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Chapter Text

First chapter was inspired by this work

Kakashi Hatake was strolling leisurely through the village when he suddenly felt a jolt.
"Ouch!" came an irritated voice from below.

Lowering his book from his face, the ninja glanced down at the ground, where a civilian had apparently just fallen over.

The boy couldn't have been older than twelve, maybe thirteen. He had golden hair tied into a braid, strange shoes, unusual clothing, and—most notably—no forehead protector, which told Kakashi that the kid wasn't a genin. And he was certainly not one of the three genin whose mission was about to start—a meeting Kakashi was probably already very late for. Not that he had checked the time.

In any case, the civilian kid looked around at the scattered groceries he had been carrying, now strewn across the ground, then lifted his furious eyes to him—eyes of a stunning golden hue.

"Maaa..." Kakashi began, not putting much thought into the words spilling from his tongue. "Sorry. Didn’t see you there."

If jonin thought he knew what rage looked like, he was mistaken.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT YOU COULD STOMP OVER HIM AND NOT EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE HE’S AS TINY AS A GRAIN OF SAND?!"

Kakashi blinked.

Then he blinked again, feeling the corners of his lips twitch into a smile beneath his mask.

"Sorry, what was that? I can’t hear you from all the way down there."

The boy's face turned as red as his coat.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL YOU CANNOT HEAR HIM FROM GROUND LEVEL, YOU ASSHOLE?!"

Kakashi’s jōnin instincts allowed him to register the movement and partially predict the boy’s attack. However, it was worth noting that he was still caught off guard by the sheer speed and confidence behind the motion.

The blond kid kicked forward, clearly aiming for his shin. When Kakashi lifted his leg out of the way, the boy used the momentum to pull himself up and spring to his feet.

Without missing a beat, the kid lunged at him again, still shouting about being so tiny he could drown in a puddle or go bungee jumping off the pavement—whatever a "pavement" was.

Amused, Kakashi dodged the blows—too chaotic to pose any real threat—while listening to his furious tirade.

"SO SMALL THAT HE NEEDS STILTS TO LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYES…"

The boy’s movements were fascinating. Not the kind Kakashi was used to seeing. And yet, it was obvious that he wasn’t just flailing his limbs randomly. He was aware of his body's motion—an awareness that only came after weeks, if not years, of training. But he definitely didn’t look like a ninja. Certainly not one of Konoha’s shinobi.

Perhaps he was a civilian who had observed ninja sparring? It was unlikely he was a spy from another village—not with that temperament.

"Oh, I thought something hit me," Kakashi said, lying. He had dodged every single strike. "But I guess I must’ve imagined it, because that punch was as weak as an ant’s."

Oh… now the kid's face had turned purple.

With renewed fury—and surprising strength for such a small body (Kakashi was tempted to say that aloud)—the boy swung again, this time aiming directly at his stomach.

Kakashi quickly formed a hand seal, allowing the kid’s punch to land—
—on a substitution dummy, which immediately transformed into a log upon impact.

There was something unsettling about the whole thing. The bark cracked slightly under the force of the boy’s hit, which… on one hand, wasn’t anything unusual. But on the other, it was a little concerning, given that the kid was clearly a civilian.

And Kakashi could tell by the way the boy was now staring at the log on the ground, utterly baffled.

"Damn ninjas!" the boy yelled, finally looking around.

To his credit, he quickly glanced toward a small grove of trees—where Kakashi had sourced his substitution—but it was far too late to find him there. Kakashi had long since moved and was now watching him from a balcony three streets away.

With lazy amusement, he observed as the kid spun in circles, waving his fists in the air and drawing concerned looks from Konoha’s townsfolk, before finally giving up and gathering his scattered groceries.

Kakashi chuckled softly.

That was interesting.

Unfortunately, time was slipping away.

The jōnin could no longer put off dealing with another group of kids who were far too young to be considered ninja.

Reluctantly, he headed toward the Academy.

Chapter Text

Edward Elric sighed and snapped shut yet another book that had, once again, given him absolutely nothing.

He had probably read through an entire shelf in the library by now. Probably the only shelf that was even accessible.
And all of it just to figure out where he was and how to get back home.

Exactly six weeks ago, he had woken up in a clearing. Alone. No Al, no clue where he was, what had happened, or how he had ended up there. Not even a memory of that bastard colonel who usually sent him on ridiculous missions that got him into messes like this.

Unfortunately, after long hours of thinking about it, Edward suspected that his last memory was of reading in a library. He had a stack of books prepared, and he was sure one of them was titled "Planes and dimensions in Which Body and Spirit May Exist." He had hoped the author would shed some light on why Al’s body and soul had been separated, where his body was, and how to get it back. But apparently, Edward hadn’t even made it to that book before falling asleep.

And he suspected that, somehow, he had accidentally activated a transmutation circle inside it, because that was the only explanation for how he had suddenly ended up in a different place, a different time, and—apparently—a different world!

A world where ninja practiced an incredibly complex, elemental form of alchemy that wasn’t even really alchemy.
Ninja who could walk on trees. And water.

Edward sighed and ran his fingers through his blonde hair, which had slipped from his braid.

Who the hell prints complete transmutation circles in books?! Everyone knows you’re supposed to leave them incomplete! But nooo, of course Ed had to stumble upon the one book that had no safety measures whatsoever!

Once again, he looked at the nine books he had read today.

All of them.

Normally, he could read only two in a day, but apparently, the ninja in this world had some kind of deep aversion to reading anything longer than a few lines. All their texts were either in scrolls or tiny pocket-sized books no thicker than two of his fingers. Normal ones. Not automail.

And the thickest book he had found? It wasn’t an encyclopedia on chakra. It wasn’t a collection of basic hand seals and explanations of how seals worked. No. It was history.

And not even the history of Konoha! Not of the Land of Fire, where he supposedly was. Not the achievements of past Hokage, not the stories of the founders and the wars they had fought.

It was a book of legends.

The biggest and thickest book he had found was a collection of myths, bedtime stories, and fairy tales for kids.

And the second thickest book?

A cookbook.

No, it wasn’t a code. Edward had checked three times. It was just a normal, regular cookbook.

So every single book Edward had come across was small, thin, and overall contained a frustratingly small amount of information. He learned a little about chakra, about the fact that what ninja were warriors and somewhat of an army. Wow, no shit, Ed never would’ve guessed. And what chakra was: "an energy circulating through meridians, the source of a ninja’s power." Which was… even less helpful than if they had just written nothing at all.

Not that he had been expecting much in the first place.

Edward had secured himself a place to sleep and a bit of money for food by fixing people’s homes and tools with alchemy. The civilians praised his "repair jutsu"—which was downright hilarious, because how could anyone mistake alchemy for some ninja trick?

But that mistake proved that people here didn’t know what alchemy was. But they didn’t even seem to fully understand what jutsu actually were, so Edward was slowly losing hope that he’d find anything useful.

Just as Ed was about to give up and head home for the night, the doors to the reading room swung open, and a large man in a ninja vest walked in.

Aside from Edward and the librarian, the library was empty (as it usually was—these people read an alarming amount of nothing), so the ninja approached the librarian with a smile.

"I’d like to return Shadow Techniques, Volume Two."

Edward perked up his ears.

"Asuma-san. How many times do I have to tell you to handle this in the ninja section, not the civilian one?"

"oh come on… you are no fun, huh? It’s not like you have much work to do anyway."

Edward suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to bang his head against the table.
Of course there was a separate room for ninja! In Amestris, alchemy was so widespread that every library had a dedicated section for it, but apparently, here division was so strong that ninja arts required their own restricted space.

Ninja Asuma grumbled about the rules for a moment longer but eventually pick up the book and walked away. Edward immediately followed.

They walked down a hallway, climbed stairs, turned into the third door on the right, and entered a small room with several bookshelves, reading benches, and a library counter. Behind it, another door led deeper inside.

Edward nearly froze when he realized that even here, no one was around. Did these people really not read books? How did they even acquire knowledge?!

"Hey! Civilians aren’t allowed in here!" called out the librarian—who, apparently, was also a ninja. (judging by forehead band)

Edward turned to see Asuma—the very same ninja who had led him here—looking at him with mild amusement. He was chewing on an unlighed cigarette, which immediately reminded Edward of Havoc.

"Why not?" Edward asked defensively. "That other library had a ridiculously small number of useful books. Bloody hell. There was nothing useful in there!"

To his shock—and to his immense annoyance—Asuma-Havoc just laughed.

"That’s why it’s the civilian section. And what exactly were you looking for, since the entire library apparently failed to meet your expectations?"

Edward might have thought it was mockery.

Except that he had read almost the entire library and had found absolutely nothing useful.

So he graced that jerky man with his best, most confident stare.

"it did failed" he declared with absolute certainty.

The ninja-Havoc man burst into laughter, and Edward couldn’t stop the embarrassed flush creeping up his face.

"Don’t laugh! There’s nothing useful in there! No research! No theory! It’d be easier to find information on human tr—" he cut himself off abruptly, waving his hand in a vague gesture. Of course, he shouldn’t even worry about nearly admitting to human transmutation, since apparently, no one here knew enough about alchemy to even understand what he was talking about.

Which, of course, only made the ninja laugh harder. He leaned against the counter, clutching his stomach, and even pulled the cigarette from his mouth like he was afraid he might choke on it.

Edward wouldn’t have felt bad if he had.

"Alright, kid. Go home and find yourself a better read than ninja textbooks," Asuma finally muttered.

Edward bristled.

"Don’t call me a small kid! I am not gonna read some stupid fairy tales!"

"Of course not," Asuma agreed suspiciously seriously. "Maybe I should recommend you a book on ninja first—one that describes chakra mechanics quite nicely?" he suggested.

Despite himself, Edward nodded and let the man lead him—only realizing a moment later that they were heading back to the previous room with the civilian book collection.

There, he was handed a book with a colorful cover depicting two cartoonish ninja. Then, he felt a pat on the back. When he looked up, Asuma was already gone, leaving Edward alone—except for the bored librarian still at the counter.

Edward glanced at the book, hesitated, then opened it.

Ten minutes later, he slammed it shut with a loud thud, feeling his face heat up.

It was a novel. An adventure book.

The chakra mechanics were described nicely, sure—but they contradicted what he had read in the few actual textbooks he’d found. The author had clearly made up the explanations to suit the story.

Seething, he tossed the book onto the table and, ignoring the librarian’s disapproving glare, stormed out of the room.

And then, he remembered that ninja—Asuma.

He had exactly the same expression that that bastard colonel wore when he’d announce in the evening that it was time for kids to be in bed.
And Al, traitor, would always agree with him, claiming that Edward was already tired—when he wasn’t! He could totally stay awake for two more hours! But because of them, he always had to go to bed like some little kid!

He had just turned thirteen! He had been a soldier and a State Alchemist for a year already! Of course he was an adult! So why were these jerks treating him like a stupid kid?

Edward clenched his fists and marched out of the building.

Evening had already fallen. He should get something to eat.

He'll find a way to get to those ninja books anyway. He always did that. Even if it seemed a little bit illegal? He'll find a way, he'll find out how it all works, and he'll find a way to get home. Alchemy required understanding. When he realizes this dawn, his barmy knowledge should help him create a system by which he can return.

But…

First, dinner.

Chapter Text

Edward was running along the riverbank when he spotted three people about his age. A black-haired boy with an annoyed expression, a girl in a pink dress with pink hair, and a blond kid with cat-like whiskers—Al would probably like him.

It was morning. Not too early, but not too late either. The kind of morning when Edward had gotten a good night’s sleep, eaten breakfast, and gone outside for his daily run and exercises—both rehabilitation and the ones that kept him in shape. This was one of his three favorite routes, discovered over the six weeks since he got stuck in this village cursed by Truth.

Until now, he hadn’t seen anyone else on it. (Another route, the one around the training grounds, often had that terrifying green-spandex kid.)

Edward slowed to a jog.

Just as he had noticed the kids, they had noticed him.

They turned toward him, but the moment he stepped out from behind the branches and they got a clearer look at him, they sighed—almost in unison.

— "It’s not Kakashi-sensei…" the pink-haired girl sighed.

— "Why is he so late?!" the blond in the orange jumpsuit exclaimed in frustration.

Edward preferred red, but he could respect someone’s fashion choices when he saw them.

— "Maybe he got lost?" the girl suggested, glancing sideways at the black-haired boy, who stood with his arms crossed, looking pissed off at the whole world.

— "I don’t think a jōnin would get lost in the village. Not for three hours."

Edward more or less figured out what was happening. The three ninja students were supposed to meet their instructor, but he hadn’t shown up.

He was about to open his mouth to tell them that something had probably come up—because he knew all too well that military duty sometimes called people at the weirdest times—but then he remembered that jerks from yesterday.

That white-haired jerk who had called him the “S”-Word multiple times, and then that Havoc-like Asuma who treated him like a child and gave him a children’s book.

Maybe in this weird world, most adult ninja were jerks?

— "Don’t worry about it," he told them, making them jump slightly in surprise. Weak situational awareness. his teacher would’ve already beaten them up for that. "Maybe something came up."

