Chapter Text
It was after supper and Wilde was in a much improved mood. And not just from the excellent meal he had just had. No, he was in brighter spirits as this supper was decidedly much more congenial than the last had been. Wilde had kept a careful, though unobtrusive eye on both Lowe and Lightoller, and he had been very pleased at what he had observed. Both officers actually engaged with not only the others present, but with each other as well, and Wilde could sense the animosity from before was firmly in the past now. Lightoller had pulled Lowe into his conversation with the others about the apparent origin of Bert's pocket watch, and Lowe had joined in well enough and had even laughed a time or two at Lightoller's witty remarks.
Wilde hadn't quite known what to expect as he was starting to understand Harry's mood was as mercurial as the sea, but thankful the maelstrom looked to have passed, and all was calm waters now. He had known they had settled the discord between them earlier, but he was pleased nonetheless to see the evidence with his own eyes.
He also noticed that Lowe did not squirm in his seat, proving to Wilde that Lightoller had indeed not been harsh in his discipline of the younger officer, and that Wilde himself had also been spot on with his own punishment. It had been on the lighter and shorter side for a thrashing, but that had been Wilde's intent. His purpose was for it to serve as a reminder, a warning, a display of concept, as it were. He had told Lowe he would punish him if he were to be punished by another officer, and he was a man of his word. But he would always be fair to his junior officer, and as this had been the first offense, Wilde had scaled the thrashing back to nothing more than a token swatting, though he was sure Lowe would disagree vigorously at such a claim.
Wilde had chuckled softly into his teacup and had kept mostly to himself for the duration of supper, enjoying the much more companiable atmosphere. Murdoch had given him a curious, though half knowing look, and Wilde had simply raised his brow at him over the rim of his cup. They would talk later. Wilde suspected Murdoch had noticed the change as well and had a very good idea as to what must have transpired. He knew the Scotsman wouldn’t have asked either officer for details, even if it was obvious what had happened. He was far too disciplined and well-mannered for that, but he was also smart and observant and could put two and two together as easily as the rest of them.
Well, excepting Pitman of course.
When supper was over, they had all gone their separate ways. Since they were docked, there was no need for an officer on watch at this hour as a quartermaster was good enough to relay messages or impart any incidents that may occur on a ship docked safely at port and with only a well-trained crew on board. That would all change of course once passengers embarked, but that wasn't for a few days yet.
Wilde knew he was going to have to start conditioning himself for those two am to six am watches. He briefly wondered if he might 'suggest' the same for Lowe, but his watches would not be as consistent due to the dog watches that prevented the junior officers from serving the same watches each day. Wilde would just have to settle on making sure Lowe spent his rest periods doing mostly that. Resting.
So as the others had left, one by one, Wilde had waited till he was the last. Well, almost the last as Murdoch had stayed behind as well, eager for that implied talk. But there was another conversation Wilde wanted to have first. After giving Murdoch assurances that they would speak later, he took his leave.
It hadn't really taken all that long for Wilde to find Lightoller. He suspected that the man had a lot to think about himself and would most likely be keeping to his own company tonight, despite his gregarious nature. As Lightoller was a people watcher, it was of no surprise that Wilde found him on the port side first class promenade, just aft of the lifeboats, watching the activity on the docks below wind down for the night. He wasn't hiding, but he had taken himself away from any of the spaces frequented by crew. A nice, quiet place to think.
Or talk.
Wilde didn't try to conceal his approach, and it was no surprise when Lightoller turned his head slightly to subtly acknowledge his presence. He was leaning on the railing, smoking a cigarette, apparently enjoying the cooling evening air. He took a long drag then blew it out, the smoke billowing into the air.
"Took you long enough," he said, not even bothering to turn around.
Wilde chuckled as he came up beside him and leaned over the railing, bracing his arms on it and clasping his hands. Lightoller knew him far too well.
"Under the circumstances, I could say the same about you," he replied, giving him a quick, knowing glance out the corner of one eye.
Lightoller let his cigarette dangle in his fingers over the rail and looked at him with an expression that implied his assumptions had just been proven correct.
"You know then?" he asked simply.
"Are you surprised?" Wilde retorted with a smile.
"Ha! No, I suppose I shouldn't be, now should I? You seem to know everything that goes on on this ship," Lightoller chuckled, displaying willingness rather than reluctance to have this conversation.
"That has been brought to my attention once or twice," Wilde teased.
"I just bet it has," Lightoller replied, pausing to take a drag on his cigarette. He blew the smoke out slowly, as if he was trying to give himself time to organize his thoughts. Finally, he looked back over to Wilde and fixed him with a sincere look. "I followed your advice, you know. All of it. I was careful and I didn't lose my temper, though he was doing his damndest to goad me into it."
Wilde nodded in understanding.
