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There’s something lying in the shadows, though it’s impossible to tell what. Mario approaches cautiously, worried someone might have been hurt out here. He finally gets a good look at them – at her? – when he steps up close and finds himself staring at a pair of startled, owlishly blinking eyes. A fellow human, like him and his brother. How unusual.
“I… I don’t feel safe going out there on my own, but I can’t stay cooped up inside all day either. Please- please let me come with you! I promise not to get in your way!”
Despite his better judgement, Mario agrees.
Leaving the punies behind is not an option. Mario, carrying the Puni Orb, jumps across the gap followed by Goombella before turning around to watch the punies crowd the edge. After a moment’s hesitation, the bravest of the lot, Punio included, jump down into the bubbly water. Madame Flurrie gently blows the rest of them down, then repeats the process for the second gap. Koops follows soon after. Satisfied no one’s been left behind and with the timer ticking down, Mario turns to continue after the X-Naut admin with the Crystal Star.
At the tail end of the group, the other human pauses to lean their hands on their knees, badly out of breath. “I did not think this through…” they mutter before mustering up the energy to leap to the other side after the others.
The timer may have been stopped, but their troubles sure have not. That giant mecha Lord Crump summoned to squash them with isn’t an opponent to take lightly. Mario and his three combat-capable party members are about to square off against it with all their combined might, expressions serious.
Their non-combatant party member stands to the side with the punies. They’ve been grinning at something the whole preceding conversation, but have since gone tense and are now quietly muttering to themself. “I should not. I must not. I will not-!” They close their eyes tightly, practically vibrating with the force of holding themself back, to no avail. A single deep inhale precedes them loudly and suddenly belting out, “♫ GOOO MAGNUUS VON GRAPPLE!!!♪”
It’s enough to stop everyone in their tracks for a frozen minute. “What the…” Koops vocalises what they’re all thinking.
“Dearie me…” Flurrie comments as the singing continues and, if anything, gets even more enthusiastic.
Lord Crump has similarly been given pause – but he recovers quickly. “Buh? Buh… Buh huh huh huh huh! Now that’s a new reaction… I like it! Keep singing and you won’t get stomped, girly!” He returns his attention to those he’s about to fight, clearly dismissing everyone else as unimportant.
Their face scrunches up in annoyance, but they keep up their singing regardless. With no time to be further distracted, the fight begins in earnest – but there’s bound to be questions afterwards.
“What was that?!”
It has taken a surprisingly long time for the question to be raised, but Goombella has clearly been holding it in this whole time. Now, on their way back to Rogueport, she finally manages to ask it.
Leia grimaces. “I have no idea how to even begin explaining it.”
“You should at least try. It sounded kinda like you knew what that thing was, and that’s just… weird.” Goombella would likely be crossing her arms if she had any. She gives that kind of impression, at any rate.
“So’s your book,” they grumble lowly before shaking their head and refocusing. “It’s just… the music is in my heart, and needs to be let out sometimes. I just couldn’t not sing, if that makes any sense.”
“No, that part I understand,” Madame Flurrie says at the same time as Goombella continues her interrogation,
“And the part where you were singing about the enemy’s robot from said enemy’s perspective?”
They shrug. “Meta. I have memories of a story, but no way to tell which parts are real or true or accurate. I could tell you what happens in that story, but if what I said turned out to be wrong? If my info was bad, or even if it wasn’t but had nasty, unintended consequences?” They shake their head, their brow furrowed. “I don’t know what the right thing to do here is… so if you have suggestions, I’m all ears.”
Mario gives them a thumbs-up. They blink at him, uncertain of the meaning. Madame Flurrie appears to have a better idea: “I think Mario’s right: the audience may know the story by heart, but it’s still considered bad form to try and interfere with the show. And shows with built-in audience participation never fully follow a script.”
Leia tilts their head. “Huh. I see… Well, I’ll be happy to help in whatever way I can, so just say the word whenever!” The others agree with this.
Koops has been silent during the conversation, but now speaks up hesitantly, “You know, it’s weird but… I felt kind of energised by that whole singing thing?”
“Now that you mention it, I did as well,” Flurrie adds thoughtfully. Mario agrees as well.
“Me too…” Goombella says, “Do you think there was an actual, quantifiable effect?”