— "We thought that yesterday too!" the girl groaned. "We waited for over an hour!"

— "In that case, your sensei is an asshole. Go home and meet him tomorrow."

— "We can’t." The girl shook her head. "We have to pass a test for him to accept us as students."

— "So we have to wait for him, pass the test, and then I can become Hokage! Believe it!" the orange kid shouted.

Edward looked at him skeptically.

— "Shouldn’t you, I don’t know… secretly nurture your plan so your enemies can’t use that knowledge against you?"

Colonel Bastard had said many times that all high-ranking politicians did that.

Then again, he had never hidden his own ambition of becoming Führer.

But, well, he only did it so women would wear mini-skirts. Pervert.

His comment was met with a confused look from the other blond.

— "Uuuhhh…? But… I already told everyone I’ll be Hokage?"

Edward didn’t know how to respond to that. And even if he did, he wouldn’t have had the chance because he sensed movement behind him and barely turned in time when someone suddenly appeared.

— "Yo."

— "YOU ARE LATE!" the blond and the girl shouted, pointing at the man.

— "Sorry. A black cat crossed my path, so I had to find another way, and then I saw an old lady and—"

— "YOU!" Edward couldn’t believe his eyes.

That same white-haired bastard from yesterday stopped his ridiculous excuses and looked at him with his single visible eye.

— "Ah! Little guy!"

— " WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE THAT HE HAS TO RIDE A GRASSHOPPER NOT TO GET LOST BETWEEN THE GRASS?! "

— "Uh? What are you talking about? Can you repeat that?" Kakashi asked, which would’ve been bad enough if he hadn’t also cupped a hand around his ear and, instead of looking at Edward, looked at the grass.

Edward let out a furious yell.

— "WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HYPER ULTRA MIDGET?! I am gonna beat you up to a pulp and…"

Edward kept going as the girl grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back.

Of course, Edward could have shaken her off, but he didn’t want to hurt her, so he settled for glaring daggers at the jerk who was apparently named Kakashi.

— "Stop! You can’t beat up Kakashi-sensei! We have to pass the test first!"

Edward opened his mouth to protest, but then stopped himself.

The girl was right.

This trio had clearly been waiting for their sensei for ages, so it wouldn’t be fair if he beat him up now.

— "Fine." He agreed reluctantly. "Take your test first, and then—" he made sure to send the most threatening glare possible in the white-haired bastard’s direction—"then I’ll beat you into a pulp."

The stupid ninja just smiled.

— " Suit yourself, shrimp. "

— " Hey! Don’t call me a micro shrimp that can only be seen under a magnifying glass! "

Kakashi chuckled, clearly unfazed by his threats, which was very annoying.

Edward—because he was 13 years old and already responsible and mature—stomped a few steps away and finally sat down under a tree, deciding to keep an eye on that jerk so he wouldn’t escape a well-deserved beating like last time.

That Asshole – Kakashi (Edward thought it was the perfect name since it meant poop twice: "kaka" – like Nina used to say, and "shi," just as shitty as this man was) – explained the test rules: the three kids (who, as he figured out along the way, were named Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura) had to get the bells. And they had a suspiciously long time to do it.

Not to mention what he said at the end: "Come at me with the intention to kill." That was so LAME! Too dramatic. He sounded like Colonel Bastard when he had too much paperwork and whined that Hawkeye would kill him before he could become Führer.

Edward, of course, didn’t laugh too loudly, and no one paid attention to him.

Then Kakashi said, "Start," and two of the kids disappeared. Only that Naruto kid in the orange outfit remained in the clearing, to which Ed gave a subtle nod of approval.

His teacher and Al always told him to calmly assess the situation, but he himself had always been a fan of quick confrontation. Just like that kid. Besides, how could he assess the situation if he was hiding somewhere?

And then suddenly...

Kakashi pulled out a book and started reading.

Edward recognized it as the same pink book the man was reading yesterday when he bumped into him, and for a moment, he felt a little bad.

Of course, only a little, because the man was still an asshole. But every asshole who read books was at least a bit of a decent asshole.

Especially since it seemed like there were very few ninja who actually read books.

Edward considered for a moment whether to ask the man to lend him the book, hoping it would contain something more than the dumb stuff he'd found in the library. But he quickly abandoned the idea, focusing instead on the fight unfolding in the clearing.

From his spot, Edward had a perfect view of Naruto attacking the white-haired man.

His movements were too broad, poorly coordinated—like he wasn’t entirely sure where to strike and how to strike to make it effective.

That was the orange-clad boy’s mistake. Even after such a short exchange, he surely had gathered enough information. Naruto should have pulled back and come up with another plan. Or at least try a different approach. But the kid clearly had no intention of doing that.

And the worst part? That bastard wasn’t even paying attention to him! He didn’t even close his book out of respect for his opponent!

Even Edward knew that. His teacher always told him that a warrior’s honor must be respected. Even when he fought Colonel Bastard, they still maintained basic courtesies toward each other.

Reading a book during a fight, even against a weaker opponent, was unacceptable.

And that’s exactly what Edward said.

He jumped up from the grass where he had been sitting and yelled at the top of his lungs:

— Hey! Fight him properly, you asshole!

Apparently, no one paid him any mind.

Naruto attacked Kakashi again—with stupid yell that Edward had no idea what was supposed to accomplish. The teacher quickly dissuaded them from making any sounds during the fight. "don't warn your opponent about anything"

But suddenly, the spot where the older ninja had been standing was empty.

Edward’s eyes widened in shock as, in a split second, the man who had been right in front of Naruto was now crouching behind him.

And then…

It was the most terrifying thing Edward had ever witnessed.

The man formed his fingers into the shape of guns and, shouting:

— One Thousand Years of Death!

…And then shoved them straight into the twelve-year-old’s butt.

The poor kid let out a scream and went flying through the air, landing several meters away—in the water.

Edward—putting it lightly—was horrified.

Not just by what Kakashi had done.

There would be time to be outraged about that later.

Right now, he was terrified by the fact that the surface of the water had closed over the blonde-haired kid.

Edward… knew how to swim.

He used to be a great swimmer. When he was little.

And then he performed human transmutation and lost his limbs, and his brother lost his body.

And ever since then, water had been a source of fear and pain.

Rain made his ports ache. Rain and submersion could wash away the blood seal on Al’s armor. Any body of water deeper than his height could kill him.

Had almost killed him once before.

He had just wanted to go down to the river. He stepped into the water, and suddenly, he slipped, falling deeper.

And he couldn’t get back up.

Panic flooded his lungs faster than the water.

Later, he realized he should have just tried walking along the bottom. Or used alchemy to lift himself.

But back then, he had only just started rehabilitation. He was on heavy painkillers every day, numbing his mind.

So in that moment, he could only be grateful for Winry, who reacted immediately—jumping in after him and pulling him a few meters toward the shore, where the ground sloped up, and he could straighten up just enough for his head to break the surface.

— Hey! — he shouted, panic creeping into his voice. — Can he swim?!

Kakashi—that bastard—just tilted his head toward him, as if the question wasn’t making sense.

Edward gasped.

— Save him! — he yelled. — He could drown! Look! He hasn’t swim out yet!

The panic clawed its way up his throat as he watched the water remain unbroken, with no sign of the blond boy gasping for air.

The white-haired bastard still did nothing.

Edward made a decision.

He was standing twenty meters from the riverbank. Thirty from where Naruto had gone under.

He knew the composition of the local soil. A bit more limestone, a bit less iron. Much less Silica, more phosphorus, and a significantly higher soil alkalinity.

Which meant a lot of ammonia and other organic amines.

That last part wasn’t as important. The composition was what mattered.

Actually, if he wanted, the carbon alone would be enough.

He was just about to clap his hands and raise the riverbed when, suddenly, the water split apart, and Naruto jumped out of it.

…And then another.

And another.

A dozen Narutos came flying out of the river, and Edward caught himself standing there, hands ready to clap, his jaw practically on the floor.

He barely registered Kakashi mumbling:

— ‘ So it’s true that he managed to learn Kage Bunshin no Jutsu…’

And then, all of a sudden, Kakashi was fighting a dozen uncoordinated twelve-year-olds.

Which…

Was somehow even worse than when he was beating just one.

But also… it was better.

Because now, the scales had tipped.

The game had changed.

Suddenly, one of the Narutos grabbed Kakashi from behind, and in the blink of an eye, he was swarmed by orange-clad children.

Kakashi must have realized the same thing Edward did because he decided to retreat.

A puff of smoke—

And where Kakashi had stood, there was now another Naruto.

The rest of the Narutos started accusing each other of being the imposter, attacking one another.

Which… was the dumbest thing Edward had ever seen, considering there were still twelve of them. No one had disappeared or reappeared.

So Kakashi had to be somewhere else.

— Stop! — Edward shouted at the orange-clad boy. — There are still the same number of you! Kakashi just hid somewhere!

Naruto actually seemed to listened, stopping and looking around.

Kakashi was nowhere to be seen.

At least not at first glance.

The teacher always said, "People don't look up."

Edward tilted his head upward.

On a tree branch sat Kakashi.

They made eye contact.

“On the tree!” he shouted, pointing at the man.

The twelve Narutos charged in that direction.

“No! Only two of you!” Ed yelled at the Narutos. “The rest of you, line up! Four of you, throw knives at him! Another two, use Earth Jutsu! Loosen the ground so it becomes guaggy. Or sandy!”

“But I don’t know Earth Jutsu!” one Naruto shouted.

“Just leave this then!”

Under his command, the Narutos actually formed something that could be loosely called an organized formation. Some began climbing trees, two others waited by different trees, and the rest stayed on the clearing. Five kept throwing knives and shuriken, leaving Kakashi no choice but to retreat from the tree branch.

Or at least that’s what Edward thought.

Suddenly, a puff of smoke appeared, and where Kakashi had been standing, there was now a log with weapons embedded in it.

Edward cursed so foully that a few Narutos turned to look at him.

Kakashi had escaped.

Edward clenched his teeth.

This wasn’t his fight, nor his test.

But like hell he was going to let that asshole win against these kids.

Chapter Text

Four teams of three Narutos each pushed their way through the forest. One Naruto—a spare shadow clone—remained in the clearing as a decoy, making it seem like he was the real one.
Edward stood next to the fake clone, arms crossed, also watching for Kakashi.

Hidden in the treetops, four more Narutos waited—extra ones, bringing the total number up to 17, not 12, as Kakashi had probably expected.

There was a plan.

A plan that fell apart the moment a girl's panicked scream echoed through the forest.

“That’s Sakura!”  the fake Naruto, pretending to be the real one, shouted, and in an instant, he and all the other "hidden" Narutos sprang from their positions, charging blindly toward the place where they thought they had heard the scream.

Before Edward could react, he was alone.

“Damn it! What an idiot!” Edward yelled, furious.

“You had a good plan” came a voice behind him.

Crouching under a tree was Kakashi.

Kakashi, whose mask had been pulled up, revealing a long scar running across his left eye.

And then, suddenly, the wind blew… and Edward was alone again.

Which was… weird.

Of course, he hadn’t expected Kakashi to actually fight him, but… it looked like he had come to him to talk?

Edward shrugged.

There was no pain in the gesture, which he didn’t notice, too focused on the situation.

Suddenly, a Naruto appeared in the middle of the clearing.

He was injured. Blood seeped from his stomach, staining his hand.

“Help me…” the blond whispered, looking terrified.

He coughed.

Water spilled from his mouth, as if he still hadn’t managed to get it all out after nearly drowning in the river.

Edward let out a startled yell and rushed forward to help.

Kakashi watched as Sakura writhed on the ground, desperately trying to push away the illusion of an injured Sasuke, and how, much farther away—but still within his line of sight—Edward stumbled slightly, heading toward the spot where his mind had conjured up an injured Naruto.

The one he seemed closest to.

"Maybe I overdid it a little," Kakashi thought, observing Sakura’s terrified face.

Suddenly, the leaves rustled, and three Narutos appeared around her.

It was honestly incredible how long the boy had managed to maintain his shadow clones.

“I found her! She’s fine! We’re over here!” Naruto shouted.

The bushes rustled again, and within moments, two more pairs of Narutos ran into the clearing.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes.

Why was one group made up of three, while the other two only had two members?

That didn’t make sense.

Not that it was surprising, given that Naruto wasn’t exactly the strategizing type, but Edward had clearly been working with him.

In a split second, Kakashi turned—just in time to dodge a metal net being thrown at him.

“Plan C!” one Naruto yelled.

“ Which one was Plan C?

“ I don’t know. But wouldn’t Plan B be better here?

“Plan B is Plan C, you idiot!” another Naruto screamed.

“ PLAN C! That’s the one where half of us attack him while the rest take position in the main base, where the trap is!

“Idiot! Don’t say the plan out loud!” Naruto yelled at Naruto.

Kakashi had the urge to laugh.

But there was no time for that, because three Narutos had already decided to put the plan into action and launched themselves at him.

As he fought them off, his senses picked up a figure closing in from behind.

At the last second, he leapt away.

In the spot where the bells had just been hanging, now there was another Naruto’s hand.