"I know that too," he said simply.
He saw Lightoller give him another look, eerily reminiscent of the ones Murdoch was constantly giving him, half amused and half irritated.
"It was you I heard then," he revealed, pointing his cigarette at Wilde. "You were listening, weren't you?"
His tone held no accusation in it, rather what sounded more like relief to Wilde's ears, and he could understand that on many levels. He knew Lightoller had been uncomfortable with the whole idea of caning his junior officer, and he must have had his doubts going into it, if he would handle it well. But if Wilde had been listening in and had not intervened, or even approached him earlier, then perhaps he hadn't bullocksed it all up, not that Wilde suspected Lightoller had thought he had. If that had been the case, then Lightoller would have come to him, not the other way around. And the fact that it had been Wilde that had overheard what transpired inside the chart room and not the Captain, or someone else not aware of the situation, meant that Lightoller had no uncomfortable explaining to do.
"Most of it," Wilde confirmed. "Though it wasn't like I had a glass to the door, mind you," he added. He turned his head fully and gave Lightoller a serious look. "You handed it well, Charles. I was very pleased with how it all went."
Lightoller looked back down at the docks and let his gaze wander over the remaining horse carts and dock workmen.
"I'm relieved to hear you say so, admittedly," he began. " I was a little doubtful at first, but after he and I had a little talk, and I mean an actual talk, we came to a sort of understanding. Then the caning itself didn't seem quite so daunting after, really. I just remembered what you and Will had told me and followed through. And look how well it all turned out! I'm happy to have gotten at least something right!" He looked back over at Wilde. "Is it wrong to say I felt just a bit of satisfaction in smacking him with that cane?" he asked, turning up one corner of his mouth in a small smile.
Wilde laughed and shook his head.
"Not at all, Charles, not at all."
"And he wasn't the least bit stoic like you said he might be," Lightoller continued. "Carried on like you wouldn't believe over that silly little cane. I wasn't even whacking him with all that great a force, but you would have sworn I was just brutalizing him!" he explained, waiving the hand with the cigarette for emphasis, trailing thin tendrils of smoke behind it.
Wilde unclasped his hands and brought his right up to his chin, rubbing it.
"I have noticed that as well," Wilde said thoughtfully. "I hope it may mean he's more comfortable around us now. He wasn't like that at first, but he didn’t really know any of us either. I can't say for sure what Harry might be thinking, but I can say I do prefer him voicing his thoughts than keeping utterly tightlipped. It does make gauging whether or not he's learned his lesson a tad bit easier," Wilde chuckled.
Lightoller chuffed.
"If I were to use his response to gauge the effectiveness of my technique, I really had nothing to worry about then, did I? Like I said, he did carry on so," Lightoller pointed out again, but there was humor in his tone and in his expression, and Wilde understood that Lightoller really was a bit amused by the show Lowe had put on for him.
"Well, I won't argue with you that when he wants to, he can overdo it at times," Wilde began. "But if he's caterwauling right from the get-go, you can pretty much assume that he's just complaining and that you are in fact perhaps being a bit lenient," he explained, dropping his hand from his chin to once more clasp his hands together over the rail.
"You think I was too lenient?" he heard Lightoller ask, and he looked back over to him. He paused a moment to give it genuine thought, but he didn't need more than that.
"I think you were as firm as you needed to be," he said truthfully. While he couldn't be completely accurate in his assessment as he hadn't been in the room, from what he had heard and what he knew of the two men on the other side of the door, Lightoller couldn't have done better. He knew Lightoller had been uncomfortable with the idea of canning his junior, yet he hadn't shied away from it when it became necessary. Wilde was particularly pleased about how Lightoller had actually taken the time to talk with Lowe first. That had been all Lightoller, and Wilde was impressed. "I meant what I said when I told you you handled it well and that I was pleased." He raised a teasing eyebrow. "You wouldn't be fishing for compliments now, would you?"
Lightoller laughed softly and shook his head.
"I hardly need to fish for them," he teased back.
Wilde just shook his head, smile still upon his lips. There was a moment of silence between them; both officers lost in their own thoughts as they watched the dwindling activity below. Wilde let the silence linger, wanting Lightoller to voice whatever it was that was on his mind without prompt from him. There was no doubt that there must be quite a bit crashing about in his noggin right now. As Wilde suspected, it didn't take very long. When Lightoller spoke next, his tone was much more subdued.
"I really hadn't meant for all this to happen, you know," he began, adopting Wilde's posture and leaning over the railing.
Wilde turned to look at him, but Lightoller kept his gaze on the docks below, though Wilde suspected they weren't really observing anything. The Second Officer let out a deep sigh.
