Chapter Text
“Alright,” Hades began, making sure that both the group of visitors and the souls would be able to hear him, “King Odysseus, this is your task. Every soul under your charge who died must approve of you taking your son back to the world of the living. If even one of them disagrees, you will not be able to take him back. But if all of them agree, then you will be allowed to take him with you back to your ship and when you emerge in the world of the living, he will have his body again. No special rules for the return; everything you have to do can and will be done here. You have as long as you need and I’ll know if and when they all approve. Those who wish to help you are allowed to do so. Oh, and the souls can only leave this area after they approve. They don’t have to leave right after they approve, but until you either succeed or give up the souls who don’t approve will be stuck here, so you don’t have to worry about crowding from those who approve or any who don’t leaving before you can convince them. So I’ll leave you to-”
“Eurylochus!”
The god was cut off as Ctimene suddenly rushed into the crowd, walking right through any shade who didn’t move out of her way until she reached a soul who she likely would have tried to tackle if she was able to make any contact with them. Odysseus felt an aching in his chest as he saw his sister breaking down into tears, the widest and most genuine smile he had seen from her since he returned on her face, as the ghostly hands of his second in command hovered over her skin.
“Ctimene.” Eurylochus exhaled, his voice having a slight echo to it.
“It’s you. It’s really you.” Ctimene laughed.
“Ctimene.”
“Yes, yes it’s me, it’s your Ctimene.”
“Ctimene.”
“I’m here. I’m here, my love.”
“I…think you forgot something.” Persephone said, nudging Hades.
“Oh, right, apologies.” Hades said before snapping, “I forgot that I had to remove their enchantment to only be able to say their dying thoughts. Now so long as they are here they can speak their minds freely. Anyways, I’ll leave you to your work, just knock twice or scream in agony if you need anything or want to give up. Either method will get me out equally fast so it’s up to however you feel for which you choose.”
The king and queen left the courtyard but Odysseus was hardly paying attention to them. His eyes were locked onto his sister as she and her dead husband gave the illusion of as much affection as they could.
“Oh I am so glad that Ody let me come here. I’ve been spending the last month out at sea going on a journey to come here.” Ctimene explained, “Of course I want to get my nephew back, but I won’t lie, the chance of seeing you again was an equal motive in making him let me come.”
“I can only imagine what you’ve seen.” Eurylochus said, speaking in a way Odysseus had never heard from him before.
“Well I can certainly say that any of the soldiers here who got tricked by that witch are mostly free of fault in my eyes. She really is stunning.”
“Not nearly as stunning as you.”
“Oh please, I bet there are some dead women here who are pretty.”
“You’d be surprised. Most of the beautiful women get proper burials. And any who aren’t are still leagues behind your beauty.”
“I can’t believe I was the last thing on your mind.” Ctimene chuckled, though her expression fell to a more bittersweet loving look.
“And I can’t believe I ever thought that I could truly give up on the thought of seeing you again.”
Odysseus forced himself to look away from the two of them, figuring that his sister could handle the likely very hard task that would be convincing Eurylochus to give him what he wanted. He looked out over the hundreds of souls, most of them looking up at him with a variety of expressions. He had no idea where to start and it felt almost overwhelming just looking out at them. But then he felt Penelope take his hand and he looked over at her, seeing the pained but encouraging look on her face. It was such a simple gesture, but for the past few months even ones as basic as that had become rare between the two of them. He looked over at Athena who looked as confident in him as she had in such a long time. So with the faith of his wife and former patron, Odysseus was able to take a breath and step forward towards the souls.
“My brothers, I know that I failed every single one of you. I was supposed to be your captain, but I didn’t give so many of you that honor. I was so focused on getting back home that I neglected to think about your needs as much as I should have. But I want to make up for that. At my ship is enough gold for all 600 of you to pay Charon and properly pass on. When you agree to let me take my son back, you can go and get it. My ship is at the rivers end closest to the castle. So please, I humbly beg you, let me bring my son back to life. His death was just as undeserved as all of yours. And while I can’t bring all of you back to life, I can give you a proper afterlife. I assure you, this is not a trick. I swear on the Styx that if I am lying, Hades can torment me with the furies for the rest of my life and my entire afterlife. I feel horrible for what happened to all of you but if by letting you get the fate you deserve is worthy enough to not get your forgiveness, but your sympathy, then agree to let me bring my son home and pass on. If that is not to convince you then I am ready to talk to every single one of you individually to try and convince you if I have to. But for those who can be shown my guilt by taking my gift of gold, you are free to go.”
There was a wave of whispers throughout the massive crowd, so many talking that Odysseus couldn’t make out any individual comments. But he actually felt hope grow within him as he saw some of the shades start to fade away and leave. After a few minutes of watching and waiting, he got to see most of the shades leave. Of course that meant that the rest of the souls that remained would require much more work than just a single speech.
But he wasn’t alone.
Athena and Penelope went out into the crowd, Penelope going to those she knew and Athena likely having some method of selection that Odysseus didn’t know. Odysseus quickly joined them, going to clusters of souls that he saw rather than going individually. It wasn’t easy and occasionally the three of them would need to work together to be convincing, but slowly but surely they were able to thin out the crowd. Odysseus knew that it would only get harder as he was focusing on those who he didn’t know as well to start, but he was starting to feel some confidence. He was finding that so many of his men simply needed more personal feeling acknowledgements, for him to tell them to their face how sorry he was, for him to listen to the families they had that they couldn’t get back to because of him. For several of them, simply being able to tell him everything they thought to his face was enough for them even if he said little to nothing in response. Catharsis was proving to be a powerful tool, as was having his wife and a literal goddess supporting him.
