Chapter Text
It's been days…
Phoenix laid on his couch, waiting for the clock to turn to 8:00, which is when Apollo usually got there.
He hadn't been there for 3 days now. It was fucking weird. Phoenix was so used to his Chords of Steel and Trucy’s magic tricks scaring the shit out of him first thing in the morning.
He even texted him. Phoenix never texts unless it's for someone he appreciates enough to navigate his stupid phone.
[7:47] are you alright? its been a while since you came in. if you need anything, let me know, okay?
[7:47] i know the other day was awful for you and you just want to be left alone, but we care.
[7:48] Delivered.
He stared at the ceiling, dreading this pit in his stomach. Trucy had probably texted him too; he bet that she hadn't seen him outside of work either…
…That's it! Trucy!
Phoenix got up quickly, racing through the hallway to Trucy's room. She was concentrating on a magic trick, and for a moment, he paused, feeling fond.
She looked tired and lonely, though. Apollo being gone has done a number on her too.
She eventually saw him. “Hi Daddy! What's up?”
He refocused. “Hey Truce. Have you heard anything from Apollo since…that happened?”
She paused her trick completely, staring at it for a second, before pulling out her phone. “I texted him the first day he didn't come here. He said he didn't feel like going out of the house so he was just doing work from home, but I haven't heard from him since.” She looked up at him, and he immediately felt worried.
“Daddy? I'm really worried for Polly. He wasn't texting how he usually did, and I know he felt really bad on Monday but something isn't right. He looked really tense, and his bracelet was tight on his wrist…"
She got quieter as she spoke, afraid and nervous, while staring at him like she did 7 years ago. 7 years ago when that man ruined his child's life. 7 years ago when Trucy was left without a father and was clueless for what to do next.
He nodded, pulling her into his arms. He sat his head on hers. “I feel that way too. But we will figure it out, alright? He wouldn't just leave without good reason. I promise.”
“...Okay. But…do you know why he was so upset the other day? He said he was overwhelmed, but…I have that feeling ….”
He paused. “…He's been through a lot like you have. But, we just need to be there for him. No matter what,” He releases her from his embrace, but he holds her shoulders. “Alright?”
She looked at him, determined. “Of course! He's basically my older brother. I'm not gonna abandon him! He's my family just as much as you and Papa are!”
He smiled at her, feeling partially relieved. He still feels uneasy, but with his daughter by his side, nothing can stop him.
“Please, let me help you! You need to let someone be there and I am not letting you deal with this alone-”
“For the last time, Clay, I am fine!” Apollo snarled. “Please, just…I just want to calm down from..from everything and I don't want to bother anybody else with my bullshit! I've dragged so many people into my head and I hate it! I don't want-” he angrily ranted, pacing across their apartment while glaring at the floor.
He didn't notice Clay’s look of sadness and deep empathy for his best friend.
“You don't want people to leave. I know you, Apollo. You help people until you can't anymore, then you question your worth. You've always been this way.”
“But, I-”
“No buts aside from yours in a chair. Sit down.” Clay dragged him by his arm, and sat him down on their shitty couch in their very decorated apartment. He then went to go grab a water bottle from the fridge before putting it in Apollo’s hands.
“You are gonna drink this, and then we are gonna watch whatever you want. Or talk. Or whatever you wanna do.” Apollo opens his mouth to argue, but then Clay glares at him. He shuts it. “I know you haven't been feeling good for a while. I'm sorry. But I can't help unless you let me and tell me what's wrong.”
Apollo sighs, then drinks some of the water. “It's so overwhelming.”
Clay looks at him, raising his arm up to see if he wants any physical touch. “What is?” He knows, but it's better for Apollo to get it all out.
“Just…everything.” He looked down at the floor to avoid eye contact, but he leaned into Clay’s arms on instinct. He was the original place where Apollo learned he could be safe.
"I fucked up people's lives…I mean…" He runs his hand shakily through his hair, getting it out of his face. "I put away Prosecutor Gavin's brother, who he loved and trusted, in jail. Not to mention he might get the death penalty. I put his best friend in jail for years. I crushed that man's life! He doesn't deserve anything I put him through. It's all my fault…" He hides his face in Clay's collar.
"Were you the one who poisoned that girl? Killed that guy from your first case?"
Apollo popped up instantly, appalled. "What, no! Of course not!-"
"Then, how is it your fault?" Clay stared at him, not breaking eye contact for a second.
"I-" Apollo inhales sharply. "I revealed things that broke them. That broke Gav- Klavier's heart and he'll never forgive me. I already betrayed Mr. Gavin…god I sound so entitled." He laughs humorlessly.
"He fucking killed people. Why do I still want to try and save him?"
Clay felt his heart melt, despite the topic. He has the most considerate, kind best friend on planet Earth. No, in the cosmos.
