Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He is going to kill him

Screw the dame plan, he is going to shoot that son of a bitch as soon as he sees him! BANG! right between the eyes!

Shadow milk flinches in pain as he shoots the flare to alert anyone to his location, imagining his brother's face as he does so

Using what little light the flare provided he takes note of the damage again. yep, definitely broken with a lot of cuts, bruises and scraps... he even skinned his knee

He growls in frustration, he is definitely not moving anytime soon. Dame him, dame sage and his obsession and dame fount while you’re at it. if it weren't for their obsession he wouldn't be in this mess! wouldn't be trapped hundreds if not thousands of miles under the sea and maybe even deeper underground!

It was bad enough when that mechanical lobster destroyed the sub nearly killing them all, but now they are trapped with giant killer bugs, lava whales and now literal Fireflies emphasis on FIRE!

then after everything is on fire and exploding, they barely get away only for the bridge they were escaping on to collapse and he was thrown out of the truck in the process and hitting every sharp rock on the way down

Now, despite his demeanor and overall personality? he is a professional. all of that, he would grip he would yell, but he would grit his teeth and deal with it

but on top of all THAT, he has to suffer the constant presence of his annoying, egotistical, know it all sunshine of a little brother who refuses to leave him alone!

Constantly rambling about his findings and what they could find and of course Atlantis, Atlantis, ATLANTIS!

you can't have one conversation without it somehow involving it. you could be talking about the most random things and he will find a way to make it relate to it and he'd go on hour long leachers about it!

sure, shadow milk is interested in it too, hard not to be when most of your family is obsessed with it, but he doesn’t make it his whole personality!

the treasure better be worth it. it better be enough to afford him a mansion! on an island! fully staffed! with no less than fifty ponies! actually screw the ponies! make that rabbits! or wolves! or snakes! or owls! actually make that a fucking menagerie! this hell of a treasure hunt better set him up for a life of luxury!

maybe he can even open up a theater or two! No, a movie studio! Hell, why not both! 

enough people died this far in, more than ensuring a bigger paycheck, maybe if more people died in "mysterious" circumstances, he can get even more money! why not? he's already planning on personally killing his own blood, what does he owe any of them?

(sure, some of them are pleasant enough or even fun to hang out with, but not enough for him to really care all that much.)

in fact, why not kill sage now and decipher that journal himself? he already knows how to read most of it, sure he's a little rusty but thanks to that nerd's constant rambling he managed to brush most of the rust off, he could probably do it

After all sage isn't the only one fount taught about Atlantis, shadow milk can do it right?

... Probably not, but it's a fun fantasy to dream up while waiting for someone to see his flare and come find and give him medical attention...

...

He just wasn't expecting someone with a giant mask and a spear

now his first thought was someone found some artifacts and decided to play a joke on him (which he supposes is fair after all the jokes he played on other people on this trip)

Then they began to speak... in a language he only barely recognizes as Atlantean. his second thought was that it must be sage, but no, he doesn’t recognize the voice, too deep to be sage, and words were too fluid, more crisp, more akin to someone who was born to it then someone trying (and apparently failing) to recreate it

This is a native

After the shock wore off, he pulls out his gun and fires a warning shot (totally a warning shot and definitely didn't miss due to dizziness from slight blood loss, not at all, he doesn't know why you asked that in the first place, he doesn’t know what you’re talking about, what are we talking about again?)

the masked native seems undeterred as they spoke again in a language he is not in any position to really decipher "{your hurt, let me heal you}"

they slowly approach only for him to fire another warning shot that chips part of the mask

"Back off! Don't come any closer unless you want to really test how durable that ridicules mask is!"

the other pauses for a moment, neither of them moving focusing solely on the other. only shadow milks labored breaths filling the air

then the native, the Atlantean, slowly, carefully removes their mask and... whoa

They were really pretty. Long silky golden hair, brilliant bronze skin, and his eyes, one a soft yellow like the sun while the other a light sky blue

he hasn't met anyone else (his family doesn’t count) with heterochromia before, and while shadow milk's isn't really that noticeable in comparison to say sage or fount's, it's still a feature most take notice

the other speaks again though a lot more slower and with softer tones, as if he was talking to a scared wounded animal that might bite and claw at him at any wrong move, which fair, he wouldn't be the first one he bit while heavily injured

