Rabbit boy

Life in 8th grade is monotone,and it was exactly just like that for our soon-to-be DJ...called Deejay(I didnt name him,ok?). Good grades,perfect behaviour and popularity,but soon everything would change as he found out something important about himself,due to the new 'troubled' kid,Benatar. But the star's light could only shine so bright,till even the guiding star lost its burning passion. The downfall of two lovers is inevitable,as one would drag the other through his sorrow.

Notes:

AUTHOR NOTE: hello i made this fanfic for one of my closest discord friends. He is a MASSIVE deebenner and complained about the lack of Deeben content,so i decided to draw. But as time went on,he told me he also wished for a fanfic. Now,here we are! I dreamt of the plot in a school night,where I couldnt sleep. I thought the ideea wouldnt stick,but it couldnt let me sleep. So i wrote it down in one night in large plotpoints! THIS IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS! i am sorry if its bad or it has a weird change in energy,its my first fanfic ever! Its too late to abandon the fanfic now. Sit tight,its long.
P.S: i made that friend the editor...since he made me work might as well make him work for me...ohoho.... also my first language isnt english so some things are ref to my mother tongue and some things may be worded weirdly
EDITOR NOTE: save me... im being tormented with daily editing reminders... (i asked for this. forgetful.)
hi guyssss hope you enjoy chapter one. be nice pls. neither of us have written a serious fanfic before!!!!!

Chapter Text

BEFORE READING: this is the cover:) made by...ME!!!! THE AUTHOR

TRIGGER WARNINGS!!! : SELF HARM,CHILD ABUSE,SUICIDE(at some point,but not now!) + gay. if youre homophobic click off now..if you deadass read all of this then you're dedicated

Dear diary,
Ever since I was born, I was raised religious. Very strictly Orthodox Christian... I've never doubted any of God's words, or how my parents interpreted them... I've always been a good kid. Hell, I'm even doing great at school. I'm at the top of my class and popular, without being seen as a nerd, or getting into trouble.

I have never doubted that I'd go to heaven. I haven't committed any sins, afterall.

Though, things would change for the worse soon.

You know, I love being a good student. Just going to school in general is kind of fun to me.

Today, I was preparing as usual. The only thing out of common at that point was that my cousin, Deejane, was pretty slow while getting ready. She's usually quick. But maybe it's because she's just moved into my house. The issues with her parents have led to us letting her stay over. We go to the same school anyways. It's such a shame we're in different classes, though.

Breakfast was nice, you can't really go wrong with some cheap premade waffles and milk. After our long prayer, we finally went off to school.

Me and Deejane split up pretty quickly once we arrived at school. Our classes are pretty far apart, afterall. I went into class, not really expecting anything. It was a usual day afterall...

The classroom was empty. Except the seat next to me. That's odd. I'm usually the only one who arrives this early.

I approached the new guy. He seems shy. Putting down my things, I tried to analyse him...I haven't seen him before. He was fragile and skinny, with disheveled blonde hair. His clothes seemed old and a bit torn. He was covered in bruises. Jeez...what has this kid gotten up to? Maybe he went to the wrong class?

"Uhh..hey. Are you sure you're in the right class? I've never seen you before… This is class 07."

He slowly, quite fearfully turned to face me, as if I was a ghost. He finally met my eyes. They were blue. A vibrant and cold, yet gentle blue. His voice was so quiet...

"I..Well...This is my class..." He barely whispered, but I could hear his thick British accent. Like he was still in the UK. "I...I transferred just recently to this school."

Interesting. I found myself staring at him a bit, and that made him more nervous. Maybe he thought I was judging him. So, we have a new classmate. He's my deskmate, and he's shy.

"Oh...! Well, welcome! Where are you from by the way? You have a very strong British accent. I'm Deejay. You're..??"

I wasn't really thinking. Too caught up in his mysterious misery to realise I overwhelmed him with questions.

"Ah..." He looked away, out the window before he spoke. "Well...thanks. And yeah...I'm from the UK. More specifically London." He looked down at his fidgety hands,like he was ashamed of something. "I'm Benatar."

You know what? Unique name. I've only heard about the singer. I thought it wasn't an actual name.

"Well… It's nice to meet you, Benatar." I held out my hand for him to shake,but instead he stared at it confused. Reluctantly, he finally shook my hand, but with trembling fingers.

“You know...Uh...Maybe I could show you around the school? Or maybe hang out during lunch, in the cafeteria."

I sat down and faced him, but he started doodling in his notebook. I thought he was ignoring me now. But eventually, he found the courage to speak again. "Thanks...but I haven't got any lunch with me...nor any lunch money."

"Oh well...we can still hang out outside on a bench or the library or something." He instantly turned to face me.

"Library! I love to read..." This energy was spontaneous.

"Then, it's settled. Next break..."

----------------

I've been talking to him for far too long apparently, because I didn't even notice that class started.

"Johnson! Quit chatting with your colleague!" My history teacher pointed out. The class fell quiet for a minute that felt more like ten. I guess it's on me, for not paying attention.

"Sorry miss..."
...But the boy next to me was so interesting!

The rest of class went well, and the bell rang. I got up quickly, I wanted to know more about the boy, afterall… "C'mon! Let's go now!"

But as I jumped out of my seat, he flinched and stared at me like I was a ghost. Again. I feel bad now, I've barely met him, and I'm already scaring this fucker off?!
"Oh! Sorry man... I'll have more grace next time.."

He got up reluctantly, like he wasn't even looking forward to the library. "It's alright… Can you lead the way?.."

"Of course." I offered my hand,but he opted to walk behind me instead.

We didn't have to walk a lot. The library was close to our class. Nobody in today's day and age really comes around here. People my age barely read books, anyways. And if they do, they bring their own, because the school's library doesn't have… ‘Adult fiction’.

I felt out of place. I don't really go here often. He just kept looking around, at random books.

He kept skimming through their pages with graceful, calculated moves, being especially delicate on the fine pages of the older books. He looked fragile. Not just because he was skinny, but also the sad energy he was radiating. Like something was always making him nervous, chasing him down. So blue…

I didn't actually get to talk to him properly. Whenever I tried mumbling something to him, he'd flinch and look at me scared, nervous like I've just interrupted his entire zen flow.

Why was he so scared? What happened? Was he going through something at home, or just racist?

So, all I did really was stare at him and think. Observing him, he's jittery, cute, and quiet. He has a bit of buck teeth, just a bit. Because he has braces, they're almost repaired. He was pale and bruised... He's like...A rabbit. Yes. A white rabbit, with dark spots and an emo fringe that covered one of his eyes.

It suits him. "Rabbit boy". That's his official nickname.

And just like a bunny, I'd have to carefully, and slowly build up his trust in me. Maybe one day he'd let me pet him...

Like God was trying to stop me from giving into sin, the bell rang. He flinched once more and dropped the book. I instinctively pat his shoulder, in hopes that he'd calm down.

Everything remained awkard and quiet. We just walked back to class, without talking or looking at one another.

.. Actually, the whole day just repeated like that. I even forgot to eat at the cafeteria today, because of our numerous library visits.

----------------

I met with Deejane to go home. The math teacher held them 10 minutes over, again. She's my best friend in the entire world. She had to know everything.

"Jane, you won't believe what happened today..."

"Did your class break a window, or something?"

"What?! No...why...? Huh??! What class??!"

"Oh, just our English teacher went off today about a class breaking a window during break. Thought it could've been yours."

"Thankfully not. But anyways, I actually got a deskmate today!"

"Huh? Someone's moved next to you?"

"Technically yes, but actually he moved schools.. All the way from London. And his accent's still strong."

"Yuck. That must suck. Brits are weird as hell... Cover your nose."

"Ehh... he's somewhat weird… Like… He flinches if you talk to him. Like he's never even been near people before."

"Ah… A shy freak."

"Not really a freak, but he looks like a quiet kid."

"Quiet kid?! Beware of what you say to him. He'll probably shoot the school up if you're not careful."

"I doubt that. I think he'd piss himself, even being near a gun."

"That sounds impossible! Surely no real human can be this shy, right?!"

"I don't know. Maybe he's got problems at home..."

"You never know, I guess. Oh, does he have a fringe?!"

"...Yes, actually."

"Does he listen to my chemical romance?!"

"I don't know… He looks like it."

"Does he dress all in black?!"

"No actually, he has some somewhat torn clothes. He wears beaten up white shoes that definitely have seen better days, skinny black jeans, a white undershirt, and a blue shirt over it. Wait a second...Where do you even get all of these ideas?! You haven't even let me describe him!"

"Ouch..well first of all, you said he's a quiet kid. We're in America. He's definitely emo."

"That… Literally makes no sense."

"Whatever, I guess. Let's just enter."

For dinner, we had some leftovers from yesterday. Some mashed potatoes and sausages. Bangers and mash. British. Like rabbit boy.

Just a coincidence... definitely...

Me and Deejane share my bedroom. But, I decided to get directly to doing homework. She'd usually sleep a few hours, and do her work tomorrow. Or not do it at all. For me, homework is easy. I didn't take that long.

I didn't really have anything to think about. What could tomorrow bring? More library meetings with rabbit boy? Maybe a step towards knowing him? I didn't even know his full name.

I couldn't just think about him. It was creepy, so I got up to shower, hoping to get my mind off of him. It was late already… 10 PM..

After my shower, I had to pray quietly, as Deejane hadn't woken up yet..

"Dear god, I am eternally thankful for the blessings you've granted me today. For you have lit my way today, and have even given me a new friend. For my wish... Please bless him, and let our bond blossom. Let this friendship be stronger than wood, and help him feel safer around me. Let this misery disappear and give him a life full of whimsy and joy..."

That prayer was shit. But God listens, and he will forgive me for being tired today.

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, as it is in heaven, so on earth. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one, amen."

With that, I finally went to sleep. Still, only thinking about tomorrow… Maybe I should bring carrots, and feed him. Like a rabbit. Is it weird? Maybe. But, he might appreciate a snack. He didn't have lunch yesterday, afterall.
Goodnight.

Chapter 2 Notes:

author note: my editor is slow EVERYONE CHEER HIM UP SO HE CAN WORK FASTER!!!!!!!! i wrote evrything months ago and its taking him months to edit blame him not me

Chapter Text

And...I predicted it. The boy seemed a bit more reserved than yesterday, now. I wonder why. But he finally found himself a book to read. I've been scrolling on twitter for far too long to have noticed what he was reading.
I closed my phone to peek at him. He was reading some book about music. ‘The history of modern music’ by Matt Anniss.
The cover looked very 2000s. Maybe he likes music from that time. What was popular at that time? Numetal I think. Yeah, he looks like he'd listen to some limp bizkit. Limp bizkit fans are always white boys who think they're gonna be the shit one day, so they hype themselves up with the music.

"So...you like 2000s music?"

I asked the question bluntly. I was so fucking bored, I had to talk to him. He shushed me, then answered.

"Yeah..I like music from that era. It was...different. Rock and roll...emo...numetal.."

So I guessed it. He likes numetal. And emo..

"What bands do you listen to? I personally really like DJ khaled...hm. I also like Linkin park and some other rappers I doubt you've heard about."

He settled the book down, so I had finally gotten his attention, without him flinching at me.

"I also love Linkin Park...but my favourite band is My Chemical Romance…"

I giggled. Deejane was right. Fringe, quiet and emo... definitely a My Chemical Romance fan. He looked saddened at my giggle, he probably thought I was judging him again.

"Ah,sorry.." I said as I gestured for him to continue. "I just remembered some funny My Chemical Romance meme... don't mind me.."

He eventually continued, but his eyes lowered back into the book. I've got off on the wrong foot again.

"...I also like Evanescence.. Metallica.. Three Days Grace... Stuff like that…"

He picked up the book again and ducked his face in it, as if he was embarrassed for his tastes in music.

"Look man, there's nothing wrong with those bands. I just...I'm sorry. I thought it was typical that someone like you would like them."
"So it's bad?"

"No,of course not. I enjoy some of them… Sometimes."

The truth is I think they're kind of stupid. Except Linkin Park. That's cool at times, but the rest are just sappy emo crap.

But somehow,that shallow response made his eyes light up.

"Really?"

No. I lied. But God, I can't tell him I did. He looks so happy. His eyes are so wide and sparkly... He's clearly too cute to be honest with.

"Yeah man... My Chemical Romance is awesome...uhh ..I like that one song that goes...like...uhh...."

I don't actually know any My Chemical Romance songs… I don't care about them.. but I'm their biggest fan if he is.

"Uhh....when I was a young boy...my father...uhh...brought me into the city, to see a marching band…"

He leaned towards me and smiled gently, continuing the song in a whisper.

" He said: son when you grow up, would you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned?"

He clearly waited for me to continue,but I didn't actually know the rest.

"Haha .. you got it."

"I like it too. But my favourite song has to be...the ghost of you."

I've never even heard of that. The only song with ghosts that I can remember, is that animation meme song that goes ‘I don't believe in ghosts.’ I looked away, trying to play cool.

"Yeah man..good choice... it's cool…"

He seemed interested in talking to me though. For the first time, God did answer my prayers. Finally.. something to break the ice with. I couldn't let this opportunity go! So, I immediately grabbed my headphones and connected them to my phone.

"Tell me a few more songs you like and I'll listen to them, man. I'm always trying to expand my music taste."

I think I've started to get the hang of rabbit boy. He was so happy and excited to tell me what songs he wanted me to listen to…But the list kept going on and on.

" ...DESTROYA, vampire money, what you want, sad but true, all for nothing, battery...lost, consequence A and consequence B, wretches and kings.. Oh, I love that one. Lost, rolling in the deep ..hmm... definitely romance, heaven help us... step up..."

He kept adding more. Was he giving me their entire discography? He was already going into other bands...

" ...oh majinai by BABYMETAL. That's a good band, once you get over the embarrassment. Trust me...!! Shanti shanti shanti... Fresh by Puya, riot by Three Days Grace, awake and alive, hero by Skillet, get out alive by Three Days Grace.. ”

Okay, they were all emo right? Oh god. Maybe I'm gonna turn emo too at this rate.

"Uhh...okay man I think this is enough…"

"No wait! There's so much more…" He grabbed his bag,which was filled with CDS, Along with a small cd player and headphones. He didn't have a phone. He offered me his only way to listen to music.

"You should totally listen to these entire albums! I'll hand you these, and you'll bring them tomorrow, right?"

Honestly,I wasn't interested...but he gave me that look again. I felt bad about lying that I actually like this stuff. Well, fake it till you make it I guess. I took them and took a few pictures. I'll listen to them on Youtube.

"Look man. I won't take these. I can search them up on my PC and download them."

"But, isn't that illegal?"

"Who cares anymore? I'm not paying for some albums when I can pirate them."

"I guess you're right... But please listen to them! They're literally so good…"

He really really wanted me to. So I couldn't deny it.

"Of course I will."

His eyes lit up, and he jumped up to hug me.

"Yay! Thank you so much....!!" But his eyes immediately widened, and he stepped back. "I'm so sorry....I...I should’ve asked for a hug… I'm sorry… No one really wants to talk to me and listen to my music… "

I blinked at him in surprise. But honestly, I can see why people wouldn't.

"No, don't worry about it. Thank you actually." I opened my arms for a hug, and he stepped towards it again.

My heart jumped. He fit well in my arms. Maybe because he's skinny as hell. But it made me happier than usual. Like it was the first reward that I'm actually putting up with this.

My hands caressed his back. His hold wasn't too strong, he was fragile like some porcelain doll. And god; he didn't have a very strong smell, but I loved it. I wished I could smell him more. That sounds creepy... But I can't deny it.

His breath finally was calm after everything. Maybe he felt safe in my arms. Cause God, I'd hold him for longer.

He wasn't pushing away, even if this hug was too long. His body fell pliant. Maybe he wanted a long ass hug, just like me. Or maybe he hasn't really had one in a while and that's why he's not protesting.

The school bell rang, and it was time to go… But as he looked back, it was clear he didn't want to leave. Neither did I. I wanted to hold him for longer..

Out of curiosity, I started to play with his golden locks of hair. They were soft but had rough ends, he just leaned more into my touch...

"You boys better get out quickly! Schedule's over and I want to go home!"
It was the voice of the old librarian, cutting through the important moment that meant a step further towards being his friend. We immediately got untangled from each other’s grasp, and he grabbed his stuff and ran out, without even saying bye to me. That made me so regretful...I still haven't learnt his full name.

This time, Deejane had to wait for me. Once I finally arrived, she tapped her foot and looked at me in annoyance.

"And where were you? Why are you so sad now, hmm? Did you get a 90% or something?"

"No.. it's, it's nothing really."

"Tell me what it is or I'm telling auntie that you've gotten in trouble. I don't know for what, but I'll make up something from a few years ago. You know you can tell me anything."

"Why the hell would you try to get me in trouble?! It's nothing bad. But it's not that interesting either…"

"I won't, unless you tell me already. What's up with you being so secretive all out of a sudden? Have I done something to make you close up on me?"

"No. Fine, whatever. You were right about the new kid being into my chemical romance and being emo..."

She looked at me with a smirk.

"Ha! I was right! In your face! I'm never wrong. What's his name, anyways? You never told me."

"Stop acting like that. You get so cocky and annoying sometimes... I'll admit you're good at reading a certain type of people, but that's just a stereotype. And he's called Benatar."

"Benatar? Never heard of that name before."

"Me neither.. Well actually there's this singer mom likes that's called that. But I didn't know it was an actual name as well."

"And what's his full name? I'll ask my friend that's in your class to get more about him. She's really good at observing people. You could win outta this too."

"I don't know actually… I'll ask him tomorrow, I think. And I'm not letting her stalk him. That's fucking creepy. You know that."

"But you're interested in finding out more about him, so you have something to talk about with him, right?"

"I...yeah, yeah of course I do. But I could find things that aren't creepy too."

"If only you'd listen to me..."

Although her offer seemed very intriguing I couldn't just ask her to stalk him. That's a breach of his privacy, and if he found out, he'd never talk to me again. I'm gonna play the slow game. The prize will only be worth it even more. And that makes me want to try my absolute best. I don't care what happens.

Deejane told my mom about it before I could. I don't know what she told her, but she seemed a bit surprised, and happy for me at the same time. She thought I was lonely at school without a colleague. That wasn't true at all. When dinner was over, she pulled me to the side.

"Deejay, could you have a talk with me after eating?"

Oh god.. what did she tell her?

"Yes, mom."

We went outside, so no one could overhear us. She turned to me and looked me in the eyes.

"Be careful who you talk to. What if this boy’s just out to be friends with you, to get a free pass to say the slur? Or what if he disrespects you, just because you're a kind soul?"

"Mom... please. You haven't even seen him. I doubt he even knows any swear words. He's quite literally just… like a rabbit. He's not going to do anything."

"Just be careful. If anything happens tell me, and I'll handle it with his mother.. if I find out who she is. I know we already get disrespected a lot, and I don't want you to think there's anything wrong with being born as a person of colour."

"Yeah mom.. I'll tell you. I won't let anyone shit talk me anyways. I don't think it'll happen, though. People like me, I'm fairly popular."

"Then, I believe you. Keep up all your great work."

"Alright, mom."

I walked back to my room. Deejane stood there, waiting for me. "The offer's still there, by the way."

"Dude! You can't be serious! I've already said no!"

"Just saying."

"You know what?! I'll… Ugh, I'll shower and go to the park or something.. I don't want to be around anyone right now, no offense."

In the park, all I did was listen to those albums. I could see why he'd like them. They were all.. emo. But they're perfect for him. And I imagined him listening to them, with me. Maybe we could have a jam session this weekend… Yes! I'll propose that to him tomorrow.

I couldn't wait to tell him. I'm hoping he'd say yes. He clearly couldn't come to my house, so I'd have to go to his place. He also had a CD player, so it'd be a better experience.

Once I arrived home, it was very late. I had to tip toe so my parents wouldn't lecture me about being late, and so that I don't wake up Deejane and she doesn't snitch on me.
"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, as it is in heaven, so on earth. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one...amen.."

Tomorrow. Tomorrow will bring better things. I hope we talk more. Maybe more hugs. Maybe I will find something else to talk about, because music can only do so much.

Chapter 3 Notes:

hii!! hopefully updates will be brought by sooner,i have gotten a new editor;') THANKS A LOT @LuckyStarFantasy

Chapter Text

By the next day, as rabbit boy saw me entering class, he jumped up to meet me. But tripping over his own legs, he fell face flat.

"Ooh-- face plank," I laughed as I walked by and kneeled to help him.

He immediately dusted himself off and turned to face me. His cheeks were rosy. Probably because he was embarrassed.

"So... uh… thanks by the way… and… have you listened to those albums?"

"Yeah. I quite fancied Ride the lighting and Meteora… oh and Danger Days."

He seemed like he was about to explode. It's obvious he hasn't really had anyone listen to him before.

"I love those albums.... but my favourites are and Justice for us all, The Black Parade, A Thousand Suns..."

"I listened to those. I'll listen to them again for you."

He looked at me with big eyes.

"Ohh... you're so sweet. Thank you."

He gave me a faint smile and went back to his seat, where he was doodling again. I got curious so I looked at them. They weren't anything special, just small stuff.

"They're cute..."

He hovered his arm over, hiding them.

"Ah… thanks..."

I tried to pry his hand away, but I noticed something else. The bruises. They seemed to have doubled.

"Hey man. Where do you get these from..? Are you getting into trouble or something?"

He tugged at my hand, trying to make me let it go .

"No, no... don't worry about it..."

"No. Tell me."

Actually, it was odd for me to be this worried about his hands when we've barely known each other; but he trusts me enough to understand, right?

He finally let me look. They were pretty bruised and bandaged. I can guess in a way what could've happened, but I couldn't touch such a subject yet. But… now that explains everything on why acts like he's never really talked with other people.

I left his hand and he hid it from me, looking at me with wary eyes. The atmosphere fell awkward, but luckily class started.

Today, he went to the library alone, without really asking me explicitly. I thought he didn't want to talk to me anymore because of the earlier incident... but surprisingly, after school ended, he waited outside of class. I thought he was just thinking about something, but he grabbed my hand and stopped me.

My heart stopped and my cheeks heated up quickly. Facing him, I couldn't even stutter a word.

"I'm not mad about earlier. We should go to the library together… I want to borrow a book. But I'm too scared to do it alone..."

I couldn't believe my ears or what I felt in my hand, but I just nodded. He rushed me towards the library and I felt like I was parallel with the entire world at that moment.

He got his book and he looked back at me and smiled. The smile sent something to my heart. I smiled back and remembered what I was gonna ask him earlier.

"Hey dude… uh… are you… busy this weekend or something...?"

He put his book in the bag and turned to face me again.

"No, not at all."

"Great uhh... You know… I wondered if we could have a small jam session if something… like listening to music… and just talking and uhh… yeah..."

"Sure. It sounds great. But… where? At your house?"

"Uh… we can't. Look, my family doesn't really fancy white people..."

"It's understandable. I guess we could go to my house..."

He looked down at his shoes and then slowly back up at me.

"Uhh… but you'll have to excuse the mess in it, okay?"

"Oh, it's alright. Don't worry. I've seen worse. I have two friends that don't shower that often and don't ever clean up after themselves. I'm sure it can't be worse than that."

"Oh… haha… yuck…"

"I know. But I have to put up with them. They're pretty cool. We're in a band together."

"A band?! An actual band?!"

We started walking outside of the school and he was glued to me. Like he was holding onto my hand and staring at me in awe and admiration.

"Yeah… in a band.. we don't exactly have a name yet. But I'm on the turntables. I like mixing stuff together."

"And… who else...?"

"Well, two guys: Axel and Puff. Puff pulled us up together back like… one year ago. He's in a different class. He raps and writes sometimes, but only lyrics. I'm the only one that actually can write sheet music."

"So, you do most of the work?"

"Yeah… kinda like that… and Axel, who's our drummer. His parents were rockstars and his father was a drummer. So he taught him drums, but he's barely mediocre. He also goes to this school… but like… whenever he wants. And that's very rare."

"Mhm… is he in our class?"

"No, he's with Puff. But it doesn't make a difference anyways."

"So how did you guys get together?"

"Well… we all signed up for the music club. Being the only ones there, we just decided to form a band."

"I always wished to be in a band… I do know how to play some instruments and sing and to write sheet lyrics… oh and music theory! ...I go to music school in the summer..."

"Music school? Oh man, me too. I bet the difference between the British and American systems must be strong."

"Hopefully not."

"And music theory… but well, what's your favourite instrument?"

"I only actually own a really old keytar my grandmother bought me before I moved. It's second hand and it's a bit worn down. But I know how to play guitar, piano, bass, drums.."

"You'd be a treasure in a band, I bet. I've never heard you play or sing, but just from your voice alone… I can tell you sound like an angel."

He laughed and smiled at me, grinning softly.

"You're too kind. I haven't auditioned yet. But if the music club is a band, I guess I won't. I was planning to play for the school's music concert in three months..."

"Why not?! You should totally compete. Whatcha gonna play, eh?"

"I was planning on singing ‘In the end’ by Linkin Park. Chester's part and the piano."

"That will be fucking awesome. Everyone loves that song. Even non-Linkin Park fans..."

"If I get past the first part, for the school's odd week, I'm planning to play something by Metallica."

"Metallica?! That's hard to play. Are you sure?"

"Yes. I have a lot of free time anyways. I hate being home."

"Ah… I get you..."

But as my voice drifted off… I noticed her. Deejane saw me walking and holding hands with rabbit boy… she was surprised and gave me a smirk. She didn't wave at me, probably so rabbit boy wouldn't leave his trance of being so surprised by me.

I immediately let go of him and he looked confused. He waved awkwardly as he looked at her. I'm guessing he got scared of her. I didn't tell him much about my cousin...

"Ooo! Y'all looked really cute. What were you telling him?~"

She gave me a smirk and a joking tone. I knew I wouldn't survive this without her asking about him. She's just as interested in him as I am. Now that she's noticed us holding hands, she's gonna question me about it constantly.

That's something that would actually get me in trouble. My parents were really homophobic. I mean... we're in 2000 and something. The people aren't open-minded yet. And in religion, it's considered a sin. Or that's at least what my parents said, as I've never actually understood if it is or not. The Bible doesn't really mention it… my edition doesn't really...

"Sit your ass down. You're gonna tell me every single juicy ass detail.”

"Ugh… what do you want..."

"C’mon… I see my cousin being this affectionate over someone for the first time… of course I'm invested. What got you two in that moment? I swear I could feel some tension like you're from some wattpad fanfic."

"There was nothing romantic between us. I was just talking to him about the school's band…"

"Now you're lying to me! Tell me the truth. Are you gay? Look. I don't judge if you like men. Truly! I'm your cousin and I'll love you anyways."

"The only gay he's making me is happy. He's a very sweet boy."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire. I swear, if I wasn't there, you'd be kissing him."

She didn't understand anything. Choosing to ignore her, I turned over and faced my back to her. She's gonna be teasing me about it for weeks.

Tomorrow, I'd be determined to still talk to him. I don't care if the public thinks I'm a homosexual. He's all that matters. That's all. He's so kind… and cute… and I hope I could hear him sing or play soon... maybe I'll get to hear him on the weekend… but now that I think about it… I have to think of an excuse for my parents to let me go. They'll get suspicious.
This time, rabbit boy was late. He came by the second class, though he avoided talking to me. He had dark eyebags, like he hasn't slept all night. I noticed the bandages doubled.

I didn't say anything to him either, but I needed to talk to him. I missed him. He's so cute still… the ice needs to be broken. I can't let everything I've built up so far go to waste.
Gathering up my courage, I looked back at him.
“Look, I know what happened yesterday was awkward. And... That was my cousin, Deejane. She's my best friend… well, she was, until I met you."

He looked at me with a soft smile. He even started to tear up...

"Oh… I'm so glad… your cousin seemed so scary ... She smiled at me in a way that scared me… I know it's stupid, but I'm not used to such… sly smiles? I thought she'd make fun of me…"

He said as he toyed with the bandages on his arms. Too awkward to look at me. I lifted his chin with my finger, so he'd look at me.

"No, never. You haven't done anything bad. You're just a kind and shy soul. She isn't that type of person."

He sobbed and smiled at me,rubbing his tears away.

"Thank you... I didn't want her to hate me… I don't even know anything much about her anyways..."

He hugged me again and I couldn't help but put my face to his neck, inhaling his scent again. He smells like a dream. The home of my dreams.

"We should go to the library again. For old time's sake."
"It wasn't that long ago, but I couldn't ever turn that down."

We spent every single break there, where he'd read me poetry. He loves poetry. I found that out today, actually. His voice, reciting some poem I've never heard before... It's like hearing your mother read you a bedtime story. But I couldn't sleep. All I could do was hope he wouldn't stop reading. I dreaded every class and every ring of the bell. For the first time ever, I hated the actual educational part of school, I'm just interested in him. Him, him, him. He's consuming my thoughts more and more. By just being mysterious, by just being my friend.

I have to know every part of him. Everything he likes… I'll be questioning him like I'm a police officer. I want to know more about him. And I won't go without knowing it all... Maybe I could tell Deejane to go home on her own so I could spend more time with him...
Luckily for me, the last class has been cancelled due to the fact our teacher's gotten some flu. I could've gone home early, but rabbit boy invited me to the library again.

At this point, the librarian already knows us and brews us a small cup of tea whenever we come over because she appreciates us for ‘coming here to read every break’. The truth is, I'd go anywhere for him.

While he was searching for books, I'd usually look on my phone, but I can't anymore. He's become the most attention grabbing thing around me...

The way he walks, how his fingers traced the pages softly, just the way he carries himself... he's dreamy.

"This time, I'd like to introduce you to my favourite writer ever!! George Orwell..."

"I heard of him, I read his Animal Farm book."

"Then you should totally read 1984. It's kind of the same idea… or ‘Brave New World’ by Aldous Huxley! It's pretty similar too."

"What about something that won't make me sad?"

"Then… ‘Sorrell and son’ by Warwick Deeping. It's simple and light-hearted."

If I wasn't his friend, I would've passed down… but since he asked… oh yes, I will read anything he asks me to. And yes, I'll specifically ask him about the story, just so I could hear his sweet voice.

He has his way with words. They just always slide off his tongue in a warm dance. Now that he's warmed up to me, he isn't afraid to speak up, and I hope he'll never be again. His voice is just… so addictive to me.

Ultimately, he finally gave in and read me some poems. But most of them were romance ones, since he's been dying to read me some. Now that I hear him say those carefully thought out words... I feel like I can actually understand them wholeheartedly now. Like the poems written from my perspective...

"...So tender, you look alike, with the white cherry blossom, and as an angel among men … In the way of my life come out. You barely touch the soft carpet, the silk rings underfoot, and from the head to the lap… You float like a light dream."

A lot has changed. I'm still looking forward to school, but only for the breaks and cancelled classes. That's when I get to actually talk to rabbit boy... and I also guess my sleep has become even more relaxing, because he consumes my dreams too...

I'm sure god's tired of me only talking about rabbit boy,since all my prayers have revolved around him. I pray he finds inner peace and gets clean from the need to mutilate himself.
I can't blame him though. A lot must be happening to him at home...

Chapter 4 Chapter Text

For today, I brought an extra lunch. I've never seen him eat anything at school, but I'd be so honoured to feed him. I packed up some baby carrots with ranch and a small chocolate cupcake. He's confessed to having a massive sweet tooth.

We obviously couldn't eat in the library, so we hung out on a bench, in the school's garden near the oak tree. We were glued to each other, my hand resting on his shoulder.

The atmosphere felt right. It was funny, the flowers were blooming and the trees were alive again. But all that beauty only got accentuated by the fact he was next to me.

I didn't really pay attention to mother nature's beauty though. I watched as his lips carefully nibbled on the food I fed him. He seemed so alluring to me. By the time he was finished,I knew I'd bring him food everyday now. He smiled at me,with those sparkly eyes.

"This was so good! You remembered I love sweet stuff… I haven't eaten something proper in a while… and this... this means a lot to me, Deejay. You don't even know."

That smile of his, along with the thankful look could singlehandedly melt me.

"No problem, man. I'll be bringing you lunch everyday from now on."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't that be too much?"

"Nah man… don't worry about it. Anything for you..."

I cupped his cheek. Probably shouldn't have, but he didn't fight it, instead he encouraged it. He tilted his head in my palm.

It was all so... surreal. A small group of 4th graders passed us, laughing loudly, but they quieted down around us and they seemed to shush and point at rabbit boy. One made a cutting motion on their wrist and I immediately understood what they were laughing about. It sucks that kids nowadays are just getting more and more insensitive. I could've done something, but he said he doesn't care because he knows I don't judge him for it and because they don't understand him like I do.

By this point, the entire class noticed how bruised and bandaged he was. I sometimes made them stop gossiping about it, but he'd always tell me I didn't have to.

It would be wrong to protect him like he's incapable of taking care of himself. He knows how to do his aftercare thoroughly, so I just hope that one day he'll get clean from it. I'll be assisting him at each step once he decides to.

Now, here's a challenge. We had P.E today. He's frail, so I doubt he'd be sporty. I kind of imagined him playing like a girl.

Oh boy was I wrong… he's got more stamina than me and he's flexible. But that's not the end. The boys and girls were separated into groups. Usually, the girls play volleyball, handball or badminton, but the boys always play football. Cus that's what the group wants.

Rabbit boy was, of course, chosen last. Unlike me, who's been chosen first due to my popularity. I'm not exactly good or bad at sports. Mediocre, cus I don't really care for P.E. At least we were on the same team..

He's also pretty quick. I'm guessing it's because he's taller than me and because he must've had some sort of experience with running from people.

Enough of that. He's probably the reason we won. He scored most of our goals. As he made the decisive point, he rushed to hug me tightly.

My hand drifted to his back as usual, patting him softly while I just inhaled his scent again. My clothes started to smell like him and I loved it. I wish there was some sort of perfume made out of rabbit boy's exact scent. I'd be buying their entire stock and spraying it on everything. But most definitely my clothes and pillow..

I hate it when we break away from our guys, I always look forward to the next one. He giggled and squeezed my hand.

"Let's go to the library again. Please?"

"You know I can't say no to you..."

"I think I'm gonna look for history books today."

"You have a passion for history, don't you?"

"I don't know. Maybe? I love learning about the good and bad of the past."

"Ever since you've gotten here, you've only read stuff that has something to do with the history of some subject. The history of modern music, George Orwell..."

"I guess you've caught me red-handed then!"

"You know what? History also fascinates me. But specifically, your history."

He flushed and giggled. I felt smooth and evil. It feels like this moment was bound to happen.

"Well...first chapter: London Times. When I used to live in London, my parents would often leave me in my grandparents' care because of their jobs. But I think I'd rather live with my grandparents anyways. At least they don't…"

He looked down awkwardly. But I understood what he wanted to say. You could notice it on his skin, but especially under his fringe. The eye that was hidden was bruised.

"It's okay man. You don't have to continue it if you can't."

"No… I want to, but I can't… I'll tell you another day. It's very complicated. But my grandparents sent me to music school, cause apparently I've always had an inclination towards music. I had this toy piano as a toddler which I'd often make some nice songs with."

"Don't doubt it. The songs must've reflected your beauty."

"Oh, stop it… you flatter me."

"You deserve to know the truth nobody told you yet."

"it could only be true to you. But out of other perspectives..."

"Oh, cut me some slack. I don't give a fuck about their opinions."

"Alright then."

I think I was kind of harsh, but he didn't seem to be put off by my response.

"Uhm, anyways. Second chapter… I guess we should call it ‘Dissolved hope’. My parents were desperate to find themselves a job in the States. They really wanted to get away from my grandparents for some odd reason. I still miss them, but my parents have been really… aggressive since. They even tried to break the keytar from them too..."

"Why the hell would they do that anyways?! It's your gift--"

"Because it's from them. Also, I appreciate your concern… but could you please not interrupt me next time?"

"Sorry..."

"Chapter three: ‘From zero’. I finally came to the States, I was so scared… and my parents only have gotten more… well… whatever… I have to take care of myself. And I wouldn't mind, if at least they would've left me some groceries or a small amount of money... I swear I could make do. I'm capable… we've moved in, but they're barely at home due to their 'jobs’ so the house is literally empty."

He looked away again. Not that he was sad or ashamed, but more in thought. I wish I could see what's going on in his head. Those gorgeous eyes were concentrated out the window that was offering one of the sun's most precious rays, since it was highlighting his face so intricately. With his eyelashes, light blonde hair… he was already kissed by the sun… but it only seemed to be highlighting him again. Maybe he was the descendant of the sun...

"...But at least now, I've made myself a friend. You're my first friend ever. Did you know that?"

I was already staring at him, but my heart started beating quickly and my eyes uncontrollably widened… such an honour.

"Ah… that's… I feel honoured, but you're saying you didn't have any friends in London either?"

Hearing that from his own plush lips made my cheeks heat up quickly. I felt like I was the most important person to him at this point. His only friend and the only person who knows him deeply. Because to me, he's definitely the most important boy I know too...

He looked at me awkwardly. His hands slightly fidgeted with one another.

"No. I haven't ever made any friends before... I've always been considered a freak in the UK too. I don't fit anywhere. It feels like I'm an.... alien…"

His voice lowered with his tone. I've never felt what he was talking about. I always fit in perfectly anywhere and loads of people wanted to be my friend. Although I felt bad for him, I couldn't truly understand his direct pain. But I could tell the fact that being the black sheep of the crowd had its toll on his mental health.

I cupped his cheek again, urging him to look away from his own skittish hands as they tore down his wrist's bandages softly and unintentionally, to meet my eyes.

"They're the aliens. You're human. And the best one out there. You're kind, intelligent, and incredibly beautiful and you'd never hurt anyone, unlike how the world failed you. If you're an alien, I'd be perfectly fine with you abducting me. I'd rather be studied by the alien."

His face lit up, those lovely blues softly glistening in the rough, cold and unnatural light of the chandelier above us. Tears slowly prickled and threatened to fall, so I brushed them off.

"Maybe you're actually an alien too… but one that infiltrated them better than me..."

"Yeah, we're aliens... together. And I'd rather be an alien than a simple human right now."

He laughed softly, the sound ringing to me like a sweet song.

"You know… sometimes I wonder why you're so kind to me… out of everyone..."

"I don't think I should answer that. It's obvious. You're my classmate and you're so interesting. Once I've scratched the surface, I knew I had to do a deep dive into you."

"Be careful or you'll get burnt. I wouldn't be that interested if I was you.. it's a bit disturbing.”

He hid his face from me. I grabbed his hands and squeezed them tightly, removing them from his bandages. He couldn't help but toy with them out of anxious ticks. I saw them in him overtime. He didn't look back at me, so I leaned into his ear.

"Don't say that. I don't care how ‘disturbing’ it is. I need to know you.”
He stood quiet. The inviting atmosphere was starting to become icy again.

"You know what...? Let's chat about something else… like uhh... What nickname should I give you?? Ben?? Benny?? Atar?? Cutie??"

"No, it's not right to only talk about me... I want to hear about you too .."

His eyes finally met mine and the strong look he gave me left no room for argument.

"Well, my family's very fucking religious, like the same way most old ladies are and uhh… my cousin's living with me at the moment because of the possibility of her parents divorcing soon. I don't know exactly what happened between them. Maybe he cheated. I didn't like her father anyways."

"I hope things get better for her. I know these moments can be hard."

He's so kind... Jane would've called me gay in a million terms if she knew all of this. I'll probably just water everything down so she doesn't have any fuel to annoy me with. The more I give her, the more I suffer.

The bell rang and we both quietly got up, but rabbit boy hugged me again. He seemed to enjoy these hugs as much as I do.

This was the perfect opportunity to remind him about the jam session we promised each other.

"Oh..wait! Ben! Before you go, don't forget about that… tomorrow we said we'd hang out and listen to some music,right?"

"Oh, of course. I'll bring you to my house, since it's always empty anyways. We'll meet next to the bus stop near the school."

"That's great! I can't wait, dude!"

He smiled at me softly for a sweet second.

"I can't either, really."

These words did something to me. I couldn't breathe for a little while. He's just as excited as I am… and that smile... it's like he's out to kill me! He's even more adorable than a rabbit… I'll make sure to bring lots of baby carrots tomorrow too... God help me, why is my heart beating so fast when he does that? And my hands are sweaty… I can't focus on anything else at the moment. This has never happened before. What does all of this mean?

He's my best friend. Yeah, my best friend right now. He's just a friend… those words don't sit right with me anymore. But out of everyone I've talked to? Why does it bother me to be friends with him? Why now?! It's gonna ruin my chance to have the best hangout ever with him...

God please help me...

Walking home, I couldn't stop the scene from replaying in my head, almost like my brain became a broken record. We've shared multiple smiles and hugs, but this one did something more to me. Even I have noticed I couldn't focus on whatever he was telling me.

"What's happening to you lately?! Don't tell me you're also becoming emo now for your crush~"

"What?! No! I'm just thinking about something..."

"I can tell. It's Benatar, isn't it? He's got you wrapped around his little finger without even realising it. Or… god… what if he's playing with your heart?! I WOULDN'T ALLOW HIM TO HURT MY COUSIN!!!"

I facepalmed at her words. Not only was she saying I'm gay, now she'll actually get her friend to stalk him to see if he's willing to hurt me. He's not gonna do that...

"Jane. Calm down. I doubt he's even thinking about that. Because we're not gay, Jane! We're just two really close friends and I enjoy his company more than anything."

"Mhm… sure... you've been putting out a lot of homosexual tendencies lately… I accept you the way you are."

"He's not my boyfriend. We're not dating. I'm not even into guys. I can't believe you're jumping onto these conclusions… you should be jumping on your studies again. Didn't you get a 60% in Physics?!"

"Ah… uhh...fine. I guess you win. But truly. Whenever you're ready to come out, I'm listening."

I rolled my eyes. God, why can't she believe me? There's nothing, no tension between me and him… or at least he doesn't feel it. What the hell am I saying?!

"You're sure tough!? You were literally holding his hand and blushing just yesterday. And always following him like you're his good little puppy. That's pretty damn gay, Deejay."

"Oh please shut it already..."

"Oh, I'll make sure to get more details... don't worry… but I know what'll happen and I'll be ready to accept you when you're ready."

The rest of the walk felt silent. Not only did I know she'd still be stubborn no matter what I said, but also because I started thinking. My cousin accepts me. But is homosexuality really a sin as my parents say?

I'm no sinner. It's not a sin to love thy's neighbour...

It's not like that...

Surprisingly, she didn't mention anything about it once we got home. If my parents overheard anything, my mom would panic and tell dad, who'd immediately send me to conversion therapy for nothing.

I'm hoping Jane doesn't see me around rabbit boy anymore. Or maybe I should try to actually stop being so intrigued about him… well, all I care about is that she doesn't harass him or stalk him. I don't know what else. But now… all I have to think about is tomorrow… my heart felt like it was exploding. I needed to be calm, collected and well-rested if I wanted to leave a good impression ..

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, as it is in heaven, so on earth. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Amen.

Chapter 5 Notes:

thanks SOOO MUCH TO @LuckyStarFantasy !!!!!!!!! EVERYONE THANK HER!! because of her, the fic will be updated every 2 days. PLEASE CHECK HER WORK OUT TOO!!!

Chapter Text

Not long into my slumber, I could see him again. We were on a bench near a lake, our hands tangled together as his head rested on my shoulder. His smell… his presence was all I was focused on. Watching the lazy lake together felt perfect, it was meant to be. He leaned more into me, slightly nuzzling his head into my shirt. I didn't resist, but pulled him closer. The allure he had on me…

But my peace was interrupted by the buzzing sound of my alarm going off. I wasn't so excited about my dream shattering before my eyes, but… the time came. Maybe something even better was waiting for me. I stood up and hurried to get everything done so I could leave...
I got dressed in a really old band shirt stolen from my dad, he used to be a big fan of old ass rock bands (I also wore it to impress rabbit boy, of course) and rushed a really shitty fried egg and toast. I still haven't told my parents anything and they were already giving me suspicious looks.
"Mom, dad! I'm going to rehearsal for the school's music club, alright? We finally all got together and, since it's gonna be our first actual rehearsal, I'll be back in like three or four hours."

This lie was good. They've been asking a lot about the band anyways. Puff and Axel are still too lazy to actually get their asses up to practice shit...
My dad put his coffee down and gave me a pleased smile.

"Good. Finally, those kiddos are getting serious."

"That means that the next school festival will be awesome, hmm?"

Mom was probably the most excited about the band. Little did she know that even if we actually played our only song, "My balls", she'd immediately ban me from the band because of the erotic and homosexual themes… well… cus we're talking about how ‘big’ Puff's balls are.
Picking his coffee again, dad stared back at the TV.

"I'm looking forward to it. Deejay's got real talent. Can't wait to see him actually using it on a real stage. With him onboard, the songs must be extraordinary, like those tracks he made in his free time."

"When he sampled sounds from around the house out of boredom... our little man's always been a genius!"

"Ha ha..."

I laughed awkwardly and walked past them, finally reaching for the handle and leaving the house. I knew Jane was probably suspecting the fact I'm actually going to rabbit boy… But she wouldn't have believed me even if it was an actual rehearsal. She thinks everything I do is for rabbit boy now...
I didn't even realise I was walking faster than I usually did. Arriving at the bus stop, I noticed I was way too early. I still had half an hour. I've brought carrots and ranch as promised with grapes too. But since I had spare change anyways, I went to the corner shop to buy him some cheap sweet treats, just for him...
As I returned, I saw his blonde hair swaying softly in the shy wind and immediately knew it was him. I ran over and he got really nervous.

"Ben!! Ah...!!! Hi!!"

He flinched and covered his head, but after a few seconds he gave me an awkward smile.

"Hi..."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you… I'm just so excited… and… uhh...Look, as a sorry for scaring you, I'll give you this little pack of Oreos."

"Ah… you… you didn't have to..."

He refused it initially, but I forced up the pockets of his jeans.
"I insist."

"Fine... whatever…"

After that sigh, paired with an eye roll, he started leading the way to his house. It was the first time he led the way. The walk was fine, but it became instantly better as we held hands...
To be fair, it was somewhat of a long walk. Upon arrival,I couldn't understand how he could live here. The home was small. I don't have an issue with the fact it was small, but an issue with how outdated and unsafe it looked.
Before entering, he warned me: "Look. The house's very old and still fairly empty. I don't have any food to give you and I'm really sorry about that. It's still under renovation… I think? That's what my parents said to each other... It's not the prettiest house ever, okay? I'm sorry about everything..."

"Don't worry about food. I got us covered! Besides, I don't mind. All I care about is spending these next few hours with you."

He smiled at me and opened the door cautiously. The wallpaper was coming off some walls and it was stained. The carpet was fine, but there barely was any furniture. His room was probably the cleanest one. Sure, it still had tainted wallpaper, but he tried to make sure it didn't fall off.
He had two posters hung up. One was a "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" and the other was a "Hybrid Theory" one. The curtains were closed off, glowing stars on the walls trying to make up for the lack of sunlight. They were the cheap kinds you find at the dollar store. They seemed nice, though I couldn't tell if they were there before him or if he set them up himself.

His bed was small, with one of its feet broken, so he put a small pile of thick books under to make it stand straight. They were all about astrology… maybe that's another one of his interests he could've forgotten to tell me about. He had a small closet, where he kept his cd player- that was probably older than him- and surprisingly wide his range of CDs. To be fair, I wonder how he got all of them if he's broke. That's something I should probably ask him another time though.
"Metallica, Linkin Park, My Chemical Romance, Limp Bizkit, Evanescence. I also have some of Slipknot, System of a Down, Babymetal, Eminem..."

"You've got a hell of a collection, don't you?"

"Yeah… just whatever my parents left around and what was cheap at the thrift. What do you wanna play first?"

"Honestly, Limp Bizkit. I wanna understand what's the huge hype around Fred Durst and his rhymes."

"Alright then..."

He inserted it carefully, pressing the ‘play’ button. We sat on the carpet whilst the cd-player was processing the disk. We chose to listen to ‘Significant Other’.

It didn't take that long and rabbit boy fell back on the carpet, staring directly at the plasticy-greenish stars. Seeing him so absorbed in them, I joined in, our hands and heads close.

We didn't say anything to each other yet. The atmosphere was calm and quiet, in a vast contrast to the music we were currently listening to.

Soon enough, my eyes fell on his face like he was a magnet. I noticed how his fringe fell on his sweet eyes. Those stars weren't interesting to me, yet rather rabbit boy was the only star I could look at. Thankfully, he wasn't noticing my intense stare at him.
Even though he wasn't looking at me, he spoke up.

"I love these stars. They're childish,but… I had some in London too. I love looking out the window during the night to observe the galaxy's intricate array. In London, the air was too polluted to see any, so my grandmother bought me these decorative glow in the dark stars. But I remember one day, my mom bursted into my room and in a fit of rage, she threw them all out. I cried and begged her not to, so she slapped me a few times. I remember it all..."

He fell quiet for a bit. The tears prickling in his eyes were threatening a war, one I knew that if started, it'd last long. I rolled on my side to see him better and brush away those crystalline tears. His voice was cracking softly, but he still continued to speak.

"So when we moved, I knew they wouldn't come around often,or that I'd be locked in my room all day again. They used to do that every time they were home during the day, because apparently I was too much of a chore. So, with my last few pennies from my grandmother, I bought these for the daytime. At night, I roll back the curtains and stare outside, dreaming of a galaxy in which things were different..."

His face tried to hide how much pain this memory brought to him, trying to keep the monotone expression. Despite that, the first few tears rolled down his cheeks and I brushed them off.

"I really appreciate the fact you're my friend, you know? No one else ever dared. And now, you're staring at these makeshift stars with me. I want happy memories too… and I'd love to build them with you. So… thanks for coming. Really."

His hand started to search for mine and I immediately intertwined my fingers with his, holding them tightly. I scooted a bit closer to him as he rolled to his side to face me too now.

"No, it's nothing. I'll come here everyday if you want... you're literally as perfect as the sun to me. The brightest and the only real star in this room."

He was speechless, so he gave me a soft smile again. His words of appreciation put my heart to work. It felt like I just ran a marathon, my heart wanted to escape my body to search for his, to cheer up and destroy everything that's been tormenting it for far too long.
The song doesn't even match the mood in this room. It was rabbit boy that overtook all my thoughts, the same way the German barbarians took over the Western Roman Empire back in 476 BC. How could God create such a beautiful person and only make him suffer? I want to be the one to lift his sorrows and help him heal, the one to hold his hand and help him look forward to everyday… He doesn't even know how much I appreciate him.

He's making me feel stuff I've never even felt before. These symptoms, I don't know what or where they're coming from, but I know I want us to be more than friends now. No, not even best friends. I need him like a...

His pure presence melts me and comforts me and his body feels like it was made to fit against me in those hugs. And his physical appearance in general... he's so attractive… he doesn't even know. Who cares if he has bruises or cuts on his wrist? He's everything I ever quite asked in a girl. He's quite literally my type. He's my type… and I know I have to make him my...

Wait… what am I even thinking about? This sounds like ... love… romantic love? LOVE?! It can't be... we're… I'm a guy... he's a guy…

It can't be... it can't be love… it must be lust… as my parents said....am I committing a sin?!

No, no, no, no.. no, no, no… NO, NO, NO, NO!!! This just can't POSSIBLY be love. I CAN'T be in love with rabbit boy. Even… even if it wasn't a sin, he would probably not even like me back.

I felt as if my world crumbled. The realisation dawned on me. Yes. I'm falling in love… it explained the sweaty hands, nervousness, the inability to focus, to think about something else...
I fell hard, hard and fast for him. But you can't blame me… he's got the softest, brightest and shiniest blonde hair, like the sun's crown. The palest skin, like nothing I've ever seen before. Graceful, pure, like a sheep's wool, even with all the bruises and marred scars. And those eyes... they're better than the sky and the ocean combined. You can only find eternal peace behind his eyes, and only his. Which is ironic, knowing he's going through all of this tremendous pain. His own moves, everything about him makes me believe he was a fallen angel… his only sin? The fact he's too empathetic and lets everyone walk all over him.
But it's okay. I want to kiss all of his scars, hug him till he's no longer shaking or shivering, and especially kiss those stupidly soft and plush lips, until he understands that someone out there loves more than just a friend. That he can be loved, truly… (by me,of course.)

This reminds me of that poem he recited to me just a day ago. When he read it, suddenly the words only became more significant and profound,as I stared at his lips softly move to articulate them.

"So tender, you look alike
With the white cherry blossom,
And like an angel among men,
In the way of my life you come out.

You barely touch the soft carpet,
The silk rings underfoot,
And from the top to the lap
You float like the light dream.
From the wrinkle of the long dress.. Remain like marble in place -
My soul hangs from my eyes .
The ones full of tears and luck.

O, happy dream of love,
gentle fairy tale bride,
Stop smiling! Your smile...
Shows me how sweet you are..."

Now that I think about it, it's ironic he was the one saying it...

Too caught up in his looks… I swear to god, I could see that corny ass heart filter on him. He stared back at me with that sweet smile as his lids grew heavy. Giving in, he fell asleep soundly. I know people would usually get angry at that… but rabbits fall asleep near the people they trust, right?

He woke up long after the album finished. He got up suddenly, gripping his heart and breathing quickly and shallowly. It terrified me, so I immediately got up to assist him.

"What's going on?! Are you okay, dude?"

His breath eventually evened out, he stared back at me, those soldiers preparing for war again. I cupped his face and brushed my nose against his like rabbits do.

"I'm- I'm sorry… I had a nightmare- they-"

"Shhh... it's okay. I'm here. They can't get to you whilst I'm here, okay?"

"Yeah… thanks... but… I'm sorry anyways… it- I'm so tired. I couldn't sleep last night… I was spiraling and..."

He didn't need to say another word. I checked his arms and surely there were new strokes on the almost full canvas. I didn't say a word just hugged him.

"I don't mind. You can sleep more..."

"No. Let's do something else… the CD-player..."

He crawled out of my arms towards the CD-player, swapping the CD to "In Utero " by Nirvana. Walking back to his place, he opened his mouth, but his stomach quickly growled loudly, so, out of embarrassment,he hid his face more.

"Hungry, eh? Don't blame you. I got some food..."

Reaching out for my bag, I took out the grapes and baby carrots along with the ranch. I could see his mouth was already watering...

"I could never thank you enough. You feed me more than..."

I don't want him to think about those monsters he called parents, so I shut him up by putting a carrot in his mouth. He munched on it quietly, whining.

I know I shouldn't baby him at all, he hates it so much. But I loved feeding him. I'd dip those tiny carrots in ranch, then bring them up to those lips... And if my fingers brushed upon them… I swear, I'd explode. He doesn't know what effect he has on me.

He'd whine out of protest between each bite, he wasn't excited about my care for him at all. I couldn't care much about it though, because I continued until there were none left.

"You know… this isn't even a meal. It's a snack. But it's so good. It hits well every time. Do you think it's the starvation talking?"

"Probably. But I also brought you grapes!"

"You really didn't have to… and those Oreos..."

"I'll spoil you. Doing what those shit heads can't do for their own son.”

"Haha .. I can't blame them… I'm high maintenance.."

"I call bullshit. Isn't every kid ‘high maintenance’? You have to clean, cook and also just generally take care of them… you can take care of yourself already, all you ask is for resources and just a bit of love… a little ‘you're doing great’ will probably help you so much... you're low maintenance."

"I guess I should be happy with what I have... And that's you..."

We stood quietly some more. I tried to not look at him. I have to stop staring at him. But… I couldn't help it. He looks so angelic. Ironic.... it's a sin to love him. Yet he smiled at those stars, probably recalling the times with his grandma.

