Archive of Our Own ^beta

The lights flickered once before plunging Steven’s apartment into total blackness. At first Marc stood as stoic as ever until the realization of the darkness crashed around him. A waterfall roared in his ears as he looked down to find water rising above him. It only took a few moments for the murky water to reach his middle, quickly pouring through every door and window around him. Eyes wide in shock, he found himself unable to move as he kicked out feebly as if that would keep him afloat.

His mouth opened to let out a sharp cry only for the liquid to stream inside. He choked and sputtered as waves poured over his head. His hair plastered against his face, while whatever air remained in his lungs was snatched away without hesitation. He staggered back and lost what remained of his footing before plunging under the surface. His arms flailed madly as he was knocked around by the waves, slamming into the walls of Steven’s apartment.

His head sunk under the surface as he screamed while black dots encroached around his vision. Bubbles burst from his mouth and rippled on the surface before everything went black.

‘Snap out of it!’

With a jolt, Steven found himself at the front with such force that it snatched the breath from his lungs. Steven slumped against the wall as he fought the images swirling around his mind. They weren’t his thoughts, not in the slightest, but he knew damn well who they belonged to. They were just as vivid as if he himself had experienced them and he felt a shiver race down his spine as he tried not to think about water choking the life out of him.

“What the hell was that, mate,” Steven sputtered with tears misting his vision. “You almost gave us a bloody heart attack!”

Steven could feel Marc trembling in the headspace, unable to answer. Forcing Marc into speaking when he wasn’t ready was a difficult task to put it lightly. However, Steven didn’t want this to happen again, so pushing Marc to answer was sometimes the only way.

“It’s just a power outage.” Steven padded shakily over to the opposite wall and flicked the light switch on and off. “See? Probably because of all that roadwork they’ve been doing. The landlord told us this might happen, remember?”

It didn’t take long of Steven searching their thoughts to realize that Marc didn’t remember. He tried not to show his disappointment. Marc was losing more and more time these days, relying heavily on Steven to not only fill in the gaps, but also remind him things he should’ve already been aware of. It was impossible to think about how Marc managed for so long by himself before they allowed their worlds to melt together.

Steven stifled a sight. “Okay, let’s see what we can do about the lights.”

Honestly, there wasn’t much that he could do about the light situation, however he was suddenly thankful that he had the forethought to purchase an array of candles over the past couple months. They were originally bought to help with the lingering mildew smell in the flat, but he supposed they would also be good for the lack of light situation.

Steven was able to navigate fairly well in the darkness. He found his eyes beginning to adjust so that he was able to avoid the piles of books that he had stacked every few steps. When he stopped in front of the closet, he swung the door open and stood on his tiptoes to reach a bin above on his left which held half a dozen or so candles. There was a wide array of scents from wildflowers to a downtown bakery. The smells were the least of his concern as he grabbed an armful to spread out throughout the flat.

Only once each candle was in perfect placement did Steven reach into the back pocket of their jeans and palm the outline of a lighter. He stifled a groan. Now was not the time to get on Marc about their smoking habits. It infuriated him that Marc couldn’t even take accountability, claiming that he quit after he was discharged from the military. Steven was unsure why Marc kept lying to him about it, yet it always became a sore subject between the two of them.

Steven shook those thoughts aside as he flicked the lighter until a small flame grew from the surface. He tipped the first candle’s wick into the open flame, waiting a few seconds before the flame took. He set the candle back in place and smiled as the soft glow stretched across the wall. After he was certain that the candle wasn’t about to be blown out, he didn’t hesitate to stroll to the next one.

He continued on, pausing between lighting each one to smell the sweet aroma. He doubted that all these scents milling together in the room was going to be all that pleasant, but at least the apartment was no longer bathed in darkness. Steven felt rather proud of himself as he looked around, even though he felt like he was the only one celebrating it.

“The lights will come on soon,” he found himself reassuring Marc even though he knew that Marc wasn’t listening. Now wasn’t the time to press even if he was concerned about Marc’s habit of self-isolating himself from everyone. Marc would come out when he was ready, hopefully.

Steven wasn’t sure what Marc had been doing before the power outage, and he couldn’t exactly ask him. So, he decided to tidy things up a bit as Marc had been asking him to do so for what felt like ages. Every time Steven attempted this, he ended up becoming distracted and ended up making an even larger mess. Perhaps a cleanup would make Marc co-front, or at least make his presence known once again.

Steven was often vocal about not being left by myself. It was incredible to believe that he had gone so long without realizing Marc was by his side. The two were now in constant communication. It left Steven feeling free to have a companion at all times; to not be able to feel Marc right now was more daunting that Steven would ever admit. He could only hope the more that he was able to soothe the body from his end that Marc would show himself and quickly.

It didn’t take long for Steven to rearrange the bookshelf nearest to his bed by alphabetical title. It was nice to not hear Marc mutter about their OCD tendencies with Steven hushing him while he got to work. Even that beat the silence though, the more that Steven thought about it.

“I think it looks much better,” Steven replied out loud. “Don’t you?”

Steven waited a few moments and when he received no response, he shrugged and moved to another area of the flat. Cleaning off one of his many desks took much longer than he anticipated. He became engrossed in everything he found, eager to read every article and hold every knickknack he had in his possession. If Marc was with him, he would’ve readily complained about how sentimental Steven was. Steven missed that banter more than he anticipated.