Eventually, Odysseus had narrowed the crowd down to what looked like roughly 40, all of whom were ones he recognized. They were souls who had died by the cyclops, Scylla, Zeus, or died by Poseidon but had fought somewhat closely with Odysseus during the war. As well as one other who was staying by one of those who died by Zeus. But as Odysseus looked through the thinned crowd, there was still someone he didn’t see.
“Polites!” Odysseus called out into the courtyard, “Polites, can we talk?”
As much as he wanted to think that his dear friend wasn’t there because he had agreed to let him take his son back right away, but he knew he wouldn’t just leave without saying anything, especially with them actually being able to talk instead of Polites only being able to say his dying thoughts as Odysseus sailed past. He also didn’t see Eurylochus or Ctimene around which wouldn’t have been too concerning but with Polites also unseen he couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread in the back of his head.
“Polites, I know you wouldn’t have left me so suddenly. Let me talk to you. Please, my-”
“Yeah, you aren’t going to get to talk to him that easily. You have other things to answer for.”
Odysseus turned around and saw a furious Perimedes standing there, Elpenor right behind him and shockingly only looking slightly less angry.
“Let me guess, you think that if you can get Polites to approve of you leaving then suddenly the rest of us will just let you go because of his seal of approval.” Perimedes said, pure disdain dripping from every word.
“Of course I don’t. I simply want to talk to my friend now that there’s more room to do so.”
“You sure seem confident that he’d side with you without question.”
“Is he here or not?”
“He’s still here.” Elpenor said, “But not just because he wants to see you. He too needs to be convinced.”
“And the two of you want to get in the way of me doing the task I was ordered to by the king who receives many guests?” Odysseus asked, raising an eyebrow at his two former crew members.
“Polites is busy right now.” Elpenor exhaled, “He’ll come out when-”
“Whenever he chooses to.” Perimedes interrupted, “But it’s not like you can just convince him and everyone else will fall in line. Even if you probably think that’ll be the easy way, some of us are going to need more than that. I’m going to need more than that.”
“I would imagine you would. You, like all my remaining crew members except Eurylochus, did attempt to kill me when I decided to give your lives to the king of the gods. You’re also the one who stabbed me when Eurylochus mutinied. I hope you know that I had no desire to kill Eurylochus.”
“Not desiring to kill someone doesn’t mean you can’t still kill them, which you did do. And I stand by what I did. And you know what, I think I was pretty justified! The longer we were on that boat, the more you shut us all out and the more you only focused on yourself. Did you see the mental anguish spreading through the crew like plague? Did you see the way some of the weaker crew members started to lose their hair and teeth from lack of food? Did you see us trying desperately to have some time to mourn our friends? Or did you only see directly ahead of you, nothing but the ocean that separated you from your wife and son? You must have because when you sacrificed us to Zeus you didn’t say a word and you didn’t look at us. You didn’t even apologize. You just told Eurylochus that you knew exactly what you were doing, looked away, and pointed.”
“Peri,” Elpenor said, concern starting to enter his tone, “I think-”
“You are a coward.” Perimedes spat, “You are a coward and a liar and selfish and prideful and arrogant and naive and unwise and untrusting. You’re so terrified of failure that you push everyone away because you think they’ll make you mess up when in actuality they would gladly help you. I mean, did you even consider that maybe some of us would volunteer to handle Scylla if you had told us? I know more than six people on that boat who had run out of reasons to want to be alive and would have happily given up their lives for the sake of everyone else who still had people waiting for them back home.”
“And you act like I’m the overconfident one.” Odysseus scoffed, “Name one man who, if I had told them would have the job of carrying a torch to attract the attention of a six-headed monster and get eaten so the rest of us could escape, would knowingly accept that fate.”
“Me.”
Odysseus took a step back in surprise, the annoyance and frustration with his former crew member fading from his body as his angry expression slowly began to fill with a deep, clearly long-contained sadness. He watched Elpenor’s hand ghost over Perimedes’ back, unable to make contact but still wanting to show support.
“I was young when the war began, but I was just old enough and just strong enough to qualify to get shipped off. My family was big, but in the way where there wasn’t enough attention to go around. I never found any interest in the women in town and certainly didn’t care about having kids and I frankly barely cared about the war. I knew someone like me wouldn’t actually get any glory for being on the winning side and any attention wouldn’t be the kind I wanted. It was just something to fill my time with. If I lived or died…it didn’t matter to me. I was doing fine on my own especially when I saw that not letting anyone close was the way to not get hurt. I stayed in my comfort zone. Then, in the last year of the war…I met Elpenor.”
“Peri, you don’t have to do this.” Elpenor softly said.
“Yes I do.” Perimedes firmly said before taking a breath, “Elpenor was the only one around who was willing to put up with my flippant attitude and get past my walls. We became friends. Really close friends. I mean, when the war was won, we grabbed some wine and drank just the two of us instead of with any of the others. We were both so excited to be heading back to Ithaca on the boat so that he’d have a drinking partner and I’d have someone to keep me more in line than you or Eurylochus ever could. He’s the reason I started to let my guard down more to other members of the crew, even if he was the only one I let see my…harder times. I was making more friends, I was feeling better and more confident, and I was feeling happy because of the happiness of others instead of out of my own forms of entertainment. I had just started to really appreciate all the hype you got when we reached the island of the cyclops. I, like everyone else, was messed up when Polites died. I, like everyone else, started to worry about how that was going to affect you. I, like everyone else, was suspicious about the wind bag and encouraged Eurylochus to steal it from you. And I, like everyone else, was devastated when Poseidon sank all the other ships. Not as much as some others, but with that happening only a little over two weeks after Polites died, it hurt and made it harder for me to have hope that any of the rest of us would survive. And then we got to Circe’s island.”