"{Please, I don't mean you any harm, I only wish to heal you}"

he thinks the other wants to help him. still pretty face or not, shadow milk isn't going to just let some stranger get near him when he can't even stand

the other sighed and decides to change tactics and whoa! did he just sliced his palm open with the spear?! why did he do that?!

the bleeding blond shows their gushing hand then uses their none bleeding one to point to it and shadow's bloody practically mangled leg, then takes the crystal around their neck which starts to glow then heals their hand like it was never there!

they repeated one word very slowly dragging it out while pointing to their healed hand "{heal}" then points to his leg and repeats it "{heal}"

A bit calmer (somehow) and with such slow pronunciation shadow milk thinks he knows what he is saying. kinda. a word for fixing? maybe?

even without it, he's able to tell the other wants to heal him with the crystal that just sealed up the cut

So, he wants to do first aid with a magic rock? ok, who was he to deny a pretty face? that being said he isn't quite ready to drop his guard just yet

"{Heal}" he repeated using the gun to point at his broken bloody leg, then points it at the other when they almost rush him "No funny business or bang" just as slowly while emphasizing the bang while pointing at his gun

he tries to remember enough Atlantean to say "{you hurt, you die}"

"Got it?" they probably don't understand most of his words but he loves to yap. gives him some level of control

the blond had a thoughtful look on their face, no doubt trying to make sense of their mangled mother tongue shadow milk just spoke

the other eventually nodded and slowly approaches him without the mask or spear, broadcasting his every move as they approach

they used the glowing crystal as a light source as they look at his bloody broken leg, and after some more mangled words and some charades, they get permission to tear off the pant leg for better access and to get the full extent of the damaged which wasn't pretty

they had a serious look on their face as they analysis the damage and shadow has to admit they are even prettier up close

then the dual eyed Atlantean brought the crystal to their lips as they quietly muttered something he couldn't catch. something about Poseidon?

then it shined brighter as they started healing his leg and dame did it feel funny, he can't really describe it other than the pain being replaced with something tingly and warm

he looks on in amazement as his cuts get sealed up and practically feel his bone mending itself as the Atlantean looks at it with concentration

Before he knew it, his leg was as good as new, like nothing happened! the blond stands up offering him a hand which he accepts and look! he can even stand now and everything!

he leans from foot to foot testing for anything wrong but nope, completely 100% healed, maybe he's suffering from the after effects from magic crystal healing [like morphine or something] but he started giggling like a school girl as he started hopping from foot to foot, he doesn’t even feel soar!

the healer also started to laugh at his antics and wow, he thought the other was beautiful before but that smile? that laugh? dame

before either can really do anything, the moment was ruined by shadow milk's "rescue" party in the form of a drill, who should have been here earlier!

The healer gets spooked hastily picked up his spear and runs off with shadow milk giving chase not wanting them gone so soon, ignoring the others, mainly sage, call out his name, focusing all his attention on the one running away

as he runs, he shouts "hey! {stop!} {wait!} come back!"

he was having trouble keeping up as the other expertly pole vaulting and jump from column to column of rocks using their spear (ok that is sexy, no focus!)

but shadow milk refuses to be left behind even with such disadvantages running and climbing as fast as he is able while following them through a small opening

And loses sight of them he curses as he looks around trying to find any sign of them only to be treated to a sight that takes his breath away as he looks on in wonder

Even as he hears the drill he doesn’t look away

Even as the others walked beside him gawking at the same sight, he doesn’t spare them a glance

He definitely doesn’t pay sage any attention as he stomps up to him "shadow milk! what-" the scholar trails off as he sees the sight as well

it was Atlantis in all its glory, an island standing in the middle of a lake like mesa which is edges is surrounded by waterfalls cascading below

"witches"

"it's beautiful"

"it's Atlantis" sage breathed out barely above a whisper as he stands right next to shadow milk drinking in the sight, shadow didn't know he could be this quite but it doesn’t last for long "it's Atlantis!" he giggled out of excitement as he excitably grabs his brother's shoulders shaking him with a smile that rivals the sun "IT'S ATLANTIS!!!"