“I mean, it could have just been the situation,” Leia muses, “but if you want to test my singing on ordinary enemies, I’m game.”
“We should,” Goombella says immediately, “If the effect is real, we’ll want to make the best possible use of it.” Koops and Mario nod eagerly, and Leia grins.
“I do hope you have something less boorish in mind, darling,” Flurrie says, mostly in jest.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. I have a lot of music stored here,” they tap the side of their head, “there’s bound to be something there you enjoy. Hopefully.”
She smiles in answer. “In that case I can hardly complain.”
With that decided, the group takes aim at some common enemies nearby. Yet, there’s something on Koops’s mind still. “Okay, one last question: What was that second thing you sung? The one with the- the ‘Yape Rap’?”
Leia is distracted from her row with the security guy when the rest of the party, out of breath, finally get there. “Finally!” they exclaim, “Come on, there’s no time to waste!”
The young yoshi, Giorno, glares at the guard. “You think tricking us is gonna stop The Great Gonzales from kicking that overgrown bird’s behind?! Think again!”
“…I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the man says, almost evenly enough for it to be believable.
“Smack him with your hammer, Mario!” Leia suggests viciously. Mario does not, though his moustache twitches in a way that suggests he’s fighting a smile.
The doors to the Glitz Pit arena open with a slam. “Whew, we made it just in time!” Goombella cheers as the crowd goes wild at the arrival of The Great Gonzales and his team – with another new member? Though this one has been seen in the audience before, this is the first time they’ve taken to the stage.
They hang back, first listening to Grubba’s enthusiastic commentary and Rawk Hawk’s boasting and then letting their friends get their words in first before finally opening their mouth. “You think you’re some kinda great heel, don’t you? Well, what you’ve been pulling don’t fall under Kayfabe, and I ain’t cool with that. Yer getting the honour of fighting the full team… and, Mr. Hawk?” Leia whips out a microphone as the rest of the party take on fighting stances, “You’ve just rawked your last caw as a champion!”
One horrifying revelation, one high-stakes battle to the tune of a terrible attempt at rapping (maybe a third of the lyrics could be described as legible, rounded up), one tragic backstory and one miraculous resurrection later, they’re standing in the Glitz Pit, waiting for law enforcement to arrive and take Mr. Grubba away.
Leia is staring intently at the reunited siblings. It’s starting to get genuinely unnerving when they speak out of the blue, “I’ve known this Toad for all of five minutes, but if anything were to happen to him (again) I would kill everyone responsible and then myself.” Everyone is left staring at them as if they don’t quite know how to respond to that (or even how seriously to take their words), so they continue, “He is precious. We have to protect his smile.”
In response, Mush smiles in surprise. It is very much worth protecting.
Things have… not exactly been pleasant since they returned from Creepy Steeple. Mario has been in high spirits for the most part, but there’s something strange about the whole thing. Everyone’s caught up on that much, at the very least.
And now they’ve returned to the steeple, Mario having suddenly discovered the shadow they’d fought for the Ruby Star had managed to snag the rest of the Crystal Stars – and the map – while they were distracted. And now it seems it has teamed up with one of the Three Shadows, which definitely makes it an enemy… doesn’t it? At least until said Shadow leaves it to confront their group alone. …This fight seems rather one-sided, doesn’t it?
Leia takes a deep breath and prays they’re right. “Have I ever told you about Jean Descole?” they ask conversationally, pitching their voice to carry. When everyone turns to look at them, they continue, “His disguises are flawless… but his acting is anything but. And you’ve been sounding like nothing so much as a bad parody of Mario!” They slap the back of the supposed Mario’s head as they saunter swiftly over to the shadow and turn around to stand by its side. “I stand with the real Mario!” they announce, then shoot a grin towards their shadowy friend. “Ready to rock, partner?” Mario gives them a thumbs-up. ‘Mario’ is screeching something about them being wrong, wrong, wrong! but they’re not paying much attention to that. Their friends are looking really uncertain about the situation now. Oh well. Time to clear things up properly.
Tucked away in the far-off corner of the S.S. Flavion’s hold, as far away as possible from the deck where Flavio is, once again, singing, sits Leia, curled up and looking deeply fed up with life. There is, unfortunately, no escaping, the sound carrying everywhere on the ship. They have checked. Their eyes are closed, so the only sign they get of no longer being alone is the sound of approaching footsteps.