Odysseus was in stunned silence. He had only ever seen Perimedes as arrogant, careless, and mildly disrespectful. He had seen him at best amused and at worst annoyed, not including the mutiny where Odysseus had been surprised by seeing just how much Perimedes cared about feeling like he couldn’t trust Odysseus.
“Elpenor died. Nobody noticed until we had already set sail and we didn’t even bother to go back to Circe’s island to give him a proper burial because you thought it was more important to keep going. With Elpenor gone, I had nobody. He was the only reason I was actually able to make some form of connection with the others so when he was gone, I was pretty much alone. Alone and with no motivation to keep trying to get back to Ithaca except that I had nothing better to do. So if when we were approaching the lair of Scylla you said what would need to be done, I would volunteer without hesitation. And I guarantee that more than enough others would be willing to volunteer as well. But you didn’t tell us. You didn’t trust us. Eurylochus took all the blame for the wind bag even though several of us were telling him to and you responded by trying to make him be one of the ones to die along with five people he would trust enough, five people who would follow him if he spoke out against you. So you can apologize all you want, you can give us a route to a better afterlife, but you don’t really know any of us or what we became on the journey after the war. We’ve always just been standing in the way of you getting back home to your family. But now we all know that that’s bullshit considering years after we all died, you still lost your son as soon as you got home. And that’s the only thing you care about.”
“That’s not true. Like I said, I brought you all gold to cross the river.”
“And would you have done that if your son hadn’t died? Would you have still come back down here if you didn’t have a family member you thought died unfairly for the simple reason that all of us died unfairly too? Worse than that, we died because of you. Whether directly or indirectly, we weren’t just some tragic figures like your son. You’re to blame for our fates. But you only care about that when you have reason to. You thought that since you were coming here you might as well give us a good afterlife, but if you weren’t coming here you wouldn’t have even thought of that. You may care about your son, but you don’t care about us. And you barely know more about any of us than you do about your son.”
“Perimedes,” Odysseus sighed, “I will admit that many of you I don’t know and I will also admit that I had a very wrong impression of you. But I do have some of you that I confidently know. I know Eurylochus. And I absolutely know Polites.”
“Then tell me why he isn’t out here. Since you know him so well, surely you’d be able to guess why he wouldn’t be showing himself to you and is off somewhere else in this courtyard, but also why he would need to be convinced to let you take your son back.”
“I know you’re just trying to get under my skin because you’re angry with me. I have no reason to believe that what you’re saying is true.”
“Of course.” Perimedes muttered, “Because you can hide the truth all you want and be innocent but when I tell you the harsh truths you accuse me of lying.”
“Look, Perimedes, I know that I wasn’t the best captain. I did do all the things you point out. But don’t I deserve the chance at at least getting the chance to be a father? After all of the fighting I did, after all that I had to deal with after you died, I just want the opportunity to be the father I never was. I messed up, yes, and I will never forgive myself for what I did. I am a monster. But my son isn’t. I know he can’t be. So even if you don’t think I deserve to be a father, doesn’t he deserve the chance to have one?”
Perimedes looked at him for a few seconds, then scoffed and turned around.
“I’ll go get you your precious Polites. If he wants to see you yet, that is.”
Perimedes stormed off, leaving Odysseus with Elpenor. Odysseus looked around, seeing that Penelope and Athena had been continuing to work hard and softly smiled at the sight.
“I’m glad that you’ve seemingly learned how to admit your flaws.”
Odysseus turned back to Elpenor and chuckled slightly awkwardly from the lingering tension.
“I’ve had to do it a lot these past few months. I’m sorry that Perimedes dragged you into this.”
“He didn’t.” Elpenor said flatly, “I have my own problems with you. Even if my death wasn’t your fault, you did forget about me. Yes, I’m somewhat trying to make sure Perimedes doesn’t go too far with anything, but that’s just because I don’t think it’s productive to yell. Especially considering how you just demonstrated that when met with stubborn hostility, you are quick to match it.”
“Is it so much to ask that I want to be with my son?”
“You mean bring your son back from the dead? Absolutely. Do you think that if one of us had been the one to survive and we had a kid who died right once we got back we’d be able to make it down here to try and get them back? Not at all! You have the backing of a goddess, your wife, and Eurylochus’ wife. You’re the infamous Odysseus, king of Ithaca. People respect you and follow you and believe in you simply because of who you are. None of us can say that. If you had died during the journey, you wouldn’t have been forgotten. I imagine that the legend of the king who fought in the Trojan war and took 10 years to get back to his family won’t take too long to spread and you dying along the way wouldn’t change that. You’re…important. You’re powerful. You get listened to. I mean, you were able to get most of the people who have been spending the past decade being pissed at you and having their anger validated to agree to give you what you want with one short little speech. That’s impressive. And…it’s something that apparently was passed down.”
Odysseus’ expression softened as his attention spiked. It became quickly clear that Elpenor instantly regretted saying that for some reason, but the man knew he wouldn’t be able to change the topic.