"Oh really?" shadow milk replied unimpressed "and here I thought it was Egypt, thanks for telling me sage, never would have figured it out without ya"

despite the cold reaction the smile didn't even dimmed as the other just laughs in unrestricted glee "not even your attitude will dampen my mood shadow! this is the best day of my life! someone! what is today?! I have to mark it down!"

before anyone can even reply they are sounded by the natives who finally make themselves known, wearing various versions of masks almost the same as the healer from before, they all point their spears at the intruders who tense

"Wha- who are these guys?"

"That would be the natives" shadow milk informed the others with a bored tone

"Atlanteans." if it was possible sages smile grew even wider and looks like he'd about to explode from sheer joy

"there's no way, how would they even survive down here?"

"Why don't we ask them?" sage bounded out in front of them and tried to speak to the Atlanteans in their own language 'this should be good' "{hello! I'm sage! it's so wonderful to meet you!}"

the others tense and didn't lower the spears, talking to each other in their actually properly spoken language

"Yeah, apparently you and front’s reconstruction isn't as flawless as you thought" shadow milk taunted him with a smirk

Even then sage's smile didn't budge an inch as he shrugged and hummed in thought "Hmm to be expected really, with so little information and context it's bound to not be perfect, but can you hear them! So that's what it actually sounds like!"

Shadow milk really hates him

Suddenly a familiar face shows up in between the two groups talking to his masked friends while shadow milk and his group looks on

"Does anyone have any idea what they are saying?"

"While it isn't perfect I’m still able to catch some words" sage offered "I think the long haired one is asking them to give us a chance"

The Atlanteans come to an agreement and the healer faces the group with a calm smile pulling out a spare crystal neckless

speaking slowly as he pointed to it than the other group

"I think their saying something about tongues?" sage guessed "whatever the case it's clearly a gift"

"Their saying the crystal will help us understand each other" shadow milk claimed. though honestly that was just his best guess, he's not actually sure that's what the healer is saying but he'd take any chance to outshine sage even if it's slim

"How do you know that?"

"We talked earlier, he healed my broken leg with that crystal it must be magic"

"There is no such thing as magic"

"And there was no such thing as Atlantis yet here we are" gesturing behind and before him

he showed his leg while it is healed up it's still caked in dried blood "and where do you think all this blood came from?"

"What happened to your leg!?" sage

"I fell out of a truck while it was falling, what do you think?"

the healer gets their attention again then threw the neckless at them to which the brothers scrambled to catch then started fighting over it

it seems the still masked Atlantean was growing impatient with the two and threw another crystal at them yelling at the two to stop being children

properly scolded then they on their respective crystals

suddenly they were able to completely understand them like they were speaking English

"on behalf of the council I welcome you all to the last city of Atlantis" the blond declared

"i am pure vanilla one of its leaders, my pronouns are he/him" he grabs shadow milk's arm and starts dragging him "please follow me, we have much to discuss"

Somehow, they managed to drive two trucks on a rope bridge with no problem, it's surprisingly stronger and more sturdy than it looks

When we entered the mesa, a light enveloped them all and suddenly everyone began to understand each other without the crystals. 

Sage told them that it must have something to do with the crystals, it must have picked up their language and translated it for the Atlanteans so now they can speak it

shadow milk only half paid attention as the other rambled on how Atlantis was once the heart of learning and how prosperous it was because of it and blah blah he's heard it all before at nauseam. he's more focus on giving his report to commander dark and lieutenant pomegranate as they ride the truck through the city

Meanwhile sage is having the time of his life asking the locals endless amount of questions along the way, writing everything down so fast he's surprised the paper didn't catch on fire with how fast the scholar was writing

Is that a flying metal fish? no focus shadow milk the sooner he gives the report the sooner he can get off the truck and chat with the now named healer

speaking of

"So, what now? there wasn't supposed to be people down here. this changes things"

"This changes nothing" the commander replied coldly giving him a hard look "Understood?"

He meets the woman's stare with his own his expression giving nothing away until he smirks and shrugs "Relax, I’m just checking to see if I needed to adjust some things"

he leans a bit out the window looking at sage who is currently talking pure vanilla's ear off

"As long as I get my cut and my bonus" he makes a finger gun pointing it at sage making a soft pew sound after saying bonus "Then yeah, we're crystal clear"

Sorry doll he thought as he looks at the blond who was laughing with his brother nothing personal

Chapter Text

Something isn't right

Though Pure Vanilla can't really explain why he feels that way. Maybe it has something to do with how nostalgic it feels to go to this school and hang out with his friends even though this is his first time enrolling and he has never met them before then.