They turn their head toward the sound, eyes opening lazily to watch the other’s movements. They stretch slightly, not bothering to straighten up from their slump as they speak mournfully, “It’s a terrible day outside. Flavio is singing, a headache is blooming. On days like this, peeps like you…” a brief, uncertain pause as they tilt their head to observe the other from the corner of one eye, “…should be working on robots or something, I dunno.”
It’s impossible to tell what the other person is thinking, his features fully obscured by the goggles and the bandana. He stands in silence for a long moment before sitting down, turning partially away in a pointedly relaxed way. “Buh. That noise is… something else. Not much silence on the ship, huh?”
“Tell me about it.” They close their eyes, rubbing their forehead with a pained expression – though they’re back to their careful watching within seconds. “I might be actually dying from the lack of silence. It’s driving me mad. Now, if it was actually good music, my music, now that’d be different.” They then continue in a mumble, “I’d take the Monkey Island theme over this any day of the week, and that one’s said to drive sailors mad.” They can’t help cracking a lopsided grin over the thought, though.
“Eh. I think that’s driving them plenty mad already,” Four-Eyes says with a laugh. A minute of companionable silence (well, as close to silence as it gets on the ship) later, he turns his face fully towards them, seeming to choose his words carefully. “I hear you have a lot of that. Music, I mean.”
There’s a dreamy look in their eyes as they lose all sense of the here and now, forgetting even to keep an eye on their companion. “Oh, I do. So much music I carry around in my memory… but that’s the only place it still exists in.” They turn melancholy, slumping further. “I have no way to listen to any of it now. And with memory being as unreliable as it is…” They sigh. “All I can do is hold onto as much as I can, as long as I can. But that’s… that’s just life, isn’t it?”
“Ah- you could sing something now?” In seeming impulse, Four-Eyes reaches out to them. The moment his hand touches their shoulder, they flinch back, turning towards him with wide, frightened eyes.
“Wuh-?” Confronted with their sudden deer-in-the-headlights look, he snatches his hand back like it’s been burned. They’re left staring at him, looking extremely conflicted and half-way panicked. “I don’t- I can’t-” They turn their face away, subconsciously rubbing their shoulder. “…I get the worst stage fright when I start actually thinking about it, you know? And then I start messing things up, and…” They shake their head, tense but slowly unwinding.
He stares right back at them before leaning back casually. “Anything to drown out that noise. Buh?”
Reminded of the inescapable sound of Flavio’s unceasing rambling and singing, Leia scrunches their nose in distaste. “You got a point there. All right, I’ll try. Try not to be too obviously an audience, okay?”
Four-Eyes makes an agreeing sound and settles down more comfortably. Leia sits up in a position better suited for it and, after humming for a bit, begins singing quietly.
Washed up on one of Keelhaul Key’s many beaches, a lone figure stirs. They roll over onto their back with a groan, shielding their eyes with one arm so they can open them in a squint. Then they raise the other to their line of sight. For a long moment, they remain still, staring uncomprehendingly at the appendages, before it finally sinks in. Their hands… are no longer their hands.
“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!”
They return to Bobbery as soon as the other two crew members are safe, but it still feels like much too long to abandon someone to the local ghosts. Soon after crossing the bridge they’d left him on, the group finds the two Embers attacking Bobbery have been joined by a third, this one suspiciously large and bloated. They take no longer than a fraction of a second to notice the ghosts around a tree, indicating the good admiral’s location, before Mario’s leaping into the fray, smashing the biggest flame with his hammer.
It flies quite a distance through the air with a wordless cry (strange for the usually silent beings) before hitting the ground with a gout of flame scattering all around it. The fire quickly clears, revealing a groaning duplighost lying in the grass.
“Doopliss?!” Goombella is quick to exclaim, momentarily shocked into stillness.
“Goombaria?!” the duplighost spits back at her sarcastically before shakily getting to its feet, grumbling all the while, “See if I take a hit for anyone else ever again…” On closer look, it doesn’t bear much resemblance to Doopliss beside the species. And their voice sounds kind of like-
“Leia? Is that you?” Koops asks hesitantly.