"He mentored you. Gave you a solid job. Gave you something to be proud of and to put your focus and energy into. You were betrayed. He used you."
"I…just. Why. Why does this happen to me? I'm just a random kid but of course I get involved in this stupid shit."
Apollo looked close to ripping his hair out, but instead, he just balled his hands into Clay's GYAXA hoodie as hard as he could.
At least its a better alternative to some other things.
"Hey, Pollo? Just. Can you look at me for a second?" He took a deep breath, then looked at his lips. So no eye contact, got it. "I need you to hear this okay?"
He nods, and then Clay carefully runs his hand through his hair. Apollo melts a little.
"You were just doing your job. Yes, it sucks that both Gavins was involved. Yes, there are a lot of unknowns in your situation, but if there is one thing I know," he paused, holding Apollo's face in his hand, "It's that you care about what you do. You care about the victims of these crimes. You care about those who were falsely accused. You care about the families that were deeply hurt by the criminals. You care." Apollo froze against Clay's chest, and he started to subtly shake.
"Is it bad that I hate that I care this much? I feel like they are just…gonna leave. Again. Hell, I'm surprised that you haven't left. I've bitched so much to you and I feel like that's the only thing I talk to you abou-"
A hand peeled Apollo off of his chest, and he looked like he could cry.
"I will never leave. You are stuck with me for as long as I live. For as long as you live. I love you, Apollo. None of this shit is your fault. I stayed with you because I have an equal in you. You have heard all of my family drama. You stayed with me when mom died. You got me through her funeral. You got me through middle school, high school, college - hell, you are even helping me every day by being here." Clay genuinely smiled at him, tearing up. "It isn't bad at all. You have a big heart. You care for everyone, even if you don't want to. I love you for that, Pollo."
Apollo looked at Clay with an unreadable look, before hugging him as hard as he could. "Thank you. For being here, for dealing with me, just…I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"
Clay felt Apollo's tears on his shirt. "It's okay, I'm here. I'll always be here."
They sat there squeezing each other for a long time. Could have been minutes. Could have been hours.
But after a while, Clay carefully carried a sleepy Apollo in his arms, slowly lifting the two of them off of the couch.
He navigated their apartment with relative ease, since Mikeko decided to sleep in Clay's bed.
He opened Apollo's bedroom door, wincing at the loud squeak it gave out. Apollo murmured something.
"Go back to sleep, man. I got ya." Clay whispered, placing his head on his shoulder. Apollo whispered, "Okay…", before snuggling into Clay's body heat.
He felt bad putting him on the bed and leaving him with how clingy he became, but he needed to clean up the apartment before leaving tomorrow.
He made sure Apollo was settled, before kissing his temple. "Goodnight, Apollo."
He left the room, and then immediately felt dread in his gut.
Clay had to leave the very next day for the annual GYAXA Job Fair that they hold every year, and Clay had the main shift, which ran from 7 in the morning to set up, until around 6 in the evening.
After what happened when he got home from work the other day, and from what happened today, Clay really doesn't want to leave Apollo alone.
He had walked in on Apollo sitting on the couch, crying in his court suit, and his papers scattered throughout the hallway. He had tried to comfort him, but Apollo only wanted silence and to be left alone.
Clay understood, and made him his favorite food to set aside for when he wanted it.
They understood each other better than most people know their spouses. They have helped each other when sick, when grieving, when they needed backup for skipping class during school, when they needed a reason to get out of work.
They were ride-or-die. Nothing would change that.
So, when Apollo acted like he did back when he used to relapse back when he first got out of college, Clay panicked. He tried to keep in contact every couple of hours, sent memes, tried to parallel play to get work done together, everything he could think of.
Then this happened. This breakdown.
It scares him. He doesn't want to lose his best friend, his brother, his soulmate in every sense of the word.
It's worse that it is to his own mind. It's harder to help from the outside.
But, all he can do is be here before and after. To help him when other people won't. To help him as much as humanly possible.
He can't lose Apollo. He just can't. He loves him too much for that.
Klavier had a plan for today. Not that it mattered, since he never sticks to his plans anyways. But still.
He had a plan.
He had been wanting to talk to Apollo to clear up any misunderstandings from the Misham Trial. Klavier felt like he owed him for all of the bullshit Kristoph put him through. As well as what happened with Phoenix Wright. Not only to him, but the effects of what he did hurt people. Good people.
There was a lot going through his head. He felt like getting most of it out on the table with Apollo, a fellow overthinker, would be better than avoiding one of the most endearing people he knows.
He decided to ignore the thoughts of hypocrite, imposter, child to walk out of his apartment building to visit the Wright Everything Agency to go talk to Herr Forehead.
Sure, he looked like he just rolled out of bed and got hit by a truck, but he needed this. Closure. Someone that hopefully will stay for once. Someone who will understand everything, without any overbearing opinions or snide comments.
