest was for that.” 

“I think it's time we pay Mikey and leatherhead head a little visit.” Raph suddenly said. Getting a nod from his father.

“You're right Raphael. We should show a united front for Michelangelo and show him we are here for him. Whatever this is has been a heavy burden on his mind and his spirit.” Splinter got up and began to walk to the exit of the lair, His children following him to their youngest, their bright and sunny spot of their lives that needs them now more than ever. 

(Time skip)

It wasn't a long run to leatherheads part of the subways at all. But it had been a long time since they had seen the mutant gators home. They didn't expect to see the grey scaled mutant to be tending to what looked like a simple garden. But hey,a mutants got to eat. 

“My friends.” Leatherhead suddenly said in his gravelly voice. Not at all surprised to see them. “Michelangelo told me you might come here.” 

“We figured perhaps it would be better to come to Mikey ourselves. Show him we're here for him.” Leo told the old mutant,not as surprised that his brother believed they'd be here early instead of waiting for him.

“He is over there.” Leatherhead pointed to a set of train cars that were surprisingly covered in strange looking vines.”he's been pacing in there ever since he came here.” the hamatos nodded and began going over to the overgrown train car. The door was open and they saw something shocking.

Wisteria flowers. From purple to white to colors of all kinds seemed to decorate the car they entered. Crawling along the walls like decorations.

“Guess we know where Mikey gets his flowers from.” Raph said in awe at the walls of purple and white.

“But how is he maintaining wisteria in the subways?” Donnie asmed as they looked around for the turtle in question. “Wisteria doesn't seem like a plant that'd be easy to grow.” Before Splinter could reply to the purple turtles question they heard the mutterings and voices from beyond the garden and behind a door.

“Why can't I just tell them, it wouldn't change anything… would it?” It hurt their heart to hear the youngest turtle second guessing himself. Leo walked ahead of them and knocked on the door.

“Mikey?” Leo's question was followed by what sounded like something falling to the door. The door Suddenly opened up and the distressed dual toned eye's of Mikey greeted Leo's own dark blue. Only now his little brother was wearing what looked like a lab coat covered in different colored versions of the clans bellflower symbol as well as some darker vines. He looked surprised but not too surprised.

“Leo, I didn't think you would pop up so soon. Did I take too long coming back?” Mikey was cut off from further ramblings when Leo placed a hand on his head.

“No Otōto, we all wanted to come show you were here for you.” Mikey came out of the room and his eye's looked behind his brother in confusion before they widened at the sight of everyone being here.

“My son.” Splinter started to say as he came next to Leo and wrapped the orange wearing turtle up in a hug, one that was quickly joined by the rest of the hamato clan. “You're not alone my son, we're all here to help you with whatever is weighing you down.”

“Dad's right squirt.” Raph supplied next “you're stuck with us Whether you like it or not.

“But what if-” Mikeys voice was slightly rough and wavering. He was so close to breaking down.”What if you don't like what you hear? Or what if I'm not even Myself?” Donnie tightened his own hood on Mikey at that.

“You are yourself Mikey,you've always been and always will be. No matter what.” And that seemed to actually do it. Mikey could o longer hold his tears back and began to let out tears and sobs of pain as he further burrowed himself into the group hug of his family. The family that broke down a wall he was building up out of fear of what was happening to him. That he was gonna become something different,someone different. But right there in that moment all he did was release it all in his tears and sobs. 

Nobody knows how long it had been since the hug started but the silence was broken by Mikey speaking softly and asking a question.

“Do you dudes believe in reincarnation?” 

Chapter Text

‘Do you dudes believe in reincarnation?’

As soon as those words left his baby brother's lips, he moved out from the pile to get a good look at them all. And Donnie could see the gaping vulnerability now in his brother's expression. His eyes were like a book that was forced open. Like its secrets were forced to come out, he also looked so much smaller than he usually did. His usual bright energy seemed to add somewhat imaginary inches that right now seemed to have vanished. He knew this expression bothered his other brothers and their father as much as it bothered him. Like seeing a drained lightbulb for the first time. But Donnie was currently thinking on why Mikey brought out reincarnation of all things.