They flap their arms with a manic grin. “Surprise!” They then slump over. “Let me tell you, it was quite a shock… And I am. Very tired. I have had an absolutely terrible time these past few days, so please don’t ask any difficult questions until I’ve had a chance to rest, please?” This is quickly agreed to by the others.
While all this has been going on, Mario and Madame Flurrie have managed to make short work of the actual Embers and gotten Admiral Bobbery down from the tree he’d escaped to. The bob-omb isn’t looking too hot, though. With their other lost-and-found party member proven exhausted but uninjured, he quickly becomes the priority. And that means fulfilling the sailor’s last request.
Goombella bounces in place in distress. “We can’t leave Admiral Bobbery here on his own like this. Someone should stay here with him.”
“Someone who can fight off those ghosts if they come back,” Vivian adds with a sigh. She hasn’t been of much use against the fire-absorbing enemies.
“I can do that,” Flurrie says, “I’m sure you can make the trip to the camp and back without me, dearies.”
Mario gives her a thumbs-up before turning to the duplighost among them with a thoughtful expression. He asks them if they’re feeling up to copying anyone, saying there’s something he’d like to check.
“All right, let me just see…” They stare intently at Mario – then poof into a familiar human form, rather than a copy of him. A quick once-over, and they’re laughing in relief. “Oh thank the Force it’s species-level!” He nods, this apparently being all the confirmation he needs. It explains a few mysteries about them, actually. But that can wait – they have more pressing matters to attend to right now.
“Need a ride back?” Giorno asks, shifting his weight from foot to foot restlessly.
Leia hesitates for only a moment. “I… Well, if you’re offering and no one else needs it more, I won’t say no to that.” No one does, so they climb onto his back, the group wasting no time heading back to the camp.
“Do hurry back, darlings!” Flurrie calls after them, worriedly eyeing Bobbery’s slumped-over form.
“All right, now… Go!” No one’s particularly eager to go into the jungle with the sun setting, so the continuing exploration mission has been postponed to the following morning. What this means, however, is that there’s plenty of time for Leia to try out their new skills when they finally emerge from the inn tent. With their numbers once again full, the whole camp is in a cheerful mood, their worries on the backburner for now.
The spinning koopa shell launches at a respectable speed – but ends up missing the target, sliding to a stop a little past it, the koopa within jumping to their feet. Leia shakes their head, surprisingly steady on their feet. “I missed again, didn’t I?”
“You did – but it was super close this time!” Koops confirms.
Goombella calls out from where she’s taking notes, “Hey, don’t sell yourself short! If I tried to spin like that, I’d get dizzy for sure!”
They retreat to their shell for a brief spin before popping back out. “Yeah, I think it’s a species thing. I’ve got the instincts and passive abilities, it’s everything else that needs work.”
“Well, I for one am glad you’re not about to make the rest of us obsolete,” Flurrie comments with a smile.
“I don’t think it works like that… does it?” Vivian looks briefly worried before being assured that no, it really doesn’t. They all have a place on the team, regardless of whether or not someone else could do the same job.
Leia stretches, then returns to their starting point. “Alright, let’s try that one more time.” They do – and then another, and another, but their aim only seems to be getting worse now, along with their mood. This does not go unnoticed.
When they next slide to a stop – too forceful, and too far, almost hitting one of the constructed shelters of the camp, Mario tells them to take a break. They huff and grumble, but sit down and accept the keel mango Vivian passes to them. They bite into it with rather more force than necessary, and get some careful looks from others until they start looking less like they might blow up at any moment.
After everyone’s had enough to eat for the camp not to descend into infighting at a careless comment, Pa-Patch clears his throat. “Y’know, you could try somethin’ easier to aim. Like blowing up! All ya hafta do is get close and go off!” He’s looking… pretty fired up to be teaching this to someone, actually, as is the other bob-omb next to him.
“Hmm. Sounds like a plan,” Leia agrees to the implied invitation, getting up to take a closer look at the bob-omb to copy his species.
When they do, the other sailor bob-omb pipes up, sounding absolutely delighted, “Oh my goodness, you are tiny! A bitty bomb!”
“Thanks,” they respond flatly.
“This is news to you?” Thriff T. calls out with a grin.
The sailor shouts back at him, “I knew they were small, it just didn’t sink in how small until now!”
