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Chapter Text

Hi, I'm Lyssa! I've been an SMG4 fan for a super long time, and I've been reading the awesome fanfics everyone has been posting. I'm sort of an amateur writer, so I decided to give the whole fanfiction writing thing a try. I would really love to hear any positive comments or constructive criticism, because I am always looking to become a better writer. That being said, I also take requests. Please send in nothing illegal, but other than that, I will try my best to listen to your guys' ideas! I have many oneshots planned out already, so requests could be a little slow.

Here are some of my opinions on this fandom's ships.

SMG34: This ship is what got me reading fanfics in the first place, and many of the stories I write will be based on these two fruit loops.

Marware: This ship is cute, but I do prefer it when it is written as an enemies to lovers story rather than an established relationship.

Megari: This would be cute. They're not the best, but I can definitely see the draw to the ship and their compatibility.

Megario (I think that's what it's called): I see them as more of siblings, and their age difference is unsettling, to say the least.

Bomg1: They've never interacted. Maybe if they ever talk in an episode, I can begin to see and understand their ship.

Mar4: They would be good as friends with benefits, or maybe with an undefined relationship.

Mar3: I can only see this if the timeline is the YouTube arc.

CatVideo: I recently discovered this ship, but I really like it and I think that it is one of the ships that may be closer to canon than the others.

Symbols I use for the stories

☁️- Fluff (light kissing, crushes, blushing, flustered, etc.)

💔- Angst (the big sad)

🥝- Lime (detailed makeout scenes, suggestive language and actions)

😂- Jokefic (satire fun)

☯️- Platonic (no romantic relationships)

🗑️- Brain Dump (shorter oneshots, usually around 1k words that just come to me randomly)

⚡- AU (this changes the whole future of the episode)

❓- What if (this has no effect on the future, it is just an insignificant episode change)

🌺- Requested Prompt

There will be no sexual activity in this book. I'm not fully comfortable with reading/writing this.

Headcanons

I try my best not to stray from canon, but here are a few of my major ones.

- SMG2 is a girl. He literally wears a dress and sounds feminine, so my stupid ass didn't realize he was a boy until I already began writing many of these. This is why it won't change and it will be having him as a girl.

- Mario is smarter than he looks, he speaks Italian way more than canon, and he is left handed.

- SMG3 has shoulder length hair that he tucks into his hat to look more manly and less gay. But, let's be honest. Who is he fooling?

- SMG4 is an amazing cooker and SMG3 is an amazing baker.

- Mario is 5'8, SMG3 is 5'9, and SMG4 is 5'11.

- Karen is half human, half cat. Don't ask how that happened, this is just what I see her as... 💀

- Boopkins is thirteen years old, making him a minor. This means that I will never ship him with anybody, ever.

- Mr. Puzzles used to work for the government before he was fired and began terrorizing the crew, realizing he wanted a perfect world where he was loved by everyone.

- Eggdog is trying his best to learn English, but he and Beeg speak in Meme Language.

Okay, I think that's everything. I hope you enjoy my one shots, and please leave comments if you see any mistakes! This is not beta read (we die like Axol) and I have no energy to read the stories 100% before I post them.

Thanks for clicking on this book!

Chapter Text

SMG4 takes a sip of his coffee as he stares at his computer. The darkness of the room is illuminated by the bright screen, the only source of light in the castle. Everyone had long since left or gone to sleep, making this the perfect time for him to work on his videos. Getting alone time in the castle was hard, especially with his best friend Mario around, so late at night was one of the only times for the man to work in complete peace.

As he is editing his latest masterpiece, he takes a glance at the digital clock on his desk. The time reads 12:34 A.M. That's quite a normal time for him to be awake, especially when he had a clip to finish, but getting some sleep wouldn't be such a bad idea. Tomorrow, he might be able to wake up before noon. He yawns, powering down his computer by hitting the Shut Down button on the side.

Oddly, instead of turning off, the computer just glitches back to the application he just closed. Four's eyebrows furrow as he tries to shut the device down once more. Again, he is greeted by the editing app. Groaning in frustration, Four almost doesn't hear the door to his bedroom open with a creak.

"Who's there?" Four calls out into the darkness of the castle.

As he squints, someone begins to come into view. They are standing in the corner, clutching something in their left hand. As they lean against the wall, Four makes eye contact with them. The peculiar thing about them is that they don't have eyes at all. Instead, they just have a creepy grin plastered on their- their... TV screen?

Mr. Puzzles walks up to the meme man who is still in the same position. Four's eyes widen in fear as he stares at the TV man. The lights turn on quickly with a simple wave of Mr. Puzzles' hand.

"Surprised to see me again so soon?" He asks, looming over Four with a smile.

"Meggy's house is across the neighborhood in Inkopolis. Although, I doubt she'll go with you." Snapping out of his daze, the content creator glares back at Mr. Puzzles defiantly.

"Oh, don't worry. Those dreams have already been shattered, thank you very much." He sighs, shaking his head in a mixture of annoyance and defeat. "I'm actually here for you, SMG4." He says as Four looks at him in disbelief.

"What could you possibly want with me?" He asks the villain.

"Well, that's easy, my dear." Mr. Puzzles chuckles, waving his free hand around. "You are going to be my next movie's antagonist again."

"What?" Four asks, trying to register Mr. Puzzles' words.

"Indeed! Your performance last March was breathtaking. So breathtaking, in fact, that the fans would surely adore it if you regressed."

"Hell no! I have friends that love me and count on me. Not to mention all the trauma we have experienced because of you." Four says, pointing a finger in his TV face angrily.

The man just stares at Four for a while, making the tension very uncomfortable. It was so unsettling to Four that he began to nervously sweat. Maybe standing up to that villain was a bad idea. He wasn't exactly sure what Mr. Puzzles was capable of without all five of his stars, and he didn't really want to find out.

"You disappoint me, Four. Maybe this will make you change your mind." He says as the lights flicker back off.

Four gasps audibly. While the walking television wasn't able to brainwash anybody again, he was still capable of doing harm. Four was certain of that. Why else would he even dare to come to the castle unarmed? Four didn't want to see what kind of torture the cyborg had in store for him, because both men knew that the content creator wasn't going to be persuaded easily.

After a few moments of silence, the lights come back on again. Four squints at the sudden brightness as Mr. Puzzles comes into view, along with someone new. Four tries to get a better look at the person. They're wearing white pajamas, and they have shoulder length hair. This person's beard and seemingly permanent scowl are unmistakable. Once the man successfully realizes who this person is, his blood runs cold.

In front of him was one of his best friends, SMG3. He was chained to the wall by his hands and neck, with a cloth tied around his mouth to prevent him from speaking. His eyes have bags under them, and his hair is very messy. Four recognized his PJ's because he had seen them hanging up in his lair once, white decorated with purple skulls. He might've called them cute if the two of them were currently in a different situation.

After noticing the state that his poor friend was in, he realized that Mr. Puzzles must've taken him out of his own bedroom! The two friends' eyes make contact and Three glares at Four. Did he think that Four was responsible for this?

"Hey. Don't drag Three into this. He has no business-" Four pauses as Mr. Puzzles holds a knife to Three's neck.

"Be my villain and I see no reason to kill him. Refuse? Your dear friend leaves this earth." The TV man says threateningly.

"What? No!" Four says, walking towards the cyborg and preparing for a fight.

"Come any closer and this knife goes in his throat." He warns Four as he pauses. There had to be another way to get Three back without anyone getting hurt... he just had to figure out what that was.

Mr. Puzzles then tosses the object he had been holding to Four, who catches it out of reflex. Taking a better look at it, Four realizes what it is. The USB for the video he went crazy over last year. This caused so much pain for the whole kingdom when both their princess and their castle descended into the fleshy pit. Once Four gave this video up, he thought he would never see it again, yet here it was staring him in the eyes.

He throws it to the ground, looking at the villain with a look of pure disgust.

"How did you find this?"

"Enough questions! My patience has been worn thin." Mr. Puzzles snaps, pressing the knife point lightly against Three's skin.

Four looks between Three and Mr. Puzzles, conflicted on what to decide. Does he take the deal and save Three's life? Or does he refuse, save the new castle, but lose him forever? The choice should be easy, but Four still finds himself faltering. Now, why does this seem so familiar?

Of course, the answer lies within the monster pit. He had a choice to either save Three or the USB, and he chose one of his closest friends over anything else. Four looks over at his friend who is uncharacteristically shaking, almost like he feared his fate. This time, when the two make eye contact, the only thing present in Three's face is horror.

"Okay! I will, just please don't hurt my friends!" Four cries out as the knife gets dropped by the villain.

"Excellent choice." Mr. Puzzles says, snapping his fingers as the USB appears in Four's computer. The Perfect Video begins to play and the editing adware that Four prayed he would never have to see again returns.

"It is time to update your video, it is not quite as PERFECT as it once was. Let's get started!" It orders.

As the keyboard reappears on Four's desk, it beckons for him to type on it. This is exactly what happened the first time, when he was possessed, and he destroyed the entire castle. Did he really want to relapse? After everything that they all went through? After all that Three did for him?

Sorry, Three. Four thinks, feeling guilty, but still knowing that he had no choice. He had to do this to save him, to save everyone.

He looks back at where his friend was, surprised to see that both him and Mr. Puzzles were in the same spot. Puzzles evilly smiles at Three before plunging the knife straight into his throat.

Three's eyes widen once he realizes what is happening.

He lets out a blood curdling scream as the knife is ripped out just as quickly as it was stabbed in. Four places both hands over his mouth as tears threaten to fall.

"N-no! Three!" Four screams, trying to get out of the chair to help the dying man, but he found himself stopping in his tracks.

He felt sick to his stomach and unable to move, instead just watching with horror. Three chokes on his blood, unable to say anything more as it poured out of the wound. Being unable to breathe now, and with an unattended open cut in his neck, his body quickly became limp. SMG3 was gone, the life taken from his beautiful eyes forever.

Four's heart begins to beat quickly, and he feels his breathing begin to speed up as well.

"I was going to kill him either way. There was no way you could've saved him." Mr. Puzzles shrugs before tossing his knife at one of Four's bedroom walls. "It's best you get to work before I find the others."

Four falters, basically falling back in his chair as the reality finally sinks in. Three, one of his best friends was just killed, right before his eyes. He was still watching the blood go everywhere, and he didn't do anything. He could have stopped this, and he will make sure that nothing like this ever happens again. Mr. Puzzles wouldn't lay another finger on any of his friends, no matter how much he threatened him.

Four takes another glance at the dead man who was still chained to the wall with a pool of his own blood below him. Then, all his misery just turned into a full-fledged anger towards the TV headed man. He had the nerve to say he was going to kill another person, after everything he just put Four through!

"You bastard!" Four screams, trying to jump up from his chair and attack the horrible villain.

Instead, he finds himself being restrained by the same tentacles as the first keyboard incident. They wrap around his body, feeling almost suffocating. His chair is forced to spin back around and face his screen. He trembles, realizing that he has no control over this situation. The more he struggles, the more he'll have to face the consequences. Who knows the lengths that Mr. Puzzles would be willing to go to?

"Don't push my buttons, SMG4. I think you should know better than that by now." He smirks, walking up to the dead Three and placing a hand to his throat.

Once he fully covers his glove in blood, he walks over to Four, whose eyes widen once he realizes what Mr. Puzzles is doing. He shudders as the bloody handprint marks his pristine white overalls.

This is Three's blood, he reminded himself. Three's blood is now on MY hands because I was too scared to help him.

"Y-yes, of course." He quietly says. "I'll work on it; I'll make it better."

"Just better? You know what the world expects of you, SMG4." He says in an icy tone, causing Four to gulp and obediently respond.

"I'll make it perfect." He says, staring at the blank editing screen that was basically begging him to begin. "It should be perfect..." He whispers to himself, disgusted at the words that were coming out of his mouth.

But what was he supposed to say? Mr. Puzzles had backed him into a corner, and he couldn't help but feel like it was all his fault.

His thoughts swirl as he continues to edit his video. Unlike last time, he had control, but he knew what would happen if he tried to get up. Because Three was dead and it was all his fault. He could hear Three's scream in the back of his mind, playing repeatedly, but this time as Mario, Meggy, and Tari. He just wished... that he wasn't so pathetic. That he was a little bit better, more brave, more considerate. That he was... more perfect.

Because, sometimes, it's just gotta be perfect.

~~~

"No!" Four yells, jolting out of bed.

The poor Meme Guardian's face was caked with sweat, tears streaming down his face as he hyperventilated. Attempting to calm himself down, he begins to take deep breaths, but the breathing just turns into broken sobs. All he could bring himself to think about was his horrible nightmare. Every night for the past week has been torturous, each with a new nightmare worming its way into his mind. They all had the same theme: Mr. Puzzles coming back and that stupid keyboard taking him over again. Those two recent and traumatic events with Mr. Puzzles were enough to make Four extremely scared of what may be coming next, to the point where he could barely sleep at night.

It was horrible.

This was the first day that one of his friends was in his dream as well, adding a whole new layer of stress. Ever since Axol's death, Four has been very insistent on keeping everyone as safe as possible. Whenever he thinks about how Melony's spirit was broken when Axol died, it pushes him even more. He had never seen such a shattering look on anyone's face before, and he hopes to never see it again.

"Augh." Four hears a noise from his pet, Beeg SMG4, who must've been woken up by Four's incessant panicking.

"Sorry, Beeg. I just had a nightmare." He consoles the pet.

"Augh." The thing suggested, huddling back under his covers.

"That's a good idea, actually. Making memes does help me calm down!" He says thankfully to Beeg.

"AUGH." He screeches at his father.

"Jeez, fine." Four chuckles softly, putting the covers over the meme's head and turning on the lights to his bedroom.

The man gets to work making his newest video. It was a parody of Bob's Burgers, and he was about halfway done. Editing almost felt like second nature to him, and he felt like he could be on his computer for hours without even noticing. Today was Wednesday; or, technically, Thursday, if it was late enough into the night, and he needed to be finished with his video by tomorrow night. To find out the correct day, he checks the time as he clicks on the editing application, hoping that he wasn't up too late.

The time reads 12:34 A.M, just like in his dream.

He gasps, backing away from his computer in fear. His hand trembles over the Shut Down button, terrified of his greatest fear becoming reality. Crossing his fingers in his left hand, he clicks the button with his right. Four eagerly waits for the computer to have problems like it did in his nightmare, his body in a fighting position.

Anticlimactically, the computer screen turns black and stays that way. Four sighs in relief as he sits back in his computer chair. How could he be so stupid? It was just a dream, there was no way it could actually come true. All these fights that he's been having with the recent villains and everything that he's been through has finally taken a toll on his brain, causing him to see and believe things that weren't true.

Maybe he really did need to just rest, after all.

He'd try his best to just push everything out of his mind.

Right as he's done calming down, there's an aggressive knock at his door. He yelps, jumping into the corner and curling into a ball. Of course, he had to go and jinx his luck!

No, there's no way that Mr. Puzzles is at my door right now... is there?

He begins quietly panicking as the door is banged on yet again. When he refuses to answer, there's an annoyed huff from the other side of the door. Now, that was either Four's wild imagination or the villain was really on the other side of his door. His unlocked door, which the person was now trying to open. As the person in the hallway lets themselves in, Four tries to make himself invisible.

"Yo, SMG4. I saw that the light was on and assumed you were up. Can I borrow some sugar?"

Instead of a creepy TV man, Four is met with a familiar face and a heavy Australian accent. SMG3 is wearing purple pajamas, thankfully different from the white ones with skulls in Four's dream. They still looked just as cute on Three as the other ones did, however. Now Four knew that he didn't just have a glorified image of Three in his head, the real person was just as handsome. Now that he thought about it, had his friend always looked this handsome, or was it just the pajamas? Four shakes his head at himself, the gay thoughts disappearing just as quickly as they came about.

The friend who he was just fantasizing about stares at him as he sits on the floor. A quiet chuckle escaped his lips as he gave Four a slightly patronizing look. He would usually take this opportunity to say that he's pathetic, because he clearly looked like it, but he just uncharacteristically kept his mouth shut as he looked at the jarred man in confusion. He looked funny, just sitting there and looking up at him with his usual big eyes.

"Um, sugar?" Four asks, his voice sounding dry and crackly because of the few times he's cried and panicked tonight.

"Dude. Did you swallow a cactus or something? Your throat is really hoarse." He laughs at his counterpart, yet you could still tell that he cared for him just as much as he wanted to make fun of him.

Instead of showing his weaknesses, Four tries to rebuild the walls that he usually has around his emotional stability. With a quick move of his hand, he wipes his tears away. Afterwards, he clears his throat, putting on his usual facade and beaming at his guardian partner. No one, especially not Three, needs to know of his struggles. He has been perfectly fine dealing with them alone, and there was no reason to turn to anyone now.

"Sorry about that. Do I sound better now?" He asks, his voice still softened as he gets up from the ground.

"Well, I can't just stay here all night. Do you have sugar or not?" Three raises an eyebrow, not answering Four's previous question.

"Yeah." Four says, switching off the light and getting up off of the ground. "Just follow me and try to not wake Beeg up."

"Whatever." He rolls his eyes.

Four closes the door lightly and tiptoes through the main room, his quiet steps followed by Three's thundering ones. He looks down and notices that Three isn't just wearing his footies, he's also wearing his boots. He sighs in defeat. If that meme wakes up again, he had better yell at Three and not at his father this time. As the two continue their walk into the kitchen, something catches Four's eye.

He turns around to face it, and he is met with the frame of Mr. Puzzles, holding a glimmering knife up at the both of them. His eyes widen, his breath hitched in his throat as he begins to panic once more.

"Three, get behind me!" He screams, basically throwing himself in front of the other perplexed guardian.

"What-" Three jumps back and follows Four's gaze, confusion clearly present on his face. "Coat rack getting on your nerves, scrub?" He asks, pointing to Meggy's new sparkly silver hat, hanging on a hook.

"I..." The Youtuber's whole body freezes in place. "I don't..."

Four stays in the same position, tears beginning to stream down his face for the third time that night. His vision gets blurry as he falls to his knees, hyperventilating. There was no stopping the oncoming panic attack as Four's body began to feel numb. He begins to sob uncontrollably, fear consuming his thoughts in a whirlwind of pain, trauma, guilt, and shame. All the emotions he has been bottling up for the last year overflow, causing the floodgates to open. His blue meme energy zapped around him, slowly becoming unstable the longer that the attack went on. Slowly, he curled up into a position where he was grabbing his knees, curled up once more.

"Whoa! Whoa... SMG4, what's wrong?" Three asks before tentatively placing the measuring cup on the counter and leaning down next to Four. The crying man looks up at his friend, eyes glowing blue with the overload of Meme Energy that his emotions created. As their gazes found each other's, Three looked away with shame. He wasn't sure how to handle Four's emotions, especially when he was so inexperienced with these kinds of situations. Nevertheless, he would try his hardest, for his best friend. "Let's get this figured out, all right?"

Reluctantly, Three grabs Four's hand, trying to mellow out Four's negativity with some calmer Meme Energy. He uncurls himself, sitting crisscrossed on the floor and mimicking Three's position. A warm purple glow surrounds both men, slowly snuffing out the blue crackles of light. The more Three's stability got rid of Four's panic, the more chill the other man seemed to get.

Once all the energy was done calming Four down, Three began to let go of Four's hand. Before he could do that completely, Four squeezed his hand tightly, indicating that he didn't want to let the other go just yet. The man in blue was still violently shaking and crying, but his breathing had seemed to return to normal. His mouth opened as he slowly leaned in closer to his friend, about ready to explain what had happened.

"I-I had a bad dream about Mr. Puzzles. And he told me that I had to go- I had to go back to my perfect video or else he'd kill you with a knife." Four sobs. "And I had to choose, and I chose what he wanted, but then the tentacles surrounded me, and he still killed you anyway and I can't help but feel like... It's all my fault." He speaks in one long sentence, trying his absolute best not to break down again.

He looks up at Three, who is listening intently. Feeling a sense of comfort wash over him, Four turns his body around and hugs the man sitting next to him with sincerity that neither have ever shown to each other. Yet here Four was, doing this now. Three couldn't be more flustered with his actions, but he decides to enjoy this rare moment of affection between them and hugs back with the same emotion. If there was any way to tell Four that he was there for him without saying anything, it would be exactly like this.

Luckily, no words needed to be spoken. Four got the message clearly.

When the two stop hugging, Three decides that it was finally time to talk about what had just happened.

"Look, SMG4. You don't have to feel that way. Just know that you can talk to any of your friends about this. I- we would gladly take time out of our lives to help you. You're like the kind of glue that holds us all together. The annoying, idiotic, unfunny, yet warm, sweet, and lovable glue. I mean it when I say this, we'd all be lost if it weren't for you." He blushes softly, trying not to make eye contact with him again.

"Aw, Three..." Four smiles.

"Let me finish, scrub." He scoffs, giving him a small look before continuing. "You do so much for everyone, and you always have an amazing attitude about it. No one could have guessed that you were struggling with your emotions. So next time, talk to someone, okay? Because if you keep suppressing everything, and for lack of a better word, 'pulling an SMG4', your mental health is only going to decline. So, just talk to someone, damn it." He says, the last words lacking the bite that they were supposed to have.

"That's what we're calling it?" Four quietly giggles, the life in his eyes returning. "Pulling an SMG4?"

"Yep, it can be a little inside joke." Three smiles along with Four, standing up before lending a hand to help him.

"Three?" Four says softly as he accepts his friend's help. "Thank you, seriously."

"No problem. Just don't expect me to do this when people are around." He gives Four a sideways glance, causing him to guffaw even louder than before.

"Oh, no. We wouldn't want anyone to know that the great SMG3 has a sensitive side." He mocks, pouring sugar into the measuring cup and handing it to Three.

"Shut up!" Three blushes in embarrassment. As happy as he was that Four was returning to his normal self, he still hated how flustered the man made him. "You baka." With that, he aggressively grabs the container and storms out of the kitchen. Four follows him, knowing that it was all in good fun, watching him as he swings open the front doors to the castle. The chilly breeze hits them both and Three checks his watch. "It's 12:45 now. I'll see myself out, then. I'm sure that Eggdog misses me."

"Okay. See you tomorrow, Three." Four says longingly as his friend walks away from the castle and across the lawn to his café.

"Bye, idiot." Three waves before turning around.

Was it selfish of him to want Three by his side for even longer? Was it weird for him to silently wish that they never let go of each other? He may never get around to admitting this aloud, but his friend's touch was surprisingly comforting and warm. And he could listen to Three's voice all day long, especially if he were in the rare mood to give him compliments like he was tonight.

The next thing he knew, Four was bolting after Three, his footsteps making marks on the moonlit grass. He had no shoes on, no gloves on, and no hat on. He was just running, exposing himself to the elements, not having an apparent reason to do so. If Four did have something compelling in the back of his mind, it was unbeknownst even to him.

"Wait!" He calls after the man, grabbing Three's silky purple sleeve.

Three turns around, his face illuminated by the moon in the night sky. He gives Four a weird look, yet it still had some of that softness from earlier. Some of that same vulnerability that he never showed. Four looks at the other guardian, completely unsure of what to do next. He certainly got the other's attention! Whether that was a good idea or not, he would have to see where this took him. Four's beautiful blue eyes stare into Three's mesmerizing red eyes. Both wait for the other to say or do something, creating tension so thick that you could cut it.

Four slowly leans into Three, his eyes on the other's lips. He wasn't sure what he was implying with this romantic gesture, and he just hoped that the other wouldn't reject it. Three looks at Four weirdly until it clicks. Once he catches onto what Four is doing, he also leans in. Four is surprised, but also very excited and intrigued.

Their lips meet each other's in the middle for a passionate kiss. Now this was unexplored territory. Hugging didn't even come close to the love that these two were exchanging. The two have shared some... intimate moments, to say the least, but they have never just kissed. Not even during the TikTok challenges video. They managed to stop right before they locked lips. But now that they don't hate each other anymore, this act was less awkward and more loving. If Mario were here, you know he would be screaming the "Praise Jesus" meme, on account of him trying to get the two together for the better part of ten years.

They kiss each other slowly, wanting to savor the moment as long as possible. Three's free hand moves so that it is positioned on Four's waist, and the other puts his hands in Three's hair as they begin to go a little deeper. This was heavenly for both of them, as it was everything they've ever wanted. The two pull apart to catch their breath, staring at each other lovingly and passionately.

Then they snap out of it.

"Shit, I'm sorry!" I don't know what came over me!" Four yells, quickly apologizing for his reckless actions.

Three stares at the ground, trying to process what just happened. Then, he drops his measuring cup in shock, the container shattering into thousands of tiny fragments. He still stands there, unresponsive, for a few more seconds, before he looks up at his friend with a face as red as a beet.

"YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING BAKA, SMG4!" He screams, running into his café and slamming the doors shut behind him.

Four is left to pick up the pieces, literally, as he glances at the broken glass on the ground. Then, he does something completely unexpected as he squeals with joy.

"You did it, Four!" He smiles, giving himself a high five. "I kissed him, hell yeah!" He pumps his fist in the air as he walks back inside, knowing for sure that he wouldn't be having any more bad dreams.

As for Three, he stayed up the rest of the night with a dark blush on his face, unable to close his eyes without seeing Four's eyes and hearing his laugh. But that was what every night was like for the man in purple. He'd been in love with Four for as long as he could remember and couldn't stop thinking about him.

And now that he knew what Four tasted like? He may never be able to sleep again.

~~~

5031 Words

Chapter Text

Damnit.

The rain began unexpectedly, the thunder rumbling while Mr. Puzzles was walking home from the store. He barely had enough time to duck under a bus stop before the water poured all over his head. Of course, his foolish self totally spaced and forgot to bring an umbrella, making it impossible for the TV man to move from his spot. He was now stuck, left to wait out the rain or wait for a bus.

He checks the time on his old-fashioned watch, groaning in annoyance. It's 10 pm... the store he was at had just closed. There was no way any buses would still be running at this hour. Sometimes, having a television set for a head was a terrible thing, but the magic that it gave him was worth it. Or at least it was until Mario screwed it all up.

That ruffian was his largest opponent when it came to his major goal: achieving five stars and getting to feel the rush of his invulnerability. He ruined all of Mr. Puzzles' plans in April, humiliated him in front of his only friend in July, and... he didn't like to talk about the Pedro incident last month. He was at a complete loss for ideas, barely being able to pay his mortgage for his studio. Every day, he sat in the basement, murdering cardboard cutouts of Mario.

His largest mistake was just a few days ago, when he subjected himself to brainrot. He tried to please the masses, which in this case was children. He was frowned upon by adults and praised by little ones that sat on their iPads all day. He shuddered at the thought that he could ever stoop that low.

Ever since he lost Leggy, it has been a struggle trying to convert her other form, Meggy, to rejoin him. She screamed at him last week, covering him with paint from her splat gun. She looked conflicted, however, which means that he would get her back one day. Whether that was sooner or later, he couldn't tell, but for now he was stuck under this godforsaken bus stop.

He probably looked like a dweeb, just sitting there in the cold. He watches the people go by, each of them giving him an odd look from the cover of their umbrellas. Most of them had small ones, but one woman came by with a humongous one. She was walking quickly while still trying to hold the exceptionally large umbrella daintily.

There was certainly room for one more under that umbrella, and he decided to take the opportunity to speak up and ask. It was certainly better than sitting out in this poor weather for an unknown amount of time.

"Miss, would you happen to have any spare room under your umbrella? My electronics cannot get wet." He politely addresses her.

"Just take off that TV head, you freaky cosplayer." She scoffs.

"Miss, this is a real television." Mr. Puzzles says, knocking on his metal head.

"Uh huh, great. I'm late for a party, so I can't talk. Just use your head as an umbrella or something." She says, speed walking away and burying her face in her phone.

"Imbeciles!" The man sighs, banging his gloved hand against the plastic wall of the bus stop and drawing even more concerned looks from the civilians around the enclosure. "I concisely explain why I need the umbrella, and she just calls me a cosplayer? I'm surprised more people didn't like Puzzlebox. She seems like the epitome of an idiotic, childlike moron."

Now the TV headed man looked even more weird, talking to himself like he was mentally unstable. People walked by with umbrellas that were larger than most, but they thought he was some scary person whose life consisted of living in a bus stop and pleading for money on the streets. These types of people were not the best to be around at night, therefore making him a person that was severely avoided.

He slumps down on the bench in defeat as the lamppost light dims. No one was coming his way, and the rain was still pouring just as hard as it had been twenty minutes ago. Mr. Puzzles loses hope, deciding to just screw it and try to get some sleep in this limited space. Unfortunately, he can't lay down because his slender body is too long for the bench. He gets back up, continuing to watch the foot traffic as less people walk by.

All of a sudden, he hears someone humming a very familiar tune.

"La, la, la! Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm!" Mario walks down the street with a bounce in his step and a large umbrella.

Oh, great! The one person that Mr. Puzzles despises the most, here at this exact time! How convenient! Was this the universe's form of karma for enslaving Mario and his friends? Or was it just really, really bad luck? Mario was on the same side of the street as the bus stop that held Mr. Puzzles, and he was approaching fast. What was he supposed to do? Hide? Panic? This didn't happen often, but he was at a total loss of what to do.

The fat Italian strolls past Mr. Puzzles, not paying any attention to him. Of course, he should have expected the man to do something like that. Mario was easily one of the stupidest people he knew, yet he was so hard to manipulate and bend to his will. The tall man found it very infuriating, but also fascinating. He always wondered how Mario was able to do so much while doing so little.

Then, he freezes when he realizes that Mario had turned back around. The man in red's eyes were glued to the other's screen with an expression of confusion.

"Tee vee man?" He questions, his voice slightly faltering in surprise. "Why are you out here in the rain?"

"Go away, you disgusting brute!" Mr. Puzzles says angrily, pointing his long pointer finger to a building far down the street.

"Mario wants to know. Is Tee vee man homeless?" He asks, inquisitively putting a hand on his hip.

"What... no...?" The glare on his screen twists into an amused eyebrow raise. "I'm plotting your demise, of course."

"You're plotting Mario's dee-mize." He echoes. "In a bus stop?"

"This may not get through your idiotic brain, but bus stops, especially ones constructed in this particular way, are very important sources of information. In fact, without the structure shielding those who pay for public transportation, our society would be a lot worse off due to the- Hey! Are you even listening?" Mr. Puzzles yells when he realizes that Mario was snoring while standing up.

"Mario's bored. Too many words. If you want to get famous, you've got to have this many words." He says, moving his pointer finger and his thumb very close together to portray a small amount.

"I don't know who you think you are. I take advice from no one, especially not from the likes of you." Mr. Puzzles rolls his eyes, motioning for the fat Italian to move along.

"Why not take advice from Mario? It's not like you're a very good Tee vee man, anyway." Mario remarks, causing the TV headed man to look up at him with surprise.

"Excuse me?!" He scoffs.

"You can't get real actors without brainwashing them, you tried to-a steal Mario's mustache, you took Meggy and tried to mind control her-"

Mr. Puzzles sees red, his scary face with the realistic eyeballs and lips appearing. He grabs the short Italian by the collar of his shirt and growls into his ear. His umbrella falls to the ground and his face is laced with fear.

"Leggy was not mind controlled, you dimwit! She was my only friend!" His voice glitches out with rage.

"Oh, Mario forgot that Tee vee man doesn't have his magic."

"So? I can still pulverize you!" He hisses through his digital equivalent of teeth.

Mario kicks him in the nuts, causing him to fall to the ground, writhing in pain. The Italian laughs as he sits there with a very deep glare.

"Mario doesn't think you're so scary." He giggles, booping Mr. Puzzles' screen where he expected his nose to be.

A blush like a heartbeat monitor appears on the tall man's screen as he violently pushes Mario out into the cold rain. Mr. Puzzles watches, looking satisfied as Mario begins to slightly shiver, even if the smile never erases from his face.

"Heh." He snickers, pressing the record button on his face.

He'd be sure to put this in his new movie.

"If you are trying to torture Mario, then you're failing badly." He snickers, crossing his arms as he shakes out his umbrella.

A single drop lands on Mr. Puzzles' antenna, and it fizzles. It may not have looked like much, but it was excruciatingly painful to the man who felt it.

"Fucking hell!" He shrieks, his entire body tensing up.

Mario looks up at him and notices the singular drop of water rolling down his screen. The TV man wipes it off as quickly as he can, but not before Mario is able to put two and two together. He may be stupid, but there was a fine line between stupid and blind.

"You lie! Naughty, naughty!" He says, scowling at the villain.

"What are you talking about? Can't you just leave me alone to study my bus stop?"

"Mario knows why you're here. You can't get wet! And you wanted to steal Mario's umbrella!" He says, wrapping his arms around it tightly.

"I wasn't going to steal your umbrella. I'd rather disintegrate than have to touch anything your filthy fingers touched." Mr. Puzzles sighs, his face slightly wrinkling up.

"Mario just went to the laundry Matt."

"The laundromat." He corrects, giving him an angry look.

"Nope! The laundry Matt! The guy named Matt who does my laundry! My gloves are squeaky clean!" He says, waving them in Mr. Puzzles' face. "Tee vee man isn't very bright."

"That's it! Leave!" He yells.

"Okay. Mario was going to offer you a place under his umbrella, but if you want to look like the guy that lives in the Skibidi toilet, stay here." He giggles, motioning to Mr. Puzzles' frazzled state.

As Mario walks away, the television considers his offer. All it took was ten minutes to get to his studio. Ten minutes, and then he would never have to talk about this with anyone ever again. He groans, frustrated that he was even considering this, but what other options did he even have at this point? He certainly didn't want to look like a brainrot meme like Mario said. He was scarred enough by his mistakes regarding those horrible things that children call "entertainment".