The cameras don't matter when it comes to his friends. The people he cares about more than fame.
This could go one of a million ways, either Herr Forehead hates me, he blames me, he blames himself, he blames Herr Wright-
No, he couldn't think that way. He needs to check on his friend. He needs to make sure he didn't fuck this up. He needs to make sure that Apollo didn't hate him for fucking up his job and for crushing his views of everyone he knew, as well as his view of himself-
And the next thing he knew, is that he was knocking on the Wright Everything Agency’s door. He breathed in, waiting for someone to open the door.
To his surprise, it was Trucy.
He really shouldn't have been that surprised.
“Hi Mr. Gavin!”
“Oh, Fräulein Magician! It's good to see you!” She got manipulated too, didn't she? “How are you?” She didn't deserve any of this either, especially after her father…all my fault.
She grins, brightening his somewhat dreadful mood. "Pretty good. Ema is here, if you wanna say hi!"
He hears a shout from inside the agency. "Hey Fop!"
"Do you want to come in?" Trucy's puppy eyes are downright evil with how they can convince anyone to do her bidding. How in the hell can he say no?
"Sure, but only for a little while. I have a visit planned for today." It isn't a lie, per say, but it isn't a complete truth.
Trucy's brows pinch for a slight second in thought, before ignoring whatever she thought of.
"Good enough for me!" She grabs his arm, and pretty much drags him inside the door.
Klavier sees Ema on the couch, eating her chocolate Snackoos and smiling at the sight of him. It has been a while since I saw her. Since his trial, I think.
Her gaze softened when it landed on him. "Hey. It's been way too damn long, man. How've you been?"
Klavier gives her a small, but genuine smile. "I'm…alright, I suppose. It's been rough, but…you knew that, heh…"
You dummkopf, you sound like you are straining yourself! Sei normal!
"Gavin. Seriously." She sighs. Even if he is annoying at times, this is just uncharacteristically strange of him.
"Fräulein, I am fine. Please, lets not focus on past things right now, alright?"
Thankfully, Trucy went to go get something out of the fridge. Ema took a shot. "Fop. You and me both know why you are here."
"Ema, I am not here to argue with you." She looked shocked at the drop of the nickname, but she kept her ground.
"No. You need help, Klavier. Hiding your feelings isn't going to help."
"I am not trying to hide! I was going to find Herr Justice and try to talk things out, but it seems like he isn't here. That's why I'm here. Not whatever you were thinking." He looked genuinely pissed off. Ema immediately realized she crossed a line. "I am fine. Now! I am going to go see Apollo, tell Fräulein Wright that I am sorry. "
"He hasn't been talking to anyone lately. That's why I'm here."
That made him freeze.
"He hasn't…scheiße." He looks at her. "Has he completely cut off contact? When was the last time he was here?"
"3 days." Trucy cuts back in, three bottles of water in hand for all of them. She hands both Klavier and Ema one.
"It's really bad then, huh? He's a workaholic worse than you are, fop. This is just fu- fricking weird." She cuts herself off before cursing. There is a child here, after all.
"Yeah. Polly never does this. Ever. I mean, he also never- hm." Trucy bit her tongue. Klavier noticed immediately.
"Never what, Fräulein?" His stomach is doing flips, and not in the fun way.
"Before he left, he…had a really rough day. Had a panic attack and went home acting really strange. Daddy and I have been trying to get in contact constantly, but we haven't had any luck." Trucy took her hat off, fiddling with the bottom part. "I don't know what that means for his health. I mean…he always worked himself to the brim anyways."
Klavier bit his nails, starting to pace across the room. Ema looked at him, then at Trucy. She sighed.
"I mean…if he hasn't been here for days, and we don't know if anyone is with him-"
"His friend Clay is with him." Phoenix walked in the door, putting his beanie in the little trophy near Charley. "I'm not sure if he has been there the whole time, and I'm not sure if he'll be there for any longer. Or even if he's there right now. But with how he talks about him, he's probably helping out.." He rambled as he kept talking, getting quieter and quicker as he went.
Klavier jumped at the new voice, then nodded at him. "Herr Wright. Is he…what happened before…?"
Phoenix sighed. Dread started to form in Klavier's stomach. "He came into work, tried to work on paperwork for the State v Misham trial, and then got…overwhelmed? Overstimulated? A mix of the two of them. Me and Trucy tried to help, then we made him sleep some of it off since he was really upset. Then he went home, and we haven't seen him since."
Klavier nodded, since it added more context. It seems unlike Apollo to do this. It's concerning. Its also all his fault. He dragged him into it. Fuck.
