Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ed would like to state for the record that she had no Truth Damn clue what was going on. 

She was happily braiding Nina’s hair, talking with her husband, and having a grand old time. For only being 16 (soon to be 17), life was shaping up to be pretty good. 

Sure, she didn’t have alchemy anymore, but Al was back in her body and that was priceless. 

They had a wonderful dinner, a lovely stir fry that Ed insisted the Chefs tell her how it was done so she could make it herself. They tried protesting, stating that ‘ it is our pleasure to serve the golden empress-’ but Ed won out in the end like usual. Ling had found it funny, so at least someone was enjoying it. Then it was time for Nina to go to bed. Ed sang her to sleep as she did every night before, and she would do every night after. 

Nina, sleepy, mumbled out a “Love you Mama…” 

Ed smiled lovingly at her daughter. “And I love you, sweetheart. Get some rest.” 

As soon as she closed the door behind her, Ling swept her up into a waltz of sorts. 

“Ling!” Ed laughed, “What are you doing?” 

Ling smiled down at Ed with that warm smile of hers. “Loving my beautiful wife, why?” 

Ed hummed, going along with the dance. “Fair enough, I suppose. Do you mind if I love my idiot husband then?”

Ling grinned. “ Please do .” 

And there, under the stars, Ed kissed her husband while the air hummed beautifully. 

So what the fuck happened after she went to bed, and why was she in a coffin with Truth back in her head and Alchemy back in her hands??

****

Ed woke up cramped, which was a bad sign considering that Ling insisted on having a huge fuck ass bed. Another bad sign, the hole in her chest from giving up her gate was filled. Strike three, however, came from a little, okay a loud, voice under her skin. 

‘ Eden, hello.’ 

‘ Oh hey Truth.’ 

Wait . 

‘ TRUTH?!’

Okay, so this was not ideal, but Ed has survived worse. 

Ed put a palm against the lid(?) of where she was (a coffin if Ed had to wager). ‘ Okay, any bright ideas on what the hells going on?’

‘ Simple. Something tried ripping you from your world into theirs, and I simply wouldn’t let that happen. You’re my favorite after all.’ 

‘I’m sensing a but here.’

‘ I was a fraction too late to drag you back, not without causing serious damage, so since they took, I gave. You have your alchemy back and by extension, me.’  

Okayyyy , so Ed was separated from her family, in a world she knew nothing about with fucking god under her skin.

…Could be worse actually. All the same, Ed would like to go home now, thank you. Just as she was getting ready to bust the damn lid off, she heard something scuttling towards her box. A voice spoke up “I better hurry up and find that uniform before someone spots me…” 

Uniform ? What was this, a fucking cult? Ehh, Ed’s taken one down before, nothing worth sweating about. 

The lid rattled again, like someone was trying desperately to open it. Ed wondered if she should just put the thing out of its misery and open the coffin. 

‘ No, I wanna see where this goes.’ 

Well, fine then. 

The voice spoke again. “Urgggh... This lid weighs a ton!” 

Ed stifled a chuckle. The lid was made of a light alloy. Pretty, sure, but it would only be 500 pounds at most . 

“Try this on for size! Mya-ha !” The voice snarked. 

And then the coffin started heating up , and Ed was done with this experiment from Truth. Ed kicked the door down with her left leg, intent on seeing who the fuck just tried to roast her….

…Only to see a.. cat chimera? 

They scowled. “I’m no cat!” Ah, she said that out loud. Whoops . “I’m Grim, sorcerer extraordinaire, not a… whatever a chimera is!” 

‘ Truth?’

‘ It was not made with alchemy, but I still consider whatever is going on an affront to The Laws. It did alchemy but paid no toll, disgusting. None of that shall touch us.’ 

“Well,” Ed spoke. “Sorry about that, Grim, I’ve never seen something exactly like you before so I had to guess.” 

Grim huffed impatiently. “Whatever human! Just give me yer uniform and be quick about it! Otherwise I’m gonna flambé ya!” 

Ed looked down, seeing that a weird ass robe was over what she was wearing a day before. It was okay, just…

‘ Too fancy. Too delicate, this will tear the moment we fight.’ 

Ed looked around the room to see a room filled with floating(?) coffins and in the center was a floating mirror. 

Ed wasn’t even aware of what her feet were doing, but apparently they were leaving, much to Grims anger.

****

Ed’s willing to admit, wherever the hell she is, they know how to make a castle. This place fucks. 

Not to mention she found herself in the sweet, sweet library, and Ed was already a sixth of the way through the collection (they didn’t even code the information, it's like taking candy from a baby). The library had information of all sorts, so it’s looking less like a cult and more like a… work place? None of the books had been useful so far, but hey, now Ed knew how to work whatever bullshit they call a cellphone here. 

‘ Somethings coming.’ 

Thank you Truth, not ominous at all . 

“Foolish human! Did you really think you could slip away from ME?” Oh, it’s Grim. Ed had completely forgotten about that. “ Now hand over yer robe-” Something smacked Grim, and they yelped in pain.

Ed looked at the person who just committed animal(?) abuse in front of a witness, seeing a…

Bird person? Who was now looking at her. “Ah, I found you at last, splendid.” Weird, but okay. “I trust you’re one of this year's new students?” 

Student? Wait .

“Don’t tell me….”

SHE WAS STUCK IN A SCHOOL?!

Chapter Text

Oh, Ed takes everything back, this is her nightmare scenario. A fucking SCHOOL ?! Where young minds go to be told what to think and told to do no research of their own. Where they are cramped in a room for hours on end- and dont even get Ed started on fucking tests . 

‘ Don’t forget the homework!’

Oh, how could Ed forget the homework?!  

Bird person interrupted her (very important!) mini spiral. “And bringing a poorly trained familiar with you? That is a clear violation of the school's rules.”

Ed scowled. Grim was their own creature, with their own thoughts and feelings. Ed had no say in that. 

Grim seemed to agree. “As if I'd serve some lowly human! Now lemme go!” Huh, they kinda remind Ed of Greedling. 

Bird person did not care. “Yes, yes. Rebellious familiars always say that. Do be quiet for a bit, won't you?” Okay, this dudes shaping up to be a dick. 

“They’re not my-” The Bird-Guy turned their attention to Ed cutting her off. “ Dear me. Of all the students I've dealt with, you're the first with temerity enough to open their own gate and step out of it.” He shook his finger like a disapproving parent, “Does the very notion of patience elude you? No matter. Your orientation has already begun. Let us return to the Mirror Chamber.”  

Okay, he goes by Mr and Sir exclusively from now on. 

“Wait.. Gate?” Ed asked. 

Mr. Bird nodded. “You awakened in a room full of gates, did you not? All of the students here at the campus arrived by passing through such gates. Although typically the students have enough restraint to wait until I open them before waking up.”

Yeah , fuck this guy. 

****

Dire Crowley was at a bit of a loss on what to do with this student. Not only did they kick their lid across the room (and dented the walls!), but apparently they had no recognition of anything about the school.  

However, to make matters worse, Something felt slightly… off about this student.

Like there was something Old and yet oddly familiar about them. Like a terrifying storm that reminds you of home. Their piercing gold eyes certainly weren't helping, and Crowley is willing to admit that his Fae instincts were giddy at just the thought of a golden child. 

While walking back, Crowley had decided to so graciously fill them in. All of which the golden eyed student took with a blank face. At some point, they had taken there hood off, seemingly done with it-

“ Gold.” 

The ( goldgoldgoldenshiny-) child blinked. “What was that?”

Crowley coughed into his hand. “Nothing, let's continue on my dear. Don’t want to be late for the orientation after all!” 

The child narrowed their golden eyes before shrugging. 

Crowley continued with his introduction, like he didn’t almost just drag a new student into a nest like a broody hen, and still kind of wanted to. 

At the mention of magic, the golden child scowled, muttered something to themself, and Crowley wondered what the hell he just signed up for. 

****

Of fucking course it had to be people who still believed in magic, why would it be anything else?! 

‘ Idiots. There is always a toll to pay, they just never took the time to figure out exactly what they were taking from or how they did it. We will not even touch it, Eden.’ 

‘Eh, still kinda curious about what they do know about their so-called magic. Magic, what a joke. It’s just science they don’t know about.’ 

As they entered the chamber again, Ed noticed-

‘ This many chimeras?!’ 

‘Thankfully, no. No trace of alchemy, they were born that way.’ 

Oh, well that's a relief. Otherwise Ed doesn't want to think about why so many people were merged with animals. 

The students were conversing amongst themselves (Probably wondering where their dick of a headmaster was), when Crowley made himself known. All eyes snapped to Ed who had her hood off, and Ed’s starting to wonder if she should’ve just dealt with it with how some were looking at her. As Crowley prattled on, A blond person with purple tips looked at her like she was their next pet project. A smaller person with pink highlights was looking at her like they had just won the lottery, and everyone with animal ears were looking at her warily. 

Crowley led Ed in front of the floating mirror, and understood why everyone thought it was magic. Ed could feel something like a philosopher's stone radiating from it. Thankfully, this one didn’t appear to be made of human souls. 

It peered at Ed, and Ed stared right fucking back.

“State your name.” 

Ed shifted from one foot to another. “Eden Elric-Yao.” 

The mirror stared, and Truth grinned right back, daring it to peer closer. 

Finally the mirror spoke. “Eden, it has been a long time since I’ve seen an alchemist. The nature of her soul belongs to Truth, and thus, I can bear no judgment.” 

“What did you say?!” Crowley yelled at the mirror. 

“She belongs to no dorm, she is free to do as she wishes. Her soul is not mine to gaze at.” 

The room gasped, and Crowley huffed. “Why this has never happened! Not once has this process ever created an error- wait she ?”

The mirror nodded. 

Ed could feel the person with purple tipped hair stare even harder. 

Crowley turned to Ed like she had personally betrayed him. “You’re a female?!” 

Ed looked down at her tits then looked back up at Crowley. “I mean it’s kinda obvious, what does my sex matter anyway?” 

“Because this is an all male school!” 

“That’s weird. And also makes no sense. Why do you care what people have in their pants? You aint a doctor, it shouldn’t matter.” 

Crowley’s mouth hung open in shock, like no one had stated this very obvious fact. 

‘ Fools, all of them. Do you think they even follow our version of pronouns?’ 

Oh fuck , Ed sure hopes so. She wants people to know they’re being insulted. 

Grim took advantage of Crowely’s shock to break free, and started causing chaos. And honestly? Good for them.

Chapter Text

Kalim was currently on fire, and he would very much like not to be. As he ran around trying to put it out, he felt someone grab him firmly. “Stay still for a moment.” They took off their robe to smother the flames, and Kalim turned to thank his savor-

Oh, it was the pretty girl! Oh wow she’s even prettier up close! 

The girl looked him over. “Okay you should be fine, other than some singed clothing which I can't fix, sorry.”

Kalim grabbed her golden hand, smiling. “Thank you so much! My name is Kalim, I’ll be sure to reward you!”

She blinked. “Well Kalim, I’m Eden, but most people call me Ed. Don’t worry about a reward, could you please tell me where some water is?” 

Oh right! Kalim smacked himself in the head. “Duh! I completely forgot about that! Thank you for reminding me!”

He had completely forgotten he could summon water! 

“I’ll be sure to throw you a party!” 

“Please,” Ed begged, “ Don’t.” 

****

Riddle was chasing this ridiculous cat, and was frankly quite angry. It was a nimble thing, running and jumping like his life depended on it. It likely did, but those who break the rules must be punished. Just as he was readying his wand again, a golden blur caught the naughty familiar. The girl from before, Eden, was it? Was holding the cat with a raised brow. “Yo, Grim, cool it. I’m all for chaos but you're causing people actual harm.” 

The cat squirmed again in the red coated girl's hand. “I’m gonna be the greatest -” And then the cat stared into Eden’s piercing golden eyes. Something…. Old seemed to permeate the room and was gone as soon as it arrived. Riddle could see Azul stiffen next to him, but his eyes were transfixed on the girl. 

…Riddle was torn in demanding her to button up her shirt to stop showing cleavage or fawning over how cool she looked.  

Eden continued staring at Grim. “ Enough.” 

Riddle shook out of it. Right, he should collar this misbehaving miscreant. “Off With Your Head!” 

A color fixed itself onto the cat's throat. “‘The Queen of Heart's Rule 23: One must never bring a cat to a formal affair.’ Your very presence here is a violation of order. You will vacate these premises immediately.” 

The cat glared in tandem with Eden’s deadpan, and their voices overlapped.

“Grim’s not a cat.”

“I ain’t a cat!”

The cat blinked, seemingly surprised someone stuck up for it, before turning his ire to Riddle once more. “I’m gonna flambe ya- E-ehh? Why’s it not working?” 

“Until I deign to remove that collar, you won't be using any magic. You're naught but a pet cat now.” 

“Again… not a cat.” Eden mumbled to herself as Headmaster Crowely stomped over.

“Eden! Was I not clear that you must discipline your familiar-”

“Grim ain’t mine.” She interrupted flatly.

“And I- Wait.. it’s not yours?” Headmaster Crowely stammered. 

“No, and it’s kinda weird that you think someone with their own thoughts and feelings can be controlled. Control gets you nowhere.” 

****

Vil watched with rapt attention as Eden argued back with Crowley. The moment Vil saw her, he knew he could turn her into something of which this world had never seen. She was gold , a color he had never seen anyone be, not to mention she was very attractive. He’d have to fix her manners and decorum, but that could wait. 

Next, he focused on the outfit she had chosen for herself. She was wearing form-fitting black leather pants with combat boots. She had a white blouse that was slightly unbuttoned, it appeared to have extra fabric that mimicked a skirt while still keeping mobility. Eden's accessories of choice were a bright red cropped biker jacket with a symbol on its back, silver piercings, a chunky black belt, and lastly one ring. 

Hmm, alternative fashion. Not bad, but Vil had a feeling he could make her look good in anything. 

Vil simply must have her in his dorm. “Rook, I need you to watch someone…”

****

As everyone seemed to be acting like a bunch of cowards over someone named Malleus Draconia, Ed wondered again why not a single damn person seemed to have a lick of sense in this place. Just invite someone, it is not even REMOTELY as hard as they’re making it out to be. The person with pink highlights sighed. “No matter. All who were assigned to House Diasomnia, follow me. I just hope he doesn't sulk about this." Then, they turned to Ed with a grin. “Do come visit sometime beasty. I would simply love to have you over.”

…That feels like a threat to visit. Ehh, it’s probably fine. 

‘ Like anyone could do anything to us.’ 

Good point. Ed’s already fist fought ‘god’ and won, and then beat Truth at its own game. Pretty hard to be scared when you have that on your list of accomplishments. 

Ed snapped back when Crowley gestured at the mirror. “I’m sorry Eden, but you can’t attend this school. Please step towards the mirror, and I'll return you safely home.” 

Ed raised an eyebrow. Really? That quickly? Usually in situations like this  Ed has to struggle a little. 

Ed stepped forward and gazed back at the mirror. 

“O Dark Mirror! Return this soul to where it belongs!” 

Nothing. 

Crowely tried again, but Ed could already see where this was going. “Ahem* L-let us, er...try this again. O Dark Mirror! Return this soul—”

“There is no place.” Yup, figures. 

“What do you mean?” Crowley asked.

The mirror clarified. “This alchemist has no home in this world. Nowhere.” 

So it couldn’t drag her back, damn.

‘ It would likely rip the two worlds apart, going back this quickly. The hole in our world is still open, so things can still come in, just not come back out.’ 

“Figures. That’s about my luck.” Ed mumbled. 

Crowley turned to her. “My dear, where’s your home?” 

“Xing. I have a feeling you’ve never heard of it before though.” 

He humped. “You’d be correct. Come let’s go to the library. 

Works for Ed, she knew he wasn’t going to find shit, and that meant Ed could easily read more of the collection.

Chapter Text

As Crowely flipped through books looking for information Ed knew he wasn't going to find, Ed decided to read through more of the library. Particularly the basics of this world because by the looks of it, her and Truth were gonna be here for a hot minute. Apparently there was an even bigger database called ‘the internet’, and Ed mused that it was almost identical to mycelium, just on a worldwide scale.  

Ed had already gone through 40 books when Crowley turned back to her. “Just as I suspected, nothing- Did you read all of those?” 

“Hmm? Oh yeah, you guys don’t even code the information, so it’s like taking candy from a baby.” Ed explained. 

Crowely humphed. “You weren't going to help me?” 

Ed sighed, closing the book she just finished. “No point. You were looking for something you weren't going to find, especially not in this world.” 

Crowely opened his mouth then closed it. “Wait, this world?” 

Ed raised an eyebrow. “Why are you acting like this is new information? You already guessed that, didn’t you? I wake up in a place I don’t know or understand, with nothing but the clothes on my back, and I look like no one else around here. On top of all this, your mumbo jumbo magic mirror straight up said that I don’t belong here.” 

Crowely stuttered. “At -at least act like this is a problem!” 

“Nah.” 

****

Crowley was leading Eden (“ Ed. Seriously, just call me Ed.”) around the campus, taking her to Ramshackle. He originally asked the golden girl if she would like to live in another dorm, but when she heard she had to answer to a dorm leader, Eden straight up refused to even see the dorms. “Just take me to like a shack or something, that would be better than answering to someone every second of every day.” 

Luckily for her, Crowely did have a spare dorm for her to inhabit. “Behold!”

Eden looked at the old dorm with a glance. “Can I fix it up?” 

Crowely laughed. “My dear, as long as you make sure it doesn't get someone called on me, you can do any-”  Crowely was interrupted by a loud crackle of electricity. 

Eden had slammed her hands to the floor surrounding the house. Crowely watched in amazement as the holes fixed themselves, the paint became fresher, and- where did those grotesques come from? 

“My dear… what was that?” 

Eden grinned back at him all feral, and Crowely just knew she was going to be a delightful headache. 

“Alchemy.” 

****

Ed entered the dorm she just fixed up, looking around the place. She repaired it, but it would still need cleaning. She normally would have gone for full gothic, but she could sense souls in here, and since they're living here too, she decided to just fix it up and add a couple of grotesques to act as door guards. 

Ed quickly cleaned off the couch, then promptly sat down on it. The oncoming rain was killing her arm and leg, so she needed to sit for a moment. Just as she suspected, the rain soon came pouring down. 

‘ It's a good thing we fixed the roof.’ 

“Mhm.” Ed relaxed slightly. 

And then she heard the door slam. “Gahhh! It’s pouring out there!” 

Ed blinked. “Grim?” 

Grim grinned and put their paws(?) on their hips. “Bwahaha! You should see yer face! Like the great Grim can’t do something like sneak back onto campus! Besides, I ain't given up yet!” 

Ed leaned forward slightly. “Why do you even want to go to school, anyway? Place fucking sucks.” 

Grim gasped. “Because I was born to do this! I’ve got the makings of a great prodigy, so I waited and waited for the black carriage to take me, and yet…Bah! No eye for talent, that mirror. So, I came here! Now lemme on the couch!” 

Ed scooted over, letting Grim sit down. “Fair enough reason, I suppose. It’s admirable, chasing your dreams to that extent. Just don’t accidentally run off a cliff while you’re at it.” 

Grim stared at her, like she was the first person to truly say anything positive at all. “Y-yeah, I know that, human! Just watch me!” 

“Sure,” Ed said while getting up. “But first, I’m going to find a place for me to sleep and clean it up.” 

“Wait!” Grim yelped. 

“Yeah?” 

“Did,” Grim shifted slightly. “Did you fix this place up?” 

“Sure I did,” Ed smiled. “It was pretty easy, too. Just some basic alchemy.” 

“What’s yer name again?” Grim asked. 

“Just call me Ed, Grim. Most people do.” 

****

Grim wasn’t sure what to think of Ed. Despite his poking and prodding, she responded with relatively calm kindness. She looked at him like he reminded her of a dear friend. Grim wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but she wasn’t kicking him to the curb, so he’d take it. 

He remembered how scary she had been during the ceremony. That wave of… whatever it was, was terrifying. It shook Grim to his instincts, but somehow, he knew that that was his warning. 

Beyond that though, Ed was quickly shaping up to be not that bad to be around. She had implied that Grim was more than welcome to stay here, and Grim was gonna take her up on that. 

So when he heard “WHAT THE FRESH FUCK?!” from Ed, he ran over. 

“Human, could you- G-GHOSTS?!” 

One of the ghosts floated towards him. “ All the people who used ta live here got scared of us and ran away.”

A bigger ghost laughed. “We just want a new ghost to play with! What do you say buddy?” 

Oh hell no! Grim wasn’t gonna die before becoming the greatest magician! Time to roast these suckers! 

****

Ed watched Grim try to roast the ghosts with their eyes closed, and sighed. “Grim, you ain't gonna hit any of them if you can't open your eyes.” 

“Shut it human! Where is it?!” 

‘ Can’t you just get this over with?’ 

‘I could, but their very existence breaks the laws, and I would probably tear them apart.’

‘Nevermind then. Not itching to kill someone today, thanks for trying though.’ 

Ed sighed. “Grim, on your right- No damn it! That’s your left!” 

“Don’t give me lip!” Grim snarked, almost setting Ed’s hardwork on fire. 

She didn’t want to do this… “Have you considered that if the headmaster sees you taking care of the ghosts, he’ll enroll you?” Bleh , talking like the Bastard always made her feel all gross. 

Grim perked up. “Ehhh?! Why didn’t ya say so! Just tell me which direction!” 

Ed is starting to understand Hawkeye’s plight.

Chapter Text

Grim was actually pretty easy to direct when it came down to it. Grim was hitting every shot, and the ghosts were getting significantly damaged. Eventually they ran away, which is for the best, Ed really didn’t wanna see anyone die today. 

…Even if they were already dead. 

“Great job Grim-”

“Eden! In my ever growing graciousness, I have brought dinner- What is he doing here?!” 

Ed grabbed the bowl of soup and bread from Crowely’s hands. She made a smaller bowl from a nearby table for Grim so they could eat too. “Oh thanks.” She held the bowl out to Grim, “Here ya go.” 

“Thanks Human!” 

“Wha- Explain yourself Eden!” Crowely squawked.

“Ghosts. Would’ve loved to know that before, thanks. Would’ve been fan- fucking -tastic to hear, ‘ oh by the way, something that challenges your core values as a person lives there ’ but whatever.” 

“Challenges core values?” Grim asked.

Ed looked Grim square in the eye. “Nothing brings back the dead Grim. Nothing. Once a soul is gone, it’s gone, nothing to be done about it.” 

Grim gulped. 

Crowley spoke up again. “You two took care of them? Together?” 

Ed shrugged. “Grim mostly took care of it while I directed. Didn’t wanna kill anyone.”  Huh, this soup was surprisingly decent for something from a school. 

Crowley coughed into his hand. “Could you demonstrate for me please?” 

Grim smacked their lips and handed their bowl back to Ed. “One, no cuz we already handled it, and two, No cuz I don’t see any tuna!” 

“I will be playing the part of the ghost.” Crowley explained pulling out a vial. 

He’s planning to die? 

She must’ve made a face because Crowley explained. “No need to worry my dear, it is only temporary. Now chop chop!”

Grim looked less than pleased, which yeah, fair. 

Ed sighed. Normally she would’ve punched anyone for trying to tell her what to do, but Grim really wanted to learn, and Ed was a sucker for that kind of dream. “Grim, as much as I hate to say this, bird brain over here is your best chance of getting into this school.” 

Grim grumbled, but stood up.

‘ Here we go again’  

‘Truth, kill me now.’ 