"Wait." He calls out pathetically, making Mario turn around.

"Change your mind, Tee vee man?" He smiles slyly.

"I need to go to my studio. If you are willing to help me, then you will need some directions. It's five minutes southeast down the path, then you turn so you're headed north for another five." He says, pointing in different directions.

"Mario is not Albert Einstein." He says simply. "Lead the way, Tee vee man!"

"My name is Mr. Puzzles, you idiot. Would you stop calling me that?" He sighs, taking the umbrella in his own hands.

"Tee vee man, Puzzles, that's basically the same thing." Mario says, passing his large umbrella to him as their hands touch briefly.

"Don't touch me with your grimy hands!" He shrieks, rolling his eyes dramatically.

He had a feeling that this was going to be the longest ten minutes of his life.

Mr. Puzzles begins to walk, taking large strides as he holds the umbrella. He isn't very careful as to whether it covers both of them, in fact he couldn't care less if it covered Mario. The rain was still pouring, and if it got on his TV head, oh boy! It would be game over, that much he knew for sure! He also didn't care if it shielded them both because it was Mario. His nemesis offered him cover, but he was still going to be an asshole. It was kind of what he did. Mario, on the other hand, was getting rain all over himself. He had to jog just to keep up with the tall man's pace, and the rain was constantly pelting his back. He wasn't the most athletic, considering he sat on his ass and ate spaghetti all day, so running really took a toll on him.

Finally, Mario was fed up and he yanked Mr. Puzzles' leg, hard. The man slips and drops the umbrella, panicking as he braces for impact with the water. It was a lucky thing that Mario had good reflexes and caught it, covering Mr. Puzzles fully. Holding the umbrella in his right hand, he supports the lanky cyborg with his left hand. The two of them stare at each other for a second before Mr. Puzzles shoots up, taking the umbrella up with him. Mario sighs in defeat and crosses his arms.

"Tee vee man. Hold the umbrella where Mario can stay dry too, it's big enough." He whines, grabbing a hold of Mr. Puzzles' leg again.

This time, he doesn't fall. Instead, he just glares down at the Italian man, who was about two feet shorter than the seven foot nine-inch TV headed man. Mario was 5'8 and barely got past Puzzles' legs.

"Stop being an idiot. I'm too tall to worry about you." He sighs.

"Then shrink. Mario's seen you do it before." Mario shrugs.

"If you must know, when I shrink, it's all or nothing. I either turn into a TV or I'm in this tall body." Mr. Puzzles hastily explains. "Now if you could hurry, I really must be getting back to my studio-"

"Shrink into a TV then. Mario can hold you in his left hand and the umbrella in his right hand."

"No! And risk you dropping my beautiful face and it getting wet?" He scoffs. "You're out of your mind."

"Maybe Mario's crazy, but at least he has an idea. Tee vee man is just sitting there like a whiny baby."

"You will not compare me to a child, you brat!" He yells, fed up with the Italian.

"Or, Mario could just take the umbrella away and leave Tee vee man here to die." He shrugs.

"No!" Mr. Puzzles yells before groaning with defeat. "Ugh, fine, I guess you can carry me. Gently."

"Hooray! See, Mario can be smart." He grins, wrapping his arm around the TV man as he collapses into his head.

They walk in silence for a little bit, with Mr. Puzzles clearly upset and uncomfortable. He did not like the situation that they were in, nor did he appreciate being manhandled by a grubby Italian. He squirms all over the place, making it difficult for Mario to hold onto him. Somehow, the man is able to keep a steady grip on him.

"Turn left here." He says, his voice muffled.

His speaker was covered by Mario's palm. Despite being a cyborg with a TV head, he could still smell just fine. He was disgusted by the way that Mario's gloves smelled, attempting to hold his breath but failing miserably. There was no way that Mario did his laundry. Mario looks down at him weirdly, his hold on the umbrella faltering, but Mr. Puzzles glares back, causing his hand to tighten around it.

Mr. Puzzles listens to the sounds around him, trying to appreciate the nighttime and nature. They had turned away from the city, and it was somehow raining harder than before. He listened to it like a sound machine, pleased with the inconsistency of the raindrops on the sidewalk.

His peace is cut short as Mario begins to walk through a wetter area. His brown plumbing boots (which he never actually used for plumbing) sloshed through the puddles. He quickly became annoyed before he realized that he had a bigger problem. If Mario was too ignorant and walked too fast, the water would splash on him, and he would short circuit painfully.

He tries to keep quiet, trusting the fat Italian to the best of his abilities, before a particularly large puddle comes into view. Mario steps in it with his left foot before sliding across the slippery sidewalk clumsily. He had taken a wrong step and was about to fall to the ground! Acting quickly, Mr. Puzzles extends his body to its full height, grabbing Mario by the collar and lifting him up. Mario still holds on tightly to the umbrella.

Mario yelps in surprise, the other man's dry boots stopping their forward movement. He was many feet shorter than the cyborg, who was looking at him with a sharp glare. He bites his lip, staring at the other with a sort of intense curiosity. They continue to stay in that position for a minute or so, both admiring each other's faces. If Mr. Puzzles wasn't so pissed, he might've kissed Mario. TVs weren't able to kiss like a normal person, instead giving zaps of electricity or kissing through their vents.

He contemplated pressing his vent to Mario's mouth, tasting him like he would food. He expected him to taste like spaghetti, but what would he give to try... instead of thinking, he slowly brought his vent at the bottom of his screen closer to Mario's face. Mario looked confused at first but quickly realized that the man was going in for a kiss. Or, at least, the television equivalent.

Mario wasn't opposed to the idea at all, he just didn't expect Mr. Puzzles to be the one to initiate it. They hated each other's guts. Then again, that's how Three and Four were in the past. They were always trying to kill each other, and now they were close friends and neighbors. He didn't know what changed, but he wondered if maybe Mr. Puzzles and him could be like that too? It'd be the perfect enemies to lovers story.

Mario also leans in, the two being inches away from each other. Just as he was about to close the gap, Mr. Puzzles snaps out of his funk, takes the umbrella, and drops Mario to the sidewalk. He gasps in shock, shaming himself in his head for even thinking about kissing that thing. What was he doing with his life? He had way better things to do than think about romance with the man who took Leggy away from him!

"Tee vee man, I..." Mario pauses, bringing his free hand to his lips as he tries to collect himself.

Then both of them realize at the same time that the rain has finally stopped. There was no more thunder, lightning, and most importantly, raindrops. Mr. Puzzles could now make it safely to his studio. Speaking of his studio, it was within maybe thirty feet. If he made a dash, he could make it there before any rain began again.

"I appreciate your help, Mario." He says through his teeth, trying to sound grumpy per usual. "I believe I can make it home now."

He walks to his door, screaming when Mario tugs on his overall strap and pulls him backwards.

"Were you trying to... kiss Mario?" He asks in innocent confusion.

A blush similar to a red heartbeat monitor appears on the TV man's face as his eyes widen. How was he going to explain this without looking like a fool? That he wanted to kiss him senseless for no reason?

"Goodnight." He says, tipping his hat and slamming the door.

He locks it before Mario can come back in, breathing heavily and sinking to the cold cement floor. What was wrong with him? They were enemies and there never could be anything between them. Rephrased, there never will be anything between them. He will not care for people in that way. He was a villain, not some sappy person.

...Or did he want to be more than just the guy who tried to kill Mario and his group of friends? Did he want a life with Mario? He knew he was gay, but it was almost embarrassing to be gay for Mario, out of all people. Did he want a relationship with the fat Italian after all?

He walks over to his TV stand, folding himself back in and going into "sleep" mode. The rain starts up again, hitting against the windows of the studio with quiet pitter-patters. Romantic shit is too much to think about, especially on a dark, stormy night like this.

~~~

3454 Words

Chapter Text

Three stands outside of his new home, grinning proudly. This café marks the official end of his banishment, although he first came back a few years ago. He was happy to have a fresh start, but also sad to leave his old place. His neighborhood if you will. He thinks back to the times he had and the memories he made back in the Internet Graveyard.

He was banished by his rival, SMG4, who was way up his own ass in Three's opinion. Three lived there for a while, the dead memes naming him the lord of the entire realm. He remembers being immensely proud of himself, as fame and power were everything to him at the time. Then, he learned about his origins from the very old memes taking residence in the Graveyard. He was a Meme Guardian whose destiny was to save the world. He laughed it off, thinking that the memes were just going crazy because of their age.

Then Four and his group of idiots returned to his life. They had to save the world after all, finding out many things about their lives, including why their names were so similar. SMG stood for Super Meme Guardian. The two were cosmically linked guardian partners, destined to always be in each other's lives. Thank memes they weren't brothers, or Three may have puked on the spot.

He went back to his normal life for a while, then some shit happened with an angry monkey. Three barely had anything to do with it, yet he still got redesigned and forced to sing in a courthouse, of all places. Thinking back, it was very unprofessional to call a witness a Minion in front of a judge. At least he got a cool beard...

After the redesign, he began to hang out with their friend group, deciding to be more of an inconvenience than an evil villain out for blood. Four seemed to be satisfied with Three's change of heart, but Three refused to be friends. Even if he was growing to like the idiot, he would still rather die than be the man's friend.

And then, he really changed.

When Four went crazy and locked himself in his room, Three found himself showing a softer side that he didn't even know he had. He checked up on his counterpart hourly, dropping off food, water, and coffee. He finally just let himself in, with the inkling turned human Meggy, who was just trying to leave Four be. When Three ignored Meggy's pleas to give the man some space, the two of them saw that Four's mental state had gone off the rails. He had corrupted the castle and needed to be saved.

Three, Meggy, and Mario went in and got to Four, but were pulled into the eldritch sludge by some creepy-ass tentacles. Three decided to open himself up to Four, getting all his feelings off his chest. It somehow got through to the man and they ended up saving him. SMG4 finished his video, jumped out with SMG3, and... Three slipped down the wall, just barely being caught by Four. He had to either choose Three or the USB, and he chose Three after he reminded him that they were friends. After that whole fiasco, the two hung out together a lot and their connection grew stronger.

Then, out of impulse, Three bought a diary. He began to write down all his secrets and feelings in it. He didn't really guard it that heavily until he began to write about some suspicious things. Some extremely suspicious things.

Dear Diary,

YOU HEARD NOTHING BUT I THINK I LIKE SMG4. He's so funny and charming, and his laugh is fucking cute. I guess I didn't really notice how mesmerizing his eyes were until I stared into them more often. I don't wanna be a tsundere or anything, but I still have to act tough, right? Because I don't think he likes men.

After he wrote that, the pages were filled with crazy thoughts and fantasies that he knew would never come true. He might've even mentioned the igloo incident, in great detail. His writing got so descriptive that he blushed at the thought of it. He explained, and remembered, just how Four smelled, tasted, and... Memes, Three, that's enough!

He smelled like cheap cologne, if anyone was wondering. (Even if they weren't, now they have that info.)

The more he wrote about the intimate moment that those two shared, he began to realize just how deep those feelings for Four were. He didn't just like him, he loved him. He could never tell, though! Imagine how much that would destroy him!

Afterwards, he guarded the notebook with his life, naturally making people wonder what was inside of it, especially Four and Mario. They were constantly trying to steal it and exploit Three's secrets. They were far from succeeding until October, when Mario stole it, took it to a casino, and made Three panic. Four agreed to help him retrieve it after he mentioned the igloo, and they barely won. They shared a nice moment after that, watching the sunset, when Three thought about something. If I really enjoy the time I spend with Four, why don't I just move in? Then, we'd see each other daily.

So, move in he did! The place was well constructed and beautifully decorated, if he did say so himself. It had everything that an SMG3 styled café would need in it, including an unsettling number of bombs. A few minutes before it opened, he brought his crush in to see what he thought. As Four admires it, he has a weird look on his face, almost like he couldn't decide if he liked it or not.

"Eh." Four shrugs.

"The fuck you mean, eh? I worked hard on this, scrub!"

"Well, making coffee requires you to have a very beeg brain, which obviously-" Three throws a lit bomb at his head, immediately silencing him. That idiot was a real handful sometimes.

Then, the bell on the door dings as Boopkins walks in, admiring the café with stars in his eyes.

"This is so pretty!" He exclaims as Eggdog seats him at a table.

"What would you like?" Eggdog speaks in wobbly English, wearing an apron.

"Erm, I'll have a cappuccino?" He says in his annoying voice.

"CAP-A-CHI-NO." The meme calls out to his father.

"Coming right up!" Three says.

As he stares at the coffee machine, the buttons slowly begin to change into a foreign language. It was obviously a figment of his imagination, but it was still very confusing. Four, noticing Three's struggles, leans over the counter and smirks.

"Need my help?"

"No." Three says, blushing furiously.

"Bork!" As they continue to struggle, Eggdog watches the customer grow impatient. "Bork!" His barks increase in loudness and frequency. Hurry the hell up!

Three gasps and scolds Eggdog, while Four just stands there, confused. After all, he was the only one who seemed to understand what the pup was saying.

"We don't use that language!"

No promises.

"Eggdog..."

"Okay. Only because I am a good little eggy and I love you." He says this in English, seemingly satisfying his father.

"Erm, can I get my coffee now?" The aquatic piece of shit, Boopkins, interrupts their conversation with a shaky raised hand.

"Entertain our guest." Three tells Eggdog, the meme complying and dancing cutely.

He presses random buttons on the machine, only for it to malfunction. Then, it began to pour out something black and sludgy. Four cringes at the sight of the "coffee", praying that Boopkins had the smarts to not drink that. Three, on the other hand, looked proud, grabbing the cup and happily walking over.

"Wait." Four says, grabbing Three's sleeve. "Are you sure that's even edible?"

"It's not edible, it's drinkable. Idiot." He sighs, taking a sip to prove his point. "Oh shit, that's melted gunpowder-" His head falls off and Four laughs at Three's misfortune.

"You really do need help."

"You'd be willing to help me?" Three asks, his head reattached.

"No."

"Screw you-"

"JUST MAKE SOME COF-EE!" Eggdog screams, his request going ignored as the two men continue to argue.

Eggdog walks over to the coffee brewer and clicks a few buttons. Steaming hot coffee began to pour out into a cute cappuccino cup. The puppy grins happily and barks at his father, trying to get his attention. Three looks up as he sees the coffee cup resting neatly on the counter.

"Yes!" He yells, running over to Boopkins' table and slamming the tiny mug down.

Everyone in the café, AKA the three of them, stares at Boopkins as he takes a sip. Three's business kind of depended on this, and Four was just waiting for something to go wrong. Instead, Boopkins looks up at them with a pleased look on his face.

"Hey, that's pretty good!" He gives Three a thumbs up, causing Three to smirk at Four as he grins back.

"Looks like you're a success! Why don't I just invite the whole gang over here?"

"Wait, maybe not that many people just yet!" Three shouts.

"Too late."

"La Cucaracha" plays on a car horn as the purple Meme Guardian sighs. Why does everything have to be so difficult with Four and his friends? He would pay money to just have one peaceful day at the Showgrounds. One! Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he was expecting. He did have a reputation for being a pessimist, after all.

Mario comes up to the counter, ordering spaghetti. Obviously, Three didn't carry that, so he writes in his notes to give Mario a bomb painted like spaghetti. As Tari orders, Meggy and Bob start chaotically playing with the bombs and rocket launchers. Three looks at them out of the corner of his eye yet still paying attention to Tari and her order.

"I would like the Unicorn Frappuccino, please!" She says in her usual tone.

"What the hell is that." Three asks, giving Tari a weird look.

"Oh? Everyone knows what a Unicorn Frappuccino is. You mean to tell me that you don't carry the most popular drink in the world?" Four smirks.

"We... have those!" Three hesitates, walking over to the coffee machine.

As he tries to make the order, he hears a large explosion. Luigi is sent flying straight towards Eggdog, who is just dancing with Boopkins peacefully. Three jumps up and shoves Eggdog out of the way before Luigi's fat ass could squish him.

"Ahahahah." Bob laughs in his AI voice as Luigi groans in pain.

"Eggdog! Did that mean man hurt you?" Three yells, glaring daggers at Bob and Meggy. "You two- no more touching the merchandise, or else." He says.

Then, he walks back to the counter to find Mario crawling around on the coffee machine. He shoos the fat Italian away and then realizes that there is a rainbow liquid inside the mug that was intended for Tari's coffee. He stares weirdly at the drink before shrugging and giving it to Tari. It couldn't be that bad, right?

"Thank you!" She says, smiling at Three.

Then, just as Three relaxes, Saiko reaches her hand all the way over the counter and taps on his shoulder aggressively. Three looks back at Saiko evilly, but still somehow keeps his composure.

"Please don't touch me... thank you. Now, what can I get started for you?" He asks.

"Um, I would like-"

Boom!

Saiko is completely demolished by a rocket launcher shot by none other than Bob. After being cut in line twice and just disregarded by everyone that day, she was done.

Like, very done.

She turns around, her face full of fury, and asks Meggy and Bob very calmly, "Who shot that."

When she gets an answer of pointed fingers, she loses it. She begins throwing bombs at them, causing Meggy to hide in a barrel and Bob to launch rockets right back. It was a full-on gang war!

"You have got to be kidding me right now." Three sighs defeatedly.

Meanwhile, Tari sits peacefully at a table, ready to try her coffee. She has never had coffee before and she was so excited to finally try it! She takes a small sip, then another, really trying to savor it, and then her eyes widen. All the caffeine and sugar rush up to her brain, making her, well, crazy.

"Oh my gosh this is so good how have I never tried coffee before I have so much energy I could just- AAAAAA!" She screams, running in circles around the entire café.

Boopkins and Luigi hide under a table, trying to avoid getting hit by bombs, as Four quickly grabs Eggdog. Three, on the other hand, was angry and done with the SMG4 crew. He leaned against the counter, eyes shut tight. If one more person walked up to him before he calmed down, he swore to every single meme that-

"Can Mario have spaghetti?" Mario yells in his ear, making him jump.

"Mario..." Three says through gritted teeth, "We've talked about this."

"I want spaghetti! I want spaghetti! I want spaghetti!" He chants, pushing the Meme Guardian past his limits.

"We don't serve spaghetti. Get over it and buy a drink like everybody else for once."

"No spaghetti?" Mario asks, tears welling up in his large eyes.

"No spaghetti." Three clarifies as Mario drops to the floor, crying loudly as the chaos continues behind him.

Three internally freaks out as he watches his café get destroyed. Everything that he had taken weeks to build was getting torn apart by Four's sorry excuse for a friend group. The worst part of it was that Four seemed to be enjoying himself!

The meme man takes this moment as a chance to take one final crack at Three, smirking.

"So, you admit you can't run a café yet?"

Three's eye twitches, quickly reminding him of why he hates Four's friends. Why did he even become a part of this crew anyway?! He storms off, running down to his secret elevator.

He needed some time.

Four stares at the ground guiltily as he watches Three leave. He wants to stop him, to make him turn around, but that will only make Three more mad. Instead, he follows him, trying but failing to not lose his guardian partner. Three used the elevator, so Four decides to run down the staircase to Three's evil lair. The two meet up in a large, well-decorated bedroom with black things all around. Three is laying on the bed, crying, while Four revels in the beauty of the room.

"Oi! What are you doing here! This is private property! My own personal sanctuary! Get out of here, damn it!" Three exclaims when he realizes that he has company.

Three throws his plushie at Four, who catches it and smiles sadly.

"Calm down, please? I'm here to help." Four asks, in the softest tone Three has heard him use in a very long time. He found it almost impossible to push the other away, instead being reminded of how much he loved Four. That man was so irresistible, it was quite sad. "I know I'm the last person you want to see right now, but-" Four begins.

"Damn right! This is my space. So, you better get out before I make you get out." Three snaps out of his lovestruck funk, holding a gun menacingly.

Four sighs, walking over to the bed and joining Three, slinging an arm around him in the process.

"I guess I was just being shitty because that's what we do to each other. You really do have something great here, though." He smiles warmly.

Three looks away, refusing to get lost in Four's eyes for the millionth time. He was, of course, still angry from the stress Four inflicted. SMG4 frowns and then does something that Three was definitely not expecting. He takes Three's hand in his own and gives it a delicate squeeze.

"H-HEY." Three yells in embarrassment.

"What can I do to get you to trust me?" He whispers in his doppelgänger's ear, tracing his fingers along the other's beard. "I'm sorry, I really am."

Three's eyes widened as he realized just exactly what his friend was doing. Four's actions were certainly not helping Three's gay panic. Instead of answering, Three just looked away, his face clearly beet red. The two sit there for a while in an awkward silence until Three finally breaks the ice.

"Why are we like this?" He asks, mostly to himself.

"Like what?" Four replies casually.

"You know. We argue half the time and then we act like best friends the other half of the time. Is that just what frenemies do?"

"In all honesty, I don't think frenemies hold each other's hands." Four giggles sweetly as Three rips his hand away like Four's was diseased.

For such a long time, Three has wanted answers, and he was so close to getting them! All he had to do was casually bring it up. All he had to do was ask Four if he liked men- or better yet, if he liked him.

"Then what are we?" Three whispers very quietly, the comment meant to only be heard by himself.

"I don't know..." Four says, earning a disappointed look from Three. Four then puts both of his hands on Three's shoulders, the other man slightly leaning into his touch. This makes Three mentally scold himself. This is not the time to be seduced! "What do you want us to be?" Four's voice goes a whole octave deeper as he stares at Three's lips expectantly.

Three leans back a little bit and answers.

"You're such a baka, you know that?"

"Hey, that wasn't an answer." Four playfully whines at the other.

Blue eyes meet red as they stare at each other lovingly. This was Three's one chance to see if Four liked him back, so he had to try.

"Then, maybe this is." Three says, leaning completely forward and connecting their lips lovingly.

Four makes a noise of surprise but quickly reciprocates the kiss. Three slings his arms around Four's waist as he puts his hands in Three's hair. The kiss slowly becomes more passionate, Four pinning Three to the back of the bed as they begin to make out. This continues for a minute or so until they pull apart for air. The two Meme Guardians stay in the same position before Four dives for Three's lips again.

Four's hands trail down the other man's neck, their lips quickly parting as he decides to kiss that instead. Four peppers kisses down Three's neck, leaving small marks all over his exposed skin. Three sighs in pleasure as he lies his head on Four's shoulder, relaxing into his seductive touch. When the man's lips part from Three's neck, they kiss again, although this time it was much more sweet and loving than heated. When they finally pull away, they both lay on the bed, breathing heavily.

After the two of them catch their breath, Four grins mischievously at Three. As the Meme Guardian raises an eyebrow, Four jumps off the bed, picks him up, and begins spinning him around in the air.

"Wha- hey!" Three smiles giddily, clearly very flustered.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to just kiss you senseless like this, Three. Memes, it's probably been since last year. I thought your redesign was so hot, and I just started thinking of how cute you were, and... eee!" Four squeals, giving Three one more peck on the lips for emphasis and then setting him down.

"Four, I feel the same way. I've seriously been head over heels forever! Your dumb ass just never took the hint."

"Dude. We just made out! You can't call me a dumbass now." Four snorts.

"Sure, I can."

"Well, you better not forget who's in charge now, mister~"

"Oh, please. I'm still just as much in charge as you are." Three scoffs.

"Prove it." Four says, kissing Three and sticking his tongue in his mouth almost at once.

The two fight for dominance, Four easily winning in a matter of twenty seconds by pinning Three down, maximizing the friction between their chests and hips. Three lets out a small groan as he feels gloved hands tangle their way back into his hair, with Four continuing to invasively explore every cavern of his mouth. Maybe he was the one in charge... Three would be lying if he said he didn't find that fucking hot.

"Damn." Three exclaims in a mixture of defeat and awe as Four finally pulls away from him, a string of saliva still connecting their mouths.

"I win! Told you!" Four leans back slightly with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, you can shut your mouth now."

"So, we're boyfriends?" He asks suddenly.

"Of course? Unless you don't want to be?" Three says.

"I totally do, one hundred percent. I love you, Three. I'm sorry we fought over stupid shit again."

"That means a lot. I love you too, Four." Three blushes.

Three never thought that he'd be telling the real Four this. He always thought that it was the stuff of his imagination, but to think: Four liked him the whole time! He couldn't be happier right now. Before they could kiss again, a scream in heard from upstairs. The culprit is none other than Mario, who is crazily shrieking as usual. Three and Four simultaneously look at the elevator, snapping out of their daze.

"THE CAFÉ!"

~~~

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Chapter Text

~~~

4217 Words

Chapter Text

SMG3 walks out of his café as the sun rises, the sky appearing as if it had been painted with many beautiful colors. Everything at the Showgrounds is illuminated with the light of the new day, and it made everything more peaceful than it usually is. The morning is Three's favorite time of day, a period of peace where he can just sit with his pet and his coffee in his hand. Eggdog happily trots behind him with a purple book held in his mouth, also temporarily stopping to bask in the sun.

"Time for my lesson in English?" Eggdog asks his father happily, his words slightly muffled by the notebook.

"Soon, kid. I just woke up." Three says, not noticing that the book in the white dog's mouth was forbidden for him to be playing with.

"Okay. I go hang with Beeg now. Maybe practice English!" He brightens up at his spontaneous idea, trotting away with a pep in his step.

Oh, that kid, always so positive. It was funny how different he could be from his dad at times, yet how close they still were. They had been close ever since they met, because once Three lost Terrance, it was hard for him to move on.

At least, it was, until he found Eggdog. That ray of sunshine brightened his mood every time he saw him. He was willing to help in any situation that the two found themselves in, and the least Three could do was help him become fluent in English instead of just his meme language. He was glad that Eggdog had found a friend in SMG4's home, too. Beeg, despite his rebellious attitude, was a good friend to Three's dog.

SMG3 watched as the sun continued rising and took deliberate sips of his coffee, never wanting this moment to end. Mornings were the best... and the scene was even cuter when Eggdog was skipping towards the castle with his little purple English vocab notebook. Three wouldn't trade this for anything.

But even the most perfect angels can make mistakes... ones that could define their dad's entire future.

Most of the times that Eggdog accidentally breaks Three's rules, he is softly reprimanded and told to promise that he will never do it again. Accidents are not harshly punished in their small household, but only if Eggdog takes responsibility and apologizes. Though, he knows that if he gets caught stealing his father's possessions, he would be in deep shit. Especially because he knows that he had taken the wrong notebook. In fact, he has been trying to find an opportunity to do this for weeks. Instead of his English words, he had all of Three's secrets in his "Sussy Notebook", and the little pup was running for his life. After all, this was just part one to his and Beeg's elaborate plan.

Eggdog ran into Four's castle, quickly noticing his best friend Beeg asleep on the floor. He began aggressively barking at the stubby child, though barely getting him to stir. His barking increased in volume, almost as if he was trying to say, Wake up, Beeg! I have something cool to show you! Beeg makes a pufferfish noise, showing how little he cares. As Eggdog continues to nudge him, he grows a large hand and slaps the poor dog with it.

He makes one final noise, as if to say, Fuck off, all right? I'll get up when I want, and I'm not on your schedule. After that, he rolls over, leaving Eggdog in a state of confusion and annoyance. Then, he decides to spit the book out of his mouth and bark again, this time with a clearer voice. Beeg still shows zero emotion and pretends to snore. That's when Eggdog sees red. What would it take for his stubborn friend to listen to him, without waking SMG4 in the other room or alerting his dad?

I got the book. For Operation Purple Berry. Eggdog barks, hoping that Beeg will finally perk up at the mention of SMG3's Sussy Notebook. The round kid does just that, his face turning into a smirk as he sits up fully and rolls towards his friend. Eggdog lets out a quiet huff, as if to say, That got your attention, huh?

Beeg almost laughs at Eggdog, a hand growing out of his body as it comes to rest on Eggdog's back. A few pufferfish noises are made by Four's kid, like he was saying, You didn't chicken out, Eggdog. I'd lie if I said I wasn't impressed. Then, he waddles back over to his bed and takes a picture out from underneath the pile of cloth and blankets. Now, I hope you're ready for what we're going to do next.

Eggdog lets out a small whimper, showing his underlying concern about this plan. So, we're just going to drop the notebook at his feet? Unlocked? Papa would be so upset with me... Both pets had their concerns about this, but it was the only way to achieve their two greatest shared goals: to get SMG3 to confess his feelings, and to hopefully become brothers afterwards. That's what they've wanted ever since they went on that ice cream heist adventure together.

Beeg sighs, more undiscernible meme noises escaping his mouth. We have to. You wanna be brothers, right? With a shrug, he begins to walk into his father's bedroom. Eggdog takes the notebook back in his mouth, still hesitating to follow his best friend's footsteps. With that, Beeg groans with annoyance, signaling with his body for Eggdog to get a move on. Come on, Eggdog. Why are you second guessing this? You liked it when we agreed on it, and you know it's a solid plan. You trust me, right man?

Eggdog nods vigorously, barking at Beeg. Of course, I know. It's just that.... If this goes wrong, I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. Papa loves me and trusts me. Probably more than anyone else in the world. Beeg, it's such a stressful thing having to always keep up with. He says, looking down at the ground. I'm a good son... right? Beeg notices his distress, leaning into Eggdog as his way of giving him a hug. Eggdog also leans into the hug, the two of them sharing a quick act of friendship that is shown with a heart appearing above their heads. He smiles, looking at Beeg with a gaze of gratefulness. Thank you, Beeg. I just want him to be happy, but you understand that, right? Doesn't it give you joy to see Mr. SMG4 giggling like he always does?

Beeg shrugs, having a bit of a bored expression on his face. He's always smiling. I think I would like it if my dad made your dad smile... that would be really cute. But anyway! They're just good together. So, trust me like you did when we made this plan and let's go! He says, pushing Eggdog over to Four's bedroom, where the man's soft snores escape the closed door.

Eggdog barks, a sound laced with adoration. I trust you one hundred percent, Beeg. I guess you've just earned it after all these months of being best friends. He says, nuzzling into his friend one more time before walking up to Four's door. The friends nod, pushing on it together until it slowly begins to creak open. Luckily, Four hadn't completely closed his door, meaning that all they had to do was just open it. If the knob was closed, their problems would be increased.

The two children mischievously tiptoe into the room, which Eggdog remembered his dad describing as an "office cubicle with a bed". He quietly huffs out a giggle, but Beeg shoots him a glare as if to say, Shut up! Or we're going to get caught! Eggdog silently apologizes as they continue creeping their way over to Four's bed. The man doesn't even stir as their footsteps thud against the ground, or when Eggdog places the notebook down. He must be tired. That, or he's just a pretty heavy sleeper.

Beeg makes a quiet pufferfish noise. Your dad's in the best mood in the mornings, right? So, he'll probably be more receptive to this if I were to wake up my dad, and not do anything to fuck with his mood. Which means... He grins evilly, hopping on top of Four's bed and pulling out an AK-47. Eggdog's eyes widen, and he shakes his head, but Beeg shoots the gun at the ceiling, generating a loud noise. Four begins to move around, and Beeg begins to scream. GO, EGGDOG, GO! He yells one last time before running out of the room and then the castle with his friend as they both pant heavily.

They lay on the ground, catching their breath, as SMG3 curiously looks over. Once he realizes that Eggdog is on the ground, he worriedly calls out to his pet.

"Eggdog! Are you okay? Did that mean kid shoot you?" He says, scooping the puppy up and immediately checking for injuries.

"I good. Beeg good too. We play with big BOOM!" He grins innocently, causing an expression of anger and disbelief to wash over Three's face.

"I think we will be going home now." He says, glaring down at Beeg who just shrugs.

As he turns around to walk back to the café, Eggdog winks at Beeg. Despite being a little uncertain about all of this, he still is thankful that Beeg didn't mind taking the fall. The stubby child laughs and returns his gesture with a thumbs up, making a pufferfish noise and going inside. Don't worry, I don't mind if Mr. Three gets mad at me. See you soon, bud. He smiles, trotting back into the castle to see what was happening with his father, who was now definitely awake.

Beeg goes back into his dad's room, seeing Four sitting up against the headboard of his bed. The light was on, and his eyes were open, but there was only one issue. The man in question was lazily swiping through Twitter on his phone and is paying no attention to anything else around him. That would never do!

At that rate, Four would never find Three's unlocked notebook!

Suddenly, Beeg hatches a quick and simple plan, realizing how he could instantly bring attention to the notebook. He clears his throat before running towards Four at full speed, making many pufferfish noises that he knew his dad wouldn't be able to understand. Fuck, fuck bitch shit hell damn FUCK! He screams a string of all the curse words he wants, and Four just looks up at him in confusion and a little bit of concern. He continues running, appearing like he's about to jump on top of his father, when he trips right before he gets to Four's bed. Purposefully.

Four, like Beeg planned, gets curious. To see what his child tripped over, he peers down and sees the child writhing on the floor. Apparently, he stubbed his toe on the notebook when he was pretending to trip. Usually, the child would refrain from doing things like this, especially when he was aware that Four had Twitter open. There was nothing stopping him at that moment from making his child into a funny meme, with a simple caption that read something like "fuck them kids lmao". But the risk Beeg took turned out to be a reward, because Four's eyes did indeed trail down to the floor. More specifically, what his kid tripped over. A dark purple notebook was lying face down on the floor, causing Four to reach down and grab it very carefully. Then, he makes eye contact with his kid, who just looks up at him with anticipation.

"My forklift logbook!" He yells, causing Beeg's hopeful expression to go flat. "Wow, I've been looking for this everywhere!"

Beeg begins making screaming noises, frantically waving his whole body around. Turn it over, you goddamn idiot! He continues to freak out as Four just rolls his eyes. Picking him up, the older man assessed his injuries. Once he realizes that the child was indeed fine, he shrugs and places him back on the floor. But he couldn't do this without his pet turning over the notebook to reveal that the front didn't say "Logbook".

"Three's notebook?" Four questions aloud. "Why would I have..." He pauses, realizing that it was unlocked.

Beeg jumps up on the bed, nudging him. Come on, Dad. Just open it! He makes a loud pufferfish noise which makes Four raise an eyebrow. He is almost sure that he knows what the pet wants, he's just conflicted about whether he should do it or not. This was something that could destroy his and Three's relationship, especially if the contents were as "Sussy" as Three has led everyone to believe.

"Oh, I shouldn't open this." Four says, staring down at the notebook while biting his lip. "But I really want to... But I can't! No, Four." He is having a verbal argument with himself as his pet looks at him in confusion and annoyance. "AGH, I HAVE TO!" He screams, fumbling with the latch and flipping open to a random page. "Just one. That's all I'll read, then I'll return it."

As he begins to read, Beeg settles in next to him. The stubby little boy had never actually seen this either, or he was almost as curious as his dad. He just hoped there was nothing too dirty in there to damage his innocence beyond the point of no return. From what he heard from Eggdog, it wasn't exactly PG.

Dear Diary,

Lately, I've been having trouble thinking straight. And no, that's not only because I'm a raging homosexual. There's a good reason. A beautiful, blue reason. You probably know who I'm talking about, because we've discussed the man I love many times before. And, yes, you're the only one I can talk to about this (besides Eggdog) because you're the only one who won't say anything to him.

But, anyway, it's time to tell you what happened today. SMG4 and I just walked past each other once and I couldn't stop myself from blushing. I just wish he could see me the same way I see him. I hope that one day I'll be able to muster up enough courage to ask him out, because I don't know how much longer I can go without him knowing the truth.

I've practiced confessing my love to him in front of the mirror, but at this point, I call it a lost cause. Maybe, one day, I'll stop being a chicken, stop fantasizing about him without him knowing, and ask him out. Maybe, one day, I'll be able to say, "I love you, SMG4."

Signed, SMG3

Beeg smiles after he finishes reading Three's heartfelt entry. He was glad that his father had picked a very sweet one that really portrayed Three's feelings and not his unchecked animosity. Now, they were one step closer to their dads getting married and becoming brothers! The thought made Beeg very excited, and he looked up at Four in anticipation for his reaction.

What he sees is not what he expects, however. Four is shaking slightly, clutching the book so tightly that the paper begins to crumple at the edges that he grips it. He is quietly growling, getting increasingly angrier the more he reads. Once he gets sight of the last line, he is shocked and upset, like every fear he's ever felt is coming true.

"SMG3... loves me." He quietly says, as if speaking the truth will make it easier for him to accept.

"Yes!" Beeg squeals, unable to contain himself as he speaks in English.

A shadow crosses over Four's face as he takes the AK-47 off the bed. He gets up, and without another word, he begins to walk away. Beeg lets out a small noise of concern, trotting after him. Why does he have a gun? And why does he not look happy? He gasps once he realizes that Four doesn't love Three back. He's pissed that Three likes him.

Four breaks into a run, dashing across the lawn before Beeg can try to stop him or get another word of broken English out to try. He barges through the doors of Three's café, only to find the man sitting at a table having tea with his pet. He is giggling quietly as Eggdog struggles over a few words in English. Unlike Beeg, the dog was eager to communicate with people.

"I love having tea with you, Papa. You are the goodest papa ever!" He exclaims, very proud of himself.

"You would say 'goodest' as best. That would be the correct word in that- SMG4!" He stops, mid-sentence, noticing his crush. "Here for your daily latte, or what?" He asks.

Four walks up to him, shoving the notebook into his lap. He loads the gun, holding it up like he was ready to shoot it at the table where Three was sitting. Once he gets a good look at what he was given, Three just stays there in shock, disbelief, and embarrassment.

"So, you're in love with me." Four says, angling the gun downwards to the floor and leaning down to Three's level.

Beeg is taken aback once he figures out that Four wasn't going to shoot Three like he originally thought. Eggdog jumps out of his chair, walking over to his best friend. He barks once, congratulating Beeg. You got him to read it, lucky! Although, why does he have a gun? He asks, which causes Four's child to just shrug at him as he watches the scene unfold between the two adults.

"No, I- I..." Three pauses, trying to find warmth in Four's eyes before he drops the harsh truth. "I am. I'm sorry if that's not what you necessarily want to hear." Three says, taking on his usual role of assuming the worst. "Just say the words and I don't ever have to be near you again."

"Three, why would I ask you to do that when I have something so much better for you in store?" Four seductively grins, leaning closer to Three and having his breath ghost over the man in purple's lips.

"O-oh, Four~" Three whispers.

Four touches their noses together, causing stars to appear in the children's eyes. This was it, everything they had been working towards. All Three would have to do is close the gap, and their relationship would be cemented. They would finally be-

Bang.

Three's eyes widen as the bullet goes straight through his stomach. Four evilly smirks, pulling away from Three almost instantly. Three begins to quiver, pain shooting through his entire body as he looks up at the man he so desperately wants to be with. The man who he's loved for so long.

"Oh, you're so naïve." Four says, pulling his blood-stained gloves off his fingers. "Did you ever really think that I would love you? I'm not gay. I saw you as more of my brother, SMG3." He glares down at him, the gloves landing on the ground with a splat.

"Why did you shoot me?" The Meme Guardian begins to cough, desperately trying to find something to stop the blood flowing out of his open wound.

Eggdog, who was sitting right across from Three, now had splatters of his own father's blood on his perfect white fur. The sight of this made Beeg sick and horrified, making him cry and begin to lash out at his father. He began to scream out profanities that no one could understand other than himself and Eggdog. Every word that he was saying was directed at Four, and he could tell that it was directly mean.

"Beeg, you too? I'm disappointed." Four says, pointing the gun at his child. "But some things just have to be done."

As the second bullet is fired, Eggdog jumps up from his seat, diving in front of Beeg and pushing him out of the way. Three begins to cough up blood as he watches his poor child take a bullet to the head. 

As Eggdog falls, he smiles at Beeg for the last time. I love you, best friend.

Once the pup hits the ground, he's dead in a pool of his own blood.

Beeg can't bear to look at the dead body of his best friend and the dying man in front of him as he runs out of the café sobbing. Three lets out a broken wail, still holding his red stained hands in the place where the bullet was lodged in his stomach. With all the strength he had left, he yelled at Four as loud as he could.

"WHY DID YOU SHOOT US?!" It comes out weaker than he wished, and Four just simply laughs at him.

SMG4's eyes go red as he stares at Eggdog's corpse. An uncharacteristic excitement rushes through his whole body as he turns back to Three. The smile that he gives the dying man makes his blood (or, whatever's left) go cold. It was bloodlust. Four walks up to Three and aggressively grabs his chin, forcing him to look up at the killer.

"Because you're a dirty little fag, that's why. People like you and the ones who support you don't deserve to live."

"And you're a murderer." He growls back, spitting blood in Four's face.

"You know what, I accept that if it means that I get to kill people like you. You're a disgrace to society, you're disgusting, and I hate you." He smiles that toothy grin once more as he reloads his gun. "I can't believe I didn't kill you a long time ago. And loving me? What a mistake that was."

He presses the barrel to Three's forehead, and the last thing that the man hears is a gunshot, delivering the killing blow.

"Goodnight, you filthy bastard."