'He wouldn't be talking about this unless it was important’

“What's reincarnation?” Casey's question probably would have garnered an eye roll of sarcastic comment from Donnie had he not been focusing on the youngest. The bo master just didn't seem to have energy to spare. The gears in his head were turning and turning as he tried to understand how it came to this.

Donnie and things like reincarnation were something that didn't blend usually. He was a turtle of science, of facts, of tangible physical proof. but that didn't mean he was a stone wall and completely unchanging in his beliefs. It'd be hypocritical to say that something couldn't be possible when technically he and his brother's would be among the impossible to most logic out there. There just wasn't a lot of physical proof or evidence with things of the spiritual nature. Things like reincarnation, something they always heard about from their dad when they were younger. Something the rest of his brothers all had at least some belief or opinion on. Mikey was the biggest believer of the idea, even more so than Leo or sensei. The gear's stopped turning as the brainy turtles brown eyes widened a bit 

'Does he think he's a!-’

“Reincarnation is the belief that our spirits are reborn into new forms upon our death.” Splinter explained.

“Splinter talked a lot about it when we were younger.” Raph added while Leo's own eyes widened as his own brain was quickly connecting the dots with Raph not too far away “you wouldn't be bringing out reincarnation unless you thought it had something to do with this.”

“You think you're a reincarnated soul don't you?” Donnie suddenly chimed out. Getting some looks from the group, especially his older brother's 'fair considering my usual stance on the topic’ but when Mikey nodded his head the looks went to him.

“It's not just thinking I am dudes, I wish it was just in my head. But everything I remember is something no one should remember.” It hurt to hear the tone in Mikey's voice, hearing him wish it was all fake made Donnie want to scoop his baby brother up and tell him it was all fake… but something was telling Donnie it wasn't. That whatever Mikey was remembering was real. No matter how much he wanted to dispute it. Instead of standing like the statue he felt he wrapped Mikey into another hug. One the freckled turtle quickly reciprocated with a big one of his own.

“How long have you known?” Was all the brainy turtle could ask, not wanting to let go and refusing to let Mikey fully leave his embrace again.

“Fully? Not until we lost Karai." Donnie thought he saw Leo flinch. Another thing to talk about later.

“And not fully?” Donnie questioned again, feeling Mikey's own grip got tighter.”

“ when Raphie got bit by fishface.” Complete silence fell for everyone as Mikey started to sniffle a bit. “It got worse when leatherhead sacrificed himself and then we had to deal with those monster wasps.” Donnie felt there older brothers join in the hug as Mikey started to shake at the memories. “It was like watching demons all over again.” That got everyone's attention

“Demons?” Raph asked as if anyone had an answer, but apparently someone did. Their father

“It appears the answer was right in front of us the whole time.” Splinter began as he walked forward to put a hand on Mikey's head. “Michelangelo's soul has lived a life before this one, one during the times in which demons roamed the earth. A time my grandmother spoke of when I was even younger than you all, my sons.” 

“It was around the end of demons.” Mikey added as he tried to dry his eye's. "I think it was maybe 1920s Japan?” everyone's eyes widened

“You lived in the Taisho period!” April exclaimed as Mikey nodded as best he could, turning his body so he could see her and Casey.

“I was a demon slayer for the demon slayer corps.” Now Casey's eye's widened 

“Like that book series my sister and I found a few weeks ago!” Casey tried to rack his brain at what they were all hearing. "We just thought the tales of Zenitsu were some crazy Japanese fairy tales.” Mikey could only snort.

“I didn't take Zenitsu for being a writer, I thought he'd be more of a musician.” Mikey's smile put Donnie and everyone else at ease. “But from what I've read he did exaggerate just a few things.” Suddenly Casey had stars in his eyes. Jones and his sister must have been quite the fans of the books

“It was decapitating the human headed spider demon wasn't it?” Donnie could only be shocked at the idea of decapitation, as were his brothers. but He was more shocked at Mikey shaking his head.

