Chapter Text
“Thank you so much for this.” I say to the driver, as I slide into the minibus/taxi/unmarked kidnapping van. It’s similar to the one we came here other than significantly more dodgy. There’s Ten seats in total, which are covered in neon green seat covers, the windows are covered with dissected Hawaiian skirts and relight the fire is playing from a boombox the same size as Andarna. There are fairy lights everywhere.
“No problem. It’s the least I can do,” the driver says, turning round and removing his sunglasses.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zrMykBnidM
“YOU!” Ridoc says dramatically, “Mack!”
Xaden screams. Pathetically.
“I’m a rider get me out of here!” Bodhi bangs at the window.
“Whoa, whoa,” Mack puts his hands up in the air in surrender, which makes the car swerve, “I’m not kidnapping you I swear.”
“Keep your eyes on the road si vous plait!” Ridoc shouts, “And turn the radio off, we’ve already had too many bad experiences with take that! Mack, if that is your real name.”
“Alright, Alright and yes! I’m Mack!”
“You sold us out to the police!”
“No! That was my evil twin Smack!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zrMykBnidM
“I’ll Smack you in a minute!” Xaden growls in a very unsexy way, “Been on the weed again have you whoever you are!”
“Dude you are literally not one to comment when it comes to the devils lettuce! You are so well acquainted with it, it may be called Xaden’s magical Venin lettuce!”
“This would be a great time to launch into your tragic backstory Mack?” Ridoc says, patting Bodhi’s leg to stop him from throttling his cousin over the devil and his lettuce “You know for the plot?”
“Can you stop breaking the fourth wall please Ridoc?” Bodhi asks.
“By saying I’m breaking the fourth wall, you acknowledge the existence of a fourth wall, which is breaking the fourth wall!”
“Enough!” Mack holds up his hands, “My story starts when I was a baby. You see I was born at a very young age.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0bu27qbXmg “I couldn’t walk. I could not talk. I was just a helpless babe. But the one comfort in my life was my twin brother. We were so poor our parents couldn’t afford two names. They called us both Mack. Because there was only one vowel since they cost more.”
“Is that true?”
“Think how many vowels fancy names have in them. Evangeline has four e’s. The fanciest letter.”
“Evangeline has three e’s…” Xaden says, looking at me for conformation. I nod.
“What would you know?” Bodhi says, “You’re dyslexic?”
“Anyway, on the eve of our eighteenth birthday, our mother let us into a devastating secret. We were in fact not twins.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zrMykBnidM “we were so much worse. We were triplets.”
“Smack!”
“Oh no! No! One of us ate our sibling in utero. But the knowledge of this consumed my brother and I. I found steady work running an air B&B, devoting my lie to others to make up for the fact I might have eaten my sibling. Whilst Smack took a leaf out of the book of the ancient gods and titans of Greece and went to the dark side. we became like Mario and Wario. He changed his name to Smack. The S stands for Supervillainous Superstar. He wanted to be SSMACK but that’s the name of the local animal rescue so he couldn’t because of copyright. All was well, but not for long! Six months ago, when everything changed he was arrested after he was caught shoplifting a pint of ben and jerries and a packet of Galveston. I bailed him out of prison and gave him a place in my B&B. I alas couldn’t keep him away from the lettuce. He practically makes weed salads. Now he sits on my front desk in a stolen pantomime dame costume, pretending to be me, whilst I deal with all the complaints and try and make ends meet with my taxi service! Last night, the police got called, he blamed the weed smell on you, which is why the police came for you. You are going to have to live on the lamb.”
“We’ve got a flight to catch!”
“I’ve thought of that, just tell people. Your with Mack and they might let you go through, if not then we’re going to have to do it the illegal way.”
“This already doesn’t seem legal.” Dain says, “Though I’m not convinced anything we’ve ever done is legal.”
“When’s your flight for.”
“Tomorrow night.”
“I’ll get you a hotel room and through the airport. If all else fails. I’ll get you another flight in the next city over. We’re really off the grid here, news travels slowly.” Sirens sound behind us with the blue and red lights of the police, “Shit! We’ve been rumbled! Change of plan, we’re going to go to stay at a group of my friends, just as a warning, they do live very differently. But whatever it looks like, they are not a cult, they are a friendly group of wanderers and nature spirits. They usually have a yurt free.”
“POLICE! YOU SHOULD REALLY STOP SAFELY!” shouts one of the police officers in a very polite manner.
“Put your foot down man!” Xaden shouts.