~~~

Three's eyes open as he clutches at his head and stomach frantically. No blood, no wounds. He was safe. Wait, what about- he sighs audibly in relief once he realizes that a bloodless Eggdog is peacefully sleeping beside him. The pain, the horror, the tears, none of it was real. It was all just a horribly vivid dream. He glances outside, realizing that it was pitch black. It wasn't morning time yet, and he needed more sleep.

Three takes a shaky breath in, rolling over in his bed to cuddle his dog. Eggdog has never failed to make him feel better in the past, and he was sure that he would be able to go back to sleep in no time. He nuzzles in with the meme, peacefully closing his eyes. The second that they shut, however, flashes of his traumatizing nightmare stick in his mind. Four leans in for a kiss, only to shoot him instead. Eggdog sacrifices himself for his best friend, and Three watches his son bleed out. Four's eyes turn red as he falls in love... Not with Three, but with the feeling of... murder.

And that treacherous smile. Three couldn't stop thinking about that. No matter how much he tried, he saw Four's face in his head, blood splattered everywhere. He couldn't stop, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't survive! He was used to Four keeping him up all night, but not like this. Never once has it been like this. Yes, in his nightmares, Four had rejected him in every way, shape, and form, but he had never killed anyone.

That's not Four. Never, never in a million years, would that lovable man hurt a hair on Three's head. The thing is, Three could tell himself that all he wanted, but that didn't erase the fact that it happened in his head. If it happened in a dream, it could happen in real life. There was no saying for sure that Four wouldn't go crazy, call him a fag, kill him.

He shudders at the thought. He wouldn't, he must keep reminding himself. Four would never do that.

But he wasn't sure. And the uncertainty of the situation was the one thing keeping him up. Not even Eggdog could help erase the image from his mind. SMG4, having pleasure in taking lives. Getting happy at the sight of blood and justifying it because Three was gay. It's terrifying, and there's nothing he can do! Nothing!

He sits up in bed, staring at one of the walls in his room. He can't sleep; he can't even blink without his mind being filled with violence and fear. What was he going to do? As he checks the clock, he realizes that it's only 1:43 AM. It wasn't even close to the morning, and he didn't want to fall back asleep. Four would kill him again, his heart would break all over again. He couldn't take it! He had to leave, to get out of the Showgrounds, he had to...Calm down. That was the first step. 

Before he does anything else, he takes five deep breaths to steady the pace of his heart. Then, he reaches over and takes three sips of water from the cup sitting next to his phone. Now, the last step was to give Eggdog one pet. He smiles, affectionately ruffling the dog's hair, before setting the water down and breathing out one last time.

Now, he was calmer, but there was no way he would be able to go back to sleep. He had to go somewhere, even if just for a few minutes, to clear his head. Just to be alone with nature, admiring everything without any thoughts of SMG4, or love, or murder. He was just going to take a walk around the abandoned carnival that was his home. He's never properly strolled around the property, so this was the perfect time. It was 2 AM, and no one was up. It was just Three and his swirling thoughts. A walk wouldn't hurt...

He decides to grab his AirPods and his phone to listen to some calming music as he walks up the side stairs to get to his café. It was very dark once he got upstairs, with the only light coming in through the window. The moon shone on the grass as it rippled in the wind, Three stepping out just in his socks and pajamas. He connects the Bluetooth of his earphones and plays soft, sad music while he begins to trudge through the Showgrounds.

"THE GREATEST" by Billie Eilish begins as he walks towards the old abandoned carnival rides, trying to keep his thoughts from spiraling. The song that was playing wasn't really helping with that, though, as the young woman's voice whispers sadly through the melody of the track. He doesn't like to share what he listens to, but he feels like he can really connect with Eilish in a certain way. Sometimes, he is sad, and he needs something to help comfort him.

I'm trying my best

To keep you satisfied

Let you get your rest

While I stay up all night

He glances over at SMG4's castle, his gaze landing on his crush's bedroom window. Those lyrics were more relatable than he would like to admit. He doesn't want to bother Four, at 2 AM nonetheless, over something as dumb as a dream. Even if it wasn't stupid to Three, Four would probably just think that it was a silly fear. He would assure Three that he would never shoot him, that is if Three even had the balls to tell Four about his dream.

Three wouldn't be bothering his friend, though, because he wasn't in the correct mental state to confront him. Flashbacks of the nightmare played over and over in his head now, and those would only be escalated if he were to actually see Four. He'd be up all night, that much was a given at this point. Closing his eyes was painful enough at the time, and sleeping would be... if he was being honest, it would feel like fucking torture.

He looks down at his feet, watching as the weight of his footsteps leaves a small imprint in the grass behind him before fading away. The blades of grass aren't able to hold grudges or keep anything in their memory for that long, he concurs. They were very unlike Three, as he just couldn't seem to shake the impact of the dream. The blood spilling out of his body, staining his gloves, and pooling out of his own son and onto the floor made him feel devastated, and also a little bit sick. Swallowing down the bile that threatens to emerge from his stomach to his mouth, he continues to watch the shuffling of his feet with an odd interest.

Why couldn't he be more like the ground? These thoughts should be nothing but a fleeting shadow, but here they were, stuck in his head. It felt so real when he dreamt it, but it wasn't. This, right now, was reality. He was SMG3, walking through the forest to get to an old Ferris wheel and some run-down rides from Puzzle Park. He wasn't SMG3, dead on the floor with SMG4, who had shot him and was drunk with bloodlust. He was here. It was a dream, filled with insane things that would never happen. Four had probably never held a gun in his whole life! Well, except for all those times that he was fighting villains... Three was a villain... No! I refuse to think that way! Three continues to remind himself that Four is sweet and wonderful. He fell in love with this man for a reason, and that reason is that he is the best thing that has ever happened to him.

With a deep sigh, he continues walking as the chorus to the song begins to play. He quietly hums along to it, clearing his mind. Well, he makes it as clear as it can be, given the current circumstances and the feelings that he couldn't bury away. He was scared, though he wasn't able to admit that to himself. He needed someone to prove to him that Four wouldn't shoot him. To prove that if he confessed, Four wouldn't kill him. But, the only one who could say that was Four himself. And he wasn't planning on confessing any time soon...

He ducks underneath a low hanging tree, and the dense forest opens up to an overgrown pathway. There are old wooden game booths sitting there, long forgotten by the public. Walking along the line of buildings, he stops at an old ring toss. 

It is called Henrietta's Healthy Ring Toss Game, and there are bottles and rings scattered all over the floor on the inside. He chuckles at the silly name, looking around and seeing that all of the worn-down prizes were broccoli shaped. He wasn't really sure what part of the Showgrounds he was even in anymore, but he liked it. There was much to explore.

He walks inside the "healthy ring toss" and begins to inspect the old fashioned area. There is an inscription on the sign that says that the game was created in 1987, and this makes his eyes widen. That was long before any of his friends were even born! Well, he wasn't quite sure about Mario. That guy has literally been around since the beginning of time itself. As he is chuckling quietly about Mario, he sees something out of the corner of his eye, causing him to freeze, pause his music, and dart his gaze to the shadow that moved outside of the game booth.

He peers over the edge, expecting to see something horrible, but a little rabbit twitches its nose at him cutely instead. He smiles at the adorable animal and exhales in relief. It looks up at him with its big eyes before getting spooked and running the other way. Three walks back over and continues inspecting the booth, the clear night sky proving as his light source and guide. He picks up a bottle from the ring toss, and most of the words on the logo had long faded. He holds it up to the sky, trying to get a better look, and a chill washes through him when he reads the few letters that haven't been faded yet.

They say... He's here.

That's totally normal! Not ominous at all! Three tries to gently place the bottle down and walk away from the ring toss but finds himself unable to continue his walk feeling like the scene had as much ambience as before. He takes his earbuds off for good, placing them in his pocket along with his phone. Listening to a dumb bottle with an old logo was literally as stupid as anything he had ever done, but Three couldn't help but allow his mind to wander and think of what if scenarios. But he was a good half mile away from his shop and the castle, so how could anyone be here? The only other person who lived here was... 

No. It was just a stupid ass old thing, making Three paranoid for no reason. If a fucking rabbit was enough to make the ex-villain freak out, then he couldn't take anything he was thinking as sensible or even believable.

He turns a corner, getting closer to the Ferris wheel now. Three decides to not get too close to this run-down attraction, in case it fell apart or caused him any more fright. Walking past this, he clears this part of the rides and walks back into the forest area. Something dashes about five feet in front of him, causing him to let out a very manly shriek as he jumps back. Then, something whizzes behind him, making his eyes widen and spark a fear in himself that he didn't know was there. Suddenly, there he was, running through the slowly thinning trees as he tries to cut through them and stray from the path.

He had to get back to the open meadow, where he could see the castle. It was time to get back to his shop, the night was freaking him out too much at this point to continue on. He would just cuddle with his baby boy Eggdog and have calm thoughts, unlike the ones that were racing through his head right now at a hundred miles per hour. Since this is happening, he barely notices as the trees thin out again and he emerges from the greenery. He also does not realize that he was about to run into someone... a person who had been plaguing his thoughts for years and had been doing that especially well tonight.

There is a quiet thud as he runs into this man. Three falls over on his backside, and the other person stumbles backwards but doesn't fall down. Rubbing his head, Three groans in annoyance. Who the hell would be out here this late besides him? As he racks his brain for answers, a recent memory flash bangs in his head. He's here. The bottle was a warning, for who else could this be other than...

"SMG3? Are you all right?" SMG4 asks, leaning over Three and holding his hand out to help his friend up.

Three doesn't respond as he looks up at Four's face. It was as beautiful as ever, with his chubby cheeks, never fading smile, and bright, blue eyes. They twinkled even more in the night sky, and the best part was that there wasn't even a hint of malice in his smooth voice. He was mostly concerned, and he certainly wasn't out for Three's blood. It was obviously expected for him to be like this, as he had no clue that Three loved him. On the other hand, if he were to find out, what's to stop him from pulling out a gun?

"H-hey." He waves his hand gently in front of Three's face, snapping him out of his self-destructive thoughts. "It's me, SMG4."

"No need to state the obvious." Three says back, his words having their usual angry tone. He helps himself up, looking his frenemy up and down with a feigned disgust. "It's not forbidden to take a walk on the land surrounding my house, is it?" He asks, his voice almost literally dripping with sarcasm.

"There you are. Thought I lost you for a second there." Four chuckles quietly, looking at Three and then back down at the ground.

"I'm not looking to make small talk right now. I have shit to do and places to be." Three scoffs, trying to hide his internal fear by masking it with anger.

"Well, if you don't mind me asking-" Four begins before he is cut off.

"I probably will." He responds gruffly.

"Why are you out here so late? It's, like, two o clock right now." He asks.

"Oh, is it?" Three looks surprised. "Damn, how did the time slip away from me? I thought it was noon."

"I'm serious, SMG3. You don't just come out here on a regular basis. Something must be bothering you." He says, walking up and placing a hand on Three's shoulder tenderly. "You know you can tell me anything."

Once Four touches Three, the nightmare becomes vivid once more. Suddenly, Three is sitting in a chair, actively dying while Four just laughs and his gloves hit the floor. Splat, splat. Blood, murder, death. This is what love gives you. He's not gay, he hates you. He's only ever nice to you because you haven't actively tried to kill him in the last four years.

"Don't touch me!" Three yells, immediately shrinking away from the friendly touch of Four. This also causes the YouTuber to jump in surprise at his unexpected act. "Never touch me without my permission!"

"Whoa, man. Are you sure you're okay?" Four knits his eyebrows together in deep concern. "I don't mean to offend you, but you sound sort of- how do I phrase this- emotionally unstable?"

"I'm fine." Three insists, although it was a little bit less convincing than before.

"Man." Four sighs, pulling his hood off of his head and ruffling his fingers through his jet black hair. It ripples in the light, a sight that almost makes Three weak in the knees. He pinches himself in an attempt to stop the mixture of gay thoughts mixed with bloody ones. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I bet you're tired as shit right now, and I'm telling you I want to help."

"I don't even know why you care so much, SMG4. They're my feelings, and I don't have to tell you shit. It doesn't matter if I'm having fucking nightmares about getting shot! Or that Eggdog is twitching in a puddle of his own blood in my mind, and I can't get the images out of my head! Why would you care about that?" He begins to shake. "About me?" He whispers this last part, and Four doesn't catch it very well.

But he hears every other part and can only watch as Three begins to lose his grip on reality. He wanted to desperately to just reach out for him, to comfort him, but could he really go against Three's wishes? That may only cause more problems and drive an even bigger wedge between them. But it's worth a shot, he decides. Three was his friend, and he needed comforting.

"SMG3. Of course I care. I care so deeply about all of my friends, and I can't bear to see any of you in pain." He says, debating in his head whether to reach out or not. Four decides against the idea, instead flashing Three one of his signature smiles as an idea pops into his head. "Would you mind if I showed you something? It's where I always go to clear my head after a nightmare."

Three blinks back the tears that were threatening to fall, desperately trying to keep up his usual act of being the unwavering tough guy. He doesn't want to look like he's considering Four's offer, and he knows what he should say. No, of course he doesn't want to go to this random place with his friend. But he couldn't help himself from searching in Four's big eyes for comfort, for reassurance. A soft gaze meets his broken one as he sighs once more, finding himself physically unable to say no to the charming Meme Guardian.

"Fine. Let's go." He whispers, the sound just barely reaching Four's ears as he beams in excitement and happiness.

"I promise you won't be disappointed, SMG3!" Four giddily laughs, beginning to walk to the other side of the castle. "Just follow me, it really is just a short little walk."

"Moron." Three sighs, relaxing just a little bit more as he follows his friend. He's cute, there's no denying that, but he's also still just a scrub.

He couldn't say that his nightmare wasn't still plaguing him. It was still there in his mind, but he's surprised with himself. Three thought that if he saw Four, it would make matters worse, but seeing the life and reassurance in his blue eyes made him realize just why he fell in love with this boy in the first place. And it only made him realize that Four wasn't likely to ever hurt him. Yes, there was a chance, but that probability seemed to be getting slimmer with every passing second.

The two walk through the trees, this time exploring the other side of the Showgrounds. Although, it was less like exploring and more like retracing a path that has been carved out of the woods. Every branch that may have been in their way has already been cut off, and every hazardous obstacle on the ground has been pushed aside. The large stones and logs were all just out of their way, and the dirt looked like it had been trodden by many people over the course of time.

There is an opening in the dense forest that comes into view. Four's eyes lighten up at the sight, and Three just raises an eyebrow. Where was Four taking him? Of course, he trusted the man in the blue hoodie, but the underlying question of whether he was really trustworthy was still buried deep in his mind.

Shaking his head at himself, Three continues on, knowing that Four had been nothing but good to him. There was no reason to doubt him.

Four ducks under a branch, with Three following suit. The sight that beheld the two men after that was absolutely breathtaking, and it made Three's heart skip a beat as he just stared. In front of them was a steep hill with a cherry blossom tree nearly hanging off the edge. At the bottom of that grassy hill lies a meadow filled with a diverse variety of flowers. There was a small pond in the middle of all the flowers, and there was a crane that was delicately perched there, fast asleep. You could see what appeared to be every color of the rainbow down there, and there was a perfect grassy area underneath the pink tree at the top of the hill to view all of it.

It takes all of Three's strength not to just gasp in wonder and run down the hill at full speed to lay in the flowers and bond with the wildlife. He always had a weird fascination with nature, and this was an absolutely incredible and unique sight. Four, noticing the state of awe that Three's in, simply chuckles.

"I told you I come here when I'm having nightmares. It takes my mind off of them like that." He says, snapping his fingers to further emphasize his point.

He has nightmares, too? How could anything be going wrong in that bubbly subconscious of his?

"Shut up and don't ruin this for me, scrub." Three sits down at the edge of the hill, lovingly looking down at the scene below him.

Four quietly complies, sitting down next to Three. He doesn't go too close, hoping that he won't make the man upset. This proves to be a good idea, but it still doesn't stop the man from breaking the silence. He was just too curious about Three and what brought him out of his café in the first place. So, after about a minute of staring at Three intently, Four clears his throat and asks him a question.

"So-" He begins, only to be cut off by Three asking another question at the exact same time as him.

"Why are you out here, anyway?" Three asks, not averting his gaze from the meadow below him. "It's weird enough that I'm up, so why were you conveniently also awake?"

"O-oh." Four stutters, staring at the floor with an embarrassed blush on his face. He stares at the ground for a moment, almost like he has to think of what to answer next. Three narrows his gaze, the slightest suspicion falling over him. But he knows that he can trust SMG4. Right...? "I never actually went to sleep?" He confesses as it sounds like more of a question.

"Dude, you have to take care of yourself." Three mumbles.

"Oh yeah, like you have any room to talk about that right now. We're both awake, aren't we?" Four gives Three a patronizing look, which the latter refuses to meet.

"I couldn't go back to sleep. It's different." Three frowns, fixating his gaze on a patch of yellow flowers.

"How so? Because, no offense, you're being so cryptic about this that I can't even help you. If you would just tell me what your goddamn dream was about, then I could try and make you feel better." Four begs. "Please. We're friends, SMG3."

He just shakes his head in response, hearing Four's last line play over and over in his head. See? I was right. He's never going to love me or see me the way that I've been seeing him since 2021. He tries to not let his thoughts spiral out of control, with Four right there nonetheless, but he finds it nearly impossible. Placing his hands in his hair, he takes shallow breaths but doesn't dare to look away from the meadow. He's scared that if he does, he might never see it again.

"You can trust me." Four, almost immediately noticing Three's behavior, goes against his better judgment and places a gentle hand on his shoulder.

This causes Three to slowly tear his gaze away from the flowery meadow and land it on Four's beautiful face. He tries his best to not allow the flashbacks to get to him, but he can't help but see the blood in his mind. Four can see that Three is still troubled, causing him to grab him and force the man in purple to face him completely. Three isn't sure whether to blush or be scared, so he does both. But, when Four cups his face gently, Three sees the color red flick through his eyes.

"NO!" He yells, scrambling away from Four as quickly as he can.

The momentum that he has while pulling away launches him off the side of the hill. Since Four was still gripping him tightly, he also flies off the grass and begins to roll down into the flowers at the bottom. As they are falling, they both let out their signature screams. Four pulls Three closer to him, hugging his friend tightly as if to brace him for the fall. Three knew that this wasn't a romantic gesture, more like something friendly, but he couldn't stop his face from turning as red as a tomato.

Once they hit the bottom, they are kicked away from each other due to the impact. The bird that was sitting in the pond, who was now very much awake, shrieks and flies away quickly. A few flowers are flattened by the weight of the two men, as well. Both of them simultaneously grown in pain before Four gets up. As he holds out his hand for Three to take, the man just turns away and stays on the ground by himself. Four looks crestfallen, to say the least, but he tries to reach out to his friend one last time.

"You know you can trust me, right?" He asks, his voice wavering like a toddler's does right before it is about to cry.

At this moment, Three realizes that he was being very harsh to Four. All the man wanted to do was provide help, and Three was unable to push past his deepest and darkest fears to allow it. But he still found himself faltering when he tried to tell Four what was really the matter. He couldn't say anything without completely exposing his crush on Four, but it was also rude of him at this point to say nothing at all.

"I just had a bad dream. Eggdog died, he was killed right in front of me. Then I was also killed shortly after." He spits out a half-truth, not bothering to mention the rest of his nightmare and just how closely his Guardian partner was involved. "I looked to the forest for comfort, that's why I'm out here."

"Who would...?" Four begins.

"No. I can't say." Three cuts him off with a serious look on his face, silently telling him not to press on. "Sorry."

"That's okay. But now I understand why you keep pushing me away. I would have an issue with trusting the person who killed my son and I, even if it was only in a dream." He says, sharing a sympathetic look with Three.

"Thanks for understanding." SMG3 says, not allowing Four's words to really sink in. By the time they do, his eyes widen and Four is trying his hardest not to playfully smile. "Wait a second! How?!"

"I had a hunch. I literally fucked up your life for ten years straight." Four says, his emotions on that subject nearly unreadable. "Besides, who else would've done it, Mario?" He quips as Three chuckles quietly. "But I hope you know that you can trust me, we can trust each other."

They sit in the flowers, a comfortable silence falling over both men. Three is already feeling exponentially better after talking about his mental experiences, even if the chat was only brief. He felt like he could share more with Four, but he was still scared. What if something were to happen to actually make SMG4 pissed enough to act spontaneously on his emotions? It's time to stop thinking like this. This is finally your chance to show Four that you trust him. Make him stay a little longer.

Taking a quiet breath, Three tries his hardest to make a discreet move towards Four's hand that was laying in the grass next to his. He inches his right hand closer to Four's left pinky, and a small zap shocks him once their fingers touch. He flinched away, realizing what a mistake he had made. He didn't need to make a move, it was clear that Four wasn't interested in that way!

But, the second he lays his hand back down in the grass, Four full-on grabs it. He traces his fingers along the Roman numerals on Three's glove as heat rises up in the purple Guardian's collar. Almost reading each other's minds, they interlock their fingers completely and lean back all the way into the grass. Three smiles bitterly, stiffening up as Four relaxes in contrast. This felt too good to be true. Four has never, and likely will never, do anything remotely like this. But, if he was, then maybe this was Three's chance.

"SMG4. Would you ever hate me again?" Three asks, looking into the taller man's eyes as they both sit back up, their hands still holding each other's.

"Pardon? Hate you?" He asks, almost like he can't believe that question would even be asked by Three.

"Yeah. It's just a thought, sorry if I made you mad or anything."

"You better listen to me right now. You may slightly piss me off and make me pretty upset at times, but I will never hate you again like I used to. I was an arrogant kid, and I've grown up now. This dream is fucking with your head if you think that I'd ever willingly hurt any one of my friends. Not Meggy, Mario, Luigi, any of them, and especially not you." He says, grabbing Three's chin with his free hand.

A grateful wash of relief goes through Three's mind again, and this time he really believes that his negative thoughts are silenced. Four truly was an amazing person, and Three was getting reminded of all the ways he fell for him in the first place. The adorable, sweet SMG4 who would never harm a hair on his head. And that happened to be the same man who was also grabbing his face and leaning closer to his lips by the second.

Just as he is about to close the gap, Four pulls away and takes a beautiful red flower out from the ground. He leans in again, tucking the flower behind Three's ear. Then, he leans into Three's other ear and his lips lightly brush against it.

"The flower really sets off your eyes, huh?" He closes his eyes as he lays down, pulling Three with him as they sit close to each other.

Three doesn't respond, and instead he closes his eyes and savors the moment that they were sharing. Every bit of fear has disappeared from his mind, and all his dark thoughts have been replaced with love, lust, and desire. The urge to kiss Four was almost suffocating, but he decided that it wasn't worth it to risk everything. The hand holding and flower giving would have to suffice for tonight, as much as he'd like to go to the next level with SMG4.

They sit there together for what seems like hours, even if it is really only five minutes. Four begins to drift off, before inhaling sharply and sitting up. He sadly sighs once he realizes that he won't be able to stay awake for much longer. That meant less time with Three, which was sounding more depressing to him by the second. Three notices his behavior, mimicking his movements and also sitting upright.

"Are you good?" Three asks, gently retracting his hand from Four's.

"Oh yeah, I'm all good. I think I'm just starting to get a little bit tired." He apologetically smiles at his friend. "I wish I could stay longer, though." He whispers that last part to himself, just quiet enough that Three couldn't fully hear what he was saying.

"Well, it is two in the morning, scrub." Three calls Four one of the affectionate nicknames that he uses for him and him only.

Once he says that, he brings himself to a standing position and offers Four his hand stylishly. The man chuckles softly, though Four couldn't deny that he was mildly charmed by the gesture. He holds out his hand and Three takes it gently. 

Suddenly, Four feels like he's in a romantic novel and he has to stop himself from blushing. He wasn't entirely sure why he was feeling this way, but he just shrugged it off and continued to smile at his companion.

"So." They both stand awkwardly next to each other for a moment before Four adjusts the hat on his head. "It's been great, Three, but it's probably best if we head on home. Just follow me."

The two cosmically linked men smile warmly at each other before walking back on the path they traversed only a few minutes prior. As they continue on in silence, Three accidentally brushes against a tree, causing one of his AirPods to fall out of his pocket. He instantly halts in his tracks, leaning down to pick up the expensive piece of technology. This quick action doesn't go unnoticed by Four, who looks up at him as curious as a mischievous child.

"What?" Three inquires curiously as he placed the lone headphone back in the pocket of his pajama pants.

"Can I listen to music with you?" Four requests, causing Three to become more confused with the other man.

"W-well. I don't know about that. You see, my taste in music is very... um..." Three fishes with embarrassment.

"It can't be worse than Beeg's. He listens to the Skibidi toilet song Rizzler remix on an hour long loop." Four's mouth turns into a line. "Daily." He deadpans as Three lets out a nearly silent chuckle.

"All right." Three agrees to let Four hear his favorite song, handing him the left ear pod. "J-just don't laugh."

"Wouldn't dream, of it, SMG3."

He presses play on his phone once both of them are situated, once again having Billie Eilish sing a quiet song. The lyrics were meaningful and hit Three deeply, and he just hoped that Four would appreciate this somewhat and not just call him crazy for listening to girly music. Because, if he was being honest, Three couldn't think of a single other artist who was as girly as Billie Eilish. Yes, there were others, but he was mostly embarrassed by liking Eilish's sad music.

Man, am I the greatest

My congratulations

All my love and patience

All my admiration

Once Three looks over, though, Four actually appears to be enjoying the song. He was quietly humming along to the identifiable chorus, smiling to himself. Then, his expression softened even more when the music began to pick up. Three raises an eyebrow with a friendly laugh at Four's cute behavior. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud... his nightmare would not be fully exiting his mind anytime soon.

"SM- Three." Four pauses, deciding to call his friend by his nickname as they brush shoulders with each other. "This isn't bad music at all. It's very nice to listen to."

"You sure?" Three insecurely looks towards the ground. "It's pretty girly."

"No, it's not. Anyone can listen to any music. And this has a deeper meaning than most of the songs I listen to. That just helps me get to know you better, anyway. We have been friends for like two years now." Four smiles. "And- I'll let you in on a little secret- I like some of Taylor Swift's music. So, you're not alone." He leans into Three's ear and whispers to him again, being more careful to avoid his lips from touching this friend's earlobe again.

"Thanks, I..." Three trails off once he realizes that the next song in the album has begun to play. "Thanks." He settles on just a simple expression of gratitude.