Eventually, he got up and took out that infamous keytar he told me about, from the same small closet he brought the CD-player from.

I thought it was gonna be rusty, but it literally looked brand new. The only thing that was broken was the neck, which he tried to fix with bandages… that he probably needed more.

"I promised I'd play you something. I think I'll play… hmm, ‘In the end’, by Linkin Park. I know it's overdone, but it's fairly easy."

"Wait, I'd love that! Can't wait to hear it!! …but what if… we sang together?"

"I'll be Mike Shinoda then, I guess."

"No. I'll be Mike. You're Chester. You look like him... somewhat. Maybe you're his son?!"

"Oh god, I wish! Haha. Thanks by the way..."

He sat on the bed, turned it on and played with the settings.

"Okay. Get prepared."

His fingers gently hovered on the keys, playing that melodramatic tune, and his eyes closed as he got very concentrated on the gentle melody. He could play the keytar without looking... he's so cool...

"It starts with one..."

"One thing, I don't know why…
It doesn't even matter how hard you try.
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to explain in due time.."

"All I know…"

"Time is a valuable thing. Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings, watch it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away..."

"It's so unreal..."

"Didn't look out below, watch the time go right out the window… Tryna hold on, didn't even know… I wasted it all just to watch you go… I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when..."

"I tried so hard and got so far!
But in the end, it doesn't even matter...
I had to fall to lose it all!
But in the end, it doesn't even matter…"

We harmonized our voices for each chorus, our sounds clashing in a complimentary dance, it felt right.

I was right about his voice. It was even more beautiful than a siren's call, a melody rolling off like the angelic prophecy delivered only by the most skilled of God's warriors.

His eyes finally opened to meet mine and he flushed nervously. Hugging his keytar, he looked at me with an awkward smile.

"Did you like it? You sang so well… you deserve to be in that band..."

"No, no, no. Stop there. I didn't just like it. I loved it, Benatar! And your voice!... UGH!! If I was you, I'd never stop singing."

My compliments reddened his face entirely and he giggled.

"You should be in a band. You're the next Chester Bennington! You've got the voice and the vocal fry! You should totally join our band! Conveniently, we only need one more member to be complete. We wanted a guitarist, but a keyboardist works well too.”

"No! Wait! Really?!"

His eyes lit up so quickly and brightly, his redness disappearing completely.

"Yeah! I'll tell the others we found the one! Though we'll have to show them you're worth it. But don't stress it. They're not even beginners."

"No! Wait… I can play guitar… acoustic and electric, remember? I just don't personally have one. My music school lets me borrow theirs… and bass, drums, flute, violin..."

"No… listen… the keyboard works just as fine. It brings in a fresh and playful tone that only you can set. But sure, we will ask you to play other stuff here and there too."

"Oh my god... I've always wished to be in a band!!"

He hugged me tightly and kept repeating ‘thank you!!’ All over and over again… we eventually sang together even more songs. We even sang along to those CDs. I could barely keep my calm. He's the cutest...

Eventually my mom called me to go home. He looked sad, but understood. Hugging me extra tightly, whispering how thankful he was for me. I rubbed his back softly as I rested my head on his hair.

I kissed the top of his head and he blushed brightly,ducking his face.

I barely took two steps out of rabbit boy's house and I already missed him now that he wasn't there... everything came back to me.

So… coming clean, I love him. I'm gay. Feeling homosexual. Queer ... And that means I'm a sinner… I guess I actually am committing a sin. I should repent before my ticket to heaven expires… but don't think I can stop this crush on rabbit boy as long as I breathe...

Yet my mind only grew heavier and heavier and I was scared... terrified. My parents didn't notice I wasn't my usual self, since they were busy making dinner. But of course, Jane did.

"Dee… what happened?! You look petrified by something. Did Benatar do anything?"

"No- well, he did ...but it's personal and it's not...I'm fine."

"Like what? Deejay… tell me. I'm worried about you. It's not like you have to be scared of something."

"Look... I'll tell you. But it hasn't got anything to do with this. I'm fine, truly. Just remembered I have a test tomorrow. I'll study for it afterwards."

I could tell she didn't believe me. Shaking her head in disapproval, she urged me to say the truth.

"I think I told you... Benatar struggles with… self-harm. And last night.."

"Oh… I'm so sorry for him. And as for you, I'm sure you're a reason why he'd hesitate to before doing anything. It's terrifying to know how your friend might be hurting themselves and you have nothing to do about it."

"He's been struggling with it before I even met him. But I wish I could've taken the blade from his hand."

"I understand…"

She patted my shoulder and hugged me softly.

"I'll let you study now."

She moved to watch TV in the living room.

"Okay. Thanks a lot."

Sitting down at my desk, I stared at the icon of the Virgin Mary. I've already studied it enough, but this time, it felt like the expression changed. From remorseful, graceful and calm, she wore a face filled with hatred and disgust. And of course, it was well-justified...

"I fear… I'm not going to heaven anymore. And all because I like a boy. I don't even want something sexual with him. I only ever wanted to be his lover..."

"I need a miracle to get me to stop liking him. Or maybe if he dies...no. I want him to live, so that he can see life will get better… or maybe if he moved… but I'd miss him more! I don't think I'd get over this feeling anyways…"

I couldn't bear her disapproval anymore. I turned the icon to face the wall. I never thought I'd do this. But I disliked being watched in my most vulnerable moment, as I fought back my own tears.

"Oh God! If you're there... please, Father, help me, forgive me for my sins! I know I'm committing one of the deadliest sins... but is it THAT bad? Please, Father… tell me what to do now… God, please… change me. Put your hand on my head and fix my brain's chemistry. Make me normal, turn me straight!"

I didn't even know who I'd be expecting to answer me. Still, it felt like heaven turned its back on me.

"I... PLEASE, GOD!! I'm begging you… I never ever got on my knees for something, I've never sinned before, I've been all well and now... I’d give anything to be normal. To stop craving this feeling. It's unnatural, but I can't fight it. I have to avoid him… God, I'll prove to you that I can repent! Forgive me for my sin, as for one of your numerous children… and I'm by no means perfect, but I want to get into your kingdom. And I'm sorry… I wish… my wish, my prayer, is for me to turn normal. Please let this be some stupid teenage hormonal thing… Maybe rabbit boy's the devil and I've been dancing with temptation for far too long. It's no secret I believed he was....’too angelic’ to be real anyways… From now on, I won't ever sin again. I'm not into rabbit boy. I'll just avoid him and then… those pearly gates will open for me again..."

Although that's what I promised God, my heart shattered. I couldn't really imagine not talking with rabbit boy anymore. All when… I had just figured out how things were. Love is beautiful, it feels better than anything in this entire world, and now it's the very thing not allowing me to step further. But my heart played tricks on my mind and now I know I can only ever trust my rational thinking, my brain. No more ‘listen to your heart’ bullshit from me.

Jane entered soon after, so I brushed off my cheeks and eyes, struggling to look well composed even as I was battling the idea of isolation from my love. She could tell something was off, but she didn't ask me anything about it. I went to bed quietly as she sat down at the desk, turning the icon back to face her.

Closing my eyes, I only repeated God's words to sleep. No more dreams about what I could hear from him tomorrow.
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, as it is in heaven, so on earth. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. Amen.

Chapter 6 Chapter Text

It was the first time I'd woken up for school with pure dissatisfaction. I felt slightly aggravated. Jane tried to start a conversation, but my dry ass responses brushed her off. The walk felt painfully long, each step and rustling of the leaves under us somehow making me remember what sins I've committed only not long ago.

At school, he approached me, but I had to ignore him. That's what I promised God afterall... I couldn't let the temptations win again. He gave up on small talk, quickly turning back to how he was before we were friends. Depressive and reserved; awkward.

Seeing him like that made me wanna turn back at him and tell him everything. That he was everything I loved… how cute he is, how much I need to hug him again, or maybe more. But I think I'd explode before being able to tell him that. Yeah, this repenting shit will be tough.

He left each break to go somewhere, probably the library. He didn't even try to bother me anymore, but I could see he wrote me a small note he didn't have the strength to give it to me directly.

I didn't want to read it at first, ignorance being my best friend. But I couldn't help it. I grabbed it quickly and read it thoroughly.

"Hey. I'm sorry if I've done anything. I noticed you're very avoidant today. I don't know what I did… I'm guessing it's about last weekend. But I don't blame you. I tend to bring the worst out of people without knowing. But please… forgive me. Let's talk it out. I miss when we'd go to the library… and the hugs… and..."

Obviously the note was longer than that, but I couldn't finish reading it. I started to cry like a pathetic loser again.

"God… I love this man… Why must you punish me for loving him?!"

I kept the note, but I knew I'd never even be able to finish it. Who knows what self-deprecating stuff he wrote there? About self-deprecating, he probably thinks he did something wrong to upset me. I don't want him to hurt himself over me...

No. That'd be the opposite for what I've been trying to do... that'd put me on the same foot as his parents. Thinking about all of that, I could feel that pain in my throat. (You know, the one you feel when you cry hysterically.)

"God… this is the hardest lesson you're trying to teach me and I doubt it so much… what's wrong with being in love with another boy?!"

Did I do something in my past life for you to punish me for love?! Something that's not a sin?! But how is it suddenly a sin when it's the same sex?!

Thankfully, the bell rang, ringing out all my thoughts for that second. Rabbit boy rushed into class, right behind the teacher. As he sat back down, he sighed and noticed the fact I took the letter, but hadn't tried to start another conversation.

School's becoming such a burden. And it's all his fault that I can't see the fun in it anymore... it's all his.

Thankfully, it'd be over soon. I met with Jane. We walked just as quietly as earlier, in parallel to the hope she had the mood would've shifted. She stopped in her tracks, giving me a glare. Turning over my shoulder to see her, I knew she was probably gonna explode at me.

"What's wrong with you lately?! You've been quieter than that Benatar guy you kept talking about! And suddenly, you don't talk about him or to him anymore! Is this all about him?!"

"What are you talking about? Let's just go..."

Hearing his name, it echoed in my mind, giving everything away. It was about him. Everything was about him now. The way I handled things cut deep into me… that I've grown to avoid the very person I've been longing for.

"No. I'm not walking anywhere until you tell me what happened!"

"It's nothing, really."

"Has he done anything to you?! Please Deejay... you've been too weird. I promise I can help!"

Silence… I must keep my silence. If I spill a word, I will end up spilling everything, even a fountain of tears. But my heart was constricting and my throat was starting to hurt again. I started to shed tears uncontrollably before I finally spoke up.

"I'M GOING TO HELL, JANE!!"

She was surprised, but stepped closer, shaking me by my shoulders as she spoke to comfort.

"No way! You, out of everyone?! I have higher chances of getting locked out of heaven, unlike you! What could've possibly happened?!"

"Please... please… still be my best friend after this, but..."

I couldn't bring out the words in front of her. The fear of rejection, the idea that she could hate me and that our entire friendship and dynamic could change irrevocably forever...

"... But... isn't it a sin to be… gay?"

She stopped shaking me and smiled softly.

"No. Never. Love is love. Plus, you're both the right age and so happy together… I know our parents said it's pure lust and therefore sin, but if you paid enough attention to your Bible studies, you would've seen that God loves all his children, even the queer ones. To Him, they're all His creation anyways."

"But… but… you… are you sure?"

"100% sure. When we get home, I'll find them for you. And tell me, Benatar's your crush, isn't he?'

"...Is it obvious...?"

"Yes. Dude, I've seen you basically salivate when you describe him to me in luxurious detail, painting him like some sort of angel that plucks its own feathers… and trust me, I've seen him. He's crusty as hell. I can tell he's a child abuse victim. I'm surprised he doesn't smell. But anyways, are you sure you're ready? From what you've told me, he needs a ton of love, attention and care. And it must worry you sickly to think about the fact he could… you know..."

"I don't care! I'm willing to do all that for him! I'd stay up all night and listen to My Chemical Romance with him whilst eating carrots and talking about astrology and why Linkin Park is underrated!"

"Okay buddy… wow. I thought it couldn't get worse. That's really fucking gay. I believe you. But you know what? I'm really glad you trusted me enough to come out to me."

I rubbed my own tears, beginning to grin ear to ear. All my hopes… they all melted. I felt understood.

"I appreciate the fact you love me regardless even more..."

"Always will. Now, let's get home. I'll even let you blabber on about Benatar if you want..."

Of course I did. I couldn't stop thinking about him again. Especially now that I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong. She listened intently and gave me the nickname "cornball" because I am very corny and act very lovey-dovey when I describe him...

After everything, I felt like a huge rock had been lifted from my soul. Sure, it's only been there for a day, but it still felt better.. and God, now I understand what You were trying to tell me. I am incredibly thankful that I still get the chance to love him. Now, the next problem… how do I give him hints? How do I ask him out?! What if he says no?! What if he's not into guys?!

I needed a plan first, to see how I'd drop several hints intricately, all with the intent of softening him up for an actual date. Maybe I could do something every day and finally ask him out on Friday… and maybe on Sunday or Saturday... So, therefore I have 4 days to drop hints and court him. I'm ready. But first of all, sweet dreams...

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, as it is in heaven, so on earth. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive our trespassers. And he does not lead us into temptation, but delivers us from the evil one. Amen."

Chapter 7 Chapter Text

Day 1: Tuesday. Rabbit boy was late today. Considerably late. I got extremely worried. But he arrived, looking sadder than I've ever seen. He was already crying and barely dragging himself around. He sat down and hid his face in his palms immediately.

"Wha- what happened? Ben?"

He pushed me away and then seemed to cry more. I had a feeling it had to do with his parents.

"Dude, what happened? Is it about yesterday? I'm sorry… it was a big misunderstanding… or is it…?"

"They broke my only valuable object! My keytar!"

He sobbed loudly and I knew it sounded silly to everyone else, but it meant a lot to him.

"They want to throw it out and will lock me in my room for a week if I try to repair it or get it back! Not even go to school!!"

"Uuh… you know what? I can help. Let them throw it out…"

He looked at me like I shot his entire bloodline. He was boiling furiously.

"How dare--"

"Let me finish. I'll take it and repair it at school and we'll keep it in the school's music club. I'm gonna arrange with Puff and Axel today so that we can have you take a little entrance test tomorrow."

"Oh… then... that'd be great.. but what if- if I don't pass?"

"You will. I'll make sure you do. I won't let anyone touch your keytar. If you want, I can directly take it home with me."

"It sounds much better that way... thank you…"

"I'll take the utmost care of it. Don't worry. Let's wipe off those tears."

I grabbed a paper napkin and cupped his face. His plump cheeks resting softly against my palms. Like this, with those puffy red eyes, he looked like a rabbit… that was high. But I knew he wasn't high, he was just sad.

I touched my forehead to his and smiled at him, hoping it'd calm him down. His sobbing eventually evened out and he gave me a little smile back.

"Are you okay now?"

"I- I think… I mean… yeah."

"Good. Do you want to hang out in the library or the garden today?"

"To be fair... it's starting to get warm again, so the garden.."

"Good. I'm fine with anything."

Class soon commenced right after and in break we both rushed to the small bench near an old oak tree.

"So... about the test thingy…"

"You'll pass, you're practically a prodigy."

"No, where's the club room?"

"Aaah… I'll show you after school,okay? We got plenty of instruments I know you'd love to use."

"I can't wait…"

He closed his eyes and just focused on the gentle breeze. I scooted closer and closer, like I was playing a game to see how fast he'd notice and if he'd care. But he didn't, so I placed my hand over his and rested his head on my shoulder. It was a tender moment, exactly what I needed after yesterday.

Closing my own eyes, I liked to believe I met rabbit boy like… like he fell from heaven… Literally. I can see him dancing and twirling around happily on clouds, as the sun cradles him as its own child. But one wrong step and he fell down. And under the air’s pressure and out of his own anxiety, he fell hard into the hands of those horrible people he’s forced to call ‘parents’.
But now, I can see his wings and how all of this stress made him pluck out all his feathers, leaving him vulnerable...

My thoughts were cut off when the bell rang and he was shaking me softly.

"C’mon… get up. We're gonna be late for class..."

"Ah… yeah... right up."

What a dream. But it felt real. To me, it is real. No matter what excuses he'll give me.

School went by pretty swiftly. I fell asleep between each class and could barely even understand something in the lectures. I slept well, but my body was very tired. Rabbit boy noticed and tried getting me comfortable. We walked together throughout the school, so that I could show him the music club's room. He insisted I could go, but I wouldn't wanna lose any seconds with him, would I?

It was surprisingly bigger than he thought. It was also connected to the school's podium for events. We had to help with those too: background music, lights, props, basically all the boring stuff.

I could tell he was interested in the instruments, but I kind of rushed him so I could get home and sleep again. I was getting way too tired.

As we exited the school, he grabbed my hand and looked at me with an embarrassed expression, his head tilting down.

"I… uh… thanks…"

I just simply nodded, but I felt something warm on my cheek. It wasn't blushing. And rabbit boy walked away embarrassed… did he kiss my cheek?!

My tiredness literally left my entire body as I froze. Was it real?! Am I imagining stuff?! If it was real… does this… Yes. This is the official sign he's into guys. But I don't know if he's interested in me yet …
Well ,maybe considering he gave me out of everyone...

"Deejay… Earth to Deejay… What happened?!"

I was too flustered and absorbed by the fact I got some sort of affection back that I forgot I was walking with Jane.

"Ah… yes. I'm here, I'm here! What is it?"

"What happened now? Dreaming about Benatar again? Oh gosh..."

"Look…! I- okay. maybe. But I have a good reason. Before you came, he kissed my cheek quickly and now I can't stop thinking about it..."

Jane smiled ear to ear, giggling.

"So he likes you back, hmm? Why don't you stop dancing around this and confess to him, huh?'

"I can't! It's too quick! What if it was an accident?!"

"No one kisses other people accidentally..."

"What if I imagined it?!"

"Why can't you just accept he's trying to show you a sign?! He's the shy one, so any hints go a long way. Maybe at least flirt with him more? Maybe that'll make him leave his shell and... uhh, I don't know really...but you get the point. Make the bolder steps, dude!!”

"I'll try, I'll try, I swear! But uuugh... he's so cute. I miss him already…"

Jane rolled her eyes and I straightened my back. I hope I get another one tomorrow...

Although I had homework, I couldn't focus on it anymore. I didn't know any more Pythagorean theorem, no sine or cosine, no triangles or cubes. I etched a terrible portrait of him on my notebook and sighed. Mom walked in to drop off some finished laundry and, in a hurry, I closed my notebook, blushing brightly. She seemed skeptical, and I heard her talking to Jane down the hall.

"Tell me, has he fallen in love or something? He's been very different lately. Like he's completely parallel with the world."

"I wouldn't know. Maybe it's because he's very tired? He didn't sleep well last night."

"I don't really think it's that’s it, sweetie. Tell me, who's the girl?"

"I really don't know, auntie. I don't even know who he could be in love with."

I'm glad she had my back. I don't know what they'd do to me if they found out it was another boy.

But dammit, he wasn't just another boy. A kind one... who's been through so much… I can imagine he's going through something terrible as we speak. I knew his parents were monsters.

I don't know how he managed to live like this for so long, but my prayers went to him. I promised I'd show him the light and that he can be loved and that his birth wasn't the result of a failed abortion. (Which he told me that's what his mother would say. I'm inclined to believe it, but it must hurt so much nonetheless…)

"...And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."

I turned over in my bed to get some rest. I fell pretty easily, since overall I was still tired. But after a few hours, I heard my phone go off. It was weird, I didn't have some sort of alarm set…

Picking it up,a random, unknown number was calling me. At 4 AM?! I was going to wake up in 4 more hours, yet I still picked up.

"Hello?"

The line was quiet, until I could hear a faint voice.

"Deejay?"

Rabbit boy... but? How did he get a phone?! I have given him my number awhile back, but he said he didn't have a phone and that he'd be calling off those telephones from the city...

"Ben? How… how did you get a phone?"

"Ah, well… this isn't mine. But before my parents came home, I found the old fax the previous owner left. It works… I hope you can hear me..."

"I can, somewhat at least...are you okay?"

"I'm alright. My parents finally left me alone after well.. ‘what I deserved for dragging them down’. But I digress. Sorry for calling this late..."

"No, no... it's alright… if it's you, it's alright..."

"I just wanted to say… I couldn't sleep, but the stars... Can you look outside the window too? So we can look at the stars together?"

"Of course."

I walked to the window, pulling the curtain a bit. The sky was as glittery and vibrant as a child's first glitter artwork. The moon shining like a strong lamp guiding your every move.

"The moon's beautiful, isn't it?" he said and I remembered the old Japanese saying...

"What are we...?" I asked him softly. My heart was beating so quickly…

"..."

"Ben?"

"..."

I wanted to hear him. Please, tell me anything. You can't just tell me you love me then go silent...

".. best friends through thick and thin."

I felt my heart shatter a bit, but my hopes were stacking up. I knew he was shy and awkward, so it was probably just that he couldn't bring himself to truly say it outright yet.

"About earlier, I have a question..."

"Yeah?"

"Uh… did you kiss my cheek earlier, after school?"

He went quiet again, but this time I felt like he was ashamed more than embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have overstepped your boundaries..."

His voice started cracking and I knew he was on the brink of crying.

"No! Wait! I… I liked it. No, I loved it. I just wasn't sure..."

"..."

"Keep them up. Bring more if you can…"

"Haha… I'm sorry. It's late and I've kept you up enough. Goodnight, Dee. I… I… I lo-- appreciate you."

He immediately shut the phone. The cut off love… he meant it. And now I knew. We… we felt the same. I felt so happy, it's like life was finally going my way, like I was getting rewarded for something.

I went back to sleep even better now. I had to be more confident in my next steps. We were so close to being a thing now...

Chapter 8 Notes:

tw long and iirc self harm

Chapter Text

By the next day, when my alarm rang, I remembered what I promised him just a day prior. I had to talk with my friends first of all. I'm sure rabbit boy would be excited to even see ‘a band in person’.

So, first thing I did was text them in the group chat. For now, our band didn't have a name yet so we were just called "music club" . Puff hasn't brainstormed an actual name by this point and he declined me and Axel helping him with it, saying ‘it's his band and as the leader,he should be the one picking the name’. But there are so many bands that got their names from any other band member besides the actual leader...

"Hey guys. I know it's a bit early to text, but you both know we've been looking for a last member to join our band for a long ass time… well, I've found someone. Trust me. You guys will have to see him. Please come to the music club in person at around 1:30 pm? So you guys can also see him play and then think if we accept him or not. But I strongly believe he'll get accepted:)"

After a few minutes, Axel reacted with a thumbs up and Puff simply wrote: "OK. Are there any other people offering?? In case he's not as good as you say..."

"First of all, I'm not bullshitting. He's AMAZING! Both on vocals and instruments. And don't get me started… he can play so many instruments. He's the definition of useful! Second of all, no. No one's interested besides him..."

Axel finally started typing, his typing was atrocious...
"Ith myst be pufs faoult afzer ze weole stynt in ze vafeteria LOL"

"STOP IT!!! My reputation hasn't been ruined by it, has it?!"

I laughed quietly at my phone and got up to prepare for school. It was gonna be an important day for the both of us.

As I arrived, I met rabbit boy almost instantly. He was just revising some tabs for a song.

"Hey Ben. What instrument are you gonna show off today, hmm?"

"I'll play guitar since that's what you guys are looking for… but I hope I also can get a minute or two to play my keytar. Have you fixed it?"

"About that... I haven't yet,but it's technically still playable. Only the neck's weird… and I have to buy a new strap."

"Ah… that's cool. You don't necessarily have to buy a strap..."

"Don't worry about it. What are you planning to play?"

"I can't tell you, you'll have to just wait and see..."

Although his voice was faint and shy, it was laced with sarcasm, something that showed how close he grew to me… and it could make me wanna dissolve into atoms...

I knew it was a BIG risk to bring him there though, since he's well... British, bruised and the coping mechanism… 'self mutilation’, as Puff would say. They're very against it. Which is a good thing. But they ridicule the people that genuinely use that to cope. And I don't agree with that. Bullying won't make anything better, it probably makes it worse in the long run.

With that thought, I tugged at his arm, gently warning him that I'll do a quick check on his wrists. He nodded quietly in agreement and then went back to his tabs.

My eyes widened. Since when did they multiply?! They looked fairly fresh and the ‘aftercare’ was most likely gonna give him an infection.

It sickened me. I could feel the way he started feeling ashamed and looked back at me, putting the sleeves down.

"Sorry… but..."

"Shh. It's okay. Let's just… fix these bandages. I'll show you how to actually do proper aftercare."

"Ah… thanks so much."

Everytime he relapses it feels like we haven't been moving forward at all. But I know patience is key and our journey is gonna be long...

And now I know I seem like I'm pressing the matter too much, but can you really blame me? I'm always worried about it and sometimes I even walk on eggshells so he wouldn't be sad. I want to make him believe that someone out there cares...

The bell rang. Our chemistry teacher stormed in. She was a really old and cranky lady... She'd always go off on how our generation is idiotic and can't even wipe our own asses. I wonder why she's still a teacher if she hates her students this much… But regardless, today's rants would be troubled as well… she brought the test results...

She loves to give long and difficult tests, so that no one actually gets a 100%, not even a 95%. This time, I'd gotten a 87.5%, which is already extremely good. But of course, I peeked into rabbit boy's paper...

I don't want to seem rude, but I don't think he studies a lot. He mustn't have enough time at home because of his parents and all… But to my surprise, he got a 91.25%. I don't know if he got the highest score, but he hadn't even cheered or shown any celebration. He just awkwardly sat down and looked around, only to see most people got 60-80%...

I'm gonna be honest now, I'm smart and I like to study anyways. But knowing that my beloved rabbit was just as smart as me, or maybe even smarter... It was so much more alluring. Not like he could call me a slur and I wouldn't still be his number one fan… this is stupid.

"Hey man! You've done so good! A 91.25% is amazing!"

"..."

"Ben?"

"Ah..sorry. Yeah, uhm… Thanks..."

Weird. He was being really shy and distant all of a sudden. I found his hand under the table and held it, giving it a quick soft squeeze.

"Are you alright? I'm worried."

"I'm okay… really."

"Don't lie to me, please!"

"I'm just a tad bit nervous about later… you know, with the band..."

"It's okay then…"

"You say I'm a prodigy, but I'm terrified. What if they just… don't like me? What if they deny me based on looks? How we look is important to the band's image..."

"We're not k-pop idols, Benatar. Puff and Axel are uglier than you. Hell, I'm hideous next to you. You're the beauty standard... well, for girl's standards wise..."

"Really nice of you, but seriously. You look way better..."

We turned to face one another, our faces close as we just absorbed the moment. His cheeks flushed a soft pink.

"And you've got the better personality… there are reasons you're popular and I'm not..."

I cupped his face and smiled. God, these self-deprecating words of his make me wanna kiss those thoughts away. Or maybe beat the shit out of him until he realises how beautiful he really is. Or maybe both.

"Fuck popularity and beauty standards. They're toxic anyways."

"Aha..."

"To me, you're really the prettiest in the entire room. And I could go on.."

"Deejay and Benatar! Go to the principal's office! Stop being affectionate in my class! It's disgusting!"

"It wasn't like that..."

"..."

He ducked his head down and nodded.

"Stop talking back and go!"

We were stunned now. He got up before me, leaving quietly. I followed right after, but just like she was talking out loud, the chemistry teacher started giving her stupid opinion about me.

"Tsk… and you were a good student, Deejay. That Brit is tainting you."

Now, I obviously didn't believe it. Rabbit boy only made me happier and made me actually want to improve myself without realising it.

I grabbed his hand as we went along the hallway. He wasn't nervous about this, since his parents didn't care about him enough to even bother with the school related stuff.

The principal seemed surprised to see us there. But even as we sat down, he felt there was a spark between us. So of course he jumped to conclusions.

"No showing affection in class. Mister Johnson and..."

He looked at rabbit boy, but he was hesitant to speak, fidgeting with his hands.

"Benatar."

"That's not your surname, is it?"

"..."

"Whatever. It will work for now. The affection rule applies for both straight and gay couples."

It was hilarious that even the principal could see a spark between us, but it felt like rabbit boy kept denying it. With a slight laugh, I responded to him, my reply raising the principal's eyebrow.

"Sir, we're not a couple."

"Alright then. But just be more... discreet next time. What are you two then?"

"Ah.... we're just best friends!!!"

Rabbit boy rushed to answer him, as his eyes widened over the thick book of ‘enrolled students’ that the principal ended up bringing upon the table. He searched for him.

"Don't rush now, Mister..."

He was getting terrified. I knew how much he hated his surname… it sounds silly, but I understand him. No one wanted to be constantly reminded of who they're biologically connected to...

"Ah,******. You're the new student. I don't think the rules from London differ that much from here."

"Yes… sir"

His head lowered even more as he stuttered, the principal jotting us down in his notebook. We were left off quietly, but he stopped me midway, grabbing my shoulders.

"Please just forget it . Forget everything you've heard! Okay? I know you're probably so thrilled to know my full name, but please just forget it. For me..."

It was surprising, but I couldn't disagree. I understand him...

"Oh sweetheart, of course... don't worry about it."

I cupped his cheek again and leaned in. I hoped I could give him at least one peck on his cheek, but the bell rang. It was lunch time now and the students started storming in. This sudden rush scared him and he pushed me away.

"Let's go back to class..."

"Ah… okay..."

I tried hiding my disappointment, but he looked too busy with the tabs to even notice how I felt about that whole scene...

Time flew by pretty fast for us. Well, uh...we've gotten closer. We've been holding hands more and more, but now it feels intimate; our classmates can notice something bubbling up between us. And there… is My Chemical Romance, his favourite band, and right after that is Linkin Park, and then he likes Evanescence...

By the time it was 1:30 PM, we were already settled in the club room. But of course, Puff and Axel hadn't even arrived yet. They were late as usual. The more time we waited, the more nervous he got, as I could tell through his gestures. He clutched the school's guitar quietly. He even wore long fingerless gloves because of the scars he had. I warned him about their perspective on them...

"You know… if you overthink it… it will actually be that bad."

I hugged his side, leaning my face close to his. He looked to the side as his cheeks slowly coloured.

"I can't help it… I..."

I slowly leaned in closer, my breath coming in hot against his skin. But as usual, something had to interrupt. This time, it was somewhat welcome. Axel and puff arrived, as loud as ever, making their presence known throughout the most obnoxious way. Rabbit boy got embarrassed thoroughly and now even looked confused, pushing me aside. Maybe he wasn't going for a kiss...

"Okay new guy. Get up and show us what you've got!"

Puff's voice raised as he threw himself on a random chair.

Rabbit boy immediately got up and I patted his back, giving him a heads-up that everything will be fine. Looking back at me, he nodded and whispered: "I appreciate your concern, but I promise I can do it… I won't collapse from the anxiety… I hope."

He was right. Maybe I was starting to baby him. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

"Come on, Deejay, let him be! I wanna hear him play!"

Axel yelled, ignoring the fact I was sitting right next to him. It was like he thought I couldn't hear him.

"Uh… hi ... uh… I'm Benatar… uh… I'd- I'd like to play… play… play... ‘Ride the Lightning’ by Met- Metallica."

His stuttering voice brought the effect that he wasn't sure he could do it, but, of course, he nailed it. It was just the guitar part, but it was so shocking as is. I couldn't even touch any Metallica songs yet… yet Puff Puff and Axel were still somewhat skeptical.

"Ah… I also want to play… ‘Faint’… by Linkin Park... I'll even sing if that's okay."

Now, I don't want to seem gayer than I am, but he could be our Chester Bennington. He didn't sound exactly like him, but he hit every single note just right whilst also playing such difficult riffs. He's an angel...

"Interesting… but like. Can you play something less emo?"

"I can play anything you request..."

"Really?!!!?! Play something by Nirvana!"

"Ah okay... I'll play… uh... ‘Drain you’.."

Axel's request was accepted and he seemed excited. As rabbit boy played, I could see Axel spilling tears over his performance. He was won over.

"Now… ohhh… that was so METAL!"

"Okay, good, but like. Can you play Limp Bizkit or something??? Korn??" Puff asked impatiently, still very skeptical of him. (Also, Limp Bizkit can also be ‘emo’ at times too…)

He simply nodded and played ‘Behind Blue Eyes’. Mixed with his voice, it made me melt. Oh god… every day I was falling more and more for him...

Still, Puff raised his hand and disapproved.

"I said something less emo! Play ‘Gold Cobra’!"

"Okay… sorry..."

Rabbit boy doesn't really like swearing and it felt really out of character for him to do it, but he was determined to get this role. His morals clearly weren't gonna stop him.

Looking over at puff, he simply nodded, trying to look unfazed. But I knew he was surprised by him.

Finishing his performance, he bowed and put the guitar back, looking back at us nervously. I stood up and hugged him. I felt proud. Really proud. Like I was his mom or something.

"What do you guys think? Wasn't it even better than what I've said?"

"IT WAS!!! Where did you find him!? What drugs is he on??"

Axel was so excited about him and it made me swell with pride. But Puff, on the other hand, was still trying to act high and mighty.

"Hmm… I don't know.... we'll need more time to think about it..."

Absurd. But whatever. Even if he said no, I'd make Axel beg along with me to let him join us officially.

Rabbit boy was in a hurry to get home today, so I spent more time with Puff. Jane was already home. I told her I was busy with the band.

"So, did his performance really not surprise you?"

"No, no. It did. It's amazing, but I don't know... he's the kid from the rumours, right?"

"Which ones?"

"The blonde Brit with a horrible cut on his head and arm."

"Is that really all you care about?!"

"That's how the rumours go!"

"Whatever… yes. He is. But you must look past the rumours, he's going through a lot at home."

"Yeah, but the band's image will be ruined..."

"Puff. Our ONLY song is about BALLS. What image?!"

"You're right, but still...."

"Why is this such a big issue? Why is this form of self-harm even that big of a deal in this whole story?!"

"Well... it's distracting to look at..."

"Oh come on. He's a strong fighter. Why is everyone crying about it?! He's doing his best to live."

"It can't be that bad!"

"Puff, in all the nice ways… you don't know shit about him. Come on now. Give him the chance. I'm already struggling to make him quit it.”

"I mean… I guess you're right. It's rude. But… okay. If you're gonna help him get better, then that's great. He's in."

I jumped up out of excitement and laughed.

"HELL YEAH!!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!"

I freezed, turning to puff. I just blurted out something very very personal. He looked confused. I hoped he wouldn't jump straight to the truth...

"Haha! So you two are best buddies or something?"

"Yeah… well… right now… maybe later..."

He turned his head in confusion. I got so embarrassed I got my bag and left in a hurry.

"Bye, Puff! See ya!"

He stood there, analysing me as I went off, trying to understand what made me so scared. He texted me right after that,in the private chat: "What happened earlier? Why did you leave so abruptly? You were acting kind of weird when we talked about the blonde guy."

"I'm fine. I remembered I have to study for tomorrow. And I'm perfectly fine, okay?'

"OK then, tell him to come to rehearsal this Friday at Axel's at 2:20 PM, show him the way to it."

"Of course."

"Have fun studying, nerd."

"Oh I will, you gnome."

Everything went as usual, except for the fact that rabbit boy called at 1 AM. Again.

"Ben?"

"..."

"Benatar?!"

"Hi..."

"Are you alright, man??!"

"Look out the window please.... Let's watch the stars together... please."

"Alright. You love doing this, don't you?"

"I feel connected to you... Like that day..."

"Mhm...."

"I'm glad spring is coming..."

"Me too."

Most of our calls were quiet, having small talk here and there. But it wasn't annoying. Or at least not to me. I loved hearing his voice anyway...

"Before I go… I want to thank you for being with me through stuff and especially for the band. Am I in?"

"Ah… yeah. You are. I had to bargain with Puff a bit."

"I'm so excited!"

"We have a rehearsal on Friday at 2:20 PM at Axel's house. His parents are musicians too, so we'd have equipment and no noise complaints. I'll give you the sheet for our only song tomorrow."

"Only one song so far?"

"Yeah... we've been here for a while, but Puff and Axel can't write music, let alone read it. We'll probably be working on most of the stuff."

"Ah, okay. As long as we're working together… I love working with you…"

Smiling gently with an uncontrollable smile, I breathed out a reply.

"Me too."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Ben..."

As the sun's gentle lighting his face, I couldn't stop staring. His whole body, molded into pure art, no matter how much he tries to destroy it. Such deep pain, this urge to self-mutilate, brings such a melancholy that only lures me further and further until I'm engulfed by all the tiny details and to the point I understand everything he feels on a personal level. His feeling of contentment is all I need. For he is my forever sunshine. The sun I'm willing to follow and build my own artificial wings for...

And I'll fly, oh so high, so close, all just to feel his gentle breath, to see the excitement when I'm in his sight. Only when I'm close to taste is the moment I've flown too close. My wings fall apart and I am torn to shreds by the blissful ignorance of my own desire.

And all of this, he won't ever know...

Even if we were transparent and we dated- no, he wouldn't understand my words. He'll think I'm absurd.

It is true. I'm far too gone, but by this point, the road home was lost. Not like I'd wanna go back. This is how true love feels. Even if we don't shoot our shot, if he just leaves me and shatters me, I will never feel this passionately again.

And we're so young… We have so much time to find out what we like and I've found out my preferences long ago. But it feels like he's still questioning...

Everything I adore will only be moulded after you. My life, all the symbolisms, the bunnies, the simplest stuff that anyone could do… they will only leave the most bitter aftertaste of your presence in my life.

Stop smiling! Your smile… shows me how sweet you are… oh! The boy of my dreams...

I never even have been this mushy over someone, let alone be romantic or poetic...

But the worst part is... he'll never know any of this.

I reached out to touch his hair, fine silk under my fingertips, my mind thought it might disappear like a cloud.

To me,he looked imponderable, like I can't even touch him… like an angel.

He turned to face me and smiled brightly. Ugh... hate his stupid smile… he's so stupidly cute...

Does he even know? Does he love me? Does he not?

You don't know, Benatar. But you've got me playing girly games over our bond. When will we step towards our feelings?

Chapter 9 Notes:

hii! i wont be posting next week because im going on a holiday:) last update for a week. i will post the next chapter when i come back home!! thanks again to my editor @LuckyStarFantasy !!! check her out!!!!!

Chapter Text

"Dee… are you okay? Do you need me to open the window? You look like you're melting."

"Haha... no… is it cute in here… oh… haha, it must be just you.."

"Haha?"

My face reddened quickly. That was the most awkward flirting attempt ever. This was so embarrassing, I hid my face in my palms.

"... please just open the window."

"Okay..."

He stood up to open it, but I couldn't face him right now.

I always stumble my words around him… what effect does he even have on me?!

He sat back down silently, starting to doodle again. He was a very talented artist, but this time he was over analysing me too...

I thought he was gonna scrabble me something random, but instead.... he drew me!!! With a shit ton of hearts around.

It's corny as hell, but, hell yeah. I'm honoured. He showed it to me so proudly.

"What do you think?"

"It's perfect, Ben!! It looks just like me!! And the hearts...!!"

"Because you're my best friend."

"Aha... okay. Do I get to keep it?!"

"If you want to… yeah… but it's not that good..."

"Ben. I kid you not, looking at this makes me feel like I don't have the right to even look at a pencil, even if I was thinking about doing homework. It's GODLY!"

"Ah... you're so nice!!"

With a slight blush, he cupped his face and squirmed in his chair excitedly.

"Thank you~"

"No problem… I gotta thank you for this..."
I admired his drawing more. He drew all my features right— yeah. But I looked more handsome somehow… only when he drew me...

"Ah, yeah... actually, I have something to give you too."

I handed him the lyric and music sheet for our band's only song so far.

"Great! Let me see..."

He analysed it for a bit, then looked back at me with a ‘are you serious?’ look.

"Uh… haha… funny joke, Dee. Where is the real stuff?"

"Ah-ah-aaa!... That is the real stuff."

"Excuse me? A song about balls?!"

"Yup. Told ya we aren't that serious. I made the music and Puff wrote the lyrics."

"And… what did Axel do?"

"Eat our food. He doesn't help past drumming..."

"I'm gonna have to do a lot of work, right?"

"Yup. Me and you."

"I guess… as long as we're in this together.."

"Maybe you could help me write the next song?"

"Ohhh!!! I'd love to!!!"

"Hell yeah... now, it doesn't have to be about balls, obviously. But it's gotta be silly. Puff says no emo stuff."

"Hmm… what if I wrote a song about a zombie falling in love with a human?! We could use it as a metaphor for—"

"Aha… Cut it there. The idea is cute. But no metaphor. Sorry, Ben… also, try to not make it extremely corny, okay? Take all the time you need. You can bring it anytime. I'll proofread it first, then maybe if there's anything to change so that puff won't throw a tantrum over it, I'll change it. We can show it off together too. I won't take any of the credits though, don't worry."

"I'm alright with it. Thank you."

He said as he gave me another sweet, sweet kiss on the cheek. The touch made me melt instantly, my brain turning into mush,like he put it into a blender with his own hands.

By the next day, he became awkward again. Something must've happened. I know for a fact. But what? He was stealing glances at me and hid his face from me out of embarrassment.

"What's up, dude? You okay, man?"

"I'm perfectly fine... I'm- I brought you the song… and I'm a bit embarrassed. What if you don't like it? What if it's too corny?"

He brought it ALREADY?! I don't know about everyone else, but I think it'd take me at least a week to make a whole song.

"Huh?! How?!"

"When I'm bored, I write riffs. So I already had the hardest parts out. Now… the lyrics... please review them!!"

He handed me the lyric sheet with a shaky hand. They were still very romantic, but I appreciated him for not making it all that corny and still keeping a silly factor.

"...You see, I'd try to hold your hand but I'm missing an arm… brains are all I've eaten all week it's true, but if my heart were still beating, it would beat for you.... It's very good! I'll edit it here and there and we can definitely have it done by Friday. I'm sure they'll like it."

"I'm so excited! I'll give you the music sheet so you can prerecord the instrumental too..."

"Of course, man.."

I gave him a slightly teasing wink. He giggled and I closed my eyes, thinking he'd kiss my cheek again. He gave me a soft slap and laughed softly whilst getting up.

"You can't get what you always want..."

I mean, he was right. This whole…(questionable) ‘love story’... I had to actually do something to get here. I didn't get anything on a silver platter. But I'm getting impatient, alright? Though, I can't rush things either… Or I'll lose all my progress...

I watched him walk off to god-knows-where… he didn't say anything about it. My instinct was to follow. But it'd be weird, right? I mean… he didn't tell me to follow him. Maybe he went to the bathroom.

He arrived back pretty late. We had English and the teacher was pretty pissed about him missing the bell. But with one of his kind and wholehearted apologies, she seemed to cool off. Finding a kid with proper poise is tough nowadays.

Some classmates have been leaving extremely hateful comments about us recently. Well, of course, no one opens up to the idea that someone might be different, queer. We aren't even an actual couple- yet, at least.

But since he's the least popular in this class, all the hate's being going directly towards him. The only thing I've got is annoying comments about how I ‘could've done better’...

Because he hadn't actually done anything, they'd been including his appearance in this whole ordeal. His clothes, hair, shoes, his eyebags, his scars and bruises… and that brings an abundance of insensitive jokes about cutting. Those things weren't ever funny. And people are so ignorant to this situation… and it's so obvious. But humans always have had a sadistic side, turning each other's misery into a spectacle. It's not the lowest you can go, but how far are you willing to dig to prove some dominance over an easy target for momentary praise? Is this what our heart calls to?

Just like Anna Karenina's Konstantin Dmitrici Levin, I can't really do much more than just watch my ‘Kitty’ (Ekaterina Alexandrovna Șcerbațkaia) suffer. I can't always back him up and sometimes my comforts seem shallower than the metaphorical and physical wounds.

But by his side, currently, I'm willing to die. Even if society throws itself upon us violently. And I hope he can understand that. From everything I've done: every touch, every word, every sigh and caress… I do. We'll get over this, one day at a time.

But for now, he's been eating more and more at least. He's been getting used to the idea of actually eating everyday, thus becoming hungry when he gets to school. I'll probably have to bring him seconds soon! I've at least helped him with that.

He's still skinny and frail, but subtly ,changes are being made.

And for now, all I can pray... Father, give him the same guiding light You gave me. Something to encourage him throughout everything. Remind him that even if his guardian angel is frail, I'm willing to take its place. And I know I'll feel this way until either this spark dies out and it's thrown into the pit of forgiveness, or till we stop dancing around what could be, what we were and what we are now. Tsk… ‘best friends’.

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil… Amen."

Chapter 10 Notes:

i am back from my holiday, i am so intimidated of writing more;') im scared of writing and that once i start i cant atop, or how long it takes me to start, and important things are next. does everyone feel like this? enjoy.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Chapter Text

And thus, Friday came around too. Rabbit boy had tried his best to look pretty normal for today's rehearsal. Something about first impressions… like they matter for Puff and Axel.

But he's wearing a METEORA shirt... It's a clear sign. I know LP isn't actually ‘emo’,but neither Axel nor Puff can tell the difference between them. They think that everything that speaks upon darker themes is emo.

I would've told him that if he wasn't very excited. He was basically jumping up and down from excitement! Too pure to tell him the truth.

"Have you prerecorded what I told you?"

"Ah… yeah. I have it on this stick. We do have places to plug it in at Axel's house."

"That's great!!! But… how will this go? We have only two songs."

"Well… usually, Puff and Axel make too many mistakes to actually finish it since they refuse to warm up… or they just slack a lot."

"Well… I hate slacking. We must get to work then."

"We fit like a puzzle, cus me too. But how? By making more songs?"

"I guess."

He was using one of my highlighters to reread some chords. I have a pretty ‘eye catching’ idea...

"Hey. Are you a highlighter? 'Cause you're the highlight of my day."

I struck a quick smirk and pretty awkward pose and he actually blushed and laughed this time! He even giggled!! First real flirting success??!!!

"Okay… now, that one's good."

"Haha… thanks."

It felt great. I had his attention and it wasn't because I was awkward now.

"What other stuff do you have there, hmm?~"

"No, I'm afraid that was the only good thing I have..."

"Such a shame..."

He turned back to his chords and let go of my highlighter. The fact I couldn't keep up my flirtatious momentum probably ruined everything… now things are awkward. What a fail.

But I'll learn. So much, that one day… well, I don't know… He's twice as romantic as me. I'm never going to be swoon over… but at least he'll appreciate my effort, right?

Spending my entire day with him makes my whole day seem shorter. I never wished school would have more periods than it already does… but if anyone knew I said that, they'd probably shoot me.

I kind of rushed dinner today. But between those fast bites, I told my parents about the rehearsal too.

"Mom, dad... tomorrow I'll have another rehearsal with the band."

"How nice. You guys are finally taking it seriously, hmm?"

"Well… kinda. We got a new member so..."

Jane looked at me surprised, then it slowly turned into a smirk.

"Is it possibly Benatar?~"

"Shut it now, Jane. How'd you guess?"

"Could smell it from a mile away… you say he's such a good musician and you seem excited about this rehearsal in particular..."

She smirked and laughed at me. It was true, but I had to deny it. My cheeks reddened uncontrollably though.

"Shh… he really is, okay?!"

"Mhm… no other reasons now?"

My mom raised her eyebrow at me.

"What other reasons, Jane?"

We both fell silent altogether. If she told mom anything.... I'd be in a big mess. My fate's lying in her hands.

"Well, auntie, they're colleagues and best friends. Deejay doesn't stop talking 'bout him."

"Aww, how nice! Then why wouldn't he be excited for band practice tomorrow?"

"Nothing… it was a stupid joke… sorry.."

I finished first and left as quickly as possible. God, that was embarrassing.

To calm myself down, I just practiced on my portable turntables. They weren't that high quality, but I'll get new ones for my birthday. My excitement was rattling in me, popping and bursting like fireworks. The mere thought we'll be performing together one day... Well, maybe. I have a bad feeling about this too. He gets really anxious, within a short time, paired with Puff and Axel who don't understand and are denser than any rocks...

It'll be hard. But I want him there. But I want him all to myself first. That's greedy. I guess I'm turning into the greed they describe in the Bible...

I mean, yeah. I'll be sharing him with the band… but what if in breaks we can have our stolen moments… okay, well, first things first… the ACTUAL first rehearsal... tomorrow will be bomb...

Chapter 11 Notes:

looooooong
all that im livimg for...all that im dying for...all that i cant ignore...alooonee at niiiiight/lyr
i love evanescnece!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry i spelt it wrong im sleepuy

Chapter Text

School wasn't that interesting, I wasn't invested in whatever bullshit today's periods had to offer and rabbit boy didn't take a lot of notes either, busy doodling instead.

The school bell rang and shortly after. Puff texted me.

"I'm gonna get to Axel's in about 15 minutes. Don't forget to bring the new guy."

"OK. I'm on my way."

Rabbit boy was resting his head on my shoulder, trying to peek into my phone and read the messages as well.

"So... you'll show me how to get there, right?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I'll let you guess."

"What?!! But… b-but… I-"

He's so stupid (sometimes). I swear, he's so naïve. But it's just a part of his rather adorable charm.

"Haha… I was just joking, dumbass. Hold my hand and pay attention to where we're going, in case you'll have to go alone next time."

"Ah, okay!"

He grabbed my hand excitedly and held his instruments tightly. Carrying a guitar, keytar AND some portable turntables- God, by the way, I wish there was a possibility they could just have wheels and I could carry them with a carrier everywhere or something. It was a very big hustle. We had to take multiple breaks here and there, but we still arrived earlier than Puff.

Axel was pissed. Still, whilst waiting, he showed us what hawk his parents rescued a few days ago. He's told us everything about it. He's only 2 weeks old and Axel found him under a car, trembling and scared. His parents have a love for animals too, so they took it in and brought it to the vet. It's living better and getting so much healthier already! Axel's grown very attached to it, so he doesn't know if he can set it free in a week.

He didn't let rabbit boy touch the bird, but I was given the option to hold it. It shat in my fucking hand. Axel says that's ‘how he shows love’.

Axel doesn't even clean after his own shit. I really don't wanna see his room now, with the bird in the equation. I never wanted to anyways...

Puff arrived… after half an hour. His excuse for being late was that he bought a few snacks and the line at the cashier was huge.

Usually, it takes a long time to set things up… these two idiots love to eat the snacks and play video games whilst I set everything and check the tune. Thankfully to my wonderful rabbit boy though, it was very quick. His stuff was already in perfect pitch, so he helped me with every small thing. That's one more reason to love rabbit boy. I should make a list. But would it even end?

"Okay guys. We're all set. Get up, let's practice."

Puff and Axel looked surprised, groaning in anger.

"But we haven't even finished these cheese puffs!'

"Yeah! 5 more minutes? Please?!!?"

Rabbit boy stood idly behind me, quiet to not be heard. I sighed and shook my head, refusing their annoying request.

"Not anymore. Thanks to Benatar over here, we will be slacking less."

They whined and sobbed like little children until they finally got to their instruments, resuming to a quiet lingering anger. They acted like injustice just happened.

Getting behind my precious turn-tables, I turned to rabbit boy. He was sitting on the sofa now but he was just as prepared.

"Good. Well, to make you two happy, we're offering you guys more free time. Ben has composed a new song for our band, since we wanted to move forward from our last one."

They looked at each other in a relatively acceptable surprised way. Puff turned to face me first,crossing his arms.

"Go on then."

I started the backing track and rabbit boy quickly jumped into the song with his guitar. I haven't practiced that much, but knowing him, he definitely did. The flow was smoother than any lake and, honestly, I felt in the mood. I stared at him in my mind. This, to me, could be a serenade. The song's so romantic… I wish it was a love song written specifically for me...

As we finished, I gave rabbit boy a quick smile, but he ducked his head in and hid behind his guitar.

"Uhh… so what do you guys think?"

Puff and Axel nodded with convinced smiles on their faces.

"You know, when you said the Brit wrote it, I thought it'd be horrible. But it's quite good!"

Axel jumped immediately to voice his idea. Of course he thought only the worst about him. “But on the same wagon,” chimed Puff.

"Yeah! It's romantic, but still… funny, you know? This- for a first song by him- isn't bad. The idea is silly, I like it."

Honestly, I knew they'd like it. I turned back to rabbit boy, hoping he would've softened up. He only perked one eye out to analyse their expressions, his skin even paler than usual, as if he was a ghost or at least wanted us to treat him like one.

"But like, for the future… if you're professional, like, stop playing whilst sitting."

Rabbit boy nodded slowly and got up, shaking tremendously. His limbs were watery yet so heavy, gripping the guitar like it was a shield from the world. The sheer fear and anxiety radiating from him- I could feel it, especially since he was the centre of our attention now. I understand him. At home, no one focuses on him this much, nor praises him. To steer it away and hopefully calm him down, I spoke up.

"Well, I'll give you the sheets and Puff will get the lyrics. Benatar's not ready to perform it yet. Plus, there are lyrics that don't necessarily feel appropriate for him to be singing. They don't match him, you know? They're tailored around you, Puff. He analysed how you wrote the lyrics in the previous song. So… it'd be fair."

"That's good. Hand ‘em over. Also, tell him to come closer. He looks stupid."

I nudged him, moving him with tentative steps, still next to me. He stood very close, watching me. his eyes bore into my soul whilst I was merely handing out the sheets.

Honestly, why did I even give them the sheets? Puff could read the lyrics, but axel ‘analysed’ them. They're both stupid and don't understand what notes to play or sing... they'll have to watch us play.

"Well, guys, as the leader, I say we practice ‘My balls’ first before we get to learning this. We can't move onto the next one if we haven't even nailed the first one."

Rabbit boy switched to his keytar, clinging onto it. But immediately as I started the backing track, he started acting up. At first, he missed the cue. Secondly, his notes were rushed, overlapping Puff's vocals more. This thing pissed him off pretty badly. Lastly, he started missing notes or hitting the wrong ones.

His sheer panic only made it impossible to play. Every mistake made him climb a step in the ladder of anxiety. I knew he can play it perfectly, but their judgment and rude ways only pushed him to start running upwards.

We continued regardless, since Puff and Axel made tons of mistakes too. Puff’s glare only intensified. Just as we were reaching the bridge he started losing his breath, hyperventilating. It was quick and quiet, and only I noticed. He dropped the keytar and held his stomach and mouth out of the blue.

I didn't stop playing like an idiot, I just stared at him worriedly. That's even more stupid. This was bad. I had a feeling he could get like this, he'll vomit on the floor and…

Puff and Axel were slowing down too. They were being thrown off. They've never seen someone get so scared before. Well, neither did I. I know he gets really anxious or scared, but this...this was a level I haven't quite seen. He was pale and breathed like all of that air wasn't going to his lungs, trying to grab more in hopes it'd know where to go. All of this whilst gagging. It was a horrible sight, until he just… fell back. He fainted right in front of us.

Leaving the stupid turn tables behind, I rushed to his side as those two idiots just stood in shock behind me. His pulse was quick. I had to do something to calm him down and it had to be quick.

"Well, at least we have a bigger break now..."

"AXEL! Not now! He looks like he's dying! Deejay, what the hell's happening to him?!"

"A sort of panic attack, I guess?! Look, he has social anxiety, isn't it obvious?! It gets really bad and really quick, okay?! Once I calm him down and he wakes, I'll make sure he's okay to continue, but you guys'll have to promise me a few things too."

"Okay… well… do we bring you anything?"

"Water and food. Something healthy. Bring some fruit."

As they rushed, I cracked him. My very own tears fell on his scrawny form and I know, I'm dramatic and all… but I'm really scared for him. I love him…

They brought back a banana and two cut up apples, along with three small bottles of water. They thankfully understood I needed us to be alone, so they moved to Axel's room. His parents were in the hallway, ready to call an ambulance over if needed. They seemed equally worried over him.