“That part was real, I was there at mount natagumo, a real nasty case of a family of spider demons. Raph shuddered within their hug. “so many lives were lost, I'm glad Zenitsu was okay considering how nervous he could get back then. The boy I saw before the corps final battle would have been a dead ringer to be the rumble hashira.” 

“What's a hashira?” Leo suddenly, getting an answer from Mikey before Splinter could explain what he remembered. Or Casey could spout out his seemingly random new knowledge that was very relevant to what's going on.

“The hashira were the 9 strongest demon slayers of the demon slayer corps. The top of the top dudes!” Mikey somehow wormed his way out of the giant hug and took a drawing from his desk. It showed 9 various humans sitting down in a courtyard. “This was the generation of hashira I was a part of.” 

“You were a hashira Mikey!” Leo asked in complete shock, one the purple turtle knew Raph was feeling alongside him. Their baby brother was no spouse when it came to combat, but to have once been among the top of the top of an old group of demon hunters! If they were any bit more normal he'd have to call shenanigans… but he couldn't anyway if things were like that. 

“Yep!” but mikeys smile fell somewhat “although I was the weakest out of all of us. I couldn't even chop off a demon's head, the very basic way to kill a demon.” The bitter tone didn't belong anywhere in Mikey's mouth, it didn't deserve to poison his own self worth. 

“You were still one of the 9 strongest so who cares if you couldn't chop off a demon's head.” Raph suddenly said. “That just means you found another way to do it. A way that worked for you. Maybe even a better way” the giggle the sai master got from Mikey as he put a hand on the smaller turtles head made it clear whatever plan he had worked as intended.

“I wouldn't say my method was better, but it gave us more possibilities than decapitation or waiting for the sun.” 

“Were those really the only ways to kill a demon?” April asked and got a nod of confirmation

“You needed a special metal called nichirin to decapitate demons. It was a metal that absorbed sunlight.” 

“What method did you figure out then Otōto?” Donnie asked as he could feel dread at the idea of such limited options to take care of an opponent, he almost wanted to ask about why they'd needed to be killed in the first place but that could be asked another time. 

“Well, you've seen some of my stuff here so what do you think I figured out?” Mikey said with a bit of his usual mischief. He was trying to bounce back in his own way. And making his scientific brother think about the answer. And as he looked at the large amount of plants (and remembered the scarily random bursts of precise and perfect chemistry Mikey seemed capable of doing with whatever he got from his past life) the genius connected the dots!… but had his thunder stolen by his oldest brother.

“You poisoned them Mikey!” The blue turtle made everyone look surprised at the revelation. Ninjas did have some history with assassinations so poisons were often discussed by splinter in their youth, but the hamato clan didn't use poisons for much of anything. They didn't do assassinations. Even before it was  culled by shredder to just them the hamato were very honorable. Almost like samurai mixed with ninja in the way they cared about maintaining honor if possible. But while shocked he couldn't judge even if he wanted to. Mikey was talking about a past life, one where he not only was fighting for his life it seems but also seemed to need to find a way to get the job done. 

“Point for Leo dudes! Since wisteria apparently keeps demons away i learned how to make it into a poison to harm them and mixed it with what i knew about flower breathing for my own fresh style called-”

“Insect breathing.” Casey finished for him as he suddenly brought out a book he had in a plastic bag and quickly started turning. Somewhat ignoring Mikey proclaiming Casey got a point too.

“How'd you know that Casey?” Raphs question was ignored as Casey finally found the page he was looking for.

“You were the insect hashira in the book!” Casey suddenly exclaimed, showing everyone an illustration in the book. It seemed to lead to a chapter. The chapter name got their attention

Chapter 9 the pretty, poisonous and frightening insect hashira. shinobu kocho

The illustration was of what looked to be the side profile of a blank purple eyed woman with a smile on her face. And to everyone's shock a very familiar looking vein covered haori and butterfly hair clip from their earlier conversations. But Mikey could only laugh.