Their hands brush against each other's once again, Three's bare fingers feeling the satin of Four's gloves. Their contact was brief, but when their arms swung together in sync again, the man in blue gives his friend's hand a small squeeze, causing butterflies to flutter through his whole body. This time, he doesn't have enough time to return the gesture as the forest ends, revealing his café with the neon sign lit up. Four's castle is only across the street, but they have run out of reasons to be close to each other. They were home.

"Well, we're back." Four says, and Three was almost sure that he sounded disappointed that this was true.

"Yeah, but tomorrow's Saturday." Three says, brightening both of their expressions. "I'll have to put up with another one of your wacky adventures." He rolls his eyes.

"Oh, don't be silly. You love hanging out with your best friends." Four smirks teasingly, flicking Three's arm.

"Says who?" Three smiles ever so slightly and blushes, looking to the side.

"You, that's who~" He continues to giggle.

"You don't have to be such a baka about it..." Three stutters, the temperature of his face getting even warmer.

"Oh, all right. I'll get out of your hair. I should probably finish my video of our adventure from last weekend, anyway." Four shrugs and is about to leave before Three pulls on his sleeve, causing him to halt.

"Hell no. You're going to bed, you dumbass." Three looks unamused. "You can always do a few last-minute edits in the morning before you post it."

"At 9:00? That's literally seven hours from now." Four frowns at him. "Kinda pointless to wake up then instead of sleeping in and putting it on auto-post."

"No." Three pauses. "Maybe." He puffs his cheeks out before sighing. "Fine, have it your way, scrub. Just go to bed soon, kay?"

"Promise." Four smiles once more before waving and walking away from his friend.

"See you soon, Four." He finally takes it upon himself to use the nickname that SMG4 uses for him, and it makes the other man noticeably happier. "Moron." He affectionately chuckles, touching the beautiful flower that was tucked in his hair and turning around.

"See you tomorrow! ... I love you." Four whispers the last few words to himself quietly, allowing himself to giggle with affection and sneak one more glance at his crush.

We're getting somewhere. If he told me about his dream, it means he trusts me. Even if it wasn't one hundred percent true. He huffs quietly, interrupting his own thought process. If only he remembered that Meme Guardians are cosmically liked. And that we SHARE dreams. Did he really think that I was just awake, last-minute editing my video? That's amusing. I am way too much of a perfectionist for that. Four glances at Three as he walks back into his café and his shoulders relax.

"I think I'll ask him out soon." They both say simultaneously behind the doors of their respective homes. "One day very soon." 

~~~

10331 Words

Chapter Text

"I'm... I'm going to miss this place." SMG4 sighs, looking off into the distance.

He and his best friend, Mario, sit on the roof of Princess Peach's castle, the sun setting in front of them. This was a somber moment for both men, but what were they to do? Lawyer Kong had backed them into a corner. With the Super DMCA signed and their friends gone, there was nothing that Four could use to defend himself. It was clear that he wasn't wanted in this world anymore, and if he didn't leave, there would be horrible legal repercussions for Mario and his Nintendo licensed friends. Four cared too much about Mario to put him through that, especially when it was inevitable that they had lost.

Mario's expression drops as he stares at the ground below him. He didn't want SMG4 to leave, to go who knows where. They had been best friends for eleven years, and to think it was all thrown away by a stupid ass monkey? But, Mario tried his best to push his anger aside and enjoy his final moments with the man who's always been there for him.

"Heh... Remember the time we had that chain chomp chase after us?" Four smiles, leaning back on his hands.

"Oh..." Mario quietly whimpers in sadness at the time he remembered very clearly.

"Or that time you got your pingas stuck in a door?" SMG4's nostalgic grin quickly switched into a frown as he also turned his gaze to the tiles on the roof.

At the mention of yet another fond memory, Mario's frown turns deeper. His lips begin to quiver as he bites back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. He was desperate to not let Four see this vulnerable side of him right before he dies, or goes off into the abyss, so he just stays as still as he can as he continues to listen.

"Or the time we had to fight a cosmic eldritch monster." Four says, this time as more of a statement than a question.

Both of them look away from each other, with SMG4 looking to his right and Mario looking to his left. For a moment, everything was silent as they tried to decide what to do, what to say next. Then, Mario finally snapped, throwing his arms around his best friend as tight as he could. He was afraid that, if he ever let go, the man next to him would never return.

"SMG4! Don't leave me!" He chokes out a broken sob, trying to wrap himself tighter around the other.

Four looks crestfallen as Mario's tears stain his overalls. His eyes close as he hugs the man in red just as tight as he does. Despite trying to have a good attitude about all this, in reality Four was terrified. He knew that he was about to die, and the truth of it all just made him feel sick to the stomach. He found himself, in that moment, never wanting to let Mario leave his embrace.

Lawyer Kong clears his throat and holds up a clock, but it goes completely unnoticed by the Meme Guardian and his Avatar. They just keep holding each other and crying, all of their emotional distress flooding out of them. They mourned the loss of their friends and feared the loss of Four. Speaking of the man in blue, he knew that his time was running out, and it was best not to keep Lawyer Kong waiting a whole lot longer. At the realization, he reluctantly pulls away from the hug and finally accepts his fate.

Mario realizes that Four is leaving, but he is determined to keep him by his side, even if it was only for a moment longer. He repositions his hands so that he is grabbing Four's overalls while Four's hands are awkwardly at his side from when he pulled away from the hug. He raises an eyebrow at Mario quietly, motioning to Lawyer Kong who is getting more and more pissed by the minute. When he notices that Mario isn't showing any signs of letting go, Four decides to whisper in his ear.

"Mario, what are you doing? You're making him-" He is cut off with a finger to his lips.

"Hey, you big-a monkey. Give Mario one more minute with his best friend!" He shouts at the lawyer, who looks like he has just been stabbed once he hears Mario directly defy his orders.

He is about to respond, but he's given no time to do so. Mario positions himself nearly in Four's lap, wraps his hands around his waist, and plants a kiss right on his lips.

SMG4 lets out a mixture of a surprised squeak and a sigh before ultimately deciding to kiss his best friend back. He curls his fingers in Mario's hair, closing his eyes as he savors the touch of his lips. Mario leaves small love bites on Four's bottom lip before pulling away almost as quickly as he started the kiss.

They both sit there with flushed faces, and SMG4 with a swollen lower lip. Then, they simultaneously gasp and look up at Lawyer Kong, expecting him to be scarred and even more upset. In reality, he's just mildly annoyed and confused. The big monkey still knows that he's gotten his way, after all, so there was no reason to overreact about a little goodbye kiss.

"Get that out of your system, Mario?" He asks, though he doesn't bother to wait for an answer. "Good. Now, come on, SMG4."

"R-right." Four gulps, standing up as his gaze lingers on Mario for a second longer than it should have. "Can I say one more goodbye?"

"Very well." He sighs, gesturing for the man to get a move on.

"Guys, thank you all so much for watching SMG4. Goodbye." He addresses his fans, which are always hiding somewhere behind that fourth wall.

"Es Em Gee Four!" Mario begins to cry yet again, reaching out for his hand.

"Mario." He says, giving it a little squeeze before letting go. "I love you, man."

He then watches with horror as Four's body goes stiff. His eyes roll to the back of his head as he drops to the ground, dead. His corpse sits there like a cold reminder of all that Lawyer Kong has done, all that he has taken away from Mario. It completely broke his spirit to see the man he was kissing not only a minute earlier now dead, a product of Mario's own incompetence. He could've stalled Miyamoto for longer, he could've convinced him to not sign the DMCA in the first place, he could've-

"Come on, Mario. Miyamoto-San is waiting for you at Nintendo HQ." Lawyer Kong reminds him, placing a cold hand on his shoulder.

"O-okay." The Italian takes one more look at SMG4, at everything that could have been, before turning around.

He would find a way to save them all, he had to. Even if he was on his own, he was Mario. He would find a way, no matter what it took him. But for now, he couldn't help but cry and drag his feet. Because SMG4 was gone, and he watched him die. Just like everyone else whose lives were sucked away yesterday.

Everyone was gone, and Mario's life couldn't be more miserable.

~~~

1233 Words

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"Hey chat! Today we will be going onto the website Ao3 and reading the SMG4 topic's least popular fanfic ever." Three says, placing Eggdog on his puppy bed as his nightly livestream begins.

He wanted to switch it up today by doing something different than just gaming. He could tell that his fans were a little burned out from Club Penguin and Shrek Online, so reading a fanfic would be... interesting. Sure, the only unpopular fanfics were the freaky ones that had illegal ships, but his fans would be able to handle it. After all, he had to put up with all the suggestive shit that the chat says about him, his friends, even Eggdog. They ask things like, "Oh, when's Eggdog going to get a girlfriend?", and it just makes the puppy a bit uncomfortable. That's why, the second that Three turns his back, Eggdog bolts out of the room.

The comments begin pouring in from his live chat, mere seconds after he starts his stream. How the hell these people type so fast, he may never know. He braces himself, taking in one more breath as he opens it up.

HAJALKQSBKA: ooh, what ship is it?!

Literal Macaroni Noodle: what's a snow trapped?

Poopoo: um, well, you see...

696969: ...@Literal Macaroni Noodle leave while your innocence is still there

A M E R I C A: 3 and his friend had say gex in an igloo hehhehahaha

Elinor29: aah I didn't need to know that asshole!!!!!!!!

Literal Macaroni Noodle: wtf aiasshjajajjajn

Literal Macaroni Noodle left the chat

"Whoa, whoa. You really think I'd risk getting cancelled for reading porn on the internet?" He laughs incredulously as if the idea of him doing such a thing was far from the truth. Good thing he'd wiped everyone's memories of the browser history... incident. "Ahem." He clears his throat, blushing ever so slightly and pushing that day out of his head. "The ship is called Bobkins. The story is called: 'I fucking love my fishee.'

Hal the little guy: nooooo kill me now

Meatball: how is this legal

Uuuuuuu: EXCUSE ME WHAT THE HELL IS A BOBKINS? CUZ LIKE IDK BOUT U BUT THAT SOUNDS SUS

ManLover$$1: I think it's the ship between Bob and Boopkins bru

Peepeepoopoocheck: oooooooooooooo...

BubbleGumonurwalls: I wrote a fucking Bobkins book is it mine?

Scratchin_Mah_Asshole: Why the hell are you reading this bro I'm crying

"I have no clue who wrote this. The author is anonymous." Three says, reading over the tags and seeing if there's anything that he wouldn't legally be allowed to say.

BubbleGumonurwalls: thank fuck

I'm the ALPHA: let's go

Hiimdave: y e s

BEST: bro I'm scared

Depressed-Dude: y'all I have a feeling our minds boutta be blown

O shit: WhaaaaaaaaaaAaaAaaAAAaaAAAa what???

I've shitted my pants: I think I just did my username guys...

Bobross: 🙁🙁🙁

"Guys calm down. Maybe there's an explanation in the book?" He says as the chat goes silent. Which is only like 150 words? He shakes his head, remembering that this was supposedly the worst SMG4 fanfiction ever made. "Let's begin." He begins to read.

"Good morning my skibidi alpha rizzler!!" Boopkins yells, giving his body pillow a huge kiss.

The dweeb was getting ready to fuck the pillow like the illegal thing he was when Bob walks in.

"HoLy ShIt?! U aRe ChEaTiNg On mE wItH tHe PiLlow?" He sobs, falling to the ground in defeat.

"No Bobu-Desu. I wuv you!" He says, kissing the goofy ahh thing on the lips. (Question of the year: Does Bob have lips? Answer: YES.)

Bobby Flay kisses his fish in sandals back with passion, completely forgetting about the body pillow. But the body pillow was of...

Gasp!!!

SMG4? Holy shit holy shit. Boopkins was boutta fuck a pillow of his discord kitten.

Four walks in with Three and begins to make out with him. He did this because Smg34 is canon, and no one can tell me otherwise. They begin to do illegal things (oops 3 is probably pregnant now) and Boopkins notices his wife Four.

Boopkins rips them apart and kisses Four on the lips. Four kisses back, gets pregnant, and a new relationship is born.

As for Bob and Three, they went into a threesome with Mr. Puzzles (and that other weapon guy I forgot his name lol) and beat the shit out of the crew in WOTFI. Yayyyyy!!

Three stares at the screen with a surprised look on his face, reopening the chat. There were many reactions that happened in real time, while he was reading this aloud to all his fans, but he skipped to the large notification at the bottom.

David23459: discord kitten XD

I am D O U G: 3 you are paying for my therapy

12000 people left the chat

"Goddamnit! I had to live through that shit, and no one even stayed?" He checks his live viewer count and there is only one person left.

Three stares at the message before looking directly into the camera. Why did he sign up for the shitty life of a livestreamer?

"Stay right where you are, Mario." He says, his face in a dark expression.

With that, the livestream ended, the fat Italian was noncanonically murdered, and Three totally wasn't up the whole night thinking about how much therapy and eye bleach he was going to need the next day.

~~~

896 Words

Chapter Text

“He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not… Goddamnit, you fucking sunflower!” A familiar man in purple screams, throwing the remaining part of the plant to the ground and crushing it under his boot. 

Chapter Text

Beep Beep Beep - Camera On.

"Ugh." SMG3 rolls over and opens his eyes slowly.

It was morning time in the Showgrounds, the run-down carnival where his idiot friend SMG4 decided to call home.

Hold on, why the fuck was he in the Showgrounds? He distinctly remembered his stream last night, then his tea party with Eggdog, and definitely hitting the hay in his own home. Yet, somehow, here he was in his ugly ass rival's room. And in his bed, nonetheless.

Wait a minute, he was in Four's bed?!

He screams, tumbling off of the pull-out couch's mattress and onto the floor. He looks up at a shadow that was closing in on him and lets out a big "oof" when the meme man falls on top of him. Somehow, Four was sleeping through all of this, and he is just now beginning to stir as he lays on top of Three.

"Mmm... SMG3? What are you doing?" He asks in a low voice.

Three bites his lip as he looks at his Meme Guardian partner still above him. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't mesmerized by the view that he was given...and if he said that Four's morning voice wasn't hot.

"You're on top of me, idiot." He scoffs, looking away.

"And why should we get up? I'm tired." Four says, yawning as he picks Three up and places him back on the bed. "Just stay with me."

He cuddles up to the other man as Three freezes in horror. Four's grip was strong, though, and he wasn't planning on letting go. Four places his head on Three's chest and snuggles into the other man. Three lets out a sigh of defeat and slightly leans back into his friend, knowing he wouldn't be able to change his mind.

"You do realize we have a video to film today, you moron?" Three asks as Four ruffles his hair affectionately.

"Ugh, we have to wait until Mario puts the gum in between our hands. That's why I brought you here last night, remember?" He speaks, still in that hot voice.

Three's eyes widen as the memories come flooding back from about 1 AM.

~~~

"What the hell is your problem, gay lord? Just get in the damn bed." Four sighs.

"Why can't we just film a different video?" Three rebuts.

"We've talked about this. If we give the people who ship us some food, they might finally stop asking for us to become canon."

"Those people are rabid animals. The more food they get, the more they come back." Three scoffs. "Besides, being shipped with your ugly ass is punishment enough."

"Shut up." Four whines angrily.

"Oh what, are you going to make me shut up? Let's see it then."

Four wasn't willing to back down so easily, so he gives Three a peck on the cheek.

This stuns him long enough to be thrown on the bed and get hit with sleeping powder, which Four was saving for this exact reason. With any luck, Three wouldn't be as pissed off when he wakes up if he has a nice sleep.

"Damn, should have gotten that on video. The shippers would be going crazy." Four giggles, joining the latter on the bed.

~~~

"Uh..." Three is at a loss for words as he remembers last night's events before he stands up defiantly, turning away from Four with an angry expression. "You forced me to sleep, weirdo?"

"Aww, come on, baka boy. You know you love sharing a bed with me, and I have to film this video." Four grins, the sleepiness leaving his voice.

"Only if you let me give you some payback." He says, stepping close to Four.

"Payback? What do you mean-" Three gives Four a small kiss on his cheek.

The kiss was quickly followed up by a slap to SMG4's face. SMG3 chuckles heartily as Four just sits there looking butthurt. Why did Three have to be so mean, yet so intriguing at the same time?

"You know, if I were to give you payback for that, I'd totally make out with you." Four says in a teasing manner. "Only on camera for the shippers, though." He laughs, not realizing that one of his cameras was indeed on.

"You fruity little-" Three sighs in annoyance as he flops on the bed. "There. Happy?"

Four nods slightly as he relaxes into the bed next to Three. He yawns again, his head sinking into his pillow. What was taking Mario so long? The fat Italian was supposed to be there at 6 AM. Neither of them would be surprised if he slept in, or if he just forgot.

Four turns back to Three, who is scrolling on his phone, and surprises him with a hug from behind. He rests his chin on the other's shoulder and looks at the TikTok videos with his friend.

"If I ever decided to kiss you, what would I have to do to keep you from murdering me?" He says, his sleepy sounding voice returning.

He was obviously oblivious to what that voice was doing to Three, whose cheeks began to flush. Oh, how Three wanted him to talk like that all the time.

"You'd have to kill me and kiss my dead lips." Three says, keeping up his tsundere personality as usual.

"Would you ever just, I don't know, let me?" Four asks curiously.

"Never." Three laughs as if it was a joke.

"There's not one thing I could do? One thing that would make you love me?" He pauses. "For the views?" He whispers the last bit in a low voice, sending shivers down Three's spine.

"I might." He grins mischievously, wondering what the hell he was even doing. "But only if you keep talking in that beautiful low voice of yours. It's really hot." Three demands, not thinking before the words left his mouth.

"Oh. You mean like this?" Four says seductively, pulling Three closer.

Instead of calling him a baka like he usually would, Three sighs in pleasure as his eyes trail down to the other's lips. Four, reading his mind, dives for them and begins to kiss him passionately. Before the kiss deepens and Three's eyes can flutter shut, he sees something out of the corner of his eye- a flashing red light coming from Four's desk.

He pulls away from Four and the other groans in annoyance.

"What is it now? Why won't you let me finish?" He purrs, holding Three's head in place possessively.

"I have one more condition."

"And what's that, babes~?" Four says, his lips centimeters away from Three's.

"Turn off the goddamn camera and delete the footage."

"Damn it!" Four jumps off of the bed and dashes for the camera, his hand going over it quickly as the video goes black.

"Now, where were we..." Three's voice calls out as the webcam shuts down.

Beep Beep Beep - Camera Off

~~~

1159 Words

Chapter Text

Hi, guys!

Just wanted to say... THANK YOU SO MUCH for over 1K reads both here and on Wattpad. 

Like wow, that's such an insane achievement in a month and a half! The support is helping me continue writing these little stories, knowing people enjoy them.

Also, my next oneshot is almost done. 

It's a request I got at the beginning of June, and I'm motivated to finally finish it! Bear with me, it's been taking such a long time... but it's because I've made the story really long.

And when I say really long, I mean that I only planned to make it around 4000 words and now it's at about 11000... and it hasn't been edited. (I'm totally not crying/j)

I'm not putting a date on it, because I'm still working on Rivals' Redemption, but I will say this.

My longest oneshot yet, Do It Yourself (Requested by Wolfmage553) will be coming out in the next few days, so stay tuned! 

See you later! 

-Lyssa 💙💜

Chapter Text

Non-Japanese speakers will need to use a translator for some parts of this story, or they will suffer in confusion like Katana.

Requested by Wolfmage553 on AO3

~~~

"The hell do you mean you don't have another one?" A young assassin scoffs, picking at her claws as she holds a telephone up to her ear.

"You heard me correctly, Agent." The cold voice of the man hisses from the other end. "As I'm sure you are aware, we got that sword specially imported from the most skilled tokō in Japan."

"Yeah, I know, but you can just specially import another. Right?" She asks, trying not to sound too petty but also not too hopeful.

"Agent Katana, you somehow managed to get your very expensive sword wrecked in ten months." You could hear the frustration in his tone from the other side of the line.

"That's a long time using only one weapon while doin' high stakes jobs like I do." She argues, hoping that this quip doesn't push the boss' limits too much.

"Do you really think I care, Agent? I'm telling you that you broke it, and if you want another weapon that's not a gun, you're gonna need to figure it out yourself."

"With all due respect, sir. My name's Katana for a reason. I can't go out killin' people and doing the company's dirty work without my favorite weapon. I'm one of your best employees, ain't I?" She rhetorically asks, twisting the cord around part of her paw.

When she hears the dial tone, Agent Katana huffs out an annoyed sigh before placing the phone on its stand. The boss made everything so difficult sometimes. He paid Katana so much money to just go around killing people, and he gets peeved when she asks for a replacement sword? It can't be that hard to just force someone to make one if he was somehow able to get it done last time.

Boss is just a big-ass baby who's too lazy to get a new weapon. One that isn't a stupid gun, anyway. She grumbles quietly one more time before walking outside of the phone booth.

"So, how'd it go?" Says Agent WPNZ, the man who is standing next to the red box and lightly tapping his foot. The two of them are business partners, and while they weren't too jazzed about having to work together at first, they've learned to tolerate each other. "Let me guess, Boss folded, and he ordered a shiny new sword for the kitten princess."

Katana scoffs like the word princess pained her before punching WPNZ in the gut. It was one of the few places that he wasn't made of metal, meaning that the punch would hurt his soft flesh more than it would hurt her. Sometimes, she wouldn't get so lucky when she hit her acquaintance, resulting in a metallic bang, throbbing knuckles, and a laughing WPNZ. But as of right now, the young man is trying hard not to keel over with pain, instead letting out a deep and breathy chuckle.

"I'm not a princess, you metalhead." Her nose twitches upward and she makes a face, causing WPNZ to truly laugh at her. This makes her lash out, sheathing her claws at once and pouncing on top of him. "What the fuck has got you laughin' right now, funny man? Huh?"

"It's just your nose, Katana." He smiles up at her before shoving her away.

"What about my damn nose." She spits out, still staring at him defiantly.

"It's doing that little twitchy thing again." He smirks before deciding to push her buttons even more than before. "Aww, princess Katie's getting all mad, you can see it in her cute little face~"

"DO NOT CALL ME THAT, WPNZ!" She hits him again, this time straight in the eye socket. "They gave me this job for a reason. I'm vicious, and I'll- I'll prove it! I'll prove to you and Boss that I can be the great Agent Katana, even without the..." She pauses, trying to figure out how to say the next part of her sentence without getting made fun of.

"Katana without the katana? You had no good way to end that, did you?" WPNZ mocks the humanoid cat, looking down at her smugly.

"I'm done with you, bro." She scoffs, finally deciding to walk away from the annoying man who is constantly finding new ways to get under her skin. "Go shoot old people or something."

"Wha-" He is about to make a snarky comment, but Agent Katana puts a paw over his mouth and shoves him away.

"Nope! I've got a flight to catch, asshole." She smirks before saluting at him and jumping off the bridge they are currently walking over.

"What the hell? Katana!" WPNZ rushes over before he sees her carefully parachuting down to the water below.

"Gullible!" She yells at him, flipping him off before landing in the ocean below with a small splash.

Now, all the young agent needs to do is go home, dry herself off, and buy plane tickets to Japan! With her stupid business partner out of the way, there was no one left who could stop her from getting her new weapon. Because even though she would never admit it out loud, she knew that WPNZ was indeed right about one thing.

I'm not myself without my katana.

~~~

Katana walks through the airport in Japan, hood pulled over her head tightly. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, especially because the people here weren't like the ones in the Mushroom Kingdom. None of them were Toads, Goombas, or those fucking walking turtles or whatever they're called. Every single intelligent creature here was a human. And while Katana was half human, she felt extremely out of place.

As she is quietly walking and trying to mind her own business, someone bumps into her, and her hood falls off her head. Once her teal hair with her ears sticking out is visible, many people turn around to stare at her. Some of the more polite people just avoid eye contact with her, though she could feel some of them do double-takes when they believed her back was turned. But as an assassin, she has been trained to almost have a sixth sense, knowing where people are and what they are doing around her.

Quickly, she fixes her hood, but not before she hears a few people talking about her. Yes, it was in a language that she barely understood, but it wasn't hard to pick up on the disgusted tone that they were using. Humans. Always weird around others that aren't exactly like them. She continues to walk through the airport to get to the taxi pickup area, but she could already tell that Japan was not the place for her.

She walks through the automatic doors, the wind hitting her in the face as she grabs her hood. Katana makes sure to secure it on her head as she walks, not wanting to bring any more unnecessary attention to herself. She was a secret agent on a secret mission to get her favorite weapon recrafted, and she didn't want to talk to a single person other than her taxi driver and the guy who was going to make her a new weapon.

Speaking of the driver, he was waiting for her to get inside the car. This is enough to draw her attention away from her hood and compel her to get in the back seat. She still doesn't feel comfortable enough to take it off, but she tries not to feel as uncomfortable now that she is in a more private setting.

As she is getting situated, the driver looks at her from the rear-view mirror. Then, once they make awkward eye contact, he looks at the steering wheel.

Katana sighs heavily, realizing that she'd need to speak with this man, so he knew where to take her. What better way to practice her nonexistent Japanese skills?

"Kon'nichiwa, watashi wa machi de anime no on'nanoko ga hoshīdesu." Katana says, deeply proud of herself even if she likely said the wrong thing.

"Anime taun? Sōiu imidesu ka?" He questions, making her head spin.

"Hai." She smiles fakely at him, hoping that he would stop asking questions and just drive her to Yokohama.

He nods his head, shifting his car into gear and beginning to drive along the road. She places one of her earpods in her ear, connecting them with a plug to her iPod and playing her favorite music. She tries to keep it very quiet, so she can hear if the driver is doing anything suspicious. Just in case, she did have a gun on her, even though she felt as if that weapon was for lowlifes. Like WPNZ. That jackass sure loved his guns.

She turns to look out the window, only to let out a surprised huff once she realizes that they're driving on the left side. We're driving on the wrong side of the FUCKING road! Her eyes shrink into slits, fur standing on end, before realizing that the driver wasn't trying to kill her. That was just how they drove in other places of the world. Japan is going to give me a goddamn heart attack, I swear.

Quietly sighing in relief, she slumps back down in her seat and her eyes go back to normal. The life she leads has made her overly paranoid, that much was for sure, but she needs to keep this job more than anything else in her whole world. She had been without parents or a family of any sort since she was a young child, and Boss had found her living on the streets nearly a year ago. Obviously, she jumped at the opportunity to have a job, even if it was violent and morally wrong. Hitman INC paid more than any other job could offer her, considering her lack of experience in any other field than killing.

Yeah, she had spilled a lot of blood, and she occasionally felt guilty about it, but she felt as if this was her purpose in life. The job was dangerous, but she didn't feel like she had to protect herself from anything. She was trained well, and she could just kill anyone who came after her. Not like they'd know to, anyway. Agent Katana had no other life outside of her job, and she was fine with that.

Even if she had to see WPNZ's face every single day of her life.

He was a thorn in her side most times, but she had to admit that he can be funny and helpful when he wants to be. They never have to rely on each other, even if they are so-called partners, so she doesn't really mind if he's there. She'd do things the simple way, and he'd do things in his own sick, twisted way. They annoyed each other every shot they could get, but that was typical for frenemies.

At a time like this, however, Katana was very glad that her business partner wasn't here. If he noticed them driving on the left side, he totally would've shot the driver without thinking first. It certainly felt like a breath of fresh air to be away from his spontaneous ass. But it would also be nice to have someone next to her in this new country. Not that she was considering him a friend, but she wouldn't be upset if she shared this experience with him. Friend, my ass. That boy is just nothing but a bad influence. She laughs to herself, barely noticing as the car begins to slow down as they get off the freeway.

As they go along a few side roads, she notices that nearly every billboard and advertisement have some sort of anime girl on it. She notices all of them doing flirty poses, saying something in Japanese that she obviously couldn't read, and it makes her frown slightly. If there's anything she hated more than Agent WPNZ, it was anime simps. The whole idea of anime wasn't even bad, but those weebs who set up shrines and praised anime like it was heaven-sent needed help.

"Watashitachi wa koko ni." The driver stops the car, motioning to the credit card machine next to her.

"Huh?" She shakes her head slightly, making eye contact with him as he huffs out a small sigh.

"American?" He frowns, clearly unamused. "All done. Pay, please."

"Hai, of course." She says in a mixture of both languages, giving him some cash and silently thanking Memes that she didn't have to make a horrible attempt at understanding more Japanese.

"Arigato." He nods as she leaves the car, hoping that wherever in Yokohama he dropped her off was close to her hotel.

What she is met with surprises her, to say the least.

There was anime everywhere. This wasn't just billboards, this was everything. Anime stores, even school supply shops and bakeries, littered the streets. It seemed like there was not one normal place for miles. She even caught a glimpse of a "sexy" Shrek maid cafe, which people were wasting their time to go to. This must be a mistake, there's no way that Japan is like this. Her hotel did not look like it was even close to this area, at least it didn't when she looked at it online.

Did I misspeak? I definitely mentioned Yokohama and not anime. RIGHT? Katana desperately tries to remember what she said, because there is no way that she would have been stupid enough to throw herself into a living nightmare like this. Nope. She was getting out of this hellhole, right now. She'd even pay the driver extra!

"Shitsureishimasu?" She turns around to notify her driver that something had gone wrong, in hopes that she could get this all sorted out.

Unfortunately for Katana, he was nowhere to be found. He had already driven off, leaving her here in... Akihabara, as one of the signs says. Damnit.

She decides to go into a nearby internet café to look this city up, curious to know a little bit more about where she's found herself. Upon walking in, she sees many people with anime shirts on. Men were rocking shirts with their favorite waifus, while a few women were cosplaying or flirting with the other weebs and tourists. She rolls her eyes at this, turning her focus to the computer as she throws some cash at the man at the front.

"Gobun." Katana doesn't try to turn around to face him, instead sitting down as quickly as she can.

Her paws fly across the keyboard, as she is just as determined to learn more about her location as she is to leave quickly. The results say that Akihabara is a district in Tokyo, and it is highly known for its anime. When she searches the distance between this place and her hotel, she deepens her already existent scowl. It was thirty-five kilometers away which was about twenty-two miles, and forty-five minutes by car. She also didn't have another car readily available, and it didn't look like many taxis ran through this... special part of town.

It looked like this was another problem that she was going to have to figure out by herself, though it's not like she really minded. On their missions, much to her displeasure, WPNZ never cares to help her anyway. Though Boss had mentioned how it would be better to work as a team, they'd never really tried to make that happen. Katana was used to doing things solo.

Katana gets up from her seat with a heavy sigh, realizing that she still couldn't understand Japanese like everyone else in the town. Sure, she could speak a few simple phrases, but she was prone to messing them up somewhere in the middle. She suspected that the whole reason she was in this mess is because she didn't even try to learn this language before she went here.

Maybe this whole solo mission was going to be harder than she thought.

She walks out of the internet café, only to be met with the setting sun. It was getting late now, and she had to check into her hotel! Otherwise, she would have to stay the night somewhere here, and it was likely too late to make a reservation. And Agent Katana, the great assassin on a secret mission to get a new weapon in Yokohama, would never sleep in the streets again. She wasn't the same poor, lonely child that she was before. She was going to figure this out! She was brave, strong, self-dependent, and she would definitely be able to manage herself without knowing how to understand a lick of-

"DORAEMON?!" A loud, shrieky voice snaps Katana out of her thoughts, making her look forward and make eye contact with a starry-eyed human.

"Uh..." She looks him up and down a few times, clearly confused.

"Doraemon!" He just repeats, jumping up and down like a crazy person.

"Sorry, I don't speak Japanese." She says, hoping that this will get the man to back away and stop talking to her.

"I can say English! You are Doraemon!" He squeals, fawning over her like a child. "Cat with no ears! Anime!"

"Ah, jeez, I'm not-" She cringes, tugging on the strings of her hood as she grows more uncomfortable by the second.

"Koko ni kite!" He yells, beckoning many of his friends over to gawk at Katana. "Doraemon! Kanojo wa kare to onajida!" She begins to get surrounded, causing her eye to twitch and making her wish that now, more than ever, she had her sword.

She had the gun that she had taken for special occasions, and she almost contemplated using it. Though she quickly realized that if guns were illegal back where she's from, the police wouldn't be jazzed if she tried to attack a group of anime-obsessed losers who were crowding her. Since she can't use violence, she quickly decides to use the next best thing.

"Aah! Get the fuck out of my face!" She screams, shoving a few of them out of the way and running the other direction as fast as she can.

Katana keeps pushing herself, focused on getting as far away from those creeps as possible. Maybe if she kept running, she'd eventually leave this city! She continues along the sidewalk, running and running, until she falls short of breath. Leaning against a building, the agent looks up to see how far she's gotten. She sighs in annoyance when she is met with an equal number of waifus littering the sides of buildings.

Then, she finds her saving grace: a payphone.

She scrambles over to it, still huffing to catch her breath as she fumbles with some Japanese money in her pocket. At least this was the one thing that she was prepared for. If there's anything that being a secret agent/killer has taught her, it's that you always need to have an extra weapon in your back pocket. In this case, her weapon was just money, but she couldn't wait to hear someone, anyone, speak in non-broken English for the first time all day.

Katana then hesitates, wondering who she could possibly call. Her parents were dead, she had no siblings, no friends, no coworkers that she liked, and- She stares at the keypad for a moment longer, before slumping in defeat and typing in the phone number of the last person she would have ever wanted to talk to in this moment. She knows that he'll be of no help, but upon realizing that she knows nobody else, she just needed the clarification that she was at least acquainted with someone.

"Hello, Doe residence. John speaking." His all-too-recognizable voice speaks from the other end of the call.