Luckily, he got up and gagged again, this time finally throwing up. Axel's dad was vigilant and brought in a bucket under his chin. He grew limp again and fell back into my arms.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered, his voice dripping with embarrassment, as well as his face was covered in this feeling.

"I-"

"Shh. Don't worry. It's okay. I know... let's calm down before anything."

I caressed his hair as he closed his eyes. Looking back at the bucket, it was just gastric acid. But a shit load of it. He hadn't eaten, but his disorder made him retch anyways.

His breathing had calmed down now, so I started to slowly give him a few sips of water. Since he wasn't rejecting any, I offered him some rather smaller chunks of banana as well.

He sat up, turning his face away from mine out of embarrassment. Although he was shying away now, he still breathed out a ‘thank you’. I patted his head, noticing Axel and Puff peeking in to see what's going on. I walked over to them and, as I approached, they took a few steps back warily.

"Ben, I'm gonna go and talk to them. Do you think you can finish the fruits and one bottle of water before we return?"

"I'll try..."

"Thank you."

Turning back at them, I pushed both of them towards the bathroom. I know it seems odd, but the room was sound-proof, I hope.

"So… like, what happened? Is he alright?"

Puff immediately jumped to questions, giving me a worried look, afterwards glancing at Axel, but he hadn't uttered a word yet.

"He's okay, I think. Look… Let's settle some things... Benatar's home life sucks. Puff, you should know how it feels."

"I mean, yeah. But I live with meemaw. Doesn't he have someone to live with too?"

"No. All his relatives are in London. He has a pretty severe form of social anxiety, as you can see."

"So, he gets terrified out of one not-so-kind glance?"

Axel spoke in a mocking way, but I'm sure that's not what he meant.

"Yeah, actually, I'm pretty sure that's it. That's why all I ask of you two is to be kind, understanding and, well, less...cold to him. It reminds him of his parents."

Giving each other a glance, they nodded in unity, Puff speaking up.

"Yeah. We'll try our best."

I let them go. We left the bathroom, but Axel tugged my sleeve.

"You should probably keep an eye on him. You know, check him."

"Axel, that's insensitive. I already do."

"Not just physically, mentally you know. And all the time."

"I already do."

"M’kay..."

The self-harm thing is a sensitive topic. I don't like when anyone brings it up about him. It's not something they should have a say in. I shouldn't either, but for him, I've spent countless hours on research. On everything. The aftercare, the psychology behind it. So much so, I've gotten a lot of pop ups urging me to call a hotline...

Rabbit boy was sitting down on the couch again as we got back to our places.

"Okay, Ben, we'll retry ‘My balls’ okay? Get the keytar."

He rushed to stand up, looking anxiously at us. Before starting the track, Puff tried to reassure him.

"Forget what I said earlier. You can sit if it's more comfortable for you."

Rabbit boy looked stunned but sat down without hesitation.

Surely, it worked. Yeah, Axel and Puff still had lots of mistakes and especially thousands of questions on how to play rabbit boy's song, but I could tell he was much calmer and happier, in his zone... Still alert, definitely, but he wasn't making any mistakes anymore.

Time flew over us really quickly. My mom called, so me and rabbit boy left together. Puff decided to hang out more.

We walked together. We were just gonna walk up until our shared common bus stop and then separate. But then I had an idea. I felt bad for everything...

"You know, Ben… I'm sorry for earlier, when you fainted..."

"Why are you the one to apologise? It's my fault."

"But I want to make it up to you. Look… I want us to go to the big park tomorrow. You know, the one with the attraction park and a big lake? I'll buy you anything."

"You- you don't have to…"

"I HAVE to! Shush!"

"Ah... you're forcing my hand..."

"Yes, I am. So?"

"I love being with you. I was gonna say yes anyways, but you don't have to buy me anything…"

"I want to."

I grabbed his hands to squeeze them. They're cold. Always been. His cheeks? Coloured rose. The atmosphere? Tensed. We both simultaneously got closer and closer, angling our heads just right… his breath... it's so nice...

...but his fuckass bus arrived. He gasped and left in a hurry.

"Sorry, Dee!! We'll see each other tomorrow! Ah, when?!"

"I'll call you later and tell you!!"

"Ah, okay! Bye!!"

"Bye...!"

I hesitated. He probably knows it anyway. The bus doors were closing up, but I decided to yell my true emotions.

"I LOVE YOU!!!"

The decision has been taken way too late now… I'm guessing he didn't hear it. I sighed, but had to continue getting home.

My mom was first to greet me, Jane following fight behind.

"Eh? How was it?"

"Really good. The new band member really has us actually doing the work. We even have a new song thanks to him."

Jane pushed mom to see me better.

"Did he write it?"

"Yeah. I helped him only with the lyrics. We'll be working on the music itself together."

"That's wonderful, my son!! Oh, you'Ve gotta tell me about him!"

My mom got really excited already. She'd probably like him if she met him.

"Deejane told me he's your best friend. That he's blonde, from London and plays a lot of instruments! Oh, and that he did music school as well. Does he get any cooler?"

"Oh, trust me, mom, he's also kind and shy… but so cute..."

"He already reminds me of you… but if you were white, I guess. He must be a super good musician! Oh, what are they feeding kids nowadays?"

Better said, when are they feeding him?

"Haha... probably music notes..."

"Talking about eating, get ready to eat dinner, okay? I'm giving you guys pasta today!"

"Yay..."

Jane walked behind me to our room. I knew she was smiling… evilly.

"So… tell me all the juicy details!"

"Well, in reality… it wasn't that good."

"Really? So he actually sucks?'

"Benatar?! No! No way! But like… You know he's shy… Puff and Axel were kinda skeptical about him, so..."

"Oo... What'd he do?!"

"Maybe if you stopped interrupting me you'd know!"

"Sorry..."

"So, at first, he kept making mistakes,which is unlike him. I felt the fact that he was very anxious, but then he… he fainted."

She gasped and hung her jaw low, staring at me in pure shock.

"Is he okay?!"

"Thankfully yes. I told the other two to be nicer to him and they seem to be cool with it. He stopped making any mistakes afterwards… but I'm going to the big park with a lake tomorrow with him... to make it up to him. It HAS to be perfect… well… because.."

"Hmm...?"

"It's- I can't tell you."

"Aha! You're gonna ask him out?!"

"Not yet! But hopefully soon!..."

"Get him, tiger. He's not going anywhere anyways..."

"Right."

Dinner was good, as always, since my mom's great at cooking. I even watched a film with Jane right after. She asked to watch ‘Super Bad'. It was really funny. My favourite character had to be Fogell… or maybe McLOVIN...

It was for sure getting late. Even Jane fell asleep mid movie. I closed the computer, getting up and pushing my chair towards my window, pulling my windows away. I'll watch the stars with him...

He picked up quietly, he must've been waiting for my call.

"I thought you forgot..."

"Never."

"So...?"

"Are you looking out the window as well...?"

"...how did you guess...??"

"I just know you. When are you free tomorrow?"

"Anytime works. Could we get there together?"

"Of course. We'll meet at your bus stop if you want."

"Thank you..."

"I'm thinking… 2PM. Is that good for you too?"

"It's just right."

We became quiet. The only thing ringing in my head at this moment was what we could've done at the bus stop… we were so close..."

"That moment… from earlier..."

"What about it?.."

"I wish the bus could've waited more..."

"..."

He gave me no reply. I'm guessing I have set him off.

"I'm sorry. Goodnight."

"Me too... honestly..."

But I already hung up. My heart stopped for a second… or maybe two. He... felt the same. I'm sure of it. But he's so shy… we’re both beating around the bush, aren't we?

We're playing, dancing around love, but we're not quite discussing it. It's as if we were picking flowers for each other for a hearty bouquet, but neither has the courage to tackle the rose. With the prettiest image,cyet the most deadly. Those spikes make it scary and it makes you second guess before you pick it.

The only sound now was Jane's loud snoring. She was sleeping afterall. Call it ‘sneeping’, if you will ...

Maybe I'm too tired for this. Seriously. Or maybe I'm just in need of a bigger dose of rabbit boy…

Settling down in my bed, I started to pray. I needed this. Tomorrow must be perfect...

Chapter 12 Notes:

ai ai, ai ai im your little butterfly !!
i hope every1 enjoys whilst they can, you wont later...you'll be missing this happiness.
theres MUCH worse to come. in the future!

Chapter Text

In my dream, I was waiting for my alarm to wake me, so I could get back to the lovely reality I had now that I knew I'd meet him again.

So when it did, I didn't waste any more seconds. I jumped out of bed and rushed myself a breakfast and a pretty nice band shirt (stolen from my dad as well) and some rather baggy pants (they looked cool,okay?!). I have to look good today.

But by the time I finished, I had like five more hours left… I don't have the patience to wait any longer...

Maybe if I read a book...? Yeah. Well... about that… I ended up doing extensive research on all his favourite bands. Yeah, so what if I'm stooping towards a new low?!

But surely enough, it killed the time I had. I ate mom's soup quickly, which she wasn't very happy about. But I didn't care.

This time, he arrived first at the bus stop, waiting for me with such a graceful flair. He wore his usual. I can't blame him though. But the new thing is that he used perfume today. Just for me?! I'm lucky.

He stood up and hugged me tightly, sighing.

"Ah… hi..!"

"Hi, Ben!"

"We'll take the 141 till there, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry..."

His hand had found mine, as always. As if we had magnets in them or something. I just didn't have the heart to let it go and he wasn't leaving my reach either.

Once arrived, he stuck even closer to me now.

"Do you wanna check some attractions first?"

He didn't look too impressed, as he looked to the side, with a doubtful look.

"Sure… haha..."

First, the rollercoaster. What's so wrong with that? It's simple and popular. We sat down and throughout it entirely, I found it so thrilling, whilst rabbit boy continuously screamed and teared up in pure shock . No thrill, no excitement, he was actually terrified.

Well… next one. Bumping cars! I drove us both and, to be fair… it wasn't the best idea. Each time we got bumped he'd flinch or scream loudly. And now that we're out of them, I can tell why .

Uhhmm… what about the high swings? All it does is take us in the air and swing us slowly. This is way calmer. But the height was too much for him, as he started crying, sobbing his eyes out whilst holding my hand til I thought he was gonna break my fingers.

Clearly, it was a very terrible idea. I definitely enjoyed it way more than he did. He only got more and more anxious, gripping my hand with all his power.

It wasn't much, but enough. I could tell he said ‘yes’ just to make me happy. I hate that. Technically, he hurt himself for my pleasure....I feel guilty. Even more guilty than yesterday, so I sat him down.

"Ben, I'm sorry. You didn't have to say yes..."

"I don't want to be boring to you..."

"You're not---"

"You're the most popular kid in our class, the coolest person I know… and I'm just a freak, all I know is to squeak and cry. I want to be courageous like you..."

"Do NOT say that! I'm gonna do anything for you to feel happy and safe, that's what would grant my happiness! You don't have to prove anything to me!"

"I'm sorry..."

I hugged him. He's so stupid.. I love him like this. But seriously, he doesn't even know how much he means to me.

"Look. Let's get some ice cream, okay?"

"You don't have to..."

"Shh..."

I got him a simple vanilla soft-serve. It took so much bargain to get him to accept it. I got myself a blue slushie instead.

"You know… since we're here… can we... please… pretty please… go to the lake? I know it's not fun, it's quite boring… but the scenery... everything… I'm sorry."

"No, no! Let's go. I agree. This place is way too busy for me too."

The truth was that I didn't mind it as much as him, but I swore I would do anything for his precious smile.

Arriving at the lake, he fell quiet. He was clearly mesmerised by the scene. I found myself tracing imaginary lines on his face in my head… he was my scenery, okay?!

We walked by it slowly, keeping the walk really quiet. He held my arm this time, as his head rested on my shoulder, sighing ever so often.

I eventually saw a patch of grass, hidden from the sun, but where we still had a very good view of the lake. It was romantic, something painted out of the oldest romance tale ever… I had to offer to sit there...

"Ben? What if we stay there for a minute or two? I mean, no sun, but we can still admire this beauty!"

Rubbing his head against my shoulder, he nodded. We sat down discreetly, but not long after, we settled on laying on our backs fully on the grass.

The silence was comforting. It spoke louder than whatever I could've said to him at that moment. Our words and thoughts get dissolved in the pure water of the lake anyways, the sound of the tentative small waves and rustling leaves replacing them.

He wasn't admiring the lake anymore though, but rather looking up at the sky, of course… I was looking at him instead. I feel like I have some sort of gravitational pull towards him… or maybe it's that "The Universal Law of Attraction " our Physics teacher talked about. With a sigh, I propped myself on my elbow and broke the silence that enveloped us like a blanket.

"You know... I've always always associated you with a rabbit. Ever since we've met."

"Really? Why?"

His eyes turned into mine and he smiled softly. He only smiled around me. I'm honoured… and maybe melting...

"I dunno... you're cute, fidgety, quick to run away, fast and well… get frightened by pretty much your own shadow as well..."

"Is it my buck teeth as well...?!"

"Maybe.... perchance. You also like carrots...!!"

"You're right!"

We laughed and he also matched my stance, fully looking at me now.

"Well then, I think you're a fox. You're sly, smart, flirty ,interesting and mysterious… quite cool too..."

I don't- I don't even know how to respond. I smiled at him, grinning ear to ear, looking like a lovestruck idiot.

He sat up, so I also quickly followed after him. He moved closer to me, our thighs glueing together.

"I- I can't thank you enough for everything. Really, Dee..."

He was at a loss for words. We simultaneously looked into each other's eyes, like we were expecting something to say what needed to be said for us, so we didn't have to face the truth...

The spark… it was there again. I suddenly forgot how to breathe. I always do. I'll stop functioning due to him. His smile softened as he tried looking away. God, hold me back, I can't do this anymore...

I cupped his cheek, turning his face back to mine. His eyes, those icy blues, they seemed warm to me. It's like I've gotten used to the water. It is truly warm... we're moving closer...

There it was. That tender, tensed energy. It's always there, always looking for denouement . This time, nothing will ruin this moment.

"Dee..."

Our noses touched,my eyes glueing shut. I couldn't face him anymore and I just know so did he. That whisper fell upon my lips in a trembling sigh. His breath smelled nice, it was warm, inviting. It was for me to swallow, for sure.

Our lips found each other, finally. The same way our hands always do. Moving my hand from his cheek to his hair, holding it in the perfect angle…

It was a true kiss. (Sure, it maybe was a bit awkward and sloppy, but it was our first kiss, so you can cut us some slack.)

All things gotta end and, unfortunately, so did this. I let him go and we both turned away out of embarrassment.

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!" I thought, my lips already memorizing his unique, shy and faint touch.

Yeah. This is it. This is destiny. God made us to be, we had to get here. Nothing could've stopped this from happening.

After a few more minutes, the shock had watered down. We managed to win back our courage to face one another, with the same radiant smiles we had beforehand. Rabbit boy's face was even brighter now, but he was definitely proud of himself. I probably looked worse anyways… he looks like a god anyways...

He twisted his hair and giggled.

"You were my first, you know?"

"I- I'm so glad… you were my first as well, by the way."

"Ah! I'm so flattered… I'm sure so many girls wanted you… they would've been praying for this..."

"But I only have eyes for you." (God, I'm so corny! I should've thought of something original...)

"You're so silly… you... you're good at it..."

"I'm good at it?! You're the best at it!"

"Liar!"

"Oh, shut it! Seriously… woah."

"True..."

Things quickly became awkward again. We were both lost in a trance. But I didn't like the idea of everything being like this after one of the most memorable things we've done together, so I tugged his arm,gently getting him to sit up with me.

"We... I won't allow us to shy out now. Let's get back to walking. Now that everything's settled, I feel... refreshed, in a way?"

"To be fair… same."

It's like I have some sort of arm accessory, since he won't let go of my hand, holding onto me with all his might, trusting me completely with his now softened form, ready to be modelled up for me. The walk itself was as calming as it could be. As a matter of fact, we'd even seen a few ducks on the lake!

We didn't make any other stops, walking directly to part at the bus stop. This time, this fuckass evil bus didn't even bother to give us the illusion we could share another moment, it wasted no time, but before he left me once more, he gave me a very tender yet quick kiss on the cheek.

He makes me fall in love and he repeats this process everyday. It's a torturous cycle,but to me, it's all I need. And by each turn, I'm still head-over-heels for rabbit boy.

I swear, I've never been happier. We weren't dating yet, so the matter wasn't addressed, but we crossed the line of ‘just friends’ already. I think I hopped on my entire way home, all while whistling his favourite MCR song.

Upon arrival, Jane was quick to notice my excitement, which was even bigger than usual. Of course she questioned me...

"Tell me now, what's gotten you like this. It is him???"

"Oh, you don't even have to ask! It was a dream come to life..."

"I believe you. Are you guys dating yet?! I ship you guys already. Plus I have a bet to win."

"Not quite yet, but- but... Wait, what bet?!"

"Nothing!! Go on, I'm invested! What happened?!"

"We… we KISSED!!! Oho… it was the best thing EVER!!!"

I started jumping up and down. I've never ever been this happy about anything like this before.

"Woah, woah, woah!! Calm down now!! That's GREAT!!! I'm so happy for you!!!"

"You don't understand… God loves me! He finally let me feel his soft and sweet-"

"Too much information, too much information! …You're still gonna give me every little detail, won't you?"

"Yeah, so sit down!"

This was probably the first time I had ever talked for so long. It's usually Jane that rants and talks a lot to get me up to date with all her school drama or social media. But this wasn't exactly a rant either...

This whole ordeal is getting me to do stuff I wouldn't have done before, but I guess that's just what love makes out of you. It shoves you out of your comfort space.

"God, you're both so gay… I swear, I'm gonna get a headache..."

"But it's the best day ever!"

"I can tell, dude..."

Things were looking better. They were dancing, smiling, loving… Finally, the pieces have fallen into place in my favour as well.

God let me win.

Chapter 13 Chapter Text

The next day, I surprisingly met Puff in school.

"Hey, 'jay!"

"Sup, dude?"

"I'm thinking about setting down more rehearsals... the prom's gonna be in a few months and the principal said we'll be playing."

"Ah,shit. Benatar's not gonna like this..."

"He's good, me and Axel… eh, not so much, but like, we probably need more songs."

"You know we're only asked to play a little bit, right? They'll have other performances too, but we get the spotlight at some point. The people are looking forward to our show the most, since we're the music club."

"Ah! Phew! I thought I wouldn't even get to enjoy prom or win prom king. I'm thinkin' if asking the new girl out... What was her name again?"

"Tig?"

"Yeah! Tig! From the other class! She's the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen! She has some massive boobs as well! Have you seen 'er?!"

"I don't look at her boobs."

"Yeah, I can tell. Since you're gay and stuff."

My face reddened and my eyes widened. I was, of course, but I wasn't ready to tell him that.

"I'M NOT!!!"

He burst out in laughter, like this was comedy gold or something...

"The fact you're getting this bothered doesn't help, dude! I was just joking, man!"

"Gh... don't make such jokes..."

"Okay, okay… just remember to tell Bernarad that."

"Benatar."

"Benatar! I still don't know his name. What about five times a week?"

"What?! No! You wouldn't even show up for half of them! We can do five a week when we're just a week or two away from prom."

"Then 4?"

"Let's just do three for now..."

"Let's go Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Is it okay?"

"Yeah. It's good. I'll tell him."

"What about Axel, does he know…?"

A third voice appeared and we both screamed. It was just rabbit boy though. He had been there for a long while, it seemed. We just didn't hear or notice him...

Regardless of the scare, I hugged him and picked him up.

"Hi, Ben!!"

"Hi..."

"Hi, Benatar!"

Puff waved at rabbit boy as I put him down.

"I'll tell Axel in a minute. I'll call him. He'll get ready to go. I'm thinking we could meet in the actual band room this time, after school. We'll stay for a maximum of 3 hours.."

"It's all good with us."

The bell rang, we waved off and got into our first class of the day... Biology.

Everyday goes smoothly for me, thanks to rabbit boy. Not that I don't do well anyways. In breaks, I turned to talk to him right away. He's only this open and talkative around me. He instantly closes up towards others. They haven't spent as much time winning him over like I did. Each word of his to me would only be laced with more and more love...

He definitely was more confident around me. Enough for rehearsals. He still chose to sit down the entirety of our last rehearsal, but he promised me he might try to actually stand for this next one. He wants to look professional and collected. He knew what to do, but if you don't give off that vibe, of course people will doubt you. I'm still very proud of him.

Axel was late, as always, so rabbit boy and me sat down to properly explain in even more detail to Puff how to sing the newest song.

Oh by the way, it's called ‘Zombie Love Song’. Basic name, but we don't need something very grand and poetic...

Off topic, rabbit boy has some of the best explanations ever! Puff understood stuff pretty easily from him. He talked away and I grabbed his shoulders, at first massaging him before I set my head down on his shoulder. I seemed to have caught Puff’s attention, as he stared at me. He ignored the details that he was supposed to be memorising. He gave me a weird look.

"Ohh, how I love you…"

I whispered against his shoulder. He didn't hear me, but felt my presence, so he started patting my head.

Axel finally blessed us with his presence. He apparently almost forgot about the rehearsal. He's the type of idiot I hate the most.

The club's instruments were already tuned and ready for us, so there was no more time to waste on preparation.

"Okay now, let's start today's session..."

I turned to face them, but rabbit boy was still trying to talk some sense into Axel. He was teaching him how to play more comfortably or something.

I sighed in awe of his charm, he's like a witch. I'm constantly under his spell...

Axel started to get pissy and childish, so he threw his drum stick at him. He yelped and stepped back, murmuring all apologies.

"Axel! What are you, five?!"

"He's just getting on my nerves!! I play as I want!"

"I- I'm… I'm s- sorry! I just… I wanted to give you some tricks and tips...!"

"I don't need them!"

I walked to rabbit boy's side, giving Axel a glare.

"You're just petty."

"Whatever. I don't like the fact he's just bragging about how much better he is!"

"I'm sorry...!! I didn't mean it like that!.."

"It's alright, I guess.."

Puff felt what I usually feel. He got tired of this and whilst adjusting his microphone to his height, started talking too.

"Shut up, you grown babies!"

He was right. We should just be practicing. Maybe now, they're getting the hang of ‘My balls’... It was about time. This time, it only took Puff and Axel seven tries to get the song right. I consider it a big improvement.

Rabbit boy immediately hopped on the drums to show Axel how to play his part in the new song.

Puff hasn't memorised all the lyrics yet. He knows the melodic tone somewhat, but I can't help him through anything if he doesn't know them.

After some time, Axel felt like he had the hang of it. He played the intro in a pretty good manner. Seems like rabbit boy's teachings aren't worthless. I decided to do a bit of practice as well, I'm working on my timing. I have to be exact.

Since rabbit boy himself wasn't doing anything, so Puff looked up from the poem, (Since it's not exactly lyrics without the melodic tone, is it? Lyrics ARE poems afterall. You should try to read lyrics in a poetic way… you'll see what I mean…) raising his eyebrow.

"Ben...atar? Was that your name?"

"Yeah… what about me?"

"Listen, you should do something too."

"I already practiced at home a lot. I made no mistakes..."

"I know, I know. Just... do something, okay?! Quick! Jumping jacks!"

Rabbit boy was stunned but obeyed without a question, starting his physical work.

"Okay, now do cheerleading jumps!!"

"Oh, oh! Start spinning while doing it!!" Axel butted in and laughed as rabbit boy did it blindly.

"Now dance, but like with a shit load of twirling and jumping!"

"Like… ballet?"

"No, Brit! Just… freestyle it!"

They had their laugh, but rabbit boy was seriously getting tired. I stopped him by grabbing his waist.

"That's enough. You get a very big break..."

I smiled at him and cupped his cheek. The original plan was to kiss it too, but Axel and Puff were there. I had to let him go. I was already revealing too much.

He walked off to the small couch and looked in my bag for the chips I brought him.

Turning back to the other two idiots,they immediately got scared and got back to practice.

"No breaks for you two, by the way."

"What?! I'm the leader—"

"You're incompetent."

He wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth and looked down.

"Okay. Sorry..."

The whole story is stupid. I just keep covering for him, but he has no back-bone. He's an invertebrate. They also seem to take advantage of his kindness or anxiety problems... ugh. I feel like a teacher.

For the future, I'll tell rabbit boy to lay down the practicing at home so he doesn't have to repeat the physical exercise again. I know he doesn't have much to distract him from the everlong sadness and discouragement at home, but I don't think this is any better either.

After only one more hour, we all left. Axel walked to a store so he left us earlier on the way. It was just rabbit boy, Puff and me. We held hands and joked around, not acknowledging how quiet Puff Puff got. He was analysing us. Upon the realization, I stopped and looked back at him.

"Are you alright, man?"

"So like… is there anything between you two?"

He jumped straight to the point, didn't he?!

"What?!—"

"We're just best friends!"

Rabbit boy answered for me this time.

"Y- yeah!!"

Even after all the romanticism between us, we're still ‘just friends’ in his eyes? What does he mean? Is he lying too? Or is he stupid? He's keeping me on a rollercoaster, isn't he?! Keeping me on edge, never giving me what I wish for the most.

"No, I mean, I knew that part. But like… are you guys more than that?"

"We… what?"

Dumbass rabbit boy… he doesn't understand what puff means now, does he? He'd be perfect for Thales's theorem… he's parallel with everything... it's perfect for Geometry reports...

"Like...h ave you crossed that line from friends to boyfriends?"

"Puff— stop this... we’re—"

"But we are boyfriends!"

My jaw dropped. What is he thinking?! What is he saying?! Does he hear himself?! Did he mean it? If he did... when? When did we make this official?! Does he think that kiss was the sealed deal? I wouldn't object, but I needed to know too,okay?!

"...cus we're both guys and we're friends… no! We're best-boyfriends!"

"Aha… okay, you're dumb."

God. I cannot argue with Puff. Rabbit boy is stupid…
Puff was just as confused as I was, but he didn't also feel my absolute disappointment...

Per usual, I told Jane how things went. She seemed to laugh at my pain. Well, especially at the last part ..

"BAHHAA!!! ‘Best-boyfriends’??! My God, you're dead!"

"It's not funny! He's giving me false hope for nothing!"

"No, he's just probably saying stuff awkwardly, without much thought. Maybe saying dumb stuff in hopes they'll become true. Maybe it's his way of urging you to confess already!"

"Ugghhh… I wish he just told me, though..."

"He's shy though, isn't he?"

"Yeah. I'm still gonna have to win him over even more..."

"You have to work for it. Ha!"

"It's not a big deal! I'll work for it!"

"Then, stop complaining. You know what you've gotten into."

"Okay, okay..."

I'm not going to lie. Not much happened at school either. We took an English test and rabbit boy was called in by the counselor. The self-harm rumours have gotten to the staff. I don't know if this is a shitty move, but I'm glad he's finally getting some sort of help. I'm not a professional...

He walks out usually with a sweet treat, pocket money to buy food (the staff noticed he doesn't look to be fed much, which is alarming, especially for a teenager) and an awkward look, avoiding all eye contact. He feels ashamed. It's probably because they check him pretty often. I also check him, but it's probably because I'm a close person and not some trusted adult. It's uncomfortable, but for the love of God, it's for him.

Tomorrow we have yet another rehearsal. I told him to lay off the practicing to read more books on his interests or something, but I doubt he'll listen. Practicing is the only thing that distracts him from cutting…

Chapter 14 Chapter Text

At school, rabbit boy seemed excited for this rehearsal. He said he did, in fact, not practice guitar at all since I told him.

"Haha… you better not be lying."

"I'm not! We should get to writing another song, by the way ..."

My phone buzzed. I checked it. A message from Axel.

"Hold on..."

"heu gys sory i csbt mek it todey mey poor litel binsent dosent feel rite and i feel toe giltey to lev him to praktise"

Puff sent an unimpressed emoji at first, before actually typing his reply.

"K. Just be there for Friday, okay?"

"i duno il cee"

"What happened?"

Rabbit boy...I didn't tell him what happened. Ah!

"Don't worry. It's just that Axel isn't coming today."

"Oh, alright."

We finished off our lunch before going to class.

What a surprise. Puff got to the club room first, before us. He was revising the poem.

"Hey guys! I think I've got the lyrics right now!"

"Ah... that's great. I'll… How about you recite it for us? We’ll be the judge of that."

"Yeah. Give me the paper."

Puff handed me the paper with pride. He really thought he nailed it.

"Alright, go on!"

I giggled and puff started to say it to us. He wasn't saying them very quickly, but not rushing for the first time…

"Uhh… ah… I wanna steal your heart… and… eat your brains. I think- I think that's it."

Rabbit boy clapped and gave the paper back, with a really big smile on his face. He must be so proud.
"You did good. You don't seem very confident yet, but it's your first try and… and the song isn't that fast paced either. You'll do even better..."

"YAY! So like, let's actually play this now."

"Do you remember how the melody goes?"

I chimed in. I knew puff would've probably forgotten most of it.

"Uhh… somewhat… you know..??"

Rabbit boy hummed it to help him, pointing at his lips. Puff got the hint and listened intently.

"Alright. Thanks… uhh, Ben!"

"Aha… no problem... but please don't shorten my name… I'm Benatar."

"Uhh… okay…"

"You don't like nicknames?"

I asked him, grabbing his shoulder. I didn't see him so mad about them when I called him Ben, Benny or anything else...

"You see… not really… kinda, I guess...I don't know Puff Puff that well as you do, or as I know you so I don't like it. Only the closest people can give me nicknames. It's not odd, is it?"

"I see."

He smiled and grabbed his guitar.

"Okay... let's go, guys!!"

How adorable. He gave us the start. Raising his pick in the air to get our attention, then bringing it down to start playing the first chords.

I took to action and started my track, Puff still reading the lyrics before his cue. Once it arrived, he put them away. He generally sang pretty well. Yeah, he may have changed some words, but it's not a big deal right now.

But we still made mistakes. Well… me and Puff. I don't even need to mention it. He counted our mistakes instead. God, playing with him is humbling...I 'm starting to think he's either THAT GOOD (probably practiced his instruments waaay too much) or he lied and still practiced at home.. sigh...

I'd call this a pretty fulfilling day. See how much we get done without Axel? All we have to do is try to find a way for Axel to understand the song too now. Then we'll work on a new song...

He got it now, at least. We sure all feel proud of this. At this point, we basically finished, but we had some minutes to spare...

"So like… we need a new song now, right?"

"Yeah, I agree."

Rabbit boy set down the guitar with utmost gentleness, walking back to me aftwards.

"I'm willing to make some more… I have so many melodies to use..."

"Thanks, I appreciate it… but since I'm the leader, I'll give the themes you guys will go off of. If we follow only what you say, this might become your band."

"Ah... you're right… sorry."

"But, hey. Don't be discouraged. At some point I won't have any ideas and you'll definitely be helpful. I'll think of something for you two and I'll write about it at home. I'll also remind Axel to at least practice somewhat at home… at least the basics."

"We should… uhh… I mean, yeah… if you don't practice and all..."

Rabbit boy kicked the ground and stood awkwardly. He really didn't have anything to say.

"Ah... actually… We should try to cover songs too. We won't have to claim them per say, but we can practice using them... it's like… a challenge."

I liked his idea. We can still practice... something. And it's new. Only practicing the same two songs is repetitive and makes you mechanical at some point...

"Okay, Benatar. But just so you know, don't bring us any Linkin Park, Evanescence or MCR. Their shit's hard to play."

"I don't really think so..."

"Oh, of course you don't. But I'm not as good as you are, little music genius."

"Ah… thanks, I guess..."

It was a compliment, but Puff’s tone made it look like an insult. That's just how Puff is. I rubbed rabbit boy's back to assure him.

"Deejay, how about you also bring up ideas? You have a good idea of each and everyone's skills… so like something with easy vocals, a very tough guitar solo and some easy drums."

"It's okay. I'm sure Benatar can help with that as well. He's smart enough to also have a good grasp on our abilities."

He looked down, blushing and awkwardly smiling. He doesn't take all compliments well. Especially from other people. I'm guessing it's getting overwhelming.

Puff walked back to his backpack and picked it up, along with his jacket.

"Well, let's call it a day. I'll leave you two love birds alone. But don't be loud."

"Uhh… goodbye…?"

Rabbit boy waved off awkwardly and so was our silence. Awkward. Puff's comment ruined the flow. I love being alone with him, but not under the context and pressure of the precedent moment.

"I wish we could stay here overnight. I wouldn't sleep, I'd watch the stars from this massive window."

Walking off to the window, then sitting down on the floor, still staring outside at the warm wave of sunshine and gentle rustle of leaves that have just returned. Rabbit boy always talks about the stars and something about admiring them. I understand his dissociation, but would he ever get tired of it?

His sitting was urging me to come and join him, so I did. His head found my shoulder and he glued his legs to mine, all whilst his hands were in a constant search of mine and places to hold in a semi friendly-semi romantic way.

I didn't do anything against it. I don't know if I'm really bold or if it's weird, but my hand found its place on his thigh. My cheeks reddened uncontrollably. This was probably new to both of us, there's no way someone touched him like I did. I might be making this a bigger thing than it is, but it's pretty outrageous and scandalous, right?!

The weight fell off my shoulder, soft blues staring within me, analysing the threat and thinking process in me.

"It's okay… I… you know… last Sunday..."

Our eyes had to clash together. Although his lowered to my hand and wandered into their own thoughts, mine finally started searching his as well. What could've upset those wonderful seas?

"What about last Sunday?"

"I… I liked it, did I tell you? That... kissing is all that and all. I don't know what this is anymore. You're my everyday and a reason I look forward to seeing tomorrow more. I haven't left my old habits nor left my home, but I found peace in life. What do you suppose that is?"

Love, it's love. But you've never felt that to know. Would this shatter everything you thought about yourself? Have you read enough love novels to know what this feeling is, to see how we're basically the text book example? Or do you not actually understand it? Were you just a half-assed reader? How can you analyse and try to identify something when you can't see it, let alone feel it? That's the only way to find love: to feel.

"I may have an idea... But you may not like it."

"I'm listening."

"Actually... Nevermind. I can't tell you yet."

"Really? I won't judge, so tell me..."

"The time will come. Are you willing to wait? Good stuff is carefully made."

"Then I will. When you're ready… I'll be here."

"You have to also be ready."

"What? How? If I don't know what to prepare myself for .."

"No, you'll feel it. You can't work on it. There's nothing you can do."

"Uhm… okay."

Our faces met in the same place. Another soft, stolen moment, under a radiant sunlight, except we weren't hiding from the sun anymore. We were stepping closer and closer... I could describe the feeling in massive detail.

He tastes oddly sweet, of course… he only eats sweets. But yet, salty. Maybe tear-like water. You know? It gives a sort of sombre feel. But that's the important part. You're experiencing it too, now.

The touch itself for me seemed soft and gentle, not bold and daring yet. It's perfect so far. I wonder if I'm rougher than him at this. His eyes close unconsciously. Maybe I shouldn't have opened mine, but I love his face, how can I not stare? His fringe was messed up now, his whole hair was. My hands tangled in it, brushing it gently to straighten it out.

His hands got to my chest to push me back. He wanted to break the kiss.

I pulled back, pretending to just be opening my eyes, my hands left his body.

"Yeah.. it feels right."

I laughed and ruffled his hair, getting up. It's getting late. The school is closing soon. Why did I bother brushing it earlier?

"Hey... don't leave me like that!!"

He rushed after me, so we walked as usual towards his bus stop. One last hand squeeze and he was gone with the bus. But his spirit and present, my feelings for him hadn't left yet. I have to walk home with his image in mind…

Chapter 15 Notes:

I FORGOT TO POST FOR 4 DAYS?! SO SORRY CHAT

Chapter Text

Now, this Tuesday was better than most Tuesdays. The Biology teacher called in sick, so all that torture was cut! Yeah!

We were told to sit in class and study something else or do homework. Yeah, we got an exam and all, but only nerds study... Like, two girls in the entire class. I would be studying out of boredom, but I already do at home. Plus, I didn't have rabbit boy at home, do I? I'm gonna enjoy my time with him. Also, he was staring insistently at my phone...

"You wanna play games on it or something?"

"No! But… new song… the… Puff said..."

"Okay, so you're waiting for Puff to give us the idea, right?"

"Yeah! I'm bored..."

"You know we have mock exams soon, right?"

"Yeah! I'm gonna…’YOLO’ it."

Oh God, who uses ‘YOLO’ in this day and age??! But I'm guessing that shows how disconnected he is from everyone.

"Wait! You have mocks as well! Why aren't you studying?!"

"That doesn't matter, I study at home. But like… where… where did you learn that?"

"Ah… from the back of this notebook… it says "popular internet slang." And… and I wanted to look cool.”

It was one of those Pigna notebooks with outdated internet slang on them. He bought one just recently... or stole it. I don't know. I heard the school sometimes gives out free supplies... I ruffled his hair and laughed, not paying much attention to his notebook anymore.

"Haha... you're cool without them. I'd rather you spoke to me with old English."

"Ah! I love old English!"

"Yeah I can tell that you love English class a lot. Judging by that ‘Romeo and Juliet’ interpretation you gave last week..."

"But the teacher loved it! She gave me a 100% on it!"

"Yeah, I guess it was pretty surprising… for a kid nowadays… but I'm telling you: Shakespeare was NOT thinking about some correlation between the starting date of the book, Juliet's age and her birthday..."

"Yeah he was!"

"But he won't!"

"Sigh… you just don't get it."

"Then, enlighten me!"

"I tried!"

I laughed and he kinda got mad. He sat up and grabbed his book (borrowed from the library) and left.

Usually- you won't like this- I let him be. He needs to learn how to regulate his emotions on his own too. As long as he doesn't relapse, things should be alright. I'm not his parent to coddle him and he wouldn't let me. He isn't used to expressing his emotions.

But the time spent away was alarming. He didn't even show up for History and he loves that subject.

I checked in the library once the bell rang, but there wasn't anyone except the old lady working there...

"Sorry, Miss Penelope! Have you seen Benatar?..."

She smiled at me and shook her head.

"Sorry. As a matter of fact, he was here an hour ago, but the counsellor called him in and I haven't seen him since."

"Thanks a lot!"

I left in a hurry. I knew they do a daily check-up on him, but I felt like that small comment could've driven him into something bad. I've mentioned it before. If he relapsed over me, I'd be done for. I can't be that low in his eyes...
Barging in, I realized that maybe I shouldn't have been so impatient, but I had to see him. My sudden move scared him, but thankfully he was there.

His bandages were changed. I could tell, since these ones weren't stained with anything, nor had any charcoal leftovers on them. Please, please let my thoughts be wrong this time…

"How have… uuurggg… how… how is he??!"

The counselor gave me a confused look. I couldn't catch my breath.

"Your friend’s fine. We were just teaching him how to do his own bandages right."

A faint smile formed on his face and he was dismissed shortly after. He hugged me and stole a quick peck on the cheek.

"You worry too much. But, I guess I'm sorry.."

"NO! It's okay… but are you alright?"

"I'm okay, I promise. What happened? I wasn't actually angry earlier..."

"My gut told me something was wrong. I'm here to listen to whatever bothers you!"

"Ah, ummm.... thanks? But really, I'm alright."

This time, I was lucky. He seemed to be put off though. I guess I'm getting too much into his business. It's a lot and I can't blame him for not being a fan of how worried I get. It makes him feel babied.

"You know what?"

"Hm?"

"I finished my book. But the counselor called me while I was searching for a new one. Would you go to the library with me? Like we used to a while back..."

"Of course..."

Searching for the next book to spend your time and energy on isn't easy. It's basically how girls tend to spend lots of time staring at clothes. Well, at least Jane does that. It's boring. Even with all my love for him, I almost fell asleep. He picked ‘On the heights of despair’ by Emil Cioran. Where does he find these?!

To be fair, after that, the day was strictly monotone. We went to classes, I studied, prayed and that's it. I'm not gonna lie about having a pretty boring day. I'm still an 8th grader… we have repetitive days.

This day was bound to bring me something though, we had rehearsals today. Oh, how much ‘fun’.

Rabbit boy was frustrated with the lack of ideas proposed by Puff. So he started writing a list of ideas himself… and it was long...

"Woah… okay buddy, when would we even have time for all this??"

"I’d make sure we have everything quick."

"There's virtually no wa—"

"Not if I write, sing, play and direct it all! It'll be done in a few days!"

"Okay. But that'd be your personal project. Not a band. We all have our little parts here. Plus, we also all have stuff to do outside of the band. Don't you?"

"I guess… but I don't know what."

"You're artistic and mentally ill."

"Hey!"

"Shh… use it to express yourself. Isn't it obvious?"

"You're right."

"Draw, paint, write, sing... it's therapeutic."

"You're smart. That's why I like you."

"Just like...?"

"What more could you want?"

I didn't answer. The answer is obvious to anyone who's gotten here without skipping. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him.

He looked confused at me, but dropped the matter. Class started and we had to pay attention. It was Physics.

Clearly, it's either the band getting to work or maybe rabbit boy that's draining me… I'm inclined towards the latter. I don't want our time together to end, but sometimes, when I have long days ahead, I don't want any either. Not because I hate him, but because after we leave, the rest of the day gets ten times longer and more insufferable.

But it seems like classes just take forever… I'm turning into a normal kid?! My grades haven't dropped and I still study a lot at home, but it's school that has become boring. It's odd. I look forward to it, but not about the actual educational bit.

Happily, it was all in my head. Once classes were over, I couldn't wait for rehearsal. Everyone was gonna be here today!

Me and rabbit boy walked together to the club's doors, but we were met with the school secretary and some men moving in large boxes. He backed to sit behind me, urging me to speak up for us.

"What's going on, Miss White?"

"Ah, hello Johnson! The music club's just, well… your band has a very special spot in the proms set list, we have to upgrade your equipment too. Plus, the students seem to be very interested in this band as well… its popularity is actually through the roof, even though, from what I know, there's only two songs out,right? And they're not that polished yet. Don't rush it though."

"Aha… thanks a lot, Miss… but they're not that good..."

"No, no, I've heard them. It's definitely in teenager fashion. Everyone in the range of 12-17 will find them hilarious. That's the point, right? I think it's funny as well. Not all adults will like it though."

Rabbit boy clenched my shoulder, whispering in my ear:

"I- if- if they threw… threw... threw out… the- the old... stuff… if... if… do you think… they did… did they throw out my… my key- keytar too?"

He was shaking and on the edge of tears. He gave me his fear through WiFi or something, cus I got the chills as well. That keytar was special…

"Uhh… Miss, Miss! Excuse me! Did you perchance throw out a red keytar with a broken handle?"

"Oh, about that, we bought a brown one, but we haven't thrown it out yet. It's in a box near the entrance. I don't remember it being red though. The school had a blue one that broke down two years ago."

"It's not the school's. It's Benatar's over here… but he keeps it at school… uhh... because he practices everyday and he'd rather not carry it everyday."

"Oh! I'm so sorry then. I'll grab it myself quickly."

The sound of heels tapping aggressively on the hard floor would fade before she brought it back, handing it to rabbit boy. He was shivering like a leaf, his eyes full of tears, already sobbing. He hugged it like it tried to run from home or something...

Puff arrived just in that moment and looked thrown off by his crying, but eventually he noticed the boxes.

"So… hey guys. What's happening?"

"We've got new equipment."

"Awesome! And… uhh, why's he crying?"

"They almost threw it out."

"Oh, c’mon! It's just a keytar... it's not that deep. It's broken anyways."

His comment was so stupid I facepalmed. God, he's dense.

"It's got sentimental value. To him, it's like his keytar is your pair of lucky socks you refuse to throw out."

"Okay, dude?! Don't have to tell everyone! Geez, I'm sorry, Benatar!"

Once the boxes stopped coming, Axel arrived as well. Maybe he was the last package.

"Woah. Metal."

"You don't even know what's happening."

"You're right. What's going on, Dee-gay?"

"...what did you just call me?!"

Puff chuckled and rabbit boy kept quiet. His keytar was more important.

"Oh, nothing… just tell me what's happenin'."

"Okay… well, we got new equipment,we have to set it up ourselves though."

"Aww man… I don't wanna..."

"You think I want to?!"

"Maybe."

Puff sighed and walked in, Axel and I following right after. Rabbit boy entered last. Puff took a few looks at the boxes, reading their tags.

"Okay, so here's the plan. Everyone sets up their own instruments. If there's anything left, we'll help that person, then rehearse. It can't take that long."

Rabbit boy and I nodded at each other, though Axel was skeptical.

"I don't know… I might need help with the drums..."

"I'll help you when I'm done with the keytar… guitar- guitars actually and bass…"

"That'll take forever."

"It won't! I'll be quick!"

Axel always brushed off help from certain people. I don't exactly know why. Maybe he's just childish and petty. He says he finds rabbit boy to be flexing on us with his wittiness about instruments. He'll probably call me to help.

"Ehh… thanks,I guess."

A microphone isn't hard to set. So puff finished first, messing around with its giggled first, getting a feel. He went to help Axel right after.

Turntables are pretty tedious, but at this point I have experience. They weren't my first afterall, they were much more advanced than what I was used to. Of course, rabbit boy truly was quick. He helped me with setting up my tables as well...

An hour later, we had everything… except the drums.

We were all focused on them now. We had the instructions, so it can't be that hard, right? Upon group vote, we decided to take a break before finishing with the drums and we'd finish them quickly to start practicing. But of course, that fucking idiot, Axel, spilled his fuckass energy drink all over the instructions. It was drenched and we couldn't decipher any words anymore, not even the drawings.
"AW, SHIT!!"

Puff laughed loudly and Axel stared with an embarrassed look at me and rabbit boy.

"Uhh… you guys know how to build drums,right?!"

I laughed as well and rabbit boy shook his head quietly.

"Okay, so now what?!"

"We can ask someone from the school staff to help us—"

"Benatar should watch a vid about it and do it."

Puff said with much calm and confidence, but it was bullshit. Why must we put him to work instead of Axel?! It's his drums and he spilled his stupid drink! They're just using his kindness and it made my blood boil.

"Why Benatar?!"

"He looks like he'd know these. He knows turntables, guitars, keytar, bass so..."

"Well, stop assuming shit! He isn't some robot that can do anything!"

He tapped my shoulder to get my attention. His face was a soft smile, rubbing his head against my shoulder.

"Why don't we watch a tutorial? Just you and me. We'll get it off YouTube."

The idea itself isn't bad, but the fact they were just pushing him into this was my problem. I couldn't reject him, so that'd mean I wouldn't get to prove Puff wrong... And I guess we do have to learn how to set it up...

I found a pretty general and detailed video, sitting down to watch it attentively. As usual, he moulded his body against mine and his arms wrapped around my right.

Those other two didn't sit on their asses. Thankfully, they cleaned and arranged the room better, even debating the future schedule or the next song… I wasn't paying attention to hear what ideas were being thrown around.

After the video ended, we got to work. The work was hard, but we pushed through. It was really fun! We'll definitely be laughing about this when we're older. If we’ll still be ‘best-boyfriends’.

We finished, finally! But three hours have been wasted. Ironically, Axel left first. There was no more time to practice.

"Well, at least it's set for Friday..."

Puff shrugged and tried to soften the situation. It was a bit disappointing we took so long for drums and lost three precious hours...

"It's getting over our planned time. I think we should leave everything like that. Bye guys!"

The building was kind of tiring as well, so none of us objected. We glanced at each other, then got to walking home.

The dreaded bus was late today. I swear to God, this bus actually has something against me. When I want it to be late, it comes early. When I want it to be early, it won't show up.

I don't have the heart to leave him alone, that's cruel...

"So… uhm… what did you think of today?"

"I'm kinda sad that I didn't get to play, but oh well..."

"It doesn't hurt to not rehearse a day..."

"Don't practice one day, nobody will know; don't practice for two days and everyone will know."

"Oh my God! Miss me with that quote! It pisses me off!"

He giggled and gave me a sly smirk.

"What, does it hit home? Hmm?"

"Oh, zip it. You won't be practicing anything either!"

"I will once I get home. I brought the keytar with me, forgot?"

"Well… whatever..."

I didn't even notice he brought it. He's getting cocky. Honestly, he should. Talented AND smart. Plus, he has my heart and he knows it, judging by the way he's playing me everyday.

Progress is being made. He trusts me enough to act cocky as a joke.

The bus came! He waved me off. I prepared my cheek for a kiss, but he slapped it softly and giggled at me.

The bus doors closed and I gave him that rained on puppy look. I wanted at least a peck...!!

I haven't checked my phone at all, haven't I? Yeah. I'm doomed. My mom called me 42 times. My phone was on mute.

A whole ass circus couldn't be avoided. My mom went on and on about how worried she was and all, but honestly it went through one ear and left through the other. I was too tired.

"What's up with you lately?! Are you in love??! Is she blonde??"

My eyes were about to shut down into sleep, but I opened them widely. What!? Where would've my mom guessed this?! I'm glad she said ‘is she’ because if she knew it was actually a boy...

"Deejay! Your expression says it all! Who's this girl?!"

"No one, mom… it's just that… my best friend's blonde and I don't like the sound of that.."

"Hmm… okay, I guess… just don't do that again! Or we'll confiscate your headphones for two weeks!

"Okay, mom..."

Jane giggled and smirked. She always finds my situations funny.

"It's painfully obvious!"

"Shut."

Chapter 16 Notes:

lately i've been feeling an extreme amount of epression and burn out please excuse me if the future chapters will be more "dead". i am so scared of ruining this fanfic, it means a lot. but if it really does go south, i didnt mean to. im just very ill myself and cant always have the same energy to write or create, i thank everyone whos gotten this far

Chapter Text

Thursday. Just like any other Thursday.
Geography, Physics, English, IT and then PE… it's a very boring schedule, but the thought of the weekend spurs me on.

Fitness isn't my passion. You can see it from my physique. I won't sugarcoat it. I'm a fat ass kid. But I can endure the twenty minute warm-up to see rabbit boy play afterwards. His energy is admirable. I'd say contagious, but my ass is NOT able to play badminton with him. Sadly for me, he didn't do PE today. He insisted his legs hurt.

I didn't quite think anything of it at first, but as I did the laps, I realised.

The checkups. He isn't trying to get better. He just changed the place.

Anger, fury, disappointment, annoyance. It's wrong to feel this way about this, he's just doing everything to cope. But his dishonesty was my problem. That's not ‘getting better’.

I'd inform the counselor tomorrow, but they can't undress him, I think? Articles would be written about it, calling them a pedophile.

Once class was over, he walked to my side and grabbed my hand, praising me quietly with loving eyes. All his flattery was exasperating me. How could he lie to me and not feel bad?!

"Just so you know, I know. And I'm disappointed."

"Huh? What? What did I do? What are you talking about?"

"You're stupid. Cutting your thighs instead of wrists ain't gonna help shit. You're gonna give people false hopes and waste their time, but if you're not gonna try to actually get better, at least admit it."

"I- I swear... it's not..."

"You can get through this. But this isn't how!"

"I can stop when I want to..."

"Then stop now!"

"I… I need it a little longer..."

"You lied to me, again."

"Wait!"

"Ben, this ain't about me! I don't care if your skin isn't perfect. But I care about your health, for God's sake!"

His head ducked, voice starting to quiet down due to regret.

"You're right… I'm an asshole.... I- I should've..."

I had to leave. I love him, but my emotions were strong and I didn't wanna hurt him.

I steered away and took a few steps, but he caught up and grabbed my shoulders.

"Wait!!..."

His face raised to meet my eyes. He stopped looking defeated. His eyes were still shimmering with tears, but... it's different.

"I want to get better!"

He yelled at me, his fingers digging into me, head lowering immediately after.

"If you don't believe me anymore, I understand. I- I'm… I… you know… but I want to, I really do! It's addicting, you know! I'm glued to the feel! I feel like I'll never get over it..."

"Ben, I can help you. Still, it's mostly you, though, I'm only emotional support."

"That's just what I need! I'll- I'll try my best! But... please, if I relapse… please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't get mad at me!"

"I understand... you're on the right path. That's the start."

My hands moved his fingers away from my shoulders. They were getting sore. I hugged him and he sobbed on my shoulder.

The right path… the right path...

Maybe I lied too. The day went unusually. An unusual Thursday.

But at least now, I can basically taste the weekend on my tongue. Friday has another rehearsal after school, then I'm free...

I just gotta hang on a little longer… two hours of Math back to back, IT, French, Biology and one rehearsal.
It's okay. I can do this. I've studied, I've done all my homework, everything should be alright today.

Somewhat. I can't catch a break ever since he moved in that day, since he entered my life. He didn't show up for the first class. Unusual. Maybe he's gotten up late. I don't know his sleeping schedule.

And... I've given up on the idea that he's coming to school today. The second Math class has already started.

Maybe he'll never come to school again. WHAT IF HE KILLED HIMSELF?!! Why?! Why now?!

Dramatic, I'm being so dramatic. There's virtually no proof yet. It's been one hour. I should give him distance. I'm not his mother. I can't stop thinking about the possibility that he really did. Even if I have hidden my face in my very palms, his image haunted me. Lively young boy, brutally murdered before he even said his first cuss word!

Tap, tap, tap… My shoulder was being tapped. I initially thought it was the teacher, but it was...RABBIT BOY!!! This is proof I'm too attached.

His face was confused, scared. It's not like me to cry, I've never actually cried in front of him.

"What- what happened?"

"BENATAR!!!"

He was whispering, but my voice just left my mouth without thinking about the place we were in.

"Johnson! Get out of my class if you think your classmate's more interesting!"

"Excuse me, sir!!"

He's barely gotten here, he just set up his books. His eyes were puffy and he had an obviously fresh handprint mark on his face, across his cheek.

"Why were you crying?"

"What- what happened to you?"

"No, you first!"

"Motherfucker, I thought you killed yourself! You first! You better give me a good reason..."

"Okay… well, technically, you just went first.."

"Just say it!"

"So… my parents stayed the night today. When I wanted to leave for school quietly… they were furious at me, saying they needed to teach me a lesson about wasting my time on the keytar and all. I was messing with the settings of mine last night just a bit, thinking of what quirky settings I could've used for future songs..."

"So...?"

Even though our voices were whispers, his voice became even quieter as he spoke, shaking and cracking at certain points.

"They threw it out before breaking it in front of me. Beyond repair. I cried, of course..it means… a lot. But there wasn't any mercy, they slapped me, so they can ‘give me a reason to cry’. It's actually gone now..."

My own heart shrunk, his tears fell now, but he tried to brush them off quietly. No hug or any comforting talk would help him.

"Hey… hey... it's okay. Actually, well, it isn't. I know how dear it was to you . I- I don't know what to do… but at least… the school has a keytar as well..."

"Yeah… but it's not my keytar. It's- it just isn't. It's the school's. What even was the purpose of throwing it out?"

No words, no touch, no gift would help this situation good enough. Even if I bought a new keytar, it wouldn't be the same.

"Sir, can I please bring Benatar to the counselor... It's a long story, but he should go."

He stopped the lesson to think. He didn't exactly know what happened, but I'm sure he knew of Benatar being one of those students that get called there pretty often. He allowed us to go with a nod.

My powers have a limit. But when I dropped him off, he said I had to stay with him throughout it. Apparently, people are allowed to assist another student, as long as the counselor allows it. I'll be absent, but that means both of us will get an exemption.

With every session, the school got closer to calling child protection services on his parents, but rabbit boy begged them not to. He said he might get killed for it. But this can't go on either.