‘ No.’ 

****

After Grim hit Crowley enough times, he called it quits. Crowely started mumbling to himself, and Ed wondered again why shit like this always happens to her. 

‘ Now would be a good time to help the little creature.’

‘Good point.’ 

“Hey, Crowley, can Grim stay?” 

“Ehhh? A monster? Why that’s absurd-” Crowley tried to dismiss. 

“One’s birth is irrelevant. Isn’t it noble to try to learn and grow regardless of how you were born?” Ed interrupted. 

“Well yes-” 

“Then what's the issue?” Ed pressed. “As an educator, you should be jumping for the opportunity to teach.” 

Cowley humfed. “Fine! But for the first day you two are going to be cleaning to pay for your damages!”

Ed raised an eyebrow. “Grim I understand, but I didn’t damage a single damn thing, and child labor that’s unpaid is illegal. You're paying me.” 

Crowley threw up his hands. “Fine! I’ll pay you! Tomorrow someone will be coming with some things for you to wear!” 

Ed blinked. That’s… surprisingly nice. “Really? Thanks. Hey, do you know a place that's hiring for part time? If I’m gonna be here for a hot minute I’m not gonna keep taking from ya, it’s not equivalent.”

Crowely stared at Ed like she had just said something fundamental before bursting into tears. 

‘ This guys a moron.’

‘It’s looking that way, yeah.’ 

Crowley blubbered “Oh! Such a kind student I have! The first of her kind!” 

Yeah, this guys a moron. 

****

Divus Crewel was already having a headache, and the first day of this school year hasn’t even happened yet. Another year teaching unruly mutts, and another year of fucking Crowely tealling him to make fashion for only teenage boys. So when Crowley busted open the teachers lounge door yelling “CREWEL!” He felt justified throwing his mug of coffee at him. 

“ WHAT, CROWLEY?! WE HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED THIS SCHOOL YEAR, WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE THAT I NEED TO DO?!”

Crowley stuttered. “I-I need you to make a uniform for a girl-”

Of fucking course he does-

Wait . 

A girl? 

“Crowley, did you say a girl ?” 

Crowley nodded. “Yes, She’s currently staying in Ramshackle-” 

“YOU PUT HER IN RAMSHACKLE ?!” Crewel yelled. That rundown dorm?! That building breaks so many health codes-  

“She wanted to stay there! Plus, she already fixed it with magic! She’s quite the smart girl you know!” 

Oh, the Great Seven must have been smiling down on Crewel finally . After so many years of only men’s fashion and dealing with teenage boys, not only does he finally get to make women's fashion, and a female student, but apparently she’s brilliant. 

Crewel started summoning fabrics, “Give me details , you stupid bird. Skin tone, eye color, favorite color.” 

Crowley opened his mouth, but Crewel was already walking away. “Nevermind, I’ll get it from her. Don’t bother me.” 

****

Crewel walked to the repaired Ramshackle with fabric in hand. Crowley wasn’t lying, the girl had fixed this place up, and quite well in fact. He knocked on the door, and was surprised when it opened immediately to a Golden girl who looked quite awake. “Oh, hey. You must be the person who Crowley mentioned. Come on in, I just finished cleaning the place.” She opened the door fully to reveal a fully refurbished Ramshackle dorm, complete with a fire in the fireplace. “Wonderful job pup. How did you do all of this?” 

The girl poured a cup of tea and offered it to him. “I used Alchemy for fixing, and good old fashioned elbow grease for the cleaning. Thanks for doing this by the way, Ms…” 

Crewel tilted his head. “Ms?”

The girl sighed. “I was worried this was the case. Back home, pronouns are used only to signify how you feel about the person she/her indicates respect or love, they/them is neutral, and he/him is an insult.” 

Crewel rubbed his chin. “Interesting, gender doesn't exist at all. Well, you can call me Professor Crewel, pup. I have some designs to show you for your uniform, I'd like you to go over. What’s your name?” 

The girl leafed through the papers that held the designs. “Eden, but most people just call me Ed.” She paused, setting a page off to the side. “This design’s right out, it’ll get caught in my automail.” 

Crewel sipped his tea. “Your automail?” 

“I have a metal leg. Left one, upper thigh down.” 

“ WHAT ?!”

Chapter Text

Ed blinked at the panicking professor. Did people not have automail limbs here? Maybe it’d be a pain to design around? 

“If it’s too much trouble I can make things for myself no problem, I’ll just need the fabric-” 

“That’s not the issue, pup.” Crewel combed through her hair. “How long have you had it?” 

Ed tilted her head. “Since I was 11, why?” 

Crewel inhaled sharply. “I’ll ask more questions later. How do you feel about a uniform?” 

Ed scrunched her face in distaste. Ugh , uniforms. Sure, Ed wore a lot of the same shit when she worked in the military, but that was by choice and necessity. 

‘ Plus almost none of them fit our style.’

Exactly . 

Crewel noticed Ed’s expression. “What do you dislike about uniforms?”

Ed sighed. “Wearing the same thing everyday because it's demanded by an authority figure rubs me the wrong way. Plus, they never fit my style and rarely look good.” 

Crewel laughed. “Good points. Well, I can’t fix the authority issue, but I can give you 10 outfits for you to mix and match from. That will be your uniform, and if anyone gives you anything, send them to me.”

Ed considered it. While she didn’t like compromising, Ed knew that she was in another world and needed to give a little. This was a pretty good offer. 

“Yeah… alright.” 

****

Ed brushed her hands along the long skirt she wore today as she and Grim walked to the courtyard. It was very easy to move in, and in a pinch she could easily fight in it.

Perfect . 

Grim grumbled. “Why do we gotta clean again?” 

Ed patted their head. “Because someone tried to light everyone on fire.” 

Grim batted her hand away. “Then why’re you here?” 

Ed smiled at Grim. “Because I’m not in the business of leaving people.” 

Grim stopped abruptly causing Ed to look back. “Grim, you good?” 

Grim looked at her, like she was the most unbelievable thing. “Human…. Be my henchmen!” 

Ed blinked. Then she laughed hard . “ Sure ! Sounds good to me! Make sure to take care of me though!” 

Truth , Grim really reminded Ed of Greedling. 

Grim grinned before hopping up onto her shoulders. “Of course Henchmen! I take great care of what’s mine!” 

‘ A lot like our abomination indeed.’

****

Ace was walking to class, ready to kill being at NRC when he saw the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She was all golden, hell even her freckles looked like molten gold. To make it worse she was humming a lovely tune, and Ace swore he could hear literal music playing as he looked at her- where were those petals coming from- oh there was a tree with flowers on it. 

Oh wait! This was the girl from the entrance ceremony! That means she's staying then, right? Nice! 

She turned looking at- the weasel from the entrance ceremony? Wasn’t he kicked out? 

“Grim, 5 more minutes then we can take a break.” 

The weasel grumbled but looked up at the statue of the Queen of Hearts. “Hey Ed, who's this lady?”

Ace wasn’t even aware of how close he had gotten when he spoke up. “You don’t know the Queen of Hearts?”

The girl-Ed blinked at him (Great Seven, she had stunning eyes). “Can we help you…?” 

“The name’s Ace, and you seriously don’t know about the Queen of hearts?” 

As Ace explained the Queen of hearts, he noticed Ed getting angry just at the description of her, and when he mentioned the decapitation, Ace swore he could hear the broom she was holding crack a little. 

The weasel made a funny face ( oh he was going to be so fun to pick on). “That’s seriously messed up!” 

Ace shook his head and laughed. “Cool right? I’m a big fan. I mean, who would bother obeying a queen who was nice all the time-” 

“You're not a fan.” Ed interrupted. “You’ve never had to live under someone like that, and it shows. Control like that leads nowhere except rebellion.” 

Ace felt the atmosphere shift. “Oh and you have lived under someone like the Queen of Hearts?” There was no way-

“Yes. I even helped overthrow him.”

Oh.

****

Ed watched Ace insult Grim and sighed. She was wondering when he was going to drop his whole act of being nice. Sure, she got some inside perspective on “The Great Seven” straight from the horse's mouth, but was this really worth it? 

‘ Unequivalent.’ 

Yeah, Ed figured. 

As Ace insulted Grim more, Ed was wondering if she would get in trouble for knocking him out and even more so if it was worth it. It was looking like it was, but it’s always good to have back-up options. 

However it looked like Grim snapped before she did, and honestly? Fair. Grim started blowing fire at Ace who countered by… summoning winds? 

This place fucking sucks .  

It wasn’t until a crowd formed and cheered them on that Ed decided she had enough of this shit. Just in time too, as the fire was headed towards a statute. In one quick move, she created a wall to protect the statute, then grabbed those two idiots by their scruff. “ Enough. ” 

Grimm gulped, but Ace looked confused on what the hell just happened. 

Ed brought them to her eye level, Truth cackling in delight. “I’m all for fights when someone-” She glared at Ace, “-is being a dick. But if you're going to be causing property damage, you better be able to fix that shit. What would’ve happened if I wasn’t there to stop the fire, you absolute morons?”

“An excellent question indeed my dear.” Oh, Crowley. Is he finally going to do his job? 

Crowley took Ace and Grimm from her hands and hit them both with his wip (is that legal?). “Picking a fight on the first day? And you almost damaged the Queen of Hearts statue! As punishment after class, you two must wash 100 windows!” The two of them gulped before nodding. 

Crowley nodded satisfactorily before turning to Ed. “Good. Eden my dear, could you watch them to make sure they do it?”

“Uh-”

“Excellent! Have a good day!” Crowley ran away. 

‘ Can I-’

‘No, you can’t kill him. Sadly.’

Chapter Text

Ed ate the apple she’d gotten from the cafeteria while waiting for Ace to show up so they could get this over with. The book she got from the library was decent, if a bit easy for her. Just because you add the word advanced to your book does not make it so, and this potionology book was laughably easy. 

‘ Child's play. Nina would find this book interesting.’

‘She would, wouldn’t she?’

Andddd now Ed missed her kid again, great.  

She must’ve sighed, because Grim looked at her questioningly. “I’m itchin to get this over with too, but what’re you sighing for?” 

“I miss my kid.”

Grim blinked. “You’ve got a kid?” 

Ed nodded, smiling softly. “Yeah, her names Nina, she's almost 6. She’s super smart, and a great kid. You’d love her.” 

Grim huffed, looking away bashfully. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” 

Ed smiled. Just like Greedling.  

The two of them waited a couple more minutes, before Ed slammed her book closed. “He’s not coming is he?” 

Grim yowled in anger. “HE BAILED ON US! C’mon henchman, let’s go get ‘em!” 

Eh, works for her. She was getting bored anyway, and who doesn't love a good chase?

****

After some help from some lovely paintings, (Ed promised them that she’d get Crowley to move them around so they could see more things. It’s not really fun to look at the same thing all day.) Ed grabbed Grim and started booking it to where the paintings said Ace would be. 

“HENCHMAN! HOW ARE YOU SO FAST?!” 

Ed skidded past a corner. “It’s pretty easy to run when you’ve ran for your life before! Plus some other things we’ll discuss later!” 

Not even a minute later, and they were already at the hall of mirrors. Sure enough, there was a redheaded asshole trying to sneak away. 

“HEY!” Ed yelled. “GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!” 

‘Get him Eden! Oh, this is so entertaining!’ 

Ace started running away- man he’s slow - screaming, “Nope!” He then pushed a blue-haired bystander who Grim then took the liberty of yelling at. “DO SOMETHING! HE’S TRYING TO DODGE PUNISHMENT!” 

Apparently to them, that meant summoning a cauldron to squash Ace.

‘Points for creativity, I guess. ’ 

Truth was cackling in delight. 

****

Deuce wasn’t sure what to make of the pretty golden girl who thanked him for stepping in, but his stuttering was probably not helping his case. “I- um, no problem- I mean-” 

The girl laughed. “ Truth , that was funny. Thanks again. I probably could’ve just tackled him, but thanks for saving me the trouble.” 

The redheaded boy groaned in pain. “Why did you have to come looking for me? You could’ve just done it yourself. And how the hell are you so fast?!” 

The girl shook her head. “No, if I recall correctly both you and Grim have to wash 100 windows, not me and Grim.” 

“100 windows?! What did they do?!” Deuce yelped. 

The girl smiled at him again. (Was he blushing? He was probably blushing.) “They almost set a statue on fire, because Ace was being a dick, and Grim - rightfully so - demanded he put his money where his mouth is.” 

“You almost set a statue of the seven on fire?! You get into this school and stir up trouble on the first day?!” 

The redheaded boy scoffed as the girl went to pick up the cauldron. “Oh shut up! Who are you anyway?!” 

Deuce tried to help the girl, but she just picked it up with one hand and raised her brow. “I’m Deuce Spade and your…?” 

“Ed. Most people just call me Ed. That moron is Ace.” 

Ace stuck out his tongue before looking around. “Hey wait- THAT FURBALL RAN AWAY!!”

Ed didn’t even look surprised. “Of course they did. You gave them the idea of ditching, so they ditched.” 

Ace looked furious. “And you're not mad?” 

Ed smiled. It reminded Deuce of the smile his mom gave him when he was in trouble in public. One that screamed ‘Hell hath no fury compared to what I’m holding in.’ “Oh, I’m furious . But I can catch Grim no problem. C’mon you two, let’s get this over with.” 

****

As predicted, Ed managed to run down Grim extremely quickly. Deuce was incredibly impressed. She had managed to corner him into the cafeteria, where Grim decided the only way to get out of this was to jump onto the chandelier. 

“Cheater!” Deuce yelled. What to do.. What to do- Ah! 

Deuce pointed his pen at Ace. “Why are you pointing your pen at me?” 

“Because I’m going to launch you.” Deuce answered quickly.

“Uhh, Deuce, I could get Grimm down easily.” Ed said. 

“Yeah Deuce, listen to Ed- Put me down!” Ace yelped as he started levitating.

“No, you're just trying to have her do all the work so you can get off scot free. Make sure to grab him tight!” 

Deuce aimed and…. fired! 

And well, Ace did get Grim.

…He also got the chandelier. 

Oh his Mom’s gonna be pissed. 

****

Ed stared at the shattered chandelier and sighed. She tried to warn them.

‘ Indeed. Well, time to fix this.’ 

Ed started gathering the shards all together, ignoring everyone and everything around them. The crystal was mostly carbon, so even if she was missing some pieces, she could easily take some carbon from the floor. 

“My Dear… what are you doing?” Oh, Crowley. Late as usual. 

‘Eden, please let me tear him to shreds.’

‘No dice.’ 

“Alchemy.” 

Before anyone else could say anything, Ed slammed her hands to the floor, and watched as the chandelier fixed itself. The only sign of any trouble at all was thin lines where Ed fixed the crystal, but that's to be expected with something this delicate, and missing some parts. 

Now satisfied with her work, she turned to everyone else (Why were their mouths open?). “Are we done now?” 

Crowley shook his head. “No! Those three are still in trouble of expulsion! They have to learn that you can’t always fix something like this! They have to go to a nearby mine to find a crystal!” 

“But it’s fixed?” Ed drawled. 

“Yes, well- I’m the headmaster! And I say they need to learn!” Crowley shouted. 

Well, Ed tried. But you can’t argue with a brick wall.

Chapter Text

Ace wasn’t sure why Ed was still with them, but she was, and nobody was going to even try to convince her otherwise. 

…Mainly because they were too scared to. 

Grim rubbed his paws together. “Ed?” 

Ed hummed, reading while walking (how does she do that?) 

“Are you mad?” 

Ed sighed, not even looking up from the book. “Honestly? Yeah, a little. It’s normal to get frustrated when people ignore your advice, or do something stupid. Of course I’m a little mad.” 

Grims ears went sideways and the fire dimmed a little.

“However.” Ed continued. “I’m more mad at Crowley who sent you three on this whole trip instead of just giving you detention or something. Seriously, the chandelier was fixed, there's no reason for this shit.” 

Ace nodded. Yeah, that was bullshit. 

Ed slammed her book closed, looking at Grim softly. “Relax Grim. I’m mad, but I’m mad often . I always calm down pretty quick. I just feel a lot of things, you know?” 

Juice spoke up. “Well, wouldn’t you want to calm down by yourself?” 

“Yeah, I agree with Juice, what the hell are you doing here?” 

Ed blinked, then she laughed hard . “I already told Grim this, but I suppose you two don’t know. I’m not in the business of leaving people.”

Ed rubbed Grims head. “Even when they piss me off.” 

Oh, that's good news for Ace. “So-”

“Ace you started this whole mess, I don’t wanna hear it.” 

Ouch. 

****

Ed looked around the clearing, reminding herself to calm down. There was no Kimblee here, there was little to no chance of getting impaled. There was not going to be a cave in. 

….Probably. 

“Hey Ed! There’s a house nearby here, let’s go check it out.” Ace said, snapping her out of it. 

‘ Relax Eden. Nothing will happen to us.’ 

“Right. Well, let’s check out this house. Probably abandoned.” 

It was abandoned. By the looks of it, 7 little people lived here, now lost to time. Ed read the engravings on each little chair, humming a mourning note for each one. “Henchman, where's that music coming from?” Grim asked. 

Ed froze up. “Right, I keep forgetting about that. Whenever I hum or sing, Truth likes to change the vibration of the airwaves to make more music.” 

Ed found a torch and readied it. 

Deuce tilted their head. “Uhhh, who’s Truth-”

“Who cares, we ain’t gonna find a gem here. Let’s get going.” Ace interrupted. 

‘ They’ll find out soon enough anyway.’ 

‘Truth do you really HAVE to be ominous every single time?’ 

‘Yes.’ 

****

As they entered the mine, Deuce noticed that Ed was… tense. She was no longer laid back, instead she was upright, looking around the cavern with a wary expression. It was clear she didn’t want to be here. 

“Ed, you can wait outside-” He tried

“No! No, I’m fine.” Ed interrupted. 

Grim looked at her suspiciously. “But you’ve been all tense since you’ve gotten here.” 

Ed sighed, “Look, the last time I was in a mine, someone purposely caused it to cave in on me and I got impaled on a pole. I’m fine, just having some… reservations.” 

Deuce felt his mouth open in shock as Ace and Grim screamed in unison. “ WHATTTTTT ?!” 

Ed blinked at them. “What? What’s wrong?” 

“You just said you have been impaled on a pole, and you're asking us what's wrong?!” Deuce yelled. 

Ed shrugged. “Yeah..? I mean, I got out fine. I still have the scars too. Wanna see? They healed up nice too.” 

“ NO !” Ace yelled in frustration. “We want to know what the hell happened!” 

Grim nodded in agreement. “Yeah Henchman! Spill !” 

Ed’s head abruptly snapped in front of her again. “Later, seeing as we’re about to get company.” 

“What-” Deuce started before he saw what Ed was looking at. 

Ghosts. 

****

As they all ventured deeper, Grim watched as the two human males bickered with each other. It was amusing to say the least, and Grim could see Ed trying to hold back her smile as the two laughed. Well, she was, until she stiffened up and froze, staring straight ahead. “What is it Ed?” Grim asked, jumping behind her. 

Ed continued staring. “It’s angry and in pain.”

Ace looked scared. “What?” 

“It’s coming closer.” Ed said, and Grim started hearing pained moans coming their way, and fast. 

Out of the darkness, a monster appeared. It’s head was an ink jar, cracked and overflowing. It looked to be mindless and enraged. It spoke, its voice dissonant and wrong . “ Stoooonesss… . Stooonesss are miiiiineee !” 

Grim pinned his ears back. “What is that?!” 

“ We are sorry you're in pain, but you need to let us through.” 

Grim snapped his head to the voice(s), seeing Ed, glowing, and staring at the monster still. “Ed…?” 

Ed(?) smiled down at him. “ Yes and no. Eden and Truth are both driving right now. We are both and we are neither. Some call us Truthed.” 

Ed- Truthed looked back at the monster. “ But that soul revealed some valuable information to all of you. Who can figure it out first?” 

Ace snapped out of his confusion first. “It mentioned stones….” 

Deuce slammed his fist into his palm. “That means there are still magestones here! Let's go!” 

Truthed shook her head. “ Not a good plan. You know nothing of battle, especially not a foe this large.” 

But Grim and everyone else were already charging in. Grim wasn’t sure what else he could do. 

****

Ed sighed as she grabbed the three idiots and ran out of the mine. She wasn’t sure what happened when her and Truth merged, (She never is, it’d melt her mind if she remembered) but when she came back fully the three morons sharing a brain cell were losing a fight and badly. She sighed, plopping them all down on the ground, except Grim who was on her shoulder. “Well, that went as expected.” 

“Henchman, what was that?!” Grim yowled. 

“Huh, I’m not sure what the thing was, but it felt like a stone-” 

“NOT THAT, TRUTHED!” Everyone yelled. 

“Ohhhhhh, that . Well after I got impaled I made a deal with God- that’s Truth by the way- and some of it got to chill in me and I didn’t die. Truth can take over, but in a fight we often merge to kick the most ass.” Ed briefly explained. 

“ WHAT THE FUCK- ”

Chapter Text

After the shock had worn off for the trio, they immediately started arguing. Ed was almost impressed with how quickly Ace and Deuce went for each other's throats. Like, they didn’t even have a wind up. 

From what Ed could gather, past the… honestly pretty weak insults, Ace wanted to give up, and Deuce did not. This culminated into the best line from Deuce: “Oh YEAH?! Fine, go back to your coop, you big chicken!”

Points for creativity. 

Ed rubbed her head. “So now what?”

Grim nodded from her lap. “Can’t ya just blow it up?” 

Deuce shook their head. “Magic at a greater scale or different types of magic requires a lot of training.” 

Ace nodded. “That's why magic schools even exist- hey wait… Ed do you think Truthed-” 

“No.” Truth grabbed the driver's seat, smiling far too big. “ Eden will help you all, but she has done far too much for this endeavor. You will also be getting your hands dirty instead of staring off on the sidelines.” 

Deuce blinked. “Truth?” 

Truth nodded Ed’s head before giving back control. “Huh, I guess it’ll introduce itself more later. But yeah, I’m not just gonna solve this for you.” 

Deuce nodded. “Alright, so we need to find some way to kill that thing to get the mage stone.” 

Ace sneered. “Just like the chandelier huh?” 

Andddd they were at it again. 

Grim frowned from Ed’s lap as she petted her head. “Ed, what do we do?” 

Well, the way things were looking… “Looks like you're all getting expelled. Since you refuse to just work together and come up with even one iota of a plan.” 

Ace huffed. “No way could I work with Juice over there. Laaaame . ” 

Deuce nodded. “Agreed, no way I can work with someone like him.” 

“Yeah, but getting expelled on the first day? That’s even worse.”  Grim huffed. 

Now that seemed to change their tune. 

Ed grinned. “ Now we're in business. Alright, I’ve got a plan.” 

****

The plan was a pretty simple one, but it should work well enough. Grim acts as bait, draws out the monster, allowing Ace and Deuce to trap it. In that time, Ed will go into the mine and grab the stone, allowing them to leave so Ed can finally make some fucking stew. 

So far, it was working flawlessly. Ed sped through the mines, locating the hunk needed embedded in the walls. She swiftly clapped her hands before touching the walls allowing her to transmute it cleanly out.

Now with the package secure, Ed hightailed it out of there, tossing it to Deuce when she saw them. “Here!” 

The monster groaned in pain. Ed could still hear the original soul screaming. 

The trio was about to run. “Ed, what are you doing?” 

