Chapter Text
“You know,” Dick began as he found himself on the receiving end of a batglare, “We’re both consenting to it, there’s no point in punishing us for fighting.”
Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. “No.”
Tim sighed. “Come on, B, no harm no foul, right?”
Bruce turned his glare onto his younger mentee. “You have a black eye. You are going to have to explain your third black eye in two months without being suspicious."
Tim shrugged. “My parents aren’t around enough to get blamed, so… I don’t, Bruce, I don’t really see the problem. Besides, it's not like it’s Dick’s fault I failed to duck.”
“Maybe not,” Bruce allowed through gritted teeth. “But the decision to greet each other with a fist fight is on both of you. You need to stop, or I’ll bench you for more than two days.”
Dick glowered at Bruce. “I’m my own hero, now, B. You can’t bench me in Bludhaven.”
Bruce visibly took a deep breath as he fought down the urge to start a fight with Dick. “Be that as it may, unless you stop greeting Tim by trying to punch him, you can stop patrolling in Gotham.”
“Awwww, B, it’s just training,” Tim whined.
“Tim. Use the time you’re benched to get some sleep. If you and Dick do that again, it’ll be a week.”
Tim scowled at Bruce’s clear dismissal. “B--”
“Hold on. If I promise not to greet Tim with some light sparring--” here Bruce’s eye twitched-- “again, will you leave it alone?”
Bruce eyed his eldest with some trepidation. “ If you promise, then I will drop it. You’re still benched though.”
Dick stuck out a hand grinning mischievously. “Deal.”
Bruce shook it cautiously. “If that’s settled, I’m going to bed. I have to deal with the Justice League tomorrow.”
As soon as he was out of earshot, Tim whirled on Dick. “Why would you do that!?”
Dick gave him an easy grin. “Well, I only agreed to stop greeting you with a fight. By that logic, now all I have to do is say a proper hello first. And B just agreed to drop it.”
Tim’s answering grin would have sent Bruce into a tizzy if he’d seen it.
Bruce stared at his kids in exhaustion. The three of them were all settled on a rooftop, six streets over from a major drug bust that they’d initiated. “Why?”
Tim’s answering grin was impish. “You told us to distract them. You didn’t tell us how.”
“You went caterwauling past the guards, shouting about which one of you gets to be Batgirl’s ex and having a fist fight.”
Dick, who was in the process of combing soot out of Tim’s hair, shrugged. “Worked, didn’t it?”
Bruce stared at them.
“And I threw that glitter bomb Spoiler and I were working on and that really distracted the guards.” Tim frowned. “It wasn’t glittery enough though. I’ll make a note of that and we’ll increase the glitter content by fifty percent for the next iteration.”
“So,” Barbara cut in from over their comm lines, “I’ve finished coordinating with the GCPD. Did you two decide who gets to be Batgirl’s ex?”
Dick grinned as he answered her, “We both do, duh! The goons don’t have to know that we’re talking about separate Batgirls.”
Bruce threw his hands in the air at the sound of Barbara’s giggles.
“By the way, O, is Spoiler out tonight? I wanted to talk to her about our glitter bombs?”
“No, she has a concert for school. Something, something, choir is stupid but it should get her the music credit she needs to graduate.”
Tim sighed. He’d have to make sure he remembered that he wanted to bring it up next time they met up for their weekly best exs coffee. “Good to know, thanks, O.”
Bruce grumbled something about not being paid enough. Which was weird, because he wasn’t being paid to be Batman and he was being paid way too much as Brucie Wayne.
Tim was pulling a solo patrol when Nightwing dropped into the alley in front of him. “Got a case?”
Tim shook his head. “Nope, B said I needed to schedule hydration breaks into my patrols, so…” he gestured with his water bottle.
Dick eyed it suspiciously. “If you’re not doing anything, you should put that shit away.”
Tim frowned, but did as he was told. Slipping his water bottle back into his belt.
He was ready for it when Dick did a back flip at him that ended with an attempt from Dick to kick him in the face.
Tim stepped forward into Dick’s path in order to fuck with his momentum, using it to fully lever Dick over his shoulder. It was a trick Lady Shiva had taught him for dealing with bigger, charging opponents. Tim had gotten very good at applying to flexible, acrobatic attacks.
Dick caught himself on one hand and twisted so he was facing Tim, then he flipped back onto his feet and threw a punch.
Tim, who had already whipped around, dodged and used to opportunity to strike at Dick’s wrist.
Steph found them six minutes later and jumped down into the alley to land on Dick’s back, cackling. “Did someone say three way fight!?”
Tim grinned and charged her.