Chapter Text
Jason couldn’t help it: he laughed out loud without any humor in his voice. It was really ironic. Just as he began to feel at home and loved, it was over.
Rule number three echoed in his head again. He had promised Tim that he wouldn’t disappear when everything came to light, but he couldn’t manage to move at all. He slowly took the phone from Tim, watching as the green screen gave way to a camera image of Barbara.
She had hardly changed over the last few years. Sure, she had gotten older, but she still radiated a calmness that Jason had never achieved.
“So you figured it out?” he asked, hoping his voice didn’t sound as hoarse as it felt. It had been clear from the beginning that his identity would come out eventually, but so far he had only ever planned on revealing it himself with a gun pointed at Joker’s face.
“After Tim’s weird sign-in at the Batcave yesterday, I might have followed some of the blood tests Bruce did and hacked a camera or two. I’m really disappointed that no one in this family thought to let me know.”
“Sorry,” Tim mumbled, actually sounding like he meant it.
“I guess it was just too much for everyone,” Jason explained, realizing that it was true. His family was used to functioning in stressful situations, but once they saw Jason alive and breathing, they couldn’t seem to focus on anything else.
“That’s why I’m just getting in touch now, but it’s also why instead of sleeping, I’ve spent the last few hours doing a lot of research that Bruce hasn’t gotten to yet.”
Jason swallowed. He knew that Barbara could go through a lot of information in an hour, but she’d had almost a full day. She must have found out a lot more than his identity as Red Hood by now.
“You can thank me for deleting everything I found, so B will never come across it.”
“What?” asked Jason in surprise, his eyes widening. He saw that Barbara smiled gently at him, but he still found it hard to believe the words.
“I said you can thank me.”
Jason didn’t know what to say. He really should say thank you, instead there was only one word in his head. “Why?”
“You’re still my little brother. I’d still like to understand what you’re thinking and what your plan is, but if you don’t want Bruce to know, then the sibling code dictates that I do everything in my power to keep him from finding out.”
“Cool! Team Red Undercover has gained a new member,” Tim exclaimed delightedly, before he tightened his mouth. “I’ll work on the name.”
Barbara laughed and actually seemed pleased. In contrast, Jason was grappling with the reality of two individuals valuing his secret more than their bond with Bruce. A week ago, he would have thought this absolutely impossible.
“Thank you,” Jason whispered, clearing his throat to somehow disguise his feelings, but knowing full well that the others saw how much it meant to him.
“I still have to ask: why Red Hood? Why that name? And why a new identity at all instead of coming home?” Barbara’s look was serious and Jason could see out of the corner of his eye that Tim had been asking himself these questions too, but had so far kept quiet rather than drive Jason away. “Jason, I’ve deleted recordings from the last two years. You trained under the League of Assassins, but I know your skills. You could have run off at any time and asked us for help. So there must be a reason you didn’t.”
Tim also spoke up in a low voice after Jason didn’t answer right away. “I know you felt like no one missed you, but that’s not the only reason you stayed away, is it?”
Jason shook his head slowly.
“I ... was angry for a very long time and probably still am. I died and yet Bruce passed Robin to you like nothing happened. He stuffed you into that costume and exposed you to danger.”
Tim nodded. He didn’t seem to resent Jason’s feelings and Barbara seemed proud that Jason was sharing his feelings so honestly. They had no idea what was going on inside him. He couldn’t even put it all into words.
“And then there’s ... the Joker.” Jason saw exactly how Barbara winced slightly. Jason knew Joker had hurt her as much as he hurt him, but somehow Barbara had come out of it strongly. It certainly hadn’t been easy, and Jason had no right to assume anything about her healing process. After all, he hadn’t been able to support her on her journey.
“After everything he’s done ... he’s still alive. Breathing happily in Arkham, still laughing and waiting to pull off his next move against Batman. No matter what he does, Bruce will never kill him.”
Tim looked as if he wanted to say something, but he bit his lip. Barbara nodded in understanding instead.
“You want the Joker dead. I understand that. I also understand that it will take time for you to talk to Bruce about these feelings and come to a mutual understanding that you feel this way and that Bruce still can’t fulfill your wish.”
“But?” Jason asked, because there was always a but. Just because Barbara was willing to understand so much didn’t mean she didn’t have her reservations. If things went well, there would just be a few more rules to Tim’s. If things went badly, she would give him an ultimatum.
“But I’m not going to stand idly by and watch you kill people who could still change their lives.”
Jason’s expression darkened. That point would probably always be a point of contention with the Bats, but then again, Jason had already agreed to Tim’s first rule.
“Don’t worry, Tim already made me promise not to kill anyone else for now.”
Barbara nodded, but she still remained serious.
“Anything else?”
“Yes. I’ll send Tim the background story I’ve filled in for you. It’s not very polished, but it’s close to the truth and should be enough for Bruce should it come up.”
