Work Text:
In hindsight, Lloyd probably shouldn't have gone snooping through the Ninjas' room. But he was bored after they'd left him to go on yet another mission, even though he was the Green Ninja for First Master's sake! Even Nya got to go, and Wu had left to pick up more tea, meaning Lloyd was alone on this massive ship.
So there he was, standing in front of the four heroes' quarters, reaching for the handle. It clicked as he pulled down, and the door creaked open ominously.
Undeterred, he sauntered in- because there was no one to hide his footsteps from anyway- and began searching the room for anything interesting.
The cupboard was filled with boxes of old clothes and items they'd managed to recover in the monastery fire. After rifling through them and finding nothing he could tease the others for, Lloyd turned his attention to the beds, and clamoured onto Jay's.
He snorted upon seeing the scruffy, blue stuffed animal tucked under the covers, deciding to keep that knowledge filed away in case Jay tried to start anything.
After a thorough search of Jay's bunk, Lloyd slid down the ladder to inspect Cole's bed.
A sketchbook was under the pillow, with some pages pinned up on the wall next to the bed. Lloyd sighed upon finding nothing worth taking- why was Cole so closed off and boring?- and decided to check under the bed.
He climbed onto his knees, peeking under the bunk bed. More boxes of who knows what. Lloyd grabbed one, sending a cloud of dust flying out from under the bed.
A photo album sat innocently inside the box, with a young boy who looked a lot like Cole on the first page. A woman was next to him, and Lloyd assumed it was his mother based on their similar features.
Strange, Cole never spoke of a mum, and when the Ninja competed in that talent show, they'd only met his father. The two looked close in all the photos, so why she was never brought up puzzled the blonde.
Setting the thoughts aside, Lloyd pushed the box away to make room for another.
He opened it up, finding a note in Cole's handwriting, along with a bottle of something.
Lloyd picked up the bottle, shaking it. Hundreds of little things rattled inside, so he checked the label.
Paracetamol. Zane gave him some after he scrapped his knee and the pain was really bad, but only after he put that horrible disinfectant on the wound.
Why did Cole have medicine stuffed under his bed? Was he injured? Lloyd hadn't seen anything that would indicate Cole needed them, at least not recently.
He turned his attention to the paper, reading it as best as he could- as it turned out Darkley's wasn't too interested in actual education, and being a drop out at eight seriously didn't help. Zane had been teaching him, but he still had a while to go.
However, Lloyd could still pick out some words.
'Sorry', 'too much', 'can't go on like this', 'please understand', 'my mum's death'.
Those phrases jumped out at him as he flicked along the page.
It didn't make sense. What was Cole apologising for?
Lloyd glanced back at the bottle, racking his brain for an answer.
Then he remembered something.
Now, while Darkley's didn't push much for their students' ability to read and write, they still cared about some of their wellbeing.
After one of the older boys had swiped a medication bottle from a pharmacy and a group of them were caught swallowing them by the handful, everyone was ushered into a surprise assembly about drugs- a word Lloyd had never heard before that point.
While the lecture was mostly on never taking drugs so all your evil deeds were intentional, there was one bit that stuck out to Lloyd.
"And just remember, if you idiots ever get your hands on any pills, they can kill you if too many are taken. And I would be ashamed if any of my students died to an overdose," The headmaster had told them.
Lloyd felt his world shrink slightly.
Did Cole know what these could do to him? Surely he wouldn't have these stashed away if he knew they could kill him?
Then a poisonous little thought crept into his mind.
Cole was roommates with Zane, and he wasn't stupid, he had to know the dangers of taking too many pills. What if he wanted that to happen? What if that's what the note is referring to?
The corners of Lloyd's vision darkened, tunnelling on the note and bottle. His fist tightened around the paper, shaking with fear and, strangely enough, rage.
He was angry. Why would Cole want to do that to them? He couldn't just die and leave them with a mess to clean up. Didn't he know how much they would miss him?!
The sound of footsteps on the deck caught Lloyd's attention, while muffled voices above him laughed and yelled.
The Ninja had returned.
Lloyd stood up, gripping the items as he began storming over to the deck.
Nya spotted him first, giving him a smile.
"Hey Lloyd, have fun while we were gone?"
Lloyd ignored her question, marching up to Cole, who looked confused.
"You okay pipsqueak?" He asked.
"No!" Lloyd yelled, making them all jump in surprise, "I'm angry at you!"
"Woah, what's wrong?" Kai began calmly. Zane moved to hold Lloyd's shoulder.
"Yeah, did Cole eat your sweets or something?" Jay added, earning a disappointed look from Nya.
"What's wrong is Cole is being selfish!" Lloyd continued, shoving the pills and note at Zane, who scrambled to catch them, before inspecting them with confusion. "You wanna die and leave us all here! Don't you know everyone here loves you?! Why would you be so horrible and leave us behind?!"
Cole was staring at Lloyd with wide eyes, while Lloyd's own filled with hot tears. Cole glanced at Zane, the nindroid reading the note with an increasingly worried face.
"What's going on?" Nya asked.
"You're a horrible friend!" Lloyd screamed at Cole, tears streaming down his face, "You're supposed to be our big brother but you're trying to leave us! You're just like my parents!"
Zane got to the end of the note, about to speak, when Cole knelt down in front of Lloyd.
"I know," He said. "I know I'm awful for wanting to leave you all. I'm so sorry. The thing is... I'm not myself right now. I'm not happy a lot of the time. I try to be, and you all make me want to live. But even long before I met Wu, I've struggled, a lot. So I'm sorry Lloyd. It's not that I want to leave everyone behind, it's that sometimes death sounds better than struggling."
Lloyd ran at Cole, aiming to hit him, but Cole wrestled him into a hug instead. He began crying into the teen's shoulder.
"I don't think I was ever going to take the pills," Cole whispered into his hair, "I just wanted something there to... assure me there was an escape, I guess."
Lloyd gripped his gi.
"That's still selfish," He mumbled miserably.
Cole nodded, and Lloyd felt something wet drip onto his clothes. He pulled back, realising Cole was wiping salt water from his eyes.
"Sorry," Cole said, letting Lloyd go so he could stand up, still wiping his eyes.
Lloyd had never seen Cole cry, not even when his arm was pulled out of its socket during a mission and had to be forced back in by Zane. Cole was solid: he didn't cry.
It was surreal watching the tears pool from Cole's eyes despite his best efforts, and now Lloyd felt bad for yelling at him.
Zane pocketed the pill bottle, before walking over and hugging Cole.
Cole's face scrunched up, and he buried it into Zane's neck as his shoulders shook.
"I'm sorry," He hiccupped, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"Why didn't you tell me you were going through another episode?" Zane asked softly, and Cole crumbled further. "Let's get you inside, brother."
Zane pulled away, taking Cole's hand and leading him below deck, while Cole snivelled into the sleeve of his gi.
"What the hell was that?" Kai asked.
Jay averted his eyes, looking guilty.
"Jay, you know something," Nya said.
"It's not my place to say," Jay stated, "Just, Cole was affected a lot by his mum's death. Zane and I- mostly Zane- met him while he was in a dark place. He was doing better until Garmadon started attacking again." Jay turned to Lloyd. "You were wrong to yell at him. I understand you're confused but shaming Cole for it helps no one. You should've asked him about it."
Lloyd bent his head, his feet suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not the one you should be apologising to." Jay then spoke to all three of them, "I'll check on those two and let you know when Cole's alright."
He left, leaving Lloyd and the Smith siblings standing on the deck.
Lloyd pulled into himself, guilt dripping through him as he sat in the aftermath of his anger.
Maybe he was the selfish one.