Kakashi briefly wondered whether this Narutos attempt to ambush him and steal the bells counted as teamwork.

Now, more Narutos were rushing at him.

There were too many.

Kakashi attacked five of them with knives, throwing them carefully so they’d only sustain minor injuries.

All five disappeared in puffs of smoke.

The rest started running.

Though… he wouldn’t call it running away. They were withdrawing.

Kakashi leapt into a tree to get another look at the clearing they were probably heading toward.

The clearing where Edward was no longer stumbling under the influence of genjutsu.

Which… shouldn’t have been possible.

How on earth had a kid, no older than these genin, managed to break free from a Sharingan genjutsu?

When Edward rushed toward the injured Naruto, stress and shock made him trip.

Kakashi, from afar, saw that trip too.

Only, Kakashi didn’t realize what it actually meant.

Usually, it meant his automail had snagged on something.

The movement he had planned didn’t go through, his center of gravity lost its balance mid-step, and Edward had only a fraction of a second to feel the sharp pull in the port at his thigh before he would have crashed to the ground.

But this time, when he tripped, he actually felt his foot hit a protruding rock.

He felt an impact in his foot.

The foot he didn’t have.

The pain was in his foot—dull, softened by a thick boot—not in his thigh, where it should have been burning and tear-inducing.

It was as if…

As if he had a leg.

But he didn’t have a leg.

Just like he didn’t have a right arm.

A right arm where the shoulder port should have been constantly sending out that familiar, ever-present spark of pain.

Edward realized something was very, very wrong.

And then, he remembered something he had read in one of those useless, but not entirely useless, ninja books.

Genjutsu.

There were several ways to break free from it.

All of them involved chakra.

But Edward had a motto in life:

"To do the impossible."

Colonel Bastard always complained that he shattered his entire worldview.

So… if genjutsu worked on his brain, maybe that’s exactly what he had to do?

He had to shatter both his and the genjutsu’s worldview?

That was something Edward was very good at.

Edward was good at that.

What was the easiest thing to destroy?

Of course, something that didn't match reality.

Edward couldn't transmute a hand of flesh and blood. But he could transmute automail.

It was the simplest transmute he could do.

He didn't even hesitate when he clapped his hands and imagined himself an transmutation array. He balanced the reaction. And a steel blade sprouted from his sleeve.

The wounded Naruto disappeared before him.

The blade remained.

The pain in his arm again sent a faint spark along his spine.

The port in his leg throbbed again.

Edward snapped himself out of the genjutsu embrace.

Which was... disappointingly simple. The books talked so much about how hard it was to fight with it and break free from it.

He clapped his hands again, withdrawing his sword and looking around.

He was alone.

For less than a minute. Kakashi appeared at the other end of the clearing, watching him very closely with one eye.

Edward met Kakashi’s gaze.

And then, two flying stars—shuriken—sliced through the air.

Kakashi caught them between his fingers.

Sasuke leaped out from behind the trees, attacking Kakashi without hesitation.

The kid was good.

His movements were precise and well-calculated. He struck hard and with confidence.

Still, Edward caught a few basic mistakes.

Mistakes that didn’t come from carelessness or lack of training, but from the simple fact that Sasuke had clearly been practicing on dummies or kids his own age. On dummies that didn’t move and on other children, much smaller in size, where just a slight adjustment in the angle of a thrust was enough to hit a shoulder instead of the stomach.

It became painfully obvious when Sasuke attempted an attack, only for Kakashi to catch his wrist and parry it. Sasuke countered with a decent move—one that had clearly taken a lot of practice—jumping into the air and trying to kick the man. Unfortunately, that was when the height difference came into play. The kid had jumped, sure, but he was too high.

Being up in the air had one major drawback—you weren’t in contact with the ground.
Which meant no leverage, no foothold. Nothing to push off from except the person you were fighting. And it was in that person’s best interest to make sure you never regained your footing.

Edward knew that problem all too well. He’d experienced something similar—if not worse—himself.

Granted, Ed had never trained on practice dummies. His teacher had always drilled into him that their opponents would never just stand still. But he understood what it was like to suddenly face someone much bigger than he was used to.

Al had literally doubled in size overnight.
When they first sparred—back when Edward was still sore from his unfinished rehabilitation—it had been nothing short of a disaster. His strikes missed due to poor coordination. Alphonse’s movements were stiff and uncertain, since his brother hadn’t yet fully adjusted to his new body—especially considering he’d spent all his time hovering over Edward’s sickbed.

So even though, technically speaking, the fight in front of him wasn’t nearly as bad as that one, Edward still couldn’t stop himself from wincing as he watched Sasuke struggle in Kakashi’s grip, thrashing like a mouse caught in a cat’s claws.

He’d promised himself he wouldn’t interfere with ninja business.

That was a matter of warrior’s honor.

But… Kakashi was kind of an asshole.

And he didn’t exactly seem like an honorable warrior.

He insulted people, was constantly late, sexually harassed Naruto (by touching him in a "no-no place), and then threw him into the water, nearly drowning him.
Not to mention, he was probably the one who had put him under that half-assed genjutsu in the first place.

So when Kakashi suddenly leaped behind Sasuke and, taking advantage of his distraction, vanished underground—leaving the boy looking around frantically—Edward couldn’t help himself.

"Under you!" he shouted.

Sasuke reacted just in time, jumping to the side. A hand burst from the ground exactly where his foot had been a second ago.

Since Kakashi grabbed nothing but air, the earth trembled once more as his jutsu allowed him to emerge back to the surface.

Sasuke looked ready to jump again, so Edward cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Don’t jump! Stay close to the ground!"

Sasuke only spared him a brief glance with those black eyes before diving back into the fight.

Still, he seemed to understand Edward’s point, as he shifted his focus to attacking Kakashi’s lower body.

"Kick him in the knee!"
"Now sweep his foot!"
"Take advantage of the fact that he always steps forward before a strike!"
"Notice how he favors his right side!"
"He’s blind in his left eye! Attack from there!"
"Do a handstand and kick him in the head!"

That last one was Edward’s favorite move.

Hard to pull off, but if timed right—springing forward into a flip and kicking upwards—you could send your boots right into your opponent’s jaw.

From there, three things could happen:

You landed the hit.
Your opponent dodged, in which case you used the momentum to roll and reposition yourself (you had to watch out for a counterattack, but it wasn’t impossible).
Or the third option, which was what most people did the first time they fought Edward (even his teacher had done it!).

They grabbed him by the legs, under the illusion that it would pin him down.

But that never worked.

Because now their hands were occupied, while the one attacking—now hanging upside down—could use the open space to maneuver.

Sasuke chose to wrap both arms around Kakashi’s legs, locking him in place.

Edward would’ve used alchemy in that situation, but honestly, the kid handled it well.

In reality, Kakashi had the same problem as Sasuke—he was used to fighting opponents his own height. And someone his size wouldn’t have been able to pull off that move.

So for a split second, Kakashi froze, visibly confused by what had just happened.
And that second made all the difference.

"The bells!" Edward yelled.

Sasuke loosened one arm from Kakashi’s legs to reach for the reward hanging from his belt.

Unfortunately, Kakashi reacted fast enough.

He shoved Sasuke backward, forcing the boy to roll before springing to his feet two meters away.

Almost immediately, he began weaving his fingers in an intricate pattern.

He was forming a jutsu.

Suddenly, Sasuke inhaled—and when he exhaled, a stream of fire poured from his lips, shaping itself into a massive fireball aimed directly at Kakashi’s position just a few seconds ago.

The man jumped back.

But not for long.

"Make a ring of fire around him!" Edward shouted.

"I can’t!"

"What do you mean, you can’t?! Just move the air to spread it!"

"I can’t! I haven’t trained wind jutsu!"

"But it’s air that controls fire!" Edward yelled in disbelief. A fireball that huge, sustained for so long, should not exist without a constant supply of oxygen. Which meant the jutsu had to be controlling it somehow.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about!" Sasuke shouted back, attacking Kakashi again with another fireball. The Jonin dodged once more, forming hand seals of his own before landing on the ground.

Edward knew that all too well.

"Get off the ground!" he shouted.

Sasuke seemed ready for it, dodging just in time as a wave of earth rolled beneath him.

"Do your jutsu again, but without the fire!" Edward instructed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sasuke snapped as he landed.

There was a brief pause, a tense moment where kids and Kakashi eyes meet. Edward took the opportunity.

"If you trap him in an air bubble and pump in more oxygen, the pressure will rise! His inner ear will go crazy, and you can attack him!"

"That’s stupid!"

"It’s not! You’re not controlling fire, you’re controlling combustion! That means you have to control the air!"

That was one of the discoveries Edward had made while analyzing the array on Mustang’s gloves. It hadn’t been a major revelation—he could’ve figured it out on his own—but it was still nice to have it confirmed. When he asked Mustang about it, the man had looked reluctant at first but eventually answered. And then the conversation turned into a super cool discussion about alchemy, one so long that Hawkeye had to cut it short and order Mustang to take the massive stack of paperwork he had neglected home.

Hawkeye understood how fascinating the topic was and let them talk about it even at work because she was way cooler than Colonel Bastard.

"Maaan… That’s some big theories for someone so small," Kakashi mused, dropping his battle stance. He straightened up and casually stuffed his hands into his pockets.

And Edward?

Edward saw red.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE NEEDS A LADDER TO CLIMB THE STAIRS?!"

"You, of course."

The ninja didn’t seem bothered at all that he had just insulted Edward, all people of normal height, and the very person who had invented ladders.

And the worst part?

Even though he knew how blasphemous his words were…

He smiled.

He smiled.

"I AM NOT SO SMALL THAT IF I HIT YOU, YOU WOULDN’T EVEN FEEL IT BECAUSE MY MICRO-PICO FIST WOULDN’T MAKE IT THROUGH THE THIN LAYERS OF YOUR CLOTHES!"

Edward lunged forward, putting all his strength into the swing to prove to that dumb ninja that the force of his fist, multiplied by the angular acceleration and centripetal motion, was huge.

Just like he was huge.

Kakashi, of course, lazily sidestepped.

But Edward had predicted that.

He hadn’t been watching the whole fight for nothing.

He also predicted that the ninja would dodge left, taking a step back. The man favored his right leg. So Edward was ready. He planted his automail foot firmly into the ground and pulled off a move that wasn’t entirely possible with a natural limb—he twisted sharply and immediately rebounded sideways, right where Kakashi was about to land after dodging.

The slight widening of the man’s eye was reward enough.

Almost.

"IMMA SHOW YOU THAT I’M NOT SMALL!"

His punch was blocked.

Which Edward considered a success, since Kakashi seemed to prefer dodging when he didn’t take an opponent seriously. But he didn’t give the ninja time to recover. He threw another punch—the exact same attack Sasuke had used before. And, to Edward’s satisfaction, Kakashi reacted the exact same way—stepping back and raising his right arm to parry.

But Edward didn’t punch.

Instead, he took advantage of the speed and strength of the hydraulic presses in his left leg. He suddenly bent his knee, letting his fist swing slightly to Kakashi’s right, then spun mid-motion and drove a full-force kick straight into the Jonin’s stomach.

Or at least—where Al’s stomach would be if they were still sparring at teacher house

Against an adult man, it hit the middle of his thigh.

And sure, Edward could have kicked higher, knowing that a hit to the stomach would be more painful.

But he didn’t.

Because Kakashi, as a ninja, was used to taking hits to the stomach.

What he wasn’t used to—was an attack that should’ve hit his stomach, landing on his legs instead.

The blow connected. Right leg. Just above the knee.

And Kakashi hadn’t managed to block it.

Edward felt a grin creep across his face.

He was getting into it.

But he didn’t let that tiny victory get to his head.

He immediately twisted again, launching another strike.

He was going to show that Kakashi asshole, that he was not someone who can be taken lightly.

Chapter Text

Kakashi Hatake had partially expected the blond kid in the strange clothes to eventually get involved in their fight. He’d expected it right from the beginning, which made him pleasantly surprised by the boy’s maturity and good sense when he simply sat down and refrained from interfering in his fight with Naruto. At least until the moment he used the "Thousand Years of Death." That’s when the boy reacted—violently. Suspiciously violently.
Although maybe he just didn’t know how to swim, or civilians had a different perspective on things? Either way, the fear in his golden eyes made it clear there was a memory behind it.

And then, when Naruto jumped out of the water, the blond began giving instructions. Instructions far too logical to be based on guesswork alone.

It reminded Kakashi of his reflection yesterday, when the boy, full of anger, threw a flurry of uncoordinated—though not too uncoordinated—punches at him.

He’d been willing to explain this, thinking the kid was simply fascinated by shinobi and had been training on his own.

Until he cast a genjutsu at him—one that he broke almost immediately.

Sure, it was weak and harmless, but it was still genjutsu.

Sharingan genjutsu.

A kekkei genkai of the Uchiha clan, founders of Konoha.

He broke through it quickly and with barely any effort. He didn’t look shaken, or exhausted. Not even confused by what had just happened. And definitely not confused enough to hesitate before jumping back into the fight happening right in front of him.

