Chapter Text
Sitting on the padded chair, his fists curled up into each other until his knuckles turned white, his breath staggered with sweat drooling down his forehead. Unable to avert his eyes from Shigeo, the cogs in his mind turning at lightning speeds, trying to see himself within the child. He couldn’t.
The Detective and officer quickly realized with Reigen's reaction, that he truly hadn’t known about his child. Watching on in concern, the room filled with a very uncomfortable silence. The officer looked down at Reigen, his eyebrows scrunched in a commiserating manner towards Reigen.
Finally, the detective coughed, placing her notepad down on her desk along with her steel pen.
“Mr Rei-”
“It has to be a mistake, he can’t be mine,” Reigen muttered under his breath. The detective held her breath, looking at her colleague with an almost exhausted expression on her face.
Taking over, the officer patted Reigens back in a comforting approach.
“Mr Reigen, things like this happen… it’s a lot more common than you think.” The officer offered,
“Sometimes you just get, arguably… unlucky, just how it goes.” The officer chuckled, in an attempt at comedy, receiving an elbow to his side from his detective colleague who wanted to keep a standard of professionalism.
The officer winced, continuing.
“However… I wouldn’t call this unlucky.” the officer finished, removing his hand from Reigens shoulders and kneeling beside the pram Shigeo nestled in quietly. There the baby lay, his eyes sealed shut and his tiny body curled up into itself.
Thoughts rushed through Reigens head, he hadn’t felt this immense feeling of anxiety in years, and its return wasn’t welcomed.
‘How could I of been so stupid’
‘I was so drunk’
‘Was the little moment of tranquility I had worth it now.’
From freak questions to self-berating, any sort of reasoning had raced out of his mind and into his stomach where it turned into an erupting panic.
Reigens brain rushed through everything. From the night he’d met the woman who he was sure never gave him a name, to the baby that lay in front of him. His life, his shitty life that he’d indirectly dragged a baby into like the world was trying to ambush him. A mediocre man, with minimal means and little to no purpose set out other than to get through another day, hardly living. A baby such as Shigeo didn’t deserve that, he deserved to live, live to his fullest and Reigen couldn't give him his fullest, an unfortunate truth.
“I can’t keep him.” Reigen cracked, his throat closing up as he finished the short sentence, the room remained silent for a moment.
“Mr Reigen, his birth mother abandoned him, legally we cannot give him back to her. She broke the law.” The detective spoke, trying to spoonfeed the scenario and its severity. Reigen nodded, acceptingly, Biting his lip.
“What about the foster-” he cracked again, his eyes welling up with tears, clutching his hand on his trousers, creasing the fabric, like a child unable to regulate their emotions. The officer and detective stared on, awaiting for Reigen to say more, as his lip quivered, his mouth moving in quick movements yet nothing coherent came out, only small and breathless gasps like he was struggling to breathe like he was being strangled.
“I can- can’t be a dad for h-him.” Reigen sputtered, his head diving further in shame, now holding both his hands at the back of his scalp, gripping his blonde locks which he felt he’d rip out if he tightened harder.
“I can’t be a good dad.” he caved through bared teeth, the tears overflown, unable to keep them locked up within his eyes, they spilled out onto his lap like a small spring shower.
Sobs broke out, his usually ordinary voice snapping through the sheer pressure that weighed on his heart. Reigen was never used to crying, always resorting to suppressing but the affair at hand was too dire to just gloss over with minimal reaction.
“I won’t be any good for Shigeo. I’m not good for anyone, how would I be good for a child.” Reigen rambled to the two officials, finally unlocking his hands from his hair and dragging his fingers down his face, the bottom of his eyes revealing pale red, tears continuing to dribble and distort his iris. His ears rang like they did the night he met Shigeos mother, however, two very differing emotions caused the reverberation through his skull. His sobs weren’t able to be held back, low cracked groans of a grown man's voice ruptured through the small room.
Shigeo awoke, his small eyes fluttering awake, sitting in the unfamiliar room. He let out a silent yawn and sniffled, his nose slightly runny. His view was on the blonde, whose head was hung low and shoulders lay slumped over his already narrow posture, with a shaky demeanor. Light sniffles escaped Shigeos's nose, his small pudgy arms reaching out for attention. More sniffs and a small croaky cough came from the baby who became increasingly upset as the moments passed.
With a choked gasp, the infant cracked out into small sobs, yearning for the attention he wasn’t receiving. Whipping his head up, his hair swooshing as he did so, Reigen stared at the now slightly pink-faced Shigeo who had little tears dribbling down him. Reigens face although stinging from the tears and scrunched expression, which quickly warped to concern, coughing into his hand before reaching over to the pram and pulling it towards him.
“Two criers in the room.” The detective sighed, before swiftly turning back to her desk and perching herself onto the wooden surface. Her colleague rolled his eyes at the attitude of his partner.