“You're on a roll today Casey! That's 2 points. But I wonder who drew that picture of me? They really captured my good side I think.” 

“Mikey you were a girl in your past life!” Raph suddenly shouted, getting his baby brother to look back at him with a smile of pure joy and mischief.

“Yep! I was a chick in my past life Raphie, and not that bad looking if I do say so myself.” And that's what got everyone to finally succumb and start to laugh a little. 

“What's with the moniker frightening insect hashira?” Donnie asked once he stopped shorting “is that another exaggeration of this Zenitsu guy?” 

“Of course this guy's gotta be making this up brainiac!” Raph chimed in while he was skimming around the chapter about Mikey's past life. “This stuff he's talking about is insane! There's no way Mikey could scare so many people with a smile and some words.” Part of Donnie kind of wanted that to be the case, despite how weird and insane their lives are(and apparently mikey's past life was) he wanted to cling to something he knew, which was that it's very hard for his baby brother to be intimidating or frightening in any way. He could shock you with his anger, and maybe concern you with it too. But scaring people with a smile and some words? No, that had to be fake… right?

“Nah dude, that part was pretty accurate. I ha-” Donnie somewhat tuned out his baby brother as he began to talk. Because he really really wished it was fake and mikey was pulling a little joke to lighten the mood.

But he also knew better. He knew how intimidating Mikey could really get. If Mikey was even a fraction of what he was that night with the mutant wasps and that antidote then he was sorry for whoever started to make him mad.

-d quite the aura if someone stopped me from working. Just ask dee over here.” Mikey gestured to Donnie but the brainiac was currently about to relive a night he does want to forget badly. Barely hearing Mikey call for him in confusion.

He could still vividly remember the night before he got bit.

(Flashback)

This could not be happening? This really couldn't be happening! as Donnie struggled against his mind controlled brother he was trying desperately not to freak out as he separated from Mikey after the brief hug in fright. But why? Why did their family have to keep getting involved in the most grotesque situations? Most teenagers would be worried about u expected acne or maybe studying for or failing a test… no, not his family! No, his family had to worry about aliens and adopted uncles with grudges and now mutant versions of parasitic wasps that made his older brothers become slaves ready to be eaten! Oh and he needed to try to make an antibody using the egg said mind controlled and very bite happy brothers were guarding! How were Mikey and him gonna get them out of this situation when one bite spelled the end for them!? Wait, where is Mikey? The scientist had no time to think on it as he suddenly saw an orange blur slam into Leo's side.

“Mikey!” Donnie was ignored and began to panic as he saw his brother inject something into Leo. 

“That'll keep him nice and sleepy for a while.” Donnie couldn't even hear the slight proud tone mikey had as he took the syringe out of Leo's neck. The purple banded brother marched and turned his smiling brother over to him and screamed.

“Have you lost your shell! What we're thinking injecting something into Leo!” Donnie would have probably wanted some more in his whirlpool of anger, fear and anxiety. Maybe even said some things he really needed to stop saying. They had been trying to stop with as many jabs at their brother's intelligence lately. him losing his best friend and seemingly going into a depression really made them realize so many jabs really weren't gonna help anyone. He even came forward about some feelings a few days ago about them so everyone was trying. But he was stopped by mikey giving him a look

“Chillax Dee.” Mikey's face was almost expressionless, but then an unfamiliar smile graced his face. It matched something that flashed in his eyes as he patted his older brother on the shoulder. “It was that sediment stuff master splinter made for raph he was bitten by fishface… or was it sedative.” Donnie could only shake his head

“It's sedative, and how'd you remember it?” Donnie genuinely looked kinda lost, his sensei only made it once and Mikey was barely there to see it made. Donnie was basically right there to see all the ingredients for the medicine his father made and he still didn't fully know everything. 