The advice he was giving was terrifyingly precise.

And if Kakashi still had any doubts, they would’ve evaporated the moment the kid let himself get provoked and leapt back into the fight

Proving he wasn’t just an observer with a few theoretical pointers.

But that his instructions came from experience.

He was a fighter.

Trained one.

Trained enough that Kakashi had to admit—he was a worthy opponent. Maybe even better than Sasuke. At least when chakra wasn’t involved.

The very fact that a kid Kakashi had never even heard of was sparring at this level with a jōnin was both extraordinary and deeply unsettling.

Edward tried another kick, aimed precisely at Kakashi’s chest. Kakashi caught the oncoming fist.

Byt Edward didn’t stop. His body still moved forward, and he bent his arm at the elbow, pushing through. So that his elbow would slam straight into the man’s gut.

He couldn’t block that.

He dodged back.

Edward didn’t waste time. He shifted direction slightly and without even pausing, attacked again, swinging with his left hand, which—as the man had noticed—he seemed to prefer.

Not this time.

When Kakashi blocked that strike, the boy followed up with a punch from his right.

Kakashi blocked again, letting the fist collide with his forearm.

He nearly staggered back.

The hit was solid, like he’d been struck with a rock rather than a child’s hand.

So the mysterious boy with dangerous abilities had decided to use chakra.

That changed the rules of their fight.

The kid aimed another blow, but this time Kakashi didn’t let him dominate the offense again.

He struck, focusing chakra into his hand.

The blond boy tried to counter, crossing his forearms in front of himself.

Kakashi hit dead center.

He was already preparing for the next move, to finally push the opponent into a defensive stance, when—for a fraction of a second—he locked eyes with the boy’s golden gaze.

Two things happened at once.

The kid’s eyes went wide, and his mouth opened slightly. His arms buckled from the blow, folding back and striking his own chest.

That’s when Kakashi realized the magnitude of his mistake.

The kid hadn’t intended to use chakra in their fight.

Judging by the shock in his golden irises—he might not have used chakra at all, and the powerful strike had either been a fluke, or Kakashi’s own misjudgment, warped by a mind too used to violence.

In the next instant, the child’s small body lifted into the air, the jōnin's chakra-enhanced blow sending him flying backward—two, maybe three meters through the air.

Judging by the fact that he didn’t move to break the fall, the very impact of his arms slamming into his own chest had already knocked the air from his lungs.

He was falling toward the river.

Kakashi could only watch helplessly as the small figure—barely reaching his armpit in height—crashed to the ground with a thud, too limp for the landing to be called controlled. His head, crowned by a golden braid, hit the earth, and then he rolled half a meter more, closer to the edge.

Kakashi remembered the fear in the boy’s eyes when Naruto had fallen into the water.

The eyes of a boy who clearly wasn’t entirely a ninja, because a trained shinobi would’ve blocked that blow.

A boy who, despite being a civilian, had fought him. Fought him as a shinobi—and as an adult.

A boy who almost certainly couldn’t swim, and judging by the way his body lay limp—was already unconscious.

Kakashi lunged forward, knowing he probably wouldn’t make it.

The blond rolled once more, nearing the edge.

His body hit the slope at the riverbank.

He began to slide.

Kakashi used chakra to boost his jump.

He dove forward, arm outstretched.

Caught the collar of the red coat at the very last second. Yanked back.

The blond civilian didn’t move.

The head injury had to have knocked him out cold.

A quick glance revealed blood beginning to pool among the golden strands of hair.

"Oh God, what have I done," Kakashi muttered, laying the limp, small body gently on the ground.

"Hey!" he heard Sasuke’s voice behind him, along with the sound of fast-approaching footsteps.

Why did you hit him so hard? I thought you weren’t using chakra!" The boy sounded confused and concerned.

No more than Kakashi.

He knew he shouldn’t have agreed to take on a team. Even if he’d planned to fail them anyway. It was too much of a risk. He wasn’t cut out to be a mentor. He didn’t have Minato-sensei’s patience. But he’d thought—maybe—if he could protect the kids, it wouldn’t be so bad.

And now he had hurt one.

A child.

Not even a child from his team. A civilian child.

"I thought he knew how to use chakra," Kakashi said, his voice sounding strangely distant to his own ears.

Oddly enough, Sasuke didn’t comment.

Kakashi looked up from the unconscious boy to see Sasuke’s dark eyes focused slightly to the side.

“What is that?” the boy asked.

The jōnin followed his gaze.

To the boy’s hand.

It looked like, when he’d yanked the kid by the hood, the fabric had ridden up, exposing part of his forearm—well beyond where the edge of that strange white glove reached.

Except… where there should’ve been smooth skin, something metallic glinted in the sunlight.

Kakashi realized that this was the source of the weird impact force.

The boy had a metal fist.

He heard two more pairs of footsteps approaching at a light jog behind him.

“What happened? Why is Ed on the ground?” Naruto called out.

So the boy’s name was Ed.

God. How was Kakashi supposed to explain that he’d just attacked a civilian because he thought the kid was coming at him with chakra, when really it had just been a metal armor?

Apparently, he didn’t even need to say anything—Sasuke spoke for him.

“I was sparring with Kakashi-sensei, but then Ed jumped in. And then sensei blasted him so hard he flew and smacked his head on the ground.”

“Oh no!” Sakura whispered.

“Is he okay?” Naruto asked.

Kakashi wished he knew.

He nodded, unsure if he was trying to reassure the kids—or himself.

Meanwhile, Sasuke stepped to Edward’s right side and knelt, pulling the sleeve up further and exposing more of the gleaming metal.

“What is that?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke didn’t reply right away. Kakashi watched with a strange kind of dread as the boy ran his fingers along the metal, then the black fabric in the crook of the elbow. Then higher. He knocked on the red sleeve at the upper arm, moved up to the shoulder, then along the collarbone—until he suddenly stopped.

In the next moment, Sasuke reached for Ed’s collar and pulled back layers of fabric, revealing part of the boy’s chest.

Pale skin… and deep scars, out of which the metal emerged. Judging by the bolts along the edge—it was screwed into the bone.

A prosthetic.

Kakashi had struck a civilian child with chakra, knocked him out, and almost drowned him—because the kid had punched him with… a prosthetic arm.

“That looks like a fake arm,” Sakura said softly. Sasuke leaned down again, placing two fingers to the blond boy’s neck to check for a pulse.

Kakashi scolded himself inwardly. He hadn’t even checked if the kid was alive.

How was he supposed to protect three other children?

Naruto turned to Sakura to comment on the metal prosthetic, while Sasuke gently patted Edward’s cheek, telling him to wake up.

Eventually—Kakashi wasn’t sure how long, as he was currently in the midst of an existential breakdown. - the brows of the small civilian boy furrowed, and he let out a soft groan.

“‘m sorry, Win…” he murmured, then turned his head slightly.

With that movement he probably jostled the head injury, because in the next second, his striking golden eyes flew open, and the kid shot upright with a gasp.

“Easy,” Kakashi said, grabbing the boy’s arm to steady him in case of dizziness, and also quickly checking his pupils for equal size and light response.

Ed looked disoriented for a second, then his gaze snapped to focus on him.

“You! Why the hell did you attack me with your dumbass ninja tricks?! We were fighting fair and square!”

“I thought you were using chakra,” the jōnin sighed, then—swallowing his pride—added quietly, “I’m sorry.”

The boy didn’t look particularly moved to hear a word that was so rarely spoken.

“As hell I’m using that shit! What, you think I can just randomly to your stupid ninja-shit?! And even if I was able to, you never assume your opponent can defend himself!” Edward repeated his teacher’s words. The woman had drilled that lesson into the brothers as deeply as “All is one and one is all,” and “Alchemist—be thou the people.” He’d been grateful for it many times—back when he was the bigger brother and nearly hurt Alphonse, and again during rehab, when his brother was nearly twice his size and twice as metal. It was a rule he swore he’d never forget—especially after what happened to Majhal.

“That was very irresponsible of you,” Edward scolded the man.

The white-haired bastard dipped his head slightly, but Edward didn’t wait for a reply. He was already pushing himself upright.

“Hey!” Naruto called out to him. “What’s that on your arm?” The boy pointed to where Ed’s clothes were still pulled aside just enough to reveal the edge of the metal bolted into his collarbone.

“It’s automail. My friend made it for me!” Ed smiled at them, though his hand moved up to cover the exposed skin with his jacket again—as if wanting them to focus on the machine, not the scar.

“That’s so cool!” Naruto’s eyes sparkled, and Ed nodded proudly.

“I know, right? It’s almost as good as Granny’s!” His eyes lit up like kids’ eyes always did when someone mentioned something they loved—training, new jutsu, or close friends. “She’s gonna be a world-famous automail engineer one day!”

Naruto nodded eagerly, smiling back.

Sasuke broke the moment, asking the question hanging in the air.

“What’s automail?”

Edward grimaced. The way every veteran does when asked to recall a lost limb. Like Maito Gai remembering his chakra pathways.

“A prosthetic.”

But Naruto didn’t know many veterans—and was too young to catch the weight in Ed’s voice.

“You don’t have an arm?”

“Apparently,” Edward muttered. His tone carried a hint of annoyance mingled with resignation—subtle enough that Kakashi only caught it because he knew what to listen for.

“What happened?” Sakura asked. Well. Apparently twelve-year-olds weren’t big on subtlety.

“Don’t ask,” Edward sighed, beginning to stand up.

“Hey! You can’t just say you don’t have an arm and then not say what happened!” Naruto blurted.

Kakashi was just about to reprimand him—tell him that kind of question was very inappropriate—but Edward beat him to it.

"I can," Edward snorted, turning to Naruto and swaying slightly from the sudden movement. "I did something stupid, and that was the price.

His voice was heavy, which is why Kakashi was surprised to see not sadness in the boy’s eyes, but determination. "Fire," he thought.

And right after that, the fiery determination was marred by a thin stream of blood trickling down the boy’s forehead.

“What the fuck is this shit?!” Edward yelled, and just like that, the gravity of the moment vanished in a split of second.

Sakura slapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide with horror—whether at the blood or the words that no 5'5" kid should even know, let alone say.

“You said a bad word!” Naruto cried out, scandalized.

Kakashi was torn between the urge to correct him that it had actually been several bad words, and the impulse to keep the blond civilian from fainting at the sight of blood.

Turned out, he needn’t have worried.

“Do you know how hard it is to wash this damn crap out of your freaking hair?!” Edward snapped at no one in particular.

Kakashi was pretty sure a civilian child shouldn’t know how hard it is to wash blood out of hair.

Scratch that.

He was pretty sure a CHILD shouldn’t know how hard it is to wash blood out of anything. Period.

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” he ordered, using his most authoritative tone.

The boy practically bristled.

“You can’t order me around! I’m not going to any fucking hospital!”

“You hit your head. That could—”

“I’ve had enough concussions to know I’m fine! I’m not going to the hospital, and you can’t make me!”

Now the civilian kid, who could fight better than most genin, had taken on a defiant stance.

Fantastic.

He was arguing with a child who’s about to throw a tantrum. How low had Kakashi fallen?

“Doctors need to take a look at you.”

“I’m fine! Mind your own business!”

“Kakashi-sensei! What about our test?” Naruto asked.

“Exactly!” Ed immediately jumped in. “Go take care of your students and leave me alone!”

“I really don’t think you should—” Kakashi began.

“And I don’t think you should butt into things that aren’t your business!” Edward snapped, then grabbed Naruto and Sakura’s hands and tugged them toward the trees. “Let’s go! I’d rather die than go to some hospital where they just stab you with those stupid needles!”

“Where are we going?” Sakura asked.

“To make a plan! I’m not letting that jerk win!”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Naruto asked, a bit worried.

“If anyone asks me that again, I’ll transmute them into a tree!” Edward shouted.

Naruto had no idea what transmute meant, but in a rare flash of self-awareness, he guessed he shouldn’t ask.

“Can you just join the test like that?” Sakura asked hesitantly.

Ed snorted.

“Of course I can. He broke the rules of our fight, so I can break his. Equivalent exchange.”

Meanwhile, Kakashi remained by the riverbank, still kneeling in the same spot he’d been in when Edward was unconscious.

He blinked once.

Then again.

Then sighed, slumping to the ground and settling into a seated position as he pulled out a book.

Well. He himself hated hospitals, so he could understand the outrage.

Still, the thought crossed his mind—was it normal for a civilian kid to hate hospitals that much? As kid clearly with enough experience being hurt to end up there often.

But then again, Edward really didn’t seem like a regular civilian kid.

That still didn’t change the fact that he had just knocked out a small child, nearly drowned him, got scolded by his team, by the kid he’d attacked—and now all of them were plotting how to defeat him.

...he really needed to tell the Third Hokage he wasn’t cut out to be a sensei.

*[1]** I thought that since Might Guy can't use chakra properly, he fights a bit like Edward ("civilianly"). I also know that Edward is a good hand-to-hand fighter back home, and that Might Guy can fight Kakashi at a similar level. So I decided that Edward's level ≈ Guy, and therefore Kakashi's, are comparable (when they fight without chakra). Of course, comparable doesn't necessarily mean similar, but what matters is that they're on the same scale.