"He had told me he had felt that I did not think too highly of him, that I saw him as an outsider and meant to keep him that way…," he trailed off as he looked down at his cigarette, gently rolling it between his fingers. "I admit that that gave me quite the shock as that had never crossed my mind!" He turned to glance at Wilde. "You know me old chap. That just isn't my nature."
Wilde nodded.
"Aye, but I do know you," he gently pointed out.
He watched as Lightoller gave a quiet scoff and looked back down to the docks.
"Yes, quite right. I see your point." There was another thoughtful pause. "I'm not as blind as all that that I could not see how he might have come to that conclusion now, even though it was utterly wrong. I had seen the events through my eyes, through my interpretation, my intentions, and I simply hadn't considered how he might have seen it all. He is the new man amongst us, like you and Will had so helpfully pointed out to me before. I suppose I didn't really fully understand how that might make him feel, what with all of us knowing each other to varying degrees at least. It's not easy being the odd man out and if he thought even half of what he told me he had, well, I suppose I can understand how he had gotten things so wrong."
Wilde raised another brow, pleased with Lightoller's introspection.
"Still, doesn't excuse his behavior. He knows better than that," Wilde reminded him.
"You would think," Lightoller chuckled. He glanced at Wilde out the corner of his eye. "But then again, you do know him better than all of us," he smiled.
Wilde scoffed and waved one hand in dismissal.
"I don't know nearly as much as you seem to think I do," he replied.
"Ha! If only Will was here to hear you say such a thing!" he laughed.
"Now don't you go telling him! That man is insufferable enough!" Wilde teasingly scolded, pointing a stern finger at him to emphasize his order.
"Funny, I seem to recall he said the very same thing about…,"
"Careful there, Mister Lightoller," Wilde said, casually cutting Lightoller off.
Lightoller took the gentle rebuke for what it was and simply laughed it off.
"Apologies, sir. Looks like I do have trouble knowing when to close this mouth of mine," Lightoller chuckled.
Wilde only shook his head in fond response, but Lightoller's statement brought up a memory for Wilde. One that he had been mulling over in his mind for hours this day. How nice of Lightoller to give him the perfect opening to ask about it.
"Speaking of you not knowing when to stop flapping those gums of yours…," Wilde began, his tone light to show the other man he was not criticizing him. "You seemed a bit uncharacteristically tight lipped earlier."
He saw Lightoller give him a surprised look.
"Me? Whatever do you mean?" he asked in return, though Wilde could see a hint of suspicion in the other man's face.
Wilde could have had his fun, could have beat around the bush until Lightoller finally blurted out what Wilde wanted to know, but he decided to get right to the point. This was a rather more serious question, and he had been wanting this answer for some time now. He kept his stance relaxed, his tone amiable, and decided to just get right the point.
"Why did you cover for him?" he asked gently. He saw Lightoller's hand holding the cigarette pause halfway to his lips. The other officer looked at him, his expression unreadable. Wilde clarified his question, though he was sure Lightoller understood what he meant. "Afterwards, when I came onto the bridge and Harry was cleaning up that teacup. I had asked you if there was anything I needed to be made aware of, and you told me no. You now know that I already knew then that you had caned him, yet you did not say a word about it. You even sanitized the incident with the teacup, telling me very little of what happened. I seem to recall you said there had been an accident, and you had both been surprised, but uncharacteristically no more. He told me what he had done. Yet you had not. So here is my question again. Why did you cover for him, Charles?"
Wilde waited patiently as Lightoller seemed to digest what he had just said. The cigarette finally made it to Lightoller's lips, and he took a drag. He tilted his head back and let the smoke out slowly.
"You really do know everything," he finally said, somewhat resignedly.
Wilde opened his mouth in rebuttal, but Lightoller waved a hand at him as if to ward off whatever denial Wilde might be about to give him.
"Never mind, that doesn't matter." He turned to look at him. "I guess my answer to you will be the same I gave to him. Yes, he asked me just about the very same question," Lightoller revealed at Wilde's curious look. "The matter had been between us, and we had settled it. I didn't see the need to bring anyone else into it, frankly. Honestly, I didn't, and after what he had told me, how he had felt the odd man out, well, I…I guess I…."
It seemed as if Lightoller was struggling for words; something Wilde had rarely ever seen him do.
"Well, this part I did not tell him," Lightoller bravely continued. "I guess I felt a bit…protective, in a way. He had revealed something truly personal, and to me of all people, and I suppose I felt a sort of trust had been laid with me. This had truly been a moment between myself and he, and I had no desire to have him feel the outsider ever again by blabbing to another that I had caned him or bring scrutiny to his misdeeds." He laughed quietly. "And to be perfectly honest, I see some of myself in him. Since he had been on board, he has done some rather outrageous things! Do you remember how he had climbed onto the roof over there and threw that bucket down to draw our attention so James could pinch the cane off the bridge?" he asked, waving a hand behind them back towards the navigation bridge.
