Archive of Our Own ^beta

When Rey had been an hour late checking in, Leia hadn’t worried. Why should she? There were numerous reasons for the delay and she knew the young woman was perfectly capable of handling herself. However as the hours ticked by and late evening gave way to early morning the general would be lying if she said she hadn’t started to fear what might have befallen the girl on the First Order ship. 

The plan hadn’t been Leia’s first choice. They had received word of a celebration their enemy was throwing after claiming another planet. Something had shifted when her son had taken on the mantle of Supreme Leader, after Rey had slain the previous one. The order’s reach had grown quickly, but much less violently. Planets seemed to bend the knee quicker. Fear was the obvious answer, but the Resistance hadn’t any clue of what was really transpiring. 

It had been Beaumont to suggest infiltrating the party. He said he had a contact that knew of that sent entertainers, of all sorts, to these parties. Rey volunteered, which Leai knew was more about the chance to go off word than anything else. There had been debate, each worry cast aside easily by Rey, until Finn asked what she would do if Kylo Ren was there. 

“He won’t” Leia found herself saying. “He won’t be there.”

She regretted it almost as soon as she said it. Silence stretched, the room suddenly faced with the truth they all danced around, that her own progeny was the one she was fighting to bring down. Across the table, Rey’s face flickered with something that read as understanding, but the older woman knew was more likely sympathy. 

“Well it sounds like we have a plan,” Poe stood up and pulled Rey to her feet and rushed her from the room, talking of timelines, disguises, and mission objectives. 

Now it had been over twelve hours since Rey was meant to check in. Just when it seemed they might have to plan a rescue mission, the Falcon’s call sign came in though the comms. She was there, requesting permission to land. The base sprang to life, many rushing to catch the falcon landing. She brought it down beautifully and Leia couldn’t help but think of how pleased Han would be with the care Rey took of the old rust bucket. 

With a hiss, the gang plank opened and Rey walked down. She was swarmed by her friends but Leia stood frozen in place. She had long ago learned to school her face, to keep her thoughts tucked away no matter what storm raged inside her. And right now, her thoughts were spinning as she watched the happy reunion.

Rey was dragged away by her friends, all happy to see her returned safe and unharmed. She was in her normal clothes, the style she had developed for herself from her years on Jakku. What Leia’s gaze lingered on was her hair. Her normal buns were gone, replaced by a style Leia knew well. 

Because Leia was sure she taught the hands that made those braids. 

And now Rey wore them— loose strands that had fallen free during travel, but the pattern was unmistakable.

As she gazed at the twisted locks, she became lost in a memory. It was a life time ago, but yet felt like yesterday. In that other time she remembers being awake late into the night, reading senate reports. Alone in her room, Han off doing whatever it was Han would do. She couldn’t remember what the reports were but she will always remember the sound of tiny feet and soft sniffling before a quiet knock. 

“Mommy?”

“Come in sweetheart.”

Ben came in, eyes rimmed red, his night shirt wet from sweat. He was four but already tall and lanky. He had fought her to keep his hair long to cover his ears, and that night it had curled at the ends, sticking to his forehead. She laid the datapad down and opened her arms to her son.

He ran to her, clinging to her as the tears started anew. She held him close, kissed the top of his hair, and reminded him how to breathe to calm himself. When at least the sobs stopped and only silent tears fell did Leia dare to ask him what had upset him so much.

“Was it another nightmare?”

He nodded his little head. Fear gripped Leai’s heart while she tried to hide the concern in her face. His nightmares were becoming more frequent. 

“There was a monster,” He sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. “It was tall and covered in black and wore a scary mask.”

Vander. Leia’s mind immediately filled with the monster who had chased her across the stars. The one whose blood she shared. 

“He had a sword,” Ben added. “Made of fire”

Leia’s heart raced. Ben had shown natural force abilities since he was young, and ever since he could speak would sometimes talk of things he could have no way of knowing. Why was her father haunting her son’s dreams? What could the Force possibly be trying to tell him? Then Ben shifted in her arms, looking up at her with red rim eyes. 

“I could feel how afraid everyone was of it. But mommy… when the monster took off his mask…it was my face.” Tears welled again, spilling onto his cheeks. 

Leia stilled for a moment. If this wasn’t an echo of the past, was the force showing him what he would become. The darkness that had taken her father…was it coming for her son too?

“It was just a dream, sweet one,“ Leia said, pushing her own fears deep down inside. She cupped his face and swiped the tears away.  “Only a dream.”

Ben shook his head violently. “But it felt real. It was me. Like it’s who I’m going to be.” His small hands twisted into his night shirt. “I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be a monster.”

Laia gathered him up into her arms again. His little body seemed to be made of sadness, his body shook in silent sob. She did her best to console him but the truth was his words had chilled her blood. She hated herself at this moment. What kind of mother feared her child? What kind of mother couldn’t fix the things that broke their child’s heart? How did she fight what she couldn’t see? Slowly she pulled back to look at his face.