Chapter Text

When that meadow disappeared behind a veil of trees, Edward came to a stop, deliberately ignoring the slight spinning in his head.

Alright, maybe he had hit himself just a tiny bit too hard. But he'd always operated under the assumption that as long as he could walk and wasn’t puking, there was nothing to worry about. Especially since Al wasn’t around to see through his acting.

Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out a watch.

16 minutes left until the end of the test.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, which turned out to be a bad decision as the dizziness returned. Casually, he leaned against a tree, pleased to note that no one seemed to have noticed anything strange in this.

Meanwhile, Sakura sighed and looked over at her two teammates.

“We need a plan, Sasuke,” she said.

“Yes! Sakura!” Naruto shouted. “We need to come up with a plan to beat him!”

“Do whatever you want,” Sasuke muttered. “I don’t care. I’m going in, and this time I will beat him.”

“But you couldn’t do it last time, Sasuke!” the girl sighed, prompting Sasuke to scowl even more at the mention of his failure.

“This time I know how to fight him,” he growled.

Edward didn’t like his attitude.

“You shouldn’t talk to her like that,” he reprimanded “And if I were you, I’d accept the help.”

“Well,” Sasuke frowned. “I don’t take advice from someone who just got their ass kicked.”

Edward felt his eyebrow twitch.

“Didn’t seem to bother you when I was giving you tips in the fight before,” he pointed out.

Sasuke scowled even deeper but didn’t get the chance to reply, because Naruto jumped in.

“Well I’m gonna fight too! I even have a strategy! I’ll attack him with my Kage no Jutsu!”

“That’s not a strategy!” Sakura yelled. “Besides, there are only two bells! Sasuke gets one, and I’ll take the other!”

“No way!” Naruto cried. “When Kakashi-sensei sees how I fight, he’ll accept me as his student! I’m the one who’s gonna get those bells, not Sasuke!”

“He already saw how you fight, idiot,” Sasuke growled.

Naruto responded with another shout, which—like the last one—drilled straight into Ed’s bruised head, causing a dull throb in his temples.

“Enough!” Edward snapped at them.

Surprisingly, they actually stopped and looked at him questioningly. Edward sighed.

“Instead of arguing about how and who is going to fight, maybe you should think about what you’re supposed to do.”

Three pairs of eyes blinked almost simultaneously, Naruto even tilting his head as if the angle might help him comprehend what his brain clearly wasn’t. Edward sighed again.

“What I mean is: it’s obvious that this test isn’t just about getting the bells.”

“How is it not?” Naruto asked.

Sakura hesitantly nodded, and Sasuke… well, he looked at Edward, which Edward decided was progress. He smiled at the kids in front of him.

“Just think! That guy is a jōnin. An experienced ninja. And you lot just graduated from the academy. And I’m guessing that graduating didn’t involve surviving on a desert island or, I dunno… wrestling a bear, right?”

They shook their heads.

“So?” he turned to Sakura, who looked like the most intelligent one. “You’re saying…” the girl hesitated, “that the test is intentionally impossible, because Kakashi-sensei is actually testing something else.”

Edward smiled at her and nodded.

“And that something is…?” He glanced at his listeners.

They all fell silent for a moment.

“Oh! I know! Teamwork! And friendship!” Naruto declared proudly.

“No, you idiot!” Edward snapped. “That’d be way too obvious! And we’re almost adults, for crying out loud. Teamwork is for preschoolers.”

“He’s right,” Sasuke reluctantly agreed. “This is way more complicated.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Sakura sighed.

Edward grinned at them.

“It’s simple. Think about the task. He said you had to get the bells before noon. He never said they had to be his bells.”

He watched three pairs of eyes widen in shock.

“That’s true!”

“You’re right, Ed!”

“I didn’t think of that…”

“So… what should we do?” Naruto asked, once the silence returned.

Sasuke slowly shook his head.

“This was a ninja test,” Edward explained. “A ninja has to be able to reassess the situation and move quickly. So, you should’ve realized it was an impossible test, figured out a workaround, and run back to the village. Then, like a proper ninja, you’d have to gather intel, find a shop that sells metal bells, and finally—buy them and make it back before the time runs out.”

The trio nodded.

They were all so engrossed in the conversation, they didn’t notice that Kakashi—still sitting back on the meadow—had stopped reading his book some time ago and was now facepalming dramatically.

“So what do we do now?” Sakura asked, worried.

“Hmm,” Sasuke agreed. “If we’d acted right away, we would’ve had enough time. But now…”

“Now we have less than twenty minutes,” Ed said, pulling his pocket watch from his coat and checking the time.

“I don’t believe this!” Naruto wailed in despair. “We have to try! I can’t become Hokage if I don’t even pass as a genin!”

“We’ll have to fight,” Sasuke sighed. “We don’t have any other choice.” He started to stand.

“Ha,” Edward cut him off with a snort. “That might be true—if you didn’t have me!” He pointed proudly at himself, puffing out his chest.

“What do you mean?” Sakura asked. Ed grinned even wider.

“I can get you the bells. Just give me one of your kunai.”

Sasuke was the first to reach into his pouch and hand over a knife, with obvious confusion on his face. Stranger still, the boy inspected the blade, held it to the light, shifted it to his left hand as if weighing it, and then… sniffed it.

“Iron, 1.5% carbon, with a touch of zinc,” he muttered under his breath—which they must have misheard, because it didn’t make any damn sense. But they had no time to question it, because suddenly Ed clapped his hands, placed them on the kunai. Suddenly there was a flash of blue light and—where the knife had been, now lay fourteen shiny bells, identical to the ones at Kakashi’s belt.

“Whoa! What an awesome jutsu!” Naruto shouted, grabbing at the bells.

“Incredible! How did you do that?” Sakura asked.

Even Sasuke looked fascinated, murmuring that he’d never seen anything like it.

“What was that hand seal?” Sakura asked again, pressing for details.

Edward just grinned, beaming with pride.

 “It’s not any stupid jutsu. It’s alchemy,” he announced proudly. “Alchemy is a science. I just broke interatomic bonds and restructured the macromolecular structure of the alloy to create a different spatial arrangement. - bells.”

“Impossible!” Naruto shook his head. “Science can’t do stuff that cool! Science is boring!”

“Not true!” Edward glared at the other blond angrily. “Science is awesome, and you can do super cool things with it! It makes sense! And there are books you can read! And you can share knowledge, and—”

“Ew! You sound like Iruka-sensei!”

“Well then, Iruka-sensei is smart! And if you don’t think science is cool, then you’ll never learn anything important!”

“I learned Kage no Jutsu! That’s cool!”

“Not as cool as alchemy!”

“It is!”

“Stop it!” Sakura yelled when she saw the two blond boys turn on each other. “We should go to Kakashi sensei and tell him we finished the test.”

“Exactly. He’s probably going to say we didn’t make it on time,” Sasuke agreed, picking the bells off the ground and handing a few to each of them.

And so, four children barely tall enough to reach an adult’s waist marched proudly across the clearing to the tree where Kakashi sat reading his book, and lined up before him.

“We passed your test,” Naruto declared confidently.

“Exactly. We figured it out,” Sakura added.

Sasuke nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh really?” Kakashi Hatake raised his only visible eyebrow.

“Yes.” Naruto insisted. “Your test was easy. We all have our bells.”

And right on cue, all four of them raised their hands, each holding metal bells.

Against his better judgment, Kakashi reached for his belt to check if his two original bells were still there.

They were.

He blinked. He even performed a quick genjutsu dispel just in case.

Nothing changed.

The four kids in front of him still held identical steel bells.

Of course, he had overheard parts of their discussion—he’d tuned out right around the time they dismissed teamwork as “too obvious and childish.” After that, he wasn’t exactly sure what happened, though it seemed like they used some kind of jutsu mixed with science, judging by the excited noises.

But Kakashi wasn’t entirely certain what had happened.

And now he was staring at four bells that were perfect replicas of the ones he’d received from his sensei.

He stayed silent for a moment.

The clock struck noon.

The alarm rang.

“You fail.”

Four cries of shock rang out across the clearing.

“What?!”

“But we have the bells!”

“Yes,” Kakashi agreed. “But your task was to get my two bells.”

“You never said that!”

“Exactly! You told us to get bells, and we got them!”

“You were supposed to fight me,” Kakashi reminded them.

“We did fight you!” the kids protested.

“And you didn’t get my bells. You fail.”

“I’m gonna show you that I can get them…” Naruto shouted, charging Kakashi again with the clear intention of grabbing the real bells this time.

This time, Kakashi didn’t wait for him to get close.

In one instant, he vanished in a puff of smoke; in the next, he was behind Naruto—who let out a startled cry as Kakashi effortlessly dodged, subdued, and then tied him to the pole where the alarm clock had been sitting moments ago.

Suddenly, Naruto’s stomach growled loudly.

Kakashi sighed, then gave a one-eyed smile.

“Sounds like you’re really hungry. Time for you to eat your lunch. And while we’re at it, no need to return to the Ninja Academy.”

Naruto lifted his head, eyes sparkling with hope.

“Wait! That means the three of us…?”

Kakashi nodded.

All four kids smiled slightly in relief.

“…can quit ninjutsu. Because you fail,” Kakashi finished, smiling even wider.

The children erupted in groans of protest. Naruto, being tied up, started flailing his legs in frustration.

“You can’t fail us! We have the bells!”

“Exactly!” Sakura echoed. “Besides, why would we need to quit ninjutsu just like that?”

“Because you’re all brats who don’t deserve to become ninja,” Kakashi smiled.

At those words, Sasuke sprang up from the grass and launched himself at Kakashi as well.

Edward didn’t even have time to shout a warning before the ninja once again vanished, only to reappear right beside Sasuke. In a flash, he twisted Sasuke’s arm behind his back, threw him to the ground, and pinned him with one foot on his head.

Sakura let out a shriek of rage, and Ed was sure she’d attack too. Luckily, she seemed just self-aware enough to know she didn’t stand a chance. So she only shot Kakashi a furious glare (which Edward thought could rival Winry’s when he scratched her automail) and demanded he take his foot off Sasuke’s head.

Kakashi ignored her. He simply swept his eye across his students and sighed.

“Think about what it means to be a ninja,” he demanded. “Why were you put in three-person teams?”

“Because…” Naruto began, then fell silent, unsure.

“You didn’t find the answer to the test,” Kakashi continued. Seeing their confused faces, he elaborated: “Yes, the test had a solution. A way to pass. You didn’t understand the purpose of three-person squads. After all…” Kakashi paused dramatically before revealing, just as he had done many times before with other twelve-year-olds, that it was all about teamwork.

But he didn’t get the chance.

Naruto started yelling.

“We know the secret way to pass the test! Ed told us! We solved the puzzle! We brought the bells!”

Ed - the not-so-civilian kid who had appeared out of nowhere. Kakashi had overheard parts of their conversation.

“It was about teamwork.”

Chaos exploded.

“Hey! I said that!” Naruto shouted.

“Yeah!” Sakura chimed in. “We figured it out ourselves!”

“Impossible!” Edward yelled. “Teamwork is too obvious! And you do not teamwork in military! You just want to climb the leader!”

Is that how civilians saw shinobi? As an army mindlessly clawing their way upward? Kakashi thought it was a sad perspective.

“But we did work together!” Sakura insisted, turning to Kakashi with protest in her voice.

“No,” Kakashi refuted. “Naruto attacked me without considering your plans. You, Sakura, were so focused on Sasuke that you abandoned coordination with Naruto almost automatically. And Sasuke ignored the rest of you because he thought you were in his way. You listened to Edward, but that wasn’t cooperation—it was just following a… suggestion.”

The word orders hovered at the tip of his tongue, but he held it back. Edward looked to be the same age as the rest of the kids, so he shouldn’t give the impression that his words carried the weight of authority.

“Wait!” Sakura demanded. “If it was supposed to be about teamwork, then why are there only two bells?”

“ He Probably lost one." Edward muttered under his breath. When Kakashi turned to him with a slight reproach in his gaze, the blond shrugged and a shadow of a wicked grin danced across his lips. "Maybe that’s why he was so late? Couldn’t find it anywhere."

"Aha!" Naruto grumbled. "Don’t worry, Kakashi-sensei! You should check under the bed. I once found my favorite shirt there after losing it for, like, a year!"

"Idiot!" Edward scolded him. "Why don’t you clean under your bed?"

"Because I don’t like cleaning!"

"Me neither, and what of it! Dust is full of mites, and those can carry germs, and also cause respiratory inflammation! Do you even know how much strain that puts on macrophages?"

"What macro-phases? What the hell are you even talking about?" Naruto frowned.

Edward started explaining in detail how dust irritates the ciliated epithelium in the trachea and leads to mast cell degranulation. [1]

Kakashi felt like this entire speech had gone wildly off course.

Well he was just grateful Edward started talking scientific nonsense rather than asking Naruto what his mother would say about such a mess.