Wilde nodded sagely.
"And not to mention that wild goose chase he led those blasted pirates on when they boarded us! I am still in shock over that!" he exclaimed.
"You aren't the only one," Wilde muttered.
"Then he comes back from an errand in town all busted up like he's been in a pub brawl, and it turns out he was! And on top of that, he was almost arrested!"
"And you see yourself in all that mischief, do you?" Wilde quickly asked, one stern brow raised.
"Here now, I did say some, did I not?" he countered just as quickly. "Even I know when enough is enough," he added, his tone a bit grumbly.
"Tell that to the people of Sydney Harbor," Wilde replied dryly.
"That was twelve years ago!" Lightoller retorted, pointing his cigarette at the older officer. "Will you lot ever stop bringing it up?" he added peevishly.
"You fired a canon," Wilde reminded him.
"It was a spur of the moment joke! A fortuitous window of opportunity…,"
"You said you planned it for six weeks…," Wilde deadpanned.
He watched as Lightoller sputtered and huffed.
"Yes well, there was that whole war going on and I…it was…blast it all! I thought you wanted to talk about Mister Lowe!" Lightoller accused.
Wilde laughed, his mirth carrying to the docks below where a couple workers looked up at the two ship officers.
"Forgive me Charles, please…continue with your explanation," Wilde replied, still chuckling as he held out a hand to him.
"I don't even remember now," Lightoller answered, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette pointedly.
"Yes you do," Wilde gently chided.
Lightoller huffed again but didn't deny it any further.
"As I was saying," he began, rather dramatically Wilde thought. "I did see myself a little in some of his more tame antics, and I have been on his side of consequences far more than I have been on the other," he finally admitted.
Wilde could readily believe that. He had heard Lightoller had gotten quite the dressing down from the captain of the Teutonic, and he wouldn't have been surprised if Lightoller had gotten even more than that for such a reckless act. But he had never asked, and Lightoller had never said more than he had. He had stood Lightoller before him as well, more than he cared to admit, and had given him some rather impressive dressing downs himself. Thankfully, Lightoller had toned down the pranks and mischief over the years and had become quite the competent and reliable officer. Wilde could understand being the disciplinarian rather than the disciplined, was a bit of a turnabout for him, though Lightoller had no issues giving orders or asserting his authority when needed. But barking out an order was a far cry from bending another officer over and smacking his arse with a cane.
"And so I suppose once it was all over, I wanted to show him that it really was. That he needn't worry that I would hold this over his head or use it against him in some way. Am I making sense here? I do hope I am, but I fear I might not be as I hadn't really put words to these thoughts till now," Lightoller admitted.
"You are making perfect sense, Charles, and I commend you on it," Wilde told him. He raised a hand and patted Lightoller on his shoulder once. "You did very well," he added, a smile on his lips as he pulled his hand away.
"Well, thank you," Lightoller replied somewhat sheepishly. "It does make me feel better to hear you say so." He took another drag of his cigarette, as if he had finally earned it. Once the fragrant smoke had slid past his lips, he turned slightly and gave Wilde a mischievous look. "Besides, I didn't think anything good would come from telling you, and Harry readily agreed!" He chuckled lightly.
"You were both right, and perhaps, both wrong," Wilde chuckled to himself.
He saw Lightoller give him a curious look.
"Why did you ask Lowe to your cabin after his watch was over?" he asked, angling his body more towards Wilde as if he was preparing himself to receive some rather delicious gossip.
Wilde was reasonably sure Lightoller already knew, or at the very least suspected what the reason had been, especially now that he understood that Wilde had known he had canned Lowe. After Wilde had implemented the new rule for Harry, he had told Lightoller of it as he was the last of the senior officers and he thought it important he be informed. Lightoller had taken it rather lightly, no doubt thinking it would not really affect him as he never expected to be in the position of punishing their junior officer in the first place.
"I think you know, Charles," Wilde stated, eyeing the other man for his reaction.
Lightoller pressed his lips into a line and looked back down to the dock, nodding his head once.
"Yes, after I gave it some thought and remembered what you had told me...I guess I did know." He took a long pull on his diminishing cigarette. "I can't imagine young Mister Lowe was too pleased to discover that himself," he added, some humor creeping back into his voice.
"Not in the slightest," Wilde chuckled as he recalled Lowe's utter shock and dismay at finding out that he was about to receive another punishment over the canning Lightoller had given him. "Though he shouldn't have been so shocked as all that, as I had warned him," he pointed out.
"Can't blame him for thinking you were bluffing," Lightoller quipped.
"I never bluff," Wilde replied firmly.
"Not about things such as that, I suppose," Lightoller compromised, ignoring the raised eyebrow of his companion. "I find myself quite surprised to be saying this but, I do hope you weren't too hard on him," he said.