Halfway through his desk cleaning, the lights suddenly switched on. Steven raised his hands in celebration, squinting as his eyes struggled to adjust to the light as it pooled in the room instantaneously.

It didn’t take long for Steven to feel a slight stirring at the back of his mind. A wide smile spread across his face as he struggled to hide his excitement. He didn’t want to spook Marc away.

‘The lights are back on,’ Marc mumbled sleepily at the back of Steven’s consciousness.

Steven nodded feverishly. “Looks like they got it figured out pretty quickly. Amazing, right?”

Marc let out a low grumble that Steven had half the mind to ignore. He shook that thought away; he was glad that Marc felt comfortable enough to speak up after such a violent switch.

“Think I should blow out those candles? Don’t wanna waste them.”

Steven was halfway to the first candle that smelled like moonlight (supposedly) when he felt Marc jerk back in their shared consciousness, almost knocking Steven off their feet. “What? What?”

‘You can leave them lit. They’re fine.’

Fine was such a dangerous word for them. Marc always claimed how ‘fine’ they were, much to Steven’s protests. That was something Steven was still working on with Marc, fearful that they would never make the progress that he was looking for.

“Do you have a favorite smell,” Steven pressed timidly, “I really like the lemon cake myself.”

Marc gave a brief pause. ‘I like the wildflowers.’

That wasn’t what Steven was expecting to hear at all. A wide grin broke out on his face. “Is that because Layla picked that out for us?”

‘Maybe.’

Steven waved him off. “Whatever you say, mate.” He glanced awkwardly around, unsure if he should keep up with his cleaning and organizing or suggest that they try something else. He didn’t want to interrupt whatever Marc had wanted to do before their violent switch when the power switched off. A flash of sadness wormed through him that he was sure came from Marc. “Can I do anything to help?”

‘Can you turn the lights off?’

Steven tipped his head in surprise. “You sure? Isn’t that what got us into this predicament in the first place?”

A low groan seemed to roll in Marc’s throat. Steven needed him to verbally reassure him that’s what he really wanted before he risked bring anymore trauma to Marc’s psyche. Steven could see images of water engulfing them in the darkness of a cave, strong and suffocating. Those weren’t his memories, he was sure of that, which meant that those belonged to Marc. There was no way those were the memories the American wanted to share with him, and yet he had been powerless to stop them.

‘I’m sure,’ Marc ground out.

Steven shrugged. If that’s what Marc wanted, then he would try it. He steered them over to the edge of the flat with his hand hovering over the light switch for a few seconds in case Marc wanted to stop him. Marc wasn’t one to face his trauma head on and this seemed like the absolute opposite of what Marc would usually ask him to do.

When Marc didn’t stop him, Steven flicked off the lights and plunged the entire flat back into semidarkness. The candles offered enough light for Steven to be able to walk around freely without fear of accidentally tripping over anything. He took a few steps and looked around in an effort to prove to Marc that they were safe inside the four walls of their own flat. That was something that Marc still didn’t seem to believe no matter how many times Steven insisted that it was.

Steven felt a presence seeming to push right behind his eyes. Alarm rose in him briefly before he felt Marc’s breath brush against him.

‘Let me have the body.’

“Marc—“

‘I need to do this, Steven. Let me.’

It was against Steven’s better judgement, that was for damn sure. Marc usually didn’t front for sometime after a violent memory such as that, needing Steven to do the mundane day-to-day tasks for the both of them. However, he couldn’t stop Marc from forcibly taking the front if he refused, which meant it would be so much easier for both of them to just allow Marc to take the front even if Steven feared for the result. He would always be there for Marc to lean back off if need be.

Steven closed his eyes and allowed his consciousness to fade to be replaced by Marc, expecting the same jarring switch from before. He was pleasantly surprised when he slowly faded into the background without struggle as though falling into the embrace of an old friend. His eyes opened as Marc took over, gazing around at his surroundings as he did his best not to immediately fall into fight or flight mode.

‘You got this,’ Steven soothed as Marc took in a few deep breaths. ‘Just let me know if you want me to tap back in.’

Marc didn’t speak as he narrowed his eyes against the flickering of lights and drew over to the wildflower candle, the same one that he told Steven was his favorite. He hadn’t been lying, though he hadn’t really had a favorite until the word wildflower burst from his mouth. His head stooped over as he took in a massive inhale in a small attempt to catch the scent. The rest of the candles were milling their scents as well, but if Marc leaned close enough to the candle he could smell what he was hoping for.

Flowers were something that Marc always loved the smell of. The only person he ever told that to was Layla, and he was beyond surprised when she actually remembered and got him this candle for his birthday. He never lit it so that he didn’t waste it, as if Layla wouldn’t buy him another if he asked. In fact, he could buy another if he really wanted to. It wasn’t until Steven grabbed it without even thinking that he realized just how much he wanted this candle lit, just to take in the faintest of smells to make him feel something…..anything.

Marc’s eyes closed, and for the first time he didn’t think back to all those birthdays he celebrated alone or just with his father while his mother raged in another room. That was better than her flat out ignoring him, gazing right through him as if he was nothing. Candles were a symbol on a cake that he was becoming more and more irrelevant to her, and when she did remember that he existed, he wished she wouldn’t. Those memories were never going to disappear, just like those from the caves. Somehow, though, it didn’t feel as overwhelming even if he was in the dark.

A weight seemed to rest on his shoulder and Marc found himself relaxing. He could feel Steven there, holding him close while he relaxed into him.

His own family may have failed him, but the family he created never would.