Leia taps one foot on the ground. “Are you going to gush over me or are you going to teach me the secrets of bob-ombery?” They can’t be too annoyed, though, judging by the lack of impending fireworks.
“Right, well, dunno ‘bout any secrets… but we can teach ya to blow up properly! How ‘bout that?” Pa-Patch says.
They smirk. “Alright, just tell me what to do.”
Everyone’s a little quiet as they return to Twilight Town, the question of what to tell Eve weighting on their minds. Ultimately, most of them agree, it’s up to Mario to decide. He’s the leader of the group and the one who picked up the Trouble in the first place, after all. As they step into the house, Eve immediately perks up. “Oh, you’re back? What did he say?”
Before anyone else has a chance to say anything, Leia’s already speaking. “He says he doesn’t remember you, but it’s a pretty obvious lie if you ask me. All to feed his martyr complex, I bet.” They’re glaring at the floor with their fists tightly clenched, their voice just barely this side of a growl.
Eve blinks, taken aback. “Oh. That is… something. I… I don’t know what to think about it. I think I might need some time to figure it out…” she seems lost, but quickly rallies, “Well, thank you for entertaining a silly woman’s flight of fancy. Here’s a little something for your trouble!” Clearly, her family is no longer in need of food if the reward she comes up with is any indication. It will certainly serve their group well.
As soon as the party returns to Rogueport from their journey to Hooktail Castle, they hear a commotion from the central square. They trade glances before taking off to check out what’s going on. It soon becomes clear the noise is coming from Podley’s Place, now full of explosions and a mixture of incensed and panicked screaming. It has attracted quite a crowd, but the foremost thought running through the seven of their minds is the party member they’d left waiting in Rogueport. “I don’t think I’ll be needed there… Why don’t I stay here in Rogueport? I’ll see you when you get back.” They’d thought nothing of the suggestion at the time.
Now, though… “Oh no.”
“…Sorry, guys. I messed up.” The Black Skull may be faster than the S.S. Flavion was, but they still have plenty of time before they reach Keelhaul Key. And this conversation, though painful, needs to happen.
“Well, at least you understand that…” Flurrie says uncertainly.
Their newest party member has a different outlook on the situation. “Mmm hmm hmm – I was impressed, actually! You made quite a ruckus without getting knocked out.”
Leia cracks a little smile at that. “Yeah, I still can’t believe I got away with it. Clearly being small and fast is a significant advantage…” Ms. Mowz would understand that, wouldn’t she?
Vivian wrings her hands worriedly. “And the people up in the inn? What if that fight had spread up there? Or worse…” They wince guiltily at the thought.
Koops mumbles, “Poor Toadsworth…” The old Toad had been quite convinced the building was about to come down on his head.
Bobbery’s response is nonchalant, “Eh, the place’s built sturdy. They have to be, in Rogueport. You never know when a bob-omb goes off there.”
“Seriously, though, what were you thinking?” Goombella turns to Leia expectantly, shifting the conversation back on track.
They rub their face tiredly. “…I was angry. He just- he’s been hurting other people, and then making it about himself – his own guilt and martyrdom. And everyone’s just going along with it? So… you know how they say it’s seeing your own vices in other people that makes you mad?” They sigh. “Yeah, I made it about myself.” They continue in a low mumble, “I know I should know better. I know I should do better. I just…” they trail off.
“I understand,” Vivian says unexpectedly, “He’s not the victim here, and to pretend otherwise feels like a disservice… but I didn’t think confronting him about it was going to help. Not when it wasn’t any of us he’d been hurting.” She tilts her head, her next question apparently meant sincerely, “Did getting angry about it actually accomplish anything?”
Leia grimaces. “It made me feel good for a bit, and now I’m feeling bad enough to make it very much not worth it.”
“You should apologise. To Podley, I mean,” Koops says.
“Yeah, I should,” they agree, “Just… Maybe I should wait for everyone to have calmed down first? Think about how to do it properly and stuff.”
Mario agrees that that sounds like a sound idea.
Admiral Bobbery has been mostly quiet, but now he speaks up. “Look, Leia. I get what you were trying to do there. But Scarlette wouldn’t have wanted that. She wasn’t that kind of person.”
They nod slowly with a wistful smile. “She must have been something else. If it was me in her place I’d have haunted him within an inch of his life by now…” they trail off before adding in a whisper, “Wish I could have met her.”