Seeing him so often was a clear sign he needed a real therapist. Obviously, the school couldn't afford to be the one to send him to one. I couldn't either. I don't have the money yet. I'm thinking of selling answers to tests, homework, quizzes and projects to be able to afford it. I know it would sell .

He'd be forced to accept the school's one as his new best-friend now. He barely knew it. To him, objects are like people. They had personalities, needs and problems.

He didn't 'fancy’ the new one since he didn't have a grip of it yet, plus he said it's radiating ‘mean teen vibes’.

There are some details on it I don't understand. The neck is like a guitar-neck. It has some strings that are useless. It also had tuning pegs… for the useless strings?? They couldn't actually make any good sounds, it's a keytar, not a guitar afterall. The keys were placed unusually compared to the usual keyboards and it had no strap whatsoever. Maybe I'll buy him one...

It was probably cheap. He said it's light weight too. Now, I don't know if it's a bad or good thing, all I know is that rehearsal is about to start and neither Axel nor Puff have arrived.

Just me and rabbit boy, as he mourns the death of his keytar, hugging the new one, painting it with fresh tears, like it'll give it the soul of the old one.

It isn't really my thing to comment on. Not my place to butt in. What could've I said? He told me to give him time. I can't really understand his friendships with objects...

They only appeared after 15 more minutes. It's like they've been waiting outside for rabbit boy to calm down, since that seemed to have been enough time for him to collect himself. Puff waved and Axel was laughing loudly. There was no way puff said an actual funny joke...

"Okay. I think we should focus on the zombie song today since Axel hasn't even learnt most of it..."

"Well then... alright, I guess. We've practiced ‘My balls’ enough..."

Everyone got to their respective positions. Rabbit boy decided to sit this rehearsal out.

It proved to be quite a waste. Me and rabbit boy knew everything by heart at this point. (Well… duh. we wrote the song.) And even Puff got it right after thirteen tries. Axel,on the other hand...

He's too stubborn to ask for any help. You have to approach him first. I tried to give him as much guidance as needed.

The other two weren't conversing. I don't expect rabbit boy to be vocal today, but puff doesn't even try either… Puff was rambling to himself about something that was clearly beyond me. I've heard something about martians and aliens.

Teaching axel should be a skill. I apparently can't explain well, according to him. But according to me, he isn't even paying attention.

"So… like?! What does this mean again?"

"It means you stop here..."

"Uhm… okay… how much of the song do I have left?!"

"Like 60%."

"UGH! I'm tired!"

"Axel… you should at least download an app for learning drums! Please!"

"No!! I don't understand them either!!"

"Maybe they'd help..."

"Attention guys!!!!"

Dismissing our talk, Puff walked in the center of the room, grabbing our attention swiftly.

"Attention!! Listen up!! It's an important announcement!!"

"Just say it..."

Axel was already pissed by how slow the entire learning process was going. He just wanted one thing to be easy to understand and direct.

"So now I think I've gotten an official name for our band."

"Huh?"

This surely was important. This whole club has been around for a year (before rabbit boy) and didn't even have a name. We haven't even thought about it before...

"I'm thinking… ‘Your Favourite Martian’... let's shorten it to YFM!"

"ah… okay?"

"Where'd you get it from?!"

"What a weird ass name…"

"One: Benatar! Give me more excitement!!"

"Ah… YAY!"

"Two: I got it from a show I really like. It's called ‘My Favourite Martian', Deej."

"Hmm… interesting."

"Third: suck my dick, Axel! It's awesome!"

"It's weird, but I guess it works."

"Isn't YFM some radio station or something..?"

"What?! Well I bet they don't stand for your favourite martian!"

"I guess?"

"Whatever."

I guess Puff was right. But my concern is that we might get overshadowed by them. We can't use YFM until we grow bigger than that YFM...

The announcement ended and Puff started packing up to leave.

"I'm glad I got that settled. Bye guys!"

"Ah… wait... rehearsal's over?!"

"Oh, it is..!"

My phone buzzed. I had an alarm for when it's finished. I know I look like I'm desperate to leave, but if I don't leave on time my mom gets angry. Especially today. She wanted me to get home early to help with dinner.

"Well… I have to go as well."

"Uhm, bye… Dee..."

Rabbit boy gave me a soft and sensitive kiss on the cheek and I hurried… maybe he was gonna leave right after.

"Gay."

"It's a friendly gesture."

"No it isn't!"

"Aha..."

Rabbit boy picked his own stuff, but didn't advance further from the doorstep. Axel wasn't leaving?! He's usually first to leave...

"Uhh... you're staying longer?"

"Yeah... Deejay's right. I gotta practice more. I have to get this song nailed as well."

"If… if you want… I can help you."

"Ahh... uhm..."

View lowered and searching. The idea was kind and friendly. He knew how to explain. Maybe this time, the ego had to be put aside.

"Fine. But aren't you rushing home too?"

"I hate being home. I'd rather be late."

"Oh. Yeah... forgot… sorry."

"It's alright. First off, let's grab the spare set of drum sticks. If you continuously chew on them, of course they're gonna be weak..."

"They're tasty!"

"Uhm…! Okay… but not good for playing!"

"Next!"

"The song's simple. It's repetitive. It has three parts. The intro, which seems like you've gotten the hang of. The chorus,which is the same around the in between parts. And the bridge… drums aren't present in the bridge."

"Okay, so... Chorus..."

"You'll see there's nothing to be scared of. You have to be careful with the rhythm. This is why we practice. It's hard to get it right. You have to know the song really well, I can't blame you for that. You've probably barely heard it. In your head, play the song earlier. When the drums should play in your head, it's usually a sign you should get prepared yourself. I'll show you how to actually play it now..."

"I don't have the song…"

"I'll- I'll ask deejay to send it to you later, okay?"

"Yeah..."

The tricks and the teachings went well. He got the hang of them mostly or a general grasp. It was mostly his problem now to know them by heart.
All there was left was for Axel to keep his promise of practicing on his own everyday. He used to only practice at school...

"It's quite late... aren't you going?"

"Yeah, I am… you know what? You should be a teacher, Benatar. You're good at explaining and patient and shit."

"Haha, thanks! I actually do want to be one!"

"It fits you like a sock!"

"Aha... wasn't the saying ‘fits me like a glove’?”

"Yeah, but socks are cooler."

"I see..."

Axel raised his hand for a high five, to which rabbit boy flinched. After a few seconds, he gave a faint high five back.

"It was pathetic. Bye!"

"Bye!"

Rabbit boy told me everything over the phone. We were both watching the stars of course, but with the windows open due to how warm it was starting to get lately. I think the chillness of the night brought the atmosphere together.

"...so don't forget to send the song to him…!"

"Okay, okay, I won't. Goodnight, Ben."

"Bye, Dee! Good night! Mwah!"

"Mwah..?"

You know what. That's perfect. Everyone's warming up to him. That's all over I’ve been hoping for... thank you, God..

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Chapter 17 Notes:

mwah if youve read this far, so much more to go

Chapter Text

The weekend flew by instantly. We didn't have any tests coming up, so me and rabbit boy went on as many dates as we could. I call them dates, but I don't know what he thinks of them.

If you're wondering what we did exactly… on Saturday we just walked around and showed him the way to get to my house.

He didn't enter it today, we weren't ready. But there will be a day for that as well.

There isn't much to say about Saturday. I brought him to a film with me. There was a promotion for cheap movie tickets, plus a new Twilight movie released and he told me long ago he unironically enjoys the movies… he used to pirate them on school PCs and watch them between breaks.

By the end of the movie, I was half asleep. Just half because I planned a relatively big surprise. He only has one sad outfit which is kind of...stinky. Don't get me wrong, rabbit boy is gorgeous. He definitely fits in the beauty standard, but… he reeks sometimes. His hair is always messy and tangled and he rarely washes himself. (True MCR fan…?). I'm guessing it's a combination of the fact his parents don't pay the water bill and his depression.

He needed new clothes. Sure enough, he stopped wearing the white turtle neck to school. It had been stained a lot and it was getting way too warm to wear it anymore. I couldn't afford a whole wardrobe change, but I could afford him one My Chemical Romance shirt. It was of his favourite album, ‘Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge’.

His reaction? Priceless. He jumped, squealed, did jumping jacks and cried… all at the same time.

Surely enough, he wore it to school the very next day. He kept hugging and thanking me. From pecks I upgraded to quick kisses when no one's looking… so like… when are we actually making it official?!

I've become his makeshift walking cane. He doesn't need one, but he can't let go of me anymore. I am not complaining.

We had English as our first class. We had some ‘work in pairs’ thing and it was great. We paired together and worked wonderfully.

After class, we were getting up to leave for the garden, but the teacher herself stopped us both.

"Benatar and Deejay, could I talk to you two?"

What could've she wanted to talk about?! My stomach dropped. I already assumed we'd get outed, so I held him tightly.

"Yeah?..."

"The drama club is planning on arranging a Romeo and Juliet play. They need more actors and I think you two are great for the roles. You're already in the music club and get very good grades in my class. Would you guys like to try? You gotta have a good clutch on the book and other acting stuff."

Oh. Phew… it was all in my head...

"Well, I'm interested. I'm sure Benatar's ecstatic about it too. He loves Shakespeare and all..."

"Great! The official tryouts will be next week! I have the scripts printed out on me. You should start the practice as soon as possible. Sorry for the late notice… they said they didn't need any new people beforehand... I also help them out."

"No, no... it's okay. Thank you, miss."

"No problem!"

The papers themselves weren't that thick or small lettered. It's try outs not the actual play. Rabbit boy read through them properly.

"Uhh..."

"Hmm... this'll be a pain in the ass."

He looked up at me, chewing on his finger… I guess it watered over from his self harming habits.

"Why?"

"Think about it. Surely the long ass lines in old English is hard to learn!"

"I think that'll be easy for me… the actual acting part though.... I'll get awkward and freeze."

"That's easy. Everyone can play pretend. We're not Hollywood actors, we don't have to try that hard. But I have no one I'll do this with AND rehearse later... fuck no!"

"I mean… I love playing the keytar… but this might be a bit too much.."

"Then, I have an idea."

"Yeah?"

"How about we just don't practice today? Let's just not show up."

"Without notice?!"

"Without notice."

"No! Let's at least tell them!"

"UGH! Why?! They'll force us to come. What can I even say for them to let us go?"

"The truth! Call Puff and tell him! I'll call him myself if you're a scaredy-cat!"

"Ohoho… with what phone?!"

"I'll just ask someone to let me borrow their phone!"

"You don't have the balls to do that!"

"I really will!"

"Whatever… fine,I'll do it."

"YAY!"

"You weren't gonna actually do it now, huh?”

"Yeah..."

"Knew it."

Puff picked up quickly. I tried explaining everything as slowly as possible so he could keep up, but he wasn't convinced at all.

"Puff, I swear. We need this. I'm gonna be rehearsing this for hours! This is old English..."

"Well then, why did you pick it up?!"

"The same reason you refuse to pull your pants up! Because I feel like it!"

"Stop that! It's fashion, don't you get it?!"

"You look stupid."

"You're stupider! You look gay!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You didn't deny it..."

Rabbit boy giggled in the background. Puff started to get pissed off.

"Shush, Benatar! I've got more style than you do!"

"I own four or five pieces of clothing for the entirety of my wardrobe! So… what does your argument prove?"

"Okay! Fine! I guess you can! But you'll skip the entire week!"

"No. Just this day. We promise. If we get these few hours, we'll get the general idea down and it'll be much easier to rehearse the next few days."

"Okay then. Good luck."

"Bye!"

As a mini celebration, we hit another awkward high five. He still gets scared when you raise your arm around him.

Puff put his phone down and sighed. The two geniuses of their band weren't showing up… basically, half of the band wasn't present, there's no purpose in practicing at all today.

He felt more insecure about the fact he couldn't get his parts nailed, unlike how fast Benatar and Deejay have been. At least Axel's in the same boat as him. Even though last time, he's been told he did well, he still felt like he was lacking somewhere… he couldn't rehearse without one of them annotating.

Picking up the phone again, he called Axel. Maybe they'd just hang out instead.

"Sup' man?"

"Hey axel!"

"What's up? Why'd you call?"

"So like, the two love birds are gonna be busy learning their lines for Romeo and Juliet with the drama club, so they're not showing up today at rehearsal."

"That's super gay. What, do they have the main roles?

“They aren't even trying to beat anything. If they do have the main roles, they'll even kiss. Eww!"

"Haven't they?"

"What?"

"Nevermind. I'm okay with it, just wished they'd be honest about it instead. Anyways… since there's no reason to practice today, wanna hang out?"

"AW HELL YEAH!!"

"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!"

"What are we going to do though?"

"I don't know… maybe play a few games. I have my DS on me."

"No like, where are we gonna go?"

"How about that park that's always empty after school?"

"Yeah, you're right. But it's too far..."

"It's only ‘too far’ cus you didn't show up to school!! It's like 15 minutes away from the school!"

"That's still too much..."

"Oh c'mon! Grab a taxi or take the bus!"

"Can't you come to my house and walk with me there?"

"Yeah I'll just walk you around like the princess you are— FUCK NO!! You're NOT a princess and I'm NOT your servant! Walk yourself!"

"OKAY FINE!"

The call ended abruptly, but no actual tension was there. It was usual playful banter between them. There wasn't much left of school anyways. If Axel left now, he'd arrive before Puff.

But he didn't and Puff ended up still waiting for Axel and it was probably one of the most patience testing things there were. He's a slow walker and gets distracted easily. What a nightmare...

"You finally got here, dumbass..."

"Hey...! Ugh...! It's not my fault the walk was huge!"

"No, it's not! You're just lazy and slow!"

"Lies!"

"Okay, well, the shops are still open. Do you have money?"

"Yeah, actually..."

"Let's buy chips!"

"Yeah!... wait! I've bought you food before. And you have a pretty big debt to pay!..."

"Ah… uhm… I'll pay it one day! I forgot my wallet. Sorry! I really am gonna pay you back one day!"

"Okay. I'll believe you since you're my friend and all..."

The bag was quickly opened. It was one of those giant and cheap ones that come with even cheaper plastic toys.

"Ohohoho! Look at this!!"

Axel grabbed into the bag, bringing to light a very terribly painted and ridiculous looking stickman figure in a police officer uniform.

"Dude! This is stupid!"

"Yeah… imagine he goes to stop a college party!"

"And joins in!"

They both started laughing loudly, obnoxiously. The people living there were pissed off. One of them even got to their balcony to yell.

"SHUT UP!!!"

The two instantly went quiet, but still snickering under their breaths.

"Imagine! Dudes dressed in football gear, drunken cops and pretty cheerleaders!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh!!! And a cowboy!"

"Why not?!"

"And imagine there's this guy trying to win over a hot chick with a crazy powerful boyfriend! And he wins!"

"You're the next Einstein!"

"Aww man… how would've all this started?"

"What if the guy was called to the party because the chick was there?"

"It works! And he's trying to catch her attention the whole time!"

"Maaannn… Axel, you're a real genius. Let's make this a song!"

"YEAH!!"

"Wait up… I'll send the idea to deejay through text."

"Don't forget all the details!!"

"Of course I won't! They're all important!"

"Picture this: stickman college party.... alright, sent!"

"Oh man, this is just… awesome."

"Yeah, but now I'm thirsty."

"Me too..."

"I don't have any money..."

"I'm not buying shit..."

"Whatever."

Puff looked through his pockets, finding a very wrinkled and old ten dollar bill. It must've been through so many washes...

"Oh, I'll buy us something to drink. Whatcha want?"

"Anything.... juice."

"Okay."

A sunny day, a whole bag of chips and a bottle of juice. This is the American life.

"Man, Axel, I swear, you're the best."

"I know. Deejay's awesome... but… you know, ever since Benatar, he's been odd. He's always looking after him!"

"Well, you know he's mentally ill and all..."

"So the rumours are true, huh?"

"Duh. Why the fuck would he wear bandages on his arms for?!"

"Yeah right."

Axel checked his own phone. The sun was starting to set already… 7:36 PM.

"Ah we gotta— what?!"

Puff laughed loudly, pointing at Axel's pants.

"HAHA! YOUR ASS IS BLUE NOW!!! IDIOT!!"

"MAN, YOU'RE SITTING ON IT TOO!!!"

Jumping up in the air, Puff’s pants were also just as blue.

"DUDE!!"

"So there's a reason nobody's here, huh?"

"Was it in renovation?! If it was, why aren't they locking it up?!"

"To work, duh!"

"You're stupid!"

Puff was getting irritated just at the thought of his now stained pants. He wouldn't ever manage to get that colour off and he'd have to walk all the way home like that.

"So that's where you got the idea from…"

The idea was definitely what YFM has been so far, funny, silly, all in a light-hearted way. He explained the whole story over the phone. Yes and the last part.

"Man,we should've noticed the benches smelled funny!"

"You learn from mistakes..."

"Shut up, Deejay! My pants are ruined FOREVER!"

"They're not. You just don't know how to wash them properly."

"You're not my mom! Are you gonna work on the song or not?!"

"I will, I will..."

"Good! Goodbye!"

"Bye..."

He shut the call quickly. It was hilarious. I swear, Puff is an overgrown toddler...but regardless, onto the new day. I want to sleep.

Chapter 18 Chapter Text

At school, rabbit boy was still reading the script. He was insistently looking.

"So... how did it go?"

"Hm? Ah… well, I know them almost to perfection, but I just can't act them out. Not even when I'm alone..."

"Why? You just play pretend."

"No! I just can't! I instantly get embarrassed...!!"

"Acting is cringe altogether, get over it.."

"I don't know… how do the actors in movies do it?"

"Cus they know it's cringe but they're good at it, so it's all in your head. If you think like that, any movie is cringe."

There's no use in trying to study last-minute at school. I'll do it at home. I have plenty of time to learn there.

A few classes go by and suddenly Puff bursts in. We're not classmates and he doesn't check in with my class often. Why would he come this time?

He walked like a straight arrow directly to me, holding a small notebook and a pen. I'm starting to get his intentions...

"Writing lyrics already?"

"Duh. For that idea from last night."

"Then, what? Are they finished?"

"The thing is… Not at all! I really need help with them."

"Uhh… why me?"

"Who else?!"

"Benatar."

"But he doesn't know anything about college parties!"

"I don't know man, whatever’s in him… let me tell you, he's not gonna fail."

"I know! No need to glaze him this much! I'll ask him, okay!

Now, Puff didn't know where to find him, though he was quite literally behind him. Rabbit boy was behind me when we were discussing it… so he left my side to help Puff, but he turned his back on him and ran around in circles.

"Benatar, where the fuck are you??!"

"Right here!"

But he'd only still turn to be behind Puff. When Puff would turn to look behind, Benatar would quickly walk to still be behind Puff… the shade from Puff can't be that good.

Eventually, I got tired of this back and forth stupid act and got up, holding rabbit boy still so he wouldn't move.

"Ah! There you are! Why and where were you even hiding?!"

"Behind you!"

"Liar! You weren't behind me!"

"Yea he was, but when you turned to look around, he moved to sit behind you. He did this a few times."

"Why?"

"I don't know..."

He looked down awkwardly, like you caught him doing some super evil crime. He doesn't know why he's done it as well.

"Well… okay… so like, I'm guessing you've heard everything. You always sit next to Deejay afterall. But I doubt you know what the idea even is."

"Uhh... yeah, I really don't…"

"Okay so, listen up. It's a story of a stickman at a college party, getting drunk and all. The main stick goes there and has to win over a stick-girl with humongous titties!"

"Uhh… was the breast part necessary?"

"Not finished! And yes, very necessary! He has to fight with her boyfriend who's a total beast!"

"With fists?!"

"With fists! I was actually thinking with silly games..."

"Phew… and then what?"

"And then he wins the bet over and the party continues!"

"Okay so… stickmen party… girl… winning..."

"Mhm."

"The whole story is silly. Why don't we try to add puns in it?"

"Puns? What type of puns?"

"It's a college party, innit?"

"Innit?!"

"Just answer..."

"Yeah. So?"

"There must've been lots of beer or alcoholic drinks there."

"So... beer puns?"

"Yeah…"

The idea sunk in. Deejay always paints him in such an angelic light,but sometimes he is actually right. He's pretty creative.

"You know what? Good idea. But..."

"We can do research about all the beers in the world! Just their names. We could make puns out of their names."

"I think we should add as many as possible. That's what Your Favourite Martian stands for!"

"Right! Well just make the entire song beer puns and… well, a storyline. It's fun, innit?"

"Innit… I mean! Yeah! Yeah… yeah."

Rabbit boy nodded. And looked back at me.

"I don't have a computer at home. I'll do research with Deejay. You can do it on your own at home… either send them to him or bring a sheet of paper tomorrow, at the club. We'll start thinking there."

"Alright, it's settled."

Puff learnt from his mistakes. His usual high five towards anyone, turning into a low and steady hand shake. Rabbit boy seemed excited by that.

"I can't wait!"

He hopped over to me. Puff left in a hurry since the bell rang. He had math, so his teacher was probably already in class… compared to our history teacher that shows up when she wants.

"We'll have to search all types of beer later. Just their names."

"Yeah I heard. Puff’s loud and I can hear him from a mile away. You know ,the idea is pretty funny itself. Beer puns and a story...? I think this one will do well with our usual audience and the more mature people... can't ignore a beer pun."

"Well, some people can. I don't like alcohol at all."

"That's a you problem. Most people do."

I already knew what was coming up for the next practice. Classes went by smoothly, thankfully.

When me and rabbit boy arrived, Puff was already there. He was on his DS, looking serious and all.

"Such a surprise to see you early. Did you skip classes?"

"Yeah, actually. But I've got quite the list. Where's your boyfriend?"

"How dare— "

"Right here!"

He rummaged through his school bag, getting out a neatly put away, filled with writing on it.

"Okay, let's see how many repeat. We'll make the ultimate list!"

"What's the list for?"

Axel found himself confused in the whole conversation. Puff didn't tell him about their final idea.

"They're gonna make the song be full of beer puns."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, Deejay. But uhh… what do we do meanwhile?"

"I'll help them with writing lyrics. You could… uhh… I don't know."

"Meh. I'll probably come into play with the beer."

"Then, you can help them out with the final list."

Eventually, we got all the names on the ultimate list. We've started writing lyrics. Rabbit boy is good with writing, but he came forward in the story parts and the chorus… he wasn't good with puns.

This is a special song. Not only is it quite literally for everyone- or at least, almost everyone- yet even Axel worked on the lyrics today. Everyone has done something... Such a productive day... we've even written some musical parts of it, just sketching them out, since rabbit boy has done his part already.

Surely, the song won't be done in a day. We've not quite got an idea yet, all I know is that I want the chorus to be one of those annoying "99 bottles of something on the wall" and that the start should have drinking sounds. I'll try to convince rabbit boy to come over and help me with recording the sounds. If he can even get behind that...

I felt very satisfied overall. To think this group couldn't work together… and now we're making a song together. All of us.

Now, in the future, I know I can trust Axel for the ideas as well. We're never going to be professionals. YFM is just a passion project. It's meant to be silly.

Jane was very shocked about this as well. What, have you missed her? It's been a minute since I've last talked about her.

"Aww! Such a… band-bonding activity... it's usually just you and your boyfriend~"

"We're not together yet."

"Will be soon. Anyways! But you know what I care about the most?!"

I rolled my eyes. I'm pretty sure she was going to talk about rabbit boy.

"Benatar..."

"YES! So, I want all the juicy details. When will you tell him?!"

"Not anytime soon... we're still running I'm circles. I'm chasing him, trying to catch up, but all he does is run away faster and further away."

"You can't catch up cus you're too fat."

"Jane! You know it's a metaphor!"

"Just saying! Jeez!"

"Well… and uhh… yeah… I don't know- God, I love that idiot."

"So, do you have a thing for white guys? Or is it just a… preference? I don't judge, maybe it's just —"

"I don't know! I don't even know if I'm only into guys! All I know is that I like him!"

"You're bi, but as in bitch."

"..."

"What? Isn't it funny?"

"That's exactly why I don't tell you everything."

"You're a pussycat!"

I don't wanna be bothered by this anymore. I love Jane and I know it's just playful banter, but I'm allowed to not always agree with it. Today, I feel like I just can't stand it.

Chapter 19 Summary:

i accidentally posted chap 18's contents to be actually chap 19....WOOPS so i had to repost chap 18 and 19, i basically mixed up their contents. so sorry

Chapter Text

And on with the next school day! We're closer and closer to summer break everyday...

Today's biggest event was some Physics test result. I was pretty sure I'd get a 100%, although rabbit boy was terribly scared over the answer. He was telling me he wouldn't even pass. I always doubted that. He's really, really REALLY smart. But he'll never believe that.

Just to accentuate his anxious stats, he couldn't speak much and got extremely pale. I tried feeding him, but he gagged. He didn't want to vomit, but had to get it out if that's what his body's telling him to do.

First. My name was first. Surprisingly, I was wrong. A 90%. It's still good, just unexpected.

Not long after, rabbit boy was called. He was shaking and crying already, even though he hasn't seen shit. The sheet was in front of him, though he refused to open his eyes. Once he did, tears started flowing even worse. At how he was reacting, I thought he got lower than 56%...

All the classmates started getting worried. Who reacts to a grade like this?

"Benatar, what's wrong? How much did you get?"

"100%!"

The girl that had questioned him looked confused. And so was I. Why was he crying over 100%? Did he want 110%?!
Nothing in that whole ordeal was on purpose. I've already said this before. He doesn't know how to regulate his emotions. It's a big problem. And I don't know what to do in that area at all. I'd say I'm more nonchalant than him, so I don't really know how to be of any good use. I don't understand how he can feel emotions this strongly. But the fact he continued crying after getting more than me… oh, I've felt jealousy! I hate to admit it. Even though I was pissy, I still wanted to help him. School shouldn't be a competition anyways.

"Shh… shh… why are you crying now?"

"I- I thought I'd fail!"

"56% isn't a failing grade... that's what you thought you'd get, right?"

"No! UGH! I thought I didn't even get that much!"

"Why? You've literally done everything on the test so well."

"I thought my ideas were wrong!"

"But they weren't."

"They really weren't..."

"Then?"

"I just can't stop the tears...!!"

With a quick idea, I grabbed him, hugging him tightly, letting him cry on my shoulder until he calmed down. When he did, he left my shoulder drenched...

"So… feel any better?"

"You're a genius… you deserve a kiss for that."

"Really?!"

"No, just joking."

He sat back in his chair as usual. Our teacher jumped directly to our next lesson. I wish he wasn't joking… he knows I'm wrapped around his finger...

Well, now that that's over… the rest of the day wasn't special. I guess I could mention that today the canteen had pizza, which it was delicious...

My sleep was profound. Slept like a log... drifting away in a slow lake... As a matter of fact, so good I didn't hear my alarm or my phone buzz throughout the night. At school, I got one class late and rabbit boy looked angry.

"Where were you?!"

"Can't I be late once?"

"When I was late, you thought I killed myself. I'm allowed to be angry."

"Fair. But I just slept so well..."

"So well you didn't answer my phone call..."

"You called?"

"Yes!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, handing me some sheets.

"It doesn't matter now. I've written some parts for the drums and keytar."

"Mhm..."

"So? What do you think?"

"Can I please check them at rehearsal? I don't really feel like it right now..."

"Alright..."

Slow moving day… so boring… And rabbit boy agrees. He fell asleep like twice before rehearsals. I know he called when it was very late, so I'm guessing it's because he stood up till early morning.

We only ever had strength again when we were on break. We decided to show each other stuff we like on the library computer. I showed him a few videogames, rappers and bands… he returned me the entire emo and numetal genre.

"This song is us."

"How is Linkin Park song ‘us’?"

"The meaning is ever changing depending on the listener. I really believe this is us."

"Alright, if you say so..."

I tried my best to sound unbothered… but my heart couldn't resist it. Linkin Park reminds him of me and it's his favourite band… well, MCR shares a place with Linkin Park in his heart... ahh...♡

"-to deejay! World to Deejay!"

Puff poked me with a stick. All dreams end somewhere. Have I been day dreaming throughout everything? I'm guessing rabbit boy dragged me.

"Ah… what do you want??"

"Get up, dude! We struggled to carry your fat ass over here! You fell asleep in the library after listening to some licking park!"

"Licking Park??"

"Whatever it's called!"

"Alright, sorry..."

No more time was wasted. Everyone got to work. I can also appreciate the fact that Puff and Axel have been improving. Compared to the start of the school year... it's a big difference. I don't think it's just rabbit boy joining, but also the fact the atmosphere changed… a teeny tiny bit. Yes, we're all still friendly and playful, but we know what we're doing (somewhat).

"Okay! We've done well so far! Let's take a break and think for the new song! What do we say?!"

Everyone nodded. Puff smiled and looked through the little refrigerator Axel brought from his house... for snacks and drinks. Usually it's full, since we buy stuff for it from time to time. We still had chips, puffs… but no more water.

"Aw man! We've run out of water..."

"How?!"

"I think we must've been focused only on snacks..."

"We'll die out of dehydration!!"

Axel and Puff immediately got to whining. Rabbit boy stared behind them, as if his continuous stare will suddenly bring some water bottles. I shook my head and massaged my forehead. Isn't it clear that we have water dispensers in the school?! We can just grab the empty bottles and fill them up. Yes, we keep used water bottles because two idiots refuse to throw them out of laziness.

"We have water dispensers in the canteen. Why don't we go?"

They all turned to look at me. Axel spoke up first.

"Okay. You're smart."

"Well then… I'll go and refill our bottles. Who wants to go with me?"

Rabbit boy raised his hand, but Axel was already at the door. I sighed.

"Sorry, Ben, I'm going with Axel."

"It's alright..."

"Alright now, don't take too long!"

Puff nodded and sat back on his chair. I walked out of the club room, Axel already took big steps, being in the lead.

"Do you even know where the canteen is? You don't usually go to school."

"Ha! Of course! I know this school like the back of my hand!"

"Doubt it..."

I had to run a little, but I caught up to him.

"Give me some of the water bottles as well. We'll carry equally."

"Alright!"

He handed me all the bottles. I think he understood that we'll take turns carrying, even though that's not what I said.

"Umm… I mean like you take two and I take two."

"Oh! Okay!"

He's always cheerful though, so he didn't mind. We haven't really chatted. And since it's after-school hours... it's very silent. The club room was placed far away from the canteen… at least we could make this less creepy…

"So… uhm... Axel, why don't you show up to school often?"

"It's boring and I don't like it. I like going to sleep late and waking up late, eating good food and, plus I don't mind helping my parents with the pet shop."

"Oh yeah… the pet shop... that's why they let you not go,right?"

"Yeah! And also the fact they didn't go to school that much as well. And look, they're just fine. So I don't think it's a big loss. They used to be just like me when they were younger. Only go to school for music club."

"That's so cool! Is one of your parents a drummer as well?"

"Yaha! My dad! That's why he encouraged me into drums. My mom played the bass. Oh oh! Can I tell you about my parents?! They're so METAL!"

"Why not?! You've got me interested!"

"So like... they've both come from music families. Like, music is in my blood and shit! So they were always pushed to have fun and only bother about the music and not the grades! So they've joined music clubs and eventually they continued on into other bands!"

"Woah woah woah… calm down… like, did they not continue with their previous bands?"

"Yeah, so they joined their new bands… which were enemy bands! Both making metal music!"

"That's awesome..."

"They were enemies, rivals, but they'd always end up seeing eachother at multiple shows or festivals. As time went on, my parents started to fall in love slowly… they started dating, but they hid it from- take this- only their bands! The parents were alright! But not the bands!"

"Ha ha! So like, is this a corny love story where the bands overcome their hatred for them?"

"No. Unfortunately the singers found out and a huge controversy was sparked. The worst thing... it was all public. Both bands disbanded because of my parents. They were upset, but they knew their love was more important. Not long after, they decided to use their degrees to start a pet shop and then had me!"

"Degrees?! You said they didn't show up to school much!"

"Well, yeah, but just enough to pass. My mom has a degree in animal science and my dad in marketing. My dad helps her with the stuff she needs, but he's mostly behind the counter. She does most of the work. He also hires other people."

"I've never really seen the other workers..."

"They don't work on weekends. On weekends we only do small checkups and no operations and whatever... They're all friendly. They refer to me as ‘little boss’."

"That's great! But uhh… where are we?"

"I dunno, I was following you!"

"I was following you! You said you knew this school like the back of your hand!"

"I do! I just got distracted!"

"You distracted yourself!"

"Ugh!"

Well… even I didn't know where we were. It was much scarier. The place was pretty empty and spacious, with much fancier furniture than the rest of the school… were we even in the school anymore?

"Where the hell are they?!"

"Don't yell...! I'm sure they're done! Maybe they've just found a teacher or something..."

"Okay. I mean… if a teacher found them, they wouldn't be able to go through without them checking if they're really in the music club."

"Mhm..."

The silence was loud. There was only awkwardness in the room. Rabbit boy toyed with his bandages. Puff stared uncomfortably.

"Hey. Don't do that. I know it's… addictive, but you've promised Deejay, right?"

"Yeah… how- how did you know?"

"I just guessed. Just… also.. I don't know if I want to see any."

"I'm sorry..."

"I'm not saying this cus I hate you or anything, I'm- not everyone can stomach such actions."

"I know..."

"Talking about Deejay… have you noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"He's… well… weird... don't you think he's… in love or something?"

Rabbit boy looked down in despair. Love. Such a difficult topic. He didn't know how to approach such a situation. He hasn't even figured if kissing and their behaviour signified a relationship or, really, really, really close friends. He doesn't know how love should feel. But the idea that Deejay might've been imagining himself with someone else physically hurt too.

"In- in love?"

"Yeah..."

Noticing his face change to a depressed aura, he decided to change the topic. He thought Benatar knew that Deejay most likely had something for him. Best friends are close, but they were close to a different point… maybe he thought it wrong. Benatar didn't know. Maybe he didn't want to think of Deejay that way. He couldn't risk their friendship falling apart. It was also needed for the band.

"Actually... forget about it."

"No… is he..? With who…?"

"No, no! Don't worry! It- it was a joke! Haha!"

"..haaa..."

Could two boys even be together? Yes. He knew that. But, it's rare. In this time, it's rare. And there's a big chance everyone- EVERYONE would judge them.

Or what if Deejay judged him? But… the kisses. Or maybe it was all in his head. What if he never enjoyed anything with him?! What if he stayed with him just so he'd get clean?! Was it all out of pity?

"Benatar? Benatar… uhh… look… don't cry.."

He hadn't even noticed he was already tearing up.

"I'm sorry. I'll- I need a second."

He rubbed his nose and eyes with his bandages. Puff's face twisted in disgust, but he didn't say anything.

"Umm… so like... Let's talk about something positive! What else do you like besides the band?.."

"How about you go first? I'll take your example..."

"O- okay? Well... I really like videogames and movies, watching YouTube..."

Rabbit boy simply nodded. He didn't say anything about himself, but simply listened to Puff go on and on about what he likes. It's as usual. The doubts, the fears get dissipated with something external. This time, it's just listening to someone, not cutting.

****
A haunted house would be less scary than this. We were in the teachers lounge.

"Okay axel... don't freak out. I know where we are..."

"Where?!"

"The teachers’ lounge!"

"AHHH!!"

"DON'T SCREAM, IDIOT!!"

"ahh!!"

"Okay. If this is the teachers lounge, I know how to get to the canteen. There should be some stairs around the left corner..."

And I was right. We finally ended up at the canteen. We filled the water bottles very quickly. I say we, but I ended up filling them up all by myself. Meanwhile, Axel found the vending machine. Apparently, it gets unplugged after school hours, making it very easy to take snacks out of it. He grabbed a whole lot.

"If we bring all of these too, they'd surely forgive us for being late!"

"I dunno..."

We rushed towards the club room. It was getting late. We only had one hour left for the song now… kicking the door open, Axel dropped the snacks around him.

"WE'RE BACK!"

"Why the hell did it take so long?! It's been 50 minutes!"

"Axel distracted us both and we ended up at the teachers’ lounge."

Rabbit boy didn't rush to see me. He seemed hurt to see me now. I don't know what Puff had told him, but I had to make everything right.

"Well… at least we're here. Let's work. Ben showed me his work and I think we could tweak it or spark an idea for my mix."

"Of coors!"

Okay I admit, Puff was actually funny there. It was a reference to our song. We agreed on a few samples and Axel tested out the melody rabbit boy's written. This was the session rabbit boy wasn't really there. He stared outside the window, playing with his hair.

Immediately as the clock hit the new hour, he grabbed his backpack and left. It was so sudden. So weird. He's never like this. He was moving fast too! I grabbed my stuff and ran out after him, grabbing his arm and stopping him, near the bus stop. I stopped him from getting on the bus. No. We had to talk. Now.

"Benatar, what happened to you?! What did Puff tell you?!"

"I don't- I don't think I can tell you. I will- I-"
"I don't care! Please! Don't be mad at me! What happened?!"

"..."

"Benatar, it isn't like me to beg. Please!"

"Puff said... you're- you're in love."

"What?! I'm not! Puff just — he's stupid, okay?!"

My blood boiled. They just can't let go of the joke. Yes! I know it's not even a joke if it's true, that I'm head over heels for this dumbass Brit, but... I- I can't take it. I can't tell him. He'll hate me. He'll think I'm a freak.

"Puff thinks best friends don't exist and just are always together as a couple of some sorts, okay?!"

"Ah! So... you're not in love… with a girl or something?"

"No! Not at all! Don't worry about it!"

His smile appeared again. He moved closer.

"I see..."

I looked at him. I don't know what he wanted to do… he stepped closer and gave me a kiss. It was soft and warm, sweet... I cupped his head. No. I don't want to let him go.

He pushed back though. No words. He winked and smiled. Walking into his bus. I stayed there for a few minutes. My hands are clean now, aren't they? Puff tried telling him...I don't know if I can ever tell Axel or Puff anytime soon… I can't trust them to keep a secret.

Although everything finished on a sweet note, I was still scared. What if I hadn't actually made up to anything? I skipped Deejane, I skipped homework and called him.

"Deejay?"

"Ben. Look, I'm sorry..."

"What? Why?"

"For everything..."

"I wouldn't have kissed you if I was still angry... you're sweet to me…"

"Sweet?! You- your mouth's sweeter! You're… sugar... sugar's jealous of you."

"It's probably my sweet tooth."

"I love your sweet tooth. I love your music taste. I love your hair, your style..."

He giggled on the other line. He listened to me rant on and on about how I couldn't hate him.

"Hey, hey. Why so desperate? I appreciate you as you are. So why are you so insecure?"

"You don't understand. I can't fathom the idea of you being mad at me. I can't lose you."

"So... you're not my friend out of pity, are you?"

"NO!!! NOT AT ALL! I LOVE BEING YOUR FRIEND! If you leave me, I'll never be the same..."

"Don't exaggerate..."

"I'm not!"

"Ha—"

He went quiet. What had happened?

"Benatar?"

"..."

"Ben?"

His words were slow and whispered.

"My parents... they're home. I'm sorry. I'll close the call… I'll see you tomorrow. I gotta lock the door and hide."

"Please be safe..."

The line went flat. He hung up. But I had to utter the words...

"I love you..."

I put the phone down and I felt a bit of warm light behind me. Jane had been listening.

"Is he alright?"

"I hope he'll be."

"You're so gay it hurts..."

"Have you said this before?"

"I don't know. But c'mon. Let's go to sleep. You'll see him tomorrow… and during the weekend probably..."

"Yeah, yeah.."

My sleep has been a bit abrupt today. His image in my head. The painful look in his eyes,the way he was almost in tears,if he wasn't already. Something like this... it's rare now and knowing him, he'll overthink it deep inside, more than I'll ever know. He'll think about it for months...

The only way to get him to move forward from it is to spend more time with him to prove his overthinking was wrong. It will always be. He's like… Helios to me. He leads the light, the sun. And I've always associated him with the sun, even if he's the opposite of what people usually think when you say "like the sun". It's most likely his hair colour coming into play. How… when the sunlight hits it, it seems to glow, it's so bright, so warm and comforting… like the light itself was only complimenting him.

Okay… okay, I'm getting sleepy now… the image of him is- well, he's putting me to sleep. I feel at ease…

Chapter 20 Chapter Text

I wouldn't be late to school today. Rabbit boy’s bag was there, but he wasn't. Most likely at the counselor… I put my bag down.

"BAH!"

"AH?! BEN?!"

"Did I startle ya? That was the plan..."

"Not really. I was waiting for you."

"Aww man… well, how did you sleep?"

"I slept well. What happened last night with your parents?"

"Ah... nothing..."

"Tell me! I'm gonna be worrying all day!"

"Really, not much. All they did was try to find me. They yelled and threw stuff around, but I survived, as you can see."

"I'm glad!"

He's so important to me. I hugged him tightly, crushing him. He giggled and squirmed,but I couldn't let him go. I sniffed him, but quickly regretted that. My nose scrunched. I forgot he smells horrible. Next plan: get him to shower.

"Haha… let go of me now, I gotta change the bandages..."

"You weren't at the counselor?"

"No, I went to the bathroom."

"Alright..."

Riiiing… the sound of another waste of an hour. The first class was English. We were going to do a free speaking exercise .

"Alright children! We've decided last class we're doing some practice for free speech. Since it's the first time, I decided we should just talk about what person you look up to! Either it would be family wise or a complete stranger. Who's up for it?"

A few kids went on and described their parents, brothers, sisters... someone described their cat. Quite admirable. I raised my hand too.

"Alright! Johnson, wanna try?"

"Yes, ma'am..."

One thought. I would've talked about rabbit boy, but I'd be called gay (not that I'm not) but they'd tease him about it. So I guess we'll talk about Jane.

"My social circle is fairly large. I have a fair share of bad and good influences, but I think I want to shed light upon my cousin, Deejane, who's probably a mix of both. She's always bossy and annoying, trying to get in my business, but she does this out of care and interest about me. She always goes above and beyond for me or anyone she appreciates for that matter, even if it's in her weird ways. I also admire her directness. She's always straight to the point..."

"That's wonderful! She's my student in class C! She's definitely a mix. Trouble maker but a good student nonetheless… thank you!"

Jane's great. I'm glad she's my cousin. And I love getting to appreciate her whenever I can. We've been there for each other our entire life. At this point I like to think she's my sister, not my cousin.

"Since we've heard Johnson, why don't we hear Benatar as well?"

He's frozen up immediately. Who was he going to talk about?!

"I- I… um… u- um- m- miss? Can- can I… can I not?"

"Don't be silly! Come on here!"

He dragged himself to the desk, rubbing his arm awkwardly.

"I- I don't reach many peo- people t- to- to really have someone to talk about… but… but I have my colleague… Deejay, who's… well… g- great… yeah..."

He didn't reach anyone now either. His voice was so quiet I barely understood anything. I doubt the rest of the class did.

"Benatar, speak up and look at the class when you talk."

Their gazes were to be avoided. He raised his head, but his eyes fell out the window. His mouth was twitching open and closed, but no words were coming out.

"Sigh… you were gonna talk about Johnson, right?"

He nodded, toying with his bandages. The repeated action with the sharper tugs ripped from them,the head teacher noticing what lay underneath. She looked horrified. Although rabbit boy’s luck mostly sucks... this time it paid off. The bell rang.

"Benatar and Johnson, could you please come around?"

Hopefully she doesn't talk about the scars ... please, it's so awkward...

"First of all, the auditions are tomorrow so I wish you two luck. I know it's odd they'd place them on Saturday, but we thought it'd be less stressful for the students."

"Thank you miss!'

"Second of all... Johnson, you can leave now."

Following her orders, I got to my desk, but I knew. She was checking him. Rabbit boy became frozen in time, terrified and ashamed. His voice only raised when he begged her something. He was desperate, frantically pleading. She seemed to give in, but left with a worried look.

"What happened? Why are you crying?"

"She said she might contact my parents... they don't know... they're- they're not even fresh, they're gonna heal and close up soon, but... she's not buying it. My parents would kill me if she contacts them..."

...why would she do that...?! I'm hoping she won't do it. I don't want to imagine how he'd come to school the next day. I'll go talk to her myself. I don't care at this point. I ran off after her, leaving rabbit boy to sob and worry alone. I know it's wrong, but first I gotta address the source.

"Miss! Miss!"

"Johnson?"

"Please don't contact Benatar's parents!"

"Johnson, don't get invol—"

"They're the reason he did it! Have you seen his right eye?! It's bruised and… there are so many bruises on him! He only wears one outfit and never showers nor eats at home! They're abusive, Miss! They don't know, but if they did..."

"Oh… I'm- I'm sorry then, but we can't leave him to continue self destructive behaviours… or with his parents. I'll contact CPS instead."

"No! He has nowhere to go. I know, it sounds ideal, but they'll send an notice beforehand, so they won't actually do anything! Just… the counselor is already working on his case. Please join him instead of acting alone!!"

"I'm sorry for him. No teen should live like this. For how long has this been happening? Has he had these... behaviours beforehand?"

"Yes… he's just- I've done his bandages. But he's trying to get clean! And that makes him toy with the bandages… and they get loose and ripped.. "

"I see.. I suppose I will help the counsellor. Maybe he'll tell me more details... you're in this boat as well, right? Since you're always around him. He seems to idolise you too..."

"Haha… yeah, hah..."

"Well, thank you for this. I would've ruined the situation. Ah, tell Benatar I'm so sorry! And also, hurry to class!!"

"Yes, Miss!"

Rabbit boy had calmed, wrapping new bandages around.

"Ben! Ben!"

"Hm…?"

"She's not gonna contact them anymore. I convinced her."

"You don't have to tell everyone... plus... you're spreading misinformation. I don't really think it's abuse..."

"Of course you don't. You're the victim."

"Huh?"

"I know I'm right."

"Ah..."

At least we avoided a big deal and well… the weekend’s here! He clearly wasn't over it. I don't know if it's about what happened yesterday or today..

"Hey..."

"..."

"Hey..."

"..."

"Hey, Ben!"

"What."

"I know you're sad. I'll buy you ice cream on the way to the bus station. So, come..."

"It's- I'm not sad, just thinking."

"Well, stop thinking. You're overthinking."

"I am not!"

"But you want the ice cream, right?!"

"Fine!"

"What flavour?"

"Vanilla..."

"You're no fun."

"Well, enlighten me! What flavours are fun?"

"Bubblegum. Mango, coconut, caramel with salted pieces..."

"Uuhhh… not interested..."

"Alright ,plain-ass..."

I had to comply. I bought him that plain ice cream. He's not that fun, is he? Never wants out of his comfort zone, but he did eat it in like 3 minutes...

"Did you even breathe whilst eating??!"

"Yeah."

"Then, did you inhale it or something?!*

"No, I ate it.."

"That sweet tooth really does wonders, doesn't it?"

We arrived at the bus stop, rabbit boy standing, uncomfortable in his own skin. Lost in his head probably, since he was just silent and looking down.

I want to taste him everyday. Will the ice cream make him sweeter? Or just more refreshing? Leaning in, closing my eyes, he watched me, but didn't reciprocate it this time.

"I'm not feeling it today…"

"What's on your mind? Are you mad at me?"

"No, no..."

"Benatar! Please! Talk to me!"

"I- I'm just thinking about the thing with my parents. I'm scared. They'll be at home today. I really don't want to see them..."

Then... then… then… I'll bring him over! My mom wanted to meet him anyway! She wouldn't mind if he stayed over.

"Then... sleep at my house! Your parents won't give a shit if you're not home for a day or two!"

His eyes shone. That was my rabbit boy...

"Really?! I'd love to… If your parents don't mind, that is..."

"They never do. Come on!"

I grabbed his hand and ran with him. He laughed behind me but tried to catch up. He was running out of breath so quickly.

"Mom! Mom! I brought Benatar with me today! He's staying over!"

"Benatar’s over?! Let me get a good look at him!"

She stared him up and down, smiling.

"Aww! You are such a cutie! You're exactly like my son said! I'm Deejay's mother. You didn't bring anything but your backpack?"

"Yeah, haha… I don't have anything anyways…"

"Poor soul. I think deejay had some pajamas from when he was skinnier..."

"Mom..."

"Come on! He's a stick! I'll prepare you a hearty meal! Meanwhile, get settled!"

"I'll help him. Thanks mom!"

"Yeah… thanks, ma'am!"

"Come. My room’s upstairs. Oh god, Jane... she'll annoy you all night!"

"Haha... it's alright… your parents are so easy-going."

"Thats how normal parents are. But Jane isn't a normal cousin."

I opened the door, Jane was sitting in my bed.

"Deejay! Ohoho! You brought your cru—"

I covered her mouth with my hand.

"Shh!! Ben… uh... don't listen to anything she says."

"Um… hi..."

"You're truly skinny as hell. Don't worry. Auntie makes the best food ever."

"I trust that..."

"Jane, could you sleep in the living room tonight? I'll give you snacks and my Xbox. I want Benatar to sleep here tonight.."

"Hehe… of course, love birds ~"

"Ughh…"

"Get prepared for dinner..."

"I will! Okay, Ben,leave the backpack down,okay? Over there. Next to mine."

"Alright…"

Mom really didn't lie. The food really was.... a ton. She made extras for rabbit boy. He couldn't eat much and was flattered. It was a bit more than what I'm used to as well...

"Well, what did you think, white-boy?"

"It was amazing, ma'am… so much."

The door opened. Dad arrived home. He was surprised to see rabbit boy, but mom immediately informed him.

"Dear! It's Deejay's best friend! Benatar. Isn't he so cute??!"

"Ah. Hello, young boy. I'm Deejay's father. We've heard about you. I'm sorry for your situation at home."

"Umm... thanks… sir..."

They awkwardly shook hands, though my dad was smiling and trying to lighten the mood. Anyone that came into rabbit boy's circle noticed the gloomy aura around him.

"Ok. Ben, now that you're full, I have something I must make you do…"

"..?"

"Shower. Come..."

At first, I only prepared the bathroom. Old pajamas, towels, slippers, showing him how the things work. Thankfully, he knew how to shower, though didn't know if he'd be ready for one.

"It's been so long… I'm so pathetic, but I'm scared..."

"Of a shower...?"

"Yes, it's dumb, but I really am… I'm sorry..."

"Ah… but you need to…"

"Stay here whilst I shower!"

"Huuuh?!"

"Please!!"

It's a strange request, but I knew it came from genuine fear… he just wanted my support. I covered my eyes with a smaller towel, making sure I wouldn't breach his privacy. I could also be sure he's actually showering this way. Since I even heard him drop the soap a few times...

"I'm finished."

Water was everywhere. Mom was gonna kill me, but I didn't care much… I'll clean it later.

"How was it?"

"Okay… do you think it's okay if I used your shampoo...?"

"Umm… I don't know... it's not made for white folk hair..."

"Aha..."

"Well, it looks cleaner though... let me help you dry it off."

Since we were still there, he also brushed his teeth with a new toothbrush whilst I cleaned the water. He waited for me to finish washing my own teeth so peacefully.

"This bed’s much more comfortable..."

"Mhm."

"Do you sleep with Deejane like this too?"

"Yeah. There's only one bed, okay? This room was made for one, not two."

"Alright. I'm excited about sharing a bed with you. I- I love you and all..."

"Trust me, me more."

Our hands found each other. Intertwined, locked, chained.. his eyes were cold, blue, but they were warm somehow. They were melting me faster than ever. I'd soon be liquid in front of him.

I'm not going to lie. We haven't gotten much sleep. We talked, sang, literally did homework as well and… well... exchanged lots of kisses. And by each one, I felt more and more in love...

Okay, cute stuff aside, it's clear he's never shared a bed. He took up most of it. And even fell off of it at some point, with a loud thud. I got terrified and woke up immediately, but he looked to be soundly asleep. I'm guessing this was the most relaxing sleep he's ever had, since he didn't have to worry about someone waking him up to beat him.

Chapter 21 Notes:

hi i have 2 things to say
1. if you think th e fanfic is corny/cringy...u r right. its written to be, cus theyre 2 awkard teens who have never loved befo...teen romance is always cringy. romance is cringy anyways.. im saying this cus reading back makes me cringe. idk if its equally cringy for everyone else, or if its just cus im the writer. also, this is my first fic, and i think i shouldnt have started with a big slowburn as my first fic tbh 😭😭😭..my next fic after rabbit boy is finished is going to be deeben taxes btw!!
second
once school starts updates will be lesser and irregular cus me & my editor will b busy. also were classmates :D
enough yap. Dont enjoy.

Chapter Text

He woke up earlier than me… no, actually. I slept in. Mom had to wake me.

"Get up! It's 10:30AM already! Even Benatar and Deejane are up!"

"Uuugg..."

How wasn't he sleepy? Maybe his body was used to low amounts of sleep, but we went to sleep at 4 AM.
"Good morning, Ben..."

"Good morning, Dee!!"

"Oh look who's up!"

"Shush… what are you two doing…?"

"I'm teaching Benatar how to make rainbow loom bracelets. He's a natural. Look!"

Rabbit boy handed me a heart chain blue and yellow bracelet, blushing and a bit.

"For you .."

My sleepiness disappeared completely. I'd wear this bracelet everyday. Never stop. Oh God, thank you for giving me my rabbit boy!!!

"AWW!!! BENNY!!"

I picked him up in a hug, crushing him to the point he had no air.

"P- put me down!!"

"Oh,sorry! Hehee!! Oh… Benny... thank you..."

"It's not a big deal..."

Jane's smirk was burning into the back of my neck. I waved my hand in a motion for her to leave.

"Jane, go ask mom to set up breakfast or something. Stop staring."

"The love birds want alone time~"

"Shut it!"

Jane giggled and walked off. She's always annoying and I know that won't change. But I just can't let her give him any hints.... which is just as bad as if she was to tell him outright. I can trust him to figure out stuff...

"You know… you have a talent for these things..."

"Not really. She showed it to me."

"Well, yeah, but you've just started today. She's been at these for a few months… I can't seem to vacuum every single one of them elastics! I always find more… it's like glitter."

"Haha! Well... it's really simple, though."

"To me, it's complex enough.."

By this point, it was natural for our heads to tilt in a fleeting touch in these moments, but the atmosphere we built was completely shattered.

"Deejay! Benatar! Breakfast!!"

He immediately pushed me aside and ran off. Was breakfast more important to him?! Whatever.

Mom didn't leave our side at all. Usually she watches TV instead of us, but her smile was bright and big. When she smiles for guests, it's forced. But she seemed to be genuine this time.

"Mom...? Will you stop staring?"

"No! I like your friend. Why doesn't he come around here more often?"

"I don't mind..."

Of course rabbit boy didn't. I wouldn't have minded it either. But I can't tell if mom was just joking or not…

"Great! Why don't you move in too??"

"Mom! He can't just move in, can he? "

"Aww… I know..."

"I like him too, though..."

"Oh, I know how you like him!~"

"You just had to open your mouth, Jane?!"

My emotions got the best of me. I didn't mean to… mom's demeanor faltered and that little demon Jane started laughing her ass off. She loves to ragebait. I FELL FOR IT!

"Deejay! Don't scream like that!"

"Oo... someone's in trouble!"

"Jane, I swear... you're going to be the death of me."

The smile never returned. Mom looked worried now. Was it because of rabbit boy's flinch when I yelled or was she going to punish me for yelling at her once??!

"Deejay, can we talk for a bit?"

"Uhm… yes, mom..."

I refuse to believe I'm actually going to get grounded for yelling.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Look, I don't want to sound weird. But Benatar's not wearing those bandages for no reason, right?"

"It's exactly what you think it is..."

"So it's that bad? Is he at least taking care of the wounds? Do his parents even know?"

"They wouldn't care."

"Right... I'm sorry for pointing it out suddenly. But don't you also think it's worrying that a kid his age would hurt themselves intentionally?"