Ed knelt down to the monster. “There’s no more stones. Aren’t you tired?” 

The monster slowly ceased its struggle. “Tiiiiireeeddd… Verrrrry tiiirreeeed.” 

Ed smiled sadly. “Should I sing you home?” 

“Ed?” Grim quietly asked.

The monster nodded. 

‘ It’s been choking in its own rage and hurt this entire time.’  

As Ed quietly sang the monster eventually… stopped moving. Ed quietly pittered out and stood up. “Alright, let's go-” 

An eye of truth appeared below the monster and Ed stepped back instinctively. 

‘Something from our side is coming through.’ 

“What’s happening?!” Ace yelled. 

“Somethings coming to pay me a visit! If I had to wager, me calming that thing down shifted this world. So something is coming from mine in response.” 

The portal stabilized and out popped- 

“ AL?!”  

****

Ace didn’t know what to make of Ed’s younger brother (Who was fucking tall , jeez), but Al has refused to let Ed put him down since he tackle hugged her yelling “BROTHER!!!”.

…So now Ed was carrying him back. “How are things back home Al?” 

Al hummed looking fondly at Grim. “It’s been a few hours since you’ve disappeared, and everythings been thrown into chaos with you gone. Oh, I’m so happy your okay Brother.” 

Deuce coughed. “ Why do you keep calling her that? Do things work differently in your world?” 

Al nodded, reaching for Grim. “ Mhm . Brother just means sibling, but like- loving. Pronouns are used to tell others what you think of a person with he/him on the bottom.”

“Al, ask Grim before you pet her please.” Ed gently stopped Al's hand.

“Oh right! Sorry.” 

“Sooo….” Ace started. “Are you ever going to let her put you down?” 

“ No .” 

****

Al did eventually have to get put down, much to her sadness. 

Brother had explained that this was a ‘magic’ school, and for some reason, they demanded to know what was in students' pants, and her being female was an issue. Was because Brother took care of that whole thing.  

Brother gave a shortened version of what has happened so far, and Al already hated Ace. 

Deuce was fine though. 

To make matters worse , however, was that both of them were blushing around Brother. Look, Al barely approved of Ling, and he’s a whole ass emperor , those two have no chance. 

Al can’t believe she’s saying this… but….

It’s a good thing Brothers married because that means she won’t even realize they're attracted to her. 

But hey, Brother has alchemy back! So something good came out of this!

****

Crowley had already readed the paperwork when the troublemakers burst down the door with a magestone in tow. 

… And a second Golden child.

“And this is…?” 

“Alphonse, I’m Ed’s younger brother. I’ll just be staying with her, sir. ” Alphonse explained with a polite smile. Ah, what a polite young man. 

“They got you the stupid magic stone you wanted,” Ed replied bluntly. “You could’ve warned us there was something Living in there too!”

“Yeah,” Grim added. “We had to face a huge monster!”

Crowley blinked, slowly turning to the troublemakers. “You faced a monster you say…? Please tell me the story in full.” 

****

Al was right to think this guy was a creep, what kind of grown ass adult starts crying and holding a struggling Brother against her will just because of a story? Al pried Crowley's arms off Brother, before gently picking her up and setting her in a chair. “ Ohhhh I’ve waited for the day my students would work together!” Crowley blubbered. 

“Could you wait over there? Away from my Brother?”

Chapter Text

Ed watched Crowley weep and wondered probably for the 10th time who let this jackass run a school. All Ed did was pull some heads out of their asses, and Ed did that a lot. There was nothing to weep about. 

“Brother, are you sure we have to stay here?” Al whispered. 

Crowley continued his monologue, one that Ed had already tuned out. 

Ed sighed but nodded in confirmation. 

“-And that is why I will let Grim be a student here along with Alphonse!” 

Oh wait, what? 

Grim blinked. “Really…?”

Ed smiled at her. “Congratulations Grim. You’ve done it.” 

Grim sniffed. “Henchman…. WE DID IT! I’M A STUDENT !” 

Ed laughed. “You sure are! Ah, wait… Al’s 15, Crowley.”  

Crowley stroked his chin. “Hm, too young…. Oh well, young Alphonse can just go to your classes if they so choose. My Dear, Grim still doesn't know human conventions-” 

“I don’t either.” 

“-So I’m counting on you to keep him out of trouble.” Crowley finished.

“A horrible decision really. But no one will get hurt…. Probably.” 

Crowley nodded happily, like Ed didn’t just admit out loud that she was not going to be held responsible for Grim’s actions. “Good. Ah that reminds me! I got you a part time job at Sam's shop! You’ll work weekends!” 

‘ Oh he actually pulled through, huh.’

‘Yeah, not on my bingo card.’ 

****

Deuce looked fondly at Ed as she rubbed Al’s head. Ed was smart, pretty, and a genuinely good person. She’s a great friend- Ah Deuce never asked! “Ed, um- Are we friends?” 

Ed stopped rubbing Al’s head in confusion. “I mean I sure would hope so considering what just happened tonight.” 

Deuce beamed. Mom’s gonna be so happy he made such a good friend! “Great!” 

Ace pointed at himself. 

“I tolerate you.” Ed deadpanned 

Ace shrugged. “Ehhh good enough.” 

Grim leaped on Ed’s shoulders. “Henchman! I’m a student! ” 

Ed pet Grims head. “So you’ve said. How does some beef stew sound tonight you two?” 

Al nodded quickly. “ Oooo can you also-” 

“I’ll toast some bread for you to dip into the broth, don’t worry Al.” 

Al beamed like Ed gave them the world. Deuce noticed Al did that alot around Ed. 

“You two are close huh?” Ace asked. 

Al nodded. “Mhm! Brother practically raised me when we were not at Teachers or Grannys. Which was often.”

Oh… that's…. Sad. 

Ed nodded, looking nostalgic. “Remember when I first started cooking for us after Mom died and I was so short that I couldn’t see the counter?”

Oh, this is sad. 

Ace looked just as bewildered. “What the fuck was your childhood dude?” 

****

Grim watched as Ed dished out the delicious smelling stew, not really paying attention to the conversation Ed and Al were having. “Here Grim. It’s hot, so be careful.” 

Grim dabbed his toast into the best food he’s ever had and watched Ed while he ate. “So how’s Ling?” 

Al groaned, like Ed had brought up the worst topic. “ Ughhhhhhh . Why do you wanna know?” 

Ed quirked an eyebrow. “Because she’s my husband?” 

Al sighed. “Don’t remind me.” 

Grim tilted his head. “You're married?” 

Ed nodded, bringing her left hand to show Grim the ring she wore. “Mhm! When people wear a ring on this hand it tends to mean they're either engaged or married. I’m married. She’s wonderful.”

Al scoffed. “That’s a word for it.”

“ Al. ” Ed said flatly. “ Enough. I don’t want to hear it. We’re married, end of.” 

Al nodded stiffly. “Yes Brother.”

As Ed gathered the dishes, Grim watched as Al sat next to him. “So Grim… Can I pet you?” 

****

After Ed tucked in Grim (At Grims insistence that this is what henchmen do), she was ready to sleep like the dead. Al had also turned in and so that meant that Ed could finally sleep. 

Ed tucked herself into bed, and was immediately out. 

Now in her subconscious, she greeted Truth who was wearing her skin. “Good evening. What’s on the docket tonight?”

Truth frowned which was not a good sign. “ Someone is trying to alter your dream.”

“In a bad way?” Ed asked.

Truth shook its head. “ No. It seems to be more of a warning. Should we proceed?” 

Ed hummed but nodded. 

The scene shifted and Ed and Truth were standing in a garden while cards painted roses. 

“ How strange, a scene from a children's book. Yet slightly different.”

Ed tilted her head. “Yeah, talk about deja vu. Instead of the queen of spades it's the queen of hearts though. The idea remains the same however.” 

Never give into senseless authority. 

****

Ed awoke to Grim banging on her door. “Ed… I think someone’s here…” 

Ed grumbled but got out of bed, heading to the front door. 

‘ Can’t people wait until at least 3 o clock?’

‘A point we can’t ignore Truth, a point we can’t ignore. ’

As Ed got closer, the banging grew louder, and Ed could hear Al starting to get out of bed. Ed sighed, knowing whoever it was wasn’t likely to go away soon. “WHAT?!” 

A muffled voice answered as Al shuffled into the living room. “It’s me Ace! Let me in!”  Ed looked to Al who was shaking her head. One vote for no. Grim shrugged, so one vote for yes. 

‘ Truth?’ 

‘He better have a good reason.’ 

Two votes for yes then.

Ed opened the door to see… Ace wearing the same collar that Grim wore during the opening ceremony. 

She couldn’t even have one night, huh? 

Ace stepped into the living room scowling. “I’m not going back to Heartsabuyl house. I’m joining your dorm, for good.” 

Ed sighed. Welp, looks like this is gonna be a now conversation instead of a later one. “Al, could you please start the kettle? I have a…. feeling I’m gonna need some tea.” Al nodded, and Ed readied the fireplace. “Grim-”

“Already ahead of ya Henchman.” Grim snarked before lighting the fire.

With that out of the way, Ed plopped herself down on the couch. “So, what the fuck did you do?”

Chapter Text

Grim huffed from his spot on Ed’s lap. His henchman was absentmindedly scratching his ear, and it felt real good. If he wasn’t so focused on Ace’s story, Grim would’ve probably fallen asleep. 

But then that meant Grim would miss out on the opportunity to make fun of Ace. 

“I ate a tart.” Ace huffed. See? Priceless . 

Al blinked. “You… ate a tart?” 

Ace looked even more angry. “ Yes ! I was hungry, so I went to the dorm kitchen and there were three whole tarts!” 

Ace then went on to explain that Riddle came down, saw that Ace had eaten the tarts, and then collared him. 

“...And that's the story.” Ace finished dramatically. 

Al looked unimpressed, Ed looked thoroughly done, and Grim wondered how someone could be so unaware. 

“So… the point is that you're both terrible?” Grim snarked. Seriously, taking someone else's food is a sin that should be punishable by death .

Ace scoffed. “Don’t you think that that’s over kill?! I mean, one slice means I lost my magic. For a mage that’s like being shackled! C’mon, Ed, you know this is too much.” 

Ed sighed. “It is unequivalent….” 

Al looked betrayed. “Brother…. No.”

“It’s unequivalent Al. You know how I feel about that.” Ed leveled. 

Grim was sensing an unspoken thing here. 

Al grit her teeth. “ Fine.”

****

Ace wasn’t sure what Ed just did to get Al to agree to him staying here, because as far as Ace is concerned, Al hates his guts. 

Grim huffed from his spot on Ed’s lap. “What if they were for a birthday party?”

Al looked gleeful at even the chance of kicking Ace out. “Yeah, what then? Did you even apologize?”  

Ace grimaced. “Look, I’m the victim here! You should be more sympathetic-” 

“Tomorrow, you go to apologize.” Ed said with finality, clearly thoroughly done with this whole thing. 

“Wha- fineeeee .” Ace relented. “But you're coming with me!” 

Ed looked to Al who grunted but shrugged. “Alright. You can stay the night here but you're helping with dishes tomorrow.”  

“Where am I gonna sleep-Oh can I sleep with you ?” Ace only half joked.

Ed gestured around the room with a raised brow. “I cleaned every room here, so there's no point.” 

Grim huffed. “Besides, she’s married.” 

Aww man-

Wait. 

“MARRIED?! YOU'RE MARRIED?!” Ace shouted. Ed’s only 16, how the hell is she married? 

Ed raised her right hand, showing off a silver ring with a gem on it. “What did you think this was for?” 

“I don’t know, fashion? Not marriage!” Ace yelled. Was it arranged? It had to be, she’s 16- 

“Well, she’s married. Unfortunately.” Al mumbled, ignoring Ed’s glare.

Oh, so it was arranged. “I see.” Ace relented. 

“Why do I have the feeling you don’t?” 

****

After a good breakfast and some new clothes for Al (courtesy of Crewel), Deuce showed up to rib Ace some more, much to Ed’s amusement. Ah, friendship . 

“Hey Deuce. Do you want something to eat before we head out?” Ed offered. 

Deuce shook their head. “No, thank you though Ed. I ate already. How did you and Al sleep?” 

“Good- well minus Ace showing up. Hey Al, are you ready to head out?” 

Al nodded, fixing her skirt. “Mhm. It’s nice of Crewel to make us clothes. I’ll stay with you today to learn more.” 

Ed hummed in acceptance. “Alright. Just let me know if you go anywhere without me.” 

‘ Doubtful. Alphonse will follow you anywhere Eden.’

“Henchman! Let’s go! I have to make my debut of greatness!” Grim yowled, fixing her bow. 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going, we’re going.” 

****

Cater was painting the roses red, and was thoroughly enjoying himself. He turned another bush red when he heard a feminine voice pipe up. “Wow, guess that dream wasn’t for nothing, huh?” 

Cater turned around to see a group of freshies and a golden girl standing there. Turns out the rumors were true, a girl’s here this year. She even had her own cute uniform that was totally magicam worthy! A short sleeve white blouse and a long red overall skirt, a red leather biker jacket that totally gave the outfit that edge ! Not to mention those clearly custom combat boots!

“Can I help you?” He asked.

The red headed freshie spoke up. “What are you doing?”

“Painting the roses, duh.” What, are they blind? 

“ Yes, but why?” The blue one asked.

“Oh, you guys are so new it's funny.” Wait a second… This group looked familiar- Oh! “You're the group that broke the chandelier and almost got expelled!” Oh, this was too funny.

“I fixed it.” The girl bluntly stated. Which, true, Cater did hear that as well. But who was the tall boy next to her? They were clearly related. 

“That chandelier is gonna haunt us until we graduate, huh?” The red headed one with a Riddle collar said- Oh!

“And you are the one who ate the tarts! Oh, this is too good! You are the talk of the campus! Ooo, lemme grab a selfie real quick-” Cater struck a pose and snapped a picture. The freshies looked shocked in the pic, except the girl and the boy who were simply standing there and still looked photogenic. “-It’s cool if I post this right? Gimmie your names so I can tag you!” 

“I’m Deuce Spade.” The blue one said.

“Ace.” The collared one said. 

The cat huffed. “I am the great Grim, and that’s my henchman, Ed.” The girl waved good naturedly, then gestured to the boy who held a polite smile. “Yeah, most people just call me Ed, and this is my wonderful younger brother, Al.” 

Interesting, this girl seemed like a much better sister than either of his. 

Cater typed up the caption. ' Meeting the Freshies! Deuce (blue), Ace (red), Cat (Grim), Ed (girl) and Al (next to ed)! How cute! ♥ ️' “Anddd uploaded! Sweet! Oh, I’m Cater Diamond, but you can call me Cater! Or Cay-Cay if your Cray-Cray! Nice to meetcha!” 

Ed waved. “Nice to meetcha.” 

Al nodded. “Mhm.” 

Wait… Cater had heard something about a golden student taking residence in the abandoned dorm! “You're the prefect of the dump of a dorm! It’s so gloomy, NO ONE could salvage that dump!” 

Ed’s neutral face shifted into a scowl, and Cater felt something old lap at him like waves. “ Excuse you? I worked hard to fix that place up. Do not speak on things you do not know .” 

Well alright then.

Chapter Text

Al stared at Cater feeling disgruntled. He’s done nothing but insult everyone, and seemed incredibly fake. Even Brother was getting fed up with this, but she often did whenever she couldn’t just finish a task immediately. Al could also feel Truth growing angry under Brother's skin. Grim ( cute kitty hehe ) was also getting angry. “You’ve done nothing but insult us buddy!” 

Cater ignored Grim. “Gah, I don’t have time for this! The party is tomorrow! Say, you kids wanna help me paint some roses?” 

Not really, no. 

Ace huffed. “And why are you painting them?” 

Cater shrugged. “Because it’s photogenic..? I think? Look, it’s tradition okay? Like painting the flamingos!” 

“Is anything the right color here?” Grim complained. 

Al sighed. “I guess not.” 

Brother rubbed her temples clearly done with this. “Can we get a move on? Just apologize to Riddle for ruining their birthday party or whatever.” 

“Oh, it’s not Riddle’s birthday. Tomorrow is our traditional Unbirthday party. It’s a party thrown on no one's birthday- or whenever the dorm leader feels like it. Look, it’s not important! Just help me paint these roses!” 

Brother sighed, a long suffering sigh. “ Fine.” Well, it looks like they're doing this. 

Al rolled up her sleeves. “Let’s get this over with.” 

****

Ed sighed as Grim and Deuce failed to turn the roses red. This ‘magic’ was completely bullshit. It had no rules! No guidelines, nothing. Ed sent Al a long suffering look that she returned. 

‘ I hate it here.’

‘ We all hate it here Truth, we all hate it here.’ 

Ed considered just shifting the pigments with alchemy instead. It would save everyone time, and Ed was pretty sure that class was starting soon. 

“Should I Al?” 

Al nodded. “I’ll help.” 

The two of them clapped their hands together before slamming them into the ground. To turn roses red, you had to add a compound, one that was pretty easy to make with what's found in soil. 

‘Magic’ would turn the roses red temporarily, but Alchemy was more permanent. 

As Cater lectured Ace about ‘Tradition’, Ed turned the rose bushes red. 

Including the one Cater themself were working on. 

“We’re done, can Ace talk to Riddle now?” Ed demanded. Seriously, this was getting old. 

Cater snapped themself away from the bush. “Did you bring a replacement tart? If not, that breaks rule 53. ‘Stolen items must be replaced.’ If you're not in compliance, I can't let you in.” 

‘ Oh fuck me.’

‘ This is hell. We are in hell.” 

****

Crewel watched as the first years poured in with a sigh. Unruly mutts, all of them. Just as the last bell was about to ring, the troublemakers dashed in along with Eden and her brother. As the troublemakers rushed to get everything out that was needed, Eden smoothly handed notebooks to Alphonse and Grim. 

Good puppy. 

As Crewel did his intro, he walked around the class. He could see almost all of the pups' faces shift into dismay at the mere mention of memorizing the basics. 

Except for two who had faces that screamed ‘Well, obviously.’  

Eden and Alphonse. 

Crewel looked at their notebooks-

And couldn’t understand a single word written. It was clear what was being talked about based on the drawings of the herbs. It was clearly notes about this very class. As he spoke about the herbs, he could see Eden and Alphonse editing the notes, but he still couldn’t understand what was being written-

Oh.

Oh, they were coding it in another language. 

Crewel felt himself grin. Smart puppies . 

As the troublemaking mutts looked confused, Eden dropped subtle hints here and there to get them on the right path but still make them think for themselves. 

Very good puppies. 

****

Trein watched as the students filed into their seats with a sharp gaze. He was made aware of the girl who would be attending, along with her little brother. Last minute of course, as it would probably kill Crowley to let anyone know anything. 

Sure enough, the girl walked in talking to the group that surrounded her. It’s good that she already had friends. 

As Trein introduced himself, he could see the little brother- Alphonse, if he recalls correctly- looked gleeful at the mere sight of Lucius. He whispered to the girl- Eden, he thinks- who looked at Lucius and quietly whispered back something to Alphonse that made him smile wider. 

As Trein lectured, he could see more and more students start to fall asleep, much to his disgruntlement. Some were taking notes, but what interested him were Eden’s notes. At some point during the lecture Lucius had walked over to the siblings and sat on Eden’s lap for a few minutes before moving on to her little brother, much to Alphonses delight. When Lucius came back, he let Trein know what he saw. 

‘They already have notes on the entire book, coded. They are simply editing the notes as you talk.’

Trein raised an eyebrow. That was at least six hours of reading. 

Trein watched as Eden ‘gently’ smacked the redheaded one on the back of the head to keep them awake. The force of which knocked his face out of his hand, his face hitting the table as Alphonse snickered. He almost wanted to smile. 

After all these years of teaching, finally some good news. 

****

Vargas couldn’t care less that a girl was attending this year. As long as she kept up, that’s all he cared about. If she could handle his class, the girl could handle anything, and that meant a job well done. 

As Vargas stepped onto the field, he immediately located the girl and her little brother, as they were the only ones that were golden, and clearly wearing something designed by Crewel. 

“Alright! Everyone give me 20 laps and 100 pushups!” 

The blue haired boy next to the girl looked excited.  “Finally a subject I’m good at! What about you Ed-” 

And well, he never got to finish that thought before the girl and her brother were off to the races. They managed to run 20 laps in less than 5 minutes with the girl being just a little faster. “Such an easy warm up, right Al?” 

Her brother- Al- nodded. “Mhm! This is a nice break!” 

Then, oh then they started doing the push ups, and Vargas felt himself beam with pride. Oh, they were beating his own record of how fast they could do it! Once they finished, (The girl finished just slightly faster again) the girl spoke. “You feeling okay Al? I know you just got out of the hospital for your malnutrition.” 

Al nodded, and Vargas could hear the redheaded freshman scream.

Chapter Text

Ace was having a weird day. Firstly, what the hell are Ed and Al made of?! To do the things they did during P.E as fast as they did was inhumane. Not to mention when did they have time to take notes for their entire curriculum for each class?!  

Ace was starting to feel like those two were on another level. 

Besides that, this magical school didn’t feel all that magical. He had no idea how Deuce kept up this positive attitude. “I guess me not having magic not’s such a big deal… You with me grim?” Ace looked around, but could not find the Furball. “Hm??” 

Ed rubbed her forehead. “Oh fuck me.” 

Deuce piped up. “I think I just saw a grey blob dashing across the courtyard.” 

Ace grinned. “You need help Ed? Ed?” 

Al was the only one standing there, holding their and Ed’s books. 

Deuce looked confused. “Where’s Ed?” 

Al pointed to a now open window. 

Ace felt his face fall. “She didn’t .” 

Al raised an eyebrow. “ Never doubt what Brother is willing to do to get things over with. She did.” 

“What? What did she do?” Deuce asked. 

Ace couldn’t stop his voice from rising. “She jumPED OUT OF A FUCKING WINDOW -” 

****

Deuce wasn’t sure of what possessed Grim to run from Ed, especially after what happened in P.E. She’s fast and smart, leaving Grim no chance to out run her. Sure enough, when the rest of them managed to catch up with Ed, (Al could’ve run ahead, but decided to walk with them) she had a limp Grim in her hands. 

“You're going to class.” Ed warned. 

Grim looked thoroughly cowled. “But…” 

Ed gave a glare. “You wanted to go to this school, you're seeing it through.”  

Al chuckled, clearly enjoying themself. “ Ooo , Brothers mad. ” 

Ace huffed. “Still, WHY did she jump out of a window?!” 

Ed and Al spoke in unison. “Because it’s the fastest way to get to the ground floor.” 

****

Rook watched with glee as Dame D’or explained her thought process to her group of friends. He agreed, it was much faster to jump out of the window to get to your prey! It was beauty in motion! Rook felt his heart sing when it happened! Magnifique !  

He could see why Roi du Poison wanted her in their dorm. Even better, Dame D’or had a frère d'or as well! Very good ! 

Dame D’or abruptly stopped talking, standing straight. Frère d'or followed suit, both looking at each other, saying words only for them to understand and hear. Ah, what a beautiful bond they had! 

Dame D’or had picked up a rock, testing it in her golden palm. Rook leaned forward, curious as to where this could be going-

Only for Dame D’or to sharply turn his direction before throwing the rock directly at the branch he was standing on,  causing it to break. As Rook fell to the floor, he could only smile in surprise. Ah, she had noticed him. How exciting! 

Dame D’or marched over to him, thudding her boots next to his dazed head. “Any reason you’ve been spying on us creep?” 