“She was,” Bobbery agrees. Then, he visibly hesitates for a long moment before saying, “Would… would you like to hear about her?”
The response is immediate and very positive. “Oh! Oh! Please tell us!” Everyone in the group has been curious about her.
Giorno’s bouncing up and down in his eagerness. “Absolutely!”
“If you feel up to speaking, of course!” Koops amends quickly, Mario nodding along.
The bob-omb chuckles lightly. “I dare say it’s a story good for the teller, as well.” He settles down more comfortably and clears his throat before beginning, “I hadn’t known Scarlette for long at that point…”
Almost three weeks after Podley’s Place got blown up, the little Bomb to have done so returns. It gets no more than two steps inside before having its way blocked by another bob-omb ready to protect the bartender. “What are you trying to pull, coming back here?!” he spits, his fuse lighting up.
“I’m here to apologise. That’s all.” They do look a lot less confrontational this time, admittedly. They’re eyeing the other’s lit fuse worriedly and shifting their weight like they might make a run for it, but it doesn’t seem like they’re about to blow up again, at least.
The regular looks at them suspiciously, clearly trying to gauge their trustworthiness. “Let them in.” Podley has placed down the items in his hands and is now leaning forward, watching the proceedings. The local glances at him before finally stepping to the side, still glaring at the other bob-omb suspiciously. The stranger takes this opportunity to walk up to the counter, right in front of the bartender himself.
“I’m sorry.” They place a bag of coins on the counter, followed by some fresh pasta. “It was wrong of me to blow up like that, I’m sorry, and I won’t do it again. …Anything else I can add to that is just going to sound like excuses, so. That’s it.” They shift uncomfortably under everyone’s scrutiny.
Podley raises his eyebrows as he takes his time looking over the offerings. Fresh pasta is nothing to sneer at, certainly – it implies a certain amount of effort has been gone to for this apology. “All right.” He takes the bag and the pasta, storing them under the counter for now. “…I suppose I did deserve a kick in the pants.”
They sigh and say, “Even if you did, it was never my place to give it.”
Podley nods and picks up the glass he was cleaning before this interruption. As the bob-omb turns to leave, he says, “…If you see Eve… Tell her I’m sorry, and that I hope she’s happy.”
They turn enough to look at him from the corner of one eye as they respond, “Will do.” With that, they leave with no further fuss. The handful of patrons in the bar are left staring after them for a bit, but soon turn back to their own business. Soon enough the incident is, if not exactly forgotten, largely ignored. A fact its instigator can only be grateful for.
Traversing the hallways of the X-Naut base on the Moon, the party encounters… surprisingly little resistance, all things considered. Just as well seeing as they’re once again down their support party member, who’d opted to stay behind in Rogueport. “I promise not to blow up on anyone. Or blow up anyone.” Sure, there’s key cards and the occasional X-Naut or Yux-variant to fight, but all in all the sailing’s a little bit too smooth to be fully believable. Which means they’re most likely being expected. Everyone agrees they need to be ready for anything the X-Nauts try to pull.
Which means they’re not exactly surprised when they arrive in a large room perfect for maneuvering a giant mecha in to find Lord Crump waiting for them. Well, to be exact, they find Lord Crump in the middle of a conversation with a small, basic X-Naut, but they both pause and turn towards them when they arrive, so the point’s kinda moot. The ordinary X-Naut immediately rushes towards them, making them brace for attack – until it poofs into a goomba with a cheerful chirp of “Guess who!”
Which is probably the biggest surprise of the day thus far, and is accordingly met with exclamations to that effect. “Leia?! How are you here?!”
“I took the teleporter!” they explain, “It’s beneath Rogueport, I’ll show you-”
They’re interrupted by Lord Crump gasping dramatically and pointing at the false goomba. “Buh-huh?! You! What have you done with Johnson? Speak!”
In response, Leia laughs darkly. Turning around with a wide grin while also turning into a koopa they announce, “Oh, never you fear – Johnson is perfectly safe… as long as you comply with our demands! Now, I could ask the same question about Four-Eyes!”
“Buh!?” Lord Crump seems to be having trouble finding his words, instead starting to shake suspiciously.