"I know it is."

"Are you properly helping him?"

"Yes. He's been clean for a week now… soo… but they weren't light, so he wishes to hide himself for now. He's just using one anti scarring cream for now. The school provided it to him."

"I'll give you a hydrating cream. It helps a lot."

" Mom… you don't —"

"The kid's pure. And I feel bad for him. He's more mannered than you."

"Really, mom?!"

"Yes! Anyways, take it. Just give it to him."

"I won't do it now… but… thanks, mom."

"Don't worry."

"Actually, what time is it?"

"Like 11:30 AM. You slept in, so I've only set up breakfast later."

"AH! We have the tryouts today!"

"For the play?"

"Yeah!"

"What role are you two planning to get?"

"Well, I want only Romeo, though I think Benatar will try for Romeo and Paris."

"Ah! What gentlemen you are! Okay, get back there, boy."

With a puppy stare and a collected sit, rabbit boy waited for me. He was finished, but refused to go without me. Jane was eating out of my plate, rabbit boy watching it all. He was too scared to say anything about it.

"Jane! My plate!"

"Well… finders keepers, losers weepers!”

"This is about food, not seats on a playground!"

"Still applies!"

Rabbit boy looked down, ashamed, as if he was regretting not stopping her...

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. She wouldn't have listened to you anyways."

The tryouts were at 1PM, so we had time to kill.

Everyone's occupied. I had my DS, since I've just recently bought ‘Tomodachi Life’. Of course I've added everyone in it. Myself, rabbit boy, Jane, Puff, Axel,mom, dad...

Before getting a game, I have to research what features are in it. These miis can date. But so far, only if they're opposite genders. I'm sorry, rabbit boy… you gotta be a girl.

But so far, otherwise than that… the game's so fun... there's not always something to do, but I have a lot more stuff to busy myself with...

Jane continued to teach rabbit boy to do more rainbow loom patterns... they've gotten to those professional looking boards now. I still don't understand how you can work them.

From bracelets to necklaces, rings, plushies… Well, they're not exactly plushies, but rather miniature figures. He's made a snake and a fish.

The joy and pride that radiated from his creations spread throughout the room. But soon we'd have to get dressed. He can do more right after.

Since he won't probably be staying on Sunday... let me give him one more shower...

He reluctantly agreed and I took it as an opportunity to also get ready. He refused to be without me in the same room. But don't judge, I haven't stared at him once. Not that a few scars would disgust me, but we're both minors and well… I respect his privacy. I'm not a pervert.

I figured I'd take longer than him… but he looks effortlessly gorgeous.

Usually, the empty school scares me. It's too quiet and the long corridors with lots of rooms at each corner should be terrifying, but that's only when it's dark. And plus, I'm here with my literal crush. I have to act cool and brave, all to look mighty to him. I have to impress him... And now that it's sunny... it's quite a vibe.

Also usually, nobody really comes at the auditions. This time however, it was packed. The English teachers must've done a good job...

"Why the hell are there so many people here?!"

"Well... technically... it's that teen-age American dream to play in the sappy love story of Romeo and Juliet."

"You're right. A sloppy love story… who doesn't want that?!"

"Well… clearly, if they didn't… they wouldn't have gotten to this point."

One by one, people went in and out the stage. Each minute both excited and terrified me. I had to secure it. But I didn't want to stand against rabbit boy either...

"...O me, what fray was here?Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here’s much to do with hate, but more with love."

"Okay, thank you, Johnson."

With a dramatic bow too, they seemed pretty impressed. At least mine was over...

But on the other hand… it was rabbit boy's turn next,right? I watched him, but he was still trembling. Oh, the dehumanising anxiety… why did he even agree to this?

At first, the poor ‘producers’ didn't seem impressed. Their time couldn't be wasted. Our English teacher was there, who pushed him closer to them. I can't hear him at all, but I know he's speaking. His mouth is moving in quick motions. Their eyebrows arched with a sense of interest. Clearly, he had the talent but too much fear and anxiety in him. Maybe he'd still be chosen. The others didn't look to be any good either. They could be as cocky as ever, but due to the decline in attention spans, most of them didn't even know the words...

He eventually walked off just as slowly as he got there, dragging his feet and looking down, like he was told a firm ‘no’. But they don't just say it outright...

I patted his back and rubbed it, his heartbeat slowing down.

"Hey, hey. It's over now."

"Y- you- you couldn't even hear it most likely..."

"Yeah, I didn't. But I know you did well."

"Thanks..."

We had to sit around for another two hours. I've mentioned there were lots of kids, right?!

"Okay, okay! We've made the choices. Our Romeo will be Deejay Johnson..."

Really?! But… rabbit boy— he hugged me tightly, pecking my cheek continuously. I held him half-assedly… I was so confused.

"Huh…?"

"You did it! Oh,Romeo! My Romeo!"

"What… I can't believe it…"

And one by one, all the characters got their actor... except Juliet? How come? She's also an important character...

"Okay now, for Juliet, we decided to cast someone who didn't show up for her. Benatar!"

"Excuse me?!"

"Okay… and I thought my luck was shocking."

I would've giggled, but noticing how he was enraged and visibly sad, I just couldn't.
"I—"

"Alright! Thank you everybody! If we'll need my side characters or doubles, I'll make sure to inform your teachers!"

Once the students started to leave, he walked slowly to the drama club teacher.

"Uhmm..."

"Yeah?"

"Uhh… why- why- why am I pl- playing Ju- Juli- Juliet?"

"Uhh… can you speak up?"

"Why- wh- why am I playing Juli- Juliet?"

"Well... Juliet's a dainty, graceful and shy girl, like you. We think you're the perfect girl for the role!"

"I- I'm… I'm not a girl..."

"What?! Well… I thought- I should've asked your teacher- wasn't Benatar a girl's name?"

"N- no..."

"We... There's this female singer called Pat Benatar. She was popular when I was younger. I thought of her."

"I- I know…"

"Well… sorry… you kind of sound like a girl. Puberty is late to you, isn't it? Or is it the fact you talk so softly?"

"I- I do- I don't know…"

"And your hair is longer than what most boys have. Your stance and body too. I thought you were just a skinny and flat, shy girl… it sounds weird- Oh! I'm so sorry!"

Fair enough. It's the lack of nutrients causing him to be less masculine- well, in at least what teenage boys deem as masculine. His body doesn't have the energy for his growth of puberty. If I manage to help him with the snacks and stuff, I'm sure it'll hit him like a hard slap.

"Well, if you wish, we could cancel your role..."

"W- would… I get Pa- Paris?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"W- would I get P- Paris?"

"We can't do that... we'd have to cancel you from the show altogether. Your teacher mentioned you might be too scared to actually go through the show as well. You don't have to force yourself."

"I'll try m- my best..."

"Don't worry. With a dress, some makeup and a microphone, everyone will think you're a girl. And they'll hear you! Ah, should we even get you boob paddings?"

"NO!"

What kind of joke was that?! Some people need to hear themselves.

"Well… thanks… goodbye..."

With a newfound energy, he had no issues being speedy to get out of this school now.

"Hey! Wait up!"

He didn't until we got to the bus stop.

"Ughh… What's up, Juliet?"

"Stop that! I can't believe this… I'm not feminine..."

"Not that masculine either, though."

"Why not?!"

"What- you still have a high pitched voice and you're skinny, you have like no muscle... you're like a stick… and the fact you're shy makes you seem girly!"

"...that's...! ... that's...!! A load of crap! Not true!"

"I thought you'd say bullshit... would've been awesome."

"Whatever… what now?"

"..."

Summer’s stepping in... it's so quick, so naturally it's getting hot. Mom didn't tell me to get home or be late.

"Have you ever had a slushie?"

"Mm… no..."

"Great! I'll buy you one! Come!!"

"Hey— don't rush me!"

The store's just around the corner, yet I dragged him like it was going to close in three minutes.

"Here! Blueberry, lemonade, strawberry and green apple!"

"Ha… which one are you getting?"

"Lemonade."

"I don't know."

"Then, I recommend you the green apple one."

"Isn't it sour?"

"Dude, no."

"Okay then.."

Cups were filled quickly. Mine to the brim. His? Well, only 3/4 of it. Like an absolute gentleman that doesn't take advantage of the cups. I'm allowed to get my money's worth, okay?! I paid for them both.

"So… what do you say?"

Rabbit boy didn't answer. He was sipping and watching the quickly moving cars, probably overthinking something again.

"Ben."

"Ah! Sorry. What?"

"Say, what do you think?"

"Yeah, it's better than I thought."

"Exactly."

Maybe the view wasn't traditional. Sitting on a store's steps and watching the busy road as the sun went down at its own pace… but with him, everything's romantic. My eyes fell on his face, it's how they're comfortable. That's when they're resting. On his face. I have finished my drink, head resting in my hands as I unconsciously smiled. He stopped sipping, but his face's expression never changed.

Well, that was a lie. After a few minutes, he faced me too.

"I can't finish it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks."

His head had fallen on my shoulders as he went back to watching the cars. What's so intriguing about them? Why does he like them all of a sudden?!

"Your phone's ringing."

"Huh?!"

"Your phone's ringing!"

"Ah! I haven't even- yes,mom?"

“..."

The call went on for a few short minutes. All she said is that she's waiting for us home and what we were going to eat… oh and begging me to beg him to stay over another night.

"So… what's she saying?"

"Dinner’s ready. She's begging you to stay another night."

"If you don't mind..."

"I'd never."

"Then… yeah."

He ended the phrase with our same old gesture. Leaned in for a kiss. Soft, shiveringly cold touch. The flavours mixed in a disgustingly sloppy sugary mess… God! Give me more kisses! I love them! Most certainly him, though. I love him.

"HEY! DON'T MAKE-OUT ON THE STEPS OF MY STORE!! GET OUT OF HERE!! SHOO!!!"

We made a run for it, giggling. Love's friendly and childish when you have the right one, right? What a fleeting dance. Even if we've got kicked out and called out, the tension’s the same. Yes, love is like a teen that refuses to play it safe nor learn from their mistakes. It lives for dangerous fun.

Upon arrival, we sure still were laughing, even if we were out of breath.

"Haha… mom! We're home!"

"Took you two long enough. Come on now, has Deejay told you? Schnitzel and fries today!"

"Ohoho! Thanks, mom!

"Th- thank you…"

"Aww... don't worry, boy. Just sit up. Deejane's already eaten."

"So we're that late?"

"Worth it..."

Immediately after, we rushed to my room, even if we probably should've washed ourselves, but the lock has been put in place. Later, now...

Board games, music, a few pens... Late at night, with those pens, I drew around the scars. Surely, it's corny and they're still in the healing process, but I want him to know that I'll see him the same. Even something like that though brought him to tears. He understood the message.

"You- you really don't think I'm a freak?!"

"No! Why —"

He hugged me with all his power before I could finish, the sobbing getting louder and the tears staining my shirt… as usual of him.

"People… you know they hate them! So many stares and the talks, right behind my back. And- and you love me with them! You don't ask me to hide! But… you see… you see why I've done it. You understand me?"

"Of course… I couldn't judge. I just can't. You don't do things like this for attention and, if it was, it was still a clear sign of mental illness. I just want to help you get better."

"You give me hope! I've promised… I will!"

"I'm glad.."

I don't know what to talk about. I'm happy he's finally acknowledging the fragments of my love for him. The air around us will continue to be this charged forever.

"You know… want to make-out, seriously this time? Like the shop owner said?"

"Ah!'

My cheeks flushed an immediate crimson, nodding without any doubts.

It was... actually... something sloppy, drool all over, the awkward start... pathetic...

"Ow!"

"S- sorry!"

"You just bit my tongue...!"

"I- I swear I didn't mean to!"

"It's alright… but at least we started somewhere."

"Right… I still liked it. Maybe… we can… do it more in the future?"

My back fell on my bed and eyes widened, even as I was losing the battle with sleep.

"Oh, of course..."

"Yay!"

"Wait… you haven't showered or brushed your teeth, right?"

"No… have you?"

"I'm gonna go right now. Join me?"

"In the shower?!"

"AH! NO! Well… if you don't mind..."

I wiggled my eyebrows and he laughed awkwardly.

"I'll brush my teeth whilst you shower instead… no thanks."

"Aww..."

And so, we did as he said. I promised to not look at him and I won't. I admit that flirting wasn't a good idea. I look creepy now...

He didn't mention anything of it as we got back to the bed…

I'm getting sleepy...Why fight it? I got under my blanket and fell asleep. Rabbit boy propped himself on his elbows and looked at me before tucking in properly and kissing my forehead.

"Goodnight."

Oh, I will have a very good one now. I'll admit we're pathetic, but, in my defense, we're still teens in our awkward relationship phase, still figuring everything out. We don't even know what we're actually into. All we know is that we're in love with each other. If not love, then why did we kiss? Why are we so comfortable around each other? Why...?

Chapter 22 Notes:

Hi guys sorry for that emo thing!
Actually start to think it's the ao3 curse cus not only has my chronic illness (it's skin related so don't worry that much!) gotten worse but so did my mental health but I promise I am ok. Or at least right now 😁😁 rabbit boy in the way gippppp

Chapter Text

The morning's bright light hit peacefully upon us as we awakened on the right time... Breakfast was some scrambled eggs and tea, specifically brewed with the idea or rabbit boy in mind. It is quite stereotypical for a British guy to like tea, but I can't deny the fact that he does enjoy it a lot...

"Mmmmm… this is amazing, Miss! Thank you..."

"Oh, don't worry! Look, he can even be thankful. You should learn a thing or two, Deejay."

Of course my mom's very happy about me finally finding a good influence, even when he's not always ideal... But mostly, she's right… though that doesn't mean she should treasure him more than me or annoy me with how well-mannered he is. I know he is... ugh… but you know what? I understand her. I love rabbit boy too… is it obvious that I'm completely and utterly infatuated with this guy?

Well, now… he had to go home. He packed his bags and begged me to accompany him. Just as we reached the door, my father stepped forward, stopping us in our tracks.

"Where are you two going?"

"Gulp… dad, I'm dropping Benatar off to his house."

We stared at each other for a glimpse. My dad's really tall and intimidating, but, in reality,he's funny and kind-hearted. He loves messing with people and it gets them every time.

"I had a plan to drive you two there, if you told me where he lives."

"Ah! Thanks, dad!"

"Wait up. But beforehand I want to buy some food for you. You have a working fridge over there, right kiddo?"

"Y- yeah, it's wor- working… but always em- empty…"

"Perfect. Let's go to the supermarket then."

I've been with my dad for groceries numerous times. But you know who hasn't? Yeah. He hadn't. He held my hand throughout the entirety of the walk, trying to make himself as small as possible, to hide. I know how scared he must be, so I'll be at his side to comfort.

All the easy stuff to cook and eat were picked. I assumed he doesn't have many utensils to use or that much knowledge on harder stuff beyond pasta and mashed potatoes, so my dad picked up a few kid-safe equipment and a small and easy cook-book. All throughout this, we still managed to get him a week worth of dinners, lunches and breakfasts… my dad's planning to do this every weekend.

"Boys, how about we make it a tradition to do this every weekend? It'll fill your fridge and maybe help the social anxiety thing… Plus, wouldn't you two want a reason to hang out?"

"Sounds great."

He held my shoulders and nodded excitedly. Dad went to pay, but we window-shopped for a bit longer, what's the harm in admiring the kid's section? Dolls, plushies, bracelets, car toys, figures, games… and glow in the dark stars! A big pack! For 6,99$! It's too late to ask my dad to buy it, but I don't mind using my own pocket money for him.

"Yo! Ben!"

"Yeah?"

"Look! I’m gonna buy you these. What do you say?~"

"Oh, please... Don't spoil me!"

"I insist! Those ones you have must've dimmed out by now, haven't they?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Then, it's not up for debate! I'll buy you as many stars as you want!"

It was settled, and there's nothing he can do. Dad waited for us patiently in the car, not questioning the stars.

The drive was quiet but in a happy way, because we were all feeling great to be helpful to him and that he's found kind people too.

Upon arrival, even my dad was disgusted and appalled by the condition of the house. Though, I must admit, it was a bigger wreck now. His parents have stayed over for two days and it's clear they didn't care about the state of their own property. Maybe they're expecting him to clean up.

"Hmm… maybe we should stay over to clean..."

"I can do it on my own too..."

"You're a 15 year old. How are you supposed to clean this entire house? We'll help."

"Uhh… okay then… I just want to make sure my room's alright..."

I followed behind him, he pushed the door with a shivering fear. Luckily, it looks like they haven't done much. Just that the curtains were pulled up. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but rabbit boy lives solely in the dark. He's maybe a vampire...

He checked up more stuff, like the CD collection or the book pile, but I already got to opening the star pack.

"Why don't we start placing them? It'll be a fun activity. You said you wanted more fun memories. This could be it."

"Right! But your father's cleaning… maybe we should help..."

"Don't worry about it! He's an adult and he can do most of the work himself."

"Good point. Then... let's get to it."

Not a specific array. The galaxy doesn't have a rule in how the stars are placed. We had to stand on his bed to get them all the way to the ceiling. But I'm glad that in the future, he'll think of us two when he looks at them. One by one the stars lit up the now once more closed off and dark room, but their soft glow gave it an ultimately friendlier feel.

"Ah... it's a lot better. Thank you so much… really."

"Do I get anything?"

Wink, wink! I deserve a prize too, right? He smirked and touched my nose softly.

"No."

"Blunt!"

"You don't get prizes for small stuff! I think we should help your dad."

"Aww man...right.."

He's already done most of the stuff... I've told him that. So we really could've done something more… all we had to do was wipe down some furniture.

"It's so much better than before! Without doing the dusting! You two, I must thank you…"

"Don't worry, kid. Just continue giving it your all. You'll leave this place one day."

My dad walked over and ruffled rabbit boy's hair as he stepped out, grabbing his car keys. It was a silent signal that I should get ready too.

"But… Dee… before you leave… I know how to thank you..."

"Oh! YES!"

My Juliet. He gave me an ever-so-lingering cheek kiss. Yes, I know I want more. But considering he said no originally... Noticing his body language… no,I think it's because he was worried about dad stepping in. It'd be less compromising.

"Go now… I'll see you tomorrow at school..."

"It's not late! Why don't we... hang out?~"

"Umm… I love you and all… but I want my alone time too. You know? We've hung out for three-two days now..."

"Fair… sorry. bye now! See you!!"

"Deejay! Hurry up already!"

"Coming!!"

Not much was done, sure. The whole day itself wasn't that special. Alas,my parents love him. They're willing to help him... everything is going to get better and… maybe one day... they'll accept us being together. For the sake that we're perfect for one another. Even as we're both… of the same sex.

I will keep up my promise as best as I can... I'll show it to you subtly, even as you try to pay no attention to what's around us. The flowers, they're blooming, waiting for us to sprout. I am ready... you've helped me find out who I am and also accept my image,long ago. Silently. Yet, still you, the one who helped me so far, want to mellow out and pretend you don't feel? But I read you like an open book.

Fear and uncertainty… are common, but they wouldn't let you drag yourself over here. To this point, to the blurred line.

Then, why?

Why do I wait?

Why don't I just ask already?

But no, I can't force you. You'll only close up on me and the flowers will wilt. I've known patience, I've learnt to hug it. And I'll play the waiting game with you.

Even if you were to test me... you'd be disappointed to see… I won't leave. How could I? When I've laid myself bare to you now?

Our situation...

"Deejay!"

Is… is… is it too shocking to you?

"Deejay!!"

Ah, is that your voice? You sound different… loud, strident, feminine...

"UGH! get up already!"

I sat up immediately in a cold sweat… oh, it was Jane...

"Your alarm has been ringing for 10 minutes now! Plus, what the hell were you talking about?!"

"What?! I just woke up, I didn't say any—"

"No! You talk in your sleep sometimes! Something about flowers, patience and love! Please don't tell me it was a wet dream..."

"EWW!! NO!!! I.... I can't believe this..."

"Me neither. Sigh, just get up and hurry up already!"

"In a second..."

Contrary to Jane's belief, I still arrived at the right time. As I opened the door...

"Boo!"

"..."

"... you're... you're not scared…?"

"Was I supposed to be?”

"Um — yeah, duh..."

"Sorry. You're not scary. Your voice is too quiet and ... quite frankly, you're a bit pathetic..."

"Okay… rude. Well, whatever. Good morning!!"

"Haha... good morning!"

"Admittedly, I missed you. I wanted to call last night, but..."

He pulled his sleeves down. That action immediately brought my eyes to his arms, I could hear my heart in my ears now. Can't he keep one promise?!

Seeing my gaze lower, he lifted them higher.

"No! I've- I've… I haven't. It's hard… but I haven't. I'm hiding bruises from the teachers and classmates."

"That's still self-harm."

"I didn't do it!"

The implication. His parents probably came over again for some reason.

"Oh… I'm sorry... you're strong, by the way."

I hugged him with regret. I just wish you were born with the family you deserve.

"Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child..."

"haha… overused, but thanks..."

He looked around. No one yet. He squeezed in a cheek kiss.

"You're a gentleman, my my..."

"Your gentleman!"

"I was just saying…"

"But still!"

"Why don't we sit down. Some people are coming and class starts soon too."

"Right..."

Boring day. Biology class sucks. Oh well, actually it doesn't when your teacher doesn't just come in, yap about anything other than biology then complain about phones and kids these days! No wonder we don't have grades! She never teaches shit!

Obviously, we didn't have our phones. Most were dying of boredom, but I couldn't, not when I had a very intriguing desk mate, who transformed me into his model.

He drew me… what talent he holds… my features are all there! The anatomy's... immaculate! He's wonderful. Some people say there are flaws, but that I'm specifically ignoring them because they're drawn by him. Maybe.

I don't know if I've said this already, but… I might have to start taking daily insulin doses. Due to the amount of sugary sweetness he brings into my life...

"Hm, Benny."

"Yeah?"

"What do you think we'll have for lunch today?"

"...seriously?"

He gave me an unimpressed look and eyed me up and down.

"Of course you're already thinking about lunch, fattie..."

"Hey! I'm not that fat, okay?!"

"Alright... Stop moving!"

"Sorry, Picasso!"

So, when lunch finally rolled around, I couldn't wait. School spaghetti and meatballs! With an orange and well ..milk. I don't know how well those go together...

Now, now .... You'll be shocked to hear my school's actually very qualified in this department. Our cooks here... they're passionate. You can taste it.

Me and rabbit boy sat at our usual spot, a lonely table. It was such a romantic world, but this time our peace was interrupted by loud chewing.

"What?"

"Puff — why the hell are you here?"

"Cus I really, really, really wanna interrupt you two love birds! — Cus we're friends?! Wait, no! Even bandmates!"

"Whatever."

Rabbit boy stood up, somehow the food disappeared from his plate. Did he really eat that fast?! There's no way he's been starved when we've bought him food yesterday!

"I'll go to the bathroom… be right back..."

"Okay!"

I waved him off, but Puff only stared at me with an annoying ass smile, looking like a fucking drug dealer. I ain't buying no fent from him, that shit's probably laced.

"Um… what..?"

"Deegay..."

"Stop that! What now?"

"You know... prom's soon. And I'm planning to ask Tig as my partner..."

"You know her name now?!"

"I've told you I do! She's classmates with your cousin! She told me her name! And what she likes.."

"Oookay."

"I know now! I'm going to hit two birds with one stone! We're gonna write a song! We'll have another song done and also ask her out! She's gonna say yes! I know it!"

"Oh wow… also, stop slamming the table. It didn't do anything to you."

"Well, what do you say?"

"Well, if you don't make it obnoxious and too specific, yeah. Why not? Gotta make her feel special… and shit."

"Dude. You're so gay… you sound so stupid when you try to talk like a straight."

"Fuck does that mean?! How do you talk like a straight?"

"Like I do! ...alsoo… since we're talking about prom… will you ask him out?~"

My cheeks reddened as he gave me that same stupid smug again. It's so disgusting and annoying.

"I'll- I'll… uhm- stop doing that stupid face!"

"Just answer the question!"

"I don't… I don't know what you're talking about..!!"

"Deejay and Benatar sitting in a tree..."

"Dude! Don't sing it!"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"DON'T SING IT THAT LOUD!!"

"First comes love then-"

"Hi guys!"

"Hey, Ben!"

I put the orange in Puff’s mouth and he blurted out a few things before spitting it out.

"Yeah. Hi."

He sat back down, he actually hadn't finished everything..? He pulled the orange and milk out of his pants. How didn't I notice?! Why would you even carry those to the bathroom?!

"Yo… why the hell did you bring those with you to the bathroom?"

Puff had read my mind.

"Y-yeah..."

"Uhm… so nobody t- takes them..."

"Greedy-ass..."

The bell rang right in our ears. Did I mention our usual spot was near the fucking bell? That's why it's always empty.

"Alright. See you at rehearsal, Puff... Come on, Ben, let's- where is he?"

Rabbit boy already ran off to class. He wouldn't ever want to miss a class for some reason.... Meanwhile Puff stayed there, sipping his stupid milk carton. He never ever rushed to class. God forbid.

Time seemed to be melting away at the seconds of the torturous classes and schedule. Who the hell puts PE and math right after?! Oh, and chemistry next to fucking physics right after?! But now, it's time for the real medieval torture. Rehearsals. We're so uncoordinated we barely really have time for anything new besides rehearsing the older songs.

Axel brought lots of shit from home. Home baked goods to store bought. The point is he came in with two giant bags. They needed to fit them in our mini-fridge. Mini. Fridge. How were they going to fit?!

Rabbit boy tried to help him by attempting to fit them in a very clean manner.

I just… kind of watched. The lion does not bother himself with arranging food in a fridge that's only made to fit a bit of snacks.

"Deegay."

"Stop calling me that, midget."

"Listen! For the song, I'm thinking of making it REALLY romantic and sappy..."

"Mhm. Doubt you can write that."

"Duh I can! I'm about to blow your head off! It's very passionate! I've written these in math."

"Man, you should've paid attention. You're boutta have a math exam in one month."

"Oh please, I'll nail that! My real focus is prom."

Reluctantly, I had to read them. He tried, I think? I can't tell. The song was awful. The lyrics. Oh Lord. I don't know if I want to add a beat to this. All he's talking about is her breasts. And not to be too ‘woke’ or ‘queer’ but this seems disrespectful and rude, isn't it fetishistic? But if this is what girls really want… I doubt it. How the hell isn't he embarrassed about this, let alone he's proud?! How is any girl supposed to proudly say yes to this?

"You gotta be joking."

"I'm not! Look, it's not my fault you like cocks more!"

"Can you get over that?! It's not funny, and, well… this is horrendous. You're just objectifying her for an entire song! You're gonna embarrass yourself and her!"

"WOW! Such a hater! It's fun and it just appreciates her… assets too!"

"...in the worst way imaginable."

"You know what?! I'll show you it's just the fact you're queer! Someone that's straight will enjoy it!"

"Dude, can you even get over my sexuality?! We have bigger problems here!"

"Hmm… I will, if you tell me the truth."

I looked around. I knew I had to do it one day. And I guess, today's the time? I leaned in closer and whispered.

"Fine. I- I am, but from where would've you known? And, don't tell anyone. I'm not sure how Axel will take it."

I know such a thing is big, but considering my bandmates already suspected it and… now, I know it's not that embarrassing, right? Though, there's a chance I could've gotten ridiculed seriously or even outed to my very best friend whom, I just… cannot tell yet. I don't know why. I'm just not ready. I tried to keep a faint smile and a coolish act, but my sweat and overall body language gave it away. I was nervous. I was terrified, my heart was beating loudly, I could hear it in my ears. He looked at me throughout it all and smiled. It had never faltered, it was that same genuine smile.

"Don't worry, man. I could tell. We could tell."

"Benatar?'

"No, except him. He's kinda… afloat. Anyways, it wasn't really a joke if we actually noticed the way you're around Benatar. You're a complete softie around him and it's not just to accommodate for his issues... And don't worry about Axel. His parents taught him long ago to be respectful and shit… axel told me everything over the phone. I didn't realise how things started before his parents told him. We're annoying, yeah, but not really bigots."

He ran off to Axel and high fived him.

"WE WON THE BET!!"

"REALLY??! YEAH!!"

I'm stunned. They deadass made a bet over this?...what did I even expect out of them? Though all around they were just whispering to one another.

Rabbit boy didn't try to eavesdrop. Why is he so good? Like a young child that doesn't disobey at all.

Axel walked over and slung his arm around my shoulders.

"At least you owned up to it. What? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Ah… I don't know, you know... usually… I didn't… I thought you would.."

"Ha! Not us. You can't choose such things about yourself. Plus, we love you regardless. You're our smartass DJ… now, smartass gay DJ."

"Just don't mention it that excessively."

"Whatever you say, big guy."

"You didn't just make me fat in the same breath."

Puff giggled at our conversation then handed the papers to Axel.

"Okay, okay. Read this and tell me what you think."

"Mm, okay."

Rabbit boy teetered closer to us, holding his hands together.

"Hi! What's going o- on… I- I ha- haaate being left out…"

He took my hand as I reached it out to him, pulling him in a side hug.

"Puff wrote some lyrics for a song. You gotta read them and tell me what you think. I have to show Puff that these are horrible."

"Mm… okay..."

Axel read them. Due to being very little at school and barely having exercise, he reads very slowly. But at least he does.

"This is AMAZING!"

"T- this is… h- ho- horrible!*

Just as I thought. It's a draw.

"Benatar, you wouldn't know. Axel knows what's up."

Puff said that whilst giving Axel another high five. I turned to rabbit boy, who seemed confused and sighed and face palmed.

"Dude, Ben. You gotta step in and help us here..."

"Ah… I- I'm flat- flattered… but I- I'm not that good of a wr- writer..."

"Shush. Anything will be better than that. And also, you've written zombie love song and it's a very good song.*

"A… okay."

I patted his back and turned back to Puff. If anyone here knows a thing or two about writing romantic poetry or just romantic stuff in general, it's our keyboardist.

"I think you should at least let Benatar help you with the lyrics. He's an absolute poet and his poems will definitely charm Tig."

"Really?! I mean… yeah, I guess. Remembering zombie love song… hmmm… I don't know though. It obviously wouldn't be my style and she'd pick up on that."

"You should try."

"Alright, alright. I'll think about it..."

His voice wasn't serious, unsure, as if he said that just to please me. What could've happened between them for Puff to hesitate? He even acknowledged his talent, but then still turns him down.

"Umm.. alright.. let's start practice now, shall we?"

I'll ask him afterwards. When we're finished. He trusts me to tell me what happened, right? I haven't noticed any weird behaviours on rabbit boy, so I wasn't expecting this from Puff…

As everyone was packing, I refused to.rabbit boy looked at me confused.

"Aren't you going too?"

"Wait for me outside, okay? I gotta talk to Puff for a bit."

"Ah, okay..."

So when he wanted to leave, I grabbed him by his backpack.

"Dude... let's chat a bit.."

"About what?"

"What happened between you and Benatar?"

"Nothing! I- I'm going to consider, okay?"

"You're not! You're hesitating and trying to avoid that. Why… why don't you want him to help specifically? You've never ever declined me or Axel's help. But turn away at Benatar. You know he's skilled.”

"I know… it's… it's nothing,okay?"
"Say it!"

"Well, I want to! I'm sure he can help me and I'd like to have at least one song with everyone here, but… he doesn't like me, don't you see?! He'll probably shy out!"

"Don't you say that! He's just as interested in getting closer to you as you are. He'll be excited, even if he's slow to show it. He doesn't hate anyone who doesn't rush him..."

"I'll- if that's true… I'm willing to try. But… you have to talk to him."

"You'll see you've been worrying for no reason. It's like crying over a lady bug landing on your finger. Benatar's friendly, just shy, you know? All you have to do is be patient and kind. Is that hard?"

"Depends. Some days I don't have patience for slowpokes. Last time I've tried to talk to him, he started crying. It's more efficient to talk to a wall… he's only ever open to you."

"What could've you discussed with him to make him cry? I mean, I know he's sensitive, but you can't be that big of an idiot."

"..."

"I'm guessing you tried to pressure him or something. You just can't rush friendship between some people..."

With that, I walked off to rabbit boy, who was waiting for me outside. Puff wasn't satisfied with the answer, feeling lost.

But I know that we all just wish to get along and know each other well, but I can only guide them.

Friendships blossom out of their own efforts, not a third party pushing them together. Plus, it'd make the whole thing feel superficial.

"What took you so long...?"

"Ah, sorry Ben! I was just discussing the new song Puff was working on..."

"Oh, good to hear… by the way, Axel might not be able to drum with us till next week."

"Huh? Really?"

"Yeah, you know he broke the drumsticks today..."

"Yeah, I knew it'd happen eventually."

"How come...?"

"You know… he always chews on them during breaks or stuff. The wood had gotten weaker, therefore they were gonna break. But has he really run out of replacements now?"

"Yeah, apparently… it's just… what the..."

From a normal smile, I got too smuggish. This is a moment to be put in history books. Such a conversation...! Baby's first swear word.

"Come on, you can say it, say a SWEAR WORD!!"

"Heck..."

Maybe he was going to, but I've scared him by yelling. A sigh left my mouth unintentionally and my shoulders slumped. It's left for another day…

"Aww man... you're doing this on purpose."

"You wouldn't know!~"

"So you know swear words, but why won't you say them?"

He didn't even answer. He gave me a quick wink and ran off to the bus stop. The bus had arrived a bit early and he didn't want to miss this ‘opportunity’...

Oh well, I just get to go home faster at least. I'll eat dinner and then sleep. I have homework… but I can skip it from time to time, right?

We have school at 8 AM,so I wake up at 7AM. I went to sleep at 7 pm. Was that too early? I just really needed those 12 hours of sleep. It's a lot, even got me... Listen I could barely keep my eyes open in class for the past two days, even if my crush sits literally next to me. And it was so peaceful and helpful… this is all I needed… well, besides him....

Chapter 23 Notes:

gotta thank my editor again, she even bought me a hatsune miku pencilcase today!! (ill pay when i can)!!
also do check her out especially now , cus she started a really long fic, which is also sad:( BUT SO WELL WRITTEN!! @LuckyStarFantasy !!!

Chapter Text

I'm not joking. I knew I'd sound like 8 years old when I said I went to sleep that early, but it felt as if I was reborn from my own ashes! Like a phoenix, without all the awesomeness of it. Calmer, relaxed, active, energetic. I'm finally ready for school.

In total contrast, rabbit boy was already out cold on the desk. He arrived earlier just for this? My heart didn't want to wake him up. So I just put my jacket over him and closed the windows, basically tucking him in.

And he slept soundly through two classes. In History, the teacher woke him up and his total disorientation in the classroom place caused laughter throughout the class. Although,I admit it was pretty funny,it was also very terrifying for someone like him. To wake up and everyone's laughing at you. You don't even know where you are. He curled up on his seat, looking down until the teacher silenced the rest of classmates and continued with his lesson.

Once the bell rang, he only tucked himself in the same position. Maybe he was crying, maybe he was still sleeping. Both? I didn't know. He hid his face from me the entire class. No reaction to my taps on his shoulders. It meant he wanted to be alone a bit. Understanding the need, I left the classroom, standing near a window. Puff caught up to me, huffing from running.

"Huh? What happened, Puff?"

"Hff… uuugghh… Deejay! I've decided! I need Benatar's help! He's good at being a cornball, right?! I can't fuck this up with Tig!"

"He's probably the biggest cornball ever."

"Your nose is growing! You are!"

"Well! Uh… he's the biggest cornball when it comes to the writing department!"

"I can agree there. But whatever it is, please, please help me get through him! Can't you stay there whilst we think about it?"

"No. He'll hide behind me. I'll set you two up after-school. You know, at that block next to the mini shop, since the park is in renovation."

"Yeah, felt that on my pants… well, alright. Whatever you decide, I'll be there as long as I'm not going for no reason! He must be there!"

"I'll talk to him. But not now."

"Why not?! You'll forget!"

"He's not feeling well right now, okay?"

"Well, then I'm leaving!"

Just as quickly as he appeared, he left, rushing to class. It's the first time I've seen this.

He must be failing some classes. We had music next and our head-teacher announced her fever. So we had an hour for ourselves. Rabbit boy had uncurled after some people left to play football outside. His eyes were puffy, but he seemed to be calmer now.

"Are you okay now?"

"...yeah. Just that my eyes hurt from that now..."

"I can tell."

I pulled him closer and rubbed his back.

"I'm glad you're okay now. I have something to tell you."

"Mm?"

"Look, after school, I'll meet you and Puff for the song. He needs your help for the lyrics. He can't write the lyrics without your romantic… ways. You know, I know you know."

"Ah… but will I work with you too?"

"Sorry man, you'll go alone today. I'll lead you to where we said we'd meet up and you'll work with him. Come on, take it as the perfect opportunity to become better friends!"

"I don't know… I'll try. But I'm a bit.. scared. I hope he doesn't get angry at me..."

"I'll tell him to be patient. He has to. No one else's really qualified for this as much as you are."

"O-okay... that's... alright. I'll try- try to not be too scared of him."

"Hey, hey. Don't sweat it that much. He's just as scared. But honestly, why even be scared of your own bandmate? You gotta learn to make friends without my help too…"

"You're right, I guess... I've been sitting behind you for a long while now… I- I’m not sure if I can do much, but I'll try my best! Hopefully… be not so a- a- awkward..."

I retracted my arm and patted his back harder. I knew he could do it.

Even as I reassured him multiple times, he didn't say anything back to me throughout the entirety of our walk. A telltale sign he wasn't even listening.

“Whatever you're thinking about, I promise you, it's only going to worsen everything.”

Puff was there, so at least we wouldn't have to wait for him. Just sitting on the steps idly, holding an unopened notebook and a clearly very abused pen, texting someone with tactful fingers. Once he saw us, he smiled and waved. He didn't get up, but rabbit boy stood behind me continuously, looking down.

"Okay, I'll leave you two creative minds to your own troubles. Bye!!"

"Bye!!"

Only one bye? Damn, didn't know rabbit boy was starting to leave me out like that! Just joking, I know he's scared.

Stepping forward, he took the seat Puff had offered him to sit on, stiffening slightly. Now's the moment to make new friendships. Maybe they'll go just as well...

“S-so…what are you- you going to try to achieve…?”

“I want to sound romantic and impress her, but I still want it to be my style, you know? Funny and lively.”

“Uhmm…”

“I just… I don’t ask much. I want you to help me write a romantic base and be as corny as possible. And I’ll add my elements when I go over it. Maybe a rinse and repeat process. I’ll try my best to not lose too much of what you said though. What do you say?”

“Ah… it’s per- good.”

Puff imitated the same action I had on him earlier: patting his back to reassure him, afterwards grabbing the backpack to grab another pen for his bandmate.

“Sooo… you’ve read the lyrics already. What about we start there?”

“Umm… w-well… how about talking about… how you met her?”

“it’s a place to start! Hmm.”

“Oh! I have an idea! W- w- where’s the pen?”

“Here!”

“Why is it chewed…?”

“ Yeah, I get bored and want to chew on them. Hey, at least it's intact. Look at mine!”

Horrible condition. All that was left was a 30% of the original plastic body, leaving the small and thin ink tunnel bare. They laughed in sync, the overall setting started to shift. Maybe the shell’s getting cracked.

“Okay so, basically, I met her this year, actually. She moved here from… Canada I think? I don’t know…!”

“Mhm… what next?”

“Uhh… I saw her between breaks and I just CAN’T stop thinking about her at all!”

Rabbit boy awkwardly looked around. There are a few insinuations and he only could hope for the best.

“P- please don’t tell me it's because…”

“Mhm. You can guess the rest.”

"Ewwww... I didn't need to know that."

"Haha! ... Don't describe that. There. Are you even writing yet?"

"I'm thinking… then I'll do m-multiple ideas... it's a sketch afterall..."

"Ooh, true, true."

"Continue, pleeeease."

"Okay. Well, I've made small talk with her, but I barely have time. And I just need her to go with me to prom! I have to convince her! I don't think I've done much for her to really consider it yet…"

"Awhh… that- that's so sweet… even if you're… well, whatever."

"Must be hitting home about your relationship with deejay,right?~"

"Ah! No! I- no! Umm..."

"HAH! Joking! But you should've seen how red your face got!"

"Sigh.. okay… though, I must admit... I'm quite c- curious about how you'll write your jokes over all of this..."

"Hmm?"

"You know… how you'll write them..."

"Don't worry! I always find a way! I'm a big comedian."

"N- n- nice… I have some ideas down... and I'm getting some melodies in my head..."

"That's awesome! But first, let's focus on this… though, it does help, right?"

"Yeah..."

Of course, they both worked on it to some extent. Puff had the original and Rabbit boy had rewritten them, Puff making or changing his jokes along the way. The page was adorned with two types of writing: the neat and small writing to the messy and barely legible larger writing. You'd be able to tell which one of them had which writing.

No quiet moments could seep in. Puff would give feedback or try to make small talk. Not all of them were welcomed out of being unprompted and the fact they were just thrown without any breaks, but the ice was being chipped away...
So what about jokes? No. Their humour's night and day. Rabbit boy doesn't understand his comedy. And he can't risk accidentally offending or triggering him. He's sensitive... he went on regardless, trying to use or reference more light hearted internet memes… yeah, like he's ever come in contact with the internet community... he didn't understand them at all, but he appreciated the gesture and the idea. Not laughing, but faintly smiling. Maybe if he asked Puff to explain them, he would've giggled. But he was too focused on the lyrics.

Unfortunately, about only 55% of the song was done. And they weren't even sure yet. It was a very rough sketch, they didn't have enough time on their hands, especially since it was planned after school, when it was getting late. Puff checked his phone and jumped. 6:16PM and he has an English test tomorrow on “Life of Pi" and he hadn't even read it.

"AH! Benatar, we'll have to call it a day now, okay? I know it's not much, but I have an English test tomorrow and I haven't even read the book the test's based on!"

"I- i- is it on ‘Life of Pi’? By Yann Martel?.."

"Yeah! How did you know?!"

"We have the same English teacher… haha… h-here, have my notebook. I wrote some ideas that might come in handy..."

Flipping through the pages, clearly he really did understand this book well. Literature is his thing after all.

"WOAH! You're a total saviour! I promise I'll bring it tomorrow at rehearsal!!'

"B- b- but the school play...!"

"Bye!!!"

He had already ran off. Now, the school play… they forgot to announce they won't have any rehearsal because of it, didn't they?

So as he got home, he picked up the phone and called… and that's how I found out how everything went. I'm glad to hear they're at least a bit closer. He doesn't feel exactly scared of them anymore, but yet not as free as he does when he's with me. I guess I'm just the glue of this band. They all tell me what's happening around and shit… and everyone gets along with me.

"I'll text them now."

"Okay… Well, my Romeo... are you nervous? I really, really am! I shouldn't have auditioned."

"I'm not that scared. It's just a school play. And for you… I'm worried."

"Me more. I've got the phrases and I guess, the act itself, too? But the thought of a lot of kids and teachers, parents too… all watching me... it's terrifying. Oh, and the makeup. I'll feel weird."

"You'll look so pretty. You already are, but you'll be gorgeous now."

"You're weird, haha… I have to go. I hope you sleep well... I know… that at least… you will shine as bright as these stars on the night sky tomorrow."

"Dude… aww… but, you'll shine as well. Maybe even more. You're Juliet, afterall..."

"I don't know. I feel like I'll stumble. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, lovely..."

Tomorrow. A school play. This is a moment to remember, right? I'll be there, on the stage with him. But I'm definitely getting nervous too…

Chapter 24 Chapter Text

I don't remember I was scared about school this seriously. I knew everything I had to know, I hadn't missed any practices. I was praised by the teacher, yet I couldn't rest easy. Perhaps this was normal.

I moved as if nothing was really coursing through me, even as I could unintentionally feel myself shaking.

Today I didn't need to bring many books. I appreciate these little things, but there are bigger things to worry about.

Each class was both calming and terrifying. "The show isn’t happening yet, but each second, each minute, each class gets me closer to it." This repeated itself in my mind throughout breaks and moments of quiet.

Not even anything could distract me. I did my work normally, I wrote everything from the board, but I wasn't actually there. My beloved rabbit boy? He didn't even come to school at all. He didn't tell me he wasn't going to come either...

My heart's thump only got louder and louder as the last few minutes slipped from the dreadful hourglass of time.

In the dressing room, the other boys have tried to hype and encourage me. You know, to get everyone's moods up. It's equally scary for everyone. I won't lie: their efforts weren't in vain since I felt a bit calmer, not that much, but their words were quite encouraging. I wasn't alone.

I've never been so scared. What if rabbit boy ditched the play out of fear? Why would you come so far...

I don't know if I should even carry on either . I have to push forward. First step, pushing the doors to the backstage area, I've never felt this ridiculous. It's the costume. Now, I feel unworthy of such a role. Maybe I think that because I'm a fatass. But who knows? Maybe Romeo was originally a fatass.

Surprisingly, Puff and Axel greeted me! They waited there, ready and immediately jumping to hug me.

"Hey! We know you'll be up there today. Just know that we'll be watching… and trying not to judge or laugh!"

"Balls yeah! We're here for you, bro."

"Haha, thanks guys!"

"Where's Benatar? You can't be Romeo without your Juliet!"

"The thing is… I don't know if he's even here."

They started giggling and smiling like they were excited about that fact, but Axel quickly broke the confusion.

"Hah! Here he is… or she?"

To be fair, even I had to double look. Was it really him? It did look like a girl. Was the makeup that good or were the teachers not lying about making him look like a girl with just two steps?

"Then… ah... it's e- embarassing, right?"

"Dude. You look like an actual princess!"

"Haha..."

I'll never forget this image too. I'll make sure to remind him and embarrass him more. What? Can't I also tease him? But before that... it's gonna start soon. And now all my fears have vanished like they weren't even there to begin with. Juliet...

"Okay kids, get in places! The narrator's first act is soon!"

The drama teacher announced and stepped away swiftly.

"Okay, good luck guys!"

"Ah, wait! Will there be a kiss scene?!"

"Ummm… I… It's been scrapped. You know... we're both guys and all..."

"Too bad, I guess… sad."

"Wha- what do you mean by that?!"

"Don't cause a scene, it's not the time to get distracted. Axel, don't gotta scare Benatar over here even more."

The narrator kids ran past us, one stopping just to turn at me.

"Romeo! You know you're after, right?! Hurry!"

Indeed, they had started. I'd only have to wait a few more minutes... and the stage will also have me in the picture...

"...cannot forgive, cannot forget."

That's my sign. Curtains went down, everybody hurried to their places. The second scene, the second scene...

Also, don't expect too much from us. We're still teens and we got a high school entrance exam on our asses. Some students struggled.

"My Juliet is still a child..."

"A ball is planned. The Capulets will host and you'll see Rosaline."

It's my time! Now! From now to the end of the play, I'll be facing this wholeheartedly. Afterall, it's less scary than confessing anything.

"Then, I must go. And she will hear! That… one day, call her mine."

Just one phrase down. Like… how many left? But so far so good, hm? I believe- no, now I know I can do well!

Talking about doing well and first lines, so would it be Juliet's first line soon. To get him on stage, they had to drag rabbit boy in. He froze up already.

The girl playing lady Capulet barely paid any mind to his hesitance, reciting her own duties unfazed.

"Do think about what Paris said, he truly is a noble man. He'll bring you honour and riches too! So do accept him if you can."

At first, he missed his cue. It's not something he does accidentally, his eyes fixed on the crowd, heavily breathing and barely there. The obvious shaking, sweating, trembling in his lips..

"I… I… I..."

They had to raise his microphone's volume to be higher than everyone else's. He's the only one that speaks with such a low tone afterall.

"I..."

I could only stare from the rightwing of the stage, behind the curtain. It's painful to not know how to help at all times.

"I..."

The adults, the kids, everyone shared their confusion. It didn't help. I hate to be useless… what if I whispered to him? I'll close my microphone first.

"Ben! Think about the fact I'm right here, remember?"

He turned to look at me immediately, his eyes displaying confusion and terror, like a deer in headlights.

"Remember to breathe. You sound out of breath."

"Do… n- n- not wish to..."

"Yes! Go on! "

"Ma- ma- marry yet. I'll take my- my time as fa- father said..."

I just hope he'll manage to get through the rest of the play a bit quicker. I feel bad for him, I really do. And I sound like I'm talking to a child. But I'm just trying to move slowly, not to overwhelm him. When someone closes up, I want to help them slowly hatch again.

If he doesn't find a remedy for this soon, he'll only annoy the people watching… and I know it did. the kids in the back mocked, laughed, ridiculed. The teachers have waited quietly, perhaps they have understood? Some have suggested ‘chill pills’. Luckily our teacher denied. Yeah, right. What we need is a drugged up socially anxious kid. That will make him even more incoherent.

"You'll have to push through, Benatar. The world will never sit back and try to understand you. Humans have always been this rude. Keep it together for a while longer. At home, wherever you feel safe, you can hate me and the world all you want, but you've pushed too far to let go.

“It sucks. And I hate to say this. You know I do. I never usually tell you this. I only have a few moments to share the stage with you. When I do, you'll probably be calmer. Just these scenes without me, the end, it's near. We're at the half already. I'll literally be with you during some scenes! The ball, the balcony, the wedding, the deaths... you're not alone, see? Not anymore. Come on, I know it's tough, when no one but those who you're not even bodily related to care. Don't you see? The makeup will smear… I want you to cry, though..."

He didn't answer me, though I knew he listened. I'm not a king. I haven't gotten any coins or honours to offer. But only this… eternity is my only tool. I will be the one throughout everything, eternally. Don't you see? How much I love you?

All I've hit were nods and the slight disappearance of those small, liquidy soldiers on his cheek. It's a win for me.

I stepped out on the stage once more. He'd appear too, but, before that, I took the lead.

Our first united scene wouldn't be long. Nothing really was as tediously long as the book itself. (Okay,I'm harsh. The book is obviously not that bad.)

"Hello."

"Salve."

"Hello, my name is Romeo."

"I know… my name is Juliet."

"Salve."

"Hello."

Curtains fell down and the narrator went on.

"Romeo has found true love in Juliet — his sun, his moon..."

Truly,Romeo had found love. I had uttered to myself with a grin. And his love seemed to have listened to his encouragement. If he doesn't pay attention to the crowd, only to me, he doesn't stutter.

I know, childish,right? But if you think that way, you might need to reread some aspects again and force your brain to see beyond the surface level.

"Oh! My favourite! The balcony scene's next! You two will just NAIL it!"

To be fair, not only the drama teacher was excited. So was I, even as the pivot point had been scrapped. We will still make it work!

"Okay, okay! Just go out there and shine!"

Singing, of course we're good at it. We've sung together before, even before the band! And it makes me smile, it fills me with joy. It fills me up with love...

"O, Romeo!... Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

"Goodnight, precious lady. I promise, my love is so deep and strong… we will find a way to be married. Farewell, Juliet — but not for long."

"O, Romeo...! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

I'll mean these words. It's a school play, but, at this point, I know these words by heart. Not just for this, but also because I can heavily relate. I dedicate these words to you and only you.

The rush had started. The next scene had to be built. But before they fully closed upon us, we defied all the rules. A quick kiss. Like the real book. The crowd's cheers were loud, mingling with the applause. They haven't realised we were both boys, didn't they? A real kiss, with true love in it, that paid respects to the iconic dramatic teen romance.

At first, the rest of the cast and teachers were confused and appalled. They knew the truth. But the crowd continued to praise. Maybe they've gotten too into their roles? They could've thought. But the excitement from the crowd, it's clear they've been moved. Now, the show must go on and the drama teacher forgot about it all together. About the fact it was scrapped, acting like it actually wasn't. This is what we've been chasing. Have we made up for the awkward start? Have we caught the public again? The same one which has been bored by their own inability to understand one's struggles?

"That was… well..."

"Don't gotta say it. I know what you're thinking and feeling."

"The crowd- I can't- well...I'm not ashamed. I don't know how to feel. They liked it! Even adored it! But we went against the rules..."

"Happy. Proud. Look! We've caught the interest of the crowd again! If you don't believe me, just watch. I have the duel scene soon!"

"No need for that… I don't doubt it. Now go, Romeo! O, my Romeo!"

But soon, we'll finish this ordeal right. The death… right after my duel.

And I know I did well. The rush of adrenaline was getting to me. I’m not quite sure if I'm getting overconfident .

"I ca- ca- cannot marry now… we must delay some s-somehow. I won't go. Friar, help… we- we must do something."

"This drug better will send you to sleep, dear..."

Ah, the sound of a swift movement. We're teetering to the end, but he's learning to be independent too, even through a play...

He walked back and I couldn't resist to side hug him.

"Oh, how I'll miss you when you die, Juliet.."

"I'll try my best to not smile or laugh at how eccentric you'll sound."

"Oh, I would've reacted similarly anyways. Come on, become dead, now!"

I playfully pushed him towards the prepared coffin. Now that he laid there, he looked asleep. My sleeping beauty. Oh, this role's perfect! I LOVE being a cornball!

"Why is Juliet… lying there so still? It's not the plan we made. It… makes my heart stand still. She does not move. Oh, what horror lies in her hand? Juliet's dead, lying in her tomb. I can no longer live! I must go to my doom. I'll die with her. This poison will see to that. And now… I die."

I took one last glance at him. He was quietly giggling now, probably trying to not burst into laughter, to not break character. I pretended to drink the poison and fell down dramatically. And if you ask, no, I didn't cause any earthquakes. Thanks. It's his turn to "truly die" now. A.k.a be very over-the-top. This will be hilarious.

Once the narrator hid again, rabbit boy stabbed himself. He shivered at the sight of the blade, even as he knew it actually held no harm. Now, he can lie on the floor with me.

"O, Romeo! O, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

Yes, he had to say that whilst playing dead. It was supposed to sound as if he was talking from the dead.

The end we were talking about… it was finally happening. We looked at each other from the floor, mirroring a victory smile. Now, you can cut and smudge that stupid makeup off. I'm not in love with a girl. I don't need you to pretend to be something you're not. You're a guy and I love just that.

Applause ensued, just as loud and excited as before. They served as an energy boost to everyone. Such a success! From an almost disaster...

"See? It wasn't so bad! Oh, Ben — you!"

Why contain myself ? I picked him up by how ecstatic I felt. He struggled to breathe. Both from my tight hug and from those cries he held back so long now.

"You deserve it. Let it out. My shoulders are free for you..."

Now my shoulder will be make-up stained. It's okay though! It's school property. We've won our right to not care at all. It's time for the after-party!

And at it, everyone had even forgotten about the whole kiss scene. Everyone's too drunk on pride and success.

My phone buzzed. It was my family. They have been watching. Wait! About them...! They haven't said a thing about the kiss scene… my mom just congratulated me and said I "became a real man" and that the girl was beautiful. When she asked where she came from, I said she was just from another class and I didn't actually know her. THEY DIDN'T NOTICE IT WAS HIM!! (You know this has to be one of my biggest wins, right?!)

Kissing my crush in front of hundreds, including my parents! This is my moment in history. Oh, and also. It was Puff blowing up my phone. Along with Axel.

"Will we have practiced today? LOL!!! But seriously, you guys were awesome was that your first kiss?~"

"Don't piss me off at the after-party..."

"He dident eben anser ze QESTION"

"I don't have to!"

"Yuh-duh!"

"It doesn't matter."

"If uou saye so. All tat mdtters ifs tsht iy went weelll rite??? I was getig sik of heis slouw stotering ohh hrpl mmmaqqqqqq.wather fle on fone"

"You're rude."

"Sorrrey"

"It's alright… well, gtg now."

"Have fun!!!!!"