“H-hey you can’t- why are you crying too?” Reigen asked, his voice hoarse as he clasped his hands onto Shigeos armpits and lifted him toward himself. Shigeos small cries escaped, his vocal cords only able to let out small squeaks, as Reigen placed him on his lap and had him leaned onto his chest. Stroking his soft, dark hair with his thumb.
“Shhh” Reigen spoke soothingly, holding Shigeo tightly like he’d never let go, like his body was rejecting his brain. His brain provided logic to let Shigeo go, hand him over, and leave him. His body clung to the tiny human, as if both their lives depended on it, if it was just Reigens life it depended on, his grip would soften. Shigeo had a lot more ahead of him than he did. Was letting him go setting him free or was it pure, seamless selfishness?
“Mr. Reigen, I don’t mean to bother you but…we have other matters to attend to..” The woman began, sliding documents out from her comically large binder. Clapping the papers to align with one another she handed the front one to face the blonde.
“In the end, it is your decision.” She admitted, letting go of the paper for Reigen to finally set his eyes upon it.
No brief insight into what would happen to Shigeo… Care, fostering? Flicking through the pages with Shigeo still in his grip, tears dried up on the man's face, becoming sort of sticky. Shigeo had also settled and was leaning his little head into Reigen.
“By signing the infant over, you’re giving your rights of the child to us. If this process is to be reversed, it may be deemed difficult, you might not get him back, do you understand?.” The woman spoke up again, her pen in hand as she clicked it open, the inky tip pointing out sharply.
Reigen swallowed a mouthful of nothing, staring at the paper that sat in his shaky hands, the paper making a silly wobbling noise.
“I would be lying if I told you both that I know what I’m doing, I can’t tell what would be better for him, I only want what's in his best interest.” Reigen sighed.
“Mr Reigen, if I may. Please think about this-” the officer spoke,
“Don’t interfere, this is a decision he must make on his own.” The stern woman spoke, raising her eyebrow at her officer counterpart.
Reigen stared on in horror at the paper below him, the sinking gravity of the decision he would have to make.
“Your child… rights… helplines….” the document turned into a blur after moments of his eyes following the lines aimlessly, two words sticking to his memory, two words alone.
‘Your child.’
‘YOUR CHILD.’
Those words repeated in his head like a banging drum, vibrating through his soul like it was sucking the life out of him yet restoring a long-lost warmth.
“My child?” Reigen whispered, his mouth barely open to pronounce it properly. The officer tilted his head in confusion at the mumble that emitted from Reigens mouth.
“Can you repea-”
“He’s my baby, right,” Reigen spoke, a quietness in his voice.
The officer and detective took confused glances at each other, then back to Reigen, the woman’s foot tapping on the ground.
Holding Shigeo into his shoulder, the baby leaning into his neck, his small little breaths with a slightly stuffed nose emitting into Reigens ear. He took Shigeo away from his shoulder, placing him on his lap, facing him. His small body wobbling as he did so, Reigen panicking trying to adjust him more comfortably.
His big brown eyes were locked onto Reigen, his little hands reaching back out to be embraced again.
‘Can I always be there to give him the love he deserves?’
Reigen asked himself over and over. He punched himself on the inside, should this not have an obvious answer? The answer should be “Yes”. But Reigen continued down a path of doubt.
‘But could he learn to do so?’, that for Reigen was more answerable.
“Mr-” The woman began, now slightly more irritated. “I understand this is a big decision but you either hand him over now, take him, or go home and decide.” She lectured.
“I can give you the papers to take-” she said before being cut off. Reigen ripped the papers out of her grasp, whilst still holding Shigeo.
“Where do I sign,” Reigen asked, sighing.
The woman let out a breath of air, her colleague looking at her with a furious grimace, he didn’t agree with her methods. It was her that lacked professionalism, she had zero empathy for the father about to let his child go.
“Where do I sign to have his surname changed to mine?” Reigen asked, his face cleared of any sign of tears. His eyes were wide, his face genuine. The woman was taken aback. Her face was a confused mix of surprise and bewilderment. Taking the binder from in between her hand and hip, flicking through it again, and slipping out much fewer papers than the initial documents, her silence filled the room.
“Here.” She offered, her voice had toned down completely. The police officer's eyes lit up, unable to hold his smile back. Reigen made eye contact with him, as he took the sheets from the woman. For some odd reason, the officer and his non-verbal encouragement sent warmth through Reigen, the blonde inching a slight smile back before looking back down at Shigeo, who was clasping and crunching the corner of the paper that Reigen held in his hands. The tiny smile that Reigen mustered up, grew.
Looking at this set of papers, a lot fewer writing and legality issues.
‘New legal Guardian, sign here.’
Reigen shook as he took the pen and glazed it over the signature box.
‘This is what he needs.’
‘This is what I need.’
Thoughts racing, palm sweating, heart pumping.
‘Arataka Reigen’, and with that signature the woman Reigen had met that night's ties had been cut, ties he never knew existed. Suddenly Reigen felt lighter, which he hadn’t expected now that he was responsible for a whole baby human being, nevertheless, he didn’t feel wrong, in fact, it felt so right.