Not that the duplighost is giving him much chance to respond, anyway. “Don’t act dumb with me, Crump! It’s no coincidence he disappeared right around the time you made your attack, is it? Well, I’ve a vested interest in getting him back unharmed… and so I propose a prisoner exchange!”
As the strange negotiation continues, it slowly dawns on the rest of them that these two just might be doing an elaborate skit. Leia’s inability to stop smiling is something of a hint in that direction. Unfortunately, they can’t be certain. After all…
They are both rather out there, aren’t they?
“Hey. Hey!” Giorno exclaims, “I get that you’re having fun, but we need to get the Crystal Star and Princess Peach back right now!”
“Guh- Fine! We shall continue the negotiations at a later date!” Leia sweeps an arm out dramatically, casually shifting to human form in the same move. “Besides… I’m just dying to try this baby out!” They pull out a smallish piece of electronics, press a few buttons – and light up as the device blasts out techno music with a groovy beat. “Ohh yes! Now we’re talking!”
Even with all the upgrades to Magnus von Grapple, the outcome of the following fight is never really in doubt.
They all feel it the moment they step into the chamber: there’s something badly off about the room. Something deeply unsettling, not visible but felt all the keener. And it’s not the slight electrical charge in the air, either.
The deep-set feeling of dread remains a mystery, but the originator of the charge becomes readily apparent as they reach the top of the stairs and get their first look at the throne and the large, robed figure in front of it. “Gaaack ack ack ack ack!” A harsh, crackling laugh that sounds as if it’s being forced through speakers that aren’t quite up to the task. Not a pleasant sound by any means, but maybe marginally preferable to Flavio’s voice. Depends on who you ask, really. “We finally meet, Mario! I’ve been looking forward to this, I must admit,” Mr. More-Machine-Than-Man states with an air of menace.
“What are the rest of us, chopped liver?” Ms. Mowz huffs to herself.
The party groups itself around Mario, prepared for a fight. “So, this lout is the leader of those X-Nauts!” Bobbery exclaims for everyone’s benefit.
Vivian shivers, muttering, “Gro- Grodus…”
“Yes… correct!” Grodus responds – but before he has a chance to say anything further, a voice nearly identical to his rings out through the room.
“Indeed!” Everyone turns as one as a second Grodus materialises off to the side. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who this is. Looks like they hadn’t been paying enough attention to what their most out there partner was up to…
The second Grodus speaks, lights flickering erratically in ‘his’ head, gesturing grandly with ‘his’ staff and sounding far too excited (and giggly) to be believable as a copy. “Yes, it is I, Big High Grodan, leader of the Nazi community!” Mario makes a choking kind of sound, loud in the stunned silence. Not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise, the copy continues, “I deported TEC for getting pregnant! Because I hate children! I was probably behind Mr. Krump’s daughter’s death too, ‘cuz that’s just the kind of guy I am! When I rule the world, I’ll prohibit reproduction forever! Babies will be declared illegal! I’ll hunt all storks to extinction! I’ll even-”
The real Grodus finally breaks out of his shock, sending a stream of flame at the imposter too quickly for them to dodge. The revealed duplighost hits the wall, croaking out, “Worth it!” even as they crumple into a smoking heap on the floor.
“That was… highly disturbing, in places,” TEC comments.
“Oh.” Leia bites their lip uncertainly. “Should I have – given better warnings about the content first or-?”
“I have not been harmed by this data,” it assures them, “It is impossible to take something so absurd seriously enough for that to happen. I am also excellent at compartmentalising.”
“Yeah, you and me both.” They nod seriously, then perk up again. “So, anyway! What do you think? Think you can make use of this stuff?”
TEC is silent for a moment, save for the whirring of its cooling fans. “There is… potential here. Raw material for creating something new…” It sounds thoughtful, but maybe that’s just from the way its cooling processes increase in intensity.
They laugh. “Potential’s definitely the right word for it! It needs a lot of work to make it appropriate for general audiences, and in a form good for sharing.” Game mods are something very different from books or plays, after all.
TEC makes an electronic sound that seems like it might be agreeing. “Indeed. Still, it would be something for me to do that wasn’t helping with world domination.” Somehow, despite its monotone voice, it manages to sound darkly amused as it continues, “Besides, it would be… agreeable to show the world Sir Grodus in an appropriate light.”
Leia’s answering grin shows off all their fangs.