“It's my phonographic memory dude!” The look of pure done must have been hilarious to Mikey as he laughed. His face returned to something Donnie recognized. “Anyway dude let's get leo in your lab and start this antibody thing.” 

“You've got the egg!” Maybe Donnie should be looking for bites if his baby brother took on a parasite brainwashed Raphael all on his own.

“Nah dude, we'll have to wait for raphie to resurface. But we do have patient zero right over here dude.” As Mikey gestured to the brother he was now putting in chains it began to click in Donnies head.

“Leo's blood of course!” It would have been dangerous to get some blood from his bite happy brother. But it had to contain some antibodies by now with how he's been infected, and with him chained up and drowsy like this it'd be much easier then hunting Raph and the egg. “Mikey you're a genius!” 

“I know bro, now let's go hide in your lab and make that hydro dome you need.” Donnie froze for a second but didn't stop helping drag Leo in his lab that was about to be barricaded. “Leo's a lot heavier than he looks.” 

“Mikey, how did you know I needed to make a hybridoma culture?” He butchered the name but still, that's not something his brother usually knew. And Mikey himself froze for a second before that somewhat empty smile went on face again before it bloomed to a Mikey grin.

“I might have been bored one night and read something you searched up dude.” mikey said offhandedly, not much else was said as they dragged Leo into the lab and began to nail it shut. “Now let's get some of Leo's blood so we can do some good old fashioned science!” Even in such a situation Mikey was trying to keep the possibility of failure from consuming him and his brother. And Donnie appreciated it more than he admitted. But the smile he had gotten vanished when he saw Mikey's face looking quite shocked. His eye's placed right at the turtles neck.

“Dude yo-” wait why was Mikey cutting out. Come to think of it, why was Donnie hearing his name so many times

“Donnie!”

(Flashback end)

“Donnie are you there dude!” Mikey was shaking his brother now “paging doctor dee please come back to earth!” Now his ears hurt. He stopped his baby brother and tried rubbing his head to calm him down

“Easy Mikey, I don't wanna be deaf so young.” 

“Sorry dude but you kinda zoned out there so I was worried.” Mikey explained, still looking worried. But the worry melted when Donnie rubbed the top of his head. His baby brother could be like a cat sometimes.

“Sorry, I was thinking about when I probably saw the frightening insect hashira side of you Casey just mentioned.” that got everyone's attention but it was Mikey who nodded alongside him.

“Mutants wasps?” Mikey asked but both b team members knew it was simply a rhetorical question.

“Mutant wasps.” Donnie sighed, shivering at some of what he remembered Mikey being like when he was slowly falling under the venom's control. But the older brother's didn't seem to understand.

“Do you mean his crazy skills he used to get us with the cure?” The non hamatos in the room only ever heard bit's and pieces of what happened to the turtles while splinter was training April that day. But donnie could tell the 3 turtles shivering slightly at a memory involving their baby brother now got them with intrigue.

“Okay so is anyone gonna explain why you 3 are acting like you saw the boogie man or something.” Casey's words got him a look from April, only slightly glaring and annoyed at his lack of tact. Mostly because she was just as curious as the hockey player.

“Aw and you were doing good too Casey.” Mikey suddenly chimed in “you read what zenitsu wrote about what my last life did on mount nanigumo correct?” That was all the hashira incarnate needed to say to make the gap toothed humans face go paler then it already was.

“Dude you didn't?” Casey suddenly whispered out loudly as his eyes widened. 

“He did.” Donnie suddenly chimed in.

"It was like getting front row seats in a horror movie.” Raph grumbled out, impressed and a little terrified.

“Honestly I thought it was all from the venom but now it all makes sense.” Leo finished. Making the young turtle they were speaking about blush and nervously giggle

“What can I say bros, old habits die hard i guess?” He finished with a teehee that got them all to look at him

“Okay what happened guys, cause you're kind of freaking me out here.” April suddenly chimed in, looking somewhat unsettled why the 4 shivering boys before her were acting like this. And what it had to do with mikey.