“You are not a monster, Ben.”

His tiny lip wobbled, “but…”

“Monster’s don’t cry after bad dreams,” she said softly. She took his hands in her own, “They don’t hold their mother’s hands. They don’t love their mothers at all.”

His eyes went wide. “Everyone loves their moms!”

Leia couldn’t help but smile. He looked at her like she had just said the most impossible thing. There were so many hard truths that the galaxy would reveal to him one day. But tonight he was an innocent child, scared of bad dreams, seeking the comfort only his mother could give. Leia pushed all thoughts of the force, of prophecies, of the specters of the past or future from her mind. 

She guided his hand to the hair that spilled over her shoulders. 

“Do you want to know what monsters absolutely cannot do?” 

Ben nodded his head quickly. His eyes, wide and wet, searched hers. “What?”

“Gentle things,” she whispered. “They don’t show kindness. They don’t create. They couldn’t learn to weave I love you”

He blinked at her, confused, as his hand left hers and threaded through the lock of her hair that draped over her shoulder. She covered his hand with her own. 

“Here. Let me show you.”

She showed him how to separate the strands, and then how to cross them over themselves. Slowly, carefully, she guided his clumsy fingers through the motions. He fumbled, tugged too hard, scowled at his mistake. But she only smiled, adjusting his grip, smoothing the braid back into place. As he worked she told him of their meaning. 

“On Alderaan, every braid a woman wore had meaning. They were a way to communicate things about a person— their position in a family, a title they earned, or a little message of affection.” She watched little lips pulled into a pout as he worked, looking very much like his father.  “My mother taught me this one. It means beloved.”

Ben’s brow furrowed, as he looked up at her. “Beloved?”

“It means someone is cherished. Precious.” His eyes slid back to the braids as she continued “The act is a sign of love itself.”

Ben had reached the end and she could see the strom that threatened to break on his face. The braid was uneven, lopsided, but to her, it was perfect. Leia caught his hands and pressed them to her cheek.

“Ben, you did it!” she whispered.

He stared at the braid he’d managed—crooked, messy, but complete. For the first time since he’d entered the room, he gave a tiny smile. “I did it.”

 “You did!” Leai remembered smiling so big her cheeks hurt, ”You made that. My son made that. And just like you created this, you get to create your own future. This is who you are, my gentle son with patient hands.”

His eyes softened, wide and vulnerable. “Not the monster?”

Leia kissed his temple, breathing him in, willing him to believe it. “Never the monster. Always my beloved.”

The memory faded, dissolving back into the present. But the ache in Leia’s chest remained. Her gaze drifted back at Rey and the braid she wore, the very pattern she had once taught her son to make. Leia was sure at that moment no one else could have made those braids. 

Her heart aked at the memory. Her fears that the dreams were more that the imagination of a child had been proven right. Hadn’t Ben, her Ben, become the masked monster, whose red light saber cut down whoever stood before him? The galaxy knew him as Kylo Ren, the nightmare made reality. But Leia knew him before the mask. 

She allowed her eyes to drift close and for a moment she could see him. See how tightly his little fists had clenched, how desperately he had wanted to believe her when she told him the dream did not define him. That night her words had calmed the storm in his mind, but she hadn’t been able to keep it bay forever. She had sent him away, hoping Luke could reach him where she couldn’t. That's when she had lost for good.

Or perhaps not. 

Eye’s open, she turned to see Rey turn and disappear into the command tent. Leia wasn’t sure how exactly the Supreme Leader and the last Jedi had ended up in such close proximity, or on such friendly terms. The questions whirled in her head. Stayed with her as she moved to follow Rey into the tent. 

She listened as Rey gave the debrief. How it seems that the First Order had simply offered the planet protection in return for tribute and free use of its space ports. That the planet had agreed due to the number of pirate attacks. She kept free any mention of Kylo Ren and explained that she had to wait in the shuttle overnight or risk exposing herself. 

Even without the evidence in her hair, Leia would have been able to sense the deception. 

She could feel Rey was actively hiding, but not what exactly. So Leia was left to wonder what exactly happened on that ship. What words had passed between her son and her spy? How had they come so close that his hands had weaved beloved? Did he choose the pattern on purpose or was it just chance, the oldest one, the most familiar, that had driven his choice. 

And most of all… If he had touched Rey with such gentleness, then perhaps something had shifted between them… in him. Something Rey could not speak of, not yet. 

Leia let the questions sink and settle in her mind. If Rey wanted to tell her, she would. Leia trusted her enough for that. And if Ben had shown kindness—if he had allowed himself one moment of tenderness—then maybe he could find his way back home. Back to the light. 

Back to her. 

Her fingers curled against her palm, and Liea allowed herself the smallest smile. The galaxy kept spinning, but yet something had shifted for her. A spark of hope deared to bloom in her chest. She wasn’t going to investigate whatever happened any further. She trusted both of them, Rey and Ben, to find their own way to each other through the stars.

All Leia could do now was watch, and wait, and believe in them.