Rook felt his smile stretch wider. “ Non ! Simply admiring your beauty! Bon voyage !” 

This would be one of- no, it will be his best chase! 

****

Ed sighed as Grim piled more food into her hands. Well, she didn’t pile it into Ed’s hands. Grim demanded it and Al put it there, happy to meet the cat’s demands. 

As Al piled on another piece of bread into Ed’s arms, Grim bumped into two other students. 

“Hey, watch where yer going!” One of them yapped. “M-my carbonara! You broke the yolk!” 

The other one had a gleam in their eyes that Ed wanted to punch out of them. “Woah that's messed up! That’s the best part! You better make this right!” 

The first one grinned while reaching towards Ed’s arms “I’ll just take your grilled chicken there-” 

Ed slapped his hand away with a sharp glare. Nope, not happening. 

‘The food is still edible, what are they whining about?’ 

‘No clue.’ 

Ed scowled. “Not equivalent. Try that again, I dare you.” 

“Hey, that’s no way to speak to an upperclassman- Oh hello cutie!” Asshole #1 changed his tune quick.  

Al scowled. “ Back. Off. ” 

The Assholes reached for their dumb pens. 

Deuce walked up. “Um, excuse me, sir, but it said in the handbook that fighting with magic was prohibited…” 

A little too late Deuce, a little too late.

‘ This should be fun.’  

****

Deuce watched as Ed and Al mopped the floor with the upperclassmen in shock. Without using magic, Ed had already knocked both of them out while Al dragged them off to… somewhere. Deuce didn’t even see them move. “Well that was easy.” Ed said, picking the food back up. 

“W-What? Ed- I- huh?!” Deuce was still confused. Ed technically didn’t break the rules, but Deuce had a feeling that the bully upperclassmen still never had a chance anyway. 

Ace broke the confusion first. “Can we eat lunch already? I’m starving!” 

Deuce sighed. He probably wasn’t going to get answers out of Ed or Al. “I can’t believe there's textbook bullies in this famous college.”

Grim huffed, stuffing his face full of the food Ed had carried. “ Ehhh get over it already! Oh this omelet is so fluffy and cheesy!”

Al had returned from… wherever she dragged those guys off to, and Ed handed them a lunch box that was received with utter joy. “Thank you Brother!” 

Ed hummed in acknowledgement, opening her own box. It looks like she had made lunch for the two of them, and Grim had opted out in order to try the food in the cafeteria. Speaking of Grim, Grim had another question. “So we’ve seen your guys’ dorm but what are the other ones like?” 

A familiar voice spoke up. “I’m sure you guys are familiar with the great seven? There’s a dorm based on each one.” 

Wait. 

That’s the trickster senior from this morning!

Chapter Text

As Trey approached the table that held Cater and the group of freshmen, he could hear some arguing from Deuce(he thinks?) about being called Deucey. “Haha, that’s just how Cater shows he cares.” He tried to soothe. 

Ace raised an eyebrow and Al deadpanned at him. 

“And you are?” Ace asked.

“Trey Clover. I’m a junior, just like Cater.” He turned to Ed who was… glowing? 

“ Yum, Eden is still a good cook.” A layered voice came out before she abruptly stopped glowing, and turned to face him. “Hm? Oh hey.” Her voice was normal now. 

Cater looked off put. “What was that?” 

Grim huffed, shoving his face even more full of food. “Oh Ed just does that sometimes, don’t worry about it.” 

Well, Trey’s seen worse things then whatever that was. “You must be Ed. Cater’s right, you are gold. You're the new prefect of that old dum- I mean… ‘Rustic’ dorm, right? I heard the whole story from Cater. Thanks for helping our boys yesterday.” 

Ed waved him off, clearly more focused on the book she pulled out and was now reading while eating. “Don’t worry about it.” 

Trey sat right next to Ace who scowled at him. “I don’t recall inviting you to sit with us.” 

Cater laughed him off. “Hey, we’re all from the same dorm right? Here, give me your digits, let’s try to get along.” Cater leaned over to Ed who raised a brow. “I don’t have a cellphone, neither does Al.” 

Huh, that's rare. 

Cater gasped dramatically. “Whattt? Well that can’t stand! Hey, I know a place that sells models for cheap, let’s go on a phone-shopping date!” 

Al scowled, but Ed just raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m married-” What. “-And you didn’t even bring any dead beast to make your intention clear.” 

Well, that’s something.

****

Jack felt his ears twitch as the girl declared that she wouldn’t go on any date without at least a kill to show your serious. He nodded in approval. Yes, that was the proper way to be courted, and it would make sense that since she was married, she already knew that. 

He could also see the other beastmen having a similar reaction as him, knowing as well as he did, that you have to court your mate properly. Jack never did understand how humans thought otherwise.

Well, it’s nice that at least one of them had common sense. 

****

Grim snickered as he watched everyone’s mouth gaped open. Silly humans, what else would you do? 

Cater shook his head, recovering first. “No! Like a friend date! A hang out! Also you're married?!”

Ace nodded. “Mhm.” 

Al looked melancholy. “Unfortunately.” 

Ed glared at Al. “ Al.”  

Deuce sputtered “But- I- huh?!”

Grim laughed. “Man, you humans are dumb. She’s wearing a ring you know?” Grim’s attention was drawn to something else. “Oooo Ed can I have that milk?” 

“Hm? Oh yeah, go ahead. But yeah, I’m married. Can we move on?” Ed drawled. “You said you were going to tell us about the dorms.”

“Right, I guess I did.” Cater said, still clearly reeling in shock. 

****

Ed listened as Trey listed off the dorms, mentally noting down each one.  Savanaclaw, Octavinelle, Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, and Diasomnia. Okay, Ed can sometimes be fudgy on names, but thankfully these bitches were color coded. 

Apparently their mumbo jumbo magic mirror looked at your soul and then based on that bullshit, sorted you into a dorm. 

‘ Souls are not that easily quantifiable. You can not boil a single person down to just one trait, it does not work that way.’

‘ We know, but these morons clearly don’t.’ 

Ed and Al shared a long suffering glance. 

“Like, look at that guy for example.” Trey said as they pointed at what Ed would now classify as a wolf beastmen. Ed caught their eye and gave an acknowledging nod that was returned. 

“He’s got a total rough and tumble vibe to him, that’s got Savanaclaw written all over it.” Trey continued. 

Ed frowned. “What did they do to you to make you insult them behind their back?” 

Trey looked confused. “I..Wasn’t?” 

Right, Ed keeps forgetting that they have weird rules. “Oh, right. Cultural difference, sorry.”  Trey looked confused but let it go.

‘ It still makes no sense.’

‘I agree, but eh.’ 

Trey went on, pointing out more students before landing on one Ed remembered. It was clear they did as well based on how they waved excitedly at Ed. Ed waved back smiling at them. “Hey Kalim.” 

Kalim beamed. “Hi Ed!” 

Cater leaned in. “Oh, you know Kalim? How’d that happen?” 

“They were on fire.” 

****

Al along with Brother ignored Cater’s confused screaming to listen to Trey. While Al thought this whole dorm thing was dumb, it’s important to know the rules.

So she and Brother can break them of course. Al wondered what Crowley's deasprate, broken, sad expression would look like as Al crushed his dreams over and over. 

Trey pointed at two people with purple and red arm bands, one of which look extremely familiar. “They’re in Pomfiore- Ed, Al what's wrong?”

Brother was glaring at the one with a hat, and Al joined her. That was the creep who was watching them!

Al could feel Truth seethe under Brother's skin as she spoke. “ Him.”

Trey blinked. “Rook Hunt? What did he do this time?” 

Al spoke this time, every word dripping with hatred. “ He was stalking Brother, the creep. Only stopped when Brother shot him out of a tree.” 

Al wished so desperately that Brother had let her taken care of it instead. Al would’ve sent him to the infirmary . 

Trey sighed. “Of course he did- wait, shot him?”

Brother nodded, not dropping her glare. “ Mhm . Well, the branch he was standing on, but you know.” 

“I-How- How did you even know he was there? ” Trey fumbled. 

Brother and Al dropped their glares to look confusingly at Trey. “It..was obvious? He’s really bad at hiding.”

Al nodded along. “He didn’t even bother hiding his pen, and that was a dead give away. They’re quite loud, you know.”

Chapter Text

Lilia contented to watch Eden with rapt attention. The girl was not only golden but also entertaining . And! There was a second golden child. Oh, what a year this was shaping out to be! Lilia wondered if the two of them would be mad at being babied. 

Lilia heard Cater point his group out, along with one of the freshmen yelping that he looked like a kid. Lilia felt himself become giddy at the feeling of those golden and shiny eyes peering at him, and couldn’t help himself. 

He teleported upside down, hovering above the table. “Lilia. Lilia Vanrouge.” He heard the table scream in shock, except for Eden and her brother who were staring at him curiously. Lilia felt his smile stretch. The golden babies were paying attention to him! “Hello again Beasty. Who's that sitting next to you?”

Eden raised an eyebrow. “You mean Al? What about her?” 

Al. A nickname, one given in fondness and love. But, why didn’t either of them act surprised when he teleported over? “You don’t seem shocked to see me, Beasty.” 

Eden and Al looked at each other. “We heard you. Anyway, what’re you doing over here?” 

Lilia grinned. Interesting. “I overheard you talking about my ‘Fresh-face’ in curiosity. I assure all of you, I’m older than I look.” 

“Fresh faced, he says.” Trey muttered under his breath. 

Lilia continued on, directing this part mainly to the golden siblings. “You need not stare at us from afar. We are schoolmates, are we not? All of us at Diasomnia will welcome you with open arms.” 

Al raised a brow. “The green haired one is looking at us weird.” 

Lilia looked over to Sebek who was clearly at war between his Fae instincts of a very shiny person and his complex feelings for humans. He looked laughably constipated. 

“Oh don’t worry about them….” 

****

Riddle saw Trey and Cater sitting with those troublemakers and started approaching. He could hear Ace Trappola complaining about him, and quite loudly too. Tch, typical . Troublemakers never see sense. 

“No kidding! He collared me for eating one slice of tart! His rule obsession is out of control.” Ace complained. 

Eden locked eyes with him, and Riddle could hear her kick Ace under the table in warning to pay attention. However Riddle would not let this disrespect slide. “My ‘rule obsession’ is ‘outta control’, is it?” 

Eden tried gesturing to Riddle with her eyes, but Ace kept going. “You bet it is. Riddle's just a petty tyrant who leans into the whole "rules" schtick as a pretext to keep everyone under his puny thumb!” 

The person who looked a lot like Eden was cackling now, and Eden also looked a little amused at the whole situation. “Would you say that to Riddle’s face?” 

Ace blinked, not even aware that Riddle was now practically on top of him. “Ehhh? Why?”

“Because you just did.” 

****

Ed watched Riddle interact with everyone with rapt attention. The moment Riddle walked over here, Trey and Cater immediately looked more frightened. That was not a normal reaction for friends to have. This guy was a tyrant, plain and simple. Even worse, he was a ‘I’m right, your wrong’ Tyrant. At least Bradley was aware that he was a piece of shit. 

‘Those that break the rules should have their heads removed immediately without exception.’ What a joke.

‘ The only time that works is in cases like mine. That doesn't work human to human, correct?’ 

‘Yeah. Humans are a lot more complex than that. Your rules work because they are so simple and hard to break. Ours don’t.’ 

Ace scratched their cheek. “So, uh, listen, housewarden, sir... Any chance I could get you to remove this collar?” 

Way to read the room Ace. Way to read the room. 

The answer of course was a big fat ‘no’ from Riddle. Well, it was longer than that, but Ed had already started to tune him out anyway. However, Riddle shifted attention to her and Al. “And why aren’t you two in uniform? It’s against the rules to-” 

“Al ain’t a student.” Ed interrupted blankly. 

Riddle huffed, looking slightly embarrassed. “And you?” 

“Crewel told me to wear this. And that if anyone objected they could easily talk to her.” Ed said smugly. 

Riddle turned slightly red. “I- I will check that later, but you're on my radar!” 

Ed smiled, all teeth. “ Sure, let’s see how that goes for you.” 

****

Al sighed as the group talked more about ‘magic’. Al couldn’t care less about it because it wasn’t real. Al was more worried about how long it was gonna be until she could kick Ace out of her and Brother's house. Apparently, they were gonna need a tart to do that. Al did not have a tart.

“I could help you make them.” Trey offered Ace.

Oh thank Truth. 

“But, I’m gonna need something from you in turn.” Trey continued. 

Nevermind, Al forgot almost everyone sucks at this school. 

“You're gonna make me pay?! C’mon man!” Ace lamented. 

Trey laughed. “No! No, nothing like that, Riddle wants a chestnut tart next so I’m just gonna need you to pick some chestnuts from the garden. Let’s say two or three hundred? They have to be boiled, shelled, and pureed.” 

“Alright, I’m out.” Deuce said.

“Same here.” Grim piped up. 

“You spineless cowards!” Ace cried. 

And while Al didn’t want to help Ace, the sooner Ace gets his dumb tart, the sooner he would leave. So , “I’ll help.” 

“Same here.” Brother nodded. 

“Woah, really?!” Ace yelled. “That’s a shock!” 

Trey nodded. “That’s good. And hey! Tarts are best right out of the oven!”  

That seemed to get Grim and Deuce on board. 

After class, they were all going to go to the botanical gardens to get some damn chestnuts so this whole thing could finally be over.

Chapter Text

Ed stared at the ever expanding botanical garden and sighed. Of fucking course even a task this simple was needlessly convoluted here. Why wouldn’t it be? 

‘ These people wouldn’t know efficiency if it smacked them in the face.’  

‘ Agreed.’ 

“Let’s split up. I’d like to get this done as quickly as possible.” Ed said. 

“Dibs on right!” Ace exclaimed. 

Deuce crossed his arms. “I guess I’ll go left. I guess that means Grim, Ed and Al go straight?” 

“Alright, let’s make this quick please. I’d like to still be 16 when we’re done.” Ed said, walking forward. 

Here’s to hoping this goes without a hitch. 

****

Leona could smell and hear those herbivores before they even started walking towards him. Loud , all of them. Leona just wanted a nice mid-day nap, not whatever this is. 

His ears twitched as the dumb cat ran past, yelling about fruit. Which, duh, it’s a fucking botanical garden. His nose twitched as he also smelt that girl from the opening ceremony who sassed Crowley, which already put her into his good books. Leona was content to let her pass, no reason to draw her ire. 

Until she stepped on his tail with a, “Oh shit, sorry about that. I couldn’t tell all of where you were.” Leona shot up in brief pain glaring at her. “I was trying to enjoy my nap before you stepped on my tail.” 

The girl rubbed the back of her head. “Sorry, I knew you were there, I just couldn’t tell where all of you was.”

Leona grunted, but wasn’t going to waste this opportunity, and started sniffing her out. Like he guessed, she smelt strong, like fresh earth and rain. Plus a very faint lingering of… Machine oil? 

Leona stared at her a moment longer. Something about her, and Leona wasn't sure what, screamed old . Like a force of nature. Not at all like the dumb Lizard though. No, this didn’t have even a scent of magic. 

“You got the full scent?” The girl asked. “What’s the verdict?” 

Leona grumbled. “Look where you're stepping next time. I won’t be as kind.” 

The girl smiled like he had said something funny and had not just threatened her. “Sure, name’s Ed by the way. Enjoy your nap.” 

****

Trey was getting ready for the Tartining that was about to take place when the door was kicked open. In walked Ed carrying a basket full of chestnuts, and behind her was the rest of the first years. “We’re back, let’s get this over with .” 

Al nodded, also putting down a basket. “I’d like Ace to leave as soon as possible.” 

Ace looked insulted, but Trey just laughed. “I see you’ve gotten plenty. Well, time to start peeling! You’ve gotta peel all of them.” 

Deuce looked shocked. “My head is spinning.” 

Ed huffed. “Let’s just start.” 

And then they were off to the races. 

Ed and Al were getting through their baskets without much issue, in fact they were speeding through it. Behind them were Deuce and Ace who appeared to be neck and neck. In last place was Grim, but he also didn’t have thumbs, so Trey wasn’t sure what he was expecting. 

After a while, all of them managed to finally finish pureeing all the chestnuts.  And that meant it was finally time to play the old oyster prank. 

****

Al wasn’t buying this prank, and neither was Brother. Oyster sauce, really? If you're gonna try to pull their legs, at least try something more believable. Like- pickled something! Al knows pickled beets can be used to make desserts, so that would make more sense, but oyster sauce?!

If you're gonna lie, at least lie well.  

Baking was just chemistry with extra steps. You don’t add a surprise ingredient to chemistry unless you're experimenting or you are sure you know what's going to happen. You don’t mess with the formula. 

But it was clear Ace and Deuce didn’t know this because they were buying it. Ace more than Deuce. “Maybe it’s like putting chocolate into curry?” No, Ace. No it’s not. 

Trey burst into laughter, clearly having had their fun. “No, I’m totally lying! Nobody in their right mind would do that! Let that be a lesson to you. Don’t believe everything you hear!”  Yeah, Trey’s as much of a dick as the rest of them, they aren’t fooling Al. 

“Alright, time to add the cream- ah, shoot. We don’t have enough cream for all this chestnut paste.” Trey snapped their fingers. 

“I’ll go buy some. Do they sell it at the school store?” Deuce offered. Al thought Deuce was pretty okay. Much better than the others here. 

Trey gave Deuce the (long) list, and Brother offered to come with. “I mean, I’m gonna be working there. It’d be good to see where it’s at.” 

“I’m coming too then.” Al decided. 

“Same here! My paws are tired from stirring.” Grim yowled. 

And off they went. 

****

Ed looked around the shop where she would be later working in curiosity. She liked the vibes of this place, it reminded her of an antique loving old person. The skulls are a nice touch too. 

A person wearing a top hat came out from the back. “Greetings my stray Imps! Welcome to Mr. Sam’s mystery shop! What of my humble collection interests you? A cursed tarot card, a mummified finger perhaps?” They abruptly stopped their introduction to turn to Ed. “Ah! You must be Eden, lovely to meet you! Why, you are as golden as everyone says. Lovely to meet you, my little Imp.” 

Sam leaned in further. “And greetings to Truth too.” 

‘ I like them Eden. I think they know the notion of paying a price for something you want.’ 

Ed smiled. “Nice to meetcha Ma’am. Anything of note I should know before I clock in on Saturday?” 

Sam grinned. “Ah, a girl who knows what she wants. Always a good thing. No, my little imp, I don’t think there is. Oh! Your little brother can come by at any time too, of course.” 

Ed nodded. Yes, Ed liked Sam already. She seemed sensible.

Chapter Text

Ed watched as Sam brought out all the ingredients that Deuce asked for with amusement. It turns out this place does have everything. She could go here instead of taking ingredients from the cafeteria. Although the ghosts there were quite nice there and happy to give her the extra ingredients, Ed felt bad because she couldn’t give the ghosts anything in turn beyond sweeping the kitchen, and they didn’t even let her do that.  

Ed started bagging the ingredients as they were getting brought out, even though Sam told her she didn’t have to. “Deuce is paying, it’s only equivalent that I do something to help.” 

Sam dramatically put her hand on her head. “Oh, what a kind imp! Although… this is pretty heavy. You sure you can carry this? We are having a sale on flying saucers!” 

Al looked amused. “I think you know mine and Brothers answer already.” 

“That I do! It was worth a shot anyhow!” Sam brightly answered. 

Ed could see Grim eyeing a can of tuna, and sighed. Grim had been pretty well behaved during this whole ordeal. “Actually, can I get that can?”

Sam nodded. “Employee discount! 2 dollars!” 

Ed blinked. “I- I can pay full price-” 

“Nope! Take it before I decide to give it to you for free!” Sam brightly refused. 

Ed took the can. 

****

Al watched as Brother gave Grim a can of tuna with a smile on her face. Grim shoved it into her mouth with a “Thamk myou!” and started devouring it. Al cooed in appreciation. Grim was just so cute.  

As they walked, Deuce had noticed that Ed had the bag with cans in it, and Al could tell they were conflicted, but one side eventually won out. “Ed, you got the one full of cans, trade me. I’ve got a trick for carrying heavy bags.” 

Brother looked amused. “I can handle it fine, but I do want to know what trick this is. Sure.” 

Deuce traded bags before balancing the heavy one carefully. “Yeah, My Mom would always stock up on sales and the bags were always heavy. Since it was just me and her, I got to do a lot of heavy lifting- Ah, sorry I didn’t mean to ramble.” 

Al shook her head. “No, it’s fine. It’s nice that you love your mom that much, and that she loves you back just as much.”  Deuce was slowly becoming Al’s favorite person she’s met here. 

Deuce shook her head. “No, it’s like- Ow!” Someone crashed into Deuce. Al recognized the two of them, they were the ones who tried to intimidate Brother. Someone must have let them out of the locker she stuffed them into then. A shame. They started yelling at Deuce, even though they ran into her. 

It was clear Deuce recognized them too. “You turned the corner too fast, and picked a fight over an egg you could still eat! And now you owe us six eggs!” 

Oh, Al could tell where this was going to go, and was all for it.   

Go apeshit Deuce, go apeshit. 

****

Deuce was angry, and even though he just released all his steam by beating up the bunch of jerks, he didn’t feel any better. Especially after the jerks had run off, and he had realised what he had done. “I did it again, didn’t I..?” 

Ed looked concerned. “What’s wrong?” 

Deuce felt himself shatter a little. “I was dead set on being an honor student this time too! What am I gonna tell mom?!” 

Grim looked confused. “Huh?” 

Ah, right these guys wouldn't know. “ When I was in middle school, I was pretty wild. I cut school all the time and got in fights. I called my teachers names, hung out with bullies, bleached my hair… I blasted around tight curves on my Magic Wheel… I'd show off my magic to kids who couldn't use it yet... I was a total punk.” 

“So you were only slightly more annoying then now?” Grim snarked. 

“ Grim.” Ed warned. “Sorry about that Deuce, continue.” 

He did. “But one night, I saw my mom talking on the phone to my grandma. She was trying to hide from me, but I saw her, and I could tell she was in tears. She was saying how she must have been a horrible mom, and that maybe she never should have tried to raise me by herself. That had nothin' to do with it! She hadn't done anything wrong. It was all me.” Deuce sighed, taking a moment to breathe. “When the carriage came to take me to Night Raven College, she was so happy for me. I decided then and there that this time, I wouldn't do anything to make her cry.” 

Deuce clenched his fist, looking at it. “This time, I'd become an honor student - someone she could be proud of. And I already messed it all up!” 

“Did you?” Ed asked. 

“Huh..?” 

“Did you mess it up? Because I don’t think there's a single more honorable thing than standing up to a bunch of assholes.” Ed stood him up off the floor and brushed off his shoulders. “I think your Mom would be happy.” 

Al nodded along. “Yeah. Besides, you probably saved them from what I was going to do to them.” 

Ed smiled at him, and Deuce swore she was the sun for a minute. “Your Mom loves you Deuce. I think she’s happy you're trying.” 

Deuce felt himself tear up. “You guys… Well, I guess you're right. I just hope those chicks rest in peace!” 

Ed blinked in confusion. “Deuce. You know those eggs weren’t fertilized right? There were no chicks in them.” 

“WHAT?!”

****

Ed dragged Deuce back to the dorm with a sigh. The logic was there, Deuce just missed a fact. But now she was in so much shock that she couldn’t move. Al was snickering, and Ed would’ve joined her, but Deuce was a good person genuinely trying her best. Ignorance isn’t a sin, especially when someone is trying to learn. 