“I would like to know what has been withheld from me as well.” splinter said, agreeing and wanting to know what was so terrifying to be left out of the ordeal with the parasite wasps. And after what felt life an eternity the 2 out of loopers got there answer from Mikey himself

“Well you see dudes, my past life was a rather… angry person. But she was also really good at hiding it under that smile we had.” Mikey began to explain to his captive audience. “Shinobu hated demons and I mean hated them.” They all looked slightly uneasy at that. Mostly caused hatred and Michelangelo didn't exactly go together in anybody's eyes. But they still held their tongues and let him continue. “She hated them enough to go to some… well some very big extremes. But she didn't show much of that anger or much of really anything beyond a smile but most could tell you didn't want to mess with her. Heh, part of why we ended up with the scary moniker was probably because we never stopped smiling. Not even when we were hunting demons or corralling slayers to get cured.” the look the young turtle had as they reminisced was a curdling mix of pain, nostalgia and what looked to be shame or maybe regret.

“If it is painful to talk about Mikey, you don't need to force yourself to talk.” Donnie suddenly spoke up, saying what the others didn't want to interrupt to speak. But the orange turtle shook his head and his expression softened with a rather sad smile.

“If I didn't want to talk about that life dee, I'd probably be hiding it longer.” anyway at that time with those wasps I wasn't exactly in the right headspace. I lost leatherhead,i was fumbling enough for it to be messing with any training or missions we had” everyone but casey had flinched. Remembering how absolutely destroyed mikey had been during those first few weeks after leatherhead was lost. It was a dark moment for them all. “When i had seen the stinger of the wasp and how leo was acting something in me began to snap. It was all starting to become just like the situation that killed one of my students. Only worse this time dudes cause it was all my bros involved.” the eyes of his friends and family widened.

“You had students, my son?” splinter looked completely stunned and donnie couldn't blame him, his father had never really thought of the idea any of his children would be able to take on students of their own even if they wanted to. Even then, it was always easy to assume leo would be the most likely to do so out of the 4 of them.

“I did papa. Had about 4 in total if were talking demon slayers. 8 if you included the assistants i had in my house helping me with caring for the injured.” Donnie could tell that got everyone else to be as shocked as he is.

“Mikey, you had 8 students !” Leo asked in a very stunned way. Which elected a less somber smile from the young turtle.

“Sure did bro, But they weren't all demon slayers. Some of them were more like medical assistants. A bit of both in 2 cases. ” before he could continue with whatever he was gonna go on about master splinter put a hand on his youngests head. Making the turtle look at his father with curiosity, only to frown when he noted the expression on splinters face.

“My son, what happened to that student?” and whatever distractful tactic the turtle was subconsciously gonna use evaporated with whatever light he had begun to stir up.

“Ah, right, almost forgot about that conversation.” Donnie could tell it pained their sensei to bring Mikey back to that painful talk but it needed to be done. Or else the pain would bury mikey now that it was brought up again.

“Being a demon slayer means you have a high chance of dying or getting a career ending injury and needing to retire.” as mikey began again everyone began to dread the answers. ”Because of that,a hashira often takes on tsugukos. Apprentices that'll take their place in case anything happens to them. Out of all the hasiras I had the most tsugukos.total of 4.”

“Four all at once?” April asked “You didn't take them on all at once?”

“Nah April.” miky disagreed before correcting “My last one was too young to take on final selection. And the 3 I took on as students before her were a package deal.” something didn't feel right to donnie by the way he was speaking about them.

“Since I lost my 3rd tsuguko you can probably guess what happened to the first 2.” The look on Mikey's face was soul crushing, an unfamiliar sort of pain was clouding his eyes. Even his already cloudy one. Like the curtains to a window that sealed off a room from the outside world. “ I lost them all in similar ways to what happened to us” it looked like mikey really might not be able to continue remanicing, and what seemed to be like clockwork for the past hour he now was getting pulled into some kind of hug, this time from his distraught father. Donnie knew there dad was probably the best for any kind of soothing for something like this. He was a teacher himself after all. Sometimes fearing he'd lose his stude- no, his sons in some fashion on their more extreme missions. Missions they couldn't fully prepare for.