He cleared his throat, and when that didn’t stop the two blondes from bickering about how often one should clean, he spoke up:

"The test had two bells for a reason. It was designed to make you fight. Ultimately, the point was to see who would sacrifice their own benefit for the sake of the team. As I mentioned earlier, Naruto was running around alone, and Sasuke claimed the others would just get in his way. Selfish actions are dangerous to your teammates."

He cast a heavy gaze over the three kids standing before him. Naruto looked like he wanted to argue.

"Here’s an example," Kakashi reached for his belt and pulled out a kunai. "Sakura, kill Naruto, or Sasuke dies." With that, he pressed the knife to the boy’s throat.

He didn’t miss the way Edward’s body tensed instantly, leaning slightly forward, ready to move. Those golden eyes pierced into him, reading every intention.

"You won’t hurt him," the golden-haired boy said calmly.

Kakashi nodded. Sakura let out a breath of relief, mumbling something about being glad she didn’t have a kunai on her.

"I won’t," Kakashi confirmed, pulling the knife away and letting the boy go. "But situations like that can happen when a hostage is taken. You’ll face hard decisions, and someone might die. Shinobi risk their lives on every mission. Look at this."

He gestured toward a graphite memorial stone nearby, its surface uneven with etched names.

"This stone bears the names of ninja heroes."

His solemn tone was abruptly interrupted by Naruto’s shout.

"That’s awesome! My name’ll be on it someday, sounds totally cool!"

"Idiot." Edward cut in again, his posture slouched more than before, like he was pinned to the earth by invisible weight. "They don’t carve the names of living heroes next to each other on stones."

"But I thought..."

"Heroes are chosen by the state as examples of civic virtue, and to honor them, statues are raised, speeches are given. Heroes are tools. Dogs of the F... leader, Walking in nice uniforms, wagging their tails on command. A means to gain public support." He smiled bitterly. "So no, heroes don’t get scribbled on collective rocks in the middle of a forest."

Kakashi looked at the boy again, more intently this time.

These weren’t the words of a child. Not even a child who had been through tragedy. They were the words of someone who understood. Who accepted, because they knew there was no other way.

"You’re right," he admitted. "These aren’t normal heroes."

"Oh? So what, a different kind of hero?" Naruto asked.

"Yes. The kind that gave everything. Their lives."

Naruto turned away, the fire in his eyes extinguished. The boy wasn’t ready for that truth.

"This place is a memorial," Kakashi finally sighed, turning his back. "My best friend’s name is here, too."

For once, none of the kids spoke. They let the moment hang in silence.

Kakashi took a deep breath.

"Alright. I’ve decided to give you another chance. One final fight for the bells." He let the kids cheer with excitement. "You’ll get your chance… after you eat." He handed them two bento boxes. "But there’s one condition—Naruto doesn’t get to eat."

Naruto, of course, let out a howl of outrage.

"That’s punishment for trying to attack me after the test ended. If you feed him, you all fail."

"Hey! Sasuke attacked you too!" Edward pointed out politely.

"Exactly!" Naruto echoed him.

Kakashi wanted to strangle them both. He’d spent the last five minutes talking about teamwork and sacrifice.

"I don’t care. I make the rules. Got it? Now eat up and get ready. I’ve got something to take care of."

He left them in the clearing. For a moment, they just stared at each other in disorientation.

Then Sakura hesitantly reached for the bento boxes lying on the grass. She handed one to Sasuke, then glanced nervously at Edward, who stood with arms crossed, staring at the stone memorial.

She slowly opened her box, and suddenly the air was filled with the aroma of delicious cooked rice.

Her stomach growled.

So did two others.

"Oh great. I’m hungry again." Edward sighed, turning toward them and scanning their faces. "Shall we?"

"What?" Sakura couldn’t help but ask.

"Shall we go eat?" he repeated.

"But…"

"Oh, come on. Are you really going to eat anything that bastard gave you? How do you know he even knows how to cook? Or that he didn’t poison it? Maybe he spiked it with laxatives and will later lecture us about not trusting anyone—ninja life, blah blah. And you can’t even give any to Naruto."

"I don’t need food!" Naruto declared, though his stomach rumbled again. "I’m in top shape, really!"

"You should eat something," Sasuke muttered lazily, picking up some rice with his chopsticks and holding it out to Naruto.

"Sasuke..." Sakura hesitated, glancing around nervously.

"Relax, I don’t sense him nearby. And if we don’t feed him, he’ll just keep stumbling between our legs."

"What you’re doing is idiotic," Edward sighed. "You’re breaking an order. You know that if you’re a ninja, they can bring you before a military court for that, right? Demotion, expulsion... or a firing squad. Though not for something this stupid."

"What are you even talking about?" Sakura asked.

(Kakashi, who was hiding behind a tree, would very much like to know the same. In Konoha, they weren’t that strict and certainly didn’t dish out punishments that cruel.)

"You shouldn’t break the rules," Edward scolded.

"But you just said—"

Edward smiled at her, baring all his teeth.

"I wouldn't have listened to that jerk anyway, but your idiot-sensei only said we couldn’t feed Naruto. He didn’t say anything about not untying him and going to the village to get ourselves something to eat."

Everyone's eyes widened in shock — even Kakashi’s — because he hadn’t anticipated similar conclusions at all.

"But what if Kakashi-sensei comes back and sees we’re gone?" Sakura asked worriedly as Sasuke stood up and silently started cutting Naruto's ropes.

"He won’t see," Edward said confidently. "He went to take care of something, right? With his lazy ass, he won’t be in a rush, and taking care of stuff usually takes a while. So if we run to the village, grab food from the first store, and come back fast, Kakashi will be none the wiser. Better yet," he added with a wicked grin, "we can tell him none of you ate, in solidarity with Naruto, and toss some laxatives into the bento. When he eats it himself, he’ll shit his pants!"

The team liked the idea. Sakura and Sasuke weren’t fully on board with the laxative part, but they all agreed and dashed off along the riverbank toward the village. Sure enough, they found a shop where they bought some ready-made rice balls, stuffed them into their pockets, and sprinted back to the clearing.

As Edward predicted, it was still empty.

"Bon appétit," he muttered, sitting down and starting on his lunch, just as the others began unwrapping theirs.

But the moment Naruto shoved an entire rice ball into his mouth, Kakashi appeared above them in a puff of dust and a soft “poof.”

He was… to put it mildly, furious.

"Those who break the rules must face the consequences," he said coldly, his hands flashing through a series of seals as black clouds suddenly gathered above them.

"We didn’t break the rules," Edward said calmly, shoving half a second rice ball into his mouth. "We didn’t feed Naruto. That’s his own food."

"Exactly!" Naruto cried. "We didn’t do anything wrong!"

"You knew the rules and still broke them," Kakashi said darkly.

"We bent them," Ed snorted. "There’s a difference."

The clouds above Kakashi’s head churned ominously, and somewhere among them, lightning flickered.

Suddenly, Edward’s face went completely pale.

"Are you out of your damn mind?! You trying to kill me?!"

"Don’t try to change the—"

"I’ve got metal prosthetics, you moron! Cancel the lightning!"

"Ed? What are you talking about?" Naruto asked, confused.

Sakura seemed to understand. Her eyes widened in horror, and she immediately stood on one foot. Sasuke sprang up, glancing around for anything that might help.

Kakashi also paled slightly and made another seal — the clouds calmed, turning a more subdued gray rather than menacing black.

(Thanks to the sudden stress, he completely overlooked the fact that “prosthetics” was plural.)

There were no more flashes, no smell of ozone in the air. Edward lowered his arms from a strange prayer-like position and exhaled deeply.

"What the hell is wrong with you, jackass?! You almost killed me again!"

"I…"

"What are you guys talking about?!" Naruto shouted, looking between Kakashi and Edward, clearly lost.

"This jerk shot lightning at me even though I’ve got metal screwed into my body!"

"Okaaaayyy?" Naruto stared at him uncertainly.

"You really don’t get it?" Ed asked, his voice rising with disbelief.

"No! Why would I?!"

"Ugh! Do you ninja not read any books? Seriously?"

"Nope! Books are boring! I only read one because Iruka-sensei made me! But I also read the scroll with the Kage Bunshin Jutsu!"

"Books are awesome! You can learn a ton from them!"

"That’s true, Naruto," Sakura chimed in. "Right, Sasuke? Books are smart?"

"Hmm…"

"Okay, okay! But I still don’t get what lightning has to do with your metal arm!" Naruto protested.

Kakashi felt like everyone was ignoring him.

"Lightning strikes conductive objects — tall ones too! Think! We’re in a clearing with three old stumps, a rock, and three people — one of whom has metal in his body. So what do you think is the most likely target?"

"Uhhh…" Naruto paused. He vaguely remembered Iruka saying lightning hits tall trees.

"Those stumps!" he pointed confidently.

"NO! Wood’s an insulator! "

"But…"

"Someone please explain this to him!" Ed begged, turning to Sakura. She hesitated.

"Uhh… an insulator… insulates? From… lightning?"

"No! Come on, this is basic! I learned this when I was five! How do you not know this?! It’s about free ions! Metallic bonding in alloys creates entire layers of delocalized electrons that can move with the current and—"

And just like that, they got a full-on science lecture about molecular structures. The knowledge about electrons was actually fascinating — and even useful. It explained why radios use wires and why wood and rubber are things that protect you from electric shock. Kakashi even learned what those weird metal rods on buildings were for and why everyone says not to stand under trees during a storm.

Most surprising was learning that the heart sends out its own electrical impulses — which means getting hit by lightning can both kill someone… or revive them.

What was truly shocking, though, was that Edward explained everything in such a simple, obvious, and above all — interesting — way. He asked questions exactly when Naruto’s attention started drifting, which made everything feel more fun and engaging.

Then the boy moved on to how this knowledge could be applied in combat, starting with possible practical uses. From there, the topic shifted quickly to the Fireball Jutsu Sasuke had demonstrated earlier.

"Do you guys know what fire actually is?" Edward asked.

"Fire is… fire," Naruto said, and the three heads — pink, black, and white — nodded in agreement.

Edward sighed deeply.

"Fire is made of particles that behave kinda like plasma! The temperature gets so high that it breaks molecular bonds, so everything kind of floats around. But really, it’s particles undergoing oxidation and turning into gases, releasing heat energy. And sometimes electrical energy — like photons. As in, light. So if it’s oxidation, what does fire need? Naruto?"

The blond blinked and tried to focus.

"Uhhh… oxygen?"

"Exactly! Oxygen! But oxygen just keeps the fire going. The stuff that actually burns is soot and flammable gases. So what does that mean? Sasuke?"

The boy furrowed his brows, recalling Edward’s earlier words.

"That Fire Jutsu might depend on oxygen?"

"Exactly! And oxygen makes up about 21% of air. You can use that to move it—or... you could manipulate the oxygen without fire so it disappears from a certain area, and then no one would be able to breathe. We'd just be inhaling nitrogen."

Of course, everyone wanted to test the theory. Sasuke was asked to demonstrate, but he could only hold the technique four times before his chakra ran out.

Edward, without hesitation, summoned Kakshi—who, as it turned out, knew a few other fire techniques even more suitable for experiments. Sakura helped with her weak wind jutsu, and finally, on the ninth attempt, they managed to modify the flaming tornado technique so that instead of burning the target, it trapped them and consumed most of the oxygen, forcing them to suffocate on carbon dioxide. (or so did they assume, as no one dared to walk into tornado)

Their scientific triumph was interrupted by a loud stomach growl.

"Oh fuck," Edward muttered, glancing at his silver pocket watch. "It’s much past 3 PM. I really need to go and do some research now."

"What??? It’s already that late?" Naruto couldn’t believe it. Especially since they’d spent most of the time talking about science and he hadn’t even fallen asleep! Iruka-sensei would never believe it.

"So... maybe we could at least grab something to eat? Together?" Sakura asked hopefully, glancing at Edward, then at Sasuke, next to whom she had sat.

"Ahem. Ahem. Haven’t you forgotten something?" Kakashi cleared his throat as he stood, once again looming over the kids. Unfortunately, he was well aware that any intimidating effect he might've had had long since vanished—after being ignored, then joining a lesson run by a 13-year-old (as they’d found out when Edward accidentally let his age slip), and finally being used a bit like a guinea pig

The four of them turned to him with confused looks before their eyes widened in comic realization.

"The test!" Sakura cried.

"Oh, come on," Edward rolled his eyes. "You didn’t complain about us all learning together for the past three hours. If you really didn’t like it, you’d have left already. Or, you can think of it as payment for the knowledge you gained. Because believe me… the price of knowledge is far higher than you think."

His voice suddenly became heavier, darker. A flicker of grief passed through his eyes—one Kakashi recognized, the same kind he sometimes saw in his own reflection on the worst days.

"It’s equivalent exchange, after all."

Because of that look, Kakashi didn’t argue.

"In that case, I’ll ask one question. You have to answer it correctly. Why am I even considering letting you pass, when you disobeyed my instructions and fed Naruto?"

They paused to think. Finally, Sasuke spoke.

"You said it was about teamwork, right? That sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your teammates. So we took a risk to make sure Naruto wasn’t hungry."

"We’re one team, right, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi heard a quiet snort nearby.