Would there be struggles? Yes, but for his baby he was willing to overcome that. Reigen was never strong-willed, his family knew this and slander was persistent. But for Shigeo, something inside Reigen changed, he’d always failed to change but it was different this time around. His strength to sign the papers was his first step, he had many more to go. But he’d do it for this child, The child he never even knew he had.
“Mr Reigen, I admire you for your decision.” The officer spoke up once more, uninterrupted. The detective had now turned, taking her briefcase and going to the door. Turning back to Reigen,
“So do I.” She commented, with a minimal smile. “Come now, we have cases to get on with.” She demanded gently to her officer, he stood up instantly and made his way to the door.
“Oh- escort Mr Reigen and his son out, please” she added, going on her outdated phone, and clicking on a call contact before walking away.
‘Son’, Reigen liked the ring to that, filling him with a foreign snugness that graced his chest.
Clicking Shigeo back into his pram, taking a gentle pinch at the baby's chubby cheek before standing upright.
“I apologize for my-”
“Don’t worry. It’s a tough situation and decision you’ve been put in. I understand”, the officer assured, escorting Reigen and the pram out of the small room once again.
The three made it down the narrow hallway, the silence was not as uncomfortable as it was in the room.
“So about Shigeo’s mother. I never even got her name. What will happen with her…” Reigen asked, questions of her running through his mind. Her face which had such significance to him for one night had completely faded from his vision, like a marker had been scribbled over the remnants that he was struggling to even piece together, the only piece left residing was Shigeo himself.
“Well, on top of hundreds of other abandonment cases, she’ll be put on the everlasting list to investigate.” The officer responded. Reigen tried to crack a laugh but couldn’t, it felt too serious to even create a comedic comment.
“You didn’t even get her name?” The officer questioned, looking to his right where Reigen walked beside him. Reigen continued looking forward, deciding against eye contact. Nodding.
“Yeah, she.. she might’ve told me, I’m quite a lightweight, to put it bluntly,” Reigen admitted, slight shame seeping into his confession. Rubbing his hand onto the back of his neck,
‘I sound like a total douchebag.’
The officer chuckled, opening the front doors of the present.
“No judgment here.” he joked putting his hands into a surrendering position. As the pair of men stepped outside, the sky now had a tint of orange to signify the beginning of the mid-afternoon. Reigen let out a sigh, gripping his hands on the handlebars of the pram.
“Thank you.” Reigen let out, keeping his eyes on the sky above them. Squinting to adjust to the sunlight, his demeanor still shaky and his posture slightly slouched in exhaustion from the emotional turmoil. Finally letting out a sigh, before turning to the officer.
“I believe in you Mr Reigen.” The officer gave him one final smile, and a pat on the shoulder before making his way back into the building. The click of the door snapped Reigen out of his hasty trance.
There the wind blew gently, the tree above Reigen rustling, dark green leaves falling from it and landing into the pram with Shigeo.
The infant gripped the two leaves in his palm tightly, putting them in his mouth for a taste.
“Absolutely not.” Reigen gasped, taking the leaves from Shigeo and replacing them with an already opened yogurt pouch which Shigeo surprisingly accepted as a replacement.
As they walked down the path of the unfamiliar side of Seasoning City, Reigen kept at a moderate pace, his mind on autopilot as he pushed the stroller. His brain hadn’t fully seized the choice he solidified just under an hour ago. His emotions came to a halt, pushing the pram into a small desolate grass area, with a couple of benches laid out. Reigen took a seat, wheeling the pram to be right beside him. Shigeo still had the remnants of the yogurt, as Reigen watched him intently, his mind began to wonder, spacing out.
Reigen never expected to have ever had a child, a son. Nor a partner. Reigen from a young age knew this, he knew he was incapable, and that always hurt his heart in ways he never knew he could hurt. Through his teenage years, this was solidified with consistent heartache due to the absence of connection within his short-lived relationships who quickly grew tired of the boy's obsolete emotions.
His mother was never pleased with Reigens mindset, by the age of twenty-two she was already trying to set him up on dates with her acquaintances' daughters, it never appealed to Reigen as it would for many men. His mother had always pestered him about the topic but she never knew the extent of Reigens uncertainty. The sheer thought of having to emotionally cater to a significant other when he couldn’t even do that for himself made the butterflies in his stomach flutter to the point of hurting his insides, like they nibbled his flesh to escape. The pressure wasn’t necessarily about settling down, merely having to find someone, the right one. Was there a ‘right one’ for Reigen?
It wasn’t as if Reigen was incapable of loving, he was incapable of thinking he was good enough for the people around him. Isolating himself, losing himself in his mind.
But with Shigeo it could be different, Shigeo wouldn’t judge him, Shigeo wouldn’t rip out and point out all his flaws or berate him for his incapabilities. No, Shigeo was his child, someone Reigen knew he could connect with, without fear of perception. As for Shigeo, Reigens goal remained, to be the best dad for his baby. One that could give advice, ward away his troubles, and of course help with homework.
Now that’s something Reigen could do.