"Can it, WPNZ. I know it's you." She tries her best not to smile, still not wanting to fully admit that it was a relief to hear his voice.

"Aww, Katana! Japan proved to be too much for you already?"

"Memes, just shut up, okay. I just... needed to hear someone's voice who didn't speak only Japanese. Everything's been a lot these past few hours."

"I bet you're jetlagged as hell. It's like, eight at night there, right?"

"Yeah. What time is it there, noon?"

"It's four in the goddamn morning, Katana. You're damn lucky I got a smartphone and that I keep it by my bed, or you would've gotten a sweet little dial tone. Besides, how do you not know the difference in time from here and there and I do?"

"It's hard to keep track of time when you're on a plane for twelve hours, and then you almost have a heart attack when your driver goes on the wrong side of the road, only to end up twenty-two miles away from your hotel because you can't speak Japanese correctly! And of course, to top this shitty day off, I found myself in Anime Town and was mistaken for a talkin' anime cat!" She spills all her emotions, almost able to see WPNZ's uninterested expression from the other side.

"Look, that's interesting and all, but why are you calling me, again? There's got to be other people who you could bother with your problems-"

"Well, there isn't, okay? You're the only person I know other than Boss and a few of our other coworkers. I thought maybe you'd swallow your pride for one second and listen to what I had to say, but no! You're just so annoying!"

"You seriously have no one else you can call." He says in an unreadable tone that Katana wishes she could understand.

"Look, man. You annoy the hell outta me, but you're like..." She stops herself again before going ahead with her embarrassing confession. "You're the closest thing I've ever had to a friend."

The silence between the two of them is deafening, before a dark sigh is heard from WPNZ and he responds, "Don't die in Japan, Katana."

Then the line goes dead, and the young woman can swear she feels unwanted tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. He was the one person that she could count on in this moment, just to talk to for a few minutes, and he hung up on her. She was foolish to believe that they could be anything more than just business partners when all he cared about was guns and murder.

The thing that upset her the most is the fact that she really didn't have anyone else. Was she doomed to only know him closely, and have no real connection with anybody? His sense of self was just guns and violence, and while that was Katana's job, she couldn't say that she loved the idea of being feared, being wanted by the police under an alias. She was a strong and independent woman before she took the job; but after spending her whole childhood in a cardboard-shadowed misery, she felt like she had something that she needed to prove to the world.

And she could harp on her... not-so-friendly partner all she wanted, but her entire identity was her weapon as well. Hell, this whole trip was just to force the swordsmith to craft her a new katana. She went through all this trouble instead of just staying home, dealing with herself, and learning how to shoot a gun. Maybe WPNZ could've even taught her, she was sure he would've liked that.

Maybe it had something to do with her name, and how it was so deeply connected to that sword that she just couldn't let it go. Even if "Katana" wasn't her real name, she still liked to entertain the idea. After all, anything was better than the name given to her by birth. It only reminded her of her parents, and though they were loving and caring, they were still broke, homeless, and ended up dying anyway. Little Karen needed the support of her parents, she needed protection, and she was just a shell of her former self when she was left to rely on her own capabilities to stay alive. Little Karen was depressed, unable to do anything other than wallow in guilt and pain every day.

But Agent Katana? She was tough. Though the scars from her past life still lingered, she has been able to pick herself up from the depths of her own problems.

At first, the killing was only for the money, then it served a more emotional purpose. If her parents just got to die one day because someone was recklessly driving, but the driver got away with nothing more than a broken arm, someone had to pay. With each kill came a new sick form of justice... until she realized that this is who she's supposed to be. There was no more Karen. No one had to know about that vulnerable, scared side of her when she could just be Katana.

And the woman she's raised herself to be would never sit next to a payphone and cry over some undefined relationship with a man. So, what if she's lonely and friendless? She was perfectly capable of dusting herself off, getting up, and walking twenty-two miles to her destination. She had a gun, and though she had no training, she knew how to fire it. And if all else fails, her retractable claws can always serve as defense against anyone who would dare attack her in the middle of the night.

She looks up at the moon, now twinkling in the east. Now, she just had to travel south-ish for the next seven hours and twenty minutes, no stopping, and she would reach her hotel. Goddamn.

Maybe I should just sleep next to this damn payphone... at least it doesn't look like it will rain tonight. There's no point in being a damn baby about my past and crying because sleeping on the streets brings up shit that I don't want to remember.

"H-hel-help m-m-me." A man with spiky black hair and orange clothes crawls up to her, grabbing her ankle as she exclaims with disgust.

"Hey! Get offa me, you creep!"

The second she says it, the thing that was grabbing onto her tightly disappeared, leaving a cloud of dust where it once was. Her eyes widen in surprise, as she just gives the cloud a blank stare. She is deeply confused, and concerned, but she just shuffles back under the box after shaking off the initial shock of what just happened.

But, of course, odd things aren't done happening to the agent yet. Now, someone else was running up to her. He was not human, which slightly surprised her, as everyone else outside the Mushroom Kingdom area had always been human. He looked to be some sort of humanoid axolotl, wearing a long-sleeved shirt and baggy pants. He was also carrying a large stick that looked to be a very fancy pen, cursing as he barreled towards Katana.

"Goddamnit, Goku! You were living so long, where did you go?!" He says, searching for something as he sniffs the air. "Oh! I've picked up on your essence! You can't hide from me for long!" He bends over backwards, all the way to the ground, sniffing behind him while he continues to walk forwards. While doing this, he catches a glimpse of Katana, and they lock eyes awkwardly. "Hi! Have you seen a stray Goku anywhere around here?"

"The hell even is my life." She mumbles, refusing to respond to him as she scoffs.

"D-Doraemon?!" He suddenly gets very excited, looking Katana up and down. "The earless cat? You look so realistic! Goku must've died, and I smelled your essence!"

"Memes, what the fuck are you people here on? I have ears," Katana pulls down her hood, "and I'm not anime!"

The axolotl man quickly realizes this, his amazed expression turning to one of deep apology as he backs away and stands up like normal. He notices the high concentration of glittering dust in the air and sighs, leaning slightly on his comically oversized pen.

"Sorry, I got a little bit excited. It's not every day that you see someone who's not a human around these parts, so I naturally assumed you were anime." He scratches the back of his neck before gazing up and down at Katana again. "I'm Axol."

"Katana. And I ain't here for small talk. I've got places to be." She frowns.

"Sitting next to a payphone? I figure you could use someone to talk to. Well, other than whoever you're planning to call."

"I already called him, not like you have any place to be asking me about something personal like that." She gives him a weird look, silently hoping that he would just get lost and leave her to face her past in peace.

"O...kay then." He pauses for a moment, looking like he is about to walk away, but his curiosity gets the best of him, and he asks her another thing. "Where are you from, cat girl?" Axol crouches down next to her, trying to be friendly.

"Oh, I'm from the city of Nunya." She says, adapting a cheery demeanor after he asks her this.

"Cool, where's Nunya?" He wonders, glad that he finally got the cat woman to talk.

"Nunya business, fish boy." She smirks, knowing that she set up that joke just the right way once his expression flips from intrigued to mildly pissed.

"Look." Axol quietly sucks in air through his teeth, trying to stay calm and not act upset to the grumpy stranger he's just met. "I'm trying to help you. I know these areas well, and you're not from here. You're obviously upset about being here, and I can tell by the look on your face that you don't like anime and being in an anime-obsessed town is like some sort of living Hell for you. I was trying to be friendly and see if there was anything I could do to help you, especially because you're sitting next to a payphone on the side of the road and not walking back to a hotel."

Katana sits there in silence, still defiantly looking at Axol as he stands back up. He was clearly annoyed, but the fact that he still wanted to give her a hand and help her back on her feet sparked something weird in her heart. It was like she wasn't nearly as opposed to the idea as she was a minute ago when he walked up to her with his body folding in ways that shouldn't be possible.

Her thoughts floated back to Agent WPNZ, how annoying he was on the phone, and what a bad person he always was. He would've never come up to a stranger who looked like Katana, sitting on the street next to a payphone, and tried to help. He would have either made fun of her, pointing and laughing as he walked by, or he would've just shot her in the head and still laughed while she bled out. Someone like him would've never cared, and if it looked like he did, then it was just some silly act to get a reaction out of the person he was trying to piss off.

Now that Katana began to think about it, her joke about Nunya sounded exactly like something that her business partner would say. All the time that they've spent together over the past few months has made her think that people were all like him. She didn't give anyone a chance, and she didn't even trust people enough to have simple small talk at the grocery store or at work. She'd even become quite... mean. She was rude to people all the time, under the impression that it was funny, or the insults were just a prank or joke. Katana, Karen, wasn't like this before she took the job at Hitman INC. And she's just now realizing that even if the stubborn man who she hangs out with doesn't consider them friends, she's adopted his personality, and he lives inside her when she's making decisions. Agent WPNZ had done something to her mind, and even though she knew it was wrong to be such a jerk, it was almost etched into her sense of self.

"Uh..." She stares at the ground while she is deep in thought. There's no way that her not-friend had made her like this and even made her believe that all strangers are hostile. Axol meant well, and she wasn't in the position to be mean to him. "I..."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to assume things." He smiles, but you could tell it wasn't as genuine and bright as the first few times as he gets ready to leave. "I'll be off, you can enjoy yourself while you call people, I guess."

"Axol, was it?" Katana addresses him with a louder voice, causing him to raise an eyebrow and slightly turn back around. "Listen. I didn't mean to be such a bitch. Your assumptions were correct; I'm kind of stuck here. And no one really speaks English, so I've been fucked this whole day. I was here for business and my driver fucked up the location. I'm supposed to be in Yokohama, that's where my hotel is."

"Oh..." His expression turns sympathetic at once. "You need a ride to Yokohama? Why didn't you just say so in the first place? That's easy." He almost laughs after that, his wide smile returning.

"You'll give me a ride? Man, seriously?" Her flat expression turns up just enough to the point where some may call it a smile.

"Totally." He snickers quietly before holding out a hand to help her up. "C'mon, follow me. I have a faster way to get there than just the road."

She takes his hand as he pulls her up. Then, they both begin to walk, not really saying anything to each other. Axol leads the way through a few side roads, then he walks down a sketchy alleyway that makes Katana frown. This was really beginning to bring back more unpleasant memories for her, but she needed to stay strong and stop letting her emotions get the best of her. The last thing she needed was for the man walking beside her to make a comment about how she was dragging her feet and staring at the ground. That would spark a conversation that she didn't want to have.

"Where are we going, exactly?" She asks as they go down an even narrower alley and she gets more skeptical.

Was she wrong to trust him, after all? He isn't some freak who's just taking me all the way over here to kill me? Or worse, use his crazy pen to somehow turn me into anime? She shudders at the thought, sending a doubtful glare as they shuffle through the skinny gap between two buildings.

"Do you know who I am?" He responds with another question, not sounding cocky, just innocent and confused.

"What's that even supposed to mean? Are you famous or something?"

"Hmm. Just wondering." He says as he stops walking, pausing in front of a hole in the side of a hill.

"If you think that I'm about to crawl through that, you're insane." Katana gives it a once over before looking back at Axol in disbelief. "Where the hell does that even go?"

"To my private train tracks." He shrugs before walking through the hole without another word.

"Wha-" Katana stutters before peeking her head into the darkness. "You have private train tracks, what the hell?"

"Just come on, it is late, after all." His voice sounds from deep inside the tunnel, beckoning for her to follow despite her initial refusal.

She sighs like she is deeply troubled, but she is very curious to know more about Axol after the revelation that he has his own private train tracks. There were many questions brewing in her mind, and the only way to get them answered was to follow a stranger into a dark hole. As an assassin, she is careful when she walks into these situations, and she usually has WPNZ by her side, but this is another instance where she needs to rely on her own skills in case something goes wrong.

"Coming." She calls out, following the faint outline of his shadow as the light from the moon illuminates less and less of the dark space.

They walk quietly as the tunnel grows darker and darker until suddenly, Axol stops in his tracks. Katana had wonderful eyes, courtesy of her being half-feline, so she could see everything that was around them. She could tell that the other couldn't see nearly as well, as he was taking slow steps and feeling his way around the place.

"Hey, cat girl?" He whispers in his usual raspy voice, turning to where he thought the young woman was.

"Over here." She whispers in response, biting back a laugh because he has to do a full 180 degree turn to face her.

"I don't want to sound... racist, but can you see in this darkness with your cat eyes?" He catches her off guard with this question, making her chortle in amusement.

"Yeah, I can see. What do ya need?" She doesn't really know how she can respond negatively to his comment, so she tries acting nicer.

"There's a light switch somewhere, could you push it? I can sense that we've made it into the main area of the tunnel, but I can't see anything." He asks as Katana looks around for the switch.

Once she locates it and presses it with her paw, a huge spotlight makes a chunk noise and switches on, blinding both people. Katana lets out a quiet hiss as her eyes change from huge round balls to slits, almost like snake eyes. Axol's frills point back, but they quickly return to normal. He looks like he wants to ask Katana a question but ends up biting his lip and directing his attention to the train tracks ahead of them, which were now fully lit as well.

"So. You own these?" She asks, gesturing to the tracks that seem to go in one direction for miles.

"You seem surprised." He grins. "I suppose I do owe you somewhat of an explanation, but there are also a few questions I would like to ask you. Let's get to know each other once we get on the train, okay?"

"What train?" Katana frowns, looking down the tracks and not seeing or hearing anything. "Since this is private, shouldn't your train or whatever be here already?"

"Ah, prepare to have your mind blown, cat girl." He smiles widely as he holds his large pen high above his head, throwing a piece of paper on the ground.

He begins to scribble on the paper, drawing something with the writing utensil that was nearly as tall as Katana. She cranes her neck to get a better look, but the pen moves across the paper so fast that she can't tell what he's creating. This only formed more questions in her head as she stared, dumbfounded, while the axolotl man continued to doodle something.

Then, he steps away from his creation, breathing heavily as he wipes the sweat off his brow. Just as Katana is about to question what in the actual hell he's doing, the paper begins to vibrate and glow a bright yellow as it lifts off the ground. It shakes violently, making the assassin a bit scared as her eyes grow narrower with suspicion and her ears slightly prick back.

A large, blue tank engine with a gray face and a creepy-ass smile is conjured from the glowing paper, which explodes into dust the moment that the train poofs into existence. Katana shrieks, clearly astonished and freaked out beyond belief now, seeking shelter behind Axol as she watches the engine grow eyes and a mouth. Axol laughs quietly at her shenanigans before she begins to recognize the freak of nature that is now situated on the track.

"Wait a second... Is that who I think-" Katana starts to speak before she is unexpectedly cut off by none other than the train.

"Yo fam! Choo-choo, Thomas here to fuel your memes!" The all-too-recognizable cartoon train chirrups in a lively British accent, his weird language making both Katana and Axol very weirded out.

He begins swaying back and forth, going cross-eyed with some sort of headband across the very top of his face. The agent assumes that the headband was anime, but she didn't know why it was there. Was Axol toying with her by adding that and making her catastrophic day even worse? And she couldn't wrap her head around what was going on with his pen. It was somehow able to make his drawings come to life, despite them having some mental issues.

Speaking of issues, Thomas is now ascending, a bright white light around him as he floats about five feet into the air. Then, he pauses there and opens his mouth, a cheery song being sung while his lips didn't bother to move an inch and his expression stayed as a blank smile. It sounded more like an mp3 was playing through his voice, even with every bit of clarinet music and female harmonizing that was in one of his music videos titled "Thomas, We Love You".

"It's Thomas the Tank Engine, hip, hip, hip, hip, hooray! Chugga-chugga, chugg-chugg, chuff-chuff-chuff, he rides along the way! And when you hear that whistle, it can only be one train. Our favorite little engine, Thomas is his name! Thomas the Tank Engine rolling along..." He continues his song, even harmonizing his whistles like he was the chorus of young girls that originally sung this.

"What the fuck is happening?!" Katana needs to scream over the volume of the train's "singing", which was sounding creepier the longer he dragged it on.

"This is just a thing that he does." Axol chuckles nervously, leaning against a wall as he lets Thomas continue to partially rise to heaven and partially break their eardrums with a child choir at the same time. "I've learned to go with the flow, especially because he's my only mode of private transport. And there's still a good two minutes before his song ends and he'll even think about taking us anywhere."

"Goddamnit." She sighs, slumping against the wall before slowly sinking to the ground and sitting down. As Thomas begins to act like an unstable internet connection, she turns her attention to her companion. "You owe me so many answers, Axol."

"With time, cat girl, with time. It's best to just keep our voices down and let Thomas do his thing." The humanoid axolotl responds dully and absently, instead eyeing his creation carefully as it sings its heart out.

Katana's eyes narrow with boredom as she listens to the song about Thomas and how all his friends love him with all their hearts, even if he was a cheeky train. Everything about this was making her cringe and want to run away at the same time, but she knew this could very well be her only chance to get to Yokohama. Her determination to get a good night's sleep, to get her weapon in the morning, and to catch the quickest flight out of this place was enough to make her stay and endure this painful experience.

"Thomas, we love you!" He finishes, tooting his horn before lowering himself to the ground and staring at the two acquaintances with a spooky grin that nearly broke the boundaries of his face. "Y'all ready for a T-Swift opera remix?! Let's vibe, fam!" He yells, causing Axol's eyes to widen and for him to spring into action, grabbing his large pen and pointing it defiantly at his living drawing.

"Ugh." He clearly sounds revolted, though Katana can't seem to figure out why until he speaks again. "Yo Thomas, chill with the tunes! I'm your OG creator, and I've got some serious biz to drop on ya."

The secret agent stares at him, not sure whether to be puzzled, disgusted, or both. Axol just shrugs with an apologetic expression on his face. There is a short silence before the tank engine's face lights up and he nods vigorously with understanding, dropping his microphone that had appeared out of nowhere.

"What can I getchu, fam?" Thomas responds, talking in a weird mixture of English and cringey slang that Katana can't seem to wrap her head around.

"Can you vibe with my homie and me to the end of these tracks in Yokohama? We ain't got no time to lollygag!" Axol asks Thomas in a pleading tone.

"Idk, fam. Maybe." The train responds, looking between Katana and Axol like he's trying to figure out some kind of riddle.

"OMG, Thomas! I just want to GTFO and I'm tryna be a total hero for this random. So can you just chillax and vibe with me?" He snaps, sounding agitated at his creation.

"Bet, whatever fam." The train gives in and Axol's eyes light up.

"I am... horribly confused." Katana stares off into space as the humanoid axolotl motions for her to go to the top of the train. "But, good job, I guess."

"I hate speaking in Meme. It's the worst language ever." He grumbles as they both climb on top of Thomas, getting situated before he begins to rev up his engine. "But it's not like my drawings are even remotely intelligent enough to learn a new language in their ten-minute lifespans."

"Wait, only ten-" She begins to voice her concern.

"I should probably explain-" He also speaks before they both abruptly stop, looking at each other with an embarrassed flush on their faces.

Thomas begins to slowly chug along as Katana and Axol sit opposite each other, making awkward eye contact as they sit in prolonged silence. Neither knew what to say, and both were waiting for the other to finish the sentence they had started before getting their words cut off.

"Um..." Katana chuckles, tucking a piece of her hair away from her face. "You can go on, if you want."

"Well, you asked for an explanation, right? I was just saying it's high time I told you who I really am." Axol smiles, the awkwardness getting washed away by his friendliness.

"All right." Finally. Katana thinks to herself, trying not to appear too curious as she nods, slightly encouraging him to go on.

"I am Axol, the most popular manga writer in all of Japan!" He simply says, striking a pose with his seemingly magical pen.

"Just Axol?" Katana couldn't help herself and began asking questions. "What's your last name? Is that your pseudonym?"

"U-uh..." He looked a bit bothered by the question, smiling nervously. "It's not my real name, but I'd prefer you called me that. I haven't heard my real name since I left my old home."

"That's cool, I can call you whatever." Katana tries to be nonchalant, but there is a small pang in her heart.

She hadn't heard her real name in a long time either, nearly a year now. There were many similarities between her and Axol, and it made her smile. Just to think that she had a random run-in with someone who may be able to share a few of her struggles, someone who she could talk to, made her happier than she would've liked to admit. She couldn't help but wonder if he had problems with being not fully human in this country, or if he's learned to adapt to it.

"Thanks, cat girl." He smiles, making Katana slightly wince at the nickname. Does he even remember my name? She wonders before Axol begins to talk about his backstory in more detail. "When I was a young, aspiring artist, I lived in... another, more insignificant place, and everyone there hated anime. I had invented a pen that had the power to make any anime drawing come to life, so long as there was ink inside of it. I was not exactly liked there, and neither were my drawings and comics, so I moved to Japan to share my art with the world."

"And you got more popular here than you would've ever been back home. More successful, like you found your place." Katana muses, now recognizing yet another similarity between them.

"Why do I feel like you're about to do one of those movie flashbacks and I'm about to glimpse into your past?" Axol chuckles, albeit uncomfortably, as he watches her with a certain degree of expectance and interest.

"Wh- no." Katana exhales sharply, turning her gaze to glare at the floor. "I just zoned out for a second." She denies.

"No matter, you're right, anyway. I have found my place. Being famous can be tough, considering I don't have many personal connections anymore, but it's worth it. Especially when I go to Akihabara to sign things every day for locals and tourists alike." He winks, exactly like a famous person would do to one of his admirers.

"Where are you originally from?" Katana presses on, though she feels humiliated for asking a stranger such a personal question. "You don't have to answer that."

"No, it's cool. I haven't told many people, because they never really asked, but I'm from Inkopolis. The inklings who live there hate anime more than anything else. You might not know where that is, but it's in this obscure little kingdom that barely follows social standards-"

"The Mushroom Kingdom." She cuts him off, smiling to herself. "I'm pretty familiar with the place."

"That's awesome! I haven't met anyone here that even knows what I'm talking about when I mention it. Inkopolis wasn't the best place for me, but I've heard that the other cities there are nice."

New Donk City. 

The place Katana spent most of her life, the street corner where her old apartment was, and the intersection where her parents were fatally hit by a pickup truck while crossing the road. The sidewalk that she lived on, the store that she stole the cart from, and the bank where she took the last of her parents' scarce money out of their safe. That was where she was born, with a promising life ahead of her, only to have it be ripped away and for her parents to screw her over from beyond the grave with only twelve dollars in their wills.

She had unwillingly spaced out, placing her paws in her hair as she stared at her boot-covered feet. Her vision began to get blurry as she didn't avert her gaze, not even daring to blink as everything started to shake around her. Her ears ring, louder and louder, until that's all she can hear, the silence in that moment being too loud. Now's not the time for this, Katana. You can't have an attack here, you're in public. PUBLIC, Katana, with a stranger right next to you!

She couldn't help but see her parents' corpses dance in her mind, remembering just how it felt to watch the FBI take them away. How badly she wanted revenge, how she still does, for what happened all those years ago. Why she got into killing in the first place, because she knows that it's not just for the money. That driver was the first human she ever killed, and she knew damn well that his body wasn't worth a dime to the company. The people whose lives he ended meant everything to Karen, though, and disposing of him also meant that Katana could stop living in the past.

But still, even after all that, she knew that she still carried her old self deep within her. It's not ever just been about the money... Katana's profession is just as personal as it is monetary.

Snap out of it! That fish boy is staring at you, he's right there. Just...

"Snap out of it!" Katana screams, a single tear rolling down her face as she grips tightly at the locks of her hair.

Axol's eyes widen before his gaze softens, his hand hovering just above the young woman's shoulder. He wants to comfort her, but he doesn't want to make her any more upset or uncomfortable that she already appears to be. Conflicted, he sighs quietly, pulling his hand away and trying to give her some verbal comfort instead.

"Hey, cat girl." He calls out before taking a deep breath. "Hey, hey, please stop panicking. We can talk about whatever's bothering you, just take deep breaths, okay?"

His words don't look like they're working, and his expression turns from a sympathetic smile to a frown. She is still staring at the ground, her breathing shaky as she tries to hold back her tears, hating herself for acting this vulnerable in front of some random man she's only just met.

Then, slowly, she begins to calm herself down. She removes her hands from her hair, sitting back up and wiping her tears. Axol sighs in relief, glad that he's somehow gotten through to the stubborn woman and she's begun to get back to her regular self. He notices that she's embarrassed, suddenly very interested in staring at the walls of the tunnel. Thomas continues chugging along, and Axol wants to say... something, but he can't bring the words to leave his mouth.

"Goddamnit!" Katana suddenly screams; her face filled with rage as she bangs her fist against the side of the train.

This startles both Axol and the tank engine, who glitches for a second due to the force of her punch.

"Ayo, fam! Chillax!" Thomas warns, shaking a bit more before continuing a bit slower down the tracks than before.

"Uh, you want to talk about... it?" Axol speaks to Katana, who finally makes eye contact with him. "You seem troubled."

"No shit." She growls, clearly not wanting to be bothered.

"Sorry, cat girl. Just thought I'd see what's up, considering that your body shut off after I mentioned the Mushroom Kingdom." He pauses before saying one more thing. "And I told you a lot of things I don't just tell everyone, so I think it's only fair you should owe me a backstory too. Just saying." Axol shrugs, leaning back in his seat and averting his gaze.

"I..." She feels a bit guilty for not telling Axol anything, so she just quickly blurts out a few random things. "I'm Katana. Not my real name, it's my agent's name. I'm an assassin for Hitman INC in the Mushroom Kingdom. I'm here because I need a new katana and there's a man in Yokohama who can weld one for me."

It takes the anthropomorphic axolotl a few minutes to process what she's just said, but once he does, his expression is priceless. He looks like he's just been hit by a bus, winded and completely speechless. He blinks a few times before finally talking with a shaky and crackly voice.

"An assassin?!"

"Don't freak out, I'm not gonna kill you!"

"I let a fucking assassin, a hitwoman, a killer on my train! What's been your ploy this whole time? Have you just been waiting for the right moment to kill me? Y-you were probably holding back until I got close to you and asked you to calm down, maybe gave you a hug, thank Memes I didn't! You-"

"I don't have my weapon." Katana yells at him, causing him to stop spiraling. "The only thing I have is a stupid gun that I can't use and some simple self-defense techniques, okay? That's literally why I'm here. I couldn't have come to another country to pull off a hit, anyway, because our company is local. Kingdom business only."

"Then why did you have a random breakdown? Something like that must be a tactic to get someone close so you can kill them."

"I just had a rough childhood, all right?" She growls at him, her anger rising even more now as her eyes shrink into slits. "I'm not trying to kill you. I just want to get to Yokohama, get my fucking weapon so I can never pick up a gun again, and leave Japan."

"It's just hard to trust you now that I know you're capable of killing me whenever-" He is cut off by Katana taking her gun out of her pocket and throwing it off the train.

"Now I'm not. You happy now?" She rolls her eyes. "And again, it's not like I could shoot the damn thing or had any interest in tryin', anyway."

Axol is extremely surprised by what she's just done, trying to study her face for any signs of deceit. Maybe she had another gun hiding somewhere else in her clothing, and she really is waiting for him to let his guard down. Or maybe she's still waiting to find the right time, and she truly is lying about not knowing how to properly shoot a gun.

But, then again, there's also a possibility she could be telling Axol the truth.

If Katana really wanted to hurt him or keep anything secretive from him to keep the upper hand, she wouldn't have revealed her job title. She would've tried pulling a gun on him when he got close, but she didn't. The only reason she told Axol what she did for a living was because he explained who he was previously. When he was skeptical, she even discarded the only weapon she had to prove her point.

Axol had reasons to not trust Katana, especially because she was a skilled tactical killer who he most literally took in from the side of the road, but her actions have reflected why he should believe that her intentions are genuine. Even in the only reason she's in this country is to buy a specialized weapon, it truly means that she couldn't care less about hurting a hair on his head. She was grateful for his help, especially after her seemingly catastrophic phone call, but the axolotl man was still curious to know more about her.

You fumbled the bag big time, Katana. He's going to kick you off the train and then you'll be even more alone. You should've just said you were a humble accountant, or a worker at McDonald's, but no. You had to go and tell him the truth. A famous stranger who has contacts in the Mushroom Kingdom and can get your company discovered. Memes, what will Boss think, what will Agent think? He hates you, yes, but he'll hate you even more now. You're just pathetic, so stupid to think you could trust a fucking-

"Look, cat girl." His raspy voice speaks out after about a minute of complete silence. "I think I'm going to trust you, as you've been pretty truthful to me. Most secret agents or spies who want to keep the upper hand on their targets know to never reveal their true identities, and the fact that you did tells me that you may prove to be trustworthy." He pauses again, staring at her intently before continuing his well-thought-out words. "But I want to know a few more things about you. Communication is key to a healthy and friendly relationship, especially with those who don't know you all that well."

"Fine." Katana looks at Axol with a deadpan expression. "Just stop acting like you're my therapist; it's pissing me off."

"Deal." Axol nods, ready for her to elaborate on her past.

"When I was young, my parents died. They got hit by a car and stuff, whatever. Anyway, due to their poor choices in both life insurance and will-writing, I was left with nothing, and I was homeless. That's why my brain basically shut down when you mentioned cities in the Mushroom Kingdom." She shrugs. "Just you reminding me of those words brought those memories back to me, for some reason."

"That's awful... If I had known-" Axol tries to be consoling, but Katana cuts him off.

"It's fine, really. I've learned that my past is shitty, and I just need to get over it." She frowns before clearing her throat and continuing. "Around ten months ago, my soon-to-be boss found me eating leftover dumpster fish on the streets. He offered me ten thousand dollars to perform a hit on a man in the country, and the money was presented in cash right in front of my face. Next to the roll of money, in his other hand, was a gun. Obviously, I took the job but ended up killing the man with a knife and not the weapon he'd originally provided. That's when he took me back to the base and offered me all these things if I'd keep killing. An apartment, a full-time job with a substantial salary, and even the promise of extra money if I were to kill some more dangerous enemies." She quickly explains how she got to become an assassin, skipping over the more gruesome details of her first kill.

"And you accepted." Axol nods. "I would've too, especially if I had been in a situation like yours before."

"Yep. I've been doin' that job ever since. It comes with perks, like my original katana. I had told Boss that I didn't know how to shoot a gun, and he didn't bother to train me because he saw how cleanly I had performed my first one with a simple knife. He said I would be great with a sword and offered me a variety of selections, each one fancier than the next. That's why I was never trained on gun handling, instead focused more on my swordsmanship and agility."

"So, you broke your katana, then decided to come all the way to Yokohama to get a new one? Is this really that special of a sword?" He asks, almost incredulously.

"Yes. It's what makes me who I am, I literally named myself after the weapon because of how skilled I am with its use." She raises an eyebrow.

"And you won't even try with a gun? This is a very weird topic to be casually chatting about, but I feel like you'd be able to... unalive... them quicker with bullets." Axol stumbles over his words a bit, clearly finding a slight discomfort with the topic they're speaking of.

"First off, please never say 'unalive' again. It sounds like you're a five-year-old who's too scared they'll get grounded if they talk about killin'. Secondly, you could say I have cat-like agility, especially with the blade. No one in the whole company has ever had reason to doubt us." She chuckles quietly.

"Us? What do you mean, us?" Axol questions, making Katana immediately realize her mistake of mentioning... him. "Do you not work alone?"

"I, uh, no. I don't work alone. I have a business partner, his name's Agent WPNZ." She sighs, realizing she'll have to explain much more than just that.

"Agent Weapons? Like your name, but generalized?" He asks, making her slightly shake her head.

"It's spelled W-P-N-Z. Something of his own making, I suppose. None of us know each other's real names, so that's all I've ever known him by." She explains. "Basically, he's a gun-crazy freak that's about 75% metal. His arms and legs are all some form of rocket launcher or gun, and he has a double-barreled cannon serving as a helmet on his head. Even his tie is a little knife. We have different opinions on how we should do things, and we're usually pissed at each other, so I didn't feel like inviting him along."

"He didn't even offer?" Axol scoffs, acting surprised.

"Nah, that's not how the two of us operate. We work separately, forced to split the money when we 'work together' on big jobs. Also, he would've probably teased me the whole time, so I wouldn't have wanted him there anyway."

"But isn't it sort of frustrating to do everything by yourself the whole time? I'm not one to talk because I don't even have a beta reader for my manga, but if I had a partner, I would take advantage of the fact and work together with them on everything." He seems concerned, but Katana's frown just deepens.

"I'm independent. Doing important things with other people means that you're twice as likely to mess up." She argues.

"Yes, but it also means you only need to do half the work. If you work with a person long enough, eventually you'll end up being more in sync with them than you ever thought was possible." He smiles wistfully. "Maybe one day, I should get a beta reader. Or just have someone who gets me."

"I swear, sometimes you act more like a well-being counselor than a manga writer." Katana gives him the side eye.

"Sometimes, you act like more someone who needs counseling than a big, bad assassin. "He throws her words back at her, leaving a slightly bitter taste in her mouth.

"Hey! You don't have to be a-" She begins to insult him but is cut off.

"But really, you must have at least one friend. One person who you feel like you can talk to and vibe with at any given time."

"My only friend is the blade." She scowls. "I don't need anyone else getting in my way or telling me what I can and can't, or should and shouldn't, be doing. I already have my boss to get on my ass when my kills aren't completely clean."

"Oh yeah? Then who did you call on that payphone?" He flashes her a knowing look. "You don't mean to tell me you were calling someone who you don't consider a friend."

"W-what?" Her face goes pale.

She freezes up at this, realizing that Axol did have a point. Her mind played back the call she had with her business partner. It had started off like every conversation they usually have, with a friendly banter and a few small argumentative statements, but then it had taken a turn. Katana had called him the closest thing she's ever had to a friend, which was a not-so-subtle way of her asking for them to be friends. It wasn't received well by the other agent, and it made her feel alone.