 “We can talk about those another time.” splinter said in a calming voice as he felt his youngest son hug him back tightly. He could feel his son nodding along. Even if that time might not ever come. Despite wanting his son to get this pain off of his chest he refused to destroy or dull anymore of the light within michelangelo, not when the burden of those old memories weights so heavy on him already. 

“ the infection from the wasp was the very final straw for me.” mikey suddenly whispered. “When it came down to just me being unbitten it felt like something else had taken hold. I'm sure you remember how I was acting, didn't you Donnie?” the purple turtle's frown was even deeper now but he nodded along. Remembering how his brother quickly changed when they realized donnie was also infected.

(flashback)

“Mikey untie me!” the purple banded turtle shouted. Donnie was in a massive panic now. Not only was he bitten but he was trapped in similar chains as his still sleeping eldest brother, watching as Mikey seems to be touching the equipment in Donnie's lab. But even if he was reading some book he saw from donnies lab and made some sedative from memory doesnt mean the resident bo staff ninja had any confidence in his baby brother's ability to jury rig up an antidote. And that's not because he thinks mikey was incompetent. He just doesn't have any experience with chemicals like Donnie does(even if he didn't like chemistry as much as mechanics), but even his expertise is very slim and small. The antidote needs to be made specifically with specific instructions. Things donnie only barely knew himself so how his baby brother could be so calm as he seemingly does something with the labs equipment really didn't do anything to make the anxious feelings lower. But mikey wasnt listening to donnie at all, he had just stopped  touching the centrifuge like it would hold all the answers he had needed and moved to begin trying to isolate the compounds they needed from the blood he took from the leo and himself. He even thought while he was panicking that he saw mikey take some of his own blood. If this wasn't literal life or death he would be impressed by mikeys ability to get over his fear of needles. But instead his panic was turning into anger at being ignored and taken out of the project like he was unable to help. Sure he got bitten, and sure he could slowly feel his will being overwritten, but he was still able to assist. He could fight the venom's mutated effects. He could fight the overwhelming urge to bite down on the enemy brother he had left uninfected. “Mikey listen to me already and let me help you!” but once again he got no words. But he did get some shoulder movement. “Mi-” but before he could try again the turtle in question suddenly turned to him and stared with a look donnie could only flinch at. The vibrancy of mikeys eyes had seemingly faded into a blank pair of blue eyes that gazed right at the turtle(it had to be the shading of the room) his brothers mouth was currently in a frown but it looked like it wanted to sneer but was restricted by something. Mikey currently looked like some form of walking contradiction, detached but enraged. None of those terms were  things donnie would ever use to describe his baby brother till now brother.(donnie could have sworn he could feel the thing trying to take over his body and mind shiver and stop for a moment at the gaze as well) “if you keep trying to interrupt me from working i wont get this antibody done donatello.” oh boy, was this how he sounded when mikey tries to get him out of his work for things. If so then he might have some apologies for how he sounds if he's even remotely as angry as the restricted tone in his brother's voice was. No matter how soft it had seemingly gotten
“I jus-”
“If you're worried about my ability to make this antidote in time then i wouldnt worry. If it isn't done by the time Raph comes back with that egg then ill just make the hatchlings my test subjects for the anti venom if it goes that long.” that made donnie look sick, it made the thing inside him shudder as well. He had never heard anyone talk so casually about something like that. Not even Raph the prime bug hater talked about them in such a cold manner. It just felt so wrong to hear coming from his baby brother. Coming from any of them at all. But mikey seemed to realize his brother was getting scared of him and began to try and flash a signature grin. But even that looked wrong, this didn't feel like Donnies sweet if naive and energetic brother. No, this felt like someone pasting his likeness on themselves and not doing a good job at all. The smile was like a trick, a trap a predator lays down for their prey to take the bait and get eaten. ‘Everything will be just fine dee. I promise.” The imposter wearing his brothers skin turned away after he said that. But donnie could something muttered under the turtles breath
“Im not losing my family, not again. Never again.” donnie was stuck in another battle between the rapidly winning venom in his veins before he could even try to decipher what that meant