Wilde was a little surprised himself, but he knew this must be another manifestation of that newfound protectiveness Lightoller had developed for the younger officer. If this had been two days ago, he suspected Lightoller would have been all too eager to hear how Wilde had thrashed his troublesome Fifth Officer good and proper, not that Wilde would have shared such details with him. But things had clearly changed between them now, and Wilde couldn't help smiling at the accumulating proof.
"Don't worry Charles, I was actually quite lenient myself," he began. "Not that Harry would agree," he chuckled.
"Ha!" Lightoller barked out in genuine amusement and agreement.
"Like I have told you both now, I was very much pleased with how things had worked out, and I had no intention of going hard on the boy," Wilde explained. He shifted his weight to his other foot and adjusted his lean against the railing. "But a rule is a rule, and he knew what would happen if he disobeyed," Wilde finished.
There was a moment of silence between them as Lightoller appeared to digest what Wilde had just said. After another moment, he put a question to him.
"Forgive me if this is perhaps a bit too impertinent, but, why did you implement that rule? The one about punishment from another officer meant punishment from you. I admit that at the time I hadn't given it a second thought, but now I find myself quite curious," Lightoller admitted.
Now it was Wilde's turn to gather his thoughts. Lightoller remained uncharacteristically quiet as he patiently waited beside him. There had been several reasonings behind his decision to implement that new rule. Whether Harry liked it or not, Wilde had taken him under his wing ever since that day with the pirates. He had felt that spark of protectiveness when he had seen Lowe disappear around the bridge wall, chased by cutthroats, and had heard the gunshots that followed, and it had only grown ever since. Lowe unknowingly fed that spark by his very nature, somehow finding himself right in the center of the most vexing mischief. Wilde had begun to realize that left to his own devices, Lowe may just lead himself right into an unfortunate future. And Wilde simply wouldn't have that. The lad needed guidance, and Wilde had willingly taken up that mantle. Besides, there was a vulnerability to Harry under all that brash bravado and temper, a loneliness that called out for a meaningful connection, a groping hand in the dark searching for something to grab onto, and Wilde, battling with his own demons from his recent losses, had needed something to grab onto as well.
But that was something he hadn’t dared delve too deep into, least he not be able to come back up again. Lightoller didn’t need to know that part. There were more practical reasons after all.
"You've seen what he's capable of," Wilde began, watching as Lightoller nodded in agreement. "That lad is just drawn to trouble, if he's not making it himself. I was speaking with Joseph about just that topic, and he brought to my attention that I had a measure of influence over Harry that surpassed the rest of you. While I can agree with that to some degree, Harry needs to respect and obey all those above him with the same respect he would grant me. And when he was under Will's careful eye in town, he had not only gotten into a brawl, but almost arrested! Well, after that, I felt I needed to extend my influence to the rest of you, I guess you could say. I wanted him to have the same level of respect for consequences from all of you, as he would from me. So, I gave him the order to obey his seniors. Disobeying them, would mean disobeying me," he explained. "And I have made it very clear to him that I expect to be obeyed. Do you see?" he asked the other officer, holding out a hand as if to emphasize his point. "And besides, he needs the consistency. Thinking he can get away with things simply because he is not dealing with me will not be tolerated. I dare say he learned that today," he finished with a light chuckle.
"Yes, I think I can understand that," Lightoller responded. He cocked his head in thought. "So…if you hadn't put that new rule in place, would you still have punished him?" he asked.
Wilde looked to him and saw not sadistic glee, but genuine curiosity. It was an interesting question, one he had pondered himself earlier. Harry had disobeyed him today when he refused to drop his antagonization towards Charles, but it was a mild disobedience if Wilde was being honest. One that could have been remedied with a strongly worded dressing down. The fact that Charles had already addressed the issue himself, and to Wilde's satisfaction, probably would have been correction enough.
"Perhaps, perhaps not," he finally said after giving it some thought. He gave Lightoller a mischievous look. "But as the rule is in place now, I guess we will never know."
Lightoller shook his head at him and scoffed.
"This mysterious persona does not suit you," he joked.
"I'm as open as a book," Wilde countered.
"More like a shipping manifest," Lightoller replied. "Hard to read and utterly confusing at times."
Wilde laughed, but did not dispute the claim.
"There is order in a shipping manifest, you know. If you know how to read one." he added.
"If you say so, old chap," was Lightoller's good-natured reply.
Wilde smiled and scrutinized the other man as he took another puff on his cigarette.
"You know what I think?" he suddenly said, watching as Lightoller turned to look at him.
"What?" Lightoller took the bait.
"I think you knew what would happen if you told me that you had canned Harry, and that was just another reason for you to keep quiet," he said gently.