She liked being independent, but loneliness like that was something she hadn't felt since her parents died. It was weird for her to be that emotionally attached to the most annoying man she had ever met, but she couldn't help it. WPNZ knew Katana better than anyone else ever had, and Katana had grown to appreciate him more after understanding what he's all about. They still worked separately, and she expected they'd be even farther away and more out of sync than ever now that she dropped the big f-bomb on him.

"Hey, cat girl? You spaced out again." Axol waves a hand in front of Katana's face, snapping her back to the present. "Who were you calling on the payphone?"

"It was WPNZ." She sighs in defeat. "He's the only person I know because we spend so much damn time together, so I figured I'd be able to call him. I talked about how everyone here thought I was some fuckin' anime cat, and it was normal. But then, he asked me why I called him specifically, and I told him it's cause he's the closest thing to a friend I ever had. I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought maybe he would tell me I was being weird, or funny, or maybe he'd even agree. That's when he just fell silent, told me to not die, and then he hung up."

She looks back up to see Axol's expression, expecting him to be remorseful or sympathetic, but he was the complete opposite. He looked starstruck and excited, like he was about to start fanboying. Before Katana could ask him what the hell was wrong, he began talking at a mile a minute.

"Whoa, that's exactly what happens in every single anime I watch, as well as every manga I read! The girl admits something to the boy, who is her rival or maybe someone that she doesn't know all that well. The confession is usually along the lines of, 'If you were to stay here with me, there would be no regrets... I would do anything for you!' By the way, that is quoted directly from Naruto and it's one of my favorite love confessions! But anyway! Anyway! Sometimes, when the girl confesses something, even if it's just friendship, the boy pushes her away, conflicted with his feelings and not sure how to respond and act. Whenever the boy does that, it means he's definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent in love with the girl." Axol finally finishes his rambling, still all jittery.

Even though Axol's talking point was about anime, Katana was able to understand what he was saying. If the axolotl man's theory was correct, then WPNZ pushed her away because he was... in love with her.

Katana's face goes pink, her whole body feeling like it's going into overdrive. She felt like she had a fever, though that wasn't really what was happening. Could Axol really be correct? Was her business partner just hopelessly pining for her, but too scared to admit it once she told him that they were basically friends?

The more she ponders Axol's anime-like theory, the more she starts to realize that the manga writer could have a point.

The thought that WPNZ is secretly in love with her is...

"HAHAHA!" She doubles over in laughter, clutching her sides as the blush is gone from her face and replaced with a hysterical expression. "That's a funny-ass joke!"

"It's not a joke, cat girl, I'm being serious. Anime has more similarities to real life than you might think." Axol frowns, wishing that she would take him more seriously. "There are strong reasons to believe that he's in love with you."

"He is not in love with me. He hates me. Every time we interact, he takes every opportunity he can and annoys the hell outta me." Katana's expression turns to something unreadable as she speaks, but Axol is determined to convince her of the storybook truth.

"Listen. I've seen this so many times. Sure, my romantic experience may only be through the books I read and the anime I've watched, but through my time I've seen this. Your business partner, Agent WPNZ, is not sure how to get close to you properly, so he engages with you in a negative way. The way he ended your previous conversation could be his attempt at getting your attention, to get you to call him again. He left things unanswered because he was so desperate for another interaction, even if he was aware that he hurt you in the process of doing so. I bet, in his mind, that's a small price to pay for getting to hear your voice again, especially now that he knows you care for him."

"I... There's just no way. I want to believe you, but..." Katana stutters. "It's so hard to think that he's developed feelings for me. I mean, I just accepted that he could be a friend to me!" Her entire face goes red as she begins to think of what the two of them could be like as a couple.

They could finally be nicer to each other, and they could be their true selves without having to hide behind the same grumpy mask that they always do. Katana could finally feel what it's like to be loved, to share a laugh with someone who she cares for and who she knows feels the same. They could finally work together instead of separately, their movements beautifully synced and their skills working in tandem.

After a long day doing one of their jobs, Katana could even fall asleep next to him, and then he could hold her in his strong arms all night. His metal arms that could endure every bullet, every blow fired his way and could shield her from anything. They would have each other's backs, both in public and in those private moments when they each need comfort.

She bet he would be a wonderful father, too, teaching their children how to defend themselves. He'd be kind, patient, and she could totally see him being one of those dads that would sneak the kids out of the house to go practice their skills. Then, afterwards, Katana would meet them at the shooting range or the arcade and then they would have fun, together. If any trouble ever came their way, she would be able to count on her partner to be protective, to always keep their family safe.

The more she thinks about it, the young assassin can't help but start to swoon over those fantasies. That's all she'd ever want in a partner, and she can't help but notice that WPNZ could end up fitting the bill perfectly.

"I know that lovey-dovey look." Axol smirks knowingly. "You just realized that you love him, didn't you?"

"W-what?!" She sputters and scoffs, trying to push those thoughts away and deny everything that she's been thinking about her strictly professional relationship with her business partner.

"All right, all right. I won't judge you or anything, but I do have a suggestion." He chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows. "The next time that you guys need to do a job with each other, try working together."

"As if. That would require me learning how to use a gun... a disgusting-ass firearm." She rolls her eyes. "Nothing will make me do that."

"What if you break your new katana? You'll have to come back here. Eventually, I'd suspect taking trips to Japan when you don't know a lick of Japanese could get frustrating." Axol shrugs, and she hates to admit that he has a point.

"Maybe you're onto something, but I have no one to teach me how to use those kinds of weapons. They expect that when you join the company, you can already use anything that requires a bullet." She tries to argue back, still not ever wanting to touch something like that.

"What about your little friend? I'm sure that he'd love to teach you about his favorite weapon, especially if it's a chance to bond with you." He smiles, making Katana angrier.

"Look, would you drop it? I've already said I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with that asshole." She slightly snaps at him, somehow only making his smug smirk widen.

"You want him to hold you in his big, strong arms. And for him to be the father of your future children."

"Y-you... I-I said that out loud?!" She begins to feel a bit woozy. "All of that?"

"Every last bit, cat girl. There's no need to lie, I can see right through you. Just admit that you like him as more than some quote-unquote acquaintance. Even if you can't tell yourself that, you need to give him one chance to bond with you. See if you really hate working together with him, or if you can't stand guns after he's done teaching you how to properly handle one."

"But I already know that I don't like him. He's always such a dick to me, and don't even think about referencing your anime again, I swear to-"

"Give him a chance, Katana." He uses her real name, something that shocks her into a state of silence. "Trust me, you won't regret it. Even if he turns out to be a completely horrible person once his walls come down, something good will come out of it. That's how everything in life goes. You may befriend someone who you later despise, but then you could end up finding your lifelong partner through people they knew. I know, even though I have a lack of romantic experience, that the right person will find you. The perfect girl will find me too, and the best thing about that person is that they don't have to be perfect for anyone else. Hell, even if your lifelong partner turns out to just be a friend, they'll make you happy, and that's what matters in the end." He goes off on another one of his therapeutic rants, but Katana finds herself listening this time.

"I just... I don't know." She is still conflicted.

"Just try. You'll be happy you did." Axol leans closer to her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"I gue-"

Before she can answer, there is a deafening screech that rings out from Thomas' wheels, signaling that his brakes are getting slammed on. Both people fly in separate directions as he comes to a stop, slightly thudding against a wall. Katana groans and looks up to see the problem, but her eyes slightly widen when she sees that the tracks have ended. There is a large sign on the brick wall that says something in Japanese, and she doesn't even bother to put herself through the pain of reading it.

Axol slowly gets to his feet as well, noticing the sign and smiling. He taps Katana's shoulder, getting her attention, as he begins to talk again.

"I painted that once these tracks were finished." The human-like axolotl points out. "It says: Welcome to Yokohama, Japan's 'horizontal beach'. That's what the city's name directly translates to in English." He explains.

"That's a good painting." Katana compliments him. "These flowers are nicely drawn, and the whole thing's in great shape."

"Well, thanks! No one's ever seen it before, but I'm happy that you enjoy it. I really did put a lot of time into this mural because Yokohama is like my home now. Inkopolis is in my past, and I'm happy that I've moved on and created a productive life for myself-"

"Ayy, we finally hit the spot! Mission accomplished, fam. Driving you here was a total vibe, Axol!" Thomas interjects in the middle of our conversation. "And who could forget that cute bean you brought? It was lit chugging with you!"

Axol's expression turns from calm and relaxed to one of pure terror as he scrambles for the train's exit. Katana just stands there, trying to decipher what the train said, before Axol reaches to grab one of the strings on her hoodie. He grabs thin air, as her cat-friendly hoodie didn't have any addictive string, and grumbles, instead resorting to lightly pushing her onto the stairs.

"Cat girl, we have to go! He's gonna blow!" He screams, jumping off the train as she senses the urgency, also running off right as Thomas toots his horn and poofs into a cloud of dust like Goku before him.

"Shit!" She yells, basically diving onto the sidewalk to avoid falling on the tracks.

Katana breathes heavily, the adrenaline wearing off. She wondered why Axol wanted her to leave so quickly, and she was now gasping for breath. The wind got knocked out of her, and her hands were scraped when she jumped off the train.

"Are you okay?" Axol checks to see if she had any major injuries, sighing in relief when she appears to be all good. "If you'd have stayed on Thomas, it would have been a forty-foot fall onto sharp train tracks! Not to mention, there would have been a high risk of you disappearing with him altogether!" He acts like a concerned mother, helping her back on her feet and keeping a very close eye on her.

"Deadass?" She huffs out, very quietly. "You're tellin' me that an anime version of Thomas the Tank Engine could've just ended a skilled assassin's life?"

They stand in silence for a moment, staring at each other with completely blank expressions. They let the reality of their situation sink in, just for a moment. A cartoon train nearly took out the great Agent Katana. Then, they burst into laughter at the sheer idiocy of what had just happened.

It was right in that moment that something changed in Katana.

That was the first time in years that the secret agent has truly had a laugh, and it felt good. It filled her with a sense of joy that she thought she may never feel again, especially after she spent most of her recent years dealing with the grief of everything that has emotionally scarred her in the most brutal ways. Yet here she was, laughing her head off with a complete stranger in the middle of his private Japanese train station.

The weird thing was that the longer she thought about it, the less of a stranger Axol seemed. They had bonded, despite it being in a weird way. They had many things in common, and it was refreshing to be around someone who she felt like she shared things with. Well, things that they shared that weren't the love of killing and money. That much was a given with both WPNZ and all the agents who she saw in the company's main building when they had check-in meetings.

She thought she could call WPNZ a friend, because he seemed to know her better than she had ever known anyone else. Yes, she was still somewhat willing to give him another chance, but it was Axol's weirdly persuasive words that made her even consider that he deserved it. She had bonded more with this man who she met off the street in thirty minutes than she ever had with the man who she thought she'd been close with for the past ten months.

It was an eye-opener, honestly. She found herself wanting to go through the effort to be a better business partner to WPNZ because she's felt what it's like to have someone who she can bond with, cry with, laugh with. And the fact that this was in such a short space of time really boggled her mind. It made her feel like she could become friends with anybody, if she put in that tiny bit of extra effort. This feeling of pure joy is something she could get used to.

"That sounds so stupid the more I think about it. Concerning and dangerous, but... absolutely ridiculous." He chuckles, making soft eye contact with the cat girl. "We should go up these stairs; I think you'll be excited when you see where we are."

Katana raises an eyebrow at him but follows him up the seemingly handmade dirt staircase to get back above ground. They reach a manhole cover at the top, and Axol opens it to reveal a bustling city. It is lit up by both the moon and the light pollution, but she found it to be beautiful. They were right next to the water in the bay, and a building shaped oddly like a manicured fingernail was only a few hundred feet in front of them. Katana was in awe when she realized that the weird building was indeed her hotel.

"What the hell?" She is at a loss for words.

"My house is a three-minute walk. The two most popular places to stay in Yokohama are within view, and I'm hoping that one of them is yours." Axol smiles at her before explaining. "There was not a good place to end the tunnel that was any closer to my own home. Especially because the characters I drew to help me had zero IQ, meaning that if we were to build in the wrong spot the whole thing would collapse. Seems to have worked out well for you in this moment, though."

"Yeah, this is... rad, I mean, I'm really-" She gets cut off as Axol continues to excitedly talk to her.

"And it's only 9:16. Even if the Thomas I drew today was derpy, he was efficient for what he was." He taps his watch in a boastful manner, eliciting an eye roll from the cat-like woman.

"I'm not going to lie, that's impressive. But I'm about ready to fall asleep." She yawns as she says this, covering her mouth with her paw. "I'm so jetlagged, it's not even funny. Especially after that whole weird emotional swing I did on the train."

"Crying can definitely drain your energy." Axol nods, then he looks at the ground for a moment before looking back at Katana. "Well, cat girl, it has been a pleasure. But I think this is where we'll have to depart."

"Oh, yeah." She also looks a bit downhearted about the fact that she'll have to bid farewell to him, but she needed to check in as soon as possible. "Guess this is goodbye then, huh Axol?"

"I guess it is, Katana." He hesitates for a moment before holding his hand out for some form of awkward handshake.

She returns it, but there is still some unspoken tension between the two once they let go of each other's grasp. They stand in silence for a moment, knowing that they should walk away, but for some reason neither of them wants to do that yet. There was still something that needed to be said.

"Hey, Axol. I just wanted to say... it's been nice gettin' to know you. We kind of have a lot in common, and it's a big refresher compared to all the, you know, gun-crazy maniacs that I'm used to seeing." The assassin breaks the ice, moving her booted foot around on the sidewalk as she talks.

"I agree, this has been good. I haven't talked to anyone who has seen me as a peer in quite a long time, due to my fame, so it's a relief to know that I can make connections with someone and not have it be all about anime." They share a warm look. "I'm not exactly good with friendships or anything like that." After this, he laughs nervously, waiting to see Katana's reaction to his word choice.

"You'd say we're friends, huh?" Her reaction isn't at all what he was expecting as she walks a bit closer to him. "Even if we'll probably never see each other again?"

"Oh please, it's a smaller world than you'd think. Who knows, maybe I'll find my way back to the Mushroom Kingdom one day to find you raising those kids with your 'business' dude." He teases with a small smirk, causing her to blush and lightly shove him.

"We'll see about that whole thing. The fact that I'm even willing to consider the idea of learning how to shoot is crazy in and of itself."

"Just you wait. I bet when we're middle-aged, we'll meet each other again and we'll both have awesome partners and kids. I'm 21 right now, so I'm not nearly ready to settle down yet." He explains.

"I'm 18. If I married or had kids any time soon, I would be out of a job. Could you imagine an assassin who needs to retire at age twenty-five because she's already having kids?" She seems mortified at the idea of settling down too early.

"Sounds like the same assassin who was almost taken out by Thomas the Tank Engine." Axol jokes, catching his new friend completely off-guard as she starts wheezing in intense laughter.

"Got me there, Axol, got me there." She shakes her head, calming down. "But I should really get going. I fear if I stay out here too long, my adrenaline's gonna run out and I'll collapse on the pavement."

"Yeah, all right. It was great meeting you though." Axol sighs, still a little bit sad to see her go.

"Totally. And you're right, I think we will see each other again. Just remember, if you're ever visiting the kingdom, to stop by the Hitman INC building in downtown Mushroom City disguised as a run-down candy factory." Katana nods. "I'll be there, unless I have, like, triplets or something and I'm legit bedridden."

"And if you ever come back here, remember to stop by Akihabara. I might sign something of yours if you get in line." He winks playfully, earning a loud scoff.

"Yeah, yeah." She laughs one more time before taking a deep breath and pulling him into a hug. "I'll see you around, Axol."

He returns the hug for a moment before they let go of each other. They both have bright smiles on their faces, happy to have found their first friend. As Katana gives him one last wave of her hand before setting off on her way, he finds himself calling out for the cat woman once again, quickly jogging back up to her.

"Wait!" He yells, causing her to stop in her tracks and look at him with a clearly puzzled expression.

"...Yes?" She looks up to meet his gaze.

"Remember how I said that Axol wasn't actually my real name? How I told you it's a pseudonym, and I haven't heard or said my name for a long time?" He reminds her of the exact conversation, though she already knew what he was talking about.

"Yeah, I do. What about it?" Katana asks him.

"My name is Daniel Leonardo. Kind of weird, and basic, uh, sorry, that just sounds weird to say after years of going by Axol. I like my pen name, so I'll probably never go by my old name, but I wanted you to know." He feels a bit better now that he's said his name.

"Well, Daniel." She swallows the lump in her throat. "You told me your real name, so I figure it's only fair of me to also tell you mine. Katana is just my alias, and all agents need one in case their covers are blown."

"Yeah, that makes sense. I wouldn't want my first name known if I was, you know, killing people and all that." He fidgets uncomfortably when he says the word kill, but still listens, eager to know her real name.

"My name is Karen Katphish." She sighs. "And I haven't said that in ten months. I'm not proud of Karen, and Katana is the only way I'll grow stronger."

"Valid point, honestly. But if you get to call me Daniel, then you know damn well the next time we see each other I'm calling you Karen."

"Fair." She puts her hands up before turning to walk away, for real this time. "Goodbye, Axol." Respecting his nickname, she smiles sweetly at her friend.

"Goodbye... cat girl." He snickers quietly as Katana crosses the street, walking into her hotel to finally check in and retreat to her bed.

Maybe she'd keep her word to Axol and start to rely on others a tad bit more... But Agent Karen Katana Katphish made no promises.

Twelve Years Later

She had never bought that katana in Yokohama. Instead, she was taught how to shoot by none other than WPNZ himself, who Axol ended up being right about all along. She had never been a twenty-five-year-old assassin. Instead, she really did have those triplets, only at the even younger age of twenty. She had never gotten the chance to see Axol again. Unbeknownst to her, the only friend she ever had and the only one who ever made her change her mind was dead.

Karen's day at work was slow. She didn't expect much else, because her "day" was her working the night shift at a sketchy-ass 7 Eleven. That's all her jobs were anymore, just stupid things that pay almost no money but need to be done anyway. At about six in the morning, she got off work and drove home to make sure her kids were doing okay with their babysitter. Obviously, she trusted the man with her life, so she knew that everything was going to be perfect, just the way she left it last night.

She had unlocked the front door and found her friend, SMG4, preparing breakfast for the kids at around 6:30. As usual, she gave him a hug and thanked him for his help, then tried to pay him. Like every day, he refused, instead telling her that it was his pleasure and that he loves those little goofballs. Then, she had taken the kids to school with him while he told wild stories about the adventures he has daily, and once they were gone, both friends went to the Showgrounds to hang for the afternoon.

Then, at about ten, SMG4 had gone to get a latte from his neighbor's café, leaving Karen in the gaming room to chill. Some days, a few other people came in to talk or play video games with her, but in between the hours of ten and two, she would sleep, awaiting the time for her to go pick her kids back up from school. Every other day, Four would go with her to watch the kids, and on the days he didn't, she would be there at night because she had a day shift. It was a hard schedule to adjust to, but it was hers, and Karen didn't mind the sacrifices she made for her children to have a happy life.

Right now, it is about one in the afternoon. As far as she knows, her and Four are the only ones in the castle. He is working on editing his newest video, holed up in his room with the door locked, and Karen is fast asleep, sprawled out on the couch with a sleepy and content smile on her face. Neither noticed that someone was in the guest bedroom the whole time, she was just staying very quiet and going through a box of old things.

"Oh, Axol." A high-pitched voice sighs, staring into the box. "Figured I might as well go through this last box, huh."

Melony quietly giggles upon seeing a few pages of Axol's old manga drafts and how romantic they were. Sometimes, the memory of her boyfriend was too much to bear, but recently, she has become stronger and more resilient. Finally, after almost four years of him being gone, she is ready to go through his last box of things. It was marked as "Confidential", and she had been too scared to look through it before. She felt as if it would be defying Axol's wishes, and she would never want that.

But ever since she published her manga, she has been filled with a new sense of confidence. She was ready to see what Axol found confidential, secretive. Mostly, there were a lot of scrapped manga pages from when he was first starting. They were dated in 2009 or 2010, and they were much sloppier than his final works. These pages still made Melony smile, however, because they were made by her boyfriend. And she also found it amusing that he was such a hopeless romantic when he was a teenager.

She continues going through papers until she reaches the very bottom, something that didn't resemble the contents of the rest of the box. Curious, she picks it up, seeing that it is an envelope. On the front, it has a little note that reads:

To Katana/Karen Katphish, From Axol. Date: 8th August 2013. If I never get the chance to see my friend again, please see to it that this letter is returned.

Melony's eyes widen once she reads this, placing the envelope down in her lap. Axol had written a letter to Karen twelve years ago, and it may have been in this box since then. She had no clue that those two had ever met, but this letter must have been extremely important to Axol. He wanted it returned if he would never get the chance to see her again. It had been in a box for four years while it could have been given back to Karen, and Melony couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for not womaning up earlier and realizing that Karen could've been waiting for a letter ever since his death.

She gets up from her seat, letter in her hand as she swings open the door to the guest bedroom that she had half ownership of. She could hear SMG4 typing away on his keyboard, giggling every once in a while every time he added something funny. Then, she set her sights on the partially opened game room door, where she was certain that Karen was sleeping.

Slowly, Melony tiptoes into the room and places the letter on the table next to the sleeping woman. Careful not to wake her friend up, she sneaks out like she was never even there in the first place-

"Melony?" A groggy voice rings out, making her turn around to face a sleepy Karen. "What are you doin' in here? You want to play video games or something?"

"Oh, no. I wanted to let you sleep, so I just came to drop a small thing off." She motions to the envelope, shyly tucking a piece of her green hair into her hood.

"The hell is this, a letter? From who?" She groans as her eyes are still adjusting to being awake.

"Did you ever go by the name Katana?" Melony asks innocently, causing Karen to grow pale and her body to stiffen up.

"A long time ago, yes. Why do you ask?" She questions the melon girl, now very suspicious of this whole ordeal.

"My, um, look. You may remember meeting someone named Axol at some point in your life. He left this letter for you; in case you'd never get to see him again. I don't know how close you guys were, but I assume you know that he's, well, you know." She fidgets, stumbling over her explanation.

"Oh, Axol, yeah." Everything about Karen softens up, the memory of Axol, Akihabara, and Thomas the Tank Engine making her relax. "He's giving me a letter? I haven't heard from him in forever, how do you know him?"

"Um." Melony gulps nervously before taking a deep breath and gaining the strength she needs to say this next part. "I was Axol's girlfriend for thirty seconds. You see, we loved each other for many months, but we were too afraid to say anything because we thought that the other would never feel the same. He confessed on his deathbed, when he was getting possessed by SMG0, the worst villain my friends and I have ever faced. The only way to stop that monster was to..." Her voice wavers as tears prick in her eyes, but she continues. "I had to end Axol's life after we confessed and kissed each other. He's been gone for four years, and I just went through the box that contained this letter today."

Karen puts her paws over her mouth in horror, unable to stop the tears from falling. Her first friend, the one who convinced her to do so much, who basically changed the path of her entire life, had been gone for years without her noticing. Everyone she has come to be close with has known this, and she hasn't. She just thought that he was busy making a life for himself in Japan, that they really would be reunited one day. Yet, this is how she finds out that Axol is just dead. He's gone. And Melony is still clearly an emotional wreck about it, though it happened so long ago.

"Melony, I'm so sorry I didn't know." Karen gets up from her seat on the couch and hugs the young woman who is fighting back tears.

"It's okay, we have to learn how to move on. It's certainly tough to talk about, but wounds can heal with time and help from your friends." She smiles, embracing Karen before pulling away. "I'll leave you to read that letter. It's what he would have wanted."

"Thanks. For tellin' me all this. It's a crazy thing to take in, but I can't imagine not knowing about this now that you've told me." She says as Melony smiles, waving before walking away and leaving Karen alone in the game room once more. "Four years, and motherfucker, I didn't have a clue." She cusses before staring at the faded paper.

Sighing quietly, she rips open the envelope. It was still hard to believe that he was gone, just like that. They had a great bond back in Japan twelve years ago, but she thought he had just forgotten about her. Now that she knows he died, and that he took the time to write her a letter so she knew he had never forgotten about her, it makes her feel more at ease. Axol had remembered her that whole time, but he had been busy with life until he passed away. He had even found his girl who still thought about him every day.

She smiles, wiping her tears as she begins to read what Axol wrote only a few months after their only meeting.

Agent Katana,

I'm writing this letter in case something happens to me. In case we are never able to see each other again, I want you to know that I'll never forget about you. Ever since we met at that payphone and became friends, I've gained the confidence to become more social. It's a work in progress, but I hope that one day I will make many friends and that you will have the same luck with friendships such as those.

Also, just know that if this letter gets to you and I'm not the one reading it, that I'm watching over you from above. I'll know if things worked out with Agent WPNZ (If they did, I told you so), if you learned how to shoot a gun, and if you ever had any children after all.

I hope your life has been great. If I'm dead, please don't let the shock or sadness hold you down. I want everyone who mourns me to move on quickly. Please don't forget me, because that would be sad, but don't cry over my grave every day either. Know that I'm watching and be strong with the guidance from those around you.

I only have one more message for you.

Be yourself, but don't try to do everything by yourself. The people who love and support you will lift you up if you do the same for them.

Good luck out there, Karen.

-Axol

~~~

17070 Words

Chapter Text

Mr. Puzzles clenches the bullet that Mr. WPNZ had given him just moments ago, exhaling with a sharp wheeze and turning the corner as they approach a fork in the road. His breathing is coming out in heavy pants as he is extremely conflicted. He thought that he was sure about his plan to betray his new acquaintance to gain the SMG4 Crew's (more specifically, Meggy's) trust, but now he finds himself more unsure than ever.

Toomp peeks his head out from the back of the car, smiling cutely at the two villains in the front. WPNZ chuckles, returning the soft gaze to the slimeball that he acts almost parental towards. The TV headed man, still in his prison jumpsuit, looks over at his two companions and his grip tightens on the golden souvenir from their recent battle.

He bites back the suffocating urge to smile back at them and to engage in another friendly conversation with the gruff man in the passenger seat. If his eyes could bulge out of his head, they definitely would due to how much stress he was under. The junkyard, the raid at the Showgrounds, the damn prison break... all it did was bring the three of them closer when Mr. Puzzles desperately hoped that he wouldn't become too attached to this.

The bond between Toomp and Mr. WPNZ was strong, even a blind person could see that from a mile away. If Mr. Puzzles was being honest, that little magenta booger was more of a convenient background character than a friend to him. They both cared for the sharp-witted assassin. Toomp's bond with that guy was near the point of familial, but Mr. Puzzles still tells himself that he and WPNZ are nothing. All the moments they've shared, including the dancing, the banter, and all the times they've called each other friend and pal don't matter.

Toomp doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. No one else will matter other than her.

There was only one woman whose validation mattered to the troubled TV. He would do anything to make her happy with him, to make her trust him and love him like she did when they were friends. He would hurt, betray, and destroy anything, everything, just to please her. If it meant breaking WPNZ's heart even more than it was, so what? At least he would have Leg- ahem- Meggy. He would always have her friendship.

...Right?

"Fork's coming up fast." WPNZ's raspy voice snaps the driver out of his swirling thoughts, even if the relief comes for only just a moment. "Better pick a lane before Jesus picks one for you." He smirks slightly, expecting a snarky response from his friend.

But Mr. Puzzles just continues to shake, struggling to decide. This should be easy, he has been planning this grand scheme for weeks. Fuck WPNZ and Toomp over, get the crew to be completely amazed by his loyalty to the "good" side, and then have Meggy back. She would be by his side forever. Everyone else could die and go to Hell for all he cared, all that mattered to him was that Meggy was by his side forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and-

His mind shifts from the left side of the road to the right quickly, holding the bullet while trembling and thinking about the phone in his pocket. The Showgrounds or the border? Would he throw everything out the window with his new... pals, or go back to Meggy and feel like his plan and purpose have been fulfilled?

"Almost at the Showgrounds? I really hope you're coming. They all keep saying you won't, but I can't believe that. I'm the only one who's still waiting for you. Please. Don't let me down."

"From that last blast against the Death Fridge. Keep it. Y'know, for all the goopy, sappy memories we're apparently making tonight. Look, I'll help you with this kidnapping thing, cause I got your back. No matter how crazy things get."

Cute honking and slimy noises

He would feel terrible, just wretched, if he left Meggy, he really would. But the guilt that he would feel if he left WPNZ and Toomp was beginning to surface in his mind, really making his thoughts spin. Why was he like this? He felt like he was growing too... attached.

Memes, he might actually care about those two idiots. It might matter to him if he were to go through with everything. His precious, precious plan to get his friend back. No one else could ever be a true friend to him, not after everything that he and his orange-haired gremlin have been through together. It would hurt him too much to leave her, ever. Prison already made him lose enough of his mind, he didn't need to be apart from his dear Meggy any longer.

But he just doesn't know.

He can't decide.

He needs to figure this out.

Before he goes even more insane than he already is.

Now now now now now now now now now.

W̵̢̞͋H̴͈̔͊͜Á̴̢͕͑T̷̲͌̅'̶̥̝̋̎S̶̘̑͠ ̸̜̻̚T̵̘͊Ḫ̷̩͂̕Ě̸̫͠ ̵̼̓͊͜R̷̞̿I̷̯̾G̶̻͠Ḣ̵͇̹T̷̫̾̔ ̵̧̥́̉C̷̱̠̑͝Ḥ̵̍O̵̤̽I̵̞̙͋͛C̸̺͔̀E̸̗̜͛?̵͉͕̒͒!̴̰̆

Mr. Puzzles cut the wheel, causing WPNZ to exclaim in a mixture of surprise and excitement. Toomp gurgles, flying through the very back of the car before woozily getting himself situated. The gruff man has a wide smile on his face after feeling that rush, looking up at the TV headed man and speaking to him again.

"Whoa, living life on the edge! I like it!" He chuckles, not really taking notice of the darkened, broken expression on his villainous companion's screen.

"Y-yeah." His voice wavers and he immediately regrets saying anything at all.

WPNZ definitely notices his weird behavior now. He reaches out to Mr. Puzzles, who flinches when the cold metal hand touches his shoulder. His whole body shakes even more violently as he grips the wheel, his mind teetering on the edge of a complete breakdown. Toomp sees this too and decides to hop in the front and settle on WPNZ's lap.

Now, the three of them just sit there in silence, with Mr. Puzzles driving at an accelerated speed that no one notices for a good few miles.

"Goddamn, pal, slow it down!" The hitman suddenly yells, noticing that they were going ninety miles per hour in a zone that they were only allowed to drive forty.

"Huh." He quietly huffs, slamming on the brakes and nearly sending Toomp flying again if it weren't for his father figure keeping a tight grip on him.

The car jolts to an immediate stop in the middle of the street. They were lucky that no cars were out on such a secluded road in the middle of the night, because Mr. Puzzles was not going to move this car anytime soon. He's panicking, cursing himself for making the "wrong" choice, but knowing that he can't go back because it will completely eat him alive. Not to mention that it would raise even more questions from the man in the passenger seat who he desperately wanted to stay quiet.

Mr. WPNZ raises an eyebrow at his villain partner, who is now shaking and his screen is glitching again. He didn't know how to even begin comforting him, or saying anything to him at all without it coming off as a snarky, underhand comment, so he just quietly sighs, sitting there and trying to figure out what was even wrong with the TV man.

That's when he notices a sign that reads: 10 miles to the Mushroom Kingdom border.

This bubbles up a question in his head that he wants to confront Mr. Puzzles about. As he looks over again, he wonders if this will only further piss his new friend off, but he's too curious to resist asking the question.

"Yo, boxhead. I thought we were doin' that kidnapping gig. What... man, are you okay?" He stares at the man who is still jarred, refusing to look away from the wheel.

"Y-y-yeah." He whispers, very quietly, before taking a deep breath. "Yes. I'm all right." He charmingly smiles, but still stares at the steering wheel that he's gripping tightly.

"Kay. Then you won't have a deal with telling me why you veered off towards the border." He pauses for a second. "Not like I'm complaining, of course. The damn Death Fridge won't find us there. I just wanna know why."

"Maybe it's just my business, okay? Maybe I don't want some armed toaster in my face, either." He growls, trying to get WPNZ to back off for good.

"Ouch." Unfortunately for the conflicted TV man, WPNZ is both too stubborn for his own good and smarter than he looks. "But if you think that's gonna make me stop asking you, you're a lot stupider than you let on."

"Ugh." He grumbles with frustration, tightening his hold on the wheel so his knuckles whiten underneath his gloves. "If you think asking me is gonna make me stop refusing, you're a lot more imbecilic than you let on." He says in a mocking tone, jazzily waving his hands.

"Why are you..." The man in the passenger seat pauses, fidgeting with his hands before leaning closer to Mr. Puzzles. Slowly, he brings his hand to touch one of the TV's straight edges and hold it tenderly. Mr WPNZ turns the TV man's head towards him, finally forcing Mr. Puzzles to stop staring at the wheel and for them to lock eyes. There is a faint heartbeat monitor blush on his face as he stares, unmoving, at the man who just grabbed his face. "Ok, pal. You're makin' me do this because you're being so damn stubborn, you know." There's a slight flush to his face, too, but he'd never let it show any more than that.

"What do you want me to say?" His voice is low due to their proximity, but there is still that same bite as before.

"Tell me why you suddenly gave up on that thing we were supposed to do. You really wanted to kidnap some bozo, like, two seconds ago. In fact, you were so passionate, so obsessed, that you had a fuckin' freak out when I asked you a question about it. I wanna know. It's like what I said before. Teamwork, boxhead. I'll have your back, I just want ya to communicate, yeah? You get where I'm coming from?" He stares deeply into the digital eyes on Puzzles' screen, trying to read the hidden emotion behind his blushing face.

"Look. You were the one who just asked me to let go. Maybe I was being nice, maybe I decided to heed your simplistic advice for once. If I were you, I'd be grateful that someone as sophisticated as myself would have even considered being friends with you in the first place." He argues for the single purpose of keeping the angry conversation going.

"I'm flattered, buddy, but your decisions are definitely based on more than my 'simplistic advice'." He squeezes his TV a bit harder before releasing his grip, making every muscle in Mr. Puzzles physically relax itself. Sighing quietly, he bites his lip before speaking in a low, almost kind voice. "I won't push your limits if you don't wanna tell me, I get it. But communication's a good thing to have between friends."

Friends. Why does that word hit so much harder now? Because the decisions that Mr. Puzzles have made are reflecting that he thinks of that guy as more than just a tool to use as well? He is beginning to realize that maybe Mr. WPNZ is right, maybe he should communicate a bit more. While the villain wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, he agrees that there are definitely times when conversations about emotions and all that are needed. Unfortunately, now just happened to be one of those times.

"Remember when you said that we made memories today?" Mr. Puzzles chooses his next words cautiously, averting his gaze back to the dashboard, suddenly very interested in the speedometer and the reflection of his TV screen in the glass. "Sappy, you called them?"

"What about em?" He leans against the top of the center console, putting his chin in the palm of his hand as he listens to what he's going to say next.

"That's what I was thinking about when I made my decision. You had spoken about Toomp and I like we had almost, how do I phrase this, replaced your family. That sounds quite preposterous, I know, but I think it really influenced-"

"Not too far from the truth there." He laughs. "Good to know you can read between the lines after all, boxhead."

"Excuse me?" Mr. Puzzles' body goes rigid with shock, clearly not expecting WPNZ to confirm such a thing so quickly.

"My kids, my wife, you know how obsessed I was with them. The only thing I could do to cope before I found them again was just... think about them. That's all I could think about. And then when they left me, when they kicked my ass, I couldn't get it out of my brain. It was the same as when we were battling that Death Fridge. I thought of 'em even then. It was pathetic, really, but I couldn't stop until you caught my attention."

"Huh? Me?" He raises a digital eyebrow but he is still completely engrossed in what his villain partner is saying.

"That's what I said, innit? You, me, and Toomp were fallin' after that blast. It gave me a rush, a thrill I hadn't felt in ages. At first, it reminded me of my family, like things like that usually do. But then I saw you." His gaze softens and his mouth turns up before he realizes what he just said. His cheeks tint a little bit and he nervously chuckles, trying to cover up that weird, sappy stuff he just implied. "And Toomp. You and Toomp."

"Yes, of course... Toomp." Mr. Puzzles grimaces inwardly. "For a moment I-" He cuts himself off, knowing how much WPNZ adored the little booger.

"What's that, boxhead?" He raises an eyebrow at the questionable thing his friend said.

"It's just that the thought of Toomp slipped my mind for a moment." He glances back at the blob who gives him a small glare, but stays quiet like usual. "Like it was just us two in the car, especially after how you failed to mention him just seconds ago."

"You know I'd never forget my Toompy Woompy. I was just sayin' that I saw you and it reminded me of how we're almost like a family."

"Don't you be a hypocrite now, my friend. You said you looked at me, and you added Toomp's name a good five seconds later."

Toomp makes quiet garbling noises, sounding like noises of agreement. Then he laughs, the sound like a gloopy, muffled chuckle, and shakes it off. He seems to know something that the other two men either don't know or they haven't picked up on yet.

"Well c'mon now boxhead. How could I forget him? Whatever relationship's goin' on between us isn't exactly familial, but you know I'm damn right when I say that it's the next best thing. And everyone knows that a family wouldn't be complete without a kid." He smirks mischievously, causing Mr. Puzzles to flash him a look, silently asking him to not say something stupid. "Otherwise we'd just be two losers having nobody to call us "Daddy" but each other~"

"ARGH! WPNZ!" Mr. Puzzles screams, turning his body fully away from his villain partner and hiding his bright red face in his hands. "YOU C-CAN'T JUST SAY THINGS L-LIKE THAT?!"

"Your face!" WPNZ laughs, pointing his finger at him and laughing. "You've gotta be the easiest person to fluster ever. I'll remember that one, pal."

He balls his fists, but the TV man can't bring himself to be as angry as he's acting on the outside. In reality, that was actually kind of funny, he just didn't want to admit that it made him stifle a laugh and also still overheat all at the same time.

They sit in silence for a while, though it slowly grows less tense and more comforting. Yes, they still weren't looking at each other, but Mr. Puzzles had relaxed and Mr. WPNZ had basically forgotten the whole ordeal already. The gunman was petting Toomp's head, and the small creature was purring lightly at the attention. The TV man was looking at the trees through the windshield.

It only stayed like this for about thirty seconds before Puzzles broke the silence, a thought popping in his head that he just had to verbalize.

"Back to the... comment you made when you handed me the bullet. Now that we're an official group, or, family, or whatever, there's, um, one thing I would like to do." He sighs, glancing back up at his friend. "One more memory I'd like to make."

"Ok, go for it I gue-"

Puzzles doesn't give WPNZ any time to respond, mirroring the exact thing he had done before and cupping his face with his hand. The immediate action makes the walking weapon reflexively flinch and shrink back, but his face is held too tightly for him to squirm away.

Then, the man in the orange jumpsuit tenderly caresses his cheeks, leaning even closer as his screen hovers dangerously close to the hitman's face. Toomp, who has been staying silent this whole time, blinks before his mouth goes agape. Mr. Puzzles can't second guess himself now, he's too far in. Luckily, he doesn't even give himself time to entertain his subconscious.

The TV leans in, his plans discarded as this weird gut feeling takes over his mind. The basketball was never met by the villain and therefore never won over. And the toaster? The toaster was loving whatever the hell this was. The rush, the thrill, all of it, not having experienced it since he first fell for his ex-wife. Goodbye, Beg-Leg-Meg-whatever. The two real friends were ready to live their lives now.

But would friends ever be the correct word for them anymore? Would that describe the relationship they had and explain all the tender moments they found themselves sharing and secretly reveling in? Could it ever justify why one of them was leaning in, and the other had stopped trying to move away? Would the word "friend" ever be able to explain the passionate kiss they shared in the car that night? The singular action of a mouth on a TV screen that cemented... everything?

No, it wouldn't.

And maybe, for once, Mr. Puzzles was content with going off-script.