He's read all my messages already, usually leaning on my shoulder to read.

"They're not wrong. Must've been annoying..."

"Don't listen to them. You know you can't help it."

"Haha… when does the party end?"

"Why? "

"I kind of want to go home."

"We can leave anytime."

"Then, can you walk with me?"

"Of course. "

I turned to the others and left my fruit punch on the table. Such a shame, the food and drinks were awesome.

"I know it's early, but we're gonna go now. Have fun y'all!"

With some begging and pleading to stay, we finally made it out. God, it really was getting late. Look at the stars, slowly returning to their usual seats on the night sky! Over time, thanks to him, I've grown to love them too.

"Hey. Just so you know… I'm thankful for everything you said back there..."

"It's not —"

He leaned in and his hands wandered to hold my head in place. This is a real reward. No time to hesitate or think, my hands moving on their own to hold him there too.

Probably our longest kiss yet. Maybe… we made out? We're moving forward, and have always been. This is a moment to be remembered, to be celebrated. A first kiss of such a way, under an array of stars. Just as you liked. It's a natural scene, just as natural is my love for you.

"Oh… okay… enough of that, let's go home. I'm really tired and hungry."

"Right. Me too. But you're telling me we have school tomorrow?! After all of this?!"

"Yeah! We should get a mini break!"

"Yes!"

We were both out of breath from it. When I started 8th grade, I never thought I'd need this. Or anything actually. I didn't think I'd get a desk mate, that I'd discover I'm gay and that I'd fall in love with him too. Now I'm in a situationship with him.

I know. I'll definitely make him mine for prom. No matter what.

This is fate. And I'm thankful so far. Fate may not be that kind to me in the future, but… after everything? My sleep will be harmonious.

Chapter 25 Notes:

school started the updates will b delayed

Chapter Text

Now, to be clear, I was tired as hell. Even the next morning. I went through an emotional rollercoaster yesterday, okay?

Even my mom agreed and, as a matter of fact, she asked me if I wanted to stay home today. How could I deny that? Sorry, rabbit boy, I wanna get one day off too...

What would I even do on my day off you ask?

Well… not much. Fair, I'd catch up with my studies, homework and lessons. Afterwards, I'll just chill. That's right, I won't even help the band out today.

I decided to listen to some other bands or artists that rabbit boy likes. Starting with ...Three Days Grace. I listened to their first two albums and only liked a few, coincidentally the popular ones. They just aren't my style...

Afterwards, Green Day! Which I loved. I listened to ‘Dookie' and ‘American Idiot’. Call me basic, but those are the albums he has in CD forms, so I wanted to try them out. I actually enjoyed them thoroughly.

Okay, time to end this whole listening session with an artist I've never ever heard of before... Puya.

The titles were already weird. "Românisme partea 1" , "Românisme partea 2", "Muzică de tolăneala și depravare " ...?? Google translate said they're in Romanian, so he must be a Romanian artist. Searching him, he's a rapper, which is good to know. Also, there's a plant that shares his name.

Regardless,I did listen to the dude's music. It's decent… he sings a lot in English in a lot of songs, and then also complains about it… interesting...

I found him catchy though, his rapping flow isn't horrible at all, Ijust wish I could understand what he's saying. I can't get many results about his translated lyrics.

Maybe it's for the better. I think my favourite album is "Românisme partea 1"... you know, the one where he's staring at you like he's caught you downloading all his songs.

I'll make sure to call him after school and not only ask about how was it, but where the hell he found him, how the fuck did he find him, and why does he listen to him? Does he understand the language ? If not, why does he own these three albums?

You know what? With all this listening, I have an idea. I'll burn a CD and make him a special mix, since I have so many blank CDS too (they're my dad's)... I'll mix out favourite songs… all in one CD! it can hold up to 80 minutes… I'm going to do it. Maybe he'll love it. I really hope he does!

So, I finally found what to do. I sat all day at the desk, downloading as many songs as I could, painfully slowly, one at the time.

My dad has a stack of CDs. No,he doesn't collect them nor make music, but has used them before to store baby videos... that's right, they're CD-DVD disks, they work. Maybe I'll put a picture up there. I don't have a picture of him, now that I think about it… maybe if I get our class pictures...oh wait! The ones from the play! I'll ask my mom to send them through email!

"Fix your damn posture, shrimp. What are you doing here?"

Jane had arrived home from school... that's my sign to call him soon.

"I'm making a CD-mix for Benatar.."

"Oh, how cute! Talking about him... I'd say you show up tomorrow."

"How is he? Is he okay?"

"No."

"What happened?"

"He's pissed off, dude. He said he wants you to call him as soon as possible."

"Gulp… I was planning to..."

"Good luck dude, you'll need it. With the CD and with your Juliet."

At least it wasn't the worst that could've happened. At least… maybe with this gift he'll forgive me?

Once the CD was finished, I picked up my phone with trembling hands.

"Benny...?"

"You."

"Haha… how was school...?"

"..."

"Ummmm..."

"..."

"Are you THAT pissed off?"

"Yes! You couldn't even call last night to tell me anything?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I was really tired."

"And what makes you think I wasn't at all? I still am! But I wasn't absent!"

"Mom offered me and not even I can resist temptation from time to time!"

"Of course you couldn't reject that 'once in a lifetime offer’."

"Just… tell me what happened."

"One you didn't even tell me! Two I got picked on the entire day! They only don't mind me that much when you're here. All for the answers."

"What, did they shove you into a locker? 90s bully style?"

"No, just a lot of slurs and unfunny stereotypes. It was just mildly annoying to me, but regardless."

"I'm sorry..."

"The English teacher interfered. She called their parents and gave them detention."

"You had the balls to tell?"

"’Had the balls’... Please use better phrases... But I didn't tell her."

"True… but don't get too worked up on it, it's not a big deal either."

"By saying that, you're making it a bigger deal."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"Ooh..."

"I wish I could've fought them. ‘Throw fists’ and all!"

"You just said a contemporary phrase, and second, you're malnourished, too malnourished to win. Don't you think they would've broken your bones?"

"I'll use my smarts!"

"That doesn't actually work! Only in movies! Don't worry, from now on I'm not giving them jack-shit anymore. If they want to pick on us, then so be it."

"Not even me?"

"Not even y— hey! Of course I'll give you everything you ask for!"

"Even a kiss, right now?"

"OH YES!!! mwaahh!!"

"Mwah~...well, I have to go soon, I want to eat. But before that, I want you to know I've met up with Puff at school to finish the lyrics and Puff should be sending them later. But since I'm still angry at you, I'm going to work on the instrumentals alone."

"You're just going to give yourself more work to do."

"I can manage it."

"I promise I'll come tomorrow, okay? I've got a surprise for you."

"Ah,let me guess, ‘to make amends’?"

"No, not really. I made it before I called, but I guess you can call it that too now…"

"Then I can't wait. Goodnight."

"Goodbye!"

A single CD is too little... I'll write a love letter. Yes! And origami… I haven't got the way with words, but the act of trying is the precious part.

I've tried my best with the paper craft. I made a star, a cat and a small flower bouquet. All of them were beginner tutorials, so pretty impressive for me!

And lastly, I'll wrap up the CD and put them in a bag. Why not also get him some sweets?

In my fridge I had Oreos, Twix, Pop Tarts and some other small chocolates. I chose Oreos and pop tarts. Oh, mom made cupcakes too. I also ended up throwing a cupcake in it, in a cute little bag with a bow. My mom tied it! She has a liking for him too.

This must work. I know it. God, bless his little heart and this gift, let it show him how I feel.

It sat on my desk. Sitting back to admire it, Jane entered, seemingly confused by it at first, but she already knew the context. The only thing we argued about is the fact she didn't want to give him those Oreos and pop tarts.

"Why can't you share?! You've already had enough! Maybe he's never ever tried one!'

"Then, buy him some out of your own money! These are ours— no, mine!"

"Huh?! It doesn't have your name written on it!

“Fatass, you don't need these!!"

"Yeah I need them and you're fatter than me!"

"Well, I'm not also greedy as hell!"

"You're greedy for thinking of giving them to him!"

"No! You know what?! Ask mom to buy some tomorrow, it's not that big of a deal!!"

"Well, whatever. I will then."

Close call.

"...you know what?"

Nevermind.

"I'll let him have them if you help me with Physics. I have a test soon!"

You know what? Since I've caught up with everything, why don't I give back to the community?

"Sure."

What a struggle. She barely understood anything, so I had to reteach everything to her at least twice.

"So you have the string that connects the second body and its mass is m=2kg. The first body collides with the second in a perfect plasticy collision. The first question is what was the first body's speed before collision?"

"I don't know!'

"Jane, I went over this already. Use the energy. In point A, it has no speed, but it has height. In point B, where they collide, it has speed but no height. Total mechanical energy from A equals total mechanical energy from B. A has potential energy, B has cinetic energy... that's where you get the speed."

"This shit's too hard. I hate Physics!"

"Physics hates you too! You gotta get a good mark on that test, so pay attention!"

"Whatever!"

After that, I finally managed to get some stuff through her head. Just the simple stuff, but always a win. Maybe she's gonna get there one day...

At least I am ready for tomorrow. I'll see him. I'll give him the gift, and oh, how I hope he accepts it and forgives me… I miss his presence, his smell (even though it's just sweat) ,his taste… I miss him as a whole.

This week has already been horrible. The play, rabbit boy getting angry at me… what's next? I'll get a 50% on chemistry?

Chapter 26 Notes:

hi guys school started and i alr have 3 tests nd 2 of them WILL b marked. pray for me anf sprtry for late update

Chapter Text

For some reason, my heart kept beating louder than when I had the play. This time I couldn't hide the fact I was nervous. Maybe he was joking, but imagine if this small thing really broke everything between us- no, it can't be! I'm being stupid. I've always been when it's about him and I have to recollect myself.

Thump, thump, thump...

A play can be rehearsed, practiced to perfection.

Thump, thump, thump...

Though our... whatever it is, I just cannot lose. Situation-ship I suppose...

I gripped the small bag as I walked down the street. At a red light, I noticed a China shop.

I remembered what Jane suggested yesterday, before I went to bed last night.

"Man, you should've also bought him a rainbow loom kit. It would've been perfect."

...I'm 100% sure there is at least one kit there. I had like twelve dollars in my pocket.

Surely enough, there was. In a few sizes, but I purchased a medium one. 12 different colours, Plenty S clips, pegs and hooks, along with a normal loom board. I know all of these from Jane, the biggest rainbow loomer I know. I'm so tired of these little bands. She weaved bracelets in our shared room, never cleaning after herself. Whenever I thought I cleaned all of them, I'd find another few. They just never disappear!

Okay. Is my gift finally complete? It better be, because I'm nearing school grounds.

He's there, as he always is, head sunk in another book. I awkwardly set down everything of mine, staring at him like he was dangerous. He didn't look at me, so I slid it to him silently.

"Yeah?"

He acknowledged my presence. I'll just push it towards him more. He looked just a bit angry, but surprised at the fact that I had actually brought a gift.

"What's this?"

The sweets, the kit, the oregamis, but especially the CD. They'd all be pulled out and examined one by one. He was moving painfully slowly, which only added to my racing heart that was also simultaneously melting away at his smile.

"Ah! You know I love these! Oreos... Twix… hm? Pop tarts?"

"Mhm.."

"Paper stars, a kitty and a mini bouquet… aww... you're so talented, aren't you?"

"Mhm...♡"

"A rainbow loom kit?! I actually can't thank you enough..."

"Mhm...~"

"Ah… ah… a CD?! Album? Huh?"

"It's just a mix playlist for us… you know, songs that made me think of us… since I love you and all..."

Why would he go this quiet?! He stared at me silently, only a few tears prickling down.

Then, he jumped to hug me, giggling.

"AWW! You're my best friend EVER! It truly means everything to me! Mwah!"

Ouch… ouch… no, it's not his hold on me, it's that word. ‘Friend’. I just can't stand this anymore. But the kisses on my cheeks were good...

"I wasn't… you know, I wasn't that angry. I was, but now I’m not, you know? And yet, you still did this to make amends. Now I feel bad."

"Mhm..."

My mind's elsewhere. Like a cartoon character, I'm goofily in love. I'll need to go to rehabilitation soon, because I'm addicted to him. Unapologetically corny.

Too drunk on him, I wish I just got knocked out of this bliss earlier. Class had started and I haven't written anything down.

Biology. Did you know Biology has math in it? Me neither. I only found out when the teacher called me to the board because of the fact I wasn't paying attention. The problem was basic 4th grade math, so nothing happened to me. But does math really have to be everywhere?

There goes another challenge. I'm not scared of anything in particular anymore, or at the moment, at least. School was nice to me today, unlike how I thought.

WRONG! Surprise geography test. I hate this class with a burning passion. The teacher doesn't even teach and gives hard and long tests! WHAT THE FUCK!!

Absolutely EVERYONE walked out traumatised. Rabbit boy even cried. I would've cried too if I didn't have more anger rooted in me than sadness.

Okay, alright, now for the band. Now I can look forward to it, it's never going to compare to whatever happens in Geography class. Axel's probably not coming today anyways.

The club's doors have already been opened! Great... to my surprise, Axel was there.

"’Sup dude!"

"Hi guys!"

"Hi..."

"Axel, what made you bless us with your presence today? You said you might not come today because of the drumstick situation."

"Yeah, yeah… well, the school has drumsticks too. Also very tasty."

"Y- you shouldn't eat those though… they are school property! You'll have to pay for them!"

"What?!"

You should've seen how quickly his smile fell and drumsticks fell out of his mouth.

"I'm not paying shit!"

"Then stop eating them!"

"They're right."

"PUFF!! Don't side with the gays!"

"They're right this time. And we really need everyone to be here for every single practice now, okay?! From next week practice is every day at the same hour. Including weekends!"

"Aww man..”

"Axel, not done — we can't screw this up. Plus, I really need the song finished so I can ask Tig out! Like… by next Tuesday. Please Deejay! Help Benatar out!"

"I'd love to help him!"

"Of course you would!"

"Ummm… who said I'll be accepting his help?!"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I'm- I’m angry at him."

"You said you got over it!"

"Hmpf... can't even be petty..."

"So you're still gonna do the work. Good to know. Now, no more slacking! Everyone!! Let's rehearse everything we have at first, then work on the song!"

Seeing how everything was moving so seriously, it's like a medal to me. I've been here since the very start of the band. I was the first to join, Axel the second and third was Benatar. Puff’s plan to continue this band beyond the school's walls, as an actual real band, it seems plausible now.

"Okay. Everyone did amazing today. We did everything from the top to the bottom like five times now. We can start fresh after the break!"

Right after Puff stepped back, Axel followed him and pushed him to a corner, away from us.

"Yo, dude. I have an idea."

"Hmm?"

"Let's pretend to go somewhere and then actually sit just outside the door… you know, just to see how hot and heavy it gets here. "

"Right! And how fast!"

"Yeah! So, up for an experiment?"

"Hmmm… ehh… maybe, but I don't know..."

"Maybe this'll push them to getting closer and shit. It's only a matter of time till they're official."

"I don't know how much this moment will help, knowing Benatar… but this will be an amazing source for blackmail… hehehe..."

Well... I've run out of water. I forgot my bottle at home. Rabbit boy depended on mine too. Luckily for this stupid mini fridge. Finally coming in hand!

"Heyyy, guys, me and Axel are gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Be right back, okay?! Bye!!!!"

They've left in a giant hurry. I could feel they were playing something stupid.

"Okay, well… umm… just us, Benny."

"Wanna sit down?"

"Of course."

"Did you do the Chemistry homework? I don't quite get it..."

"Of course! I'll give you the homework! I'll give you my notebook, but return it tomorrow,okay?"

"Uh! Wow… so prepared and smart. I appreciate you..."

"Aawh…♡"

"Except when you detach yourself from life. Hello?! Earth to deejay?!"

"Shh... I'm daydreaming... but since you're earth… I'm responding..."

"Ugh. Pull yourself together! You'll have to pay a lot of attention to the song later!"

He knocked on my forehead gently five times. I thought I was going to get kisses… aww... but I'm getting distracted again.

"RIGHT! Sorry- Wait! I haven't even read the finished things!"

"You can, I have them in a notebook… well, specifically my sketchbook."

"Can I look through it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Just as expected. Lots of still life, portraits, but I've found myself to be on a lot of pages. He admitted I was a very big inspiration, using me as a study for his anatomy and other subjects... I'm his muse and he is mine. In another way, art compliments each other. We've always found ways to push the other up, to appreciate and praise through art… the sign of love, the closest thing to the true language of love. What would I do if I hadn't found my other half?

"Okay... enough with that. Do you have any ideas for the beat? I'm feeling something more robotic in the chorus and Puff rapping freely in the song."

"I dunno, include ‘school sounds’ in it?"

"School sounds?? What does that mean?"

"The bell, maybe teachers yelling..."

"No, it's about prom, it has to be slow and romantic!"

"Romantic is a vague term."

"No! It isn't! You know what romantic is."

"It's like beauty or coolness. Subjective. You could find any out going romantic and some people might only take a walk on the beach as romantic. Define romantic."

"..."

He played with his pants. He wasn't angry or anything, he was thinking of how to bring me to light on this topic. Eventually his hand wandered to cover mine.

"I don't know how to say it. Let me think."

The room became silent and so was the world outside the club's doors, even as Axel and Puff stuck their ears to the door.

"Man, they've gone silent."

"Do you think they're already kissing?"

"Nah, they didn't sound like they would've."

"We gotta get something good. I'm getting impatient!!"

Well, he leaned closer to me but still hadn't said anything.

"Ah, I have an idea. Think about the scene… like… how you would ask your crush for prom. It's soon and probably a lucky girl will get to be the one you ask out..."

I just want to shake him until he sees inside of me- he's taken a hold of my entire brain.

"Okay, I see. That type of romantic. Cheesy teenage romance."

"Yeah… who are you asking for prom?"

"I- I was… umm..."

This has to be the time. I'll ask him now! Right now! And we'll definitely go together! Us two, I bet we'll be the best couple there, even if we're the same sex. What's the problem?! Love is love...!!

"I was thinking — are you going to ask someone ?!"

"No, I'm not planning to... I'll go with you guys but I won't be going with a partner..."

"Actually, uhh… I was thinking. Would you want—"

"OKAY!! BREAK'S OVER!!"

Puff and Axel barged inside, swinging the door as loudly as they could. The moment's ruined. I didn't get to ask him out today. It's okay… I have an entire week to ask him out...

The walk went as always. We chatted and we also finished the song at the club. Puffs was gonna ask Tig out on Monday. We've struggled to make this song actually acceptable, so I trust that tig will say yes.

"So… what were you gonna say before they walked in?"

"What? Ah, wait. Forget it."

"Well, do you know who you're gonna ask out?"

"Yes. But I- I want to wait for the perfect moment."

"Haha… define perfect."

"You know, when it's just us two and we have the previous topic just right."

"Define right."

"Stop it! You're saying that because I asked you to define romantic!"

"Nooo... definitely not!"

"You're so annoying and petty."

"Hehe..."

"Hehe me less and grab the bus."

"Okay, moody. I will! Bye!!"

"Bye..."

Do I need a grandiose song for him too? I don't think I have the time to write him one. Not anytime soon, especially with the last weeks of school, grades, tests, projects and also the rush of the final practice week before the show.

"I'm not a king, I don't have gold to throw around, not honours either…"

…Something small and genuine will have to do. Between us, after school…

I could write down a little letter or speech to give him another gift bag? I don't know, I definitely want to write or memorise something for him.

But for that I have to put my feelings into words. I can't ask him or else the whole surprise will be ruined. The next best person I can ask and I can rely on: Jane.

She was playing on my DS and laying on the bed, when I grabbed it out of her hand suddenly.

"HEY! I was playing Tomodachi Life! It's very important!"

"Jane, I have something more important."

"Like?!"

I looked left and right. No one's around...

"I wanna ask Benatar out for prom."

"REALLY?! Say no more!"

She instantly forgot the game and jumped up.

"Kinda late, but I'm glad you came to the right person!"

"Ehh… I won't say right person, but I'm asking him out sooo... you're the second person I could ask for help."

"Trust me, I'm a girl and he's a twink. We basically go hand in hand. I know exactly what you gotta say."

"Like?"

"Umm... you're cute."

"That's not gonna get me anywhere."

"Okay well, let's start with a very corny base. Open the PC! HEAD TO GOOGLE!!"

"Ow!! Stop yelling in my ear!"

"Sorry!"

"Okay, so it says I either tell him to face or text him. He doesn't own a normal phone, only a fax one..."

"Ugh. Write him a letter and send it with a pigeon."

"Where the hell am I going to get the pigeon?"

"Okay,then just put it on his desk before school and he will see it, read it then and there, done!"

"No! He doesn't deserve something so parasocial! I want a template for…"

"Okay, okay. What about that?"

"’Will you roll with me to prom?’ That's so corny."

"Mmm... sushi roll..."

"Focus! Might as well get a Linkin Park related one, or My Chemical Romance… he loves those."

"Tsk. Emo. But it does seem plausible."

"Hold on. I know MCR. Let me think a bit… What about: ‘Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave and then we'll meet again at prom?’"

"No. It's so on the nose. You said he's one of those kids that are always writing weirdly poetical and profound poems and lyrics."

"Okay, then: ‘You can run away with me anytime you want… but for now let's just go to prom?’"

"Ehh… even I wouldn't agree to that."

"No boy would wanna ask you out like that."

"Yu-uh! Maybe if I find my own emo twink too!"

"Do you even know what twink means?!"

"Yeah! If you're gonna say he's not a twink, you're the one who doesn't know what twink means!"

"Okay, okay. I have an actual good one. ‘The world is ugly but you're beautiful to me, are you thinking of go to prom with me?’"

"That's from My Chemical Romance?!"

"You heard it before?"

"No, I didn't think they wrote these types of things."

"Well, they do, and I like it. What about you?"

"Now I can finally agree with this! Yes! Total yes!"

"Okay. This is it. I'll just go with this one..."

"Wait! No! That's not just it! You have much more to do! You need a special outfit!"

"Special outfit?! The hell??"

"Yes! This is going to have an actual moment to never forget and you're wearing the shit you're usually wearing?! I'd be embarrassed."

"But he's nicer than you."

"I don't care! Have some respect for him! I'll be making your outfits until you ask him out! The faster you do, the faster you get back to wearing your clothes."

"Ugh... fine. You have a point. He's always so beautiful and it'd be only fair if I stooped to his level once..."

"Mhm, keep saying that. He reeks and only wears one outfit everyday. Maybe sometimes changes shirts. And his eyes are so blue, he looks like an alien!"

"Stop bullying his looks! He looks gorgeous as he is, okay?!"

"You're so brainwashed, it's insane."

"I just have a different type than you. You didn't even like ‘emo twinks’ in general before him."

"Duh! They're too emo. Some are edgy and… eughh… but he has a reason to be emo and he's not annoying. I approve of this marriage."

"M- marriage?! I haven't even asked him out to prom!"

"I'm teasing you! GO GET HIM!!"

She slapped my back with strength and I coughed and shut down the PC.

"Well, I'll get him on Tuesday!"

"Tuesday?! Why not this weekend or Monday?"

"On Monday, Puff asks Tig out for prom and if I ruin his moment with mine, he might get pissy."

"He knows her name now?"

"I know, shocking! And on the weekend… I don't know, I haven't made any plans with him as we usually do. Maybe I should call him, but I need time to think before I ask him..."

"Okay, okay! I'll go back to my game. Byeee!"

"Bye..."

Right. I want to ask him what he's doing tomorrow? And Sunday. I want to see him. The phone was not too far. I reached it and called him.

"Hello? Is it you, Deejay?"

"Yeahhh… I'm the only one calling, aren't I?"

"No, they sometimes try to call my parents. But they're not home. But..."

"But?"

"I heard them yesterday. They came around very late and they woke me up. They're staying the weekend again."

"Aww… I wanted to go out with you, but the bigger issue... they'll- will you be okay?"

"I'll just lock the door. No biggie."

"Now you're lying, you said they have copies of the keys. And last time you did that, you showed up with a black eye!"

"Well, there's nowhere to go. I don't think I can come over again."

"Yes, I'm sure you can!"

"I've stayed over not long ago. How much can I stay before your parents get angry?"

"They don't mind. They're worried about you and your situation..."

"So you told them my...?"

"Yes..."

"..."

"Don't get that angry over it."

"I am not a princess and I don't need saving."

"I just want to help... I'll help you with getting out without getting hurt!"

"Sigh… I can agree to that second thing you've just said. How?"

"Are you looking out the window?"

"Yeah."

"Then you know the answer."

"The stars?"

"No."

"Umm… the moon?"

"No."

"Umm…??"

"No,dummy! The window! You're gonna jump out the window!"

"What if I break my leg?!"

"Dude, your room is at the base floor."

"Yeah, but the window is higher up than you think."

"Well, I'll be there and I'll catch you! Bring your clothes and CDs or some stuff."

"Why?"

"We'll force you to shower and, don't take this the wrong way but you reek. We'll also wash your clothes. Maybe I'll ask mom to give us some money to buy you new clothes."

"Ah?! What! Really?!"

"Mhm!"

"I can't believe it!— wait,n o! I can't accept. She's your mum and it's her money… and I'd be just taking advantage of it..."

"Just … prepare your bag. I'll come around in two hours."

"Okay..."

"I'll tell you what my mom says when I pick you up."

"Alright. I'll wait. Bye..."

I'll ask my mother. I bet she'll say yes.

"Benatar coming over? Of course. Are those ‘parents’ of his staying over again?"

"Yeah… and I also have another request."

"Mm?"

"Soo… Benatar only has a few clothes and..."

"Jump to the point."

"If you could lend us some money to get him more clothes…?"

" Of course! Wait. Do you even know where to buy good clothes?"

"I've been shopping with you enough to know."

"Mmkay. And what about his size?"

"I'll check the tags before you wash his old clothes?"

"I gotta wash them?!"

"I could wash them if you want me to."

"No, you literally did not mention it beforehand."

"Sorry! Well, can I?"

"Yeah, you may. But don't come home late, get him quality clothes that will last and don't pick it for him. Let him do the picking, even if he takes time in choosing."

"Mom, he's not going to go shopping like a girl usually goes. I don't know if he's even gone shopping before."

"Well then, don't rush him!"

"Never had! Alright, that's it, mom. Thank you!"

"Where are you going?!"

"I'm gonna pick him up soon?"

"Come back here and let me hug ya!"

"I'm 15 mom…"

"And I'm 40. Come here!"

Her hugs have always reminded me of the warmest moments in life. Mom has always been there for me and agreed upon everything I had to say, corrected me when I needed it.

My dad, if you're wondering, I love him too. But he's working nightshifts most of the time. When I see him, he's also nice, just tired. Even asks questions about rabbit boy sometimes. You know, since he wants to buy him groceries and stuff. It's a whole family's interest to help a child with no family.

As much as I can appreciate my parents and their unexplainable love for me… I can also question it. Will they ever see me the same? Will they love me like nothing happened if they knew? They're pretty conservative and, if they found out I'm gay, everything would change. I can't let him go and I can't lose my parents. I like both worlds and, by keeping quiet and low, I keep both. I wish I could come out freely without a second thought. Nobody's perfect, but we can work to be better... They've lived like this and thought like this since forever and I don't believe I can change that. No, the unwavering love between children and parents cannot stop them when their very own offspring has done something so horrible...

Too much sadness. I don't wanna be depressed when the big depression will arrive. By that, I mean rabbit boy. He brings a mood in the room. A whole cloud of gloom right above his head. It's metaphorical, yet I can see it in my mind.

Not for long. I've been slowly eating away at the cloud, turning it into sunshine. How can I tell? He's making steps in befriending other people. Like Jane, Axel and Puff... it's a big step from who he was when I met him.

I have managed to help him, as he helped me.

And we will continue to spin in a rhythmic dance together. It will never grow old, when we're both at peace. What's empty in our hearts can fill the others…

I was daydreaming, wasn't I?! I'm gonna be late if I don't go out now. I can't make him wait.

I did not even bother to change my clothes, just walked out in a rush. I caught the bus! This bus has to be my worst enemy.

I'm off at his house. The lights are out in the entire house but the empty dorm. That was supposed to be reserved for his parents. Have they arrived earlier than I thought?

Approaching the window, I still couldn't see anything. I knocked on the window. No response.

Chapter 27 Notes:

hii!sorry for the wait! as i said, school started and i lost a bit of motivation and i had 3 tests literally last week and i have another one next week...wish me luckk but rabbit boy will commence

Chapter Text

I knocked again. Finally, something approached and he opened the window, his hair over his eye.

"Dude."

"Why are you acting like it's my fault?"

"I know it's not…I just hate your parents, dude. They should hit the gym bags instead of you."

"Haha. Here. The bag, grab it first!"

He threw it out and I caught it. Not heavy, there wasn't much for him to bring.

"Jump!"

"..."

"I know it sounds bad! But it's not like it's gonna kill you!"

"I don't wanna jump anymore now."

"I can't jump to your window! Just do it!"

"Fine…"

With a burst of courage, he jumped out. It was a general height, but with one wrong step, he sprained his ankle, causing him to fall face flat on the ground.

"Are you okay?!"

"Ooww… oww… oww… ow ow ow!! Help me up!! Stop staring!!!!"

Breathing in and out and groaning in the process out of pain, he gripped me like I was the one at fault. Wait, was I actually?!

"Thank you,man."

"Don't be so bitter. You've sprained your ankle, that's it. It can't be that bad."

"Well, it's bad now! Help me!"

"Stop yelling, I'll help you."

I swung the backpack on my back and also helped for the entirety of the walk, putting all weight on me. I didn't mind if it was for this purpose.

"You're finally here. Where's the boy?!"

"Mom, he sprained his ankle. Do you have anything?"

"I have ice in the freezer. Put him on the couch."

This motherfucker took up almost the entirety of the couch. I know he's taller than me, but good Lord, leave some space for the rest of us.

"Aww, he's so tall. Unlike you. I'm guessing drinking less milk makes you taller nowadays?"

"I—"

"Shh. Don't say a thing. Poor kiddo… here, Deejay! Hold the ice for him!"

"Mhm..."

Once my mother left, I put the ice down. Mister drama queen was about to fall asleep on the couch, stretching forward.

"Okay, princess, are you doing better? Wake up!"

"Mm? Ah, yeah. This sofa's sooo comfortable..."

"Don't fall asleep here. We have a big comfy bed upstairs, you know? My room? Plus, you gotta shower. Now."

"Nooo..."

"Get up. Come onn… Jane has to make her bed on this very sofa tonight."

"Okay, okay… I'll get up. But do I reaaaaaally have to shower?!"

"Yes! And this time, you'll do it yourself, as I have to clean my room."

"So you won't be there?"

"Benatar. You're 15. You can do it, you know my bathroom."

"I knowww… but I'll miss you being there!"

"Ahaha… just go and shower. I think there's a towel prepared. As for the pajamas, you'll wear the same as last time."

The shower started and he was clearly not having any issues, maybe one day he'll be used to daily showers, not just whenever he gets the opportunity.

My bed's neatly made, just like I want him to view everything in my house. It can't be perfect, but something in a stark contrast to what his world is.

"You put work into this for him, haven't you? Don't get laid at 15."

"Jane, I swear to God if you make such jokes again I will personally lash out. I don't see him like that! And… yeah, I am working this out for him. Will you grab your things already?"

"In a minute, he has to get out. We have rainbow loom business to discuss."

"It can't be that serious."

"Yuh-uh!"

My ears are trained. His quiet footsteps... he's here.

"Hey guys..."

"Hi, Ben—"

"MOVE,DEEJAY! Dude, have you made those Starbursts and love chain bracelets?!"

"Yeah, I brought them, they're in my backpack. Deejay, could you please hand me it?"

"Uhh... sure."

After handing it, they started whispering between each other, apparently discussing some sort of business. As if I wasn't even there, they didn't look once at me, nodding and throwing around multiple ideas. Sigh… at least they're getting close. If Jane didn't like him, she'd probably make sure he never saw me again. Only when she left did he notice me again.

"Soo… what were you guys talking about?"

"Oh… well, me and Jane are selling rainbow loom bracelets. We're making a lot of money and our stock is going low. Some girls have requested specific special bracelets and we split the tasks."

"Are you kidding me?!"

"What?"

"You guys are deadass selling these… AND making money?! How much are you getting?!"

"40%. I only do the bracelets, I don't sell them personally or promote them… you know I'm scared of them..."

"That's still a shit load of money! What are you going to do with all of that?!"

"Buy CDs and band shirts or band posters..."

"...What did I even expect? At least you're not drugging yourself. Here, get in and make yourself comfortable. Want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah! What about Saw 3D?"

"Huh? It's a horror movie. Why?"

"Chester's in it."

"Yeah no, we're not watching horror. Pick something else."

"The replacement gods."

"Let me guess… someone else from a band you like is in it."

"...Yes."

"I'll choose the movie. What about Daredevil? My parents like this movie too!"

"Evanescence… mmm..."

"You sound like you're enjoying this too much. But at least it's settled!"

No snacks. We're rawdogging this movie, with cuddles. Forehead kisses and whispered feelings, short and risky kisses, but he fell asleep relatively fast… after complaining about the movie being boring.

But when the fight sequence with the "Bring me to life" soundtrack arrived, eyes shot open and sat up as if he was a vampire awakening from his grave.

"Evanescence."

"Yeah… Evanescence.. Bring me to life.."

He literally only paid attention to that part. Once it was over he was back to sleeping soundly, no complications in this slumber, like how military men go to sleep in 5 minutes.

Only breakfast woke up the beast. Eggs, bacon, and… beans. Oh Lord. Mom tried to make something British for him to eat. I'm not used to this. It was a very wild combo in my eyes, but he kept going on with my mom about "tasting childhood”. Mom will start to want to raise him more than me… maybe he'll come to church with us next.

"Your mom's so sweet. Are all moms like that?"

"For the most part."

Such a small question made my heart break a bit. This kid doesn't know how mothers or any parents are as a matter of fact. In another universe, you got what you deserved.

"Okay boys. Before anything, you will go shopping after lunch. And I have 150$. Don't spend more than that."

"We won't! I'll make sure of it!"

"We won't be using much... I'll feel so guilty..."

"Listen up, blondie. If you don't use them all, I will and I will make sure you feel my wrath!"

"AHH!"

It was just fun and games. He doesn't fear my mom and she won't hurt either of us.

Now, what to do in the meantime…?

Useless question. Once he got up from the table he went back to the "serious business" (of rainbow looms). I, at least, got the chance to observe them from the outside.

The whole looming thing's difficult. Placing the bands and especially the actual braiding of the patterns. One mistake and usually, the bracelet breaks upon removal off the loom board. But in the end, it's worth it. Look at how beautiful the starburst is. Maybe I could ask him to make me one...

"Hey, Ben… you should like… totally make me one… heh..."

"Umm..."

"Aaah-no! You don't get no family discount! You're gonna have to pay the normal price!"

Jane waved her finger in front of me. Really?! No family discount?! This business is selfish and greedy!

"But I bought them for him!"

"It was a gift! And you had to buy him it anyways! Since you had angered him."

"I'm not even special to you guys?!"

"You're trying to damage our small business! These bracelets aren't even that expensive. 3.50$. GO! And that's on an actual family discount."

"3.50$.....? Sigh, whatever, let me get my wallet..."

"Mhm! That's what I thought!"

"Okay, here… but on one condition! Benatar makes it for me."

"That'll be an extra one dollar."

"Huhh?!"

"You want specific requirements for the bracelet, it's only fair."

"At least I'm getting one..."

"Mmmkay, what design?"

"I dunno. Maybe the heart chain?"

"I would've chosen a Starburst if I was you..."

Whispered in my ear was rabbit boy's advice. Sure, starbursts had a difficult design, but I wanted something cute and lovely. It reminded me of him, you know?

"Tough, but you do whatever you want. There are other styles too: archer's, taffy, tropical braid..."

"Nope, I still want the heart chain."

"Alright with me. What colours? We need three."

"Yellow blue and white, please!"

"I'll get to making it right away. It will be quick and you can even watch me make it."

"Sure will."

Sure enough my bracelet was done in a few minutes and I already adored it. It was just my size and suddenly, I didn't want to take it off. I'll be called gay at school, but… I am, so they wouldn’t exactly be wrong.

"You like it, right?"

"Of course. It's so beautiful…"

"Don't have to be so extreme. It's one bracelet and it's really not a big deal…"

"No, really!"

The moment called for Jane to leave, but she didn't. She stayed and watched with a fake disgusted face, putting distance between us.

"Tsk… not in front of my rainbow loom."

"It has ‘rainbow’ in its name!"

"What's the problem with having ‘rainbow’ in it?"

Right, he doesn't know any internet slang— well, I don't even know if this is slang or just how the internet describes queers because they're homophobic. It's better off to not blow the cover, so my hand shot up to cover Deejane’s mouth.

"Uhh... nothing! It's so colourful, just like us, so it's ironic!"

"Being colorful... that's weird— aaaaah, no! Poetic! That is so poetic..."

"Yup, I just... I'm just always thinking up poems and stuff!"

"Well… I'll get dressed. We leave soon, remember?"

Already leaving, I stayed and watched him go. It was true that we had to go. We had clothes to buy for him, it was a deed I must fulfill .

Today's weather is good: warm, sunny and radiant. It was the kind of weather that makes you feel better. After putting on our shoes, we set off!

"So... where are we going?"

"Clover Mall. I'll show you how to get there! We have to take the bus and we'll get just in front of the entrance!"

"How big is the mall?"

"Pretty big, it has a basement and two floors, though most of the clothes are on the first floor. Do you have an idea for what you wanna buy?”

"Maybe something to wear for prom... but that is casual enough so I can wear it outside of prom too. Maybe I'll wear it when we play in the band…"

"Oh, I see. Soon we have to pick our outfits for this whole band thing. We'll be buying yours today and I'll probably be wearing a tracksuit I really like. I'd rather be comfortable than good-looking."

A mall crowd is no joke. Especially on a summer weekend. Adults hung around here anyways, but kids had more time to go shopping once more. Since he's never been here before, I'd have to keep him close. Though it's useless to think about that when I didn't even have to ask him, since he already stuck very closely to me throughout it all.

The first place to go: Hot Topic. He fell in love with everything there… except the prices. We did have money to afford the things he wanted, but we wouldn't have enough for pants later. Maybe another time!

So from that, we decided to go after pants first, we'd shape a general price range for the shirt. We went with something simple, black and just a bit flared. The material wasn't too thick, since he said he's going to perform in this. Being on stage means using a lot of energy and eventually getting very warm.

Checking out other clothing brands was virtually pretty useless. A lot of middle-aged people clothing and he was not interested in staying there too long.

We had one last chance. It was another basic clothing store, but that'd be where we'd glue together a new outfit. I admit I got distracted and started looking at stuff I liked. But when I realised he wasn't with me, he brought me a white short sleeve button up and a navy blue jacket.

"Umm? Don't you think it's too formal?"

"No! It's what I feel like I should wear. More formal, but it's still casual.”

"Ben, that's anything but casual. Remember what we're gonna sing about?!"

"And?"

"You're not going to a job interview, you're going to sing about big balls, Benatar! And beer and zombies!"

"It's what I want, okay?! Your mom told you to not police what I want."

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms at me. Right, it was his choice after all, but I don't understand his sense of fashion. I thought I'd end up with the most Stereotypical Walmart emo and now I'm walking out with a guy that looks like he's gonna sell me a shady pyramid scheme.

"M’kay, whatever. Did we have to buy you new shoes too?"

"Why?! My shoes are fine."

Wait, I never looked at his shoes before, did I? Well, I shouldn't have. Those things looked like they were brown from manufacturing, but he said they were supposed to be white. I'm sure mud is whiter than whatever these things went through. They were gonna fall apart soon and this was an argument he couldn't win. We'll buy him those stupid jeans and some cheap sneakers.

"Oh come on, Dee! I've had these shoes all my life and never looked homeless!"

"Uh, you mean you've looked homeless your entire life and never had shoes?!"

"..."

He became furious and didn't look at me, letting his back talk to me. For a moment, I didn't falter and just stared at him. Eventually his ego did drop.

"Okay, we can get some new shoes, I guess. But these were lucky."

I've only heard that excuse from Puff Puff, but I’m not risking this, my hand sat on his shoulder heavily and tightly held him.

"Man, forget their luck. These clothes are gonna have even more luck, okay?! Trust. You can grow out of them. Those things are practically begging for death and they WILL fall apart soon."

"Whatever, can I get these?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Along with the jeans, the button up and jacket. What was next… oh yeah, the shoes. His new clothes smelled so nice and looked so clean and neat, yet his shoes were terrifying to look at. I didn't have that much money left, so I had to grab some of my own pocket money... but hey, the new shoes looked much better. He looked like he came from one of those crappy makeover flash games or fake game ads. It was night and day. Even though he was still bruised and cut up, he looked much better, a bit happier, you know? He just looks abused now, not abused and homeless.

"How do you feel in your new clothes, hm?"

"I feel better, I just so fresh and clean!"

He beamed and walked around me in hops as I carried his old clothes in a bag. It was just a bit of happiness through whatever will happen next anytime soon. I don't know how depression works. I'm not experiencing it, so I can't put my finger on it and pinpoint when he feels better and when he feels worse.

Eventually I had to start sprinting a bit to catch up with him. Hopping around is fast, but he's a full blown kangaroo with those long legs.

Talking about long legs, how the fuck is he so tall when he's gotten way less nutrients than me and is basically malnourished? He has an iron deficiency and barely ate anything all the time, so how come?! Nature just loves to laugh at me, I guess. If you're gonna question genetics, I don't know how his parents look, how tall they are or what they even sound like, and he most definitely won't tell me anything.

Bringing up fresh traumatic experiences into something fun not only ruins the mood, but it sets back our trust a bit. He trusts me to be his calm space, where everything else is unimportant.

All my thoughts were pushed aside as I tripped and fell over something raised. Oh, I've arrived home. I fell on the stairs. Rabbit boy looked back at me and offered a hand.

"Pay attention where you're walking!"

"I'm sorry! I was thinking about something."

"Stop thinking. It doesn't help anyone. Let's just live this moment before the exams kill all our joy..."

"AH! The exams, have you even studied for them??! I haven't in two days… I'm scared now, I need to do some revision..."

"I haven't studied since yesterday, but I don't do much anyways… why don't you start tomorrow??"

"No. I have to do it now. We'll eat dinner, then I'll go and do some mocks. You can join me or watch a movie downstairs or make bracelets with Jane..."

"I'll see."

We just walked in, but my mom couldn't let me recover from my fall. She picked us up and hugged us to the point we almost went out of breath, like some sort of cute aggression.

"Oh, you two! OHOHO! This is your new outfit?! Such a gen-tle-man! Deejay, you should learn a thing or two about fashion. Turn around, lil guy."

He giggled and turned around, taking off the jacket and twirling around, striking some poses. Mom only cheered him on and hyped him up, clapping.

"Oh, come on, mom… he looks good, yeah, he's adorable in everything, but he's too formal for the band–"

"Oh, snap it! He can wear whatever and he's very bright for this idea. Girls will drop in his direction when they see how distinguished he is."

She ruffled his hair like they were sharing the same blood. Tsk, mom... Though I can’t blame her, I'm already licking his feet (METAPHORICALLY). I don't want any girl to drool over him. I've been here first and I love him the most. I feel oddly protective.

"Haha… mom, he's busy with the exam first of all."

"Right, right. I made some tacos for today. Jane already ate, she left to meet her friends."

"She should be studying..."

"Deejay, it's okay to be nerdy. But she's a free spirit and I don't mind it. She'll do as well as you."

Mom had faith in everyone, even in the people who clearly had to be a little more restricted. Jane's not stupid, but she definitely spends more time doing other activities than studying, which is more important now than ever.

Well, that couldn't be me. I shoved the food in my stomach and immediately went to start working on mocks. No, I couldn't rest until I do at least two. Rabbit boy joined me later. He circled around me before he sat down to analyse the specific exercise I was stuck at. He leaned near my ear and whispered.

"Theorem of the three perpendiculars. It will create a right triangle from which you will extract the bisector. With parallelism, you will eventually extract the angle that it asks for."

A shiver ran on me. He was right. I hated that theorem. Did I know it? Yes. Was it annoying? Of course.

"...Umm, thanks?"

I couldn't be so sure it was right. I have to try it out, right? What if he's just saying nonsense? After some work, I got somewhere: 30°. Now, was this the answer?.... Yeah, yeah it was.

Wonderful, but God am I embarrassed. I feel like all the work I did meant nothing now. I have to do another mock.

"Another one? How many have you done today?"

"Just two. I usually do 8 per day."

"That's too boring. 1 per day is good enough..."

His voice muffled as he laid on the bed and sunk his head in the pillow. I turned to face him.

"Hey, if you're tired, you can go to sleep, but please shower first. I'll stay up later, okay?"

"I see. I'm going, then. Give me some spare PJs and I'll let you geek out over here. I'll help Jane with bracelets."

"Okay. No, wait— do those really sell?!"

"Yeah, actually. They do. What, surprised? They're the craze right now. Of course they're doing well, you should've picked up on the offer long ago..."

"You can't be getting that much money. You're probably getting paid 15 dollars per day."

"Haha, you should ask Deejane."

He winked at me and I felt even more stupid. Are you telling me this shit ACTUALLY sells?!! But it can't be for long. In two weeks, people won't like rainbow looms anymore. Wait, no… that just makes them even smarter, taking advantage of hyperconsumerism...

I've never considered that Jane might be business-smart. I feel stupid. Only math can make me feel better at this point…

Chapter 28 Notes:

hii im getting rlly busy, my teacher wants me to maske an emotion journal + learn a poem w 98 verses and i have to study a lot for geography, math, physics and chemisrtry...will cut chapter posting to one per week till i get a fuckibg break which is in 3 weeks. not like many ppl even get this far or bother reading this stupid fic. if you acc like it and got this far, i salute you and thank you:).

also, if i made a tumblr blog for this fic for doodles (realted to what happens in the fanfic) + questions readers can ask, would anyone be intrested?

Chapter Text

My god… is that a melodic angel voice? Has God come to take me? I’m… I feel like I'm ready… wait… NO!!! WHAT ABOUT RABBIT BOY?! NO I CAN'T LEAVE HIM!!!!

No, it was actually him. He was singing My Chemical Romance in my ear. I should've known no angel sings about politics, death and whatever else they write about.

"What the hell man, who transformed you into my damn ALARM CLOCK?!!"

"I wanted to test if that would wake you up. Good to know."

"Man, is breakfast even ready? What time is it?"

"5AM, nobody's up, okay?"

"Why the hell did you wake me up?! I'm still tired."

"I had the coolest dream."

"Ummm… okay? I don't think that's a reason to wake me up, goodnight."

"No! Please... please!! Let me explain it to you!"

Nah, I'm not gonna listen. He yapped away and I'd usually feel bad for not listening, but I'm really tired and also once you get close to him, he's all talk. Not a moment of peace.

Mmm… sweet sleep again, I can sleep at least for another 5 hours, his voice still ringing in my ears. Huh? Sharks...? Skating...? The boy can't skate… Gerard Way??

My eyes shot open and I looked at him. What crazy ass dreams was he having?!

"Wait a second, can you start from the top?"

"You weren't listening? Heh, I guess nobody's listening!"

"Uuugghh… dude, just get on with it."

"Whatever. I was skating around trying to buy MCR CDs from a vinyl store and when I wanted to pay, the cashier was crying, saying Gerard Way was held hostage and was going to die! I was so shocked! She held out her phone. There he was, my king, and he was sitting on a stool above a massive tank of sharks, still singing for everyone..."

"Uh-huh…"

"I knew I had to rush. I searched the whole dream town and didn't find anything. The moment I wanted to give up I fell in a sewer with my skateboard and everything! AND I FOUND HIM!! With my skateboard, I flew to grab him and saved him, dragging him out of the sewer. The people called me a saviour and I got on the news. I turned to Gerard and he offered me the new MCR 5 ALBUM!! And he said I should collaborate with them for a song that could be added to the deluxe version! I was so excited!"

"So you saved Gerard Way and you think that's enough to wake me up?"

"Yeah! Gerard Way is really more important and influential than you think! To start off, he inspired Twilight, which inspired..."

I'm not listening to allat. I've heard that thing before and just as I was going to close my eyes, he leaned in again.

"This is off topic, don’t hate me, but Gerard Way died on cemetery drive for you. He saved you and held them back, he nanana. His memory will carry on, and he never said he’d lie and wait forever, spread the chemical romance."

"Ben, please go to sleep."

"Whatever. I'm gonna make bracelets."

I wonder how many hours this kid really sleeps. Maybe he's more nocturnal....buuuuut... that's not my problem and I'll be enjoying my sleep.

Since he woke up early, I'm guessing he ate breakfast with my parents and Jane. Yeah, at times I wake up last, so what?!

Now instead of being woken up by music, he brought food to my nose.

"Ooo… Wake up… food is ready..."

"Meh? What… what are we eating?"

"I made some muffins for you. I made them with your mother."

"Muffins with my mom?! You two are getting too close, dude."

"It was her offer. She said she likes me as much as you do and is glad you've found a friend that's normal."

"Huh?! Puff and Axel are– okay, maybe she's right. But you're not normal either."

"..."

"I'm not talking about that— forget it. I appreciate them. They're warm and soft and not dry at all."

"Your mother's a good teacher… what do you wanna do when you're an adult?"

"Huh? Umm… I guess I want to either be an engineer or a DJ. But mostly a DJ. At least a music producer… I really hope YFM works out ."

"I don't know if I really want my name tied to this project. But I hope I can be a teacher."

"You? A teacher?"

"Huh? Why not?"

“Kids are getting ruder as the generations come and go. By the time you get there, they might not have long enough attention spans or respect to treat you like a human. Are you sure?"

"Yeah… I can't explain. I like explaining stuff and people say I'm good at it… but I suppose you're right. I'll just get walked on by 7-year olds."

His legs were pulled to his chest and he looked away from me. No, I don't want to be the one to crush his dreams. I just wanted to warn him… maybe ignorance is bliss, after all.

"Umm... yeah, sorry… umm... don't stop reaching for the stars… what if the world gets better instead of worse?"

"There's no way. Humanity is doomed, remember?"

"True…"

Nothing. It was quiet. He wasn't sobbing, but something was clearly taking his brain by storm and it was my own mouth that did that.

"So what happened to those bracelets?"

"Oh! Uhm... don't tell Jane, but ever since I dropped out of the business, I've been using my rubber bands for something silly."

"Like?"

"I am… I'm going to get the world record for the biggest ball made out of rubber bands!"

"What?! Why would you want to do that?"

Before I could get any reply, he grabbed something from under his bed and threw a giant ball on my bed. This thing was the size of a basketball. Was he doing this in those 5 hours I was asleep?!

"WHAT THE HELL?! WHY IS IT SO BIG?!"

"Ta-daa!! I started before I left, actually. It was a side project and she didn't know of this, you're the first to know. You're that important to me!"

"Umm… thanks, I guess? Why didn't you tell her? I thought you guys were like ‘loom bands in a bracelet’?"

"Haha, we are, somewhat, but I'm making sure she doesn't steal this idea. She'd probably get another person to help her with it too..."

"Right."

"Actually, why don't you help me?"

"Why would I help you with this?"

"If you do, I'll give you like 20% of the prize? Pleeeeeeeaaaaaase?"

"Man.... I don't care about the prize."

With a sigh, he hid it under the bed again. Now I know what monster lies under my bed, at least.

That thing will rot and actually break apart by the time he actually goes and shows it to the people that document these.

But he wasn't lying about being dedicated to it. All he did all day was listen to My Chemical Romance on my phone and knit together the giant "yarn” ball. He calls it Bobby Johnson. He says it's our son.

All I know is that I'm NOT paying child support for that thing.

Couldn't do no English mock with that emo music in the background, it made everything I wrote oddly melancholic. I must admit though that they've made my stories deeper.

I guess it's another math day and I'm not complaining. This math shit is easy and I'm back on my grind. When dinner arrived, I finished around 3 mocks, while he… was still knitting .

Afterwards, we agreed to watch a movie.

But it wasn't as peaceful as you think. He’s much more cruel than he lets on! He didn't let me just watch it. We BOTH started knitting now. I wasn't as fast or as good as him, but I must admit that "feeding" my son… It made me actually warm up to him. I love you Bobby Johnson… Urie Jakeward Bennington. (I never mentioned its full name.)

Did I mention we're watching Twilight? God, please save me. Burn down this TV that curses my eyes. I can't say no to him at all, but I hate this series. He said he's not actually into it and yet the way he discusses the lore says otherwise. He's obsessed with vampires now and says we are Jacob and Edward… umm… ok, I guess...

As long as no one finds out I watched this with him,I should be okay. I pray he keeps his mouth shut...

And do I listen to everything he has to say? Of course. He melts my heart and I'm long gone. Wherever my heart was, it's rabbit boy now. It's only him.

I don't want these nights to end, the ones in which we just settle in and cuddle for hours, even if he can't keep his mouth from rambling about the usual subjects. Every time I remember we can't experience this everyday, I know to not make him stop. I know to squeeze him closer to me and kiss him more.

You can't take him now… we will find our time again… and I pray even more that one day you will leave that environment to join me, live together with me, in a small apartment as we still study, for college, highschool… if he chooses to continue… or just singing together at any time…

That time will come soon, right?

Kisses were picking on my skin, he was trying to grab my attention.

"Hey. Don't fall asleep yet. I haven't told you about Mikey Way."

"Sorry, I was thinking about something."

"Are you scared of the exams?"

"No— I mean, yeah, I am. You never know what will be there and I'm scared I'll freeze up and forget everything I've done until now. It's such a shame, because I do my mocks near perfection… I get good grades… it's just frustrating."

"It's something you can't control. You're really hardworking to the point you overwork yourself everyday, when other people don't even bother studying. I hate to see you so scared, you know?"

"But– you– whatever, tell me about Mikey Way. Can I go to sleep after?"

"Fine, fine. He's the last member anyways… but can you promise me to take the ‘Which Twilight Character Are You’ quiz tomorrow? It said I'm Alice."

"Mhm... goodnight."

"I haven't finished!! I'll still tell you about him! No escaping!"

This just means I get a night-time story from my favourite voice. I wish to dream about us frolicking the fields. This usually has a happy vibe, but it's really moody because some MCR song is stuck in my head and my dream has that stupid Twilight filter over it. Sigh… I want my life back.

Chapter 29 Notes:

more tests & hw i spend more than 5 hours of my lufe on hw now and studying

Chapter Text

My favourite voice takes forever to wake up in the morning. I never thought it would be that way, because he gets to school earlier than me, but he said he usually sleeps when he arrives at school because his parents might be home, so doesn't sleep that much there. Makes sense, I guess.

It's the dreaded last week of school. Less classes to care about and no more grades to get… unless you've fallen behind, of course. So that means I can finally wear shorts! Yes, I've waited this long just to wear shorts! It's been really hot lately, but I was dedicated to the role of the perfect student, always in uniform!

Breakfast was hurried, I couldn't even eat it. I would’ve just put it in a bag and rushed out, if only rabbit boy didn't take forever to wake up. Even Jane was quicker! She even left the house before us!

"...once you REALLY fall asleep, you don't wanna get up anymore! Don't blame me!"

"I'm gonna blame you if we arrive late."

"We only have 4 classes today! Come on! Most of the kids won't even come and they're not serious. Like 5 kids are taking a stupid test, it doesn't matter to us!"

"I don't want no absence. Look, I can't screw up around the end."