‘ But it IS funny.’

‘No one is arguing that it’s not. It’s hilarious, but for that to happen after a touching moment is just unfortunate.’

Chapter Text

As everyone whipped the cream for the tart, Ed was focused on something else. A Chestnut tart was all good, but Ed knew what would elevate it. A dark chocolate drizzle to help cut the sweetness but also enchanting it. As soon as Trey shifted the powdered sugar onto the tart, she acted. 

“Hey, what are you doing?!” Trey exclaimed. 

Ed focused on the drizzle, adding it to the tart in the shape of a golden ratio spiral.

‘ Perfect. Do let me try some.’

‘Later.’ 

“What did you do?!” Trey exclaimed. 

“I added a dark chocolate drizzle, calm down.” Ed explained. “Something to cut yet enhance the sweetness.” 

Trey rubbed their forehead. “Ask please next time.” 

“I will not.” 

****

Cater skipped down stairs ready to take a pic of the cute tart his cute underclassmen made. He wondered if Trey had done his thing yet, because if not, that meant Cater could actually enjoy a sweet for once. 

Cater skipped in. “Hey Fam! Looking wrecked! Oh the tarts are done and totally magicam worthy! Lemme take a pic!” 

As he took pictures, he could hear Ace complain. “What now you decide to show up?!” 

“Yup!” Cater shamelessly admitted. 

Trey sighed. “Help yourself to some tart everyone.” 

As everyone started digging in, Cater pretended to take a bite before turning to Trey. “Oh Trey! You gotta do the thing!” 

Trey blinked. “The thing? Oh, that.” Please do it, please do it, Cater would like to enjoy a dessert for once. 

Trey pulled out his pen much to the delight of Cater. “What’s everyone’s favorite food?” 

Everyone listed their favorite food, and Cater shifted excitedly. 

“All right, you got it…. Let’s ‘Paint the roses!’” Trey cast his signature spell. 

Deuce blinked. “What did that do?” 

Trey smirked. “Take another bite of your tart.” 

Ace went first. “I mean sure- What the hell?! It tastes like cherry pie!” 

Everyone else had similar reactions, except for Ed who blinked confusingly. 

“What’s wrong Ed?” Cater said through a mouthful of tart. 

“Mine… just tastes like tart.” Ed explained. 

Al nodded. “Mine tastes like it’s halfway there but gave up. It’s not very pleasant.” 

Cater blinked. “That.. shouldn’t happen.” In fact it’s never happened. 

Ed frowned. “Well how does it work?” 

“I temporarily overwrite characteristics. Whatever I want, but only for a short period of time.” Trey explained.

Ed nodded in understanding. “I see, that’s why.” 

“Wanna share with the class?” Cater half teased. 

“Nah, I’m not sure I’ll share it with you just yet. Nothings wrong with me though.” Ed smirked. 

****

Deuce was a little concerned for his friends. I mean, Al not being affected fully was one thing. Could’ve just been that Al had a natural resistance to all magic. But Ed not being affected at all was worrying. Like, extremely so. Deuce was never any good at school, but he doesn't think this has ever happened before. 

He’d heard of cases where people naturally had good defenses against offensive magic, but Trey’s magic wasn’t offensive. 

Interrupting his thoughts was Ed handing him dinner. A lovely meal of Ham, mashed potatoes and some green beans. “You and Ace are in charge of dishes tonight. That’s your payment for staying the night.” 

Ace looked over at Al’s plate. “Heyyyy why is Al’s plate all separated like that?” 

Al smacked Ace’s hand away. “I don’t like when my food touches. That’s why Brother made this plate for me, the little compartments separate my food.” 

As Ed turned to get her own plate, Al stuck her tongue at Ace and flipped him off. 

Deuce sighed. Well, he wasn't going to force Ed to tell what’s going on if she wasn’t ready to do so. 

****

Ed had fizzled to sleep quickly, exhausted from the day’s shenanigans. Like the night before, she greeted Truth in her subconscious. “Wonderful evening Truth! Anything of note tonight?” 

Truth, still wearing her skin, briefly frowned. “ It’s happening again. I can’t locate where exactly it’s coming from, but something is trying to alter your dream again.” 

Ed stopped what she was doing. Right, this isn’t Truth’s original realm, and Ed doesn't have all of Truth, just a piece of it. Of course there's the chance it’ll miss something. “Allow it. The more information we get, the better off we’ll be.” 

Truth’s grin widened impossibly bigger. “ Ah, always a good decision Eden. When knowledge is being offered, we must take it. Especially when we get it for free. ” 

This time, the dream was of the card soldiers enraging the Queen of Hearts, leading to them calling for the soldiers beheading. All of this, over some fucking roses. 

Well, time to see what happens in the morning. If it follows the dream somewhat, then Ed will have to start looking into these dreams more. 

****

Ed woke up at five like every morning and got to work. With no Ling to coerce her back in bed for 5 more minutes, Ed was unfortunately alone with her thoughts. Anddd now she missed her husband, great . 

‘ Not alone with your thoughts, excuse you.’

‘Right, sorry about that. You know what I mean, like no one to hug me or stop me from getting up so early or kiss me- and I'm sad again. Damn it.’  

Well, time to stop feeling sad for herself. Time for some breakfast instead. 

At 6:30, Ed heard Deuce coming downstairs with Ace who sounded like they were being dragged by Deuce. Al must be sleeping in then. She always was less willing to get up early. 

“Oh Ed! I didn’t expect to see you up this early!” Deuce exclaimed. 

Ace groaned behind her. “I told you, she wakes up early! There was no point in trying to make breakfast for them!” 

Deuce flushed as Ed laughed. “No, I wake up at five most days. Thank you for trying though. Now, I made a small breakfast because it looks like the unbirthday party takes place around lunch. I’ll go wake up Al, your parfaits should be in the fridge.” 

Al would probably be more willing to wake up if Ed reminded her that today was supposed to be the last day of Ace staying here.

Chapter Text

Cater skipped over to Ramshackle humming that new pop song he’d heard. As he approached, he expected the ‘fix-ups’ to be a board here and there on the holes, and maybe even some paint. 

…He did not expect it to be fully fixed with a shiny new coat of paint. No wonder Ed got mad at him. 

Cater leaped up the steps and knocked three times. Before he could even lower his hand, the door swung open. 

Ed was staring at him with a raised brow. “Yes?” 

“Good morning! Did you enjoy your sleepover? Did you bond over pillow fights and card games?” Cater teased.

Ace stepped out. “Hm? Oh hey Cater. Yeah we played games, mainly old maid because that’s the only one Grim knew.” 

The said cat huffed. “And I still kept losing!”

“Grim also doesn't have a good poker face.” Deuce explained. 

Cater checked the time- shit, they had to move now . “You should grab the tart you guys made, and go apologize. Quickly.” 

****

As Ed walked into the garden she was greeted by…multiple Caters?

‘ Oh HELL no.’

Without even thinking, Ed grabbed one by the face, examining it. Tilting its face side to side.

“Ummm Hi to you too Ed?” The Cater said.

Ed squinted. It felt weird, made up. Its elements were jumbled, probably due to the fact that it was made by this ‘magic’. To make the long summary short: “You are a poorly made clone of Cater, no will of your own, no soul either. It’s like someone tried to make a stone but skipped the murder.” 

The original Cater looked horrified. “Wha- Murder ?! My signature spell is just making clones. What does that have to do with murder?!”

Ed stared Cater down. “And what are you giving to make these clones? Your energy? Don’t make me laugh with your ‘magic’. If you want to get, you have to give . This is the law of equivalent exchange.” All Cater could do was look back at her confused.

****

Al looked at the table everyone was being led to with a critical eye. It was pristine, almost perfect, but Al could see how almost every single person attending looked to be a sweaty, nervous mess. Riddle was sat at the head, uncaring of how his reign was affecting those around him. 

What a terrible ruler. Al wanted to smack him.

Cater waved his dumb ‘magic pen’ and changed everyone's clothes to match the vibe of the party. It worked this time on Brother and Al, but that might be because it was affecting their clothes, not they themselves. The two of them were wearing blue dresses with white aprons. Brother touched the skirt with a raised brow. “It’s temporary, like I thought.”  

Al touched her own and nodded in agreement. The bonds made were haphazard, and would likely revert to their original bonds in 24 hours. 

Well, let’s just get this over with. 

****

Ed drank some of the tea and grimaced. Not because of the tea, it’s alright, but because of the tense atmosphere of this party. It felt like those meetings Bastard would have with other generals; Tense, like one misstep would lead to your demise. 

‘ To strict, this leads to no new discoveries. No growth.’ 

Ed watched as Ace pulled out the tart and walked over to Riddle. “Uhmm… Housewarden, sir.” 

Riddle flicked his eyes over to Ace. “Oh, it’s you, the tart thief.” 

Ace winced. “Yeah, about that. I wanted to apologize for eating that tart, so I made you a new one.” 

Riddle looked pleased. “And what kind of tart is it?” 

Ace brightened up. “I’m so glad you asked! It’s a chestnut tart, and we weren't stingy with the chestnuts!” 

Riddle looked like Ace just slapped him. “A CHESTNUT tart?!” 

‘ Ohhhh boy.’

‘Here we go.’ 

Riddle continued on. “The Queen of Hearts's rule 562: ‘One must never bring a chestnut tart to an unbirthday tea party.’ This is an utterly flagrant rule violation! Do you understand what you've done?! You've ruined an otherwise perfect unbirthday!” Riddle was practically red.

‘ 562?!’

‘ This is bullshit. That’s why I kept my rules to only one.’ 

Riddle out his hand on his dumb chest, looking proud. “There are 810 rules, and as housewarden, I can recite each and every one.” 

Ed could see Trey and Cater whispering to each other, clearly panicked. So they didn’t know either, huh? Ed turned to Riddle and scowled. “Some hosewarden you are. If you're gonna have all those dumb rules, you can’t assume everyone knows them.” 

Riddle turned even more red. “Ignorance is not an excuse! How DARE you question me?! ” 

“Pretty easy to, actually.” Ed snarked back. “If all you care about is rules, you ignore the nuance of life, something you’ve clearly never experienced.” 

Cater tried calming everyone down, but that was an impossible task. “Now, let’s all just calm down, let’s not dig this hole any deeper-” 

“Nah Bro, I’ve got a shovel and I am DIGGING. This guys a moron.” Ace yelled. 

Deuce nodded. “I agree, I understand rules, but this is too much.” 

Riddle looked smug, and Ed really wanted to punch him. “Attempting to debate me? A bold move, but I’ll bite. By even breaking one rule, everything will fall into anarchy.” 

Ace tried to rally everyone, but Ed was more focused on the subpar tea in her hand. It would never work, not when everyone was so scared and all Ace had were words. 

Riddle went on to give a speech, and Ed had had enough. “In the year since I became housewarden, not a single student from Heartslabyul House has dropped out or been held back a year. We are the only house that can boast such a feat. Furthermore, of everyone in this dorm, I have the best academic standing. Hence, I am the most correct! If you would simply obey me without question, we wouldn't need to contend so. It's not off with their heads because I want to do that. I do it because rules must never be broken.”

That’s it, she was going to do it. Ed stood up, tea in hand and started walking over to the still talking Riddle. “ If you will not obey me, then I will have all of your heads-” 

Ed dumped her tea on him.

Chapter Text

Ed glared at the dripping Riddle. “ Shut. The. Fuck. Up. NO ONE LIKES A FUCKING EGOISTIC DICTATOR! Do you know what happened the last time I dealt with someone like you?! I OVERTHREW THE GOVERNMENT HE RAN!” 

Ace yelled. “I don’t bow to tyrants!” 

Riddle looked aghast. “What did you just call me?!” 

Grim snarked. “Ace called you a tyrant for wanting to throw away perfectly good food and throwing a tantrum!” 

Al smirked. “And Brother called you an egoistic dictator.” 

Riddle was as red as his hair, a sight that amused Ed. “OFF! WITH! YOUR! HEADS!” 

The collars appeared on Ace, Deuce and Grim, and Ed could see it heading towards Al. It appeared on Al’s neck, and Ed felt her blood boil with rage . She stomped over, ripping the offending piece of metal off , before throwing it at Riddle. Hard. “ You leave my baby brother out of this. You try anything you want with me, but you leave Al out of this.”

Riddle clutched his stomach where it hit, clearly stunned. “It didn’t work on you..? Trey! Cater! Throw them out!”

Deuce looked betrayed. “You guys are supposed to be our mentors!” 

Trey and Cater looked guilty, but Ed was done with this, and them. “Sorry,  we can’t disobey our housewarden-” 

Ed slapped both of them across their faces. She didn’t even hit them that hard, but could see their faces already turning a bright, angry , red. 

“Al, we’re leaving .” 

Al nodded. “Of course Brother. C’mon Grim, let’s go.”

Grim hopped on Ed’s shoulder with a nod. “You got it. Ace, Deuce, let’s bounce. I’m sick of dealing with these wimps.” 

****

Al rubbed her neck where the collar once was. It didn’t do anything, but it felt far too tight. Like Al could barely swallow her food. Ace rubbed their own neck. “Ed, could you rip mine off too?” 

Brother shrugged. “I’ll try, but it might not work.”  She wrapped her hands around the collar and strained. It loosened, but nothing else. “Yeah, I figured. It worked on Al because we’re not from here, but it’s gonna have to be removed by Riddle on you, sorry.” 

Grim yowled in agony. “It’s so tight! Henchman, loosen mine!” 

While Brother worked on that, Al noticed a presence around them, complete with the calling of their dumb little pen. Al could make out the outline of the person, but not much else. Sure enough, a head ‘appeared’ with cat ears and a grin. “Wow, really racking up those collars, aren’t you? Quite the collection . ” 

Everyone except Al and Brother yelled in surprise. Grim raised a shaking paw. “A floating head?!”

Brother looked confused. “No, they're just standing there, they have been for a while.”

The cat person looked surprised. “You can see all of me? Strange.” 

Al huffed. “Obviously. Now, who are you?” 

The person grinned further. “The name's Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker. Am I a cat? Am I a purrrson? A mimsy borogove, perhaps? A mome rath with a knack for magic?” 

Ace starred warrily. “Alright Ar… Art… Run that name by me again?” 

The person continued smiling. “Call me Che’nya. Let’s just say I’m not from this side of the looking glass.” 

Ah, they don’t even go to NRC. 

As Al watched Ace and Che’nya bicker, she picked up on three things. 1: Che’nya knew Riddle. 2: Trey knew why Riddle was like this. 3: All three were childhood friends, and Riddle’s been like this for a while. 

That meant it was time for an ambush. 

****

Trey was in the library with a throbbing cheek, and anxiety in his head. Riddle was becoming worse and worse, and Trey wasn’t sure what he was going to do. It didn’t help that for the first time in Riddle's life, his magic didn’t work on someone, and they had openly opposed him. Not even the nurse could fix the slap the Ed left with magic.

Something was seriously wrong with Ed. 

As he grabbed a book, he heard someone approaching him. “Hello Trey.” 

Trey jumped. He was expecting someone, just not the whole group. “You five!” 

Al smiled ‘politely’ at him. “How’s that cheek?”

“We don’t agree with how Riddle is handling all this.” Deuce started. 

“Is it true you’ve been pandering to Riddle since childhood?!” Ace finished, glaring at him. 

Trey stepped back in shock. “Who told you that?!” 

“Che’nya.” Ed stated. “Why haven’t you told Riddle off? You’re supposed to be his friend or something.” 

Trey shook his head. “I do when I need to. This situation doesn't call for it.”

Ace glared at him. “Why not?!” 

And well, they deserved to know. Trey told them everything. Who Riddle’s parents were, what his mom did to riddle, the rules, the plans, everything.  

When he was done, he was met with several different expressions. Ace spoke up first, nodding. “I get it now. It’s your fault Riddles like this.” Everyone yelled in surprise, except the Elrics who nodded along. 

“I agree with Ace, this is on you.” Ed said sternly. “You knew what Riddle’s home life was like and didn’t challenge it at all. Of course he’s like this, it’s all he’s known.” 

Ace crossed his arms. “You're letting him make a pariah of himself! So why don’t you say anything ?! Are you afraid of losing your head too? That’s pathetic ! You guys are childhood friends? Then act like it.” 

Trey inhaled sharply. Fuck, they might have a point-

“YOU THERE! BE QUIET! YOU’RE IN A LIBRARY!” Ah, Crowley. 

****

Crowley approached the loud group, with a huff. Honestly, the nerve to be so loud in a library- “Yer yellin louder than any of us though!” Grim yowled.

“Oh!” Crowley straightened up. “My apologies. But let us be quiet as not to disturb others.” 

Eden raised a golden brow and the sun hit her hair ( ShinyShinyShinyGoldenBaby-). “And what are you doing here?” 

“I am researching ways to bring you back home like I promised I would. Oh, I’m so gracious! The library is perfect for such things, and I’m definitely not here to read the new book in a popular novel series! No, certainly not.” 

Eden and Alphonse looked thoroughly disappointed in him, and Crowley moved to distract them. “ Anyway , what are you talking about with such grim faces?”

Chapter Text

Ed watched Crowley and Ace converse about… something to do with duels? She stopped listening after the third minute and started shifting through the books. Ed had already read 1/2 of the library, but there’s still some books she hadn’t read yet, and that would simply not stand. Ed grabbed a book and handed another to Al who had joined her at this point. 

‘ This one’s about how to fix appliances. Very interesting.’ 

‘ Yeah, we’re probably gonna need this-’

“Uhh, Ed? What’re you doing?” Ace asked.

“Hm? Oh, I’m reading. Just give me the rundown of what plan you’ve got so far.”  She flipped a page. “Something about a… duel? Didn’t know those were legal here or I’d do them more often.”

Al huffed a laugh. “You’d just fist fight people who are being dicks? You do that anyway .”

“Yeah, good point. But at least it’d get everyone off my back.” Ed joked. 

“Right… Well the plan is to duel Riddle for the seat of housewarden so he’ll take our collars off.” Deuce informed. “It’ll be a magic duel, so we need more of a plan.” 

Ed snorted. “No shit, you're going to need a plan. Based on what I know of this… magic, is that he’s at least ahead of you by a whole year. ” 

Ace frowned. “Well, what do you suggest we do to up our chances?” 

Ed grinned. “Isn’t it obvious? To get your chance from 5% to 15%, there’s one thing that never fails. You fight dirty.” 

****

Ace shifted around the yard of Ramshackle. Deuce took some convincing, but Ed argued that it wasn’t breaking the rules, just bending them. Ace wasn’t sure how they were going to accomplish that with magic, but he was open to everything. 

Ed paced in front of them. “Why do you think I brought you out here?”

Deuce looked confused. “To… teach us?” 

Al frowned. “No, why did she decide to teach you out here?”

After a moment or two of quiet, Ed sighed. “What is present in every fight?” 

Deuce rubbed his chin. “Fists…? No, magic…?” 

Ace also was stumped. Each fight was different, and Ace had a feeling the answer wasn’t emotion. 

But what could that have to do with where they are-

“Oh! Environment!” Deuce yelled excitedly. Oh, yeah. That makes more sense.  

Ed beamed. “Good! Now, why is environment important?”  

“Because it changes how you fight?” Deuce cautiously said. 

“I thought you were supposed to be an ex-delinquent Deuce. That’s clean fight talk.” Al snarked. 

Are they suggesting what Ace thinks they are?

“No, if you want to fight to win, you change the environment.” Ed grinned ferally. “No one expects it. Sure, it’s not ‘clean’ but imagine this is a fight to survive. You need to take every shot you can.” 

****

Ed woke up at five again. Another dream, and the last one came true as well. So something was going to happen during this duel or after, and it wasn’t going to be pretty. 

‘ And I’ve still got no lead. Maybe it’s time for… the internet .’ 

‘ Very well. We will bring Al for this endeavor. But first: Breakfast. Something energizing and filling.’ 

Oatmeal ( with brown sugar and cinnamon of course ) with fruits it is!

Grim woke up first, clearly still tired but wanting to eat. “Henchman… Feed me.” 

“That’s the plan, Grim. I have a feeling we’ll need energy today- Oh good morning Al! Today’s gonna probably be hell!” 

Al took the bowl. “Mm. As long as it gets Ace out,  I don’t care.” 

“Not Deuce?”

“No, I'm fine with her.” 

****

Riddle thought this whole duel nonsense was pointless. He knew he was going to win extremely quickly, and his rule would be absolute once more. He doubted whatever those two had planned could even come close to comparing to the training he had done his entire life. 

Mother made sure of it after all. 

Riddle removed the collars. “Enjoy your brief moment of freedom, it will be back on soon enough. I can hardly believe you actually are trying this. Is this a joke?” 

Ace grinned. “Nah, I’m 100% serious.”

Deuce glared. “If you’re gonna fight it’s never a joke.” 

Eden grinned warningly behind them. Alphonse smiled politely. 

“Uh…Riddle, what about the tea party at 4? It’s 3:30.” 

“Well, let’s end this quickly. I will do both opponents in succession.” 

His subjects cheered his name, and Riddle smirked. They got it, so why were these two being so difficult ? 

Headmage Crowley cleared his throat. “Ready… Go!”

Riddle prepared his ultimate spell, ready to get rid of their magic, but almost fell. “Ice…?” He barely managed to dodge the spell his way before falling. He swiftly got back up and collared them both instantly. His face was red from embarrassment from falling, and he felt his blood boil. “Hmph! You didn’t even last 20 seconds! That was all you had, and still you thought to challenge me? You must be utterly humiliated. I guess my mother was right. A man who cannot follow rules is a man who cannot achieve anything.” 

Deuce scowled. “Rules have reason, but following your nonsensical rules that only you demand to be followed is tyranny!” 

Riddle scoffed. “Then you agree that breaking rules is wrong. And in this dorm, I AM the rules. Therefore, those who cannot abide by my decisions deserve not the heads they use to complain!” 

Eden laughed. Hard. “Oh, you claim that only you get to do whatever you please because you enforce the rules.” She abruptly stopped. “Don’t make me laugh. Are you God? Why should you get to play judge, jury and executioner? Even further, you claim that they don’t deserve their heads, and yet: You’ve yet to kill a single person. When it comes to tyranny, you fail at even that.” 

Riddle felt his face turn red. “I am the one who decides what is wrong and right! What sort of pitiful education have you received, that you cannot follow such simple rules?” Eden looked angry but Alphonse looked downright murderous. He continued. “Clearly, you were born to parents with no great magical capability. And as a result...You lack even the basic education necessary to attend a school such as this. It's quite sad.” 

Eden looked like he killed someone in front of her, and Alphonse was trying to calm her down despite not looking good himself-

Riddle felt a crushing pain from his cheek and put his hand up there instinctively. 

“ YOU SHUT YOUR SPOILED LITTLE MOUTH! YOU KNOW NOTHING OF WHAT THOSE TWO HAVE BEEN THROUGH!” Ace had hit him. Hard.  

“W-What?” Riddle asked, dazed. 

Deuce looked disgusted with him. “They’re orphans. Ed had to raise Al after their mother died.” 

Riddle felt bile rise in his throat as Alphonse glared at him while hugging Eden, turning her away from him. “When Brother’s done having a panic attack, I’m going to kill your rule obsessed ass.”