He watched as a look of surprise came over Lightoller's face, quickly followed by a look of chagrin at being found out. He said nothing, simply let out a huff of breath and raised his cigarette to his lips again as he looked away from him. Wilde smiled and let him have his silence.
"Now who's being mysterious…," he couldn't help teasing. "If I didn't know better, I'd think I was conversing with Bert.” He scratched at the back of his neck. “I'm still having trouble believing that tale about his watch," he added sarcastically as he recalled Lightoller’s retelling of that rather unlikely incident during supper.
That seemed to jog a memory in Lightoller and he faced Wilde again, pointing his cigarette at him.
"Oh! That's right, his watch! I forgot to tell you this, but young Mister Lowe actually fixed that cursed pocket watch!" Lightoller told him.
"He did what?" Wilde asked in return, confusion and curiosity striking him in equal measure.
"Harry fixed Bert's watch. Blast if I know how Bert managed to break it in the first place, but when I showed Harry the cog I had found, he had seemed quite interested. When Bert came back to the bridge, Harry asked to see the watch, said he might be able to do something with it." Lightoller explained.
Wilde stood up from his lean over the railing and turned to face Lightoller fully. He placed his left arm on the rail and leaned his hip against it as he gave Lightoller his full attention. Harry could fix a watch? Wilde hadn't known that.
"Is that so?" Wilde said, his tone thoughtful.
"Oh yes," Lightoller continued, comfortable in the role of storyteller. "He popped it open and fiddled around a bit inside. I assume he replaced the cog, and next thing I knew, he was handing it back to Bert, good as new," Lightoller finished with an impressed look reminiscent of the one he had worn back on the bridge. "Imagine that."
Before Wilde could open his mouth to ask a question, to which he had many, Lightoller answered one of them for him.
"Turns out our Fifth Officer comes from a family line of jewelers and watchmakers of all things," Lightoller chuckled. "It's funny, all the different sorts that somehow end up on the sea, isn’t it?"
"He told you all that?" Wilde asked him.
Lightoller looked over at him in confusion. He must have taken in Wilde's surprised look, as he adopted one of his own.
"You didn't know?" he asked him in return.
"No," Wilde admitted. "Harry's actually been quite tightlipped about his past and family. He hasn't revealed much to me except some tales from past ships and that he was to be apprenticed, but decided to go to sea instead," Wilde explained.
A look came over Lightoller's face just then, a more unreadable one, but Wilde suspected he was digesting the fact that Lowe had revealed something about himself to him that he hadn't to Wilde. Wilde was trying to digest that as well. He had no ill feeling about it, quite the opposite in fact. He was actually pleased to hear that Lowe had felt comfortable enough with his fellow officers to reveal such a personal detail. It was more measurable progress, and Wilde found himself quite interested in all Harry might have revealed.
"I'm not sure he realized what he had said till after the fact," Lightoller said with a small smile.
"I dare say that's a rather common occurrence," Wilde quipped. "But never mind that. I'm curious as to what else he revealed to you," he added as he leaned in closer, reminiscent of the way Lowe would do with James when in a conspiratorial mood, though Wilde was above all that of course. "Come now, Charles. Tell us all," he encouraged with a wink.
He saw Lightoller's eyes light up, and he knew the man needed no further encouragement.
"Well, if you insist," Lightoller replied with a big smile. He leaned in close as well, clearly pleased to indulge in a little gossip. "Now, he didn't reveal too much to me and Bert, but besides mentioning that he came from a family of jewelers and watchmakers, he also let slip that his family owned a shop! More than one actually. I believe he said there were a couple in Wales, which seems natural to me as he is from there, but he also said there was one in Liverpool. Now that one had given me pause as business must have been rather good for them to open one up there…"
Wilde let Lightoller go on as he digested this new nugget of information about their Fifth Officer. Liverpool? His family had a shop in Liverpool? Wilde was from Liverpool, and he wracked his brain trying to recall if he had ever patronized this particular shop. Something about it was familiar, and not just because of the name, as he hadn't met Harold Lowe yet. Then it came to him. His brother-in-law had mentioned the shop to him once, having taken some pendant or broach, or some other piece of jewelry there for repair, and he had been quite satisfied with his business there. As Wilde scoured him memory, he did recall seeing a sign for Lowe and Sons in passing. He hadn't paid it much attention as he had had no need for a jeweler at the time, but from what little his memory could cobble together about the place, it had been in a respectable part of town and had looked neat and clean, with a display window that was designed specifically to catch one's eye, which it had done just that to Wilde.
"I say, are you even listening, old chap?" He heard Lightoller say, his voice breaking through his thoughts.
He looked up and over at him and gave him a conciliatory smile.
"Apologies Charles, I became a bit lost in my thoughts there," he admitted. "I do know of that shop, though I have never been inside, and I find myself struggling to reconcile the idea that our Fifth Officer has a connection to such a profitable profession."