"All is one and one is all. Seems it’s everywhere."

He smiled.

Up to now, he hadn’t accepted any students because they were all idiots who blindly followed rules. Ninja have to think. Be able to adapt to situations...

“In the world of shinobi, those who break the rules are scum. But those who abandon their comrades… are worse than scum.”

"These are not a words of an adult" Edward said quietly, staring at him. "That’s something a child would say, isn’t it?"

Kakashi couldn’t suppress the bitter smile—probably hidden by his mask—but Edward still seemed to catch something in him that made him nod slowly.

"It was your friend, wasn’t it? The one who died."

Kakashi should’ve been alarmed at how accurately Edward guessed. The timing, the precision, and above all—the fact he had almost no information to go on. That wasn’t a child’s guess. That was a detective's deduction.

But with the memory of Obito once again painfully fresh, all Kakashi could do was nod.

"Remember those words," he said, turning back to the team and letting the silence sit for a moment. Then he exhaled and smiled at them with his lone visible eye. "You passed."

Tears welled up in Naruto’s eyes as the trio let out loud, joyous victory whoops.

Meanwhile, Kakashi looked past them at Edward, standing a little further off.

The brightness that had lit him up when talking about science had faded. The boy seemed slightly hunched, far more tired than any thirteen-year-old should be.

Their eyes met.

As he’d already noticed—Edward’s eyes were hypnotic, a golden hue that was somehow both luminous and endlessly dark.

Edward gave a slight smile. He nodded.

As if to say well done—the same way the Hokage sometimes gave a silent nod to acknowledge Kakashi had done well. As if a thirteen-year-old had the authority to congratulate him.

And yet… somehow, he did.

Then Edward murmured a quiet goodbye, saying that maybe they’d meet again someday—and walked off in his own direction.

Kakashi returned his focus to the three genin in front of him, who would now become the first real team he’d ever accepted.

His team.

At the same time knowing, without a hint doubt, that he would see Edward again.

Because after everything he’d observed today about that boy, there was no way he wouldn’t report it to the ANBU.

And the Hokage himself.

[1] Reminder: Alchemy is "understanding, decomposition, and reconstruction," and Edward literally performed human transmutation. That means he must’ve had an incredibly deep understanding of human anatomy, composition, and systems. What he’s saying here is basic knowledge dressed up in technical language—so no, Edward doesn’t have top-tier medical ninjutsu skills. He’s just very informed.

* i considered childish explanations like: you get sick, you cough ect, - the words he surely explained to Al when two orphan boys were cleaning their house. But I have decided to go with fancy words so to throw Kakashi off balance and show them gow vast knowlage ed have.

Chapter Text

Edward said goodbye to the four ninja on the clearing, discreetly slipping the notepad into his pocket.

At some point, he must have taken it out to note down his observations.

That blond kid—Naruto—had asked him if they could be friends. And Sasuke had wanted to know if they could train together again sometime.

Edward answered both questions evasively.

Of course he wanted to be friends with Naruto. The kid seemed nice.

Edward, sometimes, when he sat in Shou Tucker’s library, too tired to focus, would let his gaze drift toward the window—toward the park where parents walked with their children.
He often saw Nina playing in the garden, laughing brightly while playing with Al and Alexander. And he would sometimes wonder who nice that would be, to have even a minute to join them or other kids.

He remembered the times Shou insisted he take a break and Edward had gone outside to join them, and they all laughed together.

But every moment Edward spent playing was a moment not spent studying.

A moment when he was not closer to finding the solution.

A moment when Al... suffered in armor.

Al.

Al would always come first.

This wasn’t his world.

Its children weren’t his concern.

And any friendships he’d made here—not only were they doomed from the start, but they’d just weigh him down.

...

But the last year Edward spent in the army had taught him to appreciate childhood.

So instead of saying no, he smiled as he said goodbye.

“Whatever. Maybe we’ll meet again. Good luck.”

His eyes met the one eye of that white-haired weirdo. For a moment, it seemed like there was a flicker of understanding in it.

Kakashi gave him a small nod, which felt more like a farewell.

Ed replied with a crooked grin.

As he walked away, he could feel their eyes on his back.

But he didn’t look back.

He went home to grab something to eat from the kitchen and immediately headed for the library.

So, Kakashi. You’re telling me… somewhere in the village, there’s a kid. A teenager—not even fully grown—who’s blond, loud, blunt, dresses weird, apparently lives alone so probably has no parents, and has massive combat potential and a tendency to get involved in fights that aren't his own?

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi confirmed, bowing his head slightly.

The Third Hokage pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply.

“And you’re telling me this kid is not Naruto or one of his clones?”

Kakashi felt something inside him tighten into a small knot.

“No, Hokage-sama.”

For a moment, silence filled the office.

“And you’re saying this boy and Naruto did meet?”

This time, Kakashi didn’t even answer—he just pressed his lips into a thin line, something visible even through the mask.

Hiruzen Sarutobi sighed heavily again.

For a moment, no one spoke.

“They don’t seem likely to meet again, though,” Kakashi said quietly.

“What do you mean?” the Hokage raised a white eyebrow in surprise.

“That boy… Ed. I can’t quite explain it, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to accept their invitation.”

“You do realize that a kid refusing to meet other kids doesn't make him less suspicious, right?”

Kakashi sighed.

“That’s why I’m reporting it, Hokage-sama. I believe this matter deserves closer attention.”

“You want to tail a civilian child?”

“We’ve tailed kids younger than him before. And besides, Hokage-sama… I really don’t think he’s a civilian. At least, not entirely. When we fought…”

“You fought him?”

“Yes, Hokage-sama. He was in the clearing during the test.”

“Do you know how he got there? Was he following Naruto?”

“I don’t think so, Hokage-sama. It looked more like he just ran into them while jogging.”

“Jogging around the village? … Do you think this might be the boy Gai mentioned?”

Kakashi paused to think.

Now that he thought about it, two or three days ago, Gai had bumped into kakahsi and challenged him to race on the ‘path of youth’—the one that even the most enthusiastic civilian teenagers run daily.

But Kakashi didn’t get a chance to respond.

There was a knock at the door, and the handle turned, letting Asuma Sarutobi step inside.

“Ah. Kakashi. Good to see you. I heard you finally accepted your first team? Congrats. …Why so serious though?” he asked, smile fading slightly.

The Hokage looked between the two jonin and sighed.

“Kakashi reports that during his test, an unknown boy showed up—highly suspicious, with unexpectedly strong combat skills and apparent knowledge of the ninja world. He was also seen close to Naruto.”

“You think it’s related to the Kyubi?”

“He was close to all three of them, to be honest,” Kakashi interjected. “It’s hard to say much with this little information.”

“And what do you mean, exactly, by ‘suspicious’?” Asuma asked.

“Well, on one hand, he looks like a civilian. But during the test, he got involved. At first just with words—giving the kids instructions—and later physically, attacking me directly.

Even though we weren’t using chakra, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have to focus. Many of his moves were… unfamiliar to me.”

“The Copy Ninja… didn’t recognize a fighting style?” Asuma's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“Continue,” the Hokage cut in.

“Of course. At one point, I accidentally attacked him using chakra. He seemed shocked and didn’t defend properly—though, as I said, that might’ve been due to surprise.
Later, however, he demonstrated an alarming understanding of jutsu—especially in how they could be practically used. He…”

Suddenly, and for no clear reason, Kakashi hesitated.

“…He suggested using a fire vortex jutsu to cut off an enemy’s air supply.”

Both other men showed the same stunned and slightly horrified expression.

That kind of tactic, used properly by a high-level ninja, could be far more dangerous than it sounded.

“Also,” Kakashi continued, “during the test I put him under a genjutsu. I used the Sharingan.
And he broke free in less than two minutes.”

Sarutobi leaned his elbows on the desk and sighed.

“What do you propose, then?”

“For now, just to keep an eye on him. I followed him on his way back—he’s staying in a room above Rinami Hadeima’s clothing shop in the north part of the village.
He went home briefly, then headed to the library.”

“Wait!” Asuma interrupted. “Are we talking about a short blond kid? Wears a red coat? Golden eyes?”

When Kakashi confirmed with a nod, Sarutobi let out another long sigh.

“I met that kid yesterday, believe it or not. I really wouldn’t have suspected anything.”

“You met him?” the Hokage asked.

“Yes. In the library. Just yesterday. He seemed like a nice kid. He was in the civilian section, and when he heard I had a book from the ninja section, he followed me. Tried to sneak, but he’s not exactly a master of subtlety. He said he’d read the entire civilian section and found nothing interesting. Funny kid,” he chuckled slightly, as if unable to stay fully serious now that he realized who they were talking about.

“I walked him back to the civilian section and gave him a popular ninja-themed youth story. He seemed into it. Really didn’t strike me as suspicious.”

The Hokage slowly nodded his head.

"Alright then. Kakashi? What do you propose?"

The white-haired ninja hesitated.

"I think it would be worth checking whether he really is a civilian. And maybe... take a look at his notebook. He was writing notes in it — might be good to find out what other fighting methods he’s come up with."

"You mean, you want to look at his meridians?"

"Yes. Let a Hyuga analyze them and tell us if he’s been trained."

"Very well then. Tonight, when the boy goes to sleep, do what you think is necessary."

"Dismissed."

Kakashi bowed and walked out the door.

Looks like his ANBU shift tonight was going to be intense.

Edward had spent another five completely pointless hours in the library. He had read even more books that once again contained nothing worth his attention, not to mention any method for returning home.

He even tried pulling a stunt like that bastard colonel, and approached the librarian, trying to casually start a conversation and learn something about ninja and chakra — which apparently was the ninja's internal power source. Which was... completely nonsensical, because why wouldn’t they just draw energy from tectonic plates? Why waste their own?

But of course, like everything that bastard colonel ever came up with, it was stupid, because the librarian just snapped at him to stop asking and refused to answer a single question.

But now Edward had another opportunity.

The ninja section.

He felt a grin crawl onto his face.

He left the library and tiptoed down the hallway that yesterday had been used by the bearded guy who gave him the bedtime story. He slowly opened the door and slipped inside. With satisfaction, he noticed that the librarian was lying on the desk, asleep.

Ha.

Lazy bastards really were everywhere.

And not everyone had a Hawkeye with them.

Edward quickly walked up to the first shelf — which conveniently also blocked him from the librarian’s view — and scanned the titles.

‘Medical methods ,’

‘Basic Seals ,’

‘Strength Training as Foundation of Taijutsu ,’

‘The Bingo Book ,’

‘The Greatest Ninja of the Last Century ,’

‘Geography of the Land of Fire ...’

All of it sounded so useless! He looked at a higher shelf.

Oh! “Introduction to Ninjutsu!” That might be exactly what he was looking for.

He stood on tiptoe and stretched his arm.

His fingertips brushed the book's spine.

He leaned a bit further — just about to grab it when suddenly…

"What are you scheming over there, young man?"

Edward let out a startled yell and lost his balance, crashing down along with several books.

The librarian — clearly not asleep — was standing leaning against another shelf and peering at him from under narrowed eyes.

"I... Um... I just wanted to look at a few books!"

"This isn’t the section for civilians," the librarian scoffed dismissively. Edward jumped to his feet, his face burning red from embarrassment.

"It’s a library! I came to borrow a book!"

"To access these books, you have to be a ninja. Besides, it’s not like a civilian needs this knowledge."

"So what if I’m a civilian?! I’m trying to understand!"

"And why would a civilian need to know ninja techniques?"

"To know if I need them for something!"

"And what would you need them for, unless you're planning to become a ninja? It’s not like you're trying to find a way to apply chakra to civilian travel techniques, right?"

Edward was this close to telling the man that yes, actually, it was for space-time travel, but he stopped himself.

He took a deep breath to calm down.

"Sorry. I just wanted to read something interesting. I’ll go now."

He started walking slowly toward the exit, carefully passing the librarian.

He didn’t even get two meters.

"Before you leave, put back the book you’re hiding under your coat."

Edward spun around abruptly.

"How did you know I took one?"

"I’m not blind, kid."

"DO NOT CALL ME A KID WHO’S SO SMALL HE CAN’T EVEN HIDE A BOOK BECAUSE THE BOOK IS BIGGER THAN HIM!"

The librarian just laughed and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. Edward growled in fury and humiliation and pulled out the book, handing it to the man.

"But I don’t want to leave." — Edward muttered, darting from that alley and into the next one.

"Not my problem, kid. That’s the rule," the librarian said in a bored tone. Luckily, he didn’t follow Edward, seeming more interested in picking up the books Ed had dropped.

Ed took the opportunity and moved through that alley into another, and then another.

"You hear me? Out!" the librarian muttered again after a moment, when Edward was already in a fourth alley. The boy quickened his pace.

"I don’t wanna."

"Is this a game to you? This isn’t funny, kid."

"I’m not a kid!" Edward yelled, speeding up and slipping into the next aisle marked Genjutsu.

"Get over here, kid!" — came the sound of footsteps hitting the floor.