“He’s doing okay.” Elpenor began with a sigh, looking away from Odysseus but lopsidedly smiling, “I know that’s the first thing you’d want to know. So yes, he is doing okay. Obviously not the best, he is dead after all, but he’s doing a lot better than any of us would have expected. It was rough at first, but all of us have been taking care of him. I think it helps that Eurylochus is able to actually touch him, them being family and all. Admittedly a lot of us are jealous that the two of them can make contact, but whenever we see just how happy Telemachus gets any time it happens any negativity goes away. Or at least we shut up about it. He has been such a source of joy for us and getting a pair of fresh eyes is nice. He’s also been able to tell us all about Ithaca. He’s such a brave kid, having dealt with all those suitors for so long before he died.”
“Yes. He…really was. Is.” Odysseus slowly said, “He actually took some of them out on his own, you know. I can only imagine how satisfying that must have been for him.”
“Well, when he told us about that part he actually felt pretty messed up about it. Thankfully all of us have plenty of experience killing people so we were able to help ease his conscience about that whole thing.” Elpenor said with a slight chuckle, though there was a hint of awkwardness in his expression as he still didn’t look at Odysseus, “I will admit that some of us felt like if he had survived all of that it would probably take a bit for him to open up about that. He thinks very highly of you and…we didn’t know how empathetic you would be considering, um, considering how many people you killed that you notably…didn’t feel bad about.”
“I can understand why you all would think that, but believe me, the deaths of all of you did haunt me for all the years between your deaths and my return home. I never have and never will feel pity for the so-called suitors in my home, but the choices I made for my return were not made easily. Or at least I didn’t make them lightly. What happened with Scylla and the god king felt necessary, but I did feel remorse.”
“Forgive me for finding that hard to believe, especially considering you just corrected yourself when you said the choices weren’t easy.” Elpenor said, narrowing his eyes slightly
“When the thunder bringer gave me the choice between my life and the life of the remaining crew, there was not a moment that I didn’t know what I’d pick. But I couldn’t get myself to say it, to admit how easy it was, because I didn’t want to admit to myself or the god or anyone that I was going to make that choice. I felt disgusting for how easy it was. And regardless of how I’ve acted, not a night has gone by that I have slept easily ever since the encounter with the cyclops.”
“You do sound genuine, but that’s not going to be enough for some of us.”
“And by that do you mean Perimedes?” Odysseus asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I…he’s…it’s complicated.” Elpenor sighed, “It shouldn’t surprise you that out of everyone he is the most stubborn about this whole topic.”
“He did quite literally stab me in the back.”
“Yes, but it’s because he thinks that you don’t understand. He probably took the fact that you were with him every day for three years and were surprised when he told you today just how much he was struggling as proof. And he would agree with what I said about your status making you fundamentally different from all of us. He thinks you’re too lucky and that facing some tragedy now is just what you deserve.”
Odysseus looked at Elpenor for a few moments. He had never heard the man speak as formally or assertively or clearly before. He had always brushed the man off as the alcohol loving companion of Perimedes. He couldn’t help but wonder what things he could have heard from the man when he was alive if he had actually taken some time to listen to him instead of shutting himself away alone or with Eurylochus or Polites. How would his crew have acted if he truly treated them like the brothers and friends he called them instead of just the soldiers and crew members they were? They had all formed such deep connections with each other…but he had never taken the chance to try the same. How much had he sacrificed by not letting people in? How many lives could he have saved if he greeted the men who followed him with open arms?
But he still had the chance to save at least his son. And maybe he, and the remaining members of his crew, could find some more peace with each other. Even if he couldn’t open his arms to them anymore, he could open his heart and mind.
“He’s right in saying that I got very lucky. But…losing my son was not the only tragedy I faced after you all were gone. Over the 7 years that I was alone I faced much suffering. Because I wasn’t actually alone.”
“What do you mean?”
Odysseus took a breath and started to rub his chiton between his thumb and pointer finger, keeping himself calm and centered.
He would do anything to get his son back. Even if that meant talking about some of the hardest things he went through while longing to return to him.
“After the ship was destroyed, I washed up on an island that was hidden away and cursed so that nobody could consciously come or go. It was inhabited only by the goddess Calypso. And she…was convinced that she was in love with me. And she believed that I would eventually come to love her too. She just had to- to convince me.”
Elpenor looked at Odysseus again, his expression darkening slightly with fear and recognition.
“Every day for seven years I sat on the beach, staring out at the horizon and crying. And every night I was forced to lie with her in bed. She had such a juvenile idea of what love was and her only frame of reference was the gods, so my protests meant nothing to her. And given her power, I had no choice but to comply. She never forced herself on me, not outside of holding me close to her in bed, but I still felt so sick any time she told me how much she loved me, every time she called me her darling, and all the times she tried to tell me that I would feel better if I just stopped being so stubborn. She told me she could make me immortal and we could spend eternity together in her little paradise. When I stopped eating as much, she stopped preparing as much food. When I refused to wear the clothes she made me, she destroyed all but my cloak while I was bathing. When I would wake up screaming from nightmares, she would use my need for the contact of another living being to get me to open up to her and lean into her touch. Over those seven years, my mind started slipping away from me. But not in the way my father’s did. It was in a much…darker way.”
“Ody, you don’t-”
“But I do. I need to tell you this so you can see what I am saying.” Odysseus said firmly, “I need to tell you about- about that awful night. It was storming furiously, I had snuck out of her home, and ventured to one of the cliff sides. I stood on the edge, every crashing wave and clap of thunder reminding me of the 600 men who died because of me. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing the faces of all of you. And when I looked down into the sea, I saw Polites, Eurylochus, and my mother within the waves, calling to me and inviting me to jump in, to join them in the Underworld. And I wanted to.”
Odysseus stopped only because he noticed he had started crying. Elpenor reached over to try and wipe them away as if it was instinctual for him. His hand was like smoke as it touched Odysseus’ still living face and he quickly retracted it, seeming surprised by himself. There were a few moments of pause before Elpenor cleared his throat.