Chapter Text

It’s been a long time since Ace felt as angry as he did, but Riddle really pushed it. Ace was a dick, he knew that, Deuce knew that, everyone knew that. But Ed was a good person- like, really good. She didn’t deserve that shit. Ace wasn’t the smartest around, but even he could see the signs. Ed and Al had had a rough life, one where Ed took most of the damage. Deuce had noticed also, the way Ed always walked in front of Al, as if to stop or slow down attacks that were never going to happen. 

Riddle had no right to say that shit to them. “I’m done. Fuck Riddle, Fuck this duel, I’m done .” 

Riddle was still reeling. “I-What? You hit me?”

“Kids aren't trophies for their parents to flaunt! And the accomplishments of a child aren't determined by the worth of their parents. It's not your parents' fault you became a tyrant - or anyone else's . You've been here a year and haven't even made a friend who will tell you you're outta line! And that's on you . Yeah, maybe you had a shitty fucking mom who made OCD look like a vacation. But are you just an extension of her? You can’t even think for yourself!”

Riddle looked red, but Ace was on a roll . “You ain’t a ‘red sovereign’, you're just a baby who’s good at magic.”

****

Ed had managed to calm down with the combined efforts of Al and Truth and was now watching the chaos unfold. She didn’t mean to freak out like that, but something about those words dragged her right back to that basement. 

‘ You had to learn Eden.’

‘I know, but it’s still one of my worst memories.’ 

Ed watched Riddle become redder and redder. He was on the edge, as shown by yelling. “Shut up, shut up, shut UP! My mother was right! And that means I'm right too! ” Yikes, talk about delusional. Crowley and Trey were trying to calm him down-

Oh shit, is that what Ed thinks it is?

‘ Oh, YES.’

An egg hit Riddle. Right on the fucking head . 

Ed felt herself laugh. Hard. Al joined her, and Truth was roaring with laughter. Even Grim found this whole situation funny. 

“ OH FUCK- AL! LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE!”

“ He looks so fucking stupid, oh Truth- ” 

‘ BWAHAHA- NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!’

“He looks like he choked on some tuna!” 

Riddle was bright red. Like, glowing neon red. “ Heh heh... Ah ha ha ha! You say YOU'RE fed up?! I'M the one who's fed up with all of YOU! No matter how strict I am, no matter how many heads I remove, you keep breaking the rules! All any of you care about is doing what YOU want to do!” Yeah, no shit, this whole situation makes anarchy look like the best invention ever made. 

“If the guilty party won't come forward, then I'll pass judgment on all of you! Clearly, none of you value your heads! Off With Your Heads!” 

‘ He’s losing it. Whatever common sense this red rulebreaker had is gone.’ 

Yeah, Ed figured, considering Riddle was laughing like a villain. 

****

Deuce looked around at the chaos unfolding in worry. Ed had calmed down, (clearly as he had just heard her and Al laughing) but Riddle was becoming angrier and angrier, and Ace was just making things worse. Not that Deuce blamed him, but this was getting out of hand. 

“ Quite a scene that he’s causing, don’t you agree?”

Deuce jumped a bit. “Truth?! What are you doing?” 

Truth stretched Ed’s face further into a grin. Deuce just noticed, but she didn’t have any pupils and her eyes were glowing brightly. “ Oh, just to try something while that Red Rulebreaker is focused on something else. He’s so focused on the others he won’t notice this.” 

“Notice wha-” Two glowing golden hands wrapped around his collar and easily tore it off.

“ I figured. I can remove it because it's partly my job to pass judgment, not Eden’s.” Truth explained. “ Oh, it looks like the green haired one figured out that their abomination of alchemy can be used for things other than changing flavors.” 

Oh, Trey had turned the roses into cards. 

****

Al could see a mental breakdown coming from a mile away, and right now Riddle was having one. Al normally would leap with joy and glee at this (Riddle deserved it after what he put Brother through), but he was endangering others. Thankfully Trey had done some bullshit to stop Riddle’s ‘magic’ (Insane, these people were insane-) . 

Unfortunately, this did not stop Riddle. Damn . “What? Was my magic overwritten by yours ? Does that mean your signature spell is stronger than mine?! ” 

Trey spoke at the same time as Al. “Of course it doesn't. Riddle, take a deep breath and listen to us.”

“Yes.” 

“ Al, not helping.” 

Riddle ignored them. “Are YOU going to tell me that I'm wrong too? After all I've done to protect the rule of law?! Do you know how much I've suffered for this?! I... I refuse to believe this!” 

Crowley tried stopping Riddle, but Al knew already that it was far too late. The energy surrounding Riddle was becoming sharp and tense. 

“But... I'm right! I'M the one who's right! There is NO! POSSIBLE! ALTERNATIVE!” 

Here we go.

****

Ed blinked. Did… Did Riddle just transform? He could do that? Can he do that? Although….

“Honestly? Work . That fit fucks.” 

‘ I agree. The Ink drips everywhere are a wonderful touch, and the black and red contrast nicely.’ 

“The dominos on the skirt are very nice.” Al agreed. “But the design is too busy for me.”

“I like it. A lot of details for me to take in.” Ed defended. “Like um…. Gothic era buildings! Lots of details! Very busy, and I like it!” 

“Not that it isn’t good that you're being positive right now, but Ed? We have BIGGER problems right now!” Ace interrupted. 

“Oh yeah, this is probably bad, huh.”

Chapter Text

Grim didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t think that humans were meant to transform and start spouting about how they are law. Based on Crowley's reaction, he was gonna guess no. “Dear me, what have I done? I’ve allowed a student to overblot in my presence!” 

Grim blinked. That’s a new term. “Overblot? What does that mean?”

“ Yes, please explain.” Oh Truthed was here.

Crowley squawked in surprise. “Eden?! What’s going on-” 

“ You were explaining overblot. That is more important than what is going on with us.” 

Crowley shook his head. “Right! Overblot is a dangerous condition that mages must avoid at all costs. At the moment, he is overcome by negative energy, and has lost control of his magic and emotions.” 

“ Ah. See, this is why your ‘magic’ is bound to fail. Is there a way to scientifically track this? There is no structure and so it is doomed for situations like this to occur.”

“Truthed, can we lecture later? I still don’t know what that means.” Grim complained. 

“Neither do I!” Deuce agreed. 

“In layman's terms, he’s in evil berserker mode!” Cater yelled. 

“If he keeps releasing magical energy, we could be looking at a loss of life here - his included.” Trey further explained.

Oh. That's uh, not good. Like, really not good. 

****

Ace could hear Crowley explaining things distantly in the background. “The well-being of my students is my top priority. Therefore, I must evacuate them immediately. As for Mr. Rosehearts, we must restore his consciousness before his magical energy runs dry. For as bad as losing him would be, there are scenarios that are far worse…Listen well: I need all of you to seek help from the other housewardens and members of the faculty-” Ace stopped listening at that point, redying his magic pen. Deuce quickly got the memo.

Ace summoned his wind. “TAKE THAT!”

“I summon thee, cauldron!” Deuce situated right on Riddle’s head. 

Riddle growled at them in his distorted voice. “What do you think you are doing you fools?!” 

“ Oh? We see. You caught onto it huh?” Truthed laughed.

“Um hello? 9-1-1? We've got an idiot emergency!” Cater yelled.

“Bad things are happening to him right?!” Grim yelped. 

“ Yes, that’s why they’re doing it. They plan to knock him out so his energy is forcibly cut off. A solid plan you two.” 

“I’m not gonna stop until I get an apology!” Ace yelled. 

“ Ha! Yes, that is in line with your actions thus far. Well, let us join as well. We have some steam we need to blow off. Alphonse?”

Al blinked. “Hm?”

“ Will you be joining us?”

Al grinned. “I said I was gonna kill him. And while I can’t do that, I can kick the shit out of him.” 

****

Cater would like the record to show that he is NOT having a good time. He already didn’t want to join this fight against Riddle, and also he wasn’t really sure what was going on with Ed. But he’s gonna wager it was not good.

Cater didn’t even see the attack headed his way until it was too late-

“ Not so fast.”

Ed had intercepted it. “ Tsk, Tsk. Is that all you have?” 

Riddle roared in anger. “HOW DARE YOU STOP MY REIGN?! MY LAWS?! MY MAGIC?!”

“Oh, easily. They were never going to affect us regardless. Not when Truth has decided otherwise. Your so-called ‘magic’ was never going to work. Not on us. Not on Eden either. You haven't paid your toll. None of you have. Thus, it is not equivalent.”

Ed(?) grinned further. “ Tell us, do you know why Truth’s rules work while yours never will? Truth has only one law. Equivalent exchange. You can not create from nothing, thus: something of equal value must be exchanged and lost. Simple. Easy . Only one rule, one you can easily remember and are free to do what you want otherwise.” 

Cater felt his eyes widen in realization. That’s why no magic worked on Ed. Truth (whoever that is) didn’t recognize it as equivalent, and so it didn’t affect Ed. But why did it partially affect Al? 

And what the fuck was going on with Ed?!

****

Al was in position for the finishing blow. It was the tried and true technique: Throw Brother in the air so she can use her metal leg to push all that force onto the subject in question. And Al was more than willing to bet that the ink monster behind Riddle’s glass head would easily shatter.  The other had already done enough damage and were providing distraction so Brother’s (Truthed’s) jump would be unimpeded. This was a simple fight. It didn’t even have a need for any alchemy. 

As Brother stepped back, ready for the run up, Al could hear Riddle's distorted voice. “I am absolutely, positively right - beyond any possible shadow of a doubt! I have to be! Otherwise, what was any of it for...?!” 

As Al tossed Brother into the air to land the blow Al sighed. The poor fool, he didn’t realise one of the most tragic lessons of life. 

Sometimes (a lot of the time actually), suffering isn’t there to better you. It’s just there. 

****

Riddle blinked around the white space he had found himself in. Where… was he? He doesn't remember how he got here.

“ The Red Rulebreaker awakens.”

“Truth, he just had a mental breakdown.” 

Riddle snapped his head to… two Edens? Well, one was glowing with no pupils and a far too big grin and the other looked normal. “I-What? I don’t understand what’s going on.” 

Normal Eden sighed. “Damn, I was hoping you could give some insight to this situation. Truth? You got anything?”

Truth(?)’s grin turned into a frown. “ No. I think it has something to do with how your brain waves are different Eden.” 

“Who…Who is that?” Riddle asked, pointing at Truth(?).

Truth grinned again. “ The better question is what. I am the universe. I am everything. I am Nothing. I am all at once and not at all. I am god, and I am also you.”

Truth leaned forward, grinning all the while. “ And right now, this part of me is in Eden. She always was my favorite, you know.  But it looks like we’re about to see a film starring you.”

Chapter Text

Ed watched Kid Riddle talk to their mom and holy shit, this persons a massive bitch. “Riddle, I have known your mother for less than 1 minute and I already hate him.” 

Grown Riddle blinked but looked back at the memory. “I’d always… wanted to try those strawberry tarts. They looked… so delicious.”  

The scene shifted and now Riddle’s mom was shutting a book. “Your homework is to read the first fifty pages of the philosophy of language book referenced in today's magical philosophy texts. You may now have one hour of independent study before your potionology lesson.” 

Ed groaned. “Ughhh. Just listening to this makes me want to bash my skull in. How did you not go insane?!” 

Riddle shrugged. “It was… My normal.”

Truth snorted. “ I’m not even human and I know that that’s not normal.” 

Ed pointed. “Oh, Look! You're getting friends! That’s good right? Little Riddle, Trey and Che’nya are playing together, so cute!” 

Riddle smiled wistfully. “I had the best time playing with Trey and Che'nya. We did so many things I'd never done before. They taught me lots of things I didn't know. After that, I snuck out of my room every day to play with them during independent study time.” 

“See, there you go! Ah- why do I have a feeling this won’t end well?” Ed pondered. 

Truth frowned. “ Because it doesn't. Look.” Truth pointed to Little Riddle eating a slice from a strawberry tart. “ The child has lost track of time and now must face that failure of a mother’s wrath.” 

Ed watched as Riddle’s mother locked them into a room with a frown. “He took away the one good thing you had, huh.” 

Riddle started crying. “She took away my favorite part of my day, and so I vowed to never break the rules again. After all, she was the most decorated doctor, so she had to be correct…right? But…” 

Riddle was sobbing now. “Why does it hurt so much? I want to eat a tart! It’s my birthday! Can I not just have something once? I want to play with other kids, make friends, go outside- I want to live!”  

Ed brought them into a hug, and Riddle was still crying. “What rules should I follow to be happy? ” 

Ed sighed. “There are none. Being happy is something you have to decide for yourself. You must get up on your legs, and walk forward. No one can tell you to do that. You must do it yourself.”

****

Riddle eventually calmed down after Eden held him for a while. “Thank you.” 

Eden shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

“ Seriously, don’t. Eden does this a lot.” 

Riddle looked around. The surrounding area had turned into a countryside with a house in the distance. “Where…Are we now?” 

“Mother fucker, of course it wouldn’t be that easy.” Eden cursed.

“ Equivalent exchange Eden. Something was taken and now you have to give.” Truth said simply.

“Uhm… I don't understand.” Riddle softly said.

“Well, since we saw your mother related Trauma and now we get to see mine. ” 

A young Eden and Alphonse were running up to a woman who was folding laundry. “Mom! Look what we made!” The two children lifted up toy ponies, beaming all the while. 

The woman smiled. “My, you two are smart! Just like-” She cut herself off at Eden's glare. “Well, nevermind. I’m so proud of you regardless. Now, who can hang up the most clothes?”

“I can!” Alphonse yelled.

“No, Me!” Eden grabbed a sheet. 

“What was she going to say?” Riddle asked.

Eden shrugged. “Something about us reminding her of the Deadbeat. Walked out when I was 6 and Al was 4.” 

“ I raised her more than he did and I’m not even on the same plane of existence.” Truth pointedly said. 

The scene shifted abruptly. It was raining, and everyone was wearing black, standing in front of a grave. “ Oh… ” Riddle quietly said. He watched as a young Eden comforted her younger brother. “How old were you?” 

“Eight. We found Teacher not too long after, and she was also like a mother figure towards us. But, when we weren’t at her house or Granny’s, we were on our own.” Eden kicked a rock. “Deadbeat didn’t even show up for the funeral.” 

Riddle looked around the new area. It looked to be a basement, and Eden stiffened quickly. “Ah… Riddle, you might want to close your eyes.” Riddle shook his head, but Eden was insistent. “Riddle, it’s going to get ugly. I would highly recommend it.” 

Riddle watched young Eden and Alphonse drawing a circle. “What were you trying to do?” 

“My original sin. Trying to bring my mother back from the dead.” 

Riddle could only watch helplessly as Eden met Truth, and had her leg ripped off. And then when she came back only to see that Alphonse was gone, what she did next. “What….?”

“I warned you. It was not a pretty lesson to learn, and Al got hurt because of my selflessness.”

“But… you were just a kid!”

“It doesn't matter.” Truth boomed. “ My rule is simple and absolute. There can be no exceptions. No matter who it is or why . You can’t accidentally break my rule. You have to go out of your way to do so. Just like Eden and Alphonse went out of their way to try and bring their mother back.” 

“Roy Mustang.” Eden flatly said.

“ That was a strange case and you know that.”

“Still took away her vision. You could’ve not.”

“ The toll had to be paid!”

“But with her vision?!”  

“Uhm.. Why’s everything breaking?” Riddle interrupted the bickering.

Eden looked around. “Well shit. I’m gonna wager that’s because we’re waking up. See you on the other side! Don’t be a dick when you wake up!” 

****

Ed blinked her eyes open. 

‘ Back in the real world. ’ 

‘ Yup.’ 

“Brother! Are you feeling okay?!” Al.

“Riddle! Wake up please!” Trey. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Ed grumbled.

Riddle also started coming to. “Mngh..”

“See? We’re fine.”  

An ‘eye of god’ appeared on the ground. “Oh- Everyone stand back please.” Ed warned. 

‘ This appears to be a running theme.’ 

‘Who’s it gonna be this time-’

Ed’s thoughts were interrupted by something running into her with a tackle, along with a loud yell. 

“ MAMA!”

“EDEN ELRIC-YAO-CURTIS, DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I’VE BEEN-”

Chapter Text

Ace watched as Ed was hugged by a kid who was calling her Mama and as a grown woman was lecturing her and sighed. It looks like Ed’s just fine. He turned his attention to a Trey who was trying to coddle Riddle. “Yo, that's just the sort of coddling that led to him going nuts in the first place! Now the garden is torn up from the floor up, not to mention that we could've died!” 

Deuce nodded in agreement. “Ace is right. It was looking bad for a while.” 

“Geeze, when you humans build up stress it really isn’t pretty huh?” Grim snarked. 

Riddle sniffed. “The truth is, I... I really wanted to eat the chestnut tart.”

Ace blinked. “Huh?” 

Riddle continued. “And I don't care if the roses are white, or the flamingos are pink. And I prefer honey to sugar cubes in my tea, and I like milk tea better than lemon tea anyhow. And after a meal, I want to be the one sitting around talking with everyone…” Riddle started sniffling, turning to Trey. “And I really wanted to play with you and Chenya more, Trey…” 

Oh great, here comes the water works.

“You think a few crocodile tears will make me forgive you?!” Ace demanded. 

“Ace, c’mon man.” Deuce tried.

Trey sighed. “Riddle, I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice you were suffering. That being said, you owe everyone here an apology.” 

“I-I’m sorry.” Riddle sniffed. 

Yeah, no that’s not nearly good enough.

****

Ed was only half paying attention to what Ace was doing to Riddle, but it was probably fine. She had more important things to focus on right now, like Nina for example. 

“I missed you sweetheart. I’m glad you're okay.”

Nina rubbed her head against her. “I missed you too Mama. I missed you sooooo much!”

“Yeah, way to give me grey hairs, Ed.” Teacher snorted. “Glad to see you and Al are alright though.” 

Al snickered. “Oh Teacher, they’re so stupid here! Thinking they can use ‘ magic’ !” 

Teacher groaned. “ Great. We’re far from home with crackpots.” She snapped to Crowley. “ You.” 

“ Eek ! I mean- Yes?” Crowley squealed. 

“Do you have an alchemy class?” Teacher demanded. 

“I-Yes, Crewel keeps complaining that he can't teach alchemy and potionology however-” 

“I’m the new teacher. I’ll send you my rates.” 

Al sighed. “Those poor kids… Having your entire world view shattered.” 

Ed snickered. “Nah, they probably need it- Nina honey can you shift slightly? Your tail keeps hitting a scrape.” 

“Oh! Sorry Mama!”

“Wait- did that kid just call Ed Mama ?” Ace interrupted. Everyone went quiet.

“Yeah..?” Ed said, confused. “I mean she is my kid, so….” 

“ YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER?!”  

“Did you humans not know this?” Grim asked. 

“You did?!” Deuce yelled. 

“Nah nah nah, forget my makeup unbirthday party and tart, I want answers to this yesterday. ” Ace demanded. 

“ #What?! ” Cater yelled. 

“Ed, you're 16 , who let you take care of a 6 year old-” Trey worried. 

“Like any of us could actually stop her.” Teacher snorted.

“And you are..?” Riddle asked.

“Izumi Curtis. Although Ed and Al just call me Teacher.” She grinned.

****

Riddle blinked through his slightly glassy eyes at the woman before him. Mrs. Curtis was the woman who Eden said helped take care of them after her mother had passed. She seemed like a strong willed, intelligent woman, who was tough as nails. But as Mrs. Curtis looked at Eden and Alphonse, Riddle could see something else. Something he once thought he saw in his own mothers eyes.

Love. 

“Mrs. Curtis?” Riddle croaked.

“Hm? What’s up kid?” She turned around. “Geez, you're looking rough. Go to a hospital or infirmary.” 

“I-I will Ma’am. Is it true you took care of Eden and Alphonse after their mom died?” 

She looked fond. “Yeah, I love those brats. Found me first, and demanded I teach them. They were such a riot I simply had to agree. Smart kids, those two. Good heads on their shoulders. Although I really wish Ed would let herself be a kid more often.” 

“I see.” Riddle looked at Eden who was holding her daughter. Despite being slightly injured, she was tossing and playing with her child and their dog like there was no tomorrow. “She’s a good mom.”

Mrs. Curtis beamed. “Yup! She loves that kid, probably more than she loves herself. Cute kid, Nina. Good one too. I love my grandchild.”

Riddle looked at the beaming little girl with a twinge in his chest. “Trey?”

“Yes Riddle?” 

“I think I’m jealous of a 6 year old.” 

****

Izumi walked up to the house that Ed had fixed, looking it over. Not bad. “Good job, Ed.” 

Ed sighed out in relief. “Oh thank Truth . C’mon Nina, it passed inspection.” 

Nina shouted in glee. “YAY! C’mon Bao, let’s go explore!” 

Al blinked. “Did you warn them about the ghosts?”

“ Ghosts?!” Izumi yelled. “Fucking ghosts?!”

“ Shit , no.” Ed sighed. “Also, yeah I’m not pleased about it either, and Truth is pissed as hell.” 

“They're annoying, that’s what they are.” Grim frowned. “Keep pulling on my tail.” 

“Well, thanks for the warning I guess.” She sighed, rubbing her head. “Anyway Ed, tell me all you know about this world, no matter how stupid it is.” 

****

“This is bullshit.”

“We know Teacher, we know .” 

****

Nina ran around the house with Bao in excitement. So many new smells! And this place had Mama and Big Brother Al’s scent everywhere, wrapping her in safety. Not to mention, the floating white things were nice too!

Her tail was wagging fast. “C’mon Bao, let’s go into the garden!”

Bao boofed back. ‘ Sounds good Nina!’ 

“Shouldn’t ya ask Ed if you can?” A voice drawled. 

Nina turned sharply. Ah! It was the talking cat Mama called Grim. “You’re Grim! Hi, I’m Nina!” 

Grim smirked. “That’s right, I’m the great Grim. And I know your name already, my henchman told me. Not so sure what’s so great about you yet.”

Nina giggled. “Oh, I see why you're great now. You're so smart! Hey, why don’t you come play with us? I’m sure we can find some flowers Mama would like, and I bet you're great at finding them!” 

Grim puffed out her chest. “You're damn right I’m the best at finding flowers! Let’s go knock Ed’s socks off!”

Chapter Text

Ed tied Nina’s bow on her head with a smile. “Alright, the only rule I have is to not reach over the table or spill things on purpose. Beyond that, go crazy.” 

Nina nodded with a beam. “Do me and Bao look pretty?” 

Ed looked over at the Chow Chow, who was proudly wearing a bow, and smiled. “You two look great.”

‘ Cute.’  

“ Henchmannn , how do I tie my bow?” Grim whined.

“I don’t know, why did you eat that black rock when I told you not to? ” 

‘ I remember that, it was disgusting. You practically had your arm down their throat.’

‘Don’t remind me.’ 

“IT WAS TASTY! ” Grim yelled. “NOW PLEASE TIE MY BOW, I NEED TO SHOW UP RIDDLE!” 

Al walked over, tying it for Grim cooing all the while. “Of course, you’re way cuter than Riddle will ever be.” 

Ed huffed. “Still ate that rock, even after I tried fishing it out. Al, you're spilling her way too much.”

“Am not!” Al argued. 

“You are, but we’ll argue later. I don’t wanna be late.” 

Teacher leaned in the doorway. “Have fun!” She waved the group off. “I have a meeting with Crowley.” 

****

Riddle watched as Eden carefully wiped the crumbs from Nina’s face before softly asking her what she would like next. It was an incredibly soft scene, and Cater was about to snap a photo of it-

“Cater. I sure hope you're not about to take a picture of my child without even asking. ” 

Cater blinked. “I… Was going to censor her face..?” 