Tim leaned over Jason’s shoulder to give Babs a thumbs up and grin broadly. He seemed downright excited to read through this data. Jason hoped she hadn’t overdone it. He couldn’t tell the truth about his past years, but that didn’t mean he wanted to tell a tall tale.
“I’m really happy to see you again, Jason. I hope we can meet in person soon. You always know where to find me.”
“No one could keep me away from a library,” Jason promised, waving briefly before ending the call.
Barbara hadn’t said it, but Jason had seen from her face that she recognized what Tim was currently trying to ignore with hopeful thinking. Jason was home right now, but Red Hood and his feelings about the Joker were getting in the way of his full return home. No matter how hard Tim and Barbara tried, in the end it was up to Jason which life he chose.
At the moment, Jason couldn’t imagine living here peacefully, knowing that Joker lived in the same city and could strike again at any time. And then there was the panic of abandoning the plan he had been following for the last few years. What was he supposed to do if he gave up? He had never given it a second thought.
Jason and Tim spent the next two hours going over Barbara’s story. She had spent a true marvel, because while she couldn’t hide from Bruce that he had ended up with the League (who else would have kept Batman away from his son for so long?), she had spun a beautiful lie that showed Jason not as an obedient apprentice, but much more as someone who had escaped the inner circle with Talia’s help and visited safe houses all over the world before it was safe to return to Gotham. This also explained who was paying his rent, because no matter how good Barbara was, she couldn’t give Jason a job without Batman coming across evidence to the contrary.
Despite everything, it wasn’t until there was a knock at the door that the two realized how long they had been locked in together without checking back in with the others.
“Come in, Dickwing!”
When Dick opened the door, it didn’t seem for a moment that he was angry about that old nickname. Instead, Jason could see that he was relieved that Jason was still here and hadn’t left.
“I hate to bother you both, but if you’re not doing anything right now, I’d say a movie night is more than needed.”
Tim sat up and put his cell phone away. “I’ve shown Jason a few of my digitized photos, but for the rest, it’s better if I get the album out anyway. Jason would probably appreciate a break, though.”
Jason rolled his eyes. “Don’t talk yourself down, kid. You’ve got an eye for detail.”
With that, Jason rose from the floor and patted his jeans, though Alfred would never allow the floor to get dirty. “I’m warning you, Dick. If you pick a Disney movie, I’ll pack my suitcase and find someone with better taste in movies.”
Dick dramatically put a hand over his heart, as if Jason’s comment had hurt him. Maybe he really was afraid Jason would disappear, but they both tried to go back to their old banter. Maybe it was easier than talking about what had happened the last few years. It was easier to pretend that nothing had changed than to admit that they needed to get to know each other again.
“Is Bruce coming, too?” Tim asked, and Dick started to shake his head apologetically before changing his mind and spreading his arms out as if to hug him.
“Forget the old man. Let him deal with Gotham’s villains on his own, because sometimes we kids need to keep to ourself.”
Tim didn’t elaborate and Jason didn’t say anything, either. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but wonder if Bruce was following what Jason had set in motion yesterday. For the time being, his goons were to keep their feet still and just make sure that Red Hood’s rules were followed. This tactic wouldn’t work for long, but for a week it would ensure that Jason could test out this new life while Bruce landed more important fish. Maybe within that week, one of the other villains would put a plan into action so that the rise of Red Hood would be forgotten.
Or maybe something would go wrong and Jason would have to come up with a contingency plan that he didn’t currently have ready.
He was really unprepared, and that was something that could kill you.
Jason had shown little to no interest in movies over the last few years, so at one point, he left Dick and Tim alone in their discussion about which movie they would watch now. It wasn’t as if any of the titles meant anything to him unless it was a movie adaptation of a classic. So why interfere? It wasn’t about which movie it ended up being anyway, but about their time together. Jason could just imagine how Dick would use this opportunity to somehow squeeze himself between Tim and Jason on the couch, even though there were plenty of other places to sit.
“Hey!” Tim exclaimed in offense, and only now did Jason give them his attention again. Dick was holding Tim away from him and had just managed to put on a movie without Tim being able to do much about it.
“I’m sorry, Babybird, but if we want to finish before Bruce interferes with our cozy evening, we need to get started.”
Both Tim and Jason didn’t believe this reasoning for a moment. Dick just didn’t want to watch a sci-fi movie. Despite this, Jason said nothing, tapping instead on the place next to him; this led to another argument.
Tim immediately jumped to his feet and tried to grab the seat, but Dick jumped past him and right on top of Jason.
“Ah!” exclaimed Jason, because not a second later Tim was on top of them too. “You’re heavy! Get out of here!“
”Did you hear that, Tim? You’re heavy!” Dick shouted over his shoulder and got hit in the face with a pillow in return. Before Dick could hit back with one, a familiar voice coughed into his fist.
