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The BAU had seen its fair share of chaos, but this? This was new.
Prentis stood frozen in place, eyes wide, shoulders raised slightly as if she could somehow shrink away from the sheer intensity of Hotch’s glare. Behind her, smoke billowed from what had once been a perfectly functional coffee maker, now making an unsettling hissing noise. The acrid scent of burnt plastic filled the air, mixing with the unmistakable smell of singed fabric. The breakroom was, for lack of a better term, a disaster zone.
"Whoops," Prentis said, wincing.
Hotch’s nostrils flared. "Whoops? Whoops? This is not a 'whoops' situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror. We are solidly in 'oh fuck' territory, and I expect you to act like it."
Derek leaned against the counter, arms crossed, watching the scene unfold with a smirk. "You really shouldn’t have said whoops."
Reid, standing to the side with his juice box, furrowed his brows. "Technically, 'whoops' is used to acknowledge a minor mistake or accident. Given the severity of what’s happened here, I’d say Hotch is correct—"
"Not helping, genius," Prentis muttered.
JJ coughed as she waved a hand in front of her face. "Okay, but… why does it smell like burning denim?"
Prentis bit her lip. "So, funny story—"
"There is nothing funny about this story," Hotch interrupted, his voice dangerously calm.
Prentis ignored him and continued. "—I may have accidentally left my jacket on top of the coffee maker."
Garcia gasped dramatically from the doorway. "YOU MONSTER."
"In my defense, I was multitasking," Prentis said, holding up her hands. "I was on the phone, I was getting coffee, and I was looking at the case files—"
"Oh, well if you were looking at case files, that totally makes up for setting federal property on fire," Rossi said dryly, stepping into the breakroom and surveying the damage. "Hotch, remind me, how much of our annual budget goes to replacing coffee makers?"
Hotch pinched the bridge of his nose. "Too much."
Prentis sighed. "It’s not that bad—"
A loud pop from the coffee maker cut her off, followed by a sad, pitiful sputter. The smoke thickened.
Reid took a step back. "Actually, based on the chemical reaction currently occurring within the wiring, I’d estimate that the coffee maker is in a state of imminent electrical failure."
Derek clapped a hand on Prentis’s shoulder. "Translation: You killed it."
"You absolute menace!" Garcia cried. "Do you know how many lives you’ve ruined today?!"
"Garcia, I hardly think—"
"HOW WILL I FUNCTION?!" she wailed, grabbing at JJ for emotional support. "I need caffeine, and I need it now!"
JJ rubbed her temples. "Okay, maybe we should focus on containing the fire before Garcia fully spirals."
"I am already spiraling!" Garcia declared, dramatically collapsing into a chair. "This is rock bottom."
Rossi opened a cabinet, pulled out a fire extinguisher, and without hesitation, unleashed a massive spray of white foam directly at the coffee maker. The entire breakroom was immediately covered in a snowy layer of chemicals, and Prentis spluttered as the extinguisher blast hit her boots.
The machine let out one final, defeated hiss before going completely silent.
"Well, that’s one way to do it," Derek muttered.
Reid blinked. "Technically, fire suppression foam isn’t necessary in this—"
"Reid, I swear to God," Hotch interrupted, rubbing his forehead.
Garcia was already typing furiously on her phone. "I’m ordering a new one. And Prentis, you are banned from touching it."
Prentis groaned. "Oh, come on!"
Hotch exhaled sharply, then leveled a look at her. "Morgan, Reid—unplug it. JJ, open a window. Rossi, please make sure Garcia doesn’t order something covered in rhinestones."
"No promises!" Garcia called.
As the team scrambled to salvage the situation, Prentis looked back at Hotch sheepishly. "So... does this mean I don’t get any coffee today?"
Hotch closed his eyes. "Prentis. Go to Starbucks."
JJ peered at the foam-covered breakroom and let out a long sigh. "And get me a latte while you’re at it."
Garcia suddenly perked up. "Ooh! And one of those cake pops!"
Derek grinned. "Actually, yeah, grab me something too."
Prentis threw her hands up. "You guys are unbelievable."
Hotch gave her an exasperated look. "Prentis, go. Before I arrest you for crimes against caffeine."