Eden glared. “You're going to ask.” 

“Can I take a picture as long as I censor her face?” Cater nervously asked.

Eden glared for a minute longer. “You will not mention her by name either.” 

“Of course not!” Cater assured. 

“Yeah alright.” Eden shifted her attention to the dog (Riddle was told his name was Bao) “I can’t offer you most of this stuff, but how bout some quiche?” 

Bao boofed, and Riddle translated in his head. ‘ Yes please Ma’am!’ 

Riddle poured some tea for himself. “Ah, is Nina's father a beastman?” 

Eden blinked. “No. Nina technically isn’t one either- Don’t ask, you don’t wanna know. ” 

Deuce was counting on his fingers. He paused, face full of shock as he did the math. “Wait, so you had her when you were 10?! ”

“ Also no, I’ve only had Nina for about 2 years.” Eden calmly explained before turning to her brother. “Oh, Al do you want some of this?” 

“Yes please.” Alphonse said.

Oh, so Nina was adopted. That made more sense. 

Riddle brought out the tart he had made according to instruction. “Ahem. I have the replacement tart, as requested.” 

Ace grinned. “Finally! And don’t go complimenting him yet Trey, we haven’t even tried it first!” 

Cater stopped him. “ WAIT ! I need to take a pic first!” 

Ace sighed. “I see you still haven’t changed. Alright let’s dig in!” 

Riddle watched with rapt attention, as everyone took a bite-

Well Eden tried, but Nina stopped her mother’s hand. 

Riddle flicked his eyes back over to everyone else as their face’s shifted to shock. 

Deuce spoke first. “This is kinda…”

Alphonse yelled out. “ BLEH ! SALTY! I WASN’T EXPECTING IT- OH TRUTH I WASN’T EXPECTING IT- ”

Riddle was confused. “What?!”

Ace continued. “Yeah, It’s not kinda salty, it’s a full on salt lick. What did you put in this?!”  

Riddle rubbed his chin. “But that’s impossible! I followed the rules exactly, and measured everything precisely ! Unless.. Ah! Could it be… the oyster sauce?!”

“ YOU PUT OYSTER SAUCE IN IT? WHAT, DID YOU PUT IT IN YOUR TEA TOO?!” Alphonse yelled at him.

“ Thank you Nina.” Eden whispered gratefully. 

Nina beamed. “I could smell the fishiness.” 

“But Trey said that oyster sauce is an unlisted secret ingredient in all tarts! He said all the finest bakers use it…” Riddle explained. He followed the directions to a T!

“And you believed him?!” Ace yelled.

“Ace you fell for it too, I don’t wanna hear it.” Alphonse growled. “ Oyster sauce, what kind of idiot…”  

****

Al watched Riddle defend himself to Cater and scowled. Ugh, she still couldn’t get the taste out of her mouth.

“It's an unlisted ingredient! How could I measure it if he wouldn't tell me how much to put in?!” That should’ve been your first clue, you fool. 

Well Trey found it funny. 

Al did not.

“Nina, why didn’t you warn me too?!” Al asked.

Nina shrugged. “I could only save one of you and I was already on Mama’s lap.” 

“You just love her more.” Al accused.

“I mean yeah , she’s my mama.” Nina easily agreed.

“That's-” Al was going to argue but stopped, “No, yeah that’s fair.” She conceded.  

“Here Alphonse,” Riddle handed over some water. “This should help with the taste.”

Al looked at it suspiciously. “Did you put oyster sauce in that too?” 

“Wha- no! You saw me pour it!” Riddle yelped.

“ Did I?” 

****

Nina watched the party guests with a smile. They seemed so happy! Nina started sniffing the air, as did Bao. Someone was here, and they smelt like a… cat? Nina could track the person heading right for the table-

And then a head appeared. 

“Woah! Mama look!” 

“Hm? Oh hi Che’nya.” Mama said.

“Hello! Oh Trey, your treats are delicious as always.” Che’nya ate a whole macaroon. “Here pup, you simply must try this one.” 

Nina was handed a fruity smelling macaroon. “Mm! Pretty good!” 

Bao whined. ‘ I want some…’

“I’ll ask Mama to make you some meat when we get back!” Nina promised. 

Riddle glared at Che’nya. “Che’nya, what are you doing here? This unbirthday party is for Heartslabuyl residents only!” 

“What about them?” Che’nya pointed at her and her family.

“Favoritism.” Mama said. 

Grim noticed them, and pointed in anger. “ Hey! You're that weird semi-invisible cat guy from before! So you never told us - what dorm are you from?” 

The glasses person blinked. “Che’nya doesn't go to school here. He goes to our rival school, the Royal Swords Academy. ”

“ Called it . Hand it over Ace.” Mama held out her hand to the loud redhead who gave her some cash with a grumble.

Chapter Text

Crewel did not want to show up to the staff meeting, but alas, Crowley still signs his checks. He was expecting the usual spiel of Crowley dodging any and all responsibility, but was surprised when he saw a woman standing there. 

“Ah, Divus! Come in, Come in!” Crowley waved.

“Crowley. Who is she?” Crewel asked, sitting down. 

“She’s-”

“Izumi Curtis.” She interrupted plainly. “I’m a simple house wife, and the new alchemy teacher.” 

Crewel blinked. “You’re the… what ?” 

“She’s the new alchemy teacher.” Crowley explained. “She made a… convincing argument.” 

Crewel sighed. “Have you taught anyone before?”

Mrs. Curtis smirked. “Two kids. Ed and Al.”

Ah, that is quite an accomplishment. “Eden and Alphonse? Oh, do tell me, do they still like the outfits I gave them?”

She blinked. “Oh, wait . Are you Crewel?”

“Yes Mrs. I do believe so.” Crewel smiled. 

“Ah shit , my bad. My kids said you were kind to them, giving them those clothes free of charge, and I wanted to thank you.” She rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry. Say, may I ask a question?”

Mrs. Curtis blinked. “Sure, and please, just call me Izumi.”

“Well Izumi, how come all three of your alchemy is unlike ours in our textbooks?” Crewel questioned. What they called ‘alchemy’ was far more advanced than anything even hypothesized as possible. 

Hell, they were just turning things to gold.

Izumi snorted. “We’re not ahead, your ‘books’ are just laughably behind. Seriously, who needs any so-called ‘magic’ for alchemy? It’s a science , magic has no place there.”

Well, that explained… A lot about the Elrics actually. 

****

Vil walked into his Alchemy class expecting it to be the regular deal, only to be surprised when someone else was standing there. A woman in her mid to late 30’s was sitting at Crewel’s desk looking through the textbook with a scowl. She noticed the mob of students standing at the door confused and waved them in. “I don’t really care about schedules, but you should probably just come inside.” 

Vil sat down and heard the murmurs of his confused peers. Where was Crewel?

The woman stood up, slamming the book closed. “Alright, let’s get this over with. I am your new alchemy teacher Izumi Curtis. Let’s get one thing straight: You will not use your dinky little magic pens in this class, unless it’s to take notes. Alchemy is a strict science , one that leaves little room for any of your ‘magic’.” 

Murmurs escalated, but she continued on. “First things first: Your textbook? It is laughably outdated. You wont need it. Ever .” 

Vil raised his hand. “Miss?” 

Mrs. Curtis turned to him. “Yes uhhh-” She checked the list of names. “-Schoenheit?” 

“If I may, what do you know about alchemy? May we have a demonstration?” 

Mrs. Curtis grinned. “Not taking me at my word eh? Smart . Yeah, I’ll show you.” 

Mrs. Curtis produced a piece of chalk and started writing on the floor. She was fast, and Vil couldn’t even see what runes she was using-

Mrs. Curtis clapped her hands together, before touching the circle, and the floor groaned and shifted, rearranging itself into a giant hand. The classroom interrupted into confused shouts, and Vil felt himself lean forward as Mrs. Curtis turned to the class with a feral grin. “First alchemy lesson: I rearranged the atoms of the floor boards to turn it into this. This is permanent until I fix it, which I will do now. Alchemy is not just turning lead into gold- in fact I wouldn’t do that, it's terrible for the economy- It is understanding the fundamentals of the world around you and altering them. ” 

She stood back up at her desk, writing on the chalkboard “Here is your first homework/test. You have one month to tell me what this phrase means. If you can not solve it in that time, you will fail immediately. I can not teach you if you do not understand this.” 

On the chalkboard was the phrase: ‘All is One, One is All.’ 

Ignoring the loud shouts of outrage, Mrs. Curtis continued on. “Now, let’s begin with the basics…” 

Vil liked this woman already. 

****

Crewel watched as the first years walked in and sipped his tea. Ah, there’s the Elrics-

Why is there a little girl and a chow chow with them?!

“Elrics.” All three turned to him. Okay, so part of the same family. 

“Yes?”

“ Why is there a child and dog with you?” 

Eden walked up to his desk with little girl and dog in tow. “Say hi Nina.”

The little girl waved, tail wagging. “Hello! I’m Nina!”

Crewel blinked. “Pup, why do you have a pup?” 

“She’s my kid.” Eden said.

Crewel nodded. Okay, that made more sense. “Alright, see to it that they behave themselves in class. The dog too.”

Eden nodded and headed back to her seat.

Crewel fondly shook his head. Those puppies-

Wait. 

“Eden, you have a daughter?!”

****

After the shock wore off, Crewel went forward with teaching his class. The world doesn't stop just because there’s a surprise child, regardless of how fucking out of nowhere it is. Eden was paying attention, and that should be the end of it.

But his eyes shifted back over to the little beastman child. Nina was happily coloring with crayons, tail slightly wagging in joy. The chow chow was shown the paper and nodded. What a beautiful dog! He’s been exceptional all class! Crewel wishes he had his dog treats with him, he deserved the best ! Nina showed Eden the picture who quietly praised her while petting her head. Nina beamed and her tail picked up even more, and she was back to drawing.

Crewel smiled slightly. What good puppies! Eden clearly was raising her puppy well and with lots of love, there was nothing to be worried about. He just hopes she takes time for herself.

Chapter Text

Ed got out of bed with a groan. Another dream where something was trying to warn her. 

‘ When we get the chance…’

‘Yeah, yeah, Internet. Crewel’s been on my ass about getting a phone anyway.’ 

Ed looked at the clock. Huh, 5 AM. Usually, Nina would be up by now-

Ed heard a knocking noise. “Mama? Are you up?” Thereeee it is.  

She swung open the door. “Good morning Nina. Are you hungry?”

Nina nodded shyly. “My tummy wants food, and you told me to come find you when that happens.” 

Ed picked her up. “I did. Let’s go get breakfast. Bao, you want some too?”

Bao boofed in confirmation. 

Ed walked down, wondering what was she was going to make for breakfast-

Only for the sounds of pots and pans to come from the kitchen. 

Ed poked her head in- “Teacher?” 

Teacher stopped getting out the dishes. “Ah, Ed. Good morning! I’m just making the usual breakfast, you know, eggs, bacon, toast-” 

“I… was going to make breakfast.” Ed mumbled. 

Teacher raised a brow. “ No , you're not. You’re a kid Ed. As your parent, it’s my job to make sure you and Al grow, not yours. You already help out more than enough, alright?” 

Ed nodded, embarrassed. 

Teacher hummed in satisfaction. “ Good . Besides, you were never going to wake up before me anyway. I’m used to waking up at 4 for the butcher's shop.” 

‘ Damn, she’s good.’ 

****

Grim groaned as he was shaken awake by Ed. “Henchman, I was having a good dream…” 

Ed looked amused. “About beating Riddle?”

Grim nodded. “Yeah! Should’ve seen his face!” 

Ed chuckled warmly. “Well, it’s time to get up, we’ve got class after all. Teacher made breakfast, and Nina even helped make yours. She’s excited to see you eat it.” 

That caught Grim’s attention. “ Ehhh ? Really? Well let’s go Ed! I wanna see what she made!” 

Grim ran down the stairs, stopping at the table to see Nina and Bao sitting there excitedly. “Grim! We made you breakfast!” Nina beamed. Bao nodded. ‘ Yeah! Nina worked really hard!’  

Everyone else sitting there looked fond as Grim chowed down on the delicious food. “Delicious! Very good, the eggs are like clouds, and the ketchup drawn on it really ties it together!” He complimented.

Nina looked so happy, and surrounded by people who cared about him, Grim felt happy too. 

****

Ed was already getting a headache from the sheer amount of people in the cafeteria, and Al was getting antsy herself. Nina was covering her ears with a whine. 

Ace stopped a cafeteria ghost- This one was named Reginald (None of them had names and didn’t remember their old ones, so Ed had to get creative). “What’s with the crowd?” 

Reginald chuckled. “That famous bakery from out of town is serving up their goods. It only happens once a month! Their stock sells out fast, so you'd better hurry!”

‘ Probably not nearly as good as yours Eden. I hate all this noise.’ 

‘ Preaching to the choir, Truth. You're preaching to the choir.’  

“Everything looks so good, I’m gonna try and snag something!” Ace grinned.

Deuce also looked intrigued. “Wow, they seem popular! What do you guys think- Huh? Grim?” 

Ed looked down. There was no Grim.

“Mother fucker, of course this would happen. Nina, hold Mama’s book’s please.” 

“M’kay. Go get em’ Mama!”

****

After kicking the shit out of some students who were blocking her way, Ed felt a lot better actually. Plus a lot of the noise had started dying down, so that was also helping.

Grim was dancing, ignoring the trouble she just caused. “ Myahaha! I got the last deluxe grilled cheese! And I snagged two more things!” 

Nina tugged on Ed’s hand. “Mama?” 

Ed grinned at her. “Don’t worry, I snagged you a cinnamon roll, and Bao I also got you a sausage roll.” 

Bao and Nina’s tails picked up speed. 

“You didn’t grab me anything?” Al asked.

Ed raised her brow. “ Oh , are we suddenly eating things at bakeries now? Last I checked, you refuse to eat things if you don’t know who made it because, and I quote, ‘but what if they put in something I hate?’”

‘ Ironic, considering neither of you are particularly picky. Both of you would gladly eat a boot if there was nothing else.’

‘I mean, I’ve already eaten a boot, but Al would probably hate the texture.’ 

Al huffed. “I mean, yeah, but still.” 

****

Ruggie was in a pinch. Leona wanted a deluxe grilled cheese, and they were fresh out. Although…. 

Ruggie shifted his eyes on the cat dancing around with a grilled cheese. That’ll work. “Pardon me, friend. I see you were able to get your hands on the highly-prized deluxe cheese sandwich. Incredible!” 

The cat turned to him, but Ruggie also felt the girl’s eyes seer into him. His instincts were going haywire, warning him to not even try approaching her. 

It’s a good thing he just wanted the cat then. “Oh, I'm just a guy who really, really wanted to buy that sandwich you've got there, but arrived a smidge too late. Speaking of which, here's a proposition for you… Might you be willing to trade your deluxe grilled cheese for this very exciting hot dog bun?”

The little pup by the girl watched in curiosity- Ah, that’s why his instincts were going haywire then. The girl was a mother. 

Ruggie cast his signature spell, grinning all the while as he manipulated the cat’s body into giving up the sandwich. 

The pup giggled, but the mother just tilted her head in intrigue. 

Ehh, it probably won’t come back to bite him in the ass. It’s not like they knew it was him.

****

‘ So that was definitely the hyena’s fault.’

‘Oh, easily.’ 

“People here really play their hand early, huh Brother?” Al mused. 

Ed snorted. “These assholes aren’t slick in the slightest. ” 

“ My grilled cheeseeeee! Ed, they took my grilled cheese! Don’t listen to Ace, I would never give up food!” Grim cried.

“Oh, you handed it over fair and square!” Ace argued. 

No, she didn’t.

Chapter Text

Ed really didn’t want to talk to Crowley, but Deuce looked so sad that Ed had to cave. “It might have something to do with how to get you guys home Ed.”

‘ Doubtful.’

‘Not in this lifetime, no.’  

All the same, Deuce dragged her and Al along.

Crowley was standing staring out the window like the dramatic asshole he was when they came in. “Ah, wonderful. With the Heartslabyul incident in the past, I wanted to give you a proper debriefing. If you're all to become mages, it’s important you all know what happened.” 

“Overblot?” Deuce asked.

Crowley nodded. “Yes. I shall teach you about Blot-”

“Actually, me and Al already read up about this, can we just sit this one out?” Ed interrupted. 

Crowley blinked. “You know about how Blot is caused by using too much magic, and all the intricacies?” 

“ ‘What We Know About the Inky Demons: A Guide to Blot.’ By the Shrouds. Very helpful.” Ed said.

‘ I still don’t think that’s enough of a consequence, seeing as it’s completely avoidable.’

‘Yeah, does not justify shit.’ 

Crowley nodded hestantly. “Alright I suppose… But please stay as I instruct those three.” 

Ed shrugged, but moved to the corner with Al and Nina. At least she got to see this circus. 

****

Ed had managed to go through three hairstyles for Nina while she watched the braincell trio fight ghosts again. Nina was enjoying the attention at least, judging by her tail wagging. Bao whined, putting her head on Ed’s lap. “I love you Bao, but I don’t think that you’ll like your fur being braided.” 

Nina giggled. “ Pleaseeeee Mama? Bao promises she’ll be good!” 

Ed sighed. Well, two against one.

“Me next Brother!” Al demanded.

‘ Three. Three against one.’ 

“Spelldrive Tournament? What’s that?” Grim said, snapping Ed out of it. Spelldrive…. Ed could’ve sworn she read something about that. “Spelldrive… Spelldrive… I got nothing. Al?” 

Al shook her head. “Nothing here either. Sounds familiar though….” 

“What?! You guys don’t know about Spelldrive?!” Ace yelled. 

“It’s a world famous sport!” Deuce continued. 

“What part of ‘not a part of this world’ do you not understand?” Al snarked. 

Ed hummed. A sport…. 

‘ Bullshit Sport Ball maybe? That’s the only one we read about, but I didn’t bother with the name.’

‘That’s it!’

“Sport Ball, I remember it now.” Ed nodded. 

Al let out a quiet ohhh.

“It… Involves a disk actually.” Deuce kindly corrected.

“Sport Disk.” 

“No-” 

****

“ Henchmannnn , play with meeee .” Grim whined. He wanted to play, and he bets Ed and Al would be great! Not as good as him , but still good.

“No,” Ed refused. “Besides, Al already agreed- whaddya need me for?”

“ Pleaseeeee? It won’t be as fun without you! I wanna have fun with you!” 

Ed looked contemplative, but didn’t budge. Alright, time for the big guns.

“Nina, do you wanna watch Ed play?” 

Nina and Bao perked up. “Oh! Yes please! Mama, please play, I wanna watch!” 

Ed sighed in defeat. “...Just a couple of rounds, got it?” 

Grim cheered in victory.  “One step closer to being on TV!” 

****

Ed didn’t really know why she was here, she wasn’t the dorm head really. Well, more like there wasn’t a dorm to be head of, but either way, she didn’t really know why Crowley dragged her here.

…Nor why Teacher insisted she go. 

‘ Something about acting like a kid? Meeting kids your age?’

‘I have friends my age! …Also I don’t want to be a dorm head. All that responsibility… telling people what to do… Gross.’ 

Ed shifted uncomfortably in her seat as everyone filled in. Riddle noticed her and sat on her left. “What are you doing here Eden?”

Ed shrugged. “Apparently I’m a Dorm Head. Wish I wasn’t.” 

Riddle nodded in understanding. “Yes, I imagine you would hate this.” 

Someone with glasses walked in next. “Who’s that?” Ed asked.

‘ Oh? An octopus here?’ 

“Azul Ashengrotto. He runs the Mostro Lounge.” Riddle quietly explained. “I would stay away from him.”

Yeah, Ed was going to do that anyway . He reminded Ed of a worse version of the Bastard. Where Bastard was a decent person, this slimy asshole seemed to be in it for himself only.  

Someone plopped on Ed’s right. “Interesting to see you here.” A smooth voice said. 

Ed glanced over- Oh, it’s the purple haired person from the ceremony. “Uhh- Hi?”

“I’ve been waiting to talk to you Eden.” They explained.

“Kinda creepy, but I’ve been told worse.” Ed waved her hand. “Just call me Ed. You are…?”

They blinked, somewhat surprised. “You don’t…? Ah, nevermind. I’m Vil Schoenheit, head of Pomefiore. You have talent I want to see flourish.” 

Ed didn’t like where this was going. “Which is..?”

Vil sighed. “You would make a wonderful model Eden. With your unique coloring and attractiveness, companies would tear each other apart to get to you.” 

‘ Ew. To be put up on a stage for people to gawk at or praise…’

‘ ...Sounds like hell.’

“Nah, I’m good.” 

Vil frowned. “I don’t think you understand the ripples you are having already . #GoldenGirlNRC has been trending since Cater took that first picture, with no signs of slowing down. You could have incredible influence-”

“ Nope . Not gonna happen. No offense to you, but that sounds like my personal hell. Besides, why the hell would I want power?” 

Riddle sighed at Vil’s confused face. “I tried telling you she wouldn’t go for it…” 

****

Riddle wished Eden would stop crocheting during the meeting, but she was responding and paying attention. Frankly, Riddle’s just surprised that she hadn’t just walked off yet. It was clear she had little to no interest in the Spelldrive tournament, and was far more interested in the shark plushee she was making. 

“-Oh Ed! What are you making?” Kalim asked, derailing the conversation from Malleus to her.

“Shark plush. It’s a gift.” 

Azul pushed his glasses up. “Have you been paying attention at all? ” 

Eden sighed, stopping her stitch before standing up. “We are talking about Sport Disk, and whether someone who’s really good should be allowed to play. You all-” She pointed at everyone except Idia, “-Want this person in the game. The tablet wants them in the hall of fame, thus out. Either way, this conversation will not affect me, seeing as my ‘dorm’ doesn't have enough members regardless.” 

As everyone blinked as Eden sat down and went back to crocheting. 

Kalim spoke up first. “...Well she was paying attention! I knew she would be!”

Chapter Text

Crowley wasn’t sure if this was going to work, but he really didn’t want to do this himself. He knocked on Ramshackle, and the door flung open to-

“Ah! Mrs. Curtis!” He squawked out.

Mrs. Curtis raised a brow. “What is it Crowley? It better be good.” 

“I-Um- Was hoping to talk to Eden?” He shifted.

Mrs. Curtis glared suspiciously. “About what?”   

“May I come inside..?”

Mrs. Curtis glared further, but relented. “ Fine.”  

“-And so I need you to investigate these matters.” Crowley concluded. 

Mrs. Curtis looked like she wanted to throw him out of a window. “So instead of doing your job, you want my kids to do it for you?”  

Crowley paused. “Well when you put it like that…” 

“Like what it is? ” She spat.

Eden frowned. “It is a problem though…”

“Brother. No.” Alphonse sternly said. 

Mrs. Curtis nodded. “Al’s right Ed, not your problem. Don’t stick your neck out for this sky rat.” 

Crowley squawked in offense. “And to think I was going to give you a wonderful reward…”

Grim perked up. “Reward? What would that be?”

Bingo. “I was going to allow you to participate in the Spelldrive Tournament.” 

“ PARDONNE-MOI?! Ed, we’ve GOTTA find out who’s hurting these players!” Grim yelled, grabbing Eden’s face.

“Staging it so it looks like an accident, you mean.” Eden corrected. “...Well, I guess that is hurting the players.” Eden looked as though she was pondering her options before nodding. “Alright, I’m in.” 