Perhaps he is just imagining things

Still, he doesn’t understand why he feels this way. He isn't dissatisfied with his life, far from it in fact. His life is perfect, he has a loving family, good friends who might as well be his second family, and an amazing boyfriend who loves and treasures him

Things are peaceful, everyone is happy, he is happy and content

... So why does it all feel so wrong?

Why does it feel like he's not supposed to be here? That he's meant for a greater purpose? Pure Vanilla has never been a prideful person so why does he feel this way? Why does his body feel too small? When he looks at his reflection why does it look wrong? He still recognizes himself but it feels like looking at a picture of your old self, but he has always looked like this hasn't he?

Why does he feel like he's looking at what he was instead of what he is? Why does it look so wrong?

... Because it is.

Yes... Yes, this isn't how it's supposed to be, he isn't who he is supposed to be, he has a purpose, a sacred duty he has to fulfil

He's meant to be-

Okay, that's quite enough of that silly nilly

Pure Vanilla felt arms wrap around him like snakes and just like that he's immediately snapped out of his trace, feeling dazed and confused, leaning into Shadow Milk's embrace, grounding him as his boyfriend lovingly (possessively) stroke his no longer long hair as it loses its ethereal shine

Phew that was a close one

"Wha-What happened?" What was he doing? He was remembering something important wasn't he?

No, no he wasn't. The poor thing looked so confused and lost and absolutely adorable that Shadow Milk couldn't resist giggling as he kissing the birthmark on his forehead (adding more memory sealing magic)

"You were hallucinating again doll, let me guess one too many all nighters? or did you forget to eat again?"

The blond chuckled nervously scratching his cheek as he looks at anything but his loving boyfriend's eyes which was full of amusement

"Both? Again? Psh what would you do without me nilly" He pulls a bento seemingly from out of nowhere and shoves it into pure vanilla's arms then he turns him around and pushes him to the staircase that leads up to the roof

"I swear you are completely hopeless without me, not that I mind in the slightest of course, by all means feel free to depend on me babe, anyway you better eat every last bite then take a well deserved nap I’m not leaving till you do"

"But-but class-"

"Class smash, your health is far more important then listening to the insane rambles of a lady's failed love life, now come on"

On the roof Pure Vanilla obediently ate every last crumb inside the bento Shadow Milk lovingly made for him, laughing and talking all the while on nothing and everything until pure vanilla felt drowsy and fell asleep in shadow milk's lap who petted his now short hair

Shadow Milk gives a dramatic sigh of relief, looking after the former god is a tough job but he's happy to do it

He changes the location to a park under a fully blooming Sakura tree and carefully adjusting their positions, having the sleeping former god lay on the demon's chest while holding him securely in his arms

Oh, how things have changed. If someone would have told him that fresh out of the hospital and enrolled into his new school he'd become a time traveling magical boy that eventually turns into a demonic god? Well, he'd think you were insane and run as fast as he could in the opposite direction

And yet, here they are in his own little pocket dimension, a slice of paradise he personally crafted for them after taking a small piece of the law of cycles, the piece that used to be his Pure Vanilla, the reason he made the contract in the first place, the person who was always kind to him no matter what, the sole reason he went through that time loop hell in the first place

Time and Time again, over and over and over and over and over, no matter what he did, what he said, what he changed, or how much stronger, faster, smarter or more clever he got, it was never enough, it always wasn't enough

No matter what he tried, he could never save him, never stop him from sacrificing his life, making a contract and inevitably turning into a witch, in fact he failed so bad last time he condemned him to a life worse than death, turning into a concept and having everyone forget he even existed and not being able to see them again unless they fall to despair and turn into a witch 

But after all this time, after every single failure, at long last, he finally won. He saved him for once and now here he is, sleeping peacefully in the arms of a devil, always by his side as he should be, living the life he always deserves, happy and content and with him

Pure Vanilla whimpered and writhed in his arms. Shining again until his loved sighed and once again kissed his forehead locking away the pesky memories in his subconscious trying to claw at him

Pure Vanilla sighed in content and nuzzled into his chest making the demon giggled and kissed his head again (without any magic in it this time) and nuzzled back

"You really are a handful you know that? So high maintenance" He petted the sleeping sliver of a god's back like one would a cat