From what he could recall, Lowe had said that he was to be apprenticed but had told Wilde that it wasn't what he had wanted, and that is why he had turned to sailing. Wilde had had no idea what sort of apprenticeship it had been, but now that he did know, he was finding himself even more surprised that Lowe would have walked away from such a profession. His abandonment became even more baffling in finding out that this apprenticeship was actually with the family business. Lowe had walked away from much more than Wilde had previously thought. What would have caused him to do such a thing?
"The sea is a mistress that cannot be ignored," he heard Lightoller say softly, as if he had read Wilde's thoughts.
Wilde looked over to him and gave a slight nod of acknowledgment.
"Aye, that is true enough for most men. But while some willingly harken to her call, others are pushed into her bosom out of desperation. Not sure the call of the sea would have been loud enough to drown out the sound of a jewelers till, for most. I find myself quite intrigued as to what might be the reasons for Harry's decision," Wilde explained, his tone thoughtful. He paused for a moment as he contemplated what he had learned. "Perhaps I should visit that shop once we return," he finally said as his right hand subconsciously reached for the place on his jacket that hid the small pocket in his waistcoat, his fingers tapping absently against the fabric. "My watch could do with a good going over."
He didn't see the smile tugging at the corners of Lightoller's mouth, or the way his eyes softened.
"You could just give it to your Fifth Officer, you know. Would practically be the same thing, wouldn't it?" he teased.
"You seem to forget he went to sea," Wilde replied, still lost in his thoughts.
"I assure you, I am very aware of that fact," Lightoller replied with a healthy dose of exasperation tempered with a hint of amusement.
Wilde looked at him and let out a laugh.
"I think we all are, at this point," he readily agreed, before setting his gaze back on the now almost deserted docks.
Wilde had a lot to think about, and he was trying to follow the threads of all these new clues about their Fifth Officer, but he was finding that they led not to some place of clarity, but to yet more threads with some rather perplexing knots. He would have to untangle those before he could go further…
"You're good for him, you know," he heard Lightoller say.
The words snatched him back from his mental journey and placed him firmly back on the boat deck of Titanic. He looked over at Lightoller questioningly, not quite deciphering the look on the other officer's face.
"He's good for you too," Lightoller added softly.
Wilde wanted to ask what he meant, to demand he clarify those statements…
But he knew.
Wilde's tragedy was no secret to any of them, but they thankfully rarely mentioned it. It was better for Wilde that way. He did not need constant reminders of the precious things he had lost. They had left large holes in him, holes that had threatened to swallow him up entirely, but he had had other things that had helped fill those holes, to make them just a little bit smaller. And perhaps…he had found one more.
But damn him if he was going to blabber on about it, even to Lightoller.
Instead, he locked eyes with the other man for a moment, a look of acknowledgment and gratitude passing between them, then he abruptly reached out and plucked the almost spent cigarette from Lightoller's raised fingers and unceremoniously flicked it over the railing into the water.
"Hey now!" Lightoller yelped in shocked surprise. "Why did you go and do that?!" he asked as he put both hands on the rail and leaned over to see if he could spot where the cigarette had landed. Of course he couldn't.
"You know you aren't supposed to smoke out on deck," Wilde chuckled, pleased with his distraction. "That's what the smoking room is for."
"Oh, says the man who smokes like a chimney in his cabin," Lightoller countered, his tone holding no real accusation, just observation. He was still looking over the railing. "Bloody thing is probably with that pencil now," he muttered.
"Pencil? You mean the one Will has been going on and on about?" Wilde asked him as he straightened up from his lean and turned away from the rail to face him, his hands automatically going to his hips.
Lightoller clamped his mouth shut.
Wilde opened his, took a deep breath in preparation of lighting Lightoller's ears on fire, when he caught movement out the corner of his eye. In the warm glow of Titanic's skid lights, he could make out the form of an officer standing just inside the gate separating the officers' promenade from the first class one he and Lightoller were on. Lightoller saw Wilde's attention focus on something behind him, and he turned to look as well.
"Here now! Were you eavesdropping?" Lightoller called out, though his tone was genial and held no real reproach.
"Oh! Oh no, sir!" Wilde heard Lowe call back.
He had most certainly been eavesdropping…
"Then why are you standing there?" Lightoller returned, gesturing towards the spot where Lowe was.
"You two stop that shouting," Wilde scolded mildly. He turned to Lowe and beckoned him with a finger. "Come on over, lad," he said.
"Yes, sir," Lowe replied as he reluctantly opened the latch to the gate and stepped through.
Wilde watched him as he walked over, wondering how much he had been able to overhear. He suspected it wasn't much, if anything at all, as a dock was never silent, even when the workday was through. As he stopped before them, Wilde gave him a warm, friendly look. He may have been eavesdropping, but Wilde wanted him to know his company was always welcomed.