Alphonse and Mrs. Curtis groaned in unison. “Of course you are.” 

****

Ed wasn’t really sure why Al was coming along, seeing as she was groaning the whole way to the victims. “Al, you don’t have to come-”

“ Of course I do! We are a unit! ” Al interrupted sharply. 

‘ A complaining one, apparently.’ 

“Well I’m having fun Mama!” Nina said. Bao, of course, nodded along. 

“I’m gonna be on TV~” Grim sang.

‘ Chaotic unit would be more accurate.’ 

Ed listened to the Heartslabyul students. The injured one said they just felt like their body lurched on its own, and the witness student agreed. It sounds like Ed was on the money, someone was staging these to look like an accident, refusing to take accountability. 

Ed hated it. Slimy, underhanded. If you're going to take someone out, do it yourself in a fight you coward. 

‘ And to do this abomination of alchemy to do it. Eden, can I rip them to shreds?’

‘No murder!’

Ed looked at the list. “Next is…. Pomefiore? Oh, that’s Vil’s dorm.”

Nina made grabby hands. “Can I hold the list Mama?”

Ed fake pondered. “ Hmm . Such an important job… Alright, I’ll leave it in your capable hands Nina.” 

Nina cheered with Bao. “Yay! I’ll do my best Mama!” 

“You’ll do great regardless, Nina.” Ed hummed with a smile. “Let’s go talk to these guys.”

****

Grim scampered into the classroom that held the students from the purple dorm. The sooner he asked, the sooner he could move on and finish this investigation. And be on TV! He spotted them, and dragged Ed over with him. “Hey, you. You had an accident and almost got hurt real bad, right? Give us the deets.” Grim demanded. 

The first one huffed in anger. “And why should I answer to you, exactly?”

The second one scowled. “He was in peak condition and now he’s so hurt he can’t compete!”

Oh boy, this wasn’t going well.

“And you're here to...what, rub salt in my wound? We throw down the gauntlet! Duel… Us…” The first one trailed off before gulping.

Grim looked at what he was staring at. 

Ed was glaring at the first student with a feral grin. “I mean, if you're offering… ” 

“We’ll talk!” The first one squeaked. “We’ll talk, alright?!”

Ed sighed in disappointment. “A shame. Nina and Al would’ve been happy for a show.” 

Nina giggled from her mothers side. 

Al frowned. “Aww, I really wanted to fight.” 

The students gulped, but Grim had a deadline people! “Get to the story!” 

“His hand abruptly shot out in the laboratory and he touched the boiling hot cauldron. Spilt it everywhere too.” The second one expanded quickly.

Interesting…

…That didn’t help Grim at all.

****

Ace whistled on his way down to Ramshackle. He had some free time, so why not hang out with Ed? She’s usually got something interesting going on, and Ace was willing to admit she was pretty. A two for one if you will. He raised his hand to knock on the door- 

And Nina flung it open. “Oh! Hello Ace!” 

Ace grinned. “Hey Nina. Know where Ed is?” 

Nina beamed and grabbed his hand, starting to drag him. “Yup! Mama and Grim are playing detective! Big Brother Al is there too, but she’s not as happy about it.” 

Ace raised his brow. “ Oh ? Interesting- Bao you don’t also have to drag me, Nina’s doing a good enough job.” 

The dog ignored him and dragged him regardless. 

Soon enough, he was in front of Ed who blinked at him. “Oh, hey Ace. What’s up?” 

Ace coughed. “I’m more interested in what you are up to.” One brief explanation later, and- “So mysterious injuries? Wait, shouldn’t this be Crowley’s job-” 

“Ace!” Deuce burst down the door. “We’ve got a problem!” 

“Oh we’re gonna if you busted my paint or door.” Ed growled. “Seriously, what the hell?! ”

“Brother, you kick down doors all the time.” Al pointed out. 

“Yeah, but unless I’m trying to kick someone's ass, I make sure not to kick hard enough to hurt the paint.” Ed defended. “So it better be good.”

“Trey fell down the stairs!” Deuce yelled. “He’s hurt!” 

“WHAT?!” Ace and Grim yelled.

“Oh, that’s uh, not good.” Ed sheepishly said. “Yeah, that’s door busting worthy.” 

Grim put his paw to his chin. “That’s the sneaky one with glasses right? He doesn't seem like the person to do that…” 

Ace nodded in agreement. “Trey really isn’t the type to trip and eat dirt… no matter how much I wish he would sometimes. All the same, it’s not good he’s hurt.” 

Grim jumped onto Ed’s shoulder. “Let’s go see what he's got to say! Onward henchmen!”

Chapter Text

Nina and Bao were taking this job very seriously. Mama had given them the job to carry the ‘get well soon’ slice of shepherd's pie and they were told not to eat it.

This was their hardest job yet. 

‘ It smells so good…’ Bao whined. 

“I know… But Mama said we’d get some later.”  Nina said quietly. She hoped they got there soon, Nina really needed a distraction. Through the rose scented checkerboards, Nina carefully followed Mama to visit the nice person who made those desserts from the party. Entering the room, Nina let everyone do their well wishes.

“Yo, man, how’s it going?” Ace asked. 

Deuce went next, and Nina could feel drool pooling in her mouth. “How are you feeling?” 

“We came all this way just to see your sorry face. It's cool—don't get up.” Grim said. 

Nina shifted impatiently, waiting her turn, but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could wait. The person with a diamond was talking to Ace and Deuce about something, but Nina wasn’t paying attention to that.

Don’t eat it, don’t eat it, don’t eat it-

“Nina, do you want to give Trey something?” Mama asked. 

Nina snapped her head up. She shuffled forward, putting the slice on the table. “Here. Shepherd's pie always makes me feel better, so maybe it will make you feel better.”  

Trey smiled softly. “Thank you Nina, that’s very nice of you.” 

Nina beamed. “Don’t worry about it! Besides, I get some tonight!” 

****

Ed looked down fondly at her kid. Such a good kid, she’s so proud. 

“Anyway, how do ya feel Trey? And how’d you get hurt?” Ace interrupted Ed’s thoughts.

‘ Right, I forgot about that.’

‘In our defence, our kid is pretty cute.’ 

“I fell down the stairs. Tripped, and messed up my ankle. I’ll be on crutches for a while.” Trey explained. “Looks like I’ll be warming the benches this year.”

“Yikes.” Deuce winced.

Grim solemnly handed Trey a can. “Myah... I was hopin' your injury would be small enough for me to justify keepin' this, but... Here. I brought ya a get-well can of tuna. Feel better, specs.” 

Trey snickered. “ Thanks Grim.” 

Cater groaned. “Ugh, talk about a #fail! Now that we’ve lost a star player, we’re gonna have to redo our roster!” 

‘ Oh?’

‘New information… interesting.’ 

Riddle entered the room, clearly annoyed. “Why are you all here? Trey is supposed to be resting!”

“I gave her some shepherd's pie so she’d feel better!” Nina exclaimed. 

“Oh, that’s fine then.” Riddle nodded. “And the rest of you?”

Grim yelped. “Myah! It’s Raging Riddle!”

“I’m not ‘raging’. I will be perfectly pleasant if you follow the rules!” Riddle huffed before turning to Trey. “How are you feeling Trey? Anything I can get you?” 

Trey sighed. “I told you Riddle, I don’t need you to dote on me. Also what did we say about rules?” 

Riddle sighed. “But it’s my fault you got hurt.” 

‘ He completely ignored the last part.’

‘Yeah- also stop insulting them!’ 

****

Al listened as Riddle explained the situation fully. Apparently Riddle almost fell, and Trey took the hit. So Riddle was the original victim. “Wait, you’re a star player? You? ” Al interrupted.

Riddle blinked. “Yes? Why?”

Al looked Riddle up and down. He looked like a twig, and Al was willing to bet she could easily best him in combat. “Just…Surprising is all.” 

“Al, don’t be rude.” Brother chided. 

Riddle ignored them, looking solemnly at Trey. “Trey never would have slipped if he hadn't caught me when I was about to tumble over.” 

Trey huffed. “Yeah, but if I hadn't, you would have just broken your fall with a flight spell. It was stupid of me to intervene. So you don't owe me anything.” 

Riddle hesitated. “Still…” Brother interrupted Riddle, rubbing his head. “Relax, would ya? If you think everything bad happening is your fault, you're gonna drown!” 

“Is everything bad happening to you your fault Brother? Take your own advice.” Al blankly said.

“This ain’t about me.” 

****

Cater ushered everyone out of Trey’s room with a grin, and Ed knew they knew. This was further confirmed when Cater turned to her. “So Eddie, got anything to share?”

“Dude, never call me that again.” Ed immediately responded. “Truth, I hated how that felt. I’ll tell you, just never call me that. The Sky Rat wants us to investigate these incidents.” 

Riddle nodded. “I see. Also, please don’t call the Head Mage that.” 

“I do what I want.” 

Cater smirked. “ I knew it. Grim doing a get well visit? Plain weird. Ed, I’d expect, but never Grim.” 

Wow, alright then. 

Riddle gestured towards Cater. “I found it strange myself, so I had Cater look into it.” 

Cater pulled out their phone. “ All of the victims are star players like Riddle and Trey.” 

‘I figured.’

‘It wouldn’t make sense to do this otherwise.’ 

Riddle further explained themself. “To be clear, it wasn't as if I had been pushed, or that I had tripped. But I did feel a peculiar sensation, like...my body was moving of its own volition.” 

‘ That tracks with what the other victims said…. Wait a damn minute.’

‘We’ve seen this before.’ 

A hyena, a grilled cheese, and a cat that would rather die than give any of her food up. 

“MOTHER FUCKER.” Ed yelled abruptly, interrupting the conversation. 

Riddle jumped. “What?! What is it?!” 

“I’ve got a hunch, but let’s do your thing first.” Ed explained. 

Al blinked. “We’re not going after him?” 

“I need to be sure, and also we should probably hear whatever Riddle wanted to say.” Ed explained. 

Riddle blinked. “I… was going to suggest we warn the possible victims.”

‘ A good plan. That way while they piece it together, they can protect themselves.’ 

“That, let’s do that. Could you give me a list?” Ed asked. 

 “Yeahhhh, you aren’t doing this on your own.” Cater said, swinging their arm onto Ed’s shoulder. “It’s personal now.”  

Riddle nodded. “They have attacked one of my closest friends. This will not stand.” 

Well, alright then.

Chapter Text

Deuce huffed proudly. They were going to help Ed solve this mystery if it’s the last thing they do-

“You guys are just in this to try and get on the team, aren’t you?” Cater said.

Deuce started sputtering. “I-Uh- No I-” 

“Was it that obvious?” Ace flatly said. Ace what the hell-

Riddle sighed. “Alright, your performance here will be taken into account.” 

Deuce and Ace cheered. They might get a chance after all!

“That’s why you guys are doing this?”

Deuce slowly turned to a disappointed Ed. “Uhh….”

“Deuce. I expected more of you.” Ed sighed. “Ace I could see coming, but you?”

Ace’s hey! Went ignored as Deuce tried to explain himself. “I also care for Trey! This is… Just a bonus!” 

Ed stared at him before sighing. “Alright, I believe you.”

Deuce felt his breath leave him in relief, as Ace tilted his head at Ed. “What are you doing this for then?”

Ed huffed. “I don’t need to explain myself-”

“Because she’s too kind to say no to people in need.” Al interrupted.

Nina nodded. “Mama’s real kind. She can’t stand to see a problem unsolved.” 

Ed sputtered, and Deuce could see blush rising to her face. “H-Hey! Way to out me you guys!” 

Deuce smiled fondly at the sight. Ed cared about people a lot huh? She was really the whole package for a great friend.

…Why was his heart beating so fast? Eh, it’s probably nothing.

****

Ed followed Cater through the mirror. “So, where are we going again?” 

Cater gestured towards the absolutely stunning castle (what wonderful towers!) with a raised brow. “Pomefiore. Our first person is here.” 

‘ Isn’t that the Vil guys' dorm?’ 

‘I think so.’ 

“That's… Vil’s dorm right?” Ed asked.

Cater blinked in surprise. “You know Vil?”

Ed shrugged. “We’ve met.” 

Cater huffed. “Well, either way, yes, it’s Vil’s dorm. We’re not here for him though.”

The group stepped through the front door. “Well, who are we here for then?” Ed asked. 

“Rook Hunt.” Ed and Al abruptly stopped as Cater kept walking and talking.

Al and Ed looked at each other sharing the same thought. 

No way in hell.

Riddle noticed. “Why have you two stopped?” 

“Maybe we let this one go…” Ed said quietly.

“Hopefully he trips and dies.” Al said with a dreamy smile. 

Nina looked up to Ed. “If Mama doesn't like him, he’s gotta be a bad person.” 

‘ Child, you have no idea.’

‘If Ew was a person, it would be Rook.’ 

Riddle looked confused. “What did he do to you- Ah, actually, I can guess. I don’t think anyone would willingly go after him anyway. Next person.”

Oh thank Truth.

‘ Yeah, I don’t wanna touch that with a ten foot pole.’  

****

Floyd groaned. He was so boredddd. He wanted to do somethin fun but Jade said he’d sneak in mushrooms into his meal if Floyd didn’t go to class today. If only there was something interesting-

Is that Goldfishie?

“Oh ho ho! Is that lil’ goldfish?” Floyd ambled over to the startled Goldfish. “Oh! And an actual goldfish! Hey… you're real pretty!” 

The girl blinked. “Thanks..?”

Floyd giggled. She sounded pretty too! And she felt strong! That’s it Floyd’s decided- “Ima call you Shrimpy! ” 

Shrimpy raised her brow. “Alright then, Eel.” Oooo smart too! 

“Why’re you callin Mama shrimpy?” A small voice asked. Floyd looked down- 

“A guppy? Are you Shrimpy’s?” Floyd asked, kneeling down. 

The guppy beamed and nodded. “Uh-huh! She’s the best Mama in the world!” 

Floyd giggled. “Of course she is! She’s Shrimpy!” 

“What’s going on here Floyd?” Jade smoothly asked.

Floyd grinned. “A guppy and a golden Shrimpy!” 

Jade’s smile widened. “ Oh? A shrimp?” 

Floyd pointed at Shrimpy. “See!” 

Jade nodded in acquisition. “I see. What about the group surrounding her?” 

Oh, Floyd didn’t even notice that!

****

Ed shared confused looks with Al. Floyd seemed honest, so Ed was already fine with them, but Jade just screamed ‘DO NOT TOUCH’

Not sure why everyone else was acting so scared. 

‘ Probably because they don’t seem like the type to back down from dirty work.’

Ehhhh, Ed’s seen worse.

Cater nervously laughed. “Well, let’s get going-”

Jade’s grin furthered. “And where do you think you're going?” 

Cater Eep ed but Ed had a job to do- “To warn you.”

Jade looked a little taken aback. “About?” 

“Someone’s been going around staging ‘ accidents ’ targeting talented Sport disk players.” Ed explained. “Figured you’d like to know so you can be prepared. Or to break their legs. Whatever floats your boat.” 

Floyd grinned happily. “ Shrimpyyyy you know me so well!”

“I really don’t. ” 

****

Cater wasn’t sure how Ed managed to just walk away from the Leech brothers, but at this point not much would surprise Cater. What’s next, she’s a major in the military? Anything’s on the table with this girl. Cater checked the time. It was almost 5, so they might want to keep it to just one more for the day. “Alright, next up and last for today is Jack Howl! He’s a freshman in the Savanaclaw dorm. Rumor has it that he's a great athlete. Scouts from all the major teams are fighting to sign him.” 

Deuce nodded. “It’s after class, so let’s go to his dorm.” 

Riddle stopped abruptly. “Oh, is it 5:00 already? Rule 346 says that ‘croquet must not be played after 5:00 p.m.’ I should head back to Heartslabyul and make sure that no one is breaking the rules in my absence.”

“I thought you softened a little, but you’re still a square huh?” Grim sneered.

Riddle looked embarrassed. “Th-that's not true! I assure you that I've become much more lenient about enforcing the rules.”

Cater did agree with that actually. “It is true, he’s a lot nicer now. Alright boss, go do what you need to.”  

Stepping through the mirror, Cater got to see all the reactions to Savanaclaw… 

…Except for Ed and Al who just looked bored. Nina seemed more preoccupied with being on her mothers shoulders, and Bao could care less. 

“Does NOTHING phase you people?!” Cater desperately cried.

“Not really no.”

Chapter Text

Jack could hear the group talking about him from here, and boy they were loud. Especially the red haired one. Jack could smell the golden siblings here too, and- a pup and dog? Strange. 

“Hey! Mr. Scowls-a-lot!” A shrill voice yelled at him.

Jack turned to the voice to see the cat from the opening ceremony. “Hm?” 

The cat puffed up his chest. “Just wantcha to know someone’s out to hurt ya. But don’t worry the Great Grim will protect ya!” 

The girl stepped up behind Grim- Oh that’s where the smell of pup was coming from. There was one on her shoulders-

Wait. 

Jack sniffed harder, making sure what he was smelling was right. It was. That pup was clearly her pup. The girl was around his age, married, and has a kid. Not a good picture. 

Grim made a noise snapping his attention back to him. Right, he should probably respond. “Look, don’t bother me when I’m training.”

The girl nodded. “Understandable. Make sure to hydrate and take breaks.” 

The ginger haired senior sighed. “ That’s your approach? I can't even count all the ways that sucked. If you were a Magicam feed I’d totally unsubscribe to you. And Ed, don’t end it that early!” He turned to him. “Sooo sorry about that, Jack. Listen, king, could we have just a minute of your time?” 

Jack huffed. Looks like they're doing this. “You said you wanted to protect me for something?”

The golden boy shook his head. “No, more like warn you. What you do is up to you.” 

Well, at least the siblings seemed reasonable. 

****

Ed watched Jack's reaction while they explained the whole situation. They were listening intently, but showed no surprise.

‘They know already.’

‘That or Jack was already suspicious. This isn’t just one person in on it. It’s a whole group.’ 

“I can take care of myself. I don’t need your protection.” Jack firmly said. 

Ed’s seen this song and dance before. “Let me guess, you're fine on your own?” 

Jack nodded. “I’m fine on my own. Besides, I doubt I’ll be a target. See ya.”

Does everyone here just play their hand this early?! 

Jack walked off, much to everyone else’s disappointment. Ed could feel people approaching, and could feel Nina stiffen. 

“Hey, what are you lot doing here?” Ed looked over to see a group of beastman students heading their way. Ed raised her brow. Maybe something exciting would happen. 

Maybe they test their luck. Looking at their cocky smirks, it looked like they were . They kept testing and testing and Ed simply smiled and waited. 

‘ Oh, PLEASE knock their teeth out. Please Eden? I want to see it.’ 

“Let’s play predator and prey? Guess who gets to be the prey?” 

Ed grinned, all teeth. “ You.” 

“What?” One said, pinning his ears back. “I don’t-” He didn’t get to finish the sentence before Ed knocked him on his feet with a leg sweep. “I said you. You walk up to a group of people with a child and try to intimidate them. You are lower than low.” 

“Me and Al will enjoy this-”

“Cut it out you three.” A deep voice cut through. Ed looked over. Oh, it’s Leona. 

****

Those three were going to kill themselves. Seriously, what moron would go after a woman? Certainly not Leona. Not without a plan, especially against Ed. That girl was a force of nature. Leona looked to her-

Since when did she have a cub? 

Okay, just add it to reasons to not piss her off Leona, just add it to the list. 

Ruggie joined him at his side. “Ah, I believe we met earlier at the cafeteria.” 

The cat gasped. “The Grilled Cheeseburglar!” 

Ruggie snickered. “Hey now, friend. Let's not get carried away with such delicious-sounding nicknames. I have a proper name befitting my manly stature. It's Ruggie Bucchi. Don't wear it out.” 

Leona huffed. “And Ed, you're the girl who stepped on my tail.” He still held a bit of resentment for that, but he knew Ed was someone he shouldn’t mess with.

The others went into uproar, but she raised her brow- Okay, back track Leona. “...You and your cub can sit this out.” 

“Sit what out?” Ed asked. The cub also tilted her head.

Leona sighed. “Look, I can’t just let ya go. I’ve got a reputation to uphold, but I can’t let anyone get disqualified for fighting before the torment. So the payment for coming on our turf is a ‘friendly’ game of spell drive.”

“You want to fight but you don’t want to get in trouble.” She blankly said. 

Damn, she’s smart. “I mean… Yeah.”

“Why do I gotta sit out then?” Ed complained. 

“Yeah, why’s Mama gotta sit this one out?” The cub asked.

“One, you currently have a child. Two, I value my life. Three, your brother is also out.” Leona explained. 

Ed pondered it, before sighing. “ Fine, but I’m free to jump in whenever.” 

Okay, a half win. He’d take that. 

****

Al watched the competition in confusion. Why were they using their ‘Magic’? It’d be a lot faster to kick the shit out of them. And quite frankly… “This is boring.” 

Brother sighed. “I know right?! Like, get off the broom, and just fist fight or get creative. Honestly, everyone acts all high and mighty in the air until you take a rock and hit them with it.” Brother huffed. “Who’s high and mighty now bitch?” 

Brother went back to watching, clearly getting antsy at the fact that the group was losing. “..Al, you wanna go or me?” 

Al sighed, getting up. “I’ll do it. Hey Nina, make sure to cheer when I win.”

Nina nodded seriously. “I’ll be so loud you’ll go deaf.” 

Al walked onto the field. Leona pinned their ears back. “Woah, woah, woah. you’re not allowed to play.”

Al blinked. “You said I could join at any time.”

“I said Ed could join at any time. I know she won’t beat us down too far. I have no guarantee with you.” Leona explained.

“Well,” Al calmly removed her jacket. “Two things to learn from this. One: Almost anything offered to Brother is offered to both of us. We are a unit , one I’m not fond of breaking. And Two-”

Al grinned meanly. “You are absolutely right. Brother is far kinder than me. I am more than happy to drag your ass even after I kick it.”

Chapter Text

When Jack had heard what Dorm Leader Leona was doing, he was outraged. It was bad enough to do what he was already doing, but tormenting those weaker than him was just plain wrong . Jack ran over to the field, ready to ask what the hell was going on-

Only to see the golden kid- Al, he thinks, gleefully dominating the field. Ed was sitting on the side cackling and the pup was cheering. 

“Uh.. What’s going on here?” Jack asked hesitantly. 

The game paused, and Ruggie panted next to him. “What’s going on is Al decided to join, which is not good.”  

Leona sighed, catching his breath. “This is why I only wanted Ed to join, not her younger brother. She has mercy. Al very much does not.” 

Jack frowned. “So you were planning on picking on amateur players. What’s fun about that? It’s a disgusting spectacle, and I’m glad Al kicked your ass.” 

Leona groaned. “And now you’ve ruined my fun. Thanks . Alright, you're free to go herbivores. Ed, Next time you decide to drop by, please warn us.” 

Ed gave a thumbs up. 

The blue haired one sighed. “Thanks for the help Jack.” 

Jack huffed. “Save it. I ain’t in the business of charity work.” 

Ed snorted. “ Truth , that’s kinda hilarious. Lemme guess- you're a lone wolf?”

Jack nodded. 

Ed stifled a laugh along with her pup, but Al had no such decorum. 

Cater sighed. “Alright Jack, we’re taking off.  Don’t get in any accidents, you hear?” 

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. “You've got a whole lotta nerve to be worrying about me. Now scram already.”