“So…what did you do?” Elpenor slowly asked.
“I tried to walk off the edge. Calypso used her magic to drag me away and restrain me. I cried out to Athena, begging her to save me. And a few weeks later, I was released thanks to her. I sailed back home, tortured Poseidon with his own trident until he let me pass, got back to my home, and killed anything that got in my way.” Odysseus explained plainly.
“I, um, wow. I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. And you can pass anything I told you onto Perimedes. I don’t know if that will do anything to convince him, but I hope it will do something to show him that even if I didn’t treat you all with the respect and understanding I should have, I never stopped thinking about what I did. And while my suffering cannot compare to all of your deaths, losing my son is not the only price I paid.”
Elpenor smiled at him softly and almost caringly before taking a breath.
“Alright, I’ll tell him. I don’t know if it will fully convince him, but it will at the very least get him to try talking to you again with a bit less stubbornness. I’ll go track him down so you can start talking to whoever is next. Even though he said he was going to get Polites, I don’t know if that’s what he’ll actually do. Or if Polites would agree to come with him yet.”
“Thank you, Elpenor.” Odysseus exhaled, “For everything. It would take me forever to try and get through to Perimedes without you. If you could, could you please try and see if you can get Polites to talk to me? I just- I have to see him. I have to talk to him. I know Perimedes was angry at the thought of me wanting to see Polites so he can help me convince people, but I do think that being able to talk to him would help.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Polites and Eurylochus have basically been leading all of us so it’s not like I can call any shots. But I can ask him.”
“That’s all I would expect you to do. I just feel like talking to him will at least bring me some personal clarity that could help convince people. Gods, I can only imagine how much he must be upset with me for what I did. He’d my childhood best friend, and he was the second non-family member to hold Telemachus, and even though he died so soon, hearing his voice did help me throughout the ten years. He must have been so confused when Telemachus showed up all because I killed him thinking he-”
“What?”
Odysseus watched as shock, disgust, and fury slowly set into Elpenor’s expression. Odysseus had assumed that his former comrades already knew how Telemachus had died, that assumption having grown stronger as he saw how stubborn or protective they were acting around the subject of being given Telemachus again. But it seemed he had assumed wrong.
And that was the worst assumption he had made in his life.
“You are the one who killed Telemachus?!” Elpenor yelled, instantly getting the attention of all the others.
“Wait, please, let me explain.”
“As much as I’d love to hear how you’d spin this situation, there’s no way I’m going to let you come up with some justification for killing your own damn son. You really got me to think you deserved to get him back.”
“You don’t understand, it was an accident, I-”
“And you think that will help your case? The mighty king of Ithaca took 20 years to get home, surviving all the hardships multiple gods put him through, being able to make it back through cunning and skill only to murder his son by mistake. Great story there Ody! That is sure to get us to think you deserve to get him back.”
Odysseus was quickly overwhelmed by the remaining souls surrounding him. Even if none of them could touch him, they were able to take full advantage of their ability to say whatever they wanted. He was used to hearing them all scream in his head, calling out to him, begging for their lives in a mass of souls, and accusing him of causing their deaths. He wasn’t used to them being in his face, saying countless different things, and getting far more personal than they would dare when they were alive.
He couldn’t close his eyes and block it out. He couldn’t force himself to not think about it. Because it wasn’t just in his thoughts. It was real. Only a fraction of his crew was there but they were really there. And they all hated him.
And he deserved it.
Odysseus’ heart was pounding in his ears as his eyes darted around the crowd. He couldn’t move any more than turning around where he stood. He was too busy being overwhelmed with everything he was hearing to be able to make a sound. Even when Athena and Penelope moved through the crowd and got to him, he couldn’t say anything. He knew they were talking, but their voices just blended into the cacophony.
He had managed to get the chance at getting his son back, he was generously given the opportunity to bring his son back to life after killing him by mistake while in a blind rage, and he ruined it. He would fail. He wouldn’t get his son back. Once again, he got too confident, ran his mouth, and was facing the consequences. He never learned. He never changed.
Perimedes was right. He wasn’t innocent. And he was getting what he really deserved.
“Hey!”
A voice started to break through.
“Back down!”
Odysseus felt like he couldn’t breathe.
“Stop this!”
He was there.
“ENOUGH!”
Polites.
The yelling started to die down and, shockingly, the shades listened and backed away. Odysseus was finally able to pay attention to Penelope and Athena standing on either side of him, seeing that both of them actually looked some degree of comforted by Polites being there.
“Look, Eurylochus and I already knew what Odysseus did.” Polites continued, sounding much more tired and serious than Odysseus had heard from his friend, “If you’re going to be angry about that information, you should be mad at us, not him. I don’t doubt that Odysseus likely assumed that all of us already knew.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t still be mad!” one shade yelled out.
“Yeah! He killed the son he sacrificed us for!” another agreed.
Odysseus could see on Polites’ face that he couldn’t think of a quick defense for that so Odysseus walked over, trying to rest a hand on his shoulder but being reminded of the fact that he wasn’t able to touch him. Thankfully it was still enough to get Polites to notice him.
“You don’t need to handle my battles for me, my dearest friend.” Odysseus gently said, softly smiling at the friend he missed so much.
But instead of his friend smiling back at him, thanking him, or doing anything else that Polites would have done when he was alive, he just gave him a sad and almost conflicted look before stepping away from Odysseus and towards the small crowd.