End flashback

“You had sounded very detached but also really angry.” and Donnie really couldn't remember a time he ever heard such a combination of distant mind but slowly rising anger. It wasn't even the burning hot and open flame that one could compare Raph and his anger to. The anger Donnie felt radiating from his baby brother was cold and slow. Like it waited to build and burst out. Donnie knew that if he had hair it would have standing on ends with how thighs were going at that time.

“I think it was her, in a way.” mikey admitted  “I didn't feel like michelangelo hamato anymore at that moment donnie got bit. I felt like the insect hashira shinobu kocho, it was like watching a reboot of her memories of her catching a lower moon demon with a wasp themed blood demon art demon. and taking apart their wasps, it wasn't even to experiment with my poisons. I always messed around with new varieties of those, she did it just so she could hurt it for what  it did to my tsuguko. Just so i could make it suffer.” and boy did the young turtle look somewhat sick at that confession. he was shaking  At remembering what had happened that night. Even without him being fully there because of the side effects of mikeys antidote, a deeper part of Donnie remembered the scene. And he knew his brothers also remembered it  too. Even if the memories of that event were hazy and dream like it was anything but a dream. It was a nightmare.

‘Ya wouldnt really do that would you mikey?” raph asked softly as he tried to even think of his baby brother ever acting like that. Donnie had told them about what he had seen while chained up but they had all chalked it up to being delirious and panicked over the battle with the wasp venom and mikey still being crushed about leatherhead. Turns out they might have been a little right but not fully.

“If I had thought it would have helped me fight demons then yes,shell I probably would have done it just because I hated them so much, I still nearly did so when you came back with the egg.” mikey went from being sick to looking crushed, shaken by those events. ‘I-i never felt anything like that before. At least not as bad as that.”

“Mikey, what do you mean not as bad as that. Have you felt something like that before?” Leo had a look of concern on his face at what his brother had said. But his baby brother just looked so lost on what to say. Like he didn't mean to let that slip. So the leader in blue backpaddled as he put his hands on the shaking turtles shoulders. “You don't have to share with us about that right now mikey, but please come to us when you're ready” just like his sensei leo could feel the brightness in mikeys soul getting choked out by the pain, but trying to force it all out of him at once would only make it worse on him. “How about we go home and all have a nice family dinner together, casey told me you were gonna have a cooking lesson with him?” leos question garnered a smile from mikey before he hugged him tightly

“ i promise dudes, ill tell you all the icky things another time, but i did have a nice little lesson planned for casey and april tonight so what if we just make it a family cooking lesson instead?” mikey proposed with a vibrant but still subdued expression and tone. But the light that came back into his form made its usual infectious way. Like a sun trying and succeeding to shine in the stormy clouds of a grey rainy day “maybe i could tell you some neat things about the hashira that zenitsu didn't have in his book there.” and there was that signature grin. Not as big but not as fake either

“ That sounds like a wonderful idea my son.” Splinter had chimed in with a smile on his face

“ we could invite leatherhead too! I know he'd be excited to hear some of the juicy details.” Mikey had quickly dashed out of his little wisteria filled room and headed towards his giant buddy. Leaving a few smiling faces in his wake at the way he could make things brighter already, even when it was easy to see that he was sad.perhaps now that they know, and could see some of the signs the family might be able to help their ball of sunlight through this all. Because they knew it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. But that didn't mean the bright butterfly that was Michelangelo had to do this all alone, nor did he have to hold things in like it seemed like he was used to. He had a family made up of brothers, friends and a father. All willing to help the young turtle through this mess of tangled lives. Both his current life and his last one.