"But I love you anyway" He cuddled him even closer nuzzling his cheek into the soft blond hair

He knows deep down this won't last. Pure Vanilla keeps getting these close calls and he isn't the only one, the others are starting to notice the inconsistencies and experiencing Deja Vu

He honestly doesn’t know how they got there, but if he has to guess, nilly subconsciously pulled them in with them when shadow milk pulled him into his carefully created world

A bit annoying not gonna lie, but at least they keep Pure vanilla company while Shadow Milk is reluctantly away and fixing the incubators mess while also keeping a watchful eye on them

And torturing the little bastards of course

Anyway, pure vanilla cares too much to ascend right in front of those he cares about so they were useful for a while, now it's extra work to keep them in line and follow the script, prima donnas amiright?

Pure Vanilla stirs again but Shadow Milk uses his magic to let him sleep longer "Shh rest now nilly, sleep a little while longer you certainly need it

"in fact, why don't you sleep for a little while longer while I take care of everything? Humm? Doesn’t that sound good?"

The blond gave no real reply as he sleep mumbled into his neck making the demonic god giggle in amusement petting him more with a content smile

He will ensure that this paradise will never end, pity any fool who dares to try

Chapter Text

"Four to two"

lack luster applause rang out as shadow milk once again beat his opponent, well more like humiliate his potential partner

Pure Vanilla like everyone else is watching the try outs, not to see who will become the copilot of the infamous beast of deceit, but to kill time and watch as shadow milk expertly dance on the mat while others in comparison flounder about trying to get a hit on him

this is the 3rd day of try outs and so far and no one has even managed to get past two points and that's only because the jester lets them

they are running out of potential candidates and it's almost time for the last mission

he doesn’t know much as he is only a medic and a new one at that, but from what he has been able to gather, it’s a last ditch attempt at ending the cake wars by sealing the breach with a nuke

to do that they need every jaeger they can get

but boy do they have quite the line up, including (but certainly not limited to) the remaining beasts

Solo piloting a jaeger is both as rare as it is dangerous, even if you lived through it you don't get out of it unscathed. there is a reason there are or were only five people who managed to do it long term are called the beasts and it isn't just because of their cake killed count

each and every one of them suffered from some mental or physical side effect, such as aggression, lethargy, apathy, and so on

shadow milk was no exception

however, he is the last one who hasn't found a co-pilot, despite all odds the other four somehow managed to find partners who can drift with them without any side effects

normally even if you weren't drift compatible the most you would suffer is a headache or it just wouldn't work. but with them? after years without a partner?

the candidates would end up in the emergency ward with the side effects would greatly influence the other and it usually isn't very pretty

shadow milk can still pilot Dark Moon, for now, but despite how he acts. his health, his body, his mind? is on its last legs and there is no telling when it will give out

they can't afford it to be when they head to the breach but they also can't afford to bench him as he is one of their bests

hence the try outs going on for as long as they have

however, it's clear to see that he isn't even indulging in giving the illusion of taking it seriously

he humiliates any and everyone who tries, in a rather spectacular fashion, either beating them thoroughly with zero hits on him or giving the other the illusion of victory only to snatch it away at the last moment and laugh

this isn't supposed to be a "fight", not really, it's more like a dialogue, a conversation between individuals, to see if they are compatible, at least that was what his teachers said when he and lily did them.

but if that was the case then shadow milk wasn't letting them get a word in, talking over them and constantly interrupting them. not even giving them a real chance

he just takes them down without mercy

it's... disappointing

pure vanilla is well aware of the proverb, never meet your heroes, they are only human after all, it doesn’t help with the sting though, he wasn't expecting perfection (not with everything he's seen and heard) however he wasn't expecting the man to be so vicious, so cruel

the first time they met was shortly after pure vanilla arrived at the shatterdome as the new on-site doctor and was given a tour

he had already seen the jaegers but there was one who caught his eye and he couldn't resist coming back to see her