“You’re right,” Polites continued, not acknowledging Odysseus’ words, “that doesn’t justify what he did. Nothing will justify what he did. However, the king and queen of this realm gave him a task that most would find impossible. Even with the bonds that we have, I would doubt that any of us would have an easy time if we were in a similar situation. You don’t have to agree with what he wants right away, but we should still give him a chance to try and convince us. He hasn’t talked to us all yet, right? So instead of crazed wrath, let’s just listen to what he has to say and see if we can somehow be convinced to let him get his son back. Alright?”
There was a moment of pause before some soft, disgruntled sounds of disagreement came from the group. It was surprising to see just how much sway Polites alone had over the group. Of course Odysseus knew that Polites was liked by the whole crew –he remembered how after Polites died things noticeably changed in the morale of the crew more than it would have if someone else had died instead along with the five others the cyclops killed– but his friend never took any sort of leadership role. At least he didn’t when he was alive. But it had been over a decade since Odysseus had last gotten to see what his friend was like. Time still passed in the Underworld. Polites had plenty of time to change to become a leader.
Just like how Odysseus had spent that time changing to become a monster.
Odysseus was just about to try to talk to Polites again when he saw through the still split crowd Ctimene very swiftly walking towards him. She looked incredibly tense, something that made a lot more sense when he saw Eurylochus following her, the two finally coming out from wherever they and assumedly Polites had been. Eurylochus stopped when they passed Polites and Odysseus saw that he appeared to be holding something behind his semi-translucent body but he wasn’t able to get a clear look as Ctimene quickly took up his whole field of view.
“He told me everything.” Ctimene said flatly, “From his perspective.”
Odysseus glanced at Eurylochus behind her then softly exhaled as he looked at her serious expression.
“I can only imagine how heartbreaking that was. As I’ve told you, I still feel horrible for what I had to do to Eurylochus to-”
“Not Eurylochus.” Ctimene interrupted.
Odysseus looked at her confused but that feeling didn’t last long as she moved over to Penelope and Odysseus looked at Eurylochus who was staring him down with a kind of coldness that showed more anger than he had even when he had mutinied.
Then someone moved out from behind Eurylochus. Someone Odysseus had never seen before but instantly recognized. Someone with eyes that matched his own. Someone with a glowing scar around their neck.
Telemachus.
“...father?”
Odysseus was breathless as he stared at him.
“Son.”
He was there.
Odysseus rushed towards Telemachus, tears welling up in his eyes as he reached out towards him. And those tears fell the moment he saw Telemachus flinching back from him. Odysseus stopped, seeing the fear radiating from his son. His own dear boy was scared of him.
And he was right to be.
He was staring at his killer, a man he never even met before, after all.
Odysseus took a shaky breath and took a slow step closer, making sure that his movements would be as clear as they could be so as to not catch his son off guard. But when he tried to hug him, his arms just passed through. He should have expected that. The living couldn’t touch the dead. But he still tried again, moving even slower as if that would work, but of course it didn’t. But he still tried one final time to be able to touch his son, just trying to take Telemachus’ hands in his own. And once again, he just passed through him. Odysseus’ breaths trembled as he silently cried, taking a step back, both for the sake of his son’s comfortability –his own son didn’t feel safe around him just because he had been so blinded by rage like the monster he was– and to make sure he wouldn’t try again. And that extra space also meant he was able to see Eurylochus take Telemachus’ hand, Odysseus looking up at his brother-in-law and seeing the cold-blooded hatred in his eyes as he looked down at him.
Telemachus felt safer with a man he had never met than his own father. But…he had never met Odysseus before. And he had had six months to get to know who Eurylochus was. And Eurylochus was not just family but he was also dead, dead because of Odysseus. He could empathize with him, he could comfort him, he could hold him. Odysseus couldn’t do any of that. He could just stand there surrounded by people who hated him. And one person who was scared of him.
Odysseus tried to steady his breaths as best he could, wiping his eyes and trying to hold his focus on Eurylochus.
“Polites mentioned that you already knew what I did.”
“I was the first to find out.” Eurylochus said plainly, speaking as if his eyes didn’t perfectly telegraph a desire to kill him where he stood, “I was also the one to find out who he was. The boy didn’t want us to know he was your son. It was the combination of fear, sadness, and guilt in his eyes when I questioned him that made me recognize him. He has your eyes, after all. And even if the rest of his face comes from his mother, those eyes lead to him having most of the same expressions as you. Thankfully looking at him doesn’t instantly remind us of you, especially now that we’ve all gotten to know each other. It’s ironic, really, the fact that unlike you, he still has life in his eyes. It’s frankly impressive considering you’re the one who tried to take that away from him.”
“I wasn’t trying to kill him!” Odysseus snapped, anger and sadness swirling together inside of him, “I wanted to protect him, him and Penelope. You of all people should know that I would never intentionally hurt him.”
“Intentions mean nothing if you still get people killed! Were you intending to have 6 men crushed by a cyclops? Were you intending to have 550 more drown? Because I certainly know you meant it when 6 more men were eaten by Scylla, one of whom you wanted to be me, and again when the 36 of us that remained were struck down by Zeus. And then you killed, what, 108 men in your palace? No, 109. Because one of them was your own damn son! What does it matter if you intended to do it or not if you still took actions that resulted in us all ending up down here, in Telemachus ending up down here?!”
“Eurylochus, please.” Polites scolded, “I just told everyone else about how yelling at each other will do nothing, and that includes you.”
“When Telemachus arrived here, I swore that I would keep him safe. So why would I ever agree to let him go off with his murderer?” Eurylochus shot back.