“I’ve prepared some popcorn, gentlemen.”
“Thank you, Alfred,” Jason was already turning to him, throwing the two troublemakers off him. They sighed, but then sat down properly, with Dick taking the seat in the middle and accepting the bowl from Alfred.
“Thank you,” Dick said sincerely, and Alfred just nodded before moving back again.
Jason couldn’t help but smile and then glanced at the TV. The first few minutes had already started without any of them paying attention.
“Who’s the woman?” Tim asked, reaching for the popcorn in his next breath.
“I know as much as you do,” Jason sighed.
“She seems important,” Tim replied, and before he could ask another question, Dick reached behind him and rewound to the beginning. Only after a few minutes did Tim raise his voice again.
“I guess she wasn’t important after all.”
In return, he got two pillows thrown at his face.
Jason probably should have seen it coming. As soon as he had even a few minutes of joy, a storm of despair followed. But he had been unprepared, had only prepared himself for the truth to be his undoing. He hadn’t thought for a second to pay attention to other influences and so he couldn’t defend himself when the panic engulfed him.
At first, it was just the feeling of throbbing fingertips as the screen went black and the sound of breathing was the only way to know the movie wasn’t over. Jason felt sick when the camera showed a barely lit room in which he could make out a body.
Room ... you couldn’t call it that.
Jason knew what it was, and he felt sick.
It was hard to concentrate on Tim demanding the rest of the popcorn from Dick, because the sounds seemed to come from another world.
Jason felt as if there wasn’t enough air around him. As if no matter how deeply he breathed in, he would run out in the next few minutes. He had to pace himself. He couldn’t be so greedy. Nevertheless, he drew another breath in the next moment.
The throbbing in his fingers had given way to the feeling of splinters digging into his skin and before Jason knew what was happening, he wanted to feel his way down and look for something that could break wood better than his fists.
“Jason!” someone shouted from the distance, but Jason didn’t have the strength to lift his gaze and determine where it was coming from. Instead, he became painfully aware that he was wearing comfy sweatpants. No belt. No shoes. No rings. Nothing.
Something cold settled beneath his palm, and Jason blinked in confusion as he recognized the ice cube. This ... made no sense.
He was locked in his coffin, there was no ice here.
Now that he thought about it, there shouldn’t be no bright light, either.
A glance upwards revealed ceiling lights shining at their brightest. No coffin lid. Jason wasn’t there.
Jason could only slowly make out the voice next to him, but the first thing he felt was relief when he saw Dick. Behind him, he heard footsteps of Tim, who had probably just switched on the light.
“Hey, Jason. Back again? Want to tell me five things you see?”
Jason gulped, but somehow managed to open his mouth. He wasn’t there. No dirt would get in, no matter how much he imagined he could taste it.
“You. The pillow behind you, that I threw at Tim. Popcorn in your hair.” Jason glanced to the side. “Tim. The television.”
Someone had turned off the TV by now. Had they finished the movie? Had they stopped it? It was hard to tell.
“Very good. I’m proud of you. How about four things you can touch?”
Jason knew what Dick was doing, after all, he had taught him this technique as Robin and Jason was sure Tim had learned it from him too. Jason still followed the instructions until he no longer felt like he was choking.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, not knowing what to say instead. Tim was silent and appeared unable to find the right words. But Dick just shook his head and smiled. He was worried, but Jason knew he could only look at his family with such love.
“There’s nothing you need to apologize for. If you want to talk about it, we’re here.”
Jason bit his lip lightly and then shook his head slowly.
“It’s nothing. I just remembered something, but it’s in the past, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
Tim frowned and Dick didn’t seem convinced, either.
“Little Wing, it could have happened in the last century and I still wouldn’t minimize it. Just because time has passed doesn’t mean it can’t still bother you.”
Jason was now the one shaking his head. “Yes, it does. Such trivialities should ... should no longer have any influence on me.”
He could see that Dick wanted to disagree, but Jason didn’t want to hear it. Those words didn’t come from him and he would probably never say them to someone who was having a panic attack, but in the League he’d had to internalize them quickly and his time on Gotham’s streets had shown him that weakness was a luxury reserved for others. It wasn’t for him.
“Thank you for your help. Really.” After a moment’s hesitation, Jason added, “Please don’t tell Bruce, okay? Evening between brothers, right?”
Dick hesitated, but Tim nodded, which earned him a scowl from Dick.
“Of course, if that’s what you want.”
Dick sighed. “You owe us if Bruce ever finds out.”
Jason raised an eyebrow. “Dick, I kept your secrets in death. I guess you can keep quiet for a few years.”
It was a feeble attempt to deflect the subject, but it worked. His brothers weren’t stupid, Jason knew that. They’d probably figured out what had triggered him and used it to fill some of his lost time. A damn small part, considering everything else that happened afterwards.