As they talked, he spaced out for a bit, repeating the information in his head. All he could get out of it was a sense of fear that something had happened. That's the only thing that his brain has supplied that is even somewhat helpful. The other is the natural feeling that comes with the job of being a prosecutor. Something happened, and there might be a victim. That, and this conversation has given Klavier more information than he has ever known about Apollo before this happened. He wasn't really open about himself whenever they hung out. Is that my fault? Just like everything else? Or did he just…break?
Ema hummed with a frown on her face. "And you mentioned this Clay guy?"
"That's Apollo's best friend. We have never met him, but we've heard a lot about him. He comes up a lot in conversation." Phoenix smiles a bit. He knows the feeling of talking about someone so much that everyone knew them because of you. It also happened whenever Klavier came up, but that isn't currently relevant.
"Do any of you have Clay's number aside from the obvious?" Ema asked somewhat impatiently. She paced across the rug, picking at her bag of snackoos. She was met with 3 shakes of the head, and she sighed.
"Have y'all done a house check yet?" Klavier snapped his fingers, giving a slight smile, while the Wrights' both shook their heads.
"Why didn't I think of that!" Trucy pouted for a second, looking very frustrated at herself for not thinking of it sooner. Me and you both…
"That's what we should do then." Klavier announced. "I should go, but do any of you want to come with..?" Ema nodded seriously.
"Apollo probably needs food and something to distract him, so why not more friends?" Klavier smiled more genuinely at that, and Trucy looked conflicted.
"What's wrong, Fräulein?"
"I…I want to go. But…it was scary seeing him so broken. I don't know if I could handle it like me and Daddy did last time, even if I'm this worried." Phoenix wrapped his arm around her shoulder.
"You don't have to go of you feel like you can't or don't want to."
"I know, but…I want to be there for Polly!"
Ema stepped in front of her. "How about this, kiddo. Me and Klav will text you and Mr. Wright details about Apollo whenever we get the chance. If we need you, we'll get you both, okay? But you can stay here if you feel like you can't handle it when or if that time comes. Okay?" Trucy nodded, and suddenly hugged her. It was a wholesome scene, and Klavier saw Phoenix smile at his daughter.
"Please take care of him. He doesn't know when to stop sometimes…" Ema ignores her tears, Trucy ignores the choked up end of her words.
"Don't worry. We will."
"Alrighty then, komm!
Apollo felt like he was stuck. Vibrating in place. Felt like he was spiralling without anything aside from caring for Mikeko to stimulate him, and to keep him from doing something completely stupid.
He had avoided work like the plague, avoided all contact with his friends, his family, just because he felt as if the breakdown was the last straw. He couldn't stop all his thoughts.
They all see how pathetic you are. They'll leave you just like Dhurke and Nahyuta and Kristoph. There's no use in being there. There's no use in going to work. There's no use in trying to maintain any of your status when you were that worthless infront of your idol. When you complained and whined to Clay while he was trying to achieve his life goal.
For three days, he stayed in a state of numbness and understimulation, unable to get what he needs from his depressing apartment.
He saw the Wrights' texts, and as much as he needed to hear those words, he didn't believe them.
He saw the many missed calls and worried texts from Clay. He didn't want to bother him.
He saw hundreds of texts from Ema with curse words that would make even Clay clutch his non-existent pearls. It was funny, but he couldn't bring himself to read all of it.
He didn't register that their caring words were directed towards himself. He couldn't accept that they actually cared.
For a while, he couldn't feel anything and it was really messing with him. He was freezing cold, but he thought he deserved to freeze. To feel something that he caused himself. He wanted to feel. To hurt. To do something that didn't hurt anyone else.
He has done too much of that to deserve any less. He had ruined Klavier's life. He'd fucked up Trucy's family. Phoenix's career. His own family. His own body. His own mind.
He didn't deserve anything. He didn't deserve to be alive. He didn't deserve any love or care.
He only deserved hurt.
He felt like he wasn't in his body. He stared off in the distance, repeating every little mistake he ever made to hurt someone else in his head. All he could hear was how much of a mistake he was.
He felt himself move, going towards the bathroom. He didn't register turning on the light. He didn't register opening his drawer. He didn't register grabbing his razor.
All he could feel was numbness, and then the feeling of the blade drawing blood across his legs into his tub.
Finally. I feel like something again. I feel warm.
He then dragged the razor across his legs repeatedly, relishing in the relief of feeling something that wasn't his cold body, or his tears.
He saw the red, and thought, this is what I deserve. All of their pain. It's all my fault.
The cuts got deeper as his thoughts started to derail even further. The blood ran deeper, more dark.
All my fault. All my fault. All my-
There was a knock on the door.
"Liebling? Apollo? Are you home?"
All of Apollo's body came back to life at once; He was on fire. His legs stung. He registered the tears running down his face. He realized he had relapsed after more than 3 years. He ruined his progress and his relationships in the process.
Fuck. This is really bad.