“He’ll be going with his mother, with his mentor, with his aunt.” Odysseus argued, “He’ll be going with your wife, Eurylochus. With…”
Odysseus looked over at Ctimene pleadingly, but she looked back at him so unaffected.
“I do want Telemachus to come back to life.” Ctimene said, “He is my nephew and I love him. While you and Eurylochus were gone, he brought so much life to me every time he and Penelope visited. And he had the right to live a long, full life. But you took that away from him. I will help you try to convince anyone else, but not my husband. The decision is in his, and every other soul lost because of you, hands. Not mine.”
Odysseus looked back at Eurylochus, seeing him look at Ctimene in a way he hadn’t seen since a happier day before the war. But the moment Eurylochus looked back at him, it fell back to disdain, though it had lost its anger.
“Eurylochus,” Odysseus exhaled, “my brother, is there anything I can say or do to convince you to let me take my son home, to take him back to the world of the living?”
Eurylochus actually thought about his words, took a breath, and the faintest look of sympathy entered his expression.
“I will agree…if Telemachus agrees.”
“What?”
“I will also make that my condition.” Polites said, “If Telemachus wants to return to you, then I won’t stand in his way. But if he doesn’t, I will not pressure him with whatever sentiments I may have. And I especially would not want to risk him being left alone.”
“What…what do you mean if he agrees?” Odysseus questioned, voice trembling both at the implication and the fact this his closest friend was giving him any condition, “The trial was to convince-”
“Every soul under your charge who died.” Athena exhaled, “And Telemachus, being your son, would be considered under your charge. So he has to agree to return to you too.”
“And- and what happens to me if I don’t?” Telemachus nervously asked, looking between Eurylochus and Athena.
“You’ll continue as you have been.” Athena said, trying to stay calm but there being a hint of pain in her voice, “Should Odysseus give up, I assume that all of those who have not agreed to let you come back to life, including you, will be able to leave here. I would hope that you all would be allowed to still take the gold that Odysseus brought for you all but…”
“But there won’t be enough.” Eurylochus flatly said, “Right, Odysseus? There won’t be enough. Gold coins for 600 men, not 601. Even if you do decide to openly give up and you still let us take the gold, someone will have to be left here. Someone won’t be able to continue on. But it won’t be Telemachus, let me assure you. Any one of us here will gladly stay trapped on the shores until we lose ourselves so that the incredible young man you murdered will at least be able to have a peaceful afterlife.”
Waves of agreement rippled through the crowd of souls and Odysseus felt his heart ache. Despite the fact that his crew hated him, they still all cared so much about his son. After just six months of having him around, they were so easily volunteering to be kept from a better afterlife for his sake. Odysseus couldn’t believe what he was seeing. But…he should have.
With all he had heard about the effect his son had on everyone around him, he really should have.
“That…won’t be necessary.” Odysseus slowly said, his heart getting caught in his throat.
“Are you really that confident that you’ll succeed?” Eurylochus questioned.
“No. I’m not.”
Odysseus reached into his cloak as he stepped towards his son. His son who took a step away from him. But as much as that hurt, he still knelt down and set down what he had hidden inside his cloak on the cold ground. And as he stepped back, he tried to not be pained by the disbelief on the face of every soul he saw. And he watched as Telemachus crouched down to pick up what he had given him, brow furrowed in…confusion.
Confusion as he stared at two shimmering gold coins.
“I didn’t know if I’d be allowed to take you back.” Odysseus began, even as every word got harder to say, “So I wanted to make sure that no matter what, you would be allowed to go on to a better life. You and every other man who died because of me. Every other man I was supposed to keep alive. So if you don’t want to come back to life, if you don’t want to come with me, then I’ll let you go and at least you will have the afterlife you deserved to make up for the ways your life lacked. And no one will be left behind to have to grant you that.”
For a few moments there was silence as Telemachus turned the coins in his spectral hands. Then he softly sniffled as he stared at them, tears starting to fall down his face.
Odysseus had no idea that shades could cry.
“I’m sorry mom.” Telemachus weakly said.
“What are you sorry for, my boy?” Penelope asked, taking a step closer.
“I’m sorry for being so hesitant. Because I am. I love you so much. And I love Athena and Ctimene too. And I care about so many people back at the palace. And friends that I have outside the palace. But…what gives me the right to come back to life? Why should I be allowed to have another chance at life just because I’m the son of Odysseus?”
“Because that’s not the reason.” Eurylochus said.
All eyes were on Eurylochus. But his eyes were only on Telemachus’, gently holding the side of his face with one hand, Telemachus leaning into the touch even as he looked confused by Eurylochus’ words.
“You should be allowed to be alive again because you’re Telemachus. I may not think that your father deserves to get you back…but I do think that you deserve to live. For all I know, you might find some way to avoid him and never even have to see him again if you decide to return to the world of the living. If you stay here, I will be so happy to have you with me. But if you don’t, then I will be just as happy in my certainty that it will be a long time before I see you again.”
“Same here.” Polites said, giving the illusion of placing a reassuring hand on Telemachus’ shoulder, “At the end of the day, you are the one who will get to decide what happens. I don’t doubt that we will all follow your choice. So if you decide to stay here, we will stick by you even as we cross the river. And if you decide to leave, we will let you go into the open arms of the living world once more and all of us will be smiling, wondering what your future will hold. Like Eurylochus said, you are not simply the son of Odysseus. You are Telemachus. And that’s reason enough for you to have the right to live again, to finish living. Should that be what you want.”
Telemachus looked between the two men, the remaining crew, Penelope, Athena, Ctimene, and then finally at Odysseus. The ghostly tears were still in his eyes and his expression was one containing so many emotions that Odysseus couldn’t decipher a single one.