~~~

3052 Words

Chapter Text

"Hey, kids, SMG4's here!" The twenty eight year old single mom calls down to her children.

"Mister Four!" The oldest triplet, Katie, yells as she runs down the stairs. "Come on, Zack and Cory!"

"I'm coming." Zack, the child who was the most rebellious, sticks his tongue out at his sister, who just laughs playfully.

Cory, the littlest, cutest, and youngest, sits at the top of the stairs before sliding all the way down on his knees. He giggles happily as he zooms to the first floor. When he reaches the bottom, he adjusts his helicopter cap on his head and skips over to his mom.

He would have said something, but he decided against it. He's not super confident with how he talks and how he expresses himself. Instead, he makes silly meme noises or mumbles, which his siblings and mom have rapidly picked up. Right now, he was quietly humming and holding out his arms, which Karen quickly notices and picks him up.

"Hey, munchkins." She smiles, ruffling Zack's hair and kissing Cory's forehead. "Now, remember what we talked about?"

"About babysitting, right, Mama?" Katie asks, earning a nod.

"Duh. What'd you think it was about?" Zack narrows his eyes.

"Anyway. I remember, Mama." Katie says, flashing a look at her annoying brother before continuing. "When you're gone, there's three rules. One, whatever Four says goes. Two, if there's anything wrong, call you right away on my phone because I'm the most responsible." She responds, as responsibly as ever.

"By five minutes!" Zack interjects, feeling like he just has to say something in that moment.

"And of course, rule number three is to have fun!" Katie says, simply ignoring her annoying brother as she smiles at her mom.

"Very good, Katie. Now, I'd like to hear you all agree with me again about these rules." Karen says.

"Okay." Katie and Zack reply, with the younger one of those two still making a grossed out face.

When their eyes turn to Cory, who is still in his mom's arms, he flashes a shy thumbs up and mumbles quietly. They all smile at him, Karen rubbing his back.

"All right, kids. I'm trusting you to be good." The mother nods before unlocking the front door and turning the latch.

"Hey, kids!" Four smiles, his enthusiasm lighting up the room.

"Four!" Katie and Zack yell, running up to the YouTuber and giving him a big hug.

"Hey, SMG4. Thanks again for all this." Karen smiles sweetly at him, causing his cheeks to turn a bit pink.

"No problem, Karen. It's my pleasure, really." He chuckles. "So, fish for dinner?"

"Yeah. I'll be back at eight." She says, putting her purse over her shoulder and placing Cory down on the floor. "Be good to Four, all right?" She yells out to her kids, who give no response.

"Come on, Mister Four! Let's play Minecraft!" Katie yells, tugging on the leg of his pants.

"See ya, Karen." He waves one last time as she closes the door.

"Bye." She says, walking down the stairs to her driveway. "I know you'll take good care of them." She whispers to herself as she gets in her car.

~~~

"Alright, Cory. To craft a sword, remember that goes in the middle." Four says, guiding the little kid's controller on the screen. "And once we have all our weapons and armor ready, we can defeat the ENDER DRAGON!" He screams excitedly, making all three children's eyes go wide with excitement.

"You really think we can, Gooby4?" Zack asks, causing Four to chuckle at the nickname from when Zack thought he was making brainrot videos.

"Heck yeah! We can do anything! So long as we work as a team and try our best!" He says, encouraging them as Cory finishes his diamond sword.

"Mission success!" Cory memes, clapping his hands together as his character holds out his new shiny weapon.

"Wow, that looks great!" Four ruffles Cory's fur. "Now let's go kill that dragon!" Cheers erupt from all three of them, but Katie looks troubled. Four quickly picks up on this, placing a hand on her shoulder in concern. "Hey, Kate. What's up?"

"Once we beat the Ender Dragon, the game will be over. And you watch us a lot, so I was thinking maybe we could win the game next time?" She says quietly. "Maybe we could watch one of your videos until Mama gets home?"

"Katie Katphish..." Four says with an unreadable expression. "That's a great idea! Let's do it! Is that okay with you boys?"

"Yeah!" Zack yells as Cory gives a thumbs up to Four.

As the man sets up YouTube on the TV, the latch on the front door clicks and the knob turns. There are a few friendly knocks on the door before it opens, revealing Karen. She had bags under her eyes, but she looked very excited to see her kids. Holding her arms out, she calls for them and they go running.

"Hi, Mama!" Katie says, hugging her tightly. "We had the best time with Mister Four!"

"Yeah! We ate yummy food and played Minecraft!" Zack agrees.

"I'm glad you kids had fun. And sorry I'm late, SMG4." Karen apologizes, looking at the clock which read 8:45. "The boss kept me so late today."

"You're good! I like hanging out with these kiddos." Four says, reassuring the single mom who breathes deeply.

"Well, how much do I owe you?" Karen asks, taking out her wallet.

"Hell no!" Four says, putting a hand over hers and lightly pushing down her wallet. "You're not about to pay me. I do this because I want to help you out, not because I want any of your hard-earned money. What would be the point to give me things that could be used for your family?"

Karen is rendered speechless as she simply puts her wallet down in her purse. Then, she walks up to Four and gives him a tight hug. He freezes for a moment in shock before hugging back. The woman rests her head on his shoulder, and her tears of gratefulness stain his shirt. Four doesn't care, however, because he's just happy to help.

"Thank you so much, SMG4." She cries out. "You don't know how much this means to me. I'm so lucky to have someone like you in my life." She smiles, leaning close to him and patting him on the shoulder. "You're the greatest person I've ever met."

"Gee, Karen. Thank you." Four blushes, getting a little bit flustered as she pulls away from the hug.

"You have to go, I'm sure." The single mom says, wiping her tears with a hint of disappointment in her voice. "Come on, kids. Let's say bye to Mister Four."

"Bye. See you next time!" Katie waves politely at him.

"Do you have to go so soon, Gooby4?" Zack asks, his eyes wide as he makes the please face at the Meme Guardian.

"I'll be back whenever you guys need me again, promise." Four reassures, taking another glance at Karen.

Just as he is about to say his final farewell, Cory makes a noise as his way of calling out to SMG4 one last time. Four acknowledges him, leaning down to his height and giving him a warm smile.

"See you, kid." He says, giving Cory a fist bump and winking.

"B-bye, D-Dad." The little child says, his speech a little bit broken but still perfectly understandable.

"Dad?!" Everyone else in the room screams as they are shocked for two reasons.

One, the kids never knew their father. This much was inevitable. And two, Cory had never spoken before. Not in his whole lifetime. So to hear words come out of his mouth, now of all times, was unexpected.

"Oh, Cory..." Karen says, tearing up and hugging him tight to her chest.

"Uh- um- I should maybe get-" Four stutters awkwardly, trying to head for the door before Karen grabs his sleeve and pulls him backwards.

"Stay for just a little longer, okay? I want to talk with you." Karen says. "Be good for five minutes, kids. Mister Four and I will be outside." With that, she drags the already flustered man out to the front porch. Closing the door quietly, she looks up at Four with a weird expression. "Did you tell 'em anything that would make them think..." She says, her voice trailing off.

"No, of course not. They know I'm their babysitter!" Four raises his eyebrows. "At least, Katie and Zack do. I didn't think that Cory would tie my involvement in your life with that."

"Well, what are we even supposed to say to him? Their dad left when they were super young, he left me all alone." She tears up before shaking it off.

"Karen, I'm sorry, I didn't know that. Maybe he learned about the family tree or something in kindergarten?" Four suggests.

"They go to school, but they're taught different. They're with all of the meme kids because they're... I don't even know what I am. Half human, half cat? That's been something I've been wonderin' my whole life. When I was 18, I found someone like me at work, and I thought we were just meant to be together. I let hope cloud my judgement and got into a serious relationship with a man I didn't know much about. Then, when I was pregnant, he was more focused on his job. I realized I made a mistake. Their dad left, then I just never talked to them about it. Thought it would be cool to just forget he existed." She sighs, running her paws through her hair. "But I guess Cory must've thought that we were a normal family. Naturally, since you're the only male who's close to my age, he thought you were his dad. That probably freaked you the hell out, though. I get that."

"It surprised me, but I get why a little kid would think that. I am around a lot." Four says, showing understanding to the emotional woman next to him.

"You know what, SMG4? I like to think of myself as a strong female, and one hell of a good influence, but sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. I feel really dejected and depressed at times, and I feel like I just need an extra helping hand. Just for someone to be a part of this family and help provide. And let me tell ya, your help's just turned my whole world around. You just do all these things for me without asking for anything in return." Karen says, looking back up at him with an expression of vulnerability.

"Of course. I'd do anything to help you out." Four says.

"But why? How could you care so much about me and my kids? We're just one family out of the whole world. Why do you even wanna help us?" She asks, clearly curious.

"Karen, I really like you. I think you're great, and you have way too much on your plate. I've known you for a while, and now that I know your struggle, the least I can do is try my best to lighten the load." Four says, his face flushing ever so slightly.

"O-oh. SMG4..." Karen stutters. "I think you're pretty great, too. I'm super grateful for you, don't forget that."

The two of them stare into each other's eyes, their gazes slowly beginning to soften. Four reaches forward for Karen's human-like paw, holding it tenderly. A look of surprise washes over her face before she squeezes his hand as if to tell him that whatever they were doing was mutual. They move even closer, Four's other hand trailing to the small of her back and her other paw resting on the side of his face gently.

They were holding each other very lovingly at the moment. They stared at each other so tenderly that hearts nearly appeared in their eyes. Speaking of hearts, Karen's was jumping basically into her throat at this point. She had never felt like this in her whole life. Not even when she thought she was in love with the father of her children. This feeling was different. She felt like she was looking into the eyes of the love of her life.

Although this was the first time that they were sharing a moment like this, they could just tell that it felt right. Certainly more real than any love Four had ever experienced. He could tell what Karen was thinking, and she was almost certain that the butterflies were in his stomach too.

The two were almost in sync now, leaning their lips together in perfect harmony. Four brushed a strand of hair out of Karen's face, which made her quietly giggle. All of this reminded her of being younger again, like SMG4 just took the years away from her. They were about an inch away from each other's mouths, their eyes fluttering shut, about to change their relationship forever.

Then, the front door swings open and Katie peeks her head through. The light shines on the two, exposing just exactly what they were about to do.

"Hey Mama, do you know if we have time to watch some TV before we go to- oh!" Her eyes widen once she sees Four and Karen about to kiss each other.

The two pull away, quickly and awkwardly, both simultaneously scratching the backs of their necks.

"Katie, uh, no. It's getting pretty late. How about we get you three into bed?" She says, blushing furiously.

"Yeah, I'll leave you guys be." Four says quietly, putting his hand on the banister of the porch. "See you next time, Karen?"

"Okay, SMG4." She says with a very sweet smile plastered on her face.

He quickly walks away, desperately trying to calm his beating heart. Karen tries to do the same as she walks in with her daughter. She motions for the boys to walk upstairs with her, and they follow. Katie was very curious about what she saw, though, and she didn't just want to let it go. So, once they were up in bed, she tugged on Karen's shirt and asked her a question.

"Mama, are you in love with Mister Four?" She asks innocently.

"Um, it's too early to tell. But he definitely wanted to see us again, so that's good." She smiles to herself.

"Well, I think it would be good if you loved him. I really like Mister Four, and he would be a good Dad." Katie says. "Even if it's too early to know for sure. Goodnight, Mama."

Karen's eyes widen once she realizes what her daughter is saying. She would want Four as a dad? What did this mean for their relationship? As she turned off the light, there were many questions going through her mind. Would Karen want Four as a part of their family, too? Walking down the stairs to the living room, she realized that she might actually want that.

Is this what falling in love felt like?

Chapter Text

"Come on, come on!" Meggy yells, dragging SMG4 by the arm.

"Chillax, squid." SMG3 rolls his eyes as he walks beside Tari.

The four close friends decided to take a day off today and spend it at the newly constructed attraction, PoolMall. Yes, it was exactly like it sounded. A mall that was built like a water park, with slides to get everywhere, and slip n slides to glide down the hallways. It sounded like a dream, especially since their last vacation was to Western Spaghetti. This was a good place to just get away from everything... more specifically, to get away from Mario.

He was being an asshole lately. Between the whole pranking incident and the time that his cheese demons completely shut down the castle, everyone had enough of Mario. The four people who were the most stressed about it decided that they would just take a day to relax and have fun amongst themselves.

"I'm plenty chillaxed!" Meggy yells before taking a deep breath. "Sorry. It's just so weird that Mario's not here. I'm used to him just annoying the hell out of me all the time."

"Well, I think he's okay. He can just be a bit... chaotic at times." Tari shrugs, adopting her usual positive take on things.

"Sometimes? Try every damn day." Four sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"But." Three interjects as they get closer to the entrance. "That doesn't matter, right? That's why we're taking the day off. To just let all this shit go. We'll all get to go back to the Showgrounds tomorrow when it's fumigated."

"Look at you being all optimistic! Looks like we really did rub off on you." Meggy teases, punching Three on the shoulder once he and Tari catch up.

"Shut it, Meggy." Three frowns before he reaches the entry booth for the PoolMall. "Hi, that'll be three adults and one midget, thanks." He chuckles, smirking at the ex-inkling.

"Goddamnit, SMG3! I'll kill-" She is about to attack him before she realizes that she is in the company of a stranger. "Ha, sorry. Four adults, please."

"Four adult humans?" The girl at the ticket booth blinks rapidly.

"Yeah, unless you have a discount for Meme Guardians?" Four asks. "'Cause we'll take that."

"Meme Guardians? As in, the people who turn memes into energy, traumatizing them forever?!" Her eyes widen as she backs away.

"Oh, great going, SMG4. You scared the living shit out of her." Three scoffs. "Meme Guardians help restore the balance of the universe. Sorry if any meme you know was hurt by those powers."

"No! No, no, no Meme Guardians allowed in PoolMall. They will turn all the meme employees into energy!" She shrieks.

"Look, kid. We're not going to hurt you guys. We just want to have a nice pool day!" Four tries to explain.

"Stop it! Go away!" The girl persists.

"We're not all Meme Guardians. You know, if you just wanted to let us girls in, that'd be great." Meggy whispers to her.

"What the hell, Meggy?" Four and Three both say at the same time.

"The power of Christ compels you!" She screams, holding up a cross.

"We want to go to the goddamn mall! Let us through, now!" Three yells back at her, finally losing his temper and getting in her face.

"Security!" She yells at the tippy top of her lungs, causing them all to jump back in surprise. "Get the Meme Guardians!"

Suddenly, a group of about ten burly men run to the teenager's aid, each holding a gun and wearing armor. These were obviously not just your typical mall security guards. Upon closer inspection, the friends could see that the men had the letters FBI inscribed on their uniforms. This made them even more shocked.

"C-can't we all just be friends- Eek!" Tari shrieks as an FBI agent jumps at her, causing her to drop all the pool stuff she was carrying.

"Run!" The shorter girl screams, booking it into the parking lot as she grabs a hold of Tari's hand tightly.

Four and Three take one look at each other before following the girls, running as fast as they can past the fence. The agents hurriedly go after them. All four friends knew that it was pointless to run from FBI agents, however. They needed to come up with a plan, and fast. There was a concrete path that lead up to the mall that was about ten feet long, and they had to hide quickly or make some kind of distraction. Without saying anything, Meggy drags Tari to the left side of the building. She quickly motions for the other two boys to go to the right, and they nod.

Once they both go their separate ways, Meggy sees a door and dives through it with Tari. She doesn't give a second thought to where they went, but it worked. The agents all ran past them because of her quick thinking. Tari shuffles closer to Meggy, and she whimpers quietly.

"Where are we?" She whispers, looking around before Meggy turns on her flashlight.

Then, they both notice that they're in a storage unit. It was peculiarly stinky, and they didn't realize why until they noticed that they were in the room where PoolMall stored all of their garbage. The longer they stayed in there, the more disgusting it smelled, until they ran out of there breathing rather heavily.

The noise alerted one of the agents, who began to run back in their direction. That was when they had no choice but to run into the nearest thing to them: a porta potty. Meggy quickly locked the door and motioned for Tari to be super quiet. The blue haired girl simply nodded as the agents continued to search the area around them. Luckily, none of them would think to look in a double porta potty in the bushes, so the girls were safe for now.

This place was smelly, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the garbage room. They were okay there, but they would definitely rather be relaxing in the pool. Then, there was a quiet thud in the porta potty next to them, which made Tari tense up.

"Eep!" Tari quietly squeaks, causing Meggy to lean against her friend and hug her.

The contact between them was comfortable. The shorter girl held Tari close, allowing her to play with her ginger hair as they cuddled into a corner. She rested her head on the cyborg's shoulder, making both of them slightly blush. The position they were in was a little bit embarrassing, but they were able to make each other less scared as they waited for the agents to lose interest.

Then, Tari did something unexpected and cupped Meggy's cheek with her hand. The girl got very flustered at this action, but still tried her best to stay calm and quiet. But when Tari leaned closer to her, she couldn't help but question what was happening.

"Tar, what are you doing?" She whispers.

"Meggy, please don't hate me." She says as she connects their lips.

The ex inkling was very surprised, but she knew how much she had wanted this. Ever since Meggy had taught Tari to be brave, she had seen an amazing side of her. She was smitten with the woman, and now that they were kissing, she took advantage of the fact and kissed her back.

Their kisses began to get deeper as Tari leaned her against a wall. Even though she was caught up in the heat of the moment, Meggy hoped that the boys were as safe as they were.

~~~

"Come on, idiot!" SMG3 hisses as they run away from the FBI agents.

They have been chased almost all the way around the building, and there has been no place for them to hide. It seemed like there was no hope for them, until Four saw something out of the corner of his eye. There was a double porta potty that was mostly hidden in the bushes, and they might be able to get in there. The agents had begun to slow down just a bit, and they were just about to turn a corner. It was the perfect time to create a diversion and dive into the porta potty.

As they round the corner of the building, Four grabs Three by the arm and pulls him into the bushes. Then, he takes one of his flip flops and throws it in the direction that they were running before they veered off the path. Spitting out a few blades of grass, Three opens his mouth to insult Four before realizing that his spur of the moment plan actually worked. The agents continued on, confused at how the Meme Guardians could have gotten so far ahead of them.

But Four's plan wasn't exactly done yet. Once they were behind the bushes and outside of the agents' sight, he grabbed Three again and dragged him into the unlocked toilet. They thudded the door shut, locking it quickly, before Three tripped, bringing both him and Four down. Now, Three was pinned diagonally against the wall as Four was heavily breathing on top of him.

Biting his lip, SMG3 blushes heavily as he tries to get up. Curiously, Four stays where he is and leans a little closer to Three's face. This makes him even more flustered, causing the men to ignore the quiet squeak that came from the other porta potty. Both were getting equally more enticed as they continued to inch closer and closer. Then, their noses touched, which seemed to strike a nerve in Three as he tried to back away.

SMG4 wouldn't let him go that easily, however. He grabbed the other man aggressively by his cover up shirt, causing the fragile thing to come off of him. Three huffed quietly and tried to shield his bare chest by turning the other direction. He hadn't noticed it in the seconds before, but this toilet was completely empty and unused. Four quickly noticed this as well, causing him to push Three against the clean seat.

"What the hell? Get off me, you baka!" Three hisses quietly.

"Why won't you just let me do this?" Four whispers, caressing the side of the other's face lovingly as he turns him back around.

"Because it's freaky." He cringes.

"So?" Four quickly talks back.

"Get off me, or you're going to make me do something I'll regret." Three grows, clearly tired of Four's shit.

"Oh yeah? Do it then." SMG4 challenges, smirking as he refuses to move away.

"You asked for it." He replies, scowling and bringing a hand up to Four's head.

"Asked for wha-" Four begins.

Then, his expression quickly changes as he crashes their lips together. Four is immediately surprised, but he kisses back once he realizes what's happening. The two of them enjoy their moment in the porta potty before SMG3 slowly pulls away. Quickly blushing in realization of what he just did, Three desperately tries to wipe any remnant of the kiss from his face.

"I told you that you'd make me do something I'd regret." Three frowns, turning away from his frenemy yet again.

"Would you regret it if we made out?" Four says, trying his hardest to make Three give in to his temptations again.

"SMG4." Three scolds him. "We can't. We're supposed to be rivals, not... not this."

"Let's change our ways then. Dude, I'm so freaking in love with you. I don't know if you feel the same way, but why wouldn't you if you just kissed me?" Four says, basically begging for Three's love.

"Look, let's just figure this out when we get out of here." Three sighs, looking into Four's beautiful eyes again. "But for now..." He stops talking before kissing him again.

Four was prepared for the kiss this time, and he quickly opened his mouth and allowed Three to slip his tongue inside. The two of them were now aggressively kissing, trying to grab onto each other's hair and clothes. Three didn't have a shirt on, so Four just latched his hands around his waist tightly.

As Three began to pull at Four's cover up shirt, he hoped that Meggy and Tari had found their way into somewhere safe as well.

~~~

After their third lap around the building, the FBI agents were tired. They were pretty sure that the perpetrators were nowhere in sight, and they really didn't want to waste much more of their time. After all ten of them caught up with each other, they nodded in a silent agreement with each other and began to leave the premises.

"Hey! Where are you going? What about the lawbreakers?" The teenage girl running the ticket booth whines.

"Look, they escaped." One of the agents took off her mask, revealing that it was Karen Katphish, one of Four's friends. "And besides. I don't think any of us get paid enough to chase around a bunch of twenty somethin' year olds."

All of them nod in agreement, simply walking away and leaving the employee confused and defeated.

"Oh well. The minimum wage I'm payed isn't enough to catch them, either. RIP, Memeployees." She shrugs before getting on her phone.

Those four would figure out that they were free eventually... and they'll have a lot to explain once they get back home.

~~~

2232 Words

Chapter Text

Hey guys!

I know I just posted a oneshot, but I have a quick announcement.

My school is coming up in a few days and I won't be updating anywhere near as frequently as I have been this summer.

So no, I'm not abandoning this book or my other one, just don't expect to hear much from me because I'm getting assaulted with schoolwork.

I feel like it was just yesterday that we hit 1K reads and now we're looking at 2K here on this platform, so I also want to seriously thank everyone who's read any oneshot in this collection. Seriously it means the world that people are enjoying these silly scenarios I write in the darkness of my basement.

Also like how did I turn into one of those creators whose least favorite thing they've created is their most popular? My oneshot with the second most reads (other than the first one which doesn't really count because it's the oldest) is THE NEW CAFE. In all honesty I was shocked when I looked at the stats. It's a rewrite of an episode and the only difference is like... a 500 word makeout session. 💀 I know what you are/j

But anyway guys, all jokes aside, I'm mentally preparing for school right now, so I should skedaddle.

See you whenever my homework lets up and I have time to write about these goobers again!

-Lyssa 💙💜

Chapter Text

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you for coming. I would like to take these next moments to say a few words in honor of my recently departed boyfriend and everyone's devoted friend, Axol." Melony smiles warmly as she addresses the small crowd, presenting herself with elegance as she stands at the top of the grand staircase. 

A few others watch her with interest through a slightly opened door, murmuring quietly before shutting up once the melon girl begins to talk again.

"First of all, I would like to confess something. I- I was never able to say this until I learned he felt the same, but I loved Axol. I loved him for months. I admired the way he treated everybody, how he was always so protective of me, and I took a special interest to his art. Especially his show, Two Piece. If you know, you know." She blushes, remembering just how obsessed she was with Watermelon-Kun at the time.

A few of her close friends, specifically Luigi, laughed out loud once she mentioned that. She smiles, gaining confidence to continue her speech.

"I think it was my feelings for Axol and his crush on me that drew us closer over the months that we were lucky enough to share with each other. I tried to convince myself that it was just friendly, but once he got possessed by SMG0, I felt like I needed to be the one who protected him. The one who saved him." She takes a deep breath, blinking back tears. "He- he gave me this comic he'd drawn. When all the SMGs were zapping him with their USBs, I was pulled into his headspace and given this."

She takes a sketchbook out from underneath her podium, holding it up for everyone to see. A quiet murmur washes over them before they go silent, allowing her to go on.

"It's a w-written confession. Drawn, really. He had reciprocated my feelings the whole time, but we were both too scared to admit it. And the next time I got to see him, to tell him that I liked him too, it was also the last time I would ever get to be near him. The first and last time I'd ever touch his face, kiss him..." She trails off.

She hadn't revealed this information to anyone yet, so all the people in the crowd were still listening intently to her every word.

"And I didn't even know it." Her voice cracks a bit at this. "I was so sure that I'd be able to get him out of his own mindscape, out of Zero's hold, with my deity powers. When I realized the truth of it all, I just. I just broke down. Because we both knew that the only way for the world to be saved, to ensure that millions of lives weren't lost, was for him to die. More specifically, f-for me t- to, well, kill him." She takes a deep breath.

"WHA-mmph!" From behind the door on the second floor, an exclamation is heard, but then a hand is clamped over their mouth.

Melony hadn't told anyone about this, either, and she could sense a wave of uneasiness wash over the crowd once they realized what she had done. People even whispered words with looks of disapproval on their faces while her friends just stood there, their faces a ghostly shade of white. She inhales again, trying to ignore them.

"I screamed and bawled my eyes out in hysteria, begging for him to reconsider. 'There has to be another way', I had said. Even though we knew there wasn't. He would've taken the sword to his own throat if his hands were free, but he was chained. Stuck in his own mind while our universe's biggest threat was pulling the strings." Her tone goes somber, a shadow crossing over her face just slightly. "It's neither his fault, nor my fault, nor the fault of anyone else who is standing in this room today. It's what had to be done."

The crowd still looks uneasy. All Melony wants to do is curl into a ball and hide, to live with the guilt and shame she has over Axol's death, but she has to finish.

"His sacrifice is the reason you all are still alive today. The name Axol means something different to all of you, but now I hope that now he will be recognized as the savior of the universe and that his brave sacrifice will never be forgotten." She wipes a tear that was threatening to roll down her face, smiling slightly. "The reason SMG4 and I also set this up for a party is so we can begin anew. Not to act like Axol wasn't a part of our life, but to move forward with our heads held high. It's what he would've wanted."

As her speech ends, the room is eerily quiet for a few beats. Then, Meggy and Luigi, who were in the very front, begin clapping and cheering for the nervous girl on the floor above them. The two are soon joined enthusiastically by all the rest of Melony's friends, the ones behind the door, and the members in the audience who were skeptical of her just a few minutes ago. She blushes with pride, staying quiet for a moment more before she adds one last thing.

"Anyone who wants to say a few words to Axol may come up to his casket, but otherwise I hope you all have a wonderful evening at our victory party." She says, waving once more with another smile.

The crowd gives Melony an encore of their applause, making her face flush again as she walks off the stage. Her fancy black dress trailed behind her as she walked into the door to Princess Peach's room. Her and SMG4 had spent a long time on these decorations earlier, along with converting the balcony into a stage to hold Axol's casket. Once she goes into the bedroom, she hops on the bed next to the princess and the meme-loving YouTuber, sighing quietly.

"T-that was great, Melony. Seriously touching." Four says, sniveling with a bright red face as he tries his hardest not to cry.

"He was sobbing like a baby the whole time. You did great." Peach smirks, leaning back on her fancy silk pillows.