"Right, right whatever… We mostly have band practice anyways. Do you think any of them will last those 4 hours?! We usually do 2. And the fact they doubled... we don't even have that much to rehearse."

We've been running for a while, and so we arrived. It wasn't on time and I had to beg the security guard to let us in. Rabbit boy didn't care because he didn't want to go to school anyways. Something about how the teachers don't care either, because exams are coming up and they'd rather panic for that and would let us pass anyways because we're 8th graders…

Look, I'm not saying he's not right. It's very true. But this Thursday will be a teacher meeting and if we don't come around, we might get in trouble later.

Some teachers really want to ruin everything for students around the end. Usually they don't succeed, but last year there were cases in which they did. Some deserved, some not. I don't want either of us to be the subject of this.

Once my breathing came back to normal, I sat down in my seat and pulled out everything. Notebook, textbook and pencil case. He had brought absolutely nothing. His backpack remained at my house.

"...what are you even going to write on?"

"I'm not going to write anything, watch. The teacher won't actually teach anything today."

"Meh, you'll see. What were we talking about earlier?'

He looked surprised and then sat back, looking around the class like it was one of them "find specific items for clues" game.

"Ah! Band practice. Why did Puff double it to 4 hours if we have like 3 or 4 songs to sing anyways?"

"Because not everyone has as much free time as you to practice and be godly. Puff and Axel are especially rusty and I'd appreciate the time so that we can all actually warm up properly."

"Warm up takes about 10 minutes—"

"Not really, depends on who. Maybe vocally it could be half an hour… but with instruments? Think about tuning!"

"I know how to tune, it's not that hard."

"Yeah, me too, but Axel doesn't know how to tune his own drums yet!"

"Thats easy! I'll tune them for him."

"He has to learn his own instrument. I know you're good, but you're just showcasing your talent and not leaving room for them to actually help…"

"Benatar-band..."

"Actually, this is Your Favourite Martian. There are more people besides Benatar."

"Benajay-band."

"Why are you the first name?!"

"I'm the vocalist, so I'm important, duh!"

He giggled and waved off, he was trying to piss me off on purpose. I do agree with him that 4 hours for so little things to do… and the songs aren't even hard… it's a bit extreme. But it's going to probably be more of a music lesson than a band practice.

Yeah, rabbit boy's getting annoying or too extra at times. That's the price of being close to his heart. I appreciate it, I know what friendly banter is... something that he usually doesn't accept from anyone. I've noticed this because he doesn't take to nicknames lightly or anything that could be ego damaging… well, at least from others. In his eyes, "strangers" shouldn't judge. But these are our friends, not strangers...

" Okay, well..."

The teacher did show up. First thing that was contrary to what he said. One thing down! Our biology teacher has been going off the rails recently. At first she was nice and understood the fact we're studying for our exams, but slowly she started to complain about the fact kids were studying for it and how they were too "phone obsessed."

Maybe the issue is serious. But that doesn't mean every class should be transformed into 30-minute long rants about kids and phones, 10 minutes for the fact she's always late and 10 minutes left for actual teaching.

There's nothing to do during her rants. She'll walk around confiscating notebooks and phones, so I stared at rabbit boy. He had stolen my notebook and pencil case to draw in it.

"What's that?" I said, tapping on the paper lightly.

"It's Ms. Cullen. She's ranting about phones." He winked at me.

"Were the devil horns necessary?"

"Um, yeah? I don't know. She's just boring."

She suddenly came up to the front, talking quite loudly (not as a yell, but in a way that would cover students chattering) that she was still going to teach, even if it's the last time we see her. God forbid! And also, bingo.

I took back my notebook and got to writing. He still was so firm on the idea to not write, but eventually the teacher gave him a piece of paper. At that point, he had gotten embarrassed and ashamed, hiding his face as he started writing as well.

It's quite fascinating to see how fast from egotistical and bratty he could go back to shy and stuttery like the start. Maybe it's just the fact he's trying to look tougher than he is.

When the bell dismissed us, the teacher did not. She stood there until our physics teacher came up… and ate away at his class too. God, this woman really is going insane.

The Physics teacher was also confused by this gesture and allowed us 15 minutes of freedom since he wasn't going to do much today either. We had another class with him tomorrow.

"10 dollars."

Rabbit boy's eyes widened and his face became white.

"10 dollars?! For what...?"

"The bet!"

"We didn't place any bets!!"

"Well, I was right!"

"Don't rub it in my face. Wait, what time is it?"

"8:46 AM. Why?"

"Wait a minute. So puff wanted to ask Tig out with the song, right? What are we going to do exactly?"

"Uhh… good question. He said he'd write..."

My phone did have new notifications. But because of the rush and instability (?) of Mrs. Cullen, I hadn't checked them.

"Okay, listen closely. ‘Hey guys, I've forgotten to send you this yesterday L-O-L—"

"What does L-O-L mean??"

"Laughing out loud. It's slang. Can I continue?"

"Okay.."

"’I want to invite Tig to band practice.’ "

"WHAT?! When will we warm up? Will she just awkwardly stand there?"

"’So for that I want everyone to skip their last class today. It's not like they care, they won't teach anything or give any absences! They'd probably think we're all going to study at home! Just use that excuse! And make sure to do your best, my prom depends on this! If she says no... I'm gonna… I don't know… but I'll do something to all of you…’ That's it."

"Oo… so scary… a midget. I can throw him and then what will he do? Bite my knee cap?"

"I think he'd kick you out of the band actually."

"WHAT?! Fine. Fine… but it's not my worry. I'm always at my best performance!"

I rolled my eyes. You know when someone's right but they say it in such an obnoxious way that you wish it wasn't real?

"Hey, maybe cut off this rebellious character. It doesn't fit you. You don't have to prove anything to me."

"Fine..." He sighed and rubbed his arm, hiding his face underneath his fringe. I hate that he'd retract himself to his shell like this, but knowing him, he doesn't know his own limits.

"I like you the way you are. But I'll admit you're very good at your instruments. You may be loud and proud about that."

"YAY!!"

He hugged me and… the teacher started to write on the board. What?

"Test tomorrow. Following students..." Not me, not me, not me… phew. I was not on the list. Thank the Lord!

Now in this class I'll admit I vastly slacked off, because there were too many things to write...and I'm already thinking about summer.

I want to go to the beach and float in the water on my inflatable mattress, let the sun shine on me and give me a tan or fry me like a piece of nice and crispy bacon. It wouldn't be ideal for long, because Jane would flip the mattress over. Not because she wants to stay on it too, but because she likes to make me suffer and says "We’re here for the water, not for the sun. You could lie like that for hours just outside your house too!" Ughh....

Or the mountains! It's going to be much more refreshing to stay in the woods for a bit and enjoy more hiking and the view more... The place will be cozy and beautiful, the locals are always so sweet. The parks are nostalgic and—

The bell. Rabbit boy got up and left the class. I didn't want to go after him this suddenly. Maybe I should leave him alone for some time. He's been staying with me ever since he's come to my house. And I'd certainly love some time alone too.

What class is even next...?

It wouldn't matter. When the bell rang once again, he returned as well, looking down, a bit annoyed and also sad.

"What happened?"

"The librarian said I can't borrow any more books because summer breaks around the corner. She also suggested I should get a job to buy my own books."

"Well, I know a library we can visit in the summer, but we need to pay for subscriptions."

"Aww man..."

"My mom will pay for them, because she'll be ecstatic to see me ‘read’, so don't worry. What book did you want now?"

He leaned into my ear and whispered as if it was some big secret.

"The Twilight saga."

"Really?!" I tore my ear away suddenly. He flinched back and looked surprised. Maybe I overreacted, but I'm so done with this series.

"Yeah! They're books originally! And I can't wait for the new movie, so I'll read them in the mean time! They should have them at the library! They're so popular… why don't we read it together?"

"No! I- I mean–" On one hand, hell no. On the other, it's rabbit boy... I can't say no to him. "Yeah. I guess I'll read them with you. Is the writing in the book better than the film?"

"Might be worse."

A groan left my mouth without me even noticing. At that sound, he dilated his pupils at me to make sure I won't back out.

"But you can't lie, the storyline is—"

A woman entered the class. She was not one of our teachers.

"Hello, children! Sadly, your teacher cannot arrive today, because he's busy with the 6th grade exams. Please stay in your class and be good!"

With that, she left just as quickly as she arrived. Everyone started chattering loudly and leaving their desks. Whilst most just walked around class or attacked the chalkboard; some girls were leaving for the halls.

"Umm. Forget that. How about we grab our backpacks and just go to band practice early?"

"What about French class?"

"He has to give a test to some kids, it'll be best if we don't stay there for all of us. Less noise for them. Plus he never gave absences anyways..."

"I guess then we should go."

I shoved my items carelessly in my backpack as rabbit boy already walked closer to the door. He didn't walk ahead of me. When I finally finished, he scratched his head.

"I don't want to go without you."

"Awww..."

"Because what if I get caught? I need to at least get caught with you!"

"Umm… aww? I'm sure the excuse Puff gave is good enough, though."

To our luck, no teacher was there. The guardians didn't care either. They knew we were from band club and our intent was obvious to them.

Within 15 minutes of arrival, everything was tuned perfectly and set up, even Axel's drums. The papers for the songs just as neatly packed out carefully, so that there wouldn't be a mess later.

I sat down on a chair and watched as rabbit boy warmed up his voice. From the typical "a e i o u" to "ma me mi mo mu" and in the end singing something from Linkin Park.

Once he was finished, I clapped and he bowed, stepping closer.

"Maybe we should call Axel to come earlier too? He takes forever to rehearse."

"No, we came two hours early. Let's spend this hour together. Just… the two of us, you know? Like the song."

He giggled and sat down next to me.

"I'll eat sand if Tig accepts that prom thing. It's pretty ridiculous…"

That's right, prom. I said I would ask him for prom... but what was I gonna say? The world is ugly but you're beautiful to me, are you thinking of going to prom with me?... okay. I got it.

"Umm… haha, yeah… I wouldn't accept it either if I was Tig."

I can't. My hands are so sweaty, my heart is going to run out of my body and suddenly my head also hurts. I giggled awkwardly uncontrollably to the point he got a bit put off.

"Haha… yeah..."

Silence. We both said nothing. I couldn't let this opportunity slip.

"Talking about prom–"

"I heard they're going to hire a famous DJ after us."

"Huh? No, I—"

"I also heard we're going to a good restaurant."

"That's fun, but I wanted to ask you something else..."

It's the time, right?! It's time!

"...have you chosen your prom outfit?"

THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY! FUCK MY STUPID MOUTH!!! I clutched my shirt tightly in anger. He didn't notice it and answered promptly.

"I think I won't change clothes. I know I'll stink, but everyone will."

"I will…"

Heavy pain welled in my throat. I've lost this chance. I just have 4 more days to ask him... It's okay. I'm sure today just was not it! The sudden change, the fact we had to hurry here earlier...

"Are you okay, Dee? What happened? This shirt didn't do anything to you."

"Oho... nothing. I just remembered something embarrassing."

"Like?"

I'll just tell him something I did last year. It's true that it comes to haunt me here and there, because we still have the same English teacher from last year.

"I was in English class and the teacher wanted to do some creative poem writing thing. But I understood that she wanted us to write poems that we remembered… and I wrote the start of a poem everyone knew, so the kid after me just continued the poem… and in the end we had just rewritten an already existing poem. She got really angry at us and the blame was set on me."

He caressed my shoulder.

"It happens. It was 7th grade! If you didn't do something embarrassing then, you would've done it later. Which wouldn't have been better."

Even though I've ruined the atmosphere for the prom question, he built it back up..."we’re building it up…to burn it back down..." —Damnit, I'm infected with Linkin park.

We both leaned in and shared a sweet kiss, a reminder that no hope was truly lost. Love doesn't let you have your way, it will play its strings to test if you're worth it. It wouldn't be fun for Cupid otherwise.

Just in our moment did Axel and Puff choose to come in too. We didn't anticipate their arrival, but we moved quickly. Axel winked at us and Puff wasn't really looking, yapping until he arrived .

"Okay, guys. I'm guessing you two lovebirds have already set up everything, right? Let's just get to warming up. Go, go, Axel!"

Axel hurried and laughed, both me and rabbit boy sitting up.

"Yeah, we took care of everything. Both me and Benatar have warmed up already."

"Good. I need Benatar."

He freezed and widened his eyes, looking at me in hopes that he might have misheard him.

"What do you want from him?"

"He's the other singer here and he's always complaining about how I don't warm up. I know I usually don't care, but PLEEEASE help me warm up today!"

He got on his knees and begged him and he nodded quickly, eyes still wide.

"Thank you! Thank you!! So what do we start with?"

"Unm… maa..."

Puff Puff stared as rabbit boy mumble. It's always funny to me that he's still scared by Puff, saying he's too intimidating and demanding at times. Axel's drums were louder. He eventually got a bit annoyed.

"Benatar, stop playing around, CONFIDENCE!!"

He got even more scared and tried to sing louder, but his voice was shaky.

"AAAAA.... EEEEeee...."

"Puff, calm down . We have enough time. How about we wait for Axel to finish?"

We both looked at him as he hit those drums in a way that would get you arrested if you tried to mirror that on a human. I thought they'd break and ruin Puff Puff’s plan, but thankfully they're strong.

"Okay, I'm done. What happened?"

Rabbit boy breathed in and out while I patted his back. No backing out now. He stepped in front of all of us, not turning his face at us. Not facing anyone is easier for him.

"I do have a general idea of how I warm up. Just sing after me, okay?"

"Okay."

Puff sat up and faced him, so he went and started it off, just like how he practiced earlier, except with some more people there.

"Ma me mi mo mu..."

It was quite a challenge to listen to. He sounds like an angel, whilst Puff's voice was strained and forced. It would ease up eventually, but anyone could tell that Puff was the rapper and not the singer.

As the torture came to an end, Puff beamed and jumped to hug Benatar. He gasped and turned to face him, smiling faintly.

"My saviour! Oh God, now I really do think I'll sound amazing! I gotta start listening to you and warming up everyday."

He bounced off rabbit boy and back to the microphone, urging everyone to their places.

"Okay, let's now get to the real deal. Let's practice the song first with the papers. Afterwards everyone just has to know it BY HEART!"

Sure enough, it wasn't hard. Me and benatar weren't the problem, yet even Puff seemed to really know the lyrics now! (Duh,this is probably the second most important thing to him at the moment. First is winning prom king and queen, second is asking Tig to prom and third is exams. He really doesn't care.) Axel also listened to my begging to practice at home. When everyone practices at home as well, it goes smoothly.

"YE-HA-EAH! This is what I'm talking about! Now, we'll practice it just until she gets here… then we should prepare to greet her perfectly too!"

"Huh? You never said anything about that."

"Well, I'll tell you now. I want us to set up some pink party balloons, some posters and you guys will be holding a bouquet and party poppers afterwards."

"Y-you got all of that?"

"Yeah! I'll hand it to you right now."

I got to be the one with the flowers. He whispered "practice for when you ask benatar out" and that I'm the only one he can trust won't ruin them. Rabbit boy with party poppers wasn't a good idea either…

It's not like I haven't been through the same continuous rehearsal of the same song before. Just a few months ago we were stuck on "My balls" everyday. That was actual hell, because the song started to ring in my ear.

"Okay. She should be here any minute. EVERYONE IN THEIR PLACES!!"

Tig arrived just in time. She looked confused.

"Hi, Puff! What did you want to tell me—"

"Now!"

She stood rooted in her spot as the song started. She looked confused for the few seconds, but smiled right after. There's no way Your Favourite Martian has female fans… she even danced to it!

Her response only made Puff give out all his best. The best energy, the best voice from him I've ever heard. It's such a shame I haven't recorded this, it would've been perfect for an official audio.

Once the song came to an end everyone hurried to their objects and Puff sat on his knees again, begging Tig.

"...So, will you please go to prom with me?"

I approached with the flowers, while Axel and Puff launched their party poppers. Puff hid one in his hoodie and Benatar got too scared by the sound to even pop his.

She laughed and even teared up at the song. I was thinking it was a cry of pain, but it seemed that she was happily crying, hugging the bouquet and then Puff.

"OH YES! I was thinking you were going to make something stupid... and this song is pretty stupid, but that's what your band really is… and it's just perfect! I love it!!"

Maybe rabbit boy not using his party popper earlier was perfect. As they hugged and Puff dug his head in her chest, he pulled it. A perfect sound effect.

They walked together holding hands. Like literally just left us there. We had 3 more hours of practice… and he left?

Axel walked in front of the now closed door.

"So… do we leave too or practice without him? I'd kinda like to practice. I have some things I can't remember."

"Woah. Is this really Axel?"

"What the fuck do you mean?"

"You hate practice."

"Yeah well… I don't wanna embarrass myself next week. My parents are going to be there! And like... a load of girls! Maybe I will get a date! They'll all wanna jump me!"

Rabbit boy giggled and picked up his guitar again, tuning it just a bit.

"We should probably practice… as A- Axel said."

"M’kay, let's start with my balls. We should all know it."

You know, it was decently peaceful. Axel is a normal person when he has to be serious. He listened to both of us without making any petty comments and did learn something. After even more bargaining, he said he would try to practice with his father more. He said he always could, but doesn't like being talked down or belittled and doesn't wanna seem like a bad drummer either.

After packing up, he spoke up again, but facing both of us. Rabbit boy held my hand tightly, since we were going to walk together till my house. He would go back home after.

"Would it be okay if I walked with you two? Or am I a third wheel?"

I don't know. We've never walked with Axel before, but that would mean I would lose the opportunity to ask Benatar again… he took off before me, his grip growing tighter.

"Y-yeah! Walk with us! But we're both going to Deejay's, I'll grab my things and go home after."

"Woah! You stayed at Deejay's? Oooo~"

"Yeah he stayed over the weekend. But don't you live in the opposite direction of where we'll be going?"

"Yeah, but I can just grab a bus. I brought my bus card today!"

"Then come with us."

"Thanks guys!"

Nothing bad happened. I don't know if Axel had a revelation or if Puff is a bad influence, but he was quite peaceful. Rabbit boy didn't talk much while me and Axel discussed exams.

"I bet you've been studying your ass off."

"Somewhat. These exams actually mean everything. It's not just me. Even Benatar studies for it."

"Really?" He shot his head towards Benatar.

"Ah! Mhm,” he nodded quickly.

"What the hell… I haven't studied for shit. I'm not planning to go to high school."

"What?"

"Yeah, no. I'm going to help my parents with the pet shop."

"Don't you need to study to be a veterinarian?"

"I'm not planning to be a veterinarian. I'm gonna be a musician regardless. If not with Your Favourite Martian, I'll be switching bands until I find one."

"Then what?"

"I'll keep it clean and be behind the counter. My parents are looking for a veterinarian to help them. They are veterinarians now, but they understand my calling."

"T-that’s sweet, Axel..."

"Thank you… what about you guys? What's up with your future?"

"I hope to be an engineer. If the band doesn't work out, maybe I can be a producer and help other bands."

"Uhm… I don't really know… I hope to just be a musician and be in a band. It doesn't have to be big…"

We nodded at him, but I knew he probably thought he wouldn't make it there. Little does he know, I won't let him die. The heavens sent us to each other for an obvious reason.

The rest of the walk was filled with jokes and hopes for the future. Axel wants us to come over to his house in the summer. He really wants us to see his hawk, Vincent. He's still small, but he really wants us to see him.

Rabbit boy grabbed his bag and waved my mother off. She joked around that he could stay longer, but he had to deny. Axel didn't enter because my mom doesn't like him.

"M’kay, I'll head off now. Axel, we're gonna walk together for a while."

"Awesome. Bye, Deej!"

He raised his hand and I raised mine too. It felt great to high five someone without them getting scared.

I could see them walk together out the window, it looked like Axel did most of the talking. I know rabbit boy probably was pretty scared, but he had to learn that not everyone is out to get him. Axel was extra friendly today.

Phew… a day’s gone and I may have not actually asked him, but if Puff managed to pull Tig, I could pull Benatar. I really could. But until tomorrow… I'll just do more mocks.

Chapter 30 Notes:

lirterally have no time to write i have 5 tests this week and aty least anoher 2-3 in 2 weeks

Chapter Text

I missed my alarm! Oh, it doesn't even matter. It's the last day of school… I could just miss a bit… how many classes did I even have today?

My phone was blinking at me, like something important could've been flashing on the small screen. No, it was just Axel and Puff arguing about how Puff ditched rehearsals yesterday...

Wait. It did matter if I missed school! I wouldn't be able to ask him for prom otherwise.

Now, that's how I finally got myself up and going. I fried an egg and toasted some bread while Jane looked at me confused from the living room's sofa.

"The hell are you doing?"

"I'm going to school."

"Oh right! All my classes have been cancelled today. Do you even know how many you have?"

"Umm..."

So we definitely had Physics, the Biology teacher said she wouldn't be coming today and our Music teacher said he wouldn't be coming this week at all… our Gym teacher’s also not coming… I guess I only had English and Physics.

"Two, I guess."

"Man, why can't you just stay home today? "

What a dumb question, but I guess she didn't know. Before I could answer, I looked around left and right.

"Our parents aren't home, Deejay. Just say it."

"I have to ask Benatar for prom."

She closed the TV to smirk at me.

"Oh, how could I forget?! Your Juliet… o, o Romeo!"

"Stop being so dramatic. I bet you don't even have a partner."

"Yeah I do, from my class though. You don't know him. It was kind of last minute. He asked me over text... pathetic."

"I thought you wanted something better?"

"The guy's pretty handsome and he's nice, I wish he didn't just text me. He said he's not coming to school at all and that's why."

"Reasonable. I'll be going now, bye!"

No answer, just a no-attention-paid goodbye wave.

The road was so much more clear. Yes, cars are still running around on it, but the number of people walking along me has reduced, along with the people in the buses or the number of cars generally. You could actually appreciate the greenery now!

That is if you couldn't bear the overbearing summer heat. It's 25°C and it's 8AM for God's sake. I was burning.

The school technically has air conditioners... but if you thought they work, you were just as delusional as me.

I sat down and there were like two kids before I came around. They were both playing Clash Royale on their phones and arguing.

I didn't mind waiting for him anyway.

Waiting....

And waiting..

And waiting.

As class started he didn't come around, but maybe he slept through his alarm too! I was sure he'll wake up and come around...

Once the teacher arrived, so did like 5 more students. Nowadays students are arriving along with the teachers instead of before... Maybe they took the same bus?

What's there to say about English class? We did some speaking because some kids have entered English contests. The textbook was never finished and I spent most of my time staring out the window in hopes I would see a certain blonde boy enter the school.

No, although there were many other blonde people and I mistook a lot of girls for him, none of them were truly him. Either they didn't have blue eyes or looked maintained and clean. I'm not calling him dirty… but he should probably take more showers.

The bell rang in my ear and more footsteps hurried in and out. I thought more people would come for Physics class, but when I turned around to see… I was left alone in the class. Even the teacher was stunned.

Instead of doing his usual, leaving his bag on the chair and greeting us, he put his hands in his pockets and looked around.

"Are any more students coming?"

"I'm guessing not, sir."

"Is this the first class?"

"No, rather second… there were a few kids in English class earlier."

"Well, I can't teach one kid. Where are the kids that were supposed to take the test?"

I shrugged. "I don't know? Maybe they decided they don't wanna take the final exams?"

Clearly this generation of kids is going to make his white hair grow faster, judging by the way he was rubbing his temples.

"You're dismissed. I'll go home too."

Well, I did leave. No rabbit boy unfortunately…

The second I opened the door to exit some kids from my class, the kids who had to take the test rushed in, one grabbing my shoulder.

"IS MR. WAY STILL IN THE SCHOOL??"

"Yeah, but he wants to leave —"

"OKAY, THANKS!!!"

They left in a hurry to find him. I don't think their test will go any easier, but it can't be that hard either....

Now that I think about it, high school is scary. Not only is the exam itself terrifying… what if I don't get in the same high school as rabbit boy? What if I just hate the new classmates and they hate me back?

What if the new teachers are just too brutal and the lectures get too tough? Maybe I'll just burn out like most kids do...

I wanted to talk about this to someone… and who's the best person to ask than Benatar himself? He probably never thought about any of it, but I had to ask him why he wasn't at school either.

So once I arrived, I dodged Jane (sorry) and went straight to my room and closed the door, fingers immediately making up his fax number.

Silently I'd be praying he would get up and answer… and he did! He seemed a bit reluctant to speak.

"Hey, Ben! What happened today? Did you forget we still had school?"

It took a long break before he answered and I could hear his breath slurring.

"No, I'm– I didn't feel well. I still don't. And for two hours? It's not really worth it. I think I'll come tomorrow. I can't attend practice today. Where is it even?"

"Well… not in the school, that's for sure. We're going to Axel's house."

"Have fun."

Should I ask him over the phone? Wait, no. I already established this. If God just doesn't want it to happen today, it won't!

But I was also starting to lose hope for tomorrow.

Whatever, I guess. Now's time for a stupidly hurried lunch too! I've been craving noodles. Well, luckily for me, Jane hosted a snack business at school. Yes, it included instant noodles. Yes, she did that. In the summer, she sold them to friends or relatives so that they didn't go bad.

"Hey, Jane. Do you have any noodles left over from the business?"

She sat up and looked up at me, as I rested my elbows on the couch and my head in my palms.

"Yeah, but it's 2.50$."

"Sigh, what type?"

"I have those Korean spicy ones and Maggie."

Damn, I never heard of Korean spicy ones?? How was I supposed to know? I'll try.

"Can I try the Korean ones?"

"Cash first!"

"Fine..."

No choice, I dug deep in my pockets and found 3 dollars even.

"If I give you 3, do you give me change?"

"Nah. I'm not giving anything back. As a matter of fact, the price was actually 3 dollars!"

"This is impossible..."

It took me longer to get the noodles than to eat. They were spicy, but that's what I liked. I was glad that my parents were at work cus they'd flip out if they saw me eating this. They keep on saying about how instant noodles will send you directly to the hospital… which is somewhat true, but I literally ate them once every two or three months.

We had been at Axel's before, but he said the bird had grown more and we NEEDED to come over to see him.

Upon my arrival, Puff and Axel were already playing with him. Oh jeez, he did get bigger.

"Hey, guys!"

"DEEJAY! You have to see what this bird can do."

Axel proudly shook his head and pointed at Vincent.

Who upon my look, he fucking shat himself.

"...what?"

"That's the trick! He shits on command!"

"A poop joke? We're going to be in high school in a few months, dude."

"They never go old!" Puff laughed and high fived Axel. Both sat up and the bird flew somewhere around the room, with Axel directly facing me.

"Where's your date?"

"Benatar? He said he doesn't feel well."

"Hmm. What happened to him?"

"I don't know. He didn't tell me. I think I can ask tomorrow or tonight…"

"Well, enough with the sappy shit, let's get to practicing so Tig won't be embarrassed when we play!"

Puff cooed in and jumped up and down to grab the microphone.

Nothing new here either. This time we actually did work at Axel's house and his parents even listened to us practice! I didn't think adults could actually stand this.

His mother wants us to post our music on YouTube. Puff was already planning to, though we had no idea what we would do for the music video. Technically, they're not necessary, but Puff Puff says they are obligatory.

That'll just cause us trouble...

Also, how come the neighbours don't hate what's coming out of Axel's room? Are his neighbours really that chill like his parents or just used to this?

Well, I'll certainly have very little to tell rabbit boy when I called him. However, I'll enjoy whatever’s for dinner first!

I couldn't even enter the house properly, cus my mom looked pissed off.

"Deejay Johnson! Come up here right now!"

She was holding out that bag of goodies Jane was selling and the "snack dealer" (as kids at school call her) herself was sitting down, clearly just as angry.

"What in God's green Earth is this nonsense? Where did you buy all this?"

Huh… BUY?! I DIDN'T BUY THIS!!

"Mom! Mom, you see, I didn't buy them! Jane's selling them at school at higher prices for extra money! Like the bracelet thing!"

She told my mom I bought them?! Okay, Jane! What an escape, huh?!

My mom's face went surprised, then looked at Jane annoyed.

"You're selling these? That's illegal! Oh, thank the Lord you didn't get caught!"

She started to form crosses in the air on herself as she said that. I couldn't help but laugh, she finally got what she deserved!

"Go to your room and… ugh, I guess I will donate these to the poor. Don't do this ever again!"

We both walked to my room and she looked annoyed at me constantly. I didn't bother looking at her, but her look was kind of getting bothersome...

"It's your fault, stop acting like I set you up."

"Well, why couldn't you cover for me this one time?!"

"You never cover for me! Shush!"

"I could've easily just told her you're gay."

Thank God we closed the door by that point. I know she said it out of anger, but I stopped in my tracks and looked terrified at her.

"I– it's different! If you told her that, she would've put me in conversion therapy and I'd never get treated the same even after! It would be quite literally ruining my life! For this... you'll just get grounded and that's it! Jane, don't do it."

I can't believe I'm begging and pleading for her to keep my only secret. And it's also all because of something she failed at hiding.

"Okay, I was exaggerating. But… sigh… whatever."

Well, at least that's settled… I guess. Why would she use my biggest problem against me?

I positioned my chair to the window. Just like usual!

I called. No answer. The second time? No answer. Third time? No answer. Fourth time? No answer. I'm starting to look desperate. Fifth?! ANSWER!

"Ben, what's up?"

"I'm dizzy. I can't really call. I'm so sorry..."

"What happened? Your parents?"

He hung up. His voice was slow, slurred and groggy. He couldn't talk much… God ,help me! What was happening to him?!

I couldn't press the issue anymore. I'll just… have to pray it's… okay?

"Dear Father of us all... you've been watching over me and keeping me safe all this time, but I want to share my guardian angel with him, Benatar. He needs it more than me. Is it selfish to ask for my love, the star I can't get enough of, to be alright? I used to wish his life would get better and he'd fill his time with the same joy I do, but it seems to be that it only ever went downhill. Is it just how his fate is meant to be? Father, please consider changing his fate. For he is not too strong and he is tired, weakened, and this drive will only mean the worst. I can't imagine not being around him..."

Long sigh. Really, what would I do without him? Well, if I never knew him, I’m guessing my life wouldn't have been filled with so much worry lately… but if he just died now, when I've already given my all for him… I would be beyond devastated. No, I had no idea what I'd do. I wouldn't— couldn’t— imagine it.

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil… Amen."

My fingers trembled at the nightlight to close it. The question lingered and it was constantly reminding me of my biggest fear. Couldn't I just sleep it out?

Chapter 31 Notes:

everyone pls pray i pass informatics........

Chapter Text

Well, it seemed like I could not simply sleep it off. In complete contrast to yesterday, I got up before my alarm, grabbing my phone just to hear him speak.

It took me 2 tries before he really picked up and the first thing I heard from him was a yawn.

"Why did you call at 5AM? Don't you usually wake up in one more hour?"

"I couldn't sleep right, I'm just wondering—"

"You worry too much. I'll be going to school today, but I won't be bringing no backpack either. I don't know how many classes we will be doing and I'm not going to pretend like I care."

"Fair. I'll bring one notebook and my pencil case. Are you also coming to practice? You skipped yesterday."

"Yeah, I will— I'm going to hang up now, sorry."

The line was cut and dread started to envelop me. His tone was melancholic and hesitant. He could miss school, but I needed to see him at practice today.

Since I couldn't sleep earlier and I most definitely couldn't now either, I'll just get up. My favourite activity to get things started off was doing more mocks, but my brain couldn't do that now. Maybe I'm just tired… no, I wasn’t fooling anyone. I was scared of what could've possibly happened for him to not even want to tell me.

I would just move slowly today. Get ready at a pace I usually hate to see, and walk down the steps with a paralysing agony. Mom was surprised to see me up this early, even she was still barely opening her eyes and drinking coffee, watching one of her shows.

"Deejay, why are you up, dear? Did something happen?"

"Umm… kind of. I can't sleep because I'm worried about my friend."

"I see. What happened?"

"I don't really know, he doesn't wanna talk to me about it, but it's clearly upsetting him."

She nodded and smiled gently, getting up to walk to the kitchen.

"What would you want for breakfast?"

"Scrambled eggs would be nice."

"You sure do love eating eggs... they'll be coming right up, but isn't it too early to go to school? You said you won't be having first class."

"We decided I'd meet with him earlier before school started, so I'll be walking to school as usual."

"What are you guys going to do, hmm? Study? You've always been so studious… you should take a break too, especially considering exams are around the corner. You know you have to be relaxed for them."

"We're not going to do work. Maybe just talk until he feels better… I can't leave him to suffer alone. I'll do more revising after practice."

She sighed before answering and handing me the scrambled eggs.

"Just don't overwork yourself, okay? Worrying about your best friend and exams is a fatal combo. I don't want you to think you have to pick between them, because they both can be settled without disturbing the other."

I knew she was right. Of course she was. I couldn't get too caught up with this or else what will I manage to fix? I'll lose his trust and I'll lose my capabilities too.

Rabbit boy's been growing on me and I'm sure everyone noticed. I've picked up some of his habits too. I'm not talking about self harm, but rather practicing at home, staying later and walking to school with my headphones, listening to his favourite bands.

It's something most kids do, but I didn't before him. My parents warned me about potential car collisions and how I have to pay attention to the road I'm walking, nor did I feel like I needed music non-stop.

Yeah, I already did. I'm a musician after all... somewhat. (Does this band count?)

However, the more I listened, the more I realised these lyrics were always cries for help, all tinged with a hidden meaning.

The guardian wasn't going to let me in initially, but I promised I wouldn't do anything that bad; all I wanted to do was study!

Maybe it was a supernatural force, because in a couple minutes rabbit boy sat down next to me. I hadn't called him. He looked visibly tired and exhausted, sadder than usual. He carried a moody cloud over him usually, but he was really feeling down this time.

I turned to him and he watched me back, but we didn't talk at all…

Just two more classmates arrived the whole day. Even the teachers seemed to be skipping classes or maybe they were just preparing for the exams. It was a lot more exhausting for them from what I knew.

The teachers came and left one after another after noticing there were barely 4 kids in the classroom. Some of these classes were straight up empty. What were you going to teach 4 children when the work was supposedly already done?

And so, the other two kids left.

It had only been two hours by that point. He sat up too, leaving the room. I'm guessing it was band practice? Sure, I would join in… a bit later. I've just started this mock test.

School was so quiet now. If there was anyone present, it was just students leaving, teachers hurrying or not even noticing you because of how busy they are. Club activities usually got suspended around this time too, but music and theater club were always exceptions.

There was a muffled guitar sound. It was painfully out of tune.

I opened the door softly, in hopes he wouldn't notice me. But he did and raised his head to greet me.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything… you looked busy."

"No, no it's okay! You're tuning your guitar?"

"Yeah, a string broke, so I had to change it and tune it again."

"It was time it happened."

"I wish it didn't."

It's getting quiet again. Tuning isn't something that can be done without being concentrated, so I stared at the ceiling as the notes hit my ear.

"You see... I wasn't feeling well. Both physically and mentally…"

Now, the fact he's opening up to what happened without me having to question or beg him, my attention immediately went back to his face. No, his eyes weren't searching for mine, but rather still watched the strings.

"This Monday I kept vomiting. I don't know what had happened to me, but after every meal, I couldn't bear it. So I didn't go to school yesterday. I'm guessing it's a side effect because—"

His voice faltered and I still didn't urge him to speak. He would do everything when he was ready.

"—this whole ‘being clean' thing is draining. It was somewhat easy to let go thanks to your unwavering support. But at times I just can't. I'm starting to fantasize and wishfully think about my worst times. All because I had a temporary solution. I hate to be this low and romanticise my own struggles. I felt too exhausted to really bother with much…"

"Recovery is meant to be hard—"

"I don't know what to say. I didn't want to bother you anymore. But thanks for calling in."

He's thanking me… a blush coloured my cheeks before I replied, simply smiling at him.

"No problem. So… are you still feeling down?"

"To be honest, yeah. But I'll push through. The band needs me now more than ever. I can't slack off and be depressed now or else I'll ruin it all for you guys."

"It's also for you… but, I understand."

Remembering what mom said, I stood up and held my hand out to him. The guitar has been tuned for a while now and I haven't even gotten to tuning the other instruments for them. I'll share with him a piece of how I see things.

"Don't overwork yourself. Things can be settled without you having to destroy yourself."

The shine in his eyes was clearly dimmed, and no, it wasn't the lighting of the room. But even through it, he gave me a small smile .

Just in time after everything was tuned, Axel and Puff arrived. I'd never questioned why they just always came together. From what Puff said, they met up at the same bus station and walked together here, even planning when they're gonna arrive.

"Chillax, it's kind of like what you and your boyfriend do. You guys always get here before us together."

Puff taunted and tugged at my shoulder before going to the microphone.

"We're not dating..."

Practice felt simultaneously long and short. Playing the same silly songs is agonizing and felt tremendously slow, but, at the same time, I couldn't even notice how fast everything went by.

Today was different. Yes, everyone did well and mostly no major mistakes were made, but it was clear rabbit boy was feeling blue. He didn't miss anything, just… less energy was present. It was a tension everyone felt and even Axel, who's usually a brick wall, felt weird just looking at him.

This caused all of us to also pack up and leave in total silence, everyone only minding their business. Rabbit boy had nothing to really take with him, so he walked out directly.

Puff and Axel stood quietly before they turned to me, Puff clearly more worried than I've ever seen him so far.

"So umm… did you guys break up or what’s going on?"

"No, he's not feeling well. You know he's mentally ill. He has his moments and it's probably a depressive episode."

"He's got that rained dog vibes."

"Axel, quit joking, this is worse than that."

Puff sighed and rubbed his forehead before looking at me.

"So is he going to get better? We can't just leave him like that. This isn't just about prom, it quite literally could get us started."

"I'm worrying more than you do, okay? I can't force him to get better. He's undiagnosed and unmedicated, but I'll try my best."

Eventually I did walk out; I didn't expect to still see him there. He's been waiting all this time...

"Why were you so late?"

"I thought you got home already… I–" I can't tell him that we're worrying. He hates being babied. "–went to the bathroom and had the biggest shit ever."

He laughed loudly even through the fogginess of how sad he was, patting my shoulder. I was glad I could shut out those voices, at least for a moment.

"Really?! You should've taken a picture! I can't walk without you. You bring me the most happiness. And it's already been a bad week, so will you walk with me?"

"Of course."

We didn't talk at all. It was just the sound of the road and other people, along with the rhythmic sound of our footsteps.

If you're wondering what I had done for the rest of the day, I was just studying more and more. What am I going to tell you out of that? My exams are coming and I'm not going to be focusing on keeping you entertained! I'll do that after I pass.

Chapter 32 Notes:

school break for 2 weeks! im so excited to write more!

Chapter Text

I won't miss my alarm or wake up earlier this time. Those last few days have been anomalies, but today I managed to return to my normal routine. I woke up on time due to my alarm this time around.

But what I didn't know was that the universe was not done playing tricks on me. My mom apparently got an email from my head teacher that school was cancelled today altogether because they were preparing for deep cleaning the school for exams and the celebration this Friday.

With that information… I just went back to sleep. I wasn't that different than most of my classmates. I loved these opportunities to sleep more.

My sleep wasn't long, because in 30 minutes rabbit boy called me. At first, I was thinking of not responding, but it's my crush for God's sake! What if this call is a step towards finally binding us together as a couple!?

So, with aggravating slowness from my sleepiness, I picked it up. He was angry and yelling at me.

"Where the hell ARE you, Deejay?!" His voice was laced with a certain venom, like I'd never heard before.

"Whoa, what happened? Where are YOU?"

"I'm at school, idiot. The gates are closed, there's no security guard and it's raining cats and dogs!"

"You don't have an umbrella on you?"

"I don't own such things. Sigh… just tell me where you are.."

"Well, I'm at home."

"WHAT?! YOU'RE NOT COMING AND DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME?!"

"Calm down, calm down! I thought you already knew, but school's cancelled today."

"Huh?!"

"Well, my mom got an email that it's closed for a deep clean. You know, for the ceremony and exam period..."

"..."

His voice didn't raise at all. I could hear the heavy rain from his end only. It's pretty clear now that I think about it, why he didn't know. His parents got the email, but they don't care about him anyways.

"...umm, I'll come over there."

"Bring an umbrella! And hurry!"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Closing the phone, I got a waterproof jacket, some random jeans and my boots on. (No breakfast, because I'm in a rush, remember? Though I did have enough time to think about which umbrella to use.)

"Where are you going, young man?!"

"I'm gonna pick up Benatar from school."

"Benatar? Why's Benatar at school? It’s cancelled."

"Mom... Benatar's parents don't like him enough to care to tell him that information, so he's at the gates. Anyways, what umbrella do you think is big enough for both of us?"

"I see..." She put her hand on her chin and thought for a few seconds. "I'll give you mine. It's bigger than an usual umbrella. But also heavier, so be careful."

She eyed me as she handed it, and I made a run for it. I had already wasted enough time.

Sure enough, he was still there and he was shivering like a cat that's been left in the rain for too long.

"Hey!! I'm sorry it took so long...!"

"Long enough. Give me that."

He lounged to interconnect his arm with mine, pressing his body on me. I instinctively blushed profusely and felt like I was going to explode. It was sudden, but accepted. My hand wasn't even thinking and I dropped it on his lower back, rubbing it slowly.

"Where are we going to go..?" I found myself whispering, even though I wasn't actually there, I was seeing stars.

"Can we go back to my house? I'd love some ‘us time’ before rehearsals. We're going to Axel's, I'm guessing?"

"Oh! Um… I don't know, I'll text him right now. Just hold the umbrella."

We stood rooted in that spot and my hand still stayed frozen on rabbit boy's back. My other was shaking as I flimsily typed on my phone.

“hey guys. It's pouring and school's cancelled. So are we practicing at Axel's?”

Puff answered instantly, because… well, he was just saying what I was saying.

"DUDE! It's RAINING HEAVILY!! Axel, we're practicing at yours today."

He replied to my message, saying "LOL". It's a bit silly how we both meant to say it now.

We should've moved out of the way, maybe get going. But he started to rub his head against mine, so I forgot we were standing in the rain in the first place. The only thing I did and I remembered was that I squeezed his waist tightly, just waiting for Axel to reply.

"Okey...........is venetar qomibng or iszz he sril zick"

"He's coming." And with my final text, I put my phone back in my pocket and then turned back to him. His face was so close to mine, I couldn't help but want to steal a kiss.

Before I did though, I looked left and right to make sure no one was watching, then came back to him and kissed him gently. He moved his own lips softly with mine, before pushing back softly. I could feel his breath against mine.

"We should get going. I'm so cold..."

"Right. Sorry..."

The walk was quiet but comforting. In my head, this was the most romantic thing we've done so far. A pretty long walk towards his home under my umbrella, holding his waist tightly as the sky continued to wash this soil.

Once we arrived, I thought he'd make me go. But instead, he opened the door and ushered me in.

He sat me down in his room and returned within 10 minutes with a bowl of creamy potato soup. He said my father bought more utensils and dishes along with food.

To my surprise, rabbit boy was great at cooking. Warm, not chunky, silky smooth and perfectly mixed between sweet and salty. Warm and comforting. Maybe he had been researching this on the school's computer?

I looked up at him and smiled.

"This soup is AMAZING! What tutorial did you watch for it?"

"Tutorial? No, I read this recipe in a cookbook that I bought from a library."

"You have money for a cookbook?"

"Well, your father gave me some spare change too. He's very nice… sigh… like you."

He couldn't hide a smile from me. He stood up and grabbed the sheet music.

"What will I do though? I haven't got any guitar or keytar. How will I practice?"

Right. I was stunned as well... Rabbit boy could 100% go without practicing for a day or two, but he still wanted to be useful.

"Ah! I remember! Axel's parents used to be musicians too, remember?"

"What about it?"

"His mother was a guitarist so she has an electric guitar… I don't know about a keytar though."

"Then, we'll just ask them.... well actually... you'll ask them..."

"Whatever, oookay."

I couldn't help myself glancing around the room. Yeah, it was much more organised than before. More clean and maintained. As well as the foot of the bed being repaired, the books weren't forced to be the pillars anymore, laying stacked on a little desk my dad had definitely bought for him.

"Is it comfortable here now?"

His comment had caught me off guard and I looked back at him a bit surprised.

"Oh yeah, it is. What happened to the albums you had?"

"I sold some. I really needed money."

"Huh? What? Why? I thought you wanted a bigger collection."

"It's true, I still want a bigger collection, but I'm saving to maybe buy my own proper keytar. Since we'll be graduating I won't be able to keep the old one, right?"

"I'm sure you can, since we basically gave it to the school. If not, I'll save up too. We can buy it together."

"No. You don't have to..." He brought his knees to his chest and hugged his legs, looking away from me. "Even if I can keep it, it's old and kind of rusty, and I don't know how long it'll hold. Soon enough it won't be worth it to keep repairing it. The repairs will cost more than the keytar itself, but I don't wanna walk away from it either."

"Why not keep it at least for sentimental value? And I'd still love to help you save up for it."

"You do enough for me and I feel like a leech."

"No, you're not—"

When I searched his eyes, I knew his perspective wouldn't change. I could see where he's gotten that from, but everyone that has helped him so far knows there's nothing else we could really do. It wasn’t like we'd want to make him stay in this filth.

"Hey, let's not soak on this, okay? Umm… what's something fun to do? Rock, paper, scissors?"

"You know what? Okay!"

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" We both giggled when we had a tie or a win. It was such a simple game, but you could play for hours. He loved it and so did I. It was also the perfect opportunity to show him tic-tac-toe and let him give me more astrology fun facts.

"...I win this one too."

"This is pretty unfair, do you have some rock paper scissors champion medal I didn't know about?"

"I promise you, Ben, I've told you everything there is about me... Have you told me everything about yourself?"

"I don't know if there's anything I haven't..." Whilst thinking, he looked around his room in contemplation. "... well, I really don't know. But if I remember, I'll tell you."

"Haha...well then, how are you feeling now? Are you sure you're better? We should get going to practice soon."

For a long while, he stared at a wall and didn't answer. I stared and waited, but nothing. Only when I gently shook his shoulders did he reply. "Oh, umm… just a bit of a headache. But it'll go away. It's minor."

It smelled fishy. His hands were slightly shaky and he was still warmer than usual. Maybe he caught a fever? Maybe he's gotten sick from sitting in the rain too long.

With a lot of effort and needed balance, he got up, though he needed to support himself on the wall.

"Alright. Let's go. We can't make them wait. Is it still raining?"

Outside, the sun was shining like it hadn't rained just two hours ago. I felt unsure about getting up to go practice. Yeah, I was fine. I could go, but...

"What are you waiting for, Dee? Let's go now!"

"Okay, I'll get up in a second."

I still dusted myself off, even if I knew there was virtually no dust now. He looked unimpressed and impatient.

"What? Haven't you been to Axel's before?"

"Hmm...I dunno. What if I have and he just changed the entire arrangement in his house?"

"I'm sure he wouldn't have without telling us."

Whenever there's practice, me and rabbit boy always arrive early. Apparently Puff hadn't arrived and Axel wasn't actually thinking we'd be this quick. He was laying on the couch and playing Subway Surfers.

"Ah?! Oh, hi guys! Why so early?" He sat up and looked at us, with a grin on his face. "Puff ain't here yet. You guys GOTTA see Vincent!"

Within a rush, he brought a pretty small bird in his palms.

"He's like a month old. He's pretty metal, isn't he?!"

"Awww..."

Before rabbit boy or I could pet it, he pulled it away. "No. I'm not sure how clean your hands are..." He narrowed his eyes at us and then looked us up and down, with a clear sort of venom in his glance.

"Umm… all we did was hold hands…?"

"Don't infect my son with the queer..." He smirked at his own words. Phew, he was joking.

"Huh?" Benatar looked confused and I stepped out in front of them.

"Haha, real funny, Axel. Let's just at least tune everything?"

"Ugh..."

Axel slouched his shoulders and returned Vincent to his cage, then brought us to the garage.

"Here. Well, we technically can't practice until Puff gets here, right?"

"Tuning isn't practicing," said rabbit boy as he fiddled with the strings of an electric guitar.

Axel's mom walked in with a tray of snacks and sweets, her husband just behind her with some cold soft drinks. They both had such bright smiles and playful personalities, even as Axel tried to look mysterious and cool.

"Hey boys! We promise we won't interrupt much. But, oh— look at them, they know how to tune their instruments. Unlike Axey..."

"MOM! I'm grown and uh… Benatar will teach me how to do it soon! As a matter of fact, he'll do it right now!"

"Huh?! Ah, umm… alright?"

"No, don't make him do it. You're scaring him. It's been a while since I've seen him. I forgot he was that really shy kid. Don't worry, we don't bite!"

The two shared a laugh as rabbit boy stood awkwardly, staring at me in a signal that I should probably ask about a keytar.

"Um, excuse me miss. Sorry for the inconvenience, but do you two perhaps own a keytar too?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. From what I remember, we do. I used to play it back in the day. I'll be right back."

She did come back within like 15 minutes. (I'm guessing it was hard to find because it was unused for so long.)

"It's a bit dusty. I'll grab some cleaning supplies in a moment."

It wasn't just dusty. It was in perfect condition, but it was clearly… retro. Very goofy looking compared to what rabbit boy had beforehand.

"It's definitely working, but I'm scared that I'll break it, even if it feels sturdy. Or it may sound weird,” he whispered in my ear and looked up as Axel's mom came back and cleaned the dust off and plugged it in.

"It's working, but I don't know how well. If it's not good at all, you can just switch to guitar. Do I bring out a bass, too?"

"Ah… yeah, please..."

Yet another walk back and a return, this time with a bass and our last puzzle piece: Puff Puff.

"Am I late? Hey guys!"

"Not really." I turned to face him, but Axel pushed me aside hurriedly. They did some weird ass ‘bro shake’. How did they actually learn that?

"Puff!! Now that you're here, you should see Vincent before we go. I swear he grew a bit."

"Of course, man!"

I don't know why Axel was so against us really touching the bird earlier, but after a few minutes, Axel returned with Puff, who had Vincent sitting on his head, acutely aware of everything.

"He loves music. You may pet him now."

"He's so soft..." I never knew I'd like birds, let alone actually scary birds like a hawk. That thing was gonna be huge in no time and it'll be a danger… maybe. It might not actually be a danger because the Chains family will take care of it.

Puff set up the microphone to start singing, making the standee taller than him. It was a bit hilarious, but we had no real time to really joke around.

"Puff, that's too tall for you."

"Nah, it's perfect. It'll amplify my voice, I swear."

"I don't have time for this." I adjusted his microphone back and he sighed, but no more objections.

No more mistakes appeared in our performance now. It should be like that. If it wasn't, I was sure I wouldn't leave this place until everyone knew these 3-5 songs perfectly. They weren't even that hard, come on!

But talking about performance, someone was doing very well today. Like… a bit of an overkill. Rabbit boy. He's always good, so what was he trying to prove today? He went way off the sheet music and rather towards improvising, which was totally unlike him.

Specifically after "Tig ol bitties" did he take the end to do some kind of solo, not really facing us or acknowledging our presence either.

Puff and Axel glanced at each other and looked surprised. Everyone was taken by surprise. Once he did remember he was in a band and not a solo, he smiled a bit awkwardly, stumbling back.

"How… how was it?"

"Umm… a bit too much." I stepped closer to him.

"You went off the rails. Why didn't you stick to the plan?"

"Yeah, Puff's right. It was pretty metal, but don't do that when we actually sing,” interfered Axel.

"Ah… sorry."

It was already strange enough, but right after that subtle apology, he fell back suddenly. He fainted. The thud was loud and I rushed to him. He looked quite pale and he was really, really warm.

The guys were stunned and Axel rushed to get his parents, who put some ice packs on him.

"Quick, what's his parents number? They should come here and pick him up." Axel's mother said with a voice choked with fear and worry.

What should I say? I didn't have time to explain things.

"He's an orphan."

I just blurted that out. It wasn't true. At my words, Axel and Puff gave each other surprised faces and a few whispers.

"Then what's your parents number? Can they help?"

"I'll call my dad…"

Well, at least we played all the songs . Me and rabbit boy's visit was cut short entirely. He hurried to get here and he carried him until we got him to his house. Dad promised he'd get my mom to help him and that I should probably let him rest.

Axel and Puff stayed together there for longer, even texting me every 30 minutes, truly and unapologetically worried for him. Not as much as I was, although I wasn't allowed to sit by his side.

It was late when mom arrived, but she looked calm rather than scared. I hugged her and looked up at her with tears already in my eyes too.

He's never gotten sick since I've met him and his body seemed too malnourished to be able to fight off the sickness.

"Whoa! You haven't hugged me like this in so long… Don't worry, Benatar has a normal fever. He stood in the rain too long. I gave him warm soup. I'm guessing he cooked it, because I also had some. It was really good for his age. You should learn a thing or two from him, you know?"

"This is not the time, mom. I'm still worried. I'm gonna see him."

I wanted to run past her, but she grabbed me by my shirt collar.

"No. You'll also get a fever. I also gave him some pills. He should probably rest for this weekend. It should be okay by Monday."

"But what about the ceremony?"

"It's better he misses it and rests well rather than going and feeling even worse. You can grab the diploma for him or something."

"Fine..."

"Oh, and don't call him tonight. He's sound asleep and he should get the best rest now. I know you're worried, but you can definitely call him tomorrow after the end of class ceremony."

"Okay..."

Jane had heard everything from this conversation. She had no prior knowledge, so she followed me to my bedroom. All I wanted to do was shower and go to bed.

"What in the world happened?? We didn't have no school today, so what was he doing there? Trying to be emo and listen to My Chemical Romance and cry in the rain?"

"No, he really did believe we had school. Sigh. I mean, he has no parent to tell him not to go."

"Hmm… okay. Well, he's going to be okay 100%. He's just got a fever, so don't act like it's the end of the world."

"If you're here to annoy me, you can go back to your Netflix binge."

She rolled her eyes and muttered a few things about me being "dramatic" and "over the top", but she didn't understand. She would never understand me. No one would.

Wait a second... I was starting to think in my own head like the stereotypical emo. Oh my God... Maybe I have had too much My Chemical Romance these past few days...

I cringed at myself so bad I didn't even know what to say anymore. Quietly I brushed my teeth and immediately went to bed. There's only one thing I whispered, and that was my usual prayer:

Chapter 33 Notes:

HII if theres anyone that cares abt this fanfic anymo i wanna tell u no update next week ill be on a school trip, sorry!! enjoy<3

Chapter Text

Morning had just started when I decided to call him once more. I called and called, three or six times… I had lost count. Did he suddenly lose his phone, was he sleeping or was he maybe dodging me on purpose?

Defeated once more, I went downstairs. I was clearly in a bad mood and all Jane could do was giggle.

"Hey, what happened to you? Still acting like a rained dog after yesterday? You should've gotten dry by now..."

"Shut up, Jane!" I spat between my gritted teeth as she giggled and mom placed us pancakes in front of us. They had plenty of syrup and other toppings we could choose from since it was a special day.

She reached out and patted my shoulder.

"Relax, really. He won't die. If he was dying, mom wouldn't have left him alone last night. You're getting wayyy too worked up for someone you've met this school year. You're acting like you've known him for a lifetime! Oh, nah, that's just lo—"

I kicked her foot really hard to stop her from talking.

"OWWW!!!"

"Jane, mom's here, have you forgotten?!" I could swear she wanted to get me in trouble.

"Okay, sorry!"

Mom did turn around to face us, but she was smiling and almost tearing up as well.

"You guys are so grown… ohh, my babies!!" She came forward to pinch our cheeks.

"Mom..."