“I want to live.”
Those four words echoed through the courtyard. And, one by one, the remaining souls started to disappear. Just four words, and his wishes were respected, even by those who would have surely never agreed otherwise. In just six months, so many men gained a sense of loyalty towards the son of the man who had caused all of their deaths.
Telemachus really would make a good king someday in his future.
Because he would have a future.
As the crowd thinned, Odysseus noticed Perimedes and Elpenor, the former of which was glaring at him and the latter still looked displeased.
“I’ll have more words for you when you’re dead.” Perimedes muttered.
“And I will listen to them all.” Odysseus said simply.
Perimedes just scoffed before fading away. Elpenor opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it, and just gave him a slight somber nod before he too left. Soon enough, the only shades that were left were Polites, Eurylochus, and Telemachus. Polites acted like he could ruffle Telemachus’ hair, which did make the boy chuckle in a way that made Odysseus feel a wide range of emotions, before walking over to Odysseus, looking at him with a hopeful but still serious expression.
“I’m sorry that I forgot to listen to your advice, my friend.”
“Well, if anything this proves that it’s never too late to start. And you can start by making sure you listen to your son. He has some good ideas.”
“I’m not surprised.” Odysseus huffed with a slight smile.
“I’ll see you in hopefully a long time, my friend.”
“I’ll still look forward to that day.”
Polites gave him one last smile before fading away. Odysseus looked towards Eurylochus, only to be met with the sight of his focus being solely on his sister, holding her face even as he couldn’t actually touch her, tears silently streaming down her face as Eurylochus had tears in his own eyes, a sight that Odysseus had never seen before.
“I love you, my Ctimene.”
“I love you too, my Eurylochus.”
“Don’t let me hold you back, okay? You can find someone new if you so desire. You should have the family we, you, wanted, even if I’m not a part of it.”
“And you won’t try to haunt or curse him, whoever he is?”
“So long as he is someone that you love, I won’t.”
“Okay. Okay. I trust you.” Ctimene said with a light chuckle as she tried to blink the rest of the tears out of her eyes.
“I’ll see you again someday.” Eurylochus softly said, placing his ghostly lips against her forehead.
“Yeah. You will.”
Eurylochus, still staying close to Ctimene, looked at Odysseus. And there was no anger in his expression at all. Just grief and longing.
“Don’t use up your luck so quickly. You won’t always get chances like this.”
“I know, my brother. I know.”
Eurylochus looked back at Ctimene and whispered something to her, something that made her laugh and nod, but nothing else. Then he faded away. The courtyard that had once been so full suddenly only had three mortals, a goddess, and a single shade. But before anyone could say anything, there was a loud sound as the large doors opened once again and the dread king and queen stepped out.
“Congratulations.” Persephone said with a regal smile, “I hope you’ll take full advantage of this chance.”
“You’ve done well, Odysseus of Ithaca.” Hades said with a nod, “Now I would appreciate it if you stopped giving me such large amounts of work to do.”
“So…we can leave?” Odysseus slowly asked, “All of us?”
“You succeeded in the task I gave you. When you’re in the world of the living once again, your son will be alive. Simple as that. So yes, you can all go. Just follow the river until you reach a cave and it’ll put you out into the living world by the island of that one sorcerous daughter of Helios, a special one-way exit of sorts. You can’t miss it.”
Odysseus couldn’t believe it. After so long, after so much pain and heartache, he was actually going to have his son. He was going to return home and have his family. Penelope took his hand, giving it a light squeeze, before the two of them walked out, Athena, Ctimene, and –of course– Telemachus close behind. They left exactly the way they came, but Odysseus felt his soul growing lighter and lighter. When they returned to the ship the gold was all gone, but that wasn’t a surprise at all and all he could focus on was watching his son board the ship. As they went back up the river, his eyes never left his son. The whole ship was silent, but not at all tense as it had been every other time things had been silent on the ship. They followed the river as they were told to and they soon reached the cave the king of the dead had told them about. As Odysseus saw light on the other side, he closed his eyes and took a breath in. And as he felt the air shift around him and the heat of the sun on his skin, he exhaled and opened his eyes.
And he finally, finally got to have a proper look at his son. In his peripheral vision he noticed Ctimene, Athena, and Penelope move away to give the two of them some illusion of privacy, but he barely paid any mind to that. He could talk to the rest of them –especially Penelope– after he had gotten to properly meet his son. Odysseus moved closer to him, but still left some room between them. He watched with a smile as his son looked down at himself, softly chuckling at actually being able to see himself as flesh and blood. Then one of his hands went up to his neck…where there was a scar around it just like there had been on him as a shade. Odysseus could see some indescribable feelings creeping into his expression but he was seemingly quick to push them away, instead just looking at Odysseus.
And he smiled.
“Hello, father.” Telemachus said, a hint of awkwardness in his voice.
“Hello, my son.”
Suddenly tears started to flow from Telemachus’ eyes and in a blink he was hugging Odysseus tightly as he could, sobbing into him. Odysseus was incredibly caught off guard, but he still gently wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head.
“I’m sorry.” Odysseus softly said.
“Don’t apologize.” Telemachus managed through his tears, “Just take me home.”
“Okay. I will. I will.”
Odysseus didn’t know how long the two stayed like that, but he appreciated every single second of it. And he knew that even still he would never be able to fully appreciate that fact enough. But that was okay. He had his son. And he would do everything in his power to make sure that he would never again be the cause of his suffering.
Because he knew that the strength within the soul of his boy was something that had the right to live for so many years to come.