Edward was almost at the end of the alley. He turned a corner, glancing quickly around an area where three more sections were labeled Fire Jutsu, Water Jutsu, and Meditation.
To his right, something flickered — maybe a door? He was just about to turn toward it for a closer look when suddenly he felt a tug on his collar and the sensation of weightlessness.

"Told you to get out. I’m really not in the mood to be dealing with brats today," the librarian grunted, dragging him toward the main part of the room where the counter and entrance doors were.

And then he threw Edward out into the hallway and slammed the door behind him.

Edward shouted more from shock than pain as he hit the floor, then clumsily pushed himself up — wincing as he put pressure on his stump.

Did this mean it was over?

He smiled.

Of course not.

This was only the beginning.

So far, everything was going exactly according to his genius plan.

If the stupid ninjas wouldn’t let him into the library... then he’d let himself in.

After all, his name was Edward Elric. The Fullmetal Alchemist.

He had undergone automail surgery in a year and became a major at 12.

Nothing could stop him.

Certainly not a ninja — who didn’t even use the library anyway.

Chapter Text

Edward wasn’t acting like a stupid child running away from the librarian for no reason.

During that short time he’d passed through some of the library’s aisles and managed to look at the titles of books that might potentially interest him.

Not only that.

On his way out (being thrown out), he also examined the front door. And the key the librarian had hanging at his belt.

At home, Edward replicated the key without any hesitation.

All he had left to do was wait.

An hour passed—the time when the library and most of the tower’s offices closed. Just to be safe, Edward waited another half hour so that everyone would go home before he himself left the small room he rented.

Then he removed his red coat (see, Colonel bastard – I can be discreet!) and stepped out onto the already cold streets of Konoha.

He passed a few people hurrying home, as well as several others who, judging by the state of their drunkenness, had already come from one party and were apparently heading to another.

He slipped past them, trying not to draw attention to himself, until he finally reached the tower where the Hokage’s office and half of the other administrative departments in the village were located.

…now that he thought about it, that alone should have made him suspicious.

Central Command was enormous and still didn’t house even half the bureaucratic offices of Amestris. Many important departments were outside the walls, scattered throughout the city.

The fact that most of the administration here was crammed into a single building together with the library should have already warned Edward how bizarrely disorganized these ninja were!

All the better for him. Thanks to that, he was certain no one would notice what he was doing.
He smiled to himself.

Because the mission office— or whatever it was called—was in the tower, the building was open around the clock, since ninja apparently had to report in immediately after finishing an assignment, not a day or a week later.

Edward… actually couldn’t remember whether Colonel bastard hadn’t told him something similar at some point. Maybe he had? Not that Edward ever listened to him. He turned in reports whenever he felt like it (which was usually when Al realized he still hadn’t delivered them and forced him to do it).

In any case, taking advantage of this fact, Edward walked into the building and quickly slipped down a corridor, listening carefully to check if anyone was coming.

But it was quiet.

Edward, smiling, slipped into another hallway leading to the stairwell and ran two more floors up, to where the library was located.

Here it was quiet and dark.

The lights that normally illuminated the way weren’t on, so Edward had to wait a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

Of course, not for long. He was well-practiced in these kinds of adventures, so he quickly resumed sneaking.

Eventually he reached his destination.

The door to the ninja section of the library.

Edward paused and took a breath.

It was quiet.

Just in case, he looked around.

For a moment he thought he saw some movement in the corner of his vision, but when he looked in that direction, he saw nothing.

He shrugged and pulled from his pocket the key that, only two hours earlier, had been his spoon.

He slid it into the lock and turned.

It took several attempts, since the lock had apparently jammed due to his imperfect copy, but eventually the bolt clicked and the door swung open.

Edward slipped inside and closed the door behind him, exhaling with relief.

He was in the library.

He felt a smile stretch across his lips.

Feeling much more at ease in the dim, enclosed space, he went to the shelf he had visited earlier that day.

He found the book “Introduction to Ninjutsu” and, opening it, began to read.

Like all books in this strange world, it was thin and decidedly unsatisfying, but still much better and far more useful than anything he had managed to read so far.

Unfortunately, the author still didn’t explain what chakra actually was, how to control it beyond vague terms like “guide it” or “distribute it,” nor did he explain how “connecting to the elements” worked, or, really, any practical use of the elements whatsoever.

In fact, the entire concept of “elements” seemed flawed.

“Air” wasn’t defined as a mixture of nitrogen, oxygen, and other components.

“Earth” didn’t have any breakdown of mineral composition.

The information about “fire” amounted to “it burns.”

“To hell with information like this,” he muttered to himself, closing the book without even bothering to read about water.

For a moment he considered what book he wanted to read next, recalling all the titles he had seen.

If he remembered correctly, in the second aisle he’d glimpsed “Methods of Chakra Condensation” and also “Ninjutsu: Ghost Steps,” which he hoped might deal with the movement of souls? Maybe something interdimensional?

…Though no.

It was probably going to be some description of foot placement or some other nonsense explaining why these stupid ninja could jump so ridiculously high.

Seriously.

The first time he saw some ninja casually strolling down the street only to suddenly jump and—bam!—end up on the roof of a two-story building, he thought he’d lost his mind!

Suddenly Edward remembered that odd, door-like shape he had thought he’d noticed earlier.
He moved toward the genjutsu aisle, then peeked around the corner and looked—this time calmly, without needing to run from an angry librarian.

Yes! There they were!

Tucked slightly into the corner—just enough to remain discreet, yet positioned perfectly in view of the librarian's desk so he could watch who entered or exited the room.

As a Major and a frequent visitor of the Amestris military library, Edward knew that such rooms always held the most interesting things.

He grinned and approached the door.

He pressed the handle and—

He almost smacked his nose into the door.

It was locked.

Of course it was.

Edward hesitated.

He… really wanted to go in.

Since he had already broken in, he might as well reach for the bigger secrets.

Who knew? Maybe that room held descriptions of some useful techniques? Something that could help him get back to his world, or something that could help him restore Al’s body once he returned?

And nothing would stop him from searching for a way to fix his mistake and return to his brother.

He considered where the key might be.

The librarian had only one at his belt—the one for the library itself.

So the key to the secret room should be in one of the desk drawers, right?

Ed returned to the main part of the room and stepped behind the librarian’s station.

He opened all the drawers, but aside from a few papers, the library catalog, and several pens, he found nothing.

He sighed and returned to the door.

He glanced over his shoulder, toward the nearest window.

It overlooked the mountain with the carved faces.

So there weren’t many houses that would have windows facing this direction.

Additionally, the window was partially covered by a shelf filled with books.

Edward knew it was risky.

But he was never the kind of person to let danger stop him.

He clapped his hands and, picturing the appropriate circle in his mind, transmuted a small opening in the door.

He slipped inside.

It was… embarrassingly easy.

What kind of idiot installed ordinary wooden doors for a secret section?

In the Central library, secret-room doors were reinforced with steel.

Maybe this place wasn’t actually that secret at all?

The secret section of the library was dark. Of course Ed was prepared for that. He wasn’t an amateur.

He knew there were no windows, because he had circled the entire tower earlier, hoping to find an entrance that way.

He took a small candle and a box of matches out of his pocket and lit the wick.

The library shimmered with a soft golden glow.

Ed smiled.

The room wasn’t big. A few shelves with books and scrolls.

Ed began looking through the titles.

“Forbidden Fire Techniques”

“Fire Techniques of the Uchiha Clan”

— Was this even worth storing in a library? Wasn’t that kid—Sasuke—from the Uchiha clan? Why even keep this locked away, when a random twelve-year-old knew all of it?

“Secrets of the Sharingan”

“How to Break Out of Genjutsu”

That book also seemed pointless. Edward, even as a non-ninja, had no problem with that. All you had to do was realize you were in an illusion and then destroy it.

Understanding and deconstruction.

Alchemy was everywhere.

Then there were a few more fire and earth techniques before another title caught his attention.

“Wood Jutsu”

Not even “forbidden” or “secret”—just wood techniques.

Ed opened the book with curiosity, finding only the very basics.

Although even that wasn’t the basics. “It’s the combination of water and earth jutsu,” and then more lines of nonsense.

Ed snorted.

Did these stupid ninja really not know how to deal with something as basic as wood?

Fine, he understood that cellulose was a little more complicated than stone and minerals.

But it was literally elementary.

The structure of conductive bundles, sieve tubes, and the fact that part of the wood condensed during growth, creating darker rings.

He had learned this when he was five years old!

Not all books, however, made him snort with laughter.

“Resurrection of the Dead”

Ed felt his heart freeze and a cold shiver crawl up his spine.

The ninja really were insane.

“You can’t resurrect the dead,” he muttered quietly to himself.

You can’t, and no one should ever try.

Ed knew what he should do.

He should burn it.

But he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to destroy books. Sources of knowledge and possible ways toward redemption, in case someone—just like him—committed a taboo.

He hesitated.

Eventually he exhaled and made his decision.

He opened the book roughly in the middle, at the part describing another string of hand seals.

He tore out one of the pages.

Then, clapping his hands together, he transmuted the paper into a different sheet so that the ink, previously forming words, now bled together, making the page simply dark.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pencil.

He wrote down what everyone ought to know, then alchemized the new page into the very beginning of the book and closed the cover.

After a moment of hesitation, he performed two more transmutations and returned the book to the shelf with a satisfied smile.

He returned to his previous task.

He opened several more books and scrolls, looking at what was inside them.

“Shadow Techniques”

“Memory Alteration Techniques”

“Blood Jutsu”

Uh… as disgusting as that sounded, wasn’t that just water jutsu? Couldn’t they use something more “normal”?

“Body Exchange Jutsu”

“Erection Jutsu”

Like… what the fuck?

Ed grimaced and quickly put that book back.

“Defensive Systems in Konoha”

“Uzumaki Sealing Techniques”

“Kyubi Secrets”

“Metal Jutsu”

“Lightning Jutsu — Sharingan Secrets”

And again—couldn’t they just learn a little?

Any idiot could generate lightning. Like that jerk Kakashi.

Not to mention metal jutsu. That was literally the basics!

Though, judging by the shocked looks on everyone’s faces after he transmuted those bells, Edward really shouldn’t be surprised by the pitiful level of education in this world.

“Shadow Clone Jutsu”

Hey! Wasn’t that the thing Naruto could do?

And this scroll was marked as super secret and looked like it belonged in the central, most important part of the room.

It made no sense. Naruto, even though he was nice, didn’t look like someone who studied all the time.

So the shadow clone must have been a basic technique.

If every twelve-year-old knew this “super secret technique,” what was the point of storing it here?

Edward looked at his watch.

1:53.

And it didn’t look like he had learned anything valuable.

Aside from the fact that ninja were a group of uneducated, insane people who resurrected the dead and didn’t understand the meaning of the word “secret.”

He rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn.

He was tired.

But…

He couldn’t give up.

Coming here had been a risk. He shouldn’t repeat it. Certainly not too often.

Besides, every day and every hour of delay was time Al spent waiting for him.

He stifled another yawn and slapped his cheeks.

The right one stung much more.

He had to stay focused.

He looked with determination in front of him, at the place where another book lay on the floor.

“Scroll Sealing Techniques”

He picked up the book and opened it.

His heart beat faster.

On the page was a drawn circle.

An array.

Similar to the ones used in alchemy.

Ed turned sharply toward the shelf where the book had probably been before it fell.

His gaze ran along the titles.

“Summoning Techniques”

That… sounded promising.

Summoning also meant unsummoning.

Maybe it included people from other worlds?

“Summoning Toads”

“Summoning Snakes”

“Sealing Techniques”

“Sealing in Scrolls”

“Item Sealing”

And many others.

They all had one or two almost-alchemic circles.

Some books explained how it worked, others only described how one should draw and saturate the circle with their energy, and sometimes even other things, like blood or “toad oil,” whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

He barely noticed that the light in the room was dimming.

He looked in confusion at the candle only to see that it was almost entirely burned out.

He looked at the floor where he had been working.

In front of him the books were scattered, some in a pile labeled “read,” others “unread.”

He grabbed his watch again.

4:12.

He had to finish.

With a longing glance at the books he hadn’t read yet, he decided to copy into his notebook only five of the next arrays so he could analyze them at home.

Then he quickly cleaned everything up, hoping he arranged it exactly as he’d found it.

Not like these stupid ninja would notice.

It didn’t look like anyone ever came here.

When he finally returned home, he checked the time again. 4:37.

Not the latest he had ever gone to bed.

Once he’d gone to sleep at 5 a.m., but that was because his train had traveled overnight and the passengers in his carriage had been incredibly loud.

Al usually made sure he didn’t stay up too late.

But Al wasn’t here.

And to get back to him, Edward had to do this stupid research, even at the cost of sleep.

But even he knew that being too tired wouldn’t accomplish anything.

He threw off his jacket, shoes, and leather trousers, then crawled into bed.

He fell asleep almost instantly.

****

“Check on the kid,” they said.
“It’ll be easy,” they said.

How hard can it be to run surveillance on a thirteen-year-old civilian kid?
Kakashi wondered.

Well.

In a few hours he was going to find out.

And no matter what he imagined, Edward still managed to exceed his expectations.