Chapter Text
"Oh don't be so melodramatic, you were barely dead"
Jim opened his eyes to the sight of his best friend Bones standing over him, waving a tri-corder over his head, dressed in pure white, like an angel. Jim blinked out the light from his eyes and looked around as he realized he was in a hospital as he asked "Is…Isabel all right?" and Bones reassured him immediately "Jim, she is doing wonderful and she's itching to see you". Bones knew as a dad, it was every father's instinct to worry about their child. Jim looked at his bare ring finger as the events of the previous day hit him hard and he choked up suddenly from grief and loss "Admiral Marcus really did play me…" and Bones sat down next to Jim, his expression grave "He played all of us. He fooled everyone, including the President of the Federation. Marcus didn't just fool you…" and Jim nodded as he sniffled "I just wish I had seen it sooner" and Bones sighed "Let's take a leaf from your buddy Spock's book. Assuming you knew sooner, what would you have done? You would have been court-martiled out for insubordination and he would have gotten another trigger happy idiot of a captain to start the war he so desperately wanted. Alexander Marcus was the Raytheon of people, he was powerful and influential and if you couldn't stop him, then nobody could. Not even Spock".
Jim sniffled and cried "I let my emotions and my grief take control of me. My own husband even warned me to watch out for the Admiralty. I didn't know what he meant and dismissed it as him being a little bitter over losing the Enterprise and his rank as Captain…but now I realize…he was trying to warn me, an idealistic person, about the dark reality of the brass…I was just so ignorant and so foolish…" and Bones held his hand "Jim, your husband would be so proud of you for taking down the literal Admiral of the Fleet, That's not something to be discounted when…that asshole saw us all as cannon fodder and toy figurines for his war. He would have gotten us all killed, and gotten away with it too if it weren't for you. Jim, you're the reason why we all are still alive."
Jim sniffled as he looked down at his bare ring finger "I miss Chris so much. I wish he were still here" and Bones hugged him "Me too. I'm real sorry for your loss". Jim just leaned in closer into his best friend's arms and sobbed for forty five minutes, grieving his husband, his dead crewmen who died being lied to, all the innocent people on the ground who were killed. Jim sobbed until he was exhausted and then Bones handed him some tissues and a glass of water before telling him, trying to cheer him up "You have a very special visitor today Jim" and Jim realized who it was and perked up his face instantly and put on a beaming, radiant smile. To anybody just entering, Jim would look as happy as ever, maybe cocky, but Bones saw the raw and vulnerable grief that Jim was trying to hide from everyone including himself. Jim smiled and giggled as Isabel ran in with a red rose and a get well soon card and she chirped "Papa, I missed you so much! Uncle Spock said you were sick and you needed to sleep for a while to get better. I hope you're feeling much better now so we can go play! Can we please play?" and Jim nodded "Yes we can play, we can play right here cause if I try and sneak out, Uncle Bones will be super grumpy with me."
Jim and Isabel played with dolls that Isabel had packed in her backpack and they colored a family picture and Jim teared up when he saw that Isabel drew wings and a halo around the stick figure that represented Chris and he sniffled "I'll take care of you, no matter what it takes Izzy" and Isabel looked down in tears "I miss Daddy…" and he hugged her "I'm so sorry Izzy" and Jim held her for several long moments. Jim helped her up into his biobed and held her closer, savoring this moment that he had nearly lost forever when he died. Jim was never going to take this second chance with Isabel for granted ever again. Spock then came in and Jim just sniffled "You saved all of us Spock…thank you" and Spock protested "It was you who-" Jim cut him off by saying "Spock…just take the compliment" Bones added "Uhura and I had something to do with that too, ya know?". Jim smiled "I'm grateful to all of you. You all never gave up on me even though I was in total despair over Chris dying…I loved him and I was willing to go the mile to avenge him…and I let Alexander Marcus get into my head, and I'm sorry about that Spock…" and Spock told him "It is not logical to hold grudges"
Jim had to chuckle at that as it meant he was forgiven. Several hours later, Selek visited Jim in the hospital and spoke to him "I received word of Admiral Pike's death. I grieve with thee. His loss is a painful one" and Jim sighed "Yeah…I thought I had forever with Chris…not just six years…I wanted more time with him. I know it sounds greedy but it is the truth". Selek replied "We all want more with the people that we cherish the most". Jim added "Did you love my counterpart?" and Selek replied serenly "He was my T'hy'la. Which as you know is a word that means 'Friend, brother or lover' according to Standard. Yes I did love him in my own way…" and Jim sadly looked down "Does it get easier…losing the love of your life?" and Spock looked mournful "It does not, and in fact, it grows more difficult each day" and Jim sighed "Oh boy…I'm in for a rough ride".
A week later, Jim was discharged and he had to begin funeral prep. The funeral itself would be large, public and steeped in military tradition. Jim wanted Chris cremated after the funeral so he could have a private scattering in the Mojave desert where they shared their first kiss, with Spock, Bones and Isabel by his side. Jim wept through the details of the funeral as he signed all the papers. Jim went to Pike's office and sobbed as he went through Pike's office after unsealing it, grabbing all of Pike's things and emptying the office, one box at at time, from framed family photos, to diplomas, to small knick knacks, anniversary office gifts, work anniversary gifts, plaques, awards, books, pens and other personal items Pike would leave in his office.
Jim swallowed as he opened Pike's office computer after finding his username and password and logged into Pike's work email and discovered Pike's last email was to Admiral Marcus. Jim swallowed as he opened the email.
Hello Alex,
I hope this email finds you well. I know I've asked a lot of favors of you but I'm going to ask you for one more. Yes, it's about Jim Kirk. Jim Kirk has a bright and brilliant future. He's capable and talented, but his energy is unfocused and needs focus. I believe I am the best for mentoring Jim Kirk as his Captain aboard the Enterprise. If Jim Kirk can manage a few years as First Officer, I believe he can understand the meaning of service above self. Right now, Jim needs to follow the rules and the best way to do that is that there is someone who can keep his energy in check and who better than his husband? I believe that with me monitoring his progress and keeping his unwanted behavior in control, Jim can become the next pride of Starfleet. I see compassion, energy, leadership and vision in Jim and if you'll allow Jim to be my First Officer on the Enterprise, I believe you'll come to be glad you didn't send Jim back to the academy, because let's be frank here, he's only going to challenge his instructors and make fools of them again.
Thanks,
Rear Adm Christopher Pike.
Jim read through the email again and he broke down in tears as he logged off and he buried his head in his hands, not realizing how much his husband put himself through to reinstate Jim to First Officer even though Jim didn't deserve that second chance at all. Jim just let the words sink in for a long time as he stared at the framed family picture Chris had with his mother, it was when he was so small, he looked so young and yet so sad even with a smile on his face at a young age. Jim put that away along with the more recent family photo of Chris, Jim and Isabel when she just turned five, then Jim put away their wedding photo which was him and Chris, smiling in their dress blues in the middle of the Mojave desert. Jim sobbed "Chris you're gonna go home soon, I promise sweetheart". Chris had been born there, he had found love there, married there and now would have his ashes scattered there.
Written by a human in Ellipsus.