"Shhh! I remember when you two started 1st grade together and now… in two weeks you'll have your high school entrance exam and start highschool! Hurry! Get ready and then I'll take some pictures! I'm so proud of you two, all my Facebook friends will be SO jealous!"

The usual mother glee. As she requested, we got ready. I wore my school uniform and Jane wore some pink dress with white flowers. She took the most awkward Facebook mom photos you could imagine. You know, the one that will come to haunt you if your friends ever find out about your parent's Facebook accounts. If Puff or Axel find them, they're probably gonna print them out and send them to me via mail. How do I delete someone else's post?

We escaped the house so there wouldn't be more blackmail.

"Finally… so, what's your overall grade, hmm?"

"Like 9.95... If the biology teacher didn't go full blown mental around the end, I'd still have a 10."

"Nerd."

"Well, how much do YOU have?"

"Like… 9.38?"

"That's way too specific."

"Yours is more specific?!!"

"I think you should focus on where we're going. Where are your classmates?!"

"Teacher said next to yours."

"Ah great, now we have to find both mine and yours."

It was a sea of uncontrolled students. Most of them just wanted summer break, and those 30% of 8th graders wanted to explode out of fear… though surprisingly some were not fearing exams yet, like Puff Puff or Axel. They were laughing about some meme on the internet.

"Hey, Dee. What's up with Benatar?"

"Sigh…" and I had only begun to calm down about him. "He shouldn't be here today, he doesn't feel well. He got a fever for pretending to be a homeless dog yesterday…"

"WOW, so rude to your boyfriend." Axel nudged my shoulder. I rolled my eyes, because although I knew they meant nothing bad, it kind of pissed me off every time they call us "boyfriends". Not that I wouldn't want that, I dream of that actually, but rather because it's simply not true. I can sue them for defamation.

"I'm here cus I wanted to ask if you know where my class is. I'm assuming this is your class?"

The kids around us were 3rd graders. It was an unintentional jab, but now that I noticed… I'm just gonna pretend it was on purpose.

"Uhh… no… this is 3C." Puff crossed his arm,visibly annoyed.

"Are you sure? They look as smart as you two combined."

"Real funny, deejay. I'm guessing you're so smart you're gonna be taking the 12th grade exam, right?!"

"Hey —" Axel stepped in, since he knew Puff at times jumps to action without thinking. "We were standing here because we were gonna steal some candy from their teacher." He pointed at the class' table. The younger kids got candy while the older kids got books to read.

"Seriously?! Stealing candy from kids?! That's a new low."

"Hey! They get fun stuff, okay?!"

"Puff, you can buy candy afterwards. Sigh... I'll just get going. Good luck… with stealing candy, I guess."

I went back to wandering with Jane. There were so many classes and the school yard was massive.

"So like. Don't you find it odd how Benatar likes astrology?"

"Don't you like it too? You guys love talking about compatibility and other things..."

"Yeah, but he's more interested in the constellation aspect rather than how cancer is a sign and not an MCR song."

"He likes both astrology and astronomy. Astrology books are less expensive, I'm guessing. The cheap ones are for little girls who still believe in them. Astronomy's never been for kids, really."

"Okay, what's up with you insulting everyone? Is it because you miss your emo crush? Well, astronomy doesn't even have anything inappropriate in it."

"Yeah, but it's so detailed and complex, kids usually get bored. They just know constellations and like watching the night sky."

"..."

As she said nothing, I started to ramble again. She looked annoyed. "... He read the astronomy books in the library, but there are like 2. They're detailed but not enough, so I let him use my computer to do research. It's kind of cute—"

"Of course you find it cute."

"It's actually really interesting, like... Do you even know how many planets NASA found and how strange they areee..." I felt a hand gripping mine. It wasn't Jane, she hadn't held my hand since we were 7. I turned around thinking it was probably an accident, but it was rabbit boy.

"What the hell??"

"Hey..."

Jane looked just as surprised as me and decided to walk away. Best decision probably.

"Benatar, you should be at home, resting! You haven't even responded to the phone earlier!"

"Umm… they cut the wire, I think?"

"Huh?? You look horrible and sick, seriously. Let's go get you home." I grabbed his shoulders to push him out,but he fought back against me. It was weak but a clear sign he wanted to stay.

"No! I'll stay just for a bit. 2-3 hours. I promise I won't infect anyone!"

"Huh?"

"I'll stay for a bit!"

"Huh?!"

"I’LL STAY FOR A BIT!!"

"ohh... sorry, it's so loud and you talk so quietly I have to glue my ear to your mouth to hear you." He rolled his eyes and tangled his arm with mine. Now, I'm not sure about this. I wanna go to practice, I can't get sick now.

Searching in my bag, I gave him some water and tissues. His nose was runny and he was still hot. And on top of that, it was also extremely sunny outside, so I gave him my cap. I'm corny enough to risk getting a sunstroke for him.

I pulled him away from that crowd. Not because I wanted us to be alone, but because I wanted to search for our class.

"Where are we going?!"

"Searching for our class, duh." He pulled me hard enough to stop me in my tracks.

"We were there before you started walking."

I feel stupid now. But at least we came around just around the perfect time. We're class 8A, so we'd be the first to step up. Our school starts with the 8th graders since they're going to take their exams and leave middle school behind them.

The headteacher stepped in front of us, also on the brink of tears, even though most of my classmates did not reflect that feeling.

"Okay, so everyone find yourself a partner, we're going to walk in pairs."

Rabbit boy looked at me silently. I wanted to be nonchalant, but I smiled back at him.

"Yeah, I've found mine."

"Great, then you two will walk first!"

We only had to do one walk around the entire yard while they read out each name and talked about how big we had grown and the pressure of school and exams and really basic level memories of what mishaps my class had. Like when a guy in our class started ripping off all the handles from the bathroom to sell them on eBay.

After us went all the others. The moment we stepped back, the next class started walking. Hey, now I know it was class 8D that broke that window...

I know usually these end of year celebrations start with a speech from the principal...and it was coming. He was an older guy who was a math teacher. I never had the opportunity to have him as my math teacher, but apparently he was strict— well, this was obvious by the way he managed the school.

"Summer is here, and I know each and every one of you wants to run out the gates right now and wreck more havoc outside of the school's grounds, where there might be lesser punishments. But before you leave, I want to ask of all the students to not only not forget everything they've learned this year, but their teachers, classmates and especially all the mistakes they've made. They BETTER NOT happen again. Of course, now I want you all to know I appreciate all the hard work put in this school year, though I believe some of you either did not try enough or didn't actually care enough. But on that same topic, I want to give out the prizes for the 8th graders with the highest overall grades this year. They've been … pretty high, considering most kids focused either on having fun or studying for exams. Let's start with the valedictorians: Anastasia Aaron, come right up!"

And I don't know if I was a valedictorian or not, because from what I know, you're supposed to have a perfect 100% if you want to be one. Girl after girl, girl, another girl, but there were some boys too. They all basically said the same nonsense about how school is so helpful and the teachers are awesome. Everything was pretty fake. What was my GPA? I didn't know these systems.

"...Deejay Johnson. 4.0 GPA as well in the music club."

"Huh?!"

"Dummy, 99.5% is basically 100%. Go!!"

I rushed up and everyone could tell I was unprepared.

"Umm... " Okay, it's simple. All I have to do is glaze the school.

"I must say, just like everyone, I used to like school just because of learning. But thanks to school and its lessons, not only am I ready for the next step in my life, but also have found so many friends, who made the moment classes stop being fun into a reason to actually still show up and study. I want to really thank my band mates and my best friend— oh and my cousin. And before I go, I'm not gonna lie, next year is gonna be harder than you think. But your grades or GPA doesn't define you, no matter what you think. You'll see that in 2 years you'll even forget about it."

People didn't know if to applaud or stay silent, so they just stood awkwardly.

Ok, I was one of the last kids called because my family name starts with J. Makes sense… now they're gonna call the kids with second place, right? No, rabbit boy went to the stage too, though I didn't think he would say anything. He waved and took the book, staring at me insistently as I was going to leave. Oh God damnit, he wants me to stay with him, right?

"Benatar B****, also in the music club."

"But your last name starts with B." I whispered. He leaned into my ear.

"You're right, but they forgot about me, so they put me at the butt of the list. The same as they did for the class register, remember?"

"M’kay, did you plan this?"

"Yeah.."

He fumbled with a piece of paper. Maybe that was why he wasn't replying. His voice was low and shaky.

"I- I- I moved in th- this year..." He was visibly shaking and looking terrified, and it was pissing off a lot of people. That only made him more scared, so I gripped his shoulder.

"It- it was so cha– difficult to– to really get comfortable… I want to thank… m-my bandmates and bestfriend… I couldn't… I wouldn't… well..." He looked away. He had a pretty clever speech, but he was too scared to talk. He was sick AND sobbing again.

It was impulsive, but I side hugged him and took his paper, reading it for him.

"Well, thanks to them I found my own little corner, and it felt right for the first time in years. Everything was so different to what I knew in London, and it's still a big shock to me. If I'll ever really blend in, I'll never know. Studying isn't hard, but really fitting in and feeling comfortable in your own skin is. And you shouldn't be discouraged by nothing to know who you are. We are so young and most of us don't even know if the image in the mirror really is us. We are so afraid of what others think, we'd rather become a shell of ourselves just for acceptance. True acceptance comes from the heart. That's when things get better. This journey is hard, and you can't walk it on your own. You'll need to find companions or you'll get lost. If they go on a different path, don't worry. Every path has so many options to offer, and it's up to you to shape your life. Don't let anyone but you choose. Summer is the perfect time to reflect upon everything you did wrong or what you want to change. I wish everyone to find exactly what they're searching for. Thank you."

The crowd cheered and applauded very loudly. Phew.

We got down and they continued the list, soon moving to the second place kids. He looked embarrassed.

"It was fine, I could've said it myself."

I hugged him tighter as I spoke. "You know that's false. They would've just yelled at you to hurry up, and that would make you more nervous."

Axel and Puff were in our way, both kind of tearing up. The midget was even applauding.

"Phew... woah, really good one, Brit." He slapped his back playfully, but Benatar squeaked in fear.

"Yeah, let's go before I hear another kid give a sob story ass speech."

"You guys aren't staying for the rest? What about the class pics?"

Puff groaned audibly at that. "I don't want no more embarrassing images."

Axel nodded and grabbed his phone. "Mom gave me 200 dollars to go somewhere. What do y'all say?"

Immediately, the spirit had gone up. "Ooh, can we go to Pizza Hut? I'm craving pizza."

"Of course you do, Puff." I rubbed my temples and returned to Benatar, clutching his hand. "Aren't you tired? Let's go home."

"No! I want to be— I want to be included!"

"It's settled, Deejay. Don't fight it. The pizza's gonna be metal and I know a pizza hut that's like 20 minutes from here. Follow me!"

I think waiting for the pizza itself was way slower than getting here. Rabbit boy and I ordered one pizza (yes we're gonna be sharing), while Puff and Axel both bought themselves BIG pizzas. FOR THEMSELVES. AND ALSO MOZZARELLA STICKS AND MILKSHAKES. I got a big lemonade so I could share it with him.

Not only that, they ate like absolute pigs. But at least they weren't that loud in their conversations. It was kind of awkward. Half of the table was quiet and cautious and the other was obnoxious and loud. I'm surprised the order didn't go past 200 bucks.

Last slice of this quattro formaggi. This could be it. Something I could do to make him remember how much I really love him.

"This last slice is for you, Ben."

He blushed and looked down, pushing it back to me. "No, it's yours, please."

"No, Benatar, it's for you. You're sick and need this—"

"No, really! After what you've done earlier for me.. please, I beg of you."

"If y'all don't want it, I do." Axel put his hand to grab it, but Puff slapped it away before he could grab it.

"No, I was eyeing their slice first!"

Then they started arguing over who gets it.

"YOU OWE ME 5 DOLLARS, SO IT'S GOTTA BE MINE!"

"I ALREADY PAID YOU BACK!!"

"NO, YOU DIDN'T!"

"I LET YOU PET VINCENT, SO I GET IT! I NEED ENERGY TO BE A GOOD FATHER!"

"WELL, I NEED ENERGY TO BE A GOOD LEADER! ALPHAS EAT FIRST!"

"YOU'RE NO ALPHA!!"

The whole restaurant was looking at them… now I truly know how parents feel when their children have tantrums.

A server approached us.

"Um, please lower your tone or take your leave."

At that moment, Axel snatched the slice away. Puff got angry and started pulling on it. The waiter was still there.

“This is embarrassing! They're 15 years old! Not 5!” I thought to myself before grabbing it and cutting it in half.

"You guys really are 3rd graders. You have to go back to kindergarten and learn about good manners, sharing and making compromises."

They sighed and ate their slices. Weird, they still had from their pizzas, so what was up with them acting starved?

Rabbit boy whispered in my ear: "Can we go home? I feel second-hand embarrassment."

"Yeah, I agree."

I pulled my chair back and grabbed my backpack, and he followed after me carefully.

"Where y'all going?" Axel asked with a full mouth.

"We'll be going home. See you two at rehearsals."

"Umm... can't we just… not do rehearsals today? I feel tired after everything! And I promised Axel I'd bring him to the new CD store they opened in a nearby mall."

Whatever. It's better for me and Benatar.

"Alright then. Bye guys… and I swear to God I don't wanna be seen with you guys in a restaurant ever again."

They stared confused at me, like I was the crazy one. Rabbit boy waved off awkwardly and hurried after me. Talking about him, I stopped in my tracks to check his temperature. Still hot.

"Can't we check the record store?"

"No. We're gonna go home. You don't feel well. I don't care what you're going to say. I know you'll be lying. You're sick, we got to treat this now."

"Then… we'll go to it immediately as I feel better?"

"Yeah, of course. You know I can't say no to you..."

"I suddenly feel so much better!" What an obvious lie.

"...I'm gonna be the judge of when you feel better and I know it's not now. So, tough luck."

He whined a bit as we walked to his house. Through it all, I held his hand. Maybe I should ask him for prom now…?

‘The world is ugly but you're beautiful to me, are you thinking of going to prom with me?’

No, I can't. He's not feeling well… but when would I get another opportunity?

My heart clenched inside my chest. What am I supposed to do?

"Hey, Ben... is it okay if I sleep at yours tonight?"

"Yeah, of course. I think my parents went back to London."

"Huh?"

"I heard them on the phone two days ago. Now they've been gone and haven't returned. Ask your mom first though."

"I will."

Through a text, she replied virtually in 2 seconds.

"Of course!! Have fun, summer is basically here. I want you to rest. You've studied enough. You just have to rest, okay?"

"OK."

I closed my phone and looked back at rabbit boy.

"Yeah, I'm staying."

"Aren't you scared you'll get sick?"

"I'm not scared of that."

"Knowing you, we will probably share a bit of air."

He was talking about the fact we'll probably kiss. Yeah, well… I'm gonna be stupid... I'd love to get his germs. Okay, maybe it's getting horrible. I need to tell him NOW.

I noticed that Benatar was out of that good soup, so we decided to enjoy some cup noodles.

"You want chicken or beef? Veggie?"

"Beef, to be honest.”

"Great! I love the chicken one the most."

We sat back in his bed, immediately talking about the school year and how we thought high school will be.

"I’m curious if I'll actually get asked if I want a cigarette or drugs. It's just in movies. Do we get lockers?" He seemed so excited. I love how vibrant he could be even in these situations.

"I'm hoping we do. And that our teachers won't be pedophiles."

"Oh, right. But we're not girls, so we're less inclined to be the victims, but..."

His voice trailed off and he put down his noodles, even though he hadn’t finished them.

"What if we don't get into the same high school? I literally won't be able to live without you."

"What do you mean? You've done well even before you came here."

"It was different and ten times harder. I actually had issues with most of the teachers and they didn't like me. And new people... I'll be absolutely horrified. What if I give off a bad impression then they'll never like me?"

I had nothing to say, but I put my noodles down to hug him and caress his back. When I pulled back, I kissed him gently. It was a normal ritual between us at this point.

I shouldn't have. He was sick, and it's probably very questionable why we just did this like it's normal friendly stuff, with my head resting on his shoulder.

"The more you think of it, the more likely it is that you'll fuck up."

We didn't say anything after that for a while… the food got cold. Once his heart calmed down, I stepped back and he smiled a bit, not looking at me, instead grabbing the cup.

"You mean everything to me. I'm sorry I couldn't do better."

"You're perfect, even when you're not trying, can't you see I lov– appreciate all of you?” I couldn't spill that word for him: love…

His eyes locked back at the window. It was afternoon by that point.

"How about we finish twilight today?"

Seriously?! TWILIGHT?! Whatever. If that would make him happy...

"Sure..."

We watched it on my phone, on some sketchy website. He entangled himself in my embrace, and I didn't care about the movie one bit. I had a fun time sniffing his hair and staring at him as his expression changed based on what was happening.
As a matter of fact, he compared me to Edward(oh god.) cus im drawn to him the same way Bella is Edwards ‘singer’. It should be a compliment, but it feels more like an insult meant to tell me im weird.

"Renesmee is a stupid name."

"Yeah, it is…"

"I hate that baby.”

"Me too." What baby? I don’t even remember what’s the name of Bella’s dad.

As it finished, he got up a bit annoyed. "Twilight sucks. I hate this saga."

"Yeah, sure. You keep forcing me to watch it and also keep talking about it."

"No, I don't!"

I swore I could see his nose growing like Pinocchio.

"Well, it doesn't matter now. Look at the stars."

"It's unlike you to tell me to look at the stars."

"I dunno, maybe you'll see a constellation you like." You can’t just let him know he’s crawling under your skin, right?

"Ah!" He immediately got up and rushed outside. "I got it! Let's watch it on the lawn!"

We laid on the green and short grass. It smelled nice and bad at the same time. I felt a few critters crawl on me, I brushed each one off, along with some that crawled on him. (Why doesn’t he mind them? Oh, nevermind. I don’t want answers to that. I’ve heard horrible things about neglected kids and bugs. I won’t explain it, maybe you catch my drift.

"It's wonderful. But I swear, they glow brighter when you see them with me."

"No, I don't think so." To be fair, I kind of understood him. I hadn't noticed the stars this much before he told me to watch them with him for the first time. Maybe he was right. Maybe they were shining brighter.

"Your eyes look extra bright now too." I rolled over to face him and, as I said that, he rolled over, mimicking my stance once more.

"I've always liked your whole…” he gestured around. My face, the sky, what did he really mean? “..everything. You're very nice and fun to be around with… and you're kind of handsome." He blushed deeply and looked down at a ladybug.

"You know—" This was the perfect time. "–with school ending–" I couldn't make this slow and perfect, but if I wanted it to really be a memory to never forget, I had to. I just had to thank God I didn't desperately ask him on the street. "Benatar–" Jane would tell me this wasn't the moment. I didn't have any flowers or a good outfit, no real setup...

"Yeah?" He was waiting for me.

"The world is ugly but you're beautiful to me, are you thinking of going to prom with me?"

His eyes widened and sat up immediately. I couldn't see his face, so I thought he got mad.

"Look, I'm sorry it's not perfect… I don't have any flowers or—"

"No!”

No what?! Is that his final response? No? But I thought…

"I didn't know you invited someone–"

"No, listen to me!” He grabbed my hands and his voice aggravated,as if he was rushing. "I don't need flowers or confetti or a song! You've done too much for me already. And I only care for the soul..."

He leaned in towards me. His magnetic pull was so strong, I just followed suit.

"And you even— that's a My Chemical Romance reference, one of my favourite albums and songs..."

The world stopped moving, the birds stopped singing and it was like even Mother Nature was holding her breath in fear.

"Deejay, yes! yes! yes yes yes! and yes… I'll be your partner for prom!" He started crying uncontrollably, hugging me as tight as he could. "I kind of thought you’d never… maybe, I don't know…invite a girl… ah, I feel so bad for getting jealous and all…” He started twisting his hair around his fingers nervously.

"Benatar..." I started to cry too. The people walking by looked at us like we just escaped the mental hospital. In hindsight, we did look like two crazy fools.

Once we pushed back to look at eachother, we both had the biggest grins of our life.

"You know, I was thinking of asking you, but I thought... you're so popular I thought you already had a date. And are you sure? We're both guys. It might be against the rules…"

Cupping his cheek as I felt a new fresh wave of tears overcome me. "Benatar, I don't– and please excuse my language– give one flying fuck about those rules."

He giggled and leaned on my chest, gripping my shirt. "I'm so sorry. Ough... I've cried so bad my head hurts. And I'm sick… I'm so sorry, I'm staining your shirt..."

"No, it's okay. Let's go back inside and go to bed. Together. I won't let you go now."

He fell asleep quickly, but I felt like I couldn't sleep. My heart was pounding in my chest. I had just asked my first crush out to prom. The same guy who helped me figure out who I really was, what I wanted.

I did have to go to sleep though, because if I didn't do it now, I would be way too tired to explain to Jane tomorrow. I knew she would be angry, but I didn't care. She would at least be happy I managed to do it.

My love for him grew by every moment, he got prettier the more I saw him… when I listened to music with romantic themes, I only saw him. I understad everything now.

So I whispered in his ear,even though I knew he was already sleeping soundly.

"Goodnight, Ben… I love you more than I did yesterday..."

It was probably one of the most peaceful nights I had ever had. These past days had been so stressful and I had no doubt that they would continue to be. Exams, prom, Benatar… all those troubles rang in my head constantly…

Chapter 34 Chapter Text

My phone rang. Not even rabbit boy was awake by this hour, even if it was 8AM already. (Well, he was sick and tired as hell, so it was understandable.)

With my groggy view, I couldn't make sense of who had called, but I could clearly hear Jane’s voice.

"Wake up, sunshine! How's it going over there, hmm?"

"It's pretty early, damnit. I am not ready to get up yet. Not when I'm sleeping with my literal... Ummmm… best friend in my arms?!"

"Too bad, you're coming to prom shopping with me and mom. So get your stuff and get up, we're leaving in about an hour."

"And what if I don't wanna come?"

"What?! Have you lost your MIND???!! Gosh, I guess love DOES blind people. Do you wanna go to one of your most important moments in life dressed as if it was just any normal Wednesday?!"

"Ugh... you're so dramatic and for what?! I'll go, I guess."

"Hurry!"

Now, honestly I can't just leave like this, but I can't wake him up either. First, I kissed his forehead and laid him down. Secondly, I wrote a little letter.

"Ben, I'm sorry I didn't stay till you woke. DeeJane called and said I should come to go prom shopping with her and mom. I hope you know I still mean everything I said last night."

Grabbing my backpack and one last glance at him over my shoulder, I left. For the first time in a while, I ran home. I knew it wasn't really a big rush, but I needed to change my clothes, shower, brush my teeth and have breakfast. All in one hour. You might say I already did that every day, which was, but I didn't shower before school. That would take way too much time in the morning and I already did it in the evening.

It wasn't even urgent. Turns out mom wasn't actually gonna go shopping at 9 AM, but at 1PM.

So when I walked out in the living room where she was watching a show, all prepared to leave, she looked at me like I was imagining the call with Jane.

"Um.... when are we going, mom?"

"Going where?"

"Shopping?"

"Why so early? We're going after lunch."

"What?! Jane called me and she said—"

Speaking of the devil, she walked down from upstairs, giggling and grinning from ear to ear. "Oopsie!"

"Are you kidding me?! You did this on purpose!"

Mom waved us off, honestly she wanted to watch her show. It was a Saturday after all. "Can you two argue upstairs? I can't hear the TV!"

We walked upstairs, and Jane even closed the door behind us.

"So, what did you do with him?" She had this interest in me and Rabbit boy that almost crossed a boundary, excitement pouring off her like she was actually reading a really shitty fanfic made by a 16 year old girl in her bed out of boredom.

"Nothing much..." I ain't planning to tell Jane everything, because I ain't got time to listen to her ramble about how she "ships” us. To where?

"Tell me now, fatass..." She sat on the bed with me, urging me to speak up.

"Okay, okay. We all went to a pizza shop after—"

"No, I don't care about that, get to the good stuff! When you two were alone!"

"Well, when we arrived at his house, we didn't do a lot. We played simple games like tic-tac-toe and rock paper scissors—"

"So you've been wasting your time?! Nothing good? I mean yeah, woohoo… time together! I'm so tired of these fillers."

"These are not fillers, we're not a damn fanfic for you to enjoy! Anyways, most importantly..." I was embarrassed. Not because it didn't go well, but because I felt that strange flutter in my stomach. Inside, I was celebrating the fact I managed to really do it, like the biggest party I've ever been to. "...I've asked him to prom."

At first she jumped up, giggled and clapped, hugging me tightly. "AHAAA!! FINALLY! But wait..." She took a long while to look me up and down. "Oh gosh, in this outfit?! How did it go?"

"He–"

"You should've followed my plan, if you made yourself presentable you'd have a bigger success rate! I'm sure he also had standards for who he was to go with!"

"But he didn't–"

"Disaster! Deejay, You've lost your only opportunity. You're never gonna get him EVER!"

"Geez, let me speak!" She went quiet after what felt like a dramatic meltdown. Why would she be so scared if it's not her business? "He didn't reject me. He said yes! And we both cried and then we went to bed."

You should've seen her face. She was both shocked and happy, her jaw hanging low. "What?! Oh my gosh, even his standards are low. I mean, yours as well, but damn..."

"It wasn't THAT bad! We both looked tired and not at our best, unlike how you wanted me to be. Not all things gotta be so extravagant..."

"Tsk tsk tsk… I guess love is blind." She rolled her eyes and got off the bed. "At least it worked out, but… aren't you worried about people saying something?"

"I am… I wish people could see us as friends, but, at the same time, I don't. I love him enough to scream it on rooftops, but I know it could get both of us in serious trouble and unwanted negative attention. And yet… the idea of hiding... I don't want to imagine that either. Must we really hide?"

No comment came from her. She gave me a worried and ultimately understanding look, coming to grab my hand in a promise. "Look, you're right. You shouldn't hide love, especially this pure!" She looked to the side and then back at me. "Whatever happens, I'm by your side, bro. Don't expect that you won't get backlash though."

"I know, I know. I'll see what he says. Maybe if I keep being strong for him, he will get a bit of courage to also show off what we've got without fear."

She reached for the doorknob, smiling gently. "Good luck. You two will need it." She opened the door and walked out. "Maybe I'll go dress up for later. Get some rest."

It had been a long while since I had sat in my room like this, only the sound of my clock ticking. The same one I used to loudly shush when I was younger and mom just bought it, thinking it would listen to me. The ceiling seemed perfect, but maybe there were hidden crevices I didn't see. Maybe something's wrong behind it, where all the pipes are.

Maybe my sleep from earlier wasn't that good, because I fell asleep again, only for Jane to wake me up again. She was shaking me violently.

"GET UP!!! LUNCH IS READY!!! WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!!!"

"I don't wannaaa," I yawned and pushed her away, but she deadass just grabbed my legs and pulled me off the bed, so I fell on the hard floor.

"What the hell was that, Jane?!"

"Serves you right! Hurry up!"

I was so sleepy and confused from my sudden awakening that I couldn't tell if I was eating soup or something else. Turns out I was eating pasta with lots of sauce. I only noticed after I got sauce on my shirt. It was white too. Mom wasn't too happy, but Jane laughed and pointed at me.

So before we all went out, I had to change my shirt. It's time for my awesome newly acquired Green Day shirt to take the spotlight. I had bought it when I was at a Hot Topic with rabbit boy. I wanted to look cool and since it really fit me in such a good manner, I bought it! And that was kinda impulsive...

The drive was quick… quick and scary. Mom was a good driver, but she has a habit of driving really quickly. Just the maximum speed you can have on the road. This means we got to experience many moments where we thought it was the end of it. Thank the Lord she has good reflexes...

"You’ve only paid this far to ride,” she laughed at her own joke, then looked at us. “Wait for me at the entrance, okay?"

We had been going to this mall ever since it was built. Yeah, it was probably older than most of the people playing Roblox right now. Jane was already ecstatic, but me? Not too much. Not because I'm so "different" and don't care about appearances. I do, but I think I could've spent this time studying rather than thinking of what suit I should wear. My only options are between black and blue, unlike her.

"So, you've got ideas or something?"

"Yeah, actually. I visited the websites and I found some dresses I NEED to try on, but I'm not sure yet! Mom said she had some ideas too."

"How fun— wait, you did research on this?"

"Of course!" With that, mom arrived as well, so it was time to start this whole thing.

Within an hour we only visited two shops. I hadn't tried anything on so far, because most of these shops only had women's clothes. To be honest, not all of them fit her either.

Mom called after me, since I was just sitting on stools and looking around. "Deejay! Come and give us your opinion too!"

Dress one. "Umm… isn't it too... underwhelming? I could see her wearing this to a normal restaurant." They agreed with me.

Dress two. "No." Green was definitely NOT her colour.

Dress three. "Are you serious...?" I couldn't say this out loud, but this dress clearly wasn't tailored for her. "Umm… maybe a bigger size?"

Jane got angry and huffed: "This IS the biggest size!" Sadly to her, I still said no.

And… time to head off to another store.

Dress after dress, I didn't think any of these were that good. Not specifically on her, they were ugly even on a mannequin.
So I managed to convince mom to let me go get myself a smoothie. It was warm as hell outside and I still wanted to be sane when I was finished with this thing. It was way more fun when I was with him...

In his honour, I got a yellow slushie… like his hair…

(I was getting real emotional over this, like he had died or something.)

By the time I went back to the store, they still weren't done choosing. I swear it had been 3 hours since we entered the mall.

"Are there any more?" I whispered to mom and she shushed me in annoyance.

"A lot more! Sigh, this store is not it. Let's go to another one."

How many more were there going to be? More dresses denied, tried on and ultimately we walked away.

My brain was starting to go numb. I wasn't doing anything real anymore, and my slushie was gone. I was sucking on an empty straw in an equally empty cup. Maybe my brain was just frozen.

Suddenly, I heard a loud gasp and squeal from the dressing room my cousin was supposedly in. Mom was crying and nudging me to come closer.

"This time I agree." She was wearing a short (but not too short, we were shopping with mom, after all) pink and glittery dress, with fake flowers and a belt.

"THIS MUST BE IT!!" She hugged mom and then me, even though I didn't do anything all day.

"Then we're getting it!"

It wasn't that pricey apparently and, from what Jane said, they found it by accident, rather than those that they had eyed before they got here.

"You don't look too bad in it." I said as I walked by Jane. She nodded and smiled.

"See?! Oh, everyone's gonna be JEALOUS when I get there!" She started laughing like those villains in cartoons. (Should I worry about it? …Nah, she’s fine… probably.)

"Okay kids, I'm not gonna lie. It's afternoon, supposedly dinner time and I'm not cooking anything tonight, so let's go to one of these fast foods from the food court!"

I guess this really paid off. Mom ate from Salad Box, Jane got Chilli’s and I got Chinese food.

Right after that, we were going to leave, but mom stopped suddenly, like she was struck by lightning.

"Wait..." Me and Jane looked at each other as if we were lost. What could've happened? "Deejay, did we get you a suit?"

"Umm, no..."

"AH! I'm so sorry… We still have time though."

I rolled my eyes… I was so tired. Thankfully, this time we went directly to some place with classy men's suits. They had suits for teens too!

"It's between black and blue. Here, go try them on!"

They both fit me the same way. The colours were the problem. Honestly, I didn't care what colour was better.

"Hmm..." Mom was puzzled. Jane just shrugged. Was this payback for earlier? "Son, which one do you like? It's yours after all."

"Umm… blue?" If you guessed I only chose it because of rabbit boy's jacket, you would be right.

"Sure! If that makes you happy, we'll get it right away."

Phew. Now we had no more problems.

We arrived home, I did a few mocks, Jane started calling her friends and bragging, while my mom and dad went out for a run.

(Yes, they did daily exercise together and it was kinda cute too.)

They arrived late and, when they did, it was my sign I should go to sleep.

My eyes got fixated on the stars outside.

“How are you doing right now, Benatar?” I asked myself, imagining his sleepy face. “It's time to end this day though. I'll ask you tomorrow…”

Chapter 35 Chapter Text

I have nothing to tell you. Like, I just woke up normally at 9AM, got up, ate my breakfast and I had nothing to do. Mom banned me from doing any mocks because she said I should rest in this last week. Maybe I could at least revise some things I may have forgotten.

It didn’t take that long though. In an hour, I was done. I already knew everything like the back of my palm, yet I felt so scared. Dad told me that if I felt scared, I didn't actually know enough, but I felt like I did.

Like any other teen, my eyes drifted to my phone, resting peacefully next to my window. I had left it there after last night. I was tempted to call, but I felt like I couldn't. Something felt off...

Today was Sunday and my dad went to go visit rabbit boy before I even woke up. To bring him groceries, give him a bit of money... once he returned, I would ask him about my friend. It was only a matter of time.

I walked downstairs. Mom was doing the laundry, and Jane clearly hadn't woken up yet.

"Has dad returned?" I walked over to mom, helping her fold some clothes that have been washed, dried and ironed.

"Nope, not yet, sweetheart. Thanks for helping me, but do you mind doing me another favour? Wake up your cousin, please!"

"Yeah..." I stopped folding to go up the stairs again. She often goes to sleep late and wakes up around the time my parents get up so she could sleep in their bed, since it's bigger and she doesn't have to share it. This means that if there was no one to wake her up, she'd wake up at 1PM. It happened a lot over the summer.

Now, I couldn't just wake her up normally. I needed to pull something that she would pull on me. It was only fair, right?! But, to be honest, I had no idea. She was quite creative in that aspect.

Carefully, I grabbed the pillow from under her head and placed it over her head!

Well, that was underwhelming… I tapped her shoulder, and that's when she got up, finally!

"What- what?! Is this the best you can do?"

"I have better things to think about rather than how to wake you up. Your milk is cold."

"It's summer, isn't cereal better with cold milk now?"

"Whatever you say, your opinion ain't valid ‘cause you put milk before the cereal."

"HEY!! Don't knock it before you try it!"

I had already walked out of the room, down the stairs again. Mom was putting away the ironing table, the TV still on that same soap opera that I swear had been running for 5 years now. (Couldn't they actually settle something? It's like communication ain't a thing in those.)

Jane pushed me aside, but I was fixated on the door. Dad came in, his expression was the usual. Maybe there was nothing to worry about.

"So, how is he doing?"

"He's fine physically, he said he's not sick anymore and I believe him. He had an appetite and wasn't burning up at all, though he looked and sounded a bit shaken by something. Did something happen on Friday?"

"No, nothing too bad..." Laughing and waving off, even as my heart started to sing a rhythm that my anxiety orchestrated. "Thank you, dad. I'll go upstairs now."

I gently closed my door and began to think. What could've been so scary to him? Maybe this was all a big misunderstanding and I was overreacting.

Yet I couldn't help it, so I ended up calling him.

It took me only two sweet swift motions to get my phone to buzz his contact, but he wasn't answering.

However, it was not the first time I kept calling like this. I called, called and called until he finally answered.

"Ben?"

"What happened?"

"No, that's what I'm gonna ask you."

"Well, I was actually peeing."

"Oh… oho… umm… I’m so sorry. But, well… how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, I've gotten quite better from the fever."

"I heard that from my dad. I'm so happy..."

"..."

I was glad to hear he was actually fine. Maybe I should take a breather from time to time…

"Jane bought her prom dress yesterday and I got a suit. I wish you could see it."

"..."

Maybe he hadn't heard?

"You'll see it at prom–"

No, the phone call had been shut just after I mentioned prom. My Bena-instincts were right. Something really WAS off.

With a sharp panic running in me, I started running down the stairs, but mom stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going?!"

"Mom, Benatar— I have to see him!"

"It's always about that blonde boy… I get it, he's your best friend. He's nice, but I've already established it's family night tonight. He will be alive tomorrow too. Plus, your father already said he's fine. You've quite literally seen him yesterday!"

Everything she just said was true. Usually Sundays are family get-togethers, with some exceptions for when I've gone to see rabbit boy. It seemed like this addiction is at its peak.

Defeat. I slumped my shoulders and went to the living room. Jane was still making bracelets with those rubber bands, apparently stocking up to start her business in high school too.

Dinner was good, the atmosphere was right, but I couldn't shake his image out of my head. Jane confessed it was annoying, that I was acting like a 12-year old girl around her first crush. I knew that it was true too.

I was the only one who thought about everything this much. I couldn't just pretend that my hands weren't shaky when I held them damn cards.

"UNO!" my dad yelled and my mom immediately hurried to grab some cards from behind him.

"No, you did not! Dirty liar! You hid your cards again!"

Jane laughed and placed a +2 on the already big stack of layered cards.

"I'm gonna go to sleep early." I stood up abruptly and I must admit it was dramatic. Everyone stared at me, the tension thicker, thick enough that you wouldn't be able to cut it with a knife. You would probably need an axe.

"I'm sorry." I did not back down though. I went to quickly shower, brush my teeth and check my phone, as if he would've texted me. He had no way to. Neither Axel nor Puff have texted at all either.

My last chance at peace was to play a phone game. I usually played Subway Surfers. Well, I guessed another session would send me to sleep.

I played for a good while. A few hours had passed, but little did they know that those flashing colours were all that mattered. The second I stopped was the second I would lose my mind.

Suddenly my door swung open. It was 1:30AM by this point. I could make out who the silhouette was.

"JANE!! Knock, at least! I've told you that before!"

"Turn that garbage down!"

She's talking about the My Chemical Romance playing in the backround. (Yeah… I may have left out some details. My computer playing Three Cheers For Sweet revenge. Gerard Way understood me.)

"Okay!" I dragged myself and with a painful click, the room was silent again. "Was it even that loud?"

"No, I couldn't hear it outside the room." Jane said as she closed the door, the light of the hallway dissipating and becoming a faint little line. "But I could hear it telepathically."

"What?"

"We can all tell you're sad about Benatar. What happened? Why are you so scared about him now? Dad literally said he's fine!"

"I know, but he was acting strange on the phone!"

"Deejay!" She messaged her temples then looked up at me with an annoyed face. "He's mentally ill. He is going to act off at certain times. Isn't that what mood swings are? You said he has them!"

"Just because he's mentally unwell doesn't mean I can't worry!"

"Sometimes you just... can't help. Some things he really can do on his own. You're obsessed with him, you don't see? Don't you think you're a bit too much into his space?"

"But..."

"Okay, that was harsh." Laying on the bed, she stood quiet for a while. Those words cut through my heart. If she really meant it, if that's what the reality was, then... I had started to burden him. "Look, he doesn't hate you, nor does he think that. I just think that you should probably let him handle some things too. He hates being babied, right? Because you're acting like... if he stubbed his toe, you would call the ambulance. Love is impulsive, but you must stay rational, you know?"

"Right..."

"Especially when you're missing out on time with us for him. You'll see him a lot. No one is stopping you two from being inseparable. All we're saying is to keep what is for family, for the family. Until he becomes family with us too."

"I'm sorry. But this time, he just shut me out too, when he just…never does."

She sat up and patted my back. "It was bound to happen. And if you went, what if he would've done something horrible? What if it escalated? I'm happy you care about him. But give him space at times. If he was already okay earlier, there's no rush."

I had nothing to respond, just nodded quietly. She rolled over and fell asleep.

Before I went to sleep again, I let myself adore the stars. Maybe then, spiritually, he would know I loved him.

"Love is impulsive..." I didn't find myself infatuated with him, but I may be wrong. I'm not the one to call the shots on that. Maybe today I was extreme. Maybe she's right. Tomorrow's another day, and I will hopefully get the answers then.

Even though my heart was still weeping for an answer, anything to tell me what could've happened. If things truly go downhill now, I started to pray, only looking at the stars. The soft and glistening ones, the ones who never complained about me or went anywhere. I could see them every night, and they were always ready for whatever burden I carried.

"Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven—" Yaaaaawn. "—Amen."

Chapter 36 Notes:

gii guess who back 21 days later lol...i didnt forget i goty extremly busy & still am. rabbbit boy is gonna get a hiatus for a little! sorry! not like there are any active readers that missed me lol

Chapter Text

“Is it really Monday?” I asked myself as I groggily opened my eyes. Yes, I had my 8th grade ceremony last week, but I was so scarred from school that I just couldn't believe I wasn't going today. All I had left was anxiety over exams, prom, practice, and especially rabbit boy.

Summer was starting to creep in with such force. I woke up covered in sweat and I half-thought I was being boiled alive. I left my blinds open too, so my room was hotter than ever. Jane was sleeping peacefully, but I couldn't do that anymore, so I closed the blinds and checked my phone. Axel sent a video of Vincent and him dancing and I had to admit it was cute.

Despite it being summer, my parents are still going to work. The house was empty, with my mom leaving a little note saying "you can make yourself an omelette”. I kind of missed making my own food, since I knew what I liked.

The smell of the eggs soon filled the house, and then *she* walked down the stairs.

"Are they home?"

"No, you know they're at work by now. We slept like pigs..."

"Are you making breakfast for the both of us?"

That was probably what I should've done, but I believed in equality. She could make her own.

"Nah," I said as I carried my plate to the living room.

She groaned in protest, but I didn't care by that point. The news report said it was going to be an orange warning for the heat and even have a red warning at times. Phew, thankfully our prom would be very late into the night, so it'll be quite chilly.

But since it's a new day, maybe I should– ehh… I knew I was desperate to see rabbit boy yesterday, but it was really too hot at this hour. Maybe I could wait till the afternoon?

I didn't move even after I finished my omelette. It has been a while since I've watched TV quietly. I used to do it as a kid, until I got my PC, which was much more interesting.

Jane plopped herself on the couch with what I could only assume was an omelette attempt, although it looked quite burnt.

"You really eating that?"

"Yeah, now shush and give me the remote, my show is going to be on!"

I handed her the remote like I was on autopilot. She didn't play about her shows.

"Life Lessons again?"

"Duh!"

If you didn't know, it's a show about families in weird and difficult situations– just like those soap operas– and there's little to no communication and everything is impulsive. It was quite clearly scripted.

Honestly, I hated that show. It was boring as hell and they reused the actors, it was so obvious too… Well, time for the computer again. I remembered why I stopped really watching TV. It wasn’t that I didn't like it, she just didn't let me watch it.

Talking about PCs, I should probably ask for a new one after my exams. I'm pretty sure I'll do well. If I don't, I swear to God I will go missing.

I didn't necessarily have a favourite website. I checked a lot of things. Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, MySpace and YouTube. It was on YouTube where I found some new information.

"My Chemical Romance: coming on a USA tour!"

They included a list of states they were visiting and mine was on it. It was after our exams and results too! It was perfect...

Checking the websites made me a bit sad. The tickets were somewhat cheap, but I figured I'd go with rabbit boy and that meant… I NEEDED VIP tickets. Those— yeah, of course they would be expensive. How much did I have in my wallet again?

"1… 2… 3… 4… like 120 dollars. I need 500..."

I could definitely ask my parents for another 100 bucks and say I was grabbing normal tickets... but I would still need 280 more. I had no way of getting them now. If I had school, I could've pulled a Jane move and asked people to pay for homework answers...

But why worry? I still had ideas. More specifically, ideas Puff mentioned a year or two ago, when he really wanted to save money for some comics. Pick up side hustles or go on "irl side quests" as he said.

And sure enough, by checking my neighbours Facebook, I found that some needed their lawn mowed, a house keeper for a day or two, babysitting– which I definitely was NOT doing– or the general stuff. This was perfect! I could pick some up now, but I heard mom's voice in my head.

"Nu-uh. You're gonna rest this week! They can wait till after exams!"

Right. And maybe if I get good exam grades... they'll give me more money. Or if I visited my grandparents since they always give me 200 dollars when I'm there… I felt a little bad for saying that, but I needed the money.

I quickly wrote everything on a little sticky note, so I would remember after exams.

It was still way too warm to tell rabbit boy the news. I couldn’t go to his house, but I decided to call him.

And I did. Like 12 times, only to be sent to voice mail. Could he be asleep? No, he doesn't wake up this late. He always woke up super early for some reason. Okay, now the panic of yesterday was enveloping me again. I swear, I thought I was over it.

Were there any mind numbing things I could do now? Even the thought of My Chemical Romance hurt.

I checked my phone again. The group chat was exploding, Puff and Axel arguing about when and where we would have the rehearsal.

"I domt CQRE eberyon wil met up AT 1 PM!!!! I HVAE BUSINES L8R !!!!!!!! “
"Axel, it's wayy too warm at that hour! It's the peak of the heat! Can't we like… wait a bit?"

"NO i got gests comunhg ober so it IMRPOTQNT!!!!!!!!"

"Whatever… I’ll go if Deejay agrees. He brings Benatar with him."

Whilst I hated to go at that hour too, but Axel actually had a valid reason.

"OK"

"DAMNIT DEEJAY!!"

"Stop veig s pusy hyu womt.melt amd yul sppengfd 2 HUORS in MY HUOSE sitj tje AC TRUNED ON!!!!!!!!"

"Small mercies…"

Well, I was sure Benatar wouldn't answer my calls later either.

"I don't think Benatar's coming."

"Huh?"

"Why not?? He's literally being so lazy lately!"

"He hasn't answered me since yesterday."

"Bracke up??????"

"It's NOT a breakup! I'm scared something happened, but he's hiding it from me too!"

"Typical..."

"This is not typical, Puff! I'm sure he'll just practice at home..."

"WHATBER. Im gon fed binsent. Bye sukers!!"

Well, that was mind numbing. Going in the scorching heat and melting my brain away should be good enough. In that heat, I'll probably forget what the name of the band is or why I even left the house.

But mentally, I would have to get prepared. It wasn't a long walk. Maybe if I took the bus, I would be okay.

Self-gaslighting did not help. I was still sweating like I was actually melting and I thought I was going to collapse. I had to wait so long for the bus and I could swear it was even hotter than the outside, because there were so many people in it, not to mention that it didn't even have air conditioning.

The damn AC better be on at Axel’s house. When I arrived, Puff was already there, but was sitting down on the porch, gulping down water.

"For how long have you been here?..."

"Axel won't open that damn door. I lost track."

"Damn…"

We sat glued to the door, like we were counting down our final days. Just then the door swung open and we both fell backwards, with Axel was laughing at us.

"HAHA! Come in already, I was feeding Vincent."

"AND YOU LET US WAIT FOR HALF AN HOUR?!"

I grabbed Puff’s shoulder to calm him down. It was better to just let it go and be happy we were still allowed to enter.

Naturally, we didn't get to practice right away. They played with that damn bird whilst I kept calling Benatar. Surely, he loved to practice, but all my calls just went to "occupied" instead of voicemail now.

It's frustrating, but it seems like it only felt that way to me. They just nodded along and shrugged.

"Maybe he's just… asleep?"

"He wouldn't do that, Puff— You know what? Forget it. Let's just practice. I want to go home."

They stared at each other and didn't say another word. It felt like this was the most concentrated we had ever been. I was not saying rabbit boy is distractive– maybe he distracted me, which was another story– but they seemed to understand I wasn't up for any bullshit today.

Once we finished, I didn't hesitate to leave. They were stunned and Axel even tried to stop me, but I didn't hesitate to walk in the impossible heat anymore.

My phone flooded with texts from Puff asking what happened and if something was up with me and Benatar, yet I have no answer.

It seemed like even Jane understood the memo. Either that or she was busy with something else– not that I cared.

I've basically spent half of the day in my room already. Was this what summer had in stock for me?

I felt like I was at my lowest and it was so pathetic. All because of a boy I liked. It probably sounded like I was saying I couldn't stay away from him. The truth was that I could, yet, at the same time, I could not.

It was probably teenage hormones mixed with the fact that it was my first love. You have to understand me though. If this was the end, I wouldn't want it to end like this. We were real people and needed communication.

Think! The last thing that he said— well, the last thing I said was about prom. He lost it when I mentioned prom. That must be it! But what did prom have to do with everything? Was he now being angry about how I asked him out?

I was sure he could see all the times I called desperately, but he never answered. I didn't care if it would be 40° C or -5° C, tomorrow I was coming to see him.

However, it was of no use to do it when I was emotional. It would kill both of us. I wouldn't say what I was actually thinking and I would push him aside. This was a delicate conversation we would need to have.

So until then… I had to get it off my mind. My parents would soon arrive, and that meant… dinner. Wait, I skipped lunch by accident. I should have eaten something before they came.

A fruit salad! Refreshing and I also needed a daily dose of fruit. It was the only thing I could eat that Jane wouldn't want a piece of.

Surely, dinner came and went by, then I was left with a few hours before I would be allowed to go to sleep again.

I approached Jane, who was on her phone. I was guessing that she was texting her "girl-friends".

"Jane."

"Huh? What happened? You want something?"

"Yeah, I mean, not really— are you busy?"

"You've been acting strange ever since you've stopped hanging out with Benatar. Is this about him?"

"In a way… and also no. I need to see him tomorrow, but I want to do something until then."

"Oookay… so what does this have to do with me?"

"Let's hang out and do something, you know?"

Her eyes widened like I told her that she had 3 days to live.

"Is this even Deejay?!"

"Come on, it's not THAT big of a deal, is it?"

"YEAH IT IS!!! I'm down for it though. What you thinking?"

"We could play on that old Wii we have, it’s been untouched for 3 years now."

"Sure!"

She bounced off the bed. We went to get it and spent a good while setting it up. Both of my parents walked by, quiet, not asking what was going on but definitely surprised. They definitely didn't wanna ruin this bonding moment that's become so rare as we entered our teenage years.

"What's a game we haven't finished?"

"That stupid ‘Cloudy with a chance of meatballs’ game. I hated that boss fight."

"Haha, right," I said as I quickly set up my controller, so I would be the first player again.

Yes,I remembered that the boss fight was hard, but we were teens now. It wasn't really that scary. Plus, the graphics seemed better when we were younger...

Basically, the game was finished in an hour. We still had time to kill.

"Wait. We HAVE to finish that Monster High game."

"Oh God..."

There was no way I was playing that. I'm not kidding, the controls were IMPOSSIBLE to use.

"Yup, it's starting!" She stole my controller, so there was no way to back out.

And… we spent the rest of the night playing it. (Before you call me a noob, you should try it yourself. Mhm, go mod your Wii or buy this damn game. It's called "13 Wishes".)

"I'm done with this."

"Come oooon… maybe we're the problem..."

"No, Jane, I don't believe that. I don't care how many let's plays there are, this game is virtually impossible!"

She laughed and closed the Wii. It was late, and mom came to ask us to go to sleep or be quiet. If we continued playing, it would've been dad coming next, which wouldn't be so playful.

Maybe I didn't get answers that night, but I must admit that I did like spending this time with my cousin. It was like I was a kid again, when my only friend was Jane. I never realised how far apart we grew. It kind of broke my heart. I began thinking we should spend more time together. Now, I was really determined.

You lose some, you win some, I guess.

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GhostJATE, Grilledbread, LeilaabOred, Lilyreneewalker, PanickingMichael87, dizlingmania, and LuckyStarFantasy as well as 7 guests left kudos on this work!

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LuckyStarFantasy on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 07:43PM UTC

AJHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD I LOVE IT

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1. ayafied on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 07:44PM UTC
  
  LOVE YOU POOKIE
  
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Account Deleted on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:13PM UTC

Holy peak-

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panickingMichael87 (Guest) on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:20PM UTC

of crose thus fanfiuc is beig piliblisjed in JUNE 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌅🌅🌅🌅🌅

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1. ayafied on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:24PM UTC
  
  I GIGGLED YOU'RE SO RIGHT
  
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panickingMichael87 (Guest) on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:23PM UTC

Takess a huje PEE on tos fanfik ahhuggg ahhh dont vaste wather

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Axel evol (Guest) on Chapter 1 Fri 04 Jul 2025 02:11PM UTC

Gay gey HI pees I lobe tjis fanfic alot I've been here since hjhj jdk but im an og heh I love it aYA pees 🔥🔥🔥💔🥺🙏👅

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LeilaabOred on Chapter 1 Mon 01 Sep 2025 01:15PM UTC

absolute cinema this is SOOOO epic thank u for writing heh!!!!! deeben 4 life

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1. ayafied on Chapter 1 Mon 01 Sep 2025 02:21PM UTC
  
  Hold tight, buddy....this fanfic is nowhere near done even after 22 chapters (I'm gonna post another in a few hours). It's probably gonna be the longest yfm fic 😭 you have so much to read so I wish you luck and also thank you!!
  
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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:15AM UTC

gorgius fik i se dejy statin g to get litel gey

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1. ayafied on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:31AM UTC
  
  its just the start of gayness
  
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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:16AM UTC

tell yiur editror to pyt spase aftr comma abd do tje elipsis rpoperly

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1. ayafied on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:31AM UTC
  
  ill tell him......
  
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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:16AM UTC

how dos je now puya???????

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1. ayafied on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:29AM UTC
  
  uhh why wouldn't he know puya?????????
  
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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:17AM UTC

piblish thse fqster hyrry uo hurru up hurry yp

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1. ayafied on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:28AM UTC
  
  TELL GRANDPA THAT
  
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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:18AM UTC

mcr so goose i lobe

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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:19AM UTC

wheb do zey kiss

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1. ayafied on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 11:28AM UTC
  
  WAYYYY later
  
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Ac3le evil (Guest) on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 02:12PM UTC

Can they die nkw ples

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Acel evil (Guest) on Chapter 2 Fri 04 Jul 2025 02:12PM UTC

Pelase let tem die

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LuckyStarFantasy on Chapter 5 Wed 16 Jul 2025 08:07AM UTC

Poor Deejay, I hope it gets better… (I’m the editor so ik what happens but NO SPOILERS SHHHHHHHHH)
Love ya aya but the ANGST. HELP ME. or kill me. Or both.

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1. ayafied on Chapter 5 Wed 16 Jul 2025 12:13PM UTC
  
  Don't worry one of them will die later...
  
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2. 1. LuckyStarFantasy on Chapter 5 Wed 16 Jul 2025 01:18PM UTC
    
    HUH? HUHHHHHHH? POOKIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    
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A passionate guest user (Guest) on Chapter 8 Sat 26 Jul 2025 05:03AM UTC

I love this SO much. So so so so much. I've always thought that DeeBen (although I think BenaJay sounds better) was such an underrated ship, and this is some of the best fan fiction I've read.
Also, Benatar, don't worry. Teenagers scare the living shit out of me, too.
PLEASE CONTINUE THIS! Also, will there be sex? I don't really want it, just asking for reference.

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1. ayafied on Chapter 8 Sat 26 Jul 2025 08:12AM UTC
  
  hhaha it is also called BenaJay, but i find Deeben more appealing to me, dont worry about sex though, there wont be any;D and thank you so much for the compliments!! The story is no where near finishing, and itll have many more chapters;)
  
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A passionate guest user (Guest) on Chapter 9 Sun 27 Jul 2025 02:16AM UTC

Yes!!! I love it! Enjoy your vacation, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

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PanickingMichael87 on Chapter 9 Tue 29 Jul 2025 08:32AM UTC

Huru jp mect cahpter

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2Bittersweet_Girl on Chapter 9 Fri 01 Aug 2025 02:41AM UTC

DUDE... I don't even ship this but oh ma gawd is this adorbs!

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LeilaabOred on Chapter 9 Tue 02 Sep 2025 04:54AM UTC

yippeee!!! changes to benatar! hes eating more!!!! even if the changes r slow!!! im happy (and i wont be for long but itll be so worth it)

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Rabbit boy

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LuckyStarFantasy on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 07:43PM UTC

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ayafied on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 07:44PM UTC

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Account Deleted on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:13PM UTC

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panickingMichael87 (Guest) on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:20PM UTC

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ayafied on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:24PM UTC

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panickingMichael87 (Guest) on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Jun 2025 10:23PM UTC