Dark Moon

she was just as beautiful as he's seen on screens, black with various shades of blues, slime and smaller than most jaegers but deceptively powerful, built for speed and acrobatics, it's almost hard to believe it's 1,828 tons with the way she fights on the battle field. She’s a work of art in more ways then one

pure vanilla gazed in wonder as she was undergoing maintenance

so caught up in his amazement that shadow milk easily caught him off guard and spooked him via hanging upside-down from the rafters and yelling boo

pure vanilla naturally yelled out and landed on his ass as the asshole laughed

ever sense then it seemed it was the demented pilot’s mission to try and torment the new doctor every chance he gets, sly insults, pranks, jumping out of nowhere and scaring him, but mostly picking at scares that were supposed to be longed healed

while he doesn’t quite understand why shadow milk is doing this, he has a good guess, after all it wasn't exactly a secret and he recognizes more than a few people from the blueberry yogurt academy

shadow milk more than likely wanted to poke fun at a once promising jaeger pilot who washed out before he could even graduate

Pure vanilla never regretted covering for white lily, he never will, and even after everything, after all this time? He still stands by it. after all, out of the two of them she held the most promise, no one knows cakes like she dose nor can they drift with anyone as easily as she can, she even managed to drift with silent salt, one of the beasts

It's a tragedy what happened to them five years ago. No one should have to go through that, least of all her

"Four to zero!"

oh, shadow milk just got done with the last of today’s candidates but not with the show

"Is that really the best you got? The best everyone has to offer?! Tsk! A blind old lady can do better!"

he gives a mischievous and cruel smirk before he expertly twirls the staff around him "In fact" he then pointed it dramatically at pure vanilla

"Why don't you give it a try? witches know you can't possibly be worse than these clowns, or maybe you are! it'll be entertaining either way! haha!"

ok, his vision isn't the best but he isn't blind... not legally

and ok he is fully willing to admit he isn't the youngest one here but shadow milk is way older than him by at least half a decade

well, regardless, he knows none of it really mattered to him nor will he just accept his refusal, the blue haired man is far too stubborn for that, it’s a well-known fact that once he sets his mind on something he won't let it go

better to just indulge him and go along with it while hoping for the best, it has been a while sense he's done this

he takes off his jacket and shirt leaving only his black tank top and takes off his shoes before stepping into the ring

impressive whistle "what do you know, your actually not as scrawny as you look under all those layers"

he throws a staff him which he hastily caught

"Not gonna lie though, I won't go easy on ya"

pure vanilla didn't say anything just nods in acknowledgment as he mentally prepares himself for this

shadow milk wasted no time, quickly going in for the kill as the other could barely deflect the attacks until he was hit

"One-Zero~"

but as he was saying it pure vanilla took the opening like he planned, letting himself get hit so he can get one in. 

after all, this was supposed to be a conversation not a fight

"One-One"

it's about time someone reminded him of that

Shadow milk looked surprised for a brief moment, so brief that he might have imagined it, before the fight continued though unlike the previous fights this one looked a bit more even

it might have been some time sense pure vanilla had done this but things like this don't go away so easily, his muscle memory remember this like it was yesterday

for every hit shadow milk managed to land, pure vanilla took in kind

blow for blow, hit to hit, strike to strike

it was slowly starting to be what it should have been in the beginning, a conversation between two pilots, to see how well they go together, how well they form

honestly the two were so caught up in this dance that they completely forgot about the crowd watching them or about winning the match, content with just this continuous flow of strikes and parries

that is until shadow milk ended up on the floor staring up at pure vanilla as the winner was framed by a light fixture above him framing his head like a halo as the two catch their breaths

shadow milk face is flush as he stairs up in surprised wonder and it's hard to tell if it's from the match or not, though the same could be said about pure vanilla

"That is quite enough" a voice rang out too late in the shocked silence

it was elder faerie the Marshal of the shatterdome. He was supposed to supervise the try outs but he had more important things to do then entertain his most unstable ranger who made a show out of this

he was actually talking to white lily and espresso about the cakes before someone alerted him to this unauthorized fight

Pure vanilla realized this and tries to do damage control "sir i can explain-"

the Marshal simply shook his head, well aware of shadow milk's tendencies

"There is no need, i have seen enough"

Before he could continue shadow milk pipes up "Oh i couldn't agree more!~" smirking as he gracefully got back up on his feet next to a still flustered pure vanilla then grabs the doctor in one arm as he dramatically spreads out the other as he proclaims

"Pure Vanilla is going to be my partner!~"

This statement shocks everyone in the room, especially those who actually know him and can tell with absolute certainty that this is no joke or prank.

he is 100% serious

However, no one is as surprised or as shocked then the blond himself

"Huh?"