"H-hey!" Four stutters, his mouth turning downward as he pouts petulantly.

"It's-a true!" An all too familiar Italian accented voice calls out. "And by the way, Melony, Mario's sorry for yelling in the middle of your-"

"Aah!" The three people shriek in surprise as they see Mario leaning smugly against the wall.

"How long have you been there for?" Peach asks him skeptically.

"Since Mario crawled through your toilet about five minutes ago." He giggles as Peach's eyes turn red and her fists clench.

"You crawled. Through my fucking toilet?!" She screams, jumping out of her bed and beginning to choke Mario. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Mario wanted a front row seat! It's not fair that Peachie and Es Em Gee Four get to have all the fun." He says, BLJing out of the princess' grasp as she grumbles.

"We're the leaders of this castle. SMG4's the head of your silly little friend group, and I'm the owner of your guys' hangout spot." She frowns.

"What? Unfair! Why is Peachie always here when Mario wants to get his party pants on?" Mario whines like a toddler as the annoyed princess just pinches the bridge of her nose.

"It's not my fault that you idiots need constant supervision." She shrugs.

"Idiots, plural? We wouldn't need supervision if Mario wouldn't crawl through toilets or whatever other dumb shit he usually does." Four laughs pointedly at Mario, who droops like a sad puppy at the insult.

"Guys. Axol wouldn't have wanted you to be fighting on his day of remembrance. Mario's right, it's not fair that no one else can be in here, yet we still are. We should all be downstairs, mingling with our friends and enjoying the party." She smiles at Mario, who has now completely forgotten about what they were talking about and is babbling gibberish. "Hey, Mario? Is everyone here?" She asks the fat Italian kindly.

"Edititutatalutu!" He responds, grinning as his eyes go in two seperate directions. 

Peach and SMG4 simultaneously facepalm, groaning in annoyance, but Melony stays patient and looks down to make eye contact with the idiot.

"Could you repeat that in English for us?" She giggles quietly, causing Mario's face to light up in realization that he'd switched languages.

"Mario thinks so. There's Woomy, Stinky, Luigi, Bitchy, BEEG MONKEY, Tari, Little Fishy..." He lists the names, or rather, nicknames, of everyone in their friend group.

"Who the hell is Big Monkey?" Peach inquires, raising an eyebrow.

"He said Meggy, Bob, Luigi, Saiko, Tari, Boopkins, and, uh, Donkey Kong I'm pretty sure?" Four narrows his eyes, waiting for a confirmation from Mario.

"BEEG MONKEY is Steve." He simply answers, making Peach sigh and roll over, officially giving up on this conversation. "There's also SMG1, SMG2, Kermit, Waluigi..."

"What about SMG3?" Four asks curiously.

"We invited Es Em Gee Three?" Mario asks, scratching his head. "Mario thought he still hated us and he was a big old bad guy."

"I guess, but I invited him to the channel's anniversary party. And we're technically Meme Guardians now, and that comes with being partners who rely on each other." Four shrugs, his hand glowing blue once he mentions his powers.

"Only friends who helped us defeat the evil cyclops man are allowed. And last Mario checked, Es Em Gee Three is not our friend." He twists his mouth into a frown.

"He's close enough. A frenemy, maybe. He helped us defeat Zer0, and you know that you'd still be in his control without SMG3's help." Four reprimands, causing Mario to look a little guilty. "But anyway, I already invited him." He laughs it off. "It doesn't matter if he's here or not."

"Do you hear yourself right now? Mario smells gay." The fat Italian giggles, wiggling his eyebrows at his best friend in a teasingly flirty manner.

"Me?! Gay for who?" Four guffaws, clearly shocked at the notion.

"God. You're almost dumber than him." Peach rolls her eyes, turning back towards them. "Mario is under the impression that you're in love with that so-called villain kid who used to steal your videos and tried to kill you. SMG3, his name was?"

"What! Mario, that's ridiculous!" Four yells before grabbing a hold of the doorknob. "I am not gay for anyone, why would I be gay? You're probably gay!" He yells before bolting out the door and down the stairs, pushing past the people who were already partying.

"I've never seen anyone get so defensive over a question they could've just rolled their eyes at." Peach smirks before getting up and ruffling her dress. "You two had better head downstairs to go and mingle, too."

"Buh. Mario's a gonna expose the gays if it's the last thing he does!" He frowns before storming out in a similar fashion to Four.

Just as Melony is about to leave Peach to her own devices in her room, the princess grabs her by the sleeve, causing her to stop in her tracks.

"Hey, Melony?" She asks.

"Yeah, Peach? What's up?" She smiles in her usual sweet manner.

"Just keep Mario out of their way. In case those two boys do end up talking or anything, we wouldn't want their moment to be royally ruined by his idiocy." She laughs.

"That's oddly nice of you, Peach." She raises an eyebrow, but smiles nonetheless. "I didn't think you cared that much about SMG4's love life."

"Oh, you're right. I don't give a damn. I just know that if SMG4 and his little crush end up making out or whatever and Mario interrupts them, I won't get any sleep tonight."

"Never change, princess." Melong giggles at Peach's usual demeanor before skipping out of the room. "You can always come join the party and hang if you want! I'll probably be with SMG2!"

"Thanks, kid." Peach smiles as she relaxes back into her bed and turns off the light. "That Melony, she really is nice to everyone.

~~~

This party sucks ass.

Kudos to Melony for combining a funeral with a celebration, but nothing about those two events meshed together. Many people in the castle were perfectly content, but one person in particular was bored out of his mind.

SMG4 wished he could just sneak out the back door of the castle, maybe go to 7-Eleven for a few hours and then come back to sleep, but he couldn't. He wanted to support Melony and pay homage to Axol. Plus, there was no way he could just ditch everyone when he was the leader of the friend group. 

If he was being honest, though, the night had dragged on for about an hour already, and he was ready to leave. When he first got downstairs, it was fun watching his friends get tipsy and conversing with a few of them. He eventually just walked into a corner, allowing the crowd to just swarm around him and make him seem invisible. 

That was, until a certain person arrived to the castle.

"Damn dead memes." SMG3 had said, picking some leaves out of his hair as he walked in through the front doors. "Yeah, I'm late. Get over it." He scoffed at everyone before walking over to talk to Melony. "I missed the funeral service and I didn't mean to, I swear. I'm going to just say something real quick so it doesn't look like I just came for the booze." He laughed.

"SMG3, you're completely fine. You didn't even know Axol that much." Melony smiled. "You're pretty funny, too. You'll fit in with the rest of us pretty well."

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm not friends with you guys. The universe just picked me to help you save the world." He frowned.

"You're friends with me!" Melony places a hand on her hip.

"I guess..."

"Look, just go talk to Mario and Meggy. If you hate them, then just leave. If you don't, then maybe you should stay a little longer."

"I was planning on interacting, Mel. Don't worry. I just wanted to talk to you a little more because we've known each other for quite a long time."

"You know what? I'm rejecting your idea, goofball. You gotta talk to people who you don't know! Just 'cause I was in your Anti-Cast doesn't mean you can only talk to me." She grinned, trying to push him into the people who were talking over by the dance floor.

"What the hell, Melony?" Three yelled as he was basically shoved into Meggy.

"Go make some new frenemies." She winked at her old friend.

The only thing that was keeping Four there was SMG3, who was mingling with some of the crew from across the room at the moment. Now SMG4 could probably leave at this point, but he was staying for Three. Yearning for a conversation. Even if it was just small talk, he would finally love the chance to get closer to his Meme Guardian partner. Four already knew that Mario would clown him for being gay, but he didn't think of this as gayness. Just the desire to get to know him a little better than before.

Before he could even blink, Four noticed something. Three was no longer with Mario and Meggy. He was standing right across from Four, slowly walking closer to him. As the Meme Guardian realizes this, his face heats up. 

All right, maybe Four was a little bit interested in him. But how could he help it? It wasn't his fault that Three was attractive and funny... at least when he wasn't insulting him. Even though he would never admit to it, the whole night Four had only been staring at Three. No one else. Rivals, shmivals, he needed to talk to him. And this party may be his only chance.

"Ha. Hey..." Four awkwardly side-steps so he is directly next to his enemy.

"Hi." Three raises an eyebrow at him.

"Crazy weather we're having!" He blurts out, mentally cursing when he realizes that there isn't a single cloud in the moonlit sky.

"Has it been? The Internet Graveyard doesn't really have changes in weather."

"Oh. Yeah. How's that going for you?"

"My banishment?" He flashes Four a look of disbelief. "How the hell do you think getting attacked by hostile memes every day is going?" Three rolls his eyes, turning away.

"I'm so sorry." Four puts his head in his hands. "Sometimes I'm just painfully awkward. Usually when I'm nervous."

"Why would you be nervous? We've known each other for ten years. Sadly." Three scoffs again, adjusting his cap as Four begins to sweat uncomfortably.

"W-well, you walked over here, so I had to make up some sort of conversation to have with you."

"What is going on? You're acting so jittery and- and pathetic right now."

"I just wanted to talk to you, and then you walked over here before I had prepared what I wanted to say!" Four defends himself.

"Why would you have to prepare what you wanted to say to your enemy? Just cuss at me and laugh at me for my defeat, like you always used to do." Three says, getting increasingly more confused.

"We didn't get defeated. We won. Kinda what this whole party/funeral is about."

"SMG4. Man." Three scoffs, giving his rival a side glance. "Just because I decided to be a hero this one time doesn't mean that it's permanent. I can't even leave the Internet Graveyard unless I'm given permission by either you or Susan WindexWindowsXPWajoooo."

"I'm sorry." Four echoes his previous words.

"You said that already, you know. Oh, I'm so sorry for fucking up your life, you tsundere!"Three mocks him in a high pitched voice. Instead of starting one of their silly arguments, Four just grumbles, walking over to the drink table. "Oh yeah, just leave me by myself! That's real mature!" Three calls after him.

"Want a drink?" Four calls out, causing Three to swallow whatever insult he was about to say.

"You're asking me?" He basically chokes. "Uh, just a cup of beer I guess."

"K, cool." Four says, trying to not let any heat rise to his cheeks as he pours a drink for him and his enemy. 'You're not gay, Four. This is just a friendly gesture for someone who you're definitely not gay for because you don't even like men in the slightest! Ok, maybe that's a lie, but you don't like SMG3!' He thinks to himself as he finishes pouring the drinks.

"Thanks." SMG3 nods, taking the cup from Four and slightly flinching when their hands touch briefly. "Why are you being nice to me? It's like ever since we met again because of that corrupted meme, you've been inviting me to shit and being all friendly. Don't get me wrong, it's nice, but it's also fuckin' weird. You'd think that you would be more... I don't know, you-y? Like you were last year."

"I'm tired of rivalry. And I'd say we both matured since we've had to work together. At least, as mature as 22 year olds can get."

"I'm 21." Three says the most irrelevant thing he can say in the moment to avoid accidentally sounding sappy or nostalgic.

"You know what? You want to know the real reason I got you a drink?" Four says boldly. "I think that it's nice that we've been talking more now. And since I want to talk to you, I thought, what better way is there to a villain's heart than alcohol?"

"Ha. That might be the smartest thing you've ever said, SMG4."

"Thanks?" He raises an eyebrow. "But honestly. I never took the time in the first place, and I kind of misjudged you, I feel. So, I thought maybe, I could finally get to know you better." His face flushes ever so slightly.

Three smiles knowingly, and Four's eyes widen. He had never seen a genuine smile on this man's face, and it caused his whole face to turn an embarrassing shade of red. The man in purple catches sight of Four's blush, chuckling as he begins to grasp the concept.

"I get it. If I were you, I'd want to get to know me better too."

"Yeah. Since we're, like, cosmically linked and we had to work together to save the universe, I was thinking maybe we could be..." His words trail off.

"Friends?" Three supplies as Four's face twists into a disappointed expression. "No? Maybe- Maybe something else?"

"What are you implying?" Four asks, eager to know where Three's thoughts were going.

"You implied it first!" Three blushes, getting defensive and desperate to change the subject. Then, the answer comes to him once he hears Billie Eilish's song Happier Than Ever play on the loudspeaker. "You know what, scrub? My favorite song is playing. Why don't you come with me to the dance floor?"

"Er, okay?" Four stammers as Three grabs his hand harshly and both of them place their untouched beers down.

"Well, come on, idiot. The song doesn't last all day." He rolls his eyes, dragging him over and placing his hands on the slightly shorter man's waist.

They start swaying delicately to the slow and sad music, a million thoughts swirling through their heads. Four shakily puts his hand on the recolor's shoulders, trying his best to adapt to the dance. The lights which were displayed from the disco ball were very dim and ambient, and everyone around them either seemed to be on the side or have some kind of partner to share the dance with.

"Your favorite song, huh? Didn't take you as one to listen to angsty girly music." Four takes a jab at Three, who just looks at him with disbelief.

"First off, how can you be insulting me when we're slow dancing?" He just simply laughs. "And second, just wait. This song gets hella better." With this, he smirks, giving Four a little dip so he can whisper in his ear. "Wait for my cue, then follow my lead."

Just like that, the slow acoustic guitar begins to speed up and the lights dim. Then, when the singer begins again, it's almost like everything just begins picking up. Three begins dancing with him faster until he lets go of his waist and disappears into the crowd.

"What the...? SMG3?" Four whispers as people dance all around him.

Then, the music goes a little bit quieter again as a hand grabs Four's, leading him to the middle of the crowd. Now everyone can see them dancing to the song like old friends. Some may even go far enough to say that they looked like a couple.

You ruined everything good

Always said you were misunderstood

Made all my moments your own

Just fucking leave me alone

Three sings along with these last few lines before the song goes into an epic electric guitar solo. He grins, nudging Four before pulling out his air guitar and strumming along. The man in white overalls laughs at his doppelgänger as he continues to act vulnerable and funny. 

Then, he pulls Four in and spins him a couple of times as the song continues to play so loud, it threatens to break both the speaker and their eardrums. Now it definitely sounded like a song that SMG4 could see his enemy listening to.

In the final seconds of the song, when it seemed to be winding down for the last time, Three grabbed Four by the overall strap and pulled him close, breathing heavily. A pink blush dusted both of their faces as they just stood there for a second, dazed and dumbfounded. Four was flattered with his rival, and Three was just in shock at what he did.

He flirtatiously danced with his enemy! The man he hated for so many years! He messed with the delicate way of the world by thinking, even if only for a second, that they could be any more than mean towards each other.

Then, they both realized that Three was still holding Four close. So close, in fact, that their noses were almost touching and Three's hand was resting delicately on the small of Four's back. The song had ended, yet they were still like this. There wasn't enough space in between them, and they needed to keep things like how they used to be.

"SMG3, I-" Four begins.

"Look, I think I need some fresh air." He says, looking visibly jarred as he lets go of Four. "I'll, uh, see you around, SMG4."

With that, Three runs out of the castle as fast as his legs would take him. Four stands there for a moment as everything catches up with him. Then, his eyes widen.

"Hey, wait!" He screams, catching the attention of a few of his friends as he follows the man he just shared an intimate moment with outside.

"Where do you think they're going?" SMG2 asks Melony from up on the stage, sipping her glass of Sauvignon Blanc delicately.

"I'm not sure, Two. But something tells me that SMG3 made too much of a friend in SMG4." Melony giggles. 

"Ooh, damn. You know I love me a little romance!" She chuckles, nudging Melony as she points out yet another couple on the dance floor. "But I hope they won't be angry with each other at the end of this. One and I are organizing designated training days so they can strengthen their powers!" She sounds excited by this idea.

"It'll all work itself out. Everything happens for a reason." Melony says, looking over at Axol's casket. "Even if we can't control it, or it's not always what we want." She sniffles, tears rolling down her face as she puts her head in her hands.

"Hon. Don't beat yourself up over Axol." Two looks up at her. 

"I-I just m-m-miss him, Two..." Her voice wavers as she lets SMG2 give her a small hug.

"I know, I know. I-if it makes you feel better, I know what you're going through. Spudnick, my avatar? They were killed by Zero too. Their death destroyed everything that One and I ever knew, forcing us to flee our decaying universe. I loved Spudnick to death, don't you know it. Not necessarily on a romantic level, but they were my everything. Them and SMG1, literally my best friends. I think about their death, how I could've prevented it, and how much I still miss them. But at the end of the day? We're all going to die someday. I'll see them again, you'll see Axol again. It's important to just enjoy life while you're living it." She sighs, slowly rubbing Melony's back to calm her down.

"Y-yeah. You're right, Two. I think I just need to go outside for a bit, clear my head, you know?" Melony smiles. "The fresh air'll snap me out of it."

"May I go with you?" SMG2 asks, to which Melony nods enthusiastically.

"Of course." Melony giggles as they both begin walking down the stairs, engaging in more friendly conversation.

~~~

Finally outside, SMG3 whips out his phone and goes to the portal app. He had to get out of there before anyone went looking for him, especially the man who he had just unexpectedly left. He opens up a portal frantically, shoving his phone back into his pocket. 

He steps through it, only to get stopped halfway by a gloved hand grabbing a hold of his.

A blush rises to his face as he bites his lip, hoping to see anyone other than SMG4. Of course, he already knew what was coming. Cue some kind of insult or scream in three, two, one... Nothing? He looks up, daring to make eye contact with the other Meme Guardian and see what he was thinking. He was met with nothing but a face that looked a little bit confused and hurt.

"Hey, SMG3. Why'd you run off? I thought we were kinda having a good time." He says with a frustratingly innocent smile.

"Look. You're a cool dude, all right? I just don't think I can accept that we're just good now. After everything that happened between us." He tries to explain.

"Uh, weren't we fine like two seconds ago when we were jamming to Billie Eilish?" Four shrugs. "I know we've had our differences. But I want to move past it. You know, friends? Like you said?"

"I said that in the heat of the moment, SMG4. We can't be like that. It doesn't matter that I like hanging out with Mario, or Meggy, or Tari, or whatever. We can't be close, you and I. We saved the world, but it just needs to be normal now. I need to go back to my plans to kill you and stuff." He raises his voice a little bit, trying to tug his hand away.

He grumbles when Four still holds him tight, not allowing him to go back to the Internet Graveyard.

"No. In the last few months, we've come so far. I'm not about to let you just throw all of that away just because... because of some dumb emo reason you're just not telling me!" Four stands his ground, trying to pull Three back into the Mushroom Kingdom stubbornly.

"Why won't you just let go? What's so important about me?" Three demands. "All I've ever done is make you suffer."

"That's not true, Three. No matter what you say, you're wrong about that. Nothing can make me hate you like I used to."

"But WHY?! And why the hell did you call me Three? You're giving me nicknames and trying to be all nice for no reason! We're not friends, and I've made it clear that I don't want to be." He yells even louder now, causing Four to get mad.

"You're just stubborn, SMG3." Four says, dragging out his name to prove that he wouldn't call him "Three" again. "I don't know why you're fighting me on this so much. What is it that you're hiding from me?"

"Well, you're obviously hiding something too. Because there's no way in hell that you'd willingly dance with me to Billie Eilish and not clown me and walk off."

"What can I say? You're a chill guy." Four spits out. "And maybe I like hanging out with you, ever consider that? Someone actually wants to let you into their life? But no! You have to be a little asshole and shut me out!"

"It's because I LOVE YOU, OKAY?" Three cries out, yanking his hand out of his glove. "I love you so much that I can't stand being around you. It hurts me because I know that you'll never get me. So just let me fucking leave. We can't be friends because it's hard for me to control myself around you! It's always been that way, it's why I've always been so jealous of you." Tears stream down the vulnerable man's face. "So you have your explanation. Now you never want to see me again, and I don't want to see you! So just let me live out my banishment, damnit-"

Three gets cut off with Four wrapping his arms around him and using all his strength to pull him out of the portal. He is tackled to the ground as everything he's thinking at the moment is halted. Four pins him down, his face red and his clothes covered with grass and dirt. The moonlight is illuminating Three's face, making his light blue eyes shimmer underneath him. His eyes soften as he places a hand on Three's cheek, causing him to blush.

"You really need to grow a pair of eyes sometimes." Four playfully insults the man who is flattened against the ground.

"So now you're just going to insult me?" Three growls. "After all I just confessed to you?"

"Just let me speak, maybe?" Four raises an eyebrow, still not moving from his position. "I haven't realized it until today, but I like you too. I thought it was just a little phase or whatever, but I know now. I see you as a wonderful man with a bright future. As someone who can change and become an amazing friend to Mario, Meggy, Bob, Saiko, and Tari. And also as someone who could be the perfect partner."

"No. You're joking with me. You can't like me, not after everything I've done." Three continues to be pessimistic.

"I'm not joking, SMG3. I really do like you and I want you to be my boyfriend. If you'll have me. Because I don't care what you've done. You love me, and you've shown that you're capable of changing. I've been watching you the whole night, and you get along well with my friends. Everything just works with us, SMG3, and I beg of you to give this a try. Give us a try."

"Please. Call me Three." He sobs, causing Four to also tear up.

"Memes, I love you so much." Four whispers, getting close to Three's lips and allowing their noses to touch.

No more words were needed as the two Meme Guardians hold each other close. They inched closer and closer until their lips connected, the butterflies in each of their respective stomachs going crazy. They didn't care that they were on the ground, in the dirt, or that there was still an open portal right next to them. The two of them had each other in their loving embrace, something that neither thought that they would ever experience.

Four finally pulls away from Three, brushing an unruly strand of hair from his face. They stare at each other with hearts in their eyes for a few more seconds before Four awkwardly clears his throat and gets off of Three. Then, he holds out his hand and helps his new boyfriend up off of the ground.

Whoa. Boyfriend. That felt so weird to say, yet at the same time, so surreal. As the two still revel in the moment that they just shared, they notice two figures sitting on the moat's bridge, their legs dangling over the edge facing the water. The mysterious people are staring at them, and the realization causes them to freeze like a pair of deer in headlights. Then, both of them let out little laughs simultaneously.

"Don't worry, you two. We won't tell." The shorter woman who they now recognize as SMG2 chuckles as they both breathe a sigh of relief. 

"What good would that do us? You guys are going to have to invite us to the wedding, so everyone's going to find out sooner or later." She winks at the two men, which makes their faces go red as beets.

"Melony!" Three yells as Four stares at them ground with embarrassment.

"You know I'm just teasing, goofball." She says as Two and Four raise an eyebrow at the nickname.

"All right, Mel. See you inside." He waves to his oldest friend, thankful that someone else didn't catch them so early into their relationship. "Damn, I thought she was Mario."

"Goofball, eh?" He pokes Three flirtatiously as they walk back inside.

"Shut up, Four. Let's just go dance to music that makes us look even more gay."

"Sounds like a plan, Three." Four grins as he intertwines their fingers and plants a kiss on his boyfriend's cheek.

~~~

"And then they had pizza all over their face, and SMG1 took a million pictures." SMG2 laughs.

"Oh my gosh, that reminds me of the time Axol told me that he summoned Colonel Sanders to food-fight Ronald McDonald!" Melony squeals excitedly.

"Are you feeling better now?" Two asks her. "Because I found out that reminiscing actually made me miss them less when I was still mourning-" She stops, noticing SMG1 walking outside the castle, talking to... Bob.

"What the?" Melony verbalizes Two's thoughts as they watch the two laugh about some joke Bob had told.

"O-oh!" SMG1 chuckles, waving at his best friend. "Hey there, SMG2! I was just telling Bob all about the Meme Life Cycle."

"MEME LIFE CYCLE? Without me?!" She excitedly shrieks, jumping up from her seat. "You coming, Mel?"

She nods and smiles, the door swinging closed behind the two Meme Guardians and the Garo. 

Looking up at the stars, Melony sees a constellation that resembles an axolotl. This makes her smile and whisper a little something to the sky before she rejoins the party.

"I love you, Axol."

As she walked inside, the stars seemed to sparkle extra bright. Almost like they were saying:

"I love you too, Mel-Mel."

~~~

6000 Words

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Music plays from Mr. Puzzles' speakers as the Looney Tunes ending scene shows on his screen, masking the fear he is feeling at this moment. Mr. WPNZ closes his eyes, bracing himself for the embrace of death. With one last inhale, they close the rift in time, tightly holding hands as they accept the fate that awaits them.

Then, not even a second later, Mr. Puzzles opens his eyes and finds himself in complete darkness, falling through a void of nothingness. The warmth radiating from his friend's hand has been lost, and the TV-headed man is alone in an endless chasm of pure blackness. He can barely see his hand when he waves it in front of his face, and that's just due to the glow emanating from his screen.

Otherwise, it's pitch black. There's not even any sound or any remnant of the rift they just finished closing. The frightening part for Mr. Puzzles is that he has no idea where Mr. WPNZ is. He hadn't fallen unconscious, which was what he was expecting to feel in death, but the assassin who he was holding is just gone. Is this death? Did he really not notice that he'd died?, 

"Boxhead!" A voice calls out for Mr. Puzzles, making him perk up and turn the brightness of his screen all the way up.

"W-WPNZ? Are you there?" He shakily responds before a metallic hand catches his vision.

Without a second thought, he grabs it, breathing out a shaky sigh of relief when the cyborg's fingers intertwine with his own once again. 

"Gah. Thought I lost ya for a moment there. I found ya due to that bright screen of yours, glowstick." He smirks, the expression just barely visible as Mr. Puzzles grabs his other hand, the force of their fall making them lay flat on their stomachs.

The TV headed man wants to laugh and make a comment about the new nickname, but the words get caught in his throat. How could WPNZ be so content right now, when they are falling to who knows where? How is he just so... calm?

"You... You're not scared." Mr. Puzzles verbally observes, a small frown appearing on his screen. 

"Huh?" Mr. WPNZ looks genuinely confused as he stares at his bright friend. "The hell are you talking about?"

"We could have just died, WPNZ." He chokes out, trying to keep his composure. "Forgive me for thinking you'd be a bit jarred, at least. We're just in this void now for who the hell knows how long, wondering if we'll ever escape, if we'll ever see the light of day again, if we'll eventually grow old and die in here, or starve before that can even happen, making these last few days we have completely miserable in every way possible-"

"Hey, boxhead, you're spiralin'." His gruff voice snaps the TV out of his funk, a heart monitor-like blush appearing on the latter's face.

"Ah, sorry." He curtly apologizes, looking away with a guilty look on his face.

"Why the fuck are you apologizin' for that? I understand why you'd be freaked out, man. Totally get it. But there ain't nothin' we can do about it now. We did what we were meant to do." He places a comforting hand on Puzzles' shoulder, the other man relaxing into the touch as they regain their balance and being themselves to an upright position (or, at least, whatever could be considered up. They had no sense of direction here).

"Y-yeah, you're right. It's just, I-" He pauses, trying to find the right way to voice his concern.

"What's up?" WPNZ smiles, silently urging his friend to keep talking by giving his shoulder a small yet firm squeeze.

"Why did you join me? You had a choice not to, but you just cemented your fate, no second thought. Now you're stuck in this place when you could have stayed out there, living your normal life." He sighs. "Like you already were before."

"Boxhead, I-" He tries to reassure him again, but Puzzles cuts him off.

"This is it, WPNZ, this is the end. We can't go back. I was prepared to leave everything behind, to have a happy end, but you. You!" He brings his hands up to his screen, clawing at his square head like he wants to tear it clean off. "You had a life, and a good one at that. You could have stayed with Toomp, made up for your crimes, become a valuable member of society, and- your children! You have children." His voice cracks. "Those annoying, stupid, perfect little gremlins just had their father introduced into their life, and now all they really have is Karen. At least before, they had hope. Now they'll know you're dead, gone just because you wanted to chase a foolish villain into a portal and face certain death."

"Well it's not certain, is it? I'm here with you." He raises his voice a bit, determined to make Mr. Puzzles hear him out. 

"But what about Toomp? He was like your child, he-"

"Toomp isn't a child." WPNZ nearly bursts out into laughter, instead just turning it into a light chuckle. "Before we found your hideout, he pulled me aside. He told me that he was an alien from another planet, equipped with more knowledge than every person on Earth combined. And he had, like, the deepest voice. He told me that we had to infiltrate your hideout, that it would complete his research."

"What?" Mr. Puzzles is completely taken aback, a surprised scoff leaving his speaker. 

"I assume he's already headed back. He said that, no matter what, he'd leave after he was finished collecting information. Since he didn't follow us, I assumed that meant he was ready to go back home. That's why I didn't say goodbye or anything."

"So, you followed me because you had nothing left to lose. Because your family hates you, and Toomp, your fresh start, isn't even a child that you can take care of. Your last option was to come sacrifice your life with me, to appear the hero and make me satisfied." The realization hits the TV headed man like a freight train as digital tears well up in his eyes. "I was your last option." He whispers, sounding defeated.

"W-what? No. No!" WPNZ desperately corrects him. "That's not it at all, boxhead. I promise."

"Then why in the ever loving fuck would you do this? I-I don't understand, I don't-" Puzzles hyperventilates, digging his fingers farther into the metal of his head. 

"Man! Screw your damn TV head on straight!" He desperately cries out. "You're the only person I'd ever follow into a portal. You're the only one who I'd ever die for. Hell, die with. Don't think that I'd do the same for anyone else in this whole fuckin' universe, boxhead."

"But we've only barely made up, WPNZ. Why?" He lets the tears fall more freely now, even if they are only an image on a screen. "What do you even see in me?" His voice drops again, broken and confused as his hands fall to his sides and a shadow crosses over his face.

Mr. WPNZ... didn't fully know how to answer that question, to tell you the truth. 

What did he see in Mr. Puzzles? How would he even start?

Well, he saw a strong man, capable of overcoming grief and still being, most literally, the brightest beacon of light in the whole room. He saw a man who has endured pain since he was little, yet was still always capable of cracking jokes, dancing around, being silly, and making situations more enjoyable. 

At the same time, he saw a villain who betrayed him after he finally thought he had found a friend, someone who he could get to know and love, no strings attached. He saw someone who he had broken out of prison, someone who he admired, and someone who broke him in ways he didn't think were possible. 

He saw someone who, despite all that happening, still tried to make things right after nearly being killed multiple times. He saw someone who made up for his mistakes, someone who he was willing to sacrifice everything just to spend his final moments with.

He saw his best friend. Someone who he loved more than words could even begin to express.

"I don't know." He simply answers, causing Mr. Puzzles to only sink deeper into his feelings of despair, thinking he was right, that WPNZ really didn't care for him at all, that he was just doing all this out of pity and spite-

Then, WPNZ engulfs him in a bone-crushing hug, holding him as tight as humanly possible. He rests his head in the TV head's wiry neck and closes his eyes, determined to wrap his arms fully around Puzzles' body. Mr. Puzzles just gasps, frozen in place, before slowly embracing Mr. WPNZ as well. The gunman's usual stone-faced expression turns up into a genuine smile as he nuzzles closer, with the TV having a small smile on his screen as well despite his best efforts to hide it.

"You're impossible." Puzzles giggles, a sound that makes WPNZ's heart flutter.

Wait, flutter? Whoa. Where the hell did that come from?

"Ha. I try to be." He smirks with his usual comeback, but he can't deny the butterflies in his stomach as they pull apart from their hug. "But in all honesty, glowstick, you're my best friend. I'm glad I'm here with you."

"Same here, my f- did you just call me your best friend?" Puzzles stops in his tracks, his expression slowly shifting into one of pure joy.

"Thought that much was clear by now, you moron." WPNZ flicks his screen, causing his blush to return tenfold as he stares at him, trying to regain his bearings.

"Gah! Y-you can't just get in my face and- and-" The TV headed man sputters, shuffling himself away slightly.

"And what, Shakespeare? Dare say I flustered you?" He chuckles in a low tone, inching closer to his screen until their mouths are mere inches away.

"Jeez, I-I-" He freezes up before awkwardly laughing. "S-screw you, you old... man of weaponry." Puzzles utters the lamest comeback ever, giving WPNZ a weak middle finger and trying to swim through the void to get away from him in a playful manner.

WPNZ just swims after him, laughing as they engage in a playful chase. Unfortunately for Puzzles, their little game ends with WPNZ grabbing him by the bowtie and laying on his stomach, smirking triumphantly.

"Looks like I won." The assassin taunts, leaning in close to his face once more.

"Be careful there. One more inch and I'll think that you actually want to kiss me. We wouldn't want that, would we?" Mr. Puzzles tries to tease him back, lacking the bite he wants.

"Maybe I do." He answers truthfully, even though his tone is laced with enough sarcasm for Mr. Puzzles to brush it off as some more teasing.

"Oh, you're such a scandal!" He scoffs, pretending to be offended and falling backwards dramatically.

"Pfft." WPNZ catches him, of course, holding him by the small of his back. "I'm your scandal, though, aren't I?"

"I'm not sure why I just noticed this, but your voice sounds oddly similar to that of Krusty the Clown." Puzzles goes off topic for a moment, suddenly deep in thought. "Doesn't it?"

WPNZ is stunned for a moment before pulling Puzzles in for a passionate kiss. It's unexpected, to say the least, but it sends fireworks exploding through the TV man's circuits before he kisses back with the same urgency. He has no clue why WPNZ just randomly decided to do this, but he's not complaining. He'd never complain if it meant he got to feel his soft lips and sharp teeth brush against his screen.

Then they pull away and Puzzles gets to see just how flustered his companion is. They still hold each other close in a silence that is both comfortable and awkward at the same time.

"Never change, Boxhead." That is all Mr. WPNZ says, and even though it sounds like an inadequate response to what they just did, it's all Mr. Puzzles needs to capture his lips in another kiss, wrapping his arms around his best friend's neck fervently.

And even if it was for just a moment, the two lovebirds completely forgot about the dark void they were in. All they could seem to focus on was each other, and they were perfectly content to stay in each other's arms for the rest of eternity.

~~~

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