"What brings you out here?" he asked casually. "I thought I overheard you meant to have a card game in the smoking room after supper," he told him.
"Well yes, you did, sir. I am, with James and Ber…Mister Pitman," Lowe explained.
"Then why are you out here? The smoking room is starboard," Lightoller pointed out, though pointing out what side of the ship a sailor was on was like pointing out the sky was blue.
"I had gone to my cabin to retrieve my deck of cards," Lowe said, holding up the small paper box he had been holding in his hand, showing it to them. "Mister Murdoch said it would be best if I didn't trust any deck Mister Pitman put forth, and to just use my own."
Wilde and Lightoller both had to control their faces at that as they gave each other a knowing look. Will was positive Bert was some sort of cardsharp and never took a loss from him with any sort of grace. He swore up and down that their Third Officer was always cheating, but could never prove it. For his part, Bert denied the claim vehemently, telling him it was just skill, on his part, not Will’s. Wilde wasn't sure which it was, but what he did know was it was always so terribly amusing to see them go at it at the card table. He suspected that Will was going to have a front row seat during this card game, probably thinking he would finally be able to catch Bert at it.
Wilde wondered if Murdoch remembered that Lowe appeared to be a bit of a cardsharp as well…
"I heard voices when I was leaving, and I came out here to see," Lowe continued, turning the deck of cards around and around in his hand in that fidgety way of his. "I thought maybe you'd like to know that Hitchens was in the wheelhouse, and Rowe was astern," he finished.
He had definitely been eavesdropping.
He had no need to come out here and tell them something they had already known. A quartermaster at the bow and one at the stern at this hour had been the norm whenever they had been docked. Wilde had no doubt he had indeed gone to retrieve his cards, but once he had heard he and Lightoller talking, he hadn't come out there to report anything, and most likely tried to listen in on their conversation. After the day all three of them had had, there could be little doubt as to the topic of their conversation. Wilde couldn't blame him really.
He saw Lightoller open his mouth to reply, and he subtly nudged him in the ribs with an elbow. He was gratified when Lightoller immediately took the hint.
"Thank you, Mister Lowe," Wilde said. "Very thoughtful of you." He gestured to the deck in Lowe's hands. "You shouldn't take too long in retrieving that deck, however. Mister Murdoch will be accusing you of cheating next," he pointed out fondly.
"This card game is sounding more and more interesting to me," Lightoller spoke up. "Perhaps I may come and watch. At least then I can have a smoke in peace," he added with a pointed sideways look to Wilde.
"I could use a pipe myself," Wilde replied, completely unbothered. He gestured to Lowe. "Go on , lad, before Will gets suspicious. We will both join you in the smoking room shortly," Wilde announced.
It heartened him to see Lowe did not look at all upset about such a prospect. He had wondered if Lowe might have shunned their company, understandably so after having been thrashed by both of them, but it looked as if all the groundwork Wilde had laid down was finally paying off. Not only did Lowe not look displeased at the prospect of their company, but actually quite the opposite! The change was obvious, especially concerning Lightoller. Just this morning they had been at each other's throats and could barely share the bridge together. Now, Lowe was welcoming Lightoller's presence and no doubt his inevitable commentary on the game.
"Of course, if you will excuse me?" Lowe said as he bowed his head slightly to them.
They watched him turn and make his way back toward the gate.
"And tell that Scotsman to stay out of my chair!" Lightoller suddenly called after him.
Wilde shook his head even as Lowe waved a hand in acknowledgment. Lightoller had claimed one of the leather chairs in the smoking room as his own, and there was hell to pay for anyone who dared to sit in it when Lightoller was present.
"Keep that up and Will might toss it overboard," Wilde warned him.
"Ha! I'd like to see him try!" Lightoller laughed. "Can't you just picture him dragging that heavy thing across the deck like it weighed as much as the anchor?"
Wilde couldn't help chuckling at that image. He clapped Lightoller on the shoulder to encourage him to start walking.
"Come on, let's go grab our seats for the show," he joked.
They made their way in companiable silence through the very same gate Lowe had gone, and then towards the side entrance of the officers' quarters that would take them to the starboard side and the smoking room. Just as Wilde was reaching for the door, Lightoller put a hand on his arm to halt him. He looked over to him questioningly.
"Listen, old chap. You…you won't mention the pencil to Will, will you?" he asked.
His tone was casual, not giving anything away, but Wilde could read him just as well as he could Lowe. In response, Wilde smiled and raised an eyebrow, then opened the door. He went through it, knowing Lightoller would follow. He wouldn't mention it of course, but no need to let Charles know that.
"Henry